If they will do it WITH you, they will eventually do it TO you. If you can't go to their house, it call them at certain times, then there you go, you have your answer! They will cheat on you as they cheated on others. Gather your dignity and self respect, and move on with your life.
Affair partners are narcissistic as well. No feelings or empathy towards the family they are ruining! If a person is married stay away from them! It will spare a lot of hurt feelings. PERIOD!
Happened to me. Wife was seduced and abandoned the family out of the blue. She fell into limerence and thought he was her new life. Her Narc lover played her then dumped her once they where caught. The asshole had no problem destroying my family and could care less the damage to myself and my kids as well as my wife. Just a game to a narc.
Except it won’t. The narcissist will just go get it somewhere else. The problem is not the side piece, who would not be there if the person in the commitment did not want them to! That problem cannot be fixed from the outside of the couple “being torn apart”. The tearing apart is done by the ones INSIDE the couple.
I was with the narc husband for 24 years. I had no clue he was cheating. When the 1st affair became known I fell into a deep depression. He had hidden it so well. And the worse part was the side piece was a good friend. My kids were devastated. Upon learning on NPD, I came to the realisation that the red flags had always been there. I didn't know they were red flags. I was so deeply immersed in the mental fog of the trauma bond. It's like the moment his affair became known, the mask came off completely and his cruelty had no end. His brutal discard soon after brought about the discovery of his so many other affairs and other baby mamas. The new supply he is now with and moved in with was also part of our daily lives. He straight away started a family with her. She keeps rubbing their relationship in my face to show me that she has won. I struggle with CPTSD, depression and anxiety. My kids also are still healing from the pain of their betrayal. It still hard to believe that people can be so evil and cruel.
Thank you for sharing, it's a tough journey you have been through and still going through...I wish your family the healing you deserve. We never fully know someone, and it's not your fault. Keep it up, you are strong!
I'm sorry you went through this the one I was married to for 15 years slept with my daughter and got her pregnant I had no clue this was going on behind my back I even went to the delivery of the baby I threw the baby shower and still did not know that they were sleeping together we're all going through something because of these demonic things but what I will tell you is this she's not going to get a better relationship with him so she really didn't win anything I know to you it looks like roses from the outside but the inside I'm sure she'll soon find out the horror story she signed up for and even though I know you're hurt now you'll be happy that you got out when it comes to my daughter he snuck around for 10 years with her behind my back so it was almost like my whole relationship was a lie now she's crying to me saying she wants to kill herself because their situation didn't work out it was almost like when I removed myself he started abusing her so keep your head up stay strong you'll get through this take it one day at a time💖💖💖👍👍👍
@@misstd158 My heart goes out to you and each and every single person who has had the misfortune to become involved with these demonic entities. I feel sorry for those who had no idea about the spouse or long term partners but for those who did and still partook in the affairs and assisted in hurting and breaking apart families? God have mercy on them. In my case, the new supply thinks that by having one baby after another with him will get him to stay or that she can change him. What they fail to understand is that a narcissist is a narcissist and will always be a narcissist. They are what they are and have been given over to their sick and depraved minds. Also remember, a relationship founded on secrets, lies and the pain of others will never prosper.
@@hazeleyes2381 thank you and I agree with you a thousand percent the kids didn't make him stay with my daughter either she had a daughter right after she had a son he doesn't even speak to her now he doesn't support the children either he is now on with another female after he tour my family apart and don't forget there was another female before me with a child and he doesn't take care of that baby either the only reason why he was taking care of the baby when he was with me was because I was making him do it as soon as I left him alone the girl was calling my phone because he refused to take care of the baby so the kids don't matter you're right 👍
Evil this world 🌍 is. My granddaughter left my Grandma and their 5 kids for her Best friend and her 5 kids. Lived across the street & my grandma watched him bring groceries for the other house 🏘️ and not his own . He's s n his 80's. and still with the person .but still a serial cheater.
The problem is I feel like everyone is a « side piece » for a narcissist in terms of true commitment, married or not - what I mean is they usually cheat on and triangulate everyone, their other supplies are usually exes who used to be their primary supplies and became trauma bonded before being slowly devalued, and they typically lie about their current situation. So those who are with narcissists shouldn’t get too egotistical about what type of supply we think we are and why we’re ‘better’ than the other supplies or we risk blaming the wrong party, not moving on, and falling into the same trap ourselves.
@@theresamurphy3351 let me explain something to you I was a wife of a narcissist for 15 years so I understand it quite well and the side piece that the narcissist I was with was messing with she knew all about me and she still messed with him so I don't care if she was twisted upside down back and forth bent backwards she would have never been trauma bonded if she would have never messed with a married man so she got exactly what she deserved like I said I understand quite well for the ones that don't know that these people are in relationships I can give them the benefit of the doubt but in my case she knew all about me and she still messed with him so once again she got what she deserved 🤪🤭🤭
Most women on the side never knew there was anyone else. If they could manipulate you, you don't think they can manipulate someone else? Would you feel it fair to say you got what you deserved? For all you know you were a side chic when they met you too. Maybe they weren't married, but they never go without supply so maybe stop and think about that one before you say it out loud.
Here’s a crazy idea; don’t get with anyone with a partner. Period. Husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend. Shouldn’t that be off limits?! Narcissistic or not. I get it if you had no idea if someone else was involved. Then truly, that’s not your fault. But if you know, then that is indeed your fault.
rest assured most side pieces had no idea what they were pulled into till it was too late. For me it was 1.5 years into it that she messaged me asking me to leave her family alone. Surprise was an understatement! They lived apart already when we met. I was ok to visit his place. So no I had no reason to beleive he was in any way attached. I checked his facebook also at the start thoroughly the only family picture was from before we met.
@@grand_air_trine_astro I can’t disagree with you at all. I’m damn sure a side piece without knowing it at all. However it just sounded like this woman knew. And I feel like it’s just different when you know. That’s all. You still have to take accountability when you knew the other person was involved in some way shape or form.
@@grand_air_trine_astro hate to be hard on you but even if the picture on FB was from before you met, the fact that it was still up should have told you something.
Kind of like how we knew we were being abused but kept going back. It’s being under a spell you don’t know you’re under. Ignorance and making poor decisions. You don’t know until you know- REGARDLESS if we think someone SHOULD know better about something. We should have known better than to stay with someone like the narc, yah know. It’s a poor decision based on our programming and the narc abuse as a side dish.
When it comes to a Narcissist, there is a good chance you were the side chick at some point. Being married to a Narcissist doesn't mean the blame is on the side chick..... who may not even know the truth ....it's the Narcissist who ruined the marriage always....ALL WAYS.
Being with my ex narc for the past 6 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I hired a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!
It took me 14 years to catch my narcissistic wife. Of course, I didn’t know she was a narcissist back then. I didn’t even know what narcissism was. A part of me always knew that she wasn’t faithful to me. It was just that whenever I voiced my concerns or asked for some reassurance, there was hell to pay. She put me through a mental gauntlet of feigned outrage, moral indignation, gaslighting, and flipping reality on its head in order to make me the bad guy. She repeatedly set what little progress I had made in trying to have a good relationship with her, back to square one. She exploited my deepest desires-to have a good marriage and to keep our family together, by always keeping one foot out the door and threatening to leave. So, I learned to carefully pick my battles…. and worse. I learned to put the blinders on and to pretend that she wasn’t up to no good. I also learned to convince myself that I was the problem. And then one day, while she was at work, I decided to clean out the car. She had a nasty habit of treating the backseat like a dumpster. As I stuffed empty wrappers, bottles, and cups into a trash bag, I found an envelope with her name on it. Thinking it might be important, I decided to look at its contents before I threw it away. It was a letter from some guy who was clearly in love with her. He expressed how he wanted more from her than their secret rendezvous. There was no mistaking what he meant. Even though my heart was crushed, I regained my power in the very next moment. I drove to where she worked, and I angrily approached her. Her eyes fell on the letter in my hand, and her shoulders slumped in silent defeat. She quietly said, “I can’t talk right now, but I’ll be home in an hour.” “Good!” I replied. “I’ll be waiting!” Then I turned on my heel and stormed out the door. Now that the cat was out of the bag, she admitted the entire affair-including all the places where they would meet up. As difficult as that was to hear, I stood by, ready to forgive her. I was well-practiced in starting over from square one, and I eagerly waited for the opportunity to roll up my sleeves and to get to work. But she played the wounded victim as convincingly as Amber Heard, and she asked me to wait for two days while she decided what she should do. Of course, I said yes. Even though I had been married to her for 14 years, I still had no idea what I was dealing with. In the midst of that painful discussion, she was plotting her next move. It turned out that she needed two days to think because that’s when her boyfriend would return from his business trip. She wanted to be in a relationship with him, but when he refused to leave his wife for her, she decided to stay married to me. Of course, I didn’t know any of this at the time. I only knew that after two days, she decided to stay. Being the eternal optimist that I am, I saw this as an opportunity for a brand new start, and I convinced myself that we were finally going to have a good marriage. But she didn’t share my optimism, and it was obvious that her heart wasn’t in her decision to stay. We suffered together for another 2 weeks when she blamed me for her affair. That’s when I finally threw in the towel. We divorced on friendly terms, and we made all our own arrangements for custody and child support. We only needed a lawyer to draft and file the appropriate documents. The laws have changed since those days, and you can’t do that kind of stuff anymore. Anyway, during our many conversations to dissolve our marriage, she admitted lots of things that I didn’t know about-including the fact that she was never faithful to me. If I had understood narcissism back then, I would have handled things differently. I wouldn’t have put up with her mental abuse, and I would have left her years earlier. Moreover, I was able to track all phone activities using RYAN JAMES +1 (315) 313-4128 Totally untraceable, cheap, and anonymous. Let him know I referred you.
I agree with what you said , had I known about narcissism back then I would have left a lot sooner and would have saved myself a world of hurt and confusion
I imagine that as long as the 'supplies' don't find out about each other the Narcissist will just carry on telling them exactly what he tells the other. Or, depending upon the number of supplies he may risk triangulation in order to nake one particular supply work even harder for his attention. AWedding Ring makes naff all difference. 🍒
I see many comments saying that the side piece is guilty for being involved with a married person, while forgetting we are on a post about Narcissists. Most Narcs will downplay the marriage (ie: married on paper but in the process of divorce and the spouse doesn’t want to sign the divorce papers or the side piece doesn’t find out about the marriage until far down the line).
Don’t make excuses, if they are in a bad marriage or even legally separated, they are STILL MARRIED! There is plenty of fish in the sea, why would you ever date a married person?
The worst is when the affair partner KNOWS that the narc is in a relationship WITH you. Enabling to the extreme, and very predatory. My ex had someone in her friend group that she was FWB with, and whenever I brought him up, she got so mad. He would also flirt with her regularly (never when I was there), and she would tell me about it after the fact. Misery loves company.
Same situation for 5 years! I even met his son - he brought him over for a week holiday, he even 'moved countries' to be with me but never stayed too long always citing he was missing the kids which no mother ( I have a grown son) can say anything against so it was so convincing than he went back more and more and acted bored, distant with me. The ‘new life’ with me lasted from last October to now but after new year he was there more than here. As far as I know they weren't married and lived separately...but could well have been married. They are such good manipulators some could get an Oscar for their performance.
I was in a “relationship” with a guy who was married for 12yrs and had a kid, and I didn’t know it. He actually had me in their home. We had sex in their bed and I had no idea. And I found out because I did some “digging” because I just kept getting a feeling that he was lying to me. It was over a year and a half into it. I left him when I found out but of course didn’t go no contact because at the time I just figured he was an asshole. So he kept calling and texting me, telling me that they don’t sleep in the same bed, that he’s leaving etc. and that he had never been with anyone like me and wanted to be with me, he “loved me”, wanted to marry me etc. And of course, I fell for it. Because I was trauma bonded (and stupid apparently). So I took him back. He never left, and had others besides me, and because I took him back after finding out he was married, he would triangulate me with the wife and with the other women that he would say were “just friends” or a “work wife”. There were times I really felt that he wanted the wife to find out about me. The even crazier part of this whole thing, it’s been a year and a month that I’ve last spoke to him/saw him (I now have him blocked on everything) and I still think about him. It’s not everyday like it was in the beginning, but there’s not a week that goes by that he doesn’t pop in my head. And I really hope that I eventually stop having thoughts of him at all.
@@chilloften Still ruminating after 3 years in the discard. But not as much as before. We had been married for 19 years but been together for 24 years when he discarded me and the family.
@@Cerez78 they had a massive house. I was only ever in one section of the house. There was nothing there to see. Just some paintings etc. no family pictures, nothing that screamed “there’s a female living here”.
I was a side piece. I didn’t sleep with him, but my behavior was disgraceful and inappropriate. I’m married as well…. To a wonderful man 🙏🏼 I’m not proud of having been a side chick. It makes me sick to say the very least. But sometimes people make horrible choices. If anyone wants to cast the first stone…. It boils down to the principal of making shitty decisions. Primarily due to behavioral shit from major childhood trauma, ignorance, selfishness and delusion. Trauma bonds are formed and take ahold. You know this. If anyone hasn’t displayed or possessed any of those behaviors in your life…. I’m absolutely amazed. Bravo! I, myself, am human. I’m trying… but I have a ton of deep shit to heal. I’m imperfect, Ive made a lot of shitty decisions. When this was happening I was in complete cognitive dissonance and had no clue about codependency, narcissism, trauma bonds, etc. I take full responsibility for my behavior, whether or not I knew fully what the impact my decisions would make. It happened. I was partly to blame. Now I see why I did what I did. I see the dysfunctional dynamic my husband and I were living in and why this affair started in the first place. I see that because of this shit show. I also see now what this other person actually is- a narcissist. All I can do at this point is make a living amends and do better, which I am. So as far as hating the side chick…. I get it…. I don’t want to come off insensitive. But some of us actually care, however, we have behaviors caused by trauma… just like you, and you, and you. Just trying to heal and be a good person. 🙏🏼
You sound just like my wife except you have a understanding of bad behavior and it's consequences. My wife has no empathy and suffers from low self esteem. She was seduced and became limerent from her Narcissist lover. After the affair was exposed he dumped her and came crawling back. I had to pick up the pieces of my marriage for my children's sake.
@@PJHEATERMAN sounds like my experience other than by the Grace of God I was saved from that shit show before I lost everything. Taught both my husband and myself so much about “us” and what was broken. Limerence. When I learned about that it blew my mind. I learned how damn narcissistic I can be and how codependent I am and always have been. Nope. No more. So I thank the Narc in my story for the hell we went through. It’s made us better and the awareness is priceless. Also- taught me this whole life experience is about spiritual warfare, man. Legitimately. I hope you’re doing well these days 🙏🏼
@@Ehuff Met her in 1986. Married in 1989. 10 years later and 3 kids my youngest being 2 years old she went into a limerence state with her narcissistic limerent object. 33 years later we celebrated our anniversary. Everything in between this was a shit show. My children saved me. They saved her as well.
This is such a vicious circle where two people are fed lies and pitted against one another before one of them even knows the other exists. It is true in some cases that if the wife or LT partner leaves, the narc in the relationship will try and reel back in that person and turn them into the new side piece. Geesh, that gave me a headache to type out. There is no respect shown to either party by the narc but both counterparts are trying to hold onto what they've been fed which is the fairytale, soulmate twin flame, once in a lifetime love. I was not the affair partner. I was the LT partner at home with our 3 children and I do hold resentment for the other woman. It is hard. Both parties are indeed being abused.
I was discarded 19 days ago and Ben, it was easy at first because I’d been discarded so many times in the past. But today it feels like I’ve been hut by truck inside. I’ve never done drugs but i can imagine this is what withdrawal feels like. WHY IS THIS?!
Hope you're doing much better now, but it might be worth checking up on what trauma bond is so you can better understand what you went through and why. X
The narc I was with had a whole secret family. He was with her for 17 years!! He would spend 6-8 months with me at a time, so I never knew he was in a whole other relationship! When he would " disappear" randomly..he always had the best excuse...he got arrested for a bad warrant... he had to go out of town to visit his sick mom etc etc... I would have never found out if the "wife" didn't find out about me and contacted me on FB after two years of "thinking" I was in a whole relationship with him
Ok so am I the only person who's angered that the side person is participating in an affair? Yes the narcissist is doing wrong, of course! But I wouldn't feel bad for anyone sleeping with my boyfriend/husband. They are both being cheaters. I'm very disappointed by this.
You have every right to be angry at the side piece too. No one can cheat alone. Affairs are 50/50 in guilt because we are not children. We're adults that need to own our mistakes. Vows are not the be all, end all, of morality. It's Do Unto Others, as You want Done to You. We know narcs have no concept of this simple rule of life. There are 8 billion people on the planet but the OP (other person) wants what's on someone else's plate. Unless the side piece is as innocent as Amber Fry, who had no clue that Scott Peterson was married until she saw his wife, Lacy, on the news, reported as missing ... then the OP (other person) is guilty. I don't care if the married person told her he was unhappy in his marriage, he's still married. It's also important to recognize that there 2 different kinds of affairs ... deliberate and non-deliberate. The latter is also called the common affair. So in the deliberate affair, the cheater seeks what he finds. He fully intends to cheat. He's the guy who will hide his ring, lie about single status or doesn't hide a damn thing because he met someone as gross as he, someone with no empathy for the spouse being cheated on. This is the case where there may not just be one narcissist involved in the affair, there are two. Both are in this for themselves, both are after narcissistic supply, and don't care what it does to anyone else. In the common affair ... it's WAY different. The cheater does not seek what he finds. He may not even believe himself capable of cheating. It's always going to be a coworker, a mutual friend or an acquaintance of some kind ... and this OP will pretend she cares about him and wants to be a friend.He really believes they are "just friends" at the start. But this OP is the narcissist. Like Ben said in one of his past videos, once you admit cracks in your marriage, the narcissist is already thinking of ways to take your spouse's place (so see? He's not calling the married person the narc in that case). The cheater in this situation may say he's unhappy in his marriage but again, it doesn't mean he was looking to cheat. We are all unhappy in marriage sometimes! Life is hard. And we vent. The problem is not that we vent ... it's that we vent to the wrong person. I, personally, know a man who's son, his only child, has a terminal illness. This illness has been so horrific, he & his wife have been traumatized, in & out of hospitals 28 times in 3 years. One day, that man went out for drinks with an old work buddy ... a male. Well, a female who knew that male, invited herself over. As soon as she heard who the man was (his son's story is well known), she went to work. She had lost a child many years ago but that's also a problem. She should not have been trying to "comfort" him. If you understand the 7 stages of grief, she had reached the final stage. You hate what happened, but it happened. You can't change it. Life has to go on. This man's suffering with his son, was fresh. He was not emotionally stable. He was not divorced, never claimed to be divorced. This chick (who's not pretty in the slightest- he described her as ugly to two people shortly after they met) went to work- padding his ego, relating, understanding. She mirrored him hard, she picked up whatever he put down ... she was a complete cockroach. She really acted like his new best friend and yes, he fell into affair fog which is the same as narcissistic fog, making you believe what's not real. It's similar to what happens to a child who is groomed by a pedophile. She doesn't have to be beautiful, he just feels attached to her, addicted to her validation. And she keeps pushing boundaries ... he's convinced she is a good person, so what's happening can't be bad. They did have an affair, which he confessed to his wife quickly. The guilt was too much. He still loved his wife but in affair fog, was trying to figure out how to stay friends with the narcissist. Quickly, on the OP's side, there was emotional blackmail, guilt, more manipulation. She would demean his wife ... trying to convince him she was his soulmate, not his wife. His marriage survived by the grace of God because he fought for it. He went to therapy, he went no contact with the OP, his fog broke. He was so profoundly changed, he now uses what he went thru to stop others on this path ... he tells them how fake affairs are. Whatever stress you are under, the OP preys on that. But with your wife, you have a real life and real life gets hard. But the OP is just there, licking your ass and telling you how perfect you are. He said she kept validating him, and in turn, invalidating his wife ... when she never met the wife or got her side of the story. But the narcissist OP? She continued to try to break no contact. For at least a year and a half after he cut her off, there were 5 or 6 contact attempts ... this despite the fact that she love bombed someone else and moved him in. Once he left her, she couldn't handle being alone. So with a boyfriend at home, she still texts other men. She also tried to enlist two flying monkeys to pass on her messages- telling one of them, she'd dump the guy she's with if the married guy came back. Can you imagine? She basically said she's a narcissist without using the word ... she admitted USING a guy until the one she wants comes back. The flying monkey was too stupid to notice. So yes ... married is still married. Unhappily doesn't justify crap. DO UNTO OTHERS, AS YOU WOULD HAVE DONE TO YOU. Period. God Bless!
My advice is to get rid of a narcisstic. This person will never be raw no transparent about who they are because they really do not have a sense of identity of who they are anyhow. Find someone transparent with you so you won’t be confused what type of relationship you really have. Don’t waste your time
When I met mine Ben, He told me he was done with her and that he wanted to be with me. That turned out to be a lie though. He kept seeing her behind my back and when he told us about each other. He kept going back and forth between us and kept lying to us both about being done with the other woman. When that wasn't the fact at all. This went on for almost two years. Until finally this year. I left him and I am never going back to him again. It was a nightmare!
I was the LT partner of eight years and yes I blame him mostly and his latest didn't know initially but after a month or so I found out and confronted her and she knew everything. She still chose to get involved after that repeatedly and even blocked me so I couldn't text her anymore to tell her that we were indeed still together, she'd rather listen to his lies. I felt bad for her at first but now I have no respect for her either, she chose to continue being a sidepiece knowing that it's hurting someone and didn't care.
Wow, I don't hear about 'future faking' much and I've watched a LOT of videos on narcissism recently. So, future faking is a narc making promises to his girlfriend or spouse he doesn't plan to keep? And I don't hear much about them having (maybe many) other partners than his main one. Thanks for bringing this up!
My narc changed passwords and all. Went as far as buying and hiding condoms, sleeping with his phone. When I saw what was on his phone he turned it on me as if it was my fault for finding it. He didn’t show any emotion about me finding out. I’m still trying to cope almost regret looking 😢
You are lucky!(?) in that my ex narc would have NEVER bought or worn condoms-and had a “burner” phone he kept in his workout bag. Found out many of his rendezvous were during his “gym”time. Such painful memories- divorced him almost 20 years ago and raised our 3 kids practically alone. He was a failure as a husband and a dad. Rest in peace - gone now due to his own self destructive habits. He hurt so many women. I still think about him, and his actions shaped my life . But I’m better every day
This just happen to me after going back and forward with me and this other woman .. he actually had dated other women and apparently always goes back to her. She’s 10 years younger than him it’s been like 9 years of them going back and forward of course he made his perfect supply; his kids don’t like her at all. But, She keeps taking him back they don’t have kids together but her kids sees him as father figured … I just realized I wasted 3 years with someone who was just lying, fake future stories with me, hovered me so many times … we are neighbors so they will see me I don’t care good luck to them but now I am getting self healing, loving me back I won’t be the same I was 3 years ago but I have boundaries now, I will be a much better version of myself. He used to have family time with me and his kids won’t have that with her only her kids.. Thank you for all your talks as I tried to think he is not an narcissist You come with up with another issue that is soooo Him now I think she’s a Narcissist too .. but now I am fighting to get my peace back and let them go
Very similar to my situation yes his on-off ‘ex’ who is 13 yers his junior (looks like a kid like a Lolita) I think is also a narc and they‘ve done the can’t live with/without dance for 20 years - drugs/alcohol most of it he’s been sober since 2016 but still addicted to weed. They use 3rd parties to reignite the spark. She twice ‘stole’ him from me I was so naive to buy his BS and took him back. Both of them have incredibly low self-esteem, are insecure and jealous of other healthy people. Both carry toxic shame.
@@grand_air_trine_astro I was with him for 3 years the second time I took him back the agreement was that he had to go to therapy he only went went like for a month and said he knew what to do because they will text back and forward she will use unknown numbers it was very sick my friends even saw him on a dating site he sign up with a picture I took recently coming back from Disney ..and I could go on and on … I end up mentally, emotionally and physically bad … I left in this past January after having the filling that they were texting … he try to get her back right after we were done maybe before … now i just know it was a waste of time and I have to concentrate on myself get back my confidence back … hope you are doing good and keep listening to Ben they aren’t worth your peace
It happened to me with his roommate. Not married. She also bullied me. I thought I was the girlfriend. I was the mistress, clearly. He did nothing to build a relationship with me. Just have me around. Build his narrative. Play the victim. He does this (his roommate too) to people's faces. No-one says anything. She can keep him. He can keep her. Peas in a pod. He just laughed it off.
My ex was banging her ex husband, a guy with an infant at home with his gf, a guy with a pregnant gf at home, and a dirty yoga hippie…that I know of. All in the span of 3 months after hoovering me back. These people have no conscious whatsoever.
16 months out from 28 years I cant seem to move on he has gosted me we have 2 adults kids they still see him but for me he treats me like I dont exist so cruel 😢
It's tough specially all the time you invested and love you have. Healing takes time. Please if you need to talk and want to try our coaching let me know.
"they will take you to another state to marry you" Oh holy shit!!!! Omg!!! He took me to his home state...makes me wonder how many affairs he's having?!?!. He will not loose me from the marriage because HE'S not ready to do that!!! Been separated for over two years and he will not leave me alone...stalking and texting...but I will not respond. Yes he wants his cake and too eat it too as he's fine with not living together but still wants a relationship with me!?!? He's much older than I am and I think that's a domination issue also.... Thank you for this video! More confirmations🔥♥️
I thought I wasn't in an affair for 4 going on 5 years. I just found out he's engaged to get married in October. Here's the kicker....she's a relationship therapist specializing in infidelity and personality disorders. How in the world did she not see this since he apparently was with her before me. I haven't told him I know yet....I will. We're long distance and live 3.5 hours apart. I want to see his face when I let him know .....I know whats up and kiss my ass goodbye.
Does the narcissist treat the wife better or the affair partner better? Is it possible that only one of them is being subjected to his narcissistic behaviour (cheating aside)
I would hope due to the loyalty to his wife that she would be his priority, but we are talking about a narcissist. They care about no one but themselves.
When an old supply contacted me, all I could say was sorry. I was guilty because of what I did, I fucked up. P.S. in my situation narc got back to old supply, smeared me (probably told her that I was trying to ''steal'' him, a grown ass man in his 30s when I was 20 )to her because she called me and told me to kill myself (which I deserved). But what's fucked up is that she had all the evidence in messages, calls etc but stayed and chose to bury a head in a sand, blame me 100%.But it's cool because I got my karma(fucked up health, shattered self-esteem, guilt, shame. etc) ,I sure learned my lesson, but she is still there wasting her life with him. To all the ''side dudes and chicks '' out there remember they don't love you, they are using you for SX, validation whatever.... and they will go back to dump your ass or be with you and do the same to you. Run! And you ain't special , also the old supply is not boring. Narc made everything up, so you would go along with the fiasco and even feel that you are rescuing him.it's sick
My narc want his mistress to believe I will not divorce him but now I wish she would knocked on the front door and tell me she can be a better wife then me so I can grab my bags hand her the keys and run!
So, I put my husband out for physical abuse. He was having multiple affairs, I don't understand why he's saying he has no where to live. Wth!!! Why doesn't he just go live with one of those women? This is so exhausting
Let's council women to VALUE marriage.... FAMILY...MORALS......waiting and hoping your "boyfriend" leaves his family so you can be with him? Let that sink in...
I've been having n on n off affair with a married woman who's fb friends with all of my family and I'm tired of it and want out! But I just recently found out she's been talking to a male cousin of mine as well and honestly it's killing me inside bcuz what can I do about it?.... Nothing!! I need help please! 911
Long story short... recently ended an 19 year relationship with my CASH-carrying, cocaine addicted with a high sex drive covert-narc that doesn't have a real job. He has admitted to cheating on me several times with females I KNOW or know of. Over the last 3 years or so, he has repeatedly ghosted me for up to 3 or 4 months at a time. Isn't that a sign he's been, not only cheating on me, but having another "grilfriend" ? What are the odds please? Thank you.
The Narc I knew was married. He's from Nigeria came to America and excused his cheating ok for Nigerian culture. That cheating is okay. I asked if it's ok and not an issue, why doesn't your Nigerian wife agree with your cheating? He said that she confronts women that he's cheating with.
What if the new supply is 32 the man is 60 and hes love bombing telling all this stuff so she thinks he likes her more than he says so when he does and they she is pregnant isn't that perfect he has to tell his mate or wife whichever one it is I'm just a secondary supplier and want my position to stay the way it is
Do you have a video on why narcissistic mothers go "over the line" and are very sexual with their new boyfriends in front of their kids? My daughter told me that "mom lick her new boyfriend's tongue in front of me. I don't like to watch, but she just laughs in my face". What is this about?
Yes they cheat…. This man I know had 975 followers on Facebook and they were all women he is 72 and they were all in their 20s and 30s so you tell me what the heck that is….SICK
What guys and girls want life partner. Trying to be famous as team work or enemies. Is that for real? Moves TV not but reality? Ha good luck for that. Is better be fictional story not the base on story.
@@heavenlyprecog23 it’s on him but she knows what he doing to his family , he got caught now it’s a shit show … same age as our kids she thinks she’s going to get the family business gold digger probably a narc too
You are projecting your pain and entitlement on others! You blame the side piece but why are you tolerating being cheated on and lied to? Just because you are legally bound to him? That’s entitlement. If your self-respect is violated by his actions you should set boundaries and walk away but admit it the money and your time invested keeps you there. Most of you are staying for the money not love. Don’t tell me you are genuinely in love with a cheater? You have work to do just like the man and the side chick. All three at fault.
@@grand_air_trine_astro he’s acting like he’s not doing anything, we work and have a family business and barley make ends meet .. nothing will never be enough for that man .. he’s just trying to figure out his new character that he’s going to turn into .. I’m not going to be around to support his foolish crap .. I get to throw away a life I’ve worked hard for .. too old for this shit
@@grand_air_trine_astro unfortunately I do love him and I have to be deprogrammed into no loving him I’m not a robot that can turn off love . We worked and live together for 30 years.. I don’t believe I’m in any condition to live in a cardboard box and let this daughter girlfriend combo have my life ..
If they will do it WITH you, they will eventually do it TO you.
If you can't go to their house, it call them at certain times, then there you go, you have your answer!
They will cheat on you as they cheated on others.
Gather your dignity and self respect, and move on with your life.
100% agreed with you Rebecca.
Sometimes you need to step back and look at the situation and think for yourself what you want. Xx
Affair partners are narcissistic as well. No feelings or empathy towards the family they are ruining! If a person is married stay away from them! It will spare a lot of hurt feelings. PERIOD!
Happened to me. Wife was seduced and abandoned the family out of the blue. She fell into limerence and thought he was her new life. Her Narc lover played her then dumped her once they where caught. The asshole had no problem destroying my family and could care less the damage to myself and my kids as well as my wife. Just a game to a narc.
@@PJHEATERMANthis is happening to me right now bro… my wife is gone..
@@jaydenlowe4716 So sorry. Play your cards right, find a strategy. Why do you think she left.?
Except it won’t. The narcissist will just go get it somewhere else. The problem is not the side piece, who would not be there if the person in the commitment did not want them to! That problem cannot be fixed from the outside of the couple “being torn apart”. The tearing apart is done by the ones INSIDE the couple.
Why on earth should a complete stranger have more empathy for a wife/husband than their own husband/wife? Think about that.
I was with the narc husband for 24 years. I had no clue he was cheating. When the 1st affair became known I fell into a deep depression. He had hidden it so well. And the worse part was the side piece was a good friend. My kids were devastated. Upon learning on NPD, I came to the realisation that the red flags had always been there. I didn't know they were red flags. I was so deeply immersed in the mental fog of the trauma bond. It's like the moment his affair became known, the mask came off completely and his cruelty had no end. His brutal discard soon after brought about the discovery of his so many other affairs and other baby mamas. The new supply he is now with and moved in with was also part of our daily lives. He straight away started a family with her. She keeps rubbing their relationship in my face to show me that she has won. I struggle with CPTSD, depression and anxiety. My kids also are still healing from the pain of their betrayal. It still hard to believe that people can be so evil and cruel.
Thank you for sharing, it's a tough journey you have been through and still going through...I wish your family the healing you deserve. We never fully know someone, and it's not your fault. Keep it up, you are strong!
I'm sorry you went through this the one I was married to for 15 years slept with my daughter and got her pregnant I had no clue this was going on behind my back I even went to the delivery of the baby I threw the baby shower and still did not know that they were sleeping together we're all going through something because of these demonic things but what I will tell you is this she's not going to get a better relationship with him so she really didn't win anything I know to you it looks like roses from the outside but the inside I'm sure she'll soon find out the horror story she signed up for and even though I know you're hurt now you'll be happy that you got out when it comes to my daughter he snuck around for 10 years with her behind my back so it was almost like my whole relationship was a lie now she's crying to me saying she wants to kill herself because their situation didn't work out it was almost like when I removed myself he started abusing her so keep your head up stay strong you'll get through this take it one day at a time💖💖💖👍👍👍
@@misstd158 My heart goes out to you and each and every single person who has had the misfortune to become involved with these demonic entities. I feel sorry for those who had no idea about the spouse or long term partners but for those who did and still partook in the affairs and assisted in hurting and breaking apart families? God have mercy on them. In my case, the new supply thinks that by having one baby after another with him will get him to stay or that she can change him. What they fail to understand is that a narcissist is a narcissist and will always be a narcissist. They are what they are and have been given over to their sick and depraved minds. Also remember, a relationship founded on secrets, lies and the pain of others will never prosper.
@@hazeleyes2381 thank you and I agree with you a thousand percent the kids didn't make him stay with my daughter either she had a daughter right after she had a son he doesn't even speak to her now he doesn't support the children either he is now on with another female after he tour my family apart and don't forget there was another female before me with a child and he doesn't take care of that baby either the only reason why he was taking care of the baby when he was with me was because I was making him do it as soon as I left him alone the girl was calling my phone because he refused to take care of the baby so the kids don't matter you're right 👍
Evil this world 🌍 is. My granddaughter left my Grandma and their 5 kids for her Best friend and her 5 kids. Lived across the street & my grandma watched him bring groceries for the other house 🏘️ and not his own . He's s n his 80's. and still with the person .but still a serial cheater.
Hey side piece ! If you know they are married,your getting everything you deserve!
Amen!
I don't feel sorry for any side piece especially when they know their a side piece they get what they deserve
The problem is I feel like everyone is a « side piece » for a narcissist in terms of true commitment, married or not - what I mean is they usually cheat on and triangulate everyone, their other supplies are usually exes who used to be their primary supplies and became trauma bonded before being slowly devalued, and they typically lie about their current situation. So those who are with narcissists shouldn’t get too egotistical about what type of supply we think we are and why we’re ‘better’ than the other supplies or we risk blaming the wrong party, not moving on, and falling into the same trap ourselves.
@@theresamurphy3351 let me explain something to you I was a wife of a narcissist for 15 years so I understand it quite well and the side piece that the narcissist I was with was messing with she knew all about me and she still messed with him so I don't care if she was twisted upside down back and forth bent backwards she would have never been trauma bonded if she would have never messed with a married man so she got exactly what she deserved like I said I understand quite well for the ones that don't know that these people are in relationships I can give them the benefit of the doubt but in my case she knew all about me and she still messed with him so once again she got what she deserved 🤪🤭🤭
Pretty much!
@@misstd158 agreed 🤣
Most women on the side never knew there was anyone else. If they could manipulate you, you don't think they can manipulate someone else? Would you feel it fair to say you got what you deserved? For all you know you were a side chic when they met you too. Maybe they weren't married, but they never go without supply so maybe stop and think about that one before you say it out loud.
Here’s a crazy idea; don’t get with anyone with a partner. Period. Husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend. Shouldn’t that be off limits?! Narcissistic or not. I get it if you had no idea if someone else was involved. Then truly, that’s not your fault. But if you know, then that is indeed your fault.
rest assured most side pieces had no idea what they were pulled into till it was too late. For me it was 1.5 years into it that she messaged me asking me to leave her family alone. Surprise was an understatement! They lived apart already when we met. I was ok to visit his place. So no I had no reason to beleive he was in any way attached. I checked his facebook also at the start thoroughly the only family picture was from before we met.
@@grand_air_trine_astro I can’t disagree with you at all. I’m damn sure a side piece without knowing it at all. However it just sounded like this woman knew. And I feel like it’s just different when you know. That’s all. You still have to take accountability when you knew the other person was involved in some way shape or form.
Yes
@@grand_air_trine_astro hate to be hard on you but even if the picture on FB was from before you met, the fact that it was still up should have told you something.
Kind of like how we knew we were being abused but kept going back. It’s being under a spell you don’t know you’re under. Ignorance and making poor decisions. You don’t know until you know- REGARDLESS if we think someone SHOULD know better about something. We should have known better than to stay with someone like the narc, yah know. It’s a poor decision based on our programming and the narc abuse as a side dish.
When it comes to a Narcissist, there is a good chance you were the side chick at some point. Being married to a Narcissist doesn't mean the blame is on the side chick..... who may not even know the truth ....it's the Narcissist who ruined the marriage always....ALL WAYS.
Except if the narcissist is the side piece….
Being with my ex narc for the past 6 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I hired a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Once I knew what the narc was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!
It took me 14 years to catch my narcissistic wife. Of course, I didn’t know she was a narcissist back then. I didn’t even know what narcissism was. A part of me always knew that she wasn’t faithful to me. It was just that whenever I voiced my concerns or asked for some reassurance, there was hell to pay. She put me through a mental gauntlet of feigned outrage, moral indignation, gaslighting, and flipping reality on its head in order to make me the bad guy. She repeatedly set what little progress I had made in trying to have a good relationship with her, back to square one. She exploited my deepest desires-to have a good marriage and to keep our family together, by always keeping one foot out the door and threatening to leave. So, I learned to carefully pick my battles…. and worse. I learned to put the blinders on and to pretend that she wasn’t up to no good. I also learned to convince myself that I was the problem. And then one day, while she was at work, I decided to clean out the car. She had a nasty habit of treating the backseat like a dumpster. As I stuffed empty wrappers, bottles, and cups into a trash bag, I found an envelope with her name on it. Thinking it might be important, I decided to look at its contents before I threw it away. It was a letter from some guy who was clearly in love with her. He expressed how he wanted more from her than their secret rendezvous. There was no mistaking what he meant. Even though my heart was crushed, I regained my power in the very next moment. I drove to where she worked, and I angrily approached her. Her eyes fell on the letter in my hand, and her shoulders slumped in silent defeat. She quietly said, “I can’t talk right now, but I’ll be home in an hour.” “Good!” I replied. “I’ll be waiting!” Then I turned on my heel and stormed out the door. Now that the cat was out of the bag, she admitted the entire affair-including all the places where they would meet up. As difficult as that was to hear, I stood by, ready to forgive her. I was well-practiced in starting over from square one, and I eagerly waited for the opportunity to roll up my sleeves and to get to work. But she played the wounded victim as convincingly as Amber Heard, and she asked me to wait for two days while she decided what she should do. Of course, I said yes. Even though I had been married to her for 14 years, I still had no idea what I was dealing with. In the midst of that painful discussion, she was plotting her next move. It turned out that she needed two days to think because that’s when her boyfriend would return from his business trip. She wanted to be in a relationship with him, but when he refused to leave his wife for her, she decided to stay married to me. Of course, I didn’t know any of this at the time. I only knew that after two days, she decided to stay. Being the eternal optimist that I am, I saw this as an opportunity for a brand new start, and I convinced myself that we were finally going to have a good marriage. But she didn’t share my optimism, and it was obvious that her heart wasn’t in her decision to stay. We suffered together for another 2 weeks when she blamed me for her affair. That’s when I finally threw in the towel. We divorced on friendly terms, and we made all our own arrangements for custody and child support. We only needed a lawyer to draft and file the appropriate documents. The laws have changed since those days, and you can’t do that kind of stuff anymore. Anyway, during our many conversations to dissolve our marriage, she admitted lots of things that I didn’t know about-including the fact that she was never faithful to me. If I had understood narcissism back then, I would have handled things differently. I wouldn’t have put up with her mental abuse, and I would have left her years earlier. Moreover, I was able to track all phone activities using RYAN JAMES +1 (315) 313-4128 Totally untraceable, cheap, and anonymous. Let him know I referred you.
You know her telling you details was another tactic to control your emotions
I agree with what you said , had I known about narcissism back then I would have left a lot sooner and would have saved myself a world of hurt and confusion
Sounds like a spam comment trying to sell a "spy service". But good story.
I imagine that as long as the 'supplies' don't find out about each other the Narcissist will just carry on telling them exactly what he tells the other. Or, depending upon the number of supplies he may risk triangulation in order to nake one particular supply work even harder for his attention. AWedding Ring makes naff all difference. 🍒
@EXPOSED. Algerian satanic narcissist. Bilal lakama Showing any kind of emotion about him makes him think he's won.
This is why I check public records for criminal activity, marriages and divorces, etc.
How do you find divorces? I’m trying to find reasons/clues why they divorced.
Rather than knocking on a door of course.
THIS
Yep I do the same thing. If she wants to investigate me go for it. I have nothing to hide.
I see many comments saying that the side piece is guilty for being involved with a married person, while forgetting we are on a post about Narcissists. Most Narcs will downplay the marriage (ie: married on paper but in the process of divorce and the spouse doesn’t want to sign the divorce papers or the side piece doesn’t find out about the marriage until far down the line).
Don’t make excuses, if they are in a bad marriage or even legally separated, they are STILL MARRIED!
There is plenty of fish in the sea, why would you ever date a married person?
Nope 👎 if one is married a woman knows this…. Absolutely unacceptable. What one reaps they will sow…
The worst is when the affair partner KNOWS that the narc is in a relationship WITH you. Enabling to the extreme, and very predatory. My ex had someone in her friend group that she was FWB with, and whenever I brought him up, she got so mad. He would also flirt with her regularly (never when I was there), and she would tell me about it after the fact.
Misery loves company.
Same situation for 5 years! I even met his son - he brought him over for a week holiday, he even 'moved countries' to be with me but never stayed too long always citing he was missing the kids which no mother ( I have a grown son) can say anything against so it was so convincing than he went back more and more and acted bored, distant with me. The ‘new life’ with me lasted from last October to now but after new year he was there more than here. As far as I know they weren't married and lived separately...but could well have been married. They are such good manipulators some could get an Oscar for their performance.
Biggest pretenders EVER!! Full of deception, lies and confusion
I was in a “relationship” with a guy who was married for 12yrs and had a kid, and I didn’t know it. He actually had me in their home. We had sex in their bed and I had no idea. And I found out because I did some “digging” because I just kept getting a feeling that he was lying to me. It was over a year and a half into it. I left him when I found out but of course didn’t go no contact because at the time I just figured he was an asshole. So he kept calling and texting me, telling me that they don’t sleep in the same bed, that he’s leaving etc. and that he had never been with anyone like me and wanted to be with me, he “loved me”, wanted to marry me etc. And of course, I fell for it. Because I was trauma bonded (and stupid apparently). So I took him back. He never left, and had others besides me, and because I took him back after finding out he was married, he would triangulate me with the wife and with the other women that he would say were “just friends” or a “work wife”. There were times I really felt that he wanted the wife to find out about me.
The even crazier part of this whole thing, it’s been a year and a month that I’ve last spoke to him/saw him (I now have him blocked on everything) and I still think about him. It’s not everyday like it was in the beginning, but there’s not a week that goes by that he doesn’t pop in my head. And I really hope that I eventually stop having thoughts of him at all.
I’m nearly 2.5 years away from only 5 months with one and I’m still ruminating.
I cannot wait til it’s erased. I want it erased.
@@chilloften Still ruminating after 3 years in the discard. But not as much as before. We had been married for 19 years but been together for 24 years when he discarded me and the family.
You're suffering from Limerence.
How did you not see any of the wife's possessions in the house?
@@Cerez78 they had a massive house. I was only ever in one section of the house. There was nothing there to see. Just some paintings etc. no family pictures, nothing that screamed “there’s a female living here”.
I was a side piece. I didn’t sleep with him, but my behavior was disgraceful and inappropriate.
I’m married as well…. To a wonderful man 🙏🏼 I’m not proud of having been a side chick. It makes me sick to say the very least. But sometimes people make horrible choices. If anyone wants to cast the first stone….
It boils down to the principal of making shitty decisions. Primarily due to behavioral shit from major childhood trauma, ignorance, selfishness and delusion. Trauma bonds are formed and take ahold. You know this. If anyone hasn’t displayed or possessed any of those behaviors in your life…. I’m absolutely amazed. Bravo!
I, myself, am human. I’m trying… but I have a ton of deep shit to heal. I’m imperfect, Ive made a lot of shitty decisions. When this was happening I was in complete cognitive dissonance and had no clue about codependency, narcissism, trauma bonds, etc.
I take full responsibility for my behavior, whether or not I knew fully what the impact my decisions would make. It happened. I was partly to blame. Now I see why I did what I did. I see the dysfunctional dynamic my husband and I were living in and why this affair started in the first place. I see that because of this shit show. I also see now what this other person actually is- a narcissist. All I can do at this point is make a living amends and do better, which I am.
So as far as hating the side chick…. I get it…. I don’t want to come off insensitive. But some of us actually care, however, we have behaviors caused by trauma… just like you, and you, and you. Just trying to heal and be a good person.
🙏🏼
I can relate
You sound just like my wife except you have a understanding of bad behavior and it's consequences. My wife has no empathy and suffers from low self esteem. She was seduced and became limerent from her Narcissist lover. After the affair was exposed he dumped her and came crawling back. I had to pick up the pieces of my marriage for my children's sake.
@@PJHEATERMAN sounds like my experience other than by the Grace of God I was saved from that shit show before I lost everything. Taught both my husband and myself so much about “us” and what was broken. Limerence. When I learned about that it blew my mind. I learned how damn narcissistic I can be and how codependent I am and always have been. Nope. No more. So I thank the Narc in my story for the hell we went through. It’s made us better and the awareness is priceless. Also- taught me this whole life experience is about spiritual warfare, man. Legitimately.
I hope you’re doing well these days 🙏🏼
@@Ehuff Met her in 1986. Married in 1989. 10 years later and 3 kids my youngest being 2 years old she went into a limerence state with her narcissistic limerent object. 33 years later we celebrated our anniversary. Everything in between this was a shit show. My children saved me. They saved her as well.
@@PJHEATERMAN We could all write a book, right? Thankful your story took a happy turn:)
This is such a vicious circle where two people are fed lies and pitted against one another before one of them even knows the other exists. It is true in some cases that if the wife or LT partner leaves, the narc in the relationship will try and reel back in that person and turn them into the new side piece. Geesh, that gave me a headache to type out. There is no respect shown to either party by the narc but both counterparts are trying to hold onto what they've been fed which is the fairytale, soulmate twin flame, once in a lifetime love. I was not the affair partner. I was the LT partner at home with our 3 children and I do hold resentment for the other woman. It is hard. Both parties are indeed being abused.
Poppoop
Yep , everything revolves around the narc & we are just a pawn in their game !!
I've been on both sides. They both... suck. The main... The side... Be with someone who values you enough to make you the only.
I will never go back to my ex narc , just trying to get over everything he did and I allowed
U didn't allow it u were abused x
I was discarded 19 days ago and Ben, it was easy at first because I’d been discarded so many times in the past. But today it feels like I’ve been hut by truck inside. I’ve never done drugs but i can imagine this is what withdrawal feels like. WHY IS THIS?!
Hope you're doing much better now, but it might be worth checking up on what trauma bond is so you can better understand what you went through and why. X
I was the wife with a narc spouse who traveled constantly once we were married and realized I was the side chick in my own relationship.
Wow, that's rough.
The narc I was with had a whole secret family. He was with her for 17 years!! He would spend 6-8 months with me at a time, so I never knew he was in a whole other relationship! When he would " disappear" randomly..he always had the best excuse...he got arrested for a bad warrant... he had to go out of town to visit his sick mom etc etc... I would have never found out if the "wife" didn't find out about me and contacted me on FB after two years of "thinking" I was in a whole relationship with him
Ok so am I the only person who's angered that the side person is participating in an affair? Yes the narcissist is doing wrong, of course! But I wouldn't feel bad for anyone sleeping with my boyfriend/husband. They are both being cheaters. I'm very disappointed by this.
Yes, but the big picture is no one deserves this. They would leave you in a flash if you did it to them. Bye bye narc
You have every right to be angry at the side piece too. No one can cheat alone. Affairs are 50/50 in guilt because we are not children. We're adults that need to own our mistakes. Vows are not the be all, end all, of morality. It's Do Unto Others, as You want Done to You. We know narcs have no concept of this simple rule of life. There are 8 billion people on the planet but the OP (other person) wants what's on someone else's plate. Unless the side piece is as innocent as Amber Fry, who had no clue that Scott Peterson was married until she saw his wife, Lacy, on the news, reported as missing ... then the OP (other person) is guilty. I don't care if the married person told her he was unhappy in his marriage, he's still married.
It's also important to recognize that there 2 different kinds of affairs ... deliberate and non-deliberate. The latter is also called the common affair. So in the deliberate affair, the cheater seeks what he finds. He fully intends to cheat. He's the guy who will hide his ring, lie about single status or doesn't hide a damn thing because he met someone as gross as he, someone with no empathy for the spouse being cheated on. This is the case where there may not just be one narcissist involved in the affair, there are two. Both are in this for themselves, both are after narcissistic supply, and don't care what it does to anyone else.
In the common affair ... it's WAY different. The cheater does not seek what he finds. He may not even believe himself capable of cheating. It's always going to be a coworker, a mutual friend or an acquaintance of some kind ... and this OP will pretend she cares about him and wants to be a friend.He really believes they are "just friends" at the start. But this OP is the narcissist. Like Ben said in one of his past videos, once you admit cracks in your marriage, the narcissist is already thinking of ways to take your spouse's place (so see? He's not calling the married person the narc in that case). The cheater in this situation may say he's unhappy in his marriage but again, it doesn't mean he was looking to cheat. We are all unhappy in marriage sometimes! Life is hard. And we vent. The problem is not that we vent ... it's that we vent to the wrong person.
I, personally, know a man who's son, his only child, has a terminal illness. This illness has been so horrific, he & his wife have been traumatized, in & out of hospitals 28 times in 3 years. One day, that man went out for drinks with an old work buddy ... a male. Well, a female who knew that male, invited herself over. As soon as she heard who the man was (his son's story is well known), she went to work. She had lost a child many years ago but that's also a problem. She should not have been trying to "comfort" him. If you understand the 7 stages of grief, she had reached the final stage. You hate what happened, but it happened. You can't change it. Life has to go on. This man's suffering with his son, was fresh. He was not emotionally stable. He was not divorced, never claimed to be divorced. This chick (who's not pretty in the slightest- he described her as ugly to two people shortly after they met) went to work- padding his ego, relating, understanding. She mirrored him hard, she picked up whatever he put down ... she was a complete cockroach. She really acted like his new best friend and yes, he fell into affair fog which is the same as narcissistic fog, making you believe what's not real. It's similar to what happens to a child who is groomed by a pedophile.
She doesn't have to be beautiful, he just feels attached to her, addicted to her validation. And she keeps pushing boundaries ... he's convinced she is a good person, so what's happening can't be bad. They did have an affair, which he confessed to his wife quickly. The guilt was too much. He still loved his wife but in affair fog, was trying to figure out how to stay friends with the narcissist. Quickly, on the OP's side, there was emotional blackmail, guilt, more manipulation. She would demean his wife ... trying to convince him she was his soulmate, not his wife. His marriage survived by the grace of God because he fought for it. He went to therapy, he went no contact with the OP, his fog broke. He was so profoundly changed, he now uses what he went thru to stop others on this path ... he tells them how fake affairs are. Whatever stress you are under, the OP preys on that. But with your wife, you have a real life and real life gets hard. But the OP is just there, licking your ass and telling you how perfect you are. He said she kept validating him, and in turn, invalidating his wife ... when she never met the wife or got her side of the story.
But the narcissist OP? She continued to try to break no contact. For at least a year and a half after he cut her off, there were 5 or 6 contact attempts ... this despite the fact that she love bombed someone else and moved him in. Once he left her, she couldn't handle being alone. So with a boyfriend at home, she still texts other men. She also tried to enlist two flying monkeys to pass on her messages- telling one of them, she'd dump the guy she's with if the married guy came back. Can you imagine? She basically said she's a narcissist without using the word ... she admitted USING a guy until the one she wants comes back. The flying monkey was too stupid to notice.
So yes ... married is still married. Unhappily doesn't justify crap. DO UNTO OTHERS, AS YOU WOULD HAVE DONE TO YOU. Period. God Bless!
The side piece owes you zero loyalty!!!!! It’s the scum bag guy who needs to be the one to control his D! Peiod
Narcissists are highly manipulative. They have zero empathy and will lie their ass off. The “side piece” is a victim.
My advice is to get rid of a narcisstic. This person will never be raw no transparent about who they are because they really do not have a sense of identity of who they are anyhow. Find someone transparent with you so you won’t be confused what type of relationship you really have. Don’t waste your time
Going No Contact with a Narcissist is Necessary for Healing ruclips.net/video/4Qk3bsDAX60/видео.html
When I met mine Ben, He told me he was done with her and that he wanted to be with me. That turned out to be a lie though. He kept seeing her behind my back and when he told us about each other. He kept going back and forth between us and kept lying to us both about being done with the other woman. When that wasn't the fact at all. This went on for almost two years. Until finally this year. I left him and I am never going back to him again. It was a nightmare!
I was the LT partner of eight years and yes I blame him mostly and his latest didn't know initially but after a month or so I found out and confronted her and she knew everything. She still chose to get involved after that repeatedly and even blocked me so I couldn't text her anymore to tell her that we were indeed still together, she'd rather listen to his lies. I felt bad for her at first but now I have no respect for her either, she chose to continue being a sidepiece knowing that it's hurting someone and didn't care.
Wow, I don't hear about 'future faking' much and I've watched a LOT of videos on narcissism recently. So, future faking is a narc making promises to his girlfriend or spouse he doesn't plan to keep? And I don't hear much about them having (maybe many) other partners than his main one. Thanks for bringing this up!
Marilyn Monroe found out about this narcissistic trait the hard way....
They lead totally secret lives. Horrible 😢
My narc changed passwords and all. Went as far as buying and hiding condoms, sleeping with his phone. When I saw what was on his phone he turned it on me as if it was my fault for finding it. He didn’t show any emotion about me finding out. I’m still trying to cope almost regret looking 😢
You are lucky!(?) in that my ex narc would have NEVER bought or worn condoms-and had a “burner” phone he kept in his workout bag. Found out many of his rendezvous were during his “gym”time. Such painful memories- divorced him almost 20 years ago and raised our 3 kids practically alone. He was a failure as a husband and a dad. Rest in peace - gone now due to his own self destructive habits. He hurt so many women. I still think about him, and his actions shaped my life . But I’m better every day
This just happen to me after going back and forward with me and this other woman .. he actually had dated other women and apparently always goes back to her. She’s 10 years younger than him it’s been like 9 years of them going back and forward of course he made his perfect supply; his kids don’t like her at all. But, She keeps taking him back they don’t have kids together but her kids sees him as father figured … I just realized I wasted 3 years with someone who was just lying, fake future stories with me, hovered me so many times … we are neighbors so they will see me I don’t care good luck to them but now I am getting self healing, loving me back I won’t be the same I was 3 years ago but I have boundaries now, I will be a much better version of myself. He used to have family time with me and his kids won’t have that with her only her kids.. Thank you for all your talks as I tried to think he is not an narcissist You come with up with another issue that is soooo Him now I think she’s a Narcissist too .. but now I am fighting to get my peace back and let them go
Very similar to my situation yes his on-off ‘ex’ who is 13 yers his junior (looks like a kid like a Lolita) I think is also a narc and they‘ve done the can’t live with/without dance for 20 years - drugs/alcohol most of it he’s been sober since 2016 but still addicted to weed. They use 3rd parties to reignite the spark. She twice ‘stole’ him from me I was so naive to buy his BS and took him back. Both of them have incredibly low self-esteem, are insecure and jealous of other healthy people. Both carry toxic shame.
@@grand_air_trine_astro I was with him for 3 years the second time I took him back the agreement was that he had to go to therapy he only went went like for a month and said he knew what to do because they will text back and forward she will use unknown numbers it was very sick my friends even saw him on a dating site he sign up with a picture I took recently coming back from Disney ..and I could go on and on … I end up mentally, emotionally and physically bad … I left in this past January after having the filling that they were texting … he try to get her back right after we were done maybe before … now i just know it was a waste of time and I have to concentrate on myself get back my confidence back … hope you are doing good and keep listening to Ben they aren’t worth your peace
I don't feel bad for the other person either. If he lied then yes but if he straight up told you, then no. You get what you deserve.
In both csses they knew I was married and didn't care no empathy
It happened to me with his roommate. Not married. She also bullied me. I thought I was the girlfriend. I was the mistress, clearly. He did nothing to build a relationship with me. Just have me around. Build his narrative. Play the victim. He does this (his roommate too) to people's faces. No-one says anything. She can keep him. He can keep her. Peas in a pod. He just laughed it off.
My ex was banging her ex husband, a guy with an infant at home with his gf, a guy with a pregnant gf at home, and a dirty yoga hippie…that I know of. All in the span of 3 months after hoovering me back. These people have no conscious whatsoever.
16 months out from 28 years I cant seem to move on he has gosted me we have 2 adults kids they still see him but for me he treats me like I dont exist so cruel 😢
It's tough specially all the time you invested and love you have. Healing takes time. Please if you need to talk and want to try our coaching let me know.
"they will take you to another state to marry you"
Oh holy shit!!!! Omg!!! He took me to his home state...makes me wonder how many affairs he's having?!?!. He will not loose me from the marriage because HE'S not ready to do that!!! Been separated for over two years and he will not leave me alone...stalking and texting...but I will not respond. Yes he wants his cake and too eat it too as he's fine with not living together but still wants a relationship with me!?!? He's much older than I am and I think that's a domination issue also....
Thank you for this video! More confirmations🔥♥️
My grandfather did this to his third wife😩😳
That's horrible😔
Thanks
I thought I wasn't in an affair for 4 going on 5 years. I just found out he's engaged to get married in October. Here's the kicker....she's a relationship therapist specializing in infidelity and personality disorders. How in the world did she not see this since he apparently was with her before me. I haven't told him I know yet....I will. We're long distance and live 3.5 hours apart. I want to see his face when I let him know .....I know whats up and kiss my ass goodbye.
Wow! Same situation
Does the narcissist treat the wife better or the affair partner better? Is it possible that only one of them is being subjected to his narcissistic behaviour (cheating aside)
Thank you for the comment, i'll answer this in an upcoming video! Please stay tuned
I would hope due to the loyalty to his wife that she would be his priority, but we are talking about a narcissist. They care about no one but themselves.
When an old supply contacted me, all I could say was sorry. I was guilty because of what I did, I fucked up.
P.S. in my situation narc got back to old supply, smeared me (probably told her that I was trying to ''steal'' him, a grown ass man in his 30s when I was 20 )to her because she called me and told me to kill myself (which I deserved). But what's fucked up is that she had all the evidence in messages, calls etc but stayed and chose to bury a head in a sand, blame me 100%.But it's cool because I got my karma(fucked up health, shattered self-esteem, guilt, shame. etc) ,I sure learned my lesson, but she is still there wasting her life with him.
To all the ''side dudes and chicks '' out there remember they don't love you, they are using you for SX, validation whatever.... and they will go back to dump your ass or be with you and do the same to you. Run! And you ain't special , also the old supply is not boring. Narc made everything up, so you would go along with the fiasco and even feel that you are rescuing him.it's sick
My narc want his mistress to believe I will not divorce him but now I wish she would knocked on the front door and tell me she can be a better wife then me so I can grab my bags hand her the keys and run!
So, I put my husband out for physical abuse. He was having multiple affairs, I don't understand why he's saying he has no where to live. Wth!!! Why doesn't he just go live with one of those women? This is so exhausting
Let's council women to VALUE marriage.... FAMILY...MORALS......waiting and hoping your "boyfriend" leaves his family so you can be with him? Let that sink in...
So what about the "husband" being another woman's "boyfriend"?
My husbands side piece knew he treat her like a queen
I've been having n on n off affair with a married woman who's fb friends with all of my family and I'm tired of it and want out! But I just recently found out she's been talking to a male cousin of mine as well and honestly it's killing me inside bcuz what can I do about it?.... Nothing!! I need help please! 911
Long story short... recently ended an 19 year relationship with my CASH-carrying, cocaine addicted with a high sex drive covert-narc that doesn't have a real job. He has admitted to cheating on me several times with females I KNOW or know of. Over the last 3 years or so, he has repeatedly ghosted me for up to 3 or 4 months at a time. Isn't that a sign he's been, not only cheating on me, but having another "grilfriend" ? What are the odds please? Thank you.
The Narc I knew was married. He's from Nigeria came to America and excused his cheating ok for Nigerian culture. That cheating is okay. I asked if it's ok and not an issue, why doesn't your Nigerian wife agree with your cheating? He said that she confronts women that he's cheating with.
5 years.. Breast cancer later.. Renewed wedding ring.. after he said to his wife... She will be dead soon... The day I had my surgery
Im sorry you had to go through that. I wish you well on your healing....
I need more info on this and help
What if the new supply is 32 the man is 60 and hes love bombing telling all this stuff so she thinks he likes her more than he says so when he does and they she is pregnant isn't that perfect he has to tell his mate or wife whichever one it is I'm just a secondary supplier and want my position to stay the way it is
I don’t feel sorry for my husband ap she tormented me while I was pregnant she was evil just like him
I don’t feel empathy. She knew he had a woman I approached her with respect and she was happy to be chased and played by him .
Do you have a video on why narcissistic mothers go "over the line" and are very sexual with their new boyfriends in front of their kids? My daughter told me that "mom lick her new boyfriend's tongue in front of me. I don't like to watch, but she just laughs in my face". What is this about?
What is a toxic affair?
Yes they cheat….
This man I know had 975 followers on Facebook and they were all women he is 72 and they were all in their 20s and 30s so you tell me what the heck that is….SICK
Marriage should be against the law, people get bored it just normal
What guys and girls want life partner. Trying to be famous as team work or enemies. Is that for real? Moves TV not but reality? Ha good luck for that. Is better be fictional story not the base on story.
Hey side piece think of the lives ur destroying
It should be on the man more because if you don’t hold him accountable, he’ll think it’s fine…just fyi
@@heavenlyprecog23 it’s on him but she knows what he doing to his family , he got caught now it’s a shit show … same age as our kids she thinks she’s going to get the family business gold digger probably a narc too
You are projecting your pain and entitlement on others! You blame the side piece but why are you tolerating being cheated on and lied to? Just because you are legally bound to him? That’s entitlement. If your self-respect is violated by his actions you should set boundaries and walk away but admit it the money and your time invested keeps you there. Most of you are staying for the money not love. Don’t tell me you are genuinely in love with a cheater? You have work to do just like the man and the side chick. All three at fault.
@@grand_air_trine_astro he’s acting like he’s not doing anything, we work and have a family business and barley make ends meet .. nothing will never be enough for that man .. he’s just trying to figure out his new character that he’s going to turn into .. I’m not going to be around to support his foolish crap .. I get to throw away a life I’ve worked hard for .. too old for this shit
@@grand_air_trine_astro unfortunately I do love him and I have to be deprogrammed into no loving him I’m not a robot that can turn off love . We worked and live together for 30 years.. I don’t believe I’m in any condition to live in a cardboard box and let this daughter girlfriend combo have my life ..