As a therapist who works with individuals in these types of relationships often, this video is spot on. Don't delay your life waiting for things to get better and hoping those breadcrumbs will turn into something satisfying. You deserve better! This isn't a healthy relationship for either person.
Yep, I let my almost 3yr old daughter's mother do this since 2019. She goes into rehab for alcohol 3 months ago and claims she needs time, goes back to her house while I take care of our daughter. Take her to daycare weekdays since then. Catch her over her new bf that lives right across her street. She says nothing goin on Day before Thanksgiving. New Years Eve she claims she told him she can't see him anymore. I file for custody , she loses her shit, and I haven't seen our daughter for 2 weeks now. Ridiculous
This is an excellent description... precisely what I went through.. female covert narcs are lethal... get your self worth up, don't people please and make sure you are iron clad with your boundaries..
Wow, I am going through this 20 years 5 kids I'm 40 this year all I want to do is make money. I am so embarrassed to leave the house i was stuck in it for 3 years this year I am making a change. I took all 5 children for holiday for the first time and yes it was there first time on escalators and elevators on buss and train and they did it all together, things we take for granted things that are just normal I want my children to love life the way I did. To know that some brothers out there know my pain all I can say is she can keep stabbing at me but I'm not going to quit on my children. Anyway 😁🤙
I got hoovered twice by my ex during a 12 year relationship, eight others including me. Both times she monkey branched from the new supply back to me. I didn't understand narcissism at the time. She is now friends with one of her discards who she described to me as " that poor b*stard" after leaving him in tears. The jigsaw always takes shape when you put the pieces together, stand back and look at the big picture. Thanks for making other men aware...
Ed, i wish i could shake your hand, bro! You just described my soon to be ex-wife. We were together 11 years (married 7). She's an alcoholic. She was sober for 8 years before she relapsed and had to start attending AA meetings. She eventually met another man at the meetings and eventually left me for him. Its been 2 months since she left, and shes already been telling people that i was a narcissistic controlling abusive husband. I never layed a hand on her.
WOW!!! Spot on! Now what’s wrong w me that I can’t move on? I’ve been so damaged by her. It’s infected my head. I love beautiful women and love sex, but I don’t even care to see or date anyone. My 8 year relationship and then being ghosted and discarded without any “just cause” messed me up . I’m definitely hurt and mad at myself for being fooled.
It is. It's like a mind virus. Be kind to yourself. You did what you thought was right, and if you knew what you know now you would have done something different.
@@edbaxter I'm 56 introverted, never married, no kids, average looking, 20 years of being single. Smartphones have destroyed dating. Dating is dead. Women don't look or smile anymore. All on their stupid cell phones 24/7. No one talks face to face anymore. 80% of the women are trash. I've given up on women.
how does the sex evolve during and after devaluation phase? I only made it until the first sign of disrespect and her unwillingness to respect my boundaries regarding her exes communication, when i left. But I am curious if I lost out on more amazing sex...?
You didn't miss out on anything. Sex was a tool, that's why she's so good at it. So many men that I've coached have gotten trapped for years because of the sex. It's how she pushes everything under the rug and you become willing to take it. Good for you for not allowing that.
@@edbaxterthank you and impressed you're awake right now in the US, haha. I'm still ruminating after her sudden monkey branch with "just-a-friend" millionaire which put me into depression since December along my jobloss and now financial struggles. Trying to focus on this one and now my own business.. I'm meditating to your video now affirmatively understanding that I did the right choice by walking away and seeing if she puts in effort to rekindle, which never really happened either, except for a sex bombing straight two days before she flew to the new guy in the US (lying to me she's going to see her child for Christmas). A strong man is strong when he puts his self love and self respect over the cravings of a girl who manipulated him like Olyssee's sirenes... 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Additionally, she was depressed, had pmdd, a failed marriage, a son of 15 years (she is 36), liked to drink a lot which is not my lifestyle, i want to be sober and in nature, liked to party. I wrote down after my breakup the goods and the bads about her: 18 bads vs 4 goods (appearance, fun, sex, does not want children). I was actually fine with the depression and the mental issues, and that she did not have a job and was 20k in debt and that she used to take a lot of coke during uni and that her parents basically abandoned her in childhood and also that she got raped when in her teens, but the lack of growth mindset and trying to heal and making fun of my "self-help bs" plus the lack of empathy towards me (i once mentioned i start to feel suicidal, which actually started after having out with her), was draining me, the fact that she was saying "i will never stop talking to my exes" was just the icing on the cake, basically implying that they are more important to her than her current relationship. I want to create somehting "sacral" and I believe I can have both: crazy sex plus connection. And the connection part: she was not much into kissing or cuddling in the mornings, due go her mouth breath, i think it is bs, it is bc they do not want you to get too close. In conclusion, I believe that this knowledge and having gone through this is priceless: and my uncommon believe is that in the end ALL WOMEN have those traits to a certain extent. Once you give them too much validation / security, for whatever reason they lose interest and look somewhere else. Dating-wise now: i think it is also important to stop dating via dating apps. Those attract this kind of women who are never happy with their current supply and think they always might get better...
I also asked her in the end "do you actually like me?" and prior to that I had asked me "what is actually your love language. I cant see any". she felt ashamed by that realizing that she was not able to give me enough love. I have compassion for her bc she is simply not in a good place. But now, she is ruining another man´s life.. I asked her I would have liked if she had invested at least a little bit into this relationship.. I uber´ed her back and forth to my place always and paid for everything. I said, "listen, sometimes to you go for a walk in the town, it would be nice if you just showed me that you think of me, maybe a cookie from a bakery for 20cents, or a toast with cheese which you prepare, like, just anything.. I know you have a tough life but I also nee something sometimes. One day prior to my 40th bd she bascially broke up with me bc i was looking at other girls on the beach, i said "ok", the next day i dont even know if she called me for my bd, was the worst bd recently celebrating alone while having a gf.. the same week I got layed off. This was 90 days prior to me figuring out she is coordinating a meeting behind my back with her ex inviting him to stay at her place, this was the night i took my bags and left, this was the same day when she was blatantly texting her ex, one of the many, in front of my saying that a song reminds me of her. Imagine I am sitting in a restaurant on a trip with her, paying for everything and she has the balls to take a video with me inside and sending it to the ex saying "this song reminds me of us" and he says "oh, yes, but the dude in the vid is annoying" and she just sends him a laughing emoji. I said "dont you want to say this is your new bf who you overly love?" she just laughed at me, withing the same hour she repeatedly called me boring. I just told her that we dont talk like that. I took my phone and said: well, then let me call my ex, too." she called me a "dick". That evening i checked her phone and saw the texts with her ex, and also other dudes nothing mentioning about her having a bf. thats when i bailed. I was there before and I dont need it anymore. She called me then like 100 times trying to make me come back, I just said: listen, you are still in love with your ex, and he is in love with you, go heal, meet him, figure out your stuff.. she then started to name-call me. the next day i left earlier the vacation town, instead of coming home too, as schedule, she decided to stay another night bc she met a group of bachelor dudes during breakfast and partied with them. I honestly expected her to come back to me and try to rekindle. Since again no investment from her, I did not pursue anything and it basically just faded, with one more last booty call before she jumped dick to the millionaire. It just shows how important it is to remain centered and stick to your boundaries and ethics. If they like you, they do everything to be with you, if they dont, they just dont.. actions speak louder than words. Am I hurt and do I feel betrayed and have I been questionining if I did anything wrong and whether I should have not just left but had the conversation? A lot.. but what the conversation if you had had explained your boundaries regarding contacting all the exes and she still does it? You cant teach her. It is a character which you cant change... It is sad but thats what it is in the end..
I was married to one of these monsters for 15 years. What I refer to as the vicious cycle was hell on Earth. When you divorce one the mask comes completely off and you get to see their true self and it is horrific. I have been divorced for almost two and a half years and can't communicate with her without a barrage of insults and threats. We have a 16 and a half year old daughter who luckily lives with me and my ex moved 4 hours away. You can't co-parent with them you have to parallel parent. I'm just glad my daughter will be 18 in a year and a half and I can completely cut ties with her mother. I only talk to her when it's absolutely necessary. Unfortunately when I met her I didn't even know what a narcissist was. Everything said in this video is true, we had sex on the second date, moved in together within 2 months, married five months after we met, had me thinking I was her soulmate smh. If anyone ever moves fast on the first date RUN FAST AND FAR😁 The cup is half full though because now I can spot one at 10 paces haha.
Yeah that's hard to watch. They enmesh the kids emotionally and create and environment where they emotionally rely on mama even through their adult life.
@ exactly. Her son was 19 when we met and her daughter just getting her drivers license. What she sold me on was way different than reality. I felt that I needed to try to protect her kids from her at one point. Her son was kind of out of sight out of mind as he moved in with is then 15 yr old girlfriend at her mom’s.. I should have walked then when she told me she was proud of him for figuring it out. Hell no. Should have walked then, but was already stuck making excuses to their victim story lives. The son is in prison now. Why I care to know is beyond me. Fn trauma bond
Love this one. Unfortunately your parents can teach you bad modelling of how you should be treated. This is exactly what happened to me. I hope my son doesn't repeat the cycle but I don't see him. She has brainwashed him.
Ed Baxter, like a male narcissist, who turns charm on a male empath and makes him become his friend or business partner, can a female narcissist turn charm on a male empath and make him become her lover or business partner?
As for a female narcissist turning on the charm, it absolutely happens, all the time. If the man becomes a doormat, he will either remain a doormat, or there will come a point where he explodes, and the narcissist can claim victim status. They love that, as they can publicly claim to be little miss innocent, painting you as the bad guy. Best thing is to never become the doormat to begin with. If that’s already happened, it’s best to grow a pair of balls and just walk away calmly. Let them rant, scream and yell. Always remain stoic and on point, pursuing your passions and purpose. Don’t forget, the king never chases the queen. The king leads, chasing the crown and the queen follows. That’s the formula that allows the woman to fall back in her femininity.
100% and I tried to help and then it got worse and now after being split she still tries to guilt me and I did everything wrong and abusive etc I gave up and our son now have cared for him from the start and then discarded cheated on monkey branches etc now she’s trying to use our son all the time even tried to take my friends etc then had me paying for everything when you stop they still get upset and the hooks in and all and had our son around the new bloke it was so weird. I’m so glad I am not there tried to neck myself and all because of it but then I was lucky and got all the help I needed to to move through and forward. So disappointed in myself for letting this even happen to me disrespectful to myself letting boundaries down and my son and now what he is doing through split family etc etc Now I see her so clearly for who she is
I’m solid in the gym have your book read it work with your team via the app been to counselling for me and a for my son reading and working hard. Don’t want this to ever happen to me again any of my friends or my son. Sometimes we as men forget who we are to make our partners happy the slow change over years we don’t realise happens till bang too late. I have finished your book and I listen to the app while in the gym. Only way to keep going forward is do the work. I’m lucky I have good friends family and support plus coaches like you and councillors to help out. Some days are ruff but those days get fewer as we get stronger. Best part I don’t have that nagging whining bitching nothings ever good enough your dicks too small etc person talking in my ear every day when I want to do something I just do it and my son comes first I look out for him as he’s not quite 3 I lost everything now rebuilding and by becoming a better person I can be a better father as well thanks for all the support videos book and help.
As a therapist who works with individuals in these types of relationships often, this video is spot on. Don't delay your life waiting for things to get better and hoping those breadcrumbs will turn into something satisfying. You deserve better! This isn't a healthy relationship for either person.
I have to hand it to you Ed. All men should watch this. You did a better job explaining this than anyone I’ve heard. Thank you!
You are a absolutely correct on all of the points that you made!
Wow!!! Great video
Needed this! Thanks for the help. Moving on.
Yep, I let my almost 3yr old daughter's mother do this since 2019. She goes into rehab for alcohol 3 months ago and claims she needs time, goes back to her house while I take care of our daughter. Take her to daycare weekdays since then. Catch her over her new bf that lives right across her street. She says nothing goin on Day before Thanksgiving. New Years Eve she claims she told him she can't see him anymore. I file for custody , she loses her shit, and I haven't seen our daughter for 2 weeks now. Ridiculous
This is an excellent description... precisely what I went through.. female covert narcs are lethal... get your self worth up, don't people please and make sure you are iron clad with your boundaries..
Wow, I am going through this 20 years 5 kids I'm 40 this year all I want to do is make money. I am so embarrassed to leave the house i was stuck in it for 3 years this year I am making a change. I took all 5 children for holiday for the first time and yes it was there first time on escalators and elevators on buss and train and they did it all together, things we take for granted things that are just normal I want my children to love life the way I did. To know that some brothers out there know my pain all I can say is she can keep stabbing at me but I'm not going to quit on my children. Anyway 😁🤙
I got hoovered twice by my ex during a 12 year relationship, eight others including me. Both times she monkey branched from the new supply back to me. I didn't understand narcissism at the time. She is now friends with one of her discards who she described to me as " that poor b*stard" after leaving him in tears. The jigsaw always takes shape when you put the pieces together, stand back and look at the big picture. Thanks for making other men aware...
Ed, i wish i could shake your hand, bro! You just described my soon to be ex-wife. We were together 11 years (married 7). She's an alcoholic. She was sober for 8 years before she relapsed and had to start attending AA meetings. She eventually met another man at the meetings and eventually left me for him. Its been 2 months since she left, and shes already been telling people that i was a narcissistic controlling abusive husband. I never layed a hand on her.
Damn screw it bro
Nailed it to the t
WOW!!! Spot on!
Now what’s wrong w me that I can’t move on? I’ve been so damaged by her. It’s infected my head. I love beautiful women and love sex, but I don’t even care to see or date anyone. My 8 year relationship and then being ghosted and discarded without any “just cause” messed me up . I’m definitely hurt and mad at myself for being fooled.
It is. It's like a mind virus. Be kind to yourself. You did what you thought was right, and if you knew what you know now you would have done something different.
@@edbaxter I'm 56 introverted, never married, no kids, average looking, 20 years of being single. Smartphones have destroyed dating. Dating is dead. Women don't look or smile anymore. All on their stupid cell phones 24/7. No one talks face to face anymore. 80% of the women are trash. I've given up on women.
You should always give good tip to the waiter.
how does the sex evolve during and after devaluation phase? I only made it until the first sign of disrespect and her unwillingness to respect my boundaries regarding her exes communication, when i left. But I am curious if I lost out on more amazing sex...?
You didn't miss out on anything. Sex was a tool, that's why she's so good at it. So many men that I've coached have gotten trapped for years because of the sex. It's how she pushes everything under the rug and you become willing to take it. Good for you for not allowing that.
@@edbaxterthank you and impressed you're awake right now in the US, haha. I'm still ruminating after her sudden monkey branch with "just-a-friend" millionaire which put me into depression since December along my jobloss and now financial struggles. Trying to focus on this one and now my own business.. I'm meditating to your video now affirmatively understanding that I did the right choice by walking away and seeing if she puts in effort to rekindle, which never really happened either, except for a sex bombing straight two days before she flew to the new guy in the US (lying to me she's going to see her child for Christmas). A strong man is strong when he puts his self love and self respect over the cravings of a girl who manipulated him like Olyssee's sirenes... 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Additionally, she was depressed, had pmdd, a failed marriage, a son of 15 years (she is 36), liked to drink a lot which is not my lifestyle, i want to be sober and in nature, liked to party. I wrote down after my breakup the goods and the bads about her: 18 bads vs 4 goods (appearance, fun, sex, does not want children). I was actually fine with the depression and the mental issues, and that she did not have a job and was 20k in debt and that she used to take a lot of coke during uni and that her parents basically abandoned her in childhood and also that she got raped when in her teens, but the lack of growth mindset and trying to heal and making fun of my "self-help bs" plus the lack of empathy towards me (i once mentioned i start to feel suicidal, which actually started after having out with her), was draining me, the fact that she was saying "i will never stop talking to my exes" was just the icing on the cake, basically implying that they are more important to her than her current relationship. I want to create somehting "sacral" and I believe I can have both: crazy sex plus connection. And the connection part: she was not much into kissing or cuddling in the mornings, due go her mouth breath, i think it is bs, it is bc they do not want you to get too close.
In conclusion, I believe that this knowledge and having gone through this is priceless: and my uncommon believe is that in the end ALL WOMEN have those traits to a certain extent. Once you give them too much validation / security, for whatever reason they lose interest and look somewhere else. Dating-wise now: i think it is also important to stop dating via dating apps. Those attract this kind of women who are never happy with their current supply and think they always might get better...
I also asked her in the end "do you actually like me?" and prior to that I had asked me "what is actually your love language. I cant see any". she felt ashamed by that realizing that she was not able to give me enough love. I have compassion for her bc she is simply not in a good place. But now, she is ruining another man´s life.. I asked her I would have liked if she had invested at least a little bit into this relationship.. I uber´ed her back and forth to my place always and paid for everything. I said, "listen, sometimes to you go for a walk in the town, it would be nice if you just showed me that you think of me, maybe a cookie from a bakery for 20cents, or a toast with cheese which you prepare, like, just anything.. I know you have a tough life but I also nee something sometimes. One day prior to my 40th bd she bascially broke up with me bc i was looking at other girls on the beach, i said "ok", the next day i dont even know if she called me for my bd, was the worst bd recently celebrating alone while having a gf.. the same week I got layed off. This was 90 days prior to me figuring out she is coordinating a meeting behind my back with her ex inviting him to stay at her place, this was the night i took my bags and left, this was the same day when she was blatantly texting her ex, one of the many, in front of my saying that a song reminds me of her. Imagine I am sitting in a restaurant on a trip with her, paying for everything and she has the balls to take a video with me inside and sending it to the ex saying "this song reminds me of us" and he says "oh, yes, but the dude in the vid is annoying" and she just sends him a laughing emoji. I said "dont you want to say this is your new bf who you overly love?" she just laughed at me, withing the same hour she repeatedly called me boring. I just told her that we dont talk like that. I took my phone and said: well, then let me call my ex, too." she called me a "dick". That evening i checked her phone and saw the texts with her ex, and also other dudes nothing mentioning about her having a bf. thats when i bailed. I was there before and I dont need it anymore. She called me then like 100 times trying to make me come back, I just said: listen, you are still in love with your ex, and he is in love with you, go heal, meet him, figure out your stuff.. she then started to name-call me. the next day i left earlier the vacation town, instead of coming home too, as schedule, she decided to stay another night bc she met a group of bachelor dudes during breakfast and partied with them. I honestly expected her to come back to me and try to rekindle. Since again no investment from her, I did not pursue anything and it basically just faded, with one more last booty call before she jumped dick to the millionaire. It just shows how important it is to remain centered and stick to your boundaries and ethics. If they like you, they do everything to be with you, if they dont, they just dont.. actions speak louder than words. Am I hurt and do I feel betrayed and have I been questionining if I did anything wrong and whether I should have not just left but had the conversation? A lot.. but what the conversation if you had had explained your boundaries regarding contacting all the exes and she still does it? You cant teach her. It is a character which you cant change... It is sad but thats what it is in the end..
I was married to one of these monsters for 15 years. What I refer to as the vicious cycle was hell on Earth. When you divorce one the mask comes completely off and you get to see their true self and it is horrific. I have been divorced for almost two and a half years and can't communicate with her without a barrage of insults and threats. We have a 16 and a half year old daughter who luckily lives with me and my ex moved 4 hours away. You can't co-parent with them you have to parallel parent. I'm just glad my daughter will be 18 in a year and a half and I can completely cut ties with her mother. I only talk to her when it's absolutely necessary. Unfortunately when I met her I didn't even know what a narcissist was. Everything said in this video is true, we had sex on the second date, moved in together within 2 months, married five months after we met, had me thinking I was her soulmate smh. If anyone ever moves fast on the first date RUN FAST AND FAR😁 The cup is half full though because now I can spot one at 10 paces haha.
This is spot on. Only she didn’t have orbiters because she had kids real early and she drug them around through her hell.
Yeah that's hard to watch. They enmesh the kids emotionally and create and environment where they emotionally rely on mama even through their adult life.
@ exactly. Her son was 19 when we met and her daughter just getting her drivers license. What she sold me on was way different than reality. I felt that I needed to try to protect her kids from her at one point. Her son was kind of out of sight out of mind as he moved in with is then 15 yr old girlfriend at her mom’s.. I should have walked then when she told me she was proud of him for figuring it out. Hell no. Should have walked then, but was already stuck making excuses to their victim story lives. The son is in prison now. Why I care to know is beyond me. Fn trauma bond
Love this one. Unfortunately your parents can teach you bad modelling of how you should be treated. This is exactly what happened to me. I hope my son doesn't repeat the cycle but I don't see him. She has brainwashed him.
Ed Baxter, like a male narcissist, who turns charm on a male empath and makes him become his friend or business partner, can a female narcissist turn charm on a male empath and make him become her lover or business partner?
@@kalingakrishna2705 absolutely
As for a female narcissist turning on the charm, it absolutely happens, all the time. If the man becomes a doormat, he will either remain a doormat, or there will come a point where he explodes, and the narcissist can claim victim status. They love that, as they can publicly claim to be little miss innocent, painting you as the bad guy.
Best thing is to never become the doormat to begin with. If that’s already happened, it’s best to grow a pair of balls and just walk away calmly. Let them rant, scream and yell.
Always remain stoic and on point, pursuing your passions and purpose. Don’t forget, the king never chases the queen. The king leads, chasing the crown and the queen follows. That’s the formula that allows the woman to fall back in her femininity.
100% and I tried to help and then it got worse and now after being split she still tries to guilt me and I did everything wrong and abusive etc I gave up and our son now have cared for him from the start and then discarded cheated on monkey branches etc now she’s trying to use our son all the time even tried to take my friends etc then had me paying for everything when you stop they still get upset and the hooks in and all and had our son around the new bloke it was so weird. I’m so glad I am not there tried to neck myself and all because of it but then I was lucky and got all the help I needed to to move through and forward.
So disappointed in myself for letting this even happen to me disrespectful to myself letting boundaries down and my son and now what he is doing through split family etc etc
Now I see her so clearly for who she is
Now what are you doing?
I’m solid in the gym have your book read it work with your team via the app been to counselling for me and a for my son reading and working hard. Don’t want this to ever happen to me again any of my friends or my son. Sometimes we as men forget who we are to make our partners happy the slow change over years we don’t realise happens till bang too late. I have finished your book and I listen to the app while in the gym. Only way to keep going forward is do the work. I’m lucky I have good friends family and support plus coaches like you and councillors to help out. Some days are ruff but those days get fewer as we get stronger. Best part I don’t have that nagging whining bitching nothings ever good enough your dicks too small etc person talking in my ear every day when I want to do something I just do it and my son comes first I look out for him as he’s not quite 3 I lost everything now rebuilding and by becoming a better person I can be a better father as well thanks for all the support videos book and help.
@@Karloz-zr3hv LFG! I didn't know you were already in the app and program. Hit me up in app, so I know who you are.
I love sliced bread.
They should just change the name to 'Partnerssist'
Nice.
Might wanna reference males are narcissists to. Kinda keep referring to “her”. And there are differences between male and female narcissists
yes!
There are plenty of other channels with a male narc perspective. Here, that’s not the focus. Hope that helps.
This totally happened to me it took 14 years but damn the demon came out