As a strong introvert, the only ways I've made social interaction with people I don't know are through smiling at them. Often, when I need to be sociable, I sort of flip a switch into "performance mode", but I want to be able to do it naturally so that there wouldn't have to be a switch in the first place. There were so many times I've wanted to tell strangers how beautiful they were, tell parents how I admire the way they talk with their kids, or make friends with strangers who I thought were interesting - but I was so afraid that they'd think I'm a creep. It sounds scary to think of saying hello to random people, but this is a good challenge to try. Thank you for sharing, this is really helpful Derek!
I really take on a new mindset when I am looking to connect with people. 1. I remember that it's fun to play it like a game 2. I remind myself that everyone likes to feel good and connected so treat the world like family 3. I always say the truth with sincerity. If they ask how I am and I had a hard day I tell them the truth and immediately people open up and share
Opening conversations sometimes feels weird but like you said it gets easier with practice. I like to say hi and possibly as a question (like where they got their bag or jacket) or to compliment them. Once we are talking I’m usually pretty good at maintaining the conversation. It’s just kicking it off that is scary. :)
I was that weird kid that didn't talk to anyone. Then I realised that almost no one is good with meeting new people. And suddenly there was nothing to lose. Now I start conversations with strangers all the time. There's usually something funny/odd about each situation/place so I lead with an observation/joke about it. The hi and names come when the ice has already been broken, and it's always warmer and more genuine because of that (plus it's more memorable). I like to push the boundaries with the first few things I say to get a sense of the person from their reactions. It either brings them out their shell quicker - or sends them running faster. If I'm their kinda person, then conversation flows easily and everyone's happy.
Once I make eye contact with someone I'm going to speak to (and am in close enough proximity to speak) I flash a big smile rather than smiling non-stop from a mile away and just continuing to smile once I start a conversation with someone. It generally comes across as more genuine than smiling nonstop as you approach them from far away. This video was funny and informative! Highly entertaining and educational, Derek.
The very best manual on how to interact to people for me is Dale Carnegie's book "How to Win Friends and Influence People". Although it is a little old it changed my life from being introverted to being confident enough to talk easily to people. But the secret lies in practicing just like you suggested: start small, test what's better for you and soon enough it will come to you naturally. Nowadays people from my high school rarely recognize me when they interact with me after a long time because the shyness that I had on that time simply doesn't exist anymore. But it was all a process and it really feels weird until it doesn't. Great video!
As a lifelong learner and naturally curious person, I find it very easy to talk to people I don't know. I often ask 'Hi, how is your day'? or 'what are you doing today/at the weekend' because it gives you a foundation of something to talk about and gives you an insight into how that person spends their time and therefore what is important in their life.
When I walk my dogs in the park near my house, I do smile at everyone, and if they aren't talking to someone else, or listening to something, I always say hello. I also talk to everyone that serves me whether at the store, coffee shop, or restaurant. Not only has it helped me be less shy, but it actually makes me happier, it also embarrasses my teenage daughter.
Honestly though, talking to store clerks really worked for me, saw that piece of advice from you a few years ago and it really helped me to learn to break the ice and socialize more. I started applying that at work, i.e. greeting everyone there every day. I got a few promotions thanks to that (just getting noticed gets you a foot in the door). Thanks for the advice from back then, it helped me a lot. I'll try the "say hello to everyone you meet" thing too the next time I go out and see how it goes.
I have made a point of looking people in the eye and saying hello as I am walking. Smile and be friendly. It's amazing the people you meet when you make a point of being open to meeting people. I also stopped saying "I'm fine" when people ask how I am. I now say "I'm awesome! YOU??" or "Excellent, thank you for asking. How is your day going?" People want to invited into a conversation. Great video Derek!
Holy! I forgot I had a job a ski hill as a lift op. We were supposed to engage with the people on the lift. Every one! I totally forgot all about having to do that. It turned from awkward to fun after about a month. You really only have a few seconds as people get on the lift to say something. It’s an experience I never really thought about. I didn’t know how valuable it was but now I can see how it helped me be more outgoing.
You are such a crack up Derek! My husband and I were laughing at you while we were brushing our teeth this morning! Anyway I think your examples of starting out small and saying "hey what's up" to get out of your extreme shyness is ALSO an example of why you have been successful in BUSINESS. Let me explain. It ties into what you were talking about yesterday: I don't think it was as much about TIME management as it is about HABIT management- being able to build the small habits or actions that help us reach our goals- whether it's making new friends or starting a blog! You have to start with little habits that you can continue regularly or daily and routinely until it builds to the next step or you have your goal! I think it's interesting that these two videos were the day after each other because I think they really tie in with one another and it's so subtle.... this secret. The secret is in the small habits thank you Derek!
I wonder what Derek would consider some of his best or most helpful HABITS to building his successful business. It's probably NOT what most of us would guess. It's those little routines worked into habits... how bout it @Derek? An episode on the habits that are surprisingly and perhaps mundanely behind your successful online business? Pretty please
The thing that really stuck out to me about this video has to do with integrity. I love the idea of making rules for yourself and then having the integrity (e.g. sticking to it even when NO ONE else is keeping track) to follow through with them. Not everybody has the integrity to hold THEMSELVES accountable to those kinds of things, but I'd be willing to bet there's a strong correlation between integrity and success.
I go back and forth on being comfortable talking to others in a new spot. To be honest I’m often good just being in the room and observing. The key is I am comfortable standing and observing. But then I force myself to work a room. As a big dude who can play the gregarious guy its often dependent upon the situation. When I need to turn it on I can. I learned the hard way to lose the creepy smile in awkward times. But then a wise man told me his “what’s up” technique and that has been a great bridge for when I’m in that odd spot of not being comfortable but having to meet peeps. I’ll try the I’m new here bit in the future.
At networking events I open with "Hi I don't think we've met before. I'm Ramona. Is this your first time here?" Always is a great conversation starter. If it's a party or something, I will introduce myself and ask how they know the host.
Derek you are the introverts' hero! I only know to go up to someone and say "Hi, I'm Kaley" which forces them to tell me their name, then I sometimes compliment their name or ask how it is spelled if it is unusual, and then I start asking them friendly questions. Then ASAP after the conversation, I note in my phone their name, where I met them, and some key things about them, so I can pick up the conversation next time I see them. I learned this from my journalist dad. The more questions you ask someone, and the less time you spend yammering on about yourself, the more you are perceived as likable. Although, sometimes my dad can get to really grilling me like a newspaper reporter and it's annoying! LOL
I love to take a moment to enthusiastically greet people before we get down to business, Derek. I've found that it works wonders for putting smiles on the faces of others, too! So many people in the customer service industry are required to give some sort of greeting. But rather than responding to their, "How are you today?" with the standard, "fine," before placing my order or paying for my merchandise, I do things a little differently. I look the person in the eye and say, "Fantastic! How are you?" Not feeling so great? Try, "Unbelievable! How about you?" Then--and this is crucial--I wait for them to answer, listen to what they say, and respond appropriately. Sometimes this takes a few extra seconds, because many people aren't expecting a sincere inquiry into how they are actually doing. However, 9 times out of 10, they smile and realize that they're at least enjoying our current interaction. More often than not, we can cheerily conduct our business, and I think they seem to smile a bit brighter and greet the next customer with a bit more energy. Why not be the sunshine in someone else's day?!
I have to say it, you nail it with the music at the end of your videos. It leave me always a good feeling, not like some other videos where the sound is annoying, boring our loud. Keep up with the good work
I live in St Louis Missouri which is one of the friendliest cities in the nation. I say hello to everyone and 90% of the people say hello back. I've made some good friends, and have gotten a few clients, just by saying hello on the sidewalk while I walk around the park. You might be questioning how St Louis can be so friendly when it has one of the highest crime rates in the nation. We like that you think that. So you don't move here. This is one of the best small town cities you could ever live in. The zoo is free, the gas is cheap, and most everything else is moderately priced. The kicker is that it has the influence of southern hospitality, something you will not get in Minneapolis or New York.
To connect with people, I ussually reccomend to ask for a street and after the answer all u give a compliment or ask what is the best place to go in the city you are in and after that if you are new in the city, you just say " Hey by the way, I'm new here(if you are new in your city) lets exchange number and hangout sometimes cause I wanna connect with more people in this city." or you can also say "Hey, I'm new here btw, its interesting to talk to you, cause I'm new here I don't know so much people and I wanna know more people here. lets exchange number and hangout sometimes I wanna know this city more fully."
Good stuff here! I usually comment on the person's attire (tie, dress, shoes) or I will comment on our surroundings. If I am in a coffee shop I might say " It's so cozy in here, whish I could stay all afternoon" or if at a networking event "they did a nice job on the event have you been to anything else they've put on?"
"I hate people in coffee shops." You just hate people that question your employment. ;-) An opener that happened to me recently was in the washroom! The dude washing his hands next to me asked, "Are those light fixtures new?" Couldn't tell him but he did give me a fun story to tell my friends.
Good stuff... Also depends on where you are. Being in the North East (Connecticut) people are a little cooler than the South and West.. although we genuinely mean what we say (yes there is a story behind that..) ;) I do similar in trying to expand on the greetings with people.. some look at you weird, some fall flat many times the other person smiles and reciprocates. The nicer you are - the more nice people you will meet.. and yes, I love having fun with the loud / obnoxious greetings. These get the most laughs..
I like to say "Hi, So how's your family?" Boy do I get the question mark look..haha... then I say I'm just trying to be friendly. So, how is your family? Then they usually cautiously say OK, then I say thats nice and then make my order. Then they usually smile a lot and are much friendlier.
This was hilarious, and awesome, and I suppose...somewhat foreign to me. I was raised in the south, so I have always said hello to most people I cross paths with and held friendly conversations with servers and other people paid to talk to me. I did like some of the suggestions for taking it further and trying new things. Can't wait to give it a try! Thanks!
For absolutely strangers in public places, I don't really open conversations with people. That's kind of my excuse for going to events instead. There's a pretext there to meet people, so I can easily say "Hey, what's up, my name is..." or "Hey, I don't think we've meet yet, I'm...". I'm constantly in foreign countries, so I might make a random "guess comment" along the lines of "Hey, I'm guessing you're not [nationality of country I'm in]". That segues naturally into conversation.
I kinda flow. A head nod and a "Hello," "Good Morning," "Hey, how's it going?" I'm out of my shell, so I don't have any problem speaking to people. It's a bit more of a challenge nowadays, not knowing if someone is racist. So, I kinda check the pulse by gaging for friendliness. So....
Awkward introverted creepy smile 😃 Are you an extroverted introverted? I love how you made up your own process to overcome painful shyness! I do pretty well with this but I miss a lot of opportunities. I was thinking about you when I was in the bank the other day; about how you get special treatment because of the way you talk with folks. So I purposely joked and talked with all the employees I needed to speak to. Just to see how it went. It was nice and everyone was smiling at me and saying hi. No special treatment (no $500k for just being me), but we all had a presence there. It was ... nice.
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As a strong introvert, the only ways I've made social interaction with people I don't know are through smiling at them. Often, when I need to be sociable, I sort of flip a switch into "performance mode", but I want to be able to do it naturally so that there wouldn't have to be a switch in the first place. There were so many times I've wanted to tell strangers how beautiful they were, tell parents how I admire the way they talk with their kids, or make friends with strangers who I thought were interesting - but I was so afraid that they'd think I'm a creep. It sounds scary to think of saying hello to random people, but this is a good challenge to try. Thank you for sharing, this is really helpful Derek!
I really take on a new mindset when I am looking to connect with people.
1. I remember that it's fun to play it like a game
2. I remind myself that everyone likes to feel good and connected so treat the world like family
3. I always say the truth with sincerity. If they ask how I am and I had a hard day I tell them the truth and immediately people open up and share
Opening conversations sometimes feels weird but like you said it gets easier with practice.
I like to say hi and possibly as a question (like where they got their bag or jacket) or to compliment them. Once we are talking I’m usually pretty good at maintaining the conversation. It’s just kicking it off that is scary. :)
I was that weird kid that didn't talk to anyone.
Then I realised that almost no one is good with meeting new people. And suddenly there was nothing to lose.
Now I start conversations with strangers all the time. There's usually something funny/odd about each situation/place so I lead with an observation/joke about it. The hi and names come when the ice has already been broken, and it's always warmer and more genuine because of that (plus it's more memorable).
I like to push the boundaries with the first few things I say to get a sense of the person from their reactions. It either brings them out their shell quicker - or sends them running faster.
If I'm their kinda person, then conversation flows easily and everyone's happy.
Once I make eye contact with someone I'm going to speak to (and am in close enough proximity to speak) I flash a big smile rather than smiling non-stop from a mile away and just continuing to smile once I start a conversation with someone. It generally comes across as more genuine than smiling nonstop as you approach them from far away.
This video was funny and informative! Highly entertaining and educational, Derek.
The very best manual on how to interact to people for me is Dale Carnegie's book "How to Win Friends and Influence People". Although it is a little old it changed my life from being introverted to being confident enough to talk easily to people. But the secret lies in practicing just like you suggested: start small, test what's better for you and soon enough it will come to you naturally. Nowadays people from my high school rarely recognize me when they interact with me after a long time because the shyness that I had on that time simply doesn't exist anymore. But it was all a process and it really feels weird until it doesn't. Great video!
As a lifelong learner and naturally curious person, I find it very easy to talk to people I don't know. I often ask 'Hi, how is your day'? or 'what are you doing today/at the weekend' because it gives you a foundation of something to talk about and gives you an insight into how that person spends their time and therefore what is important in their life.
When I walk my dogs in the park near my house, I do smile at everyone, and if they aren't talking to someone else, or listening to something, I always say hello.
I also talk to everyone that serves me whether at the store, coffee shop, or restaurant. Not only has it helped me be less shy, but it actually makes me happier, it also embarrasses my teenage daughter.
Im not even here for business anymore, im here for these golden social skill tips.
Honestly though, talking to store clerks really worked for me, saw that piece of advice from you a few years ago and it really helped me to learn to break the ice and socialize more.
I started applying that at work, i.e. greeting everyone there every day. I got a few promotions thanks to that (just getting noticed gets you a foot in the door).
Thanks for the advice from back then, it helped me a lot.
I'll try the "say hello to everyone you meet" thing too the next time I go out and see how it goes.
I have made a point of looking people in the eye and saying hello as I am walking. Smile and be friendly. It's amazing the people you meet when you make a point of being open to meeting people. I also stopped saying "I'm fine" when people ask how I am. I now say "I'm awesome! YOU??" or "Excellent, thank you for asking. How is your day going?" People want to invited into a conversation. Great video Derek!
Holy! I forgot I had a job a ski hill as a lift op. We were supposed to engage with the people on the lift. Every one! I totally forgot all about having to do that. It turned from awkward to fun after about a month. You really only have a few seconds as people get on the lift to say something. It’s an experience I never really thought about. I didn’t know how valuable it was but now I can see how it helped me be more outgoing.
You are hilarious !! N honestly upfront.
Actually, I laughed when you laughed and I subscribed.
You are such a crack up Derek! My husband and I were laughing at you while we were brushing our teeth this morning!
Anyway I think your examples of starting out small and saying "hey what's up" to get out of your extreme shyness is ALSO an example of why you have been successful in BUSINESS.
Let me explain. It ties into what you were talking about yesterday: I don't think it was as much about TIME management as it is about HABIT management- being able to build the small habits or actions that help us reach our goals- whether it's making new friends or starting a blog! You have to start with little habits that you can continue regularly or daily and routinely until it builds to the next step or you have your goal!
I think it's interesting that these two videos were the day after each other because I think they really tie in with one another and it's so subtle.... this secret. The secret is in the small habits thank you Derek!
Habit management--I like that!
I wonder what Derek would consider some of his best or most helpful HABITS to building his successful business. It's probably NOT what most of us would guess. It's those little routines worked into habits... how bout it @Derek?
An episode on the habits that are surprisingly and perhaps mundanely behind your successful online business? Pretty please
The thing that really stuck out to me about this video has to do with integrity. I love the idea of making rules for yourself and then having the integrity (e.g. sticking to it even when NO ONE else is keeping track) to follow through with them. Not everybody has the integrity to hold THEMSELVES accountable to those kinds of things, but I'd be willing to bet there's a strong correlation between integrity and success.
I go back and forth on being comfortable talking to others in a new spot. To be honest I’m often good just being in the room and observing. The key is I am comfortable standing and observing. But then I force myself to work a room. As a big dude who can play the gregarious guy its often dependent upon the situation. When I need to turn it on I can.
I learned the hard way to lose the creepy smile in awkward times. But then a wise man told me his “what’s up” technique and that has been a great bridge for when I’m in that odd spot of not being comfortable but having to meet peeps.
I’ll try the I’m new here bit in the future.
At networking events I open with "Hi I don't think we've met before. I'm Ramona. Is this your first time here?" Always is a great conversation starter. If it's a party or something, I will introduce myself and ask how they know the host.
Derek you are the introverts' hero! I only know to go up to someone and say "Hi, I'm Kaley" which forces them to tell me their name, then I sometimes compliment their name or ask how it is spelled if it is unusual, and then I start asking them friendly questions. Then ASAP after the conversation, I note in my phone their name, where I met them, and some key things about them, so I can pick up the conversation next time I see them. I learned this from my journalist dad. The more questions you ask someone, and the less time you spend yammering on about yourself, the more you are perceived as likable. Although, sometimes my dad can get to really grilling me like a newspaper reporter and it's annoying! LOL
I love to take a moment to enthusiastically greet people before we get down to business, Derek. I've found that it works wonders for putting smiles on the faces of others, too!
So many people in the customer service industry are required to give some sort of greeting. But rather than responding to their, "How are you today?" with the standard, "fine," before placing my order or paying for my merchandise, I do things a little differently.
I look the person in the eye and say, "Fantastic! How are you?" Not feeling so great? Try, "Unbelievable! How about you?"
Then--and this is crucial--I wait for them to answer, listen to what they say, and respond appropriately. Sometimes this takes a few extra seconds, because many people aren't expecting a sincere inquiry into how they are actually doing. However, 9 times out of 10, they smile and realize that they're at least enjoying our current interaction. More often than not, we can cheerily conduct our business, and I think they seem to smile a bit brighter and greet the next customer with a bit more energy. Why not be the sunshine in someone else's day?!
I have to say it, you nail it with the music at the end of your videos. It leave me always a good feeling, not like some other videos where the sound is annoying, boring our loud. Keep up with the good work
Glad you like it! =)
I live in St Louis Missouri which is one of the friendliest cities in the nation. I say hello to everyone and 90% of the people say hello back. I've made some good friends, and have gotten a few clients, just by saying hello on the sidewalk while I walk around the park. You might be questioning how St Louis can be so friendly when it has one of the highest crime rates in the nation. We like that you think that. So you don't move here. This is one of the best small town cities you could ever live in. The zoo is free, the gas is cheap, and most everything else is moderately priced. The kicker is that it has the influence of southern hospitality, something you will not get in Minneapolis or New York.
I have done that while walking around the Lake in my community. Works really well! Thank you.
To connect with people, I ussually reccomend to ask for a street and after the answer all u give a compliment or ask what is the best place to go in the city you are in and after that if you are new in the city, you just say " Hey by the way, I'm new here(if you are new in your city) lets exchange number and hangout sometimes cause I wanna connect with more people in this city." or you can also say "Hey, I'm new here btw, its interesting to talk to you, cause I'm new here I don't know so much people and I wanna know more people here. lets exchange number and hangout sometimes I wanna know this city more fully."
The thought of saying hello to everyone sounds so daunting! But I can definitely start having more conversations at coffee shops etc.
Good stuff here! I usually comment on the person's attire (tie, dress, shoes) or I will comment on our surroundings. If I am in a coffee shop I might say " It's so cozy in here, whish I could stay all afternoon" or if at a networking event "they did a nice job on the event have you been to anything else they've put on?"
"I hate people in coffee shops."
You just hate people that question your employment. ;-)
An opener that happened to me recently was in the washroom! The dude washing his hands next to me asked, "Are those light fixtures new?" Couldn't tell him but he did give me a fun story to tell my friends.
Good stuff...
Also depends on where you are. Being in the North East (Connecticut) people are a little cooler than the South and West.. although we genuinely mean what we say (yes there is a story behind that..) ;)
I do similar in trying to expand on the greetings with people.. some look at you weird, some fall flat many times the other person smiles and reciprocates.
The nicer you are - the more nice people you will meet.. and yes, I love having fun with the loud / obnoxious greetings. These get the most laughs..
I like to say "Hi, So how's your family?" Boy do I get the question mark look..haha... then I say I'm just trying to be friendly. So, how is your family? Then they usually cautiously say OK, then I say thats nice and then make my order. Then they usually smile a lot and are much friendlier.
This was hilarious, and awesome, and I suppose...somewhat foreign to me. I was raised in the south, so I have always said hello to most people I cross paths with and held friendly conversations with servers and other people paid to talk to me. I did like some of the suggestions for taking it further and trying new things. Can't wait to give it a try! Thanks!
For absolutely strangers in public places, I don't really open conversations with people. That's kind of my excuse for going to events instead. There's a pretext there to meet people, so I can easily say "Hey, what's up, my name is..." or "Hey, I don't think we've meet yet, I'm...". I'm constantly in foreign countries, so I might make a random "guess comment" along the lines of "Hey, I'm guessing you're not [nationality of country I'm in]". That segues naturally into conversation.
I kinda flow. A head nod and a "Hello," "Good Morning," "Hey, how's it going?" I'm out of my shell, so I don't have any problem speaking to people. It's a bit more of a challenge nowadays, not knowing if someone is racist. So, I kinda check the pulse by gaging for friendliness. So....
According to Machiavelli, it is better to be feared than liked. What say you?
should be called "guy with a little too much confidence talks about himself for 9 minutes"
I said hey what's up to this guy and he said, "what's up homie you have a problem." I was like no bro I just say hello. He then left. WTF people!
I misunderstood title I thought this video was going to be 5 seconds.
This has always been a problem for me... How to do a cold call, for example. I would just be scared...
Hello Derek! :-)
I avoid conversations
Awkward introverted creepy smile 😃
Are you an extroverted introverted? I love how you made up your own process to overcome painful shyness!
I do pretty well with this but I miss a lot of opportunities. I was thinking about you when I was in the bank the other day; about how you get special treatment because of the way you talk with folks. So I purposely joked and talked with all the employees I needed to speak to. Just to see how it went. It was nice and everyone was smiling at me and saying hi. No special treatment (no $500k for just being me), but we all had a presence there. It was ... nice.
you're a silly goose
No, you.
Hey? Thank you!