I recently came to the realization that marriage isn’t hard - it’s the working on yourself part that’s really hard about marriage. When my husband and I are each working on our individual faults and following God, it’s so easy lol. I shared this with him and he agreed wholeheartedly.
I really agree with this!! I think so much of our personal experience in life is simply how we view what we’re going through. It really brings up the scripture about being content in all circumstances 😅
FINALLY someone else who thinks the whole “relationships are hard/a fight/ a struggle” idea is just exhausting! My husband and I have never fought or had to struggle to stay together, because we can talk about disagreements and communicate our needs without emotionally manipulating each other. Your marriage should be mostly harmonious, and it’s actually unhealthy to consider struggling healthy/normal. It doesn’t mean you will always agree or that you won’t face tough times. BUT you should never let resentment take seed, and never forget that the “struggle” should always be the two of you against the world. Not against each other.
Hi Jamie, you sound like someone I’d like to emulate if and when I will be married. My question is, I guess it is difficult for me to understand what is healthy and what is not because I come from a very harshly argumentative family. And the people I attract are usually very hard to communicate with. How do you understand if a person is a healthy communicator or not?
For those who need a screenshot. 1. Trying to be perfect when it comes to homemaking. Don't feel guilty for being a housewife. Let your partner help you and slow down. Never say "no" to your husband's help. It's a way of being vulnerable. 2. Value relaxation and independence.Don't let your life revolve around his life. Indulge in your hobbies to cut out resentment and have a life of your own where he can also "fit in". 3. He's not an angel where he can read your mind. It's healthy to state your needs rather than passive aggressively say things. Don't suppress your desires. It's human to have the desires. If you can't get over sth, then you need to bring it up. If you can't bring it up, then you need to get over it. Be honest without expectations knowing that he might not always agree with you about it. 4. Marriage is not just a duty and difficult. Think of marriage as a beautiful blessing. Have a gratitude journal. 5. Consider who you receive advice from. Look at marriages you admire and emulate that.
This is such a great video. I feel the need to be a perfect homemaker. I used to get upset when my husband would help me with chores. I would tell him that’s my job and I would feel like I wasn’t doing enough. I would go all day without eating and I was so worn out. I used to feel homemaker guilt but now I let my husband help me because it makes him happy. I know when we have children I will appreciate all the help he loves to give me. ❤
“Fighting the good fight” thing is so true. Everyone whose ever been married only told me the hard parts. Now I’m 20 and constantly pressuring my boyfriend so we can be “ready” for all the crap to come. (As if we’re preparing for war) Even though our lives are good right now. We’re having fun. And we should enjoy the present.
I'm 19 and getting married in 2 months and a lot of this resonated with me. I'm so glad I watched this because I could SO see myself falling into these habits.
Thank you!! I agree! I must feel more comfortable with the idea of an audience, but I think I'm also just more confident in what I'm actually saying 😅 LOL
amazing how much you have transformed as a human being from when you first started making content. your commitment to gaining wisdom is admirable...your family is lucky to have you in their lives. Being able to reflect on what you've learned and how far you come is not commonplace these days as everyone wants to be "right". I am a leftist and really progressive and not super religious but have always learned something from you. However, now more than ever I feel your content is very important for young women today regardless of their political leaning. Keep up the amazing work and reflections
You’re really really sweet for sticking around. I completely relate with you! I follow a lot of creators who are different than me because I just love listening to different flavors of people if you know what I mean 😅😅 and thank you. I really try to have a growth mindset. I’m not the same that I was even when I began my channel!! I think that girl thought she knew a lot more than she actually did 😂😭👀
I remember watching your channel a couple years back as an early teen and didnt really align with mrs midwests lifestyle of a 'traditional wife' as i was slightly tarnished by modern media. Now watching her i feel deeply grateful theres still women out here with traditional values. I hope you continue to make videos helping other women and young girls💗
So much YES on the whole "marriage is hard work!" thing! I have heard this so often, and I so could not relate that I actually went to my husband and asked him: "Do you think marriage is hard?" He looked at me with this puzzled/suspicious/slightly alarmed look on his face and said: "No..? Why?" Just checking 😅 In my opinion, when it comes to marriage, you ought to gain more than you give. It is not a thing you enter completely altruistically.
Yes I really feel like that mindset can be helpful to some people, but for me it just really made me feel dark and too intense about everything. Gratitude is much more uplifting for me! Enthusiasm and encouragement is how I get through tough times, not being intense 😅
This was great. I think love languages and allowing your husband to speak his love language to you freely is vital! I am by nature a very independent person, but thankfully I learned early on in my marriage that my husband’s love language is acts of service - he wants to serve me and prides himself in serving me. Accepting his help without nagging him with instructions on how to help me has been a game changer.
This is my first comment ever, and I've been here since almost day 1 of your channel. Seeing the progress and the change you went through these past 3 years literally blow my mind just how the Holy Spirit is working to make people realise their worth in life, in marriage, and as a homemaker and a mother. I went from university, to full time job, to part time job/part homemaker. And now I am pregnant with my first baby and I stay home full time. And the amount of domestic work my husband is putting into the household has increased by every single stage of my life. As I learned to just let go of the control and the need of being perfect in every part of being a woman, he could show me how passionate and careing he is about my mental health and my wellbeing. First trimester I was so tired that I could not even cook a full dinner without sleeping so he was there finishing "my job" and I was crying on the couch like "I failed him big time". And one time he stood in front of me and said "you know, I am so grateful for what you want to do at home, but please let me help you, because I do it gladly if that is taking some burden off of you." And I realised how crazy I was with my expectations about my "worth and my duty" as a finally full time homemaker. So true that children change your life. This baby already changed a lot in my perspective. Also high five for our emotionally and just generally more mature and stable husbands who constantly teach us and guide us.😊🙏 God bless you and your work here ❤️ Love, Dorka (from Hungary)
Dorka this comment is so relatable to me and I just wanted to thank you for supporting me from the beginning and being here through it all. It sounds like we’ve been on parallel journeys… I love that. It really is so humbling to accept help and realize we don’t need to do it all. Congratulations on your growing family!! ❤❤❤
Tip I’ve discovered: Getting caught up in a perfectionist mindset…I repeat in my mind over and over, “ 75% is good enough”. It helps me alleviate the stress and procrastination that can be debilitating with perfectionism. It has really helped me.
I'm only at mistake number three and oh ny goodness, I am guilty of all three! Almost two years into marriage with a one year old little boy. Marriage is wonderful and so much better than I imagined it to be. Growing up, I didn't have the best example and I even wondered if I wanted to be married because it just looked so unappealing. But the Lord was so gracious and gave me an amazing man who loves and cherishes me. We are also more traditional in our beliefs.. Thank you for sharing, Caitlyn... I realise I need to be more mindful of avoiding these mistakes to avoid resentment building. Blessings and love from South Africa
You are so wise! I felt the same way. Marriage seemed like being tethered to your enemy 😂 but how nice to be in it now and really enjoying it right? Proud of you! And don't worry. No one is perfect. Sometimes it just takes time and years for us to mature. I know I'll have more mistakes to report on in a year or so when I keep growing LOL
I loved your video and especially the part about resentment: "If you can't get over something then you need to bring it up and if you can't bring it up then you need to get over it."
My biggest mistake after 2 years of marriage would be complaining about my husband. Even with the intention of getting advice, its never good to air your dirty laundry. If you really need to talk to someone consider someone like a therapist or a religious counselor.
Can you please do another video on productivity and organizing your day? I rewatch your same one over and over again and I feel like you probably have some new tips!
Oh absolutely! That is so sweet you ask this because I remember that video not being very popular? It's so interesting how some videos really stick with certain people. I love that. Thank you for commenting and being here!
As a conservative woman, you're always been an inspiration for me, but especially this video hits home. I'm not married and haven't had a relationship yet, but I can still take so much from this video. Thank you so much for sharing these mistakes. And especially the first one hits close to home - I live alone, so I do all the housework myself because I pretty much have to, but I think I'd be the kind of person that does that in a relationship as well. I noticed that when Im visiting my parents over the weekend or over holidays, I pretty much do their housework for them. But I mean, the way I look at it: Your husband or partner fell in love with you, a person. He didn't fall in love with a robot, he fell in love with a person. So why try to be a robot at home that maybe extremely productive and does all the housework super efficiently but then have no energy left for other things of the relationship, like being emotional supportive when your partner needs it? At least that is how I see it - if he fell in love with a human person and is accepting of all your positive and negative sides, fell in love with the good and bad aspects of you, than the best you can do is be a human and not be a robot. Hope that made any sense at all! English isn't my native language, but I still wanted to take the time and comment this, since again, your such an inspiration for me. I cannot wait to meet my person and hopefully have a lifestyle similar to yours. Until then, I love watching your videos in preparation! Greetings from a fan from Germany!
I started reading the empowered wife because you talked so much about it. At first I was a bit sceptical, the explanations in this book sound pretty conservative and sexist. But the more i think about it the more I see, that all the skills can be also explained by a more modern approach. My boyfriend an I used to get into these tiny micro-discoussions that were ment to be funny multiple times a day and it had started to really annoy me. Thanks to the book I realised, that I never told him how smart he was. And boy does it feel like this one tip transformed our entire relationship and brought so much more. Now he does everything for me. Usally I get to do my yoga and take baths while he is doing all the chores. He does or says something that makes my day every single day. And most importantly it soo peaceful, no more fightig or even "joke-fightig" 🥰
Been following you for about 4 years now and I just genuinely love your perspective on so many different topics. I always walk away from your videos wanting to improve myself and my marriage! I appreciate you SO much💖
Ohh!! Caitlin I think it’s beautiful you have come so far with accepting help, and sharing your perspective about your husband being there for you and Bodie when you needed it the most. I really appreciate your honesty with your audience, and bringing up difficult topics like accepting help, feeling resentful despite loving the person, and being kind and forgiving to yourself.
Thank you a Samantha!!! You’re so sweet. It’s a little awkward to make a video about your faults but it needs to be talked about. I used to worry that accepting help would make me seem lazy to other homemakers but now I’m just beyond trying to impress everyone because I’m honestly not that impressive 😂
That’s very understandable, it takes a lot of courage to get out of your comfort zone. I have a feeling a lot of women feel the same way you don’t (like me!) and need just a bit of encouragement. That’s one of the reasons I love your channel, embracing being a being a woman and the sisterhood can be so uplifting. ❤
I’m almost at 1 1/2 years of marriage and I’m so grateful to hear that accepting help does not make me a bad wife or lacking homemaker. It’s really pervasive and damaging. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, this is advice I would’ve so benefited to hear as a newlywed!!! 💕
You are so wonderful to learn this early in your marriage!!!! I’m so proud of you. You’re not a bad homemaker at all. We don’t all need to be superwoman and that’s totally okay 😊
I love your wisdom and how you convey it in such an articulate and uplifting way. I've been following you since early 2019 and you've been such a positive influence all along the way! 🌸
Thank you Aimee that means so much 😊 especially with my hiatus’s and breaks… to have supporters for so long like yourself, it’s such an encouragement. And thank you!! I think I need to brush up on my public speaking because I keep forgetting words when I’m speaking 😂
So wonderful how vulnerable you are willing to be - it reaches those of us who wonder if we are the only ones who have a particular struggle. Thank you! I think we wives feel our husbands should meet our needs without us expressing them, because we think asking makes the deed less genuine. It didn't come naturally to him. Because a part of the desire is not the actual thing or act, but us wanting him to spontaneously do it out of an overflow of his love. But it is better to ask than have resentment. Also when we ask, we discover the wonder of having a man who desires to make us happy and will do what he can to attain that goal. Which is what we wanted in the first place, except it's possibly better because it clearly brings him such satisfaction to bless his wife and hear her desires. (As long as she makes them clear and attainable, and not a source of frustration)
I just started reading The Empowered Wife and it’s amazing!! Love the podcast too. So encouraging to hear your perspective on it, especially as a fellow Christian wife. Thank you for sharing your struggles, I relate to a lot of them! God bless ❤️
I cannot imagine complaining about your husband coming home and washing the dishes. I am mind blown. If anything I would feel a little bit guilty, but very thankful.
This is my second time watching this because it’s just that good. I watched this for the first time last week and I feel like me AND my marriage have changed already by implementing the advice you have given. I can relate to every single “mistake” you’ve made & I am so grateful for this advice because it has changed me for the better!!!
I've definitely struggled with the first three! Once I became a homemaker I felt like I needed to be perfect and never need help from my husband. I'm still trying to relinquish control and accept help. I really need to read the Empowered Wife! The podcast is great.
My advice from being in a long term relationship (almost 6 years). Nourish your friendship besides your romance. Friendship with your partner is so important in every aspect, it makes the bond between each other so strong and it’s such a deep connection. Also don’t forget that you are in individual, embrace your opinion and interests. Be an individual while being a unity. It’s what I love so much about my partner and it also gives so much respect for the other person. 💕
I'm not married yet but I've been with my boyfriend for almost 10 years in a committed relationship (We're childhood sweethearts) and this was so helpful! I deeply appreciate your work Caitlin! I'm hoping to leave my last demons and shadows behind until we're getting married.
Wow, I didn't watch a video of you in about two years and you changed so so much. I really liked you then, but I'm so impressed how you are speaking now 😍 such a real and honest and surely for many people helpful video. Thank you for that ❤️
Υou have grown so much. And I am so agreed with you in this video as a young wife almost six years of marriage and a homemaker, also mother to be. It is healthy and mature your address openly your mistakes and how you changed your mind in some aspects. Thanks so much for sharing
Stating my wants and needs is something I’m working on with my boyfriend. He told me he plans on proposing soon so it’s good to learn this before marriage.
I’m 14 weeks pregnant, working part time, and my husband just started the fire academy. This video was like a chilled iced tea on a hot summers day 💗💗💗 the biggest theme of this year for me is ASK FOR HELP. Ask my husband. Accept his help. Ask my friends. My family. GOD. Everyone. Life is meant to be done together, the highs and lows. This lone wolf mentality is a modern monstrosity. (I’m clearly dreaming of summer cause it’s snowing over here 😭)
I usually never comment on videos but this is my favorite video! It’s so real and your advice is so helpful for so many of us! Please do more of these. Thank you!
One of my mistakes early on was having a selfish attitude with money - something I’ve grown from a lot and still work on. I def had to find balance in this respect. I feel so much of what you said comes back to balance - balance is so underrated and unspoken of in the more trad marriage corners. Love from Chicago 🌸
We have such a similar timeline as far as childhood/family issues, life, marriage and children. So I feel like I have always heavily related. I’ve been following since 2019 and I love seeing how much you and your channel are growing and evolving! It’s cool because it feels like I am doing the same along with it as I’m going through similar things and realizations ❤️
For #2, I have never related to anything more! It feels so nice to hear that I'm not alone and to know that there are healthy and productive ways that I can combat this! Thanks for your advice and for sharing your feelings so authentically! 💗
im not married i dont really think i will ever get there and i dont really want to BUT your walks inspired me so much. the moment i come home from work i go out with my dog. i no longer just sit around and just scroll on my phone
I love this video so much, I’ve been in a relationship for almost 10 years and engaged for 2 years. I think we had a very similar experience of being the perfect woman to the point I got resentful. I 100% agree with everything you said and think this video will help so many women and relationships/marriage. Your children are so lucky to have a mum like you (and your husband also sounds like an amazing father).
Great video! I find that as long as you both agree, you don't necessarily have to accomplish all the things in a day that the typical housewife does. I have a one year old and keeping her happy and fed (currently cooking my way through a baby cook book) takes up all my time. If I'm lucky, I get to eat proper food too. So we make dinner together and there is zero expectation that I do it on my own. Same goes for chores, f.e. I get to deep clean when baby is out on a walk with someone else. As long as it works, that's good enough. You are not a robot, and nobody needs you to be.
Thank you for sharing your experience! Currently in year 1 of marriage, staying home, and I can say this type of advice has really helped us stay healthy and happy together. So glad there are lovely ladies like you putting content out there. 😊❤️ God bless you!
I'm not Christian or a stay at home wife/mother, but I have been married for just over a year, and we've shared a home for three now. I had no idea the challenge it is to bring together two separate families and create a new one. It's comforting to see that it can be a challenge or a process for most young couples regardless of their background. I love your content, thank you for what you do!
this video is really helping me do a lot of self reflection on my own marriage. I admire and look up to you a lot because I feel we have similar values, similar lifestyle, and our husbands are in the same profession as well. so thanks for sharing!
If you want more support with communication, the book Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg has been absolutely instrumental in my marriage. We practice it constantly and it helps so much, especially when we’re both super busy and don’t have much time to communicate in general. Instead of resenting me for rambling on about chores that need to be done or financial concerns or whatever, he can just say “honey I’m feeling extremely tired and need some quiet time to just cuddle with you. Can we talk about this tomorrow morning?” Then I can acknowledge his need for quiet and peace at the moment, while knowing mine (being reassured that chores will get done and we won’t starve or whatever) will be met too. It is so important to communicate and express your needs and desires to your partner in a way they will understand and hear.
Wow thank you so much for taking the time to write this insightful recommendation for us. I haven’t heard of this book before. Fabulous addition to the book suggestion list!! 🎉🎉
I think *some marriages* are really hard. I think about some of the guys I could’ve married and how hard my life could’ve been because of their character flaws or our mismatched personalities. However, I waited for a wonderful man who treats me well and so far, marriage is easier than being single in many ways.
Hey Mrs. Midwest! I'm definitely far away from a trad wife as I am a lesbian and do live a very modern lifestyle. However, me and my partner do keep traditional portions in our lives as we are Hispanic and that's just part of the culture. I like to expand my life by watching other people's lifestyles and learn from them. This was very inspiring and a lot of parts you expressed have open something within me. I even cried with you! I just want to thank you for being vulnerable on screen as that is so difficult to do. I absolutely love the part where you talked about asking for help and opening yourself to vulnerability. That is something I struggled with for a while. You are inspiring to a lot of people. Thank you for who you are.
I did have some advice to give. Don't forget your reason why! I think when you get wrapped up in the duties that you have within your home, in life and within yourself it's easy to forget. A dutiful mind can take away from the sweetness that you wish to cultivate in your heart and in your relationship. I think that's why it's important to slow down. I am working on trying not to be such a ambitious and goal-oriented person because although I am hitting certain pinnacles of success in my life, it's causing me to miss the journey on my way there. The reason why we even clean our homes is to fully enjoy our home to it's fullest. But, when we get obsessed with to-do lists, we see it as this burdensome practice. In actuality, I think we could fully enjoy the process of cleaning. I do this because acts of service is my my love language. Because it's a gift to my partner when she comes home from her labor job. Because it improves our lifestyle. And... this can manifest in different ways. My life with my partner has really highlighted this element.
i really love your videos even though im an engaged woman in the military. i definitely struggle with accepting his help. but its definitely healthier and ive seen how much happier we are when im not trying to do it all lol. much love from illinois!
Love this Caitlin. We're coming up on our first anniversary, with a wee baby, trying to get a busines off the ground. man, I think alot of what I've struggled with is feeling guilty for spending money on more frivolous things, or makibg condescending remarks when my husband does. I worry too much about money, and not enough time planning how to be wise with it. Learning to let go. Trust God. Trust that husband will work hard and be able to provide for our family. ❤
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼I feel like the first two points are lessons I recently learned in the last month. I finally asked my husband to take our daughter so I could have a long relaxing bath. Total attitude shift. Now I have regular “me time” and it helps reset me.. and cut out my resentful thoughts- I was so angry that he got time to himself and I never had a minute away from my baby.
number 2 and number 5 are the two I needed to hear!! so thank you! not revolving all my needs around my husband and allowing us both our own free time with out feeling resentful is definitely something I need to work on.
I’ve been married for almost a year now, and just had our first baby and I’m so grateful for your content! I honestly don’t think marriage is hard, it’s not looking at our own actions and behaviors that makes marriage difficult.
I love the content. The pyama looks so cozy and just relaxed. I think we dont always have to be put perfektly together All the time. Thanks for taking the time to make that Video
Thank you so much for all of your videos! I am newly engaged but have been taking and applying your femininity advice to my life leading up to meeting my now future husband :) It has been literally life-changing.
Personally I find myself to be angry with how women nowadays are forced to work.Forced by an economic system that needs two incomes for a household. My grandma CHOSE to work because she was bored at home and wanted to pursue a career.That to me is THE dream!I hate feeling guilty because I stay at home,while my partner works in a place he doesn‘t even like.We live in Italy and he has a rare stable job.I am studying for my finals at uni and helping out there as a tutor.The siblings of my partner all have a stable job and pay the bills with their partners and I hate feeling guilty because I am different.Sometimes I say things like“sorry if I didn‘t vacuum today“and my partner is surprised,because he loves to help.I feel there is this kind of silent agreement that if a woman doesn‘t work(which to me is absolutely FINE)she tends to want to be a perfect homemaker.I completely understand this.
I agree with making sure you’re considering the source. Tik tok was horrible. I would see content that I might have related to but put too much focus on the negative aspects of my overall happy marriage. I since deleted tik tok not just because of this but I already feel better.
These tips are so helpful. My life used to be super revolved around my husband. Especially at the beginning of our marriage when we were both working - him full time and me part time. I felt like I always had to be home and available to him 100% of the time and always felt rushed and never at true peace. I have been a SAHM for a year now this February. We bought and moved into our home in January then February and immediately had our first son. I have learned that my husband doesn’t have to like everything I like and vice versa and so alternatively we can communicate that. That doesn’t mean not ever doing what we don’t like for the happiness of each other but if I want to go on a walk and he doesn’t it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me or likes to not spend time with me. However sharing that sometimes I would like him to join me if he has the energy for it but that I understand that he doesn’t want to today and then I leave it to him - then if he wants to join in the future because he knows my desire of him joining me it’s his decision and not me forcing him or him resenting me and vice versa. I grew up feeling like sharing our wants and needs was manipulative and toxic but it’s not. It’s simple communication because my husband doesn’t know what I want or need all the time. That’s such a false ideology. Especially because we change!! I so agree that there’s a difficulty as two separate people living as one. I just thought our brains like merged once we got married 😂 why I thought that was even remotely possible is beyond me. I too grew up in a pretty toxic and manipulative household and it’s been hard changing my thoughts around marriage and difficulties that aren’t really difficulties within marriage. There is just so much negativity around marriage in our society. From people hating marriage and the union of marriage and people that have bad marriages. I 100% agree on your last mistake! And I think it’s important to take that into consideration in regards to all forms of advice!!!! Don’t take advice from those who’s lives you don’t admire yourself.
this video is SO IMPORTANT! 💕 It takes so much courage and vulnerability to talk about some of these things, that many of us feel but don't admit. Thank you Mrs Midwest 🥰
Hiii Caitlin!! 💖 I just watched this video and HAD to post! I was watching your RUclips vides a few years ago before I was married (and LOVED them then!) and now I have just started watching your channel again (and i am now 2 yrs married with a 1yr old Son and 6months pregnant with our baby Girl 🤩🥳) and I have to say your videos and content ALWAYS bless me SOOOOO much!! 🥹🙏🏼 I love your relationship with Jesus 😍 your passion to learn, practice and teach about Biblical Femininity and the absolute JOY we get to experience of being a Woman, Wife, Mother and Home-maker 👠💃🏽🌺 I want to thank you SO much for making this video - because i totally relate to every point you made 😅🤭 I've really struggled with receiving/asking for help when i need it, expressing my thoughts/feelings and needs/desires... But praise God I am learning and growing, trying to tank mysef up on lots of Biblical content on these topics, and watching your video today has blessed, encouraged and inspired me SO much! THANK YOU for following your heart and making these super precious, helpful and inspiring videos! Jesus bless you Sweet Lady 😘 xoxo
You're so sweet to send the love. I definitely try extra hardwith my video recording makeup and hair looks because I want to present well to all of you, so I'm glad you notice LOL! And thank you for the support. I really feel like my "advice" isn't much different from a lot of other wives, but I'm still so eager to share it with you guys!
I worked until I had my first child and decided to take on home maker wife and new mom role of perfection. After 2 years of no help I burnt out. Really bad. It resulted in unhappiness in myself and the marriage and very clingy child who was unable to self soothe. I don't regret any of it but now I am a woman of many aspects of letting people help me and I love it. Not only do men like being our heros but women have different hormones and can't do what men can do in a day without consequences. Tracking and saying oh they work and do house chores and baby etc is us wanting to feel even but we aren't even because we were created more delicate and with different hormones. Now I even rest when I have my cycle and let my husband understand he can pick up the slack. Great video! Waiting on your weight loss video!
It happened the same to me with my baby. I felt so ashamed of telling the doctor to clean the baby right away and check her because I had an urgent C section and her heart beats were getting weaker while I was waiting for the drugs to expand down there, but it never happened. The doctor's eyes made me feel horrible, and all I needed was someone to help me out in that situation. Guilt is the mother of all negative emotions for sure. I love this video so much. Thank you for sharing those private things with us ❤️💕💗
One of my mistakes is the opposite, I ask for help TOO much! I think it comes from childhood trauma, yada yada. Your videos always me to be more confident in my role as a wife and that I can do things! Thank you!
I loved this video so much, this is amazing advice thank you so much for sharing. Unfortunately I grew up with a father that has that mindset “married women shouldn’t leave the house at least they’re being accompanied by their husbands” In my culture that’s way more normal than others but it’s such a shame that we still have people passing that thought into younger generations like the forums you mentioned.
This video is so helpful. I just got married 3 months ago and this advice is very beneficial. I know my husband loves to fulfill my desires and help me out. It makes him sooo happy when I'm in a good mood and thankful.
I’ve been married for about a year and a half and used to stay at home because I’ve always wanted to be a homemaker. Recently I’ve had to get a full time job to support what my husband and I want to do and at first, the hardest thing for me- that I didn’t even realize was a problem for me- was letting my husband help me. I got upset when he folded laundry or did the dishes or told me to sit down while he made dinner. But now that we’ve both been working, I HAVE to rely on him more, and honestly, we have become such better friends and there’s so much more trust in our marriage. Plus, he loves helping me and making my life easier. I don’t want to always work a full time job, but the Lord has used this in so many amazing ways and I’m so thankful. Thank you for sharing your story, I totally relate with the desire to do everything perfectly and not accept help, but God’s working on that and I’m already so much more free and thankful. ❤
Ah! Now if only my husband would offer me help. 🤣 Lol! I read the Empowered Wife and while i thought it was a good book, I didn’t get a whole lot of good advice for my own marriage in it. I’m naturally submissive and happy to follow, so much so that my husband asks me to provide more input and to care more. He also asks me to ‘nag’ him about stuff because he forgets easily. The only thing I will say I got out of it was learning to say what I want. Im so laid back most of the time that even when I do want something, I just end up thinking, well it’s not that big of a deal. 😅 I’m trying to learn to speak up more.
I cant express how common these are but never really hear others express it and help to deal with it... Thank you so much for sharing and opening up about all 5 of these...so thankful for the wisdom :)
I've only been married 5 months but one of the worst things I do is get angry. My husband can be difficult at times (he's brutally honest for example) but we need to learn to compromise and find a middle ground. At the end of the day we always do though and I'm blessed that I have a Christian husband who is also trying to better himself.
So many great tips! Can you make an advice video for women who have not-so-responsive husbands? For example, men that don’t offer to help, don’t communicate well, etc. I know there are plenty of Christian women who have husbands that are not very helpful or intentional as they thought would be.
Anecdotally, I'm seeing a massive increase all over social media of young women becoming stay-at-home-mothers, wives, and even just stay at home girlfriends. The attractiveness level of these women is significantly above average, too. Seems like the best women are locking down high-quality men who are good providers and choosing this lifestyle. They make a lot of content on Tik Tok and Insta, and often become mommy influencers. The mommy influencer circuit on social media is getting enormous. Becoming a huge trend, and it's a beautiful thing.
A large mistake I made was thinking ADHD was not real marrying my husband and realizing it is in fact very real and we had to do a lot!!!! Of work. ADHD usually results in a 3 times more likely case for divorce. He had to go on medication and we both had to take steps to bettering ourselves and our marriage. A book that saved our marriage because we both finally understood each other and what ADHD does is The Adhd effect on marriage. We are now finally feeling like we can breathe. If you or someone you know has ADHD or you suspect I highly recommend reading this book but try not to diagnose them. You will learn how to potentially bring it up to your loved one through reading this book. Hope this helps.
Love love love this advice!! So many women need this. A lot of the things you talk about here I had to learn in my marriage too including overcoming some of the mindsets. Thank you for sharing!!!
amazing video with seriously hard hitting advice. i really feel like this was beneficial for me to watch especially with our first baby arriving next month. Even when i got pregnant i felt bad for not doing this or that. but truly my husband does love to be my superhero and takes so much away in a good way from helping me when i need. we shouldn’t take away from our softness and vulnerability which is so key to tap into as women. Excellent video cait thank you
"Don't take advice from people who have a marriage you don't want." Pretty solid advice.
So simple I don’t know why I didn’t realize it sooner 😂
Absolutely. What the kids might call a moment of 'duh'.
Yes, the same for any life advice.
@@MrsMidwest May I ask who you take advice from?
But that’s like saying - I don’t take advice from Jesus because he has a life full of sacrifice and i would rather have fun than to suffer & endure
My wife and I (with 4 kids) like this saying:
"Exhaustion is not a badge of honour".
I recently came to the realization that marriage isn’t hard - it’s the working on yourself part that’s really hard about marriage. When my husband and I are each working on our individual faults and following God, it’s so easy lol. I shared this with him and he agreed wholeheartedly.
100%. The hard work is between you and God!
♥️
I really agree with this!! I think so much of our personal experience in life is simply how we view what we’re going through. It really brings up the scripture about being content in all circumstances 😅
This is so well worded. I appreciate it
That's really encouraging
FINALLY someone else who thinks the whole “relationships are hard/a fight/ a struggle” idea is just exhausting! My husband and I have never fought or had to struggle to stay together, because we can talk about disagreements and communicate our needs without emotionally manipulating each other. Your marriage should be mostly harmonious, and it’s actually unhealthy to consider struggling healthy/normal. It doesn’t mean you will always agree or that you won’t face tough times. BUT you should never let resentment take seed, and never forget that the “struggle” should always be the two of you against the world. Not against each other.
Wow. That's really wise! Thank you!
Hi Jamie, you sound like someone I’d like to emulate if and when I will be married. My question is, I guess it is difficult for me to understand what is healthy and what is not because I come from a very harshly argumentative family. And the people I attract are usually very hard to communicate with. How do you understand if a person is a healthy communicator or not?
For those who need a screenshot.
1. Trying to be perfect when it comes to homemaking. Don't feel guilty for being a housewife. Let your partner help you and slow down.
Never say "no" to your husband's help. It's a way of being vulnerable.
2. Value relaxation and independence.Don't let your life revolve around his life. Indulge in your hobbies to cut out resentment and have a life of your own where he can also "fit in".
3. He's not an angel where he can read your mind. It's healthy to state your needs rather than passive aggressively say things. Don't suppress your desires. It's human to have the desires.
If you can't get over sth, then you need to bring it up. If you can't bring it up, then you need to get over it.
Be honest without expectations knowing that he might not always agree with you about it.
4. Marriage is not just a duty and difficult. Think of marriage as a beautiful blessing. Have a gratitude journal.
5. Consider who you receive advice from. Look at marriages you admire and emulate that.
Thankyou 😊
“How much your husband loves to be your hero…” enough said. That is the absolute truth ❤️
Yes! 🎉🎉🎉
This is such a great video. I feel the need to be a perfect homemaker. I used to get upset when my husband would help me with chores. I would tell him that’s my job and I would feel like I wasn’t doing enough. I would go all day without eating and I was so worn out. I used to feel homemaker guilt but now I let my husband help me because it makes him happy. I know when we have children I will appreciate all the help he loves to give me. ❤
Please accept all the help he can give you when your future babies are newborns!!! It's a 2+ person job!
I’m 40 with three kids and only wish I’d learned these things as early as you have. This is wonderful advice!
Oh I'm sure you have wisdom you could share with me too! That's what I love about being here online with all of you :) Thank you for watching !
@@MrsMidwest ♥️
I just turned 20, and as I enter adulthood I am so grateful to have a role model like you ❤
You’re so sweet. I completely relate! I love following older ladies. I glean so much from their experiences 😊
“Fighting the good fight” thing is so true. Everyone whose ever been married only told me the hard parts. Now I’m 20 and constantly pressuring my boyfriend so we can be “ready” for all the crap to come. (As if we’re preparing for war)
Even though our lives are good right now. We’re having fun. And we should enjoy the present.
I'm 19 and getting married in 2 months and a lot of this resonated with me. I'm so glad I watched this because I could SO see myself falling into these habits.
Congratulations my dear!!! Be patient with yourself as you grow. No one is perfect 😊
You seem so much more comfortable and authentic in your videos now compared to 3 years ago! YASSS GROWTH! I love it!!
Thank you!! I agree! I must feel more comfortable with the idea of an audience, but I think I'm also just more confident in what I'm actually saying 😅 LOL
Motherhood is so transformative! I love your channel. Thank you for your content. It is helping marriages and lives everywhere.
amazing how much you have transformed as a human being from when you first started making content. your commitment to gaining wisdom is admirable...your family is lucky to have you in their lives. Being able to reflect on what you've learned and how far you come is not commonplace these days as everyone wants to be "right". I am a leftist and really progressive and not super religious but have always learned something from you. However, now more than ever I feel your content is very important for young women today regardless of their political leaning. Keep up the amazing work and reflections
You’re really really sweet for sticking around. I completely relate with you! I follow a lot of creators who are different than me because I just love listening to different flavors of people if you know what I mean 😅😅 and thank you. I really try to have a growth mindset. I’m not the same that I was even when I began my channel!! I think that girl thought she knew a lot more than she actually did 😂😭👀
Admitting these mistakes makes me have even more respect for you and what you are doing to help women in modern society. Thank you for your work.
I remember watching your channel a couple years back as an early teen and didnt really align with mrs midwests lifestyle of a 'traditional wife' as i was slightly tarnished by modern media. Now watching her i feel deeply grateful theres still women out here with traditional values. I hope you continue to make videos helping other women and young girls💗
So much YES on the whole "marriage is hard work!" thing! I have heard this so often, and I so could not relate that I actually went to my husband and asked him: "Do you think marriage is hard?" He looked at me with this puzzled/suspicious/slightly alarmed look on his face and said: "No..? Why?" Just checking 😅 In my opinion, when it comes to marriage, you ought to gain more than you give. It is not a thing you enter completely altruistically.
Yes I really feel like that mindset can be helpful to some people, but for me it just really made me feel dark and too intense about everything. Gratitude is much more uplifting for me! Enthusiasm and encouragement is how I get through tough times, not being intense 😅
Yes! It was hard for me to accept my husband’s help in the beginning. Now we’re 4 kids and 8 years in and I definitely love his help
yessss. i needed that motherhood level to humble me :)
@@MrsMidwest and it really does help him bond and feel included in our world of Home
This was great. I think love languages and allowing your husband to speak his love language to you freely is vital! I am by nature a very independent person, but thankfully I learned early on in my marriage that my husband’s love language is acts of service - he wants to serve me and prides himself in serving me. Accepting his help without nagging him with instructions on how to help me has been a game changer.
Fabulous advice that I totally missed!!! Love this comment. Thank you for pointing it out :)
This is my first comment ever, and I've been here since almost day 1 of your channel. Seeing the progress and the change you went through these past 3 years literally blow my mind just how the Holy Spirit is working to make people realise their worth in life, in marriage, and as a homemaker and a mother. I went from university, to full time job, to part time job/part homemaker. And now I am pregnant with my first baby and I stay home full time. And the amount of domestic work my husband is putting into the household has increased by every single stage of my life. As I learned to just let go of the control and the need of being perfect in every part of being a woman, he could show me how passionate and careing he is about my mental health and my wellbeing. First trimester I was so tired that I could not even cook a full dinner without sleeping so he was there finishing "my job" and I was crying on the couch like "I failed him big time". And one time he stood in front of me and said "you know, I am so grateful for what you want to do at home, but please let me help you, because I do it gladly if that is taking some burden off of you." And I realised how crazy I was with my expectations about my "worth and my duty" as a finally full time homemaker. So true that children change your life. This baby already changed a lot in my perspective.
Also high five for our emotionally and just generally more mature and stable husbands who constantly teach us and guide us.😊🙏
God bless you and your work here ❤️
Love,
Dorka (from Hungary)
Dorka this comment is so relatable to me and I just wanted to thank you for supporting me from the beginning and being here through it all. It sounds like we’ve been on parallel journeys… I love that. It really is so humbling to accept help and realize we don’t need to do it all. Congratulations on your growing family!! ❤❤❤
Tip I’ve discovered: Getting caught up in a perfectionist mindset…I repeat in my mind over and over, “ 75% is good enough”.
It helps me alleviate the stress and procrastination that can be debilitating with perfectionism. It has really helped me.
I'm only at mistake number three and oh ny goodness, I am guilty of all three! Almost two years into marriage with a one year old little boy. Marriage is wonderful and so much better than I imagined it to be. Growing up, I didn't have the best example and I even wondered if I wanted to be married because it just looked so unappealing. But the Lord was so gracious and gave me an amazing man who loves and cherishes me. We are also more traditional in our beliefs..
Thank you for sharing, Caitlyn... I realise I need to be more mindful of avoiding these mistakes to avoid resentment building.
Blessings and love from South Africa
You are so wise! I felt the same way. Marriage seemed like being tethered to your enemy 😂 but how nice to be in it now and really enjoying it right? Proud of you! And don't worry. No one is perfect. Sometimes it just takes time and years for us to mature. I know I'll have more mistakes to report on in a year or so when I keep growing LOL
The beginning part 🥺 that really hit home for me. Trying to prove our value to the world. It’s exhausting.
*quickly grabs a pen to take notes for when I get married*
Happy to see you posting more regularly! Wishing you and your family the best! 💕
Yes! I hope to keep up this flow. Thank you for the love my friend
I loved your video and especially the part about resentment: "If you can't get over something then you need to bring it up and if you can't bring it up then you need to get over it."
My biggest mistake after 2 years of marriage would be complaining about my husband. Even with the intention of getting advice, its never good to air your dirty laundry. If you really need to talk to someone consider someone like a therapist or a religious counselor.
Oh this one😢 I’ve definitely done this
Can you please do another video on productivity and organizing your day? I rewatch your same one over and over again and I feel like you probably have some new tips!
Oh absolutely! That is so sweet you ask this because I remember that video not being very popular? It's so interesting how some videos really stick with certain people. I love that. Thank you for commenting and being here!
As a conservative woman, you're always been an inspiration for me, but especially this video hits home. I'm not married and haven't had a relationship yet, but I can still take so much from this video. Thank you so much for sharing these mistakes.
And especially the first one hits close to home - I live alone, so I do all the housework myself because I pretty much have to, but I think I'd be the kind of person that does that in a relationship as well. I noticed that when Im visiting my parents over the weekend or over holidays, I pretty much do their housework for them. But I mean, the way I look at it: Your husband or partner fell in love with you, a person. He didn't fall in love with a robot, he fell in love with a person. So why try to be a robot at home that maybe extremely productive and does all the housework super efficiently but then have no energy left for other things of the relationship, like being emotional supportive when your partner needs it? At least that is how I see it - if he fell in love with a human person and is accepting of all your positive and negative sides, fell in love with the good and bad aspects of you, than the best you can do is be a human and not be a robot.
Hope that made any sense at all! English isn't my native language, but I still wanted to take the time and comment this, since again, your such an inspiration for me. I cannot wait to meet my person and hopefully have a lifestyle similar to yours. Until then, I love watching your videos in preparation! Greetings from a fan from Germany!
I really appreciate your comment! And your English is very good! Greetings from USA :)
I started reading the empowered wife because you talked so much about it. At first I was a bit sceptical, the explanations in this book sound pretty conservative and sexist. But the more i think about it the more I see, that all the skills can be also explained by a more modern approach. My boyfriend an I used to get into these tiny micro-discoussions that were ment to be funny multiple times a day and it had started to really annoy me. Thanks to the book I realised, that I never told him how smart he was. And boy does it feel like this one tip transformed our entire relationship and brought so much more. Now he does everything for me. Usally I get to do my yoga and take baths while he is doing all the chores. He does or says something that makes my day every single day. And most importantly it soo peaceful, no more fightig or even "joke-fightig" 🥰
Been following you for about 4 years now and I just genuinely love your perspective on so many different topics. I always walk away from your videos wanting to improve myself and my marriage! I appreciate you SO much💖
Ohh!! Caitlin I think it’s beautiful you have come so far with accepting help, and sharing your perspective about your husband being there for you and Bodie when you needed it the most. I really appreciate your honesty with your audience, and bringing up difficult topics like accepting help, feeling resentful despite loving the person, and being kind and forgiving to yourself.
Thank you a Samantha!!! You’re so sweet. It’s a little awkward to make a video about your faults but it needs to be talked about. I used to worry that accepting help would make me seem lazy to other homemakers but now I’m just beyond trying to impress everyone because I’m honestly not that impressive 😂
That’s very understandable, it takes a lot of courage to get out of your comfort zone. I have a feeling a lot of women feel the same way you don’t (like me!) and need just a bit of encouragement. That’s one of the reasons I love your channel, embracing being a being a woman and the sisterhood can be so uplifting. ❤
I’m almost at 1 1/2 years of marriage and I’m so grateful to hear that accepting help does not make me a bad wife or lacking homemaker. It’s really pervasive and damaging. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, this is advice I would’ve so benefited to hear as a newlywed!!! 💕
You are so wonderful to learn this early in your marriage!!!! I’m so proud of you. You’re not a bad homemaker at all. We don’t all need to be superwoman and that’s totally okay 😊
❤️Much love from Central Indiana❤️
I love your wisdom and how you convey it in such an articulate and uplifting way. I've been following you since early 2019 and you've been such a positive influence all along the way! 🌸
Thank you Aimee that means so much 😊 especially with my hiatus’s and breaks… to have supporters for so long like yourself, it’s such an encouragement. And thank you!! I think I need to brush up on my public speaking because I keep forgetting words when I’m speaking 😂
So wonderful how vulnerable you are willing to be - it reaches those of us who wonder if we are the only ones who have a particular struggle. Thank you!
I think we wives feel our husbands should meet our needs without us expressing them, because we think asking makes the deed less genuine. It didn't come naturally to him. Because a part of the desire is not the actual thing or act, but us wanting him to spontaneously do it out of an overflow of his love. But it is better to ask than have resentment. Also when we ask, we discover the wonder of having a man who desires to make us happy and will do what he can to attain that goal. Which is what we wanted in the first place, except it's possibly better because it clearly brings him such satisfaction to bless his wife and hear her desires. (As long as she makes them clear and attainable, and not a source of frustration)
I just started reading The Empowered Wife and it’s amazing!! Love the podcast too. So encouraging to hear your perspective on it, especially as a fellow Christian wife. Thank you for sharing your struggles, I relate to a lot of them! God bless ❤️
Yes the book on its own wasn’t super special to me. It was the testimonies that made me realize how effective the skills were!!! 😊
I cannot imagine complaining about your husband coming home and washing the dishes. I am mind blown. If anything I would feel a little bit guilty, but very thankful.
This is my second time watching this because it’s just that good. I watched this for the first time last week and I feel like me AND my marriage have changed already by implementing the advice you have given. I can relate to every single “mistake” you’ve made & I am so grateful for this advice because it has changed me for the better!!!
I've definitely struggled with the first three! Once I became a homemaker I felt like I needed to be perfect and never need help from my husband. I'm still trying to relinquish control and accept help. I really need to read the Empowered Wife! The podcast is great.
Control is the word I was missing in this video! You nailed it. It really comes down to a desire to control... our image, our future... so insightful!
My advice from being in a long term relationship (almost 6 years). Nourish your friendship besides your romance. Friendship with your partner is so important in every aspect, it makes the bond between each other so strong and it’s such a deep connection. Also don’t forget that you are in individual, embrace your opinion and interests. Be an individual while being a unity. It’s what I love so much about my partner and it also gives so much respect for the other person. 💕
I'm not married yet but I've been with my boyfriend for almost 10 years in a committed relationship (We're childhood sweethearts) and this was so helpful! I deeply appreciate your work Caitlin! I'm hoping to leave my last demons and shadows behind until we're getting married.
Awh how cute!!! That’s longer than me and hubby have been together. It’s so cool you’re working on growing in your relationship 😊
Wow, I didn't watch a video of you in about two years and you changed so so much. I really liked you then, but I'm so impressed how you are speaking now 😍 such a real and honest and surely for many people helpful video. Thank you for that ❤️
Υou have grown so much. And I am so agreed with you in this video as a young wife almost six years of marriage and a homemaker, also mother to be. It is healthy and mature your address openly your mistakes and how you changed your mind in some aspects. Thanks so much for sharing
Stating my wants and needs is something I’m working on with my boyfriend. He told me he plans on proposing soon so it’s good to learn this before marriage.
It’s a tough one!! Because you won’t always get what you want just because you say it loud, so it makes you really vulnerable 😅
@@MrsMidwest it really does but it deepens communication with each other.
thx for talking about your past, lots of us come from bad households as kids. great to see how you are creating something different!
I’m 14 weeks pregnant, working part time, and my husband just started the fire academy. This video was like a chilled iced tea on a hot summers day 💗💗💗 the biggest theme of this year for me is ASK FOR HELP. Ask my husband. Accept his help. Ask my friends. My family. GOD. Everyone. Life is meant to be done together, the highs and lows. This lone wolf mentality is a modern monstrosity.
(I’m clearly dreaming of summer cause it’s snowing over here 😭)
I usually never comment on videos but this is my favorite video! It’s so real and your advice is so helpful for so many of us! Please do more of these. Thank you!
One of my mistakes early on was having a selfish attitude with money - something I’ve grown from a lot and still work on. I def had to find balance in this respect. I feel so much of what you said comes back to balance - balance is so underrated and unspoken of in the more trad marriage corners. Love from Chicago 🌸
9:33 Mistake #2 Not valuing independence! Such an amazing mistake to talk about, i needed this information to help myself! Thank you lovely!
We have such a similar timeline as far as childhood/family issues, life, marriage and children. So I feel like I have always heavily related. I’ve been following since 2019 and I love seeing how much you and your channel are growing and evolving! It’s cool because it feels like I am doing the same along with it as I’m going through similar things and realizations ❤️
For #2, I have never related to anything more! It feels so nice to hear that I'm not alone and to know that there are healthy and productive ways that I can combat this! Thanks for your advice and for sharing your feelings so authentically! 💗
im not married i dont really think i will ever get there and i dont really want to BUT your walks inspired me so much. the moment i come home from work i go out with my dog. i no longer just sit around and just scroll on my phone
I love this video so much, I’ve been in a relationship for almost 10 years and engaged for 2 years. I think we had a very similar experience of being the perfect woman to the point I got resentful. I 100% agree with everything you said and think this video will help so many women and relationships/marriage. Your children are so lucky to have a mum like you (and your husband also sounds like an amazing father).
Great video! I find that as long as you both agree, you don't necessarily have to accomplish all the things in a day that the typical housewife does. I have a one year old and keeping her happy and fed (currently cooking my way through a baby cook book) takes up all my time. If I'm lucky, I get to eat proper food too. So we make dinner together and there is zero expectation that I do it on my own. Same goes for chores, f.e. I get to deep clean when baby is out on a walk with someone else. As long as it works, that's good enough. You are not a robot, and nobody needs you to be.
Thank you for sharing your experience! Currently in year 1 of marriage, staying home, and I can say this type of advice has really helped us stay healthy and happy together. So glad there are lovely ladies like you putting content out there. 😊❤️ God bless you!
I'm not Christian or a stay at home wife/mother, but I have been married for just over a year, and we've shared a home for three now. I had no idea the challenge it is to bring together two separate families and create a new one. It's comforting to see that it can be a challenge or a process for most young couples regardless of their background. I love your content, thank you for what you do!
this video is really helping me do a lot of self reflection on my own marriage. I admire and look up to you a lot because I feel we have similar values, similar lifestyle, and our husbands are in the same profession as well. so thanks for sharing!
If you want more support with communication, the book Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg has been absolutely instrumental in my marriage. We practice it constantly and it helps so much, especially when we’re both super busy and don’t have much time to communicate in general. Instead of resenting me for rambling on about chores that need to be done or financial concerns or whatever, he can just say “honey I’m feeling extremely tired and need some quiet time to just cuddle with you. Can we talk about this tomorrow morning?” Then I can acknowledge his need for quiet and peace at the moment, while knowing mine (being reassured that chores will get done and we won’t starve or whatever) will be met too. It is so important to communicate and express your needs and desires to your partner in a way they will understand and hear.
Wow thank you so much for taking the time to write this insightful recommendation for us. I haven’t heard of this book before. Fabulous addition to the book suggestion list!! 🎉🎉
I think *some marriages* are really hard. I think about some of the guys I could’ve married and how hard my life could’ve been because of their character flaws or our mismatched personalities. However, I waited for a wonderful man who treats me well and so far, marriage is easier than being single in many ways.
Hey Mrs. Midwest! I'm definitely far away from a trad wife as I am a lesbian and do live a very modern lifestyle. However, me and my partner do keep traditional portions in our lives as we are Hispanic and that's just part of the culture. I like to expand my life by watching other people's lifestyles and learn from them. This was very inspiring and a lot of parts you expressed have open something within me. I even cried with you!
I just want to thank you for being vulnerable on screen as that is so difficult to do. I absolutely love the part where you talked about asking for help and opening yourself to vulnerability. That is something I struggled with for a while.
You are inspiring to a lot of people. Thank you for who you are.
I did have some advice to give. Don't forget your reason why! I think when you get wrapped up in the duties that you have within your home, in life and within yourself it's easy to forget. A dutiful mind can take away from the sweetness that you wish to cultivate in your heart and in your relationship.
I think that's why it's important to slow down. I am working on trying not to be such a ambitious and goal-oriented person because although I am hitting certain pinnacles of success in my life, it's causing me to miss the journey on my way there.
The reason why we even clean our homes is to fully enjoy our home to it's fullest. But, when we get obsessed with to-do lists, we see it as this burdensome practice. In actuality, I think we could fully enjoy the process of cleaning. I do this because acts of service is my my love language. Because it's a gift to my partner when she comes home from her labor job. Because it improves our lifestyle. And... this can manifest in different ways. My life with my partner has really highlighted this element.
i really love your videos even though im an engaged woman in the military. i definitely struggle with accepting his help. but its definitely healthier and ive seen how much happier we are when im not trying to do it all lol. much love from illinois!
Love this Caitlin. We're coming up on our first anniversary, with a wee baby, trying to get a busines off the ground. man, I think alot of what I've struggled with is feeling guilty for spending money on more frivolous things, or makibg condescending remarks when my husband does. I worry too much about money, and not enough time planning how to be wise with it. Learning to let go. Trust God. Trust that husband will work hard and be able to provide for our family. ❤
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼I feel like the first two points are lessons I recently learned in the last month. I finally asked my husband to take our daughter so I could have a long relaxing bath. Total attitude shift. Now I have regular “me time” and it helps reset me.. and cut out my resentful thoughts- I was so angry that he got time to himself and I never had a minute away from my baby.
number 2 and number 5 are the two I needed to hear!! so thank you! not revolving all my needs around my husband and allowing us both our own free time with out feeling resentful is definitely something I need to work on.
I’ve been married for almost a year now, and just had our first baby and I’m so grateful for your content! I honestly don’t think marriage is hard, it’s not looking at our own actions and behaviors that makes marriage difficult.
I’ve been married since I was 18 (I know way too young) and I can relate so much! 😊
Awh young wife club!! It’s all good girlfriend. ❤❤
Me too😃
Nothing wrong with marrying young if you're ready! ❤️
I love the content.
The pyama looks so cozy and just relaxed. I think we dont always have to be put perfektly together All the time.
Thanks for taking the time to make that Video
Thank you so much for all of your videos! I am newly engaged but have been taking and applying your femininity advice to my life leading up to meeting my now future husband :) It has been literally life-changing.
Personally I find myself to be angry with how women nowadays are forced to work.Forced by an economic system that needs two incomes for a household. My grandma CHOSE to work because she was bored at home and wanted to pursue a career.That to me is THE dream!I hate feeling guilty because I stay at home,while my partner works in a place he doesn‘t even like.We live in Italy and he has a rare stable job.I am studying for my finals at uni and helping out there as a tutor.The siblings of my partner all have a stable job and pay the bills with their partners and I hate feeling guilty because I am different.Sometimes I say things like“sorry if I didn‘t vacuum today“and my partner is surprised,because he loves to help.I feel there is this kind of silent agreement that if a woman doesn‘t work(which to me is absolutely FINE)she tends to want to be a perfect homemaker.I completely understand this.
I'm not married but I do look forward to creating a family and your advice is so encouraging and helpful! Thank you💙
Great video - married 15 years and still appreciating this vid. ❤
I agree with making sure you’re considering the source. Tik tok was horrible. I would see content that I might have related to but put too much focus on the negative aspects of my overall happy marriage. I since deleted tik tok not just because of this but I already feel better.
These tips are so helpful. My life used to be super revolved around my husband. Especially at the beginning of our marriage when we were both working - him full time and me part time. I felt like I always had to be home and available to him 100% of the time and always felt rushed and never at true peace. I have been a SAHM for a year now this February. We bought and moved into our home in January then February and immediately had our first son. I have learned that my husband doesn’t have to like everything I like and vice versa and so alternatively we can communicate that. That doesn’t mean not ever doing what we don’t like for the happiness of each other but if I want to go on a walk and he doesn’t it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me or likes to not spend time with me. However sharing that sometimes I would like him to join me if he has the energy for it but that I understand that he doesn’t want to today and then I leave it to him - then if he wants to join in the future because he knows my desire of him joining me it’s his decision and not me forcing him or him resenting me and vice versa. I grew up feeling like sharing our wants and needs was manipulative and toxic but it’s not. It’s simple communication because my husband doesn’t know what I want or need all the time. That’s such a false ideology. Especially because we change!! I so agree that there’s a difficulty as two separate people living as one. I just thought our brains like merged once we got married 😂 why I thought that was even remotely possible is beyond me. I too grew up in a pretty toxic and manipulative household and it’s been hard changing my thoughts around marriage and difficulties that aren’t really difficulties within marriage. There is just so much negativity around marriage in our society. From people hating marriage and the union of marriage and people that have bad marriages. I 100% agree on your last mistake! And I think it’s important to take that into consideration in regards to all forms of advice!!!! Don’t take advice from those who’s lives you don’t admire yourself.
this video is SO IMPORTANT! 💕 It takes so much courage and vulnerability to talk about some of these things, that many of us feel but don't admit. Thank you Mrs Midwest 🥰
I love your confidence and maturity.❤💖💖 You're like a big sister of the internet, except you're younger than me 😅
Hiii Caitlin!! 💖 I just watched this video and HAD to post! I was watching your RUclips vides a few years ago before I was married (and LOVED them then!) and now I have just started watching your channel again (and i am now 2 yrs married with a 1yr old Son and 6months pregnant with our baby Girl 🤩🥳)
and I have to say your videos and content ALWAYS bless me SOOOOO much!! 🥹🙏🏼 I love your relationship with Jesus 😍 your passion to learn, practice and teach about Biblical Femininity and the absolute JOY we get to experience of being a Woman, Wife, Mother and Home-maker 👠💃🏽🌺
I want to thank you SO much for making this video - because i totally relate to every point you made 😅🤭 I've really struggled with receiving/asking for help when i need it, expressing my thoughts/feelings and needs/desires... But praise God I am learning and growing, trying to tank mysef up on lots of Biblical content on these topics, and watching your video today has blessed, encouraged and inspired me SO much!
THANK YOU for following your heart and making these super precious, helpful and inspiring videos! Jesus bless you Sweet Lady 😘 xoxo
Your advice is priceless 💛 Thanks for creating such lovely and meaningful online content! 🤗 You are gorgeous inside and out!
You're so sweet to send the love. I definitely try extra hardwith my video recording makeup and hair looks because I want to present well to all of you, so I'm glad you notice LOL! And thank you for the support. I really feel like my "advice" isn't much different from a lot of other wives, but I'm still so eager to share it with you guys!
I worked until I had my first child and decided to take on home maker wife and new mom role of perfection. After 2 years of no help I burnt out. Really bad. It resulted in unhappiness in myself and the marriage and very clingy child who was unable to self soothe. I don't regret any of it but now I am a woman of many aspects of letting people help me and I love it. Not only do men like being our heros but women have different hormones and can't do what men can do in a day without consequences. Tracking and saying oh they work and do house chores and baby etc is us wanting to feel even but we aren't even because we were created more delicate and with different hormones. Now I even rest when I have my cycle and let my husband understand he can pick up the slack. Great video! Waiting on your weight loss video!
Thank you for your wisdom, Mrs. Midwest! I rejected my husband’s help twice today and I really could have benefited from his helping hand. 😅
It happened the same to me with my baby. I felt so ashamed of telling the doctor to clean the baby right away and check her because I had an urgent C section and her heart beats were getting weaker while I was waiting for the drugs to expand down there, but it never happened. The doctor's eyes made me feel horrible, and all I needed was someone to help me out in that situation.
Guilt is the mother of all negative emotions for sure.
I love this video so much. Thank you for sharing those private things with us ❤️💕💗
One of my mistakes is the opposite, I ask for help TOO much! I think it comes from childhood trauma, yada yada. Your videos always me to be more confident in my role as a wife and that I can do things! Thank you!
This is my most favorite video that you've done Caitlin! Such valuable advice 😊
I loved this video so much, this is amazing advice thank you so much for sharing.
Unfortunately I grew up with a father that has that mindset “married women shouldn’t leave the house at least they’re being accompanied by their husbands”
In my culture that’s way more normal than others but it’s such a shame that we still have people passing that thought into younger generations like the forums you mentioned.
I love your videos like this! They are so full of good advice and reminders and I appreciate them so much 🤍
I’m in the middle of re-reading The Empowered Wife (I read it at least once a year) & now this has popped up on my screen! What great timing. ❤
This video is so helpful. I just got married 3 months ago and this advice is very beneficial. I know my husband loves to fulfill my desires and help me out. It makes him sooo happy when I'm in a good mood and thankful.
I’ve been married for about a year and a half and used to stay at home because I’ve always wanted to be a homemaker. Recently I’ve had to get a full time job to support what my husband and I want to do and at first, the hardest thing for me- that I didn’t even realize was a problem for me- was letting my husband help me. I got upset when he folded laundry or did the dishes or told me to sit down while he made dinner. But now that we’ve both been working, I HAVE to rely on him more, and honestly, we have become such better friends and there’s so much more trust in our marriage. Plus, he loves helping me and making my life easier. I don’t want to always work a full time job, but the Lord has used this in so many amazing ways and I’m so thankful.
Thank you for sharing your story, I totally relate with the desire to do everything perfectly and not accept help, but God’s working on that and I’m already so much more free and thankful. ❤
Ah! Now if only my husband would offer me help. 🤣 Lol!
I read the Empowered Wife and while i thought it was a good book, I didn’t get a whole lot of good advice for my own marriage in it. I’m naturally submissive and happy to follow, so much so that my husband asks me to provide more input and to care more. He also asks me to ‘nag’ him about stuff because he forgets easily. The only thing I will say I got out of it was learning to say what I want. Im so laid back most of the time that even when I do want something, I just end up thinking, well it’s not that big of a deal. 😅 I’m trying to learn to speak up more.
wow! that first point really hit home! exactly what I’m going through now
Big fan of your newer, more mature content :)
That was all great advice! BUT I NEEED a makeup tutorial on your look from this video!
I cant express how common these are but never really hear others express it and help to deal with it... Thank you so much for sharing and opening up about all 5 of these...so thankful for the wisdom :)
I've only been married 5 months but one of the worst things I do is get angry. My husband can be difficult at times (he's brutally honest for example) but we need to learn to compromise and find a middle ground. At the end of the day we always do though and I'm blessed that I have a Christian husband who is also trying to better himself.
I would love to hear you talk about What healthy masculinity looks like!
Girl, I am so like you! Thank God for his mercy and grace!
So many great tips! Can you make an advice video for women who have not-so-responsive husbands? For example, men that don’t offer to help, don’t communicate well, etc. I know there are plenty of Christian women who have husbands that are not very helpful or intentional as they thought would be.
Anecdotally, I'm seeing a massive increase all over social media of young women becoming stay-at-home-mothers, wives, and even just stay at home girlfriends. The attractiveness level of these women is significantly above average, too. Seems like the best women are locking down high-quality men who are good providers and choosing this lifestyle. They make a lot of content on Tik Tok and Insta, and often become mommy influencers. The mommy influencer circuit on social media is getting enormous. Becoming a huge trend, and it's a beautiful thing.
Good observation! I agree. It's often a way for stay at home moms to earn a side living too.
Great video and advice! Love this ❤️
Also you look like Princess Aurora (Sleeping Beauty) 💕👑
A large mistake I made was thinking ADHD was not real marrying my husband and realizing it is in fact very real and we had to do a lot!!!! Of work. ADHD usually results in a 3 times more likely case for divorce. He had to go on medication and we both had to take steps to bettering ourselves and our marriage. A book that saved our marriage because we both finally understood each other and what ADHD does is The Adhd effect on marriage. We are now finally feeling like we can breathe. If you or someone you know has ADHD or you suspect I highly recommend reading this book but try not to diagnose them. You will learn how to potentially bring it up to your loved one through reading this book. Hope this helps.
Love love love this advice!! So many women need this. A lot of the things you talk about here I had to learn in my marriage too including overcoming some of the mindsets. Thank you for sharing!!!
amazing video with seriously hard hitting advice. i really feel like this was beneficial for me to watch especially with our first baby arriving next month. Even when i got pregnant i felt bad for not doing this or that. but truly my husband does love to be my superhero and takes so much away in a good way from helping me when i need. we shouldn’t take away from our softness and vulnerability which is so key to tap into as women. Excellent video cait thank you
This is amazing advice, even for unmarried couples. Thankyou Caitlyn! ❤