Should you care what your parents think?
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- Опубликовано: 3 окт 2022
- Dig into the Romeo and Juliet Effect, which describes the tendency to find someone more desirable when met by parental opposition.
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In 1972, psychologists at the University of Colorado surveyed 140 couples to determine whether a relationship facing parental disapproval was more likely to strengthen or crumble under the pressure. Can long-term success of a romantic relationship be predicted by the perceived approval or disapproval of the couple’s friends and family? Dig into the trend known as the Romeo and Juliet Effect.
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It depends on the reason. Some people are actually capable of feeling out a person accurately on sight. If my parent could do this, and explained to me what they were seeing in someone I was interested in, I would definitely consider it. But if the reason was based on personal prejudices or racism absolutely not.
No! I'm sorry but i disagree.. you can never make out a person even close enough by just seeing them! It takes time... like introverts are just extroverts with lots of boundaries.. once you known them you won't even feel as if they're introverts.. there are many more examples
I agree but also when you're in "love" is really hard to consider other people opinions.
Other times the reason could be valid but not for you. My mom didn't like my boyfriend because of the economic situation of him and his parents (my family was upper-mid class while my bf was lower-mid). She also stated the fact that she prefered me to choose a Chinese boyfriend because they "work harder". Yeah, I got what she meant, but there's no way I could be understood by a Chinese person since I have a western culture, plus I am the one responsible for my own money, plus I'm in love with my boyfriend.
@@NOOBCRASTINATOR69 I think there are facial features that tell you if a person is shy or happy or thoughtfull or kind. I can always tell that sort of thing about a person from their face and if my perception doesn't match something I later learn about zhe person then I just change my opinion, though that rarely happen. A face is helpful for generalizing a person, like you can zell is someone is a nerd or a social/ popular person from their face, like if you look around it is a certain type of face that nerds have. You can't determine anything specific about a person but general info is always good. I belive that it has something to do with the fact that if you smile a lot that will show on your face and so is being stuck in thought, therefore you can determine the general personality of a person by their face.
Pfffttt.... Do you realize that what's you're saying? That parents have supernatural ability to understand a person on sight and prejudice are the same thing? Because no matter how good you are at "reading" a person in the end it's pure prejudice....
My parents are very abusive so I wouldn't consider their opinions too much.
It's not that I want to rebel, I just want the option of saying no.
Exactly!
Cringe af 😂
Exactly
@@Lamiishere You make yourself dislikable, and I must wonder why?
Alright CringeLord.. Go like your own comments it validates them in your little mind!
I think this topic is more complicated than it's being presented as. As much as parents, friends, etc., can object to a romantic partner for petty reasons, they're also (assuming you have a good relationship with them) trusted outsiders to the relationship who are more likely to spot potential red flags before you from within the relationship.
Factuals. Parents can easily test your partners values, and how they react is important. Nonetheless, your parents should still respect wtv decision you make as long as it's honest.
yeah this is exactly what I just commented about cause I was like… okay but what if they’re right and they are just a little more objective and you catch it later and then break up? like would that create a misleading data point?
It’s 5 minutes video
And sometimes you give your beloved ones good advice but they don’t listen. Some people have to just go through things and all you can do is to be there for them when they need you.
yea
People disapprove of romantic partners because they can usually see something you cannot, because of your proximity to the partner. So instead of throwing a tantrum, like an infant, it is worth a little introspection into the relationship and discern if you can see what they are seeing.
So true
This is not the case with Asian parents though, especially with us Indians.
@@hakimdiwan5101 le castesim and religion. And god forbid if they are from other culture entirely.
it depends on the person voicing their opinion. if they’re known to be objective, then yes. but if they’re subjected to their own feelings, absolutely not.
But at the same time they're less qualified to determine if your partner is good enough for you, due to them not knowing him/her like you do.
My mother fought against my marriage, but she had her own motives based in racism and personal pride, so I disregarded her opinions on my relationship. My dad on the other hand said as long as I was happy and treated right, he didn't mind my husband.
good for you! Your dad seems like a great guy
I took almost all my Mom's advice. Never my Dad's. Mom was wise. Dad was opinionated. I always respect my dogs' opinions. My Mom and my dog loved my husband on sight. My Dad disapproved. We have been married 38 years now and all our dogs have approved. 😀
I didn't read this properly at first so I thought you married your dog.
Schizophrenia
@@GlitchedBlox It is so damn true that dogs have some scaringly accurate instincts. And people sometimes behave differently with them when you are not present, which can give quite important clues to wether someone is or not a bad person
@@GlitchedBlox (I get it's a joke tho dw lol)
@@GlitchedBlox I'm dying lmao 😭☠️
It depends
If your parents never treated you well, you probably wont want to be acepted by them
If they always cared for you and never make you feel like you didnt deserve it, then you would shurely hurt when they say "im dissapointed"
I was going to say the same thing man. I didn't had good relationship with my parents, I could care less if they like my partner or not.
I grew up in a ab*sive house hold. So, I couldn't care 'bout this stuff I rather stay alone until I find right one making sure the feeling being in a healthy companionship is mutual and if it doesn't happen I will still have pet companion.
Hope you two are well now
If not is not the end, there are a lot of stuff out there than you will get eventually
Continue, you are great :>
And have a wonderfull week
I've always felt more safe and comfortable with friends than with parents, so l haven't had a good experience with parents
but why should they be disappointed in their kids partner if their kid loves them?? especially if their partner isn’t doing anything wrong and makes your child happy, those parents who get disappointed that easily of a relationship just because their kids has listened to them all their life just shows they just want you to listen to their opinions and make decisions based off on that
In a healthy, functional family the parents don't try to tell their kids who they can or can't love. They teach their kids healthy relationship skills and then accept their choices, are supportive, and try hard to build and maintain the type of mutually respectful relationship with their kids where the kids feel comfortable talking to the parents as consultants if/when the kids have concerns and issues they aren’t sure how to navigate on their own as well as be willing to listen if the parents think they might see red flags and point them out.
This! That's how children should to be raised.
Exactly! For parents it should never be “us or them” it should be helpful advice and criticism, not degrading them
Imagine being told not to date, as if you would be able to 💀💀💀
Can't imagine 😑
😭😭😭
Bro🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Relatable
Based
I always ask why when told not to do things. You have to explain why so I would understand your POV and reasoning
Yeah, I also think that! Its better to be told "dont press the button or the room will explode" than just "DO NOT PRESS THE BUTTON ABSOLUTELY UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE AND YOU MUST HAVE FAITH ITS FOR A REASON!!!"
exactly this is exactly what i do and have been doing for a long time
@@Kapra_crow religion in a nutshell
@@Kapra_crow I mean that wouldn't work for a suicidal person
Me too.
The two studies aren’t in conflict. The social network theory tells us that approval from family/friends is more likely to make a relationship last, but for the few relationships that last from disapproval, survivorship bias kicks in. Of course the relationships that have survived the wear and tear of social network disapproval will be a stronger bond than an average relationship
I think it’s possible for loved ones to raise suspicions about a significant other without outright telling you not to pursue them.
A conversation rather than a command would probably be better received in any circumstance.
Agreed
People tend to ignore signs and suspicions though. After all, love is blind.
Has anyone experienced the opposite? Losing attraction for someone/something after receiving approval from those around you?
Interesting question
This remind me of on of friends episode when grp loves the Monica's new bf Monica ditch him 🤣🤣 So i want to call this Monica effect if it's ever studied
@@vaidehikumar655 I swear I was thinking of the exact same thing 😂
Yes I have! I dated a guy who checked all the boxes but I didn't have a deep connection with him. It took me months to decide to end the relationship just because friends and family approved of him so much.
Yes, my parents in law found each other based on advice from mutual friends. Married for 40+ years now.
Through trial and error I have learnt a looong time ago that when your friends and family say that you should stop seeing someone, you should most probably follow their advice. Or at least take it very seriously.
It would've saved me a lot of headache and heartbreak if had done so 🤣
hahaha , whew!
Well its ur individual opinion but I say use your head! That will define more of what you are into with ur partner ...coz someone constantly saying that you don't deserve that guy/girl makes you wonder the cons more than pros......😊
@@blyat1 My condolences. I received extreme disapproval from parents due to one parent's manipulation of my other. I was never directly blackmailed like yourself, I can't imagine the despair you beared. I don't know you brother but I sure hope you encounter a more loving partner and family
Now ask yourself, is the problem you or the partner?
@@JohnM-ch4to My guess is he doubted his relationship, because of opinions of those around him, which messed up his relationship from inside!
This animation is so lively and cute! I had to rewind four or five times. I kept looking at the details and movement😂 also that deer goat thing is adorable
Thank you for your nice comment about animation, we really enjoyed the creation process❤
Aaah someone noticed the deer too! Hi here
@@204lemon thanks :)
Five years ago, I met a nerd boy while I'm at an art gallery (his name was Thomas). It was my first time being at a gallery, but I didn't knew anything about art. Luckily, he was there and he taught me everything about art: history, famous artists, well-known paintings and sculptures,... I was grateful for his help. Later in high school, during my freshman year, I found out that he was in the same school as me. We met at the school library, and we recognised each other quickly. We both sat down and have a chat together while reading art history books. We would do that every school days, soon became friends and study partners. After a few months getting to know each other, I had a full glimpse of his identity: he was a talented artist, a huge anime fan, a studious guy who could pass every tests with high marks, a great presenter, a hidden singer,... I also found out about our similarities: our favourite food (spaghetti), our habit (don't like sleeping at noon), our art and singing talent, our love for English,etc. Turns out we have more in common than we thought. I quickly had feelings for him. That's when I realized I had a crush on him. I wanted to confess to him right away. So one day I decided to ask him out at the same art gallery where I met him. Then we secretly became a couple, and still followed the same study routine. One day, he took me on a date at his fav restaurant. All of a sudden, he surprised me with the news: he became the president of the art club and both of us became members of the artsy clique. Ofc, I congradulated him for the good news. I asked him what he would do if he was the president. He asked me if I wanted to be the secretary. I immediately said yes. To wrap up the conversation, he shared his dream of flying to France to study art. I said travelling to France was my dream as well. Before we went home, I gave him a small gift - a snow globe with a mini Eiffel tower inside. During our sophomore year, we would go on many date nights, visit each other's homes, go on picnics or camping trips... while still focused on studying. I thought our relationship would last for a long time, but then things would take a turn for the worst on one fine day in my junior year, when my parents found out about it. My parents and I argued over it for days. At the same time, my friendship with Tom started to crumble and eventually it broke apart. We became enemies and would fight every time we come in contact with each other. My teacher noticed it and call my parents to inform the situation. My parents tried changing classes then moving schools, but that didn't work. In the end, we have no choice but move from the UK to the US (California) and study university there. I missed him dearly, even when we were rivals, but all I could do was hold back my emotions and regret. Still, I couldn't keep in touch w/ him nor write emails to him until now. In fact, we haven't spoken since we graduated high school. If only I can meet him again and apologize to him 😢😭
it’s never too late to try again! maybe he’s forgiven you by now
You should definitely try reaching out, it’s not too late! Better to go for it than regret it later
I think I'm the independent reactance type. Thanks, Ted Ed, for teaching me something I didn't know existed, yet explains so much of how my mind works.
same
The Romeo & Juliet effect isn’t about the disapproval of one’s parents, more about generally not being able to be together for whatever perceived strong reason. I experienced it this year even well aware of the phenomenon, but it had nothing to do with our parents - actually everyone was giving their full blessing!
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder”
I thought it was just a common enemy in general ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
In high school I watched this play out, at first the couple stiffened their resolve. As time passed one partner got more emotional and started talking about running away and other extreme actions, the other partner became frightened and “accidentally” left a letter in the open for a parent to find. Opposition to the relationship wasn’t the main problem, it was instability, Romeo and Juliet may have provided a template for one of the people
A food for thought. Another reason, I think, why the "love" increases in presence of dissapproval is that the couple now shares more common struggle. Having some sort of the same "villain" makes them understand more one another as they discuss their feelings toward their antagonist.
Pretty much you could only decide whom to date and what not, if you have an income and a job, have your own place and don't depend on your parents anymore. But if you are dependent and still with your parents, pretty much, they can be a factor to your life.
I've always been interested in the subject of how much our parents' perspectives should go into our decisions and how much of an impact they should have on our lives. It's important for us to trust ourselves and make decisions that are best for us, and the speaker makes a great point about how our parents might not always comprehend our diverse experiences and viewpoints. After all, parents usually compare our lives to those they led when they were younger, but because times are always changing, our experiences cannot be compared. Although we should always be honest and open with our parents, we should never allow them make decisions for ourselves.
Feeling a relationship is approved by my parents is one of the greatest gifts I could receive. My ex was just a dream boyfriend and they completely diapproved him. Even before I came out, I had a girlfriend with whom I had a great connection. Needless to say, they didn't approve her very much either.
Hope you'll receive that gift over day. As the saying goes, you date one person but you marry the family (even if you don't actually marry someone, a long term relationship is the same thing)
Why do you need external validation on something that is personal to you? You sound weak and easily influenced
@Lobster That’s a mean thing to say
@@crazysox305 But it's true.
I hope you don't have to wait and more so have to sacrifice your own happiness for the sake of your parents'
I got lucky.
When I told my mom I was bringing my girlfriend home for Christmas I mentioned she is from Thailand.
My mom said "that's nice, dear".
They became very close friends.
Btw for everyone’s information, “reactance” is also knows as the “boomerang effect”
I probably wouldn't trust my family but I'd trust my friends. They know me so they might see the red flags/opposite of red flags if I'm not able to.
If I didn't think my parents would like someone, then I wouldn't be dating her in the first place; I love my parents, and I trust and respect their judgment, even if I don't always come to the same conclusions.
Respectfully disagree, you can't just let your parents control your life like that. You can trust and respect their judgement without having to follow their every advice Even if you have a great connection and relationship with your parents you shouldn't blindly follow everything they think, you can take their advice to heart but the ultimate decision comes from *your* own judgement especially for something as important as this.
Actually goes both ways. Your parents should love you and trust your judgements even if they don't always come to the same conclusion.
If they have faith that they raised you right then should they not trust what choices you make? It took a lot of work but I got my parents to learn to trust my choices. What they do is to point out to me factors which they think I may have missed and I take notice of these corrections but the decision should ultimately be mine even if I'm making a wrong choice.
@@jorgemtzb9359 My parents don't control my life by any stretch of the imagination, and they've always pushed me to make my own judgements and decisions.
@@micahbush5397 "I trust and respect their judgment, even if I don't always come to the same conclusions" & "If I didn't think my parents would like someone, then I wouldn't be dating her" - It seems that you trust your parent's judgement over your love life more than your own judgement?
@@bright_eyes_ I mean you trust that humans are primates simply because of someone else's decades of work, you didn't put in 5000 hours deciphering it,right? It works the same way for many people. 'Own judgement' and 'Personal autonomy' are overused trite expressions peddled by westerners.
I absolutely love love loveee this art style. All my support to the person/people who did it.
Good job. Didn't go where I thought in a good way and acknowledged people are complicated
Depending on how ready they are to give up existing comforts and change the status quo of important existing relationships, I would assume that for young people, at least, the negative impact on quality of life that comes with acting against their provider will play a significant role in whether or not they decide to gamble on continuing the disagreeable relationship. Speaking as someone who has experienced every role in this scenario at least once, I would say that although a sense of independence and critical thought are vitally important to personal growth, it's also critical to pay attention to the counsel of others when offered from a place of love and to draw lessons from the experiences of others in order to avoid making the same mistakes they did.
Love the animation!
Thank you for your nice comment about animation, we really enjoyed the creation process❤
to answer your question let me tell you this story; I was a young naive and thoughtless kido in the few months after my 12 years old birthday buying eadibles with my mother at the supermarket; I saw a girl who I knew and I really liked so I aproach and started talking about some stuff who knows what it was about. after 15 minutes I had to go so I went with my mother to the car and she asked me from nothing: "So... when will my grandchild be born?"
Oof
Aaaaand thennn??
You just had to say, can we kidnap her now?
What happened next? Did you ever see here again?
@@holybasilisk2248 @SapphireWings long story short, if there are alpha, beta males then I'm an omega one
Great video like always!
You could do as you’re told, only after considering if that’s actually convenient to you, even though if you wanna do otherwise
I really enjoy these TedEd videos, thank you thank you!
In high school, we weren’t allowed to swear in the band room. Despite rarely swearing beforehand, for four years I swore every chance I got.
I never got in trouble because it was under my breath or justified on the rarer occasion, but I always thought about how weird it was.
All Dexter had to do was never to refuse Deedee from pressing the big red button
Most people are devoid of love, both people who "fall in love" and people who tell you not to love someone.
i think it also depends on how parent and children communicate. if parent can explicitly communicate their idea about how they see the person who their child is interested in. children may consider it
It depends. I wouldn’t do something right away just because someone says “don’t do this or that.” I’d probably say, “Why no? What’s the problem?”
i didn't really care about earlobe piercings since i thought it wouldn't suit me or it really isn't really necessary to get one. but there was this one time where i was having a conversation with my mom about my sister's earlobe piercings then my mom told me she won't allow me to have piercings like my sister's. after that, i feel tempted to get one. so after multiple convincing and begging, i finally got my mother to give in and she allowed me to get piercings on both ears :D
Fun fact about myself: when I was a kid (about 13 years old) my parents encouraged me to go to parties and socialise. Now I am 18 and almost completely incapable of talking to a girl.
How did that happen? I feel quite uninformed.
@@astrosci1109 never went to parties and such.
The artwork is just amazing 😍✨
Thank you for your nice comment about animation, we really enjoyed the creation process❤
Romeo and Juliet was not a love story, it was a tragedy about a three-day illicit infatuation between a 13-year-old and a 15-year-old that ended in the death of six people. Hearing people talk about Romeo and Juliet romantically freaks out something in me that avoids people who like the Joker and Harley relationship.
No one wants an abusive relationship, however it’s easy to appreciate some ideas like unwavering loyalty no matter how awful you are. If you wanna read that hard into it, go nuts but I don’t think many people actually want that. They pick the parts that appeal to them, ideas like us vs the world, and run with those.
I love this animation!
I love the intro animations! 🤣🤣 Says it all.
Cool animation 😍
I love the art style
Thank you for your nice comment about animation, we really enjoyed the creation process❤
I would be worried about that question if I knew who my parents were
When I was young, unfortunately I did not listen to my parents. In hindsight if they could articulate their reasoning better, I might have left him. Also in hindsight, I should have left him.
Wow ..reading through the comments..I never knew relationship could be such a problem and big deal ..wow ,alot of young folks are fascinated ..boy o boy
Neat illustrations!
Not related to the subject of the video, But I really love the art style!!!
I love how the animation is different on every video
Thank you for nice comment about animation, we enjoyed the creation process a lot ❤
I find that just telling someone not to do something encourages them to do it, but if I explain why I want them to stop doing something, they're more likely to listen. For example, I'm very sensitive to noise. If people are being loud around me, I tend to have a hard time. When I've asked people to quiet down without explaining why, they just get louder. However, when I explained to them that the reason I was asking was because the loud noises were causing me pain/discomfort, they apologized and quieted down.
I once read a post about a parent who would explain to their child why they weren't doing something, but had a deal where if the child was in danger, there was a word they could say for the child to trust their judgement and go with them with the knowledge that the parent would explain afterward.
I needed this 😊😊😊
Thank god my Mom accepts all and any kind of relationship (except abusive).
The lesson is: try to self-reflect and understand the reasoning behind your actions. If you act in defiance to a parent/power, then you are still being controlled by your "oppressor", just in covert way.
To truly be free, understand what you want and take action based off of that. Even if you do end up getting a body full of tattoos/marrying the person your family doesn't like, the reasoning wasn't out of defiance, but because that choice fulfilled a desire you had.
Imagine saving your parents as “Biological Ancestor” 💀💔
Finally found someone who's talking about THIS😂
Depending on how well your relationship is with your parents, as natural role models to their children, children tend to imitate their parents behaviour and to take their words as facts. Because of this, if a parent was to disapprove of someone, it could turn you off them because you're brought up to believe your parents.
Well that explains why my neighbors decided to continue to make noise after telling them politely not too. Reactance response.....interesting.
SHOUT OUT TO THE UNIVERSITY OF COLORADO AT BOULDER, FOR DOING THAT STUDY, Y'ALL ROCK! GO BUFFALOS!
I love how the reactive character and their mom made up after the first scene.
Hey TED ED i love how much knowledge you give us but you guys haven't done video about the most famous story of all time the phantom of the opera and i would really really really would like to see an animated video history about phantom of the opera please do that video
*I never stepped on the thorn when I was warned*
"When we listen, we hear someone into existence.
- laurie buchanan, phD
Amazing animation 👌
Thank you for your nice comment about animation, we really enjoyed the creation process❤
I had to. I was made to choose. With no real means of looking after myself I had to leave that relationship behind.
I wanted to be a goal keeper, my friends encourage me, but my parents disapprove. I'm now dropping keeping, I'm back to midfielding
Would I stop dating someone my parents didn't like?!
I ONLY date ppl who my parents don't like. Lol ! 😆
she doesn't exactly appreciate me dating dudes instead of girls, so no I would not, It can't be helped 🤣
Dude...
It doesn’t matter what she thinks if you’re happy really
🤣
Hello you
Why wasn't the most obvious pointed out? Maybe our social networks are just good at predicting good matches and disapproval isn't arbitrary but rooted in reason
Lemme guess if you're a parent.. you're f*cked up.. if you are not you just don't have good parents!
Social networks ain't going to judge no goddamn thing about my life, my choices
Knowing my parents, I would stop, yes.
Thank you
Ask Indians🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣... Indian parents literally legitimate decide every damn thing of their kids life till time..
🤡🤝🏻💔
Most often this happens in our culture too, especially the conservative people in our countries. There are some of us, however, they immigrate to other countries and adapt to new cultures quicker. Therefore, they have no problem letting their children date and marry whoever they want.
Not every Indian parents and not every Indian like me let their parents to have their life being controlled by them.
@@hakimdiwan5101 yoohoo! Way to go Hakim!!🥂🥂
Maybe time for a shift to some other place
It depends on how much I care for the person.
Good!
I feel like I am a little bit of both. I think the reality can be more complex than just being assorted into two types of rebellion. But maybe I don't know enough yet to understand the difference, or where I truly lie
Short answer yes. My mom is really laid back and has same values as me for the most part, if she had a big enough issue with someone to tell me, hey I don't think it's a good idea, something is either up with the guy or her.
Honestly I feel myself as a person of defiant reaction
It depends on the reason.
Sometimes the perceptions of a parent about other people aren't accurate either, as in when a parent is narcissistic or has BPD or just generally makes a lot of false assumptions about other people. Then, you kind of have to rely on the perceptions of other family members, friends or *le gasp* your own intuition.
I tend to agree. I've been analysing myself during this video - my parents finally told me of their disapproval of my bf after I badgered them endlessly. They strongly disapproved, which wasn't a surprise (you already sort of know) but put me in a very difficult situation. I almost broke up with my bf based on the conversation since I value and respect my parents' opinion, but lately I'm realising how much of a narcissist my dad is and how in some ways he doesn't regard me at all.
It seems like there would be far too many variables for studies like this on relationships to be accurate.
NICE VIDEO
Fantastic
Thankyou
2:13, 3:18 Social Network Effect Vs. Reactance Theory!
"Biological ancestor" had me dead XD
I hope world leaders do not think this way about big red buttons...
I did and it felt bad at first but then I moved on
I won't press the button 🤷🏽♂ to avoid "I told you so "
I feel like the video didn't explain why social nw wins over reluctance in choosing a partner and explained the difference between defiant and independence reluctance both of which seem to strengthen romantic relationships.
Ask an Asian about whet they would do if their parents would say that
Literally 🥲
frfr
That would have to depend on the country in question, Asia is huge.
@@Ikajo OP is referring to stereotypical Asian culture where parents are strict and control their kids even after they grew up and that my friend is common in most of the countries.
I don't get along with them so I would probably don't even ask their opinions.
I had to watch twice to understand this video completely..
In my current state of mind I would date whomever I want.
Let that be your state of mind forever.. cheers🥂
It would depend on my parents’ reason 🤷♀️
The animators deserve an oscar for the facial expression of the button. Awesome...
My parents are very reasonable people so if they give me a valid reason to leave someone , I will.
I once dated an agnostic girl but we had to break up because her muslim family did not approve of me only because I am not muslim and threatened to shun her if our relationship continued.
Super Mum vs Biological Ancestor!
😆
Well done Ted Ed
👏
depends. my parents don't really 'hate' anyone or anything. but there are some they refuse to even be acquaintance with. it'll get me thinking tho. there must be something wrong with them if they show their disapproval outright. it'll be on me to decide. and i don't think I'll want someone that's gonna be uncomfortable every family gathering when there's gonna be just 5-6 of us. so yeah..