CPTSD Makes Us Feel DIFFERENT... ARE WE?
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- Опубликовано: 1 окт 2024
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I can't even... my whole life I have been the odd guy out- never knowing why. I cannot believe how much this hits home. Thank you.
Yes.
@noobenstein You’re a jerk.
@@skwarepeg1068 Thanks lol! I feel bad for those who find it necessary to shit talk or insult others in order to feel good about themselves. It is a symptom of low self-esteem and a feeling of inadequacy and not in any way about their target- me, in this case. I hope that they get the care they need and perhaps, some lessons in math so they can at least make sense the next time they attempt to insult or bully someone:)
Ditto. I've always described myself as an acquired taste, like imported beer. lol It made me feel more unique and less broken to think of it that way but I had no idea other people that have been through a tough childhood felt this way too. Good luck to you.
This video is so relatable to me. Everywhere I've been, I've always felt like the odd one out, different, like I never really fitted in with any particular social group. I never genuinely knew why I wasn't able to just blend in like everyone else.
I was always just waiting for the mother ship to come and take me back to my home planet.
I know the feeling!
I had always felt like I was on a foreign planet.
I am not of this world. It’s a weird feeling. I feel so fake as a human.
I felt like that all the time during my teens
Kitty Pepper PhD I wish. I’ve actually looked up to the sky and asked the aliens to take me with them.
I have felt for a long time that relating to other people is like playing a game where everyone instinctively knows the rules but me.
Well you fit in with US!
Same with me.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy That's good to know. :-)
Wow, how well said. I hear ya.
@@cindyharding574 Thanks, Cindy.
The worst thing about dealing with CPTSD is that you get stigmatizied by other people for being the odd one out.
I even had a really good friend several years ago tell me that she thought that I was really weird, until she got to know me.
My coworkers pick on me for being withdrawn and closed off but they dont understand that I feel safe this way.
@@kb81ccme15 Yeah, safe from THEM. I hate being singled out because we can't follow their rules!!
Doesn’t it suck when you get treated badly by others and they think it’s your own fault? Been there done that. Something that has helped me during a period of intense bullying in my life is when I realized Everything is a dialogue. You always have choices, many many choices, in how you carry yourself, how you respond or don’t respond, what you bring to the situation. It can be empowering to look at our own piece of it if we take that as a spring board to try new things, new approaches and attitudes.
@@Luva-_- People catch on to that too, and then who knows the limits of what they'll believe and perhaps make accusations about.
I have said for years...YEARS that I've felt like an alien...that I didn't belong to this planet. Before I knew I had CPTSD I always rationalized it as I'm too sensitive for this tough world.
Your sensitivities are normal for someone who gets dysregulated. And healing is possible. So turns out you're human after all.. :)
I feel the same way. But the world needs people like you and me! Don’t give up ❤️
I too feel the same way.
This comment has been my inner monologue my entire life. It's really nice to know im not alone.
@@lifemusic1980 you're definitely not alone🤗
I tripped across this channel yesterday and I am to my core shook. I have never found something where, every single word resonates with me down to my bones. I always thought I was just bad and broken and different because of that. I never called it abuse until recently. Thank you for speaking and for making people know they aren't alone.
I understand your words.
Thank you so much! Im 48 and very self actualized, & versed in the psychology of self therapy... But, no one ever told me what you just did, I always felt like everyone else had an upper hand socially, like I was on the outside looking in... With no explanation or validation, often getting blamed for something I was or wasm't doing
Basically, everything, Everything you just said!
Also, you have a very compassionate, yet fiercely protective maternal vibe, which I feel is healing, in itself, to those of us with shitty mothers! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart💝
thanks to Anna and her videos.....never too late to become even more 'self-actualized'. This healing journey has got to be the most exciting one around....
I relate 🌻
So true. I felt that I was hyper vigilant, watching other people to learn how to act. And it was indeed acting. What face, what laugh, what clothes, what jokes were acceptable? It was so scary and humiliating. The anxiety of this was constant. So glad to have learned this late in life to accept the good, the bad, the everything that is part of me.
I get it! "Trying hard" doesn't work very well anyway! Might as well just be ourselves.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy People don't seem to care for me being myself.
@@GeorgianaOnline when you think high of yourself then people will give the same vibes .it's crucial to love yourself no matter what as your soul being and it's worthy of love despite of all mistakes traumas .we are not our behaviors or feelings or trauma .we are love as created by God .sending g you love .take small steps and don't worry about going 5 Steps back as its part of healing journey .the messy things has to come out so that you can clearly see that you are love and good inherently.
GeorgianaOnline I just attract people who want to use me in some way.
F E I don’t have a good solution to this because I feel it too, all the time, but I just wanted you to know you aren’t alone. Be well ❤️
If I read through these comments here, I see myself in most every single one of them! We ALL understand each other! All these words from stangers that speak MY truth. As if *I* was saying it. I never knew there were so many of us!! I thought I was the only one. THANK GOD for Anna!!
The camaraderie is powerful :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Yeah yes, thank God for Anna!!!
I think we were traumatised with ridicule and criticism. That along with no "sit down and talk/discuss" and parental unavailability, make us like that. Our insides are so sore, that we become too sensitive to potential disapproval from just about anybody. And normal people notice that and treat us differently. Creates a cycle. WE WERE NOT TOLD WHO WE WERE BY OUR PRIMARY CAREGIVERS. Instead we were told that something is wrong with us. You may not know this, but a big part of our self image and ego forms from what our parents reflect to us. We know we are inherently precious when they non verbally tell us that. And vice versa.
yes.
I agree!
Very well said, I've sorta thought this subconsciously but it never truly surfaced the way you've verbalized the concept-- love that you're bringing clarity to it, thanks.
And the cherry on top of this is that some of us who felt this way were told we were selfish, self-centered, or otherwise egotistical for not accepting disapproval (the phrase I got was more or less "you're self-centered because you don't accept constructive criticism" when I am autistic and much of that "constructive criticism" was saying that my very being was wrong). And this isn't helped by the fact that quizzes evaluating narcissism use these exact items and don't properly differentiate the real narcissistic sentiments from the CPTSD ones (which could be helped by using slightly different phrasing that resonates with narcissists but not C-PTSD folks, though that still wouldn't be perfect if they don't control for folks who self-actualize with "screw this" as well - ideally, using power-trippy phrases and asking "agree or disagree" on those would help in rooting out the real narcissists).
@@lsmmoore1 Yes. The 'you're self-centred and selfish' ...non-stop criticism. Devastating when a child has no clue who she is. The old pics of me are of a kid staring out from under her bangs, arms hanging by her side, no smile. Trauma already visible but that's how kids were treated 'back then'...like property that parents were free to ignore. A lifetime of banging on doors, trying to find a 'home' but ending up isolated. Time to crawl out of my cave and find some friends who understand and who've survived.
I'd like to thank you for this video. I'm sitting here, crying my heart out, because I feel validated. I feel validated for all the years of bullying and harassment I experienced. It was incredibly difficult making friends, and especially maintaining them and it has taken me a lot of self-reflection to be able to recognize my pain as being valid and attributing it to my childhood experience.
Seeing the truth is like a cool drink of water sometimes. I hope it sets you very, very free!
Children aren't supposed to be depressed. They're resistant to it to some degree, but trauma can do it. Childhood depression changes the way their brains develop. A lot. We end up being different.
I remember considering jumping off a parking garage when I was 9. Like you said, enough trauma can do anything.
@@jarryd8167 It never ceases to amaze me how fabulously we actually do cope and can come back from the edge of that parking garage to live another Day!! The brain and body have a strong desire to cope and live, by any means possible. This desire is strong in people like us, who have been eaten alive by the people in our past!!
@@jarryd8167 I waa 10 or 11 would look at a bottle of tylonal and want to take all of it. I'm 43 Now and I've had 2 real attempts. One that landed me in the ICU. The other just getting my stomach pumped. Now I have permanent heart issues. Please think the side effects/ after effects of what your doing. Coma or stroke can be worse than death... especially if you don't have insurance or savings to pay for nursing care.
Anyone who considers suicide please consider what I've said.
For me I'm trying to get I guess a living will. When/if I ever become unable to take care of myself please take me to somewhere that allows medically assisted suicide. When i just can't do this life. There are some places that have painless/legal solutions so please take me.
@@indigoblue4791 just because we lived another day does not mean we had the strength to live....it may just mean we were unable to accomplish what we wanted to. Unless you try a very violent method it can be very hard to finish the job. I ended up in the ICU Nevada because a box of over the counter sleeping meds only put me in a coma instead of killing me.
I made a mistake...it was the CCU Coronary Care Unit not the ICU
@@stephanieme4405 Thank you for sharing your story
Severe childhood trauma is linked to autoimmune diseases. In turn causing Hashimotos or other debilitating issues doctors dont properly test for. This video is spot on with childhood learning and proper brain developement. Its amazing how childhood shapes us.
Yes. The new research explains SO much.
Very true... I have autoimmune disorders, had chronic migraines my whole childhood, chronic stomachaches, food allergies, and eating disorders. It’s so sad to think so many other people have this as well.
That makes sense because the gene causing auto immune diseases triggers by trauma or virus infections often before 30. So latent childhood struggles must be a physical trauma even if it was more of loneliness and emotional neglect for me. Reumatoid athritis in my back 👋
True. I have 3 different auto immune disorders. They have been better after some healing but I still have them.
Thyroid/endocrine problems
You literally spoke the thoughts from my mind when you said, "The people around us all seem to know something; how to act, what to say, how to be connected with each other, and that somehow we never got the memo." I never knew how to explain that feeling or if I was just crazy for feeling that way. You're videos are so helpful. Thank you for doing what you do!
She spoke my mind too when she said that,I am the person who always wonders how on earth people become connected like how they become friends,lovers and all that
Thank God for this precious lady.
The programming I received in my family WAS that I was different to them and everyone else, and that my difference also made me unapproachable, unlovable, and not able to be understood. They would laughingly tell people " she's not really from around here but we don't know which planet she's from"
They are from another planet. .called Narcissist. ....perhaps learn about Narcissistic Abuse too.? It helped me and now I understand my family and can forgive and love them from a distance ..good luck on your healing journey.
Sounds like maybe you ARE different and that's a good thing!
That sounds extra painful, to not only feel different but for your fam to literally say that. Compassion to you. We all belong here and we all deserve to feel that way, including you.
That's right. We are different and have different brains because of the trauma. I hope it can be changed.
Its also called " bullying". My siblings were encouraged to help me " toe the family line". I was different, left handed female. Going to school in the 60's & 70's.
I’ve always found that as hard as I try some people just don’t connect with me. And then I begin to feel rejected and I become even harder to reach. It’s like my anxiety about fitting in bounces off me and hits people in the face haha. I think I must seem fake or too intense to people? However, when I do have a friendship or relationship that are close, I am intensely & deeply connected to them. Those are the relationships that are important to me. But I’ve always struggled with large groups. Thankyou for this video :)
Good description. Thank you.
Love yourself deeply and radiate love for yourself people would get attracted to you and besides you are your own best friend .All you need is with in you my dear .
Fariha why does one need a crowd of people around us all the time?
I was helped by something I heard once that in the opinion of the writer, usually out of ten people, about 1-2 people will really like us, 1-2 will really dislike us, and the other 7-8 will be neutral. What I got from that was that it was normal not to feel strongly connected or liked by a whole lot of people, and maybe just focus on the ones we seem to jive with more. And we can work on our own friendship skills.
I can deepky relate to this 💖
I've always felt out of place, even in the places I should've been most happy or comfortable (like my high school manga club). I just never knew how to connect, and I had spent so much of my life observing and analyzing people. A lot of that observing was an instinct of survival; spotting the person most likely to cause harm and watching for when to run. Some of it was just me trying to be "normal". I've come to accept isolation as my normal. I don't mind being alone, but I hate being lonely if that makes sense.
I want you to know that the name you chose for this (Crappy Childhood Fairy) is the main reason I clicked. I love it. It is EXACTLY what I have been looking for, but didn't know how to find. After 15 years of back to back long-term relationships, I found myself pregnant, and suddenly all of the nonsense that I had put up with from men, the hurt, abuse, stealing, using, dehumanizing, etc., I no longer wanted to be in a relationship with someone who would intentionally make my life more difficult. It's like my fetus was a bouncer at a shmancy club kicking out all the riff raff. I spent the next 17 years celibate. I didn't want to bring the kind of men I seem to attract into my daughter's life. She turned 18 last month. It's been 4 years since she told me I needed to find friends and think about dating because she's going to be spending more and more time with her friends and boyfriends. So, after 2 years of searching high and low, I found the one I want, and for the past 2 years we've been fumbling through our fears and our trauma without professional help, and lately, it's been a super bumpy ride, we've nearly ended several times, but I BELIEVE we can work through our emotional dumpsters, and we will require the help of a magical crappy childhood fairy. I've hit SUBSCRIBE, and I've told my guy about it. I will be going over every video you post with a notepad, and he and I will use whatever advice, exercises, assignments, ideas, and we will (hopefully) figure ourselves out, and have a HEALTHY, LONG LASTING, HAPPY, NURTURING relationship. THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORK!
How is it going now ? Your comment is getting old, but you seemed full of energy and wanting to change ! I hope it went well for both of you
Damn! It's true its like we never got the memo. 😆
Hi Beryl. Now you have the memo!
Yes. And that feels sad and perplexing to me.
Yes!
Ventral vagal exercises (polyvagal theory) strengthens the social engagement system (ventral vagus nerve). I can connect very very differently after exercising my ventral vagus nerve. I no longer feel different and like I never got the memo. I grew up in a sect and wasn't allowed to socialize with my school mates etc. When we don't get proper connection with our caregiver as a baby (they are depressed, traumatized, absent emotionally) our ventral vagus nerve doesn't get properly mylenated. This causes us to have problems socializing, and fitting in, and feeling like we belong on planet earth. But this can be fixed in adulthood. Ventral vagal exercises are being used in autism treatment too. At age 40 I feel like I belong on planet earth for the first time. I keep saying to my husband "I'm actually a part of humanity now". I no longer walk around with a glass dome over me - the invisible wall between me and the rest of humanity. ❤️
@@gracelewis6071 Irene Lyon, also here on RUclips, focuses on polyvagal theory a great deal.
JW?
How wonderful!
How wonderful!
I have never heard of this. Wow
I always felt like I was too “serious” because people would make jokes and I’d take them literal or in casual conversations I never know what to talk about unless there’s already a topic to discuss.
Same!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Oh god the people here are so relatable
I will deadass call ppl not knowing what to talk about and sit on the phone in silence after while.
SAME. when I was younger I solved this problem with drugs and alcohol. Since being sober social settings are more difficult for me.
Me too!!!
I was, and am so hypersensitive to anything that sounds like rejection that, for all purposes, I self sabotage my close relationships. Outwardly I’ll feel anger over a cutdown remark or a rebuke of me, while inside, part of me is relieved to get yet another bad interaction with someone over with! I can go back to where I am safe and where things are simple - back to my loneliness.
Omg this resonates so much with me
Me too, it's so confusing because I don't want to be in my loneliness. 😥
This, yes. But then I get anxious because I don’t want to be lonely again.
This almost made me cry
Thank you for helping me almost bring these emotions to the surface and letting them out. That’s a huge step for me. I am not well acquainted with them yet :)
@@yazminlomeli and everyone else here, @Angie @Kryssy @ARИA - I am honored and totally surprised to find that the words I shared have had such an impact. It is nice to see others have the same experiences with social anxiety that I do. I hope all of us progress to where we feel better about our lives and ourselves, wherever that place is. No one should ever feel pressured to "get out and make friends." Of course if making friends is working for them, then fine, do it! But do what works and makes us feel natural and comfortable.
This has been an issue my whole life. I just felt like everyone else got taught something I didn’t, and they did.
We can still get there :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I used to try to fit in. As I’ve aged I have grown to embrace it. I’ve taught my kids to accept this as well. You are different, own it! Be proud.
Great advice!
-Cara@TeamFairy
It’s interesting after having so many Narcissistic relationships including my parents, a 20 year narcissistic abusive marriage... I see couples who are connected and close and really don’t understand or comprehend what that is or how it feels. It’s surreal and disconnected. I have a positive outlook but it is strange - feeling like a alien in a human world...
How interesting -- it doesn't make you sad?
Crappy Childhood Fairy it definitely causes alot of sadness, chronic depression and anxiety
RainbowPlays Me too. The narcs keep showing up. It's freaking me out. I'm good at spotting them now though. Renee
Its interesting, but I see a pattern in the comments of the correlation between narcissistic abuse and cpst
I too feel the same, as I look at married couples, I say to myself, they got that touch that I don't have to be in a relationship
I just explained this to my mom. I’m awful at reading people. I was at a social event and we were asked our greatest fear. I was asked to go first and a billion things came to mind but i said “being sold into sex trafficking” and everyone was awkward staring then the next person was like spiders and the next was heights and they were back to giggling and relating and i was so confused. Like, you said GREATEST fear was I supposed to choose something insignificant to me. I definitely feel like the odd one out.
What a great example! You were being earnest and genuine and everyone else was in on holding it close to the vest. I relate!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I get this. That’s why I have a hard time with “small talk”.
Well they are just coward/surface level people. It proves we are not different we just don't play dirty or small to protect our fragile ego unlike them.
😄 love it, also my greatest fear I would have said the same 😂💖
I'm trying to wrap my mind around how the aim of healing from CPTSD should be to fit in with superficiality and disingenousness? Why were you the problem in that scenario?
The sound quality of your videos are impeccable. I can put my phone down and walk around the house with you on my Bluetooth speaker like I'm listening 🎧 to a podcast.
You're not too calm, too excited or dull and it's a good balance and calms me down enough to actually LISTEN and take in. I disassociate few times an hour (sometimes for a minute sometimes the whole hour) and you have a way to reel me in back to your voice. Thank you.
I always felt different from all the other kids growing up. Everytime I tried to get closer to someone, the more they would push me away like I was some kind of a leper. I do know when dating, it's all trail and error for me, basically just errors. Lastly, I'm no doctor, nor have I ever been diagnosed but, I'm quite sure that I developed an avoidant personality due to my past.
Sorry you had to go through all that!
You're not alone.
Daniel- I had childhood trauma and didnt figure out or find how this affects me. I pushed the past aside and told myself all that is in the past and to disconnect that. But stuff came up and I realized why it affected me. I cry for people in this situation of childhood abuse and neglect. Nobody knows except them.
Daniel C me too
Me too
I remember the feeling well: the sense, a a young adult, that that there was a secret which everyone knew but me: The thought, "Someone please let me in on it."
Exactly! Glad you understand too!
Don't laugh, but I actually felt I was adopted. I got my birth certificate at 18 in 1977 and saw my parents name. This confused me, I felt THAT outside my parents & siblings. They would refer to my issues as " middle child syndrome".
That is really very sweet (and sad). I think many of us completely understand!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I have a rather large and diverse system to distract myself, from/with current or pressing issues. I practice distracting my brain. At 30, my Dr. declared I was OCD, after showing him reams of intricate house plans on graph paper. Then more & more& more drug " therapy" /adjusting doses & new medication. Especially, if you have insurance. I quit all meds at 61. I also worked 33 yrs for a corporate. I haven't dated or had sex since 2001.
@@bettyboop6292 i am five years into no relationships or sex. Starting to wonder if i will forever be.
@@carmellalarue7882 when I started to realize my damage. How,..could I damage & hurt (possibly) "others". My brother is on 4th marriage & my sister on 3rd. I stopped at 1. I'm still questioned at " what's wrong with me" & "you need help". My OWN voice? Imperfect & troubling.
@@bettyboop6292 this is true. When i was 11 yrs old 1979. We was watching a Jerry Lewis. Movie with a little Japanese boy in it, dont remember the name. Anyway my mother says ya know your adopted. No i am not i said.. I will prove it! She storms into the bedroom comes out with adoption papers in her hand ! I didnt know, i read them even my name had been changed. Turned my crazy world even crazier.so i took all those beatings and shit. Than all those comments,names like niger baby and nigger maid started coming into my head. As an adult it hit me after she died. I was nothin but a welfare check to her . someone to clean and do laundry....la la la. After that i started hating her and my brother. Being rebellious got more beatings but to me i was gonna get them either way. May as well be drunk when i did get hit. I was already an alien then they say i dont belong to them either! So i made a whole lot of stupid drunken, pill popping mistakes. Met my biological patents. They didnt like me much either. Wasnt their cup of tea. Ha ha. Now 51 sober want to finally clean out this mess in my head cause i need some change. I think being alone 5 yrs has made a world of difference.
I made friends, just couldn't keep them. Always found a way to mess it up.
Not knowing what is actually Normal
Yes.
Making connections is very energy draining and too much work for me, just thinking about it makes me feel as if all the fibers in my body scream not to do it.
What about pets? Do you connect with them? Have any? Could be a step.
For me, I've always done better 1 to 1 vs several people in groups. I tend to get lost and overwhelmed in groups. I don't do small talk very well.
@@RH-ul2bc I have a dog which is an enrichment to my life, I'm proud of her because she listens perfect, she never breaks a thing, she loves little kids and is very gentle with them. However my family always said not to get a pet because I was not the right person to care for an animal but I showed them otherwise, they can't stand it but I don't care anymore. I'm not a hateful person and getting rid of all the negative energy turns out to be a good thing for me.
@@RH-ul2bc too much money & nursing if one lifes alone also speak for myself before she got sick & took her down. So heartbreaking ...
I don't always feel like I fit in. Like I have to do something to fit in.
I'm reminded of a book my trauma therapist recommended: "The 5 Personality Patterns" by Steven Kessler. I'm straight-up "Leaving Pattern". The by-line for the chapter is "This place scares me. I want to go home." I laughed out loud when I saw that because it's exactly how I feel. Another therapist once asked, "Want do you want?" I replied, "To be." "To be what?" "No, just to be." Yep, I just want to be.
:)
I remember telling a therapist I just wanna be normal!! Ugh it's horrible
Thank you for sharing. I just randomly wanted to mentioned this.
I remember my cousin jokingly telling all my other siblings that I was adopted and he kept teasing me about it. It made me so mad and frustrated that I almost cried.
So the teary eyed chubby me went into the house and ate one whole pizza by myself ( we had just bought 2 large ones)
The other four kids were sharing one amongst themselves! It is a funny but kind of bittersweet memory and cute story. It shows me now how I got triggered and what deep wound was touched exactly! Then I went straight into coping / dissociation/ frustration / isolation and ate that pizza alone
Later on having a stomachache and laid on my mother‘s lap. Who just kept talking to my aunt and never
Till this day asked me why the hell I was so sad
They just laughed
Well then
I‘ll ask myself then
„Why are you so sad all the time ?“
🤍
I guess I had some pretty unique and embarrassing health issues most of my childhood and the people who raised me saw fit to not let me go to school or make my own friends on top of beating me on occasion and verbally abusing me daily.
My problem is now that I just don't really like most people and I don't like most things that they like. I'm terminally bored with life but feel completely helpless to improve or do anything about it and I don't really know why. Is this also sort of the feeling your describing? It's sort of a helpless dread that just overlays everything and never really seems to go away...
I have the same experience. It's good to know there is other people out there in the same boat. I have never met someone in person who knows this stuff
@@michelleraymond3255 I've also rarely ever met anybody in person who seems to get this stuff and I find it really hard (and boring) to socialize with people who are more on the "neurotypical" end of the spectrum... Maybe we should start forming clubs haha!
Wow what you just added on to what the video said, completely describes my situation. Much love guys.
Sounds exactly like my experience. And exactly the way I'm feeling now. Sort of a dread for the rest of my life
My relationship with a narcissist opened me up to my cptsd
The thing that upsets me most is I was and still am crying out for understanding, and was ignored. I don’t understand why.
Narcissism perhaps?
Hugs. I understand this totally.
I remember me crying when I was ten. I kept crying and telling no one likes me.
The girls in my class were all looking at me but no one tried to even comfort me.
But one girl kindly said. It was a bit harsh but now I‘m grateful that she said it that way.
„Not everyone has to like you“
Years later I adjusted that thought and told myself
„The right people love me“
Well also years later I‘m wondering where the hell those people are but hey
I‘m getting there 🌝 like a slow compassionate, traumatized snail 🐌 by myself! And with the help of great people
I want to thank you, I've always felt different, odd somehow, I been to therapy three times, not much use, with that I started to blame myself for being that or that. I felt incapable and incompetent for not being able to "sort myself out", not enough will power, etc until one day I stumble upon one of your vids in here. I was gobsmacked and relieved, for the first time in my life I felt positive about my capabilities and it has a cure. I can not sign up for one of your courses but I shall stick around here.
Take the free course @Vania! It's called the Daily Practice, and it contains the two techniques that enabled me to recover. The paid courses are advanced material.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy I shall. thanks
I feel heard by you. It’s crazy so many of us feel exactly like this and thought it was just us, alone. What we thought made us unique is a pattern of behaviors . It’s such a gift to have someone “get” us.
Yes, kind of sad and wonderful at the same time, right?
Video after video you get me and put into words everything I can't explain to everyone in my life. Thank you for the validation that even though I'm broken; I'm not broken alone.
We're ALL broken...and yet whole. The innermost part of US is made in his image and the more we focus on God and can feel that divine connection, the better we get and the closer we come to becoming who He made us to be, which is the best version of yourself. You can do this sweetheart.
I can't tell you how happy I am to have found you! Your topics really speak to me. You are kind of like a nice fairy godmother, waving your wand and bringing me understanding!🧚♀️
You are so welcome
It's like when you meet that cool classmate in the first day if school and yoy think is gonna be your BFF but then the next day, you see them hanging out with someone else and they actually become the BFFs until the semester ends and yoy wonder to yourself what it is about you that they didn't want to stay friends with. 😪😪
Flashback! Ouch :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Understood
You describe this feeling exactly like I feel it. I didn't get the memo. It makes you hyper vigilant and very anxious.
I can remember in kindergarten feeling strange and different and excluded when all the boys were playing with trucks and stuff and the girls were playing house. I had absolutely zero interest or motivation in doing either and just sort of observed from the sidelines thinking how boring it all was.
Reacting normal to abnormal situations
YEP!
And reacting abnormal to normal reactions sometimes too that's trauma induced too
OMG YES. AND WE’RE the freaks, right???
I have gotten to the point where I have had so many shattered friendships that I'm terrified to get close to anyone. I don't mean to get so clingy and needy that I hurt those I love. It just happens and I hate myself
@@treehugger7844 Thank you for the encouragement. I am happy to say that a year later I feel so much better and more stable. God has brought much healing into my heart and helped to restore my faith in the possibility of friendships being healthy. I appreciate your kindness so much. May many be encouraged by your words.
I do the same thing I'm a friendship killer
@@donpeace894 it is so frustrating getting into a repeated pattern like that. I am finally getting calm enough inside that my relationships are getting more stable but it was a long time coming. I still get nervous that I will fall into old patterns
I'm trying to break the pattern of "I want the one I can't have". All my life doomed friendships. I am improving. Thru Jesus and self awareness and these videos. I'm learning how to relax and just let things be. Don't have time for the drama my time is too valuable
I feel as if you read my journals and know my thoughts. This describes me. Thank you for addressing this topic. ❤️
What has made me feel different was knowing I didn’t react to things like other people did, and I’ve rarely felt like people could really get how I react and feel. I had other dimensions of being different as a child of immigrants, but the deeper differences were much more prominent.
Yes, with CPTSD it's normal to have reactions that are not normal by other people's standards!
OMG I am sending this to my shrink of 5v years whose only advice was to go out and practice making friends. i told him he was asking me to play first base in the world series after listening to a game from the parking lot. I was not trained! He said he couldn't help me. Kept taking my money though.
@Flowersong that was a good answer to your shrink. He obviously doesn't understand cptsd.
I stumbled across your channel today and it has been a revelation. I’ve been considering getting an ASD assessment as that seemed to fit. But, having watched a few of your videos and taken your quiz, I’m looking at a different path. Thank you for sharing this. It is YOUR gift.
I use to get like that,I use to feel completely like I was a freak or an outsider and yes I have come to understand that culturally there were differences between my family background and the majority culture I lived in but also due to other "dysfunctional" things. Now I can see how normal being dysfunctional is to many many others and how many people put on appearances and act as if "they are OK or normal"..keeping up appearances you could say.I see now that many people live in fear and anxiety and worry about not fitting in and most people come from dysfunctional backgrounds even if that background is more culturally normal. The so called norm is very often dysfunctional."It is no measure of health to be well adapted to a sick society".We have to remember that we do not operate very often in a healthy environment so putting all the emphasis on ourselves to somehow fit in or connect might not always be right,it might be we are OK but in the wrong environment for us
Thanks for commenting and for being here. You're so right, so so many people are concerned about what others think of them. Knowing that is a little comforting but doing this Daily Practice to see our own fears clearly, is very healing. bit.ly/3608opl
Yes yes....so true. Most fams are dysfunctional and in denial!
Talk about feeling different! I was raised in an alcoholic home. My family was interracial. My stepdad was black/Puerto Rican, and my siblings were darker than me. I was from a different father but wasn't told till I was a teenager. I knew something was off, but I thought I was crazy. I was very white in a brown family, who weren't telling me the truth. I was so confused. I didn't understand their anger towards me sometimes. Looking back now I do, but then I thought it was just me that was wrong....I iwas so confused and felt so different in my family and in the world. My step father was CRAZY. He was raging and crazy 90. percent of the time as well as physically and sexually inappropriate. When he wasn't smoking pot he was drinking. We could never bring anyone home because we never knew what he was doing.... He was abusive towards my mother who was very co dependent and distant. ... I wouldn't care or even look back, but I am so messed up all the time and I don't know why so I am looking for answers and reasons... My life has been a mixture of severe anxiety and clinical depression. I have been hospitalized many times....I have felt peace sometimes as I got older and was so excited about it....but now am going through yet another severe crippling depression and I am tired! I thought I would be done by now....really ...I have been fighting all my life to be well and sometimes I lose the battle....and I am sick of it being so hard. I often wonder if I am just messed up chemically. I heard stories of my biological father having a lot of mental problems....so there's that debate of nature vs nurture...I think I have both....I am trying your program...you are so wise and everything you say really resonates...so I am off to battle once again ..
I feel your pain. It is an exhausting lifelong struggle.
@Brenda, I hope you're enrolled in the Daily Practice and giving it a try. It's really good for dealing with harsh emotions, and so much more. We have group calls ever couple weeks. It's an opportunity ask questions, find a buddy if you want one, and learn a little more about how to use the techniques.
So happy you are trying this! By the inch
Delighted to hear you. You are an inspiration. I was reading the comments, but I couldn't think of the right words , Your comment helped . It truly feels like a never ending battle . Thank you for sharing your experience 🙏🌹💐
You just articulated what I have felt my whole life (and still feel)! I was telling my daughter how I am learning more from you than from years of therapy, and my daughter’s response was, “You need to go back to those therapists and ask for a refund!“ lol!
We'd be rich, lol!
100%!! So much wasted money and it never helped. Thank you so much Anna 💓
Lol.....yeah, I've actually had therapists tell me that they were learning so much from me that perhaps they should pay ME. I agreed!
Thank you for this video, Anna. I have felt like this for as long as I can remember. I have felt such a disconnection from my family, especially from my cousins closer to my age. Even they developed cliques and I felt so heartbroken fo so long that I was felt out. That experience made an impression on me that I was unlovable and worthless. It didn't help that my little sister was my grandmother's favorite, either. On my search for finding someone to love me (ended up being a very abusive relationship involving restraining orders - plural), my grandmother spread rumors about me because it compromised the implied assumption that I am to take care of her and be her caretaker (as well as take care of my little sister), making the rest of my aunts and uncles treat me like crap. One of them even told me not to call him "Ninong" anymore (my uncle who was also made my godfather) and another uncle dedicated a song to me during a family party that implied that I was a whore. I wanted to go to college out of state, but my mom told me to stay at home because she claimed that they all "needed" me. As my wanting to please everyone, I stayed and sacrificed my dreams. The accumulation of those things (even more than that, actually) made me suicidal. There was a time I finally fit in with my cousins, but I felt that I wasn't being true to myself as they led a lifestyle that involved excessive drinking and clubbing (I didn't deliberately try to belong with them, but I was led to that path as a result of being apathetic and suicidal). I eventually snapped out of it, but that involved setting boundaries that I was so scared and reluctant to put up. I now am a wife (to a wonderful and understanding husband who is patient with me through my moments of PTSD symptoms) and mom, but I face the internal struggle of guilt -- especially this past holiday season -- of not participating in family events. I even feel that they only want to "see" or "miss" me as they only want to see my son. Even my husband senses that and encourages me to take the necessary steps to heal while he defends me when necessary. I put the boundaries up as it helps me to be the best mom and wife I can be. Being around them gives me the big risk of going through a flashback that may compromise me and doing my responsibilities for as long as two weeks. My family cannot afford that at all. So this video (as well all that you have published here) validates my feelings, gives me comfort, and encourages me to continue to take the steps towards my healing and fulfilling my life's purpose. I know that someday I will have to face my blood relatives soon, but each step I take in this healing process will ensure that when I finally do so, the less chances I have of experiencing flashbacks. Thank you, Anna.
@J C, I'm so glad you are staying strong. That's the right thing. When you can't see where this is all going, just put one foot in front of the other and orient yourself toward truth, connection, hope, movement. I hope you'll try my Daily Practice. It can help with guilt and confusion about "the right thing to do." I talk about it in my video today (jan 16). You'll find it on my website, crappychildhoodfairy.com. It's free.
Sending you lots of prayers and best wishes .you are one strong lady .keep going till you are in full moon light .you are worthy of love and most deserving g .live yourself dear .proud of you to be so strong
After years of healing, I can attest that I no longer feel this way. There is hope.
I feel quite grateful for not fitting in 90% of the time. It does open doors to being free of today's version of normal. Plus, "The greater the difficulty the more glory in surmounting it. Skillful pilots gain their reputation from storms and tempests." Epictetus. Thank you for all of your advice and encouraging words, and for your existence. I'm 60, and this is the nearest I'm come to finding understanding of my life's course.
Wow. You call your explanation using hands clunky...I call it articulate..lol....sooo glad you popped up today.....🤗
Thanks -- it's odd sometimes trying to "show" something to the camera!
My therapist keeps saying that I'm shutting people out bc I don't wanna be abandoned or whatever. Legit if anyone wanted to hang out with me I'd jump at the chance. I don't shut people out, I just have no idea how others make friends. It's shitty getting constantly blamed and told there's a solution for something that doesn't even apply to you. There's really no way to connection.
Exactly and it makes us feel more crazy.
Hi Anna! im so glad i found you! and found that what i always felt has actually a name and can be healed!! Cos thats what happens in my life all the time! And its horrible!! I think people dont realize how much is painfull for us! im 42 and just broke what could have been a good relashionship because of that! I wanted to be with him, i liked to be with him but at the same time i got totally disregulated (now i know i was just risregulated). I had a strong anxiety whenever he was asking for closeness and intimacy, which is normal in a relashionship but i just had all those confused emotions inside of me and i would break up with him suddenly and violently just to stop feeling that. he got so hurt and fed up with my inconstancy and volatile behaviours that he gave up and left. And only then i realized i didnt wanted the relashionship to end and that was something wrong about me... i come from a very violent and messy family. I grew up in total chaos, surrounded by shoutings, agression, emotional abuse, my mother got depressed and died from cancer, we couldnt express feelings, constantly blamed, etc. So, i learned to shut down myself and just count emotionally on myself. i ran away from home when i was 18 thinking problem would be solved if i separate fisically from my family... but i just realized its not like that and how my life ended up to be just a big mess till now because of that!!.. im 42 already, couldnt do much with my life, couldnt make any relashionship work and on top of that i had to come back to my family house cos i just got a deep depression. So, i correlate strongly with the cptsd symptoms and i have them all! but searching for answers that i tried to find with therapy but with no success, i found you and a whole bunch of people that suffers from the same thing! Now i understand where that extreme anxiety in relashionships were coming from! Of course the other person doesnt understand.. he thinks that im just like this... he doesnt have a clue how much we struggle inside with this... im seriously tired of this pattern and want to heal from this shit... cos we do crave for connection! but its just so god damn hard!! So, thanks for existing. you are definitly helping some people out there understanding and healing themselves! big hug from Portugal.
So glad to meet you Patricia. Have you found my free course yet -- called The Daily Practice? Maybe you'd like to join, learn the techniques, and be part of the regular Zoom calls (also free) where we practice the techniques together. There's a bit of Q&A time too... courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Im going to join, for sure! Thanks again for the help!
I went from telling my trauma to others all the time to telling people nothing at all in case i look weak to them.
@@treehugger7844 It can be so hard to navigate friendships. I have belonging issues, and as a naturally chatty person i have made a lot of mistakes. I love how the fairy says if you continually invite certain friends but they never reciprocate then stop trying so hard with those particular people.
I have learnt that sharing is okay with a certain couple of friends that also share good and bad times with me. I have discovered in fact that IS the KEY!
I used to be the friend that listened and rescued and was bitterly disappointed when the "friend's" life picked up i was no longer needed or invited! Bastards!!
The Aha moment came when I realised i am the friend that knows too much!! They can't keep pretending everything is ok and perfect to their new friends if i am around hey!! Makes perfect sense to me.
These days i have a couple of peeps i completely trust and we are there for each other and the rest of my nice friends i enjoy their company but i never divulge too much to them and never ask them lots of questions about their lives either!
There was invalidation, and character assassination in my house. I was scapegoated as was my brother. I remember, in high school, we had an instructor that told the class if anyone had any problems at home or anything, that we could talk to her. *Grant it, she wasn't one of the actual guidance counselors at the school.
I opened up about how I felt [at home]. *At this time, I was not aware I had depression...which later in life, I would be diagnosed, and realize it ran in my family.
Back to my point:. After feeling like someone was actually listening to me, it actually got me berated by my parents, after the teacher called to talk with my parents. I don't know what she said, but I remember my parents being angry, embarrassed, and saying (after the call), that she was "...some kind of do-gooder.."
They chided me for "making things up".
Invalidation of a child's feelings, thoughts, observations etc. is spirit-crushing.
I got in trouble for reaching out for help or at least understanding.
Now, I realize, at that time...I was a teen, and it's *all* about you, when you're that age. That said, my feelings were MY feelings. I felt the way I felt.
My family would bring up "stories", about one another, and it was "supposed to be" just harmless fun. Basically, telling in front of visiting extended family and/or friends, something embarrassing about you. It was humiliating. It's especially bad to think about in hindsight when your character is assassinated, you're teased because of problems you had as a result of being touched inappropriately by your pediatrician.
There was so much judgement in my family. I still see some of it. Some family have evolved passed that, but not all have. It hurts to see it still happening. 💔
Family dynamics can morph, but you always hope it morphs into something better, but it doesn't always work out that way.
One thing that has, later in life, helped me understand why this dynamic was so dysfunctional, is I've looked at the bigger picture. I realize my parents came from challenging upbringings as well. It helped me to better understand the 'whys'.
I think both parents did the best they knew how. I decided not to have children. I was afraid of repeating the things that wounded my emotions, with my own children. Also, there was the chance of messing my kids up all with my own mistakes. I didn't want that. Being an Aunt is just fine. 💜
It's either post-menopausal or the pandemic, but I've finally started voicing my opinions, rather than remaining silent. I've still got a LOT to learn. I need to learn to confront when necessary, without coming off as a b*tch. 😬
Hugs to everyone on here! 🤗. We really are 'in this together' in more ways than we realize.
I'm so glad to have found My Crappy Childhood Fairy Godmother. 🌷😊🧚🏻♀️♥️
FInding our voice can be a challenge and I'm so glad you are taking it on! You are worth it :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you. 💜
When I was little, I thought most of the people around me were aliens doing a social experiment with humans. I thought there were other humans, but we didn't know which people were other humans being experimented on and which people were aliens. Only the aliens knew who was who.
I had attachment issues in childhood and was SUPER social, in a way building a family. I think it can go either way. Great info.
How wonderful to hear!
69 years old and have felt this way my entire life 😞
Thanks for watching!
I recently began working at a pediatric therapy clinic. As I learned more about autism, I begun developing thoughts about me possibly having a slight form of autism due to my social ineptitude and inability to communicate and connect with others.
Now I understand that this is a result of my childhood trauma and internal wounds
I thank you deeply for these videos. I just found you yesterday and they have been helping to clarify internal issues and soothe some of my fears.
I am ready to begin healing one step at a time.
Greetings. Once again, thank you for sharing your experience and knowledge.
WHY didn't therapists and social workers understand this back then? I don't understand why I couldn't be helped properly and instead was labeled "crazy" instead of "traumatized." It makes me so deeply angry. I lost so many years of my life to CPTSD and no one could help me.
Wow it's like you took the words right out of what I couldn't even express, but knew in my head. I'm approaching 50 and sometimes feel like it's too late, but at the same time I find it comforting knowing I can still work some things out based on my childhood, thank you!
I'm glad you're here!
Anna, you really are magical at what you do. You have that same charm and warmth that Mr. Rogers had; all of your videos have an immediately comforting and regulating effect. I know that it requires presence, skill, and intention: thanks for sharing your gift with us in this way 🙏
Wow, thank you!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I agree fully! Plus her hair looks nice, she’s very pretty, got a nice voice.
You are so beautiful and remind me of my grandma. She was well known for her beauty; even in older age she still got hit on 🤣 sublime posts though, tysm.
Thank you. I guess I could be a young gramma!
Lol! It ALWAYS hurts a woman over 40 to be referred to as "Gramma"..... Beautiful or not.... But the young ones don't realize what they are saying...lol.... Your response was gracious!!
At 9-10 years old i started smoking pot and drinking to dissociate from my neglected unsupervised home life. Always got yelled at by dad and slapped in the face. Prefered being at school for the normalcy. Mom was always drunk. Arguing and cigarette smoke. Brother and friends sat around shooting up. Seemed normal. I was depressed when they divorced at 6-7 years old.. Just awful!
Love. Connection. Stability. Thank you. Peace.
Wow, I can't believe you made the connection to autism. I just made my appointment to get diagnosed (I'm 32). But I often wonder if i'm not Autistic and just dealing with a lot of trauma. So many of the symptoms seem to be exactly the same and it's hard to differentiate. What I suspect, is that it's both. I do hold the trauma from stuff with my mom/childhood AND i'm autistic... which would obviously make the trauma worse and the healing more difficult.
Yes, we may have gotten the short end of the stick. Acceptance of the things we can not change is a big step forward. Acceptance diminishes pain and the path becomes clearer. No matter how bad it was, somebody else had it worse, even a lot worse. The pain we first wanted to run from can now be used to help others and then it isn’t so scary anymore. Talking to others about what we didn’t want to talk about is one way out of our walls. Peace.
Accepting we can't change past is crucial to healing
Cara@TeamFairy
Awesome! I've figured I have got some form of aquired autism. So that's it! My CPTSD won't let me autojoin "the interbrain"! It feels so great to get a word for it, and to realize this is something I share with others living with CPTSD.
Well, I have started doing the Daily Practice and I try to watch one of your videos at least 3 or 4 times a week. I already have noticed that I am coming out of my cave more, so to speak, and have started interacting with the neighbors. I meet one in particular for a little casual chat in the courtyard every day around dinner time. It is a good test drive as I realized there is part of me that anticipates being "triggered" (even with this neighbor!) but now I am conscious of it and don't have to just be at its mercy. Also, Fairy, I must tell you that I was initially triggered by the mere act of trying to learn from you as it was uncomfortable so I started avoiding it, but I have nipped that in the bud and am committed to learning this stuff. No therapist ever understood that I was emotionally abused by a neurotic, cold, and super-critical parent who projected stigmatizing labels on me prior to the first grade. I went to at least 4-5. One female therapist just shook her head and said "You're mother was a real bitch" but that was not that helpful to me and there were never any recommendations as to how to deal with the damage. Am so glad I discovered this. > "Crappy" makes happy!! Or at least happier!
I have also had the experience of a therapist just agreeing that the other person was to blame. Validation only goes so far, it doesn't heal and this does, glad you're here!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Ive always struggled with this...and now I'm an adult I get jealous of people who are 'normal'. What if your experience of 'life' has been so limited (because of trauma) that you feel like a teenager, exploring the world for the first time, but you are a fully grown adult. What are you supposed to do? I feel there is an additional element of lost time and brain changes + lost time = disaster?
DO NOT open up about ANYTHING that can be used against you by your "best friend" or "fiance" later!!!
Like, don't even tell them where you live! Lol I'm not joking!
I understand this feeling. 💗
I always said” I couldn’t assimilate into the Borg Collective”. Star Trek reference 😉
🤓
This is life-changing advice! Your videos are literally changing my life. Grateful to you commitment to help us achieve skills to do this thing called life and actually ENJOY our time with others. ♥️
Ha! I have often said to people jokingly "I was never socialised as a puppy". So true.
ha!
I needed that good heart felt laugh. Sorry but I just have to steal that line. I live in a very outgoing RV park and ALWAYS being chastised for not attending more people-filled functions. Now I know what to say. Then laugh and walk away.
It's real and so true!
I watch my son how easily he connects to other kids, although we come from a different country and he doesn't even speak the language properly. He brings his friends home, or goes to their homes and I am so proud of him... yet also find myself wondering what was wrong with me as a kid. I was SO alone! :( Up until high school, I didn't have any real friends, didn't do sleep overs, or got invited to birthday parties; on top of that, I was an only child and was home alone most of the time. I was escaping (dissociating) in an imaginary world of super heroes. And when I did start to make connections, they were mostly toxic people, who wanted to take advantage of me... to the point where I ended up in a cult for 11 years. I was being called weird and wild and crazy (not in a good sense) and got strange looks from "normal" people... for just being... me. Like there was an instant dislike of my persona.
I don't drink, or smoke, or do drugs... I never have. I can handle my finances alright, although I work as a freelancer. Yet I feel like such a mess, like I'm a big failure or fraud. I hope there is a way for all of this to change. I have started writing down my fears and resentments about a week ago... and I find it triggering and bringing painful stuff up to the surface. Is this normal? Will it pass?
You are doing well, it' s normal to bring out painfull feelings, that is a sort of cleansing. Yes, it will pass. It' s not the easy proccess ,takes time, but it will go away. I passed through that, but some life circumstancies ( death of relatives, death of my dog etc.) , triggers me very much. I am going through that right now. Best wishes and kind regards.
Hi Kirine, just in case you learned the writing from a video here, I encourage you to take ether full free course so you can learn the writing AND the meditation that goes with it. They go together. Also, I released a video today (Jan 16) with FAQs about the Daily Practice. Give it a go -- if it's triggering you I suspect your technique needs adjustment.
Anna seems to have tons more reason and wisdom than most doctors and therapists I have tangled with.
When I am in any group I look for the person who looks lost and left out, then I approach them and include them. I know how it feels and it also helps me to feel less left out
What a gift!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I've been watching a few videos over the last week or so. THIS video is proof that it's cptsd, from many sources, that has tainted my life. I guess at 60 years old, all I can do is deal with it now I know what it is. To only have been like everybody else.....
You are super helping, informative, authentic and motivating and so sympatic! Thank you so much, anna!
Sorry for my english 😂
Thank you @Katherina! Your English is very clear to me!
Thank you for your AMAZINGLY INSIGHTFUL video blogs. I really need to hear this right now. Respect and gratitude.
Glad it helped, thank you for watching!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I appreciate your info. It makes it clear why I over react and feel not good enouph, blame myself for others rejection, and believe others negative opinion of me. Also, the need for validation and acceptance that I never saw in my parents eyes. It is no wonder I am so insecure. I am tired of my emotional drama being disregulated throws me off center and weakens me. I Will keep watching and working on recovery.
Great goal, so glad you're here :)
Thank you. So many psychologists rarely offer advice or guidance but just seem to listen and then jump in on the gory bits. Already I have learned to not dwell in the past and think how I am living, (barely existing), in the present. Three of your videos and so far so good.
Yes, i remember it too well. The shame is relentless in a young mind trying to fit in, while other kid's and their parent's are so cruel on top of it within the family.
Relentless shame...so relate. Glad you're here!
-Cara@TeamFairy
This hits home for me on a big level. I hardly leave the house. If it weren't for my responsibility as a mom, I'd probably never leave the house
Children kept a lot of us going...me too!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I appreciate you so generously doing these videos! I don't know that I'm ready for a full on program just yet but maybe watching these videos more will get me there. I've tried Al-Anon and Adult children of alcoholics meetings and the whole set up is like a pressure cooker of unpleasant social anxiety and fraught with boundary issues to where it feels like more of a chore that I was continually getting nothing out of except more dysfunctional people to varying degrees to be afraid of and be afraid of myself at the same time (which probably says way more about me of course but I digress). This is to say that all your input in videos has so resonated. Thank you for what you do!!!
Thanks so much J.R. I actually am entertained by your description of Al-Anon. A lot of good stuff there by sometimes it felt like that to me too!
You're welcome! Yeah I hadn't been able to deal with how to fit in at 12 Step meetings socially. I also just wanted to clarify when I said "more dysfunctional people" at meetings, I only meant I'm one of those dysfunctional people with other dysfunctional people just leaving the meeting confused about why I'm there and I wasn't at all saying that the other people were any more dysfunctional than me. Wasn't sure how that may have come off:-(. I think 12 step programs are a great thing and saving lots of lives by just being there and their sustainable principles and all. I just don't think they work for me at least right now. Your videos and information feels unusually solid and actually based in facts and evolving research and concepts into C-PTSD, ACE, and complex trauma, toxic shame, etc. that I've been looking into the past couple years. It feels realistic, practical, and like I could actually learn and apply this information and insight more. Just wanted to clarify. Again thank you!
Thank you so much for this video... all that you explain here has been part of my life, and after watching the video I can finally feel understood. God bless you!
Thank you so much for this comment!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Wow just wow. 27 and been through hell since a baby literally. Been misdiagnosed again and again. This is the only thing that ever made any sense and i just learned of it yesterday. The deep breath and tears i cried finally finding out that ot is something. I knew i wasnt bad and a freak like i was made to believe by my parents and everyone.
@Bree_Case, I know this is a hard realization, but also such a relief, isn't it? You're having a normal reaction to abnormal circumstances, and healing is possible!
ADOPTION can also make you feel VERY different. DEPRESSION does too. That l am certain of.
All through My Schooling I wanted to Fit in with People that didn't want me around them. It did Hurt So Much. I WANT to be Heald from this. I have been a Runner from Intimate Relationships all My life. Saying an Just I dependant. Thank You Anna. God Bless Everyone who is Taken this path To Heal💖😍🤩🌹🙏
Thanks @Evelyn.
Feeling different. Better wish. Good relationship wishes. Would like to have GOOD REALATIONSHIPS!!!?
Your videos are truly enlightening, thank you! I’m just realizing that CPTSD is what I have. I’ve felt like an alien my entire life...
Welcome to your tribe! We Get it!
I used to be very bright, very intelligent, very accomplished, very involved, etc. Now I literally have no human interaction, not doing anything, not feeling anything, I KNOW that my brain has changed because of what I've experienced. Neglect is like facing "permanent still face" in your attachment figure. I can't "get better" right now because I've totally collapsed. I don't go anywhere, I don't have a single conversation with any human for days and days and days and days. Like, I'm literally stunned that no one is meaningfully engaged with me. And I have a "good" family and a "good" church with programs designed to care for one another. But, nope. I could be dead in my apartment and no one would know. But, ironically, since I'm physically alive, everyone just assumes I'm "fine" and perhaps that I don't even want to engage. I cannot emphasize the number of times I've reached out, tried, etc. etc. etc. etc. People "like" me. But, at present, there's nothing to me. I'm beyond shut-down. I have cognitive awareness of reality and that's it. No motivation, no sense of self, no ability to connect with anyone or myself.
Anyway, since my brain is basically dead [insert bawling at the tragedy of it all--in fact, I'm amazed I've managed to type a few sentences here], I just want to say YES and THANK YOU.
No one has expressed so precisely, how I've felt for so much of my life. I found your channel a few months ago, & it has helped me to connect dots & put into words, so many of the feelings & struggles I have in my present life, from trauma. Thank you for this video & this channel. To gain higher level understanding, has been so helpful in facilitating healing.
Thanks for this kind comment! Glad you're here.