Experiencing Divorce At A Young Age │ Thandeka Mkhize
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- Опубликовано: 9 июн 2022
- Host: Ursula Mariani │Instagram: / ursulamariani
Co-host: Bonga Botha │ / bonga.botha
Guest: Thandeka Mkhize
Co-producer: Sibonganjalo Bonga Botha │ Facebook: / bonga.botha
Co-producer: Babaland
Editor and Technical Director: Given Masilela │ Instagram / givenillustrative
Assistant Technical Director: Silosamanzi Boiboi 
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Guys am I the only one, Ursula has the most beautiful smile. She looks like she smiling even when she's not❤ maybe It's her eyes. Great show though
Right😊
Our host is so beautiful though
I love how she went through all those phases of anger, resentment etc but is still willing to give love another chance. She deserves all the happiness and love hle bathong.
she looks like she cud sing Lira's 'something inside so strong'
I agree...she's gorgeous
So true. It’s so important to move on afterwards. I divorced my ex husband and it was painful, but I had to remind myself why I was choosing to leave him. Divorce is painful but love afterwards is so worth it. I’m happily married again now and loving the calmness, joy, peace, freedom, trust and the love in this marriage ❤️
But how does one find that ...its hard
You are giving me hope to try again after 6 years❤❤❤
That thing of dating a friend 😂, personally, I'll never ever!
This woman is beautiful..
I love that she understands that there is nothing that she could've done, I find the narrative that both people need to always take accountability of their contribution to the demise of the relationship so wrong and unfair
Couldn't agree more!
I think what the guest didnt get from the accountability question will make her fall for another man with the same characteristics as her ex. Accountability sometimes sounds like this: "i contributed by not saying how i felt and expressing myself. I contributed by brushing things off when (this situation and that situation) occured when we were dating. Your role does not mean you did something to someone/ yo partner. Sometimes it means you did something to yourself eg you trivialised yo feelings, worries, concerns or you swept things under the carpet when you should have spoken up. Your partner may also not be able to tell you those things coz usually when we ask "what did i do wrong" they assume you mean something you actively did/ abusive things/ wifely roles neglected etc. Accountability means looking inward to see how, moving forward WE can change the way WE navigate to get a desired outcome.
This might be a sore example but an abused person is encouraged to take accountability of staying when they were abused multiple times, for giving chances to someone who was not going to change.
Amen.
I concur with you
Wooooow 🔥🔥🔥🔥 Well said ❤
My thoughts exactly, being divorced myself I always say I didn't do anything arrest worthy but there were behaviours I allowed especially in the beginning and couldn't keep up with that. I hope now she has gotten around it and now understands it better , saying you've contributed nothing in a failed relationship is a red flag
Only seeing this now. I was married for 20 yrs I was 17yrs old and I would still divorce my ex-husband, we have 2 boys and they took it very hard. My 24yrs old son is now on drugs (crystal) as he tried to deal & hide it for all these years. All this because the father wanted to take a 2nd wife (he had to, according to his ancestors), 7 years later they now have 2 kids together, seems it was worth it. I am also getting married now, I LOVE for my children, but I wish I NEVER met this guy, ever.
Ursula's smile 🙂...love it!
Why are people in the comments saying she is not accountable? I mean if you take a man as a husband his role is to protect and provide for you. Now we live in a generation where we can also provide and be partners but a man’s role is to PROTECT so I don’t get your comments gunning for her to say she was never l Accountable and she ddnt speak up.
I mean we all speak up at some point but men and husbands need to protect us from their families.❤❤❤❤❤
But she didn't! you fight for your marriage, but i dont hear her saying she did this and that for hers ,maybe its because she was young i dont know 😪
There's always a contribution personally and when I say that I mean when that question is brought up, it is not only what you did but sometimes it's also what you didn't do that contributed....I can pick up one she was not vocal about the hurt her in-laws were putting her in and expected her husband to pick it up....that is a contribution. if you do not speak up about your feelings in anything that's what we call lack of communication....but she couldn't even recognize that contribution...We do not have the power on how people act but you have the power of allowing it or not and that's YOUR responsibility
Hi beautiful ladies , coming from am,abusive relationship having to be asked why you kept qui before or before this was not an issue why now
It can be what you didn't do rather than what did you do? In young marriages, boundaries and interference of elders are usually a huge problem.
Ursula I always remember how I used to think you were Pabi Moloi on those voice overs you did at that other big retail🎉big ups girl on your success.
Thank you for sharing your story Thandeka. Wisshing all the best in your healing journey sis wami.
Very enlightening conversation, I think this also highlights how societal norms "timelines" can also contribute to premature marriage. When all your friends are getting married and you are feeling left out then you get married ose ready and wind up having to weather the storm of a divorce. Its very unfortunate and like you said Ursula,there are so many cause for divorce its difficult to capture the whole picture in one episode with one guest. But thank you to your guest for coming and sharing, and showing that healing is possible🌸
Thanks for sharing your story, Thandeka. You've been intentional about your healing journey and we can all learn a lot form that.
We're always healing from something🤯 Kunzima. I also think not all people are bad but they are bad in relationships unfortunately.
Simply beautiful!
Your channel is amazing Ursula; love it! And youre so well spoken and have a great interview style.
I think I remeber Thandeka from UP and res; she is still as beautiful as I remember I her, my word. The amount of growth and wisdom also; touched Thandeka❤
I like how she was honest to say she did not do anything wrong; so many a times people are forced to find fault with themselves when a realtionship ends, which is not always the case.
Really enjoying these discussions on here❤️❤️
Love the conversation. And it’s important that you noted that there’s a topic but each person stories is different. Interesting that would lovely to cover is grief practice and being a widow especially in the African family context
We tend to think healing process is easy, I love how Thandeka expresses the importance of moving on and recover from any form of pain.
Ursula!!!! You are AMAZING at this! You carry the conversations so well. Thank you for doing it with so much respect to your guests and for their stories and their voices! And you look incredibly gorgeous while at it! Onwards and Upwards, Lady! ❤️🎉
Responding on my personal account because I want you to know that I really appreciate this comment, it encourages me. It’s my heart’s desire to always leave my guests feeling heard and respected, so truly, this warmed my heart. Thank you 🫶🏾
@@ursulamariani8245 really love your work, the delivery is exquisite 👌🏾
Hi sisi truly you are so respectful ,down to earth i love your aura its so calm@ursulamariani8245
Loved it! Wonderful show and some beautiful words from my sis. Really magical to see you speaking this way, growth, self-love and evolution ❤ And looking hot too, blessed with a beautiful smile and healed positivity.
I liked your smile. You talk with confidence ❤
Thandeka just close your ears from noise and believe yourself.Society will drive you nuts.
Another really dope one I enjoyed...
This one just reminded of how I don't like the way traditional ways of doing things creates certain limitations that don't always work in this day and age. Also...Thandekas story reminded me of the fact that marriage needs or even a relationship needs to be a tight partnership. We need to stay firm in the name of that bond we create with each other when we decide to do this life thing with someone else.
It would be so nice when you bring us more than one guest talking about the same topic.
Ursula you are just sunshine maan 😊 I could watch you all day.
Great conversation
I wish men knows the importance of standing up for their women in marriage. That’s the most rejection one can get from their loved ones and it really changes someone’s perspective about the “man” doing that. It’s really bad…
Enjoyed yet another conversation...
Must repent....I have had this thought a week ago over someone that..... 'maybe it healed better when the was no child ' ....we should not invalid anyone s experience indeed, dirvoce is between a married couple not between children!
🔥🔥🔥I enjoyed this episode
Heeee ndade nda-subscribe(a) 🤭🤭❤️❤️❤️ The content is awesome!
i like your channel the topics are very nice and informative, mara ursula nna wa mpoloya witse
Great conversation love the show, it would be also very insightful to hear the experience of divorce from a Man perspective.
So glad you guys corrected the “theres nothing in the streets” for some of us who come from failed relationships i was starting to loose hope
And yes, I agree with age being a causality factor for divorce.
First time listening to your show. I think you got yourself a new follower. And I must say in passing ukuthi you ladies look beautiful. Keep up the good work .
Ntando Dumas vibes and resemblance t
She is So pretty ❤❤
Nothing to do with anything: I love both your hairstyles 😍❤️
Bare there’s nothing in the streets, re kopa prayer hle😂🤞🏾🙏🏾
🤣🤣🤣🤣hei that hit hard because woow, ko nzima mo strateng yoh
😅😅😅😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I believe the reason it’s seemingly more difficult to divorce without a child is because once the divorce is finalized, you no longer have logistics to manage with that person. When a child is present, that person will remain in your life until kingdom come and you’ll have to deal with the fall out of that divorce and it’s ramifications in real time forever because you have this bonding factor. Divorce is tough on everyone but with a child, you can’t cut the chord and move on as seamlessly as you can when there isn’t one.
Bonga THee Botha are "There is nothing in the streets guys..."🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I am finished ‼
such beautiful women
Ladies you look beautiful with your shot natural hair,I hope the one screening behind the camera also looks the same.
I believe the reason it’s seemingly less difficult to divorce without a child is because once the divorce is finalized, you no longer have logistics to manage with that person. When a child is present, that person will remain in your life until kingdom come and you’ll have to deal with the fall out of that divorce and it’s ramifications in real time forever because you have this bonding factor. Divorce is tough on everyone but with a child, you can’t cut the chord and move on as seamlessly as you can when there isn’t one.
I also think the question about contributing to failed relationships is always posed at women and I wonder WHY. With that said, the question that may provide more clarity on this is “what would you have done differently in the marriage?” In that case, Khanyi has already somewhat answered that to say she should have spoken up more initially. Holding a light to yourself does not mean you caused the mess.
Thanks for sharing your story Khanyi and good luck in love. ❤️
You are so beautiful my dear gorgeous ❤
Ursula o montle tlheng yhooooo❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Beautiful beautiful women aghrr❤
I just find the idea that there is a lot of people in the streets condescending to our spirit and humanity. Though it's true, but I do not believe we were made to connect with 100 people before one meets the one, actually the thought of even getting to know 10 people let alone having sex with them is beyond me. And life is too short to get to know boyfriend number 150 if he is the one & by that time my spirit would be dead. Connecting with someone is n't child's play. Let's just call a folk a folk, the dating streets are dusty out there & a lot of abnormal staff & I mean staff that should not be happening is happening out there, it's okay to accept it as abnormal, instead of trying to be positive about something dangerous to our 'souls'.
I choose to differ...kids make the divorce more complicated...I know if we did not have kids with my ex I would have longgg lost contact with me...haiii he ra sotleha rele banyane bathong..
Taking no portion of the blame in a divorce 🚩🚩🚩
That's what I thought as well. The fact that she takes no responsibility at all, seems a bit odd to me.
She didn’t ask for the divorce , the person who asked for one said she didn’t do anything wrong
What’s funny to me is Ursula points out the possible ways she contributed to the demise. She kept quiet, she didn’t vocalise.
Experiencing divorce at retirement age, pensioner,no income,no settlement, nothing except for being told I divorced you and you didn't contest, I became NUMB
Bathong Ursh❤
Is she not related to Siza Ndlovu the RUclipsr
Ursula looks like Bishop Makamu's wife
Even me Ursula I rather die😂😂😂
Too high a premium has been placed on virginity , sex before marriage etc & that has ruined marriages for a lot of people who were raised in church. I’m glad it’s a conversation being had. You can marry someone for legal / guilt free sex
The conversation had nothing to do with the guy being Tsonga or his culture, I’m also Tsonga but the guy like most guys, just didn’t protect her from his family and that ultimately led to more problems which led to divorce
Cc you know your truth akere,stop explaining yourself to people who will always ask you about your contribution otherwise u'll never heal 💓
Anibahle maan😎💥
That guy asked the question as if he wasn't listening to the lady the whole time
😭 Literally, was about to comment this.
He is immature
To be honest the interview lacked transparency. I would have appreciated more details.
hai Thandeka don't give us a new gospel, if the gospel did not work out for you it doesn't need to change sweetheart. God remains wise in His instructions to us, we are a creation with an intelligent Creator. It is absolutely ok to say; 'I am going to tell people to have sex before marriage' but you also need to say; 'that is not the true christian narrative'. Please sisi omuhle. yoh.
This is 💯 my story too.
She did do something by not saying anything , by not standing up for her marriage to the inlaws , you cannot keep quiet and let ppl walk all over you, so your man left or went with the strong side that is his family
So you did fail ur marriage , i hate saying this but marriage is about two ppl and two families 🥰 you contributed by keeping quiet 🥺
Can you plz zoom out your cameras a bit so that we see atleast 50% of your body it goes a long way when we can even read your body language🕺
We really appreciate the tip. We'll definitely consider it in future. But please note that this is not feasible for us to do at the moment. We are filming in a room with limited space, and we use prime lenses. So this is the best experience we're able to give currently. We do plan on improving as the channel grows. Thanks for the support 🥰😘
@@theconversationcapital TNX for consideration
Her keeping quite it is part of Accountability.... She kept quite when it needed her voice.... She cant say Nothing... Accountability doesn't mean your part was huge.... We must view that question as an attack but to do better...... Sesi had not healed yet. You cant have triggers of something you healed from... Speaking from a divorcee. I am sorry sisi..... Healing comes from you. You can go to all therapy but have that internal conversation with yourself to heal.
31:00- u were travelling alone in kenya??? as a w0man? travelling alone?? .... niBrave shem!!
I dont understand is this lady saying she was perfect in the marriage i thot she wud have started with the fact tht she cud not even make a simple meal to the husband or family as a Makoti.
Love the show, I think the lady needs Kevin samuels content, don't agree with her mother's advice
I am Tsonga and I think you need to be careful on tribalising behaviour.... This is my first time hearing this and dont know any Tsonga family that do that...talk about family behavior and not the tribe.
Are people not allowed to share THEIR experiences?
She was sharing her experience and her ex husband happened to be Tsonga. She didn’t say “Tsonga’s are this way”.
Instead they mentioned Zulu’s typically being rooted in their culture in this way and not Tsonga.
These women were talking about experience, that’s what this lady experienced she had to share, if it was a different tribe I don’t think you would be talking about tribalism.
Let’s put our emotions aside and start understanding that our society needs to be brutally honest!
Tsongas and their lower self esteem,,yerrr chill man
@@mokgadimackson3432please say that again
Absolutely nothing??
A marriage would never survive when a Man is feminine and a woman is muscular
what is this now? You were colonized with this information then you think its correct?
It does work actually
u think u young at 24 ?? 😂😂
It is at this day and age. Mom was 19
u keep quiet when u not happy?😂
I stopped watching after she said she contributed nothing to the dirvoce...
lol.. your drama though
This lady might divorce again, she is doom. She ask a man what she could have done better, the answer was nothing and she believes that. Women
🥹 I cannot help but feel she’s being in denial about how she contributed to the marriage not working out.
She says that she did nothing. So maybe that's the problem
Yep women are never accountable . It is always the man’s fault. 😅😅😅
@@zimdollar3229 You could be right: Sometimes it's not what we do, but what we don't do.
For these conversations to be beneficial, interviewee should only talk about their contribution to the situation and not talk about the other partner. In a break-up/divorce situation both parties always contribute. She basically hid behind her ex-husband, in-laws, and age. Playing victim
For these conversations to be beneficial, interviewee should only talk about their contribution to the situation and not talk about the other partner. In a break-up/divorce situation both parties always contribute.