That is a real problem in a capitalistic world though where you always tend to be lonely and tired, and quite frequently go hungry and have reason to be angry too.
Tough to do in a marriage if it is deteriorating. Being single was ever as lonely as being married. Is solution to wait until you’re divorced and then talk?
Maybe because you're always hungry and unable to pay attention, maybe this stems from a lack of food at home, poverty wipes out 10% of men. Hunger, both literal and metaphorical, is at the heart of this catastrophe. It's not just about the gnawing emptiness in your stomach, though that’s certainly part of it-hunger is the primal drive that pushes us forward, that compels us to seek sustenance, to build, to grow You see, the thing about poverty is that it isn't just an economic condition-it's a multifaceted catastrophe that attacks the very fabric of what it means to be a human being. This is not just the starvation of the body-it’s the starvation of the soul, of potential, of hope. It’s a system of chaos that preys on vulnerability, particularly on men like who, by their very nature, are tasked with carrying the weight of societal structures on their shoulders. Men, in a sense, are biologically and psychologically wired to seek competence, to strive toward mastery in a hierarchy. But when poverty strikes, when the resources for that striving are stripped away, what you’re left with is a psychological disintegration. How can you even think, let alone listen, particularly to your wife, without that focus and purpose, for meaning, and when that attention goes unmet, you’re left with nihilism and despair. And society bears some of the responsibility. We put young men in positions where they have no opportunity to climb those dominance hierarchies, where they are punished for even trying satisfy their natural inclinations as oppose to listening to their wives. This hunger creates a kind of learned helplessness that perpetuates itself. And here's the kicker-you who could have been great, but never even get the chance to realize your potential because your own biological system is rigged against you from the start. So, when hunger strikes, go eat something substantial like a piece of cheese, go clean your room and just maybe you can muster the courage to listen to your wife, maybe she can spout some truth about you that you have ignored all these years. It's not just a number on a statistic sheet-it's a reflection of your failure to provide structures that allow you to become competent, to find meaning, and to contribute to society. It's a damn tragedy.
I've been married 20 years. You save a lot of arguments with communication like "can we talk about this after I eat"... or explaining "I am in a bad mood but it's not with you". May seem obvious but people can't read minds. They get upset if you shout at them if they don't know why. They take it personally. My wife knows I'm grumpy when I'm hungry so she gives me a minute.
You are lucky you are not married Mrs. "NO we need to talk about this NOW!" NOW! is too often when the Seahawks are 3 points ahead in the 4th Quarter and the Niners have the ball.
That's great. I love hearing about functional marriages. I've been married over 25 years and usually I'm the less communicative one. I guess that's why my husband always drops everything to talk to me if I need to talk. Maybe I'm relatively decent at keeping to myself until something important or interesting needs to be said.
Learned this via the Lincoln Papers. You can always say more later. So long as they don't keep picking. I'd leave the house if they keep picking and tell them I'm going to get gas or something.
I've been married 56 years and what he says is right on. Be smart and get to the issue right away, women. Be present men, and NEVER RUN AWAY! This makes me laugh at this point in my life. Thankful.
@@LemonScreech No, it is good advice at all levels. Even a CEO has a board to report to. And if you think I was suggesting anyone should be 'submissive' you have completely misunderstood me.
It depends on your boss and company. Some companies will like problem solvers, some do not! I have worked for both types and I have been a manager etc!
@@lokai7914 It sounds like your process served you well. I have always been a policy and procedures type of person. Rules, regulations, and laws first, people second. I missed the finessing portion of navigating the office politics. I also missed the truth that there are clandestine relationships in the office. It never mattered if it were federal or corporate environments; or for that matter, cleared personnel. I'd be a millionaire if I had 1000 dollars for everytime I shot myself in the foot trying to do the right thing. Zero self-preservation! Never underestimate those secret, behind closed doors, relationships.
I used to be a doormat, and that made me resentful. After listening to Peterson and applying his knowledge, I have become more assertive, and I know ser healthy boundaries. As a result, I feel more true to myself, and my negative emotions have gone down.
My experience has been most bosses do not like being presented with solutions to problems. It can be threatening to them if you’re competent and they’re incompetent. Only present solutions to higher if they’re competent and genuinely confident in themselves, and make real sure your solution is clearly in their own interests.
When I go on a date I ask a woman 2 questions . If you were in an intimate moment and the phone rang would you answer it ? Listen or do you wait to talk ? If they answer yes to the first question all other discussion about it based on what they say I may or may not leave the date at that time . But if they answer wait to talk I will get up and leave in that very moment . This may seem cruel but it has saved me a lot of grief and misery .
I am fine with listening, so long as I am being talked to and not "talked at". The latter often comes with slander, blatant disrespect, and libel... until the other person needs something.
A lot of communication problems stem from the idea that men should be like women and listen and respond like women. Interestingly, this is a complete 180 degrees from the turn-of-the-20th-century idea of “why can’t women be more like men?” (Be more logical, etc) Men and women speak differently. Men tend to get to the point more quickly, so that it can be solved. Women take a more meandering course, trying to fill in all the details so that you understand the emotional context of the events. To insist that men think like women is no more right than insisting that women think like men. We have to recognize the strengths of each side and use them best to ensure a successful marriage and the raising of stable, successful children.
Best words when dealing with women. "Yep, mhm, no way, wow, i understand, i hear you, okay, i know, that's crazy" etc. Just sympathize with whatever bs they're saying and move on with your day. Pretty simple really
@@KEPSAGAMER That's funny. I actually had to learn this myself as I used to try and solve problems for my friends and was told basically all that is required is to use your list of vocabulary above.😏
For real. I can't stand it when women freak out over my totally non combative responses and then everyone tells me I didn't do xyz. So tired of it. I'm just gonna be myself and be like "yeah okay mmhmm" to validate whatever bullshit she's saying. Not gonna try to fix her imma let her fix herself
Been married 32 years and communication is always the root cause of arguments. Money being 2nd. I just want to quickly solve things. My wife likes the 2 hour vocal journey which can be exhausting. I try to stay focused so there’s a conclusion
@@jessee7334so many single women pricing themselves out of the market. I’m with my Filipina almost 25 years. It’s never easy but I thank Heaven that I faced all that rejection driving me to change demographics.
Most of the advice I’ve heard about relationships go along the same lines as Dr. Petersons. I get it; women have to be listened to BUT I rarely hear discussions advising women about what a man needs and that it’s just as important. I’ve been married for 47 years (I’m 78) and I honestly feel like the one who usually has to “understand” what she requires a lot more often than visa versa. It seems about 80/20.
I really think that depends on the circles of society you grew up in and move in / country/ culture and other. In my environment, both Christian and secular, it's been how does a woman best meet his needs sometimes at her expense. Plenty of advice on how to be a better attentive woman for him and very little expecting him to love and respect her properly, which gives a man license to undermine her. I could judge the world by my experience ( it is easy to do so) but I have observed that some places the women seem to rule, which doesn't look that much better. A happy reciprocal partnership would be best. I see smidges of that sometimes.
@@julievdw6748 Hi Julie…I was raised pretty much secular and then became a Christian at 23, I’m 67 now. I have to say that I did see what you’re describing in a very small pocket of believers. For the rest of my time I’ve found things to be very even…sometimes a bit harder on the men. I found that most men really do want to be good husbands, and don’t want a happy marriage at the expense of their wife’s health and happiness.
A lot of women don't listen and are just waiting to talk . And when they do it's usually something off subject from their long list of grievances and resentments .
@@sirclarkmarzMmm. Maybe. Or maybe you the type who cuts her short, over rides her or minimizes what she says when she tries to relate to you and have her heart received, since a woman desiring to solve a connection issue is a threat to your perfection. What issue could she possibly have? Then when she gets uppity she is the problem. After all, she has no right to get resentful of such treatment or expect you to care about her perspective. By default of her being female her perspective is not worthy of your attention. I am definitely assuming this is quite likely you. And if it is, I will be eternally wrong, like every other woman since we are all inherently less than a man. Disclaimer - I am not for feminism, but neither am I very keen on this male attitude that probably contributed to making feminism. If your misfortune is truthfully to be so surrounded by strong feminists who do this to you nonstop, then genuine pity on you. I suspect from your words though, that you may be surrounded by just fine women who expect some equal humanity and you don't like that.
❤ Yes, when we start opening our hearts (again) for each other, the rubbish first comes tumbling out, or the sadness, or even anger, before we can feel joy, curiosity, connection or compassion again!!!
One day I was trying to listen to my wife going on and on like a sentence with no punctuation. In about 2 minutes I asked her, "Is there some sort of point to this?" She stopped talking as if she was angry, and then got quiet. I never tried to listen to her again. 😊
Saying a woman’s problem doesn’t exist, is a good way to set her off into the abyss of feeling unsafe and I to the right or flight mode. Her problem is very real to her. It has to be acknowledged before it can be let go of. You can’t let go of what doesn’t exist. It exists because it’s affecting her. She has to find an away to release it.
@@jeffmorin5867 this question is irrelevant. The relevant question is who has humility and who has pride? Who is willing to love, meaning to give first.
Sounds delusional. My wife does not come to me with fictitious issues, but she will sometimes ask me if I think something is a problem or not. Most often than not it's a case of her needing reassurance that something isn't a problem. That's very different than somebody making a call and designating a non-issue as an issue. That's just downright annoying and wasteful of my time.
My girlfriend and I will not let our issues with one another go. We confront one another and talk it through until we can both be at peace with each other. We never go to sleep angry or resentful.
@@Dragonologist you guys are wise. I think that’s the secret is talk through it. Most men don’t want to talk through it. They leave and ghost the situation which puts a lot of anxiety on the woman. She then starts the crazy cycle. If you are willing to talk it through then she knows she can trust you and she calms down.
Really appreciated the, "Key Points" and "Action Plan" at the end. Screenshot, print and post on the refrigerator or bathroom door/mirror as reminders of how to build a healthy relationship might be helpful. As it seems that often the subject of, "we need to have a conversation" happens in one or the other of these two places. Very grateful you added these at the end of the video. Thank you!
LOVE this from an earlier commenter; thank you: Saying a woman's problem doesn’t exist, is a good way to set her off into the abyss of feeling unsafe and I to the right or flight mode. Her problem is very real to her. It has to be acknowledged before it can be let go of. You can’t let go of what doesn’t exist. It exists because it’s affecting her. She has to find an away to release it.
@@annaburns2865 it is referred to politely as being "emotional", when the fact remains you are delusional for believing or exaggerating that which really does not exist in reality. All Y'all make stuff up and then will not admit you are wrong about it despite facts = delusional
@@annaburns2865 It exists, sometimes in their heads, but not in reality. Ascribing motive is a common one. This goes for men too. Nobody can read minds.
@@annaburns2865 That's like saying there's no such thing as fiction. Maybe we have to redefine "exist"? His larger point (clue is "the price of that is false positives") is that if you bring up a lot of problems, some of them will be real and some will turn out not to be real. But if you don't bring up problems, you won't have the disadvantage of bringing up nonexistent problems, but you will miss out on identifying real problems
My problem is that once I get into a positioin to take 10 minutes for myself, I know ahead of time that 10 minutes could stretch into 10 hours. I have a tough time transitioning from the "me time" back into social time.
Another observation is that I'll be 10 minutes into the 'me time', and my partner will choose that time to want to discuss something ... but woe betide me if I interrupt them in their 'me time'!
Communication is key. When one side fears transparency, the whole thing gets buggered up. (then it creates a twisted web of deceptive cover-ups) Once its either time to replace it or go without.
would just like to point out as a woman who searched for life partner for many years..... Its really hard to find someone to be compatible with on a practical level and then for them to be capable of these kinds of conversations..... Almost impossible to find..... Why are people so shame-based, so many of them, that they refuse to be better people... ?
Thank you, Jordan. You've put concisely into words in your inimitable way what we have been delivering as part of our programme with domestic abusers (both males and females in mixed gendered therapeutically informed groups) for the last 30 years. The fundamental - from a man's point of view - is "Listen, paraphrase and feedback". Do not try to "fix" a problem which you do not (yet) understand.
I worked in corrections with Level 4 inmates for 25 years. One thing that men will do is make sure that they are not being disrespectful to other men because the consequences can get you killed. IMHO, most women today want the authority that men have, the privileges of being women, and they act like children in the process. I'm 62 years old, but my grandmother told me many years ago that when a women understands her role as a support system who respects her husband, he will treat her like a queen. I think this is true.
What a false, cruel, dishonest and conceited chauvinist statement. Good luck with that self serving mindset which justifies and puffs up yourself as a superior male specimen and reduces the value of a woman to line up with you without meaningful inclusion and collaboration. Maybe move in normal society a bit where men don't kill each other for disrespect and then rethink women while you're at it. I hope no unfortunate woman ends up or is being mistreated by you with that worldview, even though you apparently on the other side of the prison bars and think that makes you the good smart guy. Your grandmother may have enjoyed the stepford life. Maybe your grandfather was good willed man and treated her like a queen and they were both content. That's possible. (Although I've observed its funny how many traditional men like being king but their 'queen' looks more like a servant). Your belief of their life experience as broadly representative of a good poster case for couples is severely untrue for many and it reflects a very narrow life experience. Lots of women don't want authority, they want to contribute valid input as created to be support with intellectual equality but differences with their unique insights, as Jordan can see. This is the true helpmate. To be a helpmeet does not mean serving all your food and washing your socks without having a voice. Don't look to inmates for your examples.
So then . . . THERE actually IS a hierarchical system of male dominance. BC usually the lower rank males must first show respect to (salute) the higher ranking males. Similar to a military organization. Where the higher ranking officer returns salute AFTER the lowewr rank salutes first. In Europe it used to be that way. Young folks would always greet older folks first with a good morning or a good day. THEN elders would reply. A very sensible system.
Your grandmother told you to believe you are a second class person. Just bow to the master and all will go well. How horrible for you and anyone else she poisoned with that lie!
Where were you when the internet wasn’t available? 🤣 Very well executed, but why don’t we learn this stuff in school? Now, at 60, I can have that fulfilling relationship ……..😁
My take on all of this is why can’t people just be themselves. Having to analyze everything and walking on eggshells all the time trying to understand someone else’s phycology seems really exhausting
if you are walking on eggshells you aren't in a good relationship. but you can't have a good relationship with another human without compassion and consideration for their needs/POV. yeah, it's tiring sometimes. but if 'being myself" with no filter hurts someone deeply and damages the relationship - is it worth it?
What this guy is saying is why dating sucks right now, and divorces are skyrocketing. People want the people they hooked up with to be perfect, without flaws and somehow super humans. When the truth comes out and that other person goes hey i love you but these are my flaws, and i want to know yours so we can grow. People instead these days go, no i dont want those flaws of yours in my life and i dont want you to know mine, i want perfection, so they run, ghost people, divorce and etc rather then develop loving relationships. They instead dump the person, divorce, or cheat to find that perfection that doesn't exist.
I almost married an African. I gave her her own bed, pocket money and some presents (not very expensive ones) for a whole year, fixed up her visa and this morning she called me a liar to my face. The logical thing to do is run.
Well women need to communicate. Keeping a mask on or assuming they won't be listened to or that men don't care and then Keeping silent is a perfect way to get resentments and fault finding. Eventually these people, who are decent people walk away breaking your heart for not mind reading.
"Insufficiencies pointed at men", justfully so because men are held to a higher responsibility than women (weaker vessel & dependent). The man is responsible for his family, for their sins, not their guilt obviously but he's the respresentative of his family government held accountable, like each governer is held accountable. Same pattern, same principle.
I am 70 been married for 33 years. After about 15 years i figured out not to argue just to br right. If i don't care about an issue don't argue about it. Just say i think your right and truthfully let it go at that.
@animan-ti7qt not the man's problem if you put yourself there, however that doesn't make you second class. Feelings have a place just not "always" first place
I have not yet met a unmarried woman that is worth putting up with and dealing with so I'm just remaining single I don't have the time and the energy and I don't see in anybody's marriage the benefit. Rarely do I meet a couple that have been together peacefully, happily for 20 or 30 years they're usually just riding it out.
People develop a persona to deal with people in their professional life . At home they are known for who they are I can't hide behind false identity . I'm a very introverted private person who does not care for social situations or the company of other people . Dealing with customers I would tell myself OK it's Showtime and I would appear to be very warm personable caring and charming . So much so the people would confide in me and tell me their secrets glad I'm retired now and don't have to bear that burden .
Thank you to an earlier commenter for this bit of wisdom: A lot of communication problems stem from the idea that men should be like women and listen and respond like women. Interestingly, this is a complete 180 degrees from the turn-of-the-20th-century idea of “why can’t women be more like men?” (Be more logical, etc) Men and women speak differently. Men tend to get to the point more quickly, so that it can be solved. Women take a more meandering course, trying to fill in all the details so that you understand the emotional context of the events. To insist that men think like women is no more right than insisting that women think like men. We have to recognize the strengths of each side and use them best to ensure a successful marriage and the raising of stable, successful children.
Easiest way to not have to deal with all of this is just don't have a woman in your life. They aren't as concerned with your happiness as they expect you to be concerned about theirs. After 26 years invested in two marriages, I have more peace now alone than I ever had. They are geared to find problems. It doesn't stop. I just don't need that in my life, it is not a positive thing.
100% The mental and emotional upkeep of having a woman around is enormous. You really need to need her for something, like children, to suffer that burden. The worst of it is that women will treat friends and acquaintances better then you to keep up a front while treating you like hired help.
Yep. I know there are some great women out there. However I'd rather be single than be in a relationship with the vast majority of women out there. And women are way too good at pretending to be one of the good women until you've already fallen in love or are otherwise committed, so "just date a good woman" doesn't really work. So I prefer being single.
@@marcusp5345 I divorced my ex-wife several years back for a couple of different reasons, but this was a major one. Throughout the divorce proceedings I was very civil, helpful, supportive, and I would even say friendly toward her. A couple of years later we met at the funeral of a mutual friend and we had lunch together. She asked me to just give up the friendly persona and just let her have it... "get mad, yell at me, tell me how you really feel and why we can't work this out". I immediately said to her, "I will never be with another person who treats friends, acquaintances, work peers, and total f'ing strangers better than they treat me. Do you know how many times I watched you interact with other people and I thought to myself, I wish she treated me like that". I would never treat another person better than I treat my wife, lover, girlfriend, etc. It doesn't even make sense to me, but so many women do this, don't even realize they are doing it, and when it is pointed out to them get defensive about it.
I’m by no means an expert, but I have a hard time listening, because as a point of pride I want to anticipate what my woman wants. Which obviously I cannot always do.
Oh man, once the woman has you asking her what you should sat and how, you'll be word- and tone-policed until the end of your relationship. Do what you want of course.
@@animan-ti7qt Definitely not. The context in which he states that people are full of snakes is that everyone has dark or ugly parts, and that to be married is to make a vow to accept those parts, or "not run away". Yall need to stop with the gender war shit, you're not going to alter anyone's behavior like that, and you're certainly not going to attract anyone with that mentality.
Herb Goldberg Ph.D wrote men/women relationships really well also. Also the proper care and feeding of husbands by Dr Laura was excellent there is one other book What makes a man feel loved by Bob Barnes
None of these conversation strategies work with a borderline. They have to win, and that usually by disowning their own actions and blaming. My experience (51 yrs of marriage/2 women) has been that wives often do not understand what is wrong, it all comes out in a mass of feelings born of frustrations. So the husband sits there trying to be patient in sorting through what she REALLY means, while his time could be better utilized elsewhere upon things that need immediate attention. It isn't that her concerns are not important. It's that she is following the common proverb: "A woman can throw out the window with a spoon faster than a man can shovel through the front door." and therefore wasting his candle of life life with gesticulations and inferences. This applies to her "communication" style as much as her resource utilization efficiency. And then women wonder why men eventually boil over and stop listening. As for wives being closer to the children than the father--that is a stereotype from a bygone era. Numerous studies repeatedly have shown over the last 40 years that fathers who are intimately involved in their child's needs from birth have a powerful effect on the maturation, intelligence, social competency, and overall achievement of the children above and beyond what mothers can do. This is especially true of sons. I discovered early on that time with the children was not near as effective as being there when they need input/intervention. A dad doesn't need to helicopter his children's every move like emotionally umbilically connected mothers do who "devour their daughters and humiliate their sons."
@@christinepickard6503 Ok, but once you’ve made your point - if you keep making it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over Then what? They already know everything you are going to say. The only thing your are doing at this point is wearing on their psyche… and at that point it becomes even more likely they are going to fail - and they also aren’t going to listen or trust you anymore. And to some degree it’s all your fault for being a psycho.
Having read the comments, it seems most men can't be bothered actually listening to Peterson's arguments, or don't understand them at all, and so prefer to dismiss them...just as they do to women's.
If you listen the main point is men will do that after women show they can be respectful or at least do inner work without expecting to be praised for it. Sadly if men do it first the chances that they get positive outcomes for it are lower...
I’m not listened to because my partner feels I’m not worth listening too. Dr. Ramani taught me something very useful DEEP. Don’t defend, don’t engage, don’t explain, don’t personalize. So what do you do when you have no voice
You leave that person. If you sren't respected or cared about then it's not a relationship. It's you thinking (wrongly) about the situation you are in. Leave thag person, do not explain why. Just leave. Find someone who will actually care about you.
@@darknightbegins85 Or being extremely vague in their communication to try and meet an end goal that benefits themselves. My Dad does that because his mother(leader in their family once she had kids with and left my Grandfather) raised him. His side of the family are all bad communicators. Every old picture of my grandpa he is smiling in until he has kids then no more smiles in his picture and she divorced him. As one of the youngest females in my family, getting older really opened my eyes to female nature. Can’t believe the negative effects it has on the entire family.
When discussing what bullying kids do, I found I do the exact same thing, where I rib and experiment with what I can get away with in terms of aggression with people but when I find someone who has a bad reaction, I stop. Now I usually get predictable reactions, and the line is usually near to where I expect it, but with some people that line is way below the threshold of what is acceptable. I’m not afraid of standing on that line or barely stepping over it so long as I retreat when I realize I was out of line and make it right. However when someone has that line in an unreasonable place, they need to be corrected as much as the guy who steps over that line.
It's a small epiphany to me that people would listen more and more resolution would come out of dialecticals IF everyone was properly trained in defending their views and asserting their feelings. Because if people are actually feeling heard, that is when they will be open to change and idealogic flexibility.
Men not liking to listen may possibly, remotely, could beee...... have something to do with certain people who NEVER SHUT UP, BUT NEVER SAY ANYTHING EITHER!!!
women bring up problems before the men have noticed them (men have not sensed the problem yet) ... Act in good faith !! .... Bullies = using disproportionate power...... the bullied victim - this often follows people in their life.... (studie) ...
Many many men have decided its no longer worth it to have a relationship. These women can go argue with each other. The boys will be fine camping hunting and fishing.
I was bullied growing up. Incessantly. Too afraid to stand up for myself. But I recognized that I needed to take action to elevate my station in life, so I joined the Marine Corps, started lifting weights, embarked on what would be 19 years of training and competing in several different martial arts. It's been a very long time since I've been bullied. Anytime I have found myself unhappy with my station in life, I've taken the necessary action to change that station for the better, be it my career, relationships, personal growth or character. To that, the most profound concept I've ever heard JP state was, "ask yourself what it is that constitutes good character and apply it in your life," or something to that effect.
I learned this years ago. Never have a serious discussion when you're in one of these four conditions . Hunger, Anger, Lonely or Tired...
That is a real problem in a capitalistic world though where you always tend to be lonely and tired, and quite frequently go hungry and have reason to be angry too.
Tough to do in a marriage if it is deteriorating. Being single was ever as lonely as being married. Is solution to wait until you’re divorced and then talk?
@@ProgressIsTheOnlyEvolution how would a socialistic world (or any other) alleviate that?
FIVE CONDITIONS: You left out "Married"!
Sounds like another friend of Bill W..... H.A.L.T is a great barometer to being in a moment of emotional jeopardy.
My wife said I never listen to her or something like that.
@@johnperry7534 😂😂😂😂😂
😊😅😂
Maybe because you're always hungry and unable to pay attention, maybe this stems from a lack of food at home, poverty wipes out 10% of men. Hunger, both literal and metaphorical, is at the heart of this catastrophe. It's not just about the gnawing emptiness in your stomach, though that’s certainly part of it-hunger is the primal drive that pushes us forward, that compels us to seek sustenance, to build, to grow You see, the thing about poverty is that it isn't just an economic condition-it's a multifaceted catastrophe that attacks the very fabric of what it means to be a human being. This is not just the starvation of the body-it’s the starvation of the soul, of potential, of hope. It’s a system of chaos that preys on vulnerability, particularly on men like who, by their very nature, are tasked with carrying the weight of societal structures on their shoulders.
Men, in a sense, are biologically and psychologically wired to seek competence, to strive toward mastery in a hierarchy. But when poverty strikes, when the resources for that striving are stripped away, what you’re left with is a psychological disintegration. How can you even think, let alone listen, particularly to your wife, without that focus and purpose, for meaning, and when that attention goes unmet, you’re left with nihilism and despair.
And society bears some of the responsibility. We put young men in positions where they have no opportunity to climb those dominance hierarchies, where they are punished for even trying satisfy their natural inclinations as oppose to listening to their wives. This hunger creates a kind of learned helplessness that perpetuates itself. And here's the kicker-you who could have been great, but never even get the chance to realize your potential because your own biological system is rigged against you from the start.
So, when hunger strikes, go eat something substantial like a piece of cheese, go clean your room and just maybe you can muster the courage to listen to your wife, maybe she can spout some truth about you that you have ignored all these years. It's not just a number on a statistic sheet-it's a reflection of your failure to provide structures that allow you to become competent, to find meaning, and to contribute to society. It's a damn tragedy.
Hahaha that gave me a real lol. 😄
@johnperry7534 she said blah blah blah something about listening, but im not sure cause I wasn't listening.
I've been married 20 years. You save a lot of arguments with communication like "can we talk about this after I eat"... or explaining "I am in a bad mood but it's not with you".
May seem obvious but people can't read minds. They get upset if you shout at them if they don't know why. They take it personally.
My wife knows I'm grumpy when I'm hungry so she gives me a minute.
You are lucky you are not married Mrs. "NO we need to talk about this NOW!" NOW! is too often when the Seahawks are 3 points ahead in the 4th Quarter and the Niners have the ball.
That's great. I love hearing about functional marriages. I've been married over 25 years and usually I'm the less communicative one. I guess that's why my husband always drops everything to talk to me if I need to talk. Maybe I'm relatively decent at keeping to myself until something important or interesting needs to be said.
Learned this via the Lincoln Papers. You can always say more later. So long as they don't keep picking. I'd leave the house if they keep picking and tell them I'm going to get gas or something.
@Zebra66 a hungry man is an angry man
@@Zebra66 seems gay imma just avoid all women
I've been married 56 years and what he says is right on. Be smart and get to the issue right away, women. Be present men, and NEVER RUN AWAY! This makes me laugh at this point in my life. Thankful.
You say for women to be smart, but you left out how men need to be smart too.
As a young man - I'm now 64 - I was taught to take three solutions for every problem I was reporting to my boss. I had an excellent career.
@@lokai7914 this is ok for early life if you need cash to get started, but being a good submissive for dominant people is not something to aim for.
@@LemonScreech No, it is good advice at all levels. Even a CEO has a board to report to.
And if you think I was suggesting anyone should be 'submissive' you have completely misunderstood me.
It depends on your boss and company. Some companies will like problem solvers, some do not! I have worked for both types and I have been a manager etc!
@@justinengland9814 Any private company that does not like problems solvers won't be around long.
@@lokai7914 It sounds like your process served you well. I have always been a policy and procedures type of person. Rules, regulations, and laws first, people second. I missed the finessing portion of navigating the office politics. I also missed the truth that there are clandestine relationships in the office. It never mattered if it were federal or corporate environments; or for that matter, cleared personnel.
I'd be a millionaire if I had 1000 dollars for everytime I shot myself in the foot trying to do the right thing. Zero self-preservation!
Never underestimate those secret, behind closed doors, relationships.
I used to be a doormat, and that made me resentful. After listening to Peterson and applying his knowledge, I have become more assertive, and I know ser healthy boundaries. As a result, I feel more true to myself, and my negative emotions have gone down.
My experience has been most bosses do not like being presented with solutions to problems. It can be threatening to them if you’re competent and they’re incompetent. Only present solutions to higher if they’re competent and genuinely confident in themselves, and make real sure your solution is clearly in their own interests.
Listening is probably one of the hardest things in the relationship
When I go on a date I ask a woman 2 questions . If you were in an intimate moment and the phone rang would you answer it ? Listen or do you wait to talk ? If they answer yes to the first question all other discussion about it based on what they say I may or may not leave the date at that time . But if they answer wait to talk I will get up and leave in that very moment . This may seem cruel but it has saved me a lot of grief and misery .
You might be surprised how difficult properly talking can be, too.
@@14megasxlr the Greek philosopher epictetus said we have two ears and one mouth so we can listen more than we speak.
Not if you listen with all your heart. A difficult skill to learn. Mostly we hear only squawking SOUNDS . . . without meaning.
Listening is one thing but can you hear?
Its not true that men don't like to listen. I love to listen, I just refuse to listen to lies and false accusations.
I am fine with listening, so long as I am being talked to and not "talked at". The latter often comes with slander, blatant disrespect, and libel... until the other person needs something.
@@ProgressIsTheOnlyEvolution facts
We have a rule in our house - if it’s important, wait until after dinner.
A lot of communication problems stem from the idea that men should be like women and listen and respond like women. Interestingly, this is a complete 180 degrees from the turn-of-the-20th-century idea of “why can’t women be more like men?” (Be more logical, etc) Men and women speak differently. Men tend to get to the point more quickly, so that it can be solved. Women take a more meandering course, trying to fill in all the details so that you understand the emotional context of the events. To insist that men think like women is no more right than insisting that women think like men. We have to recognize the strengths of each side and use them best to ensure a successful marriage and the raising of stable, successful children.
Best words when dealing with women. "Yep, mhm, no way, wow, i understand, i hear you, okay, i know, that's crazy" etc. Just sympathize with whatever bs they're saying and move on with your day. Pretty simple really
@@KEPSAGAMER That's funny. I actually had to learn this myself as I used to try and solve problems for my friends and was told basically all that is required is to use your list of vocabulary above.😏
For real. I can't stand it when women freak out over my totally non combative responses and then everyone tells me I didn't do xyz. So tired of it. I'm just gonna be myself and be like "yeah okay mmhmm" to validate whatever bullshit she's saying. Not gonna try to fix her imma let her fix herself
What's even worse is that if a man actually succeeds in acting like a woman, the woman will resent him
Been married 32 years and communication is always the root cause of arguments. Money being 2nd. I just want to quickly solve things. My wife likes the 2 hour vocal journey which can be exhausting. I try to stay focused so there’s a conclusion
My wife is Filipino. Do not talk to her when she is hungry. Put the food down and back away slowly and don't make eye contact. 😂
😂
Caucasian male 💍 to Filipino... lack of options? Lol
@@jessee7334so many single women pricing themselves out of the market. I’m with my Filipina almost 25 years. It’s never easy but I thank Heaven that I faced all that rejection driving me to change demographics.
Reminds me of PUMA PUNKU. The place where they have all those giant meat eaters.
Hahaha
Most of the advice I’ve heard about relationships go along the same lines as Dr. Petersons. I get it; women have to be listened to BUT I rarely hear discussions advising women about what a man needs and that it’s just as important. I’ve been married for 47 years (I’m 78) and I honestly feel like the one who usually has to “understand” what she requires a lot more often than visa versa. It seems about 80/20.
I really think that depends on the circles of society you grew up in and move in / country/ culture and other. In my environment, both Christian and secular, it's been how does a woman best meet his needs sometimes at her expense. Plenty of advice on how to be a better attentive woman for him and very little expecting him to love and respect her properly, which gives a man license to undermine her. I could judge the world by my experience ( it is easy to do so) but I have observed that some places the women seem to rule, which doesn't look that much better. A happy reciprocal partnership would be best. I see smidges of that sometimes.
@@julievdw6748 Hi Julie…I was raised pretty much secular and then became a Christian at 23, I’m 67 now. I have to say that I did see what you’re describing in a very small pocket of believers.
For the rest of my time I’ve found things to be very even…sometimes a bit harder on the men. I found that most men really do want to be good husbands, and don’t want a happy marriage at the expense of their wife’s health and happiness.
A lot of women don't listen and are just waiting to talk . And when they do it's usually something off subject from their long list of grievances and resentments .
@@sirclarkmarzMmm. Maybe. Or maybe you the type who cuts her short, over rides her or minimizes what she says when she tries to relate to you and have her heart received, since a woman desiring to solve a connection issue is a threat to your perfection. What issue could she possibly have? Then when she gets uppity she is the problem. After all, she has no right to get resentful of such treatment or expect you to care about her perspective. By default of her being female her perspective is not worthy of your attention. I am definitely assuming this is quite likely you. And if it is, I will be eternally wrong, like every other woman since we are all inherently less than a man. Disclaimer - I am not for feminism, but neither am I very keen on this male attitude that probably contributed to making feminism. If your misfortune is truthfully to be so surrounded by strong feminists who do this to you nonstop, then genuine pity on you. I suspect from your words though, that you may be surrounded by just fine women who expect some equal humanity and you don't like that.
What a great life. I think I’ll
Just do what I want and sleep with different women
❤ Yes, when we start opening our hearts (again) for each other, the rubbish first comes tumbling out, or the sadness, or even anger, before we can feel joy, curiosity, connection or compassion again!!!
"The reason people can't listen is because they don't know how to defend themselves."
Wow! 😳
One day I was trying to listen to my wife going on and on like a sentence with no punctuation. In about 2 minutes I asked her, "Is there some sort of point to this?" She stopped talking as if she was angry, and then got quiet. I never tried to listen to her again. 😊
God has blessed you Jordan. Instead of 50 young adults in a classroom it's now the whole world. Thank you and God bless.
Jordan Peterson is a legend, I’m single but want a relationship. I take what he says to heart and I hope that it all stays in my heart.
Just remember none of this works if you don’t pick the right partner.
@@Masterofmultiverse ok
Saying a woman’s problem doesn’t exist, is a good way to set her off into the abyss of feeling unsafe and I to the right or flight mode.
Her problem is very real to her.
It has to be acknowledged before it can be let go of. You can’t let go of what doesn’t exist. It exists because it’s affecting her. She has to find an away to release it.
So...which came first? The chicken or the egg?
@@jeffmorin5867 this question is irrelevant.
The relevant question is who has humility and who has pride? Who is willing to love, meaning to give first.
that's a "her" problem. Nobody cares. She can deal with it herself, somewhere far away.
@@jeffmorin5867 the chicken came first
Sounds delusional.
My wife does not come to me with fictitious issues, but she will sometimes ask me if I think something is a problem or not. Most often than not it's a case of her needing reassurance that something isn't a problem.
That's very different than somebody making a call and designating a non-issue as an issue. That's just downright annoying and wasteful of my time.
"No matter what you tell me, I won't run away." Beautiful.
Incompetency is probably the main reason why people don’t listen
Yes the 2nd most common reason is far more competency than the quarrel brought to them requires.
My girlfriend and I will not let our issues with one another go. We confront one another and talk it through until we can both be at peace with each other. We never go to sleep angry or resentful.
You're fortunate
@@Dragonologist you guys are wise. I think that’s the secret is talk through it. Most men don’t want to talk through it. They leave and ghost the situation which puts a lot of anxiety on the woman. She then starts the crazy cycle. If you are willing to talk it through then she knows she can trust you and she calms down.
Really appreciated the, "Key Points" and "Action Plan" at the end. Screenshot, print and post on the refrigerator or bathroom door/mirror as reminders of how to build a healthy relationship might be helpful. As it seems that often the subject of, "we need to have a conversation" happens in one or the other of these two places. Very grateful you added these at the end of the video. Thank you!
The diary of CEO, is my favorite channel
LOVE this from an earlier commenter; thank you:
Saying a woman's problem doesn’t exist, is a good way to set her off into the abyss of feeling unsafe and I to the right or flight mode.
Her problem is very real to her.
It has to be acknowledged before it can be let go of. You can’t let go of what doesn’t exist. It exists because it’s affecting her. She has to find an away to release it.
I almost spit out my drink when commander Riker popped up "what do you want!" 🤣
"Women bring up problems that don't exist...". The Easter Eggs of Wisdom are priceless.
If it didn’t exist, we wouldn’t be able to bring it up.
@@annaburns2865 it is referred to politely as being "emotional", when the fact remains you are delusional for believing or exaggerating that which really does not exist in reality. All Y'all make stuff up and then will not admit you are wrong about it despite facts = delusional
@@annaburns2865 It exists, sometimes in their heads, but not in reality.
Ascribing motive is a common one. This goes for men too. Nobody can read minds.
Possibilities exist. That doesnt mean you take an hour for everyone or that its even relevant... @annaburns2865
@@annaburns2865 That's like saying there's no such thing as fiction. Maybe we have to redefine "exist"? His larger point (clue is "the price of that is false positives") is that if you bring up a lot of problems, some of them will be real and some will turn out not to be real. But if you don't bring up problems, you won't have the disadvantage of bringing up nonexistent problems, but you will miss out on identifying real problems
My problem is that once I get into a positioin to take 10 minutes for myself, I know ahead of time that 10 minutes could stretch into 10 hours. I have a tough time transitioning from the "me time" back into social time.
Another observation is that I'll be 10 minutes into the 'me time', and my partner will choose that time to want to discuss something ... but woe betide me if I interrupt them in their 'me time'!
Communication is key. When one side fears transparency, the whole thing gets buggered up. (then it creates a twisted web of deceptive cover-ups) Once its either time to replace it or go without.
would just like to point out as a woman who searched for life partner for many years..... Its really hard to find someone to be compatible with on a practical level and then for them to be capable of these kinds of conversations..... Almost impossible to find..... Why are people so shame-based, so many of them, that they refuse to be better people... ?
Really liked the summary at the end, as it allows me to screen shot it and paste it into my journal.
Thank you, Jordan. You've put concisely into words in your inimitable way what we have been delivering as part of our programme with domestic abusers (both males and females in mixed gendered therapeutically informed groups) for the last 30 years. The fundamental - from a man's point of view - is "Listen, paraphrase and feedback". Do not try to "fix" a problem which you do not (yet) understand.
Thanks Jordan ✨🙏✨
Damn. But this man has his brilliant moments.
I believe eyes are windows to the soul and eye contact is critical to building a relationship.
I worked in corrections with Level 4 inmates for 25 years. One thing that men will do is make sure that they are not being disrespectful to other men because the consequences can get you killed. IMHO, most women today want the authority that men have, the privileges of being women, and they act like children in the process. I'm 62 years old, but my grandmother told me many years ago that when a women understands her role as a support system who respects her husband, he will treat her like a queen. I think this is true.
What a false, cruel, dishonest and conceited chauvinist statement. Good luck with that self serving mindset which justifies and puffs up yourself as a superior male specimen and reduces the value of a woman to line up with you without meaningful inclusion and collaboration. Maybe move in normal society a bit where men don't kill each other for disrespect and then rethink women while you're at it. I hope no unfortunate woman ends up or is being mistreated by you with that worldview, even though you apparently on the other side of the prison bars and think that makes you the good smart guy. Your grandmother may have enjoyed the stepford life. Maybe your grandfather was good willed man and treated her like a queen and they were both content. That's possible. (Although I've observed its funny how many traditional men like being king but their 'queen' looks more like a servant). Your belief of their life experience as broadly representative of a good poster case for couples is severely untrue for many and it reflects a very narrow life experience. Lots of women don't want authority, they want to contribute valid input as created to be support with intellectual equality but differences with their unique insights, as Jordan can see. This is the true helpmate. To be a helpmeet does not mean serving all your food and washing your socks without having a voice. Don't look to inmates for your examples.
They want to be treated like a queen while behaving like a peasant .
So then . . . THERE actually IS a hierarchical system of male dominance. BC usually the lower rank males must first show respect to (salute) the higher ranking males. Similar to a military organization. Where the higher ranking officer returns salute AFTER the lowewr rank salutes first. In Europe it used to be that way. Young folks would always greet older folks first with a good morning or a good day. THEN elders would reply. A very sensible system.
Your grandmother told you to believe you are a second class person. Just bow to the master and all will go well. How horrible for you and anyone else she poisoned with that lie!
@@cos2mer2 not sure to whom you're addressing your remarks. But i guess you're right. I BOW to your superior intellect.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤love Dr Peterson..
Where were you when the internet wasn’t available?
🤣
Very well executed, but why don’t we learn this stuff in school?
Now, at 60, I can have that fulfilling relationship ……..😁
Dr. Peterson has to get on a show with that East Coast lawyer on Soft White Underbelly. That would be a conversation!
Yes!
Do you mean, James Sexton? What about cosmo joining in too?
This is why I'm fucking single my bro bros whatever 😊
Same
😂
I agree it's not worth it !!
Exactly. To much baby sitting feelings.
Liked the guidance of 90 minutes per week spent with wife…at the least…about solving problems in marriage, to prevent it disrupting ‘ play’.
My take on all of this is why can’t people just be themselves. Having to analyze everything and walking on eggshells all the time trying to understand someone else’s phycology seems really exhausting
if you are walking on eggshells you aren't in a good relationship. but you can't have a good relationship with another human without compassion and consideration for their needs/POV. yeah, it's tiring sometimes. but if 'being myself" with no filter hurts someone deeply and damages the relationship - is it worth it?
Jordan Peterson making sense. . .sounds like it. . .my tolerance for boredom and BS can’t hold out long enough.
6:50 is straight Gold!
I'm an American man with a Chinese woman. We are the exact opposite of this
The way I read the title I thought it might be a hit piece😂
Spot on.
What this guy is saying is why dating sucks right now, and divorces are skyrocketing. People want the people they hooked up with to be perfect, without flaws and somehow super humans. When the truth comes out and that other person goes hey i love you but these are my flaws, and i want to know yours so we can grow. People instead these days go, no i dont want those flaws of yours in my life and i dont want you to know mine, i want perfection, so they run, ghost people, divorce and etc rather then develop loving relationships. They instead dump the person, divorce, or cheat to find that perfection that doesn't exist.
very true.
Excellent.
I almost married an African.
I gave her her own bed, pocket money and some presents (not very expensive ones) for a whole year, fixed up her visa and this morning she called me a liar to my face.
The logical thing to do is run.
Jordan has a great clothes designer. He looks so cool
Sometimes I will fight to death with things that's so offensive. Sometimes, I just take a break as it's too much hard work in a fight.
Well women need to communicate. Keeping a mask on or assuming they won't be listened to or that men don't care and then Keeping silent is a perfect way to get resentments and fault finding. Eventually these people, who are decent people walk away breaking your heart for not mind reading.
Relationships are difficult
Untrue, dealing with morons is difficult
No people no problems
@@KEPSAGAMERexactly. Relationships are fucking easy if they arent morons
Being a problem solver and getting rewarded my the hierarchy implies the people you work around or over you want your success at all.
"Insufficiencies pointed at men", justfully so because men are held to a higher responsibility than women (weaker vessel & dependent). The man is responsible for his family, for their sins, not their guilt obviously but he's the respresentative of his family government held accountable, like each governer is held accountable. Same pattern, same principle.
This man has so much wisdom to share
no thanks happiest when im single
@@bluebird4483 There is wisdom is this.
@@bluebird4483 yes I totally agree!
Feedback is good and will be received and acted upon if and only if it’s in good faith. Otherwise it’s useless.
I swear that I learn something everytime I listen to this guy.
I am 70 been married for 33 years. After about 15 years i figured out not to argue just to br right. If i don't care about an issue don't argue about it. Just say i think your right and truthfully let it go at that.
Love the random Riker clip.
Fighting false accusations is kinda silly when the accusations are. I just reject the game of being required to explain myself.
That's the problem with most men. They forget women HATE feeling second class even if they put themselves there.
@@animan-ti7qt if I got false accusations of course I’m gonna treat them like second class
@animan-ti7qt not the man's problem if you put yourself there, however that doesn't make you second class. Feelings have a place just not "always" first place
Going in circles is, one person listen one person responds the end.
Where can I find full episode?
I have not yet met a unmarried woman that is worth putting up with and dealing with so I'm just remaining single I don't have the time and the energy and I don't see in anybody's marriage the benefit. Rarely do I meet a couple that have been together peacefully, happily for 20 or 30 years they're usually just riding it out.
best to stay single. relationships are indeed a lot of work.
Why there are a lot of people success in career but messed up in their family life?
They are not.....that is post modern thinking
People develop a persona to deal with people in their professional life . At home they are known for who they are I can't hide behind false identity . I'm a very introverted private person who does not care for social situations or the company of other people . Dealing with customers I would tell myself OK it's Showtime and I would appear to be very warm personable caring and charming . So much so the people would confide in me and tell me their secrets glad I'm retired now and don't have to bear that burden .
Thumbnail is bs. Dr Peterson did not specify that “women” are full of snakes.
Corporations would do well to have a rule: No matter what you tell us, we won't fire you because of it.
Thank you to an earlier commenter for this bit of wisdom:
A lot of communication problems stem from the idea that men should be like women and listen and respond like women. Interestingly, this is a complete 180 degrees from the turn-of-the-20th-century idea of “why can’t women be more like men?” (Be more logical, etc) Men and women speak differently. Men tend to get to the point more quickly, so that it can be solved. Women take a more meandering course, trying to fill in all the details so that you understand the emotional context of the events. To insist that men think like women is no more right than insisting that women think like men. We have to recognize the strengths of each side and use them best to ensure a successful marriage and the raising of stable, successful children.
5:30 BULLY DEFINED. Not Banditry, Not Stupidity.
link to full interview without edit?
Easiest way to not have to deal with all of this is just don't have a woman in your life. They aren't as concerned with your happiness as they expect you to be concerned about theirs. After 26 years invested in two marriages, I have more peace now alone than I ever had. They are geared to find problems. It doesn't stop. I just don't need that in my life, it is not a positive thing.
100% The mental and emotional upkeep of having a woman around is enormous. You really need to need her for something, like children, to suffer that burden. The worst of it is that women will treat friends and acquaintances better then you to keep up a front while treating you like hired help.
Yep. I know there are some great women out there. However I'd rather be single than be in a relationship with the vast majority of women out there.
And women are way too good at pretending to be one of the good women until you've already fallen in love or are otherwise committed, so "just date a good woman" doesn't really work. So I prefer being single.
@@marcusp5345 I divorced my ex-wife several years back for a couple of different reasons, but this was a major one. Throughout the divorce proceedings I was very civil, helpful, supportive, and I would even say friendly toward her. A couple of years later we met at the funeral of a mutual friend and we had lunch together. She asked me to just give up the friendly persona and just let her have it... "get mad, yell at me, tell me how you really feel and why we can't work this out". I immediately said to her, "I will never be with another person who treats friends, acquaintances, work peers, and total f'ing strangers better than they treat me. Do you know how many times I watched you interact with other people and I thought to myself, I wish she treated me like that". I would never treat another person better than I treat my wife, lover, girlfriend, etc. It doesn't even make sense to me, but so many women do this, don't even realize they are doing it, and when it is pointed out to them get defensive about it.
Truth!!!
This was good
After a meal my wife starts talking and i listen. many times i said timing is important 😂 i tink she listens to me. So do i.
I’m by no means an expert, but I have a hard time listening, because as a point of pride I want to anticipate what my woman wants. Which obviously I cannot always do.
Oh man, once the woman has you asking her what you should sat and how, you'll be word- and tone-policed until the end of your relationship. Do what you want of course.
Women can have trouble distinguishing truth from a feeling
0:10 people are full of snakes
@agriffin5308 yeah but listen to between the lines and how it trends to one gender
@@animan-ti7qt Definitely not. The context in which he states that people are full of snakes is that everyone has dark or ugly parts, and that to be married is to make a vow to accept those parts, or "not run away".
Yall need to stop with the gender war shit, you're not going to alter anyone's behavior like that, and you're certainly not going to attract anyone with that mentality.
women wanting what's best for their children and men winning women HONORABLY is the key to our evolution
Herb Goldberg Ph.D wrote men/women relationships really well also. Also the proper care and feeding of husbands by Dr Laura was excellent there is one other book What makes a man feel loved by Bob Barnes
None of these conversation strategies work with a borderline. They have to win, and that usually by disowning their own actions and blaming.
My experience (51 yrs of marriage/2 women) has been that wives often do not understand what is wrong, it all comes out in a mass of feelings born of frustrations. So the husband sits there trying to be patient in sorting through what she REALLY means, while his time could be better utilized elsewhere upon things that need immediate attention. It isn't that her concerns are not important. It's that she is following the common proverb: "A woman can throw out the window with a spoon faster than a man can shovel through the front door." and therefore wasting his candle of life life with gesticulations and inferences. This applies to her "communication" style as much as her resource utilization efficiency. And then women wonder why men eventually boil over and stop listening.
As for wives being closer to the children than the father--that is a stereotype from a bygone era. Numerous studies repeatedly have shown over the last 40 years that fathers who are intimately involved in their child's needs from birth have a powerful effect on the maturation, intelligence, social competency, and overall achievement of the children above and beyond what mothers can do. This is especially true of sons. I discovered early on that time with the children was not near as effective as being there when they need input/intervention. A dad doesn't need to helicopter his children's every move like emotionally umbilically connected mothers do who "devour their daughters and humiliate their sons."
The trick to dealing with impossible people is to just not be in a relationship with them in the first place.
@@lightworker2956lol women ste impossible people.
No.
You can't listen to a person who doesn't stop verbally abusing you
Ask them to get straight to the point. And you won't engage in conversation with them if they criticize.
There's a difference between abusing and letting someone know they are headed for failure if they can't see past their own nose
@@christinepickard6503
Ok, but once you’ve made your point - if you keep making it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over
Then what? They already know everything you are going to say. The only thing your are doing at this point is wearing on their psyche… and at that point it becomes even more likely they are going to fail - and they also aren’t going to listen or trust you anymore. And to some degree it’s all your fault for being a psycho.
@@mace3632 that's a abusers outlook fornsure
@@paulnees7835 you can choose to
Or is the man not a bully at all and his kids are reacting adversely to him because the wife is way too soft on the children. So many options here.
I agree, as a female. But also consider old age and deterioration of health alone.
Having read the comments, it seems most men can't be bothered actually listening to Peterson's arguments, or don't understand them at all, and so prefer to dismiss them...just as they do to women's.
If you listen the main point is men will do that after women show they can be respectful or at least do inner work without expecting to be praised for it. Sadly if men do it first the chances that they get positive outcomes for it are lower...
Sounds like "Being in good faith" seems to be the goal but a LOT of people want malice instead of good faith
Depends if it makes any since at all, if Not NO is ur answer !
I’m not listened to because my partner feels I’m not worth listening too. Dr. Ramani taught me something very useful DEEP. Don’t defend, don’t engage, don’t explain, don’t personalize.
So what do you do when you have no voice
You leave that person. If you sren't respected or cared about then it's not a relationship. It's you thinking (wrongly) about the situation you are in. Leave thag person, do not explain why. Just leave. Find someone who will actually care about you.
Mine goes away for a week but gets drunk entire time so finds no solution. Then runs again next time it comes up.
Women poking at you and calling you stupid.
What a great life lol
@@darknightbegins85 Or being extremely vague in their communication to try and meet an end goal that benefits themselves. My Dad does that because his mother(leader in their family once she had kids with and left my Grandfather) raised him. His side of the family are all bad communicators. Every old picture of my grandpa he is smiling in until he has kids then no more smiles in his picture and she divorced him. As one of the youngest females in my family, getting older really opened my eyes to female nature. Can’t believe the negative effects it has on the entire family.
When discussing what bullying kids do, I found I do the exact same thing, where I rib and experiment with what I can get away with in terms of aggression with people but when I find someone who has a bad reaction, I stop. Now I usually get predictable reactions, and the line is usually near to where I expect it, but with some people that line is way below the threshold of what is acceptable. I’m not afraid of standing on that line or barely stepping over it so long as I retreat when I realize I was out of line and make it right. However when someone has that line in an unreasonable place, they need to be corrected as much as the guy who steps over that line.
This is the problem with society and why bullying is a feature not a bug. Women can't handle this anymore.
It's a small epiphany to me that people would listen more and more resolution would come out of dialecticals IF everyone was properly trained in defending their views and asserting their feelings. Because if people are actually feeling heard, that is when they will be open to change and idealogic flexibility.
We’ve heard it all before ad nauseum that’s why men stop listening.
Women prefer to complain about problems rather than finding solutions.
Men not liking to listen may possibly, remotely, could beee...... have something to do with certain people who NEVER SHUT UP, BUT NEVER SAY ANYTHING EITHER!!!
The last time we listened, we got kicked out of the garden.
women bring up problems before the men have noticed them (men have not sensed the problem yet) ... Act in good faith !! .... Bullies = using disproportionate power...... the bullied victim - this often follows people in their life.... (studie) ...
Many many men have decided its no longer worth it to have a relationship. These women can go argue with each other. The boys will be fine camping hunting and fishing.
My wife told me i never listen to her.. so after 11 years together.. she left me.. she didn't even tell me 😂
I was bullied growing up. Incessantly. Too afraid to stand up for myself. But I recognized that I needed to take action to elevate my station in life, so I joined the Marine Corps, started lifting weights, embarked on what would be 19 years of training and competing in several different martial arts. It's been a very long time since I've been bullied. Anytime I have found myself unhappy with my station in life, I've taken the necessary action to change that station for the better, be it my career, relationships, personal growth or character. To that, the most profound concept I've ever heard JP state was, "ask yourself what it is that constitutes good character and apply it in your life," or something to that effect.