This COMMENT made Dr. Ramani's head EXPLODE
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 28 сен 2024
- ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"
smarturl.it/no...
JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM
doctor-ramani....
JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK
www.drramanine...
GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS
forms.gle/1RRU...
SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST
forms.gle/Bv9G...
LISTEN TO MY NEW PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"
Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple...
Spotify: open.spotify.c...
Stitcher: www.stitcher.c...
iHeart Radio: www.iheart.com...
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
Attorney here. Lawyers get no training in psychology, unfortunately. So unless they bother to study it, they're clueless, and often doing a narcissist's gaslighting for them. And of course, they can be narcissists themselves. However, once experienced, attorneys and judges tend to see through the lies of those with serious anti-social personality disorders (sociopaths, psychopaths, etc.). Greater awareness of "ordinary" narcissistic abuse among legal professionals would be helpful - it would be great if experts like Dr Ramani could offer this kind of professional education to lawyers.
Attorney here as well. A few years ago I started to educate myself on the narcissistic dynamics just to have better perspective. It’s made me a better lawyer to see through what one’s not telling me.
Watching all of Dr. R's videos on this topic is a good start.
Family Law Attorney and therapist Bill Eddy has written some great books and articles on "high conflict" divorces. I agree. Attorneys are clueless.
@@TheLegalCodeNYC Family Law Attorney and therapist Bill Eddy has written some great books and articles on "high conflict" divorces. I agree. Attorneys are clueless.
I assumed all lawyers were narcs themselves, judges for sure.
I’m Japanese and living in Japan.
I’m going to presentation about Narcissist at Welfare services for mental disorders where I recently get help for my mental health.
Your voices are reaching out and beyond to Japan.
So as a Japanese I want to say thank you for your hard work and helping my bloom liltle by liltle.
I was just there! I loved japan. Btw, hope the presentation goes well
@@swagmuffin9000 Thank you. I hope your health and everything is okey.
I live in Japan. Narcissism is my favorite subject.
@@grapegrappa2133 I thought you live in US. I wish your enjoying life in Japan.
Best wishes for your health and happiness 🙏
It’s so terrifying once you wake up , knowing that the husband you loved and trusted had so little respect for you , and then navigating life with others and seeing the disbelief and lack of empathy , it takes a very courageous person to get to the healing side of this horror .
I can feel you. I am terrified as well. These people are like demons that feast of your hearted human feelings. Always trust your inner sense of truth, and heal yourself with so much love. You deserve it. You worth it. ❤❤❤
Yes, its not human
Jeannie Mai is going through this with Jeezy...So, SAD...🙏😔🙏
I’m just getting out of an 8 month relationship and I got the big discard. I’m telling you it’s been the most painful thing I’ve ever gone through. I cannot even fathom having had gone through years of it and then being left. There would be little hope. For me.
It’s so terrifying once you wake up , knowing that the wife you loved and trusted had so little respect for you...
She has a PUBLIC face and a PRIVATE face. Sometimes seems SO NICE! And then at other times is SUCH A B**TH!
I have ALWAYS come home every day after work, I have a FEW friends whom I see very occasionally... but does that MATTER to her? NO!
Years ago, i had a spouse walk out without warning or explanation, to be with someone else. We'd never even had a fight. This was traumatic. I wouldn't wish it on anybody. But what was MORE traumatic was the reactions i got from people who assumed that i had somehow mishandled and neglected my marriage. I was being blamed. I was humiliated and enraged by comments like, "this is why communication is so important". We weren't having a communication problem! I was being deceived and used.
That is so tough Lisa. I am so sorry.
@@lindamaygreg thanks Linda.
Sadly many victims get blamed. I think many that blame victims truly don't care @ all so they go the easy route blame the victim as that takes no reflection or thought so they go for the easy answer thinking they brilliantly came up with what think is a brilliant answer & they don't have to think about it nor do they want to think about it because they really don't care but have to voice an opinion.
I too have a 'runaway husband'- June 29th '22 we went to the grocery, he bought all his usual 2 week groceries, things had been as usual, except he was spending more & drinking a bit more ( which I attributed to him talking to his Malignant narc brother again on the phone), but I felt things were as normal. July 1st, he gets up, starts packing a bag, & says he's going to visit his brother in Florida but he'll be back the following week for some important doctors I & our cat had ( I don't drive)-- HE DISAPPEARED. NO CONTACT FOR MONTHS..then after finding out at a doctors that I had no insurance (!) I texted that again to the silent black hole phone number..figuring nothing. I actually got a text back!- saying 'I know you aren't well- I don't know what's up with the insurance. I plan to keep paying that until we're legally divorced.' 😳 1st time in 23years I EVER heard or saw that word from him. His narc brother orchestrated me losing everything & getting nothing. And their enmeshed family has made me out to be some crazed monster! There are no answers to what happened to the love of my life, my best friend & dear husband. No pleading or begging for answers gets ANYTHING. Even though I found the other woman the brother hooked him up with left him. NOTHING CAN HEAL THAT TYPE OF UNANSWERED ABANDOMENT. And he knew he was leaving me alone with no family or anyone, & sucked me dry of every cent.
How dare those people judge you. I’m so sorry. 😮
This is EXACTLY why I quit family law and have devoted the rest of my professional days helping women and men who have been victimized by the as$#ones.
Can't work within the system, so I decided to work against it.
Unless an attorney has been a victim of narcissistic abuse, they have ZERO clue.
And they are callous AF.
It's disgusting.
My divorce lawyer told me his clients were more honest in criminal law than in family law. I can't imagine working in the negativity of family law.
I’m learning this the hard way. They are conniving, manipulative liars. Very sneaky & calloused & know how to use the system/laws AGAINST you…the victim of their narcissistic abuse.
❤ hats off to you, lady hats off. My attorney knew who and what he was dealing with. It’s still cost me a fortune, and that young man moved on from law after my case and he was a great lawyer.
God bless you, hon.
Narcissism has become such a cancer in society that even if you walk away from one narcissistic relationship, you wind up dealing with another one.
Thats only because you don't believe you deserve better. The work on the self (loving self first) is essential after getting out of a narcissistic relationship.
Being vigilant and doing the inner work needed to renew one's mind is necessary .
Especially when living in the age of A Global Narcissism Epidemic .
@@annatetiad.4991 not really like that. You get so confused you don't know if it is you or them causing the problems.
I don't know if there are more of them now or if they are more noticeable and there's always been this many. These days there are many narcs in the spotlight. Celebs and politicians, etc. And they have emboldened narcs everywhere to be openly horrible where they once stayed hidden in the shadows. In dealing with the narc in trying to get away from, I realized I went from 1 narc relationship after another. I finally started seeing that it was my insecurity and desperate need for love that left me susceptible to their manipulation. I won't be getting into something again until I explore and deal with my own issues because there are plenty of narcs out there waiting to jump in where the last one left off and the only way I can avoid getting sucked into another abusive relationship is to heal myself so that they no longer have the ability to pull me in. Until then. It will always be a line of narcs waiting for me. Broken me is their favorite food. They can smell the insecurity and need from miles away.
@@annatetiad.4991i know the comment said relationship, but with me it's not even about intimate relationships. my dad, mom and ex are 3 different types of narcs. i worked with a narc, got burnt out and the job right after my burnout also had a narc which i had to work with everyday. obviously im not diagnosing them, so these are not facts but a lot of them have tendencies at least. i get triggered by those tendencies and that's why i notice it very often.
Dr. Ramani is a gift to the Universe. If she yells in a hotel room you can bet she is justified!
The psychiatric world says there's only 1% of the population that are narcissists. I believe that number is heavily skewed. It's old data that needs to be updated. Narcissism is running rampant in today's society. If it wasn't for amazing people like Dr. Ramani, I think I would have lost my mind already. I unfortunately have had several very abusive narcissists in my life. As if one wasn't enough.
More a gift from the universe to us.
I left my ex on Mother's Day in 1993. I didn't have this, and going to a therapist was a very slow process. I didn't get the Reader's Digest Condensed version of this, nor know that there are tens of thousands of people going through the same exact thing. Only this year, did I find out.
Narcissists will hurt you and act like you hurt them.
That’s exactly what they do! Lots of projection on their part🤮
They cry out in pain as they strike you.
And convince everyone that you did hurt them lol you cant win with these people, all you can do is let them play themselves
Yessss!!! They do!!!
The comment I didn’t know I needed, but did! So true!!! Omg
There are people waking up to this, but there are also people trying to bury it. Narcissistic abuse absolutely exists and healing from it is a long and painful journey, but it is absolutely worth it. Thank you for staying committed to educating people about this issue, Dr. Ramani!
We need better and mandatory education for professionals in law and social services on narcissism, trauma bond etc. The victims so often have to fight jet another uphill battle, it's insane. Thank you so much!
In academia, as well. It is insane to me how many psychiatrists in my medical school had no clue about it. It should be taught in medical school and psychology.
@@missdm8137oh my God that should be studied in so much deaths depth!!! 😮😢😢
@@missdm8137-I never learned about this. I took psychology in college, and I loved it, but they never told us about this… because Narcissists cannot be cured with talk therapy or drug therapy
So they’re even more dangerous because nobody’s talking about it in psychology classes in college
Which means that nobody you go to for help has learned anything about this
To them both people usually look narcissistic, because they’re saying the same things … because the narcissist, of course, is mirroring you
Plus, they love to play the victim
Geez I thought they would cover this in psychology classes. What the heck do they teach?
But that’s the thing about narcissists. They can try to fool you, with all their heart, but in the end, they’re just fooling themselves.
pretty much. They will believe their own lies. Hence, the habitual lying.
🎯
But that doesn't matter to them at all.
A habitual liar doesn't change
Well said!
The lawyer sounds like a cheater themselves because who truly could defend cheating for ANY reason. Thank you for feeling rage like us regular folks. You’ve always shined a light on what is really happening when it comes to the games narcissist play.
That was my first thought. Projection anyone?
This is something I have never understood. How can a person make a defense for cheating on a spouse? There is no defense for it. None. The message I got when my ex cheated on me seemed to be the same message I've gotten all my life: it was my fault she betrayed me.
Thinking this too
ENABLER/CHEATER
@@E.P.Greene What a coincidence. It was my fault my X cheated on me!
When involved with a narcissist, you're technically single because your heart is taken by someone you can never have.
Or a child alone in a family.
Yes. You are married to a fake, a fictional character.
Brilliant
...."
So true
Your senario of how it should be handled, is exactly how I tried to handle it. I focused on my relationship with my children. Taking them to the zoo. museums, plays, concerts, movies, parks, etc. Taught them my values and morals. Always encouraged whatever arts, music, & other activites interested them. I shared joint custody and had very little conact with him. After 15 yrs., she left him for cheating on her. Our kids were grown and I helped them get out on their own. They recently assured me that my being there for them always, was the only sane part of their lives. They no longer choose to see him.
Thank-you so much for your work in these videos! I left a narcissist spouse in October 2001 after 16 years of her drama and gas-lighting. I wish I could have seen your videos back in the 1990's! With very few exceptions, the overwhelming response was summed up by my mother: "You were married to her 15 years longer than we thought you would be!" Friends finally came up to me and told me stories they knew about her that they were afraid to bring to me for fear of losing me as a friend. When divorcing a narcissist, you will find out who your true friends are. I was fortunate to have many friends and a great deal of support. It took me a whole year to work up the courage and to make sure I was doing the right thing by leaving but I have been happy almost every day since walking out. I literally walked out with nothing but an overnight bag. I couldn't take anymore. Nothing I left in the house we owned together was worth another day with her.
My narc ex married the woman he was cheating with. As far as I am concerned she knew she was marrying a man who is willing to cheat on his wife. I feel absolutely no need to warn her.
Thank you Dr. Ramani, you have been a big help in my healing journey. I am a joyful and more authentic self and continue to work on healing.
Completely agree! Reminds me of a fable where a man was crossing a bridge and a talking snake (poisonous) pleaded with the traveler to pick him up and carry him because he was tired and feeling sick. The weary traveler finally decided to pick him up and carry him. When he got him across the bridge to the destination, the snake bit him. The traveler was shocked, and said, “But I saved you, how could you do that?” The snake responded, “You knew what I was when you picked me up”. I feel any woman who openly gets into a relationship with a man who is cheating should not be surprised when they later cheat on them. They knew what he was when they started out.
My son warned my ex’s girlfriend once. He said “he’s not a good man, you should move on.” She heard him, but didn’t. Of course she ended up breaking up with him. I found out he was going to ask her to marry him on HIS birthday. This is a narcissist I was married to for 20 years, and three kids. Every female that he connects to, leaves him within months or less. While I can’t warn them, it seems like they learn soon enough. He wasn’t much of a cheater, but he was rotten every way else.
It’s amazing how much better life gets when you leave these people behind. Hope you are doing amazing, and blessings 💖✨
(Edited for grammar and clarity)
I experienced the same thing. My ex is now 64 years old and married to the woman he last cheated on me with. Do they ever get too old to cheat?
I mostly don't feel sorry for her because he more than likely lied on you too her to make her feel like the winner. It's actually sad. But congrats on losing the weight!!
I love Dr. Ramani's sarcasm here! After spending most of my 67 years recovering from being raised by a malignant narcissist mother who cheated, got pregnant with her boyfriend when I was a year old, and dragged me through two more of her 5 marriages before escaping to build my own life. People who think they are experts and advised me to make peace with and rebuild my relationship with my mother have constantly been a part of my life that has challenged me. Thank goodness I didn't marry a narcissist and have to deal with this too!
Congrats on your pick. Best wishes going forward!
5?
@@MiteshDamania , thank you!
@@hahag-zw6qn , yes she has been married 5 times. She's 88 and 1 of her 5 offspring are currently in contact with her. I'm not one of them.
Your mom sounds just like mine. I am also 67. My mom was married four times. She's passed away now. I cut off contact with her when I was just a teenager. I never saw her again. It always made me cringe when people would tell me I should reconnect with my mom. There is no mending a relationship with a narcissist.
Trauma survivors have a particularly hard time differentiating, even if the partner isn't a narcissist. My wife almost cheated and then told me, and we started couples' therapy. I was going over repeatedly in my mind "What did I do? Maybe if I change this... or this." It still took me a good two weeks to admit to myself, and tell her, "this wasn't my fault, and I didn't deserve this" She was glad I told her.
Thank you for this video. I work in domestic abuse and only discovered through my job, how many people supporting victims of abuse (e.g. solicitors, social workers of children) don't understand the dynamics played out in domestic abuse. It's frustrating as hell. They make so many decisions so often where me and my colleagues are head-in-hands shaking our heads. Sometimes they put the victim at risk by disclosing information to the abusive person, or keep children with a dangerous and neglectful parent.
Like you say, it looks like it's with the assumption that they're dealing with two rational people, who are trying their best to find a solution. Or a "bad break up".
Or it'll be described that the abusive parent who neglects the kids "doesn't understand what's expecting of them in regards to meeting the children's needs" and I'm sitting there like "of course they f*cking understand, they just don't f*cking CARE!! They have capacity. They read English. They just don't want to do it!!" It's heartbreaking what ignorance victims of abuse come up against when trying to protect themselves and the most precious beings in their life - their children.
I'm glad you've touched on it in this video. And I thinks it's good what you said about feeling it out with different legal people, to see if they understand the imbalanced power dynamic of an abusive relationship.
Feels like ...aweful
Thank you from someone who's used their local WA. I honestly don't think I'd have been able to leave my ex without their help and education
Thank you for this, it was SO validating. My ex husband was emotionally and verbally abusive for years, grossly selfish, and a cheater who ultimately justified his infidelity as follows: “I was so sad and lonely because you made me feel unloved, not enough hugs/sex/praise.” Foolishly I bought his lies, threw myself all over him to prove that I loved him, and guess what: HE KEPT SCREWING AROUND.
My mediation lady for divorce actually allowed and even egged on my ex-husband’s claims that I have a written diagnoses of borderline personality disorder. And actually no one showed me this supposed evidence they had. And she actually had the audacity to ask me if I’m on medicine for this issue. I asked and actually begged to see this diagnosis that no one could produce. And in the end I looked like the unhinged fool because I was clearly upset being accused of having a mental disorder.
I told them I have a diagnosis of CPTSD but not what they accuse me of.
I told her I don’t take any medication for any mental disorder. And she said, “sometimes that’s not a good thing. Sometimes medicine helps.”
I couldn’t win for losing. Seriously it was horrible.
That’s how they are. Glad to get rid of both of them…
It's not you and they're so good at turning it all on you. I have the same problem and it continues on and on. You have to find a place of
peace and not let anyone into that place. Be mindful and cautious of everyone and anyone who wants to be your friend. I'll bet the
"mediation lady" is a narcissist herself. She doesn't have the ability to see what's going on. Don't bring up CPTSD again, DO NOT, it won't
work in your favor. These people are really good making you think you're crazy.
No one should be diagnosing you except for mental health professionals. Trying to convince you that you are sick without an official diagnoses is evil.
Been there! I am so sorry this happened to you!
what fails me is how any kind of mental illness has anything to do with anything in this scenario. but what fails me even more is how a so-called mediator could be so daft and unethical. i'm so sorry you had to put up with such bs.
Came for the title, stayed for the message ❤
Dr. Ramani, I am a native Californian (born in 1950). My wife (who is also a native Californian), and I departed the People's Republic of what became "Narcissfornia", in 2010 and have never looked back. We now happily live in rural Virginia. Thank you for your instruction and assistance in dealing with narcissists in our life.
Seriously your comment just highlights you are both narcissistic and now live in rural Virginia. I am sure rural Virginia now who you are.
@@darcie1962
Well, yes. We tell them that we are from SoCal. The Good Folk here in Albemarle County don't appear to have a problem with us. Or, if they do have problems, they haven't mentioned it to us. We moved to Northern Virginia (NoVa) in 2009. January of 2014 marks the start of our 15th year in Virginia.
Bothsiderism isn't just dangerous in politics. I had experience with it on the job. The narcissist makes accusations to the boss that YOU did something horrible. Of course, its been carefully fabricated. The boss says, in a meeting to resolve the fake accusation, says that both are at fault. You can't defend yourself because you didn't even know this was a thing. Then, YOU are unaware. So many situations where this happens. Same song...different tune.
Sadly, you are spot on, as it appears that corporations love to promote narcissists to the highest levels in the organization. Often narcissists are the ones who will step on everyone to get ahead, which means trying to get information out of co-workers, bad-mouthing the boss. Why? So they can run back and tell it, and then move up in ranks for brown-nosing. Once they get promoted, then they find others to do the work for them, because they really aren’t that intelligent, but just sneaky and conniving. I am starting to think many corporations are narcissistic, by design. I wish for no more narcissists, never again.
That happens even when it’s not a narcissist. The average manager is an idiot
When one side is acting out of pure evil there is not 2 sided to the story. My narc loves to say there’s 2 sides to the story to try to cover up his evil behaviors.
That's right. They are trying to take from you. That is whole game. If they can convince you, or others who have power over the narrative, that you are equally at fault when it is not true, that opens them up to be able to take more from you and then blame you for it. It's pretty nasty game.@@ThimbleFox350
I tried for a minute to make my ex understand why cheating was so inappropriate and hurtful and why I finally left him. He apologized profusely, but by this time I was such a pro at seeing through his narc behavior, I stopped. I blocked his number after being with him for almost 15 years. The secret to my success is watching your videos every day because they are a reminder that these crazys have no cure and any attempt at fixing them is a pitiful exercise in futility. Thank God for people like you, Dr Ramani.🙏 You are changing the world! I mean it! Love you❤
Good for you!! I know that was tough after being together for so long. But remembering the hurt and pain he caused made it not so tough I’m sure. Keep trudging along! No contact DOES get better!
@@chanel82593 Thank you. I can see how it gets better and better, but I need to stay mindful because any little doubt could be the kiss of death 😀. Thanks for writing!
As you said, "a pitiful exercise in futility" is correct. I have let my guard down a thousand times in the futile hope that I was getting through to him. Ha! What a joke. I can't believe I've been falling for it for decades. God help me out of this mess soon.
@@Vic-Meow take great care and plan your escape! Warmest regards for a successful plan coming to fruition. These people really are living in a different reality. So sad 😧
I'm internally (because it's almost 2am here in Australia now) screaming with you Dr. Ramani! Your videos helped me heal from a long and traumatic divorce with my narc ex husband 4 years ago. I have 70pages worth of evidence of how much "sorrow" and "frustration" he felt where according to thisss family lawyer in California, justified him enough to cheat and have a secret family for half our marriage, 5 years. To think there ARE many more family lawyers and mediators out there with this kind of skewed mindset and perspective when they honestly do not know the TRUTH of the real matter in these types of scenarios and the games narcs play during a divorce showdown is actually very scary and dangerous. Thank you Dr. Ramani for being the VOICE for us narc survivors and warriors and for calling bs out.
You have to realize that there are narcissistic lawyers so they will side with the narcissist. Be prepared to meet unpleasant people all your life and leave as soon as you perceive that they are not nice people. I have been told by more than one person that “everyone is basically good” while watching the news and crime reports that confirm that there are rapists and murderers out there, criminal organizations, terrorists groups as well as arsonists and looters. Something is not quite right with these people who pretend that there is nothing to worry about from other people.
It’s still the hardest part of the most narcissistic relationship I’ve ever been here, is her unwavering commitment towards defending herself no matter how clearly she was and it is in the wrong.
😮my mother does that too much, but she calls herself an empath 😢 she says her dad was a narcissist 😞
I am glad I listened to you, I always felt that a third person could not come between two people and so it was somehow a lack or something in the relationship. I am glad you set me straight because I had one relationship with a narcissist that just about destroyed me. Thanks
You nailed this one. Thank you Dr Ramani.
In my case I was replaced for a younger woman. 15 yrs ago. I have finally healed to a lovely life with a new caring man❤️
My children dont see their father unless he invites. They still dont know what is wrong, but my daughter said: “I wish dad would work on himself like you did!”
Children are very wise.
My attorney knew. She saw through him and followed the rules in my country back then. Long before I understood.
I wish you all the best of healing💫
Thank you so much for commenting about your positive life post-betrayal! Stories like yours are like a healing balm for all the hurt and unfairness. : - ) ❤❤
❤️
Nice to read you found a caring man after such experience. All the best!
❤️
Dr. Ramani...you are brilliant and a riot!
I am so so so happy that professionals like you shed light on what narcissists abuse truly is and now it affects others.
Before finding your videos and learning about narcissistic abuse, I believed that it was my fault…that I was not good enough for him…for the marriage.
It is amazing how these “so called” professionals have that kind of prejudgment without any empathy for the actual victims!
Wise wise lady Ramini❤ not because you are a psychotherapist, but because you invest your empathie and human experience in your professional experience. God bless you 🙏❤love and respects from Beirut 🇱🇧🇱🇧🇱🇧
Thank you Dr Ramani for what you do!
This is exactly the reason I haven’t gotten a divorce…and I never even realized it. The physiological trauma that comes with trying to hold my truth and reality with what he needs me to believe is reality is literally a mind f*%# to the highest power. And having to make yourself hold it for the sake of peace in the house and for my kids is…willing having to accept and participate in insanity to survive. Then there’s the part where he can’t even admit to things I was there for…I’m trying no contact-my anxiety is extreme at times throughout the day waiting for what’s coming next and believing I really have nothing to go on and I don’t even know what to say. Thinking about explaining our life and situation makes my body shake because I can already feel the minimization coming and I can’t afford to get any smaller.
I've been TWO days in a new job and have been given 'kind warnings' about an 'evil' person in the group. My God, the simmering resentments, perceived slights, inflated egos. So far my strategy is to say "Good to know" "thanks for telling me".
Oftentimes it's best to just let things play out in the mess of people's own creation while being like Switzerland- stay neutral and prioritise protecting yourself :)
This reads like you're assuming that MULTIPLE people warning you are all incorrect, oversensitive, and egotistical rather than possibly *right* and driven half-mad by an actually evil person's toxicity. Instead of blaming them, I'd be mentally THANKING them and making my plan to get the F out. I once warned the new admin for a narc boss who destroyed a once well-functioning and harmonious organization that I'd seen people think they could handle her then wind up changed for the worse. She chose to stay despite having another (less prestigious) job offer, *relished* her eventual power as favored right-hand man and snitch, then had the gall to come to me after the narc boss was finally fired humiliatingly and escorted out by security to tell me I'd been right in my warning and try to rehabilitate her reputation.
People's reputations, health, hard-won careers, job prospects, finances, children's tuition and insurance, etc. were willfully and sometimes GLEEFULLY damaged by her scumbag overlord, yet she wanted me to retroactively absolve her for colluding in all that harm. No, thanks!
In any toxic system there are victims, bystanders, collaborators, and resisters. True victims may not have a choice, but anyone who thinks staying neutral is a morally neutral choice in the presence of toxic behavior is kidding themselves.
That's what I would do at work. Eventually, I watched as I became the "evil" person because... wait for it, I didn't get involved with office politics. Yep, that same person who tried to "warn" me ended up targeting me. Apparently I was "cold" and "stuck up." As a woman, I learned the hard way to keep my distance in work environments. All a woman has to do in a work environment is be seen having lunch with a man more than once for office gossips to spread rumours that she "f*cked her way to the top."
So, are the warnings coming from the narcissists ?
Or are victims warning you as to who the narcissist is ?
Time will Definitely tell.
Either way, be grateful to the bad guys who ALWAYS..
eventually... reveal themselves.
And realize you may be better off working anywhere but there.
However, a workplace, any workplace nowadays, w/out narcissism is becoming a unicorn 🦄
But I believe you can find a workplace w/out narcissism, so If it were me, I would go back to looking for a job.
Buckle up, you're likely in for a rough ride until then.
Don't let any of them know ANYTHING about your personal life whatsoever.
@@bellaluce7088 How is the OP to know who is telling the truth? taking chances or sides here seems overly risky.
I love the NYT's comment section for this reason. Recently, an ethics article about a husband lying to his hardworking hospital doctor wife for many years about his financial situation. While working her ass off, paying the mortgage, he never told her he was very wealthy, thanks to a hidden family fund. He went for years and years every morning "to work," only to go to a spa, a cafe, or whatever felt right for him, for instance, a golf club. Meanwhile, she sometimes worked double lifts, as expected from a hospital doctor. After so many years, he wonders if she should finally learn how rich he and her life is. So, how were the comments? Same tone, same sentiment as here. At least a few commentators pointed out that if he is lying to her, pretending to have a second life for so long, if he has the means for it, he probably had too many affairs, escorts, and whatnot, right? And that he must be greedy, afraid of telling her how good their life is because she would likely divorce him as soon as she found out that their marriage is a big lie and that he let her work so hard for so many years. But the overall NYT user comments were... frankly, hilarious. Defending him. Congratulating him. Yet, all of it did sound, to me, like a story of a wealthy narcissist who has been controlling his poor wife for ages.
I think it’s a good example of how misogynistic Americans are.
😢oh my gosh!
🥺🤯 Narcissism is alive and well, unfortunately.
wow that is a nightmare scenario you laid out ❤ I hope this person is okay
It doesn't surprise me. NYT promotes transphobia and silences their staff for being "unloyal" and "trying to ruin their image" when the staff point out this flaw.
As a child therapist, I've been through a few of these CFI interviews (child family investigators). I have told what I've observed, what I know, my professional opinion, yet EVERY TIME the CFI comes back with a vanilla report going right down the middle between the couple. We're talking about documented child molestation, neglect of a severely autistic girl, one parent being obviously mentally ill and self-absorbed, drug addicted parents, etc. Every time it's 50/50 custody! These investigations cost the families thousands of dollars, and are a COMPLETE waste of money. Meanwhile, I've had CFI's write my name in the report and quote word for word what I told them in confidence, resulting in me being threatened by the dysfunctional parent. Your California "advocate" must be part of some sadistic club that gets off on bilking parents for money while they ruin children's lives.
It's like the teacher who gives everyone a "B" on their homework. 50/50 means nobody has a right to get mad at you... so you can go on being a total unethical slacker at your job.
So very sad🥲
Give me names of these investors and the corporate entities they operate from. I'm going to write the attorney general.
Do you mind saying what state you're in?
I also find, at 75 years old, that people pride themselves on their book learning today and brandish their degrees while exhibiting very little common sense and ability to look into the other person's eyes. I began to notice this trend in the late 80s with job interviews changing from looking you squarely in the eye and making an evaluation on the spot to cringingly clinging to psychological and personality tests which, frankly, revealed more about the interviewer and/or company than the interviewee. I always had the feeling that the interviewer was using these questions like a Rorschach test because they didn't possess the strength of character to intuit or discern a person's real intent or MO, and they hid their weakness behind such tests or HR questionnaires.
I blame HR consultancy firms. Job hunting now is so demoralising, time consuming and hard to find out any information on the position advertised.
Get'em! Dr Ramani don't play always giving me that therapy and knowledge I need. thank you bc of you I have healed tremendously I took my life back giving narc injuries every time they come around me
Oh Dr Ramani, this was brilliant and witty and I was cheering on all of us as the story unfolded!! Thank you! And trust that those who are healing can see these fundamentally narcissistic attitudes from miles. Trust yourselves, victim blaming can take highly sophisticated levels, but it's still detectable - nope, there's always an honest chat before you cheat. After that, it's done. 😊❤
I had a mediator just like this at my custody hearing in California years and years ago. I thought they were crazy then and I still do. Hearing your assessment of this kind of behavior is validating to my experience some years ago
As a therapist who deals in family law (formerly a public paralegal before they outlawed this), in my rural area, the legal system truly is run by the good-ol'-boy system. Narcissism is absolutely thick in the court/legal system. The judge has allowed the other party in my own case to have such leniency (for not showing up in court!), that the dissolution has drug on for over 1.5 years where there is nothing to fight over (no kids, no home) and my own attorney labels the actions he sees as "passive-aggressive" but still not sure what I'm paying him for if this isn't resolving. The Sheriff's Department was instructed to ARREST the other party for contempt after not showing up so many times (mind you, days off work that I have taken where it has been loss of income, and witnesses hanging out in court hallways that I have to pay for), but reported that the Sheriff's Office was "understaffed" to arrest, so papers were served, but no court date and it still drags on. The clerk won't set a date without an arrest because that was the judge's order. So, thousands of dollars later while I await folks to get their stuff together, I'm still stalked and harassed - a lot of details being left unsaid, but include his brother's trucking company driving by my bedroom window engaging Jake Brakes or the cable cords outside the house being yanked with a 2-week re-installation wait. I often have folks come in to see me and tell me how they were "tricked" into coming to our county by the love bombing of narcissists, and as they are walking away, are impregnated or stripped of ability to have their own income and then trapped in the county (because it is the county of the child's birth or there is no economy or relatives to help step in). So, with no job, and having a narcissist as the co-parent/ex who just feeds on their struggles - it creates multiple issues for all involved, except the narcissist. This is so bad that I have a working theory that our little place (formerly known as Murderville) was founded by corrupt people (murderers, miners, infantry who crossed over the mountains in their pursuit of take-take-take), that over time, and due to isolation, this is where those behaviors fester and grow. Their abuses don't always thrive in society, but they thrive here. Children exposed to these behaviors, guess what, choose partners themselves who resemble their parent(s). I'm not surprised to hear that the NY attorney in your story has these ideas. People, from all professions or educations/backgrounds, tend to leap to judgments without having the true research - they don't bother to go there either because they don't have to - they make money by just going along with their working theories. In 2023, I often wonder why these types of educational basics aren't taught in high school, and of course the answer is to follow the dollar. You know who else has their system in the palms of their hands (& that expression is meant with all the nuances/ interpretations one might apply) - people who run school districts, people who set the curriculum standards for the states, politicians. Dr. Ramani - I don't have to tell you, but we have a problem here.
Wow, thanks for sharing your story, as it may be so helpful to others in similar situations, regarding the juvenile games being played.
Right on!
I am sympathetic to the sexist abuse culture of your town. But you wrong about one thing. Psychology isn’t a non subject at high school because of corruption. Psychology has only been invented for about 100 years, and until recently was non scientific. If you didn’t like having sex with your husband that was bad at it, they’d tell you to “embrace the penis” mentally instead of someone teaching him foreplay. That was the level of psychology until about the 1980s. It’s all new, mostly built upon original studies that don’t pass standards, etc. until they get it sorted out to less of a personal talent kind of thing, it’s not appropriate for unqualified teachers to teach it.
thank you - that was the idea :) @@azalea1043
I agree that qualified folks need to teach subject material - but also, some of the basics of communication and relationship should be taught, not how to "embrace the penis". Some folks with other types of genitals are abusive also. Basics like "take your time to see if it is a good fit" or "how to have non-violent communication" etc are perfectly non-political topics that could/should be taught in perhaps a social studies class, not necessarily a higher level course or in psychology. Also, I have recently taught in the K - 12 system (CA), and I know they don't teach any of that @@M_SC
Thank you for calling this out Dr.!!!
I agree with you 100%.
The lawyer threw me under the bus after paying them for 5 years. I never got to trial 😢
My narcissistic ex-husband cheated all the way through our marriage AND before when we were engaged. My divorce lawyer said the same thing and I felt so utterly gaslit!
Jaw dropping story! Just wow! Sadly though I have met (and moved on from!) several mental health care "professionals" who "specialise in trauma" and have this exact same view.
Thank you Dr Ramani. Just... thank you for all you have done and continue to do. xx
I absolutely love Dr. Ramani!! If nothing else, I know where her heart is in these difficult situations.
You are so right! My best friend’s daughter was involved in a narcissist relationship. When they ‘legally separated’ the custody issues were the worst as ‘he’ convinced the legal system what a great dad he was. It took much heartache and documentation of bruises, neglect (leaving a preschool child for up to 6 hours by herself, failure to bathe feed etc) to convince the court that what he said couldn’t be relied upon.
Spot on, Dr. Ramani...You have excellently described the serial, repeated, conniving cheater is the narcissistic betrayer! They don't stop, they just get good at hiding it.
You are God sent. Thank you for ALL your clarity and sanity.
Yes, you are absolutely correct. I’ve been through it years ago. I’m fine now after finding my true love who brought me my life back. He helped me fine my self esteem and self worth. Sadly 2 of my 3 grown children have no communication with me without explanation. I still send cards to my grandchildren and them, so they know I will always love them. That’s all that I can do. And pray.
Thank you Dr Ramani ! Yes we who have lived with it know ! I learnt the hard way so called professionals meditators Solicitors family lawyers Ect can’t comprehend this very cruel personality disorder!
I had a therapist who did this to me regarding a toxic work place environment heavy ladden with narcissist bosses. The therapist even stated that there was definite narcissistic abuse done to me and down right toxic workplace environment. But, then told me it was my fault because I need to have better boundaries. Ummmm..... narcissists never adhere to boundaries! Boundaries with bosses, where I have no power or authority, who have a history of destroying people and a large organization that is historically systemic dysfunctional. The reputation was so much so, that where I got my doctoral degree (two states over) from, knew of how toxic the organization was. Needless to say, I became the frog in the pot of boiling water. Didn't get out in time and got severely burned.
Anyway, my main point.... even therapists can victim blame. I dropped that therapist immediately.
Have boundaries with a narcissist...🤦 There is no such thing, just get the f*** out!
The false idea that you will change things or that they will ever change (esp with entire systems) is you need to just (do this or that) and if you didn't it is your fault .... is so damaging. 🤬
I love you Dr. Ramini! You have taught this 60 yr old SO much❤. God bless your life. Your videos saved my life. ❤❤❤
I’ve been to a lot of therapists, both throughout my marriage and since, none have mentioned the word narcissist. I think the majority just don’t know. I found out what it was by accident surfing the net, and then went down the rabbit hole, this was a yr out of my marriage. Realised my parents and ex were narcs and I attract them. When we did marriage counselling, they sided with him, I was so mixed up and gaslit that I couldn’t explain myself. Glad to be free and still working on myself.
Oh they know. I just think many of them are narcs themselves honestly.
Me too. It is just fascinating to me how many mental professionals are not familiar with narcissist personality disorder, or some other research. At the beginning, few months after meeting NPD, I was seriously considering leaving and it was, not only the environment, but the therapist who told me a few times that I am imagining, overthinking, having "conspiracy theories" and should stop talking about it all of the time and focus on other things. I wish I saw dr Ramani's video then, but I though narcissist is just a person obsessed with himself and not dangerous so I never googled that. It took me so long to get over shaming my self how stupid I was - even though I knew NPD was bad from the first time we spoke I stayed like an idiot and thought that I am overreacting. Looking now, he had all of the classic text-book first signs of NPD and in stead of therapist validating my perception, they told me I am overdramatizing and should just continue.
Any good therapist is extremely familiar with and have interacted with narc. I worked with one therapist for 5 consecutive years after a traumatic divorce from a narc. She helped me understand I had been raised by a narc mother then married one! It took a long time to heal from the damage.
@@missdm8137 - all licensed therapists are educated about NPD. They have to be just as they have to be educated about all personality disorders and mental health diagnoses!!
😢😮❤❤❤
I am SO GRATEFUL for you Dr Ramani! You are one of the very very few therapists out there that actually HOLDS narcissists accountable!! My ex tricked out couples therapist and he's been manipulating his for almost 2 years now so she completely enables him and coddles him, also of course a ton of therapists want to keep them in therapy to keep making money off of them so with a narc patient they just enable them and tip toe around their triggers etc just to keep getting a paycheck from them because they know if they "upset them" the narc will just say I'm out of here!! This world is just becoming a place where narcissists are being enabled left and right and being talked up etc. We as humans can't even trust or depend on therapists or people who are supposed to "help" anymore. We really have to step away and build up our own STABLE reality and heal our nervous systems so we can be strong enough to battle correctly and with a strong sense of mind.
You've Got to be Kidding?!?!
Yes, I also screamed. And my language degenerated to spicey obscenities.
Keep educating the world, Dr Ramani. You are the Light in a dark and painful world.
💜💙💚
Cheaters gonna cheat. No matter how good or bad the marriage was. The partner who looks elsewhere was going to cheat. Thank you for being the voice of reason. 💝
❤ i’m learning everybody gets to be who they are so we can really see that truth and sometimes it’s our job to simply recognize it, slowly back away, turn, and RUN
That comment is case in point why it’s so lonely being on the receiving end of narcissistic abuse. I called Beverly Hills police department about two years ago, asking if I could have an officer come out and take a report and possibly issue a temporary restraining order. When asked for what reason, I said psychological abuse. I was probed ti elaborate, and I did my best. It felt like I was explaining quantum physics to a 3 year old. After I had answered all her ridiculous questions, she then asked me a question that I would call back the next day to complain about and to inform her supervisors that this dispatcher was supposed to HELP the person on the other end of the phone, not continue to gaslight them. An investigation happened and BHPD was very apologetic. The dispatcher, after berating me with questions about my psychological abuse said to me, “do you think this is all in your head?”
Yeah if it's psychological abuse they don't acknowledge it in a lot of places. I had the same thing happen. Sorry you had to go through that. This is exactly why I advocate for battered women shelters and narcissistic recovery centers!
So lonely!
When they say that both people are to be blamed when a relationship fails, it makes me mad and very sad. When you are dealing with a narcissist, nothing you do matters: they make sure to ruin the entire thing. And, while you stay, you try harder and harder, only for them to treat you worse and worse while blaming you for the problems! My narcissistic partner, for example, tells me that I never apologize for anything while he is the only one to apologize. In a way he's right: he apologizes all the time; only that his apologies mean nothing. Even worse: he thinks he is the hero of the relationship for apologizing. It allows him to blame me even more. In the face of the things he does, apologizing, in this relationship has lost its value.
Boy, I wish you had been my therapist when I was getting a divorce, and it’s true that a narcissistic spouse does seek novelty, and the more shock factor and gaslighting they can serve up with their betrayals, the happier it makes them. Mediation from my experience, is just another way to shell out more money and these judges who tell you to work it out between yourselves instead of reading your file, need replaced. Thank you Doctor, first time in decades I heard from somebody else the same thing I had been thinking.
No, I wouldn’t tell for the childrens sake. Now, if the fiancé is alienating the ex wife’s children from her, I would definitely get involved. Alienating and brainwashing is a terrible thing. It will come out eventually.
I’m a product of parental alienation & I can tell you, it’s terrible. I’m in my 50s now & it still affects me.
I wrote a reply but clearly it has been censored. 🙄..I agree with you
@@mfar3016 me too. My only child, a daughter was alienated from me and brainwashed by the alienating, narcissistic dad. Terrible for the child and the targeted parent, not the narcissist though.
@@lisagrimes4801same and so sorry! I’m ex #2 and #3 gave my girlie a secret cell phone at 12. She’s 22 now, went to college, I missed it all. Hope she’s ok 🙏🏻
Unbelievable! This attorney's comment made my blood curd too! Family attorneys do need degrees in Psychology, if common sense is inexistant. As per telling the new prey/s that the "ex" is a narcissist/ cheater etc... I have done so with 2 ladies. One thanked me straight away; she was only 2 months into the relationship. The other did too, then got brainwashed, turned against me, called me insane and a year later apologised and admitted that I was right; that she caught him cheating not once but thrice... One must listen to one's heart; I did. Thank you Dr Ramani for the support and good advices whist I was in the midst of it. 🙏🏻
This happened at EVERY “counselling session” we had, at least 7 times!! It was ALWAYS my fault!
Merci beaucoup ! Vous mettez des choses a leurs juste place. Ma soeur, étant mariée avec un narcissique personne durant 10 ans, elle a essayé de arranger des choses avec 4 thérapeutes. Tous les quatre étaient inutiles, parc e que n’ont rien compris. Tous ont parlé des « efforts « et des trucs, mais ils n’ont pas vu les racines du problème. C’est pour dire, que très très souvent des personnes qui sont sensées d’aider une victime du narcissique abuse, ne font que aggraver des choses en la rendant coupable. Hélas ! Merci pour votre travail ! Que Dieu vous bénisse.
Dr. Ramani, fabulous. I can see so clearly now. It’s been 4 years of your clarity and this is SO prominent in our society. I’ve seen the court shenanigans and this IS chilling. But you still got a laugh out of me: “FU x3” 😂 thank you!
This makes me want to become a family court mediator. Cannot believe the attorney who claims to hold expertise in this field is both so woefully unaware, so woefully undertrained, and worse, is so lacking in self awareness that they really are not THE authority on relationships and infidelity.
I had a mediator who was just a PAWN for the narc lawyer my ex hired. VERY hard to find a good mediator anymore.
thank you for the work and effort you put into this topic
I didn't scream, but I did laugh out loud! The idea that HE tried real hard to change and make our marriage work was incredible. Also, that I ,as the person left behind, had had everything my way and had been perfectly happy was a fairy tale that I never knew. My ex was so narcissistic that he would get angry if one of the kids was sick because it would interfer with his plans.
I once read the results of a survey which was done to work out what effect infidelity had on married women. Women who had faithful husbands lived an average of 11 years longer than those who had unfaithful husbands. They believe the stress of it impacts on your longevity. ❤ Stay healthy people. 😊
Such truth in what you say Dr Ramani - there is a huge lack of understanding and help for victims of narcissistic abuse; abuse repeats itself and is often even worse during divorce because the narc can be so vengeful.
This is the exact stuff Sandra L Brown, MA, the author of Women who Love Psychpaths, has been saying for years. And how ill equipped mediators, lawyers and plenty of therapists are in these cases.
Infuriating.
I'm with You Dr Ramani !!
Thank you for this CLARITY. For calling the bullshit with your clear, sane and honest words. Thank you for stepping into the arena in this way. It feels like taking a plunge into some fresh cool water and coming up into this this clear, reset and un-fucked state of being - returning to that intuitive remembering that hey - I fucking know when something is bullshit and when something isn't. You are that voice, returning us to that clarity, and thank you for that.
Ur the woman Dr Ramani ... comments like that can really destroy someone who is going thru narcisstic gaslighting and abuse ... thanks doc
It's horrifying to consider the destruction in the blast zones of the people in a point of power like this family court professional.
I think that commenter's full of sh*t. Just the impression I got. A very strong impression.
Praying for everyone who was born In a personality disordered home and grew up and chose personality disordered partners because they felt at home. I am going to do friendsgiving with anyone who has gone through that, that I know. You are not alone. Ty Doctor you know my story.
You hit every nail on my plate with this video, this is my life and this has just made me feel stronger and stronger. And in my case he had everything he wanted and it just was never good enough. Totally exhausting. Life sucking. And I now know. It's his pain he will need to live with and he will never ever be happy. And that will just make him miserable forever. Not how I want to be for the not to many years left.
Dear Dr Ramani, I have gone no contact with my deeply narcissistic mother for three years now (I’m 59!). Yours is THE MOST accurate, insightful and inspiring view on these toxic relationships. May you have all good things come your way. Thank you for being part of my self-recovery. Light and blessings upon you.
I’m in your healing program Taking Yourself Back.
Leopards don't change their spots. Let her have what he gave his first wife! She stold him, she can have all of the heartache that goes with him. Serial cheaters!!
Yeah, I was cheated on. What need wasn't being met was I paid attention to our son. Bc he is a narcissist and was jealous of our son. So I don't own one damn piece of his actions. The ONLY part I own, is staying too long and accepting any of his BS. That part is on me but when you want your marriage to work, you put in the work. So I did. But I don't own it as that person states. Bc it is BS!!!
And I was definitely broken, repeatedly by that person for his cheating. And I have trauma from that relationship too. It takes a long time to heal it all. People like this are disgusting.
Hi Dr Ramani. What a situation! Thank you for sharing it. ❤
I had an ex boyfriend (not my narc ex, just some dope I was dating after my divorce) who I learned was cheating & quickly ended the relationship. Soon after the breakup he called & asked if I was going to “go after” the new girlfriend. 😆
Go after her??? I told him, noooooo! In fact, I’m thinking of buying her a drink! 😄 You tell her that she can have you all to herself.
😂😂😂 LOVE IT!!
With a serially-cheating spouse like that makes the other spouse more like a babysitter of the cheater. Always having to watch what the cheater is doing. That's a waste of the partner's time, energy, emotional bank. That partner cannot ever get that time back.
It comes down to the partner having to save themself first.
Thanks Dr Ramani, You are truly a bless!
I love your reading of the conment😂 And I meant “CONment!”
How many times has that attorney been married?🤔
My brother has every hallmark of a classic narcissist as was my dad. The moods, rage, chiding, entitlement, physical abuse, making you look like your nuts if you react, proud of himself for being intimidating to younger employees, etc... He cheated on his wife and that was catalyst for the end of their marriage. Blaming his wife was his excuse. Ugh. This only reaffirms my resolve for the absolute minimizing of contact ive managed for 40 years.
I have the same brother!
That' my ex husband too.
I just love you. And I am speaking on behalf on those who have c-ptsd as a highly sensitive intuitive empathic type, very much feel deeply what everyone feels and was attempted to be indoctrinated to feel bad for all my abusers over a lifetime. Primary abuser was a sibling, and the secondary ones? The "members" who enabled that sibling, and "I" was constantly in trouble for crying and screaming out my pain from their abuse (all ways but sexually and financially, so...emotionally, physically, mentally, and ..spiritually. Thank GOD it drove me TO the Lord, and not away, because the spiritual abuse was a "devout Christian" - non-denominational who are usually very dominating and controlling). This happened throughout childhood AND adulthood. I tried and tried and tried (didn't 'meet' healing or recovery, until I met the word narcissist. I am not a naive person. I'm very attentive, perceptive and attune. I however, didn't realize just how deep the remorselessness is in sociopaths and narcissists. The "that person is sick, Jennifer, you gotta feel bad for them" meanwhile I have disabilities, and I was never called sick, don't want to be called sick, and never ever had any mercies given to me for the love and support I give, only abuse when I speak and screamed out about the multi-cult chronic abuse like this. I thought I was strong and doing well by not "believing them" and by calling it out, BUT it does come out 'sideways' and affects a lot of things and situations. It follows you (magnet on forehead) at work (nursing - ha! Never had a manager that wasn't narcissistic, yet one really good fellow empath manager, and she was fired in 2 weeks..... narcissism is almost like a pre-requesite for management aka controlling positions). I had to literally die from other reasons and causes to face THIS parasitic cluster from all angels, to regroup, reorient, and detach with love from all the circles.....and stop over empathizing with remorseless, harmful people. It's a lonely, hard place....but the prior was inflammatory, dangerous, and erodes you greatly. They are THE most ungrateful, unhappy, miserable, never satisfied (gratitude is the precursor to joy. Nothing is good enough for them, no one is good enough for them). I pray for them, and keep growing stronger myself, and working on that balance to not grow cold like them which I don't really see myself at risk but with humility I do this so the devil doesn't get pissed that I'm departing his disciples, and throw me off :) Thank you Dr Ramani. Truly, thank you! You are my help between my sessions with my lovely, healthy trauma therapist who 'gets' narcissistic abuse and the PTSD related. My situations were not 'one offs' or just 'an' episode. And I speak for those who didn't deal with this in marriage, but in the ...origins and throughout life. Often we are forgotten about. It's not just the marriage category.
Dr. R, I'm screaming with you!!!
Everything was going according to his plan in our marriage... I was under his thumb, he controlled all the money, and he had a much younger married mistress who was willing to stay being "The Other Woman". My divorce filing was the only thing that made him "unhappy." Yes, the divorce was brutal and extracted because my ex husband did not want the divorce and the mistress, who was our financial advisor did not approve of our final mediation settlement... It was she who told him that the negotiated settlement was unacceptable. My ex husband cheated with at least two other females before our divorce and his mistress, even with three children and a loving husband, cheated with others. So yes, he was happy. She was happy. I filed for divorce because I did not want to send the message that cheating in marriage and disrespect for the family is acceptable behavior.
Well spoken, Welldone agree with you,the attorney needs to do some council course's.
Oh you r so so correct
I recently dismissed 2 family lawyers , while doing mediation …..
Neither of them should be practicing !!! And taking thousands $$$ and trying to tell me he’s a nice guy …
I told them both off and sent them the write up from McLean law in Vancouver on their web site !
It’s beyond words if you knew the whole story of this 40 yr marriage to an airline pilot and has bought his sons for his flying monkeys .
But I have a new direction now …. Education yourself on this evil 👿
Your work is SO important. Thank you!
Dr ramini you're the sweetest lady in the world. You're like a parent i never had. I am so happy there are people like you. When i am sad i listen to your videos they make me feel heard.
One of my ex flying monkey said I must have done something wrong. DeJaVa! Lawyers need to be held accountable. My 4 year divorce was painful and intentional form of punishment for him threatening my life and an order of protection was granted to me. I had to go to another jurisdiction to file other restraining orders. It was awful. The Judge threatened to lock me up twice for being slow and I was disabled. My ex almost killed me. I am still fighting to get my life back on track. No support and only child. Thank for your channel. Much needed!
That's so horrible . A Judge threatening to lock you up where ? In jail or whee ? And saying this in the court of law ???
It’s was in Nashville, Tennessee. I went to Tallahassee,Florida and also filled restraining orders. I had to advocate for myself and was writing letters to judges etc. He had me on pins and meddles and I had him. I have gone no contact with any of his associates and family and friends as well as mines. It was generation abuse. I grew up with a narcissistic mother and several of her husbands were narcissists too. I know I explaining more than you asked for. At the time of going through the divorce, my nar husband’s attorney use to work for the judge. I told my attorney to tell the judge to recuse himself but she would not. I was already to get attorney #3. It was a mess and I don’t wish it on anybody. Thanks for asking. I’m not the only victim at the time, Tennessee was threatening to lock up. The spoke out against one who made the news and told the judges they don’t need to be locking people up. My judge, my attorney, his attorney etc. are all narcissists.
Needed this....
Two of the most evil men I've encountered were psychiatrists, my stepfather, and my last serious romantic relationship. After we broke up, I've been taking a self-taught PhD course on narcissistic personality disorders. I think narcissists are attracted to the field of psychiatry because they can manipulate people at their patient's lowest point in life.
Agree also drs and lawyers are often narcissistic
My ex took Psychiatry, but never did pursue what she studied for ... mystery
Many people don’t get it. I’m going through a divorce and many I have gone to for support don’t understand narcissism as a psychological disorder especially if they don’t see physical bruises. When I say my story I just see ppl looking at me like a deer in headlights. I know God and my therapist and some of my close friends get it. Therein lies the solace for me. Thank you Dr. Ramani for your work and this platform for me to find you. May you continue lift and light others on this path of healing. ❤️🩹
Righteous bust, Dr. Ramani! Thank you 👍
He's a charlatan in other words.
Thank you Dr Ramani I appreciate this important message.💐