If one of my many ex-es came to me to come out as transgender, I definitely wouldn't be angry or upset or call them selfish. I honestly wouldn't care much beyond wishing them well. BECAUSE THEY ARE AN EX! EX EX EX EX EX EX EX. I think I'd just pray that they made better women than they had men, since they were a load of assholes.
Thanks. Well... Let's say there's a reason why we're exes - several reasons in fact. Such is life, I suppose. I'm in a better place now. And to be honest I suppose she is too - even though she might not agree. I doubt she'd want to remain in a marriage with a trans person.
I’ve been watching a lot of detransitioners and they absolutely regret it, they go through a lot of medical complications and once they have the bottom surgery it’s too late to go back. Please be careful of what you choose to do. God put us in the right bodies but sometimes we can be not in the right mind through past experiences. Choose wisely mate
Hi, Thanks for your comment 😀 I have nothing but love for detransitioners. No doubt they’ve had to make some tough and difficult decisions. We should absolutely hear their stories so we can learn how to support everyone best. That being said, they represent a small percentage of those who do transition, so be careful that you don’t overestimate the prevalence of their experience - the vast majority of people who transition are happy and satisfied in the long run. I hope for balance you’re watching as many of their videos. From what I understand, folk who detransition do so for a wide variety of reasons, and many go on to transition again. And a final word about God. You can find on other comments and in my ‘Madrid’ video how much I’ve appreciated my dad’s support - who is the most religious person I know. It’s been tough for him, but my point is I don’t have an issue with religion. In fact, I world argue that if you’re a Christian at least, you are instructed by Jesus to love trans folk - or anyone really - despite the differences in our lives. More than that, seeing as trans folk have always existed and exist in such relatively high numbers, you’d have to conclude that if God did create the world, he’d have also created trans folk too, no? While our experience is quite different to most, there is something special about it. In fact, it would present an interesting argument in favour of a soul, don’t you think? Anyway, have a great Sunday ❤️✌️☺️
@@Andy_trans_educationActually there are studies that prove that suicidality is highest a few years after transition. So I’m afraid the stats don’t back you up on that.
Ps … i always use my eyes , ears and gut instinct to decide what im looking at , that’s a cat 🐱 , thats a dog 🐶 , that’s a cow 🐮 etc etc … you get the point!? . But more importantly, this is my true belief, its my truth and my story, im compelled to live this way, not using my eyes and ears and my gut instinct would feel like I was denying my truth about myself… so please respect me, and respect that this is how I see the world and how live within the world. (My pronouns are: elephant wobble bottom unicorn smelly ball dizzy wiz .. thanks) 🙏
Hi, 😊 I have to be honest, I deleted your other comment because it didn't really add anything to the conversation, and I don't really appreciate shouting (all caps) and swearing. Not that I'm against it per se, but it goes against the idea of civilsed discussion I'd like to promote in my channel. It's hard to have a conversation when you come into my channel and your opening gambit is ... well ... what I already described. I let this one go, even though I don't really understand the point you are trying to make. I'm assuming you're trying to say that I don't look especially female? Maybe if you watched my video on passing, you might get my perspective on that topic. And, just to add, silly jokes about pronouns? It doesn't really do you any favours, and says more about you and your perspective of the word than it does me and mine. Maybe you are still young and learning about the world? I can understand if that's the case. Anyway, have a great Sunday and week, Andy 😊 ✌️
Imagine our cave men ancestors sitting in the back of their caves contemplating all this stuff. Humans are crazy, they need something to do, something to live for, and a challenge for survival. When we don't have that, our minds collapse in on themselves.
… except wherever you look through the annals of history, you will find some form of ‘trans’, ‘trans-adjacent’ or at the very least gender non conforming people. (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transgender_history) The idea this is a modern invention is very inaccurate.
I don't know why I watched this, but wow, how refreshing to hear somebody speak calmly on this subject. If I was your mother, sister, child, neighbour, colleague I would be thinking OK whatever makes you happy♥. If I was your ex...mmn not so much. Your statement that you 'gave half your life' makes me (as an outsider) think that you were fully committed to that relationship, but that's not what your ex will hear. Time will heal the wounds, but it will probably take many years. I wish you well x
That’s fine, and it’s always dependant on an individual’s circumstances. Each of us needs to work with the hand we are dealt and there should be no judgement towards however people decide to be.
Do what you want mate, the UK is a tolerant liberal democracy. The problems start when these trans activists force others to accept and assert the ideology.
I don't live in the UK any more. And I've long felt that idea of 'tolerance' is sometimes more of a polite suggestion than an actual reality. It's better than some countries, but let's not pretend it isn't still some way away from perfection. Also, what 'forcing'? Is it any wonder people might lose patience with those like yourself when we're inundated with bigotry and ignorance - check the comments under my videos. How else can any message get through other than through 'assertiveness'?
@Andy_trans_education Mate UK is fine there's nothing I can do that a trans person can't. In fact it's swung so far in your favour that every institution, big corporations, even police are using that flag. This isnt Qatar or Somalia or Yemen - here the entire establishment is on your side
It's not about institutional rights to 'do things', but day-to-day living. You have fallen into the same trap of people who claim that racism isn't a thing because we all have equal rights. It's not what I was getting at. Not my words, but others after a very quick Duck Duck Go search: Trans lives survey 2021 - transactual.org.uk - plenty of data on the day-to-day transphobia folk experience in the UK. www.bbc.com/news/uk-66984843 - "trans hate crime rises 11% in the UK" (October 2023) www.bbc.com/news/av/uk-54486122 - "transphobioc hate crime has quadrupled" (Oct 2020) www.nytimes.com/2019/02/07/opinion/terf-trans-women-britain.html - "How British Feminism turned transphobic" www.vice.com/en/article/dypk8q/trans-people-leaving-uk - "How trans people are leaving the UK due to transphobia" I could go on here. And let's not forget how the recent PM used a murded transgender girl to score 'political points' in Pariliament; in front of her own greiving mother. And then refused to apologise and doubled-down. No, it's not "Yemen" - very few countries are - but I would strongly argue against the idea the "entire establishment" being on our side. So, again. In the face of such treatment, is it any wonder that some trans folk lose patience and stop asking nicely to be treated as a human as they try to live their lives?
@Andy_trans_education interesting, I read the BBC one, talks about hate crime but doesn't give any specific example of any crime Do what you want here mate, we're cool with it . Live and let live is an English value
Only you can know if any of your actions are selfish and realising that you're trans-gender isn't remotely selfish in my opinion. I suppose it depends on what your expectations of others close to you are. For example if you expect your partner to fully embrace, support and understand your transition from the get go, that may be interpreted as selfish as it may take her time to understand and figure out how or if she fits into your new identity, especially if she feels blindsided by this new information about you. She may just not be attracted to transwomen. You come across as having common sense and appear very measured, I sincerely hope you are truly happy going forward. I personally can't remotely imagine the struggle of gender dysphoria, admitting to yourself, let alone your partner, close family, friends, colleagues and the public at large that you identify as a transwoman. My issue regarding selfishness is with female changing rooms/showers at the local pool, gym, etc. I know you feel like you're a woman inside but the vast majority of us females want biological single sex spaces. We can clock 99% of transwomen from 50ft. I'd never get changed in front of any male (that's not an intimate partner) no matter how they identify, as for when I was an incredibly self conscious teenager... Even more so. I didn't even like getting changed in front of the other girls at that age. We want our privacy, modesty, respect, comfort, decency and safety in a private female space to be respected and understood. We don't even think that a transwoman has any nefarious intent. It's more about having single sex spaces respected. Otherwise, why separate them at all? I'm originally from New Zealand and currently living in Australia. A gender neutral/ disabled option has been law since the 90's yet many trans-gender women refuse to use the gender neutral option. If transwomen want to be included by females socially, in our girly chats, lunches, etc... and we're showing respect by treating them respectfully (as we obviously should) then why can't they understand that because we are different, have very different lived experiences... good and bad with males... that this is a line that we feel very disrespected over. It feels a bit misogynistic. As a hairdresser I talk with mainly women and girls day in, day out and this topic has come up very regularly, especially over the last 2- 3 years. Most of us wish anyone trans well, want them to feel comfortable in their own skin, will use your preferred name and pronouns and will be friendly and polite.Yet I haven't come across one female who wants someone born male no matter how they identify in the female changing rooms/ showers, especially with our daughters in tow. Admittedly I only know 2 transwomen, one (early 30's - transitioned at 17 and attracted to men) who has huge passing privilege as she's short, very petite and has put a lot of time, effort and money into presenting to the world as the gender that makes her feel authentic, with great success. The other, early 70's, transitioned early 50's, attracted to women. Was married with 3 teenage sons when she transitioned. She doesn't pass as when male was a 6ft 2" broad shouldered, big burly and plump man with incredibly masculine features so has never remotely passed as a woman. She also has always dressed in clothing that makes her stand out a tonne. Short skirts, tight revealing tops, fishnets, etc... They also have opposite views on nearly everything related to transitioning, not for a minute that I thought that all trans-gender people had to think the same. The younger says she's a proud transwoman, uses female toilets but not changing rooms/showers. The older says she's just a woman, but I'm a cis woman and says she uses all private female spaces as she's entitled to do so. She admits proudly that she's cleared a female changing room of women and girls as she's got full male genitalia and got naked. All the females apparently left quickly without saying a word to her. I would do the same. I don't understand her thinking as women and transwomen are vastly different and that's cool. Why can't we celebrate our differences instead of pretending we're exactly the same? We obviously will share some experiences as women yet I feel she's selfish and shows little respect for females. She appears to delight in some girls and womens discomfort. Sadly, this kind of thinking has caused some of the massive backlash we've all seen against the community, especially over the past 5 years. Also, I find it really interesting that all the women I've talked with are much less wary of transwomen who date men, yet are extremely wary of trans-gender lesbians. I feel for the transwomen who try but will never pass, yet some appear to make such minimal effort, some keep their beards, some never take hormones or have gender confirming surgeries... yet we're meant to guess that they're trans women and be okay with them in our private spaces. Also, no-one talks about the AGP's. It sounds like you have good support and common sense which should serve you well. Sorry for the essay and I apologise if anything I said was hurtful as that's not my intention. I'm curious as to your opinion on private female spaces and if you understand why women and girls don't want to share these with people born male no matter how they identify? Watching from Australia. Take care.
Hi, Thanks for your interesting and detailed comment. I really appreciate the time you have taken in adding your thoughts and perspectives on this topic. I have responded to your essay with one of my own; I hope you take the time to read it, and do let me know if anything doesn't make sense. I don't see life as black or white, but shades of grey, and it's really tricky to find that nuance in this forum so I apologise in advance in anything isn't clear. I want to say at the top that I think you are a great friend to the trans folk in your life, and I'd love to learn where your salon is for my next trim 😊 I'm glad you can see that trans folk are not one 'hive mind', and that there are many differences between us and the way we see the way we participate in the world. I'm aware of the question over spaces and personally, I am super aware that I don't (yet?) 'pass', and the last thing I would want is to create discomfort in anyone around me. Currently at my yoga class, for example, I'm happy to use the male locker room. Firstly, I'm nearly always the only person using it. And secondly even if most other women were to invite me into the women's one, it would only take one person to create a bad situation (to say the least) and I like and respect my classmates and instructor - and women in general - too much to want to create that. And to be honest, I don't feel that I have 'earned' or 'deserve' to use those spaces; I've no idea if that will ever be the case. I'm pretty satisfied and comfortable with this set-up. But beyond my own point of view I can see the perspectives from both sides. I recognise that we can cause discomfort in others, but to a certain extent there does need to be a discussion around whether that discomfort reflects the reality of the 'threat' that we pose, versus the fact is in the vast majority of cases, we merely want to use the facilities. There's a certain argument that this 'discomfort' (I call it the 'ick' in my video about transphobia) is a result of transphobia, and to a certain extent needs challenging. In the same way the 'discomfort' that openly (or even those perceived to be) gay people faced in changing rooms when I was at school was born out of homophobia, for example. Now I want to make a couple of things clear here: For one thing I don't think that people using 'transphobic' behavour or language makes them a bad person, or that they should be 'cancelled' or reviled. Nor am I suggesting you or anyone in your circle are transphobic. As a word, it's become something of a weapon, which means it's very difficult to use it in a useful way. I'd rather use a different word with less emotional weight, but it's the only common word we have for now. Also, I do understand where part of this discomfort comes from. We (trans folk) are different, and different can be suspicious: "what's our deal? what do we want?" This is a natural reaction that humans have developed as a survival mechanism. The problem is, we have been 'awarded' a certain deviance which, even if you disagree with it, will have an effect at someone's subconscious level. The start point at the moment sems to be 'trans people are up to something' or 'trans folk are pushing an agenda' - this is something echoed by religious, political, cultural, and other leaders. Many, if not most (if not all) trans folk have to work through their own internal transphobia due to this discourse. In other words, this is something everyone needs to work through. But anyway, do I think that an 'accord' can be reached? Do I think all trans women should have the same right to access women's spaces? Will *I* feel safe and comfortable in a few years time and having to use a public toilet (of any gender)? As I said before - it has to be 'shades of grey' and context-dependant. It's tough though, but I hope that the more that we have these conversations, the more we can understand each other better. Thank you for your comment, I hope to see you around again, Andy 😊 ❤️ ✌️
@@Andy_trans_education Andy, of course I read your entire comment. Cheers for your in depth reply. I'm not sure if I conveyed my point about transwomen in private female spaces correctly from your response. I personally don't care about toilets as we have individual cubicles... And we're only in a public toilet for bodily functions. It's female changing rooms/showers. It's not about thinking transwomen could do anything nefarious, it's not about the 'ick' (well for me anyway) It's just as being female from birth we're taught to regard our bodies and nudity highly. To get undressed in front of someone born male no matter how they identify would honestly make me immediately cover up and make a very quick and quiet exit. There is also the fact that in Australia 1/3 of females have been SA'd and that's underreported from what my clients confide in me about their awful experiences, this is a concern for some women. Can you imagine back to when you were a 15 year old boy in the changing rooms after sport at school if a female was there whilst you were changing? How would you feel? It's a time when we want privacy and I think a third option is the solution. There have unfortunately been some viral videos of some transwomen behaving extremely poorly in private female spaces. From what the women I speak with say and also how I feel we don't want to hurt peoples feelings, we all know that that person could be our own child so we have empathy. Yet it still feels like as females our rights, feelings and safety are being overridden by males who identify as women. It makes us feel like our concerns aren't as important as transwomens. Your yoga example shows that you're considerate. The 'passing privilege' thang is massive. Women aren't generally threatened by a transwoman like Mathilda Hogburg, yet we are by a transwoman who's 6ft 2" and a big solid build with very masculine features. I know logically that they are just as transgender as any other transgender woman, yet they are definitely perceived as intimidating and scary by many women and girls. We honestly don't see them as women. (Sorry) We don't want to see male genitalia in these areas, especially with our young daughters. Melbourne where I live is a city of 5 million. 1/3 of Aussies are born overseas, 1/2 have a parent or grandparent born overseas so we have this incredible mix of people from around the world (great coffee and restaurants too) In this mix we also have many different faiths, some of which forbid mixing the sexes in private spaces. So as females we're 51% of the population and we're feeling violated. I'm a lefty, in saying that our left and right are very centrist compared to the US. Our current Labor PM (left) was asked shortly after being elected 'What is a woman?' He answered 'An adult human female' . The uproar that caused was insane. Our Labor government changed our Sex Act (introduced to protect women) was changed over 10 years ago to include gender. This was done by our first ever female PM, whose speech on misogyny to opposition leader Tony Abbott went viral. (It's here on RUclips and worth a watch) The fact our sex act was changed on the down low and our protections as females have been eroded has left Australian women feeling like we're at the bottom of the pile once again. We have horrendous rates of DV in Australia and our government has very recently committed millions in an initiative to educate, support both perpetrators and victims and put money into resources across our communities. They've had ads telling women to be aware of their surroundings, stick together etc... rather than teaching men not to be violent and sexually assault us. And in a confusing but of hypocrisy now there's a new ad 'The Unsaid Says a Lot'. Check it out as I'd again be interested in your thoughts on it. The backlash was massive as women thought it was gaslighting them into ignoring their instincts. The different scenarios shown were patronising, they didn't of course show women in a changing room which is one of 2 issues I constantly hear about. The second was a big built transwomen being welcomed into a football team. No mention of the locker rooms being shared. We have a female soccer team 'The flying bats' and 5 of the 11 players are transwomen. They won every game by huge margins, won the grand final and prize money. They also allegedly caused 3 very serious injuries to opposition players. The opposition players have been told if they forfeit a game they'll be issued fines. If they talk about them on social media, they'll be banned and fined. Australia has banned transwomen from most professional sports for safety and fairness, yet community, school, university sports etc are free for all, including the locker rooms . The hypocrisy is outrageous. These two issues appear to be making so many women who otherwise support the trans community turn away with many becoming quite anti. I feel like there's room for all of us and the support and acceptance would increase hugely if these two issues could be understood by transwomen. We don't hate you, we just need a couple of female only areas. I mean look at our language changes... Lesbians are now 'non men who are attracted to non men' , whereas gay men are still just gay men. Birth givers, chest feeders, non men... It appears to be women and girls who are the losers. It doesn't have to be this way as it's causing more and more divisiveness. I hope there's a compromise that leaves us all feeling respected rather than trampled over. It has to be resolved or it'll just breed more hate and contempt. Anyway, check out the ad, if you google it and hit video you'll see it. The intention is good but so badly executed, probably cost a fortune and landed like a lead balloon. Also, you didn't talk about the AGP's? We can't tell the good from the bad. Take care Andy and cheers for answering my essays. Seriously, much appreciated.
@@Andy_trans_education Also, regarding your hair... If you get a good hairdresser and get them to do some long layers around your face, framing your cheekbones and jawline it can really soften and feminise your look. Also, a smattering of fine foils in a soft light wheaty blond and alternating with a light caramel brown would look great with your complexion. To find a great hairdresser look around at women and when you see someone with beautifully coloured and cut hair, ask them what salon they go to, most importantly ask the name of the stylist as within one salon you'll get a big variety of skills. It doesn't have to be what you want, but you can tell if it's high quality. I hope this helps and if you visit Melbourne I'm 100% in to do your hair! Take care Andy.
Sorry, I only just noticed this comment as I was having to deal with a bit of inundation of madness. Once again thanks for the long and reasonable reply; I don't think we're far apart on most - if any - opinions, and thank you for giving me more detail on life in Australia. Goodness... I apologise in advance if this is another long one (spoiler alert - it really is). I hope you have plenty of coffee while you're reading it 😆 feel free to break it up into sessions... maybe I'll add chapter titles? Chapter 1: defining 'woman' To your point about your PM's definition of 'woman'; you don't mention what the 'uproar' entailed, but to point out, if you don't already know, that particular definition was thought up, and is widely used by very well-known anti-trans campaigners. I don't really care how 'woman' is defined - personally, I would ask why are we doing any defining in any case as it's often a bit of a bad faith line of questioning. But anyway, whatever definition you use tends to tell you something about how someone sees the world - it's a bit of a Rorschach test (I studied psychology at university years ago). I would say your PM's response tells me (s)he's trying to win over a particular crowd with what, at face value, seems a reasonable reply. I mean, you could certainly argue that even I would fit into that definition. Although I'm not supposed to. Chapter 2: Women's safety in a man's world Yes, I absolutely take your point about this, and I'm kicking myself for not mentioning it - or thinking about it - sooner. You only need to look at RUclips for a few minutes to find examples of toxic male nonsense promoting the idea that men are entitled to women's bodies (see anything by Andrew 'goddammit why do I still share a legal name with this d*ckead?' Tate, or his little buddies as evidence of this). And these are aimed squarely at young impressionable males, taking advantage of their lonliness and frustration and aiming it at women and girls. It really makes me angry and if it were only a modern phenonmenon, at least we might think it was temporary, but they sit in a well-established line of 'male role models' pushing a particular brand of what it means to be a 'man'. It's no wonder that 'even today in 2024' we see statistics (which men always try to either sweep under the rug or deny depite the same data coming out time and again) that a huuuuge percentage of women are assualted. Would we hear the last of it if men had the same issues? 'press X for doubt' as the kids say (I think, anyway...). As you say though, the 'best advice' has always been to try to police the behaviour of the victims (maybe men should always travel in pairs, or watch how much they drink?). I experienced the same advice while being bullied - oh, and how to 'deal' with transphobes by the way - how to make oneself less of a target, as if the issue is with me 'standing out', rather than the culprit. Yes, I know this is small potatoes, but I can empathise with how frustrating it must feel that each time you go out of your house you have that in the back of your head. And then, of course, god forbid anything happen and you are wearing the 'wrong type of clothing', or talk to a man. Or just exist, I suppose. And then the 'men's right's people claim they are being victimised. Chapter 3: trans folk in sports This is a difficult one as I don't have enough knowledge or information to be able to give an answer that will be much good, I'm afraid. It feels like there is a sensible solution that can be found, and it can be found by people who are smarter and have access to more data and information than I do. What I will say is this: I know that sports are incredibly important in Australia - as they are in most other countries in the world. Life in school and elsewhere can be dominated by sports and sporting events. As I said, I don't know what the solution is, but removing trans people from sports altogether means denying them access to the benefits that sports provides - mental and physical health, team building, integration and acceptance in social environments. Where these bans take place (or not!) often feels based on political decisions rather then advice and guidance from experts. I mean, there's a ban on trans women competing in women's chess tournaments (why there are gendered chess tournaments anyway is a whole other question, but still). I don't disagree with what you're saying about your football teams, but actually I think that the comments section in my videos suggest an outright ban on social media discussion by the players and teams is rather sensible lest people end up shouting obscenities at each other given the emotions surrounding this. It can get reaaally old and frustrating moderating the few comments I get! Anyway, to sum up. "It's difficult, and I don't have a good answer." Conclusion Right, well I think I'm typed out here! I hope I held your attention. I found it thoroughly useful to work through these ideas and I'm grateful for you for raising them. I find that this helps sculpt my videos so in the future I can be more aware and more inclusive over the content. All the best, Andy ❤️
What was the point of coming out to your ex? You’re not selfish in personally coming out, but you are selfish to impose your personal life on your ex. After all, she’s your ex.
Hi, I'm replying as it might add some context to the story. I don't really want to go into it too much as there are some details of my life I'd rather keep separate from this channel. Suffice to say I had to tell her rather than wanted to. I would much much rather have preferred to not have to. I do take your point that it seems selfish to have done so; and I must admit if I'm being completely honest, most of the reasoning she has for not liking me much is deserved on my part. I made a lot of mistakes. I'm no angel and just as human as the next person. Anyway, thanks for the question 😊 Have a great week, Andy ❤️ ✌️
You're just trying to be happy. People saying "selfish" are being selfish by making it about them. I love irony, but they live their lives and we live ours.
I think she is allowed her opinion just as youre allowed to do what feels right for you. As a fully grown adult with no attachments youre not hurting anyone. What i never understand is people who want the freedom of expression are so offended by people not accepting it. Living your life quietly and as you want to is less irritating than coming online and discussing it and involving the world in something you could have shrugged off. I dont know if im making sense or not. Id say the same for anyone bringing problems online though. Todays culture makes people prone to finding groups of people online that will allow confirmation bias instead of just living and let live.
If this is your truth live it. But respect the safety of single sex spaces. Your rights shouldn'th threaten someone else quality of life. Its up to the trans community to find their space with love and respect. But that respect has to include others rights to feeling safe. There are incidents of trans men not wanting to be housed with men due to safety issues. A trans solution is needed. But be in the world in your truth❤
I will always choose to share my space with trans women as one of the most vulnerable minorities instead of forcing any of them to share spaces with men. To me, it doesn’t matter if we aren’t the same sex because we’re the same gender. Unlike what a lot of people think will happen if trans women are in woman spaces, the real danger is what happens to trans women in men’s private spaces. I don’t want that.
Congratulations on coming out! You will change the world with your point of view! I read some of the comments below, and your responses are very well thought out and articulated in a way that doesn't feel like an attack on their opposing views. Personally, I don't think it's too much to ask someone to respect your pro-nouns or even a new name. If you weren't trans, and you were just changing your name, nobody would really care, and they would use your new name without hesitation. They might call you by your old name out of habit, which would be expected, but it wouldn't be seen as, or felt as an attack. Which is something to consider on both sides. That being said, when you're trans and you are transitioning socially, especially in today's climate, there is psychological component to consider. It can be difficult to understand who is mis-gendering you because they genuinely are struggling to gender you correctly and who is doing it to gaslight you, or invalidate you. Transitioning is difficult for people to understand because if people feel comfortable in their bodies and with their gender identity, it can be difficult to empathize with somebody who doesn't have that same congruence. This is also difficult for trans people to accept and I think it is the reason for a lot of internalized transphobia amongst trans people. I just finished watching a video a gay guy posted about LGB trying to separate from the TQIA+, and he had a detrans woman who was threatened by her parents that she would be sent away if she transitioned, so when she went to school she transitioned and then when she finished she detransitioned, now she goes around saying horrible things to trans people. I think that resentment over not being accepted by her family has caused her to resent trans people who are able to show up authentically in the world. I wonder if that's the case for a lot of detransitioners who try to prevent trans affirming care for other trans people. That's just speculative though, I'm sure there are some who genuinely regret transitioning for legitimate reasons, not enough instrospection or botched surgery, etc... Anyways, this turned into a bit of a rant. Thank you for your content, and congratulations again!
Hi, Thank you so much for taking the time to watch and comment on my video. I always appreciate it when people write (almost) as much as I do as the more we say and the more we listen, the more we learn. Yeah, it's a pretty unusual experience being trans, and I'm actually happy that most people don't experience their bodies or selves as I and other trans folk do - it's not an especially pleasant experience. It would make our lives a bit easier if we didn't have to 'explain' ourselves each time someone explains how we're just 'delusional', but I guess if everyone ran around being dysphoric, it probably make the world an even more chaotic place! 😆 Sadly transphobia can affect anyone and everyone - including (and especially) trans people. I know that detransitioners must have had a tough life and had to make difficult choices, but it's a shame that their experienced is currently being weaponised. I would say that a lot of people are scared their own rights might be taken away, which leads them to piling on other minorities (e.g. gay people wanting to 'remove the T'). I get that these days it seems nothing is off the table - look at how Wade vs Rowe in the US, and abortion rights in Poland, or the removal of certain healthcare options for trans kids in the UK (whether you agree with this medication access or not; it does suggest that nothing is set in stone and can be taken away at a moment's notice). But even so, we gain nothing through dividing ourselves; strength comes through unity. Thanks again, and I hope to see you again soon, Andy 😊 ❤️ ✌️
@@Andy_trans_education I try to look at life as; there are 8 billion+ of us on a rock in a vacuum in space and none of truly knows what we're doing. The idea that some people have the power to influence whether some of us receive healthcare, work or housing is ludicrous. None of us asked to be here and we should have access to the resources we need and to be treated with dignity and respect. I feel every minority group has to prove something to the world in order to have their existence viewed as being valid and worthy of being here. Happened to black people, Jewish people. gay people and now trans people. People put more faith in a God they hear about by other people, than they do in the people they share this planet with. I'm not sure how to make sense of that. I guess some people like to be controlled by religion because they can't think for themselves.
Hi Colaberry! It's always great to see you here 😊 It's a tough one for so many people. I know many trans folk find it so difficult to be torn between the idea that we are causing such grief and stress for our loved ones it's hard to get away from the idea that this is just a 'selfish decision'. But in my case, I've tried so hard to be the boy and man my familiy and society wanted me to be. I did all the things that was asked of me, and it just wasn't for me. I couldn't do it any more. I've done it their way, now I need to do mine. Maybe some people would see that as selfish, but the way I see it is that I am in credit to the world.
I don't know what country you live in, and I could make some assumptions based off the accent. But in America, we're supposed to be the melting pot. Contributing to the heterogeneity of society is supposed to be a boon. That's the whole experiment of the place. If we lived in Japan I could understand the argument for homogeneity, because that's their cultural norm. But the cultural norm in the United States is supposed to be to accept and integrate as much variety as possible. So I'm not sure. This "do I contribute to society" idea has a couple huge questions attached to it: Which society am I in? And is it okay to challenge society in order to improve it? I have my answers, and I am comfortable asserting those in the context of the US. But I can understand if that answer doesn't apply to other countries.
If your happy it's all good, It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, It's none of anyones business as long as your not harming anyone. I see you as a fellow human and I'll call you what you want me to out of respect but I just can't see you in my mind ever as a female. I'm not trying to be disrespectful just honest. The trouble is when so many demand to enter womens changing rooms and bathrooms. Force ideologies onto children and compete in womens sports. In my opinion thats when problems arises and the rights and safety of women and children are in jeopardy. Which I think most people are concerned about. Maybe the ones who do this gives the others a bad name which is unfortunate.
Hi, Thanks for taking the time to watch my video and comment 😊 To be fair, I am very early in my transition so I don't judge how people perceive me; that's outside my control to a certain extent. It's very much a work in progress, so we'll see where things are in several year's time. Touching on the idea of 'safety', I wonder what is the 'jeopardy' you refer to? There are very few instances of trans folk being the perpetrators of violence or other illegal acts. That's not saying there are none - you will, of course, find people being awful universally. The real issue is when people use one 'bad apple' to use that as a way to show how 'all trans people' are bad. I would expect that most people wouldn't make the same generalisation with other groups of people. Please note it is not 'trans people' doing this to give us a bad name; it is cis people using the actions of awful trans people to give all trans folk a bad name. That's not on us, and it's certainly not on me.
@@Andy_trans_education I totally get that, Painting everyone with the same brush is immoral and unfair. I know there are good and bad in every demographic. There has been a few examples of bad instances happening in womens bathrooms and changing rooms but that few is too many, As much as I support you, I would still prioritise the safety of all women and children over the feelings of a very small minority. Even though we know most are good I don't feel many people are comfortable playing Russian ruelette with the safety of their daughters alone in a changing room for example with someone who was born a male. Yes the odds are it will be fine but it's just not a risk I'm ever willing to take. I don't expect you to agree but just telling you my concerns, But nothing personal against you, Your probably one of the majority of decent ones. Maybe single stall separate bathrooms and changing areas for everyone everywhere would help solve it. I know people with mobility issues, and can't get out much due to a lack of mobility friendly places to visit around here. Steps everywhere, Which I feel is also unfair, I guess life is unfair though with no easy solutions.
I think everyone should live the life they want. That being said, there are repercussions from your decision. When Bruce/Kaitlyn Jenner transitioned, the part I didn’t like is that it seemed the life he lived before was a lie. He pretended to be a husband and a father when that's not who he felt he really was. So how are the family members supposed to feel when it seems those relationships were built on a lie? In a perfect world, you wouldn't involve other people/relationships without them knowing your truth and agreeing to be part of it.
Hi, Thanks for your comment. I’m not sure if I can agree that when someone comes out, that means everything about them is a lie. From my experience, my past life is still me: I was always a trans woman. When I started my current job, I was a trans woman; when I met my friends and girlfriend, I was a trans woman, and so on. They didn’t know I was; but I was. So that history I share with my friends and family, it still exists - it’s still valid and true. The only difference is now I can be fully honest with everyone. You can absolutely be a great partner and parent - even a ‘father’ - as a trans woman. That would be true before and after coming out. Some people can’t stay with their partners after they do come out, and that is perfectly reasonable response. I can understand of people felt let down, or unhappy that I wasn’t able to share this sooner. But I hope that by sharing my story, they come to understand my point of view. Have a great week, Andy ✌️😀❤️
I'm sure it is difficult to make videos like this - kudos to you for engaging in these difficult questions, and asking yourself whether you have gotten it right. I have a bit of feedback for you. First, best of luck to you in your life - I'm sure living as a trans person is full of difficulty. My first point - related to selfishness, virtually everything we do is selfish in nature, so it is the wrong question. The question is whether it is *excessively* selfish to insist on being treated in particular ways. You offer up an alternative as living a closeted life. That's not really the choice though. You can be out and yourself (not closeted) and yet permit people to treat you in whatever way seems appropriate to them. If somebody uses male pronouns, you might not care for it yet that would be a compromise between demanding other people change their behavior vs. being closeted. My only point here is that there are various alternative arrangements in between "do what I like" vs. "closeted". My next point would be - pronouns are usually sexed. You of course are changing your gender presentation not your sex. We take things like penises and say that it is reasonable to have a penis and think of oneself as a gendered woman. Why not take sexed male pronoun and use it for a gendered woman? Since it only reflects sex and not gender, it seems you could still live a female gendered life with male sex pronouns and still find it harmonious. I'd be curious to understand why you disagree, if you do. Thanks again for making this video.
Hi, Thanks for your interesting and thoughtful response. It's a challenge and I enjoy the making of the videos, but especially the discussion that comes afterwards because I do often find areas where I need to re-think my points of view. I take your point and absolutely there are more than a 'binary' of choices. I hope that my take wasn't "I do what I like" though: as I said, I'm aware and happy to live in a society, which means meeting (some, at least, of) societal norms of social mores. However, I cannot agree that one possible alternative is to 'permit people to treat me however they deem appropriate". That would certainly leave me open to abuse and mistreatment. I don't think anyone should permit or allow others such freedoms. To be clear, if someone calls me 'sir' or whatever, I'll probably take it in my stride. But if someone starts calling me slurs, am I to just take it? Also I have to disagree with your point about pronouns being sexed, and I have a little story to make my point. Many years ago, I worked in telesales, cold-calling customers for some reason that doesn't matter. Anyway, I was speaking with someone with a very low, gravelly voice. So judging on this, I called them 'sir'. When they gave their details as 'Mrs Smith', I realised my mistake, apologised and immediately changed. There was no way for me to know the genetalia of this woman, and made assumptions based on the way she presented herself. So it goes in real life. Ultimately, there is no realistic way of knowing for sure what someone's gentalia is, so tying pronouns to this seems very impractical. I hope that this makes sense. I don't get any indication of malice in your comment and I hope you take my points. Please let me know if you have any questions. Life is often about 'guesswork' - less getting it right all the time, but doing our best to get it right when we can. I'll certainly get it wrong a lot of the time, and I hope you and others can continue to keep me honest! Have a great week, Andy ❤️ ✌️ 😊
Also, I commend you for putting your life out here and asking for comments. Aside from the ignorant flat out stupid comments, people will more likely comment what they're really thinking as close family, friends and colleagues will hopefully be genuinely positive when talking with you face to face, yet in private they may have some questions, opinions and concerns that they don't want to share with you as they're scared of being labelled 'phobic' and also, they don't want to hurt you. Well done. I also enjoy reading comments from others as i don't want to live in an echo chamber. Take care.
Thank you 😊 I understand that people will certainly have questions. That was actually my first reason for making this - I could send my friends and family links to these videos and maybe it would give them a way to hear me and better understand my experience. They could watch (or re-watch) at their preferred time (or not), in a safe way. I didn't actually think I'd get quite so many views or subscribers or comments, but I'm very happy with how it has expanded from it's initial premise to something a bit wider. I do enjoy the conversations I have with non-trans folk, and although it can get a bit tiring at times with certain types of comments, interactions like these with you make it worthwhile. Have a great Sunday, Andy ❤️
@@Andy_trans_education Andy, Sorry I didn't address you by name earlier as I wasn't sure what you were calling yourself, or the spelling. You'll have to get quick at copy and paste replies as you pointed out you'll be answering some of the same tone questions repeatedly. I think your calm and collected demeanor will attract many more subscribers as you appear open and honest. It's Sunday night here, cold and wet. Enjoy your lovely Sunday - hopefully not at work and doing something enjoyable and social. It always makes me feel better on Monday for work when I've been social or productive on my Sundays. That's if I'm not doing wedding hair. Take care.
That's perfectily fine thanks ☺️ Yeah I do have a copy/paste reply, but I find I might get further with a more 'personalised' approach - at least for now! I hope you have a great week! ❤️
Hi! I just came across your videos and have been watching them. First of all, I don't see you as being selfish. Second, I believe that anyone can do what they want in their lives as long as they are not harming others. I therefore have absolutely no reason to judge you or dislike you or not accept you, as is the same with other transgender person/people. I wish you well on your journey. I really don't know if this is the place to ask such a thing and if this is something that you are willing to discuss. But hey, I'll try, as your channel is called "Transgender Education"! I admittedly have not met many transgender people in my lifetime. I can in fact only count 6 transgender people that I have known in terms of friends of friends or that I have randomly met and chatted to. I do absolutely not mean this in any way to be harmful, hateful, etc. I am just genuinely interested to put out there as to what I have noticed and see what your opinion is on the subject. I have had several conversations with 4 transgender people where it got deeper than surface level chit chat and all those 4 were very upfront to me about their transitions, their journeys, their struggles and their successes. However, one thing came up every time that I found "interesting", and that was childhood trauma. Whilst, unfortunately, even the statistics for the "general population" in terms of those that experienced trauma as children isn't so low... It seems to me that the numbers are much higher in the transgender community. When I am referring to childhood trauma, and I am referring to S assault experienced pre-teen, early teen, where in all but one case, they experienced this prior to any thoughts or feelings that the person felt as though s/he was born in the wrong body and so gradually begin to transition over the years. I know that Google isn't Dr Google, but I was thinking about this and so I looked up about studies carried out by various researchers, hospitals, psychology boards, etc. The statistics, whilst are less than what I have personally heard about from transgender people myself, are still quite shocking. The number of transgender people that have experienced S assault in their childhood for example is a LOT higher than the average "general population". In my personal conversations, for example, there was a biological male that was transitioning to female and that was only interested in biological females in terms of dating and intimacy. She told me how she was S assaulted as a young kid over and over by 3 different men in her family and I couldn't help but feel her hatred against men. (Can't blame her at all for feeling that way). But then, I, to be honest, was thinking in my own mind, that I do wonder if there is some connection to the terrible trauma she had experienced in her young life, to only after several more years, start to feel that she was in the wrong body and then began transitioning to female. It makes me wonder if this biological male was so awfully treated as a child, as a male, that something was triggered from trauma in his mind to which he then decided he wanted to disconnect from being both male in gender and be with only biological women in intimate relationships. I'd honestly love to hear what your opinion is, what you have to say on the statistics of the higher levels of childhood trauma on those that end up transitioning (surgically/hormones or no surgery/hormones, just living their lives in the other gender) only a number of years after or at least start to feel that they are not in the right body. I hope that I have managed to put this across respectfully! Hope to hear from you! Be well.
Hi, Thank you for taking the time to watch and comment on my videos. I have to say it's absolutley wild the number of people choosing to spend some of their Sundays with me, so thank you and I really appreciate it. That's a really interesting question, and I'm sorry (or maybe grateful) to say it's not something that I am knowledgable enough to be able to comment on. I'd need to go away and do a lot of research. It's not inconceivable that there's a correlation between SA and that trauma impacting on one's sense of self. No doubt there are many ways that this can be realised, but as I said I'm far from an expert. To be honest, I'd be careful making such a correlation as even if there was a percentage for whom this is true, it might not a universal thing, and it can lead to assumptions about our past. Not that I'm suggesting you are by the way, I just want to be clear here. For my own experience, I am relieved to say, I did not suffer such abuse; just your standard level of bullying. I don't attribute who I am to that though; my sense of discomfort with myself certainly predates that. There is a question about what 'causes' someone to be transgender, but I'm a little wary of any 'single cause' solution. People are much more complex - which is to their credit! Thank you once again for your comment. I hope this answers your question (although i fear it does not!). If I get the time I might look into this a bit further. feel free to drop by again! Have a great week, Andy ❤️ ✌️ 😊
@@Andy_trans_education Yes! Haha. Don't worry. It's pretty. ❤️ Thank you so much for making a video like this. I'm a cis woman, but I was feeling so frustrated at all of the selfish and cruel videos being made against transition.
I am very very sorry for this… God did not make a mistake when he created you… he has a magnificent plan for you… unfortunately you have walked with the devil and are about to ruin your life. This is not hate speech it’s a concerned message. I wish you luck Sir and beg you to read the Bible. Good Luck
Hi, Thanks for your message. As it happens I was raised Christian in the UK and went to church regularly. I have read the Bible and am very familiar with the lessons therein. While I might not be especially religious today, I do appreciate the value of religion in people's lives. Can I ask how you can be confident that my transitioning isn't part of God's plan? Is it inconceivable that our existance is a way for religious folk to rally round to truly demonstrate how to "love thy neighbour"? I was born as a transgender person and came to understand that over my life. In fact, the first time I learned the word 'transgender', was through hearing about a story of a vicar / pastor in the UK who transitioned in her 40's. This was the first time I realised that I was not alone, that there are people just like me in the world, and that my life could actually have some hope. You could argue that it was God who put that story in front of me to provide succour at a time when I needed it the most. I'm sorry that you find our existance so apparently problematic. The fact is, we do exist. I'm sure if we were to sit and have a drink or meal, we will learn a lot about each other and that maybe although there are differences between us, that needn't mean we should be 'enemies' or can't be on friendly terms. Have a great Sunday, Andy ❤️ 😊 ✌️
Let me just start with saying that I don't believe you to be a selfish person on the contrary you seem to me to be a person who is conscientious and caring of others and your decision to transition wasn't made lightly, however your video did make me think on the subject of selfishness, transness and the following questions it raised for me. - Is it selfish to live in a way that makes you happy and is good for your mental health? No - Is it selfish to ask those around you to refer to you and call you what you want? No - Is it selfish to actually expect them (no matter what) to do it? Yes - Is it selfish to ignore or deny the impact the decision to trans has on your friends and loved ones? Yes - Should it stop you from transitioning if that's what you truly want? No, but you should try to help them understand why you have made this decision and be respectful of their feelings because to be trans is no small thing and is not always easy to understand or accept especially when someone has known you to be one way for a long time and now, you're becoming something else - Is it selfish to ignore or deny other people's rights to their own feelings and beliefs on the subject of trans? Yes, because everyone has a right to their own feelings and beliefs even if they're not in alignment with yours and aren't necessarily automatically transphobic just because they are different or hurtful. - Do you have to like or agree with how they feel or what they believe? No. - Do you have to accept that people have feelings and beliefs that aren't in alignment with yours? Yes, because to demand a right for yourself while denying that same right to others is just plain wrong. Sorry, that was rather long winded but as you can see I have quite a few thoughts on the topic, and I dare say that there are a lot more questions to be asked and answered and if we all could just talk to one another and try to understand each other's perspective on the topic of trans we all of us would be better off.
Hi, Thank you for your comment: I love to see other folk's thoughts and ideas - especially when they are as detailed and thought-out as yours; I really appreciate you taking the time to write this out here 😊 Honestly, I think you've summed up much of the tension between what I need, and my fears of how this might and has impacted on those who Iove. This, as I said, is the crux of what might cause many trans folk to remain closeted because they know the pain and confusion it might create for others. It's a massive leap of faith that not only you will retain the love of your family, but that love will also help to carry you all through the process (and beyond). Somebody else in this comments section mentioned detransitioners, and I wonder how many go on to detransition because they can't stand the impact it's having on others. It's really tough and I do hope that my family feel supported enough. There are a couple of things I want to pick up on that you said I don't entirely agree with though (at least in my perspective). Firstly, and I know what you're saying, but I wouldn't say I'm becoming 'some*thing* else' (I'm going to look past the somewhat depersonalised language - why not '*someone* else'?). I'm hoping to help my friends and familly understand that I am still the same person at heart. My appearance is changing and there are other things you will learn about me. But that person they knew 'before'? - they still exist. I know that this is as much part of that transitional journey for them to learn though, so I'm not judging those who do feel this way. It's one of the reasons I'm reluctant to change my name - as a kind of symbol of this continuity. However, I do disagree a lot more about your last point about 'accepting that others have feelings that aren't in alignment'. This is maybe not the best forum because I want to illustrate the nuance in my view so please if this doesn't make sense let me know! Now, I don't know if here you're referring to my family or the wider world, but I'm going to assume the latter, but actually I think my points will stand for anyone really. I don't know if you've seen or read the comments below my videos, but I get a range of perspectives on my 'status' - and I do appreciate when anyone takes the time to comment in good faith and initiate discussion. However, I will and do push back against views which I disagree with and I try to do so with understanding and compassion. I see one of the 'missions' of this channel is to help folk understand me better and by extension maybe trans folk in general. I do this because I can't accept that there are people who's views are 'misaligned' with mine. And this 'misalignment' has real-world implications to trans folk - we lose our jobs, our homes, even our lives because of this. Even those with minor 'concerns' might allow these to bear out in ways in the world which impacts on the life of a trans person in some way. This is not a 'live and let live' situation. It's not a question of them 'not having the right' to have these beliefs, but to remind everyone of the consequences of what that means and that those beliefs are likely coloured by a false understanding of who we are - of who I am. It's not just bathrooms or sports or whatever (although that's certainly part of it); it's allowing us to be seen as human people. To be talked *to* rather than *about*. That the first thing that people see when they see a transgender person, is not the 'transgender', but the 'person'. And I don't think that's the case for many. I know it's tough and that there's a lot to learn and a looooong way to go. I don't expect that I will give anyone their 'lightbulb moment' or turn 'haters' to allies. Maybe I can give some people a moment to think about 'stuff' - and really that's enough for me. I like that you raised this - and thank you for doing so - it feels like the basis of a useful video; or at least something I'd like to explore in a bit more depth. I don't want to be seen as an 'angry activist' or some such, but it's all about keeping an open dialogue. Anyway, this is super long! Have a wonderful Suday, Andy 😊 ❤️ ✌️
Obviously I am only going off of this one interaction but your ex sounds pretty cruel for throwing insults and blame your way - not nice to say those things to anyone, but especially to someone who is opening up, vulnerable and to somebody who you love/care about. I hope you understand that this isn’t a YOU problem, but a problem with how your ex views the situation. Not sure why acceptance is such an issue for some.. 😔 Well done on coming out and having the courage to bravely be yourself! 💝
Thanks 🙏 I to be honest and say I deserve her dislike of me, and much of her reaction was born out of that dislike. That being said, there’s no place for using transphobic language. Acceptance is an issue because we’re different, and that creates suspicion. The more ‘out there’ we are, the less support for those ‘concerns’ we will see. Hopefully, at least! Have a great week, Andy ✌️😀❤️
If one of my many ex-es came to me to come out as transgender, I definitely wouldn't be angry or upset or call them selfish. I honestly wouldn't care much beyond wishing them well. BECAUSE THEY ARE AN EX! EX EX EX EX EX EX EX. I think I'd just pray that they made better women than they had men, since they were a load of assholes.
Thanks. Well... Let's say there's a reason why we're exes - several reasons in fact. Such is life, I suppose. I'm in a better place now.
And to be honest I suppose she is too - even though she might not agree. I doubt she'd want to remain in a marriage with a trans person.
I’ve been watching a lot of detransitioners and they absolutely regret it, they go through a lot of medical complications and once they have the bottom surgery it’s too late to go back. Please be careful of what you choose to do. God put us in the right bodies but sometimes we can be not in the right mind through past experiences. Choose wisely mate
Hi,
Thanks for your comment 😀
I have nothing but love for detransitioners. No doubt they’ve had to make some tough and difficult decisions. We should absolutely hear their stories so we can learn how to support everyone best.
That being said, they represent a small percentage of those who do transition, so be careful that you don’t overestimate the prevalence of their experience - the vast majority of people who transition are happy and satisfied in the long run. I hope for balance you’re watching as many of their videos.
From what I understand, folk who detransition do so for a wide variety of reasons, and many go on to transition again.
And a final word about God. You can find on other comments and in my ‘Madrid’ video how much I’ve appreciated my dad’s support - who is the most religious person I know. It’s been tough for him, but my point is I don’t have an issue with religion. In fact, I world argue that if you’re a Christian at least, you are instructed by Jesus to love trans folk - or anyone really - despite the differences in our lives.
More than that, seeing as trans folk have always existed and exist in such relatively high numbers, you’d have to conclude that if God did create the world, he’d have also created trans folk too, no? While our experience is quite different to most, there is something special about it. In fact, it would present an interesting argument in favour of a soul, don’t you think?
Anyway, have a great Sunday ❤️✌️☺️
@@Andy_trans_educationActually there are studies that prove that suicidality is highest a few years after transition. So I’m afraid the stats don’t back you up on that.
ok. Can you provide me with a link please?
Ps … i always use my eyes , ears and gut instinct to decide what im looking at , that’s a cat 🐱 , thats a dog 🐶 , that’s a cow 🐮 etc etc … you get the point!? . But more importantly, this is my true belief, its my truth and my story, im compelled to live this way, not using my eyes and ears and my gut instinct would feel like I was denying my truth about myself… so please respect me, and respect that this is how I see the world and how live within the world. (My pronouns are: elephant wobble bottom unicorn smelly ball dizzy wiz .. thanks) 🙏
Hi, 😊
I have to be honest, I deleted your other comment because it didn't really add anything to the conversation, and I don't really appreciate shouting (all caps) and swearing. Not that I'm against it per se, but it goes against the idea of civilsed discussion I'd like to promote in my channel. It's hard to have a conversation when you come into my channel and your opening gambit is ... well ... what I already described.
I let this one go, even though I don't really understand the point you are trying to make. I'm assuming you're trying to say that I don't look especially female? Maybe if you watched my video on passing, you might get my perspective on that topic.
And, just to add, silly jokes about pronouns? It doesn't really do you any favours, and says more about you and your perspective of the word than it does me and mine. Maybe you are still young and learning about the world? I can understand if that's the case.
Anyway, have a great Sunday and week, Andy 😊 ✌️
Imagine our cave men ancestors sitting in the back of their caves contemplating all this stuff. Humans are crazy, they need something to do, something to live for, and a challenge for survival. When we don't have that, our minds collapse in on themselves.
… except wherever you look through the annals of history, you will find some form of ‘trans’, ‘trans-adjacent’ or at the very least gender non conforming people. (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transgender_history)
The idea this is a modern invention is very inaccurate.
I don't know why I watched this, but wow, how refreshing to hear somebody speak calmly on this subject. If I was your mother, sister, child, neighbour, colleague I would be thinking OK whatever makes you happy♥. If I was your ex...mmn not so much.
Your statement that you 'gave half your life' makes me (as an outsider) think that you were fully committed to that relationship, but that's not what your ex will hear. Time will heal the wounds, but it will probably take many years.
I wish you well x
Some people take on the notion to not tell others that they transitioned or are trans.(Unless medical) They just be and let others figure it out
That’s fine, and it’s always dependant on an individual’s circumstances.
Each of us needs to work with the hand we are dealt and there should be no judgement towards however people decide to be.
@@Andy_trans_education yep!
Do what you want mate, the UK is a tolerant liberal democracy. The problems start when these trans activists force others to accept and assert the ideology.
I don't live in the UK any more. And I've long felt that idea of 'tolerance' is sometimes more of a polite suggestion than an actual reality. It's better than some countries, but let's not pretend it isn't still some way away from perfection.
Also, what 'forcing'? Is it any wonder people might lose patience with those like yourself when we're inundated with bigotry and ignorance - check the comments under my videos. How else can any message get through other than through 'assertiveness'?
@Andy_trans_education
Mate UK is fine there's nothing I can do that a trans person can't. In fact it's swung so far in your favour that every institution, big corporations, even police are using that flag.
This isnt Qatar or Somalia or Yemen - here the entire establishment is on your side
It's not about institutional rights to 'do things', but day-to-day living. You have fallen into the same trap of people who claim that racism isn't a thing because we all have equal rights. It's not what I was getting at.
Not my words, but others after a very quick Duck Duck Go search:
Trans lives survey 2021 - transactual.org.uk - plenty of data on the day-to-day transphobia folk experience in the UK.
www.bbc.com/news/uk-66984843 - "trans hate crime rises 11% in the UK" (October 2023)
www.bbc.com/news/av/uk-54486122 - "transphobioc hate crime has quadrupled" (Oct 2020)
www.nytimes.com/2019/02/07/opinion/terf-trans-women-britain.html - "How British Feminism turned transphobic"
www.vice.com/en/article/dypk8q/trans-people-leaving-uk - "How trans people are leaving the UK due to transphobia"
I could go on here.
And let's not forget how the recent PM used a murded transgender girl to score 'political points' in Pariliament; in front of her own greiving mother. And then refused to apologise and doubled-down.
No, it's not "Yemen" - very few countries are - but I would strongly argue against the idea the "entire establishment" being on our side.
So, again. In the face of such treatment, is it any wonder that some trans folk lose patience and stop asking nicely to be treated as a human as they try to live their lives?
@Andy_trans_education interesting, I read the BBC one, talks about hate crime but doesn't give any specific example of any crime
Do what you want here mate, we're cool with it . Live and let live is an English value
It is selfish to wants to be your true self. Actually it is selfish of others to make someone not be thier true self.
💯
Only you can know if any of your actions are selfish and realising that you're trans-gender isn't remotely selfish in my opinion. I suppose it depends on what your expectations of others close to you are. For example if you expect your partner to fully embrace, support and understand your transition from the get go, that may be interpreted as selfish as it may take her time to understand and figure out how or if she fits into your new identity, especially if she feels blindsided by this new information about you. She may just not be attracted to transwomen.
You come across as having common sense and appear very measured, I sincerely hope you are truly happy going forward.
I personally can't remotely imagine the struggle of gender dysphoria, admitting to yourself, let alone your partner, close family, friends, colleagues and the public at large that you identify as a transwoman.
My issue regarding selfishness is with female changing rooms/showers at the local pool, gym, etc. I know you feel like you're a woman inside but the vast majority of us females want biological single sex spaces. We can clock 99% of transwomen from 50ft. I'd never get changed in front of any male (that's not an intimate partner) no matter how they identify, as for when I was an incredibly self conscious teenager... Even more so. I didn't even like getting changed in front of the other girls at that age.
We want our privacy, modesty, respect, comfort, decency and safety in a private female space to be respected and understood. We don't even think that a transwoman has any nefarious intent. It's more about having single sex spaces respected. Otherwise, why separate them at all? I'm originally from New Zealand and currently living in Australia. A gender neutral/ disabled option has been law since the 90's yet many trans-gender women refuse to use the gender neutral option. If transwomen want to be included by females socially, in our girly chats, lunches, etc... and we're showing respect by treating them respectfully (as we obviously should) then why can't they understand that because we are different, have very different lived experiences... good and bad with males... that this is a line that we feel very disrespected over. It feels a bit misogynistic.
As a hairdresser I talk with mainly women and girls day in, day out and this topic has come up very regularly, especially over the last 2- 3 years. Most of us wish anyone trans well, want them to feel comfortable in their own skin, will use your preferred name and pronouns and will be friendly and polite.Yet I haven't come across one female who wants someone born male no matter how they identify in the female changing rooms/ showers, especially with our daughters in tow. Admittedly I only know 2 transwomen, one (early 30's - transitioned at 17 and attracted to men) who has huge passing privilege as she's short, very petite and has put a lot of time, effort and money into presenting to the world as the gender that makes her feel authentic, with great success. The other, early 70's, transitioned early 50's, attracted to women. Was married with 3 teenage sons when she transitioned. She doesn't pass as when male was a 6ft 2" broad shouldered, big burly and plump man with incredibly masculine features so has never remotely passed as a woman. She also has always dressed in clothing that makes her stand out a tonne. Short skirts, tight revealing tops, fishnets, etc...
They also have opposite views on nearly everything related to transitioning, not for a minute that I thought that all trans-gender people had to think the same. The younger says she's a proud transwoman, uses female toilets but not changing rooms/showers. The older says she's just a woman, but I'm a cis woman and says she uses all private female spaces as she's entitled to do so. She admits proudly that she's cleared a female changing room of women and girls as she's got full male genitalia and got naked. All the females apparently left quickly without saying a word to her. I would do the same.
I don't understand her thinking as women and transwomen are vastly different and that's cool. Why can't we celebrate our differences instead of pretending we're exactly the same? We obviously will share some experiences as women yet I feel she's selfish and shows little respect for females. She appears to delight in some girls and womens discomfort.
Sadly, this kind of thinking has caused some of the massive backlash we've all seen against the community, especially over the past 5 years.
Also, I find it really interesting that all the women I've talked with are much less wary of transwomen who date men, yet are extremely wary of trans-gender lesbians. I feel for the transwomen who try but will never pass, yet some appear to make such minimal effort, some keep their beards, some never take hormones or have gender confirming surgeries... yet we're meant to guess that they're trans women and be okay with them in our private spaces. Also, no-one talks about the AGP's.
It sounds like you have good support and common sense which should serve you well.
Sorry for the essay and I apologise if anything I said was hurtful as that's not my intention.
I'm curious as to your opinion on private female spaces and if you understand why women and girls don't want to share these with people born male no matter how they identify? Watching from Australia. Take care.
Hi,
Thanks for your interesting and detailed comment. I really appreciate the time you have taken in adding your thoughts and perspectives on this topic. I have responded to your essay with one of my own; I hope you take the time to read it, and do let me know if anything doesn't make sense. I don't see life as black or white, but shades of grey, and it's really tricky to find that nuance in this forum so I apologise in advance in anything isn't clear.
I want to say at the top that I think you are a great friend to the trans folk in your life, and I'd love to learn where your salon is for my next trim 😊
I'm glad you can see that trans folk are not one 'hive mind', and that there are many differences between us and the way we see the way we participate in the world.
I'm aware of the question over spaces and personally, I am super aware that I don't (yet?) 'pass', and the last thing I would want is to create discomfort in anyone around me. Currently at my yoga class, for example, I'm happy to use the male locker room. Firstly, I'm nearly always the only person using it. And secondly even if most other women were to invite me into the women's one, it would only take one person to create a bad situation (to say the least) and I like and respect my classmates and instructor - and women in general - too much to want to create that. And to be honest, I don't feel that I have 'earned' or 'deserve' to use those spaces; I've no idea if that will ever be the case. I'm pretty satisfied and comfortable with this set-up.
But beyond my own point of view I can see the perspectives from both sides.
I recognise that we can cause discomfort in others, but to a certain extent there does need to be a discussion around whether that discomfort reflects the reality of the 'threat' that we pose, versus the fact is in the vast majority of cases, we merely want to use the facilities. There's a certain argument that this 'discomfort' (I call it the 'ick' in my video about transphobia) is a result of transphobia, and to a certain extent needs challenging. In the same way the 'discomfort' that openly (or even those perceived to be) gay people faced in changing rooms when I was at school was born out of homophobia, for example.
Now I want to make a couple of things clear here: For one thing I don't think that people using 'transphobic' behavour or language makes them a bad person, or that they should be 'cancelled' or reviled. Nor am I suggesting you or anyone in your circle are transphobic. As a word, it's become something of a weapon, which means it's very difficult to use it in a useful way. I'd rather use a different word with less emotional weight, but it's the only common word we have for now.
Also, I do understand where part of this discomfort comes from. We (trans folk) are different, and different can be suspicious: "what's our deal? what do we want?" This is a natural reaction that humans have developed as a survival mechanism.
The problem is, we have been 'awarded' a certain deviance which, even if you disagree with it, will have an effect at someone's subconscious level. The start point at the moment sems to be 'trans people are up to something' or 'trans folk are pushing an agenda' - this is something echoed by religious, political, cultural, and other leaders. Many, if not most (if not all) trans folk have to work through their own internal transphobia due to this discourse. In other words, this is something everyone needs to work through.
But anyway, do I think that an 'accord' can be reached? Do I think all trans women should have the same right to access women's spaces? Will *I* feel safe and comfortable in a few years time and having to use a public toilet (of any gender)?
As I said before - it has to be 'shades of grey' and context-dependant.
It's tough though, but I hope that the more that we have these conversations, the more we can understand each other better.
Thank you for your comment, I hope to see you around again, Andy 😊 ❤️ ✌️
@@Andy_trans_education Andy, of course I read your entire comment. Cheers for your in depth reply.
I'm not sure if I conveyed my point about transwomen in private female spaces correctly from your response.
I personally don't care about toilets as we have individual cubicles... And we're only in a public toilet for bodily functions.
It's female changing rooms/showers. It's not about thinking transwomen could do anything nefarious, it's not about the 'ick' (well for me anyway) It's just as being female from birth we're taught to regard our bodies and nudity highly. To get undressed in front of someone born male no matter how they identify would honestly make me immediately cover up and make a very quick and quiet exit. There is also the fact that in Australia 1/3 of females have been SA'd and that's underreported from what my clients confide in me about their awful experiences, this is a concern for some women. Can you imagine back to when you were a 15 year old boy in the changing rooms after sport at school if a female was there whilst you were changing? How would you feel? It's a time when we want privacy and I think a third option is the solution. There have unfortunately been some viral videos of some transwomen behaving extremely poorly in private female spaces. From what the women I speak with say and also how I feel we don't want to hurt peoples feelings, we all know that that person could be our own child so we have empathy. Yet it still feels like as females our rights, feelings and safety are being overridden by males who identify as women. It makes us feel like our concerns aren't as important as transwomens.
Your yoga example shows that you're considerate.
The 'passing privilege' thang is massive. Women aren't generally threatened by a transwoman like Mathilda Hogburg, yet we are by a transwoman who's 6ft 2" and a big solid build with very masculine features. I know logically that they are just as transgender as any other transgender woman, yet they are definitely perceived as intimidating and scary by many women and girls. We honestly don't see them as women. (Sorry)
We don't want to see male genitalia in these areas, especially with our young daughters. Melbourne where I live is a city of 5 million. 1/3 of Aussies are born overseas, 1/2 have a parent or grandparent born overseas so we have this incredible mix of people from around the world (great coffee and restaurants too) In this mix we also have many different faiths, some of which forbid mixing the sexes in private spaces. So as females we're 51% of the population and we're feeling violated. I'm a lefty, in saying that our left and right are very centrist compared to the US. Our current Labor PM (left) was asked shortly after being elected 'What is a woman?' He answered 'An adult human female' . The uproar that caused was insane. Our Labor government changed our Sex Act (introduced to protect women) was changed over 10 years ago to include gender. This was done by our first ever female PM, whose speech on misogyny to opposition leader Tony Abbott went viral. (It's here on RUclips and worth a watch) The fact our sex act was changed on the down low and our protections as females have been eroded has left Australian women feeling like we're at the bottom of the pile once again. We have horrendous rates of DV in Australia and our government has very recently committed millions in an initiative to educate, support both perpetrators and victims and put money into resources across our communities.
They've had ads telling women to be aware of their surroundings, stick together etc... rather than teaching men not to be violent and sexually assault us. And in a confusing but of hypocrisy now there's a new ad 'The Unsaid Says a Lot'. Check it out as I'd again be interested in your thoughts on it. The backlash was massive as women thought it was gaslighting them into ignoring their instincts. The different scenarios shown were patronising, they didn't of course show women in a changing room which is one of 2 issues I constantly hear about. The second was a big built transwomen being welcomed into a football team. No mention of the locker rooms being shared. We have a female soccer team 'The flying bats' and 5 of the 11 players are transwomen. They won every game by huge margins, won the grand final and prize money. They also allegedly caused 3 very serious injuries to opposition players. The opposition players have been told if they forfeit a game they'll be issued fines. If they talk about them on social media, they'll be banned and fined. Australia has banned transwomen from most professional sports for safety and fairness, yet community, school, university sports etc are free for all, including the locker rooms . The hypocrisy is outrageous.
These two issues appear to be making so many women who otherwise support the trans community turn away with many becoming quite anti.
I feel like there's room for all of us and the support and acceptance would increase hugely if these two issues could be understood by transwomen.
We don't hate you, we just need a couple of female only areas.
I mean look at our language changes...
Lesbians are now 'non men who are attracted to non men' , whereas gay men are still just gay men.
Birth givers, chest feeders, non men... It appears to be women and girls who are the losers.
It doesn't have to be this way as it's causing more and more divisiveness.
I hope there's a compromise that leaves us all feeling respected rather than trampled over. It has to be resolved or it'll just breed more hate and contempt.
Anyway, check out the ad, if you google it and hit video you'll see it. The intention is good but so badly executed, probably cost a fortune and landed like a lead balloon.
Also, you didn't talk about the AGP's?
We can't tell the good from the bad.
Take care Andy and cheers for answering my essays.
Seriously, much appreciated.
@@Andy_trans_education Also, regarding your hair... If you get a good hairdresser and get them to do some long layers around your face, framing your cheekbones and jawline it can really soften and feminise your look. Also, a smattering of fine foils in a soft light wheaty blond and alternating with a light caramel brown would look great with your complexion. To find a great hairdresser look around at women and when you see someone with beautifully coloured and cut hair, ask them what salon they go to, most importantly ask the name of the stylist as within one salon you'll get a big variety of skills.
It doesn't have to be what you want, but you can tell if it's high quality. I hope this helps and if you visit Melbourne I'm 100% in to do your hair! Take care Andy.
Thank you that’s great advice!
I’m not sure of I’ll be able to get to Australia, but I hope to one day 😀
All the best ❤️
Sorry, I only just noticed this comment as I was having to deal with a bit of inundation of madness.
Once again thanks for the long and reasonable reply; I don't think we're far apart on most - if any - opinions, and thank you for giving me more detail on life in Australia.
Goodness... I apologise in advance if this is another long one (spoiler alert - it really is). I hope you have plenty of coffee while you're reading it 😆 feel free to break it up into sessions... maybe I'll add chapter titles?
Chapter 1: defining 'woman'
To your point about your PM's definition of 'woman'; you don't mention what the 'uproar' entailed, but to point out, if you don't already know, that particular definition was thought up, and is widely used by very well-known anti-trans campaigners.
I don't really care how 'woman' is defined - personally, I would ask why are we doing any defining in any case as it's often a bit of a bad faith line of questioning.
But anyway, whatever definition you use tends to tell you something about how someone sees the world - it's a bit of a Rorschach test (I studied psychology at university years ago). I would say your PM's response tells me (s)he's trying to win over a particular crowd with what, at face value, seems a reasonable reply. I mean, you could certainly argue that even I would fit into that definition. Although I'm not supposed to.
Chapter 2: Women's safety in a man's world
Yes, I absolutely take your point about this, and I'm kicking myself for not mentioning it - or thinking about it - sooner.
You only need to look at RUclips for a few minutes to find examples of toxic male nonsense promoting the idea that men are entitled to women's bodies (see anything by Andrew 'goddammit why do I still share a legal name with this d*ckead?' Tate, or his little buddies as evidence of this). And these are aimed squarely at young impressionable males, taking advantage of their lonliness and frustration and aiming it at women and girls.
It really makes me angry and if it were only a modern phenonmenon, at least we might think it was temporary, but they sit in a well-established line of 'male role models' pushing a particular brand of what it means to be a 'man'.
It's no wonder that 'even today in 2024' we see statistics (which men always try to either sweep under the rug or deny depite the same data coming out time and again) that a huuuuge percentage of women are assualted. Would we hear the last of it if men had the same issues? 'press X for doubt' as the kids say (I think, anyway...).
As you say though, the 'best advice' has always been to try to police the behaviour of the victims (maybe men should always travel in pairs, or watch how much they drink?). I experienced the same advice while being bullied - oh, and how to 'deal' with transphobes by the way - how to make oneself less of a target, as if the issue is with me 'standing out', rather than the culprit. Yes, I know this is small potatoes, but I can empathise with how frustrating it must feel that each time you go out of your house you have that in the back of your head. And then, of course, god forbid anything happen and you are wearing the 'wrong type of clothing', or talk to a man. Or just exist, I suppose.
And then the 'men's right's people claim they are being victimised.
Chapter 3: trans folk in sports
This is a difficult one as I don't have enough knowledge or information to be able to give an answer that will be much good, I'm afraid. It feels like there is a sensible solution that can be found, and it can be found by people who are smarter and have access to more data and information than I do.
What I will say is this:
I know that sports are incredibly important in Australia - as they are in most other countries in the world. Life in school and elsewhere can be dominated by sports and sporting events.
As I said, I don't know what the solution is, but removing trans people from sports altogether means denying them access to the benefits that sports provides - mental and physical health, team building, integration and acceptance in social environments.
Where these bans take place (or not!) often feels based on political decisions rather then advice and guidance from experts. I mean, there's a ban on trans women competing in women's chess tournaments (why there are gendered chess tournaments anyway is a whole other question, but still).
I don't disagree with what you're saying about your football teams, but actually I think that the comments section in my videos suggest an outright ban on social media discussion by the players and teams is rather sensible lest people end up shouting obscenities at each other given the emotions surrounding this. It can get reaaally old and frustrating moderating the few comments I get!
Anyway, to sum up. "It's difficult, and I don't have a good answer."
Conclusion
Right, well I think I'm typed out here! I hope I held your attention. I found it thoroughly useful to work through these ideas and I'm grateful for you for raising them. I find that this helps sculpt my videos so in the future I can be more aware and more inclusive over the content.
All the best,
Andy ❤️
What was the point of coming out to your ex?
You’re not selfish in personally coming out, but you are selfish to impose your personal life on your ex. After all, she’s your ex.
Hi,
I'm replying as it might add some context to the story. I don't really want to go into it too much as there are some details of my life I'd rather keep separate from this channel.
Suffice to say I had to tell her rather than wanted to. I would much much rather have preferred to not have to.
I do take your point that it seems selfish to have done so; and I must admit if I'm being completely honest, most of the reasoning she has for not liking me much is deserved on my part. I made a lot of mistakes. I'm no angel and just as human as the next person.
Anyway, thanks for the question 😊
Have a great week, Andy ❤️ ✌️
You're just trying to be happy. People saying "selfish" are being selfish by making it about them. I love irony, but they live their lives and we live ours.
Thanks 😊
Have a great rest of Sunday and a good week! ❤️
@@Andy_trans_education You too ❤️
I think she is allowed her opinion just as youre allowed to do what feels right for you. As a fully grown adult with no attachments youre not hurting anyone. What i never understand is people who want the freedom of expression are so offended by people not accepting it. Living your life quietly and as you want to is less irritating than coming online and discussing it and involving the world in something you could have shrugged off. I dont know if im making sense or not. Id say the same for anyone bringing problems online though. Todays culture makes people prone to finding groups of people online that will allow confirmation bias instead of just living and let live.
If this is your truth live it. But respect the safety of single sex spaces. Your rights shouldn'th threaten someone else quality of life. Its up to the trans community to find their space with love and respect. But that respect has to include others rights to feeling safe. There are incidents of trans men not wanting to be housed with men due to safety issues. A trans solution is needed. But be in the world in your truth❤
I will always choose to share my space with trans women as one of the most vulnerable minorities instead of forcing any of them to share spaces with men. To me, it doesn’t matter if we aren’t the same sex because we’re the same gender. Unlike what a lot of people think will happen if trans women are in woman spaces, the real danger is what happens to trans women in men’s private spaces. I don’t want that.
Congratulations on coming out! You will change the world with your point of view! I read some of the comments below, and your responses are very well thought out and articulated in a way that doesn't feel like an attack on their opposing views.
Personally, I don't think it's too much to ask someone to respect your pro-nouns or even a new name. If you weren't trans, and you were just changing your name, nobody would really care, and they would use your new name without hesitation. They might call you by your old name out of habit, which would be expected, but it wouldn't be seen as, or felt as an attack. Which is something to consider on both sides. That being said, when you're trans and you are transitioning socially, especially in today's climate, there is psychological component to consider. It can be difficult to understand who is mis-gendering you because they genuinely are struggling to gender you correctly and who is doing it to gaslight you, or invalidate you. Transitioning is difficult for people to understand because if people feel comfortable in their bodies and with their gender identity, it can be difficult to empathize with somebody who doesn't have that same congruence. This is also difficult for trans people to accept and I think it is the reason for a lot of internalized transphobia amongst trans people.
I just finished watching a video a gay guy posted about LGB trying to separate from the TQIA+, and he had a detrans woman who was threatened by her parents that she would be sent away if she transitioned, so when she went to school she transitioned and then when she finished she detransitioned, now she goes around saying horrible things to trans people. I think that resentment over not being accepted by her family has caused her to resent trans people who are able to show up authentically in the world. I wonder if that's the case for a lot of detransitioners who try to prevent trans affirming care for other trans people. That's just speculative though, I'm sure there are some who genuinely regret transitioning for legitimate reasons, not enough instrospection or botched surgery, etc...
Anyways, this turned into a bit of a rant.
Thank you for your content, and congratulations again!
Hi,
Thank you so much for taking the time to watch and comment on my video. I always appreciate it when people write (almost) as much as I do as the more we say and the more we listen, the more we learn.
Yeah, it's a pretty unusual experience being trans, and I'm actually happy that most people don't experience their bodies or selves as I and other trans folk do - it's not an especially pleasant experience. It would make our lives a bit easier if we didn't have to 'explain' ourselves each time someone explains how we're just 'delusional', but I guess if everyone ran around being dysphoric, it probably make the world an even more chaotic place! 😆
Sadly transphobia can affect anyone and everyone - including (and especially) trans people. I know that detransitioners must have had a tough life and had to make difficult choices, but it's a shame that their experienced is currently being weaponised. I would say that a lot of people are scared their own rights might be taken away, which leads them to piling on other minorities (e.g. gay people wanting to 'remove the T'). I get that these days it seems nothing is off the table - look at how Wade vs Rowe in the US, and abortion rights in Poland, or the removal of certain healthcare options for trans kids in the UK (whether you agree with this medication access or not; it does suggest that nothing is set in stone and can be taken away at a moment's notice). But even so, we gain nothing through dividing ourselves; strength comes through unity.
Thanks again, and I hope to see you again soon, Andy 😊 ❤️ ✌️
@@Andy_trans_education I try to look at life as; there are 8 billion+ of us on a rock in a vacuum in space and none of truly knows what we're doing. The idea that some people have the power to influence whether some of us receive healthcare, work or housing is ludicrous. None of us asked to be here and we should have access to the resources we need and to be treated with dignity and respect. I feel every minority group has to prove something to the world in order to have their existence viewed as being valid and worthy of being here. Happened to black people, Jewish people. gay people and now trans people.
People put more faith in a God they hear about by other people, than they do in the people they share this planet with. I'm not sure how to make sense of that. I guess some people like to be controlled by religion because they can't think for themselves.
I love listening to you speak!
Thanks 🙏😀❤️
Absolutely, those who call it selfish are also selfish for expecting us to live according to their norms. 💯 😊
Hi Colaberry! It's always great to see you here 😊
It's a tough one for so many people.
I know many trans folk find it so difficult to be torn between the idea that we are causing such grief and stress for our loved ones it's hard to get away from the idea that this is just a 'selfish decision'.
But in my case, I've tried so hard to be the boy and man my familiy and society wanted me to be. I did all the things that was asked of me, and it just wasn't for me. I couldn't do it any more.
I've done it their way, now I need to do mine. Maybe some people would see that as selfish, but the way I see it is that I am in credit to the world.
I don't know what country you live in, and I could make some assumptions based off the accent.
But in America, we're supposed to be the melting pot. Contributing to the heterogeneity of society is supposed to be a boon. That's the whole experiment of the place.
If we lived in Japan I could understand the argument for homogeneity, because that's their cultural norm. But the cultural norm in the United States is supposed to be to accept and integrate as much variety as possible.
So I'm not sure. This "do I contribute to society" idea has a couple huge questions attached to it: Which society am I in? And is it okay to challenge society in order to improve it? I have my answers, and I am comfortable asserting those in the context of the US. But I can understand if that answer doesn't apply to other countries.
If your happy it's all good, It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, It's none of anyones business as long as your not harming anyone.
I see you as a fellow human and I'll call you what you want me to out of respect but I just can't see you in my mind ever as a female. I'm not trying to be disrespectful just honest.
The trouble is when so many demand to enter womens changing rooms and bathrooms. Force ideologies onto children and compete in womens sports.
In my opinion thats when problems arises and the rights and safety of women and children are in jeopardy. Which I think most people are concerned about.
Maybe the ones who do this gives the others a bad name which is unfortunate.
Hi,
Thanks for taking the time to watch my video and comment 😊
To be fair, I am very early in my transition so I don't judge how people perceive me; that's outside my control to a certain extent. It's very much a work in progress, so we'll see where things are in several year's time.
Touching on the idea of 'safety', I wonder what is the 'jeopardy' you refer to? There are very few instances of trans folk being the perpetrators of violence or other illegal acts. That's not saying there are none - you will, of course, find people being awful universally. The real issue is when people use one 'bad apple' to use that as a way to show how 'all trans people' are bad. I would expect that most people wouldn't make the same generalisation with other groups of people.
Please note it is not 'trans people' doing this to give us a bad name; it is cis people using the actions of awful trans people to give all trans folk a bad name. That's not on us, and it's certainly not on me.
@@Andy_trans_education I totally get that, Painting everyone with the same brush is immoral and unfair.
I know there are good and bad in every demographic.
There has been a few examples of bad instances happening in womens bathrooms and changing rooms but that few is too many, As much as I support you, I would still prioritise the safety of all women and children over the feelings of a very small minority.
Even though we know most are good I don't feel many people are comfortable playing Russian ruelette with the safety of their daughters alone in a changing room for example with someone who was born a male. Yes the odds are it will be fine but it's just not a risk I'm ever willing to take.
I don't expect you to agree but just telling you my concerns, But nothing personal against you, Your probably one of the majority of decent ones.
Maybe single stall separate bathrooms and changing areas for everyone everywhere would help solve it.
I know people with mobility issues, and can't get out much due to a lack of mobility friendly places to visit around here. Steps everywhere, Which I feel is also unfair, I guess life is unfair though with no easy solutions.
I think everyone should live the life they want. That being said, there are repercussions from your decision. When Bruce/Kaitlyn Jenner transitioned, the part I didn’t like is that it seemed the life he lived before was a lie. He pretended to be a husband and a father when that's not who he felt he really was. So how are the family members supposed to feel when it seems those relationships were built on a lie?
In a perfect world, you wouldn't involve other people/relationships without them knowing your truth and agreeing to be part of it.
Hi,
Thanks for your comment.
I’m not sure if I can agree that when someone comes out, that means everything about them is a lie.
From my experience, my past life is still me: I was always a trans woman. When I started my current job, I was a trans woman; when I met my friends and girlfriend, I was a trans woman, and so on.
They didn’t know I was; but I was.
So that history I share with my friends and family, it still exists - it’s still valid and true. The only difference is now I can be fully honest with everyone.
You can absolutely be a great partner and parent - even a ‘father’ - as a trans woman. That would be true before and after coming out. Some people can’t stay with their partners after they do come out, and that is perfectly reasonable response.
I can understand of people felt let down, or unhappy that I wasn’t able to share this sooner. But I hope that by sharing my story, they come to understand my point of view.
Have a great week, Andy ✌️😀❤️
I'm sure it is difficult to make videos like this - kudos to you for engaging in these difficult questions, and asking yourself whether you have gotten it right.
I have a bit of feedback for you. First, best of luck to you in your life - I'm sure living as a trans person is full of difficulty.
My first point - related to selfishness, virtually everything we do is selfish in nature, so it is the wrong question. The question is whether it is *excessively* selfish to insist on being treated in particular ways.
You offer up an alternative as living a closeted life. That's not really the choice though. You can be out and yourself (not closeted) and yet permit people to treat you in whatever way seems appropriate to them. If somebody uses male pronouns, you might not care for it yet that would be a compromise between demanding other people change their behavior vs. being closeted.
My only point here is that there are various alternative arrangements in between "do what I like" vs. "closeted".
My next point would be - pronouns are usually sexed. You of course are changing your gender presentation not your sex. We take things like penises and say that it is reasonable to have a penis and think of oneself as a gendered woman. Why not take sexed male pronoun and use it for a gendered woman? Since it only reflects sex and not gender, it seems you could still live a female gendered life with male sex pronouns and still find it harmonious. I'd be curious to understand why you disagree, if you do.
Thanks again for making this video.
Hi,
Thanks for your interesting and thoughtful response. It's a challenge and I enjoy the making of the videos, but especially the discussion that comes afterwards because I do often find areas where I need to re-think my points of view.
I take your point and absolutely there are more than a 'binary' of choices. I hope that my take wasn't "I do what I like" though: as I said, I'm aware and happy to live in a society, which means meeting (some, at least, of) societal norms of social mores.
However, I cannot agree that one possible alternative is to 'permit people to treat me however they deem appropriate". That would certainly leave me open to abuse and mistreatment. I don't think anyone should permit or allow others such freedoms.
To be clear, if someone calls me 'sir' or whatever, I'll probably take it in my stride. But if someone starts calling me slurs, am I to just take it?
Also I have to disagree with your point about pronouns being sexed, and I have a little story to make my point. Many years ago, I worked in telesales, cold-calling customers for some reason that doesn't matter. Anyway, I was speaking with someone with a very low, gravelly voice. So judging on this, I called them 'sir'. When they gave their details as 'Mrs Smith', I realised my mistake, apologised and immediately changed. There was no way for me to know the genetalia of this woman, and made assumptions based on the way she presented herself. So it goes in real life.
Ultimately, there is no realistic way of knowing for sure what someone's gentalia is, so tying pronouns to this seems very impractical.
I hope that this makes sense. I don't get any indication of malice in your comment and I hope you take my points. Please let me know if you have any questions.
Life is often about 'guesswork' - less getting it right all the time, but doing our best to get it right when we can. I'll certainly get it wrong a lot of the time, and I hope you and others can continue to keep me honest!
Have a great week, Andy ❤️ ✌️ 😊
Also, I commend you for putting your life out here and asking for comments.
Aside from the ignorant flat out stupid comments, people will more likely comment what they're really thinking as close family, friends and colleagues will hopefully be genuinely positive when talking with you face to face, yet in private they may have some questions, opinions and concerns that they don't want to share with you as they're scared of being labelled 'phobic' and also, they don't want to hurt you.
Well done. I also enjoy reading comments from others as i don't want to live in an echo chamber. Take care.
Thank you 😊
I understand that people will certainly have questions. That was actually my first reason for making this - I could send my friends and family links to these videos and maybe it would give them a way to hear me and better understand my experience. They could watch (or re-watch) at their preferred time (or not), in a safe way.
I didn't actually think I'd get quite so many views or subscribers or comments, but I'm very happy with how it has expanded from it's initial premise to something a bit wider. I do enjoy the conversations I have with non-trans folk, and although it can get a bit tiring at times with certain types of comments, interactions like these with you make it worthwhile.
Have a great Sunday, Andy ❤️
@@Andy_trans_education Andy, Sorry I didn't address you by name earlier as I wasn't sure what you were calling yourself, or the spelling.
You'll have to get quick at copy and paste replies as you pointed out you'll be answering some of the same tone questions repeatedly.
I think your calm and collected demeanor will attract many more subscribers as you appear open and honest. It's Sunday night here, cold and wet. Enjoy your lovely Sunday - hopefully not at work and doing something enjoyable and social. It always makes me feel better on Monday for work when I've been social or productive on my Sundays. That's if I'm not doing wedding hair. Take care.
That's perfectily fine thanks ☺️
Yeah I do have a copy/paste reply, but I find I might get further with a more 'personalised' approach - at least for now!
I hope you have a great week! ❤️
Hi! I just came across your videos and have been watching them.
First of all, I don't see you as being selfish. Second, I believe that anyone can do what they want in their lives as long as they are not harming others. I therefore have absolutely no reason to judge you or dislike you or not accept you, as is the same with other transgender person/people. I wish you well on your journey.
I really don't know if this is the place to ask such a thing and if this is something that you are willing to discuss. But hey, I'll try, as your channel is called "Transgender Education"!
I admittedly have not met many transgender people in my lifetime. I can in fact only count 6 transgender people that I have known in terms of friends of friends or that I have randomly met and chatted to.
I do absolutely not mean this in any way to be harmful, hateful, etc. I am just genuinely interested to put out there as to what I have noticed and see what your opinion is on the subject.
I have had several conversations with 4 transgender people where it got deeper than surface level chit chat and all those 4 were very upfront to me about their transitions, their journeys, their struggles and their successes. However, one thing came up every time that I found "interesting", and that was childhood trauma. Whilst, unfortunately, even the statistics for the "general population" in terms of those that experienced trauma as children isn't so low... It seems to me that the numbers are much higher in the transgender community.
When I am referring to childhood trauma, and I am referring to S assault experienced pre-teen, early teen, where in all but one case, they experienced this prior to any thoughts or feelings that the person felt as though s/he was born in the wrong body and so gradually begin to transition over the years.
I know that Google isn't Dr Google, but I was thinking about this and so I looked up about studies carried out by various researchers, hospitals, psychology boards, etc. The statistics, whilst are less than what I have personally heard about from transgender people myself, are still quite shocking. The number of transgender people that have experienced S assault in their childhood for example is a LOT higher than the average "general population".
In my personal conversations, for example, there was a biological male that was transitioning to female and that was only interested in biological females in terms of dating and intimacy.
She told me how she was S assaulted as a young kid over and over by 3 different men in her family and I couldn't help but feel her hatred against men. (Can't blame her at all for feeling that way). But then, I, to be honest, was thinking in my own mind, that I do wonder if there is some connection to the terrible trauma she had experienced in her young life, to only after several more years, start to feel that she was in the wrong body and then began transitioning to female. It makes me wonder if this biological male was so awfully treated as a child, as a male, that something was triggered from trauma in his mind to which he then decided he wanted to disconnect from being both male in gender and be with only biological women in intimate relationships.
I'd honestly love to hear what your opinion is, what you have to say on the statistics of the higher levels of childhood trauma on those that end up transitioning (surgically/hormones or no surgery/hormones, just living their lives in the other gender) only a number of years after or at least start to feel that they are not in the right body.
I hope that I have managed to put this across respectfully!
Hope to hear from you! Be well.
Hi,
Thank you for taking the time to watch and comment on my videos.
I have to say it's absolutley wild the number of people choosing to spend some of their Sundays with me, so thank you and I really appreciate it.
That's a really interesting question, and I'm sorry (or maybe grateful) to say it's not something that I am knowledgable enough to be able to comment on. I'd need to go away and do a lot of research. It's not inconceivable that there's a correlation between SA and that trauma impacting on one's sense of self. No doubt there are many ways that this can be realised, but as I said I'm far from an expert.
To be honest, I'd be careful making such a correlation as even if there was a percentage for whom this is true, it might not a universal thing, and it can lead to assumptions about our past. Not that I'm suggesting you are by the way, I just want to be clear here.
For my own experience, I am relieved to say, I did not suffer such abuse; just your standard level of bullying. I don't attribute who I am to that though; my sense of discomfort with myself certainly predates that.
There is a question about what 'causes' someone to be transgender, but I'm a little wary of any 'single cause' solution. People are much more complex - which is to their credit!
Thank you once again for your comment. I hope this answers your question (although i fear it does not!). If I get the time I might look into this a bit further.
feel free to drop by again! Have a great week, Andy ❤️ ✌️ 😊
Girl, we have the exact same hairstyle. 😲
Thanks 🙏❤️😀
Wait… I assume you’re happy with your style? 😀✌️❤️
@@Andy_trans_education Yes! Haha. Don't worry. It's pretty. ❤️
Thank you so much for making a video like this.
I'm a cis woman, but I was feeling so frustrated at all of the selfish and cruel videos being made against transition.
I am very very sorry for this… God did not make a mistake when he created you… he has a magnificent plan for you… unfortunately you have walked with the devil and are about to ruin your life. This is not hate speech it’s a concerned message. I wish you luck Sir and beg you to read the Bible. Good Luck
Hi,
Thanks for your message.
As it happens I was raised Christian in the UK and went to church regularly. I have read the Bible and am very familiar with the lessons therein. While I might not be especially religious today, I do appreciate the value of religion in people's lives.
Can I ask how you can be confident that my transitioning isn't part of God's plan? Is it inconceivable that our existance is a way for religious folk to rally round to truly demonstrate how to "love thy neighbour"?
I was born as a transgender person and came to understand that over my life. In fact, the first time I learned the word 'transgender', was through hearing about a story of a vicar / pastor in the UK who transitioned in her 40's. This was the first time I realised that I was not alone, that there are people just like me in the world, and that my life could actually have some hope. You could argue that it was God who put that story in front of me to provide succour at a time when I needed it the most.
I'm sorry that you find our existance so apparently problematic. The fact is, we do exist. I'm sure if we were to sit and have a drink or meal, we will learn a lot about each other and that maybe although there are differences between us, that needn't mean we should be 'enemies' or can't be on friendly terms.
Have a great Sunday, Andy ❤️ 😊 ✌️
Let me just start with saying that I don't believe you to be a selfish person on the contrary you seem to me to be a person who is conscientious and caring of others and your decision to transition wasn't made lightly, however your video did make me think on the subject of selfishness, transness and the following questions it raised for me.
- Is it selfish to live in a way that makes you happy and is good for your mental health?
No
- Is it selfish to ask those around you to refer to you and call you what you want?
No
- Is it selfish to actually expect them (no matter what) to do it?
Yes
- Is it selfish to ignore or deny the impact the decision to trans has on your friends and loved ones?
Yes
- Should it stop you from transitioning if that's what you truly want?
No, but you should try to help them understand why you have made this decision and be respectful of their feelings because to be trans is no small thing and is not always easy to understand or accept especially when someone has known you to be one way for a long time and now, you're becoming something else
- Is it selfish to ignore or deny other people's rights to their own feelings and beliefs on the subject of trans?
Yes, because everyone has a right to their own feelings and beliefs even if they're not in alignment with yours and aren't necessarily automatically transphobic just because they are different or hurtful.
- Do you have to like or agree with how they feel or what they believe?
No.
- Do you have to accept that people have feelings and beliefs that aren't in alignment with yours?
Yes, because to demand a right for yourself while denying that same right to others is just plain wrong.
Sorry, that was rather long winded but as you can see I have quite a few thoughts on the topic, and I dare say that there are a lot more questions to be asked and answered and if we all could just talk to one another and try to understand each other's perspective on the topic of trans we all of us would be better off.
Hi,
Thank you for your comment: I love to see other folk's thoughts and ideas - especially when they are as detailed and thought-out as yours; I really appreciate you taking the time to write this out here 😊
Honestly, I think you've summed up much of the tension between what I need, and my fears of how this might and has impacted on those who Iove. This, as I said, is the crux of what might cause many trans folk to remain closeted because they know the pain and confusion it might create for others. It's a massive leap of faith that not only you will retain the love of your family, but that love will also help to carry you all through the process (and beyond).
Somebody else in this comments section mentioned detransitioners, and I wonder how many go on to detransition because they can't stand the impact it's having on others.
It's really tough and I do hope that my family feel supported enough.
There are a couple of things I want to pick up on that you said I don't entirely agree with though (at least in my perspective).
Firstly, and I know what you're saying, but I wouldn't say I'm becoming 'some*thing* else' (I'm going to look past the somewhat depersonalised language - why not '*someone* else'?). I'm hoping to help my friends and familly understand that I am still the same person at heart. My appearance is changing and there are other things you will learn about me. But that person they knew 'before'? - they still exist. I know that this is as much part of that transitional journey for them to learn though, so I'm not judging those who do feel this way.
It's one of the reasons I'm reluctant to change my name - as a kind of symbol of this continuity.
However, I do disagree a lot more about your last point about 'accepting that others have feelings that aren't in alignment'. This is maybe not the best forum because I want to illustrate the nuance in my view so please if this doesn't make sense let me know!
Now, I don't know if here you're referring to my family or the wider world, but I'm going to assume the latter, but actually I think my points will stand for anyone really.
I don't know if you've seen or read the comments below my videos, but I get a range of perspectives on my 'status' - and I do appreciate when anyone takes the time to comment in good faith and initiate discussion. However, I will and do push back against views which I disagree with and I try to do so with understanding and compassion. I see one of the 'missions' of this channel is to help folk understand me better and by extension maybe trans folk in general.
I do this because I can't accept that there are people who's views are 'misaligned' with mine. And this 'misalignment' has real-world implications to trans folk - we lose our jobs, our homes, even our lives because of this. Even those with minor 'concerns' might allow these to bear out in ways in the world which impacts on the life of a trans person in some way.
This is not a 'live and let live' situation.
It's not a question of them 'not having the right' to have these beliefs, but to remind everyone of the consequences of what that means and that those beliefs are likely coloured by a false understanding of who we are - of who I am. It's not just bathrooms or sports or whatever (although that's certainly part of it); it's allowing us to be seen as human people. To be talked *to* rather than *about*. That the first thing that people see when they see a transgender person, is not the 'transgender', but the 'person'. And I don't think that's the case for many.
I know it's tough and that there's a lot to learn and a looooong way to go. I don't expect that I will give anyone their 'lightbulb moment' or turn 'haters' to allies. Maybe I can give some people a moment to think about 'stuff' - and really that's enough for me.
I like that you raised this - and thank you for doing so - it feels like the basis of a useful video; or at least something I'd like to explore in a bit more depth. I don't want to be seen as an 'angry activist' or some such, but it's all about keeping an open dialogue.
Anyway, this is super long!
Have a wonderful Suday, Andy 😊 ❤️ ✌️
Obviously I am only going off of this one interaction but your ex sounds pretty cruel for throwing insults and blame your way - not nice to say those things to anyone, but especially to someone who is opening up, vulnerable and to somebody who you love/care about.
I hope you understand that this isn’t a YOU problem, but a problem with how your ex views the situation. Not sure why acceptance is such an issue for some.. 😔
Well done on coming out and having the courage to bravely be yourself! 💝
Thanks 🙏
I to be honest and say I deserve her dislike of me, and much of her reaction was born out of that dislike.
That being said, there’s no place for using transphobic language.
Acceptance is an issue because we’re different, and that creates suspicion. The more ‘out there’ we are, the less support for those ‘concerns’ we will see.
Hopefully, at least!
Have a great week, Andy ✌️😀❤️