Why Can I Never Be Happy? (Rewire Your Brain For Happiness)
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- Опубликовано: 7 июн 2024
- Do you sometimes wonder: why can I never be happy no matter how much I achieve? Why do I struggle to feel happy even when my life is good?
If you often feel guilty or frustrated because nothing makes you happy, it’s hard to enjoy the present moment, or you find yourself always worrying and focusing on the future, watch this video to find out why this is happening, plus learn some simple practices to rewire your brain for happiness.
Note: this content is for informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice, or as a substitute for the advice of a physician.
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-- Why Can I Never Be Happy? (Rewire Your Brain For Happiness) --
In conversations that I’ve been having with friends and clients lately, a common theme has emerged:
Why am I not happy even when my life is good?
Even when I have the advantages and privileges that I need or want?
But most of all…
Why can I not REST?
Enjoy the present moment?
Appreciate all the good that surrounds me?
If this is something you’ve struggled with or found yourself up against from time to time in your life, there are some very good reasons that you might feel this way.
Now, to be clear here, I’m not talking about clinical depression, grief or a very real and valid reaction to upsetting circumstances (hello curren socio-political climate).
What I’m talking about is the inability to connect to all the good and wonderful things that surround you in your everyday life. To access joy, empathy and play.
So I made a video about it. In it I share some of the reasons that people -- especially those who are driven high achievers -- tend to get stuck in the pursuing and aren’t able to enjoy the achieving.
Plus I give you a couple of super simple exercises based on neuroscience to rewire your brain for happiness while still satisfying your inner need for growth and achievement.
Check it out and be sure to leave me a comment to let me know what you think!
#HowToFeelHappy #HighAchievers #SelfHelp #SukieBaxter
References:
Dr. Andrew Huberman on The School of Greatness bit.ly/2WRYrI8
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MEDICAL DISCLAIMER: This content (the video, description, links, and comments) cannot and does not contain medical/health advice. The medical/health information is provided for general informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED IN THIS CONTENT IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK. Read our full RUclips Disclaimer at: bit.ly/3nry9Z5
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Thanks for watching! Check out this video next: Why Do Smart People Struggle With Anxiety? ruclips.net/video/voYv6c-Ia7A/видео.html
Susie Baby, if you have to try to be happy you won’t ever experience true spontaneous happiness. Trying by definition is a calculation, an effort that distracts from the inevitable eb and flow of emotions. You can’t cling because clinging is a contrived state of being. The only success you can have trying is to be a genuine fake. And there is nothing worst and more contemptible than someone faking an emotion.
I used to be always hard working till I got cancer. Doing things all day long. Now I stop after dinnertime and relax and listen to music or play some nice songs on my guitar. Enjoying my evenings! Im happy to say that my cancer stopped growing now! Thank you for your beautiful lessons! Im very thankful for hem! Love from Yvanita in the Netherlands.
So pleased you are learning to relax, as am I👍 and cancer played a part in me finding a better balance in work/life too. Stay strong and keep chilling!
💝❣️🖤💗💜❤️💃
Oh my god so happy for you 😊
Now Fast with zero sugar.
I’m sorry about your cancer. I’m glad that your turned your life around for the better now. Sending u much healing positivity x
I am so ready to just chill the f**k out! This video is such perfect timing.
That's awesome, Nicole! Serendipity! 😀
P.s. clicked on this vid out of curiousity... cuz I am happy every day, not all day, but everyday, and not saying "F**K" for no reason, to strangers, has something to do with it maybe :P
Celebrate wins and every step in between! I celebrate submitting a grant application when the outcome is still unknown. I also celebrate grant application rejections, because they are an endpoint and provide closure. The closure is as much as a milestone worthy of celebration as a win ;) it opens the door to new opportunities and not being stuck in the past.
Celebrating rejections is something that I have newly incorporated into my ethos and you're right that it's a wonderful way to acknowledge completion. I love that you brought this up.
This is groundbreaking for me. Thank you 😊
I have gone to so many doctors, neurologist, chiropractors, physical therapist, you name it... for my intense anxiety, issues with vasovagal syncope and concerns with my constant feeling of overwhelm (even when it makes little sense). Most either dismiss me or hand me antidepressants. REALLY glad I found your channel and sincerely appreciate your videos. It’s been so validating and refreshing to finally find an explanation that fits my situation to a T!
this is so true for me. I do this all the time everyday. always looking for the next struggle because it makes me feel good and worthy. love this video.
I identified alot with the issues facing achievers. I liked the analogy for balancing the daily persuit with regular checks on your status - regular times for thankfulness and self contemplation. I agree that burn comes when we pursue achievement all the time without regular self contemplation.
So relevant - you have described me to a tee. I cannot relax at all and 30 minutes with you have made a difference I’ve never experienced before. It feels like I’ve finally found someone who can really help me. The relief 😅
Wow, I just discovered your channel this morning. Thank you, RUclips for sending your videos my way. I'm a total overachiever - really smart, really talented, but I have that awful syndrome of being way too hard on myself and focus on my "failures." Nothing I do is ever enough.
Sukie, the information you're giving us has opened up a whole realm of possibility I didn't know existed before. It feels as if you've brought me into a greenhouse. I'm surrounded by the sense of flowers and the sensory experience of living things all around me, the warmth and the humidity, and the softness of the air. That's what possibility feels like to me. Thank you.
Thank you so much for all your help Sukie. Since I started listening to your RUclips videos a few days ago it has changed my life dramatically to the better. Especially the parts about the Vagas nerve have really helped me out a lot. I will continue watching your videos because I want to improve successively and get into better overall health that is my ultimate goal.
Every bit of your video resonated in me and although I've known the importance of self-recognition for a long time, I still overlook it. Listening to Sukie stroke a deeper cord within and "rest/reset" or "serotonin reset dopamine" feel now like stick-on-notes in my brain. Deeply grateful
Wow Sukie, this talk blew me away! Thank you so much for letting me know what I can do to calm my autonomic nervous system down 🙏🏼
I so appreciate how clear and articulate you are in explaining complex matters in easily understandable language. I have gotten a lot from your videos and have shared them with many clients and friends. You are a champion and I celebrate your wins!
Celebrating my wins is something I need to do more of. I graduated college. And though I am not using my degree in a line of work, there are many things I gained through my college experience that I apply throughout most of my days, and I need to be mindful of that. Likewise with my securing a CDL. I can also celebrate a lot of accomplishments I've made with home renovations, basically turning a really old house into a joyous place to come home to and relax. Because through numerous traumas, I haven't gotten much encouragement from outside.
This!!!! Thank you so very much for sharing this video and the research you did to get here. This is brilliant!
Thank you, Sukie! This lesson resonated with me- About 1-2 times per year I just want to challenge myself by finding new work, moving somewhere different, etc. I have been employed in the same place for 2 years, have been promoted, and have daily challenges, but I feel like I can do them all in my sleep. I do notice my surroundings and actually do, naturally, many of the techniques you discussed. I still want to learn more and do different things just for the adventure.
Hi Sukie, thanks so much for making these videos. I identify with many if the issues that you cover and I appreciate how you explain them with great ways to handle them. Keep up this great work :).
I have felt myself shift subtly away from stress and towards more calm, using the “be grateful” tip you mention. It diffuses the push-push-push and steps back to say, yes, I’m ok, I’ve received things I needed, and I don’t need to manically chase what I think I don’t have yet. Your chemical explanation of this is interesting. Such a huge topic with many possible angles!
Please keep on posting. Your videos had been changing my life :)
On one of your videos you talked about improving your posture just by pushing your breast bone forward. That was so helpful. I’ve been trying to improve it by pulling my shoulders back and finding it very difficult. Your idea feels much more doable
great content sukie! thank you so much. happily sharing with many people who i know will benefit from this.
This perfectly described me, thank you so much!!!
This is great advice. I definitely find validation in the struggle and my peers view of me. I've also realized that I need down time and for that to work I must have a change of scenery and then it takes about 3 days to wind down. And then I'm relaxed. Took a long time to realize that I'm worth that much time off and that I will have a job when I get back. Jobs that don't give you that aren't worth keeping.
Just came across your videos & I'm hooked. I've had Gad for years & recently it's caused pain throughout my body. Searching for ways to release tension & stress one of your videos popped up, I've been watching them for hours now, so much information you've given me is so resourceful & has calmed me. Your voice is soothing & and just knowing ways to cope is awesome, ty, I've subscribed and look forward to learning much more,
Thank you for this important reminders and advise! I Often forget to celebrate my acomplishments. Love your kind voice and the way you explain complex concepts. Thanks
So many of your videos go back to our primal nervous system, and when we look at it from that ancient perspective...all of the ways our bodies are reacting make so much more sense. It's calming just thinking "Hey, it's ok. This is my body responding to a perceived threat."
Wow! I'm an art therapist and I've been implementing somatic work slowly. I see this in my clients and I absolutely see this in myself! Thank you, this was so helful :)
Sukie, your videos have been a tremendous help, including this one! You just gave me an idea to suggest to my boss to take our team out to lunch each time one of us completes a large project. We used to on occasion, pre-covid but now as places are more relaxed, this will be a great twist to our old routine!
Oh so true of me - I've got to 57 and have only recently realised how I have always lived on/with anxiety. This video is so spot on it could be based on my life. I wish I'd seen this years ago, however I will make the most of this information from now on. Thanks.
Me too! I'm 62 and only discovered a couple of months ago that various states I experience are related to each other and that folks call it anxiety. What a surprise! I now think of it as nervous system dysregulation. Calling it what it technically is helps me to keep my eye on solutions. Suki's videos are definitely part of the solution for me.
I am glad I rediscovered your videos it is answering the question about why I can't get rid of the dread/anxiety feelings that I am so tired of
You are so helpful. Ive been becoming more aware of the tension in my body. I go for walks but look at my phone the whole time. No wonder I don't feel the effect!
We just found you and already love the videos that you have put out. Thank you!!!
This one made me subscribe. I need something easy to do that is inexpensive and can do any time I need. This video felt like you were talking to me. I used to run, but after an accident cant. Now I have trouble controlling my happiness and mood.
I love the idea of incorporating play/gaming approach. Did that instantly treating a mundane admin task into a level based game - surprising how quickly it worked and elevated that task. I did not know that Serotonin resets Dopamine. I will definitely be paying more attention to that and making sure I celebrate my wins however small. ❤️❤️❤️You’re awesome. ☺️Thank you ☺️❤️❤️❤️
What you said made me cry...celebrate no matter how small...Thai the missing link in my life. My late dad never gave us kids positive feedback, only criticism. I'm 63 yrs.old. 😪
Thank you for this video. Everything you said resonated for me.
Years ago in a car journey from Italy to Germany, sitting in the passenger seat, I zoned out and just watched the road. When I got out, after a couple of hours of this, I felt as if I'd just done the best meditation ever. A long time later, with my eyes shut, I spontaneously had a vision of sitting in a car and moving very fast and fluidly on a road snaking through attractive countryside. Again, it felt very relaxing.
You are awesome! I love your videos! Thanks so much for helping me help myself.
Thanks, Cole! I’m so glad you’re here.
Your content is so helpful.
Susie, I am in love with your videos! Only discovered them a couple days ago and have watched and re-watched about 4 of them. Can’t wait to watch more. My mom was a huge worrier. Dad was chill as could be. I’m a perfect blend of them I think. I appear mostly chill but under the radar, when anxiety strikes -it’s intense and affects my digestive health immediately. (I’m following you primarily to understand how resetting my nervous system might help me get a handle on my IBS and insomnia.). Do you have any books or specific resources, videos you could recommend for folks with digestion issues primarily? Or can others comment on if somatic therapy has helped their digestiion challenges?
Resetting the nervous system. The idea of resting and feeling like you have everything you need, even for a second, so you can then go out n get more from a fresh place. Thank You!!
Your videos are awesome! I have achieved and only the achievements that I really have to struggle for are the ones I enjoy. Your video has made me think where I am coming from. Hope you are succeeding in your practice. Thank you for putting this out there.
Hi Sukie,
Thanks for your vidéos. The part on the link between dopamine and serotonne seems crucial to me😊
Take care
Katia from Paris
Thank you, help me look at my emotional state.
this so true, people who are perceived as negative are just in survival mode but need some adjustment to modern life
Good info....thanks!
I absolutely love your videos.
I'm so glad I found you. Love from Argentina ❤️
Aww, thanks Bibiana!
Me too
Very good explains a lot x
I love your channel!
Thanks !!❤️
I have the hardest time celebrating my wins. In this moment of time, my wins are so small in comparison to all I have to do. I’m working at it after having a break down some time ago. But I’ll keep working at being in the moment, and seeing the wins and celebrating them.
Modern life and the idea that we are like machines (even though we're not) has made so many people skip and skimp on rest. Helpful reminders to value resting and relaxing so our body & mind can perform to its optimal state.
Hi Sukie! I just really enjoyed your video about accepting your passion for horses after being disconnected by societal pressures that you felt as a child in grade school. Now, your explanation of dopamine being neutralized by natural serotonin explains why people burn out when they don't take serotonin breaks. The ones who use drugs instead of nature become addicted and possibly victimized by the "underworld". I connected with you from the first minute of your Vagal Toning Video. Besides your honesty, brains, energy and white background I would love to know more of your presentation success. I feel the same way about Lucas Stonewood. Do you guys know each other? He found his passion in Yoga! Thanks a million for everything. Renee Levitt
I really never understood the difference between serotonin and dopamine and this makes so much sense now. I have a son with addictions that has really low motivation in his life and the chemistry of it all makes so much more sense as well. Now to just come up with moreserotonin producing activities for myself as I am a high achiever and find myself looking for ways to be productive even in my downtime! Ha ha, thank you so much for this. I’ve benefited from your work for many years.
I call this technique Dig Dug’ing your way thru life💚
thanks sukie!
In my twenties, I would work hard Monday through Friday at a job that was stressful. Then on the weekend, I couldn’t relax, I ended having panic attacks. I had been a major high achiever
Great video. I really enjoy watching and learning from you. Side note- you have nice eyes 😊
I have experienced trauma resulting CPTSD. I am currently active in EMDR therapy. My therapist wanting me to learn about my vagus nerve which led me to you. Your Polyvagul Theory explanation gave me an understanding path to to evolve with my healing. In particular the identity void. Just asked therapist: “if I process 2 yr old trauma what am I?” Thank you
Good topic
Thanks! Glad you like it 🙂
Hi, I’m 69 yrs. Retired teacher and the drive to do is still very intense. I’m at a loss finding how to satisfy the drive. 🌸
You had me at chill the f$&@ out! I love people who talk real. I found your videos when I needed them the most! 40 years of fire and EMS service and many injuries, including back surgery and lost my passion as well as serious burn out. This lead to overwhelming PTSD. I ignored my body,heart and soul needs. I refused to fix my mind and soul and it left me isolated and operating at a numb, redlining and sympathetic response 24 hours a day with no sleep. I’ve been through psychological counseling, but many of your exercises have really calmed my mind heart and soul. Thank you. Do you do telahealth treatments?
Hey @jeffhaisch551 I don't do any telehealth, but I'm actually gathering some info on the impact of professional burnout on the nervous system. If you would be open to it, I'd love to set up a time to have a conversation and ask you some questions about your experience. You can send me a direct message on Instagram @sukiebaxter and we can set something up.
@@SukieBaxter I would love to set that up. I think you have the missing links many have been missing in their complete healing.
Very clarifying explanations of a very complex subject - pun intended :-) A burnout culture was a real ahah. Thank you
You're so welcome! Thanks for watching 🙂
It was helpful to understand our propensity to identify and discuss perceived threats in an evolutionary perspective.
Hey, could you link the sound/ music in ur videos also! ^^ I have conditioned to these sounds as relaxing way and would love to use that in some way. :D Love ur videos
Thanks Sukie 😘
You're welcome!
I’m listening to this on my AirPods while vacuuming, doing laundry, changing the sheets & cleaning the bathroom.🤣
I've paused the video at 26 seconds to leave this comment... because I've never heard Sukie (bleeped out) swear before 😅Excellent advice btw 👍😅
Resetting dopamine with serotonin sounded reveling.
It’s really funny I found her a few days ago and I’ve been listening to everything and I keep going oh my God does she know me how does she know how I am how does she know all these things about me oh my gosh like hit the nail on the head 😄😄😄🤣🤣🤣
I did not expect to have a proper laugh out loud moment - chill the f**k out 😆😆😆❤👍
Curious if you have an example of how to incorporate play in forward movement and/or the metrics bit? I struggle to transition in general, so I love the intermediate step idea. Thank you!!
Hey Amanda, I think this depends a little bit on what you do -- and also what you like. I love anything strategy related, so literal metrics are great for me. Since a lot of my work is delivered digitally, I can look at charts and graphs depicting growth (views, comments, subscribers) which gives me tangible evidence that things are moving forward (i.e. people are seeing and engaging with my work, which is of course the ultimate goal). If you produce actual goods, you could look at your daily or weekly output. For service based operations, a metric could be number of clients served or projects completed. The important thing is to find a way to give yourself evidence that you're moving forward and not just spinning your wheels. Exactly how you structure this will be very individual.
@@SukieBaxter Oh I wasn't very clear. I'm an evaluator so VERY family with metrics. :) So here I meant more in daily life. Examples of metrics or "fun" strategies to be able to calm my achiever from that go go go mentality at home (or in transition from work to home, if that makes sense).
Ah, gotcha. If you are transitioning between activities or situations -- i.e. from being "on" to being in a more relaxed, easy-going state -- I'd suggest adding in some of the self generated optic flow. Go for a ten minute walk, make a point to observe things passing you by as you move forward. That will help to shift your nervous system into a more parasympathetic state.
@@SukieBaxter Thank you!!
Hi Sukie, is it normal for these exercises to bring up a bout of depression? I’ve been doing them everyday for about a week and I feel unusually depressed! Is this something I need to work through with the exercises or should I stop?
Hi Elizabeth, I have not had that experience, but each person is different. If you feel they’re having an adverse effect, then I’d say they’re probably not for you.
celebrate our wins! I could definitely do this more.
It's a good habit to get into, for sure 🙂
Great info thanks 🙏💕,how many times should the finger exercise be repeated ? And how often?
Hey Preeti, you can use them as often as you like as there really is no downside (unless you experience any disorientation, dizziness or visual disturbance -- then I'd recommend against them). I usually only do one pass of watching the fingers move away. They're great after you have been staring at a small screen for hours 🙂
Is it possible to *completely* reset your body/nervous system to a new set point (ie calm)? Almost all my life there has been high stress. And I appreciate my body's way of flooding me with the hormones necessary to handle that high stress life. But now that I'm in my 40's, my life(style) has completely changed & stress is at an all time minimum. But I think my body is so "used to" stress mode that it's misfiring & trying to still flood me with those hormones. I'm having frequent anxiety/panic attacks. It's terribly troublesome. It's like my body doesn't *want me* to now be calm. I'm trying everything I can to reset but I'm literally fighting my body. Is resetting a long time process or is there a way to quickly & permanently reset?
@Sukie Baxter, How old are you?
What if my life is absolutely horrible?? Not everyone has a good life.
1.Hello, i don't know if I already typed this same comment before but I need help. I don't think i can take these symptoms much longer. i saw your trauma vids and I realize im stuck in fight or flight thing. I wake up heart beating fast, can barely breath, can never feel relax even when i try.
2. You also said how emotion state carries to physicals, feel like im floating when i walk. I got horrible acne, brain foggy, feel numb or when i walk I feel like dizzy but not sure if its legs or in my head. my nose is always clogged and so are my ears. my posture is terrible. constripation etc. I feel like my nervous system or my whole body is screwed up.
3. I do you your vagal nerve exercise and never feel a shift or difference. no sighs, breaths yawns. even after 30 times. I also do your 20 min exercise on your website and feel calm for a bit and reverts to my old crappy ways of not relaxed, heart beating fast, feeling stuck, angry wanting to kill myself. I don't know what to do I feel like my nervous system is so deeply blocked that im stuck in this horrible state. im lost
❤️ your message just struck me. I know someone who could have written this. You are wonderfully and perfectly made. Keep seeking help.❤️
Praying for you. Jesus loves you. You may also want to search for Claire Weekes anxiety after listening to this video and for your spiritual search for Max Lucado anxious for nothing.😊
Try shaking it out, basically dance for a few minutes shaking your body, and most likely after done, you will fill a lil calm and cry it out. Sit down after and breathe for a bit.
@@ivankasonal3194 tried that lol no crying yet
On the tendency to “first speak about possible threats” (negative talking when socializing); do you believe there is a place for this? I intend to keep from engaging in this, and once it starts, eventually I end up doing it anyway, which keeps it going in the group.
A friend asks me how to be more positive, then this happens when we get together. I really want to ask her to share only positive, b/c she had plenty of other people with whom to share grievances.
This is a complex topic, actually. I'm very against "positivity washing" or "toxic positivity" where you pretend to be happy and upbeat when you aren't. There is ample research showing that this negatively impacts health and can even damage the memory center of your brain. So, it's not about just being positive and ignoring the "negative" or unpleasant aspects of life; however, there is a need to build relationships founded on positive connections as well.
I read an article a few years back that said that women who ride horses tend to live longer on average. The article attributed it to being outside and exercising regularly as well as having a purpose or meaning in life. But I also wonder if the social connections built on a shared passion rather than on commiserating about life's challenges influence health. Something to ponder.
In any case, suppressing "negative" or unpleasant thoughts and feelings is no better than focusing on them outright. They need to have a way to come out.
@@SukieBaxter Thank you for your insightful reply! I’d not heard of positivity “washing”; very interesting, indeed!
I’ve found when I take the time to honestly journal out everything I’m feeling, I can more easily come to a state of neutral about it, and become more positive about the future of the situation.
Probably doing more of that would help me stay in a place of peace while being able to observe and support others in their grievances... and not get caught up in them.
Thanks for what you do! So far, the knowledge you’ve shared has helped me better “hold onto” release of muscle tension. Looking more deeply into your Nerve Program. 🙏🏻
What about chronic under achievement.
It's a shame you stopped creating content 😢
Do you intend to come back in the future?
If you are focused, you are happy. unfocused you are unhappy
can you help me with diabetes?? thx a lot
you should improve your website to buy ur couse is not converting nobody sign up to buy course.. also bad design.. happy to help
How to celebrate the wins?
Any way you like! It's the act of acknowledgement that matters.
What if my life is pure shit and not really good?? 🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️
P.s. clicked out of curiousity... I am happy every day, not all day, but everyday, and not saying "F**K" for no reason, to strangers, has something to do with it maybe :P
Im ready to chill the fuck out lol
i would like to celebrate you with you )