I watched you on the bachelor because I thought you were so beautiful, I loved your short hair it set you apart from the norm, but I quickly realized that your beauty radiated from within and you were so very knowledgeable and well spoken. This video just proved my point YOU ARE WISE BEYOND YOUR YEARS.
I have been so conflicted about whether to get Botox. So many people I know get it. I actually had the thought, “Should I be ashamed of my forehead lines?” And your video made me realize how contagious this is. Erasing my wrinkles implies I don’t embrace my actual age. I want to love my natural body, my age, my lived experiences. I want to use my energy and money for so many other things other than obsessing over the minutiae of my appearance.
i completely agree with you. i think celebs like drew barrymore are peak aspirational goals to me because she does just that. and i think opting out of that stuff is incredibly punk rock lol! she continues to kill it and have impeccable taste. and she not only embraces her looks, but her vulnerability and emotions too. what a gem of a human. but i do have to say i do think minimal botox or filler is completely different than a nose job or another surgical procedure. minimal botox and filler does not completely change your appearance permanently and i think that is the key. getting your teeth straightened or dying your hair or experimenting with makeup or clothes is not going to completely alter who you are. granted i have never tried injectables so i cannot speak from experience but to me it is not the same at all. i think everything would be better if people embraced who they are. i read an article once about the procedure men are having to increase their height and it gave me the heeby jeebies... like wow what is wrong with our world
This is soooo refreshing. I wish more folks in the youtube and Instagram space had this outlook. I hear so many influencers (especially in the last year or two) preach about how cosmetic procedures empower them. But sadly, the truth is that they don't feel good enough in the skin they are in, and they put too much value on how they are perceived. Also, as you mentioned, the procedures people often get are expensive and align with trends, many times eurocentric trends, but trends change. Thank you for reminding us to practice radical acceptance, body neutrality, and gratitude for a body that is functioning to the best of its ability. You are a great role model!
I agree. I think the initial instinct to claim empowerment comes from “being the one to make the choice“ but it’s done without examining why they are so unhappy in the first place or where the beauty standard comes from
“A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.” -Ronald Dahl My mom always used to tell me “pretty is as pretty does.” Your actions make you beautiful 💛
My great aunt ruth (another special ruth!) is almost 97. She’s in hospice and in her very last days. She has always been a fairly funny looking person - she got her father’s great big nose - and she just decided at a young age not to care at all. She led such a rich life and had so many wonderful friendships and took amazing care of all of her loved ones, especially many animals. In the end, it just really doesn’t matter what you looked like. It matters how you treated others and whether you were genuine.
This video speaks to me! I was bullied sooo bad as a little girl for being super hairy. I got made fun of for having a mustache and bushy arms. When I was probably 10 my mom took me to get laser of my upper lip because I was so unhappy. I ended up getting cosmetic surgery when I got older and told myself that it was "for me". But I quickly realized it wasn't for me. I suffered from breast Implant illness which needs to be talked about more. It's heartbreaking that doctors are putting toxic foreign bodies into woman. When I met my husband I remember forgetting to shave once and he told me he liked natural hair on woman. I thought that was so weird and gross of him- but 5 years later I am hairy, explanted and finally healing from a life of feeling ugly. Thank you for spreading this message 🙏
I was watching one of my favorite creators get a new jawline and she had a whole video explaining why she did it which was pretty much a list of things like: I hate my round face, I hate how my chin doesn’t protrude enough etc.. I watched as I have a very similar face shape and never once thought about these things and have thought about why I was so upset by the video for months after and feeling ashamed for even being upset because I shouldn’t care about what other people do but you put into words exactly what I’ve been feeling. I wouldn’t ever want my daughters to see me change such a huge feature of myself that they also have and have to explain to them that I didn’t love myself enough the way I was. Love your thoughts and couldn’t agree more. I can’t tell you what a relief it is to know others are feeling the same❤️❤️
Your point about body modifications being the same (if not worse) than filters is SO spot on!! I’d argue it’s worse. When you look around and are surrounded with people who have altered their features to achieve perfection, you feel you can never measure up! Imagine girls growing up in this type of society
Thank you for opening the door to this conversation. I grew up with so much shame about many things and still battle with body/image acceptance . One thing that hurts to watch is my mom at age 73 and Alzheimer’s… she doesn’t remember anything but still makes comments about not gaining weight. Can’t eat this or that. Or leaving the house without looking ok. And again she doesn’t even remember what happened 60 seconds ago but these feelings of “not being worthy” are very much part of her core memory.
Made me think as well, if I were to alter my self or change my body, my kids are going to have features that look like the ‘old’ me and see that I changed those things about myself. To think that they could gain an insecurity directly from me is humbling and makes me want to accept my body and my beauty or my ugliness for their sakes. The way we look does not determine our value.
I think about this all the time! All the women who have had nose jobs and have daughters who are going to grow up with the nose their mother hated and got rid of 💔
as i get older, one of the coolest things about our bio families is the things we share with them. looks, personality quirks, etc. everyone in my fam has a strong nose and i think it's pretty cool that we share that together
Yes, Bekah!! Altering your appearance most definitely affects other people (not just yourself) and it affects communities for generations! I’m Assyrian married to an Armenian. Both of our cultures have larger noses than most European cultures and because of that, both of our cultures have a history of nose jobs. It’s so normalized that most teenage girls get them routinely at this point. All of my female cousins have had them. Aunts. Grandmothers. We’re losing our ethnic features for generations because we’re teaching our girls from birth that this is normal and expected to HATE our noses. One of my cousins had a child that had her exact pre-surgery nose. It took that experience of seeing her nose through a different lens that made her verbalize some regret. The tide is shifting and hopefully we can all embrace our features for what they are-just noses!! Or just lips! Or just cheeks! Nothing more, nothing less. A big nose and a small nose all have the same value and purpose and that neutrality is what I’m striving for raising my kiddos.
Thank you soooooo much for talking about this! Beauty modifications have become way too common and it makes me so worried for my girls (5 and 2) and what their future looks like. Nearly every influencer I follow has had something done and it’s so discouraging… so again, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, because they do matter and they will make a positive impact! Here’s my favorite quote from P.S. I love you: “We're so arrogant, aren't we? We're so afraid of age, we do everything we can to prevent it. We don't realize what a privilege it is to grow old with someone. Someone who doesn't drive you to commit murder. Or doesn't humiliate you beyond repair.” Random I know, but I saw this movie when it came out (I was 17 at the time) and it stuck with me ever since!
I totally agree and have been saying this for years!! The message these days is 'love yourself, every body is beautiful' but then if you have the money you can change it. I don't want to judge people for their choices because being a woman in this world is so difficult but it's impossible to overlook the hypocrisies of our society as well. Thank you for validating what I have been thinking 👏👏👏
I always love your exploration of topics and even the way you approached the beginning of the conversation. Because these conversations should be had in an open, exploratory fashion. There is no room for personalized shame because it’s a community conversation. How is our community as a whole being driven to make these decisions on a mass scale? My closest friend and I have had multiple conversations about the mass scale of cosmetic surgery and injections and the pressure we very consciously feel to “fix” ourselves and conform to these beauty standards. But, maybe in an act of rebellion, I always find myself asking “why is this being pushed to the point that it’s actually becoming more normal to be physically distorted than natural?” And the answer is complicated and simple all at the same time. And it’s the same answer to a lot of questions - patriarchy, consumerism, mental illness, physical illness. In the least extremist sounding manner - I believe that we are weaker if we are broke, depressed, sick and distracted. And so - I see the lines on my forehead and I know there is an “easy” fix. But at what price? Personally- the price is money, time, ignoring my values, etc. but, more importantly to me, on a community scale, if I fall into these new “norms” of society, I play into this agenda that I do not trust because I have had these conversations - I have explored the depths of this seemingly superficial topic. And I have come to the conclusion that, if I fall into the status quo on this topic, I am a part of a group of people teaching (mostly) women, and in turn men, that women are only worthy if they look exactly how society wants them to look. And we have come too far to sell ourselves out like that. Women - Act mindfully, live with intention. Rise above.
I recently have been faced with this in my own household. My mother had received cosmetic surgery to alter her body and get rid of things like post pregnancy boobs and post pregnancy body. When she broke the news to me that she would be going through this procedure I felt extremely odd to be the only one in my family to not be as supportive as the rest. I loved my mom’s post pregnancy body, I was able to visually see what she had done to bring me in this world and I loved it. Throughout the process I remain supportive but there was an underlying feeling of her not feeling beautiful as she is and it made me sad. Her body is now fully healed and she has about the same size waist as me, a 22 year old girl. I can tell she feels beautiful externally but it is obvious to see that it did not fix the internal problem. Now my 19 year old sister is considering lip filler and other procedures after my mom began her cosmetic altering journey. This video made me feel extremely seen and feel at peace with my decisions of being myself .
i needed this. very refreshing video on confidence and beauty. in my insecurity i was constantly scouring the internet to find "tips to make you feel confident" they were all "do your makeup and skincare daily, dress well all the time" i long to live in a post-patriarchy, post-gender society where it doesn't matter, and you can just be and be freely.
I got off Insta back in 2021 but I still use a website to watch your stories every day because you’re just so wise and genuinely making the world a better place and growing little humans that will probably do the same. Thank you for inspiring me💕
Great video Bekah! Just wanted to share an observation on the topic of women's looks in general: I noticed on Chatty Broads that there were tons of comments on how beautiful you and Jess looked, while in contrast, on Chatty Bros, no one commented on the guys' looks and only commented on what they were saying, their jokes etc. What's up with that?! Such a double standard. There is so much emphasis on womens' looks, I am so over it! Even when it's compliments, it highlights superficial values. There need to be more videos like this one!! 🙌
Thank you thank you thank you! I’m 6months postpartum & having such a difficult time accepting this new body & my hair loss. But hearing you talk about how your favorite moments in life being the times when you were laughing with loved ones & don’t remember how you looked is so relatable. I was reminded of how special those moments are as opposed to wearing tight spanx to smooth out my belly under a dress for a party. Beautiful is how you make yourself & others feel ♥️ it isn’t about how we look, it’s how we pulse in a room.
10/10 agree with a lot of this. It is definitely our duty to look inward at how we perceive beauty and how heavily influenced it is by society and how we can affect everyone around us with our choices. An interesting thought though - what about the intersectionality of privilege and beauty? As much as accepting ugliness into our lives sounds like a way to live more truthfully how do we consider that and the need to always be "put together" and "done up" as a way to combat inequities we face outside of our beauty (size discrimination, racial discrimination, disability discrimination). The act of celebrating our ugliness is radical for all people who identify as women but can feel like so much more of a burden for those who have other intersectionalities to consider. I think about this a lot as a black woman in a male dominated field where I constantly have to be on my game (and that comes with looking "put together") otherwise I'm perceived as "not caring" or "not serious" about my job which already feels like a closer assumption for someone who looks like me. So definitely a super interesting conversation and thank you Bekah for being so candid!
There’s been nothing more sobering and mind-opening than being “perfectly” thin and realizing it was killing me. Choosing to gain weight on purpose was one of the hardest things I’ve done. There are days when I look in the mirror and hate my body and I just want to go back to how I was. But I worked so hard to earn each and every pound, all of it with love. So it’s okay that I don’t feel pretty all the time, that’s just fine. Those thoughts don’t control me anymore.
I agree with this. When I was 19 years old I got my boobs done, because I had had one breast develop to be about 2 sizes larger than the other (about a small A cup and a small C cup), and the thing about it was, I had actually come to terms with how I looked. I didn’t mind that I had two very differently sized breasts. What I hadn’t come to terms with was how OTHER people felt about my breasts. I was in a relationship with someone who made many harmful comments about my body, and he had encouraged me to get my boobs done. I was young and desperate and after a lot of back and forth, I did it. Although I did gain a lot of confidence in my appearance, and it’s easy for me to love the way I look now, I do wish I hadn’t gone that route. I think trusting that I was good enough without fake boobs and finding someone who loved me for me would’ve felt much better. But I give myself grace for the decision I chose, and I make peace with it, but I pray if I have daughters that I will be able to right this wrong. And if my daughters choose to change their bodies, because the weight of beauty standards is too much for them too, I will support them and tell them it’s okay, and that they’re still good enough, and they always have been. I agree that we need to have more critical conversations like this and that we don’t have to shame people for the work they’ve had done, but we can criticize the system that makes nearly every women I know consider cosmetic surgery, and encourage a resistance!
Love this! I first grew out my arm pit hair because I had a horrible rash and my doctor recommended me not shave for 6 months. My husband ended up loving it and he convinced me not to ever shave it again (my mind is still blown by that). I’m not sure why, but I ended up deciding to stop shaving my legs as well, maybe it had to so with me wanting to embrace my natural self, not sure. But it very quickly became something that I realized I had carried shame from. My little sister, who is much hairier than me, use to get made fun of when we were little girls, because she was so hairy at just 7 years old. She got called a hobbit, because she was both short and hairy (remember, the hobbits had very hairy feet). Anyways, watching the way she got made fun of, made me self conscious about my leg hair, and I quickly became second hand ashamed, even though I was never made fun of. I remember going to children’s church and constantly trying to cover my legs when I was only 9 years old. I stopped wanting to wear dresses that I loved because I was so sure everyone was looking at my leg hair and I was so embarrassed. My mom ended up letting me start shaving when I was only 11 years old (I may have been 10, I don’t remember), and my little sister started shaving at 8-9 years old. I can remember having a constant anxiety of what people thought about how I looked. At 11, I was upstairs doing hundreds of crunches in order to achieve the same abs I saw on women on the cover of magazines. I remember thinking I was fat because I didn’t have abs, and I was a freaking stick figure. I remember stuffing extra padding in my swim suits to make it look like I had bigger boobs. I remember crying when I was 14 bc one of my friends told me I didn’t have a butt, that my butt was flat. I remember my dad always telling me to go back to my room and take off the heavy eyeliner, telling me I was beautiful without makeup, and me not believing him. Finally, at age 18, i felt like I heard God tell me to stop wearing makeup and stop trying to dress to impress for a month. So I did, it was the hardest thing I had ever done up until that point, but at the end of that month, I remember looking at myself, no makeup and dresses in an oversized shirt and Sophie shorts and thinking, wow, I am beautiful. Since then (12 years later) I still feel beautiful in my ugliness without makeup or fancy clothes. My second challenge has been body hair (which is what I originally wanted this comment to be, but it sort of spiraled 😬). I’ve had my body hair for about 4 years, and lately I’ve been super self conscious about It again. I’ve considered just shaving it off and being done with it, but I don’t feel I should as I really want to overcome the shame I’ve felt over this hair since I was a little girl and I feel your honesty about how you still feel about your body hair has really encouraged me to keep going. And the way I will end this is.... my SIL has also embraced her natural body hair and her two daughters and now son have grown up with both of us looking this way, and they do think it’s normal. When my 6 year old niece (then 5) was asked what she would do when she grew leg hair, she responded “Let it grow. It’s my leg hair”. So simple. No matter what she decides when she grows older, I hope she never shaves out of shame!
Hi- was having a day where I was just relentlessly shitting on myself and comparing myself to others and happened upon this. I was complimented so much on being pretty when I was little and I grew out of that a bit! Like I’m fine looking now lol but when I was little I was seriously baby magazine standard and it’s been really hard knowing that I don’t fit that same beauty standard anymore. Anyways- this made me cry and was just really good for me to hear today
Yes yes yes. This is why I feel that plastic surgery is inherently anti-feminist. The plastic surgery world is 99% directed at women and their bodies/faces and stems from misogyny. Women are taught to hate themselves and that the only way to stop this self-hate is to have a surgeon (and why are most plastic surgeons male???) permanently alter you to make you more desirable to the gaze of others (most often men -- male surgeons cutting up women's bodies to appeal to other men). It's all accepted under this umbrella of freedom to choose, yet women aren't asking themselves WHY they want to choose this. It hurts my heart to no end. I know it is much harder work to radically accept yourself than to make quick fixes, but in the long run it must be done... You don't need to love yourself, but we as women should work to ACCEPT ourselves.
Lately, nothing has made me feel sexier than being home alone, unshowered, unkempt, and in the ugliest clothes I own. I am my truest, most unrefined self and nothing is more beautiful to me. I’m not at a point where I feel comfortable sharing my unrefined self with the world around me, because of beauty standards and how I “want” to be perceived…but as I age, I care less and less and I look forward to the day when I can shed the mask of beauty and embrace my raw, ugly truth.
This is such a good thought-provoking video and discussion, but more so, I love how you're using your RUclips videos to talk about random stuff and chat and rant because it makes me feel like I'm still listening to you on Chatty Broads 💗
At the end when you were talking about the happiest moments it made me think of this: have you ever had a memory or event that was so happy and so fun, and then when you saw a “bad” picture of yourself from that day it taints the memory? The stupid little picture makes you feel self conscious now and embarrass for yourself on that day? I really want to work to undo those feelings. Also, regarding makeup: I absolutely love the process of putting it on, which is great. However, I also am self conscious without it and never leave the house without at least a little makeup. I want to work on that as well. My husband and I are trying for our first child. If I have a daughter, I don’t want her to see me applying makeup every single day and learn that she needs it to be confident or worthy. If I have a son, I don’t want him to have the expectation of women that they always need to be “done up.”
omg the body hair part hits so close to home specially bc i'm going through laser treatments right now... i have this mentality that a lot of things about my self esteem and life in general would be very different(for the better) if I wasn't that hairy, which I know it sounds ridiculous I and gotta work on that. Anyways about the whole cosmetic surgery/procedures frenzy going on in the last few years specially with social media growing presence I agree so much with you!! Its not like I am at peace with my non traditional features rn but people are being so quick to go after big changes in your looks just because someone else has done the same. And ngl some of those procedures have been destroying people's natural beauty or uniqueness. Its more of a pet peeve of mine instead of a serious criticism like yours but yeah some procedures these people go under makes me wanna choke them like whyyy did you do that to your fine looking face!!
Thank you for this, and for modeling such goodness on the internet. This probably sounds so weird, but I wish I could be friends with you, or I wish it was easier to find people like you to be friends with. I really admire how genuine and brave you are Bekah.
I have long been grateful to be a Vermonter. Something I have observed is there is a big difference between being youthful and being preserved. My beauty and style icon is Jane Goodall. How she’s lived her life and how trying to look younger is not a priority because her life is rich and rewarding. So many RUclips beauty channels telling us how it’s absolutely critical to wear and reapply sunscreen, not to prevent cancer but an almost pathological fear of a wrinkle. How much of our energy is depleted stressing about visible signs of aging. So much mental and emotional energy wasted on the anxiety about our looks and aging. So when I start to become fixated on some flaw or sign of aging I think “what would Jane do?” She’d slap on a hat, pull her hair into a ponytail and get out there leading a rich life, being the change she wants to see in the world, connecting in a non superficial way with animals and people. I’m glad I live in Vermont where superficial beauty standards are less of a priority than they seem to be in other places or the Internet. When do I feel the most beautiful? When I have been walking my dog in the winter, or when I’m swimming, when I’m laughing with children.
I appreciate you being brave enough to post this! And calling out that those who alter their bodies/faces DO affect others. Especially influencers. It sends a message whether they like it or not.
I love this conversation! I feel like so many influencers I follow justify their injectables and surgeries with "I look at myself all the time and see these little things about myself I don't like" and I would have never noticed if they never said anything. It's fascinating because I remember a time when self-love was huge but it seems like as influencers become more mainstream content creators they must be facing the same pressures that celebrities faced back in the day, and we made fun of them for all the plastic surgery they went through. Also lol at the Juvederm ad playing right after this amazing conversation
I love the way you put it that we should be able to critique plastic surgery without it being an attack on those who’ve made that choice for themselves bc that is often why people shy away from this conversation but it’s become such a significant thing that we really should be to talk about it
I truly appreciate your perspective. As a plus size woman, I’ve recently started to wrestle with the idea that I’m expected to be more feminine because I am fat. I go against the beauty norm and in turn, I dress myself up and wear makeup more often. What’s weird is that I haven’t always been that way. In the last 5 years (I’m 31 now), I’ve really sought out my personal style and become creative with my makeup. I feel like finding my personal style has become a great way for me to wear what I didn’t wear growing up. It’s as if I’m exploring what I felt like I couldn’t. Same with makeup. I also love doing my makeup in the morning cause it’s a fun way for me to start my day. But I do notice that I sometimes want to do my makeup even when I’m at home all day. I can’t decide if it’s because I love the creative outlet or if I’ve given into this unfortunate beauty norm. SO MUCH TO CONSIDER. Thank you for this video and always finding the true beauty in things.
I was born with nerve damage in my face making my mouth/smile “crooked” When I was 11 years old my orthodontist approached me to “fix it” by injecting Botox in my face. I couldn’t have been more excited/relieved. I had spent countless hours staring in the mirror to train my mouth to be symmetrical. I did the Botox thing for years and then when I was 19 thought “would I want my daughter to do this” if not, why the hell would I want myself to? I still don’t love it, some days I like it, but most days it never crosses my mind. ❤
I so agree. I am aging like us all. It’s a matter of being ok with losing the person you know to be the person you are now! Preoccupation with looks is just simplemindedness. I feel like it snowballs so quickly. I will exercise, eat well, use nice oils and cream and that’s it. I may stop shaving. I don’t do nails or polish or much make up. It’s enough! We’ve lost the ability to appreciate ourselves albeit love ourselves ❤
This video made me cry. It spoke to the depths of my soul, so deep… what we specifically as women have to deal with in society. Beauty standards just constantly beating us down… always questions if we really are pretty. Fuck it. I loved this video and the way you articulated your thoughts and feelings, made me reflect and realize i have a lot to think about.. and i now have a new favourite poem.. 🤍
Thank you for this conversation! I have said “What if you never saw another human being for the rest of your lifetime? Would you still get that cosmetic treatment done?”
I think being conventionally attractive while at the same time insecure stems from having your attractiveness highlighted in big and small ways throughout your life, therefore rooting in yourself a belief that you must uphold that image to maintain your value. A family I follow on insta are constantly telling their small children “You look beauuutiful! Stunning! Wowww beautiful” - and will repeat excessively - on the regular. I can 💯 see their good intention behind this, however I cringe a little thinking of the emphasis that is being placed on beauty in that child’s young mind. I like this conversation you’re having.
I am so happy your youtube channel found its way to me!! I took an instagram break when you did this year or last December (whenever it was) but I never went back!! 🎉 Most of my friends & I are excited to age because unfortunately not everyone gets to 😢
I haven’t worn makeup in years and wear my hair natural 99% of the time. Some days I feel blah when I compare myself to other women but I truly love feeling so free and so natural. It’s amazing waking up and not feeling like I have to spend an hour making myself look presentable. I love looking like tue self all the time ❤
100% agree. it's a complicated topic bc one comment about my pale legs from one of my students made me go buy self tanner lol, but i have always thought i don't want to change the body i have bc those are the features i will give my children
Loved this chat! Its very much the same narrative in my mind. I absolutely love the reason you stopped shaving! When I was pregnant with my son is when I for the first time ever started wearing short sleeves in summer because before that i had always been too insecure about my scars and i was scared of people’s reactions, but I was absolutely mortified about my sons’ view of hiding your body because of insecurities. Children really are our greatest mirrors in the sense that we suddenly not only see ourselves through the eyes of our own self image, but through the eyes of our greatest love.
i’m so happy you spoke about this. people get torn apart of expressing their distaste for the wild amount of normalization around plastic surgery/injections but it NEEDS to be a conversation
Thank you for this. Just this week I decided to stop wearing foundation. I’ve struggled with acne for half my life and I hate that I’m in a cycle of using make up to cover blemishes, which then causes more blemishes. Why do I need to cover my site and scars?! To make other people more comfortable?! Ridiculous. So from now on, the only things I will do to my body will be the things that truly benefit it and feeeeel good. Not just look good.
Watching this for the first time, only discovered you the other day. The first video i watched - recent pregnancy q&a, I felt really intimidated by you and your confidence and beauty. Now I’m like, awwh we’d be really good friends:) Sending love 💛
Bekah you spoke to my soul. Thank you for these amazing and impactful words, this video needs to be on every entertainment article out there. Everyone needs to hear this, I know I sure did.
I agree with embracing ugly. Beauty standards are too high and unattainable. The people who I know who have gotten “work” done, just find something else about their body that they don’t like. It seems like an addiction. I don’t see any reason to die my hair or get injections or other type of plastic surgery. I have so much more to offer to the world than looking perfect.
I appreciate this opinion being shared so publicly so much! I have definitely thought about many different ways to change my body but I also think that in 15 plus years I'll regret that. I don't have any daughters but I do want my 3 sons to see a natural woman who has aged how she was designed to. And yes I completely agree, no one knows the long term risk of all these additives.
I love to hear people talking about this. It's so radical to reject the constant pressure to meet body standards that come from everywhere. I have so much love & compassion for women/people in general who alter their appearance so drastically but I completely & thoroughly reject the idea at the minute that being critical of beauty standards and acts to conform to this is in some way anti feminist/anti body posi. I respect their choice and I know the overwhelming and despairing pressure to be beautiful or desirable or youthful but how do we ever stop future generations from feeling that pressure if we keep conforming?? How do we create the conditions for our children to be comfortable in their skin just as they are if we are still trying to fit into this narrow and restrictive idea of beauty? Also I love the idea of neutrality and peace. My dad once told me when I was 14 and fat and sad about not being beautiful and he didn't tell me I was, he told me I needed to make peace with myself because I will always be me, I will always look like me and I either spend my whole life resenting that and feeling shame for the way I look or I make peace. It made me so mad and sad at the time but as an adult I FEEL it.
Loved hearing you talk about this. I feel like people are to scared to talk about it.I feel like I’ve seen a lot of hypocrisy in this area with people saying you’re beautiful the way you are and preaching body positivity and then going to get surgeries or alterations. It’s very conflicting especially if you’re 8-12-16 years old
I’ve been trying to change my own internal understanding of ‘beauty’ but in the mean time, I literally don’t look into a mirror at my body-ever. I don’t know what my body looks like at all. It’s helped a lot with my self confidence!
So my work wardrobe and my weekend wardrobe are two very different levels of effort and “pretty”. And I’m totally comfortable going into the office not looking super dressed up because I’m there to do a job and my looks shouldn’t matter (and I like to sleep in) But the other day a coworker said, “wow you really can look gorgeous when you dress up. Why don’t you do that during the work week?” And I don’t even remember how I responded because I was so thrown by that comment. She thought she was paying me a compliment, I think. But I love the idea of not always needing to be Pretty and agree with everything you said! We need to just let women be people and respect them for who they are. Not how they look.
I had a classmate in high school who died in the OR for a breast surgery. She was allergic to the anesthetic and this professional medical center was not prepared for it. She did not get to graduate, and she had such a brilliant future ahead. Her parents and brother had to have a funeral for her and all because she really wanted to change something about her nipples. She was so much more than that, and her life ended just like that. 😢
Hi, As a person who grew up with a mom who didn't shave made a big impact on how I thought of my body. Of course everyone else was hairless, smooth and "proper", so I still felt conflicted, but I did remove my hair from time to time. But now as an adult, I hardly remove my hair, and pretty much only do so when I'm at large events.
I just want to say THANK YOU for this Bekah! I feel like I really needed to hear this at this point in my life. I'm also sitting here crying after hearing you read that poem, it really hit home. Please keep making more videos like this. It may sound silly but I feel like this is a life changing discussion and I'm so glad I have this in the back of my mind before I have kids
❤ I don't want to step on anybodys toes or anything but this thing about being the "Victim" has become the true "buzz" word that everybody is attaching themselves to. You just said it yourself at the very beginning (that at the end of the day that we've become "victims" of society) Really though? I don't think so! I refuse to be a victim of anything anymore unless of course someones been physically attacked or in an accident or something like that, but in general we all are NOT victims. This victimhood narrative has gone off the rails. I myself have been through too much but as soon as we let ourselves go down that rabbit hole then when does the victimhood stop? I know my comment is not going to be very popular at all especially in these days but I think the more we do for others that are less fortunate than ourselves then that puts the focus on them and not ourselves. And I believe we should be less sensitive about things and words. Anyways you're such a great momma and wife and you're such an intelligent and articulate person, you are wise beyond your years. But I think we need to hear our own moms and grandmas out more often. I'm a newbie here. God bless you and your whole family ✝️❤️
Yes! Thanks so much for addressing this. I just recently listened to a podcast by emrata said that it’s a good thing cosmetic surgery has been normalized to such an extent but she completely ignored all the pressure this puts on kids and teenagers and I got really mad.
u are a super hottie on the inside Bekah!!! about to turn 22 and grateful to have such a thoughtful, kind human to learn from as I enter further into adulthood. have been preoccupied with looks and self worth my whole life, watching this released some of that. you are a blessing
Society and the media definitely influenced how I see my body but the hardest habits that I've had to break around an unhealthy relationship with food are the patterns that I picked up as a child watching my mom go on and off dieting with nutrisystem, slim fast, Atkins and every other diet craze that came around. You absorb so much just by watching how the adults around you live their lives. I personally want to set an example when I have a child that being healthy mentally and physically should be the goal, not achieving ridiculous beauty standards that will always change and always serve to hold women down.
Love this!!! Thank you! I’m an RN and the prettiest girl on my old unit started working for a cosmetic surgeon saw her 4 months later and looked like a karsashion. I’m a weird way this was a mind fuck for me.
I love your brain and how you love to have these types of conversations. I think so many people are overdoing the Botox. That shit literally paralysis’s your muscles….. long term constant injections are going to destroy those muscles and they will most likely age way worse from it. Like you said, we don’t truly know the long term affects of it. I follow people that are overdoing it and they actually look weird to me ….so sad because they were totally beautiful and perfect the way the were. So sad! I agree with everything you said 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼miss chatty broads and these insightful convos, but so glad you have this YT space now 🤍
I went to a party the other day and I looked around ready to be confronted with *all the beautiful people* and guess what I saw? Just a bunch of regular people with all kinds of different looks and shapes. I then realized that we are comparing ourselves to “online” people and that is what is skewing our perception and robbing us of the variability of humans.
My mom didn't shave her legs and rarely armpits until I was probably 18 and never brought any attention to it. I never thought anything of it and when I was growing up I rarely ever thought about my body hair (although I have blonde/light body hair). So it's true that your children will see this and shape their opinions. She also rarely wore makeup and never told us we needed to look a certain way or be "pretty". Me and my sisters were never told to wear fancy clothes, makeup, or do anything to our hair besides washing and brushing it. We were allowed to choose those things when we got older but it was never expected.
This was a really really empowering and when you brought up how your happiest moments of in life were about joy/laughter I feel like instantaneously my whole outlook on what truly should be prioritized in life at the end of the day
I just have so much to learn from you. Every time you speak you do it with such intention. I can listen to you talk about any subject. Thank you for sharing.
I watched you on the bachelor because I thought you were so beautiful, I loved your short hair it set you apart from the norm, but I quickly realized that your beauty radiated from within and you were so very knowledgeable and well spoken. This video just proved my point YOU ARE WISE BEYOND YOUR YEARS.
I agree! ❤
I also agree! She has always been in learning mode and even though I could be her mother at age 56, I learn things from her all the time!
I have been so conflicted about whether to get Botox. So many people I know get it. I actually had the thought, “Should I be ashamed of my forehead lines?” And your video made me realize how contagious this is. Erasing my wrinkles implies I don’t embrace my actual age. I want to love my natural body, my age, my lived experiences. I want to use my energy and money for so many other things other than obsessing over the minutiae of my appearance.
i completely agree with you. i think celebs like drew barrymore are peak aspirational goals to me because she does just that. and i think opting out of that stuff is incredibly punk rock lol! she continues to kill it and have impeccable taste. and she not only embraces her looks, but her vulnerability and emotions too. what a gem of a human.
but i do have to say i do think minimal botox or filler is completely different than a nose job or another surgical procedure. minimal botox and filler does not completely change your appearance permanently and i think that is the key. getting your teeth straightened or dying your hair or experimenting with makeup or clothes is not going to completely alter who you are. granted i have never tried injectables so i cannot speak from experience but to me it is not the same at all. i think everything would be better if people embraced who they are. i read an article once about the procedure men are having to increase their height and it gave me the heeby jeebies... like wow what is wrong with our world
This is soooo refreshing. I wish more folks in the youtube and Instagram space had this outlook. I hear so many influencers (especially in the last year or two) preach about how cosmetic procedures empower them. But sadly, the truth is that they don't feel good enough in the skin they are in, and they put too much value on how they are perceived. Also, as you mentioned, the procedures people often get are expensive and align with trends, many times eurocentric trends, but trends change. Thank you for reminding us to practice radical acceptance, body neutrality, and gratitude for a body that is functioning to the best of its ability. You are a great role model!
I agree. I think the initial instinct to claim empowerment comes from “being the one to make the choice“ but it’s done without examining why they are so unhappy in the first place or where the beauty standard comes from
“A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”
-Ronald Dahl
My mom always used to tell me “pretty is as pretty does.” Your actions make you beautiful 💛
My great aunt ruth (another special ruth!) is almost 97. She’s in hospice and in her very last days. She has always been a fairly funny looking person - she got her father’s great big nose - and she just decided at a young age not to care at all. She led such a rich life and had so many wonderful friendships and took amazing care of all of her loved ones, especially many animals. In the end, it just really doesn’t matter what you looked like. It matters how you treated others and whether you were genuine.
This video speaks to me!
I was bullied sooo bad as a little girl for being super hairy. I got made fun of for having a mustache and bushy arms. When I was probably 10 my mom took me to get laser of my upper lip because I was so unhappy.
I ended up getting cosmetic surgery when I got older and told myself that it was "for me". But I quickly realized it wasn't for me. I suffered from breast Implant illness which needs to be talked about more. It's heartbreaking that doctors are putting toxic foreign bodies into woman.
When I met my husband I remember forgetting to shave once and he told me he liked natural hair on woman. I thought that was so weird and gross of him- but 5 years later I am hairy, explanted and finally healing from a life of feeling ugly. Thank you for spreading this message 🙏
I was watching one of my favorite creators get a new jawline and she had a whole video explaining why she did it which was pretty much a list of things like: I hate my round face, I hate how my chin doesn’t protrude enough etc.. I watched as I have a very similar face shape and never once thought about these things and have thought about why I was so upset by the video for months after and feeling ashamed for even being upset because I shouldn’t care about what other people do but you put into words exactly what I’ve been feeling. I wouldn’t ever want my daughters to see me change such a huge feature of myself that they also have and have to explain to them that I didn’t love myself enough the way I was. Love your thoughts and couldn’t agree more. I can’t tell you what a relief it is to know others are feeling the same❤️❤️
Your point about body modifications being the same (if not worse) than filters is SO spot on!! I’d argue it’s worse. When you look around and are surrounded with people who have altered their features to achieve perfection, you feel you can never measure up! Imagine girls growing up in this type of society
Thank you for opening the door to this conversation. I grew up with so much shame about many things and still battle with body/image acceptance . One thing that hurts to watch is my mom at age 73 and Alzheimer’s… she doesn’t remember anything but still makes comments about not gaining weight. Can’t eat this or that. Or leaving the house without looking ok. And again she doesn’t even remember what happened 60 seconds ago but these feelings of “not being worthy” are very much part of her core memory.
Made me think as well, if I were to alter my self or change my body, my kids are going to have features that look like the ‘old’ me and see that I changed those things about myself. To think that they could gain an insecurity directly from me is humbling and makes me want to accept my body and my beauty or my ugliness for their sakes. The way we look does not determine our value.
I think about this all the time! All the women who have had nose jobs and have daughters who are going to grow up with the nose their mother hated and got rid of 💔
as i get older, one of the coolest things about our bio families is the things we share with them. looks, personality quirks, etc. everyone in my fam has a strong nose and i think it's pretty cool that we share that together
Yes, Bekah!! Altering your appearance most definitely affects other people (not just yourself) and it affects communities for generations!
I’m Assyrian married to an Armenian. Both of our cultures have larger noses than most European cultures and because of that, both of our cultures have a history of nose jobs. It’s so normalized that most teenage girls get them routinely at this point. All of my female cousins have had them. Aunts. Grandmothers. We’re losing our ethnic features for generations because we’re teaching our girls from birth that this is normal and expected to HATE our noses.
One of my cousins had a child that had her exact pre-surgery nose. It took that experience of seeing her nose through a different lens that made her verbalize some regret.
The tide is shifting and hopefully we can all embrace our features for what they are-just noses!! Or just lips! Or just cheeks! Nothing more, nothing less. A big nose and a small nose all have the same value and purpose and that neutrality is what I’m striving for raising my kiddos.
🥲🥲🫶🫶
Thank you soooooo much for talking about this! Beauty modifications have become way too common and it makes me so worried for my girls (5 and 2) and what their future looks like. Nearly every influencer I follow has had something done and it’s so discouraging… so again, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, because they do matter and they will make a positive impact!
Here’s my favorite quote from P.S. I love you:
“We're so arrogant, aren't we?
We're so afraid of age, we do everything we can to prevent it.
We don't realize what a privilege it is to grow old with someone.
Someone who doesn't drive you to commit murder.
Or doesn't humiliate you beyond repair.”
Random I know, but I saw this movie when it came out (I was 17 at the time) and it stuck with me ever since!
it's so refreshing to hear a like-minded person speak on this. thanks for sitting down and sharing your thoughts!
I totally agree and have been saying this for years!! The message these days is 'love yourself, every body is beautiful' but then if you have the money you can change it. I don't want to judge people for their choices because being a woman in this world is so difficult but it's impossible to overlook the hypocrisies of our society as well. Thank you for validating what I have been thinking 👏👏👏
I always love your exploration of topics and even the way you approached the beginning of the conversation. Because these conversations should be had in an open, exploratory fashion. There is no room for personalized shame because it’s a community conversation. How is our community as a whole being driven to make these decisions on a mass scale? My closest friend and I have had multiple conversations about the mass scale of cosmetic surgery and injections and the pressure we very consciously feel to “fix” ourselves and conform to these beauty standards. But, maybe in an act of rebellion, I always find myself asking “why is this being pushed to the point that it’s actually becoming more normal to be physically distorted than natural?” And the answer is complicated and simple all at the same time. And it’s the same answer to a lot of questions - patriarchy, consumerism, mental illness, physical illness. In the least extremist sounding manner - I believe that we are weaker if we are broke, depressed, sick and distracted. And so - I see the lines on my forehead and I know there is an “easy” fix. But at what price? Personally- the price is money, time, ignoring my values, etc. but, more importantly to me, on a community scale, if I fall into these new “norms” of society, I play into this agenda that I do not trust because I have had these conversations - I have explored the depths of this seemingly superficial topic. And I have come to the conclusion that, if I fall into the status quo on this topic, I am a part of a group of people teaching (mostly) women, and in turn men, that women are only worthy if they look exactly how society wants them to look. And we have come too far to sell ourselves out like that. Women - Act mindfully, live with intention. Rise above.
Rise above. No finer words spoken!
Holy this comment gave me CHILLS. 👏 so. well. said.
I recently have been faced with this in my own household. My mother had received cosmetic surgery to alter her body and get rid of things like post pregnancy boobs and post pregnancy body. When she broke the news to me that she would be going through this procedure I felt extremely odd to be the only one in my family to not be as supportive as the rest. I loved my mom’s post pregnancy body, I was able to visually see what she had done to bring me in this world and I loved it.
Throughout the process I remain supportive but there was an underlying feeling of her not feeling beautiful as she is and it made me sad.
Her body is now fully healed and she has about the same size waist as me, a 22 year old girl. I can tell she feels beautiful externally but it is obvious to see that it did not fix the internal problem.
Now my 19 year old sister is considering lip filler and other procedures after my mom began her cosmetic altering journey.
This video made me feel extremely seen and feel at peace with my decisions of being myself .
Thank you for starting this conversation
i needed this. very refreshing video on confidence and beauty. in my insecurity i was constantly scouring the internet to find "tips to make you feel confident" they were all "do your makeup and skincare daily, dress well all the time" i long to live in a post-patriarchy, post-gender society where it doesn't matter, and you can just be and be freely.
I got off Insta back in 2021 but I still use a website to watch your stories every day because you’re just so wise and genuinely making the world a better place and growing little humans that will probably do the same. Thank you for inspiring me💕
Great video Bekah!
Just wanted to share an observation on the topic of women's looks in general: I noticed on Chatty Broads that there were tons of comments on how beautiful you and Jess looked, while in contrast, on Chatty Bros, no one commented on the guys' looks and only commented on what they were saying, their jokes etc. What's up with that?! Such a double standard. There is so much emphasis on womens' looks, I am so over it! Even when it's compliments, it highlights superficial values.
There need to be more videos like this one!! 🙌
Yes! Thank you for speaking about the cosmetic surgeries. I agree with you and I think it’s never talked about.
Thank you thank you thank you! I’m 6months postpartum & having such a difficult time accepting this new body & my hair loss. But hearing you talk about how your favorite moments in life being the times when you were laughing with loved ones & don’t remember how you looked is so relatable. I was reminded of how special those moments are as opposed to wearing tight spanx to smooth out my belly under a dress for a party.
Beautiful is how you make yourself & others feel ♥️ it isn’t about how we look, it’s how we pulse in a room.
@@justaliz1887 ♥️ sending love & light your way.
You are SO refreshing and one of the only people I will watch on any medium anymore. Your voice is critical. Thank you for being real.
10/10 agree with a lot of this. It is definitely our duty to look inward at how we perceive beauty and how heavily influenced it is by society and how we can affect everyone around us with our choices. An interesting thought though - what about the intersectionality of privilege and beauty? As much as accepting ugliness into our lives sounds like a way to live more truthfully how do we consider that and the need to always be "put together" and "done up" as a way to combat inequities we face outside of our beauty (size discrimination, racial discrimination, disability discrimination). The act of celebrating our ugliness is radical for all people who identify as women but can feel like so much more of a burden for those who have other intersectionalities to consider. I think about this a lot as a black woman in a male dominated field where I constantly have to be on my game (and that comes with looking "put together") otherwise I'm perceived as "not caring" or "not serious" about my job which already feels like a closer assumption for someone who looks like me. So definitely a super interesting conversation and thank you Bekah for being so candid!
So appreciate this! All I ever see is people being mean af to anyone criticizing plastic surgery.
Tears. Bekah, thank you. I recently decided to stop coloring my hair because I realized how uncomfortable I was with my natural “mousey” hair color.
Yes! Sameeee! Made the decision last year and not going back. Saving time, money, energy AND I am honoring my natural self
There’s been nothing more sobering and mind-opening than being “perfectly” thin and realizing it was killing me. Choosing to gain weight on purpose was one of the hardest things I’ve done. There are days when I look in the mirror and hate my body and I just want to go back to how I was. But I worked so hard to earn each and every pound, all of it with love. So it’s okay that I don’t feel pretty all the time, that’s just fine. Those thoughts don’t control me anymore.
I agree with this. When I was 19 years old I got my boobs done, because I had had one breast develop to be about 2 sizes larger than the other (about a small A cup and a small C cup), and the thing about it was, I had actually come to terms with how I looked. I didn’t mind that I had two very differently sized breasts. What I hadn’t come to terms with was how OTHER people felt about my breasts. I was in a relationship with someone who made many harmful comments about my body, and he had encouraged me to get my boobs done. I was young and desperate and after a lot of back and forth, I did it. Although I did gain a lot of confidence in my appearance, and it’s easy for me to love the way I look now, I do wish I hadn’t gone that route. I think trusting that I was good enough without fake boobs and finding someone who loved me for me would’ve felt much better. But I give myself grace for the decision I chose, and I make peace with it, but I pray if I have daughters that I will be able to right this wrong. And if my daughters choose to change their bodies, because the weight of beauty standards is too much for them too, I will support them and tell them it’s okay, and that they’re still good enough, and they always have been.
I agree that we need to have more critical conversations like this and that we don’t have to shame people for the work they’ve had done, but we can criticize the system that makes nearly every women I know consider cosmetic surgery, and encourage a resistance!
OK!!!! This point about how body modifications *do* affect others is so so so so important!!!! I feel so strongly about this. 😭
Love this!
I first grew out my arm pit hair because I had a horrible rash and my doctor recommended me not shave for 6 months. My husband ended up loving it and he convinced me not to ever shave it again (my mind is still blown by that).
I’m not sure why, but I ended up deciding to stop shaving my legs as well, maybe it had to so with me wanting to embrace my natural self, not sure. But it very quickly became something that I realized I had carried shame from. My little sister, who is much hairier than me, use to get made fun of when we were little girls, because she was so hairy at just 7 years old. She got called a hobbit, because she was both short and hairy (remember, the hobbits had very hairy feet). Anyways, watching the way she got made fun of, made me self conscious about my leg hair, and I quickly became second hand ashamed, even though I was never made fun of.
I remember going to children’s church and constantly trying to cover my legs when I was only 9 years old. I stopped wanting to wear dresses that I loved because I was so sure everyone was looking at my leg hair and I was so embarrassed.
My mom ended up letting me start shaving when I was only 11 years old (I may have been 10, I don’t remember), and my little sister started shaving at 8-9 years old.
I can remember having a constant anxiety of what people thought about how I looked. At 11, I was upstairs doing hundreds of crunches in order to achieve the same abs I saw on women on the cover of magazines. I remember thinking I was fat because I didn’t have abs, and I was a freaking stick figure.
I remember stuffing extra padding in my swim suits to make it look like I had bigger boobs. I remember crying when I was 14 bc one of my friends told me I didn’t have a butt, that my butt was flat.
I remember my dad always telling me to go back to my room and take off the heavy eyeliner, telling me I was beautiful without makeup, and me not believing him.
Finally, at age 18, i felt like I heard God tell me to stop wearing makeup and stop trying to dress to impress for a month. So I did, it was the hardest thing I had ever done up until that point, but at the end of that month, I remember looking at myself, no makeup and dresses in an oversized shirt and Sophie shorts and thinking, wow, I am beautiful. Since then (12 years later) I still feel beautiful in my ugliness without makeup or fancy clothes.
My second challenge has been body hair (which is what I originally wanted this comment to be, but it sort of spiraled 😬). I’ve had my body hair for about 4 years, and lately I’ve been super self conscious about It again. I’ve considered just shaving it off and being done with it, but I don’t feel I should as I really want to overcome the shame I’ve felt over this hair since I was a little girl and I feel your honesty about how you still feel about your body hair has really encouraged me to keep going.
And the way I will end this is.... my SIL has also embraced her natural body hair and her two daughters and now son have grown up with both of us looking this way, and they do think it’s normal. When my 6 year old niece (then 5) was asked what she would do when she grew leg hair, she responded “Let it grow. It’s my leg hair”. So simple. No matter what she decides when she grows older, I hope she never shaves out of shame!
Hi- was having a day where I was just relentlessly shitting on myself and comparing myself to others and happened upon this. I was complimented so much on being pretty when I was little and I grew out of that a bit! Like I’m fine looking now lol but when I was little I was seriously baby magazine standard and it’s been really hard knowing that I don’t fit that same beauty standard anymore. Anyways- this made me cry and was just really good for me to hear today
Yes yes yes. This is why I feel that plastic surgery is inherently anti-feminist. The plastic surgery world is 99% directed at women and their bodies/faces and stems from misogyny. Women are taught to hate themselves and that the only way to stop this self-hate is to have a surgeon (and why are most plastic surgeons male???) permanently alter you to make you more desirable to the gaze of others (most often men -- male surgeons cutting up women's bodies to appeal to other men). It's all accepted under this umbrella of freedom to choose, yet women aren't asking themselves WHY they want to choose this. It hurts my heart to no end. I know it is much harder work to radically accept yourself than to make quick fixes, but in the long run it must be done... You don't need to love yourself, but we as women should work to ACCEPT ourselves.
Lately, nothing has made me feel sexier than being home alone, unshowered, unkempt, and in the ugliest clothes I own. I am my truest, most unrefined self and nothing is more beautiful to me. I’m not at a point where I feel comfortable sharing my unrefined self with the world around me, because of beauty standards and how I “want” to be perceived…but as I age, I care less and less and I look forward to the day when I can shed the mask of beauty and embrace my raw, ugly truth.
I love love LOVE this video!! I completely agree with the points you made and this absolutely needs to be talked about more!! ♥️
This is such a good thought-provoking video and discussion, but more so, I love how you're using your RUclips videos to talk about random stuff and chat and rant because it makes me feel like I'm still listening to you on Chatty Broads 💗
At the end when you were talking about the happiest moments it made me think of this: have you ever had a memory or event that was so happy and so fun, and then when you saw a “bad” picture of yourself from that day it taints the memory? The stupid little picture makes you feel self conscious now and embarrass for yourself on that day? I really want to work to undo those feelings.
Also, regarding makeup: I absolutely love the process of putting it on, which is great. However, I also am self conscious without it and never leave the house without at least a little makeup. I want to work on that as well. My husband and I are trying for our first child. If I have a daughter, I don’t want her to see me applying makeup every single day and learn that she needs it to be confident or worthy. If I have a son, I don’t want him to have the expectation of women that they always need to be “done up.”
Thank you, Bekah. Seriously, brought me to tears.
omg the body hair part hits so close to home specially bc i'm going through laser treatments right now... i have this mentality that a lot of things about my self esteem and life in general would be very different(for the better) if I wasn't that hairy, which I know it sounds ridiculous I and gotta work on that. Anyways about the whole cosmetic surgery/procedures frenzy going on in the last few years specially with social media growing presence I agree so much with you!! Its not like I am at peace with my non traditional features rn but people are being so quick to go after big changes in your looks just because someone else has done the same. And ngl some of those procedures have been destroying people's natural beauty or uniqueness. Its more of a pet peeve of mine instead of a serious criticism like yours but yeah some procedures these people go under makes me wanna choke them like whyyy did you do that to your fine looking face!!
Thank you for this, and for modeling such goodness on the internet. This probably sounds so weird, but I wish I could be friends with you, or I wish it was easier to find people like you to be friends with. I really admire how genuine and brave you are Bekah.
I have long been grateful to be a Vermonter. Something I have observed is there is a big difference between being youthful and being preserved. My beauty and style icon is Jane Goodall. How she’s lived her life and how trying to look younger is not a priority because her life is rich and rewarding.
So many RUclips beauty channels telling us how it’s absolutely critical to wear and reapply sunscreen, not to prevent cancer but an almost pathological fear of a wrinkle. How much of our energy is depleted stressing about visible signs of aging. So much mental and emotional energy wasted on the anxiety about our looks and aging.
So when I start to become fixated on some flaw or sign of aging I think “what would Jane do?” She’d slap on a hat, pull her hair into a ponytail and get out there leading a rich life, being the change she wants to see in the world, connecting in a non superficial way with animals and people.
I’m glad I live in Vermont where superficial beauty standards are less of a priority than they seem to be in other places or the Internet.
When do I feel the most beautiful? When I have been walking my dog in the winter, or when I’m swimming, when I’m laughing with children.
I appreciate you being brave enough to post this! And calling out that those who alter their bodies/faces DO affect others. Especially influencers. It sends a message whether they like it or not.
Thank you Bekah for posting this video
Loved this conversation, thank you Bekah xo
I love this conversation! I feel like so many influencers I follow justify their injectables and surgeries with "I look at myself all the time and see these little things about myself I don't like" and I would have never noticed if they never said anything. It's fascinating because I remember a time when self-love was huge but it seems like as influencers become more mainstream content creators they must be facing the same pressures that celebrities faced back in the day, and we made fun of them for all the plastic surgery they went through.
Also lol at the Juvederm ad playing right after this amazing conversation
I love the way you put it that we should be able to critique plastic surgery without it being an attack on those who’ve made that choice for themselves bc that is often why people shy away from this conversation but it’s become such a significant thing that we really should be to talk about it
I truly appreciate your perspective. As a plus size woman, I’ve recently started to wrestle with the idea that I’m expected to be more feminine because I am fat. I go against the beauty norm and in turn, I dress myself up and wear makeup more often. What’s weird is that I haven’t always been that way. In the last 5 years (I’m 31 now), I’ve really sought out my personal style and become creative with my makeup. I feel like finding my personal style has become a great way for me to wear what I didn’t wear growing up. It’s as if I’m exploring what I felt like I couldn’t. Same with makeup. I also love doing my makeup in the morning cause it’s a fun way for me to start my day. But I do notice that I sometimes want to do my makeup even when I’m at home all day. I can’t decide if it’s because I love the creative outlet or if I’ve given into this unfortunate beauty norm. SO MUCH TO CONSIDER. Thank you for this video and always finding the true beauty in things.
We need your perspective in this world, thank you for your always insightful thoughts. So much to chew on and think about!
I looooove this video! I think I speak for a lot of people when I say WE NEEDED TO HEAR THIS!!! Thank you Bekah!
I was born with nerve damage in my face making my mouth/smile “crooked” When I was 11 years old my orthodontist approached me to “fix it” by injecting Botox in my face. I couldn’t have been more excited/relieved. I had spent countless hours staring in the mirror to train my mouth to be symmetrical. I did the Botox thing for years and then when I was 19 thought “would I want my daughter to do this” if not, why the hell would I want myself to? I still don’t love it, some days I like it, but most days it never crosses my mind. ❤
I so agree. I am aging like us all. It’s a matter of being ok with losing the person you know to be the person you are now! Preoccupation with looks is just simplemindedness. I feel like it snowballs so quickly. I will exercise, eat well, use nice oils and cream and that’s it. I may stop shaving. I don’t do nails or polish or much make up. It’s enough! We’ve lost the ability to appreciate ourselves albeit love ourselves ❤
I love how you speak. So mature & raw! Thank you for so eloquently putting what so many of us feel!
You are literally a legend! I have never heard anyone speak more eloquently and with more truth than this! 👏
This video made me cry. It spoke to the depths of my soul, so deep… what we specifically as women have to deal with in society. Beauty standards just constantly beating us down… always questions if we really are pretty. Fuck it. I loved this video and the way you articulated your thoughts and feelings, made me reflect and realize i have a lot to think about.. and i now have a new favourite poem.. 🤍
I loved your ugly girl summer post, really made me want to embrace it and felt so much better about my normal self!!
Thank you for this conversation! I have said “What if you never saw another human being for the rest of your lifetime? Would you still get that cosmetic treatment done?”
I think being conventionally attractive while at the same time insecure stems from having your attractiveness highlighted in big and small ways throughout your life, therefore rooting in yourself a belief that you must uphold that image to maintain your value. A family I follow on insta are constantly telling their small children “You look beauuutiful! Stunning! Wowww beautiful” - and will repeat excessively - on the regular. I can 💯 see their good intention behind this, however I cringe a little thinking of the emphasis that is being placed on beauty in that child’s young mind.
I like this conversation you’re having.
I am so happy your youtube channel found its way to me!! I took an instagram break when you did this year or last December (whenever it was) but I never went back!! 🎉
Most of my friends & I are excited to age because unfortunately not everyone gets to 😢
I haven’t worn makeup in years and wear my hair natural 99% of the time. Some days I feel blah when I compare myself to other women but I truly love feeling so free and so natural. It’s amazing waking up and not feeling like I have to spend an hour making myself look presentable. I love looking like tue self all the time ❤
agree ive been looking ugly af lately bc priorities change
100% agree. it's a complicated topic bc one comment about my pale legs from one of my students made me go buy self tanner lol, but i have always thought i don't want to change the body i have bc those are the features i will give my children
This is a great conversation that should continue 👏👏
This is your best video to date (not counting the birth of your babies).
The Jack Black quote was the cherry on top of this insightful video! I love your deep dives into topics you’ve been processing 🥰
Loved this chat! Its very much the same narrative in my mind. I absolutely love the reason you stopped shaving! When I was pregnant with my son is when I for the first time ever started wearing short sleeves in summer because before that i had always been too insecure about my scars and i was scared of people’s reactions, but I was absolutely mortified about my sons’ view of hiding your body because of insecurities. Children really are our greatest mirrors in the sense that we suddenly not only see ourselves through the eyes of our own self image, but through the eyes of our greatest love.
Bekah I LOVED this video, wow. More content like this please! Such a beautiful setting/tone/vibe too. More intimate and real than a podcast. Love it.
Refreshing perspective. Thank you
Bekah, the way you share your thoughts and challenge ideas (with open hands) without shaming is beautiful.
i’m so happy you spoke about this. people get torn apart of expressing their distaste for the wild amount of normalization around plastic surgery/injections but it NEEDS to be a conversation
Thank you for this. Just this week I decided to stop wearing foundation. I’ve struggled with acne for half my life and I hate that I’m in a cycle of using make up to cover blemishes, which then causes more blemishes. Why do I need to cover my site and scars?! To make other people more comfortable?! Ridiculous. So from now on, the only things I will do to my body will be the things that truly benefit it and feeeeel good. Not just look good.
Watching this for the first time, only discovered you the other day. The first video i watched - recent pregnancy q&a, I felt really intimidated by you and your confidence and beauty. Now I’m like, awwh we’d be really good friends:)
Sending love 💛
Bekah you spoke to my soul. Thank you for these amazing and impactful words, this video needs to be on every entertainment article out there. Everyone needs to hear this, I know I sure did.
Thank you Bekah❤ could not agree more
I agree with embracing ugly. Beauty standards are too high and unattainable. The people who I know who have gotten “work” done, just find something else about their body that they don’t like. It seems like an addiction. I don’t see any reason to die my hair or get injections or other type of plastic surgery. I have so much more to offer to the world than looking perfect.
This really encourages me, thanks for sharing
i’m sobbing from that quote rn
These are things that have been on my mind a ton lately, THANK YOU for sharing.
I appreciate this opinion being shared so publicly so much! I have definitely thought about many different ways to change my body but I also think that in 15 plus years I'll regret that. I don't have any daughters but I do want my 3 sons to see a natural woman who has aged how she was designed to. And yes I completely agree, no one knows the long term risk of all these additives.
I love to hear people talking about this. It's so radical to reject the constant pressure to meet body standards that come from everywhere. I have so much love & compassion for women/people in general who alter their appearance so drastically but I completely & thoroughly reject the idea at the minute that being critical of beauty standards and acts to conform to this is in some way anti feminist/anti body posi. I respect their choice and I know the overwhelming and despairing pressure to be beautiful or desirable or youthful but how do we ever stop future generations from feeling that pressure if we keep conforming?? How do we create the conditions for our children to be comfortable in their skin just as they are if we are still trying to fit into this narrow and restrictive idea of beauty?
Also I love the idea of neutrality and peace. My dad once told me when I was 14 and fat and sad about not being beautiful and he didn't tell me I was, he told me I needed to make peace with myself because I will always be me, I will always look like me and I either spend my whole life resenting that and feeling shame for the way I look or I make peace. It made me so mad and sad at the time but as an adult I FEEL it.
Loved hearing you talk about this. I feel like people are to scared to talk about it.I feel like I’ve seen a lot of hypocrisy in this area with people saying you’re beautiful the way you are and preaching body positivity and then going to get surgeries or alterations. It’s very conflicting especially if you’re 8-12-16 years old
I’ve been trying to change my own internal understanding of ‘beauty’ but in the mean time, I literally don’t look into a mirror at my body-ever. I don’t know what my body looks like at all. It’s helped a lot with my self confidence!
So my work wardrobe and my weekend wardrobe are two very different levels of effort and “pretty”. And I’m totally comfortable going into the office not looking super dressed up because I’m there to do a job and my looks shouldn’t matter (and I like to sleep in)
But the other day a coworker said, “wow you really can look gorgeous when you dress up. Why don’t you do that during the work week?”
And I don’t even remember how I responded because I was so thrown by that comment. She thought she was paying me a compliment, I think.
But I love the idea of not always needing to be Pretty and agree with everything you said! We need to just let women be people and respect them for who they are. Not how they look.
I had a classmate in high school who died in the OR for a breast surgery. She was allergic to the anesthetic and this professional medical center was not prepared for it. She did not get to graduate, and she had such a brilliant future ahead. Her parents and brother had to have a funeral for her and all because she really wanted to change something about her nipples. She was so much more than that, and her life ended just like that. 😢
I luved this chat, Bekah! Thanks for taking the time with us! You’re the best❣️🥰😘
Hi, As a person who grew up with a mom who didn't shave made a big impact on how I thought of my body. Of course everyone else was hairless, smooth and "proper", so I still felt conflicted, but I did remove my hair from time to time. But now as an adult, I hardly remove my hair, and pretty much only do so when I'm at large events.
I love these discussions so much, Bekah. Would love to hear more of your honest takes on culture/ motherhood etc!! ❤
I just want to say THANK YOU for this Bekah! I feel like I really needed to hear this at this point in my life. I'm also sitting here crying after hearing you read that poem, it really hit home. Please keep making more videos like this. It may sound silly but I feel like this is a life changing discussion and I'm so glad I have this in the back of my mind before I have kids
❤ I don't want to step on anybodys toes or anything but this thing about being the "Victim" has become the true "buzz" word that everybody is attaching themselves to. You just said it yourself at the very beginning (that at the end of the day that we've become "victims" of society) Really though? I don't think so! I refuse to be a victim of anything anymore unless of course someones been physically attacked or in an accident or something like that, but in general we all are NOT victims. This victimhood narrative has gone off the rails. I myself have been through too much but as soon as we let ourselves go down that rabbit hole then when does the victimhood stop? I know my comment is not going to be very popular at all especially in these days but I think the more we do for others that are less fortunate than ourselves then that puts the focus on them and not ourselves. And I believe we should be less sensitive about things and words. Anyways you're such a great momma and wife and you're such an intelligent and articulate person, you are wise beyond your years. But I think we need to hear our own moms and grandmas out more often. I'm a newbie here. God bless you and your whole family ✝️❤️
Yes! Thanks so much for addressing this. I just recently listened to a podcast by emrata said that it’s a good thing cosmetic surgery has been normalized to such an extent but she completely ignored all the pressure this puts on kids and teenagers and I got really mad.
u are a super hottie on the inside Bekah!!! about to turn 22 and grateful to have such a thoughtful, kind human to learn from as I enter further into adulthood. have been preoccupied with looks and self worth my whole life, watching this released some of that. you are a blessing
Society and the media definitely influenced how I see my body but the hardest habits that I've had to break around an unhealthy relationship with food are the patterns that I picked up as a child watching my mom go on and off dieting with nutrisystem, slim fast, Atkins and every other diet craze that came around. You absorb so much just by watching how the adults around you live their lives. I personally want to set an example when I have a child that being healthy mentally and physically should be the goal, not achieving ridiculous beauty standards that will always change and always serve to hold women down.
Love this!!! Thank you! I’m an RN and the prettiest girl on my old unit started working for a cosmetic surgeon saw her 4 months later and looked like a karsashion. I’m a weird way this was a mind fuck for me.
This video couldn’t of came at a better time 💜 my heart needed this. Thank you
I love your brain and how you love to have these types of conversations. I think so many people are overdoing the Botox. That shit literally paralysis’s your muscles….. long term constant injections are going to destroy those muscles and they will most likely age way worse from it. Like you said, we don’t truly know the long term affects of it. I follow people that are overdoing it and they actually look weird to me ….so sad because they were totally beautiful and perfect the way the were. So sad! I agree with everything you said 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼miss chatty broads and these insightful convos, but so glad you have this YT space now 🤍
LOVED this video. Thank you for articulating exactly what I have been feeling for the past few years!!
I went to a party the other day and I looked around ready to be confronted with *all the beautiful people* and guess what I saw? Just a bunch of regular people with all kinds of different looks and shapes. I then realized that we are comparing ourselves to “online” people and that is what is skewing our perception and robbing us of the variability of humans.
My mom didn't shave her legs and rarely armpits until I was probably 18 and never brought any attention to it. I never thought anything of it and when I was growing up I rarely ever thought about my body hair (although I have blonde/light body hair). So it's true that your children will see this and shape their opinions. She also rarely wore makeup and never told us we needed to look a certain way or be "pretty". Me and my sisters were never told to wear fancy clothes, makeup, or do anything to our hair besides washing and brushing it. We were allowed to choose those things when we got older but it was never expected.
This was a really really empowering and when you brought up how your happiest moments of in life were about joy/laughter I feel like instantaneously my whole outlook on what truly should be prioritized in life at the end of the day
I just have so much to learn from you. Every time you speak you do it with such intention. I can listen to you talk about any subject. Thank you for sharing.
Appreciated how you talked through this. Thank you for having this conversation ❤
So happy to watch this video today. I stopped shaving a few months ago and I was inspired by you. Loving your RUclips content!❤❤