What would the world be like if this woman created a curriculum for public high schools around the world. Mandatory mental health strategy education...I bet there would be less school shootings 😢
❤️if I'd learned this I'd have been a better teacher. mother, et cetera...i went to therapy and tried everything....THIS is what i needed. It's not too late, but i wish I'd known before elderly.
OMG!!! I'm going to be 55 next month and feel seen for the first time. I've been crying out to God for help, as I am tired. Trying to live thru this THING (CPTSD)....Mourning the loss of my daughter and feeling SO alone....And there you are....letting me, (Us All) know there is a place to heal and a place you don't have to exhaust yourself trying to explain to someone else where your at. God is so Good!!! right on time....and it's never too late. I can't watch your videos fast enough...Thank you for doing this video and starting this channel.
I don't know much about this chatting. I tell people when I first met them that the Short vergen of my life is for the first twelve years of my life I was in hell and the next fourty two years trying to climb out. I can't get past my past experiences. I feel soooo empty in side. I soooo want to feel real love. I have a girlfriend right now but I don't feel real love. If you want to contact me I don't really know how. I'm just trying to reach out to people who have been though hell two.
I found my true love, his name is Copper and he's the snuggliest, cuddliest kitty. He's my handsome Persian and he loves to sleep with me all night and half hour before my alarm goes off he crawls under the covers to snuggle close and help me transition from my awesome dream back to painful planet earth. I thank God for him every single day. He came to me as a stray after I prayed for him and I live in the woods!! He was NO coincidence!!! He was a gift and I treasure him. Love doesn't have to be a man, it can come in another form. Be open to it.
I have to share my revelation about half love and its effects on the self esteem of CPTSD sufferers: up until last week, I was convinced that there was something wrong with my communication style because when I set boundaries with romantic partners or expressed how I felt, I would only be half listened to and my requests ignored. My parents didn’t imprint on me, didn’t mirror my expressions, validate my feelings or touch me very much. I got Reactive Attachment Disorder from that so I have always figured there’s something missing from the expressions in my face so that nobody really knows how much I’m hurting inside. That would make sense because showing emotions was dangerous as a child; my mother would scream at me or try to strangle me to stop me crying. But this is not the case right now at 37. I’ve been in therapy for eight years to treat my RAD and CPTSD and realized that I’ve been ready for real love, my requests and boundaries and needs ARE reasonable, and it isn’t about how I express them…I’m choosing partners who aren’t healed enough to heed my needs. It actually isn’t me, it’s them. Which of course reflects on me. I’ve been seeking and justifying half-love but I am FINALLY in a place to say I deserve more. Do you understand how hard it is for a parental abuse sufferer to get to the stage of saying “I deserved better?” I couldn’t say that for 30 years. I can’t believe my growth. I just asked my wife for a divorce yesterday for all these reasons. I’m heartbroken but I am simultaneously strengthened in what this situation taught me. Me breaking things off with her is the direct reason why I will be capable of accepting REAL love in the future. It feels just like it did when I quit drinking. I feel extremely empowered. THIS VIDEO helped me put all these pieces together. From the bottom of my heart: THANK YOU!
As a survivor of physical abuse on SEVERAL levels .. and we know the mental follows .. I can truly appreciate your journey and I hope you have the support you need. God bless you and keep you in His care while you reclaim your life and power. One word of advice .. Staying angry with someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. You need all your power so don't waste it letting anyone walk around with ANY of yours
You raise a lot of great points. The blind spots happen because culture tells us to jump into relationships before we know them. It takes at least one year of dating before we START to know a person. And, that is only if one year dating included getting together with them in the context of interaction with others. It's easier to keep up appearances on isolated dates or minimal time with others. One of the scariest things I ever saw was when my brother who is typically very verbally abusive to me brought a girlfriend to my mother's home while I was there. He treated me nice the whole time. I had allowed him a lot of slack over the years because he had traumatic brain injury. This had especially damaged his social skills. If a man with TBI like him can put on a facade to that degree, that's a very scary proposition to consider! I don't care what the men I date look like, wealth they have, or do to dote on me, Wait and see. Remember courtship when people didn't jump into sex early? Once the sex starts, objectivity is compromised.
I hate the empty feeling i constantly feel. I have cried to my sisters about it and no one understands. I am the oldest of three and I was the one that would get it really bad. It has affected me in every aspect of my life. I have gone to therapy and the empty feeling is something that I cannot stop feeling. It is horrible.
Same... Also I have this chronic loneliness that follows me everyday... And I've tried to explain this feeling of emptiness and loneliness but it's just so hard to word it out... I just know I've felt this ways since I knew what my name was
My favorite quote from this series at 23:21 “Don’t let anybody tell you that the idea of perfect love is crazy. It is the most real thing there is. It is how we’re shown spiritual reality. It’s an experience of seeing through God’s eyes, so we can know the truth of our oneness with all things. That’s the thing your craving…oneness.” I felt the spirit confirm the truth of this to me as you said it. I had begun to think perfect love was magical thinking. When dating my spouse, I saw many red flags. I told my Mom of my concerns at that something didn’t feel right. She basically told me that perfect love or relationship are a fantasy. This is one of the reasons, I settled and married my husband. 21 abusive years later. I feel my once closeness and oneness with God has been destroyed. It was impossible to feel Gods love in the context of an abusive marriage. I think that is the biggest price I paid. Thank you, for validating that perfect love is possible and what God wants for us. Throughout the years I would tell my husband. We are supposed to become one, but in 21 years we’ve made no progress in that regard. Oneness is what I crave. So true.
I was in a 20 year relationship that was the same way. Not physical abuse but always feeling lonely when he was right there. I finally left and eventually starting healing. I never thought that another person could make you feel separated from God's love but now that I feel closer to Him again I can see it. 🙏
This video coming up today is SO on-time and on topic for me. I (again) just broke it off with a man who just wanted a fwb.. I asked questions and he literally stonewalled me.. No more!
Stonewalling is the worst. So much prefer a straight answer, but then I would walk away. Stonewalling keeps you guessing. Next time a guy does this, I'm out. I am worthy of an answer
My husband and I both get disregulated! Both from very crappy childhoods. So much abandonment. So much neglect and pain. I have a much more difficult time with it since losing my son. I feel so angry with God and so sad that no one has supported me or my family through our loss. I had spent years working hard to build relationships and they all dropped me the moment I needed them. Thank you for all of your videos.
The thief (the devil) comes only to steal, kill and destroy but Jesus came so that we have life in abundance.John 10:10 when we have a relationship with God talk to Him get to know Him, He will answer through His word, I went through things and I spoke with God, Jesus came to my life felt His love, saved me from suicide, it’s a process .after that I knew God is the greater love, we can have faith in Him , He is spirit, tell Him you to come into your life, believe it, there will be struggles but there’s nothing that we can not overcome, God tells us in the Bible to guard our hearts, etc tells us to not be afraid that He is our help etc, you are loved, you are enough! One can heal, it may take take time, take it one day at a time, hugs! 🙏❤️
I’m so sorry. First of all, I’m so sorry for the loss of your son. Everything is just harder when you didn’t learn the basics of relationship as a child, or else you did, but then a trauma (or traumas) came along later and derailed the entire process. But OTOH, you’re strong and looking for answers - you didn’t just give up on life ❤️
I feel your hurt and I am truly sorry for the loss of your son. Time doesn't heal all wounds. Sometimes time twist the dagger into the sore even more. I know. The only way to get that knife out is to get away from the ones who has hurt us. I have been alone thru so much and not even a phone call from anyone. I wanted to die. I have to make myself not think about stuff like, why don't they care. We may never understand how those people are
@@gothboschincarnate3931 I suppose you're right you can love someone and live in sin. Although it's my understanding if sin is involved then love is stained/tainted. Love prior to engagement....what if love is so freely given before getting to know someone that rejection or withdrawal takes place? Was it real love. I still think if you love someone in purity you will expand all areas of your life which includes engagement for the promise of a marriage vow. Which is before the Lord himself and community which is sealed with a contract agreement.
I read that someone asked for shorter videos! No, pls no! I always intentionally look for the longer videos to listen to while I go about my day!! It’s easier then to constantly look for videos and hit play to several videos. I need all this! All this content is so healing. All of it. When I finish listening to video then I replay again and always hear something that I didn’t catch first time. Anna, please leave your videos just the way the are!!! They’ve helped me through incredibly hard times since I learned about you about 3 yrs ago, I don’t know what I would’ve done without your videos and guidance through them! Thank You Anna from the bottom of my heart for helping me and so many others in this healing process! ❤️🩹
I really try to convince myself to feel better by that wise sentiment of "losing the wrong person is a step closer to the right person" but i don't feel convinced. Reason is because i wasn't looking for someone in the first place. I like people a lot but before i meet someone that i fall "in love" with, i genuinely believe i am happy alone. It's just after they leave me rejected that i start to feel lonely :( I hope i get over it soon. Watching your videos has taught me that i probably need to become more connected to help prevent falling into bad relationships or one-way non-relationships again so thank you for that. I wouldn't actively be trying if it wasn't for learning this
I have been saying for over ten plus years of being blessed with the love of an amazing man that anyone who thinks God doesn't have a sense of humor .. they need to talk to me .. I had finally just "given up" on my heart ever finding true love .. and so when I met this man online .. 14 yrs younger .. I was adamant it was friends only as he was offering help in our group's game. It would be me that admitted first to feelings I had to be honest and share their starting .. but I wasn't expecting HIS response .. he felt the same, but was honoring my request. He is the man God created me as a woman to love .. so YES .. there IS Love for us
I’m so glad to find this right now because I just told my wife yesterday I want a divorce. Previously, I had relationships with disfunctional people who were mean to me and I recognized that pattern and broke it. I wasn’t anticipating that I would need to do the same for a dysfunctional person who didn’t love me enough but was never mean to me. I just realized that is in fact the marriage I have and I stood my ground and fought for my freedom from that. We’re very sad right now to dissolve our marriage but I’ve realized how far I’ve healed from my CPTSD because I do in fact think I deserve better and so does my ex.
@@heatherpratt1551 when our communication began to plummet, I noticed other things that invalidated her love for me. Any request I gave her was postponed because she had “more important things” on her plate before addressing my needs. Any boundary I set about how her behavior would make me feel, was half listened to and then completely ignored. When I asked her to talk to her therapist about her losing feelings for me and how she lost all sex drive towards me, she would mention it once but never again. Because my feelings just weren’t important to her. She never took me seriously because she had lost her love for me and therefore I mattered less.
@Patient Growth she needed to put her dog in training for aggression because he’s bitten both of us, tried to bite our friend’s child and terrorized my own dog who is submissive. She would do the same thing she always does; meekly acknowledge my concerns but do nothing about them, even though I explicitly said I would leave her if her dog injured my dog. Another related boundary is asking her to separate the dogs before leaving them alone but many times has she not done so, telling me “it’ll be fine, you’re paranoid” even though we watched on the Ring camera her dog go after my dog with crazy aggression so we drove home to check on them. No one was injured but she needed that to happen to take my concerns seriously. If I just say something concerns me or effects me, she doesn’t take it seriously unless it’s demonstrable.
@Patient Growth I could cite more examples of what I’ve said in my primary comment but there are 3 reasons this marriage is now impossible: 1. She is not sexually attracted to me anymore 2. She is not capable or willing to communicate about difficult or deep subjects about our relationship 3. She says she’s not sure if she’s in love with me anymore. It is very clear that this has become a sham of a marriage and I deserve more.
@Patient Growth what you’re describing is true certainly but my wife isn’t a narcissist; she has clinical anxiety and fearful avoidant Attachment style and just style in life in general. The only way she’s figured out to cope with her crippling anxiety is to avoid the topics that make her anxious. She isn’t a bad person, she’s actually a good person, but she is way too behind in facing her personal issues to be a good spouse.
Discovered your channel Anna after reading the book Attached where they talk about effective communication, aka saying what we want and need and speak up instead of acting out, for example. Your content is SO INSPIRING! You bring this to another level,I am following your recipe, starting to actually do activities I like to take care of my own wellbeing. 37:36 I want to be the best version of myself for myself. Thank you Anna!
@godswittness69 Some people might be fine with a sincere hug from an appreciative person. If you aren't, that is totally understandable and you get to set that boundary for yourself. But I don't think you should speak for "everyone" as in when you say, "No one wants your hugs, at least not anyone who doesn't know you". I did not get a creepy vibe from what he said. I think Anna has a special gift of healing that appeals to more than just women. Men are hurt as well, and it seems to me like he was just expressing appreciation for the validation and understanding.
@@godswittness69 You are incorrect about what I want. Respectfully, my point once again is to speak for yourself and not others and their beliefs or motives.
@godswittness69 You're trying very hard to get the conversation off topic. This is good practice. Simply calling out bullying behavior when someone was simply being kind. I understand if you've been hurt and need strong boundaries with men. But that doesn't give you a license to be rude and disrespectful and speak for others
@@godswittness69 I'm pretty sure you were triggered by something in my message (which wasn't even addressed to you). This might actually be an opportunity for you to find and heal your own triggers. Perhaps your childhood was as crappy as mine, meaning we're on the same boat, so no need to start a fight. Finding Anna has been an eye-opening experience. I don't go out on streets hugging strangers hahaha. Just wanted to show her my admiration for her work which had the power to touch my heart.
HEY LADY... 😢STOP MAKING ME CRY... my heart never knew these truths. ADHD is a bastard... Emotional outbursts and disregulation have been so destructive. Thank you for shedding light on so much MISUNDERSTOOD and NEEDED information ❤
Someone mentioned shorter videos but the consistency and information provided in every video, worths it every time 👌 Anna I am so glad I found a soul like yours. I would love to talk to a person like you..oh those conversations where something inside changes 💫 I want to let you know your videos are doing the work it's needed for healing others, me included 💛 Thank you and regards from a country in eastern Europe 🌠💟
What a wonderful compliment that you gave to spread love to our teach Crappy Child Hood Fairy. I want to give love as a compliment to you as well @IrisEnglish and say "Keep on shining!" We heal when we see the good in each other and spread love. I too am healing from CPTSD from abuse and I'm so happy to see us growing. I remember there was a time when I was too stuck inside of myself to give a compliment or believe I deserved one. So you all give me so much love by just being yourselves. We are lovely people and I am happy I found my community
The only issue with long videos for me is that I want to send some stuff to my gf, but she's super busy and there's no chance in hell she's dedicating an hour to one video lol.
I completely agree with Iris. I very much like the longer videos and tend to skip the shorter ones. As I listen while I do other things. I couldn't sit still long enough to watch a short one.
@pricklycats maybe buy her some really nice ear buds she can wear while she's busy. Raycons are great for that. She could even wear just the one and still hear around her.
I've always been in bad relationships until I found someone so kind who loved me and saw me for who I am, so I thought I never deserved them, so I had to fuxk it up, to prove myself I am right, I am not worth their love.
I know what i want , and im setting boundaries to stay away from unvailable people and men who dont like me enough now , it just gets a bit lonely . I try to do things alone like travelling and going to new places .but the feeling im missing true love makes me ache sometimes . I had a lot of physical abuse from my father and even sexual abuse from other family members . I know i need love to completely heal .
How about I’m 68 and I have on my healing journey when Covid hit. That’s when I discovered that every man I’ve ever married and ever dated were alcoholics and drug addicts.. I didn’t know that coming from my alcoholic family when my stepfather would drink and beat my mother will still be affecting me at age 68 I love your channel and I thank you for everything that you’re putting out. I’m saving my money to take your dating course. I hope when I get there is not too far out of my reach but God be with you. I love you.
I'm so grateful for you! This video was right on time for me. The person I thought was my better half wound up being insecure, narcissistic, and emotionally unavailable. It still hurts. Your videos have helped me in my healing journey.
Anna, your videos are so healing. I’m so grateful for you to take time to make these videos for us. Thank You!! Your videos are absolutely 💯 perfect! ❤️🩹🙏
Im only working out at 51 why all my romantic relationships were non existant or toxic😮 for the first time I'm finally in a healthy, wonderful relationship with a great man❤ its so true... it took letting all ties with past men go, including fantasies and grief. Getting clear on what i needed and wanted. Being ok with me and healing some deep wounds❤ then without looking I met my perfect partner in a cafe at 47.
The "when your dysregulated" section was so interesting and validating to me. It made me realise that the behaviours I've been demonised for, called toxic for and cut off by my former partner are NOT because I'm a horrible dangerous person, but because I'm traumatised. Not that it makes how I treated him in those moments of emotional dysregulation okay, but it adds a new context. Friends who genuinely care about me have called me on my shit but continued to stay in my life while upholding their boundaries as I heal. But this person, someone I've been in limerance with and who claimed to be one of my "best friends", suddenly met a woman who also has CPTSD, and started seeing after while still being friends with me(his most recent ex ). Because of the way this woman was able to explain her trauma and processes, and use therapy lingo to rationalise behaviours, while I couldn't, I noticed my ex being understanding, supportive and receptive 5o this new gf inlays he never was with me, in moments of being triggered. And because I admitted to a BPD possible mis diagnosis, my ex labelled me as "broken, evil, hurtful, too hard to love and not worth the trouble", while new gf: who exhibited the Exact same CPTSD behaviours as me (minus the drinking problem) is treated with such compassion and forgiveness and basic respect by him that tbh, I never really got even when I was in my more healthier times; he would criticise me and take jabs at my weight. But the new girlfriend is seen as a "strong, powerful, inspirational beautiful person who is doing her best", even though we have the same kind of struggles and childhood trauma.
I feel like I've been working on improving myself esteem for years but still attract people who only want casual encounters and one sided relationships. At least I've learned to recognize the signs and move on from them faster.
I am sick and tired of meeting the same people in friendships and men. I isolate because most people I have met tend to gaslight me or use me in some capacity. I feel like though I have made some improvements, I still haven't been able to be fully successful in life. The people around me have tried to set me up with people that were not good for me, makes me wonder why they did that? I still have some things I need to solve but I want a loving marriage and children. Plus I want healthier friendships that are not codependent, controlling or emotionally abusive.
@HG I find it interesting you are here in the comments shortly after the video was posted. Not posting about your experience but literally attacking someone else and trying to sabotage their progress to be happy. That says everything anyone would need to know about where you are in life. Your behavior is extremely toxic and you are in need of some serious self reflection. You literally just set yourself up for failure then decalared you didn't care. I think you should see a therapist about this self sabotaging self deprecating behavior. It's obviously affecting your life in a negative way.
I often feel the same, you are not alone. I have had to ( with God) shift the way i show up and let go of connections that just aren’t working. It’s been tough but a work in progress , but progress nonetheless. .. there is hope.
@@SimplyaLady92in my experience, they’ll try to sabotage your relationships so they have you all to themselves, they’re ALWAYS trauma dumping, very demanding of your time and always texting, calling, wanting to hang out, and get angry when you have legitimate responsibilities you need to deal with, very clingy, they copy you, and emulate different aspects of your personality and mirror you. I don’t think this ex friend I had was just codependent but also untreated borderline personality disorder as well.
I so appreciate this video. I am the one who disregulates and I have destroyed every single relationship in my life and I am so alone and hurt because I feel the pain of my actions. I at least have this knowledge to help myself be better. So many people have labeled me an abuser and I couldn’t understand until I watched this video. I am so sad but hopeful. ❤
You sound like my Ex. I wish you both all the luck in the world. Dealing with my own CPTSD but with my disorganized attachment style, the women who's hurt me the most I still wish well!❤
This video could not have come at a more perfect time! I’ve been in a mediocre-not-ideal relationship for 8 years now, and I’m finally ready to go. As I’m packing to move, I realize it took the full eight years for me to feel whole, complete, content, and filled with joy from within. I am finally ready. What did it for me was finding my own passions, my own purpose, the joy of what makes life wonderful with just myself and God. I love photography, I wrote a book, I love to travel and my dream is to create affordable housing. So many passions, so little time! As I get deeper into my life’s goals and as I live out all my dreams, if a man comes along now, we will have the same energy, a matching soul. If not, I’ll still be fulfilled. Thank you, Crappy Childhood Fairy! Binge watching your videos has made a huge impact on my life and my future! ❤
Wow, that must have been a hard decision but it sounds like you're doing the right thing. I'm so glad the channel has been helpful, we're all sending you encouragement! -Calista@TeamFairy
Meh, up until my early 20s I was sure I would never get into a romantic relationship because surely I wasn't loveable enough but it didn't bother me and I didn't think I wanted it and yeah, it was probably suppression, but then it happened and I was in a relationship for nearly a decade. Now that I'm single again, longing for a relationship is like vague itch in one part of me, the trauma part presumably, and it's totally frustrating, I have other stuff to prioritize. I wanna go back to that not caring about it state of mind, maybe it wasn't much healthier but it was a hell of a lot easier.
Don't go back there it's a very lonely place to be I've been there 😢 keep out and about with good friends and stay positive and value yourself and live in the moment just enjoy the here and now ❤
This video is very timely for me. My ex boyfriend had a pretty narcissistic response when i broke up with him. We werent together very long but we click easily, have fun hanging out as friends and have great chemisty in other ways too. I figure something happened when he was a kid that makes it hard for him to deal with his emotions. He would hold things in and then it would all blow up at once, and i couldnt deal with that so i ended things. Then he did DARVO and it was a mess. He recognizes though that he hates when he gets like that. Weve since talked and are remaining friends. We still care about eachother, not in a boyfriendy way necessarily but as in we want to see us grow and improve. We also agreed to keep having sex now that we know we dont want to date, but seeing this video has made me think a bit differently. Im trying to move on and i definitely can but like you said earlier in the video hanging onto someone and continuing casual stuff will dim your cab light. Now i dont have cptsd and i think ive tackled the bulk of my issues from my dad, but i still find the relationship advice and topics on this channel insightful. I think my ex may have some sort of cptsd kind of thing. I mean that would make sense. He also recognizes he needs to work on himself. I let him know id be there for him if he needs to talk about anything. I guess i wonder if dumping him when he got distant and unfair triggered abandonment wounds. Thats what it sounded like, thats not my responsibility but idk guess im just kinda venting in this paragraph. Anyway, i want us to grow and improve ourselves and i want him to be happy and not to use others or something as a distraction from his problems as it felt i was, so i guess im coming to the conclusion that we shouldnt keep fooling around and should just be good friends.
It does make me feel like i made the wrong choice in jumping to a breakup but i mean honestly, it was the right choice for me at the time. I couldnt deal with the non communication, and him acting like anything i felt wasnt that serious. I guess though while thats not acceptable i didnt understand him as well as i thought. Now that we are semi-just friends we have been communicating much better.
We broke up twice for context. We got together march or april of 2022 and he broke up with me around may or june. We both had some growing to do. He reached back out in october 2022 and we chatted and lightly flirted until i got back from texas and we got back together on new years. We were together until the end of april this time when i broke up with him. He really wanted to remain friends, i was ready to just never speak to him again but now im glad we are friends. Im just gonna use this thread to vent lol
Thx for sharing it all makes sense. If he wishes to work on himself he can follow this channel, do the daily practice, and attend a meditation course, an nvc course. And go to a therapist or spiritual counselor / healer. NOT UR PROBLEM IF HE DOES IT OR NOT
Thank you for acknowledging that some people do long for what's important to them. No childhood trauma here , but your videos still have some things that I can relate to. I will get to where I want to be one day soon.
Anna, my heartbreaking situation let me to your videos!!!! I listened, rewinded and re-listened again. I vowed to memorize your comforting words and wise counsel!!!! That was less than a week ago!!!! Where I felt dispare, now, I feel regulated, confident and at PEACE!!!! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE??!!!!! 😂 I’m happy to report that in a short time, I have started facing my issues with greater awareness and have taken my power back, where I had abandoned it before only to feel helpless. Well, No more!!! Thanks to your valuable and compassionate support! Now, I have a game plan and a clear target. I feel light, free and empowered!!! I can’t thank you enough! 🥰🙏🏻🥰
1:15:15 Humility is an ability to face a problem without defensiveness or blame. That's a definition that's very practical. Thanks! I noticed all the chaos and frustration (and blame) that came when the city took their time making a change that cycling advocates asked for. But this frustration came about because they did not understand the process involved. A bike lane would not get installed because they wanted to wait for a major street reconstruction instead of doing something that had to be done over again when the road was dug up all over again. So it looked like the city was stalling and maybe stalling to the point of infinity (keep procrastinating until it no longer comes up on the current agenda). So understanding what to look for, who needs to approve something, how long the smaller steps will take, all this gives us what you would call humility. We would call it keeping our sanity! :)
I’m new!!! Hi everyone! So happy to find you all here! My 36 year old son and I have been butting heads for years, and your coaching is going to be incredible for both of us. I can feel it already. Thank You Anna ❤🙏🏻♥️🥰😊
All valid information. Definitely something I will have to listen to more then once or even twice. Not only asking these questions to and of myself. If I had this knowledge so many years ago so much of could have kept mistakes would have been avoided. But such is life. And moving forward I feel like everything everyone exploring a commitment taking the time to not only listen more then once but putting the questions to yourself is worth the time to take it on about ourselves before we look for these emotions in others. And really listen. I feel like the whole conversation applies to not only that one person for you but it applies to so much more in how we want to be treated but how we treat others. I know it’s a summary of your talk. And I can see in myself in how everything I have learned and continue to learn has been constructive. And Anna people who know me have noticed. It is positive and healing. Thank you more then you will ever know. Lori
Married 33 years We both have CPTSD However just figured this out since watching your videos these past 2 months! We both have caused harm by our attachment styles There has been loss of 2 infant sons We have 3 adult children and our first grandson In 2018 we separated I was miserable with in 2 months my husband was dating and I completely lost it I begged him back and We are still together I’m really believing I’m the worst with this CPTSD I have ruined my life and my children’s I’m stuck and my one adult daughter with my new grandson has said she is consider not speaking to us anymore My husbands family don’t speak to me they have cut me out about 6 years I don’t know what I’m doing anymore and I’m heading into my 59 th year
Thank you Anna, for giving me hope and validating these experiences so helpfully. I give daily thanks for the beautiful people like you sharing this insight for free 👍💜
I tought I did a lot of inside work before my 3 years relationship. I was looking for the sign on the first date, I had seen de red flag, and even resonate where his red flag would lead and compromise in my life. But stil went for it. Now being out of this relationship, I feel drained, dumb, ashamed, less of myself and ''contamined'' from this relationship. Why I went for it anyway? why feeling not able to go out? And where to start again after this? All question I ask myself, And I feel I would not getting over as i feel my life is meaningless now having lost so many meaningful opportunity for this relationship.
Amen! Thank you!!! I love God and my children more than anything...I'm still learning to love myself... I'm not faking my feelings anymore, what you're saying resonates so much, because I'm working on healing, but that doesn't make me unlovable. As I get happier...I'm overflowing with love for others and still working on loving myself! Part of loving myself is...learning to catch myself when I'm feeling dysregulated. I'm ready to love someone and build a healthy relationship/life, etc.. I'm still trying so hard to find a flow to my daily executive functioning. I find joy in helping others but don't get paid much working in non-profit or volunteering, so managing my finances, etc..is still a process, but that doesn't mean that I'm unlovable. I get that now... I'm becoming READY ❤THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME GET THERE❤
Hi, my situation is so weird. My husband at 27 years died 4 years ago I felt like all these symptoms disappeared. He was my best friend, and once he died. All these problems with PTSD came up with a vengeance. The dating life has been a nightmare. I made all those mistakes you talk about. I'm learning I wish you could help me understand why I did what I did after Being married for so long.
It’s not just dating people who are unavailable or have addictions. It’s dating people who are mentally unwell. I dated one who had been on government benefits for 10 years because of childhood trauma, with no progress in sight. Another had severe aspbergers and so was very distant and couldn’t mix his friends with his family with his girlfriend with his work- among a number of other issues. I dated one with real NPD (couldn’t apologize, couldn’t discuss issues), who after our relationship got an emotional support animal because he was so broken. I even wonder if relationships with severely mentally unwell partners are just as common or more common for people with CPTSD, than dating people who are unavailable or have addictions (ps. addiction IS a mental health issue).
I don’t relate to the being in love with someone who’s bad for you bit about bad relationships, because I’ve never been in love with my partners. I’ve never heard from someone who can relate to this but I just start seeing someone and fall into a relationship with them, usually men who want to move really fast, and then I get attached to them even if I never feel “in love” with them. That’s how it is with my boyfriend of a year now. Like my ex he’s anxiously attached to me and I’m the avoidant one. And also like my ex he’s not mean or abusive but just immature and lacking depth. It gets me so hopeless at times because I feel like I’ll never be able to attract someone who’s truly what I want and who I could spend my life with. I always attract men I need to take care of physically like my dad and emotionally like my mom. I want an equal and mature partner one day, when I’ve recovered, I hope to god I will
What's love? It's a need. And what's a need? A liability. An inconvenience. Why? Because it forces a total dependence on something (usually vital) that one is not even guaranteed to receive. Each of us is born with a need to be loved. Unfortunately many of us will not be loved so much that the need will be fully satisfied.
No, Love is not need. I cant contemplate the real power of Love. Love must be unfettered on All levels. Love says eff off sometimes. Love is Always win win. Love is the force which fuses flowers and ocean waves. Love is embedded in the creative intelligence which fuels Life!!! You are made of Love !!! Most powerful force at our fingertips🎉
@@iloveFreedom. Don't say that Love is not a need, because it most certainly is. Just as food, water, shelter, and sleep are needs, love is a need. All of us have a myriad of needs and all of them are inconvenient, that's all.
@@iloveFreedom. It's not the *LOVE* itself that's inconvenient. Instead, it's the *NEED FOR LOVE* that's inconvenient. You had a need for your parents' love when they brought you into the world. Even so, you weren't guaranteed to have that. Thus, having their love was a luxury that you enjoyed (and probably took for granted). Unfortunately, there will have been many children brought into the world who won't have had their parents' love. But you can bet that every one of those children will have had a need for it. (Makes me want to cry to think of it.) Anyway, I hope that demonstrates how a need can be inconvenient.
After relationships and more fails relationships. I think I hit a rock bottom. My father is to this day an alcoholic. He is extremely abusive mentally and physically. I want to have peace. I want to have a healthy relationship. I don't want to live my life I'm on an obstacle course ready to fight or run. Thank you for this channel from the bottom of my heart ❤️
You're in the right place. If you're interested, feel free to check out Anna's course on romantic relationships (Dating and Relationships for People with Childhood PTSD): bit.ly/3IBbrv7 Nika@TeamFairy
I feel like you give the best advice. But never do I feel love applies to me. I had one horrible long term relationship. And have been alone for 27 years. Younger people do have a shot, and I hope they all find the love they deserve.
Oh my dear, people of all shapes, sizes and ages get married everyday. Love definitely applies to you. Even if you choose to just have a companion. You have a shot and you deserve love. I wish I could really hug you.
Oh dear, of course love is for you! Love has so many shapes, ways of existing and so, so many faces to it! Never stop believing you will get it, because you deserve it! It's hard, I know it. But you need to give yourself the love you want too, ok? Because you're the center of your live, enjoy it as it lasts! Love you find you in the way
I wish I found this community sooner, but I do believe that things happen when they need to. I started sharing your videos with my kids and my best friend a few days ago because we are all currently living a lot of trauma, which is triggering all of what we are learning is our CPTSD. I am also, currently in an IOP for the first time ever and would like to thank you for sharing your content😊
Can't wait til I can sign up for a course. 8 days of DP and I feel the difference already! This lady IS amazing in her wisdom, her skills and her bright/funny and LOVELY presence are really, really unique (and much needed in the world today!). thank you, Anna!!!
Anna, I'm so grateful to you for all your videos but especially this one. I'm 59, twice divorced, with 20 year old twins but alone and pretty isolated for the last 10 years. I started listening to and joined your channel about 6 months ago with a desire to do try and work towards healing and improving my mental well being. That's when I first learned about Childhood PTSD and other toxic and dysfunctional relationships and their physical and mental affects. I personally have not yet been able to master your Daily Practice...I think in my case it's because I know the initial event that started my childhood trauma at about 2 or 3 years of age but I haven't processed it and what it did enough yet to let it go. I'm not hanging in to ruminate but I'm trying to identify the spider web of events that it also caused and as I do keep identifying how it's these things that cause me now to get deregulated and to overreact or not see things through a correct lens or freeze or faun or do another go to protective move that ends up getting me hurt again. I have felt like an alien in the desert ally life wanting water and just crap fitting or using a survival technique just to get a little sip so I could keep searching for the oasis I hoped for but it was always a mirage. I tried everything to find it, change myself or somehow for in or become worthy so maybe the next time it wouldn't be a mirage but it would final be the real thing true love. I've actually had a lot of success but the childhood trauma did a great job of not allowing me to feel any self esteem through the layers of shame, fear of abandonment and abuse. After climbing the ladder over and over and then getting hurt and kicked by life, family, health issues all the usual villains from outside and within, I fell hard. I did feel like the victim. Then my Fairy came along...I work on my ranch mostly alone because I stopped wanting to risk the let down of the mirages anymore and I did start to believe that I'm just too hurt physically and mentally now to be worth it. But for the sake of my kids I started listening and learning about Childhood PTSD and listening to you. Unlike a lot of the other counselors you were and are soothing to me just like Mr. Rogers was to you. I love when you talk to others like me a lot with far worse stories...yourself included and you say "let me get my fairy pen and underline...." or you soothingly tell the person how it isn't their fault but still they themselves have to make a certain change...with suggestions. Recently you said, " don't just give yourself or anyone else a label or you take away your power to change". It's all been changing my life a little each day to the point it's starting to really have a really huge affect on my outlook and energy and in my relationships. I still am in q big process of healing so I'm not even thinking about trying to date. But Anna, I cried today in my barn with my dairy goats and Bassets hounds like a little baby today when I listened to your message because I realized I had given up. I had stuffed it and finally decided I'm just not good enough and I'd gotten to the point that I really believed it outside my kids but I even still feared they might leave me too one day. I had hope enough to try for them but thought for sure it was too late for me with anyone else. But you lit a spark in me again. For now I need to really get a handle on being able to identify my triggers and re regulate myself in a healthy way and to feel confident I am seeing things clearly and not in a distorted way. And I'm getting life in order and my "cab all cleaned up so the light might get turned on" maybe someday in the future. Thank you for being you for being so insightful and for sharing your own story because that has help me trust what you have to say and recommend even when it isn't always what I want to hear at first. I am truly grateful to you. I am also hoping for all the very best blessings to all the others out there who have felt like they were not worthy of being loved.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Daily practice does not require analyzing what happened in the past. It's more about noticing what you're feeling right now without going deeper. It is a great tool to help with getting regulated. Also, isolation is really hard, and it’s often a CPTSD symptom. If you’re interested, Anna has a course to help called Connection Bootcamp. bit.ly/CCF_Connection Nika@TeamFairy
I had gone through multiple relationships where I was taken advantage of and used. Got married and divorced. Then I thought I found the love of my life. She treated me very good. We got married, had a child and now after 11 years, our marriage is over because of a secret that she kept since we met. One that I never saw coming. I don't even know if I will ever trust anyone ever again. I just don't know what to do anymore.
So extremely glad I found you!! Thank you for putting yourself out there and sharing from experience. I've had similar traumas and now work with other women so I use content like yours to build my own knowledge and share with clients and friends, etc. Looking forward to sharing! 🎉🎉🎉
Thank you for your videos. I feel less alone, I know that Im not alone in having those feelings. Thank you for your channel and all the work you put into. You help me (and so many others) to understand whats happening in me (us)❤
Have beeen trapped in jobs for survival not career tract jobs. Have always met the best matches thru doing work I love. I am a performer. Not performing at the moment.
I told myself this morning, maybe I'm just not meant to experience love in my life. Maybe that's just not what The Most High has for me. It has been a very rough morning. 😢
I completely understand feeling that way, but you do deserve good things including love! I'm so glad you're here, we're all sending you encouragement. -Calista@TeamFairy
Generational trauma is so dang rough.. on one hand wanting to be mad at the ones who let it happen or caused it on the other hand when learning about what all is trauma and then realized there just traumatized themselves so I feel wrong for holding a grudge my anger and irritability won't change the past.. and I like some still today ya past partners I had to let go but I can't let go of some of my family specially when they didn't no any better.. not saying that for some people they shouldn't because for certain things I definitely understand cutting people out but in my case it was a lot of emotional neglect from the ones I still have in my life and they still don't understand me fully but I'm trying to understand them.. for instance my mom her mothers a narcissist her father worked constantly he mom put her down a lot and never gave her love effection unless it was earned my mom didn't no how to interact with me she didn't no how to comfort me she got overwhelmed and triggered very easily.. she also relied on me for her own emotional needs and comfort because she was to scared of getting into a relationship still to this day she refuses.... She says she's happy being alone.. I thought when my dad died 2 years ago she'd finally find a good man.. my dad and her wasnt together growing up but he was scary controlling and abusive would break in and make threats etc. But she always said she was still in love with him she just couldn't deal with him.. substance use and abuse was just to much for good reason but still it is sad she still refuses to even try to find someone now at 62 been single for basically 25yrs any relationship shes had in my hole life was a few months and nothing more than physical and dad either scared them off or she didn't like them for whatever reason I'm not fully sure but nothing worth while.... I'm sure it's cause her moms constant criticism and putting her down she was never enough in any way sadly.. but my mom's a good women she's just got a lot of trauma she refuses to work through a lot of self esteem and self worth issues she doesn't think are a problem.... She doesn't even realize why I have cPTSD she thinks I'm just sensitive so does the rest of my family cause non of them realize they all got there own PTSD but they think "it wasn't that bad".. as much as I want to be angry with my dad and yes he did a lot of things that was very messed up but he also had trauma a lot of it very sever so Ive learn not to be mad at him either luckily I learned that before he passed away and got to see he was trying to better himself but a little to late he died 6onths after my first child was born.... It sucks trying to be so understanding but feeling like no one will ever understand me no one seems to care as much as I do but I keep learning and growing for myself and for my kids in hope I can end the generational trauma for them and there kids and hopefully heal myself as best as possible so that they can see that nothing in life has a hold on you except you own mind set.... It is so hard but I think it will be worth while when I get my life stable and prosper and when I get older and see that my kids have a good stable life themselves me and my brothers don't and neither does a lot of my family cousins uncle aunt so many they all use substances or job hope or have been married many times it is so sad none of them realize the curse are family keeps loving with and nonw of them see the point in conseling or learning gental parenting or about trauma or anything that could help them thwy just want to stay oblivious
For instance I was a young mom but never physically hurtful to my son but admittedly once when I was terribly a very about something I had found out and woke my son up and yelled at him. I so regret that. He was probably 8 now 42. But I wasn't always present but house was always clean always had food he had clean clothes. He never went without those things but I lived with my then boyfriend who I eventually married and divorced after 17 years. He was a jerk but not in front of me. Yes we partied one night a week my son was with his dad on those nights. Usually he'd go on weekends. He just had a breakup after 18 months and he's going through therapy and now he's not bothering with me because of triggers. Bla bla I love my son with my whole heart. But I too had a neglectful mother who was an alcoholic. She was pretty much out of her mind. Have I become what I hated despite that I do didn't want to I worked and she didn't I put food on the table she was on welfare. But I also couldn't be in two places at the same time. I wish I could of been there for him. I pray it's not to late. Thank you dear Anna
Thanks Anna for your videos very helpful! I bought your dating course, and I most say very useful. I´m still a bit confuse that in todays dating world asking someone in the early weeks (3/4 date)of dating about their intentions this will scar them away. Most female friends have told me that is supposed to occur natural. How can we approach our needs without coming across desparate or clingy? lots of greetings.
Even if they are not married they may already be in a committed relationship. They may breakup with this person to pursue you. They may pursue you but never really broken up with their “ex” and been juggling the two of you without you knowing it. With today’s cell phones and video chats it much easier to have multiple relationships than in the olden days. Cell phones makes it so much easier to cheat in relationships
I’ve bee in the loop of mainly alone or in a toxic relationship. I’m 63 years old and can’t force myself to date even though I still want a relationship. My father said that no man would ever want me.
I'm so sorry your father said this. What a terrible thing to convince a child of. And such a lie. Noone can speak for another man. Please continue working on disentangling yourself from that belief that he must have been right and you are just not love worthy, and/or loving men that would chose to be with you don't exist. Life is bigger than our trauma driven beliefs and experiences, at every age you still have a future that might hold surprises. But especially, healing. Wishing you all the best.
This is exactly for me. I am married with a good.hearted man, but his denied traumas and unwillingness to be humble to learn new or different things makes him unable to be emotionally available or supportive. There's many more problems... different values, paths, etc. But I keep us together because I need his physical help with house/property... yet I feel I can't heal and progress with him. I've been single 20 years after first divorce and don't want to return to that solo life.... plus now I live in a remote small town (not by a lot of social activities or singles.
Try Anna's Daily Practice. It can help bring clarity to complex situations. Thank you for sharing your experience! I think it's one many people can relate to. Julie@TeamFairy Free Daily Practice Course: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
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What would the world be like if this woman created a curriculum for public high schools around the world. Mandatory mental health strategy education...I bet there would be less school shootings 😢
Brilliant idea!!!
❤️if I'd learned this I'd have been a better teacher. mother, et cetera...i went to therapy and tried everything....THIS is what i needed. It's not too late, but i wish I'd known before elderly.
Yes! What a great thing that would be!
Yes, yes, yes!
She’s absolutely brilliant and practical…
OMG!!! I'm going to be 55 next month and feel seen for the first time. I've been crying out to God for help, as I am tired. Trying to live thru this THING (CPTSD)....Mourning the loss of my daughter and feeling SO alone....And there you are....letting me, (Us All) know there is a place to heal and a place you don't have to exhaust yourself trying to explain to someone else where your at. God is so Good!!! right on time....and it's never too late. I can't watch your videos fast enough...Thank you for doing this video and starting this channel.
Thank you. I'm so glad you're here. Come on in and take a rest, and let the love come and warm you. You'v been through so much.
🎉 yayyyyy Im thrilled for you and believe me: YOU STILL PROBABLY HAVE LOTS OF LIFE LEFT! 🎈🎉
❤❤❤
I don't know much about this chatting. I tell people when I first met them that the Short vergen of my life is for the first twelve years of my life I was in hell and the next fourty two years trying to climb out. I can't get past my past experiences. I feel soooo empty in side. I soooo want to feel real love. I have a girlfriend right now but I don't feel real love. If you want to contact me I don't really know how. I'm just trying to reach out to people who have been though hell two.
Sorry for you loss. Sending love.
I found my true love, his name is Copper and he's the snuggliest, cuddliest kitty. He's my handsome Persian and he loves to sleep with me all night and half hour before my alarm goes off he crawls under the covers to snuggle close and help me transition from my awesome dream back to painful planet earth. I thank God for him every single day. He came to me as a stray after I prayed for him and I live in the woods!! He was NO coincidence!!! He was a gift and I treasure him. Love doesn't have to be a man, it can come in another form. Be open to it.
I have to share my revelation about half love and its effects on the self esteem of CPTSD sufferers: up until last week, I was convinced that there was something wrong with my communication style because when I set boundaries with romantic partners or expressed how I felt, I would only be half listened to and my requests ignored. My parents didn’t imprint on me, didn’t mirror my expressions, validate my feelings or touch me very much. I got Reactive Attachment Disorder from that so I have always figured there’s something missing from the expressions in my face so that nobody really knows how much I’m hurting inside. That would make sense because showing emotions was dangerous as a child; my mother would scream at me or try to strangle me to stop me crying.
But this is not the case right now at 37. I’ve been in therapy for eight years to treat my RAD and CPTSD and realized that I’ve been ready for real love, my requests and boundaries and needs ARE reasonable, and it isn’t about how I express them…I’m choosing partners who aren’t healed enough to heed my needs. It actually isn’t me, it’s them. Which of course reflects on me. I’ve been seeking and justifying half-love but I am FINALLY in a place to say I deserve more. Do you understand how hard it is for a parental abuse sufferer to get to the stage of saying “I deserved better?” I couldn’t say that for 30 years. I can’t believe my growth.
I just asked my wife for a divorce yesterday for all these reasons. I’m heartbroken but I am simultaneously strengthened in what this situation taught me. Me breaking things off with her is the direct reason why I will be capable of accepting REAL love in the future. It feels just like it did when I quit drinking. I feel extremely empowered.
THIS VIDEO helped me put all these pieces together. From the bottom of my heart: THANK YOU!
Thank you for sharing, we are glad you're here.
-Cara@TeamFairy
I can so relate to your post! Congrats for your healing and growth.
As a survivor of physical abuse on SEVERAL levels .. and we know the mental follows .. I can truly appreciate your journey and I hope you have the support you need. God bless you and keep you in His care while you reclaim your life and power.
One word of advice .. Staying angry with someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. You need all your power so don't waste it letting anyone walk around with ANY of yours
Thx for sharing 🙏🏽
You raise a lot of great points.
The blind spots happen because culture tells us to jump into relationships before we know them. It takes at least one year of dating before we START to know a person.
And, that is only if one year dating included getting together with them in the context of interaction with others. It's easier to keep up appearances on isolated dates or minimal time with others.
One of the scariest things I ever saw was when my brother who is typically very verbally abusive to me brought a girlfriend to my mother's home while I was there. He treated me nice the whole time.
I had allowed him a lot of slack over the years because he had traumatic brain injury. This had especially damaged his social skills.
If a man with TBI like him can put on a facade to that degree, that's a very scary proposition to consider! I don't care what the men I date look like, wealth they have, or do to dote on me, Wait and see.
Remember courtship when people didn't jump into sex early? Once the sex starts, objectivity is compromised.
In general, the amount of effort a man will put into the relationship is the amount that got him laid.
Men give love for sex, women give sex for love
I hate the empty feeling i constantly feel. I have cried to my sisters about it and no one understands. I am the oldest of three and I was the one that would get it really bad. It has affected me in every aspect of my life. I have gone to therapy and the empty feeling is something that I cannot stop feeling. It is horrible.
Same... Also I have this chronic loneliness that follows me everyday... And I've tried to explain this feeling of emptiness and loneliness but it's just so hard to word it out... I just know I've felt this ways since I knew what my name was
My favorite quote from this series at 23:21
“Don’t let anybody tell you that the idea of perfect love is crazy. It is the most real thing there is. It is how we’re shown spiritual reality. It’s an experience of seeing through God’s eyes, so we can know the truth of our oneness with all things. That’s the thing your craving…oneness.”
I felt the spirit confirm the truth of this to me as you said it. I had begun to think perfect love was magical thinking. When dating my spouse, I saw many red flags. I told my Mom of my concerns at that something didn’t feel right. She basically told me that perfect love or relationship are a fantasy. This is one of the reasons, I settled and married my husband. 21 abusive years later. I feel my once closeness and oneness with God has been destroyed. It was impossible to feel Gods love in the context of an abusive marriage. I think that is the biggest price I paid.
Thank you, for validating that perfect love is possible and what God wants for us.
Throughout the years I would tell my husband. We are supposed to become one, but in 21 years we’ve made no progress in that regard.
Oneness is what I crave. So true.
I was in a 20 year relationship that was the same way. Not physical abuse but always feeling lonely when he was right there. I finally left and eventually starting healing. I never thought that another person could make you feel separated from God's love but now that I feel closer to Him again I can see it. 🙏
"alone or in a bad relationship" this is so real! many love and hugs from one stranger to the many stranger on this video!
This video coming up today is SO on-time and on topic for me. I (again) just broke it off with a man who just wanted a fwb.. I asked questions and he literally stonewalled me.. No more!
Good riddance!
Tell me about it. A “friend” will not stop asking me for that arrangement. I’ve sId no for 2.5 years. Do they think they can wear you down?
Stonewalling is the worst. So much prefer a straight answer, but then I would walk away. Stonewalling keeps you guessing. Next time a guy does this, I'm out. I am worthy of an answer
My husband and I both get disregulated! Both from very crappy childhoods. So much abandonment. So much neglect and pain. I have a much more difficult time with it since losing my son. I feel so angry with God and so sad that no one has supported me or my family through our loss. I had spent years working hard to build relationships and they all dropped me the moment I needed them. Thank you for all of your videos.
I'm so sorry for your loss. This community is always here for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
The thief (the devil)
comes only to steal, kill and destroy but Jesus came so that we have life in abundance.John 10:10 when we have a relationship with God talk to Him get to know Him, He will answer through His word, I went through things and I spoke with God, Jesus came to my life felt His love, saved me from suicide, it’s a process .after that I knew God is the greater love, we can have faith in Him , He is spirit, tell Him you to come into your life, believe it, there will be struggles but there’s nothing that we can not overcome, God tells us in the Bible to guard our hearts, etc tells us to not be afraid that He is our help etc, you are loved, you are enough! One can heal, it may take take time, take it one day at a time, hugs! 🙏❤️
I’m so sorry. First of all, I’m so sorry for the loss of your son.
Everything is just harder when you didn’t learn the basics of relationship as a child, or else you did, but then a trauma (or traumas) came along later and derailed the entire process.
But OTOH, you’re strong and looking for answers - you didn’t just give up on life ❤️
Hugs to you ❤😊
I feel your hurt and I am truly sorry for the loss of your son. Time doesn't heal all wounds. Sometimes time twist the dagger into the sore even more. I know. The only way to get that knife out is to get away from the ones who has hurt us. I have been alone thru so much and not even a phone call from anyone. I wanted to die. I have to make myself not think about stuff like, why don't they care. We may never understand how those people are
"Real love is not a transaction". Why do I keep falling into this paradigm?
Trauma gets us stuck, but you can heal!
-Cara@TeamFairy
A marriage contract... divorce are both legal transactions.
@@gothboschincarnate3931 I suppose you're right you can love someone and live in sin. Although it's my understanding if sin is involved then love is stained/tainted. Love prior to engagement....what if love is so freely given before getting to know someone that rejection or withdrawal takes place? Was it real love. I still think if you love someone in purity you will expand all areas of your life which includes engagement for the promise of a marriage vow. Which is before the Lord himself and community which is sealed with a contract agreement.
I read that someone asked for shorter videos! No, pls no!
I always intentionally look for the longer videos to listen to while I go about my day!! It’s easier then to constantly look for videos and hit play to several videos. I need all this!
All this content is so healing. All of it. When I finish listening to video then I replay again and always hear something that I didn’t catch first time.
Anna, please leave your videos just the way the are!!! They’ve helped me through incredibly hard times since I learned about you about 3 yrs ago,
I don’t know what I would’ve done without your videos and guidance through them!
Thank You Anna from the bottom of my heart for helping me and so many others in this healing process! ❤️🩹
I'm so glad the channel has been helpful! Thank you for taking the time to comment, I'm sure Anna will appreciate this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I really try to convince myself to feel better by that wise sentiment of "losing the wrong person is a step closer to the right person" but i don't feel convinced. Reason is because i wasn't looking for someone in the first place. I like people a lot but before i meet someone that i fall "in love" with, i genuinely believe i am happy alone. It's just after they leave me rejected that i start to feel lonely :( I hope i get over it soon. Watching your videos has taught me that i probably need to become more connected to help prevent falling into bad relationships or one-way non-relationships again so thank you for that. I wouldn't actively be trying if it wasn't for learning this
You got this! We're all sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you so much Calista
I have been saying for over ten plus years of being blessed with the love of an amazing man that anyone who thinks God doesn't have a sense of humor .. they need to talk to me .. I had finally just "given up" on my heart ever finding true love .. and so when I met this man online .. 14 yrs younger .. I was adamant it was friends only as he was offering help in our group's game. It would be me that admitted first to feelings I had to be honest and share their starting .. but I wasn't expecting HIS response .. he felt the same, but was honoring my request. He is the man God created me as a woman to love .. so YES .. there IS Love for us
love this so much!!
You* Are Meant For LOVE...
Thank you for your attentiveness to heal others.
What I’m saying is FRIENDSHIP!!
I’m so glad to find this right now because I just told my wife yesterday I want a divorce. Previously, I had relationships with disfunctional people who were mean to me and I recognized that pattern and broke it. I wasn’t anticipating that I would need to do the same for a dysfunctional person who didn’t love me enough but was never mean to me. I just realized that is in fact the marriage I have and I stood my ground and fought for my freedom from that. We’re very sad right now to dissolve our marriage but I’ve realized how far I’ve healed from my CPTSD because I do in fact think I deserve better and so does my ex.
What do you mean by didn’t love you enough? I’m wondering if that’s what I’m experiencing
@@heatherpratt1551 when our communication began to plummet, I noticed other things that invalidated her love for me. Any request I gave her was postponed because she had “more important things” on her plate before addressing my needs. Any boundary I set about how her behavior would make me feel, was half listened to and then completely ignored. When I asked her to talk to her therapist about her losing feelings for me and how she lost all sex drive towards me, she would mention it once but never again. Because my feelings just weren’t important to her. She never took me seriously because she had lost her love for me and therefore I mattered less.
@Patient Growth she needed to put her dog in training for aggression because he’s bitten both of us, tried to bite our friend’s child and terrorized my own dog who is submissive. She would do the same thing she always does; meekly acknowledge my concerns but do nothing about them, even though I explicitly said I would leave her if her dog injured my dog. Another related boundary is asking her to separate the dogs before leaving them alone but many times has she not done so, telling me “it’ll be fine, you’re paranoid” even though we watched on the Ring camera her dog go after my dog with crazy aggression so we drove home to check on them. No one was injured but she needed that to happen to take my concerns seriously. If I just say something concerns me or effects me, she doesn’t take it seriously unless it’s demonstrable.
@Patient Growth I could cite more examples of what I’ve said in my primary comment but there are 3 reasons this marriage is now impossible: 1. She is not sexually attracted to me anymore 2. She is not capable or willing to communicate about difficult or deep subjects about our relationship 3. She says she’s not sure if she’s in love with me anymore. It is very clear that this has become a sham of a marriage and I deserve more.
@Patient Growth what you’re describing is true certainly but my wife isn’t a narcissist; she has clinical anxiety and fearful avoidant Attachment style and just style in life in general. The only way she’s figured out to cope with her crippling anxiety is to avoid the topics that make her anxious. She isn’t a bad person, she’s actually a good person, but she is way too behind in facing her personal issues to be a good spouse.
Discovered your channel Anna after reading the book Attached where they talk about effective communication, aka saying what we want and need and speak up instead of acting out, for example. Your content is SO INSPIRING! You bring this to another level,I am following your recipe, starting to actually do activities I like to take care of my own wellbeing. 37:36 I want to be the best version of myself for myself. Thank you Anna!
I struggle with constantly seeking out parent/child dynamics.
Also too picky, I think I'll always end up looking for love online.
Thank God I found you. Your voice and the way you speak is so soothing. All my admiration and a heart to heart sincere hug from México ❤
I would gladly take a hug from Alfredo.
@godswittness69 Some people might be fine with a sincere hug from an appreciative person. If you aren't, that is totally understandable and you get to set that boundary for yourself. But I don't think you should speak for "everyone" as in when you say, "No one wants your hugs, at least not anyone who doesn't know you". I did not get a creepy vibe from what he said. I think Anna has a special gift of healing that appeals to more than just women. Men are hurt as well, and it seems to me like he was just expressing appreciation for the validation and understanding.
@@godswittness69 You are incorrect about what I want. Respectfully, my point once again is to speak for yourself and not others and their beliefs or motives.
@godswittness69 You're trying very hard to get the conversation off topic. This is good practice. Simply calling out bullying behavior when someone was simply being kind. I understand if you've been hurt and need strong boundaries with men. But that doesn't give you a license to be rude and disrespectful and speak for others
@@godswittness69 I'm pretty sure you were triggered by something in my message (which wasn't even addressed to you). This might actually be an opportunity for you to find and heal your own triggers. Perhaps your childhood was as crappy as mine, meaning we're on the same boat, so no need to start a fight.
Finding Anna has been an eye-opening experience. I don't go out on streets hugging strangers hahaha.
Just wanted to show her my admiration for her work which had the power to touch my heart.
Learning to stay calm and not rush so important.
HEY LADY... 😢STOP MAKING ME CRY... my heart never knew these truths. ADHD is a bastard... Emotional outbursts and disregulation have been so destructive. Thank you for shedding light on so much MISUNDERSTOOD and NEEDED information ❤
Someone mentioned shorter videos but the consistency and information provided in every video, worths it every time 👌
Anna I am so glad I found a soul like yours. I would love to talk to a person like you..oh those conversations where something inside changes 💫
I want to let you know your videos are doing the work it's needed for healing others, me included 💛
Thank you and regards from a country in eastern Europe 🌠💟
What a wonderful compliment that you gave to spread love to our teach Crappy Child Hood Fairy. I want to give love as a compliment to you as well @IrisEnglish and say "Keep on shining!" We heal when we see the good in each other and spread love. I too am healing from CPTSD from abuse and I'm so happy to see us growing. I remember there was a time when I was too stuck inside of myself to give a compliment or believe I deserved one. So you all give me so much love by just being yourselves. We are lovely people and I am happy I found my community
The only issue with long videos for me is that I want to send some stuff to my gf, but she's super busy and there's no chance in hell she's dedicating an hour to one video lol.
@Iris What a kind thing to say! We appreciate it!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I completely agree with Iris. I very much like the longer videos and tend to skip the shorter ones. As I listen while I do other things. I couldn't sit still long enough to watch a short one.
@pricklycats maybe buy her some really nice ear buds she can wear while she's busy. Raycons are great for that. She could even wear just the one and still hear around her.
I've always been in bad relationships until I found someone so kind who loved me and saw me for who I am, so I thought I never deserved them, so I had to fuxk it up, to prove myself I am right, I am not worth their love.
what did you do to F it up??
Try using the Daily Practice! bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
-Cara@TeamFairy
I know what i want , and im setting boundaries to stay away from unvailable people and men who dont like me enough now , it just gets a bit lonely . I try to do things alone like travelling and going to new places .but the feeling im missing true love makes me ache sometimes .
I had a lot of physical abuse from my father and even sexual abuse from other family members .
I know i need love to completely heal .
Thank you for sharing. You do deserve love and we're all sending you encouragement. -Calista@TeamFairy
How about I’m 68 and I have on my healing journey when Covid hit. That’s when I discovered that every man I’ve ever married and ever dated were alcoholics and drug addicts.. I didn’t know that coming from my alcoholic family when my stepfather would drink and beat my mother will still be affecting me at age 68 I love your channel and I thank you for everything that you’re putting out. I’m saving my money to take your dating course. I hope when I get there is not too far out of my reach but God be with you. I love you.
It will not be out of your reach :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I'm so grateful for you! This video was right on time for me. The person I thought was my better half wound up being insecure, narcissistic, and emotionally unavailable. It still hurts. Your videos have helped me in my healing journey.
I just realized how important it is to know where we are at and what we can give to a relationship.
I wish you had chapters in these long videos. I do love them tho and learn a lot! 💜
Anna, your videos are so healing. I’m so grateful for you to take time to make these videos for us.
Thank You!! Your videos are absolutely 💯 perfect! ❤️🩹🙏
Came here to say YOU ARE DOING AN OUTSTANDING JOB, just recently found your channel. Thank you for your work!
YOU saved me... from the worst. I watched one of your videos on Sunday for the first time. It closed a LOT OF WOUNDS for me. Thank you!
I'm so happy to hear that! -Calista@TeamFairy
Live on your own. Take it slowly.
Im only working out at 51 why all my romantic relationships were non existant or toxic😮 for the first time I'm finally in a healthy, wonderful relationship with a great man❤ its so true... it took letting all ties with past men go, including fantasies and grief. Getting clear on what i needed and wanted. Being ok with me and healing some deep wounds❤ then without looking I met my perfect partner in a cafe at 47.
The tears are here. Change is coming (I hope!). Thank you x
The "when your dysregulated" section was so interesting and validating to me. It made me realise that the behaviours I've been demonised for, called toxic for and cut off by my former partner are NOT because I'm a horrible dangerous person, but because I'm traumatised. Not that it makes how I treated him in those moments of emotional dysregulation okay, but it adds a new context. Friends who genuinely care about me have called me on my shit but continued to stay in my life while upholding their boundaries as I heal. But this person, someone I've been in limerance with and who claimed to be one of my "best friends", suddenly met a woman who also has CPTSD, and started seeing after while still being friends with me(his most recent ex ). Because of the way this woman was able to explain her trauma and processes, and use therapy lingo to rationalise behaviours, while I couldn't, I noticed my ex being understanding, supportive and receptive 5o this new gf inlays he never was with me, in moments of being triggered. And because I admitted to a BPD possible mis diagnosis, my ex labelled me as "broken, evil, hurtful, too hard to love and not worth the trouble", while new gf: who exhibited the Exact same CPTSD behaviours as me (minus the drinking problem) is treated with such compassion and forgiveness and basic respect by him that tbh, I never really got even when I was in my more healthier times; he would criticise me and take jabs at my weight. But the new girlfriend is seen as a "strong, powerful, inspirational beautiful person who is doing her best", even though we have the same kind of struggles and childhood trauma.
I feel like I've been working on improving myself esteem for years but still attract people who only want casual encounters and one sided relationships. At least I've learned to recognize the signs and move on from them faster.
Great work. That’s what healing looks like.
-Cara@TeamFairy
I am sick and tired of meeting the same people in friendships and men. I isolate because most people I have met tend to gaslight me or use me in some
capacity. I feel like though I have made some improvements, I still haven't been able to be fully successful in life. The people around me have tried to set me up with people that were not good for me, makes me wonder why they did that? I still have some things I need to solve but I want a loving marriage and children. Plus I want healthier friendships that are not codependent, controlling or emotionally abusive.
What's a codependent friendship between women?
Trauma-driven thinking can be discouraging. But never forget: Healing is possible!
-Cara@TeamFairy
@HG I find it interesting you are here in the comments shortly after the video was posted. Not posting about your experience but literally attacking someone else and trying to sabotage their progress to be happy. That says everything anyone would need to know about where you are in life. Your behavior is extremely toxic and you are in need of some serious self reflection. You literally just set yourself up for failure then decalared you didn't care. I think you should see a therapist about this self sabotaging self deprecating behavior. It's obviously affecting your life in a negative way.
I often feel the same, you are not alone. I have had to ( with God) shift the way i show up and let go of connections that just aren’t working. It’s been tough but a work in progress , but progress nonetheless. .. there is hope.
@@SimplyaLady92in my experience, they’ll try to sabotage your relationships so they have you all to themselves, they’re ALWAYS trauma dumping, very demanding of your time and always texting, calling, wanting to hang out, and get angry when you have legitimate responsibilities you need to deal with, very clingy, they copy you, and emulate different aspects of your personality and mirror you. I don’t think this ex friend I had was just codependent but also untreated borderline personality disorder as well.
I so appreciate this video. I am the one who disregulates and I have destroyed every single relationship in my life and I am so alone and hurt because I feel the pain of my actions. I at least have this knowledge to help myself be better. So many people have labeled me an abuser and I couldn’t understand until I watched this video. I am so sad but hopeful. ❤
You sound like my Ex. I wish you both all the luck in the world. Dealing with my own CPTSD but with my disorganized attachment style, the women who's hurt me the most I still wish well!❤
Glad to hear you have HOPE
This video could not have come at a more perfect time! I’ve been in a mediocre-not-ideal relationship for 8 years now, and I’m finally ready to go. As I’m packing to move, I realize it took the full eight years for me to feel whole, complete, content, and filled with joy from within. I am finally ready. What did it for me was finding my own passions, my own purpose, the joy of what makes life wonderful with just myself and God. I love photography, I wrote a book, I love to travel and my dream is to create affordable housing. So many passions, so little time! As I get deeper into my life’s goals and as I live out all my dreams, if a man comes along now, we will have the same energy, a matching soul. If not, I’ll still be fulfilled. Thank you, Crappy Childhood Fairy! Binge watching your videos has made a huge impact on my life and my future! ❤
Wow, that must have been a hard decision but it sounds like you're doing the right thing. I'm so glad the channel has been helpful, we're all sending you encouragement! -Calista@TeamFairy
Meh, up until my early 20s I was sure I would never get into a romantic relationship because surely I wasn't loveable enough but it didn't bother me and I didn't think I wanted it and yeah, it was probably suppression, but then it happened and I was in a relationship for nearly a decade. Now that I'm single again, longing for a relationship is like vague itch in one part of me, the trauma part presumably, and it's totally frustrating, I have other stuff to prioritize. I wanna go back to that not caring about it state of mind, maybe it wasn't much healthier but it was a hell of a lot easier.
Trauma-driven thinking can be discouraging. But never forget: Healing is possible!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Don't go back there it's a very lonely place to be I've been there 😢 keep out and about with good friends and stay positive and value yourself and live in the moment just enjoy the here and now ❤
I was totally fine during Covid season because I am a homebody and isolate easily
Narcissists/sociopaths often want to know everything about you from the start, it's a trap and a tactic used to collect info on your vulnerabilties.
“ not loved, not safe, not happy” - poignant 💔
You have a beautiful way of explaining how true love is the answer, and the Truth❤
This video is very timely for me. My ex boyfriend had a pretty narcissistic response when i broke up with him. We werent together very long but we click easily, have fun hanging out as friends and have great chemisty in other ways too. I figure something happened when he was a kid that makes it hard for him to deal with his emotions. He would hold things in and then it would all blow up at once, and i couldnt deal with that so i ended things. Then he did DARVO and it was a mess. He recognizes though that he hates when he gets like that. Weve since talked and are remaining friends. We still care about eachother, not in a boyfriendy way necessarily but as in we want to see us grow and improve. We also agreed to keep having sex now that we know we dont want to date, but seeing this video has made me think a bit differently. Im trying to move on and i definitely can but like you said earlier in the video hanging onto someone and continuing casual stuff will dim your cab light. Now i dont have cptsd and i think ive tackled the bulk of my issues from my dad, but i still find the relationship advice and topics on this channel insightful. I think my ex may have some sort of cptsd kind of thing. I mean that would make sense. He also recognizes he needs to work on himself. I let him know id be there for him if he needs to talk about anything. I guess i wonder if dumping him when he got distant and unfair triggered abandonment wounds. Thats what it sounded like, thats not my responsibility but idk guess im just kinda venting in this paragraph. Anyway, i want us to grow and improve ourselves and i want him to be happy and not to use others or something as a distraction from his problems as it felt i was, so i guess im coming to the conclusion that we shouldnt keep fooling around and should just be good friends.
It does make me feel like i made the wrong choice in jumping to a breakup but i mean honestly, it was the right choice for me at the time. I couldnt deal with the non communication, and him acting like anything i felt wasnt that serious. I guess though while thats not acceptable i didnt understand him as well as i thought. Now that we are semi-just friends we have been communicating much better.
We broke up twice for context. We got together march or april of 2022 and he broke up with me around may or june. We both had some growing to do. He reached back out in october 2022 and we chatted and lightly flirted until i got back from texas and we got back together on new years. We were together until the end of april this time when i broke up with him. He really wanted to remain friends, i was ready to just never speak to him again but now im glad we are friends. Im just gonna use this thread to vent lol
Thx for sharing it all makes sense.
If he wishes to work on himself he can follow this channel, do the daily practice, and attend a meditation course, an nvc course. And go to a therapist or spiritual counselor / healer.
NOT UR PROBLEM IF HE DOES IT OR NOT
Thank you for acknowledging that some people do long for what's important to them. No childhood trauma here , but your videos still have some things that I can relate to. I will get to where I want to be one day soon.
1:21:30 love + boundaries =
a good radar for trustworthiness & safety
Anna, my heartbreaking situation let me to your videos!!!! I listened, rewinded and re-listened again. I vowed to memorize your comforting words and wise counsel!!!! That was less than a week ago!!!! Where I felt dispare, now, I feel regulated, confident and at PEACE!!!! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE??!!!!! 😂
I’m happy to report that in a short time, I have started facing my issues with greater awareness and have taken my power back, where I had abandoned it before only to feel helpless. Well, No more!!! Thanks to your valuable and compassionate support! Now, I have a game plan and a clear target. I feel light, free and empowered!!! I can’t thank you enough! 🥰🙏🏻🥰
So glad to hear it! Thank you for your comment and for being a part of our community here! Stay tuned, more to come!
Nika@TeamFairy
I think some people stay is because they refuse to be treated badly so they stay to fight for what they believe they deserve.
That was me... Fighting for what I deserved. Unfortunately it doesn't work... Can't or won't... Makes no difference 🙁
1:15:15
Humility is an ability to face a problem without defensiveness or blame.
That's a definition that's very practical. Thanks!
I noticed all the chaos and frustration (and blame) that came when the city took their time making a change that cycling advocates asked for. But this frustration came about because they did not understand the process involved. A bike lane would not get installed because they wanted to wait for a major street reconstruction instead of doing something that had to be done over again when the road was dug up all over again. So it looked like the city was stalling and maybe stalling to the point of infinity (keep procrastinating until it no longer comes up on the current agenda). So understanding what to look for, who needs to approve something, how long the smaller steps will take, all this gives us what you would call humility. We would call it keeping our sanity! :)
I’m new!!! Hi everyone! So happy to find you all here! My 36 year old son and I have been butting heads for years, and your coaching is going to be incredible for both of us. I can feel it already. Thank You Anna ❤🙏🏻♥️🥰😊
Welcome to the channel!
-Cara@TeamFairy
So beautifully articulated especially bit about God 😇✝️🙏
All valid information. Definitely something I will have to listen to more then once or even twice.
Not only asking these questions to and of myself.
If I had this knowledge so many years ago so much of could have kept mistakes would have been avoided. But such is life. And moving forward I feel like everything everyone exploring a commitment taking the time to not only listen more then once but putting the questions to yourself is worth the time to take it on about ourselves before we look for these emotions in others. And really listen.
I feel like the whole conversation applies to not only that one person for you but it applies to so much more in how we want to be treated but how we treat others.
I know it’s a summary of your talk. And I can see in myself in how everything I have learned and continue to learn has been constructive.
And Anna people who know me have noticed.
It is positive and healing.
Thank you more then you will ever know.
Lori
Yay - when people can see the difference, that's a great turning point. I'm so happy for you!
Watching in 2023, post lockdowns and mask. So much changed since and I am grateful for the little forced pause due to a virus to get clarity.
Married 33 years
We both have CPTSD
However just figured this out since watching your videos these past 2 months!
We both have caused harm by our attachment styles
There has been loss of 2 infant sons
We have 3 adult children and our first grandson
In 2018 we separated
I was miserable with in 2 months my husband was dating and I completely lost it
I begged him back and
We are still together
I’m really believing I’m the worst with this CPTSD
I have ruined my life and my children’s
I’m stuck and my one adult daughter with my new grandson has said she is consider not speaking to us anymore
My husbands family don’t speak to me they have cut me out about 6 years
I don’t know what I’m doing anymore and I’m heading into my 59 th year
Thank you Anna, for giving me hope and validating these experiences so helpfully. I give daily thanks for the beautiful people like you sharing this insight for free 👍💜
I tought I did a lot of inside work before my 3 years relationship. I was looking for the sign on the first date, I had seen de red flag, and even resonate where his red flag would lead and compromise in my life. But stil went for it. Now being out of this relationship, I feel drained, dumb, ashamed, less of myself and ''contamined'' from this relationship. Why I went for it anyway? why feeling not able to go out? And where to start again after this? All question I ask myself, And I feel I would not getting over as i feel my life is meaningless now having lost so many meaningful opportunity for this relationship.
Amen! Thank you!!! I love God and my children more than anything...I'm still learning to love myself... I'm not faking my feelings anymore, what you're saying resonates so much, because I'm working on healing, but that doesn't make me unlovable. As I get happier...I'm overflowing with love for others and still working on loving myself!
Part of loving myself is...learning to catch myself when I'm feeling dysregulated.
I'm ready to love someone and build a healthy relationship/life, etc..
I'm still trying so hard to find a flow to my daily executive functioning. I find joy in helping others but don't get paid much working in non-profit or volunteering, so managing my finances, etc..is still a process, but that doesn't mean that I'm unlovable. I get that now... I'm becoming READY ❤THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME GET THERE❤
This was absolutely intensely powerful.
Not going to change. Please don’t think you can clear the air ahead of time.❤️
1:13:32, fair point
OMG you speak so many truths.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️YOU are VALUABLE, YOU are LOVABLE, YOU MATTER, YOU are ENOUGH !💝💝💝
1:13:31 CHANGE is possible
..with Humility = without defensiveness.
Hi, my situation is so weird. My husband at 27 years died 4 years ago I felt like all these symptoms disappeared. He was my best friend, and once he died. All these problems with PTSD came up with a vengeance. The dating life has been a nightmare.
I made all those mistakes you talk about.
I'm learning I wish you could help me understand why I did what I did after Being married for so long.
It’s not just dating people who are unavailable or have addictions. It’s dating people who are mentally unwell.
I dated one who had been on government benefits for 10 years because of childhood trauma, with no progress in sight. Another had severe aspbergers and so was very distant and couldn’t mix his friends with his family with his girlfriend with his work- among a number of other issues. I dated one with real NPD (couldn’t apologize, couldn’t discuss issues), who after our relationship got an emotional support animal because he was so broken.
I even wonder if relationships with severely mentally unwell partners are just as common or more common for people with CPTSD, than dating people who are unavailable or have addictions (ps. addiction IS a mental health issue).
I don’t relate to the being in love with someone who’s bad for you bit about bad relationships, because I’ve never been in love with my partners. I’ve never heard from someone who can relate to this but I just start seeing someone and fall into a relationship with them, usually men who want to move really fast, and then I get attached to them even if I never feel “in love” with them. That’s how it is with my boyfriend of a year now. Like my ex he’s anxiously attached to me and I’m the avoidant one. And also like my ex he’s not mean or abusive but just immature and lacking depth. It gets me so hopeless at times because I feel like I’ll never be able to attract someone who’s truly what I want and who I could spend my life with. I always attract men I need to take care of physically like my dad and emotionally like my mom. I want an equal and mature partner one day, when I’ve recovered, I hope to god I will
Thanks dear. As an avoidant how do they pull you into relationships if they are immature. Do you just go with it. Are you DA
@@meeraraj0 What is DA?
@@bridgetveldhuis4473”distant avoidant” it’s an attachment style in relationship
What about fearing love to the extent that a desire for connection has greatly diminished?
You are not alone!
-Cara@TeamFairy
What's love? It's a need. And what's a need? A liability. An inconvenience. Why? Because it forces a total dependence on something (usually vital) that one is not even guaranteed to receive. Each of us is born with a need to be loved. Unfortunately many of us will not be loved so much that the need will be fully satisfied.
No, Love is not need. I cant contemplate the real power of Love. Love must be unfettered on All levels. Love says eff off sometimes. Love is Always win win. Love is the force which fuses flowers and ocean waves. Love is embedded in the creative intelligence which fuels Life!!! You are made of Love !!! Most powerful force at our fingertips🎉
@@iloveFreedom.
Don't say that Love is not a need, because it most certainly is. Just as food, water, shelter, and sleep are needs, love is a need. All of us have a myriad of needs and all of them are inconvenient, that's all.
@@somethingyousaid5059 love, inconvenient? To need is to believe you are not already what you seek.
@@iloveFreedom. So you think you have no needs?
Food, water… you're just content to sit alone and starve?
@@iloveFreedom.
It's not the *LOVE* itself that's inconvenient. Instead, it's the *NEED FOR LOVE* that's inconvenient.
You had a need for your parents' love when they brought you into the world. Even so, you weren't guaranteed to have that. Thus, having their love was a luxury that you enjoyed (and probably took for granted).
Unfortunately, there will have been many children brought into the world who won't have had their parents' love. But you can bet that every one of those children will have had a need for it.
(Makes me want to cry to think of it.)
Anyway, I hope that demonstrates how a need can be inconvenient.
I think we can love better when we have learnt to love ourselves
Agape! true love casts out fear
An opportunity not a tragedy. Words of wisdom. Heal don’t jump into new fire. They lose you you don’t lose them. They had far more to lose than you
After relationships and more fails relationships. I think I hit a rock bottom. My father is to this day an alcoholic. He is extremely abusive mentally and physically. I want to have peace. I want to have a healthy relationship. I don't want to live my life I'm on an obstacle course ready to fight or run. Thank you for this channel from the bottom of my heart ❤️
You're in the right place. If you're interested, feel free to check out Anna's course on romantic relationships (Dating and Relationships for People with Childhood PTSD): bit.ly/3IBbrv7
Nika@TeamFairy
This has happened to me many times and I have not lost anything.
What a beautiful talk!!!
I feel like you give the best advice. But never do I feel love applies to me. I had one horrible long term relationship. And have been alone for 27 years.
Younger people do have a shot, and I hope they all find the love they deserve.
Oh my dear, people of all shapes, sizes and ages get married everyday. Love definitely applies to you. Even if you choose to just have a companion.
You have a shot and you deserve love. I wish I could really hug you.
Oh dear, of course love is for you! Love has so many shapes, ways of existing and so, so many faces to it!
Never stop believing you will get it, because you deserve it!
It's hard, I know it. But you need to give yourself the love you want too, ok?
Because you're the center of your live, enjoy it as it lasts! Love you find you in the way
I wish I could but there's too much matricide, DV, and family annihilation going on. Good luck to y'all tho, y'all be safe out here.
You are Truly a Blessing here on Earth. Thank You for sharing, this really hits deep! 💖💫
Anna, 🙏 thank you! God bless you! You are changing so many lives! Thank you!
I wish I found this community sooner, but I do believe that things happen when they need to. I started sharing your videos with my kids and my best friend a few days ago because we are all currently living a lot of trauma, which is triggering all of what we are learning is our CPTSD. I am also, currently in an IOP for the first time ever and would like to thank you for sharing your content😊
I'm glad you're here. Thank you for joining our Crappy Childhood Fairy community!
Nika@TeamFairy
Can't wait til I can sign up for a course. 8 days of DP and I feel the difference already! This lady IS amazing in her wisdom, her skills and her bright/funny and LOVELY presence are really, really unique (and much needed in the world today!). thank you, Anna!!!
I'm so glad the practice is already helping! Thanks for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I saved this so that can watch over and over again ❤
Anna, I'm so grateful to you for all your videos but especially this one. I'm 59, twice divorced, with 20 year old twins but alone and pretty isolated for the last 10 years. I started listening to and joined your channel about 6 months ago with a desire to do try and work towards healing and improving my mental well being. That's when I first learned about Childhood PTSD and other toxic and dysfunctional relationships and their physical and mental affects. I personally have not yet been able to master your Daily Practice...I think in my case it's because I know the initial event that started my childhood trauma at about 2 or 3 years of age but I haven't processed it and what it did enough yet to let it go. I'm not hanging in to ruminate but I'm trying to identify the spider web of events that it also caused and as I do keep identifying how it's these things that cause me now to get deregulated and to overreact or not see things through a correct lens or freeze or faun or do another go to protective move that ends up getting me hurt again. I have felt like an alien in the desert ally life wanting water and just crap fitting or using a survival technique just to get a little sip so I could keep searching for the oasis I hoped for but it was always a mirage. I tried everything to find it, change myself or somehow for in or become worthy so maybe the next time it wouldn't be a mirage but it would final be the real thing true love. I've actually had a lot of success but the childhood trauma did a great job of not allowing me to feel any self esteem through the layers of shame, fear of abandonment and abuse. After climbing the ladder over and over and then getting hurt and kicked by life, family, health issues all the usual villains from outside and within, I fell hard. I did feel like the victim. Then my Fairy came along...I work on my ranch mostly alone because I stopped wanting to risk the let down of the mirages anymore and I did start to believe that I'm just too hurt physically and mentally now to be worth it. But for the sake of my kids I started listening and learning about Childhood PTSD and listening to you. Unlike a lot of the other counselors you were and are soothing to me just like Mr. Rogers was to you. I love when you talk to others like me a lot with far worse stories...yourself included and you say "let me get my fairy pen and underline...." or you soothingly tell the person how it isn't their fault but still they themselves have to make a certain change...with suggestions. Recently you said, " don't just give yourself or anyone else a label or you take away your power to change". It's all been changing my life a little each day to the point it's starting to really have a really huge affect on my outlook and energy and in my relationships. I still am in q big process of healing so I'm not even thinking about trying to date. But Anna, I cried today in my barn with my dairy goats and Bassets hounds like a little baby today when I listened to your message because I realized I had given up. I had stuffed it and finally decided I'm just not good enough and I'd gotten to the point that I really believed it outside my kids but I even still feared they might leave me too one day. I had hope enough to try for them but thought for sure it was too late for me with anyone else. But you lit a spark in me again. For now I need to really get a handle on being able to identify my triggers and re regulate myself in a healthy way and to feel confident I am seeing things clearly and not in a distorted way. And I'm getting life in order and my "cab all cleaned up so the light might get turned on" maybe someday in the future. Thank you for being you for being so insightful and for sharing your own story because that has help me trust what you have to say and recommend even when it isn't always what I want to hear at first. I am truly grateful to you. I am also hoping for all the very best blessings to all the others out there who have felt like they were not worthy of being loved.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. Daily practice does not require analyzing what happened in the past. It's more about noticing what you're feeling right now without going deeper. It is a great tool to help with getting regulated.
Also, isolation is really hard, and it’s often a CPTSD symptom. If you’re interested, Anna has a course to help called Connection Bootcamp. bit.ly/CCF_Connection
Nika@TeamFairy
I had gone through multiple relationships where I was taken advantage of and used. Got married and divorced. Then I thought I found the love of my life. She treated me very good. We got married, had a child and now after 11 years, our marriage is over because of a secret that she kept since we met. One that I never saw coming. I don't even know if I will ever trust anyone ever again. I just don't know what to do anymore.
You deserve to heal, maybe start here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
-Cara@TeamFairy
So extremely glad I found you!! Thank you for putting yourself out there and sharing from experience. I've had similar traumas and now work with other women so I use content like yours to build my own knowledge and share with clients and friends, etc.
Looking forward to sharing! 🎉🎉🎉
Isolating has been a comfort; now it’s a burden.
Thank you for your videos. I feel less alone, I know that Im not alone in having those feelings. Thank you for your channel and all the work you put into. You help me (and so many others) to understand whats happening in me (us)❤
Glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
Have beeen trapped in jobs for survival not career tract jobs. Have always met the best matches thru doing work I love. I am a performer. Not performing at the moment.
I told myself this morning, maybe I'm just not meant to experience love in my life. Maybe that's just not what The Most High has for me. It has been a very rough morning. 😢
I completely understand feeling that way, but you do deserve good things including love! I'm so glad you're here, we're all sending you encouragement. -Calista@TeamFairy
Generational trauma is so dang rough.. on one hand wanting to be mad at the ones who let it happen or caused it on the other hand when learning about what all is trauma and then realized there just traumatized themselves so I feel wrong for holding a grudge my anger and irritability won't change the past.. and I like some still today ya past partners I had to let go but I can't let go of some of my family specially when they didn't no any better.. not saying that for some people they shouldn't because for certain things I definitely understand cutting people out but in my case it was a lot of emotional neglect from the ones I still have in my life and they still don't understand me fully but I'm trying to understand them.. for instance my mom her mothers a narcissist her father worked constantly he mom put her down a lot and never gave her love effection unless it was earned my mom didn't no how to interact with me she didn't no how to comfort me she got overwhelmed and triggered very easily.. she also relied on me for her own emotional needs and comfort because she was to scared of getting into a relationship still to this day she refuses.... She says she's happy being alone.. I thought when my dad died 2 years ago she'd finally find a good man.. my dad and her wasnt together growing up but he was scary controlling and abusive would break in and make threats etc. But she always said she was still in love with him she just couldn't deal with him.. substance use and abuse was just to much for good reason but still it is sad she still refuses to even try to find someone now at 62 been single for basically 25yrs any relationship shes had in my hole life was a few months and nothing more than physical and dad either scared them off or she didn't like them for whatever reason I'm not fully sure but nothing worth while.... I'm sure it's cause her moms constant criticism and putting her down she was never enough in any way sadly.. but my mom's a good women she's just got a lot of trauma she refuses to work through a lot of self esteem and self worth issues she doesn't think are a problem.... She doesn't even realize why I have cPTSD she thinks I'm just sensitive so does the rest of my family cause non of them realize they all got there own PTSD but they think "it wasn't that bad".. as much as I want to be angry with my dad and yes he did a lot of things that was very messed up but he also had trauma a lot of it very sever so Ive learn not to be mad at him either luckily I learned that before he passed away and got to see he was trying to better himself but a little to late he died 6onths after my first child was born.... It sucks trying to be so understanding but feeling like no one will ever understand me no one seems to care as much as I do but I keep learning and growing for myself and for my kids in hope I can end the generational trauma for them and there kids and hopefully heal myself as best as possible so that they can see that nothing in life has a hold on you except you own mind set.... It is so hard but I think it will be worth while when I get my life stable and prosper and when I get older and see that my kids have a good stable life themselves me and my brothers don't and neither does a lot of my family cousins uncle aunt so many they all use substances or job hope or have been married many times it is so sad none of them realize the curse are family keeps loving with and nonw of them see the point in conseling or learning gental parenting or about trauma or anything that could help them thwy just want to stay oblivious
For instance I was a young mom but never physically hurtful to my son but admittedly once when I was terribly a very about something I had found out and woke my son up and yelled at him. I so regret that. He was probably 8 now 42. But I wasn't always present but house was always clean always had food he had clean clothes. He never went without those things but I lived with my then boyfriend who I eventually married and divorced after 17 years. He was a jerk but not in front of me. Yes we partied one night a week my son was with his dad on those nights. Usually he'd go on weekends. He just had a breakup after 18 months and he's going through therapy and now he's not bothering with me because of triggers. Bla bla I love my son with my whole heart. But I too had a neglectful mother who was an alcoholic. She was pretty much out of her mind. Have I become what I hated despite that I do didn't want to
I worked and she didn't
I put food on the table she was on welfare. But I also couldn't be in two places at the same time. I wish I could of been there for him. I pray it's not to late. Thank you dear Anna
Thanks Anna for your videos very helpful! I bought your dating course, and I most say very useful. I´m still a bit confuse that in todays dating world asking someone in the early weeks (3/4 date)of dating about their intentions this will scar them away. Most female friends have told me that is supposed to occur natural. How can we approach our needs without coming across desparate or clingy?
lots of greetings.
Thank you Anna, especially for the information on making changes.
You are most welcome :) -Calista@TeamFairy
thank you so much. really. thank you
Even if they are not married they may already be in a committed relationship. They may breakup with this person to pursue you. They may pursue you but never really broken up with their “ex” and been juggling the two of you without you knowing it. With today’s cell phones and video chats it much easier to have multiple relationships than in the olden days. Cell phones makes it so much easier to cheat in relationships
Self assessment and self reflection takes courage.
I’ve bee in the loop of mainly alone or in a toxic relationship. I’m 63 years old and can’t force myself to date even though I still want a relationship. My father said that no man would ever want me.
I'm so sorry your father said this. What a terrible thing to convince a child of. And such a lie. Noone can speak for another man. Please continue working on disentangling yourself from that belief that he must have been right and you are just not love worthy, and/or loving men that would chose to be with you don't exist. Life is bigger than our trauma driven beliefs and experiences, at every age you still have a future that might hold surprises. But especially, healing.
Wishing you all the best.
What a speech you gave us there at 1:20 THANK YOU!
This is exactly for me. I am married with a good.hearted man, but his denied traumas and unwillingness to be humble to learn new or different things makes him unable to be emotionally available or supportive. There's many more problems... different values, paths, etc. But I keep us together because I need his physical help with house/property... yet I feel I can't heal and progress with him. I've been single 20 years after first divorce and don't want to return to that solo life.... plus now I live in a remote small town (not by a lot of social activities or singles.
Try Anna's Daily Practice. It can help bring clarity to complex situations. Thank you for sharing your experience! I think it's one many people can relate to.
Julie@TeamFairy
Free Daily Practice Course: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
I have EUBPD abd CPTSD, and have been in this loop for years. Thank you for this