Unexpected Reactions to My Early Retirement
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- Опубликовано: 19 июн 2024
- Contempt, concern, surprise, envy, admiration, and support; just a few of the reactions Laura received when she announced she was retiring early, closing her biomedical research laboratory, and beginning a new phase of life beyond work. Some reactions were expected and some surprised her. In this episode, Eric and Laura unpack these interactions and chart their next steps as they prepare to leave work and step into early retirement.
**Show notes: twosidesoffi.com/unexpected
Timestamps:
00:00 Introduction
00:18 Telling my Employer I'm retiring
03:28 Oops...
05:26 A Flood of Reactions
07:47 Shock
09:09 Making me feel small
09:39 Outpouring of support
10:28 "People like us...don't do this"
12:34 What (exciting project) will you do next?
14:54 Feeling the need to justify the decision
16:32 Reaction of employees
18:00 Feeling Unburdened
19:12 What's the trick?
20:30 Must be nice...
21:54 What now, van life?
23:00 What is it with people your age?
25:26 Feeling like an outsider
27:07 What would you do differently?
29:10 Emotional
30:48 Thoughts on Purpose
31:34 Advice for others
33:46 Owning the decision vs. apologizing
**Show notes, tools, resources + information: twosidesoffi.com
**Our podcast: twosidesoffi.com/podcast/
**Eric’s "NOW" page at 30X40 Design Workshop: thirtybyforty.com/now
**Eric’s RUclips Channel: thirtybyforty.com/youtube @30by40
**Jason's Blog: thenextphaseisnow.com
#twosidesoffi #financialindependence #firemovement
**Note: This content does not constitute investment advice and is being presented for informational and educational purposes only.
What kind of reaction did you get from coworkers, friends, and families when you retired early? We'd love to hear from you
Resigned on March 25, retire 25th June age 55.. Mixed reaction from colleagues of congratulations and thanks for impacting their careers positively to offers of part time work just in case I change my mind. Had to laugh at the Van life comment as I just purchased a Van to convert but my Van is part of my relaxation into retirement as I need a project like Eric.
Announced in January, left the building Feb 29 age 56. Officially terminated April 1. (Used vac and ensured benefits for another 30 days) Mostly positive, some expressed jealously.
People were asking if I was OK (sick). They were sincere, and were coming from a place of caring.
Others were puzzled what I would do with my time.
I RE'd at 53. Im a little over 2 years in. I had a relatively small work team, I mostly had curiosity from a handful of people but it quickly faded. My skip level director 2 levels above me spent the most time talking to me about the how and what of RE (that is after he was convinced I wasn't going to a competitor) it was nearly an hour convo which is rare for him. Family was fine as I sort of let them know years ahead of time my FIRE plans. I have two sisters and we've actually become closer since I retired.
2 years on I still get "what do you do all day" from friends and this is hard to answer without blank stares, because outside of my longer travel trips I have planned, day to day is a lot of reading, podcasts, general interest learning, exercise, some volunteer work, house project work. No one thing dominates. I'm not writing the great American novel, I'm not starting a business etc. The concept of open exploration of new things and ideas, it's just hard for people to relate to.
I send an email to all my coworkers on my retirement and I have gotten 95% positive responses. However, there is that 5% that seems to question me as to why and how I was able to do this. Some mentioned that they wished they could but they couldn't financially.... Now that I am 6 months retired, I missed the people I have worked with for over 14 years.
Gave my official notice middle of March, retire May 3rd age 55. I didn't keep it secret, most people including my boss knew at least 6 months or more ago. Because I talked about it a lot I didn't get much grief.
The perfect response to the "what are you going to do" question is... "WHATEVER I WANT TO!"
Yep, said that (in voice of Napoleon Dynamite).
I told people I would wake up, do a whole bunch of nothing in the morning, so I have my afternoons free.
I already have that response ready 😂
I realized that I still "want to" work here and there. I have an amazing balance!
SOMEONE ASKED MY SISTER THAT ONCE BECAUSE SHE STAYED HOME AND HAD NO CHILDREN. SHE GAVE THEM THE SAME ANSWER. LIKE KEEP A HOUSE AND ALL THAT GOES WITH IT MEANS NOTHING. STUPID PEOPLE
We retired at 50 too (it’s been almost 6 years) and literally nobody could understand it. It’s out of comprehension for 99% of folks. Lots of jealousy for the most part. We moved to the beach and life has never been better. Congrats!
My pat answer for 'what are you going to do?' I replied "I'm going to be a Human Being instead of a Human Doing"
So refreshing to hear someone speaking so openly about being consumed by work and not being able to disconnect during holidays / hobbies. Amazing insights. Thanks so much .
Glad you took the leap - it was the best decision of my life retiring at 51. Initially I was really worried about not having a purpose because everyone harps on about it. Then it gradually dawned on me that I never had a purpose when I was working so why worry about it now 🤣 I kind of fell into my purpose of getting fit and healthy. Retiring from an IT career, I have found it refreshing to now spend my time learning more about my body, nutrition and how to live healthily. Everyone is different though, just take the time to listen to yourself 👍
Same experience as u. What I said made me lol!!!
This makes so much sense! I have similar realisation and goals too 😅
I hate everyone constantly asking me what I do all day since I retired at 39 five years ago. My dentist cleaning my teeth asked and I'm thinking, "Not cleaning teeth all day." Just what does everyone expect you to be doing all day and is what they're doing all day really all that special either? What I do all day is whatever I feel like. It certainly is not sitting in a cubicle or going to a meeting to listen to everyone joke about getting fat while eating donuts.
Lucky you 🙄
Ok, but what do you actually do?
Just say " Enoying my life. Are you enjoy your life doc"? Lol
@@and11199😂
The question: how can you afford to?
It’s tricky answering that without upsetting your overspending under saving co-workers.
Say " i learn financial literacy. I've been working since age....." let them figure it out. 🙂
“Ya know that old beater that everybody makes fun of that I’ve been driving the last 20 years…who’s laughing now!”
Wow, I totally get this. I have a PhD in virology and remember that most of the PI's were expected to work until dementia set in, and then work a little longer.
Yeah, I worked in molecular diagnostics in the agriculture industry and the “normal” retirement for most is to “continue to advocate for the industry”.
Also, the feeling of responsibility the PIs have for their research staff. They have to seek new jobs. Some of them came overseas under a Visa based on their jobs.
What was interesting is that some people were asking how I did it, and it gave me an opportunity to point them towards FIRE and talk about free tools I used.
Some gave me “must be nice” as if I won the lottery instead of saving hard and living frugally. Those people got less attention
I retired at 51 a little over a year ago. Most people were happy for me. Some said they were jealous. Some were confused and asked what I was going to do with all my time. I don’t think you need to have some type of external purpose on day one of retirement. My purpose for the last year has been rediscovering myself and detoxing from the corporate world where I spent my career. I fill my days with activities and people that make me happy. That’s enough for now. You don’t need to fit into anyone else’s expectations anymore, even what they might expect you to do in retirement. Enjoy your own path and trust that your purpose will reveal itself as you go.
I retired at 52, and received many of the same comments from friends and colleagues. Admittedly I was surprised by the pessimistic and negative reactions. Financial independence is a wonderful blessing achieved through discipline, consistency and grit. Qualities which should be commended not dimished.
The negative comments Laura received from colleagues seems more of a questioning their own identities imo. Im sure some of those comments felt unpleasant but I wouldn't take it personally as they are dealing with their own insecurities and analyzing their own life choices. Have fun in all of your future endeavors!
I’m retired at 57 and I’m spending my time during “working hours” watching this video ;) I can just do what I want.
I retired early and was met with, ‘you’re leaving money on the table’ ‘you gotta stick it out a few more years to get the full pension’. My philosophy was always, I’d rather collect 70% pension for 30 years than 100% pension for 10.
Well put!
Laura, I've seen probably hundreds of videos on FI, but this is the one I could relate to the most. It's so reassuring/comforting to know others are going through the same thought processes and challenges. Congratulations on hitting this milestone!
Thank you!!
I know exactly what she was experiencing after she made the initial decision to retire to herself. I worked at a Department of Energy laboratory as a middle manger of a group of twelve. I decided in July, at age 55, but kept it to myself to see if anything positive was going to change for the Oct fiscal year. In Sep though my boss asked me to hire a new staff member. I didn’t want to dive into that lengthy process knowing I wouldn’t be around soon. I told my boss I was planning to retire and word spread pretty quickly. Everyone was positive. I left work in mid Dec 2010.
I can relate to her vacation comments. I retired with 10 weeks of unused vacation and 9 months of unused sick leave.
Financially I was lucky to be working at the University of California for 30 years. UC has a terrific retirement system. I also had savings.
I have just retired early last week aged 54 after 38 years at same PLC. Some weird reactions, but I had been building to it for a while. No sadness, my tanks are empty. I got a range of delight for me, to jealousy, to why are you going now and where are you going to. Also loads of people asking what am I going to do, my answer has been and is, I will be having a rest, travelling and finding myself again both physically and mentally. Congrats on your retirement and enjoy the times ahead.
One of our favorite things to do is get up in the morning and drink coffee and tea while reading for 2 hours!
Congratulations to you!
We "retired" at 55 and I went back to work per diem. I still need something to keep my brain active and I like being paid for it. We still set aside months at a time to travel. It's the perfect balance for me! I don't discuss my trips with coworkers because of their jealous reactions. I could never describe the hard work it took to get here. They just wouldn't listen. I choose to keep my financial life private.
Good idea
I am in day 2 of full retirement. I reached FI several years ago, but did "one more year" several times. Testing retirement spending along the way. I now know I could have left five years ago. I was a high school teacher for over 36 years at the same school. You can only retire from the school system once, so I was careful in my decision. But this year there were dramatic changes and I decided to leave. Leaving five weeks before the end of the school year surprised many, but that was the point. The responses, "I understand", "the same thing is happening to me", "I am leaving at the end of the year", "your brave I wish I could do it". I have been using the term recreational employment for my side hustle for years. I knew once I left teaching I would continue my RE for several years. You have an excellent podcast and are helping others chart their path. Keep up the good work.
I can see where 50 is more surprising than 55 or 60. I retired at 54 and everyone thought I was just going to another job and I was just saying that I was retiring! Wow eight months notice, that is going to be weird as well but I guess will be the new normal. I gave two months notice. Congrats and sounds like you had a great career!
Thank you!
I really love hearing Laura on the podcast. I'm an associate professor too and always relate with what she says about how pursuing grant funding can become all consuming and you never feel like you're doing enough to keep up. One thing most people probably don't realize is that professors generally do not accrue vacation or sick time, which also plays into that mindset that it's never enough. It's no wonder people in their 50's and younger are willing to walk away from the professoriate. I'm not sure that the senior faculty that started their programs in the 80's and 90's had the same experience that those of us who started our groups later have had.
Thank you for your comment. I think you are right about the experience of senior faculty vs. our generation. I recently had a conversation with a senior faculty member who expressed shock and concern at the number of mid-level faculty who are currently choosing to leave academia. He mentioned that it was as if our generation is less dedicated to the profession, but I pushed back with exactly your point - our experience is not the same.
When you are in the "retire early" space like we are I think we tend to believe that everyone is on the path to retire early. I find it more shocking that so many people have never even thought of retiring early. Sounds like you'll be getting about 50 new subscribers to this channel. 😂Congrats on moving forward. One thing that I've learned from moving around a lot and living in different places is that the burden of maintaining relationships is on the person who leaves. There is some kind of unwritten rule that when people's lives stay the same and someone leaves it just falls on the person who left to initiate contact. You will feel a little disappointed if you wait for them to contact you.
It's sad that people are so brainwashed that they can't understand when someone does something out of the "norm". Congratulations on making the next step in living your OWN life! I appreciate you sharing your story including the interesting reactions and not just the happy side.
I retired last year at the age of 50 and received many of the exact same reactions. I understand these reactions, because I had many of the thoughts when others retired before me. Congratulations on your path to freedom! The time frame between when I knew I was retiring and the actual date was one of the longest periods of my life. Hopefully it moves fast for you.
“Unburdened” is right! I am retiring in 9 days. I feel the same and have experienced many of the things you talked about in this video. I look forward to hearing about your journey.
Work was all consuming for me. I felt like the company owned me and I had to ask for any time for myself. I think "Feeling unburdened" after I retired early has added years to my life. 2 years in and nothing I necessarily retired too and no regrets. I sleep better. I've been staying pretty busy - not bored.
I really enjoyed listening to the events of your science exit- The snow in the background made this video even better. Enjoy your new "unburdened" life.
At the end of the day, it is not the words of others that impact us. It's the value that we place on them that does.
True. But when those words come from people whom we value, strong reactions can be challenging to manage. -Jason
Congratulations to both of you! My wife is retired for several years and I retired in '22. It's great together!
Thanks so much for sharing! Congrats!! 🎉🎉🎉
Retired from the lab at 58. What I wish I could have said to the “what are you going to do?” question was to decompress from all of the stress and trauma of this job.
As another academic, I really appreciate and resonated with what Laura offered about her concerns and experience. Academia is a strange thing to retire from (with respect to community perception, not that she is doing it). I am really glad you both have been sharing her experiences specifically. It is instructive.
Congratulations!! So happy for you!
I really enjoy hearing this from your perspective Laura. Thank you so much for sharing! Congratulations on what sounds like a great career and more congratulations on your soon to be retirement.
I'd love this to be a regular check-in the rest of this year and into next year. Such a great insight you get to share with us.
Thank you both. I really needed to hear this today
Love this episode! Congrats Laura and Eric!
I've been listening since mid-2022 and am excited to see certain of those old discussions now becoming today's decisions. Congrats and thank you for providing this insight on your journey.
Many congratulations Laura and thank you for your transparency and honesty with the whole experience. The very best of luck to you both and we will continue to watch out for you an Eric’s FI journey moving forward! 🙏
Thanks Laura, this has been so helpful.
Thanks for sharing your journey Laura! Congratulations!! 🎉
Thanks for sharing, Laura! You are teaching others by telling your story of retiring early!
Thank you for sharing. You are inspiring. It's your time, so take as much as you need to figure it out. I hope to be in your position one day.
Congratulations again Laura (and Eric)!
Enjoy the next phase of whatever you want to do on your own schedule!
Love love loveeeeee this!!!! Such a great conversation!!! Congratulations!!! 🍾🎊
Huge congratulations. This was insightful, I intend to do the same early next year at 55. Can’t wait!!
this was a really great episode. walking away from a community of practice is difficult, and seeing people move on with the ongoing conversations that you aren't part of any more, doubly so.
Congratulations! This is a big step and exciting. I enjoy hearing about the journey you and Eric are on, so thanks for sharing. At the end of the day, other people's opinions don't matter. You have one life, you must live it on your own terms.
Nice snowfall in the background. Gives the episode some serenity. Congratulations.
This is such a great episode. Congratulations on making this important and wonderful decision.
Congrats. Enjoy your ride together!
Congratulations! That was a wonderful well-told episode! If you don't have some level of nerves on the big day, you either don't like your job or the people you work with. Exciting time ahead, I hope we hear more from Laura in the future.
Great episode. The responses from your colleagues and family mirrored some of the responses I received. I wasn't expecting the looks of unbelief.
Thanks for sharing your journey.
Congrats!!!!!! When they ask what’s next you can always tell them “I don’t know”. It will freak them out and honestly it is so freeing to let yourself explore new options.
Congratulations for your impending retirement Laura!! This was a very interesting conversation! Hopefully these are points I can use in the next decade when I do the same but not quite as young as you! Cheers Claire
Congratulations!!! Knowing how hard it is to get to where you are, this is well deserved. It takes many years of dedication and hard work to retire early. Wish you the best in your next endeavors.
Congratulations. I'm convinced that true courage in this life is not caring what other people think. Our lives aren't our own if we run them based on what others think. I think freedom is something only the courageous get to enjoy.
Very well said
I’m glad to hear that overall it all went well. I’m coming up to that line so can picture myself in the same situations. Congratulations!!!
Congratulations! I retired 6 months ago at 54. I had many of the same reactions you had. Most were wonderful, and some were disappointing. That’s human nature I guess! I wish you and Eric all the very best. Relax and enjoy - you have earned it. Time freedom is a beautiful thing.
The phased early retirement I did was less noticeable as I went to work weekends and as needed, which gradually wound down to my request to be taken off the schedule for both. In addition, a long-term contract I had with a facility ended due to the facility closing due to the state realigning its developmental centers. It was a slow walk into retirement. Thanks for the great content, Two Sides Of FI.🔥
So wonderful!!! I’m in my late 50’s and am in the final steps of confirming I can retire this year. The logistics of giving notice is a rare thing to find online, so thank you for sharing.
Thank you for sharing your experience in this video. Very interesting questions from co-workers! I am 55 and planning to retire in a few months after many years with my company and think they will be similarly surprised!
Isn’t it great that we don’t yet know what our lives will mean? Every day is a new opportunity to make a difference and it doesn’t have to be all part of some grand project or plan. I appreciate your thoughtful discussion of your experience.
Good answer, Laura, to the academic scientific leader. You are more than your work, education, career, etc. People's comments come from their insecurities. I appreciate all the comments that say, "I will miss you. I thank you for all your service. Congrats." That's a healthy response from healthy people. What's weird is how one person's personal choices trigger other people, which comes out in their reactions. SO excited for you both! We're launching at the end of July 2024 and we're learning in real-time from you both.
Loved this episode. I just retired early month ago just a bit older than the two of you. Congrats!
Congratulations and thanks for sharing your experience. I announced my retirement last week at age 55, and encountered many similar reactions - most wished me well, a few were inspired (they were going to do something), a few jealous (not likely to do anything about it), a few “could tell” I was going to retire. My biggest learning was that although this is a very big deal for me, it’s really not for most others. Perhaps in the lead up I made it more stressful for myself than necessary, thinking this would cause concern at the company. Not really... No matter, 10 more weeks!
Congratulations Laura. Looking forward for more episodes with Laura in 2SOFI.
This is so much appreciated because this is the type of content that is scarce (in comparison to strictly financial content that is all over RUclips regarding retirement), but yet it is something everyone who retires, especially early will need to navigate. I've watched this all the way through once and appreciated every minute of the sage and practical advice with such a personal experience. I will probably go back and watch it another time, if not several.
Thank you for this! I, too, am 51 and am retiring at the end of June from an academic setting. My leadership is aware, but I have yet to tell my team. Your video gave me much to think about and the added confidence that I can make this happen. I'm sure I'll watch this more than once in the coming weeks. Greatly appreciated!
I'm so glad for you!!
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! It has helped me more than you know. ☺️
As someone who's planning to pull the plug early next year, I especially enjoy watching this era of your journey play out. Congratulations!
Congratulations on your upcoming early retirement! I am in a similar situation, going to give my notice this summer, great advice on how to notify folks and be prepared for the myriad of responses. I will also be moving to MDI in 2 months, starting the next chapter as a result of being FI is exciting. Hoping the next 10 months flies by. Enjoying both your RUclips channels.
I say congrats! I started late but have 5 more years to reach FI- can’t wait! U deserve it!
Congratulations! ❤
It's your life one needs to know your business...Love the life you want and don't worry about what other people think about your decisions. CONGRATS!!!
I love Laura, she is so wise and has a confidence and calm about her that is fantastic.
Congratulations Laura. 🎉
Congratulations! 🥂
I appreciate the honest back and forth…unscripted, but thoughtfully organized. I’m 48 end I think I want to work til 55, but we’ll see. Appreciate your thought process.
Thank you for sharing this with us. I have talked with friends for a while about my desire to retire, and they all seem to think it involves sitting around in a room with a bunch of old people watching reruns on TV. "What are you going to do?" which of course means "what are you going to do without an office to go to and somebody to tell you what you should be doing?" The thing I don't understand is that I am 10 years older than you and almost at the traditional retirement age, but I'm getting that reaction.
I admire you to stop working in your current job. Not easy thing to do and not being defined by what you do is such a hard thing for most people. Congratulations ❤ Thank you for sharing your journey with us
Eric missed his opportunity to tell Laura “Must be nice!” So happy for you both. You’re an inspiration and I look forward to seeing how you navigate life beyond work and settle in to the idea that your time is now your own. It’s so helpful for those of us who haven’t reached that milestone yet to hear your thoughts and see your actions as you embark on this journey. I look forward to seeing your giddy excitement when it finally sinks in! I’m particularly interested in the mental aspect of it and the stages you go through post retirement. Thank you both for sharing, and enjoy your retirement when it comes!
Again, I just so appreciate Laura‘s ability to reflect and provide an open and honest discussion for the rest of us who will eventually go through a similar situation. I think I too have built it up in my head, but have ultimately decided that I’m replaceable and I want my own time. Here’s to an early retirement for all of us! My husband is retiring this December and I am retiring next June when our youngest graduates high school I will be 54. Thank you for another great episode!
Congratulations Laura! I'm very excited for your and Eric as you move into this exciting new phase of your lives. Thank you for sharing your stories! I gave a 3 month notice but it went very fast.
My wife retired in 2021 @ 53 and I retired in 2023 @ 55. We both received a variety of comments. Mostly congratulations and well wishes but there were some that wanted to know where we were going to work (part time, tutoring, going to a new company, etc.) WIth my wife retiring before me I gave my plan a lot of thought. My retirement time has 5 buckets: Travel, volunteering, hobbies, exercise, and side hustle. No hard commitment for any of these but in the last year I have dipped into each bucket.
Take your time and enjoy the process of moving to this exciting new phase!
I love your retirement time buckets! I'd love to steal this idea for my own BEST LIFE planning!
What did you end up doing as a side hustle?
@@retirementripcord1536 My wife and I have entered two craft fairs in the last year. I do woodworking and she does embroidery and home goods. We made a little money and had fun! We'll continue a few a year until it feels like work :)
@@LoriLWorden Please do! make it your own! What would be in your buckets?
Congratulations, sorry for the naysayers and good luck with the next part of your adventure.
I’d love to hear you two explore the idea of being empty nesters. We aren’t aiming for RE, but our youngest is going to college in August, and that feels monumental too. We are 48 and 50. I love your intelligent, transparent and relatable discussions and would love you to tackle that topic.
Heartiest congratulations! You did it! I recently retired from my job as a research scientist at the age of 48, and three months in, I have not the slightest regret at all, and I am enjoying every bit of it. Have an enjoyable time living out your life the way that makes the most sense to you! Titles, achievements, publications, and reputation mean so little when there is so much more to living. 🎉🎉🎉❤❤
Congratulations, guys! Been watching 30x40 since the start and have loved both the content and seeing your collective evolution-including here on Two Sides of FI! 👏👏👏👏👏🎉🥂
Also, remember that judgement is often times as much about the person giving it-reinforcing identity or emotions arising from confronting non-congruency-as it is about the person being judged.
Cheers...appreciate the support!
Congratulations on your early retirement! I've really enjoyed this line of Laura's impending retirement. Eric - what was the other podcast you were on this week you referenced?
🎉Congratulations, Laura on your decision and announcement. My own decision to retire from an academic research career at 54 was a little difficult, mostly because I still enjoy my work 30 years on, but more importantly, many of my colleagues have become good friends. I have had mostly positive and supportive reactions, but with more than a few questions about what kind of work or job I’m moving on to (nothing planned). Good luck to you both and enjoy the next chapter. My last day is May 1!
Congratulations!
Congratulations on making the announcement! Its obvious from the number of co-worker comments that they care about you and the historical impact of your career arc, regardless of the occasional sour tone. Some people, especially in the science and engineering community, can't convey human thoughts or feelings appropriately.
The van life comment also cracked me up, as we have a 54-year old VW camper and the last thing we ever think about is taking a long trip with it. :)
Congrats !
You are an inspiration ❤
Congratulations Laura! We've retired early, almost 10 years ago, and it still feels great. Enjoy it. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone.
I went back to visit my former co-workers this week after leaving about a month ago. Since I left I've been working on my building my new business, and prioritising exercise and time with my wife, but in truth I'm still adjusting to not having a "tribe" any more. I felt "guilty" somehow for not having a great answer to the question that was put to me of "what was the best thing you've done since you left that you couldn't have done while you were working?". It's been a month, guys!
Good for you. Congrats.
Congrats Laura! Love seeing other scientists retiring at mid-career. Better legacy to be a midlife retiree than a “grey-blocker” (a person who sits in a leadership position and blocks the opportunities for younger people). Welcome to the club!
I can identify with a lot of what Laura says and the obligation she feels to her job and coworkers. I would love to hear an update in 6 months when she is truly done and in a year as she navigates this next part of her life.
Great job and congratulations! I’ve been inspired by your story and I’m going to retire next year, 3 days before my 58th birthday.
Lots of self awareness at the end. Truth is it never matters if someone quits. Others scramble to grab the opportunity that's about it. Change is generally good. Laura seems pretty intense. I took a break from my serious career and it took many many months to relax a bit (I hit the road in a van with my girlfriend). Maybe it will be the same for her. The plan after that will reveal itself once you've become human again so to speak.