Honestly, OP ex dodged a massive bullet by going NC. She clearly did not love him enough to respect his boundries. And i really feel bad for the next guy she cons into dating her.
Especially when she cut contact with her own mom, but didn’t gave him the same benefit of the doubt. Imagine how she would feel if her ex contacted her mom for the same reasons…
nah, OP was right for looking into the past of someone she was going to marry. Her ex was wrong for moving foward in a relationship based on truth if he couldn't be honest with her. And OP didn't try to force any reconciliation
@@ShiNijuuAKLNo she tried to force him into contact with people who were complicit in his abuse, and did it with the understanding they wanted to reconcile with him and build a relationship. When he had been very clear about not speaking to them period. If someone tells you that they won’t do something for any reason and you try to force them to even if they don’t tell you why you should respect that, and if you can’t you should leave them.
I feel like she wanted OP to forgive her parents because she's worried that he might not accept some of HER behavior and go NC too. projecting herself onto thesituation
S1: She used her trauma as justification for her actions, but acted like his own trauma couldn't be the reason why he wouldn't want to open up and that he MUST be hiding something or lying.
And to make matters worse, she decided to dig up a problem that happened *years* before the fiance ever met her. It was already something he had put behind him until she needlessly Unearthed the trauma and made him have to confront it again. And for what? Just because her trauma says she can't take anyone's word for it and that she needs to go investigating to get both sides of the story. Hope it was worth it.
S1: OP didn't do this because of her trauma: she's just selfish. Why do I think this? Because her mother actually painted her dad as the villain: she didn't avoid any conversations of her dad but intentionally lied to her. So even if the ex told her the truth, she would've contacted his parents, thinking, "I only know one side of the story. Who's to say my fiancé isn't painting their parents as monsters?" Either way, OP was just thinking of herself over her partner's boundaries and mental health.
Nah, you are entitled to know the details of someone you are going to marry, the ex was wrong for moving ahead with their relationship without being honest.
@@ShiNijuuAKLPeople like you are why people like the ex's parents and the uncle will keep existing. Victim blamers, enablers, etc. all of you lack empathy and will do anything to victim blame. Focus on how the ex is somehow the problem, screw the OP, screw the parents, screw the uncle. Screw the fact that no one is entitled to learning your trauma. You don't care like the parents didn't care about pimping out their son or the creepy uncle didn't care about touching a child. They'll keep doing it because they know people like you won't focus on them: you'll just go victims like the ex.
@@ShiNijuuAKL Nah, she had no right to reach out to his family behind his back. It wasnt her relationship to fix and now she is suffering the consequences of it
@@joeysonofjohn " It wasnt her relationship to fix" do you guys just read the title and then twisted the story you listen to fit that title? This was not about fixing their relationship, but about OP finding out the truth as her BF didn't want to say anything about it
Yeah they only cared about money and image it makes me sick that they did nothing even when it was happening in their faces. I don't think the uncle came out unscathed from prison.
Story 1: OP needs therapy before she even considers a new relationship. Even she acknowledges that she doesn't handle her trust issues in a healthy way. What she failed to grasp is that she's not the only one with a past that wasn't sunshine and rainbows and that sometimes when people say they don't want to talk about something it's because there's hurt there. What seems to elude her, though, is she not only ripped open his old wounds but forged a link between those wounds and her. He's never coming back, and for good reason.
But did you have existing trust issues that you were open to him about but your husband hasn't told you a thing about his trauma? I get she went about it in a terrible manner but why hadn't he told her about his past before proposal so she would know not to look into it. He clearly didn't trust her with knowing his past, he wasn't ready for marriage.
@OTPulse That last part I can agree with. Her fiance should have been at least somewhat open and said that there was sexual abuse in his past without going into details. Sexual abuse is hard to talk about, so I can understand not wanting to go into details. Regardless, she still crossed a major boundary, and I don't blame her fiance for feeling different about the relationship.
@@Espresso_plz Yeh I do agree it was a crossed boundry. But put yourself in her shoes, that you've been open about your past and your fiance is hiding his. Wouldn't you want to know why your soon to be husband's side of the aisle will be void of his family and when ever you ask he dodges the question. If I'm about to spend the rest of my life with someone I'd at least want a basic level of understanding why he's avoiding his family. He clearly didn't trust his fiance as far as I'm concerned Is critical information about himself. Just a simple at any point in their relationship he could have said "I'm no contact with my family due to physical and emotional abuse to me they covered up for financial gain, it's traumatic to me so they will not be attending our family events and wedding". Except he kept her 100% in the dark.
“Oh woe is me, how could he leave me, I hate myself for hurting him so I’m going to tell the internet what happened to him even though he didn’t even want me to know. This isn’t more proof that I suck, right?”
Besides the fact that this may very well be AI, reddit is pretty much anonymous. We don't even know where in the world this happens, so telling the internet the story is not telling the world a thing about her ex.
@ “Pretty much anonymous” said every criminal who boasted about their crime on Reddit and then were SHOCKED that they immediately got caught. More importantly, it’s about respect. No, there’s only a slight chance he might be recognized by someone close but it’s not about people finding out that he knows. It’s about sharing something private openly with others.
@@shells500tutuboreddit isn’t anonymous, there was a post a while ago, where an op tried to play the victim, lied about events and a person who knew about the events found the post either by looking themself or was tipped off by another person and exposed the op, to the point the op deleted their account.
Story 1 this is the third story I heard like this. Where a spouse goes behind their back to welcome the estranged back into their lives. One is communication because they don't tell them why their estranged. Two is just respect their boundaries.
Story 1: When someone is traumatized, they don't always want to talk about it/share their story. They are often careful about who they do share with. I am sorry OP went through what she did with her mother. She needs to work through it and was blessed her fiancé initially agreed to counseling. The fiancé can also take the steps to come to terms with what happened to him. In these kinds of situations, the victim is often blamed and not supported. In this case, after what happened, it takes a special kind of person to be willing to forgive and reconcile. Fiance could do the former, but not the latter. Story 2: I am glad OP woke up and smelled the coffee. Young couples can make it work if not relationship wise, then co-parenting wise. I wish them all the best. Caveat: OP's sister needs to be ready to lawyer up. Get new copies of the documents if not able to get them otherwise. Story 3: I'm glad OP spouse has a good sense of humor. Sounds like an authentic relationship.
So, the OP who has 'trust issues' agreed to marry someone she, in no uncertain terms, doea not trust so much, she tried facted checked him using his abusers and trauma. May she never be trusted again. Awful. Good for him to walk away from her. Sharing trauma is never on anyone elses terms but it does say something that he never felt comfortable to be raw about his before all that.
OP 1 is the worst kind of person. Basically regretting it only after she gets her way because that's all that matters. He didn’t 'mean everything' to her when she wanted to know his 'secret'. Disgusting
I can understand the first OP wanting to know the truth of your partner's past, especially when it comes to estrangement from family. But forced reconciliation is NEVER the way to go about it.
Story 1 Op big Ah it’s so funny it’s I’m asking for forgiveness then permission. My trauma the most important so it’s justification for my crappy behaviour
Story 1: The saddest thing of all is that the OP does not understand, even after all of that she fails to realize that ultimately she needs therapy to start to learn about having a healthy relationship. 2 things here: 1) When a child goes NC with parents, it is bad, and the fault lies with the parent. 2) There are some trauma's that is so painful, just talking about it can do far more damage and harm. And her going behind his back, is a betrayal, he would never forgive or forget. Once she did the trust and relationship was effectively over.
Perhaps with therapy she will learn that a person like her ex is not suitable for a healthy relationship. He is secretive and also trying to make this all about what SHE did wrong, but the reality is that if he weren't so closed off she would not have become so obsessed to know what the issues are he has with his family. Given her own story she is understandably not accepting of his vague answers. SHE dodged the bullet more than the other way around, and he is trying to gaslight her into thinking it was because of her that he lost his trust, but it was really because of HIS inability to be truthful. Just telling her that his parents allowed him to be bullied and mistreated by his uncle for years when uncle was living with them would be enough information to somewhat give her an idea of why he is estranged.
@@shells500tutuboOh we go you’re really trying to blame him after what she did? SHE didn’t dodge the bullet, HE was the one who dodged the bullet. He is the victim in this post not her, she chose to go behind his back. He wasn’t secretive, he just didn’t want to share his personal stuff, he’s making this about what SHE did wrong because SHE is indeed in the wrong.
@shells500tutubo The only true reason behind a person going behind his or her Significant Other's back about their family relationships is to find something to hold over that person's head. Any other reason given is merely a justification for their toxic behavior. Anyone who doesn't respect and honor your boundaries is a sick individual and thus not worthy of your love or your respect.
@@shells500tutubo You do not understand, and are wrong. When a person is violated like that, it is deep, very deep. The victim will hit rock bottom, thinking often that they are at fault. They feel worthless, and ultimately when they do get away from that situation, 2 things are clear, 1) they want to get as far away from the area. 2) Because of the nature of the violation, they do not want to talk about it. Just talking about it brings up very painful memories. What makes this more tragic, is that the parent, who are suppose to protect, ultimate knew and supported the offender. Then blamed the victim. they are monsters themselves. Who would want to bring up those kinds of memories? Victims of heavy child abuse that lasted years, assault victims, the last thing they want to do is be associated with or even talk about. No OP was in the wrong, did not trust her BF, and violated his trust.
If a partner says they're no contact with someone, I'd never try to force or even suggest reconciliation. It's not hard to respect that or to understand that some people just suck all the way down to their core and need cutting off. This whole "but family" thing is a blight, blood means nothing in the long term if they're abusive ppl
I have found that when people tell me they had a bad childhood, I just sympathize with them and ask no further questions. For some reason most of those people end up telling me over time what happened to them without me asking.
ST1 OP: I've always struggled with trust. Yeah no shit, what she seems to struggle most with is respecting other people's trust and bulldozing over them.
OP1 learned all the wrong lessons from her mother. She became manipulative and dismissive of others feelings in favour of what she considered to be 'the right thing to do' as well and it has cost her.
S1: All she had to do was sit down with him and voice her concerns. You know, communicate like most couples should. She would never make a good wife with that attitude.
@shadabkhan-sy3sp which was his right to do. She had no right to go behind his back like she did. Besides- she would've done it even if he had told her because she would've convinced herself she needed "both sides of the story"
@@shadabkhan-sy3sp yeah because he's traumatized. Nobody likes to relive such horrible past. Sure he didn't answer right away but to go behind his back and open old wounds instead of respecting his decision
@@reneeharper84 It was not his right for him to think he deserved all this respect and commitment when he was not willing to tell the truth about his estrangement from his parents. He has a right to not tell, but she has the right to leave, and she is lucky he broke up with her because he is NOT ready for marriage.
@shells500tutubo if knowing every tiny detail of his trauma is the only way she can give him a basic amount of respect for his boundaries she should've told him that and left. And she would still be wrong and need therapy, but not nearly as wrong as she is now. He has stated a simple boundary- i don't speak to my parents. Simple basic respect should've been enough for her to not betray him.
OP in story 1 is such an arrogant and condescending pos. One of those people who always knows best, who always has to win, who always has to have it their way. They will just ignore everything anyone else says and keep grinding until they get what they want, because they always know better. I bet you anything that if we were to hear OP's ex fiancé's side of the story he'd tell you about a relationship where he made all the compromises, where she always made all decisions and he was just a passenger in the life of her, a minor supporting character to her main character.
so wait op who cut her mother off for betrayal. Did it to her boyfriend she went behind his back to contact ppl who he obviously didnt want in his life and who hurt him. he did the right thing and op has boundary problems shes always overstepping it seems
she selfishly did what she wanted to soothe her own anxiety and trauma, at the cost of his and his mental health. Op needs therapy, partners do not owe you an explanation of trauma or why they cut off family unless it puts you at risk. I understand trauma, but hurting other people for it is not acceptable
So op in the first story thought it was a good idea to go behind his back and contact people he doesn't want in his life and is now trying to use her trauma to justify her actions saying it was her trauma that caused her to do it no you're a grown woman who made that choice on your own and him breaking up with you is your consequence you should've sat down with him and ask why he doesn't talk to his parents and if he doesn't want to talk about it move on from the topic and let him tell you when he's comfortable telling you.
Good on OPs ex for getting rid of her I've never seen a more self centered monster with a victim complex in my life The entire post was just 'me me me me me me me me' Miss me with that BS Even after she knew the truth, she's STILL making it about her "maybe he didn't want to hurt me more than he already had" EXCUSE ME?! THE PERSON CAUSING HURT WAS YOU!!!
Story 1, OP is self-righteous and believes she knows better than everyone else, especially the individual affected. Also, men are not comfortable sharing trauma, especially their significant others. We find, often, those very individuals use that trauma against us later if sharing it doesn't irrevocably damage the relationship in the first place. One massive red flag that more than justifies his reluctance to share is her apparent need to make everything about her and her trauma as evidence that throughout the story, she kept focusing on her trauma.
S1: Nope, just nope. First, she used her trauma as an excuse for making stupid and bad decisions. She said she had trust issues and she needed more information than he was giving her. Went behind his back and then believed every word they said instead of trusting his "i dont want them in my life." Then, when she is told about his trauma, she says he deserves to make his own decisions. That's convenient now after she blew up his life behind his back. She made this about her, and she needs to fix herself because she is toxic and needs therapy.
First story: OP needs therapy to get over her trust issues. She nuked her own relationship because she couldn’t simply trust her ex and went snooping just because she thought he was hiding some big shady secret that was going to hurt her. She’s just lucky she didn’t actually try to force her boyfriend to reconcile with his parents/stage a surprise visit like I’ve seen in past Reddit stories. That would had been a lot worse for everyone.
It is not going fucking blind into a relationship equal to "trust issues". I'm sorry but the ex is in the wrong, if he can't be honest about his past he shouldn't be marrying anyone
Tbf if you cant share your biggest deepest traumas with the person your going to marry you shouldn't marry them. But op should have definitely kept her nose out of it and waited until he was ready.
“marriage is suppose to be about trust and honesty” yes 2 things you didn’t afford him congratulations. you’re an ah who played yourself. i hope he finds someone who truly loves and supports him.
@@shells500tutuboI don't think that's completely accurate. He was honest and didn't lie about anything. Not wanting to go further into his trauma is not being dishonest. Choosing not to tell the whole story is not about trust because it's not about OP. It was about himself. He simply doesn't like talking about it and it's traumatising for him. It's not that he doesn't trust OP; it's about how he can't confront it himself yet. If he is still struggling to remind himself of it, how can you expect him to tell someone else? OP made it about herself rather than thinking about her fiancé. However I do think he needs to work on that trauma moving forward. However, I personally think this is on OP. Her trust issues make her think everything is about her. "He's not telling me because he doesn't trust me" doesn't seem like the case in this scenario. It's simply extremely traumatising for him to talk about. So I do think OP failed on trust and honesty and I don't think you can say the same for her fiancé.
Story 1: OP is a real piece of crap when someone tells you no, you respect it, you don't know best, and to be honest, you've never known best, I'm glad he's left you
All I heard was me, me, me. If you truly love a person, you wait until they tell you. Especially with this case. You don't push them to tell you. What a stupid OP.
Story 1: OP is facing her karma by not respecting her ex-fiancés boundaries! Stop blaming your trust issues on the fact that OP wanted to go no contact with his family! She needs to work on herself before getting into a relationship with anyone! He was traumatized as a youth OP, no one wants to talk about that because it is reopening old wounds. I feel bad for the boyfriend!
Story 1: of he did the same thing and brought your mom back into your life how would you feel. This is not an attack but before doing things you got to think no matter the circumstances. Trust is important and without that we can build a strong foundation. Be mindful of your actions
Story 1: I can't stand when people try to apply their life experience to other people's lives. Yes, it was betrayal. Don't marry if knowing is that big of a deal... S 3 was great, wish it had a 2nd update.
Story 1: I always wonder what the people who tried forced reconciliation where thinking but this story just confirms that where as selfish. as the family that got cut-off.
Story 2: I hope that OP and Ella will go no contact with their awful father and stepmother, Penny! I am glad that Ella has moved out her toxic fathers house! Father and Penny are complete toxic, selfish, deranged narcissists!
You'd think with her experience, OP would know better than to try to pressure her bf to reconcile with his relatives.🙄 IMO, though, I think the bf should have given her some idea as to why he doesn't want to see them, but she is a huge idiot.
S1: On one hand you should trust your partner if they can’t talk about something, on the other if you can’t trust your partner with such a life altering experience then you shouldn’t be getting married.
Exactly! This is not all on Op by a long shot. None of that would have happened if he had told her what his parents and uncle did, and those people who say she would have still contacted them I say bullsh*t. Especially if he showed her the court transcripts.
"I'm so hurt, my fiance left me for going behind his back and reaching out to his parents because I couldn't trust him.! Reddit make me feel better.! Validate me.!
Never let your own insecurities and issues make you do something potentially shattering to the person you care about. There are other ways, and if there arent, let it go or youre not compatible. Simple. Because the alternative is to do what OP did in Story 1 and lose the complete trust of the person you claim to love.
honestly can't be mad at OP on story 1 because she didn't know what she was getting herself into but I also can't be mad at the guy for his reaction as well
Uhh if her restraining orders were approved they must have been for a pretty good reason and if she has a court approved restraining order then legally he can’t be around you either also why did takes months to learn the truth after contacting said dad. Why didn’t he reach out on social media he was just gonna sit there and wai. Ok sure
Story 1 OP didn't do anything for her fiance or for reconciliation of the family. She wanted to get in the good books of everyone. OPs ex dodged a bullet .
"Especially since I have shown I am willing to listen". OP you DIDN'T listen. You did your own things. Granted, I understand your filters. But what makes you think that just because your mom lied that means your fiancee lied. Respect boundaries in your next relationship.
Horrible op first story there's no excuse for what you did violating your boyfriend by forcing reconciliation with his family who defended his sexual predator uncle who raped him😢😮
people never understand the meaning of boundaries. its not smth u enforce on other people, its what u enforce on URSELF. if ure uncomfortable about smth, u have every right to detatch urself from the situation and no one is allowed to stop u from doing that, but u do NOT have the right to pry into businesses that aint urs and call that shit boundaries
Been seeing a lot of comments that the OP’s fiancé was also at fault for what happened for not sharing it with her. I admit while I do understand that, I can’t also help but wonder if deep down, he was afraid to share it with the OP as she would find him ‘dirty’ and leave him. Stuff like that can leave people with serious self-esteem/self-worth issues. On the other hand for OP, I do have to agree with the others she was acting in her own self-interest. She took the words of his ‘parents’ and decided that they and the ex were in a big misunderstanding like she was with her father and thought she could be the hero that fixes it and reunites a family. I wouldn’t be too surprised if the real reason the ex suggested counselling (thus, making him admit his trauma) is because he knew she was going to continue trying to push him into reconciling with his ‘parents’, most likely to the point she would secretly invite them over in an attempt to get them to talk and fix things. Does OP’s ex have a lot of work to do on himself? Yes he does. But does that mean OP was right? No, she wasn’t. She was projecting her own issues onto him and tried to play the hero because of it. She didn’t actually think about her ex’s feelings, just about her own trauma and beliefs, assuming he was like her and needed to talk things out with those people and realize the ‘truth’. On another note, I do have to wonder what the ‘parents’ were really after, since they were lying to the OP to try to get her to reconnect them with their former son. Financial support? Organ donation?
Story 1) so many people putting crap on the OP and not asking why did he propose marriage to a woman he clearly didn't trust telling his past to. Especially one who already opened up to him about her trust issues. Clearly he wasn't ready for marriage, she probably wasn't either if she felt the only way to get answers was to sneak around to get them. She should have said No to marriage until he tells her about his past with his family and why they shouldn't be at the wedding.
Once again for the people in the back: LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE. Yes, you marry into a whole family, but you need to let your partner dictate to what extent your both should have a relationship with their family because of this exact scenario. The parents have many years of practice in being manipulative. Of course they seem sweet and polite - that's how they blend and earn trust before sinking the knife in. The devil never yells; he whispers with a smile.
#1: OP had NO right to act how she did. It was all about her. She wanted to play the hero. Ex-fiancé: "I am breaking up with you. I now know that I can never trust you again. For the record, I was raped by my uncle for years & my parents did nothing to stop it. Feel better now? Pack your shit and never contact me again."
It's always the female op's doing this to their male partners. Very rarely do you see this in reverse, Guys will take their female Partners words at face value.If she says she doesn't want to meet somebody from her past.He doesn't force the issue . But it seems like the female opies never want to take their Partners word at face value. They always have to push figure out why he walked away from people. And then try to tie everything up. So they can be one big happy cohesive family.
Thats always a reason so major that makes people NOT want to reconnect with family; what op ex went through IS one of those reasons. She had no business trying to forced a relationship with a pair of monsters that did nothing for their son and allowed this to happen UNDER THEIR ROOF! And whats worst is op used her own trauma to justify her actions, and that backfired fully to where she should have let this go, or better yet gone to therapy first to try to talk to him about this or for herself about her insecurity and trauma for secrets., not bring the predator's supporters and enablers into his house! WTF is WRONG with YOU?! (I went low contact/no contact with my grandmother; she is the core cause of my depression, emotional pain, and my sister's self--ending attempts. She's alive and in the military doing well after about 2-3 years in therapy and cutting contact with grandmother)
S1: Defense of OP here: If you can't share your past, you're whole past, with someone you're going to marry... DON'T GET MARRIED. Yes, it was wrong to talk to his family, but if definitely was partially his fault for keeping major events from his life from her. I'm going: OP - 60% at fault
Exactly. She's basically saying that because her mother lied to her that nobody is ever completely trustworthy unless she gets both sides of a story, even if it's not worth it to dig up someone else's past to satisfy her curiosity.
On the one hand, I understand why OP1 did it, and that he should have also communicated more clearly considering her history of trust. That being said, she did betray him.
Uhh i feel like im gonna be the only one who is with OP in story 1… although Trauma like that is a VERY good reason to stay NC, OP’s fiancè definitely should have told her everything, and the way he reacted makes me lose even more respect for him… yes, a marriage is about trust, and the fact that he couldn’t trust her speaks volumes
Story 1: Jesus Op truly is a selfish idiot. Some people just don’t want to talk about their trauma and should’ve left it alone. I have issues with trust myself but it’s not an excuse to overstep boundaries.
Everyone’s the asshole here. The wife shouldn’t have forced reconciliation, and the husband needed to go to therapy and communicate better. One simple “hey, I’ve had some pretty bad trauma from my past, but I’ll start going to therapy to work it out” would have fixed this entire situation
Dont want to generalize but I dont why a lot of women want to force closure and reconciliation, never in my life i’ve had men forcing that, only my mom cousin, aunt, female friends
Honestly, OP ex dodged a massive bullet by going NC.
She clearly did not love him enough to respect his boundries. And i really feel bad for the next guy she cons into dating her.
Well, if it's any consolation, this script ranks
Op in story 1 deserves to be alone. Stop with forced reconciliation, if someone doesn't want any communication from someone, don't force it
She has zero respect for her partner, and she should remain alone forever.
Especially when she cut contact with her own mom, but didn’t gave him the same benefit of the doubt. Imagine how she would feel if her ex contacted her mom for the same reasons…
nah, OP was right for looking into the past of someone she was going to marry. Her ex was wrong for moving foward in a relationship based on truth if he couldn't be honest with her. And OP didn't try to force any reconciliation
@@ShiNijuuAKLNo she tried to force him into contact with people who were complicit in his abuse, and did it with the understanding they wanted to reconcile with him and build a relationship. When he had been very clear about not speaking to them period. If someone tells you that they won’t do something for any reason and you try to force them to even if they don’t tell you why you should respect that, and if you can’t you should leave them.
"But I know better!"
"I showed I'm ready to listen" while actively not listening and ignoring his stance on not reconciling with his family. She deserves to be alone.
I feel like she wanted OP to forgive her parents because she's worried that he might not accept some of HER behavior and go NC too. projecting herself onto thesituation
S1: She used her trauma as justification for her actions, but acted like his own trauma couldn't be the reason why he wouldn't want to open up and that he MUST be hiding something or lying.
And to make matters worse, she decided to dig up a problem that happened *years* before the fiance ever met her. It was already something he had put behind him until she needlessly Unearthed the trauma and made him have to confront it again. And for what? Just because her trauma says she can't take anyone's word for it and that she needs to go investigating to get both sides of the story. Hope it was worth it.
@@SnowyWolborg It was, since he is obviously not ready for a committed relationship.
And yet she was so quick to believe their version....makes no sense to me. I'm glad he left. He deserves better.
@@shells500tutubo how was he not ready for a relationship? Does your partner really need to know about your deep seated trauma?
1st op calling fiancé 's parents selfish cowards like she ain 't one 😂
Op wasn't a coward.
@@shells500tutuboshe is a coward.
@shells500tutubo going behind his back and talking to his pimps is very brave thing
@@shells500tutuboOp was a coward.
OP just pisses me off in the first one, it's all about HER trauma, HER issues. What about HIM? She doesn't care in the slightest.
S1: OP didn't do this because of her trauma: she's just selfish. Why do I think this? Because her mother actually painted her dad as the villain: she didn't avoid any conversations of her dad but intentionally lied to her. So even if the ex told her the truth, she would've contacted his parents, thinking, "I only know one side of the story. Who's to say my fiancé isn't painting their parents as monsters?" Either way, OP was just thinking of herself over her partner's boundaries and mental health.
Exactly
Nah, you are entitled to know the details of someone you are going to marry, the ex was wrong for moving ahead with their relationship without being honest.
@@ShiNijuuAKLPeople like you are why people like the ex's parents and the uncle will keep existing. Victim blamers, enablers, etc. all of you lack empathy and will do anything to victim blame. Focus on how the ex is somehow the problem, screw the OP, screw the parents, screw the uncle. Screw the fact that no one is entitled to learning your trauma. You don't care like the parents didn't care about pimping out their son or the creepy uncle didn't care about touching a child. They'll keep doing it because they know people like you won't focus on them: you'll just go victims like the ex.
@@ShiNijuuAKL Nah, she had no right to reach out to his family behind his back. It wasnt her relationship to fix and now she is suffering the consequences of it
@@joeysonofjohn " It wasnt her relationship to fix" do you guys just read the title and then twisted the story you listen to fit that title? This was not about fixing their relationship, but about OP finding out the truth as her BF didn't want to say anything about it
S1: OH f*ck. The poor guy's parents basically pimped out their own son...I really wish him the best in the world😢
Yeah they only cared about money and image it makes me sick that they did nothing even when it was happening in their faces. I don't think the uncle came out unscathed from prison.
@@rogueshark23 At least we can hope so
Story 1: OP needs therapy before she even considers a new relationship. Even she acknowledges that she doesn't handle her trust issues in a healthy way. What she failed to grasp is that she's not the only one with a past that wasn't sunshine and rainbows and that sometimes when people say they don't want to talk about something it's because there's hurt there. What seems to elude her, though, is she not only ripped open his old wounds but forged a link between those wounds and her. He's never coming back, and for good reason.
My husband cut contact with his dad, never have I considered contacting him on my own and talking to him behind my husband's back.
But did you have existing trust issues that you were open to him about but your husband hasn't told you a thing about his trauma?
I get she went about it in a terrible manner but why hadn't he told her about his past before proposal so she would know not to look into it. He clearly didn't trust her with knowing his past, he wasn't ready for marriage.
@OTPulse That last part I can agree with. Her fiance should have been at least somewhat open and said that there was sexual abuse in his past without going into details. Sexual abuse is hard to talk about, so I can understand not wanting to go into details. Regardless, she still crossed a major boundary, and I don't blame her fiance for feeling different about the relationship.
@@Espresso_plz Yeh I do agree it was a crossed boundry. But put yourself in her shoes, that you've been open about your past and your fiance is hiding his. Wouldn't you want to know why your soon to be husband's side of the aisle will be void of his family and when ever you ask he dodges the question.
If I'm about to spend the rest of my life with someone I'd at least want a basic level of understanding why he's avoiding his family. He clearly didn't trust his fiance as far as I'm concerned Is critical information about himself. Just a simple at any point in their relationship he could have said "I'm no contact with my family due to physical and emotional abuse to me they covered up for financial gain, it's traumatic to me so they will not be attending our family events and wedding". Except he kept her 100% in the dark.
“Oh woe is me, how could he leave me, I hate myself for hurting him so I’m going to tell the internet what happened to him even though he didn’t even want me to know. This isn’t more proof that I suck, right?”
Besides the fact that this may very well be AI, reddit is pretty much anonymous. We don't even know where in the world this happens, so telling the internet the story is not telling the world a thing about her ex.
@ “Pretty much anonymous” said every criminal who boasted about their crime on Reddit and then were SHOCKED that they immediately got caught. More importantly, it’s about respect. No, there’s only a slight chance he might be recognized by someone close but it’s not about people finding out that he knows. It’s about sharing something private openly with others.
@@shells500tutuboreddit isn’t anonymous, there was a post a while ago, where an op tried to play the victim, lied about events and a person who knew about the events found the post either by looking themself or was tipped off by another person and exposed the op, to the point the op deleted their account.
Story 1 this is the third story I heard like this. Where a spouse goes behind their back to welcome the estranged back into their lives. One is communication because they don't tell them why their estranged. Two is just respect their boundaries.
Story 1: When someone is traumatized, they don't always want to talk about it/share their story. They are often careful about who they do share with. I am sorry OP went through what she did with her mother. She needs to work through it and was blessed her fiancé initially agreed to counseling. The fiancé can also take the steps to come to terms with what happened to him. In these kinds of situations, the victim is often blamed and not supported. In this case, after what happened, it takes a special kind of person to be willing to forgive and reconcile. Fiance could do the former, but not the latter.
Story 2: I am glad OP woke up and smelled the coffee. Young couples can make it work if not relationship wise, then co-parenting wise. I wish them all the best. Caveat: OP's sister needs to be ready to lawyer up. Get new copies of the documents if not able to get them otherwise. Story 3: I'm glad OP spouse has a good sense of humor. Sounds like an authentic relationship.
Story 1 proof that love alone won't save a relationship respect is also needed
person who dealt with lying parents doesnt expect parents to lie more at 11
oh so op is stupid stupid
Right???😅
So, the OP who has 'trust issues' agreed to marry someone she, in no uncertain terms, doea not trust so much, she tried facted checked him using his abusers and trauma.
May she never be trusted again. Awful.
Good for him to walk away from her. Sharing trauma is never on anyone elses terms but it does say something that he never felt comfortable to be raw about his before all that.
are "trust issues" really an issue these days? it seems like what you need to do deal with people.
Op should’ve gone to therapy after her mom lied to her
“I’ll call her penny cuz that’s all she’s worth” 😭😭l
She isn't even worth that
OP 1 is the worst kind of person. Basically regretting it only after she gets her way because that's all that matters. He didn’t 'mean everything' to her when she wanted to know his 'secret'. Disgusting
She got what she wanted..But refused to realize there would be consequences for getting her wish.
I can understand the first OP wanting to know the truth of your partner's past, especially when it comes to estrangement from family. But forced reconciliation is NEVER the way to go about it.
god save us from people with saviour complexes!!!
Story 1 Op big Ah it’s so funny it’s I’m asking for forgiveness then permission. My trauma the most important so it’s justification for my crappy behaviour
Me me me thats OP
The irony is im pretty sure she would be mad if we would force her to get back in terms with her mother…
S1: Man I hate the “I can fix them” people
Story 1: The saddest thing of all is that the OP does not understand, even after all of that she fails to realize that ultimately she needs therapy to start to learn about having a healthy relationship. 2 things here: 1) When a child goes NC with parents, it is bad, and the fault lies with the parent. 2) There are some trauma's that is so painful, just talking about it can do far more damage and harm. And her going behind his back, is a betrayal, he would never forgive or forget. Once she did the trust and relationship was effectively over.
Perhaps with therapy she will learn that a person like her ex is not suitable for a healthy relationship. He is secretive and also trying to make this all about what SHE did wrong, but the reality is that if he weren't so closed off she would not have become so obsessed to know what the issues are he has with his family. Given her own story she is understandably not accepting of his vague answers.
SHE dodged the bullet more than the other way around, and he is trying to gaslight her into thinking it was because of her that he lost his trust, but it was really because of HIS inability to be truthful. Just telling her that his parents allowed him to be bullied and mistreated by his uncle for years when uncle was living with them would be enough information to somewhat give her an idea of why he is estranged.
@@shells500tutuboOh we go you’re really trying to blame him after what she did?
SHE didn’t dodge the bullet, HE was the one who dodged the bullet.
He is the victim in this post not her, she chose to go behind his back.
He wasn’t secretive, he just didn’t want to share his personal stuff, he’s making this about what SHE did wrong because SHE is indeed in the wrong.
@shells500tutubo The only true reason behind a person going behind his or her Significant Other's back about their family relationships is to find something to hold over that person's head. Any other reason given is merely a justification for their toxic behavior. Anyone who doesn't respect and honor your boundaries is a sick individual and thus not worthy of your love or your respect.
@@shells500tutubo You do not understand, and are wrong. When a person is violated like that, it is deep, very deep. The victim will hit rock bottom, thinking often that they are at fault. They feel worthless, and ultimately when they do get away from that situation, 2 things are clear, 1) they want to get as far away from the area. 2) Because of the nature of the violation, they do not want to talk about it. Just talking about it brings up very painful memories. What makes this more tragic, is that the parent, who are suppose to protect, ultimate knew and supported the offender. Then blamed the victim. they are monsters themselves. Who would want to bring up those kinds of memories? Victims of heavy child abuse that lasted years, assault victims, the last thing they want to do is be associated with or even talk about. No OP was in the wrong, did not trust her BF, and violated his trust.
@@shells500tutubo or, you know, she could respect his boundaries like a partner is supposed to.
If a partner says they're no contact with someone, I'd never try to force or even suggest reconciliation. It's not hard to respect that or to understand that some people just suck all the way down to their core and need cutting off. This whole "but family" thing is a blight, blood means nothing in the long term if they're abusive ppl
I have found that when people tell me they had a bad childhood, I just sympathize with them and ask no further questions. For some reason most of those people end up telling me over time what happened to them without me asking.
@@shells500tutubonot everyone is comfortable or wants others to know about their childhood as was the case with OP’s ex.
@@shells500tutubo yet it’s so weird that you keep judging the ex fiancé for not sharing deep-seated trauma
ST1
OP: I've always struggled with trust.
Yeah no shit, what she seems to struggle most with is respecting other people's trust and bulldozing over them.
OP1 learned all the wrong lessons from her mother. She became manipulative and dismissive of others feelings in favour of what she considered to be 'the right thing to do' as well and it has cost her.
Exactly.
S1: All she had to do was sit down with him and voice her concerns. You know, communicate like most couples should. She would never make a good wife with that attitude.
Actually she did try to ask him but he refused to answer.
@shadabkhan-sy3sp which was his right to do. She had no right to go behind his back like she did.
Besides- she would've done it even if he had told her because she would've convinced herself she needed "both sides of the story"
@@shadabkhan-sy3sp yeah because he's traumatized. Nobody likes to relive such horrible past. Sure he didn't answer right away but to go behind his back and open old wounds instead of respecting his decision
@@reneeharper84 It was not his right for him to think he deserved all this respect and commitment when he was not willing to tell the truth about his estrangement from his parents. He has a right to not tell, but she has the right to leave, and she is lucky he broke up with her because he is NOT ready for marriage.
@shells500tutubo if knowing every tiny detail of his trauma is the only way she can give him a basic amount of respect for his boundaries she should've told him that and left. And she would still be wrong and need therapy, but not nearly as wrong as she is now.
He has stated a simple boundary- i don't speak to my parents. Simple basic respect should've been enough for her to not betray him.
OP in story 1 is such an arrogant and condescending pos. One of those people who always knows best, who always has to win, who always has to have it their way. They will just ignore everything anyone else says and keep grinding until they get what they want, because they always know better. I bet you anything that if we were to hear OP's ex fiancé's side of the story he'd tell you about a relationship where he made all the compromises, where she always made all decisions and he was just a passenger in the life of her, a minor supporting character to her main character.
so wait op who cut her mother off for betrayal. Did it to her boyfriend she went behind his back to contact ppl who he obviously didnt want in his life and who hurt him. he did the right thing and op has boundary problems shes always overstepping it seems
Last story- Sounds like Op and his wife have a great marriage! So refreshing for a change.
"he told me they were part of 'dark days' he didn't want to talk about, and i respected that...
... For a while."
S1: You're just like your mother, you only care about yourself and paint yourself as a heroine when you did all the shit.
she selfishly did what she wanted to soothe her own anxiety and trauma, at the cost of his and his mental health. Op needs therapy, partners do not owe you an explanation of trauma or why they cut off family unless it puts you at risk. I understand trauma, but hurting other people for it is not acceptable
Story 3 is exactly the pallet cleanser i needed after story 1 and 2, thank you very much
People like OP should stay alone because she didn't know the word respect
Story 2, so what the father did. Is it the definition of human trafficking.
So op in the first story thought it was a good idea to go behind his back and contact people he doesn't want in his life and is now trying to use her trauma to justify her actions saying it was her trauma that caused her to do it no you're a grown woman who made that choice on your own and him breaking up with you is your consequence you should've sat down with him and ask why he doesn't talk to his parents and if he doesn't want to talk about it move on from the topic and let him tell you when he's comfortable telling you.
I despise people who try to force you to share. They don't care about you. They care about themselves.
1.- Holy shit, this hypocrite, even by the end, still thinks she's the hero. She's not good for anyone.
And the ultimate game of FAFO is afoot
Story 1 ex fiancé needs to get therapy ASAP. Bottling it up like that is not helping him.
Op got what she was looking for, that's all I'll say
S1 is a good example of generational trauma. The trauma the mom inflicted on OP bled into her relationship with her fiancé who had even bigger trauma.
Good on OPs ex for getting rid of her
I've never seen a more self centered monster with a victim complex in my life
The entire post was just 'me me me me me me me me'
Miss me with that BS
Even after she knew the truth, she's STILL making it about her "maybe he didn't want to hurt me more than he already had" EXCUSE ME?! THE PERSON CAUSING HURT WAS YOU!!!
Story 1: For someone who claims to have trust issues certainly has no trouble betraying others' trust.
Story 1, OP is self-righteous and believes she knows better than everyone else, especially the individual affected.
Also, men are not comfortable sharing trauma, especially their significant others. We find, often, those very individuals use that trauma against us later if sharing it doesn't irrevocably damage the relationship in the first place.
One massive red flag that more than justifies his reluctance to share is her apparent need to make everything about her and her trauma as evidence that throughout the story, she kept focusing on her trauma.
S#3-"nahnahnahbooboo" LMAO 🤣
S1: Nope, just nope. First, she used her trauma as an excuse for making stupid and bad decisions. She said she had trust issues and she needed more information than he was giving her. Went behind his back and then believed every word they said instead of trusting his "i dont want them in my life." Then, when she is told about his trauma, she says he deserves to make his own decisions. That's convenient now after she blew up his life behind his back. She made this about her, and she needs to fix herself because she is toxic and needs therapy.
First story: OP needs therapy to get over her trust issues. She nuked her own relationship because she couldn’t simply trust her ex and went snooping just because she thought he was hiding some big shady secret that was going to hurt her.
She’s just lucky she didn’t actually try to force her boyfriend to reconcile with his parents/stage a surprise visit like I’ve seen in past Reddit stories. That would had been a lot worse for everyone.
It is not going fucking blind into a relationship equal to "trust issues". I'm sorry but the ex is in the wrong, if he can't be honest about his past he shouldn't be marrying anyone
@@ShiNijuuAKL Thank you, another voice of sanity.
@@shells500tutubo so you think the vast majority of people are insane for thinking that what she did was shitty?
Tbf if you cant share your biggest deepest traumas with the person your going to marry you shouldn't marry them. But op should have definitely kept her nose out of it and waited until he was ready.
Going behind his back, trampling over his boundaries. Wow, the audacity.
“I learned the hard way that people closest to you can lie manipulate and control under the guise of love” oh OP you are a hypocrite
“marriage is suppose to be about trust and honesty” yes 2 things you didn’t afford him
congratulations. you’re an ah who played yourself. i hope he finds someone who truly loves and supports him.
You are ignoring the fact that he did not trust Op with his past and was not honest.
@@shells500tutuboI don't think that's completely accurate. He was honest and didn't lie about anything. Not wanting to go further into his trauma is not being dishonest. Choosing not to tell the whole story is not about trust because it's not about OP. It was about himself. He simply doesn't like talking about it and it's traumatising for him. It's not that he doesn't trust OP; it's about how he can't confront it himself yet. If he is still struggling to remind himself of it, how can you expect him to tell someone else? OP made it about herself rather than thinking about her fiancé.
However I do think he needs to work on that trauma moving forward. However, I personally think this is on OP. Her trust issues make her think everything is about her. "He's not telling me because he doesn't trust me" doesn't seem like the case in this scenario. It's simply extremely traumatising for him to talk about. So I do think OP failed on trust and honesty and I don't think you can say the same for her fiancé.
@@shells500tutuboYou are ignoring the fact that she did not respect his boundaries and was not honest.
Story 1: OP is a real piece of crap when someone tells you no, you respect it, you don't know best, and to be honest, you've never known best, I'm glad he's left you
The one boundary he sets for her she goes and breaks.. She has no clue how to love and respect another person
All I heard was me, me, me. If you truly love a person, you wait until they tell you. Especially with this case. You don't push them to tell you. What a stupid OP.
Even after she learned the truth she couldn't let sleeping dogs lye. Sheis way too selfish.
But she didn't learn the truth until the relationship was basically over.
Story 1: OP is facing her karma by not respecting her ex-fiancés boundaries! Stop blaming your trust issues on the fact that OP wanted to go no contact with his family! She needs to work on herself before getting into a relationship with anyone! He was traumatized as a youth OP, no one wants to talk about that because it is reopening old wounds. I feel bad for the boyfriend!
Same here!
"Marriage is supposed to be about trust and honesty"
Says the woman who broke trust _first_
“I did this because I love him “. BS she did it because she thinks she knows better when in reality she knows NOTHING!!
Story 1: of he did the same thing and brought your mom back into your life how would you feel. This is not an attack but before doing things you got to think no matter the circumstances. Trust is important and without that we can build a strong foundation. Be mindful of your actions
It is not the same, because OP actually his honest about why she is NC with her mom
@@ShiNijuuAKLit is the same because he would be bulldozing over her boundaries of nc with her mother.
Story 1: I can't stand when people try to apply their life experience to other people's lives. Yes, it was betrayal. Don't marry if knowing is that big of a deal... S 3 was great, wish it had a 2nd update.
I told y’all when someone tells you they don’t mess with their family… believe them!
Story 1: I always wonder what the people who tried forced reconciliation where thinking but this story just confirms that where as selfish. as the family that got cut-off.
Story 2: I hope that OP and Ella will go no contact with their awful father and stepmother, Penny! I am glad that Ella has moved out her toxic fathers house! Father and Penny are complete toxic, selfish, deranged narcissists!
You'd think with her experience, OP would know better than to try to pressure her bf to reconcile with his relatives.🙄 IMO, though, I think the bf should have given her some idea as to why he doesn't want to see them, but she is a huge idiot.
S1: On one hand you should trust your partner if they can’t talk about something, on the other if you can’t trust your partner with such a life altering experience then you shouldn’t be getting married.
Exactly! This is not all on Op by a long shot. None of that would have happened if he had told her what his parents and uncle did, and those people who say she would have still contacted them I say bullsh*t. Especially if he showed her the court transcripts.
"I'm so hurt, my fiance left me for going behind his back and reaching out to his parents because I couldn't trust him.! Reddit make me feel better.! Validate me.!
Never let your own insecurities and issues make you do something potentially shattering to the person you care about. There are other ways, and if there arent, let it go or youre not compatible. Simple. Because the alternative is to do what OP did in Story 1 and lose the complete trust of the person you claim to love.
“why didn’t he ever tell me” because all you ever did was talk about yourself babe
honestly can't be mad at OP on story 1 because she didn't know what she was getting herself into
but I also can't be mad at the guy for his reaction as well
Uhh if her restraining orders were approved they must have been for a pretty good reason and if she has a court approved restraining order then legally he can’t be around you either also why did takes months to learn the truth after contacting said dad. Why didn’t he reach out on social media he was just gonna sit there and wai. Ok sure
Story 1 OP didn't do anything for her fiance or for reconciliation of the family. She wanted to get in the good books of everyone. OPs ex dodged a bullet .
"Especially since I have shown I am willing to listen". OP you DIDN'T listen. You did your own things. Granted, I understand your filters. But what makes you think that just because your mom lied that means your fiancee lied. Respect boundaries in your next relationship.
Horrible op first story there's no excuse for what you did violating your boyfriend by forcing reconciliation with his family who defended his sexual predator uncle who raped him😢😮
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY THERE SHOULD BE NO FAMILIAR LAW
OP deserves nothing.
Story1: so OP has trust issues, and goes and trusts his parents?? Goes straight to them and not to his aunt first?
people never understand the meaning of boundaries. its not smth u enforce on other people, its what u enforce on URSELF. if ure uncomfortable about smth, u have every right to detatch urself from the situation and no one is allowed to stop u from doing that, but u do NOT have the right to pry into businesses that aint urs and call that shit boundaries
This thumbnail are what an actual f!!!! Op wtf she's doing,
Been seeing a lot of comments that the OP’s fiancé was also at fault for what happened for not sharing it with her.
I admit while I do understand that, I can’t also help but wonder if deep down, he was afraid to share it with the OP as she would find him ‘dirty’ and leave him. Stuff like that can leave people with serious self-esteem/self-worth issues.
On the other hand for OP, I do have to agree with the others she was acting in her own self-interest. She took the words of his ‘parents’ and decided that they and the ex were in a big misunderstanding like she was with her father and thought she could be the hero that fixes it and reunites a family. I wouldn’t be too surprised if the real reason the ex suggested counselling (thus, making him admit his trauma) is because he knew she was going to continue trying to push him into reconciling with his ‘parents’, most likely to the point she would secretly invite them over in an attempt to get them to talk and fix things.
Does OP’s ex have a lot of work to do on himself? Yes he does. But does that mean OP was right? No, she wasn’t. She was projecting her own issues onto him and tried to play the hero because of it. She didn’t actually think about her ex’s feelings, just about her own trauma and beliefs, assuming he was like her and needed to talk things out with those people and realize the ‘truth’.
On another note, I do have to wonder what the ‘parents’ were really after, since they were lying to the OP to try to get her to reconnect them with their former son. Financial support? Organ donation?
Story 1) so many people putting crap on the OP and not asking why did he propose marriage to a woman he clearly didn't trust telling his past to. Especially one who already opened up to him about her trust issues. Clearly he wasn't ready for marriage, she probably wasn't either if she felt the only way to get answers was to sneak around to get them. She should have said No to marriage until he tells her about his past with his family and why they shouldn't be at the wedding.
Once again for the people in the back: LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE. Yes, you marry into a whole family, but you need to let your partner dictate to what extent your both should have a relationship with their family because of this exact scenario.
The parents have many years of practice in being manipulative. Of course they seem sweet and polite - that's how they blend and earn trust before sinking the knife in. The devil never yells; he whispers with a smile.
Have to say "crying about the bills", lawl I thought she was a nfl fan 😅 playoffs soon, lets go ravens!
Story 1: OP’s ex dodged a bullet. She didn’t respect his boundaries or his trauma.
#1: OP had NO right to act how she did. It was all about her. She wanted to play the hero.
Ex-fiancé: "I am breaking up with you. I now know that I can never trust you again. For the record, I was raped by my uncle for years & my parents did nothing to stop it. Feel better now? Pack your shit and never contact me again."
It's always the female op's doing this to their male partners. Very rarely do you see this in reverse, Guys will take their female Partners words at face value.If she says she doesn't want to meet somebody from her past.He doesn't force the issue . But it seems like the female opies never want to take their Partners word at face value. They always have to push figure out why he walked away from people.
And then try to tie everything up. So they can be one big happy cohesive family.
Thats always a reason so major that makes people NOT want to reconnect with family; what op ex went through IS one of those reasons. She had no business trying to forced a relationship with a pair of monsters that did nothing for their son and allowed this to happen UNDER THEIR ROOF! And whats worst is op used her own trauma to justify her actions, and that backfired fully to where she should have let this go, or better yet gone to therapy first to try to talk to him about this or for herself about her insecurity and trauma for secrets., not bring the predator's supporters and enablers into his house! WTF is WRONG with YOU?!
(I went low contact/no contact with my grandmother; she is the core cause of my depression, emotional pain, and my sister's self--ending attempts. She's alive and in the military doing well after about 2-3 years in therapy and cutting contact with grandmother)
S1: Defense of OP here: If you can't share your past, you're whole past, with someone you're going to marry... DON'T GET MARRIED.
Yes, it was wrong to talk to his family, but if definitely was partially his fault for keeping major events from his life from her.
I'm going: OP - 60% at fault
Absolutely no sympathy for OP in story one actions have consequences
S1: if both sides of a party won’t tell you what happened to drift apart, odds are it wasn’t pretty.
Exactly. She's basically saying that because her mother lied to her that nobody is ever completely trustworthy unless she gets both sides of a story, even if it's not worth it to dig up someone else's past to satisfy her curiosity.
On the one hand, I understand why OP1 did it, and that he should have also communicated more clearly considering her history of trust. That being said, she did betray him.
Maybe she should’ve asking him directly
She did.
S3: Was she really????
Uhh i feel like im gonna be the only one who is with OP in story 1… although Trauma like that is a VERY good reason to stay NC, OP’s fiancè definitely should have told her everything, and the way he reacted makes me lose even more respect for him… yes, a marriage is about trust, and the fact that he couldn’t trust her speaks volumes
Story 1: Jesus Op truly is a selfish idiot. Some people just don’t want to talk about their trauma and should’ve left it alone. I have issues with trust myself but it’s not an excuse to overstep boundaries.
I swear women think men Trauma is something i most tell them or u dont trust them
Everyone’s the asshole here. The wife shouldn’t have forced reconciliation, and the husband needed to go to therapy and communicate better. One simple “hey, I’ve had some pretty bad trauma from my past, but I’ll start going to therapy to work it out” would have fixed this entire situation
Dont want to generalize but I dont why a lot of women want to force closure and reconciliation, never in my life i’ve had men forcing that, only my mom cousin, aunt, female friends
What’s “OP” mean?
say it with me boys! Women.