THIS is why people don’t report SA - Russell Brand &
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- Опубликовано: 27 сен 2023
- CW: Discussions of SA, Ab*se & V*ctim Blaming
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Pearl’s Original Video: • Video
*a note about the video: in it, I state that these types of crimes are motivated by power or control seeking. I should have clarified that that is often the case, though certainly not in every case.
Resources:
*SA is a complex and nuanced issue. Here are a few jumping-off points for consideration and further reading and research, if you are interested.
www.nsvrc.org/sites/default/f...
www.svri.org/sites/default/fi...
tinyurl.com/4xnjf27w
tinyurl.com/ywyux6r9
tinyurl.com/zcc93m2k
tinyurl.com/23rcsxc4
tinyurl.com/msafxt5c
traumaticstress.nhs.wales/chi...
The restraining order video I mentioned: • I had to get a restrai...
#JustPearlyThings #RussellBrand #FootlessJo
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A couple of notes about the video: in it, I state that these types of crimes are motivated by power or control seeking. I should have clarified that that is often the case, though certainly not in every case.
SA is a complex and nuanced issue. Here are a few jumping-off points for consideration and further reading and research, if you are interested.
www.nsvrc.org/sites/default/files/Publications_NSVRC_Overview_False-Reporting.pdf
www.svri.org/sites/default/files/attachments/2016-01-13/127.full_.pdf
tinyurl.com/4xnjf27w
tinyurl.com/ywyux6r9
tinyurl.com/zcc93m2k
tinyurl.com/23rcsxc4
tinyurl.com/msafxt5c
traumaticstress.nhs.wales/children-and-young-people/trauma-and-the-brain/
Thank you for the references.
I have 3 in my life so far. Sounds very similar to yours. The 1st, no no no no no .. literally for 2 hrs at 2am to 4am I said no while I was in a bear hug being held against my will. Second was on a vacation, was my sister’s friend she allowed to stay the night because he had gotten to messed up to leave… annnnnd third someone I loved and dated for over a year and I still have zero reports. I feel wrong for not reporting, but when I hear reporting is always traumatic and no justice is served then I think I’ll just keep praying 🙏 and they’ll be sorted out in time. I have no worries. Thank you for sharing. I’m sorry you went through these situations. pS I cannot stand pearl, I don’t watch I have her blocked. Much better that way. Level your blood pressure and block her 😅❤
Thank You for sharing your story, Jo 💚 Thank You for linking all this research, resources & tools, as well!
I recently found a RUclips channel called: ‘NCALL’ - for National Clearinghouse on Abuse In Later Life.
Countless elderly people experience financial, emotional, physical & sexual abuse 😢
Pearly is willfully ignorant, another ‘angertainment’ outrage content creator, whistling past the graveyard 😡 until it happens to her, a friend, a child, a sibling or loved one she’ll keep up the charade. Eventually, she’ll see . . .
Thank you for these resources, great to see a NHS Wales one also! Will be using this get on NHS Englands case! They are terrible with managing childhood abuse survivors!
This is clearly not the time or place to say this - it's a very serious topic to completely put aside - but I just can't help myself, so...
Have you ever thought about making a sock puppet for...'it'. I think it would make a very cute partner if you're going to have it peeking over the table like that. Maybe a horse or a moomin? I mean, if you've got it - flaunt it.
Sorry for glossing over a serious issue - one that you articulated very well, by the way.
I was r*ped by my employer, and I went to the police. Despite the arsehole having a criminal record for THE EXACT SAME CRIME, the police told me to get out of they would charge me with wasting police time. And THAT is what it is actually like for most people who report sexual assault.
I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope you found healing.
I hope you're doing well now, that's horrible
Wow, that’s absolutely ridiculous and a fail on the part of that police department.
From my own experience, and probably many other women, I DID REPORT it, but was ignored. I was assaulted by a family member. Guess who was shamed and called a liar. Me! I lost my entire family because I was abused. Women don’t necessarily want to wait to tell their story, but the consequences of coming forward is brutal. Thank you so much Jo for talking about this!!!
I am so sorry for your treatment at the hands of law enforcement. That's one of the many reasons why I didn't report. I give you so much credit for going forward. Even though I didn't report please know that you made a difference. I hope they at least took a report.
I'm sorry to hear about this!
this is why I didn't dare come forward! as a child I told and was called a liar and forced to stay in the home I was being abused in. I would run away, I would TELL PEOPLE, but what was going on in MY home was SO EXTREME. so nobody believed me. STILL I am not believed. I came forward almost two years ago.
I told everything.
there's a lot.
nothing happened except I RUINED MY OWN LIFE I lost everyone and everything, because of my "delusions"
I literally have been told this.
I'm delusional.
I absolutely am NOT delusional.
so, why tell!? NOBODY GIVES A FUCK.
Females up to 6 years ago couldn't get charged with rape. Because they don't have a penis. All female pedos get their school jobs back .
See being male I've been raped by females.know what the police do ? Told me I'm lucky . Didn't take a statement. I got told females. Can't rape because they didn't have a penis...no evidence take dispite it happening 5 minutes walk from police station. I'm 37 , I've been sexually assaulted to some level almost every Friday and Saturday night I went out ,by females. 42% of pedos are female. Over 50% of trans women are in jail for rape.
I've been falsely accused three times. All three times I've got evidence they were accusing me because they were "annoyed at me" for not doing what they said to. Alot of my sexually activealw friends were molested and sexually assualted by females during their teen years.
Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing. I completely understand and can relate.
I wish we could talk about this stuff without the muting, without Jo dancing around saying exactly what happened, and without so much other stuff that makes any of this ambiguous. I understand RUclips gotta make money and people have to feel good and we have to go at our own pace in addressing trauma, but I believe it's the ambiguity that plays a huge role in the perpetuation of these personal violations. Just my thought.
The Closed Captions (which are auto-generated by the way) does not mute the words, so I am seeing every word she is saying, including the muted words.
@@Joe_Okey thank you for this info, that's extremely odd that the algorithm doesn't check captions imo
@RatClowns I agree. As a person who is hard of hearing, I rely on the captions, when available, to be able to follow the video. It was a nice surprise to see that the muted words actually showed up in the captions.
@@Joe_OkeyThat sounds like a very good workaround. I should try that with a true crime channel I'm subscribed to, because he goes through this a lot as well.
I also find it weird that RUclips find it okay to say assault and crimes as long as "sexual" is muted before. Shouldn't "assault" and "crime" be the words that are censored?
I was SAd as a child. For 5 years did that man harrass, assault, molest and so on untill I finally had enough and talked to the police. I was 13 when it started. It was his word against mine. Procecutors were on my side but there wasn't enough evidence to convict, so all I got was a restraining order against him and years of PTSD; depression and therapy. 20 years later did I realise why I was in that position in the first place. And I'm even more violtaed and traumatized by it. I was basically served on a silver platter to a pedofile. I will never forgive the people involved.
I have moved on but it does affect my relationships still to this day. The thing that made me speak up was SEX-ed class where assualt and consent was discussed.
Was it a church or a youth club, like Boy Scouts? It’s so much worse when people in power allow these creeps to prey on children. I hope you’re getting good therapy and have supportive people in your life now.
I'm glad to hear your health class discussion was helpful. I also specifically discussed sexual harassment and rape in the health classes I taught.
My daughter was introduced to the concept of consent when she was 5. It should be standard. I’m so sorry that you had to go through that.
The reason Sex Education is demonized by the Right and the Religious faction. They want people to remain ignorant about SA because they are protecting many offenders etc.
Also I'm annoyed with her using the word "trope" because a trope is a thing in fiction and storytelling, it's not a trope if it's a true story.
Yeah, i think the more applicable word would be stereotyping
"Based on a true story" is, in fact, a trope...
@@KlingonCaptainfun fact... based on a true story doesn't mean its a true story.
Trope ? Try allegation
noun
al·le·ga·tion ˌa-li-ˈgā-shən
Synonyms of allegation
1
: the act of alleging something
2: a positive assertion especially of misconduct
Some former colleagues have made serious allegations against him.
specifically : a statement by a party to a legal action of what the party undertakes to prove
3: an assertion unsupported and by implication regarded as unsupportable
I thought of that word choice as cementing accusations as fiction, but also she could just have misused 'trope' to attempt to sound intelligent.
I'm only about 6min in, but wanted to say thank you! As a survivor of multiple assaults, I did not realize one situation was r*ape until going through a training at the YWCA for my masters level internship; probably 7/8 years after the event. Similar to you I said no so many times, and then just shut down. I have a freeze response, and only in the last 10 years or so have I started to find my voice again; but I still struggle with confrontation, loud noises, yelling... all a part of the trauma response of PTSD. Whoever is reading this, know you are loved, you matter, and you are valid for who you are. ❤❤❤❤
Thanks! You, too, are loved, valid, and all the best on your healing journey❣️
Thank you for your post. Everyone who experienced SA needs to know that they matter. I went through it when I was a kid. When it happened 15 years ago I froze. My psychologist whose is much younger than me didn't understand what freeze meant. He just knew about fright/flight. Freeze wasn't part of the paradigm.
When she said he didn't have to assault anyone because he had women throwing themselves at him... that's exactly what Paul Bernardo said to the police about being suspected as the Scarborough 🍇ist, he then wound up to be a serial killer on top of it after continuing to escalate. That's what happens when you forget that kind of assault is often about power more than sex. It's not about how easy he could find another, it's how dare this one think she can just reject him.
Wtaf?! Pearly you DO NOT GET TO DECIDE HOW LONG IT TAKES FOR A PERSON TO PROCESS THEIR TRAUMA AND REPORT!!! WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU! I am not even a survivor or SA or anything and this has me boiling
I'm a man and it has me boiling too; Pearl is being totally judgemental, about something of which she has no experience or authority to judge.
I just mentioned it for the first time after over 18 years
I don’t understand this conservative lady’s urge to politicize psychological terms like abuse and bring “expanding the definition of abuse” into the conversation. Like, it was already bad enough that she was victim-blaming, but seriously?
I’m autistic and gay. What is supposed to happen in interactions with people is not automatic for me. It took decades me to discover that I had been sexually assaulted. That proceeding without positive consent is assault. That I was not wrong to feel bad. I said nothing at the time. I didn’t understand what had happened.
There are many reasons why victims may not come forward for a very long time. Some are not obvious.
I’m so tired of people attacking women who have experienced sexual violence for reporting it too late or not having a rape kit done, when so many have had to endure additional trauma just trying to file a report or get evidence. At the same time, when someone does report immediately and has physical evidence, it’s still called into question or her character is attacked instead. Clearly you’re just supposed to keep quiet about it.
Not to mention thousands and thousands of untested r@pe kits that just sit there
the rape kit is pointless in most cases anyway, they usually know who did it and the other persons defence is usually that its consensual not that nothing happened
it makes my blood boil when people think that just because a thing has never happened to me, it doesn't exist. Ugh she's such a mosquito. I hate her.
Further more, I have never met Russell Brand but you know what? I would put money on it that he sexually assaulted someone.
I was watching a video about her one day my wife came over and said "Give me the phone before you have a heart attack." 😆 So id say im right there with you on the absolutely hating her thing. Good news... she hates herself so its catching.🙃
A mosquito😂 perfect.
Your point of being afraid to come out because you don't want to ruin the person's life resonates with me deeply.
I wasn't as*aulted, but someone I love and cherish deeply did prey on me when I was young, and to this day I refuse to ever speak up about it. I know an "accusation" like that will ruin their life (even though it's not just an accusation, I have proof going back years and years), and so many people they love will drop them for good. I just can't do it, doubly so when they apologized profusely and I know they will never do it again. It makes me feel like the monster if I ever speak of it. The peope that do come out despite these fears are some of the bravest people I will ever know.
Obviously your perpetrator is very good at emotional manipulation. I always think of those I can protect in the future. Is this person trustworthy? How can you trust their word? I don't think you should.
@@karensheehan2878Sometimes the abusers don’t even realize what they’re doing is abusive! They’re so messed up that they think they’re expressing “love” because no one ever showed them any as children and the only examples they saw were abuse, not love. That makes it extra hard because you don’t want them to die in prison, but how else can you force them into therapy and keep them from doing it again?
@@karensheehan2878to be fair you don't know the exact situation
I've never even heard of Hannah and apparently I'm not missing anything!
Shes a nightmare. I've never had a stranger get under my skin more. If for some reason you are morbidly curious... jaubrey, rachel oates and a few others have covered her bs takes. If you ever want to be enraged beyond imagination. 💙 Keep your sanity... im jealous. 😊
Nope, she is just a stupid right-wing pundit pushed out there to try to control other people
Thank you Jo for standing up for those of us, like me who struggle with the confidence to speak up. I have had several SA and a very violent r*pe. I never reported any of them, even more so the r*pe because I was 14, and was knocked unconscious. Also my mom died two years prior to it and I was worried I for no reason at all believed my dad would be taken away from me from a deep seated fear of abandonment: it took me 6 years to tell anyone. Thank you again for voicing so much of this and helping sharing in this community of strong,, courageous, brave, survivors. Looking forward to the podcast too.
I was raped six years ago when I tried to break things off with my fwb. He didn't like my answer, so he verbally abused me and sexually violated me. I have been in therapy for years, and still to this day, I sometimes feel like I deserved it.
I hope Pearl can pull her head out of her ass someday without having to endure this type of pain.
I spend an inordinate amount of time on RUclips, and I’ve never seen her before. For the record, if I typed out what I really want to say about her and her commentary, I’d get banned from your channel, and likely RUclips. Much respect to you, Jo! 💜
Same. I think the algorithm sends me the opposite content in my feed.
Seconded.
Thank goodness I've never seen her! What a waste of space. How does RUclips not demonetize her??? I see some of my favorite content creators say, oops, this video was done for free! I can never figure out what they said wrong!
@@jojo1216There is effectively a cottage industry of silencing those who speak uncomfortable truths which the far end of the Revertative / Rethuglican / Pro-Authortarian / Fascist "side" of the teeter-totter finds threatening. They've been at this since the 1920s using basically the same techniques the whole time.
The very fact that you had to periodically modify the audio in this video speaks volumes about how screwed up this society is.
It’s RUclips’s stupid algorithm. It detects certain words and then hides, demonetizes, or takes down content because it “might” be offensive.
I think people are really quick to "choose a side" on these kinds of things. I'm personally a victim of assault, but I also know someone whose life was significantly changed by accusations I believe to be false (original story not adding up, "victim's" story constantly changing, etc.). I'm not saying that we should relentlessly question people who come forward with allegations, but it seems like people default to the side of the accuser or the accused based on what they know from their own experience, rather than gathering information and using their best judgement. Especially when we don't personally know the people, like in the case with Brand and his accusers, I think the best move is to reserve judgement until we hear the full story in a trial.
I hope this doesn't come off like I'm trying to support Brand or anyone else in his position. I'm not supporting or vilifying him. I just think that there's sort of a grey area here that people are scared to acknowledge. But I do want to add that even in the case of the person I believe was lying about being assaulted, I've never called them a "whore" or any of those awful things. I think she got caught up in a lie that became a lot bigger than she expected and then couldn't see a way out of it. It was a really awful, sad situation for all involved.
Quite true!
That's my problem with it - People are too quick to crucify someone before seeing the evidence and can ruin an innocent person's life.
People should be innocent until proven guilty, while still hearing out and doing our best to help those coming forward.
THANK YOU!! THIS NEEDS TO BE SAID, AND SAID, AND SAID.
REPORTING THESE CRIMES ONLY HELPS IF THEY BELIEVE VICTIMS, AND PURSUE CONVICTIONS.
It should be obvious why trauma like this is hard to talk about, but sadly it's not yet. I had PTSD from being physically assaulted by my best friend and the betrayal led to years of not having any friends because of not being able to trust anyone. She was also my housemate so I also had to move ASAP. I also had recurrent headaches, a sprained spine, and lots of bruises afterward. And she stole my laptop! I went to the police but I was advised to drop it as the witnesses were her boyfriend and friends and she'd got them to make fake witness statements.
You can't really say to people, oh yeah the reason I find it hard to trust people is because my ex best friend took a bunch of drugs, then violently attacked me, chased me out of the house, and then lied to the police. That's a conversation killer alright. 😆
* solidarity fist bump *
Your ex-friend sounds a lot like my late, entirely unlamented father. I wish you the best!
It took 11 years for me to get memories of the abuse back. Right in the middle of the sidewalk on my way to class. I was already being abused at home and bullied at school. My mind said "nope we won't survive this, this will break us," and tucked it all away. I was 9. I was at church. I wore khakis and t shirts and little sketchers. Didn't hug boys, didn't touch them at all. And yet we asked for it.
Thank you for always being so effective with your communication Jo ❤
As a person who has gone through SA I can say 6 months is not always enough time to speak up. Even a loving parents of a child who has gone through SA have a difficult time and even they go through shock and trauma because the one they loved had been hurt. I can say I knew nothing bout SA because I was 9 yet it still happened. Yet I was still traumatized from it. Even till this day I still think its crazy that how as a KID a Literal CHILD I didn’t know what was going on yet I still has this feeling that it was wrong, that it was not normal. And there are people who will still think a child is lying and did this just because they wanted it. I remember being in court and being asked a question a child should have never been asked. It was along the lines of me want it remembered I was 9. I was in udder shock because first im a kid half those vulgar words they said I had never heard. On top of that I was 9 even if I said that I was 9. Kids don’t say stuff unless they are taught it. It should have disturbed those cops that that person even said I said that a person who was in their 20s. I was 9.
So sorry. The ugliness of others acts and words and the lack of thought for you is appalling. You didn't deserve that awful, evil behavior and those who allowed it or pretended it didn't happen are vile and wrong. It was never your fault. They chose to be the worst. 🙏May God bless and heal you whole, completely. You are worth healing, may you be restored and know true Joy and Peace. 💜 🤟 ❤️🩹
Just wanna point out above comment as being pretentious and the healing you've gone through and still go through is you. You shouldn't have had have had your trauma worsened by shitheads in court, or your abuser.
Keep going strong, you got this, and I'm glad you're here!
@@IIITheDeadGamerIII What was the point in calling out the first reply? Obviously, the intent was well-meaning. And you wouldn't be able to tell if it wasn't. C'mon guy, give people the benefit of the doubt and just let things go. Smh.
And yes, the irony of me not minding my own business to tell off someone else's reply is not lost on me. *sigh*
@@cgarcia3614 Thank you. I appreciate that.
Sweetie, I can't imagine what this was like. Sending you hugs
There’s enthusiastic consent, consent, and capitulation. We need to start teaching people the differences between these.
Capitulation is such an accurate description!
For real! I never considered myself raped, and it wasn't until I discussed a certain sexual encounter with a friend, and hearing it from HIM, that yes, yes I was taken advantage of. I didn't consent, I capitulated, after numerous attempts to dissuade him, and literally saying nothing was going to happen between us... (The guy offered me to stay on his couch, because it was a long walk home in the snow, in high heels and a dress - then said I had to sleep in his bed - and then he had the gall to complain I wasn't very "enthusiastic" about the whole thing.... like, no shit!)
Capitulation is still SA though.. Being verbally harassed until one shuts up is still damaging
@@susangriner6736 Absolutely. Capitulation is only a negative thing.
@@susangriner6736 oh yes absolutely
I wasn't here in the 'trauma talk' era of this channel, so this is the first time I'm hearing you describe how trauma felt to you. Thank you for describing that. I went through conversion therapy, so a totally different type of trauma, but I relate really really strongly to the emotions trauma produced in you. So thank you for allowing me to feel less alone in that I guess.
Trauma Talk is a different channel. It's still up and all her videos are there. She just stopped posting (purposefully) 2 years ago. She said she was moving on to another chapter of life, I'm paraphrasing.
@@jeffreysherman8224 Okay thank you
Jo, I cannot begin to tell you how grateful I am that you created this video! I won't go into detail, but suffice it to say that for me, it happened at a church event, in a pew in the back, with a complete stranger, and thankfully three of my guy friends came up and were able to stop it before something truly horrible happened (due to the circumstances, I don't think they were ever aware that anything was happening). But it took a long time for me to open up to my sister about it, who is 15 years older than me. (My time frames are quite fuzzy, but I remember it happening in 2014 and started thinking about it again in 2017.) Because "nothing happened" (my words, not hers), she said it wasn't a big deal, and I shouldn't be making a big deal about it, either because she experienced "real" trauma in that department. I was young and trusted my sister, who was almost like a second mother to me at the time, so I stayed quiet about it and suffered in silence because "nothing happened," and I felt ashamed and embarrassed for bringing it up.
It took me another couple of years (cannot recall exactly when) to finally open up to my parents about it because they wanted to know why I never want to go back to the building... or wear the outfit I kept in my closet but never wore again, even though it was one of the most becoming on me. That was about the same time I told my bishop (he's like the pastor in charge of one of many congregations in our church); they all wanted to know why I didn't tell them sooner because they wanted to wring the guy's neck. I explained to them what my sister told me, and my bishop said, "While she may have experienced something worse, what you went through is just as horrific and just as valid."
This was my experience as a victim of s*xual harassment that turned into SA (yes, those are two different things. After describing what happened to me, my bishop told me it can be classified as assault). Unfortunately, the statute of limitations is 2 years in the state I lived in, and it was at least 3 or 4 years later that I told anyone. Plus, I only got the guy's first name (Nick). I think the laws should be changed to no fewer than 10 years across the board, but that's just my opinion. What do I know about law and justice?
That is very unfortunate that indictable offences where you live have a statute of limitations. In Australia, there is no limit for indictments, and 6 months for summary. But unfortunately, they care a LOT about evidence, and news came out a few months ago that the police of several states threw out over 3000 r*pe kits from over 20 years of reports. The fact that there's no outcry, no uproar, no protests makes it even more difficult to want to rehash my first report.
No one is entitled to a child's body, and I'm so, so sorry that such joy was suck out of your life because of scum like that.
I was r*ped at 27 but wouldn't let myself even consider this until I was 46! And then once I realised what had happened it took about 6-7 years of therapy to work through all the feels that came up.
Pearl isn't ignorant to the facts. She's a grifter who gets paid to pander to right wing talking points. It's lucrative.
It's going to bite her one day
@@TheKrispyfortlet's hope so
@@-Teague- I am hoping it only bites her fiscally.
Does the idiot realise the danger she's putting herself in. There's some serious nutjobs amongst her fan-bases.
I don't often ascribe to calling people "grifters," but Pearl is such an obvious gifted that it is difficult to try and deny it. She doesn't truly believe half of the things she says.
@@CanadianWhatever not to be annoying but I think you accidentally said "gifted" instead of "grifter"
You're definitely right though!
It took 30 years for me to realize that what happened to me as a 12 year old not only shouldn't have happened and wasn't my fault but it did "count" as abuse. I still have only told a handful of people. It was another 3-4 years ago to realize that the date rape I'd experienced at 21 - was date rape.
It took me several years to realize that I'd been raped, it wasn't violent so I assumed it couldn't be rape, we slowly unlearn the bad lessons taught to us and society does as well, just even more slowly
It took me years to realize that I'd been assaulted by my doctor. I was 16. By the time I could have thought of reporting it, the jerk had gone and died.
@@bunhelsingslegacy3549So, Did you report it?
My nonagenarian grandmother recently told me that her father groped her as a child, in the 1930s. She never told anyone until 80+ years later. I think that it was just too hard for her to process, and thought it was better to keep it secret than to make waves in her family. At that time the world shunned those who came forward. Today things are just as complex, but at least there is more support for victims.
Hannah seems very naive. But perhaps she was abused, and this is her sick form of denial. We just don’t know her motivation. Maybe she’s a sociopath taking a backwards stance to get money and attention.
I had a whole message typed about this. I decided that I'm not ready to post about this. 30 years ago and I think a comment under a youtube video is probably not the best place to talk about this.
But the short of it is that I very much know how difficult it is to bring stuff like this up. And a lot of that is also due to how society (and evil people like the anti-feminist) responds.
If you disagree with a feminist, you are evil? Or do you mean if you hate women in general? I'm not sure what you meant. I have never seen a person identify as an anti feminist.
You are heard.
Find someone to talk with it about, it will help you recover.
I was assaulted by a live in boyfriend. I had been living with him for about 5 years when I underwent back surgery. The day I got home from the hospital, jacked up on pain meds and unable to move well, he straddled my head and forced himself in my mouth. Not even a week later, I was admitted back in the hospital with surgical complications. Multiple procedures later, bruised and realizing I had to learn how to walk again, I was back home, jacked up on meds, and he did the same thing again. After that, he voluntarily started sleeping on the couch and treating me like I was nothing more than his roommate. I left almost 2 years later, still not comprehending what he'd done. It's been almost 10 years since I left him, and not a single person I know has heard what he did. The people I knew when him and I were together still think that I was the cause of the surgical complications. I wasn't.
People who have never gone through this kind of thing will never understand. I can hope and pray they never find out. It IS difficult to go through all of this. The military taught me this in the early 80’s. I was not believed. My spouse, for all his narcissistic behavior showed me people still won’t (not didn’t) understand or believe it happened. Reported or not it still happened and takes time to heal.
Yeah. It blows my mind how insensitive people STILL are about this. I get infuriated when someone pulls the, "Well look at this logically..." was my r*pist thinking logically? Also what is the logical response to being r*ped? I have actually asked them this and they backtrack pretty quick. I wish people could go see the wizard and get some empathy... also very excited for your podcast!
A friend of mine could come to me 20 years after an attack and I would STILL grant her (or even him) the legitimacy of listening to them and helping them work through the process of healing and - if possible - reparations for the crime against them. Trauma doesn’t have a time limit!
Misogyny is real. It's a pity when not only men are hating, but women, too.
🙄
@@nathanielovaughn2145 Are you going to use your words?
There is also misandry but no one talks about it ever…
because it's not a thing. Nobody cut off men's head because they are male, stop crying about womyn's words it's not killing you @@acfan8253
Jo brought up how coming forward about rape is even harder for men in her video. I think there's something subtly wrong about bringing it back around to misogyny. Because it's not just misogyny. It's pure unfiltered toxic masculinity. (yes, women can be rapists too. But I'd still say the dismissing of the idea of a woman raping a man is rooted in toxic masculinity more than anything). It's not hatred of women. It's hatred of anything that would threaten rapists with consequences for their actions.
In a society where the majority of people who do this are people in positions of power of some kind, is it any wonder that the power structures THEY set up
are there to protect THEM?
The fact that ANY of these case ever proceed is testament not only to the fact it happens, but to the fact that the system is stacked against the victims.
Hopefully we can find ways of stopping it from happening in the first place, so no one ever has to report such a thing.
Wishful thinking I know, but it would make for a much better, happier world.
I juuuust learned about this Pearly hateful person.... UGH>
EDIT: I was assaulted when I was 17. I came forward right away. The police told me it was not severe enough to warrant pressing charges. It was infuriating.
My heart goes out to everyone who has experienced assault. I see you. I believe you. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. *virtual hug*
Law enforcement had and still has a horrible reputation dealing with people who have been SA'd. That is one of the many reasons that I didn't report. What a terrible thing to say. I appreciate the courage that it took for you to come forward. If the moron took a statement it could help women now and in the future.
I am so excited to hear the podcast. I loved your trauma talk channel, it was where I first found you. So appreciative of you and all you do
Aw thank you so much Anirainz! 💜
Its almost like abuse is the umbrella term for all kinds of abuse
Much like the people who say I'd never deal with an abusive relationship. I'd just leave! People that actually have been in that position know it's far from that easy. Trauma sucks 😔
Yes! And it so rarely starts as obviously abusive. One of my partners was very guilting and manipulative, but it didn't really show up obviously (there were signs, but not super clear) until 6 months in. Some people don't escalate abuse until after marriage. It's rare the abuse is there since day 1 (though that can still happen and be hard to leave).
@@thenopedetective I dealt with the same thing! Started off with a few subtle signs then the real manipulation started. It's never as simple as people think
TRUE!!! TOOK ME YEARS!!! unfortunately; for me, I didn't decide to talk about it until AFTER the statute of limitations ran out!!! I didn't and still doesn't want to "ruin his life" but he deserves to pay and I deserve justice for the way I've come to feel about myself in response to this situation. I don't blame myself for his actions but I do blame myself for the massive harmful ripple effects that occured in and throughout the family for even speaking up in the first place... picking up the peaces and rediscovering myself as "myself" since the 8th of August has been so hard. Thank you for your videos! You speak a lot of what many people are thinking. That's amazing.
I hope you are doing well, am in a similar situation but haven't spoken up. I know that I will tell the family at some point though, because the SA did impact my life and I will literally throw a party when I will finally know that they are gone from my life. Do I want to ruin anyones life? No, but it was their actions that affected me, their decisions continue to impact the way I perceive and act in the world. Keeping that part of their character and choices hidden most often works to my own detriment and may further lead to other people being vulnerable to being SA by those people, because they don't know about how powerhungry and ab*sive they are.
@@ulhi7564 it's definitely hard and I've learned through this time period who are really important to me since then. This situation has been so hard to navigate but just knowing that someone else is going or has gone through something even remotely similar and had gotten through to the other side is comforting. I'm sorry to anyone that's had to experience such things. It's so incredibly hard to do so; but once you speak about it it gets easier. It's like sharing the lifting weight of having to carry something that's 100 lbs. By yourself that's nearly impossible (unless you're the hulk) lol. But if you share what happened to even just one person (there are hotlines and FB groups for this sorta thing if you don't feel comfortable telling family or friends), then that shares the weight of it between you and that other person. So your carrying 50lbs and so are they. And the more you express it the liter it becomes. At first I had to be comfortable writing it... Then I told my family... and now the memory of it is still there; but I'm not swallowed up by it anymore if that makes sense.
I hope you can find peace and the strength to talk to someone.
You're worthy of feeling and being safe. You deserve it.
Potentially to/for you, or as a general fyi:
Statutes of limitations for trauma can be somewhat different - I know that in Germany the ten-year-countdown begins after you begin remembering. So, say, I've repressed xy (while remembering zb) and it pops up while I am in therapy for zb, it doesn't matter how old that memory is, but the countdown starts there.
@@tabitas.2719 OH MY GOSH I WONDER IF IT'S THE SAME IN THE USA!?!?!? according to what I looked up the statute of limitations for SA is 3 years but I didn't even remember that it happened at all until the last night we were in the same house just passed the 3 year deadline... The onslaught of flashbacks and memories assaulted my thought process and felt so real in that moment I cried as if in anguish due to remembering what he did. Since then it's as if I'm finally in a place where I can "grief" for myself. I've gone from feeding defiled, violated, gross, mortified about the situation and thus myself to staring to appreciate life again. Sometimes it's like I'm still somewhere in-between but I'm working on it. Since even before then I was concerned of having him behind me at all; it seemed irrational at the time but the memory of the SA made EVERYTHING make sense. This is definitely worth looking up more information about though! Thank you so much!
"So you may be familiar with this creator's face if you maybe spend too much time on the internet" weird, I don't recognize her and I know I spend way too much time online. 😅 who is she?
"She's like THE anti-feminist of social media" oh that explains it then! I try to AGGRESSIVELY keep crap like that off my feed! Especially from other women, like if a woman says women's opinions matter less than men, why would I listen to her anyway by her own admission she's not worth my time 🙄
Yes, exactly! 😂
So ironic. I had the same thought... 🤔
Just a PSA for the uninitiated: You shouldn't be taking much of anything Pearl says to heart. Even when she makes a good point, it still comes across as overwhelmingly misogynistic. And some of it is just pure foolishness.
That she's got an audience who agree with her is the worse issue than her being a human hemorrhoid.
I'm about 99% sure I've heard her talk about women deserving physical abuse from their husbands/whoever too.
@jeffreysherman I have yet to hear Pearl make a good point. I am sure that she is raking in major coin for the shite she talks. Some people are ugly on the inside.
Yes, she is just a grifter, she'll say whatever the demented women-haters want to hear in order to make money.
I have no experience and can't justifiably comment other than to say this: You are extremely brave and strong to open up and talk about your experiences. That in itself is a result of your healing by doing what you did in reporting it and working through the mountain of emotions and feelings. You are very strong and very tough; you are a true survivor.
Good luck on your new podcast. My therapist says I need to get out and meet women. But, I had a great wife for 42 years. I’m not interested in just finding another woman. I’m still married, she’s just not still alive.
We can be too obsessed with partnerships.
As long as you still have a social circle, aren't drowning in grief, but processing it, I support your decision (yes, you personally, and also generalized "you" :)).
Thanks for talking about this! It must be a very difficult topic for you to talk about with the past events you've graciously shared with us.
I've never reported anything that happened to me and now dont feel like I can thanks to trauma related amnesia. With my assault (it was the r word but I don't like using the term), I didn't fully recognise it as such for 2 years because of the amnesia and blaming myself which was really difficult to untangle and heal from. Then with my abusive ex, I did call the cops once when I felt endangered but lied and downplayed the situation because I didn't want to "ruin his life" even though he definitely ruined mine. It's easy to think about how you'd react in a situation but it's so very different when you're actually in it.
I was assaulted by my first boyfriend. After that relationship ended, I realized that something had gone wrong, but I kept excusing it. Even when intellectually I knew I was assaulted, emotionally I was completely shut off. I remember telling the story to a cousin of mine and she was like 'oh my god, how horrible, I'm so sorry!' and I looked at her funny 'it's fine, I'm still alive and it was so long ago' (about 5 years then). It took me another 10 years before emotionally I got hit by this brick and started to realize how horrible what he did was and how intentionally. So weird how our brain works.
“I’ll give you 6 months” made me want to throw my phone through the wall omg. After my SA I shut down for literal years. The memories came flooding back years later in therapy. I didn’t “forget” persay, but it was like I just tucked it away. The memory was there as facts, but not feelings.
A teeny bit of advice for people who aren't as chronically online and brainbroken as I am: people like justpearlythings are trolls whose minds cannot be changed and very likely don't actually believe everything they're saying. It is often not effective and can be very emotionally draining trying to genuinely engage with these types of people because they will not approach the conversation in good faith. There are instances where talking about politics in an open-minded way with people in person can have a positive result but on the internet, usually people will double down and the whole process gets very exhausting and demoralizing. Innuendo Studios's video series called the Alt-Right Playbook is a fantastic resource for learning how to engage with politics online in a healthy and effective way.
I know the video was serious but I just LOVE the nubbin on the table 😂 it’s wonderful and I’m so happy you’re comfortable in your skin! that’s honestly amazing and I love mister nubbins
Hahaha I’m so glad! Thank you!
I was R’d by my best friend at 14 (he was 16). I told my mum and was told not to ruin his life. I tried to report it and was told the police knew. I never heard back and assumed nobody cared. I spent years in pain and fear. At 21 I phoned the police to check if anything ever came from it. They said they had never heard of the crime. I reported it again at 21, did a full interview and attempted to provide any proof I could. They looked at school records as I needed a lot of support at school afterwards. They didn’t keep any records of it and my proof just wasn’t there. So at 22 I was told he’d never be punished for the years of pain he caused me.
Still reporting it the second time I was met with the response from people around me that was so negative. They said it had been so long and he may have a life now that I’d ruin. I have CPTSD and I’m in therapy now. I bet he’s not in therapy. I bet he’s not scared to go out. I didn’t ruin his life but he sure tried to ruin mine.
Thank you for making this video. This hits very close to home for me as I've been assaulted and raped and it was really hard coming to accept this. Even though I found it difficult to watch it was nice hearing it from a big influencer. I also love that you acknowledge it happens to men too as I am one. Thank you for standing up for everyone who has had to deal with this.
I have been following since it was trauma talk and to this day when I hit a rough patch I tell myself it’s ok to not be ok and just don’t beat myself up so much
I was raped and beaten by my first boyfriend. Several times over a period of 3 years.
It's been 20 years and I still think about reporting him sometimes, what holds me back the most is, I have also been victimized by the cops. More than once.
And I really don't have much hope for getting any kind of justice, in this system who never gave a fuck in the first place.
Thank you so friggin much!!!👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼. My adult son was sexually assaulted by his doctor earlier this year and he's started trauma therapy and we got a lawyer. But some people who he thought were his friends said some mean shit to him.
Women like Pearl remind me of a rush Limbaugh, that kind of "divisive" person. Or her online personality anyway.... understanding that the patriarchy hurts all humans. Also, that feminism benefits all humans.
For some great books to read or listen to:
" The Body Keeps The Score"
By. Dr. Bessel Van Der Kolk
"No Bad Parts"
By. Dr. Richard C. Schwartz
" Controlling People"
By. Dr. Patricia Evans
Please understand that you're not alone 💜.
Nah, People like Pearl are just Grifters. And be careful of recommending Van Der Kolk. He is not the best source.
@littlebitofhope1489 Yeah, she's definitely grifting her audience.
I disagree with Van Der Kolk. He's an excellent source for trauma therapy. Not only his books but his teachings as well are educated and informed by real people.
@@jenniferbates2811 You seriously need to do some more research on Van Der Kolk. He has been completely discredited. In fact, he and his unresearched and poorly researched claims are the sole reason CPTSD what not entered in the DSM this go round. He started out ok, and then lost the plot.
@littlebitofhope1489 A lot of things don't get into the DSM because of many different reasons.
The DSM has been flawed since its beginning. But Van Der Kolks' years of work still hold merit. But as with anything, we'll learn more as we go. This is the field I'm in as well, and
He still teaches in Boston and practices, too.
Just wanna say: mad respect for the nubbin on the table
It doesn't make any sense to me and I can't see how it could possibly make you more comfortable… but it doesn't _need_ to make any sense to me. It's not my nubbin, it's yours
I want a world where everyone's free to do what works for them without worrying about whether other people will think it looks "normal". Thanks for pushing us all a little closer to that
Aside from the serious topic - I love how Jo just puts Stumpy on the table, almost resembling the "Cpt. Morgan stance". It even took me a bit to notice bc it feels so natural. ^^
Every time I think you've made the one video that made me think you couldn't possibly be a more awesome human, then you make a video like this. Keep making amazing videos Jo!
I think what I find really hard is that even if I was to bring up things I don't know what or if anything could be done like, there is such a culture that a burden of proof is on myself or any other victim that it feels hopeless to try
I think it's safe to say this Pearl isn't just ignorant, she's actively evil. 😑
My experience was SA within a relationship. The horrible part for me was not just wrapping my own mind around it. There were added elements. One is that when you come forward, it’s hard to be believed. Your loved and trusted ones, the authorities, the outside world in general. It runs the entire spectrum: being told you’re overreacting, getting questions if you’re sure this actually happened the way you’re saying it happened, being accused you’re lying, people overtly refusing to take your report because they know the assaulter and are either friends or acquaintances of him (or her), people calling you names: slut, hoar, lier, money-grabbing bitch, etc. I think the worst part for me was: gathering all my courage to report what happened and the officer taking the report telling me he wouldn’t document it because there was no way this could have happened. I was so shocked and broken I just left. When I tried reporting DV exactly the same thing happened. There I was, swollen face, black eye, trembling like a leaf, and being told to go home and woman up because I was a mother for chrissakes so I should know better.
As a result of what happened to me I help both men and women who are the victims of SA and DV. It has a secondary effect though: when I hear of a true case of someone lying about SA/DV, it makes my blood boil and wish the worst possible punishment on those people. Because it makes reporting and getting closure, justice and/or retribution that much harder. As a survivor myself, who has had to pick herself up all alone, re-build herself from scratch and almost gave up on life doing so, I have no words for anyone misusing the ‘status’ of a survivor of abuse. The clip you shared is horrible, SA is a real, sadly all too common thing, and it is so hard to get yourself to report it’s not surprising at all it some times takes years to do so. False reports and accusations exist too (way less, IMHO I lack the figures for it) and I don’t know which is worse.
About SA (and DV): I agree, it’s mostly about control. It’s a power thing. And it’s evil.
Jo, kudos to you for making it through the abuse and coming up with the strength to not just survive, but to make this video, to advocate for the victims, to take on those who minimise it. THANK YOU!
I remember some years ago, when i was drunk out of my mind. I went home with this girl, we ended up in her sofa and somewhere in it all she muttered a "no". Sounded very inserious but it was followed by a somewhat more coherent "no". Even in my drunken stupor that word permeated my brain and i immediately got up and got at least some clothes on. And i remember she was sort of suprised by this, even asking me why i stopped, and i said "a no is a no.." and she said "not everyone respects that"
I was way to drunk to understand whether that was an invitation or a hint of something she wanted to talk about, i dont remember much more, i know i stayed there just talking for a little before walking back to a friends house.
The moral of the story is that despite it was she who invited me home, or that it kind of sounded like her "no" wasnt serious, the only right thing to do as a man in that situation was to stop. A woman is allowed to change her mind, whenever, wherever they want.
As a consequence of doing precisely that i never had to guess what she really meant, never had to fear doing something bad because of misunderstanding. while its not something i feel proud about, (it was after all just what should be "default" behaviour), at least it isnt something i feel bad about.
And coincidentally, when people argue about false accusations ruining peoples lives and so on.. i have never worried about being falsly accused.
I spent 5 years before speaking
i sit like that too and people always act like it's crazy but it's so much more comfortable for my hip
i think there’s a lot to be said with how you did this video compared to how other creators have, ie not commenting on her appearance. pearl has started to become just as dangerous as other people in the manosphere or whatever its called, even if there’s that very recognizable hurt and desperation to be seen at all as a person and not just a body. i didn’t even know that she had spoken about the topic of this video, so i really appreciate being made aware of it in a way that - as someone who gets it - makes sense.
It's hard when it's someone you're dated, someone you thought you trusted. There's a disconnect there.
I stopped right at the beginning when you were explaining your nubbin on the table because right before you brought it up I was thinking "god that looks comfortable", but also totally makes sense to me that that position would relieve some tension/stress
When even Piers Morgan is telling you "Ok well hang on..."
How much time did I have when I was 10 years to 12 years old? When I was told my entire family will be slaughtered if I say anything? I’m just starting to deal with this in the last year. I’m 54.
Thank you for always being on top of the trigger warnings. It means I can join into the serious topics and also that I never have to be afraid to watch you videos in fear of my mental health.
I think I hurt my neck because I was nodding along so much with this video. I wish there weren't so many that understand these feelings and have had these experiences. I would like to add that for those that are neuro-spicy these feelings of anxiety, anger and confusion can be so much harder to process, if you ever fully process it. On top of that we are more likely to be victimized. Almost 90% of autistic women have been sexually assaulted! I hate when people with large audiences spread misinformation that is actively hurting vulnerable people in order to further enrich themselves, then RUclips further spreads it, because being socially responsible doesn't make them as much money.
Thank you. I needed this today. A month after my rape (i was a young teenager), i tried to tell my mom. She didnt believe me, and my brain completely shut it down. It took me more than four years to re-realize I had been assaulted - four years of baffling symptoms that I didn't know was PTSD, of suppression, of guilt, of telling myself i was "convincing myself that i was assaulted years later so i could play the victim". Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Out of anything I have read from someone sharing their experience online,, I feel like I can relate to yours the most.
I was 15 the night I made it home after my assault. My mother didn't ask if I was okay, what happened... She spent more than 2 hours yelling and screaming at me until she was red in the face, coughing, and sputtering. She told me that I was going to be pregnant, that my life was ruined, that I probably had an STD, that I was irresponsible and inconsiderate, and how much I had upset her and my step dad, how I had inconvenienced them. My step dad just walked through the room to their bedroom without saying anything or looking at me. He never really talked to me again, not any actual conversation. I lived in fear and paranoia for the next 6 months that I was pregnant and did have an STD; no one took me to a doctor of course. I already had a lot of damage from all the other neglect and abuse I faced from my "parents" as a child, the reaction of my mother to my assault was just a stand-out example, a capstone experience if you will. What happened that night was never spoken of again. Not the assault, not my mother's behavior; not the anxiety, depression, PTSD, or nightmares; not the eating disorder I developed and struggled with for the next 20 years (hell, that I am still struggling with). My step-dad never really talked to me at all again, except to say that he was embarrassed to be seen with me. My mother mostly stopped having much to do with me too, just enough to keep hurting me,
It took me over five years to understand I was raped, and almost a decade to begin to understand that being raped wasn't my fault, even though my mother absolutely treated me as if it was. It took a few more years for me to get the courage to confront my mother about that night, 12 and a half years later.. When I finally did confront her, she tried to utterly and completely gaslight me. She said that, when I came home after being assaulted, that she had hugged me, comforted me, and made sure I was okay; that she had sympathized with me and taken care of me, that she had been kind and concerned and loving. When I wouldn't agree with her, shall we say, revised version of that night's events, when I wouldn't stop crying hysterically out of sheer shock that the whole situation could possibly get any more traumatic and damaging than it was already, in total disbelief of how she was trying to rewrite history and tell me I was just making up what she had done that night - she called the cops and told them I was being violent and threatening her. Seriously. It was worth that much to her to pretend she hadn't done anything wrong, that she was a good mother who had taken care of and protected her daughter. To be clear, I was not threatening anything except her delusions, and I was not being violent. Nevertheless, the cops came, and took me away in the back of a squad car with a shotgun in my face. They didn't know what the hell was going on, they just saw me sitting on the floor crying hysterically having a mental breakdown while my mother calmly told them I had barged in throwing things and yelling at her. As soon as they talked to me though, they realized I was fine, no danger to myself or anyone else, and let me go. It all absolutely broke me, more broken than I knew I could be,, it literally broke my brain, and it hax taken years for me to put it back together.
I am sorry, I don't know why I wrote that all out, I never have before. I don't want to dump on anyone, I am sorry I know it's a lot. I think I just very rarely find someone who might be able to relate or understand, and the way you described your brain "shutting it down" really resonated with my experience.
I hope with every fiber of my being that you know, truly know, that being raped was not your fault, that you aren't making things up or trying to "play the victim". Your experience and trauma remain valid and real, regardless of anyone trying to deny or downplay them. I truly hope you know your mother was wrong in how she responded and in how she failed you, and that her failure is not your fault either. I hope that you have found people and resources to help in your healing and happiness. I hope that you have found all the peace, comfort, healing, and love that life can offer. And know that some random internet person empathizes, sympathizes, and understands.
@@pearcat08 I just want to let you let you know that I read your post and sympathize. I know how difficult it is to be horrifically let down by the person who’s supposed to be your mother and the emotional turmoil that it can create (especially when they try to gaslight you into believing they were the mother you deserved, not the one you actually had). I hope you’re in a better place now and that you’re able to heal, live long and prosper.
@@pearcat08 thank you for telling your story ❤️🩹 I hate that we are both a part of this terrible club. I hope you're doing okay. I'm cheering for you - I've experienced healing in ways I couldn't imagine a couple years ago, and I wish that for you, too. Your grace, self-awareness, and resilience are a beautiful fuck you to what your parents and trauma tried to do to you.
Outstanding I've listened to the Beard for a long time and I find it no surprise that you two are doing this together. Popcorn obtained waiting to chat live with you both!
With someone like pearl, I don’t think she’s ever going to get it unless she experiences it. And god I hope she never does, but I don’t think she can comprehend it.
Congratulations Jo! Excited to hear what you folks will come up with!
2.5 yrs of being together
2 yrs of living together
1 year of owning a house together
Countless times of me stopping when she said no or was uncomfortable.
2.5 yrs of love
The reason she didn't tell me was she thought i would hate her for what was done to her.
Nearly a decade later, I still love her and I still won't leave her.
People dont speak about these things because they are afraid. And the only thing the rest of us can do is try to make a supportive, safe environment.
I requested help when a guy did what felt like asexual assault at the time. I was told that he's nice guy who wouldn't do anything I didn't want. And I was asked for an explanation for why I don't want to give in to his demands. Suddenly, it wasn't one guy pestering me on school grounds all day, it was teachers telling me to give it a try. Explaining me that I need this for me to properly develop and being in my teens with no sexual experience, something must be wrong with me and this guy is just trying to help me. And the only reason I feel violated every time he shows up in school, pulling my clothes off and demanding that I pleasure him, is that I'm scared for no reason. At some point I even believed it and the only reason I stuck to the final line was my distrust in contraceptives working based on willpower.
There’s sooo much I want to say about this topic.
You are so right about not understanding what happened. Or blaming yourself. I’ve reported rape twice - once to the police, in part as I was working with the Police as my job at the time. But men being told by a female best “friend” who told her male friends that I would sleep with married men, or anyone. Then to try to talk you out of following through with the police investigation. That when it’s about to go before the court, and despite he had a history of SA and threats and had admitted he had heard me say no repeatedly throughout the assault, that the court would say it was a he said, she said and it wasn’t going to be pursued. This is just a fraction of one incident. I’ve been assaulted too many times by strangers and boyfriends. It still hurts too much.
Your class never ceases to impress me. Thank you for sharing this with us.
As a social work student who doesn't have personal experience with this, thank you for sharing your experience to help people better understand. I really enjoy the way you talk about things and would even love a podcast. Keep up the good work, and thank you, Jo.
I remembered the dogs from trauma talk the moment you started talking!! I loved that channel, still do!
you're right about people pandering to a smaller audience for ratings
our legal system isn't geared toward care of the victim
one topic for the pod cast should be discussing things with partner before marriage like having kids or not and how many.
The only thing that frustrates me about the Russel Brand situation that could sound like being "on Russel's side" is the fact that in this post-Depp world where we've gone as far as being TOO careful about consequences after claims (Ezra Miller, anyone?) we're seeing big consequences come for Russel before we've got names for his accusers. It's like they've found a loophole to the legal process (where they cannot be anonymous) by skipping the legal process.
And to be clear, I'm a survivor myself, and from everything I've heard about Brand over the last 2 decades I am 1,000% prepared to believe his accusers whole cloth, no trial needed to convince me. He's never felt anything but slimy and dangerous to me. I'm not worried about him in particular. I'm concerned for the fact that this case is a sign that the pendulum has returned to exactly where it was pre-Depp.
ok, this comment is from 4 minutes into the video, i absolutely love how you ripped her "6 months" timeline to shreds as someone who took over 6+ years to come out about my SA at 18 yr to my therapist and closest family, and looking back i do wish id have spoken to law enforcement at pretty much any time but i didn't because i didn't feel ready for that and i still don't. thank you for making this video Jo, i appreciate how it can be difficult for even those of us who have a bigger voice to speak up
Thank you for using your voice to speak compassionately and vulnerably on this topic. I’m sorry you experienced what you did. I’m inspired by your courage to share you story and I’m sure help so many other people.
Pearl’s words hurt my heart so deeply 💔 Thank you for using your platform and your story to share the reality of SA and how traumatizing it is.
Thank you for posting this, posting this informed by your harrowing experiences contributes to bringing this to the forefront and hopefully helps others that their suffering is not acceptable.
For years I was in the "men cant be r*ped" mentality. So much that when I was r*ped I couldnt even comprehend it, and it took 4 years to work through that.
I had an ex who lost her kids, claiming that her husband was abusive to her and them. I decided to help her out by giving her a couch to sleep on. Three days in a row, she snuck into my room, waking me up with non-consentual sex, which triggered a panic attack from Hell... Despite that traumatic experience, I still refused to admit that I was r*ped, and for the next 4 years I convinced myself that the whole experience was my fault.
Reporting sexual abuse is difficult, and not just for women.
Thank you. It is very important to talk about it.
TW assault
It took me 3 to 4 years to admit to myself that my "friend" had assaulted me. I would also sit there and tell myself it wasn't a big deal because it wasn't r- so its not assault. But like, even minor unwanted stuff matters and should be taken seriously (sorry, I'm trying not to get into details because a-uncomfy to myself and b-uncomfy for others).
Thank you for your output & input.
_Live long & prospers!_
It took me over 10 years to realize I had even been assaulted in another country. I wrote it in my journal back then and my therapist brought up the idea of me going through my old journals as we are working through past trauma. When I read that, I couldn’t believe how I’ve rewritten the situation in my head to deal with it. It took me another 3 years to talk to anyone besides my therapist.
The worst part about pearl is that she helps the misogynistic scum bags feel validated in continuing to be scum bags.
as a single father with full custody that STILL had to pay child support to the state (cali of course) our legal system sucks. i appreciate you and your content. hearing about your struggles and how you chose to deal with them instead of just sinking into them deeper has been inspiring. ☺
You’re the sole provider and paying child support?? That’s so backwards! Sorry you have to deal with that. Keep going though, I’m sure you’re making such a huge difference for your kid(s)!
@@ohrats731 luckily i dont have to anymore since i moved outta California. but yes. the quick version was me and his mom are still cordial so we both took the state to court over it since she didnt need the support and i lost. they came after me for her new daughter "to ensure that when my son visited his mom her living situation when he was with her was good" lol. sop any cash aid she had gotten the state came after me instead of the other dad. i grew up in California and i dont miss it. for all that was good about it there was so many more things that sucked.
I'm exited for your podcast, it's certainly needed
Go you, Jo! You express these things in such a clear and nuanced way. Kudos
0:06 🤣Lol, I'm totally sitting the exact same way right now. It's a thing.
There also exists situations where a person may not even realize it was SA until many years later.
(Trigger warnings!) I was molested between the ages of 6 and 8 by a teenage cousin. He used the terminology of "making love" to get me to "consent," because at the age of six, the only concept of love I had was that mommy and daddy says, "I love you," so this "game" he proposed must be okay. Then going forward, he knew even as a 12-14-year-old what to say to manipulate me into agreeing. He would tell me that this was something we were not supposed to be doing and that if my parents found out we would both get in trouble. Anytime I said no to whatever act he wanted that day, he would turn and move away and say, "I guess I need to go tell our parents what we've been doing." I would be so terrified of getting in trouble that I would agree. Luckily, my brother stumbled across it two years in and reported it to my parents, saving me from several more years of this. However, even then, at that age I was convinced that I had agreed, and that I wanted it, so I protected him, lying about what actually happened. It was literally not until college that it sunk in for me that what he was doing was SA, and that it had negatively molded every relationship and sexual encounter that I had growing up.
When situations like that exist, expecting every victim to report within six months is ridiculous. I also feel that automatically saying that every girl who reports someone famous is crying wolf is worse. To me that's no better than saying you approve of that behavior. That anti-feminist needs to keep her nose out of things she is not intimately familiar with personally because she obviously has no empathy or sympathy to speak of.