How To Not Let Criticism Get To You
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 10 сен 2024
- We need to have a good and serious talk about how to deal with criticism because a lot of your are letting your critics make your choices for you, some or you are even letting them run your life and that's not okay. It needs to stop - now. Got it?
---
Come connect with me on social:
♥ FACEBOOK: FB.me/JuliaCoun...
♥ INSTAGRAM: / juliacounse. .
♥WEBSITE: juliakristina.com
♥BLOG: juliakristina.c...
Are you ready to stop letting your critics run your life? Give me a HECK YES if you are!
Heck yes! It's a little lonely, and its taken sometime to weed them out, but that's the elbow room I need. Thank you for this! I needed it. I think we learn by bumping up against each other, but there's a limit in critique. Your friends are supposed to help you grow, and sadly, me leaving friends might be a lesson for them. Hug.
HECK YES!!!
Heck Yes
Once again a very articulate video.
You are one of the most influential people on YOU TUBE. Take care and God bless. Thank you.
@@claudettes9697 agreed. There's a difference between helpful feedback and nasty criticism and there should be a no tolerance rule for the later in our lives. GREAT to have you here Claudette!
Never listen to criticism because most people who criticize don’t even know how to do what you want to do correctly.
Right? Feeback is one thing - if it's shared in a respectful way - but nasty criticism is just not helpful and doesn't deserve a second of our time or emotions.
I’ve always struggled with people pleasing. It causes depression because there is no way to satisfy everyone’s needs. I’m learning that I am in control of my life and I’m not letting anyone hold me back. Thank you for this 💕
Vanessa - this is HUGE!!! You are absolutely in charge of your life and your choices and to a large extent, your happiness. I am SO grateful you are breaking that unhelpful cycle! GOOD for you.
Julia Kristina Counselling Thank you so much! Your videos are very helpful!
Vanessa's World so so true 💜
Love your righteous anger and passion!! Thank you for this kick in the butt! I feel empowered by your words and encouragement!!
I'm SO glad! Enough really is enough.
"Throwing mud from the cheap seats"...that works. No one likes a heckler when you're up there doing your best. That phrase is a reminder of how cruel & mean some people can be. The joke = coming from "the CHEAP seats". That phrase is like an anti-venom against a snake bite. Knowing where it comes from is half the battle of getting over it. Thank you, I will use that phrase, but know that the word "mud" will be changed to something more colloquial. Thanks again and all the best.
Really glad it connected. I like that metaphor as too. It's definitely not the people who are making themselves vulnerable and getting in the ring too that are making the nasty comments.
I feel critical people are not happy with their own life, so they like to act like a know it all. Many think they are helpful. The older I get, the less I share. Your content is excellent.
You are the expert on your life - no one else! Really grateful to have you here.
Thank you. My 20 year old daughter really enjoys your videos as well.
Thank you for this. I need to live and it’s true, the only opinion that matters is my own and the people who genuinely love me. Even my own parents don’t need to be giving me judgements and opinions. Heck, I’m almost 50 and my dad seems to think he can criticize me into submission. No. Not any more.
Not any more!! Love this.
My family tended to be very critical of me in my childhood and teenage years, and it still affects me to this day. I really love your channel-it feels like you made your videos for me!
Thank God this is Not one of my issues. I have always followed my big dreams and never cared what others thought. Being a free spirit I believe helps this for me.
That is music to my ears kavita deva. GOOD for you!!
This one hit me hard emotionally. I've always worried about what others think of me, especially family, and rather than just getting grip on it and moving forward, I tend to not take a chance in order to avoid their judgements. Thanks for waking me up, it looks like I've got some work to do. Life is only getting shorter, time to start living it. Excellent video.
EXACTLY sks bc! One of my favourite things that Steve Jobs said was that we're all going to die someday, so we may as well take the risk, follow our dreams, do the things - why not??
You’re not alone sweet lady
Thank you, I needed to hear this. I need to hear this every day. I know it, but I need to practice it! HECK YES....I'm ready
I think it's a reminder most of us need most days!! So glad it connected Tammy. xo
Rockstar!
that's what codependency do.. especially hurts family people supposed to support and you got a criticism out from them,
your spoken true words makes tears in may eyes ..
I'm glad it connected vincent's Soul. And yes, it can be really scary to step up and step out without the full approval from others, but the real question is, what's the alternative?
Thanks Julia, this means a lot to me. Respect to all. Do not judge people. Be positive and give compliments. If you have nothing uplifting to say, please keep it to yourself.
Right??? Glad that we're on the same page with this one.
I have a family member that has criticized me for as long as I can remember. Because I went away to college and left a small town I am a deserter and therefore thought I deserved all the insults I have come to realize that I was never in the wrong and I should be proud of myself . I am sad in the acceptance that I will never have this person’s respect, even though I tried for years to help her with her issues. It was never enough. And I know that now thanks to wonderful people like you that have helped me. Thank you for all you do. You are a guardian angel to me❤️
The 4 Agreements is an awesome book...
Yes!!
I have a huge problem with this. I've always been emotionally sensitive, and struggled to understand people and why they rage at me, so I worked hard to be the most "democratic" about how a treat people, but in the end I only gave up myself and submitted to the world for emotional security and to feel like I was doing the right thing..... At least 6 times in my life, I've been yelled at visciously for reasons I didn't understand, and the fact that I didn't try to do something wrong, don't usually understand certain things, socially or otherwise and not knowing how to defend my own opinions causes me to believe that everyone else knows better (I need to learn to stop listening to confidence). I'd like to learn how to break the confidence of others, so that I know how to have confidence, but I'm too emotionally sensitive towards others to be comfortable doing that.
Also because I see people doing wrong all the time and getting away with it because they believe in themselves and close themselves off to learning from others, while their confidence makes others think and feel like what they stand up for is fine as well.
ShadowCatGambit I read your comments and the words lept off the screen at me. I have done and experienced a lot of the same things as you. Especially with trying to be diplomatic and not understanding why people are angry with me or discount me for some reason. The worst is when no one communicates to you what the issue is but they are happy to discuss it behind your back. It took me years to get to the point where I would sometimes feel brave enough to stand up for myself or sometimes feel brave enough to say to myself “I can not control what they think or feel, so it doesn’t matter” it was comforting to see someone else struggle in some of the same ways. I feel less alone.
Thank you
Julia, I really appreciate your professionalism in saying "Some of you" instead of "Laura." ;)
LOL! Love this Laura - you're awesome.
@@juliakristinamah Keep it up, please!
This was exactly what I needed to hear today ! Thankyou so much !
Awesome Jannaken! We were meant to be in each other's lives today.
Really meaningful to me in my job as a teacher. There’s a lot of mud being thrown from the cheap seats and it was getting at me...thanks for the support!
Oh man! It hurts my heart to hear about good teachers who invest so much into their jobs being torn down and run over. Thank YOU for what you do and how you contribute to the next generation.
If someone is a snob and too judgmental, that person doesn't matter. His or her opinions don't matter if they're a destructive form of criticism. Thanks a ton for this!
Yeah, enough is enough. You're right.
It's just heartbreaking how emotionally cruel people can be, in a lot of instances without reason, people you never expected it from.
You rock, love your station, love you! Thank you so much for your wisdom and insight! You are really helping me with my new job and dealing with haters! And you remind me of my little sister which is a great thing! Keep up the awesome work and I wish you the best! 💙🧡❤️💥
So glad you're here Tricia! Grateful it connected. xo
It is difficult not to let critics get to me. It is more challenging when the critique is from school or your family members. In school, we had to take some photographs for our publication design for graphic design, and our photographs have to be high quality, which is best performed with a DSLR or mirrorless camera. One of my classmate had many photographs denied by the instructor, and I felt bad knowing that the student did their best. When I take photos I tend to have critiques come to my mind, saying things like "the aperture is not right", "the shutter speed needs to be higher to let more light in the image," etc. Although the instructor was trying their best to help improve our work, it can feel disappointing having your work denied. Thanks for reminding that satisfactory come from us, not from anyone else.
I needed this so much!!
What have you been holding yourself back from for fear of criticism Savannah?
🙌🏻
Thank you Julia for your dedication and work. Your videos are a great resource to many people and are marked by their balance and thoroughness. I have found them extremely helpful personally. I think you make a great point regarding people who hurt us when they offer feedback, it does say more about them than us. I hope you have not experienced too much of that type of feedback yourself with all you try to do to help people.
Thank you for the insightful comment Chessimator. I do get the occasional mud flinger, but honestly, it doesn't bother me because I have the best online community in the world full of the love, support and encouragement that comes from all of you!
This. Was. Awesome. Tough message, packed with truth. I know this will empower a lot of people; it certainly has been a reminder I needed to hear.
Thank you my dear friend!
Julia Kristina Counselling Absolutely! Your content is sooo awesome.
I needed this, thank you! 💚
I've had self-entitled people who would only approve of my work if it lived up to their standards as if they're important.
I mostly hate those individuals who act like they're the majority and think that we're supposed to give a s**t about their dissatisfaction.
This is exactly what has truly destroyed me. I used to just go out accomplish goals, build things, fix things and I started getting criticism because of other's internal battles. I've completely stopped setting goals for myself because it's easier for me to not get nagged, criticized, analyzed, etc. Why should I have to battle someone to finish my task? I quit doing stuff altogether. I don't even fix my own car anymore because when something goes wrong in the process of fixing it I will vent about it going wrong and it becomes my fault for not buying a new car every 5 years. Now I get criticized for being lazy. It's such a joke.
I like how you said, “It’s easy to fling mud from the cheap seats...if you’re not in the ring, getting your ASS kicked, your opinion is irrelevant...” so TRUE!!
About 2 years ago I met a girl who is smart, pleasant and wonderful.
It clicked directly when we both felt that we had the same opinions, thoughts and norms when it comes to life etc. We started dating and spending a lot of time together. We chose to move in together, however, after much nagging and tears from her side.
Everything was peace and joy and I felt that I could create a future with this girl. After meeting and spending time with her parents and family, I have subsequently found out that they have always had bad family relationships characterized by criticism, stubbornness, control needs and ugly commentaries (especially the father).
The father seems to have inferiority complexes, where he says and behaves as he wishes to his family members.
The relationship has recently turned entirely. I perceive my girl as very insecure, never satisfied and great control needs. We constantly end up in unnecessary conflicts where she points out that i do not share my feelings and do not communicate. I increasingly see her father's results and words in several contexts.
I have also been confirmed that her father has always talked badly about me in a way that cannot be justified. He has also said things that have shocked me and made me very sad. Naturally, the result was that I didn't want anything with her father to do more. My girl constantly insists and cries about the situation and thinks I should be more forgiving and talking to her father. Against my gut feeling and will, I chose to be the bigger man and solve the situation so that she would feel better. The result was that the father went too far and said things that hurt at such a deep level that I can never forgive. What also hurts me is that my girl knows how her father is and still lets herself be controlled and affected so far that it has destroyed our relationship and well-being.
Thank you!
Absolutely my pleasure. Thank YOU!
Thankyou. This is so timely. I needed to hear this. Love and Light.
so grateful it connected Pamela - thank you for letting me know!
Just dealt with something similar to this and it turned out remarkably well Thanks to God and Thank you for saying this...
But on a side note things are going to get worse in a lot of ways and some in better ways... Because a lot people are getting more mental health problems than they ever used to have...
But these videos do help a Lot!
Needed this 💪 thanks Hun, need to live for ME for once, 2019 will be a good year, already started saying no to people and sticking by my own opinions, and so far things are getting better!
Yasss!!! SO so good for you. 2019 is your year!
HECK YES!!! Dude so many people have so many issues and they use you to make them believe that their way is the only way. I love this channell
Time to clean house. They’ve been running circles around my life keeping me down then when they figure it out they do it even more. I tried to have someone watch your video on how to help people with anxiety and that someone was half way through the video on number six and said they get the point.
You are so amazing and helpfull!! Pleasee keep going, you have change a lot of peoples lifes, including mine
Really glad it connected - grateful to have you here - thank you for all your support!
POWERFUL!!! I needed this more than you will ever know! Thank you so much!💜💜💜
Oh, I'm so glad this connected Rebekah.
Thankyou for the amazing video...just realized I listened to lots criticism from family on other people and it terrifies me to the core that's how most of my conditioning on what was okay and not okay was done.
Heck Goodness me Yes! Thank you soo much for this! X
HA! Love it. High fives to you, friend!
Exactly they're problems because insecurities and jealousy, it's so hard if we encountered these kinds of persons
It can feel hard. But it gets easier if we don't give in to it and learn to trust ourselves more.
HECK YES!!
Amaaazing video... Lalaloved it! I also really liked that you mentioned/referenced Brene Brown. Shes a beautiful soul as well. Thank you Julia! Needed this and you posted this at the perfect time.. Xx
Lalaloved your comment! You're awesome Tamra. And YES! Isn't Brene Brown's work phenomenal?
Indeed! 😊
Heck yes will try
One step at a time, but you totally can do this.
Really, really needed this TODAY. Bad day at work. Because other people dont do their job properly and expect me to pick up their slack, I pushed back after a 3year road of providing them training and instruction and am labelled the bad guy for requiring they follow it. I am drawing a line in the sand and they don't like it. Not my circus, not my monkeys. And i get paid half of what they do. Just going to let the wheels fall off...
Powerful message!! Thank you 🙏
Grateful it connected Evelyn.
Hi Julia. My name is Martha. I’m glad I found you. Your videos have helping me so much to understand many things and bring more trust to myself. I’m literally watching all of them. Thank you for everything that you share with us. I think you are wonderful doing what you do
Thanks Julia.
Always Denise.
Thank ypu
Thank YOU Beth!
Really good stuff. I have come to the realization that although I cannot divorce myself from all the negative people in my life I can stop giving those type of people more credit than they deserve. People with no social conscious are in no position to be giving advice to others. I thank you for validating my thoughts regarding these issues. Awesome presentation and important stuff to be putting out to the public. Thanks again
You're completely right. I recently lost 50 pounds in a very healthy way (2 hours of exercise every day and eating right) and was feeling really good about myself. I had told this to several people that I thought of as at least casual friends. Then I saw a couple of these same people I know laughing at me behind my back. Yes, the world does have haters!!!
Heck yes, thank you for this video
Yasss!! Awesome Sebastian.
Loving your work Julia 👏
Thank you Pearl - that really means a lot.
HECH YES!!! I currently have a couple of extraordinarily toxic people in my life that I am unfortunately forced to deal with for the time being. This advice just may make this impossible task possible. Thank you so much for this Julia, you are a life saver!
😊
;-)
I am dealing with too many people with too many problems I lived on a mountain isolated alone for three years I'm fixing to do it again because I cannot handle these people🌴🐊🌴🕉 you are awesome😁
Im in job search mode and have a fear of criticism. I really need this. Thankyou
Thank you - needed that - awesome message!
Really grateful it connected William! What's the first step you're going to take moving forward?
@@juliakristinamah I have redoubled my efforts to mentally block out the crap in my life - blocking out the negativity and the toxic people and focusing on the positive parts of my life. Taking time to be kind to myself and take better care of myself
Preach!!!
Apparently I'm pretty passionate about this one! lol
"have nothing to do with me" almost true...
They are the ones that can decide whether or not I graduate.....
Do you have nasty and unnecessarily critical teachers? That's not okay.
Thank you so much for this video! This really helps me believing what I deeply inside already knew but my insecurity took the best of me the last 2,5 years after an encounter with my family in law.. And they did exactly what you mentioned in this video...
Heck yes !
Yasss!!! You've totally got this.
@@juliakristinamah my Hermit days are coming to end ! Time to rise from the Ashe's, I'm gonna let it shine ! Thankyou 😘 ....😈😝😇
Thanks for the advice I find it easier to break spiritual ties to folks that choose to criticize/ critique me. Y because I am motivated by the God in me and he is always on time and right! So opinions don’t matter but Julia seriously I suggested the Argan oil silicon products homegirl you need to condition your hair for real for real!
My Uncle told me once that just because a movie critic says a movie isn't any good doesn't mean it's true. These are people that are paid to critique a movie. So I say if the professional critics don't get to ruin your movie experience, then the amateur ones don't get to ruin the movie called your life.
Love this! And so true.
Julia Kristina Counselling thank you
Loved this!! Thank you. Just what I needed to hear today!! 💜
Jennifer! I am so happy to hear it. Thank you for letting me know!
So much wisdom at such a young age.
Wow. Good pep talk! Thank you!
So glad it connected Wendy. I hope you're having a good weekend!
4:55 - "The only people's opinions who count are only the people who have earned the right to have those opinions... "
Wow. Could never be more accurate. 👏
Wow Powerful I need to listen to this several times
Yes I'm scared about what everyone is going to say about leaving a one arm man. A man who is a bully, he's an emotional abuser even before he lost his arm. My Daughter already hates me because of the things he says about me. But I'm trying to get out, 3 years and 5 months from now.
Sending you clarity, courage and strength Lisa!
He'll survive with one arm. Don't let anyone guilt you! You deserve happiness!
Amen
Thank you once again, it's amazing to hear your prospective on this matter.. I really like the fight analogy....everyone has a plan(opinion) until they get hit...
I have a bad gut feeling about my new close friends. I avoid to hold people accountable and am very careful with critism but I don't like how they treat some people and feel like they are too controlling (want to pressure me to do certain activities and certain hobbies not because its more suitable for them). When they are criticized by someone (not only by me) the criticism is not valid according to them. I think they aren't able to self reflect. Also I always have the feeling that I have to defend myself a lot. What is wrong with those friends? How can we deal with people who want to lead discussion about how you live your life?
@JuliaKristinaCounselling How to stop being a slow learner, and forgetful and become a fast learner and worker?
It appears to be very difficult for people to forgive you when you have fallen off the Christian path (the path of righteousness) even when you have put your trust in the living God again. Anger issues have been ample in our society the last couple of decades - thank you God that you never throw away the clay, that you remold and make us like you. Lastly, no one can tell you what God's will ("destiny") for you is, it's most likely a trap.
Thanx you for this one. No not really…
But REALLY thank you for this one!
One of my pet peeves is when people force us to take criticism especially if it is wrong and disrespectful. EX: Giannis had 50 points against the Suns and won the chip in 2021 but people nitpick and look at 2 misses free throws. Another example is when you get a 99% on a test and actually studied the material but someone criticizes you for getting only 1 question wrong. Also, you can tell someone to eat apples because they are healthy for you but the person doesn't need to eat them if they dont like them. Yes, we all have flaws to work however, we don't need to be nitpicky and try to change people. We don't need to respect, accept what i did but we need to deal with the fact that not everything will go our way. Even if we want the best for someone, don't overly criticize and complain. It gets annoying and disrespectful. Don't try to change people because people will live their lives. It may be constructive towards the speaker but not the person who is hearing it.If a person doesn't want to take the criticism or advice, they can choose to not to listen to it and ignore it .I prefer giving advice than criticism but I let the person make a choice to take it or not. We can't change anyone no matter if we want the best for someone. We can't force criticism and advice on anyone because it would make us look impatient. We can only change ourselves but we cant change people unless they want to change. What do you think of my advice?
Thanks Julia for the awesome video! Merry Christmas 🎁🎄 and Happy New Year 🎈🎊🎆 to you and your family!!!
Thank you ❤
I’m loving this thank you
thank you
Extremely powerful video. Thank you so much for the pep talk. I really needed it.
Talk to the Mountain, make them a molehill, others opinions, " none of my business" 70% rule , 70% of people and society, can be managed, 30% will be problematic, ..it's "life"...So, just be on point...smile, and achieve your goals, leave, the nay, sayer's, aside...leave them behind.. Great video. Peace
Just came across this video, you are amazing! I respect everything you said but I really feel scared to speak up I have social anxiety.. i’m too much of a coward and would probably feel traumatised after speaking up for myself because I am so unfamiliar with that feeling :(
I'm telling you from my experience, the trauma from NOT speaking for yourself will be BIGGER. So speak. People will say you changed like it's a bad thing but it's a great thing to you life quality! I'm giving you myself as a bad example, almost 32 yr, lifeless and jobless and watching other people fulfilling their dreams and I'm just wasting my life and eating when I'm angry from frustration of criticism. People DON'T RESPECT ME ANYMORE, I was a people pleaser, sometimes they try to be nice because they pity me. I started speaking up and people hate it but fuck them, nobody dies in your place!!! You will get respected at least by 1-2-3 person, the rest don't matter. I'm telling you, you don't need to be liked or loved but if they can't even respect your decisions and if they insult you, you don't need them in your life!!!
Great video and super advice. Thank you.
I love this! I wish everyone would watch this! Thank you!
Get up. Go. Yasssss. Tqsm.
You are brilliant. Very good advice. You are gorgeous too
This was so much what I heeded now
Thank you for this channel! I love your channel and your content. Thank you thank you very much!!! 😘😘😘
Hi Julia - what about family members being judgemental to me or ppl that i value so much? It hurts even deeper when those critics come from close family members...
Distance yourself from them! If they don't care about your feelings, if you tell them to stop doing it, but they anyways criticize you, your personality, it shouldn't be tolerated! Tell them the next time they do that, you won't speak to them for 1 day (or other period). When it happens again, immediately stop the conversation and leave. And don't speak for the mentioned time. It takes patience and time. And consistency! Good luck!
@@yaec9056 thank you so much!!! I'm glad that there is someone like you leaving kind comments to strangers!!! T_T
@@heatherwong2914 because I know how it feels! Learn about codependecy. My life's changed a lot since I did it 🤗
Yes, As Ya EC said - establishing healthy boundaries when loved ones are cruel or unkind is essential!
@@juliakristinamah Thanks Julia!! Always learn a lot from you! :)
Hi Julia Kristina :) wow very powerful & beautiful video :) Love it & Yes I am ready :)
Yes Victoria - yes yes!!
And what if your most terrible critics are the ones whose opinion matters a lot? Your parents and your partner. What if other people respond to you in a kind way, and your most close ones do their best to drown you? How can you deal with that?
Learn about codependecy
@@yaec9056 Naaa, you didn't understand. She tells us not to give a damn about what those unimportant to us may say. But what if those who are important basically put you down?
@@Heiligenbeil if what your important people tell you or do to you hurts, it means you're codependent. That's that simple 😊
Julia, are you a grown up? If you are, I have to tell you, the same goes for your parents. As much as we want to get our parents approval as adults, we must differentiate ourselves as our own people. Our job is not to make them happy. To be respectful toward them? yes. To meet their wants, dreams, needs, goals, expectations for us? no.
You are alway spoton
You're a boss! Thanks Julia :D
♡ really helped me ♡
Can you please do one from a relationship and family stand point on critisism where you take everything the wrong way and can't handle any critisism even constructive because it feels like rejection, makes you feel like you're all bad and they don't like or love you anymore? Thank you so much.
love it
Hi there. Okay yes ma’am. Well noted (-:
Yasss!!
Julia Kristina Counselling ❤️
LBW!!
(Like before watching)
I feel a bit disconnected and unhappy within myself I feel as though I am in a unhappy relationship with a member of my family where he critices me a lot or puts me down subtly and I feel a lot of the time not quite good enough and small inside that there is something wrong with me when I said how I feel it felt as if I was being attacked or that how I felt didn't really matter that I was being oversensitive and was the one who was supposed to apologise now I don't want to spend time around him because sometimes i find his jokes are bit mean and unkind and I find it hard to be myself or really express who I am but it's a hard relationship to just walk away from he does these guilt trips about how much he does for me which I find annoying and hard to deal with its kind of getting me down
Perfect timing :D thx youtube algorythm