Weaponized Incompetence is a Nightmare
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 5 авг 2024
- Use RAY to get 55% off your first month at Scentbird sbird.co/3vmZhlm
This month I received...
Eros by Versace sbird.co/4cpxJfx
Not a Perfume by Juliette Has A Gun sbird.co/4a1K4oQ
Peau by Arquiste sbird.co/3IMQ1Kj
Ikon Ice by Zirh sbird.co/43rNYos
Use RAY to get 55% off your first month at Scentbird sbird.co/3vmZhlm
omg, congrats on your first sponsorship
Please look into the Scentbird CEO
Bruh weaponizing incompetence is literally such a huge red flag. Like, putting effort for your partner is the bare minimum, they're not your parent, they're your PARTNER.
FR
I mean. The people who act like this were never looking for an equal partner though. I know that isn't like a hot take or whatever but...a huge amount of people are like this. They don't want a partner to live and love and grow with. They want a live-in therapist and fuck maid. It's a MASSIVE red flag and I don't recommend anyone take it as a joke. That person will straight up ruin your life and take you for granted. That's a huge hard stop for me.
In that same vein?
- They don't help their family when they visit
- They believe that there are strict roles each of you have to play without nuance
-They try to establish rules for you that they don't follow themselves in regards to household hygiene
-They brag about things - ie cooking/cleaning up - but you never see them actually doing those things
- Constantly asking you to do things they could easily do themselves and getting upset/hurt when you refuse
Remember - It doesn't matter how nice/cute/funny about it they may play it off.... it's a very bad sign if your partner treats you like a maid who's responsibility it is to keep the house. It's not funny. It's not cute. And you will absolutely resent it eventually.
And it's not even about just not "letting them get away with it." They know exactly what they're doing and will resent YOU if you put your foot down and hold them to the same level of expectation. You cannot train these people out of this. They will absolutely loathe you for it because they WANT TO BE A LAZY PARTNER. These are the same people who are married for 15+ years and actively walk around talking about how they hate their spouse.
People who weaponize incompetence are not ready for healthy, long term relationships with anyone. Because they also treat their friends like that too so they also tend to lack any significant interpersonal relationships on top of it. They literally seek out people who will put up with them with the full intention of behaving this way and it's deeply toxic and dehumanizing.
No one should reduce a partner to a list of expectations and chores and this entire attitude is rooted in misogyny and classism.
Do not trust people who act like this. Even as a friend. They do not value other people as individuals and they will drain you like an emotional vampire. They are not capable of caring enough to change. Like yes this was such a long response but I genuinely have so much resentment for people like this on a base level.
THISSS!!! like its highkey disturbing how much they js rely on and disrespect their partner bc theyre lazy.
Listen- would I like to have a caretaker partner? Yes, yes I would (mainly because I struggle to care for myself due to mental health). But does that mean I'm going to deprive them of favors? Definitely not. There's no excuse for not putting effort into a relationship.
@@HazZzel- I think there's a major difference between weaponized incompetence and having a partner who has specific needs that may be more than the standard expectation. Disabled people deserve to have partners even if there are tasks around the house that they can't complete or they struggle to maintain due to their disability or condition. That's not laziness it's just a definition of their abilities.
But this is actually a huge issue disabled people DO face. Whereas many people will excuse and laugh off weaponized incompetence, people are deeply resentful of being a support system to a disabled partner and results in abuse and neglect and those are two very different conversations.
I also struggle heavily with mental illness and I don't think it's a very good idea to want a partner to be your caretaker for that. They should absolutely be an important part of your support system but that's VERY different from wanting someone to take care of you. A huge part of managing mental health is internal. In order to develop good habits and take care of yourself you have to practice. I think it's okay to expect them to bring it up gently if they think you're struggling and support you in following those patterns but at the end of the day it's still you who has to take care of you. And if you can't do that it's probably not a great idea to seek out a romantic relationship. The verbage of wanting a "caretaker partner" is concerning and feels like what you need might be a daily aid if things are that bad for you. Don't put that kind of burden on a romantic partner. They should know about and support your mental health journey but it's not someone else's job to manage that for you. Romantic relationships are already a lot of work so if you feel you need a caretaker to get through general daily tasks...then you likely aren't going to be prepared for a healthy relationship. Wanting someone to take care of you isn't inherently wrong but consider that they're also going to be their own person likely going through their own stresses and having that expectation would almost certainly cause unnecessary strain. It's a slippery slope of ending up in a codependent relationship and it still wouldn't improve your mental health.
I'm not saying that to be rude or mean spirited either. I've just had partners treat me that way and it's honestly pretty dehumanizing considering I also struggle with mental illness. I fully understand the desire to be taken care of but that's just not how you should approach or process a relationship. It takes a lot of time and effort to develop good habits and I really encourage you to do so. That way when you're in a relationship you have the skills to take care of yourself but seek support when you need it.
Weaponized incompetence is what is behind of "women iniciate 70% divorces".
Yup. That and the myriad of ways men exploit women and their labor/wombs.
Exactly. But the men love to tell the story of how their evil ex wife left them for absolutely no reason at all.
@@chihirostargazer6573this! it’s always the “she left me for no reason” bc they don’t see how all this is MORE THAN ENOUGH reason especially if it piles up for years.
@@chihirostargazer6573 Two biggest red flags when they talk about their ex gf:
"My ex left me for no reason" and "My ex is a total psychopath"
@@MiniyaI've on two separate occasions seen men not realize why their wives left them until they made a musical/documentary about their lives where the script/viewer reactions told them why. Some people are clueless.
My mum brags about the fact that she walked on foot to hospital when pregnant with me, gave birth, came back home the same day on foot and continued what she'd been doing which was apparently mopping the floor (bent down with a bucket and a rug) with me strapped to her back. As a kid I thought this was pretty cool and she was a model wife. As an adult I realise what a shit husband this makes my dad look like.
Edit: Yes this makes my mum badass. My dad being shitty doesn't nullify that. Forgot to make that clear.
She still sounds like a hero of sorts but yeah, your dad 😶
@@BlackRaven000 oh yeah, she definitely is. Forgot to make that clear😅
It’s amazing what we think is normal as kids until we become adults and realize it’s not normal.
Honestly that sounds sad, but also mum seems so badass
Yeah that's how we cope and get validation. Talking ourselves up as ultra-capable of doing the damn thing without his help, functions as a way to get through it and eventually a protest of doing everything alone and not asking or expecting sht from him...which isn't bugging them, it was the entire point.
Describing it as "getting stuck with the kids" is a huge red flag
Right?? Like?? 🤯🤯🤯 "Ur telling me I need to take care of the kids I put on this earth instead of just getting irresponsibly drunk w my buddies???" Shouldve married one of ur mates then
Or “babysitting”. Like…you’re not babysitting, they’re your own fucking kids! They’re not just around for when it’s convenient for you to play “cool and fun dad” so people can give you ass pats on social media about what a good parent you are for bare minimum effort.
It kills me that it’s 2024 and so many people act like anything child related is still “women’s work” even when both parents increasingly have to work full time to get by.
some men *don't like* their wives and children. they want the status of being a family man but don't want the responsibility
@witcherye you're absolutely right. My dad was/is like this. He is an abusive alcoholic. I wont trauma dump, but he's awful. My mom divorced him last year, and he has only gotten worse. He still doesn't clean or do any house work. He now has his mom-who, within the last two years, broke her hip and had hip replacement and also got diagnosed with lymphoma- come over ever Sunday to clean for him. He hasn't made any house payments this year, and has over 5k in credit card debt, I could keep going. Absolutely useless as an adult.
@@caitreed01 wtf?? do we have the same father? lol in another comment I also talked about how my father is an alcoholic and that my mother recently divorced him. he went back to my grandmother's house and is living with her, but she is sick (heart problems) and he still doesn't do anything to help her at home. he is deep in debt despite having a good salary and he complains about having to pay child support 💀
ending up in a relationship like this is my worst nightmare…
Fate worse than death
I'm not interested in romantic relationships at all but yeah, same
Same i’m so glad i’m with a woman
@catdownthestreet I've started to be very turned off romantic relationships as well because of this lol
@@ellegmye Lol, understandable. For me it's just my aroace-ness.
Him asking her to make a roast two days after giving birth is a slap in the face, but it’s even worse because he’s demanding that she make a dinner to entertain his parents two days after giving birth. If my husband pulled that shit I think his parents would bring me to their house to take care of me and the baby and disown their son.
Sounds like something my dad would do smh
literally my first thought. but they were the ones who raised him so it’s not super surprising if they expect to show up to have dinner made for them instead of… helping out brand new parents
How hard is it to just make some dinner?
Brain surgery didn't stop me from cooking the lazy woman can make some food oh also she's also gonna eat it...she's being asked to make her own dinner
Entitled spoiled women are not worth the effort
Every man had been alone and lonely and had to do everything by himself.
Pretty sure these women just deliberately mess up their houses on purpose to make internet clout videos
He probably could have asked his parents and they would have gladly come over and cooked whatever (after gushing over their new grandchild).
New Dad should be able to handle a roast, but at the very least he could boil some pasta and brown some hamburger and call it dinner, his parents aren't going to be paying much attention to the meal, that's not why they're there.
god i hope it's fake
I've watched men go from like fully functioning adult with spotless house to literal screaming child like the second they move in with a woman because exploiting the labour of women is just more beneficial for them. It's so ingrained in society that their friends will be like "oh she didn't clean your entire house? She's not treating you right".
This is why you judge men by their homes.
The amount of mess you see in their environment is the MINIMUM amount of mess you'll be expected to clean.
@@jadecoolness101Yes but like the original commenter said some men will have clean homes but the moment they live with you they expect you to pick up that work for them. So judging their homes doesn't guarantee they won't make you clean up after them later.
@ellegmye I know a man who, in his youth, lived with a bunch of other guys, when first establishing themselves. The guys would cook and generally handle their business and affairs. Many years later, my relative moved in with this guy when they were both adults. He never picked up another pan. My relative and her daughters made and cooked every meal in the house.
The man also had 2 sons (in THAT house, but many more than those 2). One day, one of the daughters tried to teach the younger teen son how to cook, so she so being bothered. The father threw a a FIT about teaching his son "women's work," and wouldn't allow it. After my relative eventually moved out and left him, he continued to go to her home for years (still does) to eat HER food, drink her tea, etc.
This came from a man who is literally a medical doctor. Someone who has traveled internationally, and had taken care of himself before. Soon as he lived with a woman, it's like the file got deleted. Sometimes you can def tell, but the switch up/entitlement is WILD
@@ellegmye key word, MINIMUM
@@naediggs4816 That's absolutely pathetic of him. I wish your relative would stop letting him eat their food. It's crazy he doesn't even want his own son to be a well adjusted adult who is capable of taking care of himself.
If I had a son who acted like the guy in the first clip, I would I would be so ashamed of him and myself for somehow failing to raise him to be empathetic to his wife’s pain.
Two days. He gave her TWO DAYS to ‘be lazy’ and is now expecting her to bounce back and cook. Men are so lucky that their wives can’t transfer the pregnancy to them instead.
I have two young boys. I am terrified of them turning out like the jerk from video one. If the in laws are coming over it should be WITH food and to clean her house. Not to get food and be catered to.
When I had our second child, our home went to sh*t because my husband was working two jobs and I was the main care taker for our newborn, toddler, puppy, and house. He wanted to make me a "chore chart" so I could "get housework done in a timely manner". Yea... We butted heads, almost divorced, and somehow grew up and BOTH calmed down with maturity and understanding of the other person's needs. My husband is the BEST now... So kind, caring, level-headed, and helpful but still a leader. I'm so happy we both learned to communicate
@@absolutelyridiculous6743
Na f that. Those colors will come out again later.
@@magnarcreed3801 Not necessarily, it's 100% possible for people to grow and change as people
There were comments on another video that is worth repeating. 1 two days after having a child isn’t a good time to visit anyone it’s also dangerous to the baby with 0 new immune system. 2 never visit new parents expecting anything … bring them food and help tidy around their home.
The guy blaming the kids for being alive sounds a lot like my mum complaining how she had to feed us, clothe us and keep a roof over our heads and we should be so grateful because it could’ve been a lot worse like we could’ve been abandoned. Growing up I felt horrible for being an inconvenience but now as an adult I’ve just started to realise I shouldn’t be feeling bad because that’s something to be expected of. That dad is creating that kind of relationship with his kids by blaming them for just existing
when he was the one who put them in existence in the first place lol. he could just not have kids and avoid it
Exactly how my mom is. Wow, house and feed the children you decided to have, groundbreaking parenting 😒
My mother did that, and was so pissed when I said I was jealous of any kid who didn't have to live with her. I was correct, got to move into a group home not longer after, and it was far nicer.
Lmao thanks so much for doing the bare minimum, mom
@aaunyea4799 you clearly don't know how much more common child neglect and abuse is. "Taking care of kids you had should be a given" you'd think that wouldn't you. Life is not like that. It's cruel.
The pumpkin one is 100% passive aggressive on his part, he’s punishing her for not picking up his phone call
That, and for daring to ask him to contribute at all, despite the fact that "doing the shopping" while your wife is making the entire Thanksgiving meal is *by far* the better end of that deal.
Did he never shop for groceries for himself when living alone? Never had to think "Do I have this at home already? Will it be worth coming back to the store for if it turns out I didn't? Is this something that's going to go bad if I have more than I need for this week?"
@@SuprousOxide probably not. probably lived with mom until dating and had his girlfriends then wife do it
If my partner was making an entire thanksgiving feast, I’d return to the store, and anything else they asked of me. 😓
I know!!! and the amount of people in the comments that were agreeing with him was just insane. „he is doing her a FAVOR! She should be grateful he even went shopping fo her in the first place!“ - My dude, it‘s called doing your part. 🙄
This definitely feels like the product of boy mums, like they just scream “my mum cuts the crust of my sandwiches why can’t you🥺”
100%.
I think misogyny is taught differently by maternal and paternal figures to their sons.
Mothers smother their sons (maybe a little emotional incest i.e. no women will love you as much as me etc.), generally baby them and do every thing for them like they are some gods gifts on earth.
Fathers on the other hand may teach controlling and similarly abusive traits (often shown by how the father treats their own mother) i.e. I don't want you to wear that, you can't wear that or I wont "allow" you to wear that - just feel entitled to control (slowly) every aspect of their partner until they make choices and decisions for them.
A lot of women, especially of an older generation and those that live in misogynistic cultures, have a lot of internalised misogyny. They treat their sons like princes because they are taught that boys are worth most than girls.
Lmaoooo
So glad my parents aren't like this with each other.
💯🎯🤢🤮🤧
@@LukiaChan08 thats exactly it.
It's so freaking funny to me that these alpha men always go on and on about how men are the providers and how women are helpless without them, while simultaneously having close to none of the general basic living skills and one trip to the grocery store can drive them to a literal meltdown
I've heard so many times "men are happiest married, women are happiest single" I don't know why men still think its ok not to do these certain household tasks.
😂😂😂 absolutely bonkers
He is such an alpha, he needs a mother to function
Call it what it is: a tantrum because no one will do it for him
@@zellalaing5439 They acutally did a study and women live longer when they are single (compared to married women) and men live longer married (compared to single men). From what I understand, it's the stress which shortens life span. Of course when you are in a healthy relationship both partners live longer.
My dad was exactly like these husbands and almost killed me and my mom with it
Later when the divorce that was far to late happened my mom learnd my little brother to do laundry because she didn't want him to end up like our dad. Our dad go so angry that we forced his son to fo women's work that he puncht a hole in the wall of my mom's house
My brother still does his own laundry and sometimes cooks for us when we are buzzy
Christ Almighty, sorry you had to go through that. Hopefully all of you are alright.
Also, something tells me your brother is more successful than your father🙃
My mom was worked into the grave at 59 years old because of one of these black hole men.
I'm glad your brother will grow up to be a competent adult👍🏽 Your father is an embarrassment to himself
cooking isn't womens work, if you go into any professional kitchen there will be more men than women
I hope your dad is in jail?! Why the heck does he feel entitled to damage your mums house? What a complete nutjob he shouldnt be anywhere outside in civilised society!??
The pumpkin thing is a great example of a man ”just following instructions” instead of thinking for himself so he can put the blame on whoever wrote the list.
Honestly my brain kinda turns off when I’m following instructions and I probably would have walked out the store without the pumpkin too. However, if I then got told we did need it, I would suck it up and go back to the store. Why does the guy in the video act like it’s outrageous and unfair that he has to turn around mid-drive, but thinks it’s totally ok for his wife to make the entire trip to fix HIS mistake?
this right here seems a bit like narcissism does it not?
It felt to me like the guy was mad he had to go to the store in the first place and was looking for a reason to blame his anger on her.
@@DimaRakesahYup. He was basically trying to punish her for daring to bother him with an errand.
I used to watch the pumpkin guy, but I saw a few videos that put me off (not every joke will land, I get that) - his video just ticked me off though, just get the damn can of pumpkin
2:44 i think that video may be one of the most genuinely cruel and uncaring things i have ever witnessed on tiktok... i so hope she can leave him and make a better life for herself and her baby
Yeah I feel bad for her and the baby because tbh that’s probably the start of the end. 0 respect for her “ooh yeah it’s been 2 days and you’ve been doing nothing” bruh 😂 like if he was asking for something small that takes 20-30 minutes to cook then oke. But a full roast takes a lot of time
@@TheSnisel no the fact of the matter is is that men are also human beings that should be able to take care of themselves. That means your basic needs so if it’s so short of a time for it to cook then he can do it himself. This is why I would never marry anyone in the foreseeable future without making sure that they are not a toddler at heart. Because women are not your mommies and we are not here to make you food on demand. If the roles were reversed I would expect my significant other to make me food and if they cannot manage they will not be my significant other.
@@Redfern4I wholeheartedly agree
People have said that the couple were doing a bit on tiktok and had a video explaining it's a joke
I've seen worse from tiktok and I don't even HAVE tiktok. Trust me, she's had her time to get out of that relationship. Men don't grow red flags the second a baby pops out of their wife's vag. I hope she can leave him and live a better life, but she should really not be surprised.
Now I’m *stuck* with the kids!
WITH A CONTROLLER IN HIS HAND
Definitely the kind of dad who thinks that walking to the park and spending hours silently on his phone is "spending quality time with the kids". If you're not interacting, you're, at best, supervising, not parenting. Which is fine when the kid wants some alone-time, but not when they're trying to engage and you're prioritizing Clash of Clans or whatever. It's fine to have a reasonable amount of "me time" for your sake and the kid's, in terms of you not burning-out as a caregiver, but it's pretty obvious that a lot of these dudes think their "me time" should be "all of it".
@@michaelccozensright? I have nieces and nephews and even I put down my phone to play with them. It’s not that hard, especially if they’re little since little kids are in my experience, easy to keep entertained. It’s turned me into the fun tia that they all run happily to. I get parenting is hard and tiring, but what kids value most is quality time. Even if it’s just the dad reading a book to them, I’m sure those kids would’ve been over the moon.
The fact that she can't go out for an hour makes _him_ stuck with the kids.
@@Poodle_Gun ?
@@herpdyderpp
They're making fun of the guys mentality.
The mom is taking care of the kids a majority of the time, and took an hour to go to the gym.
The dude acted like an hour was the end of the world.
The ’blaming their own children’ is so spot on. When my mom had a night shift my dad would always ask her to put me & my brother to bed first when he himself had NO night shift and my mom ended up driving to work very late at night which is dangerous and if me & my brother were still somehow awake after my mom was out of the house, dad would say that our mom had left burdens at home for him to take care of. Men are just fucking hilarious sometimes
"Women don't love me because I'm short."
@BR-esz-0000 "Women don't love me because i don't have a six figure income"
That kind of selfishness is just absolutely insane
@@aaunyea4799what does six figures mean?
@@amelinnorthwind google
Anytime I encounter weaponized incompetence, I call it out. I say "either you are genuinely dumb, or you are doing it poorly to get me to do it." They do not like the implication that they are stupid, so they start actually doing things properly.
I do this with my step kids bm and she always gets defensive when called out😮
@napalm_lipbalm86 yep. They do hate it, but than it gets turned around and they start gaslighting. It's just better to wait to have kids to see what he is actually like with doing basic things and if you start fighting all the time the first 2 years of them doing the chores it's better to not have kids.
No the real joke is claiming that domestic duties are easy while doing the absolute utmost to avoid anything remotely resembling it. Like I thought it was soooooo easy.
Compare domestic duties to bricklaying, now do them after bricklaying for 10 hours. If the man spent the entire day doing work and the woman did not, is it unreasonable?
@@Gr3nadgr3goryHow many men are bricklayers? 🙄
@@fayepatrice1672 well 97% of 64,000 total bricklayers. This is one of many physically taxing jobs that women tend not to do.
@@Gr3nadgr3gory 64000 out of 165 million men in the U.S. is nothing. And women also do physically demanding jobs. 22% of laborers are female. And cleaning, food service, early childhood care, and caregiving aren’t officially classified as heavy labor but are also extremely physically demanding. Those jobs are predominantly female. Nurses are lifting patients and on their feet all day. Daycare workers are lugging toddlers and running around. Working in a restaurant is murder on your joints. Add that to the fact that men and women are equally likely to have office jobs, and I really don’t know what point you’re trying to make. But I will concede that the 0.0004% of men who are bricklayers have a valid excuse for doing lighter chores like dishwashing when they get home. The other 99.999% of men can help around the house🙄
@@Gr3nadgr3gory 64,000 out of 165 million men? And women hold 22% of laborer jobs officially. Unofficially, service jobs like nursing, caretaking, child care and foodservice are also very physically taxing. Working at work doesn’t automatically excuse any able bodied adult from working at home. It’s called being responsible. But ofc families can divide labor as they see fit. Just don’t use bs excuses to force your wife into carrying all the domestic load.
I saw a video, of the wife of the last husband. She was cooking by herself, taking care of their kids and the dog got sick and vomited all over the living room and the husband has the nerve to post his ridiculous video.
he was probably recording it as she was still scrubbing the vomit out of the carpet
@@dietotakuhe sure wasn't lifting a finger to be useful.
probably rage bait. it worked
My coworker who’s wife was going through chemo AND still working told me he was really being supportive of her, telling her she didn’t need to cook him a whole meal for dinner when she gets home, she can just heat him up a frozen dinner. He seemed really proud of himself. I wanted so bad to ask him why he couldn’t make his own damn microwave meal but I didn’t want to start something in the workplace.
The only damn way it could even be spin in a positive light, if the wife likes stability and trying to normalize her already chaotic life. But I would be highly skeptical as well. Feeling useless while sick is an awful feeling, but that's the generous narrative and even then it's a bit much.
Wish I was there. Idc where we are, at work or not. Dude needs a reality check.
How generous of him
He lets his sick wife eat frozen meals, he doesn't cook for his sick wife 🤦♀️
Oh man! I so wish you did ask him that!
I'm just saying, divorce is in view for some of these women. Even with kids. Men really think a kid or kids will secure his place... but she's just divorcing dead weight at her breaking point lol. She's abandoning the 20+, 30+ yr old dependent at that point 😂 that one guy is gonna be making a tiktok in the near future on how he never saw it coming lol
"Most divorces are initiated by women!"
Gee I wonder why.
Married moms have an extra 10 hours of home labor to do (on AVERAGE) when compared with their single counterparts
Many divorced women say that their much happier being a single parent because their work load has decreased by one dependent. There is also the release of the emotional labour of living with a functional human being who can take care of themselves but refuses to do so.
@@Chaosqueenngami Yup. A lot of kids will say their life got better without their father making their home environment miserable as well
They should divorce precisely because of their kids. A miserable marriage affects children development in terrible ways. If my own parents had divorced much sooner I’d probably have a healthier view of relationships now as an adult.
I WISHED my parents would have gotten divorced. I first told my mom that when I was like 8 and continued to encourage her to do that until she died a few years ago. Still married to him. .. I thought my own divorce from my own husband (initiated by me) might show her she could do it. She just .. had chained her life to this fuck and was going to go down with the ship. I guess.
My brother used to purposefully do chores wrong so our parents would make me do them bc he "doesn't know how to"💀
He's older than me btw
Man that would pisss me off to no end
@@roxyusami4878 It did😭
My brother legit didn't know when he moved out and called my mom to ask how. Thankfully, he was willing to learn.
My brother tried something similar. My mother responded that he needed practice.
Standard male tactics in many situations, I'm afraid.
and men wonder why more and more women are choosing to stay single, not settle down and definitely not have kids. It’s so hard for men to do the simplest things, while at the same time believing they are the most valuable person because they work/pay bills. Yet, when women do that, domestic labor, own their own houses/cars/etc and don’t want a men, then women are seen as selfish, rude or a bitch. I feel for any woman that just accepts this or thinks it’s the norm because they saw their parents being like this, or had a brother(s) that could do this and get away with it, while all the pressure was on their shoulders.
Legit, they're the cause of the "male loneliness epidemic"
I stopped dating in my 20s after my second ex dropped the "fun, charming, caring" mask and revealed himself to be a leech who expected me to pay for everything and drive him everywhere, while he spent his own money on videogames and cigarettes. Never seemed to have money for important things like food or clothes, and was wearing stuff he borrowed from his dad to work. He ate whatever his dad cooked.
My friend who was dating a guy reported that he was treating her the same way--he was immature and selfish and also controlling.
I read a lot of self-help books and books about relationships, and once I realized how common these behaviors are from some men, I gave up and decided I didn't want to be anybody's mommy/maid/chauffeur/friends-with (no) benefits...
Funny thing is, I also had money for videogames...and car payments...and college supplies. AND single handedly paying for all our dates, AND putting gas in my car. Almost like I was behaving like an adult...😒
@@rosethorne9155I would have dipped the first time he said anything like that, If he made me pay or had a nasty attitude for not being able to do something, He gets like a week to reedem himslef if his attitude hadnt change hes a goner
@@amelinnorthwind Oh, that mess only lasted a few months. He was only able to pretend that long, and I started asking questions and not getting good answers. Anytime I said I didn't have extra money, he'd try to wheedle me into coming over to "hang out"...and after awhile, even THAT got boring! 🤣
I had to ghost him. To this day I thank my anxiety (which feels weird to say) because I just couldn't take it. I couldn't deal with his nonsense. So I just didn't.
The red pill guys constantly bitch that women initiate 70-80% of divorces. Supposedly, it's because the women just got bored, or they weren't happy. So many men pull this crap. Gee, can't imagine why the woman isn't happy, and why many of them eventually snap and just give up and turn him loose. There is also domestic abuse that still happens. Men still cheat twice as much as women do. It's still a bit over 20% of men cheating in relationships. So it's no wonder women inititate divorce a lot more. Men live longer lives when married, women do not. It's easy to see why that would be. Most men, if they can turn a women into their unpaid slave, they will do it and not even care a bit that they are. Since all the household administration is also up to the woman, that's another reason that women file so much more. It's often not even the women who initated the separation. it can be the man running off w/ his secretary, but the man won't get around to filing, because then he'll have to pay child support. So the woman files, jsut because the man left that for her to do too.
5:49 This right here is a prime example of somebody that wasn’t ready to realize hey I can’t spend all my time with grown men as if I’m an eight year old and we’re on summer break. You just had a newborn meaning that’s just as much your responsibility as it is her. This is why the birth rate is going down because I would be dead before I would let a dude pull the wool over my eyes and make me feel that idiotic to have a baby with him. 
But it's his best mate's BIRFDAY!!!
🙄
Whole ass grown supposed men crying about their birthdays is pathetic.
Yeah, that man has not developed emotionally since about 6.
Guys out here wanna do the deed but not take care of the seed.
@@katherinemoore3059💯
@@user-ff6yo2bm6f If the guy is truly his "best mate", they'd work together to figure a way to fulfill the new dad's responsibilities to his family in a way that then left them some free time for celebrating. Or just grasp that little kids are only that small and demanding for a few years and that your personal life might have to take a back-seat to the responsibilities you chose to take-on.
I'd love to see this guy try to yell at his boss that he should get paid time off because "IT'S MY BEST MATE'S BIRTHDAY".
the pumpkin video irritates me so much, because there is so much you can do with canned pumpkin, if you had an extra can, so what? just make pumpkin curry, just make a smoothy or an extra thing of pumpkin bars. My family has a can of pumpkin puree all year round
Plus, it’s not like it’ll go bad any time soon. It’s canned! It’s fine if you have extra sitting in the pantry because you can always use it later!
But then he couldn't punish her for not being at his beck and call all the time! How dare she not drop everything to answer the phone when he called! That'll teach the bitch!
Honestly the only thing I was thinking of was ‘do they have space?’ bc that’s always my thought when I get sent to the grocery store. But I’d still get the extra can anyways
Fr! Just communicate that you're getting some just in case 🤦 bases covered!
I swear I’ve seen that same exact video before but it was nachos and he didn’t buy chips
Weaponised incompetence is what I've grown with in my family, and I'm scared to end up in same marriage where if I get sick or fully debilitated I'll end up being technically dating or married while also being "single" and caring for another human with no help, or worse, they'll just yell and worsen my physical and mental state.
I'm in my mid-twenties, never had any relationship and I think I'll never will because I'm so scared I'll end up in this situation, ESPECIALLY with kids. Nope, nope, thank you, no.
Same, I am 24 and basically have the same upbringing and my fear is the same as yours.
Same.
26 here, same!
id say "noo why that wont happen" but yeah men are shitheads it will happen most likely
6B4T!
My ex weaponized incompetence so bad he’d ruin loads of laundry just so he didn’t have to do laundry anymore. The man was a mechanical engineer, that “just couldn’t figure out how to do laundry 🥺. You’re so much better at it than me 🥺🥺”
I was recovering from pneumonia and didn’t clean the entire time I was sick. Almost 2 weeks of stacked up dishes, dirty floors, he couldn’t even manage to cook any food and got takeout for us 🌝
It took me over a week to catch up on cleaning when I felt well enough to walk around.
I could not deal with the incompetence any longer 😩
Yeah the build up when you're sick is so exhausting! You start to dread getting well again because all it'll bring you is an overwhelming workload
Honestly, I probably would have walked out. Packed up my personal belongings and bounced. I would NOT have cleaned that up.
I had a baby last week and yup. Takeout every day and I've got a huge backlog of chores I'm working on. He's ruined every load of laundry, despite the washer and dryer being HIS that HE brought when we moved in together...
@@valeriaswanne
I'm a guy and even I don't know how someone manages to mess up laundry.
There's instructions on everything from the washing machines to the tags on shirts.
After I had surgery I couldn’t do anything. My ex husband was complaining how messy it was at home. Dude, I can’t even get out of bed without help or get dressed and you think I just clean after your lazy a$s all day? My dad (lives in the same house) complained about not having clean cutlery after I was hospitalized for a week and I had to clean the whole kitchen while being on pain meds. He even can’t put the trash in the trash can.
my step dad was raised by a total boy mom so he can barely cook and he has social anxiety so he hates going grocery shopping but the difference is that he has never spoken to my mom like that once in their 20 years of marriage. he always thanks my mom for having dinner ready for him when he gets home. if my mom gets mad at him because he did something wrong he never argues with her and actully listens to her so he can do it better next time. and he goese out of his way to make my moms life easier by taking care of the tasks he can do. like take full care of our ducks. and handling anything to do with there cars. i am so glad that i have a step dad who never takes advantage of my mom kindness and love.
Awww they sound like a team
Learning from your mistakes and trying to be better for other is probably the best life-skill to have
I like that, taking responsibility for himself and working as a team. Both of your parents make great role models and I hope they're doing well.
Sorry why are we acting like that excuses it? Bcus hes a widdle baby wiv social anxiety who wuvs wifey so much??? Like wtf, your stepdad should start acting like a grown man. You dont see women getting let off the hook because of social anxiety. This is still a double standard, doesnt matter if hes a snivelling tard about it. Disgraceful.
The difference between weaponized incompetence and sincere incompetence
being so dedicated to laziness that you are willing to make everyone hate having you around and have absolutely no respect from your family is fascinating. like a normal person would surely feel a semblance of humiliation for having to pretend they dont know how to turn a dishwasher on
Especially in the age of the Internet, when a million excellent "how-to" videos for virtually any task are literally 5 seconds away.
They never consider the fallout of their behaviors. They don't think of anybody else's time, needs, or feelings at all.
That's why they're always SHOCKED surprisedPikachuFace.jpg when their girlfriends and wives leave them. 🙄
This is what my step kids bm does and she has custody of them😮
@@michaelccozens No one is that stupid that they think you can stack dishes inside each other and the dishwasher magically cleans them. They've seen the inside of a loaded dishwasher before. They either had to put their own cup away, or they were in the damn kitchen when she was loading or unloading it. That was totally on purpose, just to get out of it. I'd be making that POS load and unload it every time, just for that crap.
It’s also not just about the partner. These people are whole ass adults who should share the work load of keeping an environment they live in too tidy
Right? They aren't helping mommy, this is their responsibility and they are failing to meet the most basic standards and then don't understand why their partner is mad.
When I got pregnant my husband became over helpful. Like he refuses to let me do anything alone. He already did a lot around the house but now he is doing like 3/4 of the chores because he just wants me to relax and have a stress free pregnancy. Looks like I lucked out.
You guys sound like a great couple 😊 wishing you all the best!
My boyfriends dad literally told him as a child "If you load the dishwasher wrong enough, eventually your mom will stop asking you to do it." Luckily he's nothing like his dad in that way
He's still a man. He's still violent and evil. Even if it's just by association of him being born a man it doesn't absolve him. It's why I can never transition
Better than texting to ask about canned pumpkins is already knowing if you need canned pumpkins or not because you actually checked already in preparation for thanskgving instead of assuming and making your wife do everything.
This an additional point I hadn't yet considered. If he's the one going out to grab things, he should be capable of investigating the ingredients already in the house
I don’t know if this was mentioned but almost EVERY sitcom has this as a normal “haha funny” thing.
Right? And then you also have Addams Family where Morticia and Gomez are head over heels for each other are one of the healthiest relationships in media... but they are also supposed to be a satire...
You've unlocked what women truly want! We want men roasting incompetent men. You have got yourself a new subscriber!
Isn't that just the male version of a "Pick me"? I agree, clearly some dudes are shit. But I'm not about to go on AL Gore's internet and say all dudes are shit. Plenty of Single or Stay at home Dad's doing great jobs at home, but normal and well adjusted people don't post their lives online. The idea of filming and posting your partner without their consent is a giant deal breaker for me from either side, it's just sad and terrible for the relationship regardless of circumstance.
Ditto! This is why I divorced and have never gotten remarried.
@@User-pw3pu Put down the red flag, my dude.
@@User-pw3puincel behavior. He never said all dudes were crap he said these ones.
@@User-pw3pu no a pick me betrays her gender because she wants male attention and often brings up points about the gender that are wrong to pander. Ray is acting with: Common sense. hope this helps
For the pumpkin story just turn around and go back its no big deal. Instead youre gonna make your wife go, naw dawg thats a bitch move.
When I was in the hospital from having my daughter, the other woman in the room with me had an emergency c-section after 19 hrs of labouring. The nurses sent her partner home to rest since they were going to be in with her a lot while she was coming out of her medication and they said they would keep the baby with them at the nurses station so she could rest. Their logic was that she would really need him when she had fully processed all her meds, so they gave him a time in the morning to come back because he would need to learn how to help her get out of bed and walk for when she was able to move around again…that time in the morning arrived, she vomited so hard her stitches ripped and fainted…two hours later, her partner strolled in with pillows FOR HIMSELF and an extra large pizza, and proceeded to watch a loud movie while his partner, both our babies, my husband and I were all trying to sleep. When we were leaving, this guy had pushed his partner that had just given birth, had a traumatic surgery and a traumatic experience coming out of her medication all the way to one side of the bed so he could curl up with his pillows watching another movie. I had given birth pretty recently myself, but it took everything I had not to go in there and start screaming at him. Buddy was the definition of weaponized incompetence.
Not sure about weaponised incompetence - it's certainly the definition of spoilt brat who shouldn't be a dad!
You really have to wonder why some people choose to anchor themselves and a helpless bew person (infant) to an evil grown infant like this though.
*new
😢 That poor woman! What a traumatic, nightmarish thing to have to live through!
I hope she left him and found people who love her and will care for her...
That’s not even weaponised incompetence… That’s borderline abuse.
my ex was like this. thanking all the gods and the universe every day that i didn't marry him
Same. When he claimed he couldn’t figure out where to take the recycling when you could see the dumpster from the door, his bitch ass was out. He didn’t even pay rent!!!
You should really be thanking YOURSELF for having the self respect to leave. That was ALL YOU! good job for taking care of yourself
@@Weirdguy38 Yeah you're right, this made me feel really great thank you!
@@Weirdguy38 what you said!🙌
I saw a post of a husband filming his post-partum wife having a break down who was obviously struggling and he was just sitting filming her. All the misogynistic men in the comments were justifying his actions when they clearly know nothing about post-partum depression and other issues, saying that he was in the right to film her and not help her 'for his safety and the baby's safety' when she was clearly having a hard time and wasn't having any assistance with the baby:( if he really thought the baby was in danger he would've taken it but no he sat there filming to post online.
I remember that. A lot of "tradcaths" were calling her an unfit mother.
@@blacktigerpaw1 it was so awful:((
Oh God I’m soooo pissed just reading this!
Idk the context of that video, but ppl really need to stop having children with just any kind of man. I couldn’t even date a guy like that, much less have a child with one. Ugh, so sad.
@@AlisonMendez-bx8tp Unfortunately, some guys drop the “caring and supportive partner” when the partner gets pregnant. I have heard many horror stories of how these man “suddenly changed” after getting married and pregnancy. Of course some guys will slip up there act which causes the women to end the relationship quickly. But unfortunately, many guys are truly committed to only show their true face after they feel secure that their partner doesn’t have the means to leave them
The catchphrase of this is “just tell me what to do and I’ll do it”.
No - determining what needs doing is part of the job. Like, when the laundry basket is full do the laundry. Your eyes work as well as mine. Not doing anything until another adult tells you is literally what 14-year-old teenagers do, 🙈
Agreed- but what would you advise if one partner legitimately doesn't notice what needs to be done? My father has innitentive ADD. He legitimately will not notice what chores need to be done.
Adhd can’t always be used as an excuse.
Husband: "honey, let's get pregnant."
Also Husband: "Honey, why are you taking a break? You need to take care of the baby."
Wife: "If you didn't want to share the responsibilities of taking care of a baby you shouldn't have gotten me pregnant."
People also forget that Social Media is ALSO going to allow children to see how garbage their parents were to them and each other!! "Dad was a MONSTER!!!! You made mom make a roast two days after she gave birth to me!" Or: "My dad used to argue with my mom about not answering his calls while he was at the grocery store!" Generations of children grew up thinking their parents were saints cause they didn't have Tik Tok.
Ah, yes. Once again the Internet proves to be both a blessing and a curse
no, generations of children grew up thinking the trauma they experienced was normal. i never thought my parents were saints but i did think the dogshit treatment i got was the same way everyone got treated until i started telling the wooden spoon story and saw the horrified looks on my friends' faces.
My mom always told all her kids whatever bad things my dad do, in fact it's all I heard from my mom. Never had a peaceful family time.
@@oo8962Fr except my dad wasn't even doing anything "bad" she would just call him a bum and loser when he's the only one who's been there for me my whole life 😢 And he does not have weaponized incompetence
My dad bragged that he wasn't there for my birth 😑
These men wanna act like providers until they gotta provide EFFORT of all things 💀
just a wholesome thing: when my dad go out with his friends, he always call my mom to talk to her, i think that's cute.
Aw. I think your parents and mine would get along well :)
that is adorable i needed to hear about a good dad ty lol
It's so weird how many guys seem to think that their spouse should be treated as their enemy, rather than as their friend. The only explanation for it is a desire to "keep her in her place".
when my husband goes out without me, he texts me pictures of all the doggos he meets
@@michaelccozens well look at how many generations of comedians' entire bit was "i hate my wife"
How people put up with people like this I'll never know
My temper could never 💀
My ex-boyfriend used to not let me do the dishes or anything in his house because he'd do it, and would do it on mine even though I tried to tell him not to because I could. I'd help him clean sometimes, but the keyword here is help, as he was cleaning as well.
Then when we moved in together suddenly he did not know how to take care of himself or do any house chores. He would only bathe once a week when he was doing exercise and it smelled so bad too.
We didn't last a month after that. I couldn't.
I still don't understand why the sudden change as soon as we moved in together, honestly.
Somehow I wish we hadn't, because things were good while we were in separate living spaces.
@@TamaseiTobari Gosh... I'm glad you were able to get out of such a situation
Also showering once a week while also working out is CRAZY... And incredibly disgusting...
@@TamaseiTobari That man didn't want you there. It's the only logical conclusion.
Oh I wouldn’t. I’m petty and I get even. I’m the type of person that would take the trash he refuses to take out and smear rotten banana all over his controller buttons
Idk either. Like I legit cannot fathom even being attracted to somebody like that. I guess some ppl just hate being single, bc there’s no other explanation. I’d laugh in a guys face and never look back. Instant loss of attraction.
That is so scary because these are the husbands that end up forcing you to have sex after birth even though you are not ready.
This expectation started in childhood for me. Being assigned certain tasks by gender and before long girls get used to being mommy's little helper and boys become accustomed to and entitled to only being expected to do the "heavy lifting."
And when I met my ex-husband, I fell right into that familiar role and didn't realize he was one giant red flag.
Being aware that finding your comfort zone doesn't always mean safe and good.
I'm the baby, so I ended up being the one who did the most chores in the end. My brother had to call my mom to ask how to do laundry when he moved.
my brother does this so much, its actually horrible. I have to deal with this and it annoys me how he still has it all, a gf, a good job, school topper and all that. And we live together with our family and its crazy to see how much everyone excuses his behavior and i have to do all the work while dealing with my own shit. For a 24 year old man, its just such a childish behavior and when confronted, he becomes aggressively defensive. Its so frustrating.
The immediate recourse to anger and childish tantrums in all these dudes is always a red flag. There's no excuse to be screaming and yelling; take a deep breath. You know you're just trying to intimidate the other person out of questioning you on a subject where you know your conduct to be indefensible.
Reminded of the observation that men can only tell themselves that women are the more emotional ones by deciding that "anger" isn't an emotion.
Some women have been taught that all men are like that, so they come to just expect that. Wait until they have a kid and the girlfriend gets too tired to care.
My step kids bm is like this and she has custody of her kids. It is absolutely draining.
You need to stop pulling his waight. If you do not do it now, you will also find an excuse later in life if you meet the person behaving the same. There is always going to be some risk. At work: uuuh i realy need a job, i cant risk saying anything now. At home: uh i just got a kid and cant afford to risk divorce I have no money. Obviously you got to time it righr, but do not just sit silent and pull someone elses work.
I thought he was going to be like 16. 24?!
When I was young I lived with my boyfriend who couldn't be assed to do anything. The longer the relationship went, the more incompetent he became. He just.... stopped going to work and didn't get another job. He played Counter Strike for like 20 hours a day and wouldn't lift a finger to do anything while I was working overtime to pay the bills. He wouldn't even get up to put his trash in a trash can if it wasn't within arm's length. The trash would just pile up around him. I had to move the trash right next to him just so I wouldn't have to pick up all the microwave food, snack wrappers and soda cans that piled up while I was gone at work. Then he had the NERVE to try to force me to keep paying rent after I finally gave up and moved out on him. I calmly reminded him that our lease was over that month, and I wasn't signing a new one. Pretty sure he got evicted, but I didn't care anymore. I put up with that shit for way too long and he never once showed an ounce of remorse for treating me like a slave.
Man, I wish I had done like like and just moved out but I was so dumb when I was young
😢 Awful! You deserved better!
Also, he sounds the way my ex wanted to act...except he lived with his dad, who made him do chores.
HE made ME pay for everything and was always telling me to drive him everywhere, though.
I also gave up because his behaviors were absolutely eating up my paychecks...😢
My hubby tried that with me and i told him "If this is how you are going to be i rather be single." he knows i have no issue being on my own. in fact i can go days without his presence and not be lonely. he realized that and i don't have this problem to often anymore.
as a guy, I would NEVER be caught being this guy ever. I actually fear that if I ever were to get into a relationship that I don’t pull my weight
also with the second guy, prime example of “you spend more time discussing the problem rather than actually taking steps to solve it”
Same, I'm a stay at home Dad. The thought of not being able to solo your own house is wild to me. Granted, I'm one of those people who will refuse help out of the spite of being reminded that I needed help. It isn't the healthiest, but these dudes clearly aren't healthy either.
I also have 4 kids so anyone with less complaining about parenting being hard is laughable to me, as I'm sure my house is to anyone with more than 4. (Except those parents pumping out kids and just working all day instead of helping. They are lazy, regardless of working hours)
Y’all are miracles
My mom had to go through this. She still gets misty eyed sometimes talking about how she had to wallpaper the entire living room by herself, close to her due date, while carrying twins.
Too many men think that going to work is enough and somehow, even though their partner is also working, they are entitled to do nothing. You are a partnership in a relationship. Especially if your wife is sick.
Yeah they talk as if they wouldnt have to work if they didnt have a wife and kids
I do that…as a single man who lived alone and was overworking with two jobs😑. It’s why I wasn’t dating at the time…some guys obviously don’t actually want partners or to be a partner with responsibilities to someone else. And the latter is fine…if no effort to pull someone else into a relationship is made. It’s so obvious it’s hard to not just think the worse of people when they don’t do it. As a man I’m embarrassed by these assholes
The dishwashing and washing thing, it’s so annoying because if the women decided to take a stand by NOT doing the dishes those men would keep on doing it because they wouldn’t care or mind it if their whole kitchen was literally covered in mold, dishes and trash
I had one that did, he'd lost his job so was at home all day or out 'job hunting' which meant in the pub. I got so fed up of everything that I went on strike, let it build up and when no clean pots or pans were available for me to cook dinner that night I came home with a takeaway for just myself. When asked where his was I simply replied in the restaurant, shame you would require my car and money to get yourself one, if you had done the washing up though I would have cooked your dinner. He washed up and cooked his own dinner that night, unfortunately straight back to the usual next night, he was to full to do it so he'll do it in the morning!!!
Funnily enough a few weeks later after his job hunting efforts I requested he move out very rapidly and I happily helped him pack a bit quicker by not using bags.
I saw online this girl was saying that her dad said he didnt know how to clean the counter. So his wife made him stand there, while she was cleaning and explaining how she was doing it. Then zhe poured chocolate sauce all over the counter for him to practice what he had just learned.
My hero
I'm so thankful to have gotten lucky with the man I chose to have children with. Our daughters woke up before us today. He got up to make them food, cleaned up after them, cleaned the kitchen, talked with them a little about gendered expectations and how they're wrong, and now he's playing the Mario Maker levels our girls made for him even though the 6 year old's levels are extremely tedious and pretty much unplayable, and giving him them compliments and advice on them.
It wasn't all easy to begin with - he was totally unprepared for fatherhood even though he was the one who proposed it. It took me completely falling apart from PPD and PPA for him to take the initiative to step up. But he's a truly good influence on our daughters now and if something were to happen to me, I'm sure they would grow up in a healthy, stable environment thanks to him.
I recently learned about this term and damn this is so toxic! Imagine being lazy on purpose to make the other person pick up after like a baby or something.
My step kids bm is just like this and she has custody of the kids😮
Basically they’re acting like Peter griffin, like he’s probably their idol
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
More like Eric Cartman. ruclips.net/video/IpF9O0R873I/видео.html
I love how you can take a really toxic subject and infuse so much hilarity with your deadpan sarcastic wit. Soooo funny!!! Some of my favs: "Somebody call the fire dept bc I smell a lot of gas being lit here. No really!" and "'It's called a fucking trifold! Get it Right!" Hahahaha that is so me watching someone else fold towels "wrong" hahah
My old housemate did exactly this all the time. We were supposed to share chores 50/50, and washing up was a thing we alternated. Everytime I did it, they cash out clean. Every time he washed up, there'd still be food stuck to the plates, andf the glasses would be covered in greasy finger prints. He'd always make a big deal about like "how do you get the glasses so sparkling clean? Wow, idk how to do it. It's wild they're always so clean when you do it" when I ltierally just had hot water, some dish soap, and y'know, actually just cleaned. But I gave him the benefit of the doubt and 'showed' him how, I explained about leaving the really dirty pans until last so the water isn't instantly dirty and greasy, and I showed him how he should wipe the exterior of cups, and the underside of plates, just to avoid lots of greasy finger build up.
Surprise, he was still shit at it. And within a few weeks of me 'teaching' him how to wash up, he gave up the charade because the "omg teehee idk what I'm doing" didn't work any more, and instead he just never washed up. Even when I asked him to do it, he kept 'forgetting' to do it, and the dishes would pile up. It was obvious he just wanted me to cave in and clean up after him, so instead I just had my own plate, bowl and set of cutlery, and ONLY washed them up for myself, then kept them in my room so he couldn't use them :)
He also used to take his dirty clothes back to his mum's house every few weeks for HER to wash and iron them because he claimed she did it better. We had a washer, dryer and iron. He just didn't want to do it himself.
Yikes... how did he deal with not having any clean dishes? Did he step up and wash properly or switch to disposables?
@@tee_1999 I never paid huge attention tbh, but he still ate off them. My only assumption is he just wiped down the one he was going to use. Honestly wouldn't even surprise me if he ate off dirty plates, he was that kinda gross. I moved out before him, but apparently when he moved out, his mother came and deep cleaned the house for him.
just found this channel and i must say , ur criminally underrated
Not for long.
Bruh all these husbands are acting like literal kids who doesn't want to do something but has to because mommy told them to and in the end gets pocket money or candy or something, but remember they are kids not a 30 year old adult . But these are literal grown adults who are also a parent by the way.
Some people always defend by being like "Oh they don't know so communicate and talk to them" but why should the wife do that. Why does she have to "communicate" on how to make a bread sandwich or how to arrange the groceries in the fridge to a 30ish year old man?? I would never not do something because my parents didn't explain how to do it. If it's using a machine or cook, I go to youtube! It's so simple. Which is why we call it "weaponized incompetence". It's like they are doing it on purpose.
You see a lot of this in conservative politics, too (willing to bet a lot of these guys fall into that category, which is not to say that there aren't lots of self-proclaimed "liberal" dudes who do the same regressive shit), in terms of areas where the status quo is very convenient for one group which then refuses to acknowledge their privilege by insisting educating themselves about the topics involved is not their responsibility and demanding they be spoon-fed free education by the people they're already oppressing (education they then refuse to ever actually attempt to understand in good-faith). It's obvious with more extreme people like flat-earthers, but the same dishonest tactics are observable in a lot of right-wing "thought".
People have to supply evidence to support their arguments, of course, but if you're demanding they produce facts you could look-up yourself and should know anyway, since you're already presenting yourself as a person sufficiently-informed on the topic to have an opinion, you're just trying to bury them in paperwork and declare "victory" when they get tired of being your free tutor/researcher and producing educational materials you refuse to read anyway.
Always beware of anyone more interested in "winning the argument" than understanding the truth of the situation.
@@michaelccozens wonderfully stated.
Ngl, I had no clue on how to use my bf's laundry washer as it's completly different from the ones my parents have at home. I asked him once to show me how to use it, took pics just in case I forgot in the begining, and that's it. Whenever I am at his and his roomates place and he is under stress from exams or such from uni, I do his task (everyone's laundry) and voilà.
I don't understand why so many people can't just ask once "how do you do it and how do you like it", take pics to memorise in case they are usually forgetful people and that's it, do the laundry or whatever your have to
@@alyn.s you genuinely wanted to learn and you did, that's great. But these people don't want to learn and will not learn. Or they know how to, but mess up on purpose so that their wife wouldn't ask them to do it again and they can sit freely.
My ex would only scoop the top of the cat litter to only make it look like he scooped it. He would also add two dirty dishes to a clean dishwasher and start it. He would leave cold groceries on the counter to rot. I’ve had 2 different exes overload my washing machine and break it.
Sounds like they put so much effort into doing nothing. I don't get it. It would be less work to just do it right.
honestly, as a parrot owner. If my partner brought home a talking bird I wouldn't even be mad about it. I'd still send them out to go get eggs instead though.
It's funny how some guys manage computers, smartphones, cars and several other techy gadgets, but the washing machine, now that's way too difficult and Impossible to understand.
Weaponized incompetence might be the most common form of partner abuse.
These reminded me of when a neighbour tried to commiserate his weaponized incompetency to my dad, and he just looked at him dumbfounded and asked if he was really that goddamn stupid and helpless. It never left me that whenever someone has tried to play incompetent, I immediately ask how being that stupid and helpless they've managed to survive to adulthood. It never fails to shutdown weaponized incompetency, because these types usually can't stand an insult to their intelligence or masculinity. So you make them choose. 🤭
My step-dad did terrible things (DA) and would say that he always took care of us(he didn't) so he could have an excuse to not get a job and keep buying the forbidden juice, basically as a "favor" to my mom so he wouldn't have to do any REAL work, like a job, cleaning, cooking, and providing for us as the man of the house, so this genuinely angers me😐😐😐
My mom's ex was the same way. I'm so glad she left him.
My brother used weaponized incompetence. Recently he admitted that he actively chose not to do his share of household chores… Why? Because I was searching for a job so it was fine if my spare time went to cleaning up after his mess.
It's awful when you live with someone like that. Because you get the choice of begging for a man-child to do some basic adulting, doing it yourself or living in utter filth.
It is definitely what keeps me from ever trying to date. The last thing I want to do is mother a full-grown adult.
"Kids always want something, to be fed or go play" oh you poor man going through so much being in the presence of your own children
I dont understand how these men dont feel completely pathetic acting like this. I would be so embarrassed to act so incapable of doing the bare minimum, whether its an act or hes genuinely incompetent, its EMBARRASSING
Living with men is an absolute nightmare. Family or not, I had terrible experiences. You always end up working 2x more than if living alone.
😢 Yep. There are actually studies now that prove that, with everything else adjusted, having a husband adds several more hours of work to a woman's week. Even single moms had fewer hours of housework to do than married moms.
A woman is literally better off just never allowing the man to move in at all. 😢
The little feet movement with “EUGH” took me the fuck out
Weaponized incompetence in my mind is one of the biggest reasons marriage rates have collapsed. Why would a woman want to marry and have kids if a lot of guys are going to be another baby for them to take care of? Some women have extremely unrealistic expectations, but it's also the job of men to step up even a little and do their part in a relationship.
'a small minority of husbands...'
BOY do i have news for you
The fact that the moment your roommate is a women you claim to like/love your ability to be a good roommate opens the nearest window and flutters away. These men feel like they are helping out of the goodness of their heart, when THEY LIVE THERE. When you live in a house you are responsible for housekeeping, it’s not “helping” to do a basic life skill, if you would do it while living alone you should be ready to do it while living with a partner.
Before you get married and have kids, ask yourself if your partner is the kind of person who resolves problems, or creates problems that other people have to resolve.
The pumpkin one is ridiculous like bro you're already out on the road!!!! Just turn around and go back to the store!! But no comes home and makes the wife drive all the way back to the store herself
These grown men act like I did when I was eight and didn’t want to make my bed. It’s disturbing.
That's when most of them (the bad ones) stop maturing...
Every once in a while my dad tries this. Most recently with loading the dishwasher, my stepmom and I sat him down and told him to knock that shit right off (in more polite terms).
Your stepmother needs to do that by herself, darling. You should not be involved in parenting your parent.
@@boy_girl_cat_party1824It may not be a bad idea, if the stepdad sees that the kids are watching and will lose respect for him. Although when I told my dad to stop pretending to be incompetent, he'd either scream or stop speaking to me lol. Either way, this behaviour is despicable.
If he continues, save all the dirty dishes specifically for him to use. I bet he’ll knock that shit off real quick. “Oh I thought you weren’t bothered that the plate didn’t get cleaned all the way? I wouldn’t eat off it but you seemed fine with it”
@@boy_girl_cat_party1824 Nah, let men realize all generations of women are disgusted with their ridiculous man-baby behavior. "We know what you're doing. Cut it out!"
My bf was always loading dishwasher really badly… Like running it half empty while leaving a lot of dirty stuff because “they don’t fit”…
Well I stopped doing it completely and allowed him to deal with the consequences. Took few months…
But he noticed that the more effort he put into packing the dishwasher properly - the less work he had (because he didn’t have to load the dishwasher 3 times per day)
Some males still want to live like a teenager when they're married. They're not even thinking about what their wife are sacrificing for the marriage.
This is like one of the reasons I don't want to get married.
The "I don't call you for chit-chat" got personal. My dad always calls home during his breaks just to see how we are going.
I'm struck by callousness and coldness of that. If you don't enjoy chatting to your partner then who in gods name do you enjoy chatting to? I suppose thats the point. Most men are not interested in first and foremost being friends with their wives, they just want a maid they can fuck.
The trifold made me happy, that is the only way I fold and it has been imprinted in my brain by my parents and I can’t fold anything any other way
my first act of teenage rebellion i unfolded and refolded all the towels in the house one day it was glorious screw tri folds .
@@cheemthief so good
Flashbacks to my ex-husband. I broke my arm and said he would wash the dishes because I wasn't able to do so with my broken arm. So, he washed the -dishes-, no pots, not pans, no silverware or utensils. He washed and only the plates and bowls (eating bowls, not prep bowls). But, he was "gracious" to allow me to not have to wake up at 5am to make him breakfast every day and also "gracious" to not insist on having all the newly washed clothes folded exactly as he wanted (I still had to wash them, of course, which included carrying the baskets and all). He complained daily about those things and reminded me how gracious he was for 'allowing' me not to do them. I also had to learn how to drive a stick shift with one arm, to drive him in to work daily before going to classes and work myself. Thankfully we did not have kids. When it was time for the cast to come off, the break had not healed cleanly. The doctor actually considered rebreaking it so it could heal correctly. Decades later I still have a loss to range of motion because of it. One of the many reasons he is my ex-
The dashes messed up your words. 😔
These people make me realize how many people aren‘t in a relationship for the person but for the labour
Sadly true.
I experience this daily. I also work a full-time job and he is retired. It is infuriating. He also insisted that we buy a larger fancier house than we needed and promised me that if I would agree to it, that he would help with the upkeep. I have to pay someone to mow our yard. It's crazy.
GET OUT! You deserve better. Being single has to be better than this.
Oh, no. Go find yourself a tiny house and stop paying the bills there. Just... cut it off.
To anyone being like that's why you vet them Before you have a baby with them, please maintain just a whiff of empathy and research how abusive patterns develop in relationship during and following pregnancy and childbirth. It is such an established pattern
Commenting as a bump of sorts. It’s actually crazy how so little people just, don’t have empathy/compassion when it comes to this sort of thing,,,, like idk if it’s just because we generally aren’t taught for whatever reason the ways abuse works, but god did I wish it was more common knowledg
If you have standards men get mad and start threatening you with dying alone as an old cat lady... Which is honestly preferable lol
It’s a cliche for a reason. Abuse patterns often become much more intense during pregnancy and when there’s a baby. Because these “men” are completely self centered and have no capacity to mature.
The intros are always my favorite part, and also POWERRRR is literally me
My partner is a sweetheart. I dated a lot of fails 'coughs', but finally found the one. He works all day and then comes home to cook which he actually enjoys, chops wood for the fireplace so we're warm, helped me through really bad mental and physical health. He's the type of guy who will take the time to learn about new things as he did with my mental health. He still tells me everyday that he loves me. We've had rocky moments, but always communicated which is important. For valentines this year he got me some chocolates and some artificial flowers since i prefer those over the real ones as they last longer. He also sent me a voice recording while he was out working, he sang me an elvis presely song.
For the pumpkin guy:
He could've also just texted if they need canned pumpkin.
Texting is 100x faster than calling.
But no, it has to be his way or no way.
Canned pumpkin guy could have just... oh, I don't know, read the list before he went out and said to himself, "Hey, I don't see canned pumpkin on here, I should check and see if we already have it." Because he is an ADULT who should be capable of thinking ahead and taking stock of his own inventory.
My poor mother is married to a man who always makes a big deal out of any chore he does, he's retired while she's still working, but he still finds a way to brag about how amazing he is for putting on the dish washer or vacuuming. We made a joke the other week about if he knew how to use the washing machine (he didnt) so to prove a point he did the washing for the first time since I've known him (over 20yrs) and that was the subject of conversation at dinner... dude, mum does this shit all the time, does she ever brag or bring it up? No! Shut the hell up...
Heck even I do the chores when I visit and do I ever feel the need to talk about it? No! Only when I express my concern to mum how bloody awful he is at being a husband...
Anyway rant over 😂 this video just brought up all those feels 😂😂 ... love the video as always, spoken the TRUTH!
The fact that these are the types of men my mom wants me to marry drives me insane, because apparently men are "different".
I once told a guy to enjoy his day- while working a shift- and his response was "I can't! I'm married!"
... I didn't laugh.
Well guess it's true... you really don't know your partner until you get married 😅 all these men were so INFURIATING! I know all men aren't like this but damn it is so sad to see these poor women have to raise their husbands! Great video btw 😊💖
Or have a kid. It was all we wanted but we both changed severely in different ways. He was competent before but now is useless for most things. Not sure if they get resentful about sharing their partner with a helpless bub or something but it can get anyone
Not all men but too many men.
This is how I see the majority of husbands and fathers behave and it’s how every single one of my live in partners have behaved. Men are a burden to have in the home, not to mention being the number one threat of unaliving the woman in the household. 4B movement, ladies!
Weaponized incompetence = I have zero respect for you and see you as a mere servant to do things I'm too lazy to do.
During our divorce, my ex was absolutely convinced it was my job to take his car (that he damaged) to the body shop, despite me living somewhere else, being pregnant, and having two jobs. Good riddance.
Canned pumpkin would have a long storage life, right? So even if they did have it at home, they could just keep it for the next time she makes pumpkin bars 🤷🏻 I don't see what the big deal is.