True,an ex friend of mine said one day am to kind,just because I had advice her on being a bit kind to her husband, they heading for divorce right now.
Part of what is also contributing to high divorce rate is woman contributing to the house financially but the man still thinks some duties are for woman only so at the end we realize that we carry a lot by ourselves while married with extra burden of taking care of him too. Homework, kids, house chores, cooking and still go to work and help him take care of his home financially, while he comes home and sits on the couch
Money doesn't make you a man, that's why majority of women who divorce men regret it later. Money is just a tool, you contributing more shouldn't make you think superior than your husband.
@@Mbalings money is a tool to keep the family alive and it should never make you feel more better than the other person simple because you are contributing more to the family. And this goes both ways husband / wife.
Personally I think lack of empathy and consideration is the main reason for divorce. If you are able to put yourself in your partner's shoes you won't cheat or expect your partner to cook,do laundry , iron and take care of kids alone, and top of that have energy for sex.
I agree, however in our society when a man supports his wife like that, he is called a simp. Some will even go as far as to say udlisiwe. If men were to stop caring about other people's opinions and focus on their families things would get better. Support your wife in raising the kids and chores in the household especially if she's also working a full time job.
This is not only a black issue, it's a heart issue. The reason for the destruction of the institution of marriage is because of selfishness (which is the opposite of love) and ego. There's been a growing trend of narcissism, especially in this social media generation.
Definitely a heart issue. I wonder why adults are struggling with selfishness it's a stage of growing up. Generally when one skips a growing stage, they experience it later in life.
Marriage doesn't require qualifications and accomplishments; it requires openness and honesty within all communications between both people. Know what your partner desires and respect them for being unique.
During Apartheid Marraige had state benefits. 1. Married people qualified for a Township 4 Room house. 2. Factories and Mines and Industries favoured Married people for Employment. 3. Leadership positions and promotions like a HEADMASTER of a school were given to married people. 4. Credit in financial institutions was given to Married people. 5. Married people could open accounts in clothing shops. 6. Social standings or status of married poeple was better. 7. Married people were allowed to run churches as Priests. So in general it was advantageous to Married.
@sibusisondlovu Seriously? During Apartheid, Black men and women were expected to carry PASSES, which dictated where they should live. Black men were given permission to work in the mines, however they could not travel with their wives, subsequently, many women were left behind in the rural area, the man could only visit once a year, as a result, many marriages faltered and died. The Boers introduced Bantu education which limited opportunities for Black people. Further to this, they limited the kind of jobs Black people could do. Black people could not study things like aviation, engineering, accounting, architecture. They imposed limit on the lives of Black people, which led to frustrations, which were then played out at home- domestic violence and marriage breakdown. If you are going to talk about the era of strong African marriages, I suggest you go back to Pre-colonial times, when men were men and women were women. Men paid dowry because they realised that child birth brought many challenges, women died, or if they survived they would be left dealing with fistula issues or stitches, having a baby meant sleepless nights and saggy breasts from breast feeding. Dowry in the form of land and cattle, was a way to empower women, give them wealth for putting their lives on the line to extend the man's lineage. Men herded the cattle, hunted and protected the borders; women farmed. Men brought meat to the table, women brought vegetables, fruit, grain, seeds and nuts. Women readily bowed down to their husbands because marriage gave them wealth (land and cattle); Quiet as it's kept Qunu belonged to uMam Winnie. In submission, African people did not need Apartheid in order to value marriage. If anything, Apartheid devalued Black life, and led to the destruction of Black love and Black families.
Apartheid built male & female hostels apart deliberately to break the black family. The hostels were structured in a way that was not conducive to building a family. Men were stuck in mines, not seeing their families for months/years. Women were stuck kwa-mlungu, not seeing their families for months/years. Kids were stuck emakhaya not seeing their parents for months/years. Men, women & society at large acclimatized to living apart, and away from their kids.
Many men don't cheat because there are beautiful women, they cheat because they lack self control. If I have a strong desire for a woman, the first thing to do is to suppress the feeling or go along with it. Which means that you are in control of your feelings. A real man is one who is disciplined and in self control of his behavior. Be the controller of your feelings than a slave to your feelings and don't blame women because you can't control yourself.
@@kwetsephetla3597 craziest thing I've ever heard, there is no girlfriend or boyfriend in prison there's rape, sorry you have no point here. Try again.
@@Lelough_ where is marriage on the statement above, please show me, you talking vows and I don't understand where that came from, unless you misunderstood the statement I replied to, like most women do "deviation from what is being talked about to suit the narrative of their interest".
One thing I will add here for young people is that, you must know first your partners before marring them. Don't rush to marry the person because of beauty or any other reason. Don't discover the person while you are already married and have kids together, that can make you to stay in unhappy, toxic marriage. Date and know each other first.
You people have legalized a lot of stuff that will only push you away from God. You allow weed smoking and same-sex relationships, I hear parents can't discipline their own kids, and I was surprised actually while I stayed in S.A. You went too fast for a country that hasn't attained independence (forget what happened in 94).
@3DSussess Most people who cheat are depressed. Anyone in the right frame of mind, would choose well, or leave if the relationship is not working. Cheaters are struggling with something defective inside them.
completely agree - there may be more women, but there are more male suitors, I think. As women we are propositioned way more than men and contrary to popular belief women really enjoy sex and that enjoyment does not mean we are promiscuous or "not wife material".
The problem is that people do not understand marriage and the purpose of marriage by God’s design. They think umjolo that has been made official, it’s beyond that! That is why people can make a decision not to marry because it doesn’t benefit them🥲 the institution in itself requires one to be selfless!
@@Lelough_ my point was marriage is instituted by God, so the blueprint is found in Him and not what culture or society says. So to answer you, people who don’t believe in God or worship idols, cannot seek counsel from the one who instituted marriage in the first place. And yes, there is one truth, not many truths. And one day we will all find out who held on to the absolute truth. So yes, I believe Jesus Christ is the way, truth and life.
Disagree...most hubby don't share everything with you...I never did know what his income...his increase...he bought everything I must beg ....then expect I must be happy...lovable ...no thanks such marriage for the birds
17:09 Wow as a women who just celebrated 20 years Anniversary on Valentine's Day. All I can say staying with Ngwana Mme o mong is not a child's play ❤❤❤❤❤😂😂😂😂😂
I have never heard such comments especially 4rm an African man . Ur love relationship is zero where have u been my gudness. I am a mom of two young men whom i have tried teach them abt how to understand the psychology of love by reading books coz in ur culture it's men who r important only. I love u to bits 4 shining the light
you are a woman you know "WHY Y.O.U. CHEATED..." or "WHY Y.O.U. ARE CHEATING..." or "WHY Y.O.U. WILL CHEAT" you don't need a MAN to explain into DETAIL..."WHY WOMEN"
He mentioned being deprived of affection, where a woman then go and accept it elsewhere where it is given after begging for love and recognition from the husband.
@nomamoshani3395 why is it that everytime there are issues in marriages,there's always an inherent belief that the problem might be the man. A cheater is a person with a habit of cheating. Why glorify it? If you think women cheat because of lack of affection, Ask me I will give you links of videos of women who cheat because of too much affection that leads to boredom and a longing for something new.
That is very profound, especially coming from a woman. Indeed, there are many different reasons for cheating and anyone in the relationship can instigate it@@theanonymoustrader6852
This was such a great interview. So many great insights shared. I really felt the comment of "As people who want to be in relationships but we are too focused on self". We need to learn how to love one another better.
One of the issues is that as abantu in RSA, apart from the lack of uBuntu, it that there is a tendency to incorporate Western tendencies into African culture. The two are like water and oil. They do not mix. Where one encourages cooperation and understanding of the roles of a man and wife, the other encourages independence and selfishness, and the narrative that men and women are equal to the point that the roles of man and wife are interchangeable when they are not. The lines have been blurred so much that SAn marriages are following the trend of Western marriages. Look at the USA for example where the 2 out of every 3 marriages end in divorce.
Being Jamaican, I never believed in counseling, but after listening to this pastor, I think I could try. Except for that thick accent of yours, you were perfect Rev.
On the issue of communication. I personally believe communication breaks down only when one of the couple is withdrawing emotionally/physically from the marriage and they don't pay attention anymore
@isaacmmutlane In the traditional African society, education began at home. Sadly nowadays, few parents bother to educate their children, subsequently people are entering relationships without having learnt how to communicate, because they never saw it at home, neither were they taught about the importance of communicating in relationships. In submission, people come into relationships have never mastered the art of communication, so when things begin to go awry, they go into default mode ZERO COMMUNICATION.
Very correct, premarital counselling is very important even though that part is secondary... What is prmary is to deliberately raise our children at both the home and church front from their early stages to be future good husbands and wives when they are married.. That's what we must teach emphatically as pastors.
Attended a session with this chap and he then told my lady to leave me on their private results session then told me I need to listen to her more. Anyway we are blessed with a baby boy since our session.
Many married to counterfeits Do Not Marry a Counterfeit Pray and make sure that you marry God's will for your life God is the foundation It's a life long journey People do not prepare for Marriage but they prepare for career. Exams. Prepare for a Godly marriage Marriage is for PURPOSE. Marriage is not for sex or having children. We get married to accomplish purpose. Know who yuu are.What is your purpose.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (ESV) Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
I think another reason is people who marry to have an identity. Some people aspire to get married because it gives them identity and a sense of purpose. People who are also still hurting from childhood traumas. Things kind of issues surface in the marriage and now the whole marriage is compromised.
Very informative , thank you to the host for pin pointing the burning issues and Mr Dlamini for comprehensive answers and views to the questions posed.
Excellent talk, I just recently got married and this is exactly what I needed. I understand a man better now, just because as a woman I don't need sex but I need to understand that he does. Respect is a word I have tattooed in my mind. This should go viral definitely. I never understood that sex alone is a duty like serving food or looking after kids.
Yah it is , its naturally designed for us men to reproduce or have sex its like ovulation for us but daily so if you don't want with sex you setting us for failure because we have to fight with nature which is our body
What a great talk! I have learnt a lot from this and I pray that we follow what is needed and the truth as a nation. I am feeling blessed to have come across this video so that I could be aware of many factors or the pros an cons
I really enjoyed listening to this. Wished it could carry on...so informative and made me realise why I sometimes fear being married. There's so much more I still need to learn.
Then it meant that the rural people were well advanced as they have traditional structures in all age groups and genders, e.g. manhood coaching starting at ekwaluseni. Girl children had amaqhikiza to guide, coach and protect. Till to the grave the African system had structures to coach, guide, advocate and support a person in all aspects of life.
I agree with the Pastor. Generally Africans are spiritual and cultural practices served a purpose in giving identity and holding the family unit together from generation to another generation. However missionaries brought religion and their culture and trashed African practices as pagan and that started the disintegration of the African family unit and the erosion of African culture and Ubuntu. The young generation see everything western as superior. People are now self-centered, feminism projected women as oppressed and promotes independence of women in all aspects and some women feel that they don't need men in their lives hence men feel challenged. Communities and families are now divided and single parent families are on the rise. Children are brought up by the media (digital and social) and by helpers who know nothing about their parents family culture and values because their mothers are working. So when these kids grow up they are clueless about their culture and they are not prepared for their adult life and they end up resorting to drugs, porn, alcohol abuse, gender based violence both female and male, debauchery etc and they no longer value their life. Marriages are now financial transactions and divorces are now fashionable and a means of getting rich quickly. The list goes on. The solution is to return to God and follow his commandments, statutes and judgements
In ma marriage ma partner behave like he is stil stay’a alone he does the groceries alone he doesn’t give me Money and he works a good job and stuff he if I tel him about renovations or let’s buy something he refuses and just shit me down we dnt have even a emergency fund, policies ect for him to buy something I have to be angry with him, it’s a lot and am thinking of ending the marriage coz it’s not working at all the is no growth
And just know that it will never work out until he decides to change which is unlikely to happen. If you do not have kids, leave as soon as possible. If you have kids, start your action plan to exit in ways that minimize damage to kids. Act like a single parent and create an emergency fund for you and them. When you finally end things, work out a co-parenting plan so that your kids still have a father at the very least unless he refuses or there are bigger issues. What I am saying is try talking to your husband one more time, and depending on his actions and answer, plan to exit my sister and don't fight him or scream. You can do this and it will get better
My own father taught me that love brings couples together, and support keeps them together because each person brings baggage into the relationship. With proper support, we manage to shoulder each other's weaknesses better.
Bakhe Dlamini - Marriage & Family Therapist
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First time listening to you and honestly I have learnt alot
Thank you baba, thank you for directing this to especially the African
Thank you so much for this information 🙏
I've always said marriage is for kind people. If you are not kind don't get married.
I really like that... I would add that it's also for people who know how to accept and appreciate that kindness.
Me too I told myself I will never get married until I meet a kind person.
Well said 👏
True,an ex friend of mine said one day am to kind,just because I had advice her on being a bit kind to her husband, they heading for divorce right now.
Part of what is also contributing to high divorce rate is woman contributing to the house financially but the man still thinks some duties are for woman only so at the end we realize that we carry a lot by ourselves while married with extra burden of taking care of him too. Homework, kids, house chores, cooking and still go to work and help him take care of his home financially, while he comes home and sits on the couch
Money doesn't make you a man, that's why majority of women who divorce men regret it later. Money is just a tool, you contributing more shouldn't make you think superior than your husband.
Women and money 😂
@@Thulz. She didn't say anything about superiority. She spoke about fatigue from working a formal job and also making the home.
@philanisukazi8624 what else are men contributing
@@Mbalings money is a tool to keep the family alive and it should never make you feel more better than the other person simple because you are contributing more to the family. And this goes both ways husband / wife.
Word: Many people are educated, but few are civilized.
No! People are highly certificated but not educated and civilised!
True
100%
Personally I think lack of empathy and consideration is the main reason for divorce. If you are able to put yourself in your partner's shoes you won't cheat or expect your partner to cook,do laundry , iron and take care of kids alone, and top of that have energy for sex.
I agree, however in our society when a man supports his wife like that, he is called a simp. Some will even go as far as to say udlisiwe. If men were to stop caring about other people's opinions and focus on their families things would get better.
Support your wife in raising the kids and chores in the household especially if she's also working a full time job.
It's sad that men tend to care more about outsiders instead of their own family.
South African men suffer from peer pressure
I love you, i love your thinking. Considering the next person
This is not only a black issue, it's a heart issue. The reason for the destruction of the institution of marriage is because of selfishness (which is the opposite of love) and ego. There's been a growing trend of narcissism, especially in this social media generation.
Definitely a heart issue. I wonder why adults are struggling with selfishness it's a stage of growing up. Generally when one skips a growing stage, they experience it later in life.
Iam a man who is turning 42 tomorrow but i now understand why they say "you never too old to learn" these are eye opening conversations
Happy Birthday
@@pheellonhlapo823 ❤🙏
Happy birthday🎉
@@reitumetsemaraba2401 thank you🙏
Happy Birthday Edward🎉
Marriage doesn't require qualifications and accomplishments; it requires openness and honesty within all communications between both people. Know what your partner desires and respect them for being unique.
What is communication without comprehension?
I'm divorced and a lot of things he said hit home. Very informative interview
I was about to say the same thing 😢
Amazing interviewing skills no interruptions allows the guest to flow. Does not compete with the subject for the platform.
finally a south african man with a soul and consciousness is talking lol ......
He is a Swazi national we love him so much in ESwatini
Right. They are so rare almost non-existent
He is from Swaziland. Very informative session
During Apartheid Marraige had state benefits.
1. Married people qualified for a Township 4 Room house.
2. Factories and Mines and Industries favoured Married people for Employment.
3. Leadership positions and promotions like a HEADMASTER of a school were given to married people.
4. Credit in financial institutions was given to Married people.
5. Married people could open accounts in clothing shops.
6. Social standings or status of married poeple was better.
7. Married people were allowed to run churches as Priests.
So in general it was advantageous to Married.
Beautiful Man.
Just shows how the current black government undervalues marriage.
@sibusisondlovu Seriously? During Apartheid, Black men and women were expected to carry PASSES, which dictated where they should live. Black men were given permission to work in the mines, however they could not travel with their wives, subsequently, many women were left behind in the rural area, the man could only visit once a year, as a result, many marriages faltered and died.
The Boers introduced Bantu education which limited opportunities for Black people. Further to this, they limited the kind of jobs Black people could do. Black people could not study things like aviation, engineering, accounting, architecture. They imposed limit on the lives of Black people, which led to frustrations, which were then played out at home- domestic violence and marriage breakdown.
If you are going to talk about the era of strong African marriages, I suggest you go back to Pre-colonial times, when men were men and women were women. Men paid dowry because they realised that child birth brought many challenges, women died, or if they survived they would be left dealing with fistula issues or stitches, having a baby meant sleepless nights and saggy breasts from breast feeding. Dowry in the form of land and cattle, was a way to empower women, give them wealth for putting their lives on the line to extend the man's lineage. Men herded the cattle, hunted and protected the borders; women farmed. Men brought meat to the table, women brought vegetables, fruit, grain, seeds and nuts. Women readily bowed down to their husbands because marriage gave them wealth (land and cattle); Quiet as it's kept Qunu belonged to uMam Winnie.
In submission, African people did not need Apartheid in order to value marriage. If anything, Apartheid devalued Black life, and led to the destruction of Black love and Black families.
It was aa bad system for BlackChild
Apartheid built male & female hostels apart deliberately to break the black family. The hostels were structured in a way that was not conducive to building a family. Men were stuck in mines, not seeing their families for months/years. Women were stuck kwa-mlungu, not seeing their families for months/years. Kids were stuck emakhaya not seeing their parents for months/years. Men, women & society at large acclimatized to living apart, and away from their kids.
@@LM-he7eb Thank you. It's horrific how many people upvoted that vile post upholding Apartheid. Goes to show you Black people are lost.
Many men don't cheat because there are beautiful women, they cheat because they lack self control. If I have a strong desire for a woman, the first thing to do is to suppress the feeling or go along with it. Which means that you are in control of your feelings. A real man is one who is disciplined and in self control of his behavior. Be the controller of your feelings than a slave to your feelings and don't blame women because you can't control yourself.
If there were no available woman to cheat with, will men cheat?
@@edwindakile4784they would cheat with each other cause they lack sexual discipline. Look what happens in prison
@@kwetsephetla3597 craziest thing I've ever heard, there is no girlfriend or boyfriend in prison there's rape, sorry you have no point here. Try again.
@@edwindakile4784So you'll rather blame the women and not the married men who uttered the vows?
@@Lelough_ where is marriage on the statement above, please show me, you talking vows and I don't understand where that came from, unless you misunderstood the statement I replied to, like most women do "deviation from what is being talked about to suit the narrative of their interest".
I must say this was worthy my time, every issues was addressed without sugar coating.
He should come back to unpack more please❤
One thing I will add here for young people is that, you must know first your partners before marring them. Don't rush to marry the person because of beauty or any other reason. Don't discover the person while you are already married and have kids together, that can make you to stay in unhappy, toxic marriage. Date and know each other first.
Great talk. We need Godly marriages with Godly principles.He is the one that has designed it . There is no community without mariage.
🙏
Correct. Godly marriage. No marriage without God is a foundation
I wholeheartedly agree
You people have legalized a lot of stuff that will only push you away from God. You allow weed smoking and same-sex relationships, I hear parents can't discipline their own kids, and I was surprised actually while I stayed in S.A. You went too fast for a country that hasn't attained independence (forget what happened in 94).
Spot on!!
Cheating is about heart posture, self discipline and self control
@3DSussess Most people who cheat are depressed. Anyone in the right frame of mind, would choose well, or leave if the relationship is not working. Cheaters are struggling with something defective inside them.
completely agree - there may be more women, but there are more male suitors, I think. As women we are propositioned way more than men and contrary to popular belief women really enjoy sex and that enjoyment does not mean we are promiscuous or "not wife material".
are you a man?
@@thenomfundo1504 nowadays we don't have wife materials. All I see are slay queens
@@lekis5975😅
Asbonge Justice for bringing one of the best in the game. Truly appreciated 🙏🏾
The problem is that people do not understand marriage and the purpose of marriage by God’s design. They think umjolo that has been made official, it’s beyond that! That is why people can make a decision not to marry because it doesn’t benefit them🥲 the institution in itself requires one to be selfless!
So it is okay to make the decision not to marry, because it doesn't benefit you. Because you already know you're not selfless
@@LM-he7eb the point is, if you know you are selfish… don’t marry.
What about people who don't believe in God? People who believe in Allah, their ancestors, their idols. Or only your religion is the truth?
@@Lelough_ my point was marriage is instituted by God, so the blueprint is found in Him and not what culture or society says. So to answer you, people who don’t believe in God or worship idols, cannot seek counsel from the one who instituted marriage in the first place. And yes, there is one truth, not many truths.
And one day we will all find out who held on to the absolute truth. So yes, I believe Jesus Christ is the way, truth and life.
I'm 💯 agreeing with you. Some women are disrespectful when they hubby no longer provide.
Disagree...most hubby don't share everything with you...I never did know what his income...his increase...he bought everything I must beg ....then expect I must be happy...lovable ...no thanks such marriage for the birds
Can EVERYONE listen to him🙌🏽🙌🏽.
Thank you Team for putting this together for Us.
This is so important especially for young African marriages.
And also the older ones... I've seen "couple" of old Couples getting divorced 😮... Teachings are very important
I want to attend his church mainly because how he leads. I can tell that he is a leader. He understands leadership this man. I'm going to that church.
He's leading men astray
@@user-ww5qw8jd3b he's teaching men how to lead. And I can tell you're not a leader
@@user-ww5qw8jd3bAstray to where?
17:09 Wow as a women who just celebrated 20 years Anniversary on Valentine's Day. All I can say staying with Ngwana Mme o mong is not a child's play ❤❤❤❤❤😂😂😂😂😂
I have never heard such comments especially 4rm an African man . Ur love relationship is zero where have u been my gudness. I am a mom of two young men whom i have tried teach them abt how to understand the psychology of love by reading books coz in ur culture it's men who r important only. I love u to bits 4 shining the light
At the end of the day, if you dont apply law and order in your home, you are doomed.
Very powerful, we need to take time to prepare for marriages, not 1 or 2 meetings. It's a course in itself
I need Mr Dlamini to be our future therapist with my husband when I find one😊
😂😂😂you looking?
No, I’m but I’m sure he’s looking for me wherever he is😇
you already expecting problems in your marriage...no
@@lwazimseleku288you don’t only see a therapist when you have problems
@@lwazimseleku288 What problems? See you weren’t listening at all.
He didn't speak about why woman cheat. He said he would get to that part but didn't. Was looking forward to hearing that part.
you are a woman you know "WHY Y.O.U. CHEATED..." or "WHY Y.O.U. ARE CHEATING..." or "WHY Y.O.U. WILL CHEAT" you don't need a MAN to explain into DETAIL..."WHY WOMEN"
He mentioned being deprived of affection, where a woman then go and accept it elsewhere where it is given after begging for love and recognition from the husband.
@nomamoshani3395 why is it that everytime there are issues in marriages,there's always an inherent belief that the problem might be the man.
A cheater is a person with a habit of cheating. Why glorify it? If you think women cheat because of lack of affection,
Ask me I will give you links of videos of women who cheat because of too much affection that leads to boredom and a longing for something new.
That is very profound, especially coming from a woman. Indeed, there are many different reasons for cheating and anyone in the relationship can instigate it@@theanonymoustrader6852
@theanonymoustrader6852, you spoke the truth. It's a choice. Nothing can force you into something you're not.
Not sure how this was recommended to me but I needed to hear this.
In Zambia 36,000 divorce cases filed, it is scary.
Thank you for the therapy Sir. May we add the Holy Spirit coz the Narcissism Spirit is emerging in this world. Amen
Exactly what I needed to hear as a man, lead not by shouting, but by pure leadership.
The questions were just so perfect and timely! We need this truth in these times we're in..marriage is not easy
Please do an episode exactly like this on relationships, not marriage this tym
Marriage should be the main goal, not relationships.
This is one of the main problems we face.
💯 @@kaygee1623
This was such a great interview. So many great insights shared. I really felt the comment of "As people who want to be in relationships but we are too focused on self". We need to learn how to love one another better.
“Boys and girls should stay at home, men and women should get married”
What a man! Wise indeed. He dropped gems.
Because He says things that impress women. If he had said women should exercise, cook for their men and everything I bet you were not gonna say this.
One of the issues is that as abantu in RSA, apart from the lack of uBuntu, it that there is a tendency to incorporate Western tendencies into African culture. The two are like water and oil. They do not mix.
Where one encourages cooperation and understanding of the roles of a man and wife, the other encourages independence and selfishness, and the narrative that men and women are equal to the point that the roles of man and wife are interchangeable when they are not.
The lines have been blurred so much that SAn marriages are following the trend of Western marriages. Look at the USA for example where the 2 out of every 3 marriages end in divorce.
❤ he knows what he is talking about and the people under him are fortunate…great conversation
South Africans value material things above most other things, even God's taken a back seat and they wonder why everything is falling to pieces.
Surprisingly you're first to mention God in this comment section. God bless
This is worthy my time , wooooooow wooooooow wooooooow this is so profound 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥👏👏
This is heart healing hard truths... Here in Kenya 'marriage is still a feeding programe.' wroñg mentality to both gender.
This interview is excellent 👌🏾, very relevant and informative in this era we in
Being Jamaican, I never believed in counseling, but after listening to this pastor, I think I could try. Except for that thick accent of yours, you were perfect Rev.
On the issue of communication. I personally believe communication breaks down only when one of the couple is withdrawing emotionally/physically from the marriage and they don't pay attention anymore
@isaacmmutlane In the traditional African society, education began at home. Sadly nowadays, few parents bother to educate their children, subsequently people are entering relationships without having learnt how to communicate, because they never saw it at home, neither were they taught about the importance of communicating in relationships. In submission, people come into relationships have never mastered the art of communication, so when things begin to go awry, they go into default mode ZERO COMMUNICATION.
@@lekis5975our mothers were in abusive marriages, what can they teach anyone about marriage except being a doormat?
LOL😆Marriage is indeed not a feeding scheme yaz
Premarital counselling is very impotant.Thank you.
Very correct, premarital counselling is very important even though that part is secondary...
What is prmary is to deliberately raise our children at both the home and church front from their early stages to be future good husbands and wives when they are married..
That's what we must teach emphatically as pastors.
Thank you Mr. Dlamini. I hope to do pre-marital counseling with you when I'm about to marry.
Attended a session with this chap and he then told my lady to leave me on their private results session then told me I need to listen to her more. Anyway we are blessed with a baby boy since our session.
Most marriage counsellors don’t even want to talk about witchcraft in marriage…the reasons have advanced 🤦🏽♀️🙆🏽♀️
A beautiful conversation. So so enlightening and inspiring indeed.
Many married to counterfeits
Do Not Marry a Counterfeit
Pray and make sure that you marry God's will for your life
God is the foundation
It's a life long journey
People do not prepare for Marriage but they prepare for career. Exams.
Prepare for a Godly marriage
Marriage is for PURPOSE.
Marriage is not for sex or having children. We get married to accomplish purpose. Know who yuu are.What is your purpose.
Wow wow wow... molaetsa o monate haholo... big up brothers for the informative show... can we get part 2, 3 and 4....
I bumped into this on TikTok and this Podcast is so relevant. My son you are doing a great job... Wonderful
THANK YOU! Sadly, civilised truly men are uncommon in SA. Our society is still backwards.
...im not South African, but I see this across Africa, thanks gents, even I'm learning from this
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a (ESV)
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
Amen
Great interview, I like it. Made sense. Wish we could have episodes 2.
Insightful. Pastor never disappoints
Ohhhhh.what a show my brother.keep up the good work
I think another reason is people who marry to have an identity. Some people aspire to get married because it gives them identity and a sense of purpose. People who are also still hurting from childhood traumas. Things kind of issues surface in the marriage and now the whole marriage is compromised.
It becomes avoidable when you're filled with the Holy Spirit
Please give us part 2 of this very educative we really need it more
I couldn't wait for this.
Thank you for sharing this conversation, I'm a single male but I still took alot from this conversation 💯
👏👏👏 Talking sense all the way... keep up the good work sir.
Very informative , thank you to the host for pin pointing the burning issues and Mr Dlamini for comprehensive answers and views to the questions posed.
I'm learning hey. And I love they way he elaborates everything. I'm definitely following him on socials.
Excellent talk, I just recently got married and this is exactly what I needed. I understand a man better now, just because as a woman I don't need sex but I need to understand that he does. Respect is a word I have tattooed in my mind. This should go viral definitely. I never understood that sex alone is a duty like serving food or looking after kids.
Yah it is , its naturally designed for us men to reproduce or have sex its like ovulation for us but daily so if you don't want with sex you setting us for failure because we have to fight with nature which is our body
You are called for this, thank you Mr Dlamini
What an insightful , thought provoking interview. I had to share it with someone and we will be discussing soon😊
This conversation was so empowering 👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽
What a beautiful and spot on episode. Very powerful and factual. Big up !!!
The divorce rate is high because ALL relationships between men and women are now transactional...from dating to marriage, and everything in between.
ANC is to blame.
What a great talk! I have learnt a lot from this and I pray that we follow what is needed and the truth as a nation. I am feeling blessed to have come across this video so that I could be aware of many factors or the pros an cons
❤❤this man is powerful u are amazing 😢😢😢❤❤❤❤❤ my first time coming acrosss this blesssed man
You nailed it, culture changes with time in a modern world
It was too short I enjoyed the conversation
It's not just a South African thing, it's a global thing.
Excellent discussion!👌
I appreciate this conversation
Thanks Justice for Bringing us this Quality of Guests💯💯💯
Thank you 👊
I really enjoyed listening to this. Wished it could carry on...so informative and made me realise why I sometimes fear being married. There's so much more I still need to learn.
So true, thank you for this
Yaa ne.we lean everyday 🥺❤.thank guys you doing a great job👏
A well spoken intelligent man .
I can listen to him speaking the whole day, thank you Mr Dlamini this was powerful. And thanks to the interviewer ❤
You are totally correct. Marriage is along life commitment so always be open minded to a persons partner
Then it meant that the rural people were well advanced as they have traditional structures in all age groups and genders, e.g. manhood coaching starting at ekwaluseni. Girl children had amaqhikiza to guide, coach and protect. Till to the grave the African system had structures to coach, guide, advocate and support a person in all aspects of life.
Thank you for this. It is not only insightful but also serves as a reminder on our duties as men, women and to one another. 🙌🏽
Wow ! Thank you Lord for this ...
he just gets it!!!! refreshing
I agree with the Pastor. Generally Africans are spiritual and cultural practices served a purpose in giving identity and holding the family unit together from generation to another generation. However missionaries brought religion and their culture and trashed African practices as pagan and that started the disintegration of the African family unit and the erosion of African culture and Ubuntu. The young generation see everything western as superior. People are now self-centered, feminism projected women as oppressed and promotes independence of women in all aspects and some women feel that they don't need men in their lives hence men feel challenged. Communities and families are now divided and single parent families are on the rise. Children are brought up by the media (digital and social) and by helpers who know nothing about their parents family culture and values because their mothers are working. So when these kids grow up they are clueless about their culture and they are not prepared for their adult life and they end up resorting to drugs, porn, alcohol abuse, gender based violence both female and male, debauchery etc and they no longer value their life. Marriages are now financial transactions and divorces are now fashionable and a means of getting rich quickly. The list goes on. The solution is to return to God and follow his commandments, statutes and judgements
Worth listening to. Alot of young couples need such information. Sharing this with my peers
In ma marriage ma partner behave like he is stil stay’a alone he does the groceries alone he doesn’t give me Money and he works a good job and stuff he if I tel him about renovations or let’s buy something he refuses and just shit me down we dnt have even a emergency fund, policies ect for him to buy something I have to be angry with him, it’s a lot and am thinking of ending the marriage coz it’s not working at all the is no growth
And just know that it will never work out until he decides to change which is unlikely to happen. If you do not have kids, leave as soon as possible. If you have kids, start your action plan to exit in ways that minimize damage to kids. Act like a single parent and create an emergency fund for you and them. When you finally end things, work out a co-parenting plan so that your kids still have a father at the very least unless he refuses or there are bigger issues. What I am saying is try talking to your husband one more time, and depending on his actions and answer, plan to exit my sister and don't fight him or scream. You can do this and it will get better
My own father taught me that love brings couples together, and support keeps them together because each person brings baggage into the relationship. With proper support, we manage to shoulder each other's weaknesses better.
insightful conversation
this was very enriching and m happy I listened to this podcast.