Therapist Reacts: Ruby Franke, Jodi Hildebrandt & Connexions... Religious Trauma?
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- Опубликовано: 16 окт 2023
- Let's talk about Ruby Franke, Jodi Hildebrandt, Connexions, 8 Passengers and religious trauma. Religious trauma is a real thing and effects so many. The truth is Ruby Franke & Jodi Hildebrandt's controversial religious teachings and practices are ones that could have a negative impact on so many and result in many religious trauma victims. There were many comments on my last Ruby Franke video (see link below) about Connexions, her teachings with Jodi Hildebrandt, so I wanted to dive more into this. As a therapist who has done significant research and work around religious trauma, I needed to learn more. Let's talk about brainwashing, toxic family environment, extremist groups that use religious teachings and influence and more. We often see these manifests as religious cults or online groups or using internet community building as influence. Let's dive into the story of Ruby Franke & Jodi Hildebrandt and how Connexions came to be, and what their teachings really were. Have you experienced religious trauma? Or did any of you do any work with Connexions? I would love to hear your experience in the comments!
Related new videos and updates on this story:
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7 ways religious traumatizes you: • 7 ways religion trauma...
Ruby Franke's double life: • Inside Ruby Franke's a...
Ruby Franke's level of abuse: • Ruby Franke’s Private ...
Rise & fall of Ruby Franke: • The Twisted Case of Ru...
More Therapist Reacts: • Therapist Reacts to Fr...
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More on problematic ways of Ruby Franke: ruclips.net/video/4_8EguIHNAs/видео.htmlsi=L8xqDHLKaooeb6JC
Religious trauma caused me to hate the bible and anything associated with religion.
17:21 "Sometimes we are a victim." Thank you SOOO much for saying that! All "victim" means is, something happened to me that wasn't my fault. I didn't ask for it, didn't cause it, and couldn't prevent it, and yet it hurt me. It does NOT mean I can't move on from it, or that I just gave up and stopped living because of it. I've had it up to my neck with those self-righteous, "I'm NoT a ViCtIm, I'm a sUrViVoR" people. One CAN be both.
Yes! Thank you.
This comment meant so much 😭
I've been saying/feeling this lately too.
You will remain a victim if that's what you think or believe. I am a survivor. I'm no longer a victim. A victim is what i used to be. One day i decided to try to stand in front of the mirror for 2 minutes and tell my "I am a survivor. I am not a victim anymore. A victim is what i used to be. Now, i am a survivor." At first it felt stupid like i was lying to myself. But within a couple of weeks it had completely changed how i felt.
Without knowing it i was using a tool therapists often recommend. No one told me about this. It was just a thought that came into my head and i thought, "well the alternative is endless misery and victimhood, so there's nothing to lose. I have no reason to be embarrassed because no one else will know about it unless i tell them after it's worked." If i can feel like a survivor instead of a victim, maybe can you too if you just give this a try.
One of the clips from "8 Passengers" that I saw recently from all of the coverage was of Eve (the youngest child) asking her mother Ruby what movie they were going to see when Ruby told her they were going to see a movie. Which is a very natural question for Anyone to ask in that scenario. But Ruby passive aggressively "punished" her and turned it around on her for being "ungrateful". Like it was an "ungrateful" thing to ask. She's so unbelievably manipulative.
@jennifergrove2368: wasn’t curious one of theose virtues they were extolling?
I’d bet she asked what film if it was Kevin who had the idea of going to one, or him if she had the idea.
I grew up LDS. I grew up in shame. I'm still trying to let it go.
The LDS church is one of the worst. Long distance hugs in your journey. ❤
Healing the Shame That Binds you by John Bradshaw was helpful to me on beginning my journey. His book Homecoming is great for inner child work as well.
You are not broken.
You are worthy, valued & resilient. Be kind to yourself🕊️
Raised in the mormon church, I left after the November Policy. I left so much shame and guilt behind. I also got a 10% raise and a second Saturday! I'll never join organized religion again.
I understand a bit. My parents dragged me into the church at age 13, and after a few years left it. Stupidly and doggedly, I held out for another year. A well-meaning and tender heart can be dangerous for such a vulnerable age.
I'm Catholic I still have shame.
Anger, resentment, bitterness, blaming and irritation all because she thought someone turned on the lights in her bedroom? Wow! I can understand minor annoyance but that's about it.
That's what I thought! She seems constantly irritated and grouchy over minor things.
So true! She has 6 children. How terrible that one of them might need something in the middle of the night.
As a male, the same thoughts that you #ahermannblue, #Tilly236 and #deanarichmond5196 have described, occurred to me as I watched that portion of the video clip of Ruby Franke describing the light in the room. The question also arose in my mind, "What previous trauma had Rubi Frank experienced to have elicited such reactions?" In saying that, I am most certainly not justifying the treatment that I understand she meted out to her children. However, there may be signs of what I think of as the intergenerational nature of abuse and its perpetration on others.
Literally my exact thoughts listening to this! Like lady you ARE living in distortion if that's your natural reaction to something that should be triggering curiosity and concern for the person turning on your lights rather than aggression and frustration cuz lord help anyone who inconveniences you in the slightest. Like if YOU ARE YOUR ONLY PRIORY--then maybe use birth control and NOT HAVE KIDS
Highly adaptive? more like instant resentful of having kids. That’s not proper to see your kids or families as a threat! She was about to throw a pillow or yell at a kid that might have a fever and needs help from mom. That wasn’t an appropriate reaction. You’re missing the point.
What you said about children's natural behaviour being portrayed as an issue with their morality hit really hard.
My stepmother did the same thing to me. I'd lie about minor things because I was scared of her reaction, and was labelled 'deceitful'. It's a narrative that still runs to this day.
I'm not even a parent, but know that children testing boundaries is a natural thing, and actually a good thing, as it helps them develop.
Ruby Franke seems to genuinely hate being a mother, and is punishing her kids for just being kids.
Honestly most parents do this from time to time. Most kids would get yelled at if they spilled milk, for example.
But who on earth would yell at an adult for spilling a glass of milk?
Most parents (American anyway) are very resentful towards their children. I think this is likely due to the lack of community support and basic services in america.
Many parents have children out of narcissism and secretly hold their children in CONTEMPT.
As a pastor, I value your content so much. When I was helping people, I always referred them to mental health professionals because I knew I didn’t have all the answers. Thank you for this video.
Unfortunately that's an exception in religious environments where people are pushed to believe magical, fantastic miracles and prise the religious leadership for everything good that happens instead of trusting facts and science which are often demonized.
Like people always forget to prise the scientists and doctors that cured a desperate case but always remember to call it a miracle
Just like in the Bi e the women who bled for years seeked many physicians to help find her a cure, her ultimate cure was Jesus who is the ultimate healer of our souls, and so grateful if we do manage to find medicine for our pains. We are not without suffering in this temporary world.
@@user-yr8mv9uq8t Nonsensical nonsense 🙄
@@markmuller7962💯💯💯
well thats nice that you said that. seems your not as gullible as most believers thinking your god can fix anything
I feel so very sorry for her children. I hope they get the help they need.
I’d love for you to talk about how to find yourself as an adult child of a mom like Ruby Franke. You can “go back to the person you used to be” after a bad romantic relationship, but what if you never had a “me before the abuse” because they were your parents?
Very good question!! I would love to discuss this or hear what people have to say.
Me too! I'm struggling with this as well... I grew up in Utah, lds with parents and religion that prevented me from being anything but what they wanted always out of fear. My personality is fear based. I don't know who I am.
@@abilovely2I grew up Catholic in Toronto and feel the same way. At 62, I now realize that fear was at the centre of just about every decision made about me by my parents. Negative reinforcement, anger, hypercriticism, especially for failing to conform in thought or deed with what they wanted, and the ever-present, "what will people think- don't you ever make me look bad" nonsense. No wonder I started self-medicating as a teen.
This is a wonderful question.
@@Grimenoughtomaketherobotcry I'm sorry you had a similar upbringing as I did. Always worried about what people think when they should be worried about us! I will never understand why strangers judgment was more important then teaching me how to be a functional human. What else was there to do then self medicate? My mom laughed at the Dr when he told her my diagnoses. Told me to x myself already when the police made her take me to an inpatient facility because what would people think? And it really put her out didn't you know? Self medicating enabled me to temporarily achieve perfection or close to. Childhood trauma gotta love it😞
i live in a community dominated by religious fundamentalism, it impacts healthcare, education, and all public services, and the misuse of religious principles is applied abusively through these services, and it clearly causes alot of problems. When religious abusers are literally in places of authority, especially in healthcare settings, all of these tactics are used on a much larger scale.
Even in non religious countries where a minority of people practice religion, it still goes on. The misogyny amongst doctors who don't take women's illnesses seriously and claim they are all in the mind.
The new fad is social prescribing can put us in the company of predators. We dont need to among people all the time for the sake of it. That had its roots in religion, too.
Run ...get out of their evil
@@Angela-bk7yp the relegious corruption in my community has ensured my powerless and poverty since I was about 13, and was recruited to work for free, while being told I was earning an apprentice ship. I worked for over a decade at the local university, bit did not realize my child labour was being used to generate revenue for the church and university. Antigonish is not a place I can escape from, with no id or bank account, no drivers lisence,and no dental or healthcare, no record of employment, but am frequently being attacked by police.
Funny how relegious fanatics can deny a person healthcare, their own income, and yet the rcmp still find ways to overpolice me, even attacking me in my own home. My freedom comes when this community is exposed and several police serve prison sentences so i can breathe.
Don't give up tho'...
I'm trying to work out what to say that doesn't sound like I know it all.
😂
I would love to hear your thoughts on family vlogging in general and how this affects the mental health of the children having their personal and private moments online
My father was a pastor, used religion to control and was extremely abusive, my brothers still worship him even though he’s been gone for 3 years. I have had to cut off all contact with my family, since I’m the scapegoat for the family. I didn’t realize what was happening until much later in life, due to gaslighting from my father and family. I have found out my father was a narcissist, sociopath, with borderline personality disorder. I find there is no excuse for abuse and have no empathy for Ruby abusing due to religious brainwashing. I knew right from wrong under my father, I could have easily passed abuse down, but didn’t. Ruby doesn’t want to be accountable, I bet she enjoyed it, BPD don’t want accountability, it is the worst thing for them is to hold their feet to the fire.
🫂 ❤ Injured. Can't type.
Unfortunately, I am all too familiar. But, it was my husband.
My father was the same. Your story sounds like mine. My dad wasn’t a pastor. He loved to debunk religion though.
Congratulations on being a scapegoat!
When scapegoats leave, they don’t go back.
We are the luckiest members of the family, though it sure didn’t feel like that in our youth.
I feel sorry for the golden children.
Welcome to your free, happy life! It is yours for the taking!
Your story is extremely similar to mine. My dad was the same way. I cut him out of my life once I woke up the abuse and went to therapy. He was actually diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Borderline, but pretends like he doesn’t know. Religious narcissists like my dad can do so much damage because on top of the emotional, verbal, and sometimes physical abuse.. there is also spiritual abuse. Using God as a tool to control and abuse someone is so damaging and disgusting. No child deserves a parent like that. You deserved better and I hope you’ve been able to heal from the wounds your father and family left you with. Sending love
@@youtubename7819 You are so right! Scapegoats have the potential to live a free life after leaving an intolerable situation. You lose your family, but gain a life. ❤
Evil people twist good into shame and control. Religion, mental health, family, friendships, organizations, all of theses can be good, but ALL can be twisted into absolute Hell. Videos like this give us the tools to avoid, escape, overcome, and recover. Knowledge really does create freedom. Thank you for sharing. This stuff should be taught more thoroughly in school.
Thank you so much. I've been trying to work through some religious trauma I have experienced several times over the last 30 years. It's been a difficult journey and this has been helpful in giving me some relief knowing that my feelings of reservations during these times were normal and healthy. Appreciate you breaking this down.
Of course!! I am glad it was helpful.. and I am so sorry you've been through religious trauma. xoxo
Do you still manage to go to Church? I’m really struggling to walk back in even though it would be a different Church and a different leader. I love Jesus but, I’m not so keen on some of His followers
@@Katimorton Thank you ❤️
Yesterday I was at the library doing my last semester capstone. My paper is about effects in generational trauma on mental health. While working on it, I needed a quick stretch and break. So I walked around a bit and went into a book aisle and was looking at some titles of books. All of a sudden one book popped out of nowhere. It was “Traumatized” 😍😍😍 I picked it up and saw a chapter for generational trauma AND I needed one more source for my paper. Guess what my last source will be??? I checked out the book right away. I’m so stoked to read it! Kati, you’re the best! You’re helping people in so many ways. Thank you for everything you do!
Congratulations how'd it go? Was the teacher impressed? Are you graduated now?
I grew up exactly in these scenarios - this was my life. I was labeled the defiant child headed towards certain sin and destruction. It was horrible. Thank you for helping detangle some of it and show the fallacy within it all. I am still trying to heal, still trying to root out the places where this stuff is wound so deep inside. I appreciate your channel and what you're offering
Some of these techniques even recall those used to break down resistance in the Manson Family, which took inspiration from Scientology (as did NXium). A lot of former Scientologists like Chris Shelton and Mirriam Francis are speaking out and helping others heal, by trying to understand and process what happened to them. We just had a stunning display of the idea that victims are to blame for their own abuse in the Masterson trial, in which victims of violent forcible assault were punished for their experience and in some cases made to apologize to their assailant. These women stood tall together and were vindicated. I hope those people, and the NXium victims, and the Franke children, and victims of other high-control group abuse find the help, the peace, and the healing they need and deserve.
Something about the photos of Ruby and Jodi at their first court appearance has been hitting me, and I didn't understand what I was seeing until right now. When Ruby goes into the court, she looks angry, but Jodi looks fearful. It makes me think that Ruby fully believes all this sh*t, and is p*ssed that lowly, "unworthy" humans are incarcerating her - it's like she doesn't realize that she is very much in the wrong. But Jodi's fearful expression tells me that she *knows* what she's been doing is horrible and wrong - but she did it anyway. And she's embarrassed and ashamed that she's been caught.
In other words, Ruby is a "true believer", whereas Jodi knows she's been caught *knowingly* doing deplorable things - Jodi knew that she was f*cking with people's minds, and she liked it. It was her intention all along to control people, she knew it was wrong, she did it anyway, and now she's embarrassed she's been caught.
That's my read on it, anyway.
That caught my attention too. Jodi looked extremely worried. Her empire is about to fall and it's interesting that she realises it. Ruby appeared to be confident. She's used to controlling the narrative, but does she understand that manipulation doesn't work in the courtroom, where the only persuasion is evidence? Kevin is also interesting. Arrogant and toxic as ever, but he looks really thin, and he undermined everything his lawyer has been saying by revealing his resentment against Shari. She is the one we saw in the 8 passengers videos actually nurturing her siblings and noticing their needs.
Jodi also knows the church won’t be supporting her because she’s a woman & she got sloppy & got caught. There’s hundreds of Jodi’s, fully supported by the LDS Church. They have conventions-that’s how many there are. Tim Ballard has been a featured speaker at past gatherings. It’s a cult.
That’s been my thought too!! I totally believe Jodi 100% knows what she’s been doing.
Bingo .
you're probably right. i'm no shrink and i don't mean any shade on my gay friends but i believe Jodi is one closeted angry lesbian who's shame about her sexuality contributes to her breaking up families and making the husbands out to be sexual deviants. either way she is dangerous and i'm so glad she can't hurt anymore people, same goes for her girlfriend -
i mean 'partner.'
Kevin needs to be charged too. He is just as evil.
I've lived in Utah 50 yrs with Mormon heritage going back almost to beginning. I can say that Jodi Hildebrandt learned everything she knows from the LDS Church.
❤❤ TY • I have CPTSD from religious abuses & religious trauma. This helps so much.❤
xoxox
TY KATI for covering this family. This mother is so despicable. They do not allow any independent thought from their children. I come from childhood trauma so I know first hand. I went no contact from my family of origin over 20 years ago.
I was raised Jehovah witness so I’m well aware of religious abuse.
Really sorry to hear you’ve been through abuse. Me too. Also raised up in a abusive household, my mother used the Bible and the organisation to control and abuse us. I am a Jehovahs witness myself, I realised that the dysfunctional people hadn’t had anything to do with what the organisation actually stands for. But how easy it is to use people within the spiritual capacity 😣 hope for and wish you all the best in life ❤️❤️ I myself know that therapy helped me a lot ❤️❤️
The sad thing is, false Christisn religions like JW and LDS and the Catholic Church completely poison people away from genuine Christianity, which is this. The fact of the life, death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead for the forgiveness of your sins by faith alone in Jesus Christ apart from the works of the law. All we have to do to be saved is have faith, and we can not do any thing to earn our salvation because Jesus already paid for your sins. True religion is not abusive. We are not under bondage to obedience, but we have liberty and freedom in Christ, so we never, ever have to look at our performance and wonder if we're doing enough. Jesus did for us what we can not do for ourselves. Please read God's Word and receive His gift by faith 🎁
And to the one who does not work but believes in him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is counted as righteousness,
Romans 4:5
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.
Ephesians 2:8-9
I do not nullify the grace of God, for if righteousness were through the law, then Christ died for no purpose.
Galatians 2:21
For we hold that one is justified by faith apart from works of the law.
Romans 3:28
Now it is evident that no one is justified before God by the law, for “The righteous shall live by faith.”
Galatians 3:11
And be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith-
Philippians 3:9
Yet we know that a person is not justified by works of the law but through faith in Jesus Christ, so we also have believed in Christ Jesus, in order to be justified by faith in Christ and not by works of the law, because by works of the law no one will be justified.
Galatians 2:16
For by works of the law no human being will be justified in his sight, since through the law comes knowledge of sin.
Romans 3:20
And to the one who does not work but believes in him who justifies the ungodly, his faith is counted as righteousness,
Romans 4:5
if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
Romans 10:9
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.
John 3:16
Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Romans 5:1
Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life.
John 5:24
But these are written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name.
John 20:31
This isn’t religious abuse. It is just plain ABUSE in every sense.
Me too, girl. I see you. Got out when I was 15. I haven't had any family since. You're not alone ❤
Same here. . Truly, it was my parents' chosen belief system that they tried to force on me. I don't think they realized that was what they were doing, but it's crazy looking back and seeing what was really going on, both from the religion to them and from them to me.
Holy crap, I just clicked on this out of curiosity, and you summarised *perfectly* why I'm deeply wary of the phrase about being responsible for your feelings - because something like that was used to gaslight the shit out of me when I was younger and in abusive and/or dangerous situations. I see it thrown around everywhere and when I've challenged it, a lot of the time people just *do not* understand how that can be used to victim blame.
And as someone who was "raised" by a person who was neck deep in religiously-inspired paranoia to the point where she accused *her own kid* of being possessed, the loaded language used raised more damn red flags than the soviet union for me. Thank you for talking about this kind of stuff, it feels like a subject that has generally gotten a lot of avoidance in the past.
This is extremely important and timely because I believe every abusive relationship whether it’s a business, church, or personal relationship will utilize these tactics. Thank you for sharing this. I am interested in you continuing to break the dynamics of this down further.
I had faith very young. I believed in God and would cry out to Him during my pain. Im 30 and literally last week just realized my mom put me through narcissistic abuse from about age 10 and on. She was so extremely emotionally and mentally abusive. There was some physical abuse as well but that tapered off as I was 16/17. At about 15, began to reject and resent God because of everything I had gone through, not just at home but also through peers and school bullying. Eventually about 18/19 I’d tell her things like I don’t believe in God & she’d use the fact “she’s a Christian” to belittle me. Truth is, she did nothing of the Christian faith (attend church, have Christian fellowship with friends, serve people, pray with me, read the Bible, etc). She filled me with so much guilt and shame at a young age over things no child should feel guilt and shame over. I genuinely hated God and didn’t understand why He hated me to put me in this world as her daughter. I would cry in bed begging him to please kill me and let me die in my sleep at night. I never thought God would love me because my own mother treated me like I was nothing. She called me satan and sprayed windex at me when I told her I didn’t believe in God. The more I hated and rejected Him, the further I went down a path of darkness. He let me get to the end of my rope in sin. I cried out to Him and slowly through my walk with Him, He’s showing me everything I went through with her and what the TRUTH is. Being denied reality (gaslit) my whole life and being told everything is my fault- her divorce from her ex husband when I was 13, and every relationship failed after that was my fault “because I wanted her to be miserable and alone.” I see now it was all projection and hatefulness in her heart.
I'm glad that you are still not mad at God, but he would understand if you were. Be blessed and healed in Jesus name. ❤
The LDS church subsidized my mormon counselors, too, (as a church entity, why weren’t they free). Their “counselors” advised me to take a bubble bath when I reported the horrific abuse we were living with, and treated us horribly themselves when we insisted there was an issue. Then after I left, the bishop abused us, because, of course, they tell him everything.
That's disgraceful!...I'm so sorry you experienced that...Jesus must be horrified about what goes on in his name!...Mindblowing!!!!
First visit to your channel. I grew up in a doomsday cult (Worldwide Church of God) and can relate to your content. Now, as a lawyer (family advocate) I am aware of the role of coercive control in domestic violence. My path out of the madness of growing up in a cult was to become obsessed with mental health. Kudos to you for using the Franke case to help people understand this complex area. It seems that most people are consumed with the need for justice for Ruby's children. Maybe the silver lining in this is that we deconstruct the massive 'distortion' Ruby and Jodi are suffering from. Jodi appears to be a predator that must be punished to a degree that never allows her to influence another person, ever.
About number one, I was taught that my emotions and feelings weren’t valid. But also, if I didn’t truly communicate how I was truly feeling and that I needed help, I was punished. I was punished for communicating how I felt, but I was punished for not truly communicating how I felt and keeping it from my caregiver. I’m not sure if my stepmom was religious, but she’s the one who did this to me. And nowadays, I’m not the best communicator. For the longest time, I felt as if I needed to not express feelings of struggle, sadness, anger and stuff like that to prove to everyone that I’m strong. I don’t always allow myself to ask for help to prove that I can do everything and anything. I’ve shamed myself for feeling, for crying, and for struggling. I’ve shamed myself for feeling sad because I felt as if I have to run from my emotions or numb them as a means of being happy 24/7 all my life. But, what if, just what if it’s not true?
This is a good example of that 'toxic positivity monster' raising it's ugly head!
Hi Sienna, I can appreciate and believe that I experienced a similar process to what you have described. For me, as a male, the perpetrator was my father. Similar style, "children don't have feelings !" etc. A lot of what you have described is similar to what I experienced and your thoughts align with how I responded. Obviously, in such a short space, it is difficult/impossible to relate our whole stories and the correlations between those of each other.
As a senior {in age}, I am still learning about the "how I responded" part, and because the other influencer and influences no longer exist, I am now very conscious that it is up to me to determine and deal with my own actions, reactions and responses, as Kati indicates, that are now generated from within me.
Best Wishes to All, PNH
@@PNH-sf4jz thank you so much
@@siennaprice1351 My pleasure Sienna. And, likewise, Thank You very much for Your response.
I Most Sincerely Wish You Well as You travel Your Path. 👍 🇦🇺
@@PNH-sf4jz I have to say, my healing journey is going great. I’ve seen the progress in myself. Now that I know this is a safe space to bring this up, I want to let you know, I have Septo Optic Dysplasia. Which caused me to be born totally blind, and it also caused me to be on the autism spectrum. My stepmom was not very patient with me when it came to the blindness and autism. She would even punish/discipline me for things I did that benefited my blindness and autism. I now live with my mom, and she knows more about my blindness and autism more than my stepmom did. My dad knows that I’m blind and autistic. I’m really working on getting through self limitation/self restriction. I don’t allow myself to do things, even if they benefit me, or even if they might be fun. I still struggle with nt allowing myself to express emotions, mainly because I feel like I have to go by society’s rules and norms.
Glad you're acknowledging the religious aspect in this because it's huge ConneXions is like a cult
Someone very close to me, (or supposedly "close", can't really be possible with a NARC) would always accuse me of not being "humble" when I confronted them about stuff I felt was harmful. Now I have to unlearn that immediate default thinking that I'm just a judgemental self righteous jerk and have had to learn that I can be assertive and stand up for myself and not have to feel that way. It's getting easier to do, but it's been such a journey. Lord help people who are stuck in situations where they're being brainwashed like this. It's truly evil.
The "warped responsibility" one is huge for me as someone who grew up in an emotionally abusive environment with a father who was really fond of coercive control.
If I, as a small child, began to cry because his behaviour was frightening of hurting me, I was not actually afraid Hir hurt, I was just being manipulative and trying to make him feel bad.
On the other hand, if I pointed out his behaviour was hurtful or disrespectful or causing me to be overwhelmed by age inappropriate responsibilities, it was also my fault for allowing myself to feel hurt, disrespected or overwhelmed.
We have Church leaders here in Australia that are very real Peadophiles. We still can't remove them because they haven't had successful charges laid against them. I feel your pain and frustration. Sadly, they are destroying good Christian people and hurting other clean congregations..... Please keep fighting for the truth to remove these monsters from the Christian Church ✌️💯🙏
I'm so sad to hear this 😢 It's rampant in soooooooo many churches. I'm a believer in God and Jesus but I'm deconstructing, and I do not feel safe at churches due to past spiritual abuse, men putting pastors/elders on pedestals, all kinds of abuses that are covered up and the patriarchy taught in them that continues to hurt women and men/marriages.
My husband and I will not call ourselves "Christians" anymore. Not with everything "Christians" are doing these days. We are believers. And we also practice an egalitarian marriage and it works _beautifully._ ❤
I have never had more peace, more connectedness, more joy than I do in my now marriage!
I am divorced but that wasn't a marriage. My ex tricked me into marriage by mirroring me to me. 😮 Then after the wedding he switched or his mask/act dropped. I stayed with him for 14 years of my young life! 24-38 because of what the church taught me. SUFFER FOR CHRIST!!! Suffer to glorify God and to SAVE your husband! You'll be blessed!
Really?
REALLY?!?!
He made me a sex slave, a labor slave, never paid me a paycheck, isolated me from friends and family with the excuse that we needed to work. He severely neglected me: thing no touching for years on end. Anytime I tried to share thoughts or emotions, have a conversation with him about anything, I was screamed at. It made me realize I had to become quiet and small. I was erasing myself to keep him calm 😢
I could go on and on with the abuse, especially sexual abuse and coercion.... it was hell on earth, and the church supported it! Suffer!!!!!
God is Love and he does NOT want his daughters and sons _suffering_ for sufferings sake.
God loves individuals more than He loves institutions.
Read that again. ❤
If you are in a church like this or a marriage like this...God supports you getting safe! ❤
The god in their buybull they carry IS a pedo!!! So start with burning that damn thing that pedo men wrote. Or shelve the book in the fantasy and/or history section
I have a hypothesis that when normal sexual feelings and behaviours are termed as sinful and evil those people who are brought up believing that are more likely to commit sexual abuse as the line isn’t drawn between abusing a child and sex out of marriage and other heinous vs natural sexual behaviours. They are both on the same level of sinful, so determining what is actually heinous takes more effort to determine. Hope this makes sense.
@@fifinoir for some. Some think if gawd can be a pedo then so can I. Some are control monsters. It matters more to lock them away then know why
@@starlingswallow Most of the churches have been infiltrated by demons, narcissists being a chief example of that (Jezebel spirit - see Kings 2 in the Bible). I do not attend church anymore, but read the Bible at home and go to the prayer closet as well to build that relationship with our Lord, Jesus Christ. I am an ex-therapist as well. Amazingly, I was working in Mormon settings.
Kati - I'd like to know what you think of this.
A few years back, I decided to try to distill what all scams have in common - religions, political cults, pyramid schemes, amway, pseudoscience, door-to-door sales, etc... all of them. I wondered if I could distill ALL scam pitches into a single, succinct formula.
Here's what I came up with.
1. Convince the target (or group) that they have a problem they didn't know they had.
2. Convince them that you offer the only solution.
Once again I find this affirmed in the behavior of Franke and Hildebrandt.
That's literally the classic definition of advertising.
@@phoenixrising5338 I think a lot of people feel they have a problem, or that they don't measure up, or aren't "good enough". Religion tells them they have original sin, and real life is hard, so they feel they are struggling. There's always some "help" offering the solutions at the right price. The solutions are generalize, and are ambiguous answers. Or...do nothing and "wait on the Lord".
In religions we are taught that "The heart is deceitfully wicked..." and I highly disagree. Yes, we can mislead ourselves, but this teaching disconnects us from ourselves~ creates a distrust of oneself and then puts the power over our life into the hands of pastors and elders (or wacky religious psychiatrists)
I love what you said at 18:57 ~ a great question to ask oneself! Are they helping you become more self reliant or more dependent on _them?_
"Are they increasing your competency? Or your dependency on them? "
Yes!!!
This video is so important. Thank you Katie!! ❤
I remember watching a “connexions” video about a mom asking about a teen going to parties and dressing unique. (Not bad just unique). I just stated in my comment that teens should be aloud to grow into their own wants and interests and socialize to become a well rounded adult, and they got angry and deleted it. Not being “in truth”
Wow ok. I stopped watching last year and was wondering when the shoe would drop. Just never imagined how abused the kids were 😞
Wow that's wild... glad you stopped watching and glad those children are getting help now :) xoxo Such a terrible and sad situation.
@@Katimorton
Could not agree more. The kids come first. There is a huge lesson to be learned from this entire situation. Thank you for doing this video. 😞
Dissent is not being tolerated in totalitarian regimes. And the truth is the natural enemy No 1 of types like Ruby Franke and Jodi Hildebrandt.
By the way: They claimed that those, who „live in truth“ like they do (LMAO) will never ever get sick.
As soon as these two multi-millionaires entered jail, they SIMULTANEOUSLY „suffered a life-threatening medical condition“, and were subsequently moved into the medical wing (where there are less cockroaches on the beds 😏).
So much about „living in truth“, ha ha. 😆👎🏼
Something that I recently learned about in a CE credit is called Scrupulosity. This is often found in high moral religions such a LDS or Jehovah Witness. It is a psychological disorder primarily characterized by pathological guilt or obsession associated with moral or religious issues that is often accompanied by compulsive moral or religious observance and is highly distressing and maladaptive.
Wow . I miss the field. Thanks for sharing once again
This comment literally changed my life. I have been diagnosed with obsessive compulsive personality disorder this year, and I live every single moment with thoughts about how even the smallest decisions (what clothes I wear, what soda I drink) are going to impact my ability to get into heaven. It runs my life. This is freeing!!! Religion is supposed to be the icing on the cake of our lives, not the whole cake. Thank you for introducing this concept.
PS. I'm Mormon, so it makes the comment even more accurate 😅😅😅
@mrscoolwhipp you are not alone. I struggled with scrupulosity to such a degree that I woke up every day wishing I had not...and wanted to sleep the days away from the depression. I was raised Mormon from birth. I have not gone to church for a few years. EMDR therapy was helpful for me. The shame has lessened and I have no compulsions to read my scriptures or pray for hours "until I feel forgiven" for little things that I now know are not sins. I hope you find healing. ❤️
This is why I have currently taken a step back from religion. It has negatively impacted my mental health and I'm still working on changing those beliefs, that were programmed in me from an early age.
Been anxiously awaiting a great video about both of these topics, so THANK YOU! I'm a therapist (not yet licensed yet, I recently graduated with my masters) and Christian, and so much about these two ladies made me sick to my stomach. Sharing your video now!
I can't put what happened to me here, but this really helped me make sense of it. I think after 40 years, I can finally start to heal from it now. Thank you so much! 💜🌷💜 PS: I really feel for those kids, and I hope they get the help they need, so that they don't have to carry their burdens into their future.
You are brilliant! This is the best analysis I've ever heard you move along through quickly and informatively you are a master at your craft I hope you keep covering this situation as it unfolds
Omg Kati, perfect timing. Thank you so much for such a video. Much needed!
"She is training people not to trust their automatic responses". Wow, that makes sense. Then people would have to rely on an outside source or framework to tell them what to believe. Yikes!!
When she was talking about "battle" she was wearing army printed pants. Haha 😂 wtf. Its all definitely freaky and unnerving.
A dressy white top with camo pants is def weird.
Ty! So much! This has given me peace on some core issues I have had. From way way back around 2000!! Be encouraged ~
Kati you are always hitting the nail on the head. The connections between the Ruby Franke case and several other high profile cases out of Utah, seems to be centred around an extreme set of fundamental religious and political ideologies.
I love that you show us how Rudy's thinking is faulty and you take it part for us.
Your content has always been and continues to be, very important for health and wellness.
You're a trusted source in a world that can be full of contradictions and confusion.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. 💜💜💜
The Vicar of my ex-Church was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and BPD. He was always yelling at people and had no empathy. He was just interested in the power he thought he had, of praying with people very loudly and aggressively, to be "healed."
I was raised byzantine catholic. Since I came out as LGBTQ, my family never saw me as completely human and treated me like I had some disease. Mental health was also taboo to them. Glad I broke free from that
Sounds like the way Scientology operates too. They start out telling you it's not your fault, then once you are hooked into their system. They tell you everything is your fault. Give us more money
I thought the same thing too, especially when they started using terminology like "distortion, etc" to describe an interaction with another person.
Thank you so much for your clarity, wisdom and respect.
This was so well done, amazing explanations, thank you!!!
When you asked 'What do you think Jodi's going to say next?' I actually paused the video to think about it.. I thought she might say something like 'manage yourself'.. so it was shocking to hear the opposite. 😯 Thank you for shedding light on these issues!
Grew up LDS and still struggle with these issues with my still religious parents who find my mental health struggles hateful. So much of the garbage Ruby says is how so many LDS children are raised, and shamed.
Much much respect to you for sharing this. 💜
Great video! Loved the information and it helped me not only understand this situation more but also detect areas I’ve been affected in my own life and what I’ve healed from/still need to heal from
Good job :)
This is wonderful. My father was a pastor, but worse was my narcissistic mother who spiritually tried to control everything. I have experienced all of this. And as I later pastored my late fathers church, I did all I could to reverse such. But in the wake of her spiritual abuse throughout it all, after 17 years I was left emotionally numb. So glad I was able to turn it over to another healthy person and board, but the trauma I experienced throughout my life I only now am beginning to understand and want healing for. Thank you Kati. Again, this is wonderful.
You are so great at explaining mental health and abusive tactics. Thank you for the analysis and information. You’re so helpful! ❤
I had a wonderful therapist. He pushed me to gradually become less and les dependent on him. When I would get annoyed at him snd say something like just tell me what to do, he would say that his job was to help me reach a point where I no longer needed him
What were you paying him for? He should be smarter and better than most people, in order to tell them the right choices to make. Sounds lazy. Did he just tell you to Think Positive every time?
Thank you so much for posting this video. Love the content ❤❤
Thank you for this video. It's the best explanation I've heard regarding Ruby and Jodi.
Luv how you nailed this to help people be more empowered to spot healthy and unhealthy dynamics in situations of power dynamics. Hopefully these tips can help many more disentangle or not become in tangled in the first place.
You explained this very well and given me good points to think about when choosing a therapist. Thank you.
Kati - excellent blog here!! First time meeting you. I’m totally impressed!
Thank you. This is important for spiritual leaders too. A lot of new age dogma is one liners that blame you for whatever people do to you and whatever happens to you, as if it's all your fault and you brought it on yourself.
This is great information, I really appreciate it!
Very insightful and good to keep in mind in *any* interpersonal setting!
Thank you for this Kati, I have quite a bit of religious trauma and have struggled in therapy with certain approaches because they replicate some of my trauma. You hit the nail on the head where some of the overlap, and thus trigger, lay. For example, I find 'willing hands' replicates the hours I was forced to kneel and beg for forgiveness and EMDR IS CONFESSION right down to the protocol/ritual and I was harmed by it. I was even more harmed by the therapist who blamed me when EMDR failed (I'd just like to point out that tylenol only works 40% of the time, so why do some therapists struggle to accept that NO technique works 100%) I would be interested in a video exploring how to navigate therapy when you have religious trauma and how to talk to your therapist about it without sounding resistant.
Please do more videos on this topic! Their toxic misinformation needs to be corrected! I hope rubys adult child and anyone else who was gaslighted by this toxic controlling behavior will see this and get the help they need to course correct their thinking!
Thank you for talking about this 🙏
You’re so clearly explaining the controlling, abusive, manipulative types and the psychology behind their behaviors. Bravo.
I was in a psychological support group that turned into a cult. Even though it was non-religious, much of the tactics outlined in this video remind me of my experience. It's been over 10 years since I got out, but I'm still recovering from it.
I feel so bad for those kids, I hope they get a lot of help. Unlike my case, they didn't choose it, it wasn't their fault.
This was so insightful, thank you!! ❤
This is AMAZING content! thank you for your in depth explanations!
Glad you liked it!
Distortion is whatever veers off your base line. The connexions base line is perfection, unattainable.
thank you for breaking it down for the rest of us 👏👏
I was in a “therapeutic living environment” like this. I spoke out and was called toxic and a bully and told I was too sick to be there. I was cut off from my phone, my recovery community, and my church and forced to consistently interact with the same women who were bullying me. I was also subjected to a “pull up” where the bullies were allowed to tell me all their grievances about me. I was unable to be alone at any time and if I left the property I would be thrown out on the streets, which is eventually what happened after I reacted. It came down to me living on the streets (as I had to give up my car to be in the program) or being forced to move across the country into the environment I was trying to escape. This was nearly 8 years ago and I’m just now about to talk about these 6 weeks of pure hell.
I have profound empathy for those who are taken in by people like Jody and Ruby. Parents are isolated and lonely and desperate for help. These monsters are lauded as experts and in their vulnerable state people don’t have access to the critical thinking skills (or were never allowed to develop the critical thinking skills) that would allow them to evaluate if these programs are safe.
It’s just sad
Thank you. I'd love to learn anything else you might want to share about Coercive Control. I've been waiting for someone to speak about the dynamics that lead to this, and this is super helpful. I feel like these tactics can be present in religion, in therapy, in families with narcissistic parents, in social groups, in cults, and in things like acting classes or other classes where there's a central person with a lot of power, or a non-religious theology.
Juristictions are now classing coercive control under Intimate Partner/ Domestic badness
Thank you. This was so well explained.
In the case of the child who is "cussing" (cursing) it could be caused be Tourette's Syndrome. A lot of so-called "mis-behavior" in children can be driven by neuro-biological disorders.
My parents (ultra catholic physically abusive narcissists) did every single one of these.
At 40, I’m still dealing with the consequences of decades of religious, physical, emotional abuse and neglect. My mental health suffers a lot. And my physical health as well as a result of this.
I recall I once said to a leader: "I have these doubts".
- Let that sophistication go!
.
There was no option to sort out those doubts, and finally, on the verge of breakdown, I realized that I had to remove myself.
- That leader was a fanatic, I was told years later by a mental health practioner. My thoughts went back to the sense of being misunderstood I had learned back then.
.
It makes sense from what you explained, though.
my 106 year old great grandmother has called me the devil because i havent been baptized yet. First time it really hurt my feelings but now as an adult its just really funny 😂
🥰❣️
Very interesting analysis of the Connexions principles that helps explain the influence and mind control exercised by Jodi Hildebrandt and Ruby Franke.
❤ Thank you for your content! Miss OTDM as well! Hugs
We will be back soon.. just haven't had the time lately. xoxo
Well presented!🎖🎖🎖 (Jodi & Ruby are so DANGEROUS with their self- absorbed ‘nonsense’ rhetoric! Lock them up (& the husband, Kevin) for a VERY long time!) 😳😳😳😖😖😖
❤ this analysis was excellent
Ty you for sharing
To have those points and the explanations. Is very useful, and it will help people. I really enjoyed the video. Take care and have fun!!! 😎😀😎
A lot of this is Jodi’s toxic therapy training. She had poor guys who admitted to taking a second glance at a pretty girl that they had some sort of sexual addiction and was unfaithful to their spouse. Everything is extreme with this Connextions group.
I appreciate many of the videos you do because you do speak with compassion and have helped me rewire incorrect thinking. With this video however, it seemed too shaming of religion itself in the message and many comments below. Just like with any religion, we shouldn't connect that the Church or religion itself is toxic or wrong or harmful simply due to humans not understanding or living the right and good doctrines taught. Jesus also dealt with wrong examples in the Church in His day, and their hearts were not pure as the gospel taught and they weren't living it correctly, but that doesn't mean that the truths taught were wrong. I invite us to see it differently. Much hope for healing from trauma can be found in finding God through religion. It has for me and can be an answer to others who are seeking. Thank you for helping provide other tools to help us heal too.
13:49 Every “S” she pronounces is like a needle in my ear😖 it’s so sharp. Like a really high pitched whistle.
So informative! You look GREAT in bright colors, btw.
KATI THANK U FOR POSTING THIS MY OWN BELIEFS WONT. CHANGE THANK God but I need this through circumstances and anger I saw what my pastor really is this weekend and it's over THANK God to make this short and sweet I have been feeling in my gut for 1 year I had said to him 6 months ago he was a cult leader and why he brought it up this weekend demanding to know who I said that to I hadn't told anyone but him I only believed his narrative I had trust him years ago he caused a horrible scandal st the church he pastored at and was thrown out of
I think a lot of Christians Get really caught up on individual verses and forget to read them in the context of scripture. I could see a lot of people using Proverbs 3:5 out of context To hurt others, But 5 is nothing without 6. Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.6 Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.
Proverbs 3:5-6 NLT Inscripture is worthless if you do not view it from the lens of a God who loves you and is wanting good for you.
I really appreciate your professional take on this abusive dynamic. Have a good day.
Kati you really are a brilliant person. I enjoy your videos.
Love your videos! I’d like to see your analysis of when ruby said kids lining their stuffed animals or toys up in a row and being comforted and happy about it, ruby said that’s considered “sexual behavior” 😳 I’m like wtf is she saying, does she hear herself?! And Jodi is sitting there nodding and agreeing it’s mind blowing! 🤯 those two are complete nut job psychopaths in my unprofessional opinion…
I’ve noticed with Ruby & Jodi everything boils down to shame and R was constantly telling the children they felt shame. Her whole manner of dealing with them only ever seemed to be negative. I was really pleased when young R (younger male) pushed back when he was banned from electronic equipment etc. for the whole summer (another issue for me) by saying no I’m angry. It was a perfectly reasonable response. As far as I’m concerned humility despite their spin is NOT a part of their behaviour. There were so many red flags around these two (and Kevin IMO). I am a religious person with a huge respect for boundaries be it for myself or others. ❤️from Australia 🇦🇺.
What is really interesting is how she spends so much time and energy micromanaging them yet puts all tasks on them. Like making doctor appointments, etc..
@Kati Morton -- would love if you review the book Emotional Neglect and the Adult in Therapy. I just started reading it and it's not anything I've ever heard of. It's soo validating for those of us who dealt with emotional neglect.
I grew up LDS and the church has been nothing but a help for my mental health. They subsidized my therapy because I couldn't pay for it. I've had nothing but loving and supporting parents and church leaders. At the end of the day, I firmly and strongly believe my beliefs saved me from suicide.
Stories like this are so horrible and they make me so sad. Using the gospel that I love as a bludgeon to make others feel less than they are is horrific.
The way she twisted our beliefs to cause these people to repress and shame themselves is terrible. We don't teach what she taught. Ruby and Jodi used our beliefs to abuse and that's utterly evil.
If your family and church was so loving why were you suicidal in the first place? Suppressing abuse I reckon. You're in a cult, deal with it.
I’m the same. I would probably not be alive today if not for my religious community.