Feeling unwanted as a woman and the struggles of dating
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- Опубликовано: 20 сен 2024
- Hello everyone!
I finally woke up from my hibernation and decided to post something again. This video was very rushed, so its not something im fully proud of, but I still felt like posting it. I recorded it a while ago, but i need to keep my channel active.
I decided to touch upon some personal stories in this one, mainly related to my first ever relashionship and how it affected me through the years. I still struggle alot with dating because of the long lasting effects of that litlle dating experience, mainly do to my lack of knowledge when it comes to dealing with emotions.
I hope someone will relate to the things i said in here, because this truly isnt an essay, but more of a deep talk/ramble (like most of my other videos).
I also talk a little bit about my video about femcels and i explain some of the things i said that may have not come across as well as i liked.
Hope you can listen to this without hating me and my guts haha
Thank you so much for everything!
Stay safe,
Silent Reunion
Movies:
-Dogfight (1991)
-Moonrise Kingdom
-Flipped
-Nymphomaniac
Final Song:
-Heaven knows i´m miserable now, The Smiths
#dating #lonely #single #depression #ugly #unnatractive #moderndating #modernlove #romance #riverphoenix #femcel #femcels #datingexpert #dogfight #love #films #movies #talk #commentary #deeptalks
This video is a beautiful work of art. I appreciate the honesty and the rawness.
Thank you so much for your words! 🩷
Agora sim. Que bom que voltou
Finalmente voltei! 😂😂
I’m getting a lot out of these videos…it feels…voyeristic…sensual not sexual though…I think I really appreciate the rawness of it. Someone being so honest on the internet. So refreshing
Wow thank you so much! 🩷Im glad that my desperate rants can actually be appreciated! Loved the words you used to describe it! Truly grateful to have you here!
Actually the struggle of not knowing that topic you want to explain has always resisted me when I wanted to make a video. Maybe that's why I couldn't make any videos in the past
Yes, I completely relate to that! For a long a time I wanted to start posting, but somehow I always felt like i lacked the ability to be fully prepared for the topics that do interest me!
What i started doing was just forgetting about everything and just posting whatever I wanted as bad as it was, it really helped! Who knows, maybe one day who’ll post something yourself ;)
My experience is a lot different than you but I really want to express my feelings. I'm not an unattractive guy but still have a thousand insecurities. So I get attention from girls. But from my side I've never really had a real crush.
I never really liked a girl but I'm not asexual. I'm straight af.
I'm 18 and never had any relationship with a girl. I have friendly relationships with many girls but never really had a crush or was I attracted to them.
I really don't understand my situation. Deep inside I want a companion of mutual liking but I haven't liked anyone till now.
I'll be honest with you, If I like a girl I'll totally approach her and tell her directly that I like her. I don't care about looks at all.
But it's not working so far. And now I don't really have time for dating as I have a huge entrance test coming up and I've been working my ass off for 2 years.
Maybe try later when I'm in college.
But thanks for making this video. This really helped me.
Thank you Silent Reunion and hope you'll have a great future ahead of you and remember 20s is almost the best time to give dating a shot.
Thank you so much for opening up!
Well i must say that I do understand the feelings that you are expressing. Throughout these years that I’ve been single, specially since I started college, I also have not liked anyone in a romantic way. And that lead me to believe that there was something wrong with me.
I started getting further way from guys and it brought me to the panic you see in this video.
My strong desire to be wanted by someone comes from the need to feel that emotion again. The thrill of having a crush or the ecstasy of being romantically involved.
So, although our ways of approaching this helpless nature may be very different, I do relate to what you are saying.
And I just want to say that your straightforwardness when it comes to making that first move is extremely vital! It seems like there is no possibility of ever liking someone again, and that is scary, but in time, I’m sure someone will appear.
Maybe im being too optimistic or just delusional, but i do believe that. I truly do.
College in indeed the right time to explore your dating life, everything will be alright by then! Now focus on your goals and i just hope that your test goes well!
Thank you again, and im definitely making some efforts in the dating department, lets see how that goes haha!
@@silentreunion Let's be optimistic and hope for the best. And thanks for taking your time to read my comments
You comments make my day, so im extremely grateful!
oi, queria te perguntar uma coisa. Conheci no youtube outra portuguesa que se dizia femcel, e fiquei pensando se vcs não são a mesma pessoa. Seu nome é Ariana?
Hello!!Ahah a sério?? Interessante! Mas não, não sou eu! O meu nome não é Ariana
@@silentreunion Entendi.
Já estava me sentindo o Sherlock Homes kkkkkk
😂😂😂😂
Já que vc já namorou, vcs chegaram a fazer seqso? (Escrevi a última palavra errada de propósito, pra o RUclips não censurar meu comentário)
Não, nunca! No máximo beijamos, mas nada mais
@@silentreunion Entendi, tbm já tive uma única namorada, mas nunca fizemos secso e durou só 3 semanas kkkkkkkkk
I think why you think no one wants you is all in your head. It's the insecurities talking inside your brain. Also I think it's the fact that you stopped being yourself to appeal to the crowd. When you were younger you weren't ugly but very insecure yet you were yourself and kept your natural features. I think you should embrace your natural features.
I feel really hypocritical writing this comment because as an insecure teen, I also want to change some features of my body. But what I've seen is changing those features makes me stand out less among the crowd. I've been really trying to cope with the insecurities and so far I've really failed miserably.
Thank you so much for this comment! You really got to a point that maybe I myself haven’t touched upon, because I’ve refused to accept that maybe younger me was not as repulsive as I thought.
I truly believe that the need to feel accepted stripped me away from what made me the person that I always was. Absolutely more carefree, kind and less hypocritical.
You should not feel that way for expressing this opinion, I think the desire to change is human. You still have time to grow into your feautures and accept them, but there will always be something that isn’t quite right.
The hard part is letting yourself be comfortable with what you do have and embracing the characteristics that bother you most.
Nowadays, i really try to just be nice to myself and that has been really helpful. All of those alterations that I wanted to inflict upon my face and body do not serve me anymore. Instead Im just convinced that this is what I am and it wont change, so im better off just living with it.
In a world where everyone is aiming for the same face, it truly is a power move to just be and exist naturally as you are
@@silentreunion I can speak from the experience I've gathered in these times.
When I was maybe 14 I thought I didn't look so good and probably everyone hated me.
But when I look back it is the exact opposite 😂. Oh only if I could feel the same then.
You are a person of wisdom and deep thoughts, even if you are not very appealing to the eyes, you are pleasant to the heart and soul. That is all that matters.
My mother always taught me that the only thing that matters is to approve of your existence by doing something memorable... There is no other way.
You have talent and potential in my eyes, you have to nourish it.
Yes, being 14 is a universal bad experience haha! Time really does change the perspective you have of yourself!
Mannn, thank you so much again for your kind words, they really do motivate me!
And i wish the same things in return! You are also extremely well spoken and truly amazing!
I don’t know why youtube recommended this vid, maybe its because I watch too many bl4ckp8ll videos and inkwell vids, but yeah. I watched the evangelion vid then I found this other vid. So far this is really interesting because I thought femcels didn’t exist, but apparently there is like 0.001% of girls who are femcels.
I think the boy bullying you is a sing of attraction, I know that guys like to tease girls, because they thinks that’s flirting or a sing of attraction. Trust me I tried it myself.
Also I don’t know why you might be a femcels but unless you are really really ugly and extremely unattractive, you technically shouldn’t be a femcel. There are a lot of incel guys (I guess im gonna include myself in that even tho im 18) but damn, none of my friends in college (guy friends) have had any relationship, its like 50 % of guys are incels. But for girls, I know for sure that a guy would date a girl even If she was ugly just out of pity, maybe not date her but have s3x and then leave.
But also, I guess the other reason why you might be a femcels is that you potentially have super crazy high standards, and I guess no guy seems to meet those standards. I mean, do you usually find any guy attractive? Maybe your just asexual, I don’t know.
Or maybe your just a mentalcel (autism, social anxiety) and just can’t socialize even if someone payed you to do it. Fact is that your problem is probably solvable, it isn’t impossible to solve.
If it makes you feel better your voice is attractive and cute, but idk what you look like so idk if you look ugly or not.
Now what about us guys who can’t solve it even if we tried, cuz there is no gym for your face structure or your jawline. That’s my thoughts on it, Peace out!
When i get home i really need to deconstruct this, very interesting opinions! I’ll answer more in depth when i get back! Thank you!
@@silentreunion yeah no problem i am really interested in what your response will be 👍
Okay, so… first off thank you so much for watching my videos and im glad you are finding this rant interesting. I do see that specially a lot guys in those communities do not believe in the existence of femcels and i still dont know what to make of it, but I certainly do find it intriguing. I do think human beings are way too complex for us to believe that only one part of us deals with these involuntary celibacy phenomenon.
About the bullying as a sign of attraction, it is true, just like you said so it is nice to at least have someone confirm it. I can’t believe i only came to this conclusion recently!
I agree with you on the fact that someone can’t be a femcel unless they are really ugly. I obviously do not deny someone who is objectively attractive and still chooses to identify as one,because sometimes the way we view ourselves really impacts the motives we attribute to our lack of luck with intimacy. Since i used to be ugly, I think part of me can’t accept that someone would actually be attracted to me in any way, even if i look better now. But i do understand your view, since it truly is frustrating to see someone who is objectively attractive give themselves a label as this one, when its entire point is not the fact that you do not want to have s3x, but actually not being able to have it even if it is what you want.
Im also in college but i just turned 21. A lot of the people i study with ( mostly girls) are already in pretty long term relashionships, while the few guys i know are mostly single, so i guess that it is more likely to find men who are single in our age range.
I must say that I do not agree with the idea that guys would have s3x with an ugly girl for compassion. Maybe im being a bit too subjective here and speaking more from my own experiences, but the ways guys talk and avoid girls that are extremely ugly is just brutal. I wouldn’t deny that they would still have s3x with someone who they think is not so good looking, but like you said, thats it. Then they leave.
I guess since the whole idea of femcels and incels is very much centered around s3x, I guess the after shouldn’t really matter. But women in general care more about what comes next (not saying that guys don’t), since we tend to get more attached after intimacy.
Well speaking about me personally, i do not believe i have high standards, im a fairly simple person in terms of what i want in a partner. What i find difficult is finding guys my age who would want to have something more serious and calm, since most of them are investing this time to explore things and are choosing not to settle down so soon and i do respect that, but something casual is just not for me. Another obstacle is that i am very reserved and more on the quiet side, so i find it hard to approach people (specially when interested in them) and i also barely get approached. I am not antisocial in anyway, it takes me a bit of time to completely let loose, but once i do i always try my best to listen to everyone and to keep the conversation going (specially if im interested in the person). I understand why it might be hard to initiate things with me and I accept the fact that i need to be better and ive been trying to improve. I think that i do have some kind of social anxiety but you couldnt pay me to actually get diagnosed, i refuse😂! Overall its not too severe and i have become better at managing it.
My problem is indeed solvable and i do tend to overcomplicate things in my own head, mostly do to low self-esteem.
To answer your question, yes, i do find guys attractive! And i am 100% sure that i am not asexual, since i do find men VERY sexually attractive. No doubt about that!
It does make me feel better, that at least my voice is not so bad, thank you! Regarding my looks i guess that is completely up to the imagination. 😂
Finally, (sorry for the testament) it is truly hard for guys whose overall feautures wont allow them to actually improve, but there are also girls who may face the same problem. Some features are not concealed with makeup or also the gym. So i guess you could say that that issue goes both ways
Either way, i believe that people are much greater than looks and sometimes just getting to truly connect with someone proves how superficially we tend to view attractiveness as a society. There is a certain beauty to being awaken to the unexpected and breaking out of the boredom of being just beautiful physically. That is what keeps me going at least.
@@silentreunion Ok so you seem to be quite smart in your understanding of this stuff. The thing you mentioned in the video and another point i want to make is that of dating apps. You probably think that guys wouldn't date an ugly girl? First, guys aren't hypergamous, so that means that they don't date up, they can date a few points down and a few points up. Women however are hypergamous and they only date up with a few exceptions. Those exceptions are if they have a specific type or niche, or if they limit themselves for a reason. For example, a girl who is vegan might be able to date 8/10 looking men but will settle for a 6/10 looking guy who is vegan as well. This is the only exception, the general rule is that 80% of women only like the 20% of guys. In dating apps it is 90 -95% liking only 5% of profiles. That's brutual when i say it outloud. However guys find 50% of girls attractive, and 50% not. From those 50% of girls they don't find attractive they will still hit it (seggs) but they wouldn't want to be seen in public with them (it would be embarrasing if someone saw them dating a 2/10 lets say cuz they would lose respect from other men). They wouldn't commit to unattractive girls, they would just tap and leave. However, your looksmatch (if your a 5/10 it would be a man who is a 5/10) would be happy to date their looksmatch. I personally am a 5/10 or maybe a 6/10 but i still feel attracted to a 4/10 slightly chubby girl and i feel like we could date together (she doesn't have feelings for me tho).
The point i am trying to make is that there is this exploit, and everyone is using it, except for you. It is your own choice of course, you probably want yourself to remain pure. So the thing with dating apps is that even an overweight down bad ugly women gets 1000 likes on Tinder, meanwhile a male model doesn't even get that much. Average guys get 0 likes lol. Of course, you haven't used dating apps and that's your choice, i think it's for the better, because if you did use it (you wouldn't be here making these youtube videos anymore). As a women, imagine all the validation, all the attention from men, you can get all that from a click of a button, and almost every girl is using it (not all but quite alot). Males are fricking simps (me included) it's in our biology to give free attention to girls for some reason. Male thirst is a limitless resource. 99% of guys watch corn, why? Cuz they are too damn horny! They literally tried to do studies and trying to find guys who don't watch corn, they couldn't find anyone! So what would happen if you went to a dating app, you would get lots of attention, probably find an attractive guy and who wants a serious relationship, and it's GG from there on! But you have the potential of being used. Plus your ego will be throughout the roof, because you will think you are a 10/10 with no flaws from all the attention you are getting, and lastly you would sort of be a less quality female if you are into dating apps. I mean it would benefit us more if girls didn't use dating apps, but i mean when you have the cake infront of you why not eat it too? I guess you want to be a more high quality female, because to me a girl who herself chooses to not use dating apps and would rather be a femcel, that is kinda hardcore and badass not gonna lie. But if you don't believe me that this would solve your problem, you can literally go on any dating app and try, then making a video afterwards saying that i was right. Anyways sorry for the long ramble i know youtube comments isn't the best place for disscussion but i just wanted to give you some perspective on this whole thing.
Your vids are good, and peace out ✌
I appreciate your opinion, even though I disagree with a lot of the things you said. I do understand that i may be more successful if i did in fact put myself on dating apps, specially as a women, but i think that success is for the most part created by the males who use those apps and are most often desperate. Also, there are more man on dating apps, therefore the women have more choices and will instinctively choose the best ones, i think that is fairly natural. Although those choices do not reflect the selection of all of the other girls who are not in fact using dating apps. So i wouldnt assume that just because some men are more lucky when it comes to the apps, that he will be in fact just as successful in real life.
But dating apps are just that. A very superficial and appearance based selection, that doesnt in any way reflect the complex nature of what makes someone appealing as a person.
I could obviously get someone to have s3x with me very easily if I putted myself through that system, but like i said, i dont want just that, so I don’t feel the need to put myself through such a superficial exchange, even if it would solve all of my current problems. My ego might be hurt and I might come to youtube to complain, but I can’t change my mind.😂
Anyways thank you for the feedback, your comment was very interesting to read and it did make me think quite a bit! Always appreciate different perspectives!
women experienced average man's treatment, unpleasant, right?
Yeah, I was going through some crisis when I made this. And I was unfortunately, being bitter at the other side ( just as you are now), instead of looking deeper into myself.
Also I believe that when we stop dividing experiences into something that only man experience or only woman experience, we can finally reach a point of discussion.
@@silentreunion can you stop talk in such sterile manner? it's looks to arrogant and reminiscent of woke hypocrites to take you seriously. in honest talk each sides expected to be rational enough to not throw a temper tantrum over slightest offense. This sterile way of communication takes major chunk of your humanity and makes perceive you like an empty-headed NPC while people want talk to human being, unless they themself like this
That doesn’t make it any less unpleasant. A man can only live one life, so it’s not like the discomfort experienced by a single person is magnified by the amount of men who experience this…
If you don’t like it, well… neither would a woman who society believes would never find themselves in these situations.
video gets really bad at the end, so much self delusion
😂 yes, I was coping. Never said I wasnt delusional