This really opened my eyes. This was certainly very unexpected and very raw, not only to watch, but to feel as well. We Have couple “exiles” in our system and this video really brought that idea to come forth, honestly. It taught me a lot, not only as the main host, but as an alter. I really should start supporting and helping out everyone in the system more (but given my poor executive function it’s been hard) than I already do and start apologising to the systemmates I have hurt in the past, and so on Thank you, Glo, for opening up about your struggles and I’m sure many people, system or not, can relate. Please do take care, Alexandrite! With love, Zee, The Dreamland System
Thank you for being so open and honest. There’s someone in our system who relates a lot to what you said, but communication has been intense so far, and it’s been hard for me to listen well because I struggle not to shut down around conflict or really intense emotions. Thank you for sharing your side of things and helping me understand how they might be feeling and how I can be more supportive and accountable. Your perspective is so valuable to us. I’m so sorry you’ve felt that kind of hurt, but I’m incredibly grateful that you were willing to share this and that things are improving with time. You are important, your voice matters, and you deserve support and healing and love. 💕
Yeah, they wanted to "put me in the back - forever". They called it going dormant, but to me, it kinda sounded like murder. A) I get that I'm just an alter like all of them. B) I get that I am not quiet and covert like the rest of them. C) I get that due to counseling I know about a lot more trauma than I should (as a Host). D) I get that they don't want me to be 'hurting' knowing about all that. E) I get it might 'be for the greater good'. And then I told my counselor about it, and she was like "Oh, Hell no! I have spent a year getting you to trust me and it wouldn't help the system by going away, because then I have to basically start all over". Spoke to the one that was going to take my place and asked if he was ready for this and the response was, "I am here to be an Internal Protector, hosting was not in the job description. Let's have you try to keep for a while and see how that goes". So, yeah, I can relate. Be Well and Stay Safe. Kindly, Cloud
@@WeAreAlexandra It feels like I'm on probation, so to speak. Either unfortunately, or fortunately, for me, when pushed back, I'm in a little black room and then the amnesia kicks in and I know nothing - no time - just gone.
@@WeAreAlexandra It can be better than seeing everything that is happening for days and not being able to do anything at all except watch. Given a choice of watching for ever or being dormant/exiled, I think I would choose the later. Just seems safer. Like when little ones hide under the blanket.
Not sure if I'm even a system but there's this compassionate, creative, good samaritan side of myself that was forced away for a couple of years. I was under the impression that by having compassion, I may sympathize with the wrong people and that my creativity is a waste of time. It's more of a mindset than a voice that came back, latched herself onto my ex (bc of his sad backstory, artistic talent, and displays of appreciation) and had a hard time getting over him. She was hidden so well, I was accused of lacking empathy, when I know that isn't the case!
I... Thank you for this. It made me realize that, for all my efforts to be better, I never actually apologized to the one I hurt, the one I exiled. I only took responsibility, I didn't communicate it.
lilac: there was definitely a period when I was in a somewhat similar spot, I especially felt the thing about not allowing yourself emotions after a point. things have change a lot in my system for the better since, thankfully. I hope you can eventually be in a place of getting the support you need, and that one day both of us will have healed enough to look back on experiences like this as just a tragic past, no longer actively hurting us. definitely had a somewhat different experience with the not human thing, as really the first one to embrace it, which led to the discovery that people in this brain do better not being human for the most part
I unexpectedly got really emotional when you were going through your "It hurts" lists. Someone in here really relates to what you're saying. Thank you for giving us perspective, there's...work to do. I'm so, so sorry.
thank you for this video. this really affected me and I'm not sure why... i don't understand how my system works... this feels very important though and I'm really glad i saw it and I really appreciate you Glo
Good to hear from you again, Glo! And we're glad to hear you're feeling better. Sorry you have to deal with this being part of your system. I remember Sandra talked abt the driving in another video, and I'm sorry you feel like it's prisoner transport. If it means keeping you all safe I'm glad it's working. But it makes us sad to hear your system have a hard time communicating about these things in a way that everyone feels heard and respected. Hope you work that out eventually. And again: nice to hear from you again :)
Great video! I definitely feared on of our alters that carried a lot of anger and acted indifferent to others but one day I felt her unfiltered pain and loneliness and I knew she was just scared and wanted help... It's hard to communicate sometimes but we try to give her space to express herself more healthy. Definitely a work in progress though! I hope your headmates can have good conversations with you and it was brave for you to share this video :3
Thank you for sharing Glo! I’m super glad that you did. We recently discovered one of our crew i think this is going to really help us be able to understand her so much better now. Thank you so much for sharing. And awesome you did the video in the dark in a way which you felt comfortable, an expression of your needs being respected. :)
Wow, that hit home more then I had expected. Another alter and I are, I guess what you'd call exiled as well. We both have our flaws yes, me more than him, but I do relate to that kind of pain. The others are more excepting of him but for me it's just like...a pit of loneliness. This really did make me feel like I'm not alone in this, and that's something I never thought I'd say. Thanks. - Blank
My one real remaining system mate and I used to be besties and now we like barely get along. It sucks. She still holds a grudge about my attempt. I hate her sometimes. But she hates me sometimes too. IDK. I have kinda beat the shit out of her but we have tourretes and shit so I really don't think it was me in the philosophical. To her credit we alternate days since we're basically stuck in cofront and trying to reach consensus on every decision was a nightmare. But she still micromanages and bullies. She has been violent in return, and often has little concept of proportionate response. She has turned our inner worlds (where she is most often violent) from something beautiful into a nightmare. She's telling me she says sorry as I type this, so it's on the record. I suppose it is her day so I will let her add that. I do think she means well at least 2/3 of the time but it's not enough.
![Chris Langan - The Interview THEY Didn't Want You To See - CTMU [Full Version; Timestamps]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/9miVG2xT5jY/mqdefault.jpg)
I hope the rest of your system watches this video closely, and makes the appropriate changes to help you. Much love! 😊❤️
I hope so as well. There are discussions in the works
This really opened my eyes. This was certainly very unexpected and very raw, not only to watch, but to feel as well. We Have couple “exiles” in our system and this video really brought that idea to come forth, honestly. It taught me a lot, not only as the main host, but as an alter. I really should start supporting and helping out everyone in the system more (but given my poor executive function it’s been hard) than I already do and start apologising to the systemmates I have hurt in the past, and so on
Thank you, Glo, for opening up about your struggles and I’m sure many people, system or not, can relate.
Please do take care, Alexandrite!
With love,
Zee, The Dreamland System
I'm glad I could help, and I'm glad I could inspire you to change your actions
Thank you for being so open and honest. There’s someone in our system who relates a lot to what you said, but communication has been intense so far, and it’s been hard for me to listen well because I struggle not to shut down around conflict or really intense emotions. Thank you for sharing your side of things and helping me understand how they might be feeling and how I can be more supportive and accountable. Your perspective is so valuable to us.
I’m so sorry you’ve felt that kind of hurt, but I’m incredibly grateful that you were willing to share this and that things are improving with time. You are important, your voice matters, and you deserve support and healing and love. 💕
Thank you. I hope you extend those words to the member of your system that you're talking about
The Alexandrite System Yes, absolutely
Yeah, they wanted to "put me in the back - forever". They called it going dormant, but to me, it kinda sounded like murder. A) I get that I'm just an alter like all of them. B) I get that I am not quiet and covert like the rest of them. C) I get that due to counseling I know about a lot more trauma than I should (as a Host). D) I get that they don't want me to be 'hurting' knowing about all that. E) I get it might 'be for the greater good'.
And then I told my counselor about it, and she was like "Oh, Hell no! I have spent a year getting you to trust me and it wouldn't help the system by going away, because then I have to basically start all over".
Spoke to the one that was going to take my place and asked if he was ready for this and the response was, "I am here to be an Internal Protector, hosting was not in the job description. Let's have you try to keep for a while and see how that goes". So, yeah, I can relate.
Be Well and Stay Safe. Kindly, Cloud
I'm glad that change doesn't sound like it went through in your system
@@WeAreAlexandra It feels like I'm on probation, so to speak.
Either unfortunately, or fortunately, for me, when pushed back, I'm in a little black room and then the amnesia kicks in and I know nothing - no time - just gone.
That's not good :/
@@WeAreAlexandra It can be better than seeing everything that is happening for days and not being able to do anything at all except watch. Given a choice of watching for ever or being dormant/exiled, I think I would choose the later. Just seems safer. Like when little ones hide under the blanket.
Not sure if I'm even a system but there's this compassionate, creative, good samaritan side of myself that was forced away for a couple of years. I was under the impression that by having compassion, I may sympathize with the wrong people and that my creativity is a waste of time. It's more of a mindset than a voice that came back, latched herself onto my ex (bc of his sad backstory, artistic talent, and displays of appreciation) and had a hard time getting over him. She was hidden so well, I was accused of lacking empathy, when I know that isn't the case!
I... Thank you for this. It made me realize that, for all my efforts to be better, I never actually apologized to the one I hurt, the one I exiled. I only took responsibility, I didn't communicate it.
I hope you will apologize now
lilac: there was definitely a period when I was in a somewhat similar spot, I especially felt the thing about not allowing yourself emotions after a point. things have change a lot in my system for the better since, thankfully. I hope you can eventually be in a place of getting the support you need, and that one day both of us will have healed enough to look back on experiences like this as just a tragic past, no longer actively hurting us. definitely had a somewhat different experience with the not human thing, as really the first one to embrace it, which led to the discovery that people in this brain do better not being human for the most part
I hope we can move past this one day too
Brb crying. Thank you so much.
🦉 I'm glad I could help 💚
Havent watched all the way through but damn, we relate... -Blaine
Honesty can be hard, but hopefully the rest of the system can take your words to heart and things will get better. 💜💜💜
🦉I hope so too💚
I unexpectedly got really emotional when you were going through your "It hurts" lists. Someone in here really relates to what you're saying. Thank you for giving us perspective, there's...work to do. I'm so, so sorry.
thank you for this video. this really affected me and I'm not sure why... i don't understand how my system works... this feels very important though and I'm really glad i saw it and I really appreciate you Glo
Thank you, I'm glad this could affect you in that way
Good to hear from you again, Glo! And we're glad to hear you're feeling better. Sorry you have to deal with this being part of your system. I remember Sandra talked abt the driving in another video, and I'm sorry you feel like it's prisoner transport. If it means keeping you all safe I'm glad it's working. But it makes us sad to hear your system have a hard time communicating about these things in a way that everyone feels heard and respected. Hope you work that out eventually. And again: nice to hear from you again :)
🦉 Thank you. It's nice to know that people like hearing from me and appreciate hearing my side of all this
Great video! I definitely feared on of our alters that carried a lot of anger and acted indifferent to others but one day I felt her unfiltered pain and loneliness and I knew she was just scared and wanted help... It's hard to communicate sometimes but we try to give her space to express herself more healthy. Definitely a work in progress though!
I hope your headmates can have good conversations with you and it was brave for you to share this video :3
Thank you, I appreciate you sharing your story as well 💚
It was helpful. Thank you for being brave.
🦉 Thank you, friends 💚
Thank you for sharing Glo! I’m super glad that you did. We recently discovered one of our crew i think this is going to really help us be able to understand her so much better now. Thank you so much for sharing. And awesome you did the video in the dark in a way which you felt comfortable, an expression of your needs being respected. :)
Thank you, I hadn't thought about it that way, but you are correct
Wow, that hit home more then I had expected. Another alter and I are, I guess what you'd call exiled as well. We both have our flaws yes, me more than him, but I do relate to that kind of pain. The others are more excepting of him but for me it's just like...a pit of loneliness. This really did make me feel like I'm not alone in this, and that's something I never thought I'd say. Thanks. - Blank
I'm glad I could make you feel not so alone
thank you for sharing Glo
💚
My one real remaining system mate and I used to be besties and now we like barely get along. It sucks. She still holds a grudge about my attempt. I hate her sometimes. But she hates me sometimes too. IDK. I have kinda beat the shit out of her but we have tourretes and shit so I really don't think it was me in the philosophical. To her credit we alternate days since we're basically stuck in cofront and trying to reach consensus on every decision was a nightmare. But she still micromanages and bullies. She has been violent in return, and often has little concept of proportionate response. She has turned our inner worlds (where she is most often violent) from something beautiful into a nightmare.
She's telling me she says sorry as I type this, so it's on the record. I suppose it is her day so I will let her add that. I do think she means well at least 2/3 of the time but it's not enough.
I love you guys so much
💚
We love the color green
Please tell audrey we said hello
Thank you, it's my color - Glo
Thank you Glo