I hate when people say the "forgiveness" bullcrap. Usually those are the people who never felt true betrayal. The moment they do i would love to see how much they forgive.
People always take that wrong. It’s not that you forgive them and let them back in, it’s more like you forgive them to fully let them go. I cut off several relatives for the evil things they did to me (and I mean evil), I held so much hate it ate at me. I’ve “forgiven” them, as in they’re bad people and bad people do bad things so it’s expected. Now they’d just people I used to know, if I find out they died tomorrow I’d feel neither happy nor sad cause they no longer hold any part of me
Wasn't cancer but a near death experience showed me just who my siblings were as far as my welfare was concerned. They stole everything I owned pretty much saying that I "owed" them for their help. Went full no contact afterwards, no regrets.
It took a year before one sibling even tried to apologize. And as far as the person that said the parents would be ashamed of OP? Should have been told to eff off. They wouldn’t have been ashamed of OP, they’d have been ashamed of and furious at the siblings. That’s the kind of comment where you slap the commenter and call them out for insulting the dead.
Forgiveness is for the weak. Turning the other cheek only ever gets you struck twice. Want to be treated well, learn to take a giant merciless sh*t all over those who wrong you.
My sister literally told me to stop being so melodramatic and acting sicker then i was for sympathy 4 hours post open heart surgery. Then told everyone in our family I was lying about my health. They chose to believe her and treated me like crap while i was just trying to recover from a major heart attack. So i went no contact. A year ago our father also had a heart episode. And suddenly I was a heartless cruel person for repeating the exact line back at the family and saying i dont care. Dont even tell me if he lives or dies. I wont attend the funeral. Im healthy, stress free and enjoying my life with my husband. Drama free. Whipe ther lives are falling apart. Karma is fun to watch
Op was lucky, could you imagine what would have happened if they'd taken an interest in his Chemo treatments. Bet they would have block all advice on potential treatments, for fear of draining his finances . You have to wonder if they'd have even show up to the funeral they arranged for him or would they be too busy dividing up his belongs amongst themselves?
People confuse forgiving someone with returning the relationship to factory settings. It’s fair to say “I forgive you, I’m not mad. But you showed me who you really are and how little you think about me and our relationship, I can’t unsee that. If we do have any sort of relationship going forward that’s still going to be there. You can’t unring a bell”. Unfortunately being related to someone boils down to an accident of biology. It’s peoples actions that ultimately make them family. OP’s found family is where he should spend his emotional currency, they’ve earned it. His siblings are a losing investment in that regard.
*February 19th 2021 I found out I had lung cancer, I didn't tell anyone, not family, nor friends, Instead I saved my money feverishly amassing a hefty sum of money in a relatively short time, at the time I thought I was dying. Each round of chemo I literally wanted to die. August 2021 I was given the news that the mass on my left lung had shrank to the point it could be removed. I ended up telling my family after my recovery from cancer & they were less than thrilled I kept it a secret.*
I'm lucky. But it is almost always the Family you choose over the family you were born to. Blood is ONLY thick if it stands when it counts. Hope OP telt that nest to FOAD.
Why do people always act like forgiveness means letting people back in your life and acting like they never hurt you. That isn't what forgiveness is. You can forgive someone without ever trusting them again. You can forgive someone and still refuse to speak to them or allow them in your life. You don't have to trust to forgive. Forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Forgiveness heals you. Unforgiveness doesn't hurt them, it hurts you. Forgiveness to me means letting go of the anger. Understanding what happened and why and letting it go, not dwelling on it. It doesn't mean staying married to an abuser. It doesn't mean lending money to family who keep not paying you back. It doesn't mean allowing people who ignored you while you suffered back into your life.
NTA, they were happy to let you die alone knowing that your family had abandoned you. I have a different type of cancer but let me tell you: Chemo f*cks with every part of your body, and beyond the existential fears being addressed it feels like your body is betraying you because you cannot trust it during basic tasks. The hair loss was nothing compared to some of the other side effects of chemo, my eye color changed (weird but no biggie) my vision blurred or blacked out at times, my sense of taste, recessed gums, jaw muscle pain, food restrictions, blood pressure changes that left me nearly fainting, nail damage, excessively dry skin and rashes, loss of sensation in hands and feet which affected my ability to type and balance while standing still. And I know I didn't get some of the side effects I was warned of and that none were the worse case. Between the loss of appetite and loss of energy I think I would have stopped eating at one point if I hadn't temporarily moved back in with my parents. I only moved in with them when a doctor pressured me because I confessed that I took my phone with me to the bathroom because I wasn't sure I wouldn't collapse on the way there and back. And that if I did fall I wasn't sure I would be able to get up. A ten minute shower was a major feat that left me breathless. I remember waiting in a doctor's waiting room and wondering just how socially unacceptable it would be to curl up on the floor against a wall and just rest for just a few minutes. Have questions about my cancer journey so far feel free to ask, I finished chemo Halloween (2024) and will have my surgery in early December.
Congratulations on your remission. No questions. Just know you got support. Happy to hear your story. It's encouraging. Don't let your mental health suffer. My advice to you is to make sure you take care of that too. I hope you have all the holidays and that they are joyful. Il I don't have cancer but a life long disease that will eventually get me. After every treatment I treat myself. I plan things beforehand so I have something to look forward to. Treatments are so hard. The aftermath is tough. But we got this!!
@@teehee4163Thanks for the well wishes, but not quite to remission yet but definitely the hardest part is over. I have a friend who has dialyses three times a week, I only had chemo once a week for a few months. I'm more impressed with her perseverance now than I was before.
Being the bigger person is BS , it just means being a doormat.
I hate when people say the "forgiveness" bullcrap. Usually those are the people who never felt true betrayal. The moment they do i would love to see how much they forgive.
People always take that wrong. It’s not that you forgive them and let them back in, it’s more like you forgive them to fully let them go. I cut off several relatives for the evil things they did to me (and I mean evil), I held so much hate it ate at me. I’ve “forgiven” them, as in they’re bad people and bad people do bad things so it’s expected. Now they’d just people I used to know, if I find out they died tomorrow I’d feel neither happy nor sad cause they no longer hold any part of me
Blood DOES NOT make you family!!!
Go NO CONTACT!!!
#ProtectYourEnergy
#ProtectYourPeace
Funny how the extended family is complaining that OP is cutting off the siblings, but had no problem when the siblings abandoned OP to die.
There’s no way there were no signs before that…. What horrible people, though…
Wasn't cancer but a near death experience showed me just who my siblings were as far as my welfare was concerned. They stole everything I owned pretty much saying that I "owed" them for their help. Went full no contact afterwards, no regrets.
It took a year before one sibling even tried to apologize.
And as far as the person that said the parents would be ashamed of OP? Should have been told to eff off. They wouldn’t have been ashamed of OP, they’d have been ashamed of and furious at the siblings. That’s the kind of comment where you slap the commenter and call them out for insulting the dead.
You can always forgive people without ever telling them.
Forgiveness is for the weak. Turning the other cheek only ever gets you struck twice. Want to be treated well, learn to take a giant merciless sh*t all over those who wrong you.
My sister literally told me to stop being so melodramatic and acting sicker then i was for sympathy 4 hours post open heart surgery. Then told everyone in our family I was lying about my health. They chose to believe her and treated me like crap while i was just trying to recover from a major heart attack. So i went no contact. A year ago our father also had a heart episode. And suddenly I was a heartless cruel person for repeating the exact line back at the family and saying i dont care. Dont even tell me if he lives or dies. I wont attend the funeral. Im healthy, stress free and enjoying my life with my husband. Drama free. Whipe ther lives are falling apart. Karma is fun to watch
Op was lucky, could you imagine what would have happened if they'd taken an interest in his Chemo treatments. Bet they would have block all advice on potential treatments, for fear of draining his finances . You have to wonder if they'd have even show up to the funeral they arranged for him or would they be too busy dividing up his belongs amongst themselves?
Funny thing about the word Bygones....... You can't spell it without the word gone.
People confuse forgiving someone with returning the relationship to factory settings. It’s fair to say “I forgive you, I’m not mad. But you showed me who you really are and how little you think about me and our relationship, I can’t unsee that. If we do have any sort of relationship going forward that’s still going to be there. You can’t unring a bell”.
Unfortunately being related to someone boils down to an accident of biology. It’s peoples actions that ultimately make them family. OP’s found family is where he should spend his emotional currency, they’ve earned it. His siblings are a losing investment in that regard.
*February 19th 2021 I found out I had lung cancer, I didn't tell anyone, not family, nor friends, Instead I saved my money feverishly amassing a hefty sum of money in a relatively short time, at the time I thought I was dying. Each round of chemo I literally wanted to die. August 2021 I was given the news that the mass on my left lung had shrank to the point it could be removed. I ended up telling my family after my recovery from cancer & they were less than thrilled I kept it a secret.*
You can forgive them but tell them i now know what kind of people you are so i dont want to associate with any of you.
I'm lucky. But it is almost always the Family you choose over the family you were born to. Blood is ONLY thick if it stands when it counts. Hope OP telt that nest to FOAD.
Family does not abandon you. You can forgive but that does not mean you let them back in your life.
NTA. Families sick together in hard and easy times.
turns out they were Monsters.
Your siblings are shallow selfish and you made the right choice.
Why do people always act like forgiveness means letting people back in your life and acting like they never hurt you. That isn't what forgiveness is. You can forgive someone without ever trusting them again. You can forgive someone and still refuse to speak to them or allow them in your life. You don't have to trust to forgive. Forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Forgiveness heals you. Unforgiveness doesn't hurt them, it hurts you. Forgiveness to me means letting go of the anger. Understanding what happened and why and letting it go, not dwelling on it. It doesn't mean staying married to an abuser. It doesn't mean lending money to family who keep not paying you back. It doesn't mean allowing people who ignored you while you suffered back into your life.
NTA, they were happy to let you die alone knowing that your family had abandoned you.
I have a different type of cancer but let me tell you: Chemo f*cks with every part of your body, and beyond the existential fears being addressed it feels like your body is betraying you because you cannot trust it during basic tasks. The hair loss was nothing compared to some of the other side effects of chemo, my eye color changed (weird but no biggie) my vision blurred or blacked out at times, my sense of taste, recessed gums, jaw muscle pain, food restrictions, blood pressure changes that left me nearly fainting, nail damage, excessively dry skin and rashes, loss of sensation in hands and feet which affected my ability to type and balance while standing still. And I know I didn't get some of the side effects I was warned of and that none were the worse case.
Between the loss of appetite and loss of energy I think I would have stopped eating at one point if I hadn't temporarily moved back in with my parents. I only moved in with them when a doctor pressured me because I confessed that I took my phone with me to the bathroom because I wasn't sure I wouldn't collapse on the way there and back. And that if I did fall I wasn't sure I would be able to get up. A ten minute shower was a major feat that left me breathless. I remember waiting in a doctor's waiting room and wondering just how socially unacceptable it would be to curl up on the floor against a wall and just rest for just a few minutes.
Have questions about my cancer journey so far feel free to ask, I finished chemo Halloween (2024) and will have my surgery in early December.
Congratulations on your remission. No questions. Just know you got support. Happy to hear your story. It's encouraging. Don't let your mental health suffer. My advice to you is to make sure you take care of that too. I hope you have all the holidays and that they are joyful. Il
I don't have cancer but a life long disease that will eventually get me. After every treatment I treat myself. I plan things beforehand so I have something to look forward to. Treatments are so hard. The aftermath is tough. But we got this!!
@@teehee4163Thanks for the well wishes, but not quite to remission yet but definitely the hardest part is over. I have a friend who has dialyses three times a week, I only had chemo once a week for a few months. I'm more impressed with her perseverance now than I was before.