My husband has now moved out into an apartment. We have been married 21 years and he entered mlc 3 months ago. His mother died at childbirth and his very young father had no skills in parenting. And so he was raised by grandparents mostly and has always had daddy issues. We were happily married... no issues whatsoever until recently. I've been strong but I'm starting to fray. I haven't cried or screamed in front of him but have kept my cool. I'm giving him space. He doesn't reach out except for letting me know he's coming over to move more things out at which I am not present. Our daughters are out of the house and I've encouraged them to not hate their father but to let him breathe and to keep the communication among them. However I'm suffocating. Thank you fur your time.
Thank you for sharing. You are on the right path and I do understand it's certainly not easy. It takes so much strength to remain calm, cool, and collected when your husband is in complete turmoil. If you haven't seen it already, you may want to listen to my free teleclass for additional tips and guidance throughout this process. surviveamidlifecrisis.com/teleclass/ Also, I created a presentation for women that can help you get clarity and tools to maintain a sense of calm and peace, regardless of the chaos that's happening around you: bit.ly/youremotionalmastery
My husband started his MLC (or spiritual awakening as he calls it) during the pandemic and after losing both of his parents within 1 year of each other. His thoughts, values, ideas and behaviors started to and continue to change after spending time with a women who he developed feelings for. That "friendship" has ended however, these new beliefs and values have remained. We have been separated since May (his choice) with no end in sight as he says he is confused and does not know what he wants. 😞
Sorry to hear this. This scenario of 1) spouse "snaps" under pressure of a difficult event 2) spouse seeks comfort of a woman/man outside the marriage is very common. You can learn more about how to navigate your husband's midlife crisis here: surviveamidlifecrisis.com/teleclass/
My ex huisband also lost himself aftershave loting his job at 60, loting his mother and being part of à groupe on Facebook, a groep of 5th diminsion, alsook his famille d'âme and hé splendide 5000 euros in Thatcher group ! Non we are divorced...
I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. If you haven't given up on him yet, this resource will help you understand how to attract him back without his participation. I believe this may help you navigate these difficult emotions and better understand your options.: larrybilotta.com/training-class-for-women/
I think my wife is having a midlife crisis. Shes 39 yrs old, was sexaulised abused, grew up in a emotional, physical and controlling environment. Shes also had 3 miscarriages. She had an affiar, wants a dirvoce, has turned away from her faith, and recently just got a tattoo. I need lots of help as i do not know what to do. She is irrationally in her thinking.
David, it sounds like she's certainly going through a tough time. Many women face similar challenges prior to and during their midlife crisis. If you'd like to learn more about how to support her, I can share some resources that might be helpful, such as this free online class on this topic: surviveamidlifecrisis.com/teleclass/
Yes it helped- I’ve been learning a lot about it. Yes my husband suffered greatly by his Mothers abuse for the first 10 years of his life. And his Dad- he started to go through a depression out of know where- stressed expressed with everything and then want major space. And yes even told me he questions his love for me. He has been I. Therapy with a Christ centered older female and now it’s a make who is working with him. He seems to feel a little better. But out marriage 4:51 marriage is still uncertain- still hard for him to talk about us. Hopefully we will soon in the counseling. As he is ready. And that is hard it seems it’s all about him these past 6 months-what about me! I do see and put effort into taking care of me.
When a spouse is in midlife crisis, you're right - they are often so overwhelmed with paralyzing pain that all they can think about is themselves. That's great to hear you are putting effort into taking care of you. That is one of the best things you can do right now while he is going through this difficult chapter of life.
@@LarryBilotta thank you! Yes! I’ve also had to recently tell him this needs to change. He seems to feel a little better, less depressed/agitated. However, I spoke to him about how our marriage needs to either restore or we need to make a hard decision. He said he gets that- we plan to discuss this further over the next two sessions with counseling. I am hoping for resolve one way or another.
I couldn’t save my marriage, my husband got crazy at 48 after 20 years of marriage, he just told me, I don’t love you more, I want to live a new life, I feel unhappy with you…
Sorry to hear that. This is definitely a common scenario I come across with the men and women I work with. "I don't love you anymore" or even "I never loved you" are common phrases said by men and women going through a midlife crisis. But as mentioned in the video, they don't understand the true cause of their pain and blame their spouse instead.
@@pat2398 It's common for men in midlife crisis to behave more like a teenager in an attempt to relive their youth. Sometimes they will even try to reconnect with old girlfriends to relive the feelings they had during their high school and college years.
@@pat2398 I completely agree. Midlife crisis affects women too. I've made it my mission to educate men and women about what a midlife crisis is, what to do and not do - and how to shorten a spouse's midlife crisis.
Larry it’s been two years since we spoke. She took our child and left to her moms out of the country. I’m tired of this… she has a huge amount of trauma as a child. I had my own but no where near hers. I have pictured my family back together, I go so far as to lie to people and say everything is awesome and my wife and child are doing well. However the reality is, well I don’t want to even think what it is but it’s a lie. How much longer is this gonna last? She’s been getting advice from her mom and it’s disrupting my positive energy… any suggestions? Thank you…
Larry, my wife and I are separated with three children after 10 months she ended up in the emergency room which I could only speculate on was an anxiety attack or depression. A couple of months later I see a bill for a psychiatrist and I noticed our interactions with our children are going much better suggesting, whatever’s being done whether drugs and or counseling is helping my question is will this create a false solution that her leaving me has made things better for her and not recognize the treatment is what is actually helping over the past five years there have been major, life-changing events, including the death of her mother from cancerturning 40 having to go back to work and me, her husband retiring. Additionally, she is telling one of her girlfriends that there is something not right in her head.
When your wife is in a midlife crisis, it's tempting to draw conclusions about any improvement you see in her. If she's seeing a psychiatrist and interactions with your kids are improving, try not to overly read into this. This is a midlife crisis roller coaster after all and there will be many ups and downs. Whether she's up or down, try to keep yourself calm and neutral. If you interact with her, don't press her for answers or ask questions relating to your relationship or any progress she may or may not be making. If she's privately seeking help, she'll likely view that as an invasion of privacy and attack you for it. Instead, wish her well and let her know you are there for her if she needs you and you want her to be happy. She's going through a lot right now and she recognizes something is wrong so the more you pressure her, ask questions, tell her you love her, or try to "help", the more blame you as the cause of her pain.
Thank you for taking the time to process my question and answer it. I will follow your advice. I keep re-watching all of your videos. In the meantime it’s amazing to me how many times I need to watch and listen before it really sinks in. Thanks for everything Larry.
Her father died of cancer when she was 12. That's more than 10. Is 10 a hard line cut off date, or is it possible that 12 is close enough? I don't know how many years he had been battling cancer.
The death of a parent impacts kids differently. There is not a hard fast "10 and under" rule. It has more to do with the sensitivity of the child and the other parent or guardian. Some kids experience loss and come out okay, other kids really take it to heart. If your wife could be described as a sensitive person, the loss of a parent would be very difficult for her, particularly if her mother wasn't a healthy, supportive and strong role model for her.
My husband has a serious car accident when he was 9. He had to have his face reconstructed and the friend he was sitting next to, died. A truck ran into their car. I'm wondering if this was the cause of his issues. He has cheated on me again recently which is what has caused our separation after 15yrs marriage, 17yrs together. He has moved in with his coworker affair partner.
A traumatic life event early in life can definitely cause pain, but the bigger question is how did he cope with this event? Did he seek counseling? Were his parents supportive? What did his life look like when he was growing up as a whole? Was there any other trauma he experienced such as bullying, etc?
@@LarryBilotta I'm not sure what his childhood really looked like. I know his mum was the tough one because she had to raise 4 boys in poverty while her hubby had to drive trucks as job. They are nice people but she was strict and slightly crazy. I don't think there was much nurturing though. They all never used to talk about their feelings.
@larryblotta what can you do to get wife back legal seperation has happened after 22 years of marriage. After reflection and therapists, it seems my actions/thoughts/behavioirs were because of my childhood trauma. But I never dealt with those issues. So how do I make her aware that I am dealing with those issues and I will come out a stronger, better, kinder man?
My crazy wife lost it. 35F, very successful in her work, 10 years married w/ 2 young kids. She cheated on me with a guy last December, and at the same time was hooking up with a ghetto daycare worker who is 22F and lesbian. Wife dyed her hair like in college, changed the music she listened to, took 2 personal vacations, got waxed twice a month, 2 tattoos, nose ring, got a tattoo of the first initial of the daycare workers name, bought lots of clothes etc… I filed. Had no choice. Total midlife.
@@LarryBilotta it’s rough, but I had no choice but to file. She had no interest in staying together. My guess is her girlfriend and ex-wife will eventually fall apart.
This doesn’t sound like a midlife crisis at all…it sounds like borderline personality or some other mental health issue. Borderlines can seem very ok at times, but relationally struggle and engage in major self sabotage, among a plethora of other things
My husband 36 together 13yrs he was a great dad and husband we just had our third child he just up and left said he is choosing himself and that I’m selfish for trying to hold on and that I just need to move on with our three kids 16 10 and 10 months that he will pay me child support he filled for divorce he’s selling our house me and the kids have to move in with my parents my husband left the state started a whole new life follows younger woman on social media says he’s happy and starting a new life it’s like a alien toke over his body he’s selfish mean not the dad who wanted to be with his kids everyday and was all about family I think he’s going through a mid life crisis he says he never loved me and that he’s not in love with me that he never should have married me that he wants to travel that people just saw him as a dad and that’s it
After constantly flipping back and forth between man and dark entity or what I often refer to as the "monster", the man eventually becomes worn out and begins to look in new places for happiness and fulfillment. Some turn to spirituality, some to organized religion, some to self-help books and some just want to find peace by going back to the past. This is typically how the midlife crisis ends. The man himself begins to realize that after chasing a feeling of importance, he still does not feel important. If there is not an affair taking place, many of my students have found success ‘mimicking’ their spouse’s emotions. In other words, be receptive when he wants to be close, but give him space on days when he seems distant and confused. On the other hand, if you suspect an affair... You deserve a sexual relationship with a man who is exclusively committed to you. If you have a sense that your husband is not totally committed to you, then having sex gives him the message that you are needy, don’t really care about your principals and standards and that you can be used for his own pleasure just so you can feel valued for a few moments. But giving a man (a husband) sex when he has not made himself exclusive to you is disrespecting yourself. If he wants sex with you, he must prove he is exclusive to you only. When you deny him sex, you’ll calmly and firmly say something along the lines of “I would do it if I knew you were exclusive only to me, but I don’t know that so I can’t participate.” A woman's intuition gives her the certainty that her husband is being faithful. That "sixth sense" that every woman has tells her whether something is wrong when her husband is away or something is right. If you believe and sense that he's being loyal to you, then all is well with your sexual relationship. But if you sense that something's not quite right, a sexual relationship with your husband is not going to help you.
It's a matter of perspective. When a woman abandons her children to spend time with an affair partner or a man cuts his wife and kids off financially while spending money on an extravagant vacation, friends, family, etc. see this as selfishness. But when you look deeper, you may find this woman was abandoned by her parents at a young age and forced to care for her siblings. When you look at the "why", this man may have come from a home where his parents never provided for the children and they were forced to fend for themselves. The common thread is that this man and woman were robbed from the privileged of being a kid, being provided for and living a childhood of happiness, primarily focused on themselves. As adults, when life's challenges add to the weight they've been carrying their entire life, it becomes an incredible, smothering pressure that pushes them to a point of desperation when they snap and come to the conclusion that "this is my time. I'm going to take what I want and do what I want so I can finally be happy."
Yes! Often they have had a lot of trauma in childhood, and dismissal, invalidation of their feelings/thoughts/needs…and learned to invalidate themselves. They usually then get into unhealthy, codependent relationships and give, give, give, and fail to consider themselves much at all. This is very ingrained and a maladaptive way (learned in childhood) to try and get needs met. They often have had enough, and finally wake up, and see their feelings/thoughts/needs matter. I do think the behavior can seem “overboard” hugely due to the major change in how the giver is so self sacrificing, and sometimes over-corrects in order to stop self abandoning. It’s far from “selfish” most of the time. It can feel like survival, or burnout or worse will be the end result. The deep root cause (why) definitely does need to be looked for with curiosity, humility and compassion
Thanks for watching! Are you struggling with a midlife crisis or divorce? Tell me what you're faced with below.👇
My husband has now moved out into an apartment. We have been married 21 years and he entered mlc 3 months ago. His mother died at childbirth and his very young father had no skills in parenting. And so he was raised by grandparents mostly and has always had daddy issues. We were happily married... no issues whatsoever until recently. I've been strong but I'm starting to fray. I haven't cried or screamed in front of him but have kept my cool. I'm giving him space. He doesn't reach out except for letting me know he's coming over to move more things out at which I am not present. Our daughters are out of the house and I've encouraged them to not hate their father but to let him breathe and to keep the communication among them. However I'm suffocating. Thank you fur your time.
Thank you for sharing. You are on the right path and I do understand it's certainly not easy. It takes so much strength to remain calm, cool, and collected when your husband is in complete turmoil. If you haven't seen it already, you may want to listen to my free teleclass for additional tips and guidance throughout this process. surviveamidlifecrisis.com/teleclass/
Also, I created a presentation for women that can help you get clarity and tools to maintain a sense of calm and peace, regardless of the chaos that's happening around you: bit.ly/youremotionalmastery
My husband started his MLC (or spiritual awakening as he calls it) during the pandemic and after losing both of his parents within 1 year of each other. His thoughts, values, ideas and behaviors started to and continue to change after spending time with a women who he developed feelings for. That "friendship" has ended however, these new beliefs and values have remained. We have been separated since May (his choice) with no end in sight as he says he is confused and does not know what he wants. 😞
Sorry to hear this. This scenario of 1) spouse "snaps" under pressure of a difficult event 2) spouse seeks comfort of a woman/man outside the marriage is very common. You can learn more about how to navigate your husband's midlife crisis here: surviveamidlifecrisis.com/teleclass/
My ex huisband also lost himself aftershave loting his job at 60, loting his mother and being part of à groupe on Facebook, a groep of 5th diminsion, alsook his famille d'âme and hé splendide 5000 euros in Thatcher group ! Non we are divorced...
My husband says he feels nothing for me when he hugs or kisses me anymore and says it’s over. I love him with my whole heart ♥️
I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. If you haven't given up on him yet, this resource will help you understand how to attract him back without his participation. I believe this may help you navigate these difficult emotions and better understand your options.: larrybilotta.com/training-class-for-women/
I think my wife is having a midlife crisis. Shes 39 yrs old, was sexaulised abused, grew up in a emotional, physical and controlling environment. Shes also had 3 miscarriages. She had an affiar, wants a dirvoce, has turned away from her faith, and recently just got a tattoo. I need lots of help as i do not know what to do. She is irrationally in her thinking.
David, it sounds like she's certainly going through a tough time. Many women face similar challenges prior to and during their midlife crisis. If you'd like to learn more about how to support her, I can share some resources that might be helpful, such as this free online class on this topic: surviveamidlifecrisis.com/teleclass/
Changing your own internal environment. I can definitely get behind this concept. Very interesting.
Glad to hear this! If you search for "books on mindfulness", you'll find some good resources for learning how to do this.
Thanks for the information, this makes so much sense
Thanks for your feedback!
I am happy I came across this video. Very good info, thank you.
Glad you liked it!
Yes it helped- I’ve been learning a lot about it. Yes my husband suffered greatly by his Mothers abuse for the first 10 years of his life. And his Dad- he started to go through a depression out of know where- stressed expressed with everything and then want major space. And yes even told me he questions his love for me. He has been I. Therapy with a Christ centered older female and now it’s a make who is working with him. He seems to feel a little better. But out marriage 4:51 marriage is still uncertain- still hard for him to talk about us. Hopefully we will soon in the counseling. As he is ready. And that is hard it seems it’s all about him these past 6 months-what about me! I do see and put effort into taking care of me.
When a spouse is in midlife crisis, you're right - they are often so overwhelmed with paralyzing pain that all they can think about is themselves. That's great to hear you are putting effort into taking care of you. That is one of the best things you can do right now while he is going through this difficult chapter of life.
@@LarryBilotta thank you! Yes! I’ve also had to recently tell him this needs to change. He seems to feel a little better, less depressed/agitated. However, I spoke to him about how our marriage needs to either restore or we need to make a hard decision. He said he gets that- we plan to discuss this further over the next two sessions with counseling. I am hoping for resolve one way or another.
Selfishness is the core theme of midlife crisis = 100% true
Agreed!
I couldn’t save my marriage, my husband got crazy at 48 after 20 years of marriage, he just told me, I don’t love you more, I want to live a new life, I feel unhappy with you…
Sorry to hear that. This is definitely a common scenario I come across with the men and women I work with. "I don't love you anymore" or even "I never loved you" are common phrases said by men and women going through a midlife crisis. But as mentioned in the video, they don't understand the true cause of their pain and blame their spouse instead.
@@LarryBilotta currently my ex husband looks like a young men, he’s thinking only in enjoy time with friends and girls
@@pat2398 It's common for men in midlife crisis to behave more like a teenager in an attempt to relive their youth. Sometimes they will even try to reconnect with old girlfriends to relive the feelings they had during their high school and college years.
@@LarryBilotta middle life crisis is the most destructive madness, someone must to help men in that age
@@pat2398 I completely agree. Midlife crisis affects women too. I've made it my mission to educate men and women about what a midlife crisis is, what to do and not do - and how to shorten a spouse's midlife crisis.
This is great info!! Thank you!
So glad it helped!
Larry it’s been two years since we spoke. She took our child and left to her moms out of the country. I’m tired of this… she has a huge amount of trauma as a child. I had my own but no where near hers. I have pictured my family back together, I go so far as to lie to people and say everything is awesome and my wife and child are doing well. However the reality is, well I don’t want to even think what it is but it’s a lie. How much longer is this gonna last? She’s been getting advice from her mom and it’s disrupting my positive energy… any suggestions? Thank you…
Larry, my wife and I are separated with three children after 10 months she ended up in the emergency room which I could only speculate on was an anxiety attack or depression. A couple of months later I see a bill for a psychiatrist and I noticed our interactions with our children are going much better suggesting, whatever’s being done whether drugs and or counseling is helping my question is will this create a false solution that her leaving me has made things better for her and not recognize the treatment is what is actually helping over the past five years there have been major, life-changing events, including the death of her mother from cancerturning 40 having to go back to work and me, her husband retiring. Additionally, she is telling one of her girlfriends that there is something not right in her head.
When your wife is in a midlife crisis, it's tempting to draw conclusions about any improvement you see in her. If she's seeing a psychiatrist and interactions with your kids are improving, try not to overly read into this. This is a midlife crisis roller coaster after all and there will be many ups and downs.
Whether she's up or down, try to keep yourself calm and neutral. If you interact with her, don't press her for answers or ask questions relating to your relationship or any progress she may or may not be making. If she's privately seeking help, she'll likely view that as an invasion of privacy and attack you for it.
Instead, wish her well and let her know you are there for her if she needs you and you want her to be happy. She's going through a lot right now and she recognizes something is wrong so the more you pressure her, ask questions, tell her you love her, or try to "help", the more blame you as the cause of her pain.
Thank you for taking the time to process my question and answer it. I will follow your advice. I keep re-watching all of your videos. In the meantime it’s amazing to me how many times I need to watch and listen before it really sinks in. Thanks for everything Larry.
I’m 29 years old and I’m having a midlife crisis .
Sorry to hear that. What type of symptoms you are experiencing?
Her father died of cancer when she was 12. That's more than 10. Is 10 a hard line cut off date, or is it possible that 12 is close enough?
I don't know how many years he had been battling cancer.
The death of a parent impacts kids differently. There is not a hard fast "10 and under" rule. It has more to do with the sensitivity of the child and the other parent or guardian. Some kids experience loss and come out okay, other kids really take it to heart. If your wife could be described as a sensitive person, the loss of a parent would be very difficult for her, particularly if her mother wasn't a healthy, supportive and strong role model for her.
My husband has a serious car accident when he was 9. He had to have his face reconstructed and the friend he was sitting next to, died. A truck ran into their car. I'm wondering if this was the cause of his issues. He has cheated on me again recently which is what has caused our separation after 15yrs marriage, 17yrs together. He has moved in with his coworker affair partner.
A traumatic life event early in life can definitely cause pain, but the bigger question is how did he cope with this event? Did he seek counseling? Were his parents supportive? What did his life look like when he was growing up as a whole? Was there any other trauma he experienced such as bullying, etc?
@@LarryBilotta I'm not sure what his childhood really looked like. I know his mum was the tough one because she had to raise 4 boys in poverty while her hubby had to drive trucks as job. They are nice people but she was strict and slightly crazy. I don't think there was much nurturing though. They all never used to talk about their feelings.
@larryblotta what can you do to get wife back legal seperation has happened after 22 years of marriage. After reflection and therapists, it seems my actions/thoughts/behavioirs were because of my childhood trauma. But I never dealt with those issues. So how do I make her aware that I am dealing with those issues and I will come out a stronger, better, kinder man?
Do you still have a civil relationship with your wife?
My crazy wife lost it. 35F, very successful in her work, 10 years married w/ 2 young kids. She cheated on me with a guy last December, and at the same time was hooking up with a ghetto daycare worker who is 22F and lesbian. Wife dyed her hair like in college, changed the music she listened to, took 2 personal vacations, got waxed twice a month, 2 tattoos, nose ring, got a tattoo of the first initial of the daycare workers name, bought lots of clothes etc… I filed. Had no choice. Total midlife.
Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately, a complete identity transformation is very common in midlife crisis.
@@LarryBilotta it’s rough, but I had no choice but to file. She had no interest in staying together. My guess is her girlfriend and ex-wife will eventually fall apart.
This doesn’t sound like a midlife crisis at all…it sounds like borderline personality or some other mental health issue. Borderlines can seem very ok at times, but relationally struggle and engage in major self sabotage, among a plethora of other things
@@Alphacentauri819she was stable the 1st 9 years of marriage. Then she kinda changed really quickly.
@@t-pain3343 oh, wow. That’s super tough. I wish you well 💫
My husband 36 together 13yrs he was a great dad and husband we just had our third child he just up and left said he is choosing himself and that I’m selfish for trying to hold on and that I just need to move on with our three kids 16 10 and 10 months that he will pay me child support he filled for divorce he’s selling our house me and the kids have to move in with my parents my husband left the state started a whole new life follows younger woman on social media says he’s happy and starting a new life it’s like a alien toke over his body he’s selfish mean not the dad who wanted to be with his kids everyday and was all about family I think he’s going through a mid life crisis he says he never loved me and that he’s not in love with me that he never should have married me that he wants to travel that people just saw him as a dad and that’s it
Unfortunately this is a common scenario with men and women in midlife crisis.
I am facing midlife crisis with my husband .
Can I have sex with him when I know he is Not possessed by the dark entity?
Please advise
After constantly flipping back and forth between man and dark entity or what I often refer to as the "monster", the man eventually becomes worn out and begins to look in new places for happiness and fulfillment. Some turn to spirituality, some to organized religion, some to self-help books and some just want to find peace by going back to the past. This is typically how the midlife crisis ends. The man himself begins to realize that after chasing a feeling of importance, he still does not feel important.
If there is not an affair taking place, many of my students have found success ‘mimicking’ their spouse’s emotions. In other words, be receptive when he wants to be close, but give him space on days when he seems distant and confused.
On the other hand, if you suspect an affair...
You deserve a sexual relationship with a man who is exclusively committed to you. If you have a sense that your husband is not totally committed to you, then having sex gives him the message that you are needy, don’t really care about your principals and standards and that you can be used for his own pleasure just so you can feel valued for a few moments. But giving a man (a husband) sex when he has not made himself exclusive to you is disrespecting yourself. If he wants sex with you, he must prove he is exclusive to you only. When you deny him sex, you’ll calmly and firmly say something along the lines of “I would do it if I knew you were exclusive only to me, but I don’t know that so I can’t participate.”
A woman's intuition gives her the certainty that her husband is being faithful. That "sixth sense" that every woman has tells her whether something is wrong when her husband is away or something is right. If you believe and sense that he's being loyal to you, then all is well with your sexual relationship. But if you sense that something's not quite right, a sexual relationship with your husband is not going to help you.
👌
I am facing with my husband midlife crisis
Can I have sex with him
When I know he is possessed by the dark entity . Iam confused.
Please advice .
I meant when he is not possessed with dark entity
Selfish? It’s the lack of selfishness one’s entire life that leads to this mid life awakening
It's a matter of perspective. When a woman abandons her children to spend time with an affair partner or a man cuts his wife and kids off financially while spending money on an extravagant vacation, friends, family, etc. see this as selfishness.
But when you look deeper, you may find this woman was abandoned by her parents at a young age and forced to care for her siblings. When you look at the "why", this man may have come from a home where his parents never provided for the children and they were forced to fend for themselves.
The common thread is that this man and woman were robbed from the privileged of being a kid, being provided for and living a childhood of happiness, primarily focused on themselves. As adults, when life's challenges add to the weight they've been carrying their entire life, it becomes an incredible, smothering pressure that pushes them to a point of desperation when they snap and come to the conclusion that "this is my time. I'm going to take what I want and do what I want so I can finally be happy."
@@LarryBilotta it is a responsibility to one’s self to live life their way, we have limited time and individual happiness is paramount.
Yes! Often they have had a lot of trauma in childhood, and dismissal, invalidation of their feelings/thoughts/needs…and learned to invalidate themselves. They usually then get into unhealthy, codependent relationships and give, give, give, and fail to consider themselves much at all. This is very ingrained and a maladaptive way (learned in childhood) to try and get needs met.
They often have had enough, and finally wake up, and see their feelings/thoughts/needs matter. I do think the behavior can seem “overboard” hugely due to the major change in how the giver is so self sacrificing, and sometimes over-corrects in order to stop self abandoning.
It’s far from “selfish” most of the time. It can feel like survival, or burnout or worse will be the end result.
The deep root cause (why) definitely does need to be looked for with curiosity, humility and compassion
Husband filed for divorce, waiting for payment from our house to get hair implant and new teeth. LOL
Sorry to hear that.