English is not my language, I confused "ostrich" with "oyster" and for the whole time I was MORE than just confused, I imagined an oyster with legs talking...
Imagine him actually trying to buy a Rolls Royce... Reaches into pocket. Hand immediately crushed under the pressure of a million bucks in loose cash and change that just teleported into his pocket. Pocket explodes. Blood everywhere.
@@davidmacphee3549 Well, I'm pretty sure that at 76 I'm much older than you David and I remember the 1st McD opening in Hayward, CA right after HS Graduation in 1964. Honestly, I don't think the Big Mac was even available back then, just a burger with or without cheese. A burger, fries & coke was maybe 50 or 60 cents and they STILL are the greatest fries ever. I just checked Wiki and the 1st Big Mac was introduced back East in 1967 and then Nationally in 1968.
That will teach him a lesson when making wishes in the future ask for an agreeable chick with long legs who has her own pockets and can treat him once in a while. Must be frustrating paying all the time.😮
@@davidmacphee3549 Richard Peter had 24 inch in Seams and a long torso it's a genetic thing tall in the saddle short elsewhere he claimed Five foot seven I am not sure if that was wearing his heels or not. I have an inseam many inches more than he I am a long legged chick my reach is also long but not like a chimp . I figured that if I had his claimed torso height I would be six foot two with eyes of green not like my sister who claimed to be five foot one with eyes of blue. All this to let you know that the manufacturing industry doesn't make very many pockets for women. The few that we get aren't deep enough in most cases. That the pockets could not safely hold a cell phone time for another nap see you later today 🙋🏼♀️🍀🌟🍀
@@davidmacphee3549 what will be an acceptable age for a youngster who is looking for an experienced lady who has experience cooking and cleaning bathrooms not much else ?
@@davidmacphee3549 oops sorry did I missed read perhaps I was clueless about the Thirty Eights sorry about that. Oh well I can’t help but wonder how far your feet would be from the ground when you’re in the saddle.
@@davidmacphee3549 I speak English oddly enough sometimes a bit to literal in my understanding and my reading comprehension skills are sadly lacking at times metaphorically speaking but I am doing better now that I am a cat . Well not literally a cat metaphorically a cat. It’s better than being a doormat.the second course of eye drops are calling my name sounds like Alexa wants me to stop writing and do the drops she annoying but right see you later in another comment🤭😘🥰
@@davidmacphee3549 got the second set of drops while looking in the mirror. I think I should comb my hair the part is not the neatest part I have made. In 1974 I was a young chick riding a three speed to work at the library. I learned that I didn’t understand how three speeds worked and that the hills between Fundy Drive and the K mart mall were sufficient to get me on the bus for door to door delivery as the stops were not very far from the doors..
in the UK this joke works a lot better, as the punchline changes from chick to bird, as in "I wished for a tall bird" in the uk bird is slang for females in a lot of areas....
A similar one: A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He’s sitting sipping it and suddenly realises he can hear piano playing, so he looks around and at the far end of the bar he sees a tiny little man playing a tiny little piano. “What’s with the tiny man at the piano?” He asks the bartender, who explains that he’s a Twelve Inch Pianist. “That’s unusual “, says the man, “where’d you get him from?” The bartender explains that he has a genie in a lamp who will grant one wish every time you summon him. The man is intrigued and asks if he can have a go with the genie. The bartender takes out the lamp and before giving it to the man he says “One thing to remember, the genie is hard of hearing so you need to speak up a bit.” The man thinks that’s weird, but whatever. He rubs the lamp and the genie comes out and says “What wish can I grant you, ye who have rubbed the lamp?” the man leans over and as loudly as he can says “I’D LIKE A MILLION BUCKS!!” *poof* the genie snaps his fingers and suddenly the bar is filled with ducks, flapping and quacking and crapping everywhere! The other barflies turn and flee the bar, trying to get away from all the ducks. Angry, the man turns to the bartender and says “That’s not funny! I wanted a million BUCKS, not a million DUCKS!” The bartender sighs. “I TOLD you he was hard of hearing”, he says. “Do you think I actually asked for a twelve inch pianist?
A man is astonished to see that his best friend now has a giant pumpkin for head. He asks him what happened. The guy says "I found a genie in a lamp, and he granted me three wishes. For my first wish, I wished for a million dollars, and POOF it appeared. For my second wish, I wished for the most beautiful woman in the world to be my wife, and POOF, there she was." His friend said, "yeah, then what happened?" He says, "That's when I really screwed up. For my third wish, I wished for a big fat pumpkin head!"
👉 Know a good joke? Share it in the comments!
I bought shoes from a drug Dealer. Don't what he laced them with, but i was tripping all day
I dare not risk it . There’s too much virtue signalling and hypocrisy around to trust youtube not to shoot me down.
Maybe if you get a third wish, you could ask for enough money to leave a tip.
Good one 😄
Cute and wholesome
Haha!!! Oh!!!
Lol!!!🤣😹🤣
Ha ha ha!!! Loved it!😍😂
Thanks Rocio! 😀
Thank you!!!!
You're welcome! 😀
Heck, I would be happy to just wish for a restaurant that served two steak dinners complete with sides for $12.62.
Same here! Where is this restaurant?😂
English is not my language, I confused "ostrich" with "oyster" and for the whole time I was MORE than just confused, I imagined an oyster with legs talking...
😆😂🤣🤣🤣
Good one!😊
Thanks! 😊
A hamburger, fries and coke sounds good right now... but... when I put my hand in my pocket someone else got there first. 😢😢
usually one of my daughters when it comes to me...... 🤣
Imagine him actually trying to buy a Rolls Royce...
Reaches into pocket.
Hand immediately crushed under the pressure of a million bucks in loose cash and change that just teleported into his pocket.
Pocket explodes.
Blood everywhere.
Plot twist! Man finds cashiers check for big ticket items.
And he could also offer to pay by INSTALLMENTS,
Funny joke
HAHA . That was a good one .The voices were hilarious. This joke made me hungry lol.
@@davidmacphee3549 Sounds good. Lol
@@davidmacphee3549 Same to you !
Now for lunch
@@lon3don 😅
Yeah, don’t we all!
L O L.
Thanks Rose 😀
Pretty funny joke but, my God, it must be 25 years old. You need to seriously update the prices!!!!
Thats an old one from Aus with the characters being an Emu and a Truckie.
@@MrOlgrumpy sounds like a Darryl & Ozzie joke....
@@davidmacphee3549 Well, I'm pretty sure that at 76 I'm much older than you David and I remember the 1st McD opening in Hayward, CA right after HS Graduation in 1964. Honestly, I don't think the Big Mac was even available back then, just a burger with or without cheese. A burger, fries & coke was maybe 50 or 60 cents and they STILL are the greatest fries ever. I just checked Wiki and the 1st Big Mac was introduced back East in 1967 and then Nationally in 1968.
@@davidmacphee3549 Yeah, as I thought, you're still a young cub.
That will teach him a lesson when making wishes in the future ask for an agreeable chick with long legs who has her own pockets and can treat him once in a while. Must be frustrating paying all the time.😮
@@davidmacphee3549 Richard Peter had 24 inch in Seams and a long torso it's a genetic thing tall in the saddle short elsewhere he claimed Five foot seven I am not sure if that was wearing his heels or not. I have an inseam many inches more than he I am a long legged chick my reach is also long but not like a chimp . I figured that if I had his claimed torso height I would be six foot two with eyes of green not like my sister who claimed to be five foot one with eyes of blue. All this to let you know that the manufacturing industry doesn't make very many pockets for women. The few that we get aren't deep enough in most cases. That the pockets could not safely hold a cell phone time for another nap see you later today 🙋🏼♀️🍀🌟🍀
@@davidmacphee3549 what will be an acceptable age for a youngster who is looking for an experienced lady who has experience cooking and cleaning bathrooms not much else ?
@@davidmacphee3549 oops sorry did I missed read perhaps I was clueless about the Thirty Eights sorry about that. Oh well I can’t help but wonder how far your feet would be from the ground when you’re in the saddle.
@@davidmacphee3549 I speak English oddly enough sometimes a bit to literal in my understanding and my reading comprehension skills are sadly lacking at times metaphorically speaking but I am doing better now that I am a cat . Well not literally a cat metaphorically a cat. It’s better than being a doormat.the second course of eye drops are calling my name sounds like Alexa wants me to stop writing and do the drops she annoying but right see you later in another comment🤭😘🥰
@@davidmacphee3549 got the second set of drops while looking in the mirror. I think I should comb my hair the part is not the neatest part I have made. In 1974 I was a young chick riding a three speed to work at the library. I learned that I didn’t understand how three speeds worked and that the hills between Fundy Drive and the K mart mall were sufficient to get me on the bus for door to door delivery as the stops were not very far from the doors..
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Ho ho ho very funny I enjoyed this one , Ken
Thanks Ken! 😀
Purdy good...
LIKE number 387
Thanks David 😀
@@loljokes U B welcome
Quality
Thanks Joel! 😀
Ostriches don't talk like that!
😋
🍎🤡🍎
Damn, those are some cheap burgers!
Way cleaner than the version I know...
An oldie but a goodie, for sure! What I remember, though was that the ostrich was "a tall chick with long legs and big breasts...."!
Did you time travel back to the 80s for those jokes.
1960's.... 😂
Should we laugh at this ?
You decide... 😋
I heard a more x rated version years ago. Don’t worry I won’t repeat it 😏
i guess elmo lost his job and is doing stand up comedy now
in the UK this joke works a lot better, as the punchline changes from chick to bird, as in "I wished for a tall bird" in the uk bird is slang for females in a lot of areas....
That ostrich joke is not a joke because it didn't tell me where I can get 2 Hamburgers, Fries and Coke for just $6.40 !!!
Good point! 😋
Noticed the BYU on the narrator's t-shirt. Mormon?
I have many shirts... 😀
A similar one:
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He’s sitting sipping it and suddenly realises he can hear piano playing, so he looks around and at the far end of the bar he sees a tiny little man playing a tiny little piano.
“What’s with the tiny man at the piano?” He asks the bartender, who explains that he’s a Twelve Inch Pianist. “That’s unusual “, says the man, “where’d you get him from?” The bartender explains that he has a genie in a lamp who will grant one wish every time you summon him.
The man is intrigued and asks if he can have a go with the genie. The bartender takes out the lamp and before giving it to the man he says “One thing to remember, the genie is hard of hearing so you need to speak up a bit.” The man thinks that’s weird, but whatever.
He rubs the lamp and the genie comes out and says “What wish can I grant you, ye who have rubbed the lamp?” the man leans over and as loudly as he can says “I’D LIKE A MILLION BUCKS!!”
*poof* the genie snaps his fingers and suddenly the bar is filled with ducks, flapping and quacking and crapping everywhere! The other barflies turn and flee the bar, trying to get away from all the ducks.
Angry, the man turns to the bartender and says “That’s not funny! I wanted a million BUCKS, not a million DUCKS!”
The bartender sighs. “I TOLD you he was hard of hearing”, he says. “Do you think I actually asked for a twelve inch pianist?
😂
Guess he wasn't specific enough with asking for a "chick"; should've just said "woman."
A man is astonished to see that his best friend now has a giant pumpkin for head. He asks him what happened.
The guy says "I found a genie in a lamp, and he granted me three wishes. For my first wish, I wished for a million dollars, and POOF it appeared. For my second wish, I wished for the most beautiful woman in the world to be my wife, and POOF, there she was."
His friend said, "yeah, then what happened?"
He says, "That's when I really screwed up. For my third wish, I wished for a big fat pumpkin head!"
😋