A Dementia Caregiver's Dilemma: A Love-Hate But Ultimately Love Story
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- Опубликовано: 26 май 2017
- How does dementia affect the caregiver? This is the unvarnished look at the stress and love-hate relationship when roles are reversed and a son must now play caregiver to his once strict and strong mother. Artist Danny Raven Tan talks about the emotional and psychological challenges of caring for someone with dementia.
#facingdementia
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Good son...your mom is so so lucky to have you in her life. Not every son/daughter will take care like how you do. May god bless you and your mom🙏
good son..where can i view your paintings of flowers
@@tuna260 hi Tun A, I just saw your msg. Most of my art are online.www.artfinder.com/dannyraventan#/
I love his honesty about his thoughts n feelings and then still deciding to do the right thing by her . May God bless u both 🙏❤️
Big hugz to Anita!;-)
@@dannyraventan8603 thanks bro ! hows it going with your mom ?!
@@anitahall53 mommy is good but last night she was warded due to some blood vessel burst in the brain and nearly causing her to have a stroke...but i just saw her earlier, she is much better. thanks! hope you are doing well and safe! have a great 2021!
@@enableasia9790 thanks so much , praying for u guys . Blessings SHALOM
That part when you see the people you've looked up to suddenly become weak... The people you relied on to now rely on you :(
What a beautiful son. Mother is so lucky to have him. God Bless them both.
Thank you for doing the right thing. I too, am a dementia caregiver.
I used to think I was robbed of my youth but I believe God has a plan for us all.
shar qa I believe it also,I have no regrets!
dont say that....big hugz! if you need a social support group do hit me up on Facebook
I started #enableasia a social enterprise for dementia community facebook.com/EnableASIASG/?ref=bookmarks
You are absolutely correct. God has a beautiful plan for you. At the appointed time God will fill you with HIS BLESSINGS. I have had this experience before.
I can relate when he said if there is a next life he'd want to still be his mum's child because he loves her a lot. I want to be my mum's child in my next life too. ❤️ I hope they are doing well these days.
Lina, thank you for watching! Mommy and me are good! pls stay safe!
@@dannyraventan8603 awh, that is so lovely. I was so very curious. Thank you so much for updating. You and Mom stay safe too!!!
I salute you Danny.
You are a wonderful son.
God bless you.
Watching and crying at the same time- ur a good son.. wish i was like u when my parents were alive.. i miss them everyday.
I cried while watching.
Goodness, so so sad.
Hey Maria, they miss you too!;-)
maria, i believe one day we will meet our parents!
Brings tears to my eyes... Danny is a great man. Wish u both all the best in life.
Hey Ethan, thanks ! Pls stay safe!;-)
thank you baby lion!;-) stay safe!
IN TROUBLED TIMES YOU DID YOUR BEST....YOU WILL BE BLESSED.
You are a blessed son! May God continue to give you more love for your mum. She is lucky to have you!🙏🙏🙏👍👍❤❤❤
Actually, I AM LUCKY TO HAVE HER !;-)
1:51 f-f-freaking anchovies
Thought he was about to swear lmao
Haha tbh change everytime he says freaking to a certain curse word
I think the subtitle is wrong .....lol
@@totallyrandomkiddo oops cannot swear on national TV.
@@dannyraventan8603 So what was that he said?
Danny is a lovely, special human. He will have a grand heavenly reward for his care. I'm currently doing this myself. So very frustrating at times. I understand what he's saying I can never do anything right. Kiss the Empress ❣✨✝✨🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Hey Cheshire, mommy is still the empress! haha! dont be frustrated ! enjoy the moment!;-)big hugz
I’m going through the same situation with my father. As you said “love, hate relationship”
Hey, love hate or what not, it is still a relationship, some people dont even have any relationship....;-) big hugz! all will be well!
I am now sharing my home with my mom. She does not have dementia as yet but I understand Danny’s frustration. It has been a year now and it has its ups and downs. She had her first fall a month ago and it hits close to home how quickly things can change. I appreciated your honesty especially around the “love-hate” part :) it’s not easy at times but at this point I can’t see putting my mom in a home. It’s one day at a time to enjoy and continue to make memories.
Blessed souls to have each other🙏🏼🌺🙏🏼🌺🙏🏼🌺
You are a good son, yes we need to understand dementia and learn how to deal so we can treat or respond to our parents properly and have patience and understanding .
Yes there is guilt but then not all family members are equip with patience but, we do love them. Letting somebody outside the family help take care helps.
In our trials,our relationships and service to others we begin to see ourselves with a loving heart and compassion and begin a purposeful discovery. We need them more than they need us.
Aww what lovely moments for Mum and son ❤ She’s stubborn but a loving mother, and her son absolutely loves her.
yes yes she can be a pain sometimes...but now she is very reserved and quiet - how i wish she will scold me and nag at me....
It's inspiring to watch video like this. Danny your love and caring attitude towards your Mom during her twilight years speaks volumes. God will take care of you when your time comes. Continue your good work!!!
thanks Melinda! pls be safe ya!;-)
Wow, this hit home. He basically detailed my life while I took care of my parent. All the emotions he depicted was like looking in the mirror that it got me emotional.
Hey Greatjon, I am glad my story resonated with you. Hope it help in some ways....I am on FB if you like to connect. pls stay safe!
Thank you for sharing now I feel as tho I was reacting normal to some of the situations I was facing when I was trying to take care of my Mommy .. People who have never been through it will never understand the emotions that you go through... When Mommy passed I lost my Mom but feel as tho I also lost my child because I was parent to her also ...
Hi Pamela, i know what you mean! i feel you. hang on to those beautiful memories K?;-)
Danny Raven TAN I am so grateful for having those memories captured on camera thank you
@@puppycatw thank god for mobile phone camera!!!!;-) i am on Facebook ....facebook.com/danny.r.tan.5
Tears to my eyes watching the love of Christ in you for your mother. A shower of heavenly blessings for your good and meritorious work.
big hugs and thanks!!!
I love this. Brought a tear to my eye. Thank you for sharing your story.
What a story. I makes me self reflect. Thank you.
watching this brought tears to my eyes, i am so touched by Danny's sincerity and love for his mum, and respect him for his sacrifice his life / career to look after mum full time, not many would do that, Danny is a real one in million with a big, beautiful heart, his mum is fortunate to have him and he is blessed to have her, i would also choose to become my own mother's son again in next life, in the end love is everything, caring for loved one is everything, nothing else matters as much, as i learn now with my own mum suffering dementia, this story resonates deeply 💞
Hi David, thank you for your encouragement! I do what i can. You know, I think the most beautiful thing is to be able to take care of the person who gave you life - mommy!!! Pls let me know if you need any kind of help e.g. support group etc.
@@enableasia9790 I would keen to explore joining a support group
Thanks for sharing your very touching story - huge RESPECT.
I find the stories on this channel incredibly moving and inspiring. I find the peoples journey's relatable. The display of courage and strength is amazing.
I am glad you are inspired! hugs
You are sooo Amazing..it touches my heart.Thank you for sharing..May you be blessed in abundance ❤️
Yes you are amazing son of your mum ❤ God bless and give you strength
You are never Alone! 🙏 for sharing .
Yr mother is very fortunate that u are taking good care of her. 👍
Amazing man! Brought me to tears ❤️
THANK YOU !BIG HUGZ!;-) Stay safe!
God will bless you! Your story gives me strength to care for my father who has dementia. Thank you for sharing your journey. Be strong.
Hi Kathy, I am glad my story help you in some way! Hope you can also share your story and inspire more people who were once like you and me (not knowing what dementia is ....)
Such a beautiful story.I shed tears watching this mother /son bond.My mum is in her end stage with Alzeimers. I miss my mum talking about her childhood days in Malacca,reading dectective novels, cooking very well & even her strictness.She's quieter now,almost non verbal in St Andrew's home..90 this July,I wish her peace of heart & mind.
Hey Marjorie, how is mommy? i just saw this msg....be safe!
Aw God Bless Him. He is such a loving son doing what he needs to do for his mother. I'd do the same for my mother in a heartbeat.
Danny, I respect you. Like you, I love my Mother too. Thanks for sharing your life with us.
Thanks Frank!;-)
Thank God blessings you and your mom always !
Your honesty is very inspirational. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼❤️
I am pretty much an open book - not sure if its a plus point! lol
Danny, you're a lovely person and I've full empathy for both you and your mom. Your loving support must be the reason that your mom is happy and have improved appetite. God bless, Danny
Thank you Joy! I do what I can!;-) pls stay safe!
@@dannyraventan8603 both your mom and you stay safe too🙏✨
Looking for a 1000X like button!!! I'm facing the same issue... i Mus be strong like u brother...stay BLESSED
be strong! if you need to talk, i am no fb.;-)
THere so much love there ,Danny , You are good man .
Thanks Susan! Pls stay safe!;-)
Danny, what a brave person you are. As a distant member of a person with Parkinsons, I can see the toll it takes on a family who has to deal with this 24/7. I cannot speak what is right or wrong. I can only try to be supportive of anything they want to do. I applaud your bravery and frankness. Feeling guilty, or helplessness is absolutely common. But you have given a voice where no one dares to utter.
THANK YOU JNC, I just dont want others to feel so lost and helpless like me ....
A beautiful story, a beautiful love. A gem on you tube, love from Philippines God bless
God bless you too!
He’s very nice, the story from this channel always inspiring
I am just doing what i can - thank you!
Filipinos are good taking care their oldies until their last day in the world.
Thank u v much. Half yr ago we all got paranoid with mum's dementia. After viewing your video we had hope. We followed u & changed our method of caring with patience, love, humour & understanding. Elderly mum has since recovered well. As a nonya, likes colourful art too. Where to view your work? Previous links dont work anymore. Warmest regards to u & elderly mum 😀
You, do your best bro💪👍❤
You should be very proud of yourself. My dad had it and it’s not easy. It’s as hard on the ga ily; sometimes it can be harder. We all think back and somehow we blame ourselves. I loved when you said that you are like friends now, xxxx
we are bff!;-)
Love and hate relationship. Such a good son. Thank you
Aww so beautifully said... xxx
Thank u, shes very lucky to have u.. wish my kids do it for me also...
i am going through this at the moment and I SO GET YOU!!! X
Hey if you need some advice or info, check out my youtube channel, there may be stuff you resonate with and can be of some help.
Danny, I feel your pain, I'm taking care of my 84yr old mother with dementia and shes exactly like your mom, idk sometimes what to do with her but love her and do my best, I work then home to her!God said we have to care for our parents so I just pray for strength everyday, I wish you all the luck and love in the world!
Janet, we do what what we can and love as much as we can. I believe love moves mountain! lets press on and walk this journey ya?! ;-) @t
You have my deepest prayers and sympathy! Love you Danny from the U.S.
love you back Cynthia! is USA doing ok? pls be safe!
Danny Raven TAN no! Complete chaos! So please beloved Danny, pray for us all🙏🏽💕
He is so courageous and strong to keep as he is. He is a true son.
I try my best !;-)
@@enableasia9790 May God bless you with strong health, long and happy life, joy and prosperity! You deserve the good. Stay strong 🙏
@@KindQuotes God bless u n all! May 2021 be a good year!!!
@@enableasia9790 God is kind, it will be :)
Take care of your family god bless you
She raised a good son. . .
Hi Ishrat, thanks! Pls stay safe!;-)
How heartbreaking, but heartwarming. This man didn’t dump her. She dedicated her life to him, and now it’s his turn. He will never need to what if himself. He has done it.Stepped up to plate.
Danny you are doing your duties as a child. It is hard to care for mother with dementia . I have worked with dementia patients for over 20 years and they are very special patients. If you want to keep mom busy have her swept the floor, fold wash cloths r dish towels, match socks & etc. The dementia patients needs their motor skills and feel they are part of the family by helping. Their are times the will quit and come back later to finish.They have short attention spans but they are so special!!!
A fillial son who loves and cares for his mother unconditionally..👏👏💐
the cycle you love you son and and cared for him when he is little now its time for you to do the same back
@@patthonsirilim5739 circle of life!;-)
God bless ..x
There is a lot of pain and frustrations feeling so helpless watching your loved one like disappearing from you day by day, and just sleep away day and night and their mind in a fog confusion when awake , it really is very tough being a caregiver as it breaks your heart over and over again and the guilt feeling when you lose your temper out of frustrations the worst thing is knowing it will only get worse there can be no happy ending ultimately , the caregiver needs a llot of care and support to do this job - which is why many wont and have no capacity or courage to do it will leave it to a home nursing
We are in the shoes... thanks for sharing .
hey if you need to share you can find me here.facebook.com/danny.r.tan.5
Good Son, it just make me remember to my parents so touching, which other people there just left their old parents on the street without any responsibility .
thanks pls stay safe!
I like your art too Danny 👍❤️
you can check out my art here.
www.artfinder.com/dannyraventan#/
society6.com/thetiffingallery Tiffin Gallery is my studio and where i hold my solo exhibition.
Good son. God bless you🙏🏻
Thank you! Plz stay safe!
You did the right thing, I knoe
I don’t know what to say, but I wanted to acknowledge what you are going through. 🤗❤️
Anthony, I hear you....;-) pls stay safe ya!
DEAR DANNY..
TQVVM 4 SHARIN DIS WONDRFUL JOURNEY OF YOURS..
U R A SAINT SENT FRO ABOVE..
A NOBLE DUTY OF A SON..🙈🙉🙊❌🔴❌🔴❌🔴👩👧
Thank you Hajjah for your kind words! I do what I can...I am sure you will too! stay safe!!!
I can relate to him really much.. 😢
THANKYOU
good son good man. that strength and love.
Thank you for your kind words!;-)
This is what I have been through until my mum passed away on Dec 2019. Is the most painful experience in my whole life, I miss my mum every seconds.!!! I wish my mum live for whatever illness she has, at least there is still a body for me to hand her hand,hug and kiss her. But now there is nothing ! She is gone forever, I really hope to see my mum one day again, I guess only when I die, but no one can ensure that.
Jacku, I am sure your mom is watching over you. She will never leave you. Trust me!
What a great son ❤❤😍🙏🥰
It is very important that the family aware of the elder whom have dementia and attending course, now we all could learn online. I my self a care giver to My Mother in Law from February 2020. For the Early stages of Dementia they are 3 important thing's to caregiver "NOT TO DO"
1 Do not correcting.
2 Do not Argue.
3 Do not test.
agreed!
My tears somehow rolled watching this. A filial son indeed!
big hugz! and stay safe!
Your a very good son 💙
my mom is like that and I also like the same with the man very sad and discretion but I am very positive to face my mom cause she is my best love in the world and I will take care of her until the end of the day. ❤
Getting help is the key. My mother' symptoms start changing rapidly after neurologist appt 3 years ago showing mild cognitive appt. Getting angry, throwing things, etc does not help. I have attended to my mother's needs as a teenager. She has limited English and doesnt drive. We live in Australia. She is now referred to geriatric section for over 65's. Let them assess and sort her out. I'm no dr. I just seek help
I really feel for him
Honest to his feelings..😊 its hard to ne honest,but u open yourself...
i am an open book! hard to close ;-) Pls stay safe!
His love is still there, he’s a good son, and I would be proud to have a son like that.
thank you for your kind words Jeanne! i am sure your son/daughter is awesome too!
God bless
Hi.I understands everything you say, cause im looking after my husband...also dont want to eat and drinks a little ....its very hard to live and look after a diamentia person.❤
love moves mountain! you will be fine!
Wonderful son
Can't stop crying
God bless 🙏
thank you ! God bless you too!
May Allah help u Danny. U are marvellous.
i had a love hate relationship with my mom but she passed from cancer only 5 months after her diagnosis in 2018. I miss her everyday and i wish that if there is reincarnation, i would choose to be my mom's child again.
Helen, your mom would want you to be her child again! I am sure of that!
The hate is to the disease. We went through this as well. It can be hard to separate the two at times
true! but we must always tell ourselves - they are not trying to give us a hard time. they are having a hard time!!
In buddhism taking care of your parents is very great good karma, especially mother who grew up children without expect in return so we as their children must give our best to them. One more thing, as buddha said : we and our parent have live together in many life before and there is nothing happen incidentally in this world.
Thank you for sharing this! i am doing this not for good karma or anything....i just think it is the natural thing to do...what i did is nothing compare to what mommy has done for me ....not even close. pls stay safe for your love ones! hugz!;-)
i feel u brother
stay safe bro!
Viewing the video, its unlikely that she started dementia in 2015 or 2014. The video showed that she was already in stage 2. The final stage is stage 3 (3A, 3B, 3C). By end of stage 2, she would not recognize her family members. By stage 3A, she would not be able to hold a spoon or fork to put things into her mouth. Stage 3B is when she would not be able to swallow any solid food such as rice. In stage 3C, she would even lose her instinctive skill of swallowing, and liquid food has to be pumped in or intravenous in. Let her enjoy while she can. Continue to be very strong, caregiver.
thank you !;-)
Great son
Filial son🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻❤️❤️❤️❤️
This is what my helper and I going thru...But at least his mom's mobility is still good!! My mom has parkinson and has difficulty in walking etc. Only people or caregivers that face these dementia patients understand that it is HARD!!! Especially like this guy said she thinks she is MATRIACH😞
you are not alone!;-)
What a beautiful son.
thank you ;-)
You are a lovely son x
hugz
Caretakers have the hardest job in the world. He is a good son.