It is so scary to look at ourselves and try to imagine one's self in a "healthy" place. With food, I feel I have the control and not having control is a terrifying thought. I also remember the person I was before this epic relapse. That person was happy, joyful and smiled everyday. She was also bigger....a lot bigger. Hmmm, bigger yes, but also a bigger and much happier life. Smaller me has a much smaller and isolated life. I feel I just had a Freudian moment, well hello progressive thinker! Anyway, watching you make ( what I can only assume was absolutely splendid!) coffee, was strangely relaxing. It looked absolutely wonderful! Thank you for sharing, your honesty is always inspiring!
I'm so glad! And it's funny you say that, for I find the process of making coffee just as enjoyable as drinking it... Nothing wrong with a ritual that doesn't ruin one's life. 😉👍☕ And I'm glad to have gotten to bear witness to your breakthrough moment. Indeed, a bigger body but also a much bigger life. At the end of the day which will we remember and care about most?
I had this exact conversation with my therapist and my husband yesterday. My therapist said we're supposed to change throughout the years, and I could never remain the same person I was when I was 14, even if I'd never suffered from anorexia. And that's ok, change is a good thing. We can throw away things that no longer serve us and nobody has a saying on that. My husband said that he'd love to help me find the real version of myself, because it would mean that we'd get to grow old together. The ones who really love us do it no matter what, and they are cheering for us and smiling at every change.
Wowza, your husband's words are so loving and sincere, they most certainly bring a tear or two to the eye! But he and your therapist are so right and bring up points I hadn't thought about at all. Over the course of marriage the whole POINT is a commitment supporting each other as we grow and change. ED involvement or not! Thank you so much for sharing xoxo
We’ve got to be a ‘better’ person than where we are now! It’s quite exciting and maybe we owe it to our healthy selves to give ourselves a chance and find out!! Meet you there! Look out world!
completely with you. I have had this so long that when i started a new job recently i was worried i would not be able to carry on at the same level once recovered. Truthfully i am tired miserable and fed up with myself so anything is better. that said i still restrict and procrastinate over being different because the recovery rules of everything stabilising dont apply to me. Read something last night that said calories = energy why do we want to live on minimum energy? excuse the pun "food for thought"
While I know it feels so scary and uncertain, I'm confident that you will perform just as well if not better at your new job when recovered. How could you not, when taking in even more *energy* in order to fuel that performance? ;) And furthermore, how sucky would it be to stay miserable and sick simply because of concerns over a job. Your happiness and life matters so much more!
I’m certainly not a teenager. I’m a teenager x3!!! I’ve had this since I was 4 and I’m 58 now. Since finishing my nursing career, my children leaving home, etc., I really find it hard to get any sort of identity except my anorexia
Let me tell you sistafriend, "discovering" what one's identity is "post-ED" is completely Moot. As you said, it doesn't matter. All these questions are part of chasing that tail of ours until we're 6 foot under right? ❤️
It is so scary to look at ourselves and try to imagine one's self in a "healthy" place. With food, I feel I have the control and not having control is a terrifying thought. I also remember the person I was before this epic relapse. That person was happy, joyful and smiled everyday. She was also bigger....a lot bigger. Hmmm, bigger yes, but also a bigger and much happier life. Smaller me has a much smaller and isolated life. I feel I just had a Freudian moment, well hello progressive thinker!
Anyway, watching you make ( what I can only assume was absolutely splendid!) coffee, was strangely relaxing. It looked absolutely wonderful!
Thank you for sharing, your honesty is always inspiring!
I'm so glad! And it's funny you say that, for I find the process of making coffee just as enjoyable as drinking it... Nothing wrong with a ritual that doesn't ruin one's life. 😉👍☕ And I'm glad to have gotten to bear witness to your breakthrough moment. Indeed, a bigger body but also a much bigger life. At the end of the day which will we remember and care about most?
I had this exact conversation with my therapist and my husband yesterday. My therapist said we're supposed to change throughout the years, and I could never remain the same person I was when I was 14, even if I'd never suffered from anorexia. And that's ok, change is a good thing. We can throw away things that no longer serve us and nobody has a saying on that. My husband said that he'd love to help me find the real version of myself, because it would mean that we'd get to grow old together. The ones who really love us do it no matter what, and they are cheering for us and smiling at every change.
Wowza, your husband's words are so loving and sincere, they most certainly bring a tear or two to the eye! But he and your therapist are so right and bring up points I hadn't thought about at all. Over the course of marriage the whole POINT is a commitment supporting each other as we grow and change. ED involvement or not! Thank you so much for sharing xoxo
We’ve got to be a ‘better’ person than where we are now! It’s quite exciting and maybe we owe it to our healthy selves to give ourselves a chance and find out!! Meet you there! Look out world!
The world is in for a real treat, that I'm sure xoxo
I’m the worlds greatest talker but I rarely do the action so I can relate to exactly what you’re saying. Walking is the hardest
Or NOT WALKING, as the case may be ;)
completely with you. I have had this so long that when i started a new job recently i was worried i would not be able to carry on at the same level once recovered. Truthfully i am tired miserable and fed up with myself so anything is better. that said i still restrict and procrastinate over being different because the recovery rules of everything stabilising dont apply to me. Read something last night that said calories = energy why do we want to live on minimum energy? excuse the pun "food for thought"
While I know it feels so scary and uncertain, I'm confident that you will perform just as well if not better at your new job when recovered. How could you not, when taking in even more *energy* in order to fuel that performance? ;) And furthermore, how sucky would it be to stay miserable and sick simply because of concerns over a job. Your happiness and life matters so much more!
@@rachaelerinrecovers6099 ❤
I’m certainly not a teenager. I’m a teenager x3!!! I’ve had this since I was 4 and I’m 58 now. Since finishing my nursing career, my children leaving home, etc., I really find it hard to get any sort of identity except my anorexia
Let me tell you sistafriend, "discovering" what one's identity is "post-ED" is completely Moot. As you said, it doesn't matter. All these questions are part of chasing that tail of ours until we're 6 foot under right? ❤️
Very very good point. Indeed, it's definitely something that can't be known or figured out before or in place of actually DOING THE WORK. 🧡🐨
I love the way that you look at your husband 💛
Yeah, I think he's pretty darned alright. 😉🧡