It's so healing to hear from other purity culture survivors. I would like to add to your list: finding at least one other person who supports this self-healing journey. Don't stay surrounded by purity culture believers because they're always going to point you backwards, not forwards.
Being black, I grew up in church circles that was like purity but could never connect the dots to what purity culture was all about. The disconnect from my body is so real. Your stories healed me. I don't have a lot of friends but you said therapy is an option. What type of therapist handles this area?
you guys are great. thank you so much. even in more positive christian circles, I NEVER heard anyone talk about connecting to the body. I currently have many psychosomatic symptoms that stop me living life... It's one little bit of progress at a time. Here was one cool thing I learned though - it had to do with finding balance. For years I've held myself with my shoulders hunched up and inwards, breathing high in my chest, like someone was about to hit me. I was taught throughout my childhood and teens that God was out to test and humble me to make me depend on him more, and that could take any shape - I might fail an exam, be humiliated in front of people, contract a disease... Plus hell, plus the end times, plus I'm a dirty rotten sinner, plus responsibility for others getting to know Jesus to avoid hell, plus purity culture... There was doom and condemnation hanging over my head all the time. The guilt, shame, confusion and despair were intense. I felt ashamed of anything that made me stand out. I am quite tall for a girl, and that was a problem. So I hunched and cowered. Then I was reading a book that touched on attaining good posture through finding your internal sensation of balance, from your head down. The idea is that your head is heavy, balancing on top of your spine like a pumpkin on a broomstick, and through sensation and visualisation you can balance it on the first joint of your spine, and align that vertically to your lumbar spine which is the centre of your body, and then to your feet, or sit bones if sitting. The result should feel weightless, breathable, comfortable, nothing locked in place, just balanced. You can feel how even a tiny tilt of your head takes your whole body weight in its direction... Tilting and bringing it back to centre, consciously releasing muscles around your limbs when you've found your central balance, breathing deep into it... Until you feel like a long connected bit of rubber. I started to feel all the weight going straight down through my feet to the floor. And then I started walking. And it felt like I was floating. Everything finally felt aligned, unforced, right. Just the way my body was designed to fit together. It was surreal, so light and peaceful. My head had never been in that position. My chin was up quite high, my chest was broadened, which prior to this was a posture I would have equated with someone who was proud and confident, and I wasn't allowed to be those things or worthy of them. They were wrong, arrogant, sinful. Except that in that moment, all those ideas and psychological knots fell off me, because I knew this is how my head was supposed to sit on top of my spine. There was no argument. That was the natural place for it. I thought, I have to go for a walk, let this sensation sink in some more. As I walked I had this feeling of empowerment that came from inside. I was standing at my full height with my chest open, and I thought, 'this is how much space I take up'. And for the first time, I felt like nature, the mechanics of my own body, had given me permission to stand and walk that way, and that seemed like a no-nonsense, authoritative counter-argument to all the destructive theology I'd grown up with. Sorry this went on, I don't know why I felt like sharing it with you guys. I don't usually leave enormous comments. Thanks again, peace!
Born 1992. I experienced this movement full force throughout my critical childhood development years. Now I struggle to accept the unconditional love from my husband. Even when I’m now ‘biblically’ correct to have sex. I can’t accept his unconditional love because I’ve LIVED purity culture. I’m deconstructing my religion right now. And I never thought I was this influenced by the movement until I got married. So now. Not only am I suffering due to the lasting consequences but my marriage… my husband as well. Thank you for speaking up. I got teary eyed watching this. Thank you.
Your stories are such a breath of fresh air as purity culture survivors! I appreciate your honesty, vulnerability and the laughter as a husband and wife 💙
@@KaraandCaleb Aww thank you for your lovely comment! It further helped me piece together my own story and some of my husband's story about our own experiences. 🥰
I’m a 28 virgin single women, and I’m growing more and more depressed and suicidal due to purity culture. I’m feeling so much shame because of my sexual desires which is growing more and more. I don’t really know what to do with myself as an unmarried woman who doesn’t even know when they will finally get married.
Love you, thank you, God bless you two for this important content! You have no idea what positive impact it will have, please continue this wonderful path
@@mariahazcueta3621 Great question and sorry I'm just seeing it. We'll talk extensively on restoring intimacy and the ways we've gone about it and continue to go about it in upcoming videos. It's a journey. I appreciate you asking!
I appreciate your videos. I very recently became aware of the concept Purity culture, but instantly recognized it and understand this is a reality in a lot of evangelical and carismatic movements, just in a bit different applications. When I became a christian and participated in a local church within the faith movement, there was the requirement of abstaining from sexual intercourse until marriage. It was in no way a conflict for me because I got an unspeakeable joy in my heart to do it. The problem started after a while with the condemnation of the sexual desire and masturbation. In the beginning I had no guilt feelings or bad conscience about it. But the burden grown and the condemnation resulted in severe depressions. The joy I earlier had about waiting with sex for a future wife was totally gone. I became sexually frustrated and my sexual desire grown stronger than ever before. While I never earlier had been particularly interested in pornography I now became a sex addict and consumed pornography. I left the religious system and everything which has to do with churches. As time passed I understood that the condemnation I had been an object for was not from God. So many christians feel guilt and shame about their sexual longing, and about the inability to stop masturbate. OF COURSE they do when they during years, in some cases DECADES, have been indoctrinated with that their feelings are shameful! Here it's important to understand the difference between guilt feeling and bad conscience. Feeling of guilt and shame are imposed on you from the teaching in the church. These are only destructive and take away the joy and freedom in your life. Bad conscience is what comes from inside, and helps you to do what you feel is right. That leads to true freedom. I still need healing from the psychic damage I got because of the Purity culture. And I am glad I found you and other fighters against the unhealthy Purity culture.
So because you sinned, sexually, as a young adult & that sin was pointed out to you by religious culture or Christianity that somehow makes "purity culture" (euphemism for Godly-behavior) a bad thing because it made you feel shame?!?? This is where Ben Shapiro would say "Facts don't care about your feelings!" God gave us instructions to live by, not to harm us, but to give us joy (which is the opposite of the shame you felt). The "rules" of "purity culture" keep you from feeling the shame and help you to have joy. I know Caleb didn't grow up being taught this garbage. IDK if he learned it at Army or in counseling afterwards or from Kara
Ok I agree sex should be for marriage but the way it is presented ends up hurrying marriages. I lot of people STILL feel shame from sex even in marriage because of the way it is presented.
5IVE POINTS - I speak as a girl who “did it all right.” Waited till marriage. Etc etc… The problem was the sudden switch to “sex is wrong” for 25 years, when suddenly, in one instant, “sex is great!” My mind and body had a very hard time making the switch. I felt for years and years that sexual desire was wrong, even though I knew it was ok. Please have compassion for those who got wounded in this process.
Our body itself is not good or bad. It's our hearts that are full of bad fleshly desires (SIN). From the heart our mouths speak, from the heart our bodies act. Your body is not always telling you the truth!! That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard
The greatest demonstration of the Kingdom of God here on earth is a healthy, biblical, God-honoring marriage between one man and one woman! It's the shadow of Christ the groom and His church as the bride. How Christ served and laid down His life for the church. Shame on you Caleb for this false teaching & disparaging the religion you grew up in and I thought you believed.
Purity culture is a man-made phenomenon, not God-made... it wasn't even a thing before the 90s, how can you say it's God's will? It does more harm than good. Criticizing harmful ideologies is healthy. You're literally shaming people you don't even know for disagreeing with you. How do you think God feels about that?
It's so healing to hear from other purity culture survivors. I would like to add to your list: finding at least one other person who supports this self-healing journey. Don't stay surrounded by purity culture believers because they're always going to point you backwards, not forwards.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 absolutelyyyy. That’s such a huge key on this journey. Thanks for watching. We hope you’re doing well and sending you all the love ❤️
Being black, I grew up in church circles that was like purity but could never connect the dots to what purity culture was all about. The disconnect from my body is so real. Your stories healed me. I don't have a lot of friends but you said therapy is an option. What type of therapist handles this area?
you guys are great. thank you so much. even in more positive christian circles, I NEVER heard anyone talk about connecting to the body.
I currently have many psychosomatic symptoms that stop me living life... It's one little bit of progress at a time. Here was one cool thing I learned though - it had to do with finding balance.
For years I've held myself with my shoulders hunched up and inwards, breathing high in my chest, like someone was about to hit me. I was taught throughout my childhood and teens that God was out to test and humble me to make me depend on him more, and that could take any shape - I might fail an exam, be humiliated in front of people, contract a disease... Plus hell, plus the end times, plus I'm a dirty rotten sinner, plus responsibility for others getting to know Jesus to avoid hell, plus purity culture... There was doom and condemnation hanging over my head all the time. The guilt, shame, confusion and despair were intense. I felt ashamed of anything that made me stand out. I am quite tall for a girl, and that was a problem. So I hunched and cowered.
Then I was reading a book that touched on attaining good posture through finding your internal sensation of balance, from your head down. The idea is that your head is heavy, balancing on top of your spine like a pumpkin on a broomstick, and through sensation and visualisation you can balance it on the first joint of your spine, and align that vertically to your lumbar spine which is the centre of your body, and then to your feet, or sit bones if sitting. The result should feel weightless, breathable, comfortable, nothing locked in place, just balanced. You can feel how even a tiny tilt of your head takes your whole body weight in its direction... Tilting and bringing it back to centre, consciously releasing muscles around your limbs when you've found your central balance, breathing deep into it... Until you feel like a long connected bit of rubber.
I started to feel all the weight going straight down through my feet to the floor. And then I started walking. And it felt like I was floating. Everything finally felt aligned, unforced, right. Just the way my body was designed to fit together. It was surreal, so light and peaceful. My head had never been in that position. My chin was up quite high, my chest was broadened, which prior to this was a posture I would have equated with someone who was proud and confident, and I wasn't allowed to be those things or worthy of them. They were wrong, arrogant, sinful. Except that in that moment, all those ideas and psychological knots fell off me, because I knew this is how my head was supposed to sit on top of my spine. There was no argument. That was the natural place for it.
I thought, I have to go for a walk, let this sensation sink in some more. As I walked I had this feeling of empowerment that came from inside. I was standing at my full height with my chest open, and I thought, 'this is how much space I take up'. And for the first time, I felt like nature, the mechanics of my own body, had given me permission to stand and walk that way, and that seemed like a no-nonsense, authoritative counter-argument to all the destructive theology I'd grown up with.
Sorry this went on, I don't know why I felt like sharing it with you guys. I don't usually leave enormous comments.
Thanks again, peace!
Born 1992. I experienced this movement full force throughout my critical childhood development years. Now I struggle to accept the unconditional love from my husband. Even when I’m now ‘biblically’ correct to have sex. I can’t accept his unconditional love because I’ve LIVED purity culture. I’m deconstructing my religion right now. And I never thought I was this influenced by the movement until I got married. So now. Not only am I suffering due to the lasting consequences but my marriage… my husband as well. Thank you for speaking up. I got teary eyed watching this. Thank you.
I was heavily influenced by purity culture, and I’m so grateful you guys made this video. So helpful ❤️
Your stories are such a breath of fresh air as purity culture survivors! I appreciate your honesty, vulnerability and the laughter as a husband and wife 💙
Thank you, Anna. I hope and trust you're well and your new year is off to a great start. Sending you all the love.
@@KaraandCaleb Aww thank you for your lovely comment! It further helped me piece together my own story and some of my husband's story about our own experiences. 🥰
I’m a 28 virgin single women, and I’m growing more and more depressed and suicidal due to purity culture. I’m feeling so much shame because of my sexual desires which is growing more and more. I don’t really know what to do with myself as an unmarried woman who doesn’t even know when they will finally get married.
Same :/
Your videos are wonderful thank you for your work !!!
Love you, thank you, God bless you two for this important content! You have no idea what positive impact it will have, please continue this wonderful path
Thank you for opening the conversation. Please keep talking about this ❤️
Is there anything specific you’d like to hear? We’ve got more videos coming soon.
@@KaraandCaleb how do you have an intimate life with your spouse when you’ve both been affected by this? How did you guys do it?
@@mariahazcueta3621 Great question and sorry I'm just seeing it. We'll talk extensively on restoring intimacy and the ways we've gone about it and continue to go about it in upcoming videos. It's a journey. I appreciate you asking!
Appreciate this! There’s a lot about how purity culture is bad and damaging but this is one of the few videos about how to heal from it.
I appreciate your videos. I very recently became aware of the concept Purity culture, but instantly recognized it and understand this is a reality in a lot of evangelical and carismatic movements, just in a bit different applications.
When I became a christian and participated in a local church within the faith movement, there was the requirement of abstaining from sexual intercourse until marriage. It was in no way a conflict for me because I got an unspeakeable joy in my heart to do it.
The problem started after a while with the condemnation of the sexual desire and masturbation.
In the beginning I had no guilt feelings or bad conscience about it. But the burden grown and the condemnation resulted in severe depressions. The joy I earlier had about waiting with sex for a future wife was totally gone.
I became sexually frustrated and my sexual desire grown stronger than ever before. While I never earlier had been particularly interested in pornography I now became a sex addict and consumed pornography.
I left the religious system and everything which has to do with churches. As time passed I understood that the condemnation I had been an object for was not from God.
So many christians feel guilt and shame about their sexual longing, and about the inability to stop masturbate.
OF COURSE they do when they during years, in some cases DECADES, have been indoctrinated with that their feelings are shameful!
Here it's important to understand the difference between guilt feeling and bad conscience. Feeling of guilt and shame are imposed on you from the teaching in the church. These are only destructive and take away the joy and freedom in your life.
Bad conscience is what comes from inside, and helps you to do what you feel is right. That leads to true freedom.
I still need healing from the psychic damage I got because of the Purity culture. And I am glad I found you and other fighters against the unhealthy Purity culture.
where do you guys live? i like your enery
Be careful with the type of mediation you do
Bruh. I’m tryna get over a shitty circumstance and y’all are laughing. Just re-record the video geeze. This is serious topic🫤
i was promiscious when younger nothing good comes from it trust me. a healthy level of sexual shame keeps one safe
It’s not shame it’s guidance
So because you sinned, sexually, as a young adult & that sin was pointed out to you by religious culture or Christianity that somehow makes "purity culture" (euphemism for Godly-behavior) a bad thing because it made you feel shame?!??
This is where Ben Shapiro would say "Facts don't care about your feelings!"
God gave us instructions to live by, not to harm us, but to give us joy (which is the opposite of the shame you felt). The "rules" of "purity culture" keep you from feeling the shame and help you to have joy.
I know Caleb didn't grow up being taught this garbage. IDK if he learned it at Army or in counseling afterwards or from Kara
Ok I agree sex should be for marriage but the way it is presented ends up hurrying marriages. I lot of people STILL feel shame from sex even in marriage because of the way it is presented.
5IVE POINTS - I speak as a girl who “did it all right.” Waited till marriage. Etc etc…
The problem was the sudden switch to “sex is wrong” for 25 years, when suddenly, in one instant, “sex is great!”
My mind and body had a very hard time making the switch. I felt for years and years that sexual desire was wrong, even though I knew it was ok.
Please have compassion for those who got wounded in this process.
Our body itself is not good or bad. It's our hearts that are full of bad fleshly desires (SIN). From the heart our mouths speak, from the heart our bodies act.
Your body is not always telling you the truth!! That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard
I could say the same thing about believing in a fairytale
The greatest demonstration of the Kingdom of God here on earth is a healthy, biblical, God-honoring marriage between one man and one woman! It's the shadow of Christ the groom and His church as the bride. How Christ served and laid down His life for the church.
Shame on you Caleb for this false teaching & disparaging the religion you grew up in and I thought you believed.
Purity culture is a man-made phenomenon, not God-made... it wasn't even a thing before the 90s, how can you say it's God's will? It does more harm than good. Criticizing harmful ideologies is healthy. You're literally shaming people you don't even know for disagreeing with you. How do you think God feels about that?
That good ole Christian "love" (hate) shining bright as ever