Passive Aggression | The Signs
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- Опубликовано: 31 май 2024
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If you're noticing that your interactions are becoming more passive-aggressive, it's time to take action! Passive aggressiveness is a common problem and can lead to many negative consequences. If you're feeling frustrated and overwhelmed, it might be time to identify and deal with passive aggressive people at work or passive aggressive behavior in a loved one, parent, or really any type of relationship. In this video, we'll discuss how to spot the signs of passive aggressive people and how to start dealing with passive aggressive people.
Passive aggressiveness is a behavior that's often difficult to recognize, but if you deal with it early on it can be very helpful in restoring relationships and resolving conflicts and to empower someone to stop being passive aggressive. Watch this youtube video to learn how to identify and deal with passive aggressive people safely and effectively!
00:00 Intro
00:20 The psychology of passive aggressiveness
00:38 Examples of passive aggressive behavior
01:34 What causes passive aggressiveness
02:06 Passive aggressiveness vs overwhelm
02:43 How to deal with passive aggressive people
04:18 Habitual passive aggressiveness vs one-time
07:50 Final advice on passive aggressive people
#relationships #relationship #relationshipadvice #psychology #mentalhealth
Had a passive aggressive mother, brother, and 10-year partner. I’m now 30 and I will absolutely not tolerate passive aggression anymore without calling it out on the spot. It’s exhausting behavior
What a bullshiiiet comment.
@@Yamahan93 wanna elaborate, bud?
My mother... I'm a mess. I keep trying to succeed, then she shows up to try to sabotage... bizarre stuff. She's got narcissistic crap too... ugh. I've asked her, why would you want to have your child live in poverty? No answer! EVERR
Jesus loves you! he would treat you good!😘🤩😍🥰😇😄😉😊☺
@@CarieGurl Hang in there Carie. Don't let her close your desire or drive to be better or to have a better life. Continue to strive for your goals but do it knowing that you will have to keep that part of your life closed to her. Do not share your dreams or goals with her. When I finally did that with my mother is when my life finally began to move forward in a positive way. I found that if I shared anything with my mother or my sister they would immediately start attempting to sabotage my efforts. And in my sisters case there were times when she would use it to sabotage any relationship between my mother and myself. Best to keep that part of your life as secret from them as possible.
It can be they are jealous of you. Passive aggressiveness is a great technique to destroy you in a sneaky way.
I felt that.
I with other friends discovered that my friend did that to me.
@@mirelam9601 I have been there and I knew how they can destroy you with their behavior.
No. Calling someone out for being "passive aggressive" is NOT passive aggressive, it may be confrontational or even "actively aggressive" but calling people directly out is not passive aggressive!!! It most likely won't be useful though because the whole point of a person acting passive aggressive is so that they can deny culpability and responsibility. They can make you suffer or get you back without owning up to their anger.
Yo you made a great point 👍🏾. I feel like its natural to be passive aggressive without thinking. Like if you don't want to talk to someone and don't want to work with them, you will take your time 😅.
I have people try play the victim when I call the bs going on, then when they try act hurt or hard done-by, I simply remind them I'm being assertive not aggressive so you'll have to find another sucka
I'm hyper vigilant and my response system is always in overdrive so passive aggressiveness throws me off because I can't tell how the person feels about me
@@leahflower9924 I think maybe that's the point: it's mixed signals, it expresses anger/disapproval without taking responsibility. If you were to say things like: why did you do that (again)? or not do that? why did you say that? forget that? etc. they would simply pretend it's no big deal and not done on purpose. Really horrible. Because then the issue that might have caused them to be angry can't be addressed or resolved either. They basically want you to "feel punished", read their minds and not do "that" again, whatever "that" is...
@@moonhunter9993 yeah that's true
Blanking people, responding to them in a dismissive manner, not replying to requests directly, leaving the person hanging.
= social media
Our receptionist is passive aggressive because she dislikes me intensely. I’m not going to fix this with any rational discussion. (1) the main tactic I use is to pretend I don’t notice her negative behavior. I am always polite. (2) I avoid interacting with her as much as possible. (3) I try to only ask her questions if our supervisor is present. Our supervisor suggested I be extra nice to the receptionist. I tried that for 18 months. It did NOT make one bit of difference.
Vulnerable narcissists employ passive aggressive techniques, then say they were only joking when confronted. I say to them that it felt more like a verbal punch than a punchline.
My mother in law was like this to me for five years that she was living with us. I realize now she was hurt and hurting me because I was the easiest person for her to take out all her frustrations on, and her intention was to exert control and to try and get a bad reaction out of me. In the end she had to leave our home, and I can never live with her again but I forgive her, I feel like if she could've been more mature about having a daughter in law take all her son's attention and essentially taking her place, we could have lived together all of us in harmony. But she let her base self take the driver's seat and so now I know what I know and I will never put myself in an unhealthy situation ever again because it led me to anxiety, depression and a nervous breakdown. For any mother in law who are reading this, it's never been a competition, don't sabotage yourselves. Learn to open your hearts, there's enough love. Love is such a thing that it doesn't get exhausted by the increase in number of people.
I relate to what you are saying.
The times I’ve engaged in passive aggressiveness is when I didn’t know how to communicate efficiently and I felt pity towards the person. It was my inner child controlling me in the moment. Learning how to communicate in more productive and mature ways helps!
Thank you for your honesty ❤
Thank you for your honesty ❤
What about passive aggressiveness as a defense mechanism? For example, I grew up with a narcissistic sibling who would shut me down whenever I attempted to express myself. As you're well aware, narcissists don't care what you think, feel, etc. They would throw a fit of rage if I tried to stand my ground, sometimes worse. Since I was the youngest in my family, there was really no defending myself from a physical standpoint so I resorted to using passive aggressive behavior to basically fight back. While I'm not proud of it and I recognize that the behavior isn't healthy, how does one address this trait when it was used as a form of survival from abuse and stuck with me into adulthood?
I can relate to your situation. I had a mother who was physically and mentally abusive. Very controlling, narcissistic, and schizophrenic. The family was always walking on egg shells around her. The eldest child in the family was what my aunts called the Golden child. Though I do not believe she has schizophrenia she did inherit a lot of our mothers traits. I used what I called humorous retorts or jabs, which I now know is labeled passive agressiveness. Coming from that situation it was all I had to make myself heard and often to protect myself mentally and physically.
Well as a man who is talking from experience, do not listen to these two on this video. I can assure you now the mental health service are completly unqualified to tell you how to deal with passive aggressiveness. What this video teaches, is how to be more passive aggressive than your apponant.
As you are at the moment, asking yourself the questions you are asking yourself, it is the most correct way forward, it is not ideal, but the alternative is far more damaging. The mental health service nearly killed my daughter, and she is not out of the fire yet.
Listen to the art world, they did not make films like one flew over the cookoos nest for nothing.
As you may or may not know, one thought leads to another. And as long as you give each and every question you generate, considerable thought, and double check everyone of them. You will learn by experience. Listen to the mental health, or anyone who has been educated by any English speaking university, and you will end up as brainwashed as they are, it is quite simple the English speaking system is so corrupt, those who have been educated within it don't even see they have been primed for grooming.
Good luck my friend.
I believe passive aggressiveness cand have different origins and motifs - you are correct. One can stem from a person who likes to dominate, but can’t do it directly in a safe manner…and on the other hand, it can stem from a person who was taught or felt he couldn’t defend himself or herself directly.
When you are in an environment since you are a child, where others are creating an atmosphere of belittling and humiliating you, but also teach you that it’s not safe to express your grievances safely, then you can learn and engage in passive aggressiveness as a defence mechanism. As an adult, you recognize that the behaviour isn’t healthy and you should learn to express assertively your wants, needs, grievances.
However, I still think you should always be aware of your environment. Sometimes you cannot express directly in a safe way. Expressing assertively and directly can be done in a relatively healthy environment, but when you are in an abusive environment, that might not be safe…and it’s best to leave and cut contact with those people.
@@cara3204 Wow, it is amazing how people like yourself can come through situations like you did, ask all the right questions, and still come up with the right answers, a big well done from me.
To recognise those problems in yourself and correct them after being forced to employ them for mental, and physical protection is truly amazing.
A well balanced human being has to use equal and opposite force to protect the self well being, but to correct the self outside that situation is correct, but very hard and a very rare thing to do, I hold my hat off to you. Good luck.
There's a difference between being passive aggressive and not engaging. Not engaging is always the better option when dealing with someone who saps your energy like this
One aspect that is not mentioned but very key to this behaviour is people behaving in a passively aggressive way is a desire to avoid responsibility. They do not do something they promised to do when someone else is counting on them. If they do this enough, they will no longer be asked to do that task. Worse in a personal relationship as in a business one you might eventually get fired. Alternatively, they can claim “I’m not to blame”. I didn’t do anything wrong. They view doing something that should not be done as far worse than Not doing what they ought to have done.
I agree
I have noticed a huge increase in this behaviour after the Covid crisis. Of cause this behaviour has been going on forever in workplaces, schools, churches , even by snarky shop workers displaying sarcasm and catty remarks towards customers, and don’t get me started about passive aggressive body language, if look’s could kill. I think a lot of this behaviour comes from having bad social skills and a lack of grace and manners. People are twisted that get off on cheap power kicks to make them feel good about themselves. These kinds of people also gossip behind your back and even if you don’t tell them anything about yourself they will make up a story to bring you down. I refer to these kinds of people as snakes, they are well behaved sometimes yet they can strike like a venomous cobra spraying their projectile venomous vomit on you. 😢
What about the noises people make to show their angry. My landlord keeps clearing his throat every time he walks by my room because I owe him rent. 😂 😂 I be clearing my throat back... and I can hear him in the living room all angry. 😂
ive noticed the same thing, its like internet snark has infected people and it comes out in the real world, hyper critical of other people
Accurate description of Martha
If the passive aggressive person is not receptive or willing to change, confronting them isn't going to work; they'll most likely be defensive. You can speak up and try to set boundaries, but every situation and person is different. I guess not everyone can have the opportunity to walk away from one (ie you have to work with them, they're within your circle of friends, etc), but if you can, just remember these people don't add value to your life. Do your thing. I find that a large portion of passive aggressive people may be jealous of others, insecure, and may not unhappy with their lives. If you're confident, happy with your life, able to communicate efficiently, and have kindness, you're less likely to behave passive aggressively towards those around you.
I grew up in a multi generational household whereby my depression era grandparents (married 50+ years) and my mom/uncle were matter of fact direct. Very much stoicism but didn’t realize that until recently…I cant physically handle passive aggressive. I slice right through it. Just like this lady suggests… i dont have time for it. My spirit and vibes wont allow it.
I also think that if you can demonstrate that the bullshit doesn’t phase you because of your respectful directness, they usually chill out
I think they also use passive aggressive as a way of thinking their coworker won't catch on to the message their really trying to convey. They may also use it as a way to avoid trouble with HR but most HR departments are aware of this. ✨️
If you're an employee dealing with a boss or higher-up behaving like this, you're gonna get fired following any of this advice. Just go to HR, or start looking for another job.
It seems like children learn passive-aggressiveness when they're taught that their feelings are inappropriate, or when they're taught that it's not okay to be angry, or they "have" to forgive others. It seems like a natural emotional response to unintended oppression. Keeping things buried doesn't typically work, because we're not made that way. Self-awareness, mindfulness, and self-honesty seem like the best ways to handle it, once we're aware. Dealing with others is more of a challenge... :)
Great comment!!
The worst passive aggressive behavior is demonstrated by people who are in a "protected class". They can't be corrected or fired. QUIET QUITTING is the new standard. People are quiet quitting relationships of every dynamic. What are you gonna do? Fire me? I'll sue you. Divorce me? I'll drag the kids thru hell. People need to start taking psyche evals before they get married, get pregnant, get divorced, get a job... or even get a dog. The toxicity levels of these people is destroying healthy, polite society 😏
There is nothing passive about my aggression. I recently made a huge life changing mistake. Trust and believe I'm fixing to get out of it asap.
This still feels very murky. The way it was described really lends itself to further toxicity. Someone could misinterpret a behavior and label someone passive aggressive. Non-blaming and non-judgmental are interesting concepts, but if someone said to me "hey, you've been responding in these ways..." or "this part of the project is important and we need to figure out how to..." I would still see the blame there.
My late sister was passive aggressive and had no empathy. Whenever i would want to explain myself she call me crazy.
All my sisters are fucking insane. I'm sorry for you but I learned to ignore them.
My mom is the mean sister I never had.
Both me and others around me engaged in passive agressive behaviours. I now realise how damaging it is and try to learn to be more honest and assertive about my needs in a direct way. My passive aggressiveness stemed from not feeling I could express safely my needs and wants and thinking at the same time the others are trying to control my choices. It wasn’t that I wanted to harm or control or belittle the other person(as I’ve experienced others that did do that), but rather defend myself in a way I felt more comfortable. But that wasn’t efficient nor fair to others in some cases.
For example, I had a personal crisis where I didn’t know if I wanted to pursue the degree I was pursuing. I was also probably depressed at the time. I started not studying so well. I saw my parents reaction - they were angry, and I perceived that they only cared about my reputation to others, not about my well being. It’s a complex history also with me and my parents. I felt I couldn’t express safely to them that I did not want to pursue that degree so I started failing at it. It was a poor choice, as I see it now.
Also, when others around me make backhanded compliments…I have had backhanded responses - for defence. But I saw that wasn’t efficient and you have to call them out on their behaviour so that behaviour stops.
Self awareness 👏🏾💛
Lol…. Modern workplaces are such a sham.
Insecurity & pride makes one passive-aggressive.
My landlord be clearing his throat when he passes my room door every time... like the throat clearing is saying... "where is my rent" 😂 like he clears his throat then walks by and goes to the bathroom. 😂
What if they are in your family and play the victim all the time and won't change?
Minimal or no contact. Boundaries.
As always, excellent video. Segmenting your video into different chapters is a great idea. This makes it much easier for people to identify the main themes that articulate the speaker’s speech. That said, I would like you to continue with this video, but in a context related to social networks, this time. Communicating with someone you can’t see is not at all the same dynamic as communicating with someone you’re speaking to physically.
I agree it's important not to be judgemental and give the other person the benefit of the doubt because we never know what someone else may be going through. Another great video as always ♥️
Very helpful 👌!
Cure passive aggressive behavior the easy way. Ask the person what their problem is.
Thank you
I have a passive aggressive manager whose behaviours have been getting worse over the past few years. Because of this, most of us find it difficult to approach, trust or have honest conversations, and have a healthy, normal rapport with her. I have lost a lot of respect for her over recent years, as her behaviours have come out publicly & privately, often erratically, at random and targeted against innocent others & for often no reason at all. I used to pity her, but now I just feel disappointment towards her and pity her husband and close friendships more. I don't engage unless it's necessary, and I have to regularly forgive her now for how I feel about her and her behaviours. She can be quite forgetful, has anxiety and occasionally finds it difficult to speak at meetings, string together logical sentences, or to respond appropriately to simple questions. I sense she no longer enjoys her job, finds the new changes and demands overwhelming and has potential personal issues going on too. She reminds me of someone who is locked in an emotional bondage or prison, who is quietly suffering due to her maladaptive choices and habits.
Im here becuause im offended i not got called passive aggressive, im also offended that I have to change because they* dont think the way I do.
I have a question. I asked my friend a question who I believe is passive aggressive. She never gave an answer to that message. Eg.When is your appointment? Is it on 1st or 2nd? She replied it’s in my calendar but never replied to my actual question.Is this passive aggressive?
Say I'm not moving as fast as the person wants and they say I guess I have to do it? Family matters
I know I can be P/A and I know what it’s from. It’s all based on fear. If you feel like you can’t express yourself when you’re young you won’t be able to do it when you’re older. I’m just seeing this now at 57. I also know many people who are willing to saying anything, even if it’s hurtful. They can’t understand why some people can’t express themselves anymore than I can understand why they can’t keep their mouth shut.
My land lord used to start coughing extremely loud every time I walked by or whenever they walked by my room...
Like she had everyone do it in the house...
And finally they gained the courage to ask me to leave because they didn't like my rap music I used to play in front of the house. You know Spanish be living off the government paying $600 a month then charging $1000 a month for a small room...while they hog the bathroom and kitchen all day.
How do you handle a passive aggressive boss as an assertive but also fair employee who really wants a human-to-human conversation, but the boss doesn't see you as an equal human?
@@user-hi9cu5on1b I don't think any of us do lol
Time for a new job.
@@marvalousmarva9539 that's real. Definitely keeping my eyes open. 🙏🏿
Try to discuss the issue with the said boss : what happened, how you feel about it, how it's interrupting your work, what are the changes you need them to do to have a better working experience. Basically by asserting your boundaries.
If it doesn't work and/or the problem persists/escalate then report to the higher ups. Record everything and present your evidences to the HR/higher management. Discuss and ask help from your colleagues too if they experience the same thing, giving proof and examples as a GROUP of employees is more convincing than acting alone, they won't get to make an excuse that this is an individual (your) problem, not the boss's problem.
If that doesn't work too, then I recommend to update your resume and find another work with a healthier and respectful environment. Wish you all the best!
How do you NOT practice passive aggressiveness at work? You can't just rip into people
Worked at McDonald's for 6 years and the amount of passive aggression encounted while I'm doing my best was frustrating but now I'm indifferent towards another world war
Is this passive-aggressive? Because I swear, I didn't mean it to be. To start off with a backstory, my boss was upset I had signed up for a one-person shift, because she didn't think I could manage alone. I'll admit, I am much better with a helping hand and guide, but come on, that's no excuse for being insensitive. One of our student leader's responsibilities is organizing who works which shifts on the schedule, and my boss scolded him for not noticing I had signed up a coffee service. When she asked him if she thought I could do the shift, I answered for him with a firm "yes," because I felt belittled by her. She said she didn't think so, was all "I've told you not to sign up for shifts by yourself, I've been very clear about that, I don't know how much clearer I can get for you to listen" (something like, that, so I'm not perfectly quoting her), and she told me I need someone there to give me instructions and guide me. I regretfully didn't stand up for myself because I was too intimidated.
The next day, I visited the workplace to get the thermos I had left there. I ran into my boss and the event organizer from the dining office. She said, "Hi, John. Are you working today?" I *casually* responded, "Originally, but [boss] was very upset when I signed up for the coffee service. She said she didn't think I could manage it by myself." And then my boss gave me a look. She confronted me the next day at work for my comment. But I don't get it. What did I say wrong? _Technically,_ what I said is true. She did say what I claimed. The truth is the truth, so by that logic, she's got nothing to resent. If my brother told my neighbor, "John was very mad when I lost his phone charger," I wouldn't be embarrassed or upset. That's true. I was very mad. So? Why would I resent his comment on that? Same thing with my boss about my comment on what she was mad about.
Agree
6:56 Recognize their improvements so they can feel good? Congratulate them for behaving in a professional respectful manner?
No, I would only have a second meeting regarding this issue if it doesn’t improve not to praise them for behaving how they should have behaved all along.
It is so hard to keep patience qith this behavoiur
Valley girl intonation.
somebody out when they’re being passive aggressive, is calling out the obvious and stating the truth and saying what needs to be said that way they don’t continue that bad behavior. Now, obviously, you have to make sure that the person is being passive aggressive, so this isn’t something that you’re gonna do the very first time they do it to you, but if it ever becomes habitual, then, of course this is when you set the person aside and you also set them straight. When I say set them straight, I’m not saying argue at them or yell at them, but you can tell them that you noticed that they’ve been kind of passive aggressive towards you and you would really appreciate it if they would stop treating you that way, and you can even say something along the lines of you just wanted to let that person know before you go and tell anybody else. The way to deal with the passive aggressive person is to be direct because they can’t stand being direct themselves they can’t stand confrontation. So how do you handle somebody that can’t stand confrontation? Easily you give them confrontation. And not in a fighting physical type of way, but more of a direct verbal “nonjudgmental” type of way. I think it’s really interesting. Women are always concerned about other peoples feelings especially when it’s another woman’s feelings and they say things like oh don’t be judge mental but what’s crazy is the person that is being passive aggressive to you has already judged you and is literally doing it every time they’re being passive aggressive to you, but we have to be these sacred angels and not judge anybody else or not be passive aggressive back. I understand that doesn’t do anything to help the situation, but calling out the situation definitely will clear that up real fast. If you’re dealing with somebody who’s being passive aggressive, the best thing you can do is called him out on it
I think the way she speaks makes me somehow passiv-aggressive.
If one recognizes they are themselves P-A, other than being aware of it, how can we NOT be P-A when we hate confrontation? And maybe we hate confrontation because we always doubt how we feel is or isn’t justified?
Talk to them? No. They don’t change even of u call it out. I am past that point. The thing is HR is not on your side so I say move to another job. All this is pure blah blah blah.
Anecdotal stories of things you don’t like in others when talking about the person in front of you to allude to things you don’t like about them…yeah 😅it’s like mental gymnastics 🤸♂️ with passive aggressive folks especially those who flip the bird in subtle ways and watch to see if it lands…nope not going to give the satisfaction
Ok! Let’s move on! There is passive aggressiveness, I don’t need to analyze anything. There is no communication either. My coworker is passive aggressive due to jealousy. Period. They won’t change. All these “to-do” does not help. It’s just blah blah
They wont change
All I could say is... cowardice
👍❤️
Maybe I'm just a bitch and tired of people treating me like shit.
And what if it’s the boss? 😂
😭😭😭😭
Dark bear 54
Huh
Both people in this video.Display obvious passive aggressive accumulates.
I would say this is a gas lighting video.
I would go as far as you say.This video is a parody
Only time im passive aggressive is if I don't care enough about the person or situation to be direct And I know the person(s) im talking to don't respond well to direct communication (i.e. take it as an "attack", view it as "confrontational", and make themselves a victim)
Otherwise, I'm direct. It's my preference.
I love being passive aggressive, it's a fun game to occupy a space in ppls minds. I really don't care how other ppl feels or think about me lol
Your need to make others feel like crap just to make yourself feel good is an underlying weakness of your character.
@@TheQueensWish big facts ima tell you alil sum I want ya input
So ight boom
I had to help a coworker out and it was no problem as always im there to work no doubt and I had to help one individual that I was cool with since I started there last year.. so this woman asked for this pallet jack so boom im tryna give her the pallet Jack dude I was cool with jumped in front of me eager to give it to her showing off im like bruh you deadass why would you dodge in front of me.. so ight the shift ova 5 minutes later in my mind I was like im finna approach him so that's what I did.. I pulled him to the side cuz ion like making no scene that's too extra. So im asking him why he did what he did and he was acting oblivious to it.. we boutta leave now and he was like "you felt some type of way" I was yea I feel some type then he was like don't talk to me nomore and started walking off so I'm like ight bet then the same woman asked me to do a survey as that occurred this dude tried to walk up on me like he was finna do something I had my forearm on em boutta push him but that woman was right there behind me tellin me come do this survey and go do what you gotta do after so I told dude wait for me outside and ian see him out there at all..
I know I done texted a lot but yea it's been on my mind I just needed to talk about it I already talked to family as well.. i be thinking before I do things the moment that happened I thought about God.. God had a Angel right there and said naw it ain't even worth it Qaa..
@@qaareeshaw2220 What was his motivation? I think he was sweet on this girl and that is why he responded so quickly ahead of you. Suppose this is true. His motivation might have been part of a crush. Have pity on the guy because she may not even know he’s alive. You already said you both were cool before. So he didn’t mean any malice to you, just this opposite it was his heart on display (for her). An Angel will help you to see the good possibility and this will grow your wisdom.
The male host is annoying and obnoxious. I’ve seen him in several interviews and he seems to lack empathy and awareness towards others.
@AprilDB227 Yep, he's not like that to everyone...just to some and that's pretty obvious. I hope folks that are not his favorites rise above the shenanigans and keep doing their jobs excellently well 😐
This is just horrible and nasty! Treating passive-agressive people as some "They" who are out to get "Us"! I am passive-agressive, I know it and I'm not out to "get" anyone, I'm merely defending myself from what I see as a hostile world, but too afraid of OTHER PEOPLE'S agression to do it directly. Shame on you for this nasty attack!
If you want to defend yourself without acting childish, then start loving your enemies and treat everyone the way you would like to be treated with grace. Then you'll see other people giving _you_ the cold shoulder without rhyme or reason.