THINGS I GOT WRONG AS A PARENT WITH MY KIDS... (From A Medical Perspective) | Dr. Paul
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I didn’t care what “they” said, there was no way I was going to leave my newborn babies in a crib, all alone in a separate room, especially after they had been attached to me for so many months to that point. We co-slept with all three of our kids for the first 1-2 years until they felt safe enough to go to their room on their own. We all slept great, nursing overnight was a breeze and they are all super independent yet very close to us. I never felt ok with cry it out so that was not an option. Good for you for sharing all of this!
My kids are adults now. Looking back, I loved when my kiddos would crawl into bed with us in the middle of the night.
One of the sweetest moments happened when my son was about 5. One morning I could feel him squirming next to me as he was waking up. Curious to see what he would do next, I lied there pretending I was still asleep. After a minute or so, he decided he was ready to go watch TV, but before he climbed over us, he gave my husband and me a kiss on the cheek.🥹
I will never regret allowing our kiddos to crawl into bed with us.
Awe ❤❤❤
I think every parent should make a video like this for their kids. It can be so healing to hear what your parents would have done differently. I try to do this in the moment each time I mess up with my kids, but even so, I know when I’m older looking back there will be things I wish I’d done differently. Being humble enough to admit that is a great quality.
I agree. My mom passed before I had my first and I have so many questions because I often feel so lost and helpless trying to raise my kiddos..
This is a great. I’m 50 and couldn’t have children, but before my father passed, he was in rehab for a stroke and he told me all the things he wished he hadn’t done with my my sister and I while raising us. He was a great father and I miss him dearly. I told him he was wonderful and he shouldn’t worry about anything he deemed “wrong” because he did so much “right”. Everyone does the best with the knowledge they have at the time - if they’re well intentioned. I hope that gave him some peace in his last days.
Great idea. ❤
Absolutely!!! Well said ❤
Don't be afraid to sleep with your babies. ❤ They won't be little forever.
It will just feel that way, grin. My youngest was the one who wanted to sleep with us for what seemed forever. And she had to be touching me in some way, even if just her foot wedged against me. She did have nightmares, and I just rolled with it. And you are so correct, they are only babies/children for a few years. The whole just let a child cry until they exhaust themselves never set well with me, we would not treat an adult that way. I am very blessed that I was able to stay home with my children.
I swore I would never co sleep but my 7 month old has other plans lol. He sleeps almost through the night next to me except to nurse for 4-5 mins 2-3 times. I refuse to sleep train so this is what is working now
@@kutie216sleep training doesn't have to be a traumatic ordeal. If what you're doing is working for you and your child, that's all that matters. I'm not against co sleeping when it works for everyone. The on-going messed up sleep was triggering migraines for me and making for cranky babies/kids.
I coslept with all of my babies from the minute they were born, until they were a 2-3 years old. We had such close bonds. They're 18, 16, 14, and 10 now
SIDS
Co-sleeping with children is very normal in my country Japan. I grew up sleeping with my parents when I was a kid and I never thought of being afraid of sleeping. I moved to America and now I've been raising my kids here. My doctor or other American parents were wondering why I was sleeping with my kids (when they were so small). Some people also told me it was not good for children and the kids would be less independent. But I am glad I didn't listen to them. My children started sleeping by themselves peacefully when they turned 5. They are also very independent.
I have a 5 week old baby, and I'm co-sleeping, but because of people saying it's bad. I feel so bad doing it, but we get better sleep.
No problem. it is actually good thing for your baby 😊
@@janetm16jmoh, no use feeling bad! You can take some safety measures of you want to feel Better about it.
@Ray-pt5bi I follow the 7 steps for co-sleeping to reduce any risk to baby. ❤️
@@janetm16jm so then ...you're Golden and they can shut up.
Spot on!!! "If they feel nurtured and safe, they will sleep"
Love and nurturing ❤
Same thing for me I had nightmares of our house being robbed and something under my bed and my mom never believed me and thought I was just using it as an excuse. They always made me go back to bed and I would lay there with my heart pounding even if I had to pee I would hold it till daylight! My mom had now apologized for not believing me!
i was terrified of sleeping as young as 3 or 4. my mom spoke to a doctor who advised her to lock me out of their room, and i can still vividly recall the terror i felt every night once everyone had gone to bed.
i have been unable to sleep normally since that age, and i'm about to turn 29. i really wish the sleep issues had been resolved when i was young as it has taken a major toll on my life.
It used to be the way it was done. (Cry it out.) I did it to my firstborn and I am so sorry I did. I regret it just like you do and it just seems horrible to me now. My last baby got treated like the baby she was. That is she was snuggled and made to feel safe as much as she needed. She was a much happier baby.
Ugh... our daughter is 27 and I still think about ALL of the things that I did wrong with her. These thoughts randomly pop in my mind. Actually one popped in my mind a little while ago. It makes me want to grab her, hug her, and tell her how sorry I am for the things I did. It literally hurts my heart...
You're a good, sweet mother to say that ❤ bless your heart. Not many ppl, me included have mothers, or fathers, who cares. So thank you lol even though you are not talking about me lol. Sounds creepy, I know.
@@racqueltomlinson9769 thank you!!!❤❤❤
You did what you thought was right at the time. Sending YOU a big hug ❤
@@kristinatasheva thank you for the kind words and hug!! ❤
39 years old as a father of 2 boys a 5 and 7 year old I have those same thoughts now. My wife worked opposite schedule of my 9-5 sales job so evenings I had them alone the last 4-5 years and it was HARD being alone in the evenings... I hope me having the same thoughts you have now helps me reasses and cherish each moment.
We co-slept from birth, our son is 3, almost 4 & we still co-sleep. We never were those sleep deprived parents because of co-sleeping.
I agree. My daughter always slept through the night - right by my side!
My two sons coslept with us from birth until at least 5. My sons knew they could come to me at any time of the day or night if they needed to. My oldest son is on the spectrum, and he experienced lots of anxiety. One of his ways of dealing is to talk about whatever new scientific thing he's been reading/learning about. He would often come to me at 2-3 a.m. to tell me about black holes or the expanding universe, etc. I worked full-time, so I would lay in a daze listening to him. I had to stay awake because he made me participate in the conversation. He is 32 now and still calls me in the middle of the night sometimes. My younger son does the same. He's 27. We have a very close relationship. I wouldn't trade those sleepless nights for anything.
Don't beat yourself up, this is what you were taught in medical school. Now kids are born with a midwife at home, and put into a sling and held 24/7 for two years. These kids are the most well-rounded, confident kids ever. What does that tell us?
It is so hard when you are frustrated and want to sleep/get things done after the kids go to bed. But those moments of snuggling with them is the most precious thing... completely worth it.
We’ve been scared to Cosleep, but now that my little is 8 months, for all of us to get sleep, it’s been really helpful. I’m glad to hear you say that. I couldn’t stand to hear him cry.
Thanks for this.. I think all parents start out with a hero complex and are gonna parent perfectly! At least fix the thing stheir parents did wrong... then we go and mess up in our own way and have regrets.. Parent guilt gets us all.. Admitting it a good example for all of us..❤
We have a newborn, sleeping in his crib next to us right now. We only have one bedroom, but we're not bothered about it for the next few years. If he decides he'd like to sleep in bed with us later on, that's fine, if he wants to stay in his own little bed next to us for a while, that's fine too. If he wants his own bedroom at a certain point, we'll look for a new home. Up until then, we're embracing the little guy we have with all our heart.
Love the honesty from an MD. It's rare.
You were an amazing dad!!!
Thank you for being so honest and open about your mistakes, or at least things you would have done differently. This shows how humble and helpful you are, and why we folks trust you and your advice.
A year ago I saw your video on sleep training, and it infuriated me that mainstream medicine was promoting sleep training. It changed my life to fighting against that practice. And now you are aware. Incredible!!!!
Single mom here. I cosleep with my almost four year old daughter. She has never woken up from a nightmare. When she was a baby she had her own crib, but she would always wake up in the middle of the night, and wouldn't go back to sleep untill i let her in my bed. When she was 1,5 i got rid of her crib and bought a bigger bed, and whe have coslept since then, and she don't wake me up in the middle of the night unless she's sick. She feels safe, and that's the most important thing for us. Thanks for sharing your personal experiences dr. Paul. Greetings from Denmark
I co-sleep with my 2kids when they were babies bc that’s the only time I will get a decent sleep. My husband slept in the other room so he can get some sleep & be productive at work. I have no regrets👨👩👦👦🌿💫🌞🌷
These are all great points! I was spanked as a child, which I didn’t like at the time, but my parents did it calmly, never yelled at me, and always did it with love and a hug afterward. I’m so grateful they loved me enough to discipline me so that I could grow up to be a responsible and respectful adult. My parents are 2 of my favorite people in the world ❤
Thank you Dr Paul for sharing your experiences with all of us.
This makes me feel better about my 4 yr old sleeping with us when he's scared. My doctor says not to but he is really afraid. I always try to help show him there is nothing scary and ask him to choose if he can sleep in his bed or if he comes in with us. He is slowly starting to use a flashlight instead of screaming at night and is learning to deal with his own fear with our support.
I don't think it's any of the ped's business of your 4yold cosleeps. There is only sids as an argument, but that doesn't apply since he's 4! Cosleep if he needs it and you are ok with it. I used to sleep in my daughters big bed if She needed me. And so did my husband. I told her I prepferred to keep our marital bed Just for my husband and I, but in Extreme cases She was welcome in there too. Same with the baby. Slept in her room for +/-7 months, then in the next room. We put a mattress next to her crib when she's scared, and take her in our bed when in pain.
I have fed my first child on the healthier side for her first 2 years. Used Tylenol rarely and she never had antibiotics. I am so glad I did that. She is creative and has such a good imagination.
6 kids and not once did a doctor ever say " Put a hat on the kids." Keep their ears warm in the winter.
I am beyond thankful that I am African and was trained to always be there for my baby; meaning, we do not believe in the cry out method or sleep training. I would not sleep train because the cry of the baby would haunt me. Now living in America, I have slept with all our children and yes, they were attached to me as babies but it never bothered me. I remember telling their pediatrician that I sleep with my babies (until 2 or 3) and she looked at me like I was crazy. Luckily she told me to be careful and didn’t judge me😂. That story of closing the door would haunt me as a parent 😅I wouldn’t sleep at all. My family loves you and we saw you on the high wire ❤❤My kids thankfully are rarely sick and don’t have to use Tylenol or any antibiotics. What a blessing!
This is “ PURE GOLD” thank you Dr. Paul for your sincerity and humility!❤
Dr. Paul, don’t be hard on yourself! You did the best you could with what you had, and what you had learned.
And now that you know, you are sharing with the world!
The kids of yours that I have met are absolute wonderful humans.
ALL that good you did for them most definitely outweighs the bad, and it shows.
We love you Dr Paul for being authentic, trustworthy, and edifying!
Thank you for being open and clarify information, please do more videos, like you said, nobody teaches how to be a parent, we are doing what we think is best, also braking family chains, on how to raise kids.
Thank you to your son that he supports you today, great team.
Thanks Dr. Paul. I have followed you for some time now and admire you so much. After all that you've been through with the AMA, you still have a positive outlook on life. I love watching all of your past youtube "teachings" with patients and have learned so much. Keep being "you" and hopefully, one day, the truth will come out and those that suppressed doctors like you will be held accountable, if not in this life, in the next.
Best wishes for your future endeavors!
Thank you for being vulnerable. I know I can SO RELATE.
Thank you so much for your honesty. I am super blessed hearing this video today. I started watching you when my last child was still quite young and your research along with that of other people i knew helped me make changes that have benefited all of my kids, and now my grankids too. I'm so glad you're back
You are such a phenomenal person! Thank you for sharing this.
Thankyou doc for sharing this! Love the channel as a chiropractor I appreciate your work!
Yes to all three! I would also add 4. I would have not yelled. Somehow I would have found a calm place to give instruction instead of yelling. 5. I wouldn't do so much FOR my child, but I would've done things WITH my child. He would've been much more self-reliant by now. (13yo)
Amazing video with invaluable info & experiences ⭐⭐⭐
The 1 thing better than not making a mistake in the 1st place is being able to be honest about it by admitting it, trying to do better going forward & most importantly informing others so they can possibly avoid making the same mistake ⭐
Thank you for your honesty doc!
Appreciate that you accepted everything , thats a huge difference we have to make !
We need a holistic channel 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 love your videos can’t even describe it!!
You are the best Dr. Paul! Thank you for sharing your insight and experience. My husband and I definitely messed up too 0:05 . Good news is our kids are rocking it irl! I know the same goes for yours!❤
Thank you Dr. Your lessons learned are a treasure. Appreciate you sharing❣️
I really appreciate the honesty and to be able to own your mistakes and help others grow as healthier parents is very humble!
I have a pretty good childhood memory going way back to my crib days. But I don’t remember ever getting up in the night feeling frightened and going to my parents room. Maybe I did but I don’t remember that. I do remember y mother giving me (in the early 60’s) Johnson’s Baby Aspirin that was chewable and I loved the taste. I thought it was candy. Later they gave me 1 aspirin taclet on a teaspoon mixed with sugar and diluted with water. I hated that as I could still taste the aspirin. Thanks for letting us know what Tylenol does to our bodies. At 18 months I had tonsillitis and had to have them removed. I don’t know what I was given prior to that, in 1959.
My father used corporal punishment on me growing up as I was quite a rascal. But I always responded better with a gentle talking to with reasoning than I did with being yelled at and spanked. I’m sure some of it made me a better person. Even today at age 66 I do not respond well with being yelled at. I tend to recoil, go to a dark place and even tongue lash. But a discussion about a conflict goes a long way and solves issues by far.
Thank you Dr. Paul. You are great!!
Thank you Dr. Paul. I wish every parent could watch this video ❤
Thank you so much! Dr. Paul. You are the best!!!
Thank you so much for being so open and sharing this info with us ❤
This was a great video. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. ❤
I never felt welcome into my parents room… especially at night. They kept their door closed like a big “stay out” sign. I had anxiety if I had to go ask them something during the night or if something happened that required their help.
I try to keep our door open for our kiddos just in case they want to or need to come be with us. We do encourage them to sleep in their own beds but there’s always something that could happen that could bring them our way… and that’s ok.
Thank you Dr Paul great video as always!
Thank you for sharing this, Dr. Paul.
You are lovely!!!! I wish I would have had a doctor for my kids like you! Man your awesome!
Excellent advice Dr Paul.
Thank you 😊❤
I think your children are very blessed to have you and your wife as their parents
You're a good dad and doctor ❤️
Thanks for sharing. I agree 100%.
Thank you for this 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾 I needed this confirmation
Thank you so much, my kids range from 10-16 and these are great reminders and encouragement!
Thank you so much for your video! Nutrition is such a huge priority for my family. I would love to hear what you cooked for your fam and neighborhood fam lol At a certain point I run out of ideas on what to cook. I’m a single mom as well so maybe it’s the motivation I run out of. But man can I cook when I am inspired
I have been a home birth midwife since 1980…and have been on the edge of medical society (or over the edge from) and honor you and your willingness to follow your knowledge and heart!
Me too! Feel free to look into the Albuquerque NM area…we’d love to have you!
My son slept on a mattress on our floor until he was 11. He’s doing fine, a well-adjusted college student. We lived to tell the tale (!)
I didn’t know you were a missionary kid!! You should do a video on your experiences!
"Bapple," ❤❤❤. My 9yo called them bapples as a toddler, and now our 2yo calls them that. It's one of my favorite kid words ❤.
I always went after my babies and toddlers and young kiddos when they cried. But I feel like I trained them to be bad sleepers. I rarely slept. So I just don't know. But I always rushed to comfort them.
Co-sleeping is very common in China and that is how I grew up. I listened to the medical team from Stanford when I had my first kid. I left her sleep in a crib for the first four month, but decided to co-sleep with her after she cried so much at night. That was one of my best decisions. I co-slept with my two other kids since they were born.
Changing to the Feingold diet made a huge difference for my boys' ability to learn.
We have been co-sleeping with our baby(10 months) since his birth. That's like a part of our culture as an India, we never saw anything different like letting them cry or something. So now even if our baby has some gas pain or anything, he knows we are there and will take care of it. Sometimes he just comes into our arms and sleep off within seconds as he feels secure and loved. Then he sleeps peacefully on the bed without any issue. Ignoring someone's feeling even if it's a child is very traumatic.
Hey doc!! When’s your new book coming? Can’t wait to buy it and read!!! Been checking it out everyday 😊
Glad to know I did the right thing back then! My son was literally growing on my arms for a good more than a year.
Thanks for sharing!
Our first has not had any sugar until age2, and even then, in the form of dried fruits, honey, or maple syrup. She ate super healthy. No antibiotics ever (6.5 now) and tylenol twice with ear infections. She's highly sensitive and I sometimes, especially around age 2-3 wondered if she's on the spectum, but our pediatrician told me she is super healthy and not to worry. I delayed her tet-per-dyph shot until she was 4, since she reacts pretty badly to medication in general. Homeopathy works great with her. Our second girl eats only carbs right now🙈 for instance, today: small piece of my sourdough bread for breakfast, boiled potatos with nutritional yeast for lunch, and a bit of pasta for dinner😱 she likes meat, and thank god apple sauce. I keep offering veg&fruit, but she barely eats any. She still breastfeeds 2-3 times a day, at 14mo. Has already had one dose tylenol (bad bronchitis) and one shot just recently (also tet-per-dyph). Also has had a bit of sugar occasionally. The cosleeping I did the first 6/7months with both. After that we occasionally slept in their rooms if they needed us.
This is me talking to my 8yo telling her all the mistakes I made when she was a baby and a young toddler 🥹
Thank you
Dr. Paul.
Great video and wonderful for you to admit those faults. One quick comment that oats, even steel cut, are not healthy. Something to look into
Awesome advices. Thank You
I was taught the same things as a little girl. I still know how it felt back then. I am very proud that I can say: If my son was scared he could come to me or his dad. And now he can tell us that he is scared. That’s a huge accomplishment cause’ of the autism. Back then we didn’t know that he had autism, but he knows that we will never reject him. It is the base of feeling save and loved for who you are as an individual.
And no, my son has never had any antibiotic’s and eats very healthy and still has an autistic brain. Autistic behaviour does not mean a child has autism.
I loved sleeping with my kids and my second son was insecure for quite some time and needed body contact from me or his dad. It was only until my husband complained that we compromised on letting him sleep on a mattress on the floor in our room. My mum was shocked and didn't agree with it but I guess that's her generation of parenting. Thanks for sharing 😊
Oh, yes, back in the day it was THE worst thing a mother could do. The institutional brainwashing was horrible. No one wanted to be a bad mother.
Yes, love those babies and let them sleep with and snuggle you! They need that. Thank you for reminding me of things I need to do better with. Wish I could just have 10 minutes to pick your brain. Always appreciate your insight.
I was getting absolutely no sleep with my baby and miserable for about a month and just started cosleeping out of desperation.
What a game changer to be able to roll over and breastfeed. He’d quickly fall asleep and so would I. I was also very afraid of SIDs but we had an owlet sock which helped ease that concern.
We always rocked our children and grandchildren to sleep and sang to them. Later as they graduated to their own beds, we would lie down beside them in their bed (never ours), sing a song, tell a story, and later played Pachabel’s Cannon. It always worked and was loving. Learned it from our parents, grandparents. Two of our grandchildren are at college and still have a CD of their fall asleep music.
So different to how it’s done in Japan. We still have our (soon) 3 year old sleeping next to us, and our 3 month old in a bassinet as well.
Regarding ear infections….my oldest was 5 weeks early, she was 100% breastfed but developed an ear infection at 5 weeks that ruptured her eardrum. That started a series of frequent infections that lasted five years until I learned about homeopathy from the Naturapath/Midwife who was managing my final pregnancy. That was life changing, she only received antibiotics twice more, once when she got an ear infection in conjunction with chickenpox and again her eardrum ruptured. I wish I had known more sooner.
Thanks for the video! Would like to know what you feel is better now. Like, what do you think is a good substitute for Tylenol?
My nieces used to get ear infections if they were exposed to dairy products. What my sister would do is taking onion cut it in half put in a frying pan to get it hot but not burning. Then she would take it. Put it in a towel and place that on the child's ear. Put it on your ear to figure out if it's too hot or touch it with your fingers so that you know it's not too hot. And then she left it on there as long as a child would keep it on there. She also used a lot of gentle insistence that they keep it on because that was the only thing that they could use that would help them. Hope this helps
What an interesting anecdote, onions! I wonder how breast milk, used topically like your sister did, stacks up against other homeopathic and lab-created medicine
Love this video! ❤
When your son shouted "And i am still screwed up" i laughed my head off. You have a loving and humorous relationship!
So glad I followed my gut with raising my daughter. She asked me one time if she could be like other kids and eat cereal for breakfast. She always had eggs, sausage, hashbrowns, fruit and multi grain bread. Now in her adult life she loves her vegetables and healthy foods. Always co-slept. I couldn’t bare to let her cry it out all alone in her crib. She slept soundly through the night and always woke up with a huge smile. She had a great pediatrician too! He was against some vaccines and that’s when I started getting into researching everything! Appreciate all your great advice Dr Paul! Still behind you 💯!
I sleep trained my first kid in an apartment and I really regretted that, but it's hard to stop when you start cause your partner says, "no it's good for them." And you try to trust them against your instincts.
Awesome advise. Thank you.
We got a king size bed just for co-sleeping. As more kids came we just put our toddler bed next to our king size bed. Kids were in our room past toddler-hood. Then shared their own bedroom.
Because of or in spite of any mistakes I made, my son is doing better with his child. Good clean, whole foods. Organic only sprinkled with lots of love.
3:47 When no one ever checks, the kids get the message “no one is coming to help you.” As an adult, I still feel I’m trying to get this lesson through my thick skull. No one is coming to help me. But wait, here you are! ❤ Thanks for your enlightening information!
Hugs over spankings! I love that! Way more effective!!! ❤ I’ve been a label-reader since 2009 when I read /Eat This, Not That/, especially the back where they explain what the “ingredients” are. Thank you for telling me about the acronym for meat industry. I have just gone back off meat, but I’m still buying it for my family (for now). ❤ We believe highly in the bodies’ abilities to heal themselves. ❤ We really like your style. I’m so glad we found you. ❤
Thank you 🙏🏾
Amazing! Thank you for sharing your wisdom. Currently reading your book The Vaccine - Friendly Plan and appreciate your balanced approach.🙏🏻
Question: What alternative would you suggest to Tylenol? Thanks so much!😊
Yes! was hoping he'd suggest better alternatives-even Motrin or Aleve, others geared towards kids. Are they just as bad? @paulthomasmd
I was a kid with chronic ear infections back in the 60's. My parents did not have money to take me to the doctor, so avoided it. As a result, my eardrums often broke. It was exceedingly painful and my eardrums are now a mass of scars which damaged my ability to hear. Because if this, i made sure i took my kids in as soon as possible when i noticed a problem with their ears. The one exception to this was when i was getting a divorce and was in my parents home with 4 very young kids and no car. My oldest got an ear infection and my dad refused to take her in. My daughter and i were both crying over the extreme pain she was in until my mom finally took us in a few days later. It was very traumatic.
I just want to say that there are a number of right answers when it comes to sleep. My kids sleep very well and we didnt do cry it out or cosleeping. I used the pick up put down method for sleep training, which is much gentler than cry it out, and even though my kiddos dont come into bed with us at night, if they are upset, i get up with them and take care of their needs before taking them back to bed. My 2yo sometimes just wants to be hugged for a bit, read a story, or sung a song and he'll be happy to go back to sleep. My problem with cosleeping is that although it can be comforting for children, it can interfere with your relationship with your spouse.
Thank you, Dr. Paul! What about vaccines? What would you do today?
On his Rumble channels he said he wouldn't do any of them anymore. They are not worth the risk
We still co-sleep @ 8!
Although, not daily lol- but we love it & it feels like we are all together in this. We adults have our own nights as well.. But when she needs us, its important that she knows we're there.
Nursed until 3
Never had Tylenol or any other pain killer or antibiotics.
She eats mostly clean- we have an organic diet that allows for the treats that make things fun.
Shes healthy, happy, intelligent, strong, very independent, capable & connected to us as her own individual self. Very rarely sick, & has a fantastic immune system.
I wouldnt have changed a thing. Im so grateful that i went againt the mainstream. ♡
I hope this inspires those that need it, to follow their instincts of what works for their house & dont follow what others are doing in fear of screwing up- because inherently youd be screwing up!
Thank you, for reading! I send love & hope this helps!😊
Thank you Dr. Pal, I trust your advice. What's your take on gas drops like Ovol?