So much of traditional/homemaking/tradwife content online has been hijacked by con artists, charlatans and extremists. It's so unfortunate. So glad to see you again Cait, this video is such a breath of fresh air!
I love your comment! Becoming a homemaker is almost a taboo in today's society and extremist content creators make things worse by looking like a caricature of the 50's.
@@MrsMidwest I always hear women say this but, then I also hear other women say if you don't do wifey things for a man then why would he marry you then? So when you are a girlfriend you just wait until you become married to do wifey things??? This has always confused me because there are always women saying two different things.
@@JustMeg29It's the level of commitment involved. Getting married means both partners are (ideally) equally committed to each other and therefore equally responsible to each other. Say a woman is committed in her mind so she does the wife thing of having a baby (I'm not referring to unplanned pregnancies) but the man hasn't fully committed and he decides he's not interested in having or supporting a family and he leaves the woman and child. There is no legal protection for them. Many people have different priorities or wants from relationships so I don't speak for everyone. But certainly having a family is a whole new kind of relationship, and much more vulnerable if someone decides to walk away. There are many ways to show and prove your good character and display the kind of loyal and loving wife you will be before becoming a wife. It's also the idea of "getting something for nothing" if one person takes advantage of another person's commitment without being committed themselves. For example I would not scrub a boyfriend's toilets, he can do that himself. But when married property and work is shared and should be given freely.
@@JustMeg29 Yes, that is correct. It takes away the incentive for someone to ask you to marry them if you are already living with them, cooking and cleaning for them, and having their children.
As a long time follower, I think I speak for all of us when I say- we're so proud of you for making this video. We all know it will cause some reactions, even back in the day when you were completely non confrontational and accommodatimg to everyone there was still backlash. But you still had the courage to voice your opinion about serious issues in this community. Most of all, you didn't indulge in drama, you spoke your mind and then moved on with strategy and solutions rooted in reality. 10/10
Thank you so much for your ongoing support and for this comment dear. It’s so nice to feel encouraged and to know I’m not alone in these thoughts ❤😅 I’m also happy I finally got my thoughts organized and had the time to do this. You guys deserve creators who thoughtfully care for you guys and I hope to always be that 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷
Community is so important. There was a sweet young lady at my church a few years ago. She and her husband had been married for two year with no kids, she was working, and they had just bought a house. She came home one day to a locked door. Her husband kicked her and her dog out. He claimed that God told him to divorce his wife. It was heartbreaking. The church surrounded her. They both lost the house. She lived with one of the church elders and his wife for close to a year. When she got her own place, we gave her furniture. We had to do a whole church discipline process to formally kick the husband out of the church. He quickly remarried another woman. It can happen. There are charlatans out there. He seemed like a “good christian man.” I think that if you were to ask that lady about the situation, she would testify to the amazing faithfulness of God and his people in the hardest of times.
i hope more people see this. part of living in a biblical patriarchy is the BIBLICAL part. the church has no place accepting cheating behaviors and victim blaming.
can i ask what denomination your church is? not to say every church in a denomination is as good as the next one, but there are like 50 churches in my town and it’s hard to choose!
@@Xx.bygracethrufaith You also don’t need to be in a patriarchal relationship to be a full-time homemaker. It’s very capitalistic and materialistic to assign the value of “who’s in charge” to the person who makes all the money/more money. You should be partners of equal value and equal decision-making regardless of roles.
@@clarekoesters3031 yeah that is the point of biblical patriarchy. Basically you have a strong masculine leader who accepts welcomes and asks for the influence of his wife because he knows she has wisdom in places he doesn't. It is a partnership with defined roles. But you are right, people can be home makers without that model but I am talking from a Christian perspective in my own end! Glad that people from all walks of life can choose to do what works for them.
@@Xx.bygracethrufaith I appreciate what you're saying, but even referring to something as "patriarchy" implies that one of you (the man) is ultimately in charge, even if he is respectful and considers the wife as some sort of expert consultant. I don't believe either partner by default should have the final authority in the relationship.
I wanted to add to your point about education: it is not a bad thing to be an educated stay at home mom/homemaker. If that’s your goal going into college, limit the debt you go into to get a degree, but education is not wasted! As a SAHM you are your children’s teacher; you will be helping with homework, and nurturing their interests. Personally, I earned my bachelor’s degree and my CPA license before I became a homemaker. My husband regularly refers to me as the CFO of our household. I manage our investments, do tax projections, and keep a close eye on the fiscal health of our household. When our kids are in school I will probably do some accounting work on the side because I loved what I did. I just wanted to be home more!
I heard a commentator recently point out, “it’s GOOD for moms to be smart and educated. Being a mom and raising kids isn’t for dummies. I WANT my wife and mother of my children to be smart so I can entrust her to do a good job.” I couldn’t believe I had such a subconscious negative view towards the intellect of homemakers, including myself, before I heard that.
6:10 this the most gaslighting conduct. Faux homemakers posting content about how beautiful homemaking is while making lots of money off of their audience. As a full time working wife and mother, I have stopped watching a lot of these influencers who have drifted here (think Milena Ciciotti) because I see right through it, while, sadly, much of their impressionable audience does NOT.
Vetting is ESSENTIAL. NOT OPTIONAL. Discernment is a skill. Picking the best man for you is even more important than a career choice in MY OPINION. A man who goes above and beyond for you is unmatched.
THIS! The reason I can be a homemaker and not worry is because I chose an incredible husband. He is such a kind and wonderful man who loves the Lord. I have no fears of ever getting divorced because I know his character and his values. We are about to celebrate our 14th anniversary and we have been through some really challenging and traumatic life circumstances, but they have only brought us closer together. Discernment and being a good judge of character are such important skills to have in life.
I love how respectful you are of different lifestyles and personalities. I'm a young single professional (a piano teacher to be specific). I live in a teeny tiny apartment with my chihuahua and houseplants, and I try to practice homemaking in little ways when I can, by beautifying my space with house plants and embroidery. Your channel inspired me to do that. More importantly, I recently became Christian, and you were one of the many people who helped lead me toward Christianity. Seeing your joy as you lived peacefully as a Christian, without ever trying to force it on anyone, drew me toward that light ✝
Love seeing fellow Christian women who rather lead a quiet single life than marrying a bad man just to say they're married. Wish you the best sister, I too practise homemaking in small ways and pour love into my cat and what I do.
Your eloquence and vocabulary in this video could single-handedly debunk the myth that homemakers aren’t smart. Been here since the beginning and somehow you just keep getting better!
We NEEDED this video! I don’t think being homemaker is about not working or not making money. It’s about prioritizing taking care of the home and family. Life and circumstances change constantly. You’re so right. Don’t make decisions based out of fear. Build your dream life with what you have right now. Equip yourself with the tools, grit, and flexibility to pivot when life happens!
Caitlin, seriously. I love your brain. Just someone who is normal and says reasonable stuff. I am not even a homemaker but the main bread winner but love your content. And that you just keep it realistic. Congrats.🎉
@@adilson5051 what's wrong with subtle feminism? The philosophy exists for a reason and women of every walk of life are bound to encounter some of those reasons as they go through life. It absolutely doesn't have to slide to extremes.
The fact that a main bread winner girly feels welcome and interested in my channel means so much to me and actually reflects my REAL LIFE. I have friends of all walks of life and they all inspire me in different ways. I love that you’re here and thank you for sharing your thoughts ❤
I was a teacher before having children. I chose that job because I knew I wanted to be a SAHM but I also know if I need to go back to work I will get hired. Resume gap? They don’t care. The teacher shortage is so real they would hire me with one foot in the grave. We are making it work right now but it’s not easy and we make a lot of sacrifices. I know it won’t be forever in this economy but I’m cherishing every day.
I have my RN license and same. Even though I do not work in that profession at the moment, I do not regret getting and maintaining it. If the worst case scenario ever happened, I would easily be able to find a job and take care of my family.
Good for you , I work in pharmaceutical companies and its totally the opposite , actually they don't prefer to hire married women , they don't mind hiring married men which is sad
We miss you!!!! You look amazing! Real life Aurora! ❤ your voice is so needed in this space! I’m recently married and so far, it is the greatest blessing of my life! And homemaking comes naturally when you’re with a man who truly leads and cultivates an environment for you as a woman.
This video is a breath of fresh air. I became a homemaker almost three years ago and the content has become crazy in that time! Your channel specifically helped me feel like it’s okay to be a “non-crunchy” homemaker and find my own way to run my household that works for our family.
This video was fire! I agree with everything.I cringe eveytime I heard the sentiment of dont go to college and not having a back up plan. My husband has a great job working in STEM. I dont worry about financials and have been a homemaker for about 6 out of the 8 years we've been married. However, i do keep my teacher certification current, I have worked in the school district as needed during the times of transition with my husband doing school or switching careers. We both have wills, life insurance policies, and plans in place for those what ifs. Im protected, provided for, and deeply loved and supported. I love being a homemaker and staying home with my children. I love volunteering at my son's school and being that PTA mom. I also know that life happens and I'm set up in many ways in the event that tragedies come, especially since we have two kids. Protect yourself ladies, especially if you and your husband have children.
Thanks for sharing! This is grown woman advice and living. Not the trendy tik tok advice for homemaking. Caitlin has become so much more open and honest with the homemaking journey over rage years. It's refreshing to get practical advice and life experiences from homemakers. ❤❤❤
Fr this is great and so well written ❤. I also don't mind being houswife if I have financial security.and loving husband who understand that it is a work.❤
My husband gives $1000 a month to spend on myself or invest. We have a written and set agreement on how he will compensate me if we ever end our relationship. Very important to marry a man that acknowledges your worth.
You need more than $1000 a month. Trust me as someone who was a wife & mother and had to return to college *THREE* times as a single mom to finally get a decent enough career to support my kids when he divorced me.
Also, you will need a lot of money to get through college, and you don’t want to have to just begin saving for retirement in your 40s, 50s, and beyond.
“Coming out of commentary hibernation with a vengeance and a bit of an attitude.” LOL! You’re speaking my language. All jokes aside though, I absolutely agree that this movement is being trashed by our own. My jaw drops to the floor when I see the content that is created and shared to young, impressionable women. Still watching this, but so far, (30 minutes in), I’m applauding you for saying what so many of us are thinking. Bravo for using your platform for good 🎉❤
When it comes to the mom social media space especially, I think a big part of it is that a lot of people (influencers and otherwise) seem to believe that if they can make you believe that a specific choice that they didn’t make (daycare, working, etc) is abusive or harmful, it by default means that they are a great parent for not making that choice. It comes from a place of deep insecurity about their own parenting. By harshly judging others they won’t be harshly judged (of course judgement doesn’t work that way)
Love this! My brother is the financially abusive husband to his SAHM wife. It makes me so upset to watch her have to get permission for every dollar. It makes me so thankful for my amazing husband who takes amazing care of me financially and emotionally. I asked him for just $100-$200 a month to spend on things to make me happy(cloths, hair/skincare) he told me that i deserve $600/month.
Since the day we were engaged and married, right out of university and he got his first job he gave me an allowance without fail, every single month. And he increases my allowance whenever he gets more more or a promotion. He even tells me one day there won’t be a limit on my allowance and this is just for now. I’m truly lucky because I see other women beg and scrounge for dollars from their husbands because they don’t believe she should have nice things or they don’t understand why her skincare has to cost more than dollar store prices. Sickening
Spot on Caitlin! I am a full time working mum, working shift work as a nurse with 2 young children. Needing a supportive husband is so important whether working or staying home. Being a respectful team is vital. Love your energy and maturity ❤❤❤❤❤
Much needed insight 👌 Thank you! Also, I respect you even more for NOT being on here posting videos all the time and prioritizing your role as a wife and mother and your real life instead. It makes your videos even more of a treat!
This made me tear up actually. I have been a homemaker but I don't have a child yet. People have been rude enough to suggest that I should take a job as I am unable to conceive for 7 years now. And I don't want to. I love cooking and baking hot meals for my husband, I love having guests over, I love my slow life. And my husband loves coming home because I maintain a vibrant cozy atmosphere. Why can't people just let us be. They worry he will eventually leave. But like you said, I am a grown up, educated women, I can pick myself up even if it means starting at the ground level.
I’m so sorry people have been judgmental and rude to you; unfortunately, most people seem to lack empathy and manners. I’m a child born to parents who had been trying for years and years when my mother finally conceived me, and my great grandmother had to wait 10 years for her first child. I’m glad to know yours and your husband’s lives are full of love and joy nonetheless, may God bless you both x
I don’t have tik tok but trust that the content trickles to reels when I’m just trying to find Barbie memes or eras tour content and it stresses me out 😂
I seriously feel like you’re the older sister I never had, you give the best advice!! I’m a SAHW a few years younger than you and it’s definitely very hard to engage with the world while living this lifestyle with all the content about it online. This video gave me a lot of comfort.
You’re actually my favorite RUclipsr. You aren’t extreme, you don’t set unrealistic expectations of other people, and you’re so kind, despite any criticism you receive. I’m always here for your positivity and realism.❤️
Thanks for having such a balanced and realistic perspective. My husband and I are considering having children a little late in life and I would become a SAHM. I really appreciate that there are people like you sharing actual good advice and not sugar coating everything OR trying to deter others from the lifestyle. The discourse about tradwives and such online these days is getting so exhausting.
Dear Caitlin, i've never comment on a video on RUclips but I really like your content and I want to let you know something. My family and I live in Germany and since our child has been born I am staying at home. Over here women who are staying at home get lots of citicism and so I want to add one point to your list which might be helpfull for you as well. You are actually working. You just don't get payed for it. Raising Kids, doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, all in all making sure that you have a nice home and children who know who God is, is hard work. So all the guys who don't like your lifestyle should ask themselves how much they value unpayed work and should overthink their concept. Then all this work needs to be done as well 😊
I've been watching you since I quit my jobs to be a stay at home wife after my husband and I got saved and married in 2018. Now we live in a more expensive state than before and have more kids. I could probably be in a hot kitchen all day hating my life because I like to cook but 24/7 cooking isn't me. So I do delivery driving when I can. Through apps where you can work anytime if you feel like it. It's awesome. It helped me buy some of my homeschool curriculum this year and just let's us have a little more freedom financially (as a couple)... for so long I didn't get a job because "I just should learn to sew my own clothes and cook every loaf of bread from scratch" but that stuff takes trial and error and when you don't have someone you're watching do it regularly the learning process isn't that fast and you can end up wasting time and money . God has a plan for me even if I don't fully fit the role I tend toward. I am a normal stay at home mom. :)
as a young homemaker my instagram feed has been full of this. a lot of these creators i believe have a wonderful intent and are just radicalized by negative criticize they recieve. this content has left a bad taste in my mouth but i didnt see why until now. thank you caitlyn!
I think the most balanced approach for this issue if you’re not sure about what you want is staying at home at least for 3-4 years, invest in those crucial important years of your child’s life and prepare him for future, teach him basics like eating, potty, dressing, some cleaning by himself and prepare yourself for work alongside. When he’s 3-4 and more or less independent you can pick your job where you’ve left it or learn something new. Yes, it will be harder, but it is doable.
I’ve been subscribed to your channel from the beginning (circa 2019). I am so proud of how far you’ve come! Keep on bringing your authentic self to this space.
I agree with the location thing. I new someone who’s husband is a police officer ( for a long time) they moved to SD and what they paid the PD was not enough for a living wage. They moved back to there home state and now he makes a lot more. We used to live in AZ near Phoenix in a really booming town and the cost of living was higher vs the Midwest. We moved back to the Midwest where everything is cheaper. We had to trade the gorgeous weather for more affordable cost of living in everything, housing, groceries, gas and a more neighborly environment. Also, what happened to just living a quiet life in your home and thriving in a way that’s best for you and your family? Why is there this homemaking trend that takes away from the real purpose of homemaking( being a keeper at home) I think the internet can be a blessing- but also so dangerous- we have access to so many people’s lives that it’s just to much info! I’m so thankful not to be on instagram or Facebook anymore. Real life is much more enjoyable! Also, I think creators like to act like they don’t use wisdom in their everyday life. It’s almost silly. This is why I left social media. I think everyone should use wisdom but realize that everyone’s life- in marriage and in singleness- will have trials. Remember we should never compared our lives with anyone else. We shouldn’t compare a temporary season with someone’s “high” season. Or “blessed” season. Also- you named a low income profession and my husband is on the higher end of the profession you listed. Plumbers are also some of the higher income professionals. Mechanics can be a really high earner depending on where you live.
Caitlyn, you seem so much more happy and confident! You said you used to be a very anxious person but not anymore. Can you please make a video about you did it? Your growth has been impressive.
Caitlin, you have grown a lot as a person, I like you even more now:) Before your time as a mom you were already an inspiration and this life is such a nice journey with you❤ Thank you, that you exist and thank you that you find the time to make such great videos :) God bless you❤
Thank you for this video Caitlin. I've always wanted to be a housewife, a stay at home mom. And I've done that. But with the WRONG MAN. And no one on Instagram tells you that. No one tells you that you have to be very careful who you choose this lifestyle with. It's always 'respect your husband', 'cook his favourite meal', 'how to keep the spark on', 'how to glow up', 'if you're not happy, express more gratitude' etc. BUT IT'S NOT ALWAYS ABOUT THAT. It took me so long to figure out why I couldn't be a happy housewife like all those girls who were inspiring me. I had the house, the man, the baby, the dog. And I just couldn't. There is so much we don't see on social media. Mind yourself ladies ❤
I think some of my perspective is we chose that I would stay home from the beginning and KNEW that we would not have the same middle class life two income families have. It was worth it to us for me to raise the kids. It aligned with our values. So there is that too. It doesn't have to work out perfect financially where you can still afford a a vacation or what not if the thing that's most important to YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND. Is that you stay home. So being honest with yourself about what matters to you and what you want most is a thing. Sometimes if the income from your husband isn't super high, you're not going to have it all. Your not going to have a super comfortable life AND get to stay home. That can be hard to accept and comparison can really kill your joy but if staying home matters more it's ok to go for it
I just like the realness of you stating you have “come out with a bit of attitude.” I’ve been a stay at home wife/mom for 14 years; yup we’re normal over here 😂 There’s too much extremeness in todays society.
I'm a young wife, only been married for a few years, and you have been such a blessing to me! These videos are so informative and wonderful! And I love the vlog style! I'm a stay at home spouse, but I'm an indie published author. It takes years to build an income this way, and I am so blessed to have my husband to take care of us while I work on publishing!
Thank you so much for this video. I was seeing content online permoting that kids have higher anxiety and behavioral issues if their in Daycare, and I was feeling guilty about my job as a school bus driver. But my kids are happy, healthy and thriving. I treasure the time I do have with them.
Wow Caitlyn!! You are most definitely thriving! I remember your older videos and how you seemed a little bit softer spoken and timid, but now you are just radiating confidence with your “fun new mic and your cute new room” I’ve always loved your content and I am HERE for this new era! You’re so inspiring! Bless you 💖
Working women can also be abused at work. It’s just about choosing what you want and having wisdom. Do what you wanna do, anything that’s not actively hurting others or illegal. You go Mrs. Midwest, always based.
I’ve followed you for years, since I was a solo backpacker traveling from country to country. We are different in our life goals, but I’ve always loved how accepting and diverse your content is, and the advice for femininity and slower living.
I really needed this video. It was incredibly refreshing to see someone discuss life's risks and the diverse circumstances people face in such a natural and down-to-earth manner. In a time when many are so radically polarized, your perspective was a breath of fresh air. Thank you
You articulate yourself so well. I ADORE your practicality in a world of overthinking. I've been a SAHM for over 6 years now & if anyone suffers from low self esteem like I do; follow the advice to TAKE UP SPACE 👏 My husband is a wonderful man but men will adapt to what you present them. As I take up more and more space, I dare say my husband loves me even more. Great advice as always Mrs. Midwest. Much love from California! 🩷🩷
So happy you’re back!! I’ve noticed the negativity and extremism as well. As I go into my adult life (turning 27 upcoming Monday 🎉) it’s so important to highlight the balance between the homemaking lifestyle and ensuring financial security as a woman, with and without a partner. Thank you so much for speaking on this topic!!
@@adilson5051not at all! I referenced extremism in the sense that online a very black-and-white picture is painted which glorifies homemaking and shames women who are unwilling or unable to do so. I think Mrs. Midwest offers a very needed nuanced perspective :)
Thank you, for this. I have always watched your videos even if we are not 100% similar in our journeys. After 20 years of marriage, I am now a single Mom. And I'm a SAHM in the summer when I'm off from my full-time teaching job. I feel grateful. And even though my situation may look different than others, I still am a homemaker seasonally. And I love it. ❤
Thank you for this! Homemaking social media has swung so far off the rails. I'm a working single mom but a homemaker at heart. I have a career because I have to be the provider. I have no choice. There is very little content that doesn't seem to be putting women like me down or telling us we're doing everything all wrong.
Caitlin, I am so proud of you for using your voice and your platform to raise awareness for the safety and protection of women. I have been watching your videos for a few years now (wow) and each time I am more impressed with the woman you are becoming. You’ve shown incredible growth and development from when you were starting your content. Keep it up girl.
This hit the nail on the head….agree with everything mentioned and I’m so happy someone in the space is discussing these topics in an intelligent , intellectual manner
I appreciate your videos so much, and as a mother and wife in my 40's, I wish that I had someone like you to learn from when I was younger. When I agreed to be a stay at home mom and wife, my husband and I both established life insurance policies to make sure we were both comfortable taking care of our children, God forbid something happen to either of us. We also agreed on a budget, which included my personal spending money (bc I love my skincare :)), as well as an annual maximum contribution into my personal Roth account for retirement (in addition to his retirement savings and pension). I believe it is best to establish, negotiate and advocate for yourself and your future in advance so you are "safe" no matter what happens. The man who loves you and desires to spend life with you, will ultimately want what is best for you. God Bless!
Love the video as always Cait! I've watched you since I was in college and I just got married a month ago! Husband and I have talked so much about the steps to take so that I can become a stay at home wife/mom later on. This is literally only possible because he is so financially responsible. I just recently started working part time instead of full time and am noticing the shifts (less personal income for me but more free time, etc). I understand that this is a privilege since I can gain perspective and genuinely see how I like it before stopping work all together. All this to say, there's so much to consider as you have beautifully laid out here in this video. Everyone woman is so different and it's a blessing to be able to make our own choices.
This is the most balanced discussion on the topic that i have seen. I began my feminity journey largely because i happened upon your content. I became a (mostly) stay at home wife and mother shortly after that, but the content and ragwbaiting surrounding the choice to stay home has become difficult to navigate and makes my choice hard to defend. So THANK YOU! it’s excitibg to see your personal growth over the years ❤ i hope to see more from you though!
I. NEEDED. THIS. I cannot tell you how much negative mental stress the internet has been causing me around this topic. I love your very practical and wise take on these criticisms, and truly appreciate how you emphasize that it’s not a “right” or “wrong” choice but rather a lifestyle choice. Bless you! ❤❤
I was yearning for you to speak up on this. I have seen extremist posts saving that women shouldn't work or study and it's very frustrating. I personally am very career driven and I don't think that I am less feminine for it. Nor do I lack traditional values. And I love how you emphasize that homemaking is not the only way for living and validate the concerns. I have been following you for a long time and love your content. ❤
I was a homemaker when I got my daughter, I was working full time as a corporate lawyer and supported my husband as a stay at home dad and now we both work part time. I've really seen it all. I can truly say that doing part-time is the hardest thing, but it really was a blessing to have my husband at home taking care of everything and taking on the mental load. I was HAPPILY sharing the money because a homemaker contributes something worth your money honestly. TicToc makes it feel like a self-care thing. If done right, it is a job that deserves honor.I really love your sharp view on topics which are usually discussed like something happening in a parallel universe.
Yes! Thank you for making this! I’m not on social media a lot but I have been coming across commentary about these influencers giving bad advice. I am a stay at home mom of two under two right now and I am very blessed to have in-laws that are willing to help with anything and everything. I know a lot of women are in very different circumstances and need understanding and compassion when trying to make these decisions.
Girl you better PREACH! I’m so glad you are talking about this because I am tirrrrreedd of all the polarizing content in the homemaking space. It feels like it has been hijacked by rage baiting, judgmental attitudes, lack of transparency, and a whole host of other things I disagree with. I love that you are giving a level headed voice to the community and practical advice to those who have concerns. Wonderful video Cait! :)) 🩷
Thank you SO much for speaking some reason into the homemaking community. I've been a homemaker for 5 years and have been watching you from the beginning. Homemaking was my dream throughout adolescence, but anyone who was in the space pre-tradwife craze was very much forced to come to terms with some of the more serious and uncertain aspects of being a housewife. I got my college education, I have an accounting degree and qualifications. I'm technically the family business accountant, effectively closing the gap in my resume. I don't know why, on social media, homemaking has become so synonymous with certain politics and lifestyle choices when homemakers are actually extremely varied. These new "tradwife" creators are, intentionally or not, dragging this noble position's name through the mud.
You speak with such class and wisdom. This long form commentary is giving me 2019 nostalgia of your early days and I am SO here for it!!! Your voice has an important place here on the internet. Happy to hear your voice, and wishing your family the best!! ❤️
This video is such a breath of fresh air!! Social media is currently caked with all this false information or shaming of certain lifestyles, so refreshing to see a truly traditional woman/wife/mother stand up for all women on this subject. ❤️
Caitlin, I love this practical advice!! It’s so much more helpful than the shaming and self-righteousness that I unfortunately see in a lot of conservative spaces. I am a 25 year old woman who isn’t married but would like to be at some point. I’m so grateful to have found a woman like you to look up to as my online older sister! Thank you for also saying that only Jesus can save us! We can rest in him and enjoy the liberty that we have because of what he did for us. Part of that is getting choose what lifestyle we live without fear or condemnation.
Married or not, every woman approaches a stage for her to be nurturing or mothering in some sort of context. We can be fruitful in many ways! No need to wait until you’re married!
We don’t always have the same opinions however , I think you are so smart, well spoken, and honest. I’ve been watching your content for years because I genuinely love your view on life. We may choose to live differently sometimes but I feel you have impacted me and evolved my own opinions for the better. I will always sit down and listen to what you are sharing because your heart is there as a woman supporting other women ❤
So excited to see you sis! Miss you!!!!!! Proverbs 19:14 A discreet wife (careful,cautious, tactful, considerate, strategic, wise, sensible, careful and circumspect in one's speech or actions) is from God!
I have been a subscriber since I was 15 from london, Im 20 now and married alhamdulillah, never commented on your videos but omgggg I love you for this, all of thiss !! 😂😂😂 Im soo glad you came out with video to raise this issue and spread awareness but most of i love seeing your growth, seeing you mature like this !! Its soo refreshing to see this REALISM spoke about but truly sooo refreshing for you to be one to speak about ittt, im not one for commenting on vids but it makes me emotional becus I feel like I grew up with you 😢😢❤
As a homemaker content creator, I am SO inspired by this video. I am so glad you made it! I have noticed the same thing online and now i am trying to not be identified as part of that tradwife trend (it is embarrassing) even though my style is so similar 😅. Let’s focus on content that adds value to these women instead of focusing on the haters for profit. Wisdom from God to truly edify others. So encouraging! Thank you!
I am in my twenties. And so thankful for this big sister. 😍 As a Muslim we have similar values and are scared of similar things. I am so happy that you are encouraged our feminine freedom as will as establishing our masculine identity in reality. It’s all about balance!! 💖
Thank you so much for making this video! I have not seen anyone address these concerns! I have a desire to be a stay-at-home mom someday, and I have fears because my dad left my mom who stayed home. These practical tips mean a lot to me!
Gurl, you have no idea how much practical and grounded things I've learned watching this video omg where have you been for 22 yrs of my life?! you are the ONLY one on youtube sharing tini tiny things that affects marriage and a relationship with your husband/men.
I would love for you to update your beauty routine, you look very different but i cannot put my finger on what changed. You honestly look younger, and i am curious if it is make up or different skin routine or what. You are a huge inspiration, and also, you always looked stunning :)
Wow! Caitlin, as the daughter fo a mother who suffered financial abuse, the way you said "take up space in your own home" was like a revelation to me. Thank you! I've become the breadwinner at home and my mother lives with me, and if I ever do get married I've often worried about the financial abuse thing. Thank you for speaking so boldly on this topic. It's not often acknowledged in Christian circles.
yes please pray that the husband you marry is a Man the fears the Lord or else, and will continue following the Bible all throughout his life. God bless you! Fear not!
This is all so fair, thank you for saying it Caitlin. I would argue that staying home as a wife especially with young children is best unless there are very specific circumstances, but again, like you said there are so many nuances and I think people ignore that! I love your moxy when addressing this topic, because it’s kind of necessary at this point. I love this lifestyle and am so glad many gals are interested in it. Thank you for your constant encouragement and willingness to show the real side of things ❤️❤️
Thank you for this video, Caitlyn. I’ve always thought a lot of these extreme rage bait “homemakers” are outsourcing a lot of their “homemaking duties” with the money they make pretending to be homemakers online.
I love so much of what you said here and it is great starting place for someone considering whether a stay at home life is right for them or not. Sticking your head in the sand about potential problems is never a good way to go into anything! One thing I wanted to add is that being "comfortable" is a relative term specific to each and every family/couple/person. Sacrificing some things to stay home is going to be a reality for most people unless you are married to a high earner. Even with a spouse with a scalable income you're probably going to let some purchases fall to the wayside (hello, inflation). Also, in most marriages, you are going to start with very little, especially if you're young. You are going to have to put in the work together to grow this into something fruitful over time. Just because your husband can't buy you everything now, especially if you're living on one income, doesn't mean he never will. The effort he puts in towards making your dreams a part of his reality is what will tell you so much about the kind of man he is and how much he prioritizes you in his life. Make sure it's not just about the money he can make to support you, but also how much he cares and prioritizes YOU as a partner. I know many experienced women in this community probably already know this stuff, but just wanted to add for any who are new or considering this lifestyle for the first time!
I truly didn't realize that the content you're talking about is intentionally rage-baiting. Thank you for letting me know, and thank you for this video!! This video is incredible. I also love that your husband is such a great man. Y'all both will be great examples to your boys.
Thanks for saying this as someone who has created and creates homemaking content. As a working from home woman, it’s sad we need to live in a society where we need either a good paying job to make ends meet, or even 2+ jobs to raise a family, and it’s ok to say “hey I need to make money, and I’m privileged enough to have the help of (insert family/nannies, etc), but find value in this way of living”. I do appreciate you coming on and sharing your thoughts about it
I agree with most of what you say but It is absolutely, unequivocally true that having an emotionally and physically present parent benefits children in ways we can’t begin to compute and understand. As a non religious person who plans to stay at home when I have kids (at least when they’re young) this is my driving reasoning behind it. As an emotionally neglected daycare child just The thought of Sending my 6 week, 6 month, 3 year, etc. old child to a daycare causes a revolting, physical reaction in me. I want to raise and be the primary care giver and for my children, be there for the little milestones, cook them healthy home made food, instill my values and behavior models, not outsource this vital role to minimum wage strangers to raise your child (and yes your kids are being raised by others if they’re not in your care 40+ hours a week). The degradation of families is at the epicenter of the child and adult mental health crisis we’re seeing. Working mothers are stressed and agitated trying to work full time and simultaneously be good mothers and wives, kids are acting up and marriage's are dissolving because of this stress and resentment that builds as relationships loose their polarity because no one values what is needed at home and an emphasis is put on making money and career, so staying home and valuing raising your children and creating a stable and peaceful family life and dynamic can be a prescription for a lot of these marriage's. My number one piece of advice for women who want to raise their own babies (just imagine that 🙄) is find a man who VALUES the well being of children and family over money and career. A man who values money too much will not value you if you’re not making it. That and if you’re able to have your own savings, and build a nest egg and live below your means before children.
the financial advice was much needed Cait THANK U SO MUCH!!!!!!!!! no one talks about names being on accounts, life insurance, deeds, wills and what they can/cant spend. I love your marriage SO MUCH! made me realize how much of a mess my husband is for financially abusing me! im still going to stay home but im going to bring in income and probably get a live in housekeeper so i can work fulltime but still be the only person raising my 2 children, baby & toddler
Caitlin I've always appreciated how intelligent and articulate you are! Even though I am not a "homemaker" I really relate to living a feminine life as a source of happiness, but sometimes the extreme homemaking community can really close other women off to opening their minds to a more feminine lifestyle.
This video was SO good. I've been watching your content for years and you've matured so much. I come from a community of solely homemakers, and with the changing times, these questions are important to know the answers to.
Thank you so much for posting this video! I have been following you for years because I had interest in the homemaking lifestyle, but the recent trends online kind of scared me away from the idea completely. I am so thankful you could give logical and practical advice about all of this. Again, thank you!!!
A great asset to learn about is a Spousal IRA. This is something you can set up with your husband’s work or paycheck to automatically put money into an IRA account just like money might automatically go into an account for him.
You are the big sister I’ve never had. I didn’t even realize I was trying to take up less space until you said it and my husband doesn’t even encourage this but I’ve just been trying to do it! I love you! Thank you for your content!
This is why you are my favorite RUclipsr in the feminine space.😊 This video is so balanced and educative. I was really into femininity content in 2019/2020 but there was a shift in the content since then and it became so extreme that I could no longer relate to it. I desire to be a homemaker much later in the future and your videos have really helped me get there. Caitlin your voice is so necessary in this space. You bring balance and wisdom. May God keep blessing you! 😊🌻
So much of traditional/homemaking/tradwife content online has been hijacked by con artists, charlatans and extremists. It's so unfortunate. So glad to see you again Cait, this video is such a breath of fresh air!
are men extremists for being unapologetic conservative Christians and following what the bible says?
Yep. The grifters are out in full force!
thinking of esteecwilliams lol
I love your comment! Becoming a homemaker is almost a taboo in today's society and extremist content creators make things worse by looking like a caricature of the 50's.
Fr they're just rich influencer cosplaying as tradwives😂😂
Amen to “do not do wifey things or have kids with a man that is not your HUSBAND!”👏💕 Not only is marriage Gods design, but it’s also His protection!
Yes!!! Wifey duties on a girlfriend’s contract is a traaaaaaaap 🗣️🚨🚓💨
As much as i am scared of marriage and do not really believe in it.
I still think it’s the best and safest choice for all women at all times.
@@MrsMidwest I always hear women say this but, then I also hear other women say if you don't do wifey things for a man then why would he marry you then? So when you are a girlfriend you just wait until you become married to do wifey things??? This has always confused me because there are always women saying two different things.
@@JustMeg29It's the level of commitment involved. Getting married means both partners are (ideally) equally committed to each other and therefore equally responsible to each other. Say a woman is committed in her mind so she does the wife thing of having a baby (I'm not referring to unplanned pregnancies) but the man hasn't fully committed and he decides he's not interested in having or supporting a family and he leaves the woman and child. There is no legal protection for them. Many people have different priorities or wants from relationships so I don't speak for everyone. But certainly having a family is a whole new kind of relationship, and much more vulnerable if someone decides to walk away. There are many ways to show and prove your good character and display the kind of loyal and loving wife you will be before becoming a wife. It's also the idea of "getting something for nothing" if one person takes advantage of another person's commitment without being committed themselves. For example I would not scrub a boyfriend's toilets, he can do that himself. But when married property and work is shared and should be given freely.
@@JustMeg29 Yes, that is correct. It takes away the incentive for someone to ask you to marry them if you are already living with them, cooking and cleaning for them, and having their children.
As a long time follower, I think I speak for all of us when I say- we're so proud of you for making this video. We all know it will cause some reactions, even back in the day when you were completely non confrontational and accommodatimg to everyone there was still backlash. But you still had the courage to voice your opinion about serious issues in this community. Most of all, you didn't indulge in drama, you spoke your mind and then moved on with strategy and solutions rooted in reality. 10/10
Yes!!!! Thank you for making this REAL video
Thank you so much for your ongoing support and for this comment dear. It’s so nice to feel encouraged and to know I’m not alone in these thoughts ❤😅 I’m also happy I finally got my thoughts organized and had the time to do this. You guys deserve creators who thoughtfully care for you guys and I hope to always be that 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷
Community is so important. There was a sweet young lady at my church a few years ago. She and her husband had been married for two year with no kids, she was working, and they had just bought a house. She came home one day to a locked door. Her husband kicked her and her dog out. He claimed that God told him to divorce his wife. It was heartbreaking.
The church surrounded her. They both lost the house. She lived with one of the church elders and his wife for close to a year. When she got her own place, we gave her furniture. We had to do a whole church discipline process to formally kick the husband out of the church. He quickly remarried another woman.
It can happen. There are charlatans out there. He seemed like a “good christian man.” I think that if you were to ask that lady about the situation, she would testify to the amazing faithfulness of God and his people in the hardest of times.
i hope more people see this. part of living in a biblical patriarchy is the BIBLICAL part. the church has no place accepting cheating behaviors and victim blaming.
can i ask what denomination your church is? not to say every church in a denomination is as good as the next one, but there are like 50 churches in my town and it’s hard to choose!
@@Xx.bygracethrufaith You also don’t need to be in a patriarchal relationship to be a full-time homemaker. It’s very capitalistic and materialistic to assign the value of “who’s in charge” to the person who makes all the money/more money. You should be partners of equal value and equal decision-making regardless of roles.
@@clarekoesters3031 yeah that is the point of biblical patriarchy. Basically you have a strong masculine leader who accepts welcomes and asks for the influence of his wife because he knows she has wisdom in places he doesn't. It is a partnership with defined roles. But you are right, people can be home makers without that model but I am talking from a Christian perspective in my own end! Glad that people from all walks of life can choose to do what works for them.
@@Xx.bygracethrufaith I appreciate what you're saying, but even referring to something as "patriarchy" implies that one of you (the man) is ultimately in charge, even if he is respectful and considers the wife as some sort of expert consultant. I don't believe either partner by default should have the final authority in the relationship.
I wanted to add to your point about education: it is not a bad thing to be an educated stay at home mom/homemaker. If that’s your goal going into college, limit the debt you go into to get a degree, but education is not wasted! As a SAHM you are your children’s teacher; you will be helping with homework, and nurturing their interests.
Personally, I earned my bachelor’s degree and my CPA license before I became a homemaker. My husband regularly refers to me as the CFO of our household. I manage our investments, do tax projections, and keep a close eye on the fiscal health of our household. When our kids are in school I will probably do some accounting work on the side because I loved what I did. I just wanted to be home more!
I heard a commentator recently point out, “it’s GOOD for moms to be smart and educated. Being a mom and raising kids isn’t for dummies. I WANT my wife and mother of my children to be smart so I can entrust her to do a good job.” I couldn’t believe I had such a subconscious negative view towards the intellect of homemakers, including myself, before I heard that.
This is so true. Education is never wasted. Very underrated comment.
That is great of you. I knew of so many homemakers who didn't even want to know how much their husbands earned.
6:10 this the most gaslighting conduct. Faux homemakers posting content about how beautiful homemaking is while making lots of money off of their audience. As a full time working wife and mother, I have stopped watching a lot of these influencers who have drifted here (think Milena Ciciotti) because I see right through it, while, sadly, much of their impressionable audience does NOT.
Me too except for the CPA will work on that when the kids are older. I'm glad I have a degree though too in accounting.❤
Vetting is ESSENTIAL. NOT OPTIONAL. Discernment is a skill. Picking the best man for you is even more important than a career choice in MY OPINION. A man who goes above and beyond for you is unmatched.
The choice of your spouse is the most important choice of your life! It cannot be stated enough.
THIS! The reason I can be a homemaker and not worry is because I chose an incredible husband. He is such a kind and wonderful man who loves the Lord. I have no fears of ever getting divorced because I know his character and his values. We are about to celebrate our 14th anniversary and we have been through some really challenging and traumatic life circumstances, but they have only brought us closer together.
Discernment and being a good judge of character are such important skills to have in life.
This is just facts, who you choose to marry, as a woman OR man, greatly affects the trajectory of your life.
I love how respectful you are of different lifestyles and personalities. I'm a young single professional (a piano teacher to be specific). I live in a teeny tiny apartment with my chihuahua and houseplants, and I try to practice homemaking in little ways when I can, by beautifying my space with house plants and embroidery. Your channel inspired me to do that. More importantly, I recently became Christian, and you were one of the many people who helped lead me toward Christianity. Seeing your joy as you lived peacefully as a Christian, without ever trying to force it on anyone, drew me toward that light ✝
Aw you sound so lovely ❤ what an inspiration!
Hello new sister in Christ! 💕 God bless you in your new life!
Yay! So glad you’ve become a sister in Christ! Also a single teacher girl 😂 but I’m a sped teacher
You sound like a trans person.
Love seeing fellow Christian women who rather lead a quiet single life than marrying a bad man just to say they're married. Wish you the best sister, I too practise homemaking in small ways and pour love into my cat and what I do.
Your eloquence and vocabulary in this video could single-handedly debunk the myth that homemakers aren’t smart. Been here since the beginning and somehow you just keep getting better!
We NEEDED this video!
I don’t think being homemaker is about not working or not making money. It’s about prioritizing taking care of the home and family. Life and circumstances change constantly.
You’re so right. Don’t make decisions based out of fear. Build your dream life with what you have right now. Equip yourself with the tools, grit, and flexibility to pivot when life happens!
Caitlin, seriously. I love your brain. Just someone who is normal and says reasonable stuff. I am not even a homemaker but the main bread winner but love your content. And that you just keep it realistic. Congrats.🎉
@@adilson5051 howww 😂 She is literally a Christian housewife
@@adilson5051 what's wrong with subtle feminism? The philosophy exists for a reason and women of every walk of life are bound to encounter some of those reasons as they go through life.
It absolutely doesn't have to slide to extremes.
The fact that a main bread winner girly feels welcome and interested in my channel means so much to me and actually reflects my REAL LIFE. I have friends of all walks of life and they all inspire me in different ways. I love that you’re here and thank you for sharing your thoughts ❤
@@MrsMidwest Thanks for your answer and appreciation! 😊☀️
I was a teacher before having children. I chose that job because I knew I wanted to be a SAHM but I also know if I need to go back to work I will get hired. Resume gap? They don’t care. The teacher shortage is so real they would hire me with one foot in the grave. We are making it work right now but it’s not easy and we make a lot of sacrifices. I know it won’t be forever in this economy but I’m cherishing every day.
I have my RN license and same. Even though I do not work in that profession at the moment, I do not regret getting and maintaining it. If the worst case scenario ever happened, I would easily be able to find a job and take care of my family.
@@maj7874same here girl! Keep up those RN licenses 😂
Same! Im a dietitian for this reason. Part time for now
Same but I’d rather work at Costco than be a public school teacher again!!!!!!!😂
Good for you , I work in pharmaceutical companies and its totally the opposite , actually they don't prefer to hire married women , they don't mind hiring married men which is sad
We miss you!!!! You look amazing! Real life Aurora! ❤ your voice is so needed in this space! I’m recently married and so far, it is the greatest blessing of my life! And homemaking comes naturally when you’re with a man who truly leads and cultivates an environment for you as a woman.
This video is a breath of fresh air. I became a homemaker almost three years ago and the content has become crazy in that time! Your channel specifically helped me feel like it’s okay to be a “non-crunchy” homemaker and find my own way to run my household that works for our family.
This video was fire! I agree with everything.I cringe eveytime I heard the sentiment of dont go to college and not having a back up plan. My husband has a great job working in STEM. I dont worry about financials and have been a homemaker for about 6 out of the 8 years we've been married. However, i do keep my teacher certification current, I have worked in the school district as needed during the times of transition with my husband doing school or switching careers. We both have wills, life insurance policies, and plans in place for those what ifs. Im protected, provided for, and deeply loved and supported. I love being a homemaker and staying home with my children. I love volunteering at my son's school and being that PTA mom. I also know that life happens and I'm set up in many ways in the event that tragedies come, especially since we have two kids. Protect yourself ladies, especially if you and your husband have children.
Thanks for sharing! This is grown woman advice and living. Not the trendy tik tok advice for homemaking. Caitlin has become so much more open and honest with the homemaking journey over rage years. It's refreshing to get practical advice and life experiences from homemakers. ❤❤❤
Fr this is great and so well written ❤. I also don't mind being houswife if I have financial security.and loving husband who understand that it is a work.❤
I am VERY here for the calling out of MLMs 👏🏻
“The distorted caricature” AMEN. Thank you! So glad you made this video - I’m a stay at home mom and have followed you for awhile and I too am fed up.
My husband gives $1000 a month to spend on myself or invest. We have a written and set agreement on how he will compensate me if we ever end our relationship. Very important to marry a man that acknowledges your worth.
This is also a very odd take.
Wierd
You need more than $1000 a month. Trust me as someone who was a wife & mother and had to return to college *THREE* times as a single mom to finally get a decent enough career to support my kids when he divorced me.
Also, you will need a lot of money to get through college, and you don’t want to have to just begin saving for retirement in your 40s, 50s, and beyond.
Weird, but practical I guess
“Coming out of commentary hibernation with a vengeance and a bit of an attitude.” LOL! You’re speaking my language. All jokes aside though, I absolutely agree that this movement is being trashed by our own. My jaw drops to the floor when I see the content that is created and shared to young, impressionable women. Still watching this, but so far, (30 minutes in), I’m applauding you for saying what so many of us are thinking. Bravo for using your platform for good 🎉❤
I’m glad I’m not alone. I’ve felt so confused about all of this but it’s reassuring to know it’s irritating other people too 😅
When it comes to the mom social media space especially, I think a big part of it is that a lot of people (influencers and otherwise) seem to believe that if they can make you believe that a specific choice that they didn’t make (daycare, working, etc) is abusive or harmful, it by default means that they are a great parent for not making that choice. It comes from a place of deep insecurity about their own parenting. By harshly judging others they won’t be harshly judged (of course judgement doesn’t work that way)
Love this! My brother is the financially abusive husband to his SAHM wife. It makes me so upset to watch her have to get permission for every dollar.
It makes me so thankful for my amazing husband who takes amazing care of me financially and emotionally. I asked him for just $100-$200 a month to spend on things to make me happy(cloths, hair/skincare) he told me that i deserve $600/month.
Beautiful ❤
Since the day we were engaged and married, right out of university and he got his first job he gave me an allowance without fail, every single month. And he increases my allowance whenever he gets more more or a promotion. He even tells me one day there won’t be a limit on my allowance and this is just for now. I’m truly lucky because I see other women beg and scrounge for dollars from their husbands because they don’t believe she should have nice things or they don’t understand why her skincare has to cost more than dollar store prices. Sickening
Your brother should learn from your husband
Your husband and father should shame your brother because WHAT??? 😢😢😢
My husband and I budget together and spend money together. I couldn’t imagine getting an allowance. I handle all of the finances, he makes the money.
Spot on Caitlin! I am a full time working mum, working shift work as a nurse with 2 young children. Needing a supportive husband is so important whether working or staying home. Being a respectful team is vital. Love your energy and maturity ❤❤❤❤❤
Much needed insight 👌 Thank you! Also, I respect you even more for NOT being on here posting videos all the time and prioritizing your role as a wife and mother and your real life instead. It makes your videos even more of a treat!
This made me tear up actually. I have been a homemaker but I don't have a child yet. People have been rude enough to suggest that I should take a job as I am unable to conceive for 7 years now. And I don't want to. I love cooking and baking hot meals for my husband, I love having guests over, I love my slow life. And my husband loves coming home because I maintain a vibrant cozy atmosphere.
Why can't people just let us be. They worry he will eventually leave. But like you said, I am a grown up, educated women, I can pick myself up even if it means starting at the ground level.
I’m so sorry people have been judgmental and rude to you; unfortunately, most people seem to lack empathy and manners. I’m a child born to parents who had been trying for years and years when my mother finally conceived me, and my great grandmother had to wait 10 years for her first child. I’m glad to know yours and your husband’s lives are full of love and joy nonetheless, may God bless you both x
@@federica60503 Thank you for your kind words. It means a lot. I am glad your parents and granmother got to enjoy the joy of having a kid. 😊
This was not on my 2024 bingo card but I’m so glad you are saying something because it got scary on TikTok for a minute.
I don’t have tik tok but trust that the content trickles to reels when I’m just trying to find Barbie memes or eras tour content and it stresses me out 😂
I seriously feel like you’re the older sister I never had, you give the best advice!! I’m a SAHW a few years younger than you and it’s definitely very hard to engage with the world while living this lifestyle with all the content about it online. This video gave me a lot of comfort.
You’re actually my favorite RUclipsr. You aren’t extreme, you don’t set unrealistic expectations of other people, and you’re so kind, despite any criticism you receive. I’m always here for your positivity and realism.❤️
Thanks for having such a balanced and realistic perspective. My husband and I are considering having children a little late in life and I would become a SAHM. I really appreciate that there are people like you sharing actual good advice and not sugar coating everything OR trying to deter others from the lifestyle. The discourse about tradwives and such online these days is getting so exhausting.
Dear Caitlin, i've never comment on a video on RUclips but I really like your content and I want to let you know something. My family and I live in Germany and since our child has been born I am staying at home. Over here women who are staying at home get lots of citicism and so I want to add one point to your list which might be helpfull for you as well. You are actually working. You just don't get payed for it. Raising Kids, doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, all in all making sure that you have a nice home and children who know who God is, is hard work. So all the guys who don't like your lifestyle should ask themselves how much they value unpayed work and should overthink their concept. Then all this work needs to be done as well 😊
I've been watching you since I quit my jobs to be a stay at home wife after my husband and I got saved and married in 2018.
Now we live in a more expensive state than before and have more kids. I could probably be in a hot kitchen all day hating my life because I like to cook but 24/7 cooking isn't me. So I do delivery driving when I can. Through apps where you can work anytime if you feel like it. It's awesome. It helped me buy some of my homeschool curriculum this year and just let's us have a little more freedom financially (as a couple)... for so long I didn't get a job because "I just should learn to sew my own clothes and cook every loaf of bread from scratch" but that stuff takes trial and error and when you don't have someone you're watching do it regularly the learning process isn't that fast and you can end up wasting time and money .
God has a plan for me even if I don't fully fit the role I tend toward. I am a normal stay at home mom. :)
as a young homemaker my instagram feed has been full of this. a lot of these creators i believe have a wonderful intent and are just radicalized by negative criticize they recieve. this content has left a bad taste in my mouth but i didnt see why until now. thank you caitlyn!
GIRLS WAKE UP MRS MIDWEST JUST UPLOADED ‼‼
I think the most balanced approach for this issue if you’re not sure about what you want is staying at home at least for 3-4 years, invest in those crucial important years of your child’s life and prepare him for future, teach him basics like eating, potty, dressing, some cleaning by himself and prepare yourself for work alongside. When he’s 3-4 and more or less independent you can pick your job where you’ve left it or learn something new. Yes, it will be harder, but it is doable.
This makes sense. We live in a high cost of living city and I’d love to stay home for a bit but I also enjoy work. Great perspective
I’ve been subscribed to your channel from the beginning (circa 2019). I am so proud of how far you’ve come! Keep on bringing your authentic self to this space.
I agree with the location thing. I new someone who’s husband is a police officer ( for a long time) they moved to SD and what they paid the PD was not enough for a living wage. They moved back to there home state and now he makes a lot more.
We used to live in AZ near Phoenix in a really booming town and the cost of living was higher vs the Midwest. We moved back to the Midwest where everything is cheaper. We had to trade the gorgeous weather for more affordable cost of living in everything, housing, groceries, gas and a more neighborly environment.
Also, what happened to just living a quiet life in your home and thriving in a way that’s best for you and your family? Why is there this homemaking trend that takes away from the real purpose of homemaking( being a keeper at home) I think the internet can be a blessing- but also so dangerous- we have access to so many people’s lives that it’s just to much info! I’m so thankful not to be on instagram or Facebook anymore. Real life is much more enjoyable!
Also, I think creators like to act like they don’t use wisdom in their everyday life. It’s almost silly. This is why I left social media.
I think everyone should use wisdom but realize that everyone’s life- in marriage and in singleness- will have trials. Remember we should never compared our lives with anyone else. We shouldn’t compare a temporary season with someone’s “high” season. Or “blessed” season.
Also- you named a low income profession and my husband is on the higher end of the profession you listed.
Plumbers are also some of the higher income professionals.
Mechanics can be a really high earner depending on where you live.
Caitlyn, you seem so much more happy and confident! You said you used to be a very anxious person but not anymore. Can you please make a video about you did it? Your growth has been impressive.
*about how you did it
Anyone else get too excited when Caitlin posts ?!! ❤
Caitlin, you have grown a lot as a person, I like you even more now:)
Before your time as a mom you were already an inspiration and this life is such a nice journey with you❤ Thank you, that you exist and thank you that you find the time to make such great videos :) God bless you❤
whats inspiring about a conservative Christian becoming a feminist?
Thank you for this video Caitlin.
I've always wanted to be a housewife, a stay at home mom. And I've done that. But with the WRONG MAN. And no one on Instagram tells you that. No one tells you that you have to be very careful who you choose this lifestyle with. It's always 'respect your husband', 'cook his favourite meal', 'how to keep the spark on', 'how to glow up', 'if you're not happy, express more gratitude' etc. BUT IT'S NOT ALWAYS ABOUT THAT. It took me so long to figure out why I couldn't be a happy housewife like all those girls who were inspiring me. I had the house, the man, the baby, the dog. And I just couldn't. There is so much we don't see on social media. Mind yourself ladies ❤
I think some of my perspective is we chose that I would stay home from the beginning and KNEW that we would not have the same middle class life two income families have. It was worth it to us for me to raise the kids. It aligned with our values. So there is that too. It doesn't have to work out perfect financially where you can still afford a a vacation or what not if the thing that's most important to YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND. Is that you stay home. So being honest with yourself about what matters to you and what you want most is a thing. Sometimes if the income from your husband isn't super high, you're not going to have it all. Your not going to have a super comfortable life AND get to stay home. That can be hard to accept and comparison can really kill your joy but if staying home matters more it's ok to go for it
I just like the realness of you stating you have “come out with a bit of attitude.” I’ve been a stay at home wife/mom for 14 years; yup we’re normal over here 😂 There’s too much extremeness in todays society.
I'm a young wife, only been married for a few years, and you have been such a blessing to me! These videos are so informative and wonderful! And I love the vlog style! I'm a stay at home spouse, but I'm an indie published author. It takes years to build an income this way, and I am so blessed to have my husband to take care of us while I work on publishing!
Preach! Common sense seems to have left the online homemaking content in your absence.
So happy to have you back as the voice of reason! 😊
Authenticity is the key to homemaking. Know Your husband, Your kids, and Your belief system and stay in Your own lane! Nice video...I enjoyed it!
Thank you so much for this video. I was seeing content online permoting that kids have higher anxiety and behavioral issues if their in Daycare, and I was feeling guilty about my job as a school bus driver. But my kids are happy, healthy and thriving. I treasure the time I do have with them.
Wow Caitlyn!!
You are most definitely thriving! I remember your older videos and how you seemed a little bit softer spoken and timid, but now you are just radiating confidence with your “fun new mic and your cute new room” I’ve always loved your content and I am HERE for this new era! You’re so inspiring! Bless you 💖
Working women can also be abused at work. It’s just about choosing what you want and having wisdom. Do what you wanna do, anything that’s not actively hurting others or illegal.
You go Mrs. Midwest, always based.
I’ve followed you for years, since I was a solo backpacker traveling from country to country. We are different in our life goals, but I’ve always loved how accepting and diverse your content is, and the advice for femininity and slower living.
I really needed this video. It was incredibly refreshing to see someone discuss life's risks and the diverse circumstances people face in such a natural and down-to-earth manner. In a time when many are so radically polarized, your perspective was a breath of fresh air. Thank you
You articulate yourself so well. I ADORE your practicality in a world of overthinking. I've been a SAHM for over 6 years now & if anyone suffers from low self esteem like I do; follow the advice to TAKE UP SPACE 👏 My husband is a wonderful man but men will adapt to what you present them. As I take up more and more space, I dare say my husband loves me even more. Great advice as always Mrs. Midwest. Much love from California! 🩷🩷
So happy you’re back!! I’ve noticed the negativity and extremism as well. As I go into my adult life (turning 27 upcoming Monday 🎉) it’s so important to highlight the balance between the homemaking lifestyle and ensuring financial security as a woman, with and without a partner. Thank you so much for speaking on this topic!!
whats extremism supposed to mean? being faithful to the bible?
@@adilson5051not at all! I referenced extremism in the sense that online a very black-and-white picture is painted which glorifies homemaking and shames women who are unwilling or unable to do so. I think Mrs. Midwest offers a very needed nuanced perspective :)
@@adilson5051the Bible says it’s perfectly ok to be single
"It's in Genesis, you can look it up" I burst out laughing! Love this 💞😂
Thank you, for this. I have always watched your videos even if we are not 100% similar in our journeys. After 20 years of marriage, I am now a single Mom. And I'm a SAHM in the summer when I'm off from my full-time teaching job. I feel grateful. And even though my situation may look different than others, I still am a homemaker seasonally. And I love it. ❤
I am a pink-haired, tattooed, feminist leaning homemaker and I agree with almost everything you said girl!! You went off, WHAT a great message!! 💗💗💗
Thank you for this! Homemaking social media has swung so far off the rails. I'm a working single mom but a homemaker at heart. I have a career because I have to be the provider. I have no choice. There is very little content that doesn't seem to be putting women like me down or telling us we're doing everything all wrong.
So here for this! "Homemaking is not a prescription" 22:31 - absolutely!!
Caitlin, I am so proud of you for using your voice and your platform to raise awareness for the safety and protection of women. I have been watching your videos for a few years now (wow) and each time I am more impressed with the woman you are becoming. You’ve shown incredible growth and development from when you were starting your content. Keep it up girl.
This hit the nail on the head….agree with everything mentioned and I’m so happy someone in the space is discussing these topics in an intelligent , intellectual manner
I appreciate your videos so much, and as a mother and wife in my 40's, I wish that I had someone like you to learn from when I was younger. When I agreed to be a stay at home mom and wife, my husband and I both established life insurance policies to make sure we were both comfortable taking care of our children, God forbid something happen to either of us. We also agreed on a budget, which included my personal spending money (bc I love my skincare :)), as well as an annual maximum contribution into my personal Roth account for retirement (in addition to his retirement savings and pension). I believe it is best to establish, negotiate and advocate for yourself and your future in advance so you are "safe" no matter what happens. The man who loves you and desires to spend life with you, will ultimately want what is best for you. God Bless!
Love the video as always Cait! I've watched you since I was in college and I just got married a month ago! Husband and I have talked so much about the steps to take so that I can become a stay at home wife/mom later on. This is literally only possible because he is so financially responsible. I just recently started working part time instead of full time and am noticing the shifts (less personal income for me but more free time, etc). I understand that this is a privilege since I can gain perspective and genuinely see how I like it before stopping work all together. All this to say, there's so much to consider as you have beautifully laid out here in this video. Everyone woman is so different and it's a blessing to be able to make our own choices.
This is the most balanced discussion on the topic that i have seen. I began my feminity journey largely because i happened upon your content. I became a (mostly) stay at home wife and mother shortly after that, but the content and ragwbaiting surrounding the choice to stay home has become difficult to navigate and makes my choice hard to defend. So THANK YOU! it’s excitibg to see your personal growth over the years ❤ i hope to see more from you though!
I. NEEDED. THIS.
I cannot tell you how much negative mental stress the internet has been causing me around this topic. I love your very practical and wise take on these criticisms, and truly appreciate how you emphasize that it’s not a “right” or “wrong” choice but rather a lifestyle choice. Bless you! ❤❤
I was yearning for you to speak up on this. I have seen extremist posts saving that women shouldn't work or study and it's very frustrating. I personally am very career driven and I don't think that I am less feminine for it. Nor do I lack traditional values. And I love how you emphasize that homemaking is not the only way for living and validate the concerns. I have been following you for a long time and love your content. ❤
I was a homemaker when I got my daughter, I was working full time as a corporate lawyer and supported my husband as a stay at home dad and now we both work part time. I've really seen it all. I can truly say that doing part-time is the hardest thing, but it really was a blessing to have my husband at home taking care of everything and taking on the mental load. I was HAPPILY sharing the money because a homemaker contributes something worth your money honestly. TicToc makes it feel like a self-care thing. If done right, it is a job that deserves honor.I really love your sharp view on topics which are usually discussed like something happening in a parallel universe.
I let every single AD on this video play through (no skips) bc girl get your bag THIS ADVICE & PERSPECTIVE GOLD
Yes! Thank you for making this! I’m not on social media a lot but I have been coming across commentary about these influencers giving bad advice. I am a stay at home mom of two under two right now and I am very blessed to have in-laws that are willing to help with anything and everything. I know a lot of women are in very different circumstances and need understanding and compassion when trying to make these decisions.
Girl you better PREACH!
I’m so glad you are talking about this because I am tirrrrreedd of all the polarizing content in the homemaking space. It feels like it has been hijacked by rage baiting, judgmental attitudes, lack of transparency, and a whole host of other things I disagree with.
I love that you are giving a level headed voice to the community and practical advice to those who have concerns.
Wonderful video Cait! :)) 🩷
Thank you SO much for speaking some reason into the homemaking community. I've been a homemaker for 5 years and have been watching you from the beginning. Homemaking was my dream throughout adolescence, but anyone who was in the space pre-tradwife craze was very much forced to come to terms with some of the more serious and uncertain aspects of being a housewife. I got my college education, I have an accounting degree and qualifications. I'm technically the family business accountant, effectively closing the gap in my resume.
I don't know why, on social media, homemaking has become so synonymous with certain politics and lifestyle choices when homemakers are actually extremely varied. These new "tradwife" creators are, intentionally or not, dragging this noble position's name through the mud.
You speak with such class and wisdom. This long form commentary is giving me 2019 nostalgia of your early days and I am SO here for it!!! Your voice has an important place here on the internet. Happy to hear your voice, and wishing your family the best!! ❤️
This video is such a breath of fresh air!! Social media is currently caked with all this false information or shaming of certain lifestyles, so refreshing to see a truly traditional woman/wife/mother stand up for all women on this subject. ❤️
Caitlin, I love this practical advice!! It’s so much more helpful than the shaming and self-righteousness that I unfortunately see in a lot of conservative spaces.
I am a 25 year old woman who isn’t married but would like to be at some point. I’m so grateful to have found a woman like you to look up to as my online older sister!
Thank you for also saying that only Jesus can save us! We can rest in him and enjoy the liberty that we have because of what he did for us. Part of that is getting choose what lifestyle we live without fear or condemnation.
Married or not, every woman approaches a stage for her to be nurturing or mothering in some sort of context. We can be fruitful in many ways! No need to wait until you’re married!
We don’t always have the same opinions however , I think you are so smart, well spoken, and honest. I’ve been watching your content for years because I genuinely love your view on life. We may choose to live differently sometimes but I feel you have impacted me and evolved my own opinions for the better. I will always sit down and listen to what you are sharing because your heart is there as a woman supporting other women ❤
You’re saying so much of what so many of us are thinking/ frustrated with!! THIS IS WONDERFUL.❤
So excited to see you sis! Miss you!!!!!! Proverbs 19:14 A discreet wife (careful,cautious, tactful, considerate, strategic, wise, sensible, careful and circumspect in one's speech or actions) is from God!
I have been a subscriber since I was 15 from london, Im 20 now and married alhamdulillah, never commented on your videos but omgggg I love you for this, all of thiss !! 😂😂😂 Im soo glad you came out with video to raise this issue and spread awareness but most of i love seeing your growth, seeing you mature like this !! Its soo refreshing to see this REALISM spoke about but truly sooo refreshing for you to be one to speak about ittt, im not one for commenting on vids but it makes me emotional becus I feel like I grew up with you 😢😢❤
omggg i'm so happy to see another girl in their early 20s on this channel ! Im 23 from France !❤
As a homemaker content creator, I am SO inspired by this video. I am so glad you made it! I have noticed the same thing online and now i am trying to not be identified as part of that tradwife trend (it is embarrassing) even though my style is so similar 😅. Let’s focus on content that adds value to these women instead of focusing on the haters for profit. Wisdom from God to truly edify others. So encouraging! Thank you!
I am in my twenties. And so thankful for this big sister. 😍
As a Muslim we have similar values and are scared of similar things.
I am so happy that you are encouraged our feminine freedom as will as establishing our masculine identity in reality. It’s all about balance!! 💖
Thank you so much for making this video! I have not seen anyone address these concerns! I have a desire to be a stay-at-home mom someday, and I have fears because my dad left my mom who stayed home. These practical tips mean a lot to me!
Gurl, you have no idea how much practical and grounded things I've learned watching this video omg where have you been for 22 yrs of my life?! you are the ONLY one on youtube sharing tini tiny things that affects marriage and a relationship with your husband/men.
I would love for you to update your beauty routine, you look very different but i cannot put my finger on what changed. You honestly look younger, and i am curious if it is make up or different skin routine or what. You are a huge inspiration, and also, you always looked stunning :)
YOU ARE INCREDIBLY SMART! Who else agrees? ❤ Such realistic, reasonable and practical advice.
Wow! Caitlin, as the daughter fo a mother who suffered financial abuse, the way you said "take up space in your own home" was like a revelation to me. Thank you! I've become the breadwinner at home and my mother lives with me, and if I ever do get married I've often worried about the financial abuse thing. Thank you for speaking so boldly on this topic. It's not often acknowledged in Christian circles.
yes please pray that the husband you marry is a Man the fears the Lord or else, and will continue following the Bible all throughout his life. God bless you! Fear not!
This is all so fair, thank you for saying it Caitlin. I would argue that staying home as a wife especially with young children is best unless there are very specific circumstances, but again, like you said there are so many nuances and I think people ignore that! I love your moxy when addressing this topic, because it’s kind of necessary at this point. I love this lifestyle and am so glad many gals are interested in it. Thank you for your constant encouragement and willingness to show the real side of things ❤️❤️
Thank you for this video, Caitlyn.
I’ve always thought a lot of these extreme rage bait “homemakers” are outsourcing a lot of their “homemaking duties” with the money they make pretending to be homemakers online.
I love so much of what you said here and it is great starting place for someone considering whether a stay at home life is right for them or not. Sticking your head in the sand about potential problems is never a good way to go into anything!
One thing I wanted to add is that being "comfortable" is a relative term specific to each and every family/couple/person. Sacrificing some things to stay home is going to be a reality for most people unless you are married to a high earner. Even with a spouse with a scalable income you're probably going to let some purchases fall to the wayside (hello, inflation).
Also, in most marriages, you are going to start with very little, especially if you're young. You are going to have to put in the work together to grow this into something fruitful over time. Just because your husband can't buy you everything now, especially if you're living on one income, doesn't mean he never will. The effort he puts in towards making your dreams a part of his reality is what will tell you so much about the kind of man he is and how much he prioritizes you in his life. Make sure it's not just about the money he can make to support you, but also how much he cares and prioritizes YOU as a partner.
I know many experienced women in this community probably already know this stuff, but just wanted to add for any who are new or considering this lifestyle for the first time!
I love this. Very true, well said
I truly didn't realize that the content you're talking about is intentionally rage-baiting. Thank you for letting me know, and thank you for this video!! This video is incredible. I also love that your husband is such a great man. Y'all both will be great examples to your boys.
Not only that, the more you engage with it, the more the algorithm feeds you and skews your perception of how widespread it is.
I love Caitlin with a bit of an attitude! I actually LOL’d. Such good points!
Thanks for saying this as someone who has created and creates homemaking content. As a working from home woman, it’s sad we need to live in a society where we need either a good paying job to make ends meet, or even 2+ jobs to raise a family, and it’s ok to say “hey I need to make money, and I’m privileged enough to have the help of (insert family/nannies, etc), but find value in this way of living”. I do appreciate you coming on and sharing your thoughts about it
So happy to see a new video from you. I just had a baby and it is really nice to listen to you during long nursing sessions. ❤ You feel like a friend!
I agree with most of what you say but It is absolutely, unequivocally true that having an emotionally and physically present parent benefits children in ways we can’t begin to compute and understand. As a non religious person who plans to stay at home when I have kids (at least when they’re young) this is my driving reasoning behind it. As an emotionally neglected daycare child just The thought of Sending my 6 week, 6 month, 3 year, etc. old child to a daycare causes a revolting, physical reaction in me. I want to raise and be the primary care giver and for my children, be there for the little milestones, cook them healthy home made food, instill my values and behavior models, not outsource this vital role to minimum wage strangers to raise your child (and yes your kids are being raised by others if they’re not in your care 40+ hours a week). The degradation of families is at the epicenter of the child and adult mental health crisis we’re seeing. Working mothers are stressed and agitated trying to work full time and simultaneously be good mothers and wives, kids are acting up and marriage's are dissolving because of this stress and resentment that builds as relationships loose their polarity because no one values what is needed at home and an emphasis is put on making money and career, so staying home and valuing raising your children and creating a stable and peaceful family life and dynamic can be a prescription for a lot of these marriage's. My number one piece of advice for women who want to raise their own babies (just imagine that 🙄) is find a man who VALUES the well being of children and family over money and career. A man who values money too much will not value you if you’re not making it. That and if you’re able to have your own savings, and build a nest egg and live below your means before children.
the financial advice was much needed Cait THANK U SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!
no one talks about names being on accounts, life insurance, deeds, wills and what they can/cant spend.
I love your marriage SO MUCH!
made me realize how much of a mess my husband is for financially abusing me!
im still going to stay home but im going to bring in income and probably get a live in housekeeper so i can work fulltime but still be the only person raising my 2 children, baby & toddler
Caitlin I've always appreciated how intelligent and articulate you are! Even though I am not a "homemaker" I really relate to living a feminine life as a source of happiness, but sometimes the extreme homemaking community can really close other women off to opening their minds to a more feminine lifestyle.
This video was SO good. I've been watching your content for years and you've matured so much. I come from a community of solely homemakers, and with the changing times, these questions are important to know the answers to.
Caitlin, your intelligence just absolutely radiates in this video. Absolutely obsessed with this, thank you sxx
Thank you so much for posting this video! I have been following you for years because I had interest in the homemaking lifestyle, but the recent trends online kind of scared me away from the idea completely. I am so thankful you could give logical and practical advice about all of this. Again, thank you!!!
also I love your current haircut/style!!!
I absolutely love your content. I am a stay at home mom with 2 boys, and it can be very challenging, but it is definitely worth it.
A great asset to learn about is a Spousal IRA. This is something you can set up with your husband’s work or paycheck to automatically put money into an IRA account just like money might automatically go into an account for him.
You are the big sister I’ve never had. I didn’t even realize I was trying to take up less space until you said it and my husband doesn’t even encourage this but I’ve just been trying to do it! I love you! Thank you for your content!
This video made me dayyyyyyyy omg I was watching on my tv and I RAN to my phone to comment ilysm for addressing this🌷💕💕
This is why you are my favorite RUclipsr in the feminine space.😊 This video is so balanced and educative. I was really into femininity content in 2019/2020 but there was a shift in the content since then and it became so extreme that I could no longer relate to it. I desire to be a homemaker much later in the future and your videos have really helped me get there. Caitlin your voice is so necessary in this space. You bring balance and wisdom. May God keep blessing you! 😊🌻
a much needed video.. i love the sit down podcast type of mrs midwest content yesss
dont be afraid to make a podcast too!