Personally I think lack of empathy and consideration is the main reason for divorce. If you are able to put yourself in your partner's shoes you won't cheat or expect your partner to cook,do laundry , iron and take care of kids alone, and top of that have energy for sex.
I agree, however in our society when a man supports his wife like that, he is called a simp. Some will even go as far as to say udlisiwe. If men were to stop caring about other people's opinions and focus on their families things would get better. Support your wife in raising the kids and chores in the household especially if she's also working a full time job.
True,an ex friend of mine said one day am to kind,just because I had advice her on being a bit kind to her husband, they heading for divorce right now.
One thing I will add here for young people is that, you must know first your partners before marring them. Don't rush to marry the person because of beauty or any other reason. Don't discover the person while you are already married and have kids together, that can make you to stay in unhappy, toxic marriage. Date and know each other first.
Marriage doesn't require qualifications and accomplishments; it requires openness and honesty within all communications between both people. Know what your partner desires and respect them for being unique.
@3DSussess Most people who cheat are depressed. Anyone in the right frame of mind, would choose well, or leave if the relationship is not working. Cheaters are struggling with something defective inside them.
completely agree - there may be more women, but there are more male suitors, I think. As women we are propositioned way more than men and contrary to popular belief women really enjoy sex and that enjoyment does not mean we are promiscuous or "not wife material".
I have never heard such comments especially 4rm an African man . Ur love relationship is zero where have u been my gudness. I am a mom of two young men whom i have tried teach them abt how to understand the psychology of love by reading books coz in ur culture it's men who r important only. I love u to bits 4 shining the light
Disagree...most hubby don't share everything with you...I never did know what his income...his increase...he bought everything I must beg ....then expect I must be happy...lovable ...no thanks such marriage for the birds
On the issue of communication. I personally believe communication breaks down only when one of the couple is withdrawing emotionally/physically from the marriage and they don't pay attention anymore
@isaacmmutlane In the traditional African society, education began at home. Sadly nowadays, few parents bother to educate their children, subsequently people are entering relationships without having learnt how to communicate, because they never saw it at home, neither were they taught about the importance of communicating in relationships. In submission, people come into relationships have never mastered the art of communication, so when things begin to go awry, they go into default mode ZERO COMMUNICATION.
Very correct, premarital counselling is very important even though that part is secondary... What is prmary is to deliberately raise our children at both the home and church front from their early stages to be future good husbands and wives when they are married.. That's what we must teach emphatically as pastors.
One of the issues is that as abantu in RSA, apart from the lack of uBuntu, it that there is a tendency to incorporate Western tendencies into African culture. The two are like water and oil. They do not mix. Where one encourages cooperation and understanding of the roles of a man and wife, the other encourages independence and selfishness, and the narrative that men and women are equal to the point that the roles of man and wife are interchangeable when they are not. The lines have been blurred so much that SAn marriages are following the trend of Western marriages. Look at the USA for example where the 2 out of every 3 marriages end in divorce.
I think another reason is people who marry to have an identity. Some people aspire to get married because it gives them identity and a sense of purpose. People who are also still hurting from childhood traumas. Things kind of issues surface in the marriage and now the whole marriage is compromised.
My divorce was fuelled by greed. It was all about her maximising her financial enrichment, whilst simultaneously refusing to contribute anything to the marriage. We went for Church pre-marital counselling. We attended eight months of Church marriage counselling. It did not help one tiny bit. The Church specialises in victim blaming. They refuse to accept any form of accountability for their conduct no matter how much damage it causes to other people's lives. The Church financed my ex-wife's law suits against me even though Jesus Christ gave clear instructions to Christians not to break up any marriage. Divorce rates are on the increase in South Africa and world wide. There are social changes which are occurring in the world and none of these changes benefit the family or marriage.
"Do not conform to the ways of this world" We will continue being doomed as we continue to please the world and the flesh. We need to truly seek Jesus. I'm not speaking of church and pastors but Jesus himself.
I agree with the Pastor. Generally Africans are spiritual and cultural practices served a purpose in giving identity and holding the family unit together from generation to another generation. However missionaries brought religion and their culture and trashed African practices as pagan and that started the disintegration of the African family unit and the erosion of African culture and Ubuntu. The young generation see everything western as superior. People are now self-centered, feminism projected women as oppressed and promotes independence of women in all aspects and some women feel that they don't need men in their lives hence men feel challenged. Communities and families are now divided and single parent families are on the rise. Children are brought up by the media (digital and social) and by helpers who know nothing about their parents family culture and values because their mothers are working. So when these kids grow up they are clueless about their culture and they are not prepared for their adult life and they end up resorting to drugs, porn, alcohol abuse, gender based violence both female and male, debauchery etc and they no longer value their life. Marriages are now financial transactions and divorces are now fashionable and a means of getting rich quickly. The list goes on. The solution is to return to God and follow his commandments, statutes and judgements
Thank you so much for hosting him. Thanks brother Bakhe. The divorces are the end results _ real situation is "we have lots of marriages that are in a time ticking bomb " imishado lekhona ibe ingekho". Your initiative will help many....
Thank you for addressing social media. I used to feel so so much pressure to wear and post bikini photos. I remember I posted a photo in a bikini and my views and comments went up for sure! But it didn't feel like me, it felt very invasive for me. Its interesting to see how men are affected by such posts, and how women are pressured into producing such kinds of content, ironically to be desired by men and have more opportunities in their careers.
woman are not pressured into showing off their assets stop victimizing woman as if they have no accountability ,they do it for validation , income and popularity no one forced you to post the bikini photo you did it freely with no gun against your head there is too many woman who are leaders wo did not go down that path
I really enjoyed listening to this. Wished it could carry on...so informative and made me realise why I sometimes fear being married. There's so much more I still need to learn.
Reading through these comments I think another problem is that people listen or read to respond not to understand,the lady pointed out that women find themselves with too much to do compared to men.If men can teach themselves to move from that mentality of a woman's job and a man's job ,both parents must help each other with the chores if there is no house help that would be better.
Many married to counterfeits Do Not Marry a Counterfeit Pray and make sure that you marry God's will for your life God is the foundation It's a life long journey People do not prepare for Marriage but they prepare for career. Exams. Prepare for a Godly marriage Marriage is for PURPOSE. Marriage is not for sex or having children. We get married to accomplish purpose. Know who yuu are.What is your purpose.
In my humble opinion it will take more than premarital counseling; You need a community of women setting a standard of how to be a wife. You need a manuscript. Teaching what it means to prepare child for being a wife or husband is done while the child is still becoming an adult. The knowledge of what it means. How to protect a marriage and support it. Unfortunately, these things would require the time spent on a 2 yr degree if they are not visible in the community.
Each one of us has a duty. Let a woman be a woman and a man be a man. A woman is to support her partner's dreams. If she goes into marriage with her own dream then she becomes a man and this ends in divorce.
One thing I've really picked up in this conversation is, at the centre of it all. Clear communication is what determines the outcome of any marriage. The rest falls in pmace thereafter.
It's all about content, making yourself as a content creator and target a specific audience, and it's woman consuming a lot of Steve's crap, and he makes money and our black women looses men. I second your point, good luck listening to someone who think men are a problem.
There is nothing to learn, women don't understand what men want, women knows that marriage benefits them, that's why it's marriage is about them. It's a scam, get married and divorce and take half of his stuff.
Tudo bem meu irmao Justice ? My name is ibrahim Delivane love your work, I would like to have a tiny interview for radio Mozambique, there's a lot to chat about.
I disagree on the culture part, a lot of what we regard as our culture is a diluted and distorted version of what used to be and thus the chaos created out of it. Also, I believe we cannot talk about what goes wrong with marriage without talking about the state of the world that we live in and how community has changed drastically demanding both men and women to exist outside of their nature. There are many good initaitives that came with unforeseen consequences, for example, the world rallied behind the empowerment of the girl child and as a result the woman but did little to include the boy child subsequently the man in the process. This somehow bred an unhealthy demand to be seen and remembered in our men. To heal the marriage we need to heal the man, the woman, the family and the community.
Divorces are happening because marriage is a patriarchal institution and the men no longer have control over women like before to do as patriarchy allows them and still keep their wife. Women have evolved with the economic times but men still want to maintain traditional gender roles while having none of the economic power and it’s just not worth it for a lot of women. Women are literally raised to want marriage and when they get it it’s just lots of labour that they don’t want to do anymore.
You mentioned woman looking for or seeking affection. Wish you could explain a bit more difference between affection and sex. Where man will just neglect you and expect good sex from you.
I think we live in a time where contradictions of modern times and modern times starts to proof that it is water and oil, the will never mix and we are forcing to make them 1 thing. African ubutu teaches more of women virginity dictates the pride of a man and all that and how a blessed men are by marrying pure women or women who have never had sexual relations and as we grow with that narrative things becomes tricky and difficult when we get to meet women who have multiple sexual partners and they even brag about their past life which is their democratic rights yet the same woman brings about how she want to be treated with African Ubuntu but unable to adhere to the norms and these brings less respect from a man ( not defending any act of violence or abuse ) but we tend to ignore our values too deliberately bcz women no longer play that role we were taught on our upbringing. Things have changed I think African customs need to be put aside and let democratic values comes in then we know that as men we are not expected of any Ubuntu and what what bcz we don't get the same from our women.
Alright, we can all denying the existence of our ancestors but the fact remains,they play a huge role in our lives ,right, let's say your ancestor who passed away before colonization is the leader of all the other ancestors and that ancestor call the shots in the family , remember they don't recognise white wedding then you get married using a European tradition (white wedding) do you think that marriage will last ? Or will be recognised by the ancestors? The answer is no hence many divorces are coming from the white wedding couples than traditional wedding couples
i agree with most things but the cheating part from men’s side everything like he said is luck of self discipline i believe what you don’t tell your brain your body don’t act to it i could be wrong but that’s how i see it.
I struggle to understand the perception that men cheat due to the fact that there are more women then men. Shouldn't that make women the biggest cheaters? because we have to play the field in order to find someone to commit, since the pool is so small. The other thing is there is always a man that wants to sleep with a woman, but women turn them down and its not because they dont lust or have emotions but because they respect their partners. As much as women want love, they also want respect, meaning you should respect her enough not to cheat on her , because clearly one can still love their partner but still cheat on them. But I suppose this is not for everyone
The problem African leadership is that we open up and accommodate Western value, copy theory that we do not understand, and western norms come in too conflict with our traditional way of doing things as African
Wow, so off the mark. If Ubuntu is the missing ingredient, how come there was divorce even in African societies pre-colonialism? Pre-marital counselling is very late stage to think you can prepare a couple for marriage. It has to start earlier. While this man has some good points, his framework falls short because it doesn't get to the real cause of divorce - hardening of hearts.
@MuzorewaRatshikuni. You lie. How do you know there was divorce in Africa societies pre-colonialism, do you have the statistics? I believe divorce rates were lower reason being, the people lived within their community, and were likely to receive guidance and counselling from immediate family members. Urbanisation (migration to urban areas) loosened the ties that bind, subsequently there is no wider accountability, couples think they are only accountable to each other, which makes it easy to divorce. RE: Ubuntu, it was more widely practised then than now, therefore he is right to say, the lack of Ubuntu is a factor in the breakdown of marriages. A hard heart is contrary to the teachings of Ubuntu. That said, you are right, pre-marital counselling should start at an early age. Pre-colonisation education began in the home, parents, aunts and uncles educated children and youth on how to interact. Sadly, modern education does not place emphasis on the virtues that enhance human interaction including marriage, subsequently many people are not equipped to deal with all the factors that come with a spouse. Going back on the issue of Ubuntu, I believe many marriages are floundering today due to the fact that many people do not understand the meaning of LOVE as defined by CORINTHIANS 13:4-7 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. I believe more marriages would flourish, if couples meditated on and strived to heed the teachings contained in these verses.
@@lekis5975 You should, as a matter of principle, adopt the habit of thinking before you write and post. Let me point out to you the parts of your argument which you have not thought through. Firstly, neither you nor I have pre-colonial Africa divorce statistics. So divorce stats cannot be used either to support or to refute the argument of whether there was divorce in pre-colonial African societies. Your question regarding whether I have stats is therefore irrelevant. We have to have another basis for assuming the occurrence or lack thereof, of divorce in pre-colonial African societies. The basis has to be reasonable and credible. A. The first reasonable and credible basis for making the claim that there was divorce in pre-colonial African societies, is we know human nature. People in relationships will have conflict and sometimes that conflict will lead to separation and at times divorce. This is true of pre-colonial relationships and marriages. To claim otherwise would be unrealistic and not credible. B. Another basis for making the claim that there was divorce in pre-colonial African societies, is that we know from our African languages that there is/was a word for "divorce" in our languages. The very existence of African words describing "divorce" means that such a phenomenon existed, which is why the African languages coined the words for it. C. Even you state that you "believe the divorce rates were lower back then". So, if divorce rates where lower it means then that there was divorce, just that it happened on a lower rate of prevalence. So even when society had so-called "Ubuntu" values, divorce still happened. The point being that Ubuntu does not prevent the occurrence of divorce. It didn't prevent divorce in pre-colonial African societies, and it won't now. D. If you go to some rural and also in peri-urban societies in present day Africa, where people still live in their communities and where they are counseled by extended families and traditional leadership structures, divorce is still occurring. Some of these people are married customarily without even civil registration of their marriages and so their divorce are not recorded in government divorce stats. The point is that living within their communities and being counseled by and accountability to family and traditional leadership did/does not prevent the occurrence of divorce. So we can see that Ubuntu fails to prevent divorce in marriages of people who have NOT urbanized. A proposition I want to put strongly to you is this: Ubuntu is an ungodly and unrighteous principle. Anybody who professes faith in Yeshua HaMashiach should shun Ubuntu values and not live by them because they are sin to the core. Here's the reason: Ubuntu is the idea that human beings have inherent goodness. It is the claim that human beings have a humanity that is inherently good and that such good-naturedness in humans is not dependent on God, is not derived from God. Ubuntu also falsely claims that "umuntu ngumuntu nga bantu" - a lie from Satan himself! The truth is that "umuntu ngumuntu ngoNkulunkulu"! - that is the definition of being human - to be human is to be like God, because human qualities are derived from God, not from society's consensus of what it means to be good or to be human. The premise that anything good, such as marriage, can be built on Ubuntu, is delusional and deception. Marriage is built on love and love only. And love is the nature of Elohim. To the extent that human manifest God-like qualities, such humans are living by and demonstrating love. Ubuntu is Satan's cheap attempt to bring humans a fake copy of God's love. Have you ever do a search of scriptures to see whether the word "ubuntu" appears there?
@@MuzorewaRatshikuni It's childish and immature to resort to insults, just because I offered a REBUTAL to your argument, more so considering no one died and appointed you God, neither do you hold a monopoly on ideas or truth. Firstly, Africa is very diverse, so pray tell, what are these words for divorce that you are referring to, what language? Secondly, just because the word divorce exists in a language, in no way denotes that divorce was a PREVALENT phenomena. If anything the MORES, as well as INTRICATE RITUALS surrounding the RITE OF MARRIAGE (and divorce) speak to the fact that divorce was complicated, and therefore not undertaken lightly. For example, as you well know, marriage was not just between individuals, it was between families and clans, there were intricate ceremonies to solemnise the union; introductions between the families, exchanging of gifts, slaughtering. There were even more rites and rituals once the woman gave birth. Marriage was a community affair, unlike nowadays where people meet in the streets, parties and clubs and decide to get married, without examining the family they are looking to get married into in order to ascertain if they have shared VALUES and GOALS etc. Also, people did not get married merely because they were in love, other factors were taken into consideration, fundamentally, marriage was a CONTRACT, people got married to perpetuate their LINEAGE, consolidate SKILLS, KNOWLEDGE and or POWER! Subsequently, latter day marriages were well thought out affairs, unlike today's unions which are premised on romance, lust and "love" (whatever love is, as the then Prince Charles, once said). In a nutshell, people got married for serious and not frivolous reasons, and as such were more likely to stay put. Your argument, which is premised on human nature holds little water, more so considering the divorce stats since marriage registration became the norm. Divorce statistics the world over, show there has been an upward trajectory in divorce rates in recent years, simply put, the rates of divorce in the 1950s were much lower than what they are today, which indicates that if we go further back in time to pre-colonial, times, chances are divorce rates were slim to none. According to stats, women are more likely to initiate divorce. I am compelled to believe women are more likely to initiate divorce because modern day marriage holds little incentives to keep women in the union. I suspect divorce rates in pre-colonial times were lower, because marriage brought many advantages for women. Through MARRIAGE and MOTHERHOOD, a woman gained WEALTH (dowry- land and cattle) and STATUS (married women and mothers were held in high esteem). Nowadays, there is precious little to incentivise women to stay in difficult marriages; men can barely afford dowry, subsequently there is no wealth transfer upon marriage, if anything, a woman is expected to carry the pregnancy on her own, give birth, go out to work and contribute 50-50 to the budget, all whilst doing the bulk of the house work. Our grandmothers were happy to stay in marriages, because they gained wealth upon marriage, and everyone was self employed and self sustaining. Moreover if a woman chose to leave she would have to leave their child/children behind, and sometimes even refund the dowry (depending on who caused the marriage to fail!). FYI Colonisation impacted even the villages, subsequently, just because people live in the village doesn't mean the way of life has remained the same. Village youth are getting married without proper counselling, and marriage is a challenge due to limited means, resulting in poverty. I bet you some of the marriages would have fared better, if the couple had a higher standard of living, or owned some means of production eg land and cattle or possessed a worthwhile skill that encouraged self employment. Furthermore, nowadays, INFIDELITY is one of the big reasons for divorce. If you are well steeped in African culture, then you would know, that our ancestors were flexible on matters s ex, once a married couple had children, both the husband and wife were allowed to take lovers, as long as each person remained discreet. Monogamy is unnatural, even white people practise SERIAL MONOGAMY; divorce and marry spouse No 2. I submit, just because the word for divorce existed doesn't mean divorce was the norm. In the traditional African society, marriages were more likely to last because they were contracted on serious issues and the benefits that came with marriage, acted as an incentive for women to get married and stay in the marriage. I am inclined to argue that the grounds for marriage, and benefits were centered on the ethos of ubuNtu. To call uBuNtu satanic denotes a paucity of thought, clearly your understanding of UbuNtu is limited. In Southern Nguni, Ntu, means THING (but not in a derogatory fashion, but in a manner that denotes awe), in KiKongo (Central Africa, home of the BaNtu), Ntu means HEAD. Ba means The people OF. BaNtu means The people of the Head (God). The Bible says, we are created in HIS own image/likeness, meaning, we possess Godlike traits; ability to distinguish between right and wrong, ability to build and create. These are just some of the traits that denotes our godlike status. We are (created) By God, we are Of God, and From God. At our best, we are DIVINE, at our worst, we are only human. Subsequently, when all these factors are taken into consideration, it is correct to say, we are born with an inherent goodness. Things only go a cropper, when we lean into our human side, inside of drawing from the divine within us. Nowhere does uBuNtu purport to erase Nkulunkulu or uphold itself above God. We call ourselves *BaNtu*, to denote that we are of God; uBuNtu is the underpinning philosophy that buttresses IsiNtu (our culture), which is manifested at KwaNtu (our sacred place to carry out our rituals). On the issue of uBuNtu, even Christ said, the 2 important commandments are to (a) LOVE GOD, and (b) LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOUR AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF (Treat others the way you would love to be treated), the latter commandment is the essence of uBuNtu, it underpins uBuntu as a philosophy, therefore based on this, it's ridiculous to argue that uBuNtu is satanism. Also, Judaism, Christianity and Islam, originated from Africa. Just because we didn't consolidate our teachings into a single book, doesn't negate from the fact that Christianity originated from Africa; if in doubt, ask the Ethiopians. The bible much like traditional african religion talks about the importance of paying dowry, maintaining virginity before marriage, praying to the ancestors (saints) and making blood sacrifices to seal a covenant The earth is BILLIONS of years old, Christ/Christianity is a mere 2,000 yrs old, a mere bambino, in the grand scheme of things.
I bet if Mr Dlamini's wife felt she wanted to be a stay at home mom and take care of the home, he'd faint, wake up and tell her he's not running a feeding scheme.😅 I agree with certain things he says but okunye that he says I feel lacks wisdom.
Problem 1, woman do not know what they want. Just like eve in the garden, now they are 2 scared to make a decision. Problem 2, Money! Problem 3, Loyalty! When you are married you are spiritually & physically inclined to your partner, no1 else. Eish Problem 4, Uyajola 9/9😂😂😂😂
There's no historical proof that love has ever been the engine for a successful marriage. If you look at what marriage was culturally and what it was religious it had to do with duty and not these foolish ideologies. I'm not saying love should not be there but the institution it was never meant to be broken by lack of love during certain seasons. The fundamental problem is that we allow the system to be corrupted by laws and governments that do not care about that marriage institution to begin with. It's not love, respect or affection, all those are excuses to monkeybranch. We will continue having divorces when we listen to ideogies without responsibilities. People need to be rooted in values which culture and/or religion brought. People think we can evolve and only take good things and only drop the bad, some uncomfortable practises in culture and religion came with stabilty and goodness. a man who knows his self worth and a woman who know their self worth will never work. This is because self worth is always inflated and an ideology. OMG this is drunkardness at it's best. 17:47 - you cheat because you lack values. you don't shoot because you have a gun, you shoot because you want to shoot. 19;01 inconsistency. Male cheating is promoted then more men cheat: okay Female cheating is frowned upon then do they cheat? why are they not affected by society perception as men? What I'm trying to point out here is that the promotion or detractor-ness of society towards cheating by gender has little significance to why people cheat It's as simple as 75 percent of the population regardless of gender, cheats - because of values that are being lost over time. not because of gender. people don't respect their souls and bodies in general. 20:06 - lies once again, due to social conditioning. A woman is more likely to cheat when they actually have those things. They get comfortable and comfort creates boredom in women. they seak novelty, spark, promiscuity , an adventure. They too see a hot guy in the office and wonder just like men. The way our brains work has nothing to do with our gender. Most people want what they do not have, which once again is a sigh of lack of values. 20:25 many woman are single mothers because they too have 0 control over the thing in between their legs, it's not just men who need discipline. people like you are speading lies and conditioning society wrong. your actions have nothing to do with gender and some problems should never be looked at larger scale. this are individual problems that can only be fixed individually. 20:55 - This is what happens when you spend too much time reading people from a text book perspective and not with wisdom. This dude needs stop talking and observe humanity for 7 years.
In the 21st Century- there is No need to get married. Why get married if you have an 1. Education and career. 2. A German Car. 3. A House. 4. Money. Why bring a PROBLEM into your house.
@@DK1MM - The generation i am referring to is 25yrs to 40yrs young - Engineers- IT graduates who earn R 50 000 to R 100 000 - In that income range - Marraige brings NO financial value. The same also applies to FEMALES . Why would a WOMAN bring a MAN to dictate to her- Abuse her physical or Verbally when she has ( Education - House - Car and Money ).
😂 white rich people and i mean very rich people are married and building families and legacy’s but black people who depends on a white man to survive a black man who will easily go from comfortable to poor if his boss can decide to fire him thinks education and a German car replaces a stable family structure 😭 yoh God really gave us a idiotic bunch of man
Part of what is also contributing to high divorce rate is woman contributing to the house financially but the man still thinks some duties are for woman only so at the end we realize that we carry a lot by ourselves while married with extra burden of taking care of him too. Homework, kids, house chores, cooking and still go to work and help him take care of his home financially, while he comes home and sits on the couch
Money doesn't make you a man, that's why majority of women who divorce men regret it later. Money is just a tool, you contributing more shouldn't make you think superior than your husband.
@@Mbalings money is a tool to keep the family alive and it should never make you feel more better than the other person simple because you are contributing more to the family. And this goes both ways husband / wife.
Bakhe Dlamini - Marriage & Family Therapist
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First time listening to you and honestly I have learnt alot
Thank you baba, thank you for directing this to especially the African
Thank you so much for this information 🙏
Hi
Personally I think lack of empathy and consideration is the main reason for divorce. If you are able to put yourself in your partner's shoes you won't cheat or expect your partner to cook,do laundry , iron and take care of kids alone, and top of that have energy for sex.
I agree, however in our society when a man supports his wife like that, he is called a simp. Some will even go as far as to say udlisiwe. If men were to stop caring about other people's opinions and focus on their families things would get better.
Support your wife in raising the kids and chores in the household especially if she's also working a full time job.
It's sad that men tend to care more about outsiders instead of their own family.
South African men suffer from peer pressure
I love you, i love your thinking. Considering the next person
Iam a man who is turning 42 tomorrow but i now understand why they say "you never too old to learn" these are eye opening conversations
Happy Birthday
@@pheellonhlapo823 ❤🙏
Happy birthday🎉
@@reitumetsemaraba2401 thank you🙏
Happy Birthday Edward🎉
I've always said marriage is for kind people. If you are not kind don't get married.
I really like that... I would add that it's also for people who know how to accept and appreciate that kindness.
Well said 👏
True,an ex friend of mine said one day am to kind,just because I had advice her on being a bit kind to her husband, they heading for divorce right now.
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@okondalo26
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I'm divorced and a lot of things he said hit home. Very informative interview
I was about to say the same thing 😢
Amazing interviewing skills no interruptions allows the guest to flow. Does not compete with the subject for the platform.
He should come back to unpack more please❤
One thing I will add here for young people is that, you must know first your partners before marring them. Don't rush to marry the person because of beauty or any other reason. Don't discover the person while you are already married and have kids together, that can make you to stay in unhappy, toxic marriage. Date and know each other first.
Marriage doesn't require qualifications and accomplishments; it requires openness and honesty within all communications between both people. Know what your partner desires and respect them for being unique.
What is communication without comprehension?
finally a south african man with a soul and consciousness is talking lol ......
He is a Swazi national we love him so much in ESwatini
Right. They are so rare almost non-existent
He is from Swaziland. Very informative session
Now i see. I always thought he is a Swati from SA.@sundaymbatha8387
Cheating is about heart posture, self discipline and self control
@3DSussess Most people who cheat are depressed. Anyone in the right frame of mind, would choose well, or leave if the relationship is not working. Cheaters are struggling with something defective inside them.
completely agree - there may be more women, but there are more male suitors, I think. As women we are propositioned way more than men and contrary to popular belief women really enjoy sex and that enjoyment does not mean we are promiscuous or "not wife material".
are you a man?
@@thenomfundo1504 nowadays we don't have wife materials. All I see are slay queens
@@lekis5975😅
I have never heard such comments especially 4rm an African man . Ur love relationship is zero where have u been my gudness. I am a mom of two young men whom i have tried teach them abt how to understand the psychology of love by reading books coz in ur culture it's men who r important only. I love u to bits 4 shining the light
I'm 💯 agreeing with you. Some women are disrespectful when they hubby no longer provide.
Disagree...most hubby don't share everything with you...I never did know what his income...his increase...he bought everything I must beg ....then expect I must be happy...lovable ...no thanks such marriage for the birds
Can EVERYONE listen to him🙌🏽🙌🏽.
Thank you Team for putting this together for Us.
Thank you for the therapy Sir. May we add the Holy Spirit coz the Narcissism Spirit is emerging in this world. Amen
Exactly what I needed to hear as a man, lead not by shouting, but by pure leadership.
In Zambia 36,000 divorce cases filed, it is scary.
Thank you so much for these kind of teachings. I’m not married but I see a lot of mistakes I do also as a woman in a relationship ❤
On the issue of communication. I personally believe communication breaks down only when one of the couple is withdrawing emotionally/physically from the marriage and they don't pay attention anymore
@isaacmmutlane In the traditional African society, education began at home. Sadly nowadays, few parents bother to educate their children, subsequently people are entering relationships without having learnt how to communicate, because they never saw it at home, neither were they taught about the importance of communicating in relationships. In submission, people come into relationships have never mastered the art of communication, so when things begin to go awry, they go into default mode ZERO COMMUNICATION.
@@lekis5975our mothers were in abusive marriages, what can they teach anyone about marriage except being a doormat?
Premarital counselling is very impotant.Thank you.
Very correct, premarital counselling is very important even though that part is secondary...
What is prmary is to deliberately raise our children at both the home and church front from their early stages to be future good husbands and wives when they are married..
That's what we must teach emphatically as pastors.
Thank you Mr. Dlamini. I hope to do pre-marital counseling with you when I'm about to marry.
One of the issues is that as abantu in RSA, apart from the lack of uBuntu, it that there is a tendency to incorporate Western tendencies into African culture. The two are like water and oil. They do not mix.
Where one encourages cooperation and understanding of the roles of a man and wife, the other encourages independence and selfishness, and the narrative that men and women are equal to the point that the roles of man and wife are interchangeable when they are not.
The lines have been blurred so much that SAn marriages are following the trend of Western marriages. Look at the USA for example where the 2 out of every 3 marriages end in divorce.
Wow wow wow... molaetsa o monate haholo... big up brothers for the informative show... can we get part 2, 3 and 4....
What an insightful , thought provoking interview. I had to share it with someone and we will be discussing soon😊
I think another reason is people who marry to have an identity. Some people aspire to get married because it gives them identity and a sense of purpose. People who are also still hurting from childhood traumas. Things kind of issues surface in the marriage and now the whole marriage is compromised.
I bumped into this on TikTok and this Podcast is so relevant. My son you are doing a great job... Wonderful
My divorce was fuelled by greed. It was all about her maximising her financial enrichment, whilst simultaneously refusing to contribute anything to the marriage. We went for Church pre-marital counselling. We attended eight months of Church marriage counselling. It did not help one tiny bit. The Church specialises in victim blaming. They refuse to accept any form of accountability for their conduct no matter how much damage it causes to other people's lives. The Church financed my ex-wife's law suits against me even though Jesus Christ gave clear instructions to Christians not to break up any marriage. Divorce rates are on the increase in South Africa and world wide. There are social changes which are occurring in the world and none of these changes benefit the family or marriage.
"Do not conform to the ways of this world"
We will continue being doomed as we continue to please the world and the flesh.
We need to truly seek Jesus. I'm not speaking of church and pastors but Jesus himself.
Please give us part 2 of this very educative we really need it more
I agree with the Pastor. Generally Africans are spiritual and cultural practices served a purpose in giving identity and holding the family unit together from generation to another generation. However missionaries brought religion and their culture and trashed African practices as pagan and that started the disintegration of the African family unit and the erosion of African culture and Ubuntu. The young generation see everything western as superior. People are now self-centered, feminism projected women as oppressed and promotes independence of women in all aspects and some women feel that they don't need men in their lives hence men feel challenged. Communities and families are now divided and single parent families are on the rise. Children are brought up by the media (digital and social) and by helpers who know nothing about their parents family culture and values because their mothers are working. So when these kids grow up they are clueless about their culture and they are not prepared for their adult life and they end up resorting to drugs, porn, alcohol abuse, gender based violence both female and male, debauchery etc and they no longer value their life. Marriages are now financial transactions and divorces are now fashionable and a means of getting rich quickly. The list goes on. The solution is to return to God and follow his commandments, statutes and judgements
👏👏👏 Talking sense all the way... keep up the good work sir.
THANK YOU! Sadly, civilised truly men are uncommon in SA. Our society is still backwards.
Thanks Justice for Bringing us this Quality of Guests💯💯💯
Thank you 👊
You are totally correct. Marriage is along life commitment so always be open minded to a persons partner
Thank you for sharing this conversation, I'm a single male but I still took alot from this conversation 💯
This will make ignorant men angry. They don't understand what leadership means but are so hungry to be followed
I couldn't wait for this.
Thank you so much for hosting him. Thanks brother Bakhe. The divorces are the end results _ real situation is "we have lots of marriages that are in a time ticking bomb " imishado lekhona ibe ingekho". Your initiative will help many....
Thank you for addressing social media. I used to feel so so much pressure to wear and post bikini photos. I remember I posted a photo in a bikini and my views and comments went up for sure! But it didn't feel like me, it felt very invasive for me. Its interesting to see how men are affected by such posts, and how women are pressured into producing such kinds of content, ironically to be desired by men and have more opportunities in their careers.
woman are not pressured into showing off their assets stop victimizing woman as if they have no accountability ,they do it for validation , income and popularity no one forced you to post the bikini photo you did it freely with no gun against your head there is too many woman who are leaders wo did not go down that path
12:45 I think it's all about the person you choose.
Selection and vetting process for monogamy.
I really enjoyed listening to this. Wished it could carry on...so informative and made me realise why I sometimes fear being married. There's so much more I still need to learn.
he just gets it!!!! refreshing
I've watched this for the second time now, very informative
Reading through these comments I think another problem is that people listen or read to respond not to understand,the lady pointed out that women find themselves with too much to do compared to men.If men can teach themselves to move from that mentality of a woman's job and a man's job ,both parents must help each other with the chores if there is no house help that would be better.
Worth listening to. Alot of young couples need such information. Sharing this with my peers
Many married to counterfeits
Do Not Marry a Counterfeit
Pray and make sure that you marry God's will for your life
God is the foundation
It's a life long journey
People do not prepare for Marriage but they prepare for career. Exams.
Prepare for a Godly marriage
Marriage is for PURPOSE.
Marriage is not for sex or having children. We get married to accomplish purpose. Know who yuu are.What is your purpose.
In my humble opinion it will take more than premarital counseling; You need a community of women setting a standard of how to be a wife. You need a manuscript. Teaching what it means to prepare child for being a wife or husband is done while the child is still becoming an adult. The knowledge of what it means. How to protect a marriage and support it. Unfortunately, these things would require the time spent on a 2 yr degree if they are not visible in the community.
Love this segment❤
What a beautiful and spot on episode. Very powerful and factual. Big up !!!
Each one of us has a duty. Let a woman be a woman and a man be a man. A woman is to support her partner's dreams. If she goes into marriage with her own dream then she becomes a man and this ends in divorce.
I agree with all he said. 1,000. %
One thing I've really picked up in this conversation is, at the centre of it all. Clear communication is what determines the outcome of any marriage. The rest falls in pmace thereafter.
Swaziland lets gather here 🎉🎉🎉🎉❤
Thank you Mr Dlamini God bless and grant you wisdom in this subject of marriage
This man u Bakhe is going the Steve Harvey way... He is "Man Bashing"... Goodluck with that...
Telling man the truth is not man bashing , we need more man in society that will speak sense into man haibo
It's all about content, making yourself as a content creator and target a specific audience, and it's woman consuming a lot of Steve's crap, and he makes money and our black women looses men. I second your point, good luck listening to someone who think men are a problem.
insightful conversation
it just shows that we man need to relearn everything
There is nothing to learn, women don't understand what men want, women knows that marriage benefits them, that's why it's marriage is about them. It's a scam, get married and divorce and take half of his stuff.
Tudo bem meu irmao Justice ? My name is ibrahim Delivane love your work, I would like to have a tiny interview for radio Mozambique, there's a lot to chat about.
Hola Estou bem, obrigado. I was in Mozambique in November, drop us an email info@tinomedia.co.za
@@justifyworldwidedam I missed you in novembro, that's what's up I'll do that my G. Keep your thing .
Excellent discussion!👌
Listen to this only if you are willing to learn please, this is so helpful. 🔥
Wow we need him back for more - ❤
Enlightening... ❤
Children from previous relationships, shake a marriage
I disagree on the culture part, a lot of what we regard as our culture is a diluted and distorted version of what used to be and thus the chaos created out of it.
Also, I believe we cannot talk about what goes wrong with marriage without talking about the state of the world that we live in and how community has changed drastically demanding both men and women to exist outside of their nature.
There are many good initaitives that came with unforeseen consequences, for example, the world rallied behind the empowerment of the girl child and as a result the woman but did little to include the boy child subsequently the man in the process. This somehow bred an unhealthy demand to be seen and remembered in our men.
To heal the marriage we need to heal the man, the woman, the family and the community.
Please do think of organising Men Conference, and teach this Men the reality of Life.
Yhoooooo,inyani engaka🤛🤛👌❤️❤️❤️ Thank you
“The reason there are so many divorces in South Africa”
No why the in-laws part is short bro, he needs to come back for second round and unpack more.
I agree with the lust part
Women in the beginning of the relationship when you do stuff yourself will be like "why do you do that when I am here to do that for you?
There's lot of divorces EVERYWHERE in the world.
Great Interview
Divorces are happening because marriage is a patriarchal institution and the men no longer have control over women like before to do as patriarchy allows them and still keep their wife. Women have evolved with the economic times but men still want to maintain traditional gender roles while having none of the economic power and it’s just not worth it for a lot of women. Women are literally raised to want marriage and when they get it it’s just lots of labour that they don’t want to do anymore.
😂😂 you think you ate neh?
You mentioned woman looking for or seeking affection. Wish you could explain a bit more difference between affection and sex. Where man will just neglect you and expect good sex from you.
I think we live in a time where contradictions of modern times and modern times starts to proof that it is water and oil, the will never mix and we are forcing to make them 1 thing. African ubutu teaches more of women virginity dictates the pride of a man and all that and how a blessed men are by marrying pure women or women who have never had sexual relations and as we grow with that narrative things becomes tricky and difficult when we get to meet women who have multiple sexual partners and they even brag about their past life which is their democratic rights yet the same woman brings about how she want to be treated with African Ubuntu but unable to adhere to the norms and these brings less respect from a man ( not defending any act of violence or abuse ) but we tend to ignore our values too deliberately bcz women no longer play that role we were taught on our upbringing. Things have changed I think African customs need to be put aside and let democratic values comes in then we know that as men we are not expected of any Ubuntu and what what bcz we don't get the same from our women.
This podcast should've took 2 hours😭😭
Marriage this, marriage that. No imperfect human can get it right. Only God's principles from the Bible can get it right.
Powerful and profound
Alright, we can all denying the existence of our ancestors but the fact remains,they play a huge role in our lives ,right, let's say your ancestor who passed away before colonization is the leader of all the other ancestors and that ancestor call the shots in the family , remember they don't recognise white wedding then you get married using a European tradition (white wedding) do you think that marriage will last ? Or will be recognised by the ancestors? The answer is no hence many divorces are coming from the white wedding couples than traditional wedding couples
Most divorces come from white weddings? Wow- please share the source of this information
I was listening attentively until he said "numbers"😂😂😂 17:15
I also was like😂 numbers 😂😂😂😂
Simps: once again the man is to be blamed
Communication is over rated. Some people don’t know how to communicate. Spiritual partnership is the goal.
Yea communication is overrated however I prefer Traditional partnership >>> Spiritual Partnership
You can be spiritual all you want but if you cannot communicate you are doomed! Two different people becoming one is no child’s play!
Pornography is bad.
A man who is addicted to porn cannot be satisfied by his wife.
I love this this picts I wish it could reach everyone ❤❤🎉
i agree with most things but the cheating part from men’s side everything like he said is luck of self discipline i believe what you don’t tell your brain your body don’t act to it i could be wrong but that’s how i see it.
Funny that someone who is always talking about and elevating himself is warning about the dangers of being self-centred. Ixoxo alizivi ukunuka
Ubuntu bhuti, I totally agree 🙏👌🤗
I struggle to understand the perception that men cheat due to the fact that there are more women then men. Shouldn't that make women the biggest cheaters? because we have to play the field in order to find someone to commit, since the pool is so small. The other thing is there is always a man that wants to sleep with a woman, but women turn them down and its not because they dont lust or have emotions but because they respect their partners. As much as women want love, they also want respect, meaning you should respect her enough not to cheat on her , because clearly one can still love their partner but still cheat on them. But I suppose this is not for everyone
This interview felt so short, great nonetheless.
American men have waken up, if you South African men are still sleeping, then there's a lot surprises along the way.
The problem African leadership is that we open up and accommodate Western value, copy theory that we do not understand, and western norms come in too conflict with our traditional way of doing things as African
Wow, so off the mark.
If Ubuntu is the missing ingredient, how come there was divorce even in African societies pre-colonialism?
Pre-marital counselling is very late stage to think you can prepare a couple for marriage. It has to start earlier.
While this man has some good points, his framework falls short because it doesn't get to the real cause of divorce - hardening of hearts.
I hear you on most points but how prevalent was divorce in pre-Colonial Africa?
@MuzorewaRatshikuni. You lie. How do you know there was divorce in Africa societies pre-colonialism, do you have the statistics? I believe divorce rates were lower reason being, the people lived within their community, and were likely to receive guidance and counselling from immediate family members. Urbanisation (migration to urban areas) loosened the ties that bind, subsequently there is no wider accountability, couples think they are only accountable to each other, which makes it easy to divorce. RE: Ubuntu, it was more widely practised then than now, therefore he is right to say, the lack of Ubuntu is a factor in the breakdown of marriages. A hard heart is contrary to the teachings of Ubuntu.
That said, you are right, pre-marital counselling should start at an early age. Pre-colonisation education began in the home, parents, aunts and uncles educated children and youth on how to interact. Sadly, modern education does not place emphasis on the virtues that enhance human interaction including marriage, subsequently many people are not equipped to deal with all the factors that come with a spouse.
Going back on the issue of Ubuntu, I believe many marriages are floundering today due to the fact that many people do not understand the meaning of LOVE as defined by CORINTHIANS 13:4-7 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
I believe more marriages would flourish, if couples meditated on and strived to heed the teachings contained in these verses.
@@lekis5975 You should, as a matter of principle, adopt the habit of thinking before you write and post. Let me point out to you the parts of your argument which you have not thought through.
Firstly, neither you nor I have pre-colonial Africa divorce statistics. So divorce stats cannot be used either to support or to refute the argument of whether there was divorce in pre-colonial African societies. Your question regarding whether I have stats is therefore irrelevant. We have to have another basis for assuming the occurrence or lack thereof, of divorce in pre-colonial African societies. The basis has to be reasonable and credible.
A. The first reasonable and credible basis for making the claim that there was divorce in pre-colonial African societies, is we know human nature. People in relationships will have conflict and sometimes that conflict will lead to separation and at times divorce. This is true of pre-colonial relationships and marriages. To claim otherwise would be unrealistic and not credible.
B. Another basis for making the claim that there was divorce in pre-colonial African societies, is that we know from our African languages that there is/was a word for "divorce" in our languages. The very existence of African words describing "divorce" means that such a phenomenon existed, which is why the African languages coined the words for it.
C. Even you state that you "believe the divorce rates were lower back then". So, if divorce rates where lower it means then that there was divorce, just that it happened on a lower rate of prevalence. So even when society had so-called "Ubuntu" values, divorce still happened. The point being that Ubuntu does not prevent the occurrence of divorce. It didn't prevent divorce in pre-colonial African societies, and it won't now.
D. If you go to some rural and also in peri-urban societies in present day Africa, where people still live in their communities and where they are counseled by extended families and traditional leadership structures, divorce is still occurring. Some of these people are married customarily without even civil registration of their marriages and so their divorce are not recorded in government divorce stats. The point is that living within their communities and being counseled by and accountability to family and traditional leadership did/does not prevent the occurrence of divorce. So we can see that Ubuntu fails to prevent divorce in marriages of people who have NOT urbanized.
A proposition I want to put strongly to you is this:
Ubuntu is an ungodly and unrighteous principle.
Anybody who professes faith in Yeshua HaMashiach should shun Ubuntu values and not live by them because they are sin to the core.
Here's the reason: Ubuntu is the idea that human beings have inherent goodness. It is the claim that human beings have a humanity that is inherently good and that such good-naturedness in humans is not dependent on God, is not derived from God.
Ubuntu also falsely claims that "umuntu ngumuntu nga bantu" - a lie from Satan himself!
The truth is that "umuntu ngumuntu ngoNkulunkulu"! - that is the definition of being human - to be human is to be like God, because human qualities are derived from God, not from society's consensus of what it means to be good or to be human.
The premise that anything good, such as marriage, can be built on Ubuntu, is delusional and deception. Marriage is built on love and love only. And love is the nature of Elohim. To the extent that human manifest God-like qualities, such humans are living by and demonstrating love. Ubuntu is Satan's cheap attempt to bring humans a fake copy of God's love.
Have you ever do a search of scriptures to see whether the word "ubuntu" appears there?
@@MuzorewaRatshikuni It's childish and immature to resort to insults, just because I offered a REBUTAL to your argument, more so considering no one died and appointed you God, neither do you hold a monopoly on ideas or truth.
Firstly, Africa is very diverse, so pray tell, what are these words for divorce that you are referring to, what language?
Secondly, just because the word divorce exists in a language, in no way denotes that divorce was a PREVALENT phenomena. If anything the MORES, as well as INTRICATE RITUALS surrounding the RITE OF MARRIAGE (and divorce) speak to the fact that divorce was complicated, and therefore not undertaken lightly. For example, as you well know, marriage was not just between individuals, it was between families and clans, there were intricate ceremonies to solemnise the union; introductions between the families, exchanging of gifts, slaughtering. There were even more rites and rituals once the woman gave birth. Marriage was a community affair, unlike nowadays where people meet in the streets, parties and clubs and decide to get married, without examining the family they are looking to get married into in order to ascertain if they have shared VALUES and GOALS etc.
Also, people did not get married merely because they were in love, other factors were taken into consideration, fundamentally, marriage was a CONTRACT, people got married to perpetuate their LINEAGE, consolidate SKILLS, KNOWLEDGE and or POWER! Subsequently, latter day marriages were well thought out affairs, unlike today's unions which are premised on romance, lust and "love" (whatever love is, as the then Prince Charles, once said). In a nutshell, people got married for serious and not frivolous reasons, and as such were more likely to stay put.
Your argument, which is premised on human nature holds little water, more so considering the divorce stats since marriage registration became the norm. Divorce statistics the world over, show there has been an upward trajectory in divorce rates in recent years, simply put, the rates of divorce in the 1950s were much lower than what they are today, which indicates that if we go further back in time to pre-colonial, times, chances are divorce rates were slim to none.
According to stats, women are more likely to initiate divorce. I am compelled to believe women are more likely to initiate divorce because modern day marriage holds little incentives to keep women in the union. I suspect divorce rates in pre-colonial times were lower, because marriage brought many advantages for women. Through MARRIAGE and MOTHERHOOD, a woman gained WEALTH (dowry- land and cattle) and STATUS (married women and mothers were held in high esteem). Nowadays, there is precious little to incentivise women to stay in difficult marriages; men can barely afford dowry, subsequently there is no wealth transfer upon marriage, if anything, a woman is expected to carry the pregnancy on her own, give birth, go out to work and contribute 50-50 to the budget, all whilst doing the bulk of the house work. Our grandmothers were happy to stay in marriages, because they gained wealth upon marriage, and everyone was self employed and self sustaining. Moreover if a woman chose to leave she would have to leave their child/children behind, and sometimes even refund the dowry (depending on who caused the marriage to fail!).
FYI Colonisation impacted even the villages, subsequently, just because people live in the village doesn't mean the way of life has remained the same. Village youth are getting married without proper counselling, and marriage is a challenge due to limited means, resulting in poverty. I bet you some of the marriages would have fared better, if the couple had a higher standard of living, or owned some means of production eg land and cattle or possessed a worthwhile skill that encouraged self employment.
Furthermore, nowadays, INFIDELITY is one of the big reasons for divorce. If you are well steeped in African culture, then you would know, that our ancestors were flexible on matters s ex, once a married couple had children, both the husband and wife were allowed to take lovers, as long as each person remained discreet. Monogamy is unnatural, even white people practise SERIAL MONOGAMY; divorce and marry spouse No 2.
I submit, just because the word for divorce existed doesn't mean divorce was the norm. In the traditional African society, marriages were more likely to last because they were contracted on serious issues and the benefits that came with marriage, acted as an incentive for women to get married and stay in the marriage. I am inclined to argue that the grounds for marriage, and benefits were centered on the ethos of ubuNtu.
To call uBuNtu satanic denotes a paucity of thought, clearly your understanding of UbuNtu is limited. In Southern Nguni, Ntu, means THING (but not in a derogatory fashion, but in a manner that denotes awe), in KiKongo (Central Africa, home of the BaNtu), Ntu means HEAD. Ba means The people OF. BaNtu means The people of the Head (God). The Bible says, we are created in HIS own image/likeness, meaning, we possess Godlike traits; ability to distinguish between right and wrong, ability to build and create. These are just some of the traits that denotes our godlike status. We are (created) By God, we are Of God, and From God. At our best, we are DIVINE, at our worst, we are only human. Subsequently, when all these factors are taken into consideration, it is correct to say, we are born with an inherent goodness. Things only go a cropper, when we lean into our human side, inside of drawing from the divine within us.
Nowhere does uBuNtu purport to erase Nkulunkulu or uphold itself above God. We call ourselves *BaNtu*, to denote that we are of God; uBuNtu is the underpinning philosophy that buttresses IsiNtu (our culture), which is manifested at KwaNtu (our sacred place to carry out our rituals). On the issue of uBuNtu, even Christ said, the 2 important commandments are to (a) LOVE GOD, and (b) LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOUR AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF (Treat others the way you would love to be treated), the latter commandment is the essence of uBuNtu, it underpins uBuntu as a philosophy, therefore based on this, it's ridiculous to argue that uBuNtu is satanism.
Also, Judaism, Christianity and Islam, originated from Africa. Just because we didn't consolidate our teachings into a single book, doesn't negate from the fact that Christianity originated from Africa; if in doubt, ask the Ethiopians. The bible much like traditional african religion talks about the importance of paying dowry, maintaining virginity before marriage, praying to the ancestors (saints) and making blood sacrifices to seal a covenant The earth is BILLIONS of years old, Christ/Christianity is a mere 2,000 yrs old, a mere bambino, in the grand scheme of things.
We prepare for the wedding not marriage wisdom 😢
I bet if Mr Dlamini's wife felt she wanted to be a stay at home mom and take care of the home, he'd faint, wake up and tell her he's not running a feeding scheme.😅
I agree with certain things he says but okunye that he says I feel lacks wisdom.
Not wisdom. But, he does lack a lot of knowledge and can't interpolate properly.
That thumbnail screams DOAC
That's wisdom
Exactly ❤
Problem 1, woman do not know what they want.
Just like eve in the garden, now they are 2 scared to make a decision.
Problem 2, Money!
Problem 3, Loyalty! When you are married you are spiritually & physically inclined to your partner, no1 else. Eish
Problem 4, Uyajola 9/9😂😂😂😂
I am just on the intro and yes yes yes
There's no historical proof that love has ever been the engine for a successful marriage.
If you look at what marriage was culturally and what it was religious it had to do with duty and not these foolish ideologies. I'm not saying love should not be there but the institution it was never meant to be broken by lack of love during certain seasons.
The fundamental problem is that we allow the system to be corrupted by laws and governments that do not care about that marriage institution to begin with. It's not love, respect or affection, all those are excuses to monkeybranch.
We will continue having divorces when we listen to ideogies without responsibilities. People need to be rooted in values which culture and/or religion brought.
People think we can evolve and only take good things and only drop the bad, some uncomfortable practises in culture and religion came with stabilty and goodness. a man who knows his self worth and a woman who know their self worth will never work. This is because self worth is always inflated and an ideology.
OMG this is drunkardness at it's best.
17:47 - you cheat because you lack values. you don't shoot because you have a gun, you shoot because you want to shoot.
19;01 inconsistency.
Male cheating is promoted then more men cheat: okay
Female cheating is frowned upon then do they cheat? why are they not affected by society perception as men?
What I'm trying to point out here is that the promotion or detractor-ness of society towards cheating by gender has little significance to why people cheat
It's as simple as 75 percent of the population regardless of gender, cheats - because of values that are being lost over time. not because of gender. people don't respect their souls and bodies in general.
20:06 - lies once again, due to social conditioning. A woman is more likely to cheat when they actually have those things. They get comfortable and comfort creates boredom in women. they seak novelty, spark, promiscuity , an adventure. They too see a hot guy in the office and wonder just like men. The way our brains work has nothing to do with our gender.
Most people want what they do not have, which once again is a sigh of lack of values.
20:25 many woman are single mothers because they too have 0 control over the thing in between their legs, it's not just men who need discipline. people like you are speading lies and conditioning society wrong. your actions have nothing to do with gender and some problems should never be looked at larger scale. this are individual problems that can only be fixed individually.
20:55 - This is what happens when you spend too much time reading people from a text book perspective and not with wisdom. This dude needs stop talking and observe humanity for 7 years.
In the 21st Century- there is No need to get married.
Why get married if you have an
1. Education and career.
2. A German Car.
3. A House.
4. Money.
Why bring a PROBLEM into your house.
How old are you? 🤣
@@DK1MM - The generation i am referring to is 25yrs to 40yrs young - Engineers- IT graduates who earn R 50 000 to R 100 000 - In that income range - Marraige brings NO financial value. The same also applies to FEMALES . Why would a WOMAN bring
a MAN to dictate to her- Abuse her physical or Verbally when she has ( Education - House - Car and Money ).
😂 white rich people and i mean very rich people are married and building families and legacy’s but black people who depends on a white man to survive a black man who will easily go from comfortable to poor if his boss can decide to fire him thinks education and a German car replaces a stable family structure 😭 yoh God really gave us a idiotic bunch of man
Part of what is also contributing to high divorce rate is woman contributing to the house financially but the man still thinks some duties are for woman only so at the end we realize that we carry a lot by ourselves while married with extra burden of taking care of him too. Homework, kids, house chores, cooking and still go to work and help him take care of his home financially, while he comes home and sits on the couch
Money doesn't make you a man, that's why majority of women who divorce men regret it later. Money is just a tool, you contributing more shouldn't make you think superior than your husband.
Women and money 😂
@@Thulz. She didn't say anything about superiority. She spoke about fatigue from working a formal job and also making the home.
@philanisukazi8624 what else are men contributing
@@Mbalings money is a tool to keep the family alive and it should never make you feel more better than the other person simple because you are contributing more to the family. And this goes both ways husband / wife.