Something I'm struggling with is how to talk about myself to others. If I'm in any way self-deprecating, I'm "fishing for compliments." If I speak about myself with anything that could be construed as pride or contentment, I'm "bragging" and therefore still searching for compliments. I have PDA and this causes me to hate compliments outside specific contexts so both of these assumptions are just WRONG. I don't want your random compliments! However, if I don't speak on myself at all, people make absolutely outlandish and *wild* assumptions about me which usually amount to me being rude or judgmental or something- for saying nothing at all, just for sitting there. But if you sit there quietly with a contented smile, that is also weird and rude. Can't win. *Cannot fcking win* lol
The eye contact one gets me, there are cultures where it is considered rude to make eye contact with an elder or authority figure. I know that in Australia the legal system had to have training on that as it is considered rude to make eye contact in Aboriginal culture and when Aboriginal people were going through the legal system they were considered to be lying and unremorseful just because they weren't making eye contact
I'm a blunt person who hates the idea of "sugar-coating" what I say. I refuse to tell people what they want to hear. Instead I'm going to tell them the truth. Unfortunately, I also have bad rsd, so I can give it, but I can't take it. :(
Whenever i have a bad experience content like this reminds me that im not alone and other people experience this also. It can feel really isolating when you stick out but dont mean to or behave in a way thats 'wrong' but dont realise it. Watching this is a relief to know im not the only one so thank you Orion
I love your rants so much 😂 I am recently diagnosed and your video about autism and shame moved me to tears. It was from that point onwards that I became involved in the community and sought diagnosis. Thank you so much for what you do. Your content was my gateway to understanding myself in a way I never had before, and now I’m just sticking around for your highly relatable and entertaining rants 😂 Something about watching you be visibly frustrated by the exact same things I have been is extremely cathartic for me and definitely has helped me feel validated. You and Taylor (Mom on the Spectrum) are my role models and someday I hope to help others the way you both do.
I could totally relate to your reactions to “how was your day?” I feel exactly the way you feel. I am not autistic (I’m an aide to a level 3 autistic man and I’m trying to learn about autism) Nobody wants to hear how a person’s day really went. Maybe everyone is fed up with this empty question but are just not saying. Thank you for speaking my mind, Orion!
Orion - this was hilarious. I relate to the ‘how was your day?’ So much. Not that I don’t care - but truly, do you have time to hear this answer 😂😂😂😂😂 and ‘I messed the script up can we please start again’ 😂😂😂😂😂 I did it today making ‘small talk’ in the waiting area outside a kids gym. Oooo boy, and then I was beating myself up about being such a loser and I watch this and I can laugh about it. Because hey - maybe it’s not all on me. Thanks Orion ❤
I believe for allistic people, small talk is for building relationships and receiving the expected response makes them feel good about the other person. For me having to provide the correct response just causes anxiety. I prefer to build relationships by info dumping on my special interests and the other person to do the same or to achieve a goal together. I actually find it rude when allistic people don’t engage on shared tasks or are indirect with their communication.
Thank you for bringing up the tone of voice in this video. I had to explain to many people the other day that I am naturally loud. I also ended up with a jury summons, but my request for exemption was approved because of two things. One was the way they received my medical documents (proof I am autistic which I believe in most places automatically disqualifies you), second was I am in school right now, and third because I checked on the paper "No, I do not have a sound mind". I can go into details about the very confusing paperwork another time, but because of how my voice carries, one would think I don't have a sound mind. Thanks again, Orion! You never disappoint!
I did jury duty. I am on disability and don't work so I did it. I am glad I did because I felt useful for a change. It was two days a week for 3 months. It was hard but I think that I did a good job.
@@Catlily5 nice! I am so happy for you that you got to do that! Now, even if I wasn't going through school, I probably would have tried getting out of it anyway because I do have a history of police brutality and other personal issues that caused C-PTSD that ties into anything criminal justice-related. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it.
12:13 Yeah, I get that a lot. "How was the traffic?" "It was traffic, how do you think it was? Lots of cars end to end not moving fast, just like traffic is."
Opening up your figurative heart requires plenty of work in connection to communication by using words that are understandable. Answering questions directly without running out of words which is considered rude .
This is so uncannily familiar. The more of your videos I watch, the more convinced I am that I also have Autism. A lot of the traits you descibe are me in a nutshell. Watching the section on 'processing' other people comments... I liken myself to being on satellite relay when having conversations with people, well because someone actually used that term for me. On the phone I often get asked if I'm still there (I hate the phone and avoid it at most costs). That and small talk, nonverbal communication, lack of social norms, rigidity of thought, omg tone of voice, communicating through texts and emails - I often tell people please don't call me, etc...
Talking from an positive and caring place when asking questions for strong bonds among family members. Hurtful name calling such as stupid is not acceptable. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ Philadelphia Pennsylvania Land of the Liberty Bell.
Half the time, a friend asks me that on the phone, knowing I hate that question. I always answer, "I am alive," or if in a bad mood, "I am here," Then they don't know what to say. Only if I am in a really good mood will I play the small talk 2 question game before I want to know why they called. They know I hate it but they trying to teach me how to be normal and enjoy small talk. I over 40 I never liked it or understood it and if I did know the rules I forgot them years ago. That why I been called the smiling ninja at work I appear I do my job quickly in the same room as them and get out before they can turn around talk to me. If I am caught I mostly smile and nod as my autoprocessing may process what they said when I'm halfway up the hallway.
I have RBF and I tend to talk very loudly, but my parents were both hearing damaged and I've worked factory most of my life so I had to be loud 😅 I am a freshly DX adult with Autism and ADHD so these videos and podcasts have been a huge help!
I have this issue right now. My local leisure centre are discriminating against me now and I'm watching this because of it. How do I communicate with a narcissist as this guy doesn't understand. Thank you for trying
Orion, this is, for me, the best and most helpful podcast I have heard from you to date. Thank you very much. I am a senior citizen who was diagnosed very late in life....high functioning professional female who learned "masking" well....lol I have been wanting a video that I felt was the most helpful, to share with a close loved one. This is the one! I have a question that perhaps you can think about, and maybe produce a video on, if you feel that is will have a big enough audience to warrant that. I have worked with problem horses and trained mustangs (brumby's) for many years. Also rehabbed and trained problem dogs from rescues. I have great success in understanding animals, especially their non-verbal communication style and language, which is mostly "body language"....so my question is: Why can I understand the animals body language so well, but not be able to read the body language of humans? Thank you.
My grandchildren live with us along with our daughter in law. I believe two are on the spectrum and want to get a diagnosis if only to gain understanding. How do we change? I see them getting into trouble for certain reactions…
I understand to some degree why people think certain ways that I put things seem rude to them, through their cultural lens. That said it greatly bothers me when people treat Autism as a personality trait, often by "self-diagnosed" people who decide since they are rude they are autistic and therefore also have a right to be disrespectful and rude without being called out or held culpable for their behavior. It's somewhat telling to me as I don't believe someone dealing with the actual difficulty of being autistic would think that it is just the same as being rude the way they are. That said of course there are also simply rude autistic people, who could improve their actual rude behavior but feel it's unnecessary because they are autistic. The most rude people however, are the neurotypicals who think they can dictate the way everyone else in the world has to act and demand everyone comply to them.
OMG Orion, there is ALWAYS a smell!! I can tell what my husband has eaten several hours after he has eaten it. It drives him crazy that he can't sneak biscuits or sweets! And yet I could swear that we must smell different or have a mark on our faces that on NT can see and treat us rudely even before we have opened our mouths. Also when does the bullying stop? My 19 yr old autistic daughter is treated badly in halls at uni, this weekend she was upset that she was doing everything right, she is so giving and yet girls older than her are being so disgustingly childish and doing that fake-nice crap! I want to scream!
Im gonna go ahead and say I am disinterested. My question is why do I have to be interested. I am interested in a lot of other things about people. Why do I have to be interested in the same mundane things as most others in order to be regarded as "polite?"
The rant about casual conversation is pure gold
Something I'm struggling with is how to talk about myself to others.
If I'm in any way self-deprecating, I'm "fishing for compliments."
If I speak about myself with anything that could be construed as pride or contentment, I'm "bragging" and therefore still searching for compliments.
I have PDA and this causes me to hate compliments outside specific contexts so both of these assumptions are just WRONG. I don't want your random compliments!
However, if I don't speak on myself at all, people make absolutely outlandish and *wild* assumptions about me which usually amount to me being rude or judgmental or something- for saying nothing at all, just for sitting there.
But if you sit there quietly with a contented smile, that is also weird and rude.
Can't win. *Cannot fcking win* lol
For most mammals eye contact is a sign of agressivity.
The eye contact one gets me, there are cultures where it is considered rude to make eye contact with an elder or authority figure. I know that in Australia the legal system had to have training on that as it is considered rude to make eye contact in Aboriginal culture and when Aboriginal people were going through the legal system they were considered to be lying and unremorseful just because they weren't making eye contact
Same with some of the Native American tribes here in the USA. Eye contact with older people is considered rude.
I'm a blunt person who hates the idea of "sugar-coating" what I say. I refuse to tell people what they want to hear. Instead I'm going to tell them the truth. Unfortunately, I also have bad rsd, so I can give it, but I can't take it. :(
Right there with u man. Nice screen name
Whenever i have a bad experience content like this reminds me that im not alone and other people experience this also. It can feel really isolating when you stick out but dont mean to or behave in a way thats 'wrong' but dont realise it. Watching this is a relief to know im not the only one so thank you Orion
I love your rants so much 😂 I am recently diagnosed and your video about autism and shame moved me to tears. It was from that point onwards that I became involved in the community and sought diagnosis. Thank you so much for what you do. Your content was my gateway to understanding myself in a way I never had before, and now I’m just sticking around for your highly relatable and entertaining rants 😂 Something about watching you be visibly frustrated by the exact same things I have been is extremely cathartic for me and definitely has helped me feel validated. You and Taylor (Mom on the Spectrum) are my role models and someday I hope to help others the way you both do.
I could totally relate to your reactions to “how was your day?” I feel exactly the way you feel. I am not autistic (I’m an aide to a level 3 autistic man and I’m trying to learn about autism) Nobody wants to hear how a person’s day really went. Maybe everyone is fed up with this empty question but are just not saying. Thank you for speaking my mind, Orion!
Orion - this was hilarious. I relate to the ‘how was your day?’ So much. Not that I don’t care - but truly, do you have time to hear this answer 😂😂😂😂😂 and ‘I messed the script up can we please start again’ 😂😂😂😂😂 I did it today making ‘small talk’ in the waiting area outside a kids gym. Oooo boy, and then I was beating myself up about being such a loser and I watch this and I can laugh about it. Because hey - maybe it’s not all on me. Thanks Orion ❤
I believe for allistic people, small talk is for building relationships and receiving the expected response makes them feel good about the other person.
For me having to provide the correct response just causes anxiety. I prefer to build relationships by info dumping on my special interests and the other person to do the same or to achieve a goal together. I actually find it rude when allistic people don’t engage on shared tasks or are indirect with their communication.
The number of times I have felt the "how was your day" rage.
I am always tempted to answer when people ask, "How is your day going?"
I'm clearly part of the choir because you're singing my tune. (Dyslexic AuDHD)
Thank you for bringing up the tone of voice in this video. I had to explain to many people the other day that I am naturally loud. I also ended up with a jury summons, but my request for exemption was approved because of two things. One was the way they received my medical documents (proof I am autistic which I believe in most places automatically disqualifies you), second was I am in school right now, and third because I checked on the paper "No, I do not have a sound mind". I can go into details about the very confusing paperwork another time, but because of how my voice carries, one would think I don't have a sound mind. Thanks again, Orion! You never disappoint!
I did jury duty. I am on disability and don't work so I did it. I am glad I did because I felt useful for a change. It was two days a week for 3 months. It was hard but I think that I did a good job.
@@Catlily5 nice! I am so happy for you that you got to do that! Now, even if I wasn't going through school, I probably would have tried getting out of it anyway because I do have a history of police brutality and other personal issues that caused C-PTSD that ties into anything criminal justice-related. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it.
@@AmandaSeacrist That makes sense.
12:13 Yeah, I get that a lot. "How was the traffic?" "It was traffic, how do you think it was? Lots of cars end to end not moving fast, just like traffic is."
Oh gosh! heehee... you are so funny. I'm doing some things wrong, but we are learning all the time, aren't we. Bless you. 😂
What would be your ideal greeting and engagement with a person?
The best advice I received is know your people well and deal with them accordingly. From my dad .
Opening up your figurative heart requires plenty of work in connection to communication by using words that are understandable. Answering questions directly without running out of words which is considered rude .
This is so uncannily familiar. The more of your videos I watch, the more convinced I am that I also have Autism. A lot of the traits you descibe are me in a nutshell. Watching the section on 'processing' other people comments... I liken myself to being on satellite relay when having conversations with people, well because someone actually used that term for me. On the phone I often get asked if I'm still there (I hate the phone and avoid it at most costs). That and small talk, nonverbal communication, lack of social norms, rigidity of thought, omg tone of voice, communicating through texts and emails - I often tell people please don't call me, etc...
Talking from an positive and caring place when asking questions for strong bonds among family members. Hurtful name calling such as stupid is not acceptable. ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ Philadelphia Pennsylvania Land of the Liberty Bell.
Half the time, a friend asks me that on the phone, knowing I hate that question. I always answer, "I am alive," or if in a bad mood, "I am here,"
Then they don't know what to say.
Only if I am in a really good mood will I play the small talk 2 question game before I want to know why they called.
They know I hate it but they trying to teach me how to be normal and enjoy small talk. I over 40 I never liked it or understood it and if I did know the rules I forgot them years ago.
That why I been called the smiling ninja at work I appear I do my job quickly in the same room as them and get out before they can turn around talk to me. If I am caught I mostly smile and nod as my autoprocessing may process what they said when I'm halfway up the hallway.
I am a weird autistic. I like phone calls more than e-mails.
I have RBF and I tend to talk very loudly, but my parents were both hearing damaged and I've worked factory most of my life so I had to be loud 😅 I am a freshly DX adult with Autism and ADHD so these videos and podcasts have been a huge help!
What is RBF?
It always boggles me why people ask me how I am doing. I know they dont really care so why ask?
I have this issue right now. My local leisure centre are discriminating against me now and I'm watching this because of it. How do I communicate with a narcissist as this guy doesn't understand. Thank you for trying
I know how to say "Fuck Off!" in 20 languages.
Is that rude or just good planning?
When I need to stop and process an answer , I just say” please wait , data loading !”
Orion, this is, for me, the best and most helpful podcast I have heard from you to date. Thank you very much. I am a senior citizen who was diagnosed very late in life....high functioning professional female who learned "masking" well....lol I have been wanting a video that I felt was the most helpful, to share with a close loved one. This is the one! I have a question that perhaps you can think about, and maybe produce a video on, if you feel that is will have a big enough audience to warrant that. I have worked with problem horses and trained mustangs (brumby's) for many years. Also rehabbed and trained problem dogs from rescues. I have great success in understanding animals, especially their non-verbal communication style and language, which is mostly "body language"....so my question is: Why can I understand the animals body language so well, but not be able to read the body language of humans? Thank you.
Another excellent tee shirt, Orion!
My grandchildren live with us along with our daughter in law. I believe two are on the spectrum and want to get a diagnosis if only to gain understanding. How do we change?
I see them getting into trouble for certain reactions…
Thanks for the giggles Orion
I understand to some degree why people think certain ways that I put things seem rude to them, through their cultural lens. That said it greatly bothers me when people treat Autism as a personality trait, often by "self-diagnosed" people who decide since they are rude they are autistic and therefore also have a right to be disrespectful and rude without being called out or held culpable for their behavior. It's somewhat telling to me as I don't believe someone dealing with the actual difficulty of being autistic would think that it is just the same as being rude the way they are. That said of course there are also simply rude autistic people, who could improve their actual rude behavior but feel it's unnecessary because they are autistic. The most rude people however, are the neurotypicals who think they can dictate the way everyone else in the world has to act and demand everyone comply to them.
Hey Orion, what are you up to? LOL you are the best😊
and when you give them their eye contact. Then they start screaming why are are staring at me or what are you looking at
I have a superpower to be honest to the point it will be detrimental to my career! YaY.....
OMG Orion, there is ALWAYS a smell!! I can tell what my husband has eaten several hours after he has eaten it. It drives him crazy that he can't sneak biscuits or sweets! And yet I could swear that we must smell different or have a mark on our faces that on NT can see and treat us rudely even before we have opened our mouths. Also when does the bullying stop? My 19 yr old autistic daughter is treated badly in halls at uni, this weekend she was upset that she was doing everything right, she is so giving and yet girls older than her are being so disgustingly childish and doing that fake-nice crap! I want to scream!
😊😊😊😊
Im gonna go ahead and say I am disinterested. My question is why do I have to be interested. I am interested in a lot of other things about people. Why do I have to be interested in the same mundane things as most others in order to be regarded as "polite?"
What have you been up to? am I the only one who says my height? " 5'6'' " I loathe small talk! Because NO ONE wants the real answers.. no one...
Hahaha - hold please!
You coulda totally re-read the first list - for neurotypicals. That'd be funny too!
Why choose just one🎉🎉