After watching this and several other videos I’ve come to the conclusion as a 50 year old that I’m a infj. This guy as described me 100 percent every single observation is correct .
So basically you can spot them as come across as introverted but social, reliable but head in the clouds, logical but sensitive, available but not. Got it.
Frustrated with the situation. Learning that others ignorance, means they are unaware. Unaware they are unaware. Positive result of learning more about myself, it becomes easier to understand how others feel.
This is absolutely true in the aspect that we have to fight the people closest to us, but often the rest of the world. They don't mind boundaries but restrictions hold us back. I know this for a fact because I have tried since probably 2014 to update the human database on knowledge. For instance there are not 7 deadly sins but 16 confirmed. I am still writing the book to show my proof, but even testing it over the years each sin or action however it will be determined is present in all that we do. It is actually quite nuanced. One of the major things was observing them present in film and video games. More often people are just going to think you're crazy.
I’m married, so I’m grateful that journey is over. But, so many people in adulthood are still making new friends. I don’t do that, I doubt I’ll have have a new friend. That’s just too much work. No thanks, I’m good.
Yes. I always feel I will absorb the emotions of others and it is so horrible. I hate people being angry at me. This video really sheds light and helps me understand myself.
Yes. Sometimes it all seems such a struggle - being intuitive and caring and deeply analytical - and feeling so utterly alone sometimes (even in a crowd). What hurts me a lot is feeling alienated and misunderstood but (seemingly) always able to understand and giving to others.
Key words...internal conflict. We are always having an internal conflict. We love to connect deeply with other people but it drains our energy having to continuously interact with them. At one point It felt like living a double life, people perceive me as this funny, bubbly person who everybody wants to be with but suddenly goes missing in action (hibernate) because I needed to recharge for my sanity’s sake! Haha
Yes, I've had people become angry with me during my "recharging" process. Others may also perceive this as me not wanting to spend time with them, but I am simply drained from social interaction and am aware that I would not be a proper host if in one of my "moods".
miriam carroll It’s not being rude. For me personally explaining to people how I feel is really difficult because I can’t articulate and express through talking. A lot of times people only see one side of who I am and if I am in one my moods I can be the complete opposite because I let my guard down sometimes and let people in, but they only like the bubbly fun side and don’t understand the complexity of who I am. So having to constantly be in that type of environment is very draining and exhaustive. I need my space more then anything at times. Also I hate explaining myself because sometimes people just don’t get it no matter how much effort you put into helping them understand even when I know I suck at vocal communication.
IMO the best way to 'spot' an INFJ in a room is their uncanny ability to suddenly disappear and are nowhere to be found. "They came, they saw, and they gone".
As an INFJ, I also find myself to be a benign liar. I lie in order to get away from people, in order to be by myself and where I want to be. I lie in order to hide things about me that I'm not ready for other people to know yet. I lie about how enthusiastic I am about something in order to make myself fit in. I lie in order to be alone. To be free. Thank you for this video. If only I can hand this video out like business card to people I meet (and to people I already know) so that I don't have to explain myself.
I don't lie. I can't, my inner integrity won't let me, I literally get sick to my stomach if I try to. I've become expert at avoiding any situation where I would need to lie, turning questions around rather than answering, & wording difficult things so they're true but still project the essence of what I want, peacefully and kindly. But I'm getting old, I've had a lot of practice.
It took a lot of work within myself to learn to lie even a little bit for my own benefit, or to get a narcissistic person away from me. I think it ya it’s place. I do not like second guessing if someone is telling the truth though....
Ren I was going to write what you did before I read your comment. Great minds eh. It also means we don't have to bother with people who don't get us to be nice because usually they will avoid us
I'm an INFJ but I don't try to avoid conflict. I try to avoid creating it. When it comes to someone confronting me with conflict, I try to diffuse the situation. When I have conflict with someone, I voice my opinion, but also try to sympathize with the person.
Same. Or I just leave. I don't even realize I'm doing it until I'm far away from the situation and realized I removed myself from it without even thinking about it
They are usually by themselves sitting at the beach or at the park by themselves. Rare, but you can spot them. They will get talkative when you get to know them and are extremely trust worthy. Also, they are extremely sensative to vibration. If the vibe is out of wack in a person or place they will disappear.
Story of my love life, to be sure. Only one who wasn't completely unhealthy, I walked away because I was bored (and stupid).... But if I don't give of myself, I'll die, so they come with the territory. I just have to learn how to keep my boundaries intact.
The older I get the less energy I have for making new friends, especially when they give me that "look"--the one all INFJs get that says, "is there something wrong with you?" So, I just hang on to my long-term friends who figured out who I was years ago and either gave up trying to change me into a social creature, or they have just accepted me for who I am--the one they love that disappears and reappears periodically but always makes them laugh.
I don’t have any friends anymore because they found better ones know I’m a lone wolf with no friends my parents always ask why I’m not socializing and that I want friends but don’t make any effort and there right but that’s only because i have trust issues and always feel like I’m getting judged
Infjs going through the normal convo like where are you from what do you like, and then suddenly they found out you also like a specific movie they are hyperficated on, and their eyes lIGhT uP and they start talking more confidently
I’m INFJ, but also have avoidant attachment because of childhood trauma. I feel like I’m in my head so much because of this. I wish I could find people I’m comfortable around to talk about stuff.
Hi Misty, I feel for you. I'm working through the reality of being a Daughter of a Narcissistic Mother, and my attachment trauma. It affects us profoundly. My sister is an abusive victim-N, and I've had to learn to cut the abusive people out of my life. Why should we be ground down by others? We are precious, and the world needs us, our insights and empathetic qualities. Peace and happiness to you.
@malak9502 yes and no. DON'T go to a licensed therapist but get help from loving friends. Licensed therapist have rules that make them so harmful to people and society.
I leave gatherings very easily when I get that negative collective vibe. Ppl will say “where did u go, you disappeared “. I just say yes, I left. We are very complex. We also pick up on who the narcissists are and I am repelled very quickly. I don’t like evil at all whether it is covertly aimed at me or even at another person I don’t even know. I’m out at that point.
I was about 13 and my parents took us to an island by ferry off the BC coast. I wanted off that island faster than we got on it. Just had weirdness and odd vibes. I cried and whined lol the whole time to go back.
Same mate. I was at a party once and a fight broke out between two of my friends afterwards I left the party quite quickly because the vibe was really stressful for me...
I really liked this video, it is very accurate. As an INFJ I tend to be interested in the ‘why’ aspect of subjects, and try to avoid conflict anywhere I can, however, I really want to protect people and will stand up for someone when needed (even though my heartbeat will go up very fast by doing so). I think it’s a complicated personality type but this also makes it interesting
If you actually wade into that conflict you seek so much to avoid, you will find you are better equipped than anybody else in the room, to deal with it. It will take a toll, but you will be able to fix issues and make friendships whole again like no other. Take many days off afterwards, though... And standing up for the downtrodden is just who we are, no escaping it. We live in never ending circles of "why" and have to dive into each circle time after time, to test the validity of statements or viewpoints. This is how we learn. We find the truth (but can we handle it?).
This is the most spot-on description of an infj that I've ever seen. I've backed down from so many arguments that I could've won because I hate the stress of fighting someone more than I hate losing an argument. I also really draw on the atmosphere of a room and don't show my sense of humor to people I don't trust (although it's definitely there). I feel very understood; thank you for this. Well done.
Thank you very much! Looking back, I wish the video was of a higher technical quality (in terms of lighting etc.), but it seems the content has stood the test of time. :)
@@RensRoom Yes, the content definitely stands the test of time! I can see what you're saying about the technical qualities, but I didn't find it distracting at all. If you ever do 8 More Ways to Spot an INFJ, you could always revisit these original points. In any case, I'm really glad that your videos showed up in my suggested queue :) Cheers!
This is the most accurate description of how I feel as an INFJ. Even saying that we're not being selfless when we dissolve a conflict..just truly do not like the conflict of a situation and absorbing of the negative emotions. Almost always striving to be the peace makers and making sure all are vibing good and feeling happy🌼
It is true that when we come in a room, we have a clear sense of what everyone is feeling. Upsetting other people generates too much negative energy in that space: that would make it a very unpleasant space for us to stay in. We have more important things to pursue than to delve in the pettiness of human conflicts.
Hello! I am 44 years old and I am a male INFJ and this video just really got me off guard. I am amazed at how much you have just pinpointed me. I have pretty much felt alone and weird and misunderstood my WHOLE entire life but you just put me in a glass jar. I have subscribed to your channel because I have to learn more about this/me. Thank You!
Were you ever in a relationship or are you currently in one? I just hear all the time that INFJs are lonely and most likely be single and that actually saddens me as a young adult who wants to be in a relationship
what is your definition of friendly? do you mean talking to someone fluently online but when you see them the next day you dont even look at them...cause that's me. doesnt mean I dont like you just means I need you to talk to me first lol
Im to far outthere for them to understand my sense of humor,i will use it on people that lied to me yesterday ,and forget theyr lie!lots of those around .
I love INFJ's 🤗 As an INFP I feel like I can connect with them more than other personality type. INFJ's just have a vibe about them that I like. Also I feel like since we're probably the two most misunderstood personality types that's also probably why we get a long so well and kind of end up attracted to each other (I have two friends who are INFJ's). We understand each other's weirdness and complicatedness some how and we just roll with it lol we're like "ah yes your weird too I like you" 😂 but yea INFJ's are great. Keep being you
You’re perceptions of us is on point. Thank you. Quite frankly I hated finding out I’m an INFJ but I have to live with it. I’m an empath on top of that and I have been used by some people I was sincerely trying to help financially or just a person to talk to. I have gotten very cautious with people. We seem to attract assholes (narcissistic types) but I spot them much much faster today and I’m gone very quickly.
I once guessed an INFJ correctly because of what their literary and musical tastes were: how facially expressive we get when divulging such information is the key!
I am 60 now and over the years I have had quite a few. It has happened at random times with random unrelated things but I knew that I KNEW without knowing how...birth of children and knowing the gender, seeing illness in people and saying to myself what that illness was and later finding out I was correct. I even have had it happen a few times that when I saw a person something in me told me it was the last time I would see that person and that turned out to be true. I don’t understand any of it. Quiet and prayer is a huge part of my life so when these things happen I take time to pray for the person. I’m a fallible human being and I can’t really KNOW so I pray. If however the prompting is very clear about a person being ill I will find a way to steer them to a physician! I pestered a dear friend who continually argued with me that she was fine. She relented and went to a doctor. She had cancer. She is alive today. Thank God!
Yeaaa, from the small event like weather or people behaviour/narcissist detector to domestic and global politics situations. Actually it's been half a year Since I started a sci-fi novel project about the rise and fall of neo-liberalism in south east Asia. And it scared me a lot because the events that happens nowadays the virus, unemployment crisis and new investment policy, etc are similar to the writing, also there is still some horrible predictions that I've made in the novel that of course I hope it wouldn't happen. So I pause the project for a while because of the shock I feel :(
Yes, I worried about someone about their relationship I knew it already .. at my uncle weeding I saw my aunt . One relative asked do you like the bride, I told him no actually, although she is extremely beautiful. MY prediction didn't go wrong. Their relationship is a complete mess now. Divorce didn't happened bcz my Their new born child .
Reading the comments, I feel like there are so many INFJ’s out there, but in my 38 years of life, I have only ever known one other INFJ, and I only met him last year actually. It was a rare feeling like I was finally actually understood by someone. This was the only person I’ve ever talked about my thoughts with. No one else would ever be comfortable or able to handle that. Omg the thing about upsetting and other people’s emotions is 100% accurate. I avoid so many situations and environments because of this. Everything you’ve said is 100% accurate.
I just discovered that I'm an INFJ-T and I'm 50-years-young... all I want to know is where in the hell this information was years ago, I've spent half a century feeling extremely odd NOW they have a "Name" for it I sometimes want to cry when I watch this stuff.
Ninotsugi same here... I’m going to be 52 next month.. I’m just finding out I’m an INFJ.. I’ve never even heard of this n I read a lot.. it just popped up on my phone and I felt as if God wanted me to listen to these teachings on this.. I’m always trying to help people even if I don’t know them. I’m always in some kind of thought, and people have always thought of me as aloof at times.
Literally my life story as an INFJ: Me: *disagrees or complains about something without necessarily meaning it or caring that much about it* Other person: *stands up for their point aggressively* Me, who thought the other person realised that I wasn't being that serious: *cries in the bathroom after agreeing quietly and leaving*
We want to harmonize, and not "Rock the Boat". It seems like I try to avoid conflict often. If someone says something that I disagree with, I may not confront them or bother to challenge them. I may decide not to waste my time or energy on someone who thinks illogically. I let them think or believe what they want, and I walk away.
I just discovered I have ability to tell if someone in the company are going to resign. I randomly told people "this guy is going to resign". And he did resign. I just loled and said the sign of resignation is so strong. Everyone was like "what sign?"
I used to think something was wrong with me until I found that I was INFJ-A. Growing up I used to think I was totally not as social as my friends. I did not appreciate that I was just different. Saw and felt things differently. deeply empathetic. The ability to feel not just a room but emotions in the air. It was hard to explain that people drained me . I am always glad to know that their are others like me.
My experience as an INFJ can be summed up as me wanting to have deep and/or intellectual conversation but seeing the people in my life disinterested, bored, and changing the subject after the first minute. I'm just staring into space on most social occasions because of the complete disconnection from everyone else.
Wow....best description of an INFJ so far. Well done and I'm very picky about this because there are very few people who really seem to get us, thank you.
INFJ here. My sense of humor: first, I can laugh for minutes about something I have no intention of sharing, because the play on ideas that is amusing me is so obscure they'll never get it (I amuse myself). Related: it amuses me in conversation to make abbreviated comments (or interject reasonably famous quotes) that require a library of references and highly associative thinking/linking to apply to the subject at hand. They absolutely apply. These comments are philosophical observations - but the conversation is generally focused on superficials. I could explain my interjections, but I do not. I'm fishing for a rare fish. A favorite quote: "confusion is the beginning of wisdom." Second: I am often amused by very, very dark humor.
I think that bit about monitoring our environment was spot on. I attended a team-building workshop for work with my coworkers and everybody was so angry, frustrated, tired, cranky- it was literally suffocating me, but anyone who is not an INFJ probably wouldn't agree with me that this was the invisible vibe within the room. I was getting so worked up and upset, about to cry, and one of my coworkers was quite alarmed because she didn't feel what I did in that room. Finally, the workshop ended and everyone went to eat together, all in a better mood, but I just had to get away so I ran to my car and sat and cried for an hour. That's such an INFJ reaction to not only a taxing social situation, but also to the constant absorption of other people's humanity. I think people just don't realize how deeply environments impact our emotional and mental state. For me, I can walk into a room of complete strangers and *still* get a solid negative or positive vibe about the place. This vibe, this feeling, ultimately controls whether or not I stay or whether or not I participate in a discussion. It's actually a bit maddening, because I do have so many ideas and opinions and feelings about the topic, but also I'm terrified to speak up in an already negative room, you know? Cripe, I'm such an INFJ....
Yes! As an INFJ my desire to hold back is usually born of respect for the other persons feelings & also from self preservation. Negative energy/hostility can be deeply affecting & long lasting for me. I have a hard time just shaking things off. So it's simultaneously compassion & self interest I suppose!
Thank you very much for this! I am an INFJ, and I agree about the humor aspect. My two sisters are INFJs as well, and there were a lot of puns flying around, as well as general silliness. I am particularly drawn to Monty Python, Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett. More the sharp-minded, but silly English humor in general. I have to say, the reason for why an INFJ withholds comments varies depending on their level of emotional health. There is one of my sisters who genuinely does it to avoid her own discomfort with conflict-and in some cases even says things that are disingenuous to defuse matters-but in my case I am okay with conflict if I feel it would genuinely be productive. Because of my ability to sense emotions I can always detect when a defensive reaction to my words is occurring (it often feels like a blow to the chest) and frequently it is very difficult to progress once that barrier has come up. In those cases it is better to back off for a while in order to wait until they might be receptive. Sometimes my reason for withholding is because I genuinely know that they are neither ready nor receptive to any insight I might have. But most of all it’s a matter of boundaries. If they have not either sought out my advice nor hired me on as a counselor in a professional capacity, it is not my place to step in with advice. Most of the time people are not talking to you about their problems because they want you to fix them by having you point out what needs to be changed, but instead to have someone listen to them and be present while focusing your attention, and caring deeply about them. I do or say whatever serves the other’s growth, even if that means withholding my flashes of insight and keeping my mouth shut. But this is done out of love as opposed to fear. I often get flashes of clear insight about precisely what is blocking the other person, but often expressing this is not useful, as the change often can’t occur until perhaps a mile ahead, and all that they can cope with is where to place their next step. The ultimate quote for why healthy INFJs withhold comments comes from Bernard Meltzer: “Before you speak, ask yourself if what you are going to say is true, is kind, is necessary, is helpful. If the answer is no, maybe what you are about to say should be left unsaid.”
I am very comfortable being an INFJ having been a loner all my life. Being around a lot of people totally wears me out. Much better reading a book than going to a party. Never lonely. Can not stand chit chat, it is a waste of time.
Completely agree! Great job! Try explaining why the environment and energy is “not right” to someone else and look like a party pooper or Debbie downer. Our intuition is usually right. If we are quiet it’s because we are 1) reading people, environment, and energy; 2) the conversation doesn’t interest us or we can’t relate to the conversation; 3) we don’t trust people to be genuine enough to embrace our humor or perspectives; 4) we like to play it cool 😎 makes us more appealing.
Very accurate! I use to try to get someone else to understand my POV when it different from theirs. However some people are reluctant to understand something that goes against the conventional or socially-accepted opinion. It would come to the point that I would get upset when I sensed the other person was too stubborn to understand. I've recently stopped because I was putting myself in a sensitive situation for myself. I do not like the quality of close-mindedness at all but I've learned that you can't open people's minds for them.
I know! I always look at problems, issues or situations from as many viewpoints and vantage points as I can imagine, because I know the objective truth is not from just one stance or another, but from a synthesis of all of them. So true believers in just one way are deluding themselves. "If everybody's right, then nobody's wrong" Stephen Stills said that in 1966 and it's still true. People aren't idiots, they have just limited themselves to only one perspective. We don't suffer from that malady. But explaining that can get old, quickly.
We are committed to opening their hearts and not their minds, my dear. I'm sure that's what you mean. I'm sure you mean empathy and love and compassion and sacrifice and peace and joy and other virtues and not empty intellectual yapping that doesn't improve people's miserable lives.
This explains so much, like why I couldn't connect with my peers, especially in my formative school years, or why most of the candid photos of me and my siblings growing up shows me by myself doing my own thing. Every Wednesday after work I met with about 20 women for food and wine. It took me over a year to let my real personality show up. They were so surprised that I was actually quick witted and just down right funny.
Loved this so much. The whole time, I felt “Ahhhh”. Fully understood, completely validated, and totally happy to know there’s a tribe out there I belong to.💗
that was spot on! i always felt weird when ppl told me im selfless. while actually the core to my "selflessness" has always been about making myself feel better... so yeah.... deep down kinda felt guilty when they said that.
I am also an INFJ XD I feel alone all the time...People always think I am positive and weird...But I always feel alone and not understood by the people around except for my best friend and me It's hard to live for me really, but I think people will never understand how lonely I feel... My family felt that coldness and matureness(I do things slowly and is not interested in a lot of things except for things that I truly care about) from me at home because that's my true self, they always say that I should change but I just can't, that's how I truly feel about life...I always feel like I should change, but I can't bring myself to it I honestly don't know, I think I only live for helping others...But recently I tried to live for my passion and what I really like...Music and art...And I feel much better But my loneliness and hopelessness still surrounds me So yes, I think our personality type is truly rare...But this type also faces the worst times But helping people is on my list of what I wanted to do in life(besides music and art)...I mean, this personality type is truly one of the kindest and realistic of all
Mina Zhang hi there i feel u and idk i just feel sad that u have to deal with that stuff, im an enfp female.. mybe u wanna be friends or need someine to talk to?
Darn I like this video. I was just saying to myself that i wish there was a channel that gave more grounded relatable descriptions of INFJs. And yay I've found it!!! Thanks for the excellent content.
I am an INFJ with exceptional empathy and intuition. These points are spot on! I appreciate the insightful explanations about energy here. We can feel other people's energies and it effects us a lot! We are HSPs-- Highly Sensitive People. I also am an SS (Sensation Seeker), so feel the dichotomous conflict within. In Human Design this, is at least partly, shows up in undefined or open centers where we take in the world around us. People might think I'm saying too much, but I'm holding back 99% of what I know-- we're not as attached to/ involved in the physical world as most people, but are hooked up to energy realms.
There's a time and a place for everything - That phrase was probably coined by an INFJ. We can be spacey but only on our own time. If we're supposed to be practical, we can be practical. Certainly more practical than a lot of sensors I've met. The whole extraverted feeling thing, I think, is misunderstood. Actually it's not that we don't want others to be happy but basically we acquiesce to others so as to deter any nagging or complaints. So we basically acquiesce to others for our own happiness, when you don't nag, we're happy.
Oh, man. My sense of humor when drunk: Highly destructive. I know *exactly* the wrong thing to say, and there's nothing to stop me saying it. I don't drink, anymore. Not like that.
You are so clear, so insightful and truly accurate on the infj personality. Every note resonated deeply, all the complex contradictions that make the infj cognitive stack. Thank you
I’ve been told I’m outspoken but I hold so much stuff in! And it completely depends on the people I’m with. Like I will debate with people I’m comfortable with but just kind of observe when I’m not with people I know and just kind of sense other people. It’s a huge contradiction😂
Wow, it's incredible how spot-on this was. I'm still learning more about my personality type and it's interesting how accurate it seems to be. Thank you for articulating this so eloquently and for validating things that most probably would not understand.
Wow, this is so spot-on! Very astute observations. It's true that we try to be there for the people and events we care about, but we get very wrapped up in our heads when overwhelmed and sometimes don't even realize we are keeping our distance for a while. I feel that when trying to deal with practical matters, we do well unless we're juggling a lot, and then procrastination can take hold, trying to give ourselves time to sort out everything (which can make it worse). Preparing psychologically for social interaction - lol! I never even thought of it, but yes! And you're also right about us tending to try to placate people for our own emotional comfort. Though as I get older, I speak up more, if it's important. Sometimes I regret speaking up. But with time, I usually conclude it was better than letting it fester. And watch out for that silly, irreverent humor. Everything from puns to innuendo.
That observation about "availability" was spot on. Generally sociable, they sometimes just vanish from the social scene. Their sense of humour is also an interesting quality to note. In trusted circles, they share off-colour jokes, use cuss words and cover a wide range of humour.
3 INFJ's walk into a forest. The first one asks.. "what do we do?" The second one says "no clue, let's just stare at the sky" The third one says "....." Nothing . He's already got his head in the clouds. ...and they were friends forever after that! I literally learning about this infj personality this week. I thought something was wrong with me. But I didn't FEEL like something was wrong. But I'm clearly different. (Head in the clouds way too much) so smart so held back, so much to offer, but I just want to wait for the right time. Infj shiiiiit! Can anyone relate?😟🤪 Yes edited ... See infj!
I'm a INFJ-T and this video is spot on. My whole life I've wondered why am I so weird and why do I look at the world so differently. My alone time is sacred not only is it essential for us to recharge we actually enjoy our own company. But now and again I'll crave attention. Doesn't last long lol. But thanks for this video. I don't feel like so much of a weirdo.
I am a 51 year old lady and ALWAYS wondered what was wrong with me and why nobody understood me!! Thank you very much for your video's it was TRULY AN AHHA MOMENT!! I wish I knew this all years ago!!
That was fun. I judge people on their humour, it's so revealing. You used the word 'weird' to describe some of the traits of an INFJ. It might be 'weird ' to others, but it makes perfect sense to me. When we jump the fence on a Winter moonlit night and stand in a ploughed field before an Oak tree, we're not surprised to find the silhouette of an Owl observing us.
I think it could be problematic with people "identifying themselves" on youtube (i.e algorithms). People, remember that first you are human and also that reality and the human mind is far to complex to fully comprehend. Although, I will say these videos have a comforting element to them :)
@5:20 well said. Coming off too dominant can be felt, though this dominance is felt by others it is not loud but subtle. And to hold back infront of a fellow man is an act of courage that makes others more comfortable. Though rarely some will try to take advantage. That is when we either go full dominant or avoid the person altogether.
In reference to the INFJ humor, I finally showed my fun side to my classmates for the first time just before schools closed. They loved it; basically saying “who is this girl!” I just told them that I feel comfortable enough to show you how I really am.
Wow, thank you Sarah! I'm glad that this spoke to you so much. I guess I have learned a few things based on observing myself and a few INFJ friends/colleagues over the past year or so :)
100 percent on the money. I am like this completely. Wow, when you spoke about absorbing energy, it's made so much sense to me. This is why I tend to prefer to retreat a lot because one person's energy can completely throw me off and my mood has changed for the rest of the day. Never mind the fact that I will replay as ruminate over it for the next couple of hours or days, trying to piece information together to understand why a person would have behaved that way. Sigh. I'm very sensitive.
I have my MA in Applied Clinical Psychology, but I still don't know very much about personality types. I've never had a professor that liked or even valued this subject. I don't know why, but I dismissed it because of their views. I don't think a lecture ever went beyond just mentioning it briefly. But...I have to admit that I'm a little bummed I never gave it a chance. Reading about the INFJ personality type was like this huge weight off my shoulders that I'd been carrying around my whole life. Finally, I was able to get that affirmation that I am "normal". The rare part doesn't really mean anything to me except for more validation that who I am is recognized and legitimized by people. I take it all with a grain of salt, of course, but hearing you talk about INFJ's was the most interesting video I've watched on INFJ's. I'm really surprised. You're clearly very observant and I think you were spot on about everything, at least for me. The "not always being available" thing is very interesting and I've never heard it mentioned before. But it's so relatable for me. In high school, my friends and I always did the same sorts of things, just like most people....you have your routines. But some weekends I would just "disappear" because I just needed a break and some alone time. And when Monday came around, I'd show up as my typical self and my friends would say to me, "Damn I thought you died or something!". I'd just laugh. Anyways, sorry for the long comment. I'm not very good at succinct thoughts. :) I'd love to hear more of your thoughts though! Thanks for the video!
You have a real talent for clarifying a complicated subject. Out of all the videos about this particular numbskull I’ve seen on the RUclipss, I’m pretty sure this is the one that has made the most sense to me. Being able to (apparently) effortlessly describe something so that others can effortlessly understand it is a rare thing, man. Thank you!
Thank you for your insights. INFJ here. You are spot on. We are a mystery to behold. I don’t like talking about myself with others so when the conversation starts to go in the direction of me, I switch it back to them. You have to be in my inner innermost circle to just get a glimpse of who I am and even then it can still leave one wondering. I rarely ever let people in here. They just haven’t earned it enough to appreciate it. It’s a downfall because it just leaves more for me to contend and I’m very selective of who I take advice from. If it doesn’t fit into my personal values, it won’t get past the golden gates.
“They can be fun... if they decide to.” Very true!!! I tell some of my closest friends this and sometimes it feels like they don’t believe me. Makes me a little upset sometimes but it’s fine. And also, about the horizons of our humor, that’s also so true omg 😂 you’ve done a wonderful job on this thank you!!!
But when they decide to be fun, they are so much fun that everyone wants them to be that way more often and that just feels like a terrible burden so they retreat back to their cozy alone space. (That's how it is at least for this INFJ).
More than any other video I've watched, so far, (and I've watched quite a few), this video speaks to my INFJ 'type.' I am a bit bolder than some INFJs typically tend to be, having a strong sense of justice and wanting to protect others... But, I was much more likely to take someone up on a disagreement when I was younger. I definitely pick my battles more, now that I'm older and more settled. This really does reflect my experiences as an INFJ, though, overall.
INFJ here 👋 this video is phenominally accurate. Most of my friends view me as extroverted...yet they are confused when I "fall off the map" for a week or two. I love being with people and sharing experiences, but it's draining at the same time. I'm also sensitive to my environment. My house is very clean and regularly organized, however I remain whimsical and spontaneous. When a spontaneous idea pops up in my mind, I normally go with it. I can argue with cold logic over something I am educated upon and feel strongly about, but I always ensure I remain calm, respectful, and sensitive (unless someone is cruel/abusive...in which case, they will face my fury). When I found out that my best friends bf treated her abusively, I was a force to be reckoned with. I told him that I would never forgive him again--even if she did--that I would always be watching him, and if he ever hurt her again then he would have to answer to me. Despite being a 200lb man, he stated that he was afraid of me 😂. Im reserved and shy about revealing my humor...but when you hear it, it's actually quite dark. (Death. Mental illness. Cancer. Abortion. Self-harm.) 😬🙊 All things I've faced in some way....I suppose it's how I cope. I hide it from everyone except those who I know won't be offended. My closest and dearest friend are grunge/goth/punk. It's probably funny seeing us walk together out in public. 😂
Whenever I need to recharge, I find myself watching videos about INFJs and connecting with the comments. It feels good to see people who understand, for it saves myself from thinking too deeply which might just lead to loneliness.
we are a study in contradiction and Paradox that's for certain! I would say that another characteristic of an infj is that I don't tend to speak very much but when I do I have something to say and it's usually very worth listening to. I tend to listen to what everybody else is saying and then synthesize it into a clear and concise sentence or two. And people just look at me like wow where did that just come from!?! I also noticed that while I receive my information on introverted intuitive level I'll analyze that information using logic as well to try to understand the validity of the information I've received in the context that I received it in. I also have almost an aversion to small talk and meaningless conversation. And it's challenging because it's part of what's required from me in my work environment. Did I can talk on for hours about deep, esoteric, philosophical topics or quantum physics.
Hi Ren, Very interesting, and thoughtful presentation. Thank you. We do love to understand things, to consider every aspect of a subject, and the deeper layers of it, the profundity. We love the minutiae and the bigger picture; how everything fits and what it's meaning is. We also love anything that is intellectually stimulating, and gives us more food for thought. If we can find others to discuss our further insights with....we are happy and satisfied. I'm very evenly measured as INFJ/INTJ, so value logic, calm, dignity and self-control, and empathetic responsiveness and shades of grey. I do find that I often have metaphorical dreams that help me to make sense of complexities. I find that fascinating too.I love a perfect analogy. I love a well-written article, and someone with a teaching gift. I love mentors, and encourages, and those who see the potential in others (& situations). Kindness and beauty are deeply refreshing. Integrity is so attractive, as is authenticity. We love to see in others what we value in ourselves. Personal growth, courage and resilience top the list very often. And ability to really love (not fake manipulative BS). Who wouldn't love us? Ha ha ha! Peace and happiness to you.
Links to purchase my book on the INFJ are provided in the description box.
Thank you for your support ♥
As an infj yourself what would you consider an abstract topic an infj would enjoy discussing?
When I think of abstract I think of picasso
After watching this and several other videos I’ve come to the conclusion as a 50 year old that I’m a infj. This guy as described me 100 percent every single observation is correct .
So basically you can spot them as come across as introverted but social, reliable but head in the clouds, logical but sensitive, available but not. Got it.
That's exactly it! Honestly, I find that that's a failsafe way to identify an INFJ.
A walking contradiction , yup, that's me and apparently infjs in general.
We are walking, breathing contradictions.
Yep. That's us.
Love this description
Ways for an INFJ to recharge: 1. Get some alone time 2. Listening to some other INFJ´s on youtube. It´s like bathing in your own energy
Marcella Wonderweapon agree ;-)
Haha, thank you! I feel the same way when I listen to other INFJs :) ♥
the second one, i can really relate to. haha
Soooooo true!!!
Seriously though lol
I think the temporary depression comes from not being free enough to be themselves.
I feel that way a lot
Albë I feel like that but I’m not sure if I’m an infj or not
Frustrated with the situation. Learning that others ignorance, means they are unaware. Unaware they are unaware.
Positive result of learning more about myself, it becomes easier to understand how others feel.
💯
This is absolutely true in the aspect that we have to fight the people closest to us, but often the rest of the world. They don't mind boundaries but restrictions hold us back. I know this for a fact because I have tried since probably 2014 to update the human database on knowledge.
For instance there are not 7 deadly sins but 16 confirmed. I am still writing the book to show my proof, but even testing it over the years each sin or action however it will be determined is present in all that we do. It is actually quite nuanced. One of the major things was observing them present in film and video games.
More often people are just going to think you're crazy.
Where to find other INFJ's: In the comments section of an INFJ video.
Indeed ;)
Face palm
Haha
Robert well I'm not an INFJ but I'm here :p
Lol
INFJ....the walking paradox.
Haha that‘s always how I describe myself!
I used to hate myself because of this. Now I think its kinda cool
@@missionpupa I still hate myself.......and think that's cool....
@@yvonnecampbell7036 I like, liking it when I don't hate myself and then I like that too.
Kingdomgirl 3333 i thought I was happy when I was dating. Turns out idk what i want or doing with my life.
Nothing stresses an INFJ like getting into a new relationship
I almost passed out when I confessed to my crush (now my gf) xD
I cannot talk about that kind of things outside of my head. No confidence..
Oh yes. I’m still shocked that I’m married to be honest. That first date was extremely stressful
this comment actually makes me feel so much better about it. thanks broo much love
I’m married, so I’m grateful that journey is over. But, so many people in adulthood are still making new friends. I don’t do that, I doubt I’ll have have a new friend. That’s just too much work. No thanks, I’m good.
I felt that when you said that INFJs refuse to go into argumentation because they know that they will absorb the emotions. That is extremely true
Yes. I always feel I will absorb the emotions of others and it is so horrible. I hate people being angry at me. This video really sheds light and helps me understand myself.
I like to argue, sometimes, it is a connector
I feel that sometimes I have to get a resolution to have peace. I can't do animosity.
@@kberken Me too, but I like to do it online; in text.
Actually it is because they know they will win!! Every time!!!
Have you ever cried about being yourself?
I did. :')
Yes. Sometimes it all seems such a struggle - being intuitive and caring and deeply analytical - and feeling so utterly alone sometimes (even in a crowd). What hurts me a lot is feeling alienated and misunderstood but (seemingly) always able to understand and giving to others.
@@susanwebster7584 Yes. It, sometimes, is the cause of my depression.
Been there.. Y'all will be able to relate to this song.. jacob lee - oceans
Yeah!
Wennie Lopez when I realized my shadow self was capable of terrible things.
Key words...internal conflict. We are always having an internal conflict. We love to connect deeply with other people but it drains our energy having to continuously interact with them. At one point It felt like living a double life, people perceive me as this funny, bubbly person who everybody wants to be with but suddenly goes missing in action (hibernate) because I needed to recharge for my sanity’s sake! Haha
When we talk to people all they talk about are problems...
My phone seems to know this and apparently isn't working during those periods.........my perfect little assistant.
Yes, I've had people become angry with me during my "recharging" process. Others may also perceive this as me not wanting to spend time with them, but I am simply drained from social interaction and am aware that I would not be a proper host if in one of my "moods".
I’m glad you people have a label for just being RUDE!!!!!
miriam carroll It’s not being rude. For me personally explaining to people how I feel is really difficult because I can’t articulate and express through talking. A lot of times people only see one side of who I am and if I am in one my moods I can be the complete opposite because I let my guard down sometimes and let people in, but they only like the bubbly fun side and don’t understand the complexity of who I am. So having to constantly be in that type of environment is very draining and exhaustive. I need my space more then anything at times. Also I hate explaining myself because sometimes people just don’t get it no matter how much effort you put into helping them understand even when I know I suck at vocal communication.
IMO the best way to 'spot' an INFJ in a room is their uncanny ability to suddenly disappear and are nowhere to be found. "They came, they saw, and they gone".
Oh my, that’s me. XD
lol this comment made me laugh.
Hahaha that is me😁
Funny thing is batman is an intj
"Oh, she gawn!" X'D
Yeah I think it drives my parents up a wall when I do that.
As an INFJ, I also find myself to be a benign liar. I lie in order to get away from people, in order to be by myself and where I want to be. I lie in order to hide things about me that I'm not ready for other people to know yet. I lie about how enthusiastic I am about something in order to make myself fit in. I lie in order to be alone. To be free.
Thank you for this video. If only I can hand this video out like business card to people I meet (and to people I already know) so that I don't have to explain myself.
I don't lie. I can't, my inner integrity won't let me, I literally get sick to my stomach if I try to. I've become expert at avoiding any situation where I would need to lie, turning questions around rather than answering, & wording difficult things so they're true but still project the essence of what I want, peacefully and kindly. But I'm getting old, I've had a lot of practice.
It took a lot of work within myself to learn to lie even a little bit for my own benefit, or to get a narcissistic person away from me. I think it ya it’s place. I do not like second guessing if someone is telling the truth though....
No reason to deceive, you need not make excuses for wanting to be alone, always be truthful and make time for yourself.
agree!!!
agree!!!
to be honest, being an infj is not fun. ppl think im weird not social etc. only my close friends know how i rlly am
This is why we should cherish our close friends ;)
Ren I was going to write what you did before I read your comment. Great minds eh. It also means we don't have to bother with people who don't get us to be nice because usually they will avoid us
@R Lef you have close friends?... yes, I used to also.
You guys have friends? How?
@@mjc5621 easy ..gravitate towards the quality and not the quantity...don't need that many ...I have a handful...less than 5...
I'm an INFJ but I don't try to avoid conflict. I try to avoid creating it. When it comes to someone confronting me with conflict, I try to diffuse the situation. When I have conflict with someone, I voice my opinion, but also try to sympathize with the person.
Same. Or I just leave. I don't even realize I'm doing it until I'm far away from the situation and realized I removed myself from it without even thinking about it
@Adrian Castañeda Definitely, yes. I guess the older you get also helps here
I am an INFJ. We are good at seeing things from other people’s point of view. Hate conflict, yes!
They can be rational and logical, but at the same time idealistic and sensitive. Spot on!
I do big picture and detail oriented at the same time. It baffles me how the test made me choose either or. I chose neutral.
They are usually by themselves sitting at the beach or at the park by themselves. Rare, but you can spot them. They will get talkative when you get to know them and are extremely trust worthy. Also, they are extremely sensative to vibration. If the vibe is out of wack in a person or place they will disappear.
yes
WOW HOW TRUE
Like trying to hunt a Legendary pokemon XD
@@cosmicdissonance9888 😂
Or the vibe will drive them crazy. It took me years to realize it.
We are the most likely to suffer from loneliness
Oh yes....
Agreed :/
I find it oh ok and sometimes good
Try being a straight, male INFJ... you’ll really know loneliness.
Ahahahahahahahhahaahahahahgagahahahahahaggata
INFJ: We're a mess of contradictions. Very well put and very spot on.
An INFJ is like an house cat: One minute they are present, the next minute no where to be found. INFJ and group text: Thumbs down.
No wonder I’ve always had a cat by my side.....
So true!😂😂😂
I hate group texts!
I feel like there is an innocence about an infj that can be attractive to users and perverts. Their vulnerability can be very deep.
Totally agree!
Unfortunately true. Narcissistic people are drawn like magnets to INFJ/INFP types. Don't ignore red flags
Unfortunately for them we can see straight through them
Cool Pant Cate Not always. And sometimes it wouldn’t even matter enough.
Story of my love life, to be sure. Only one who wasn't completely unhealthy, I walked away because I was bored (and stupid).... But if I don't give of myself, I'll die, so they come with the territory. I just have to learn how to keep my boundaries intact.
The older I get the less energy I have for making new friends, especially when they give me that "look"--the one all INFJs get that says, "is there something wrong with you?" So, I just hang on to my long-term friends who figured out who I was years ago and either gave up trying to change me into a social creature, or they have just accepted me for who I am--the one they love that disappears and reappears periodically but always makes them laugh.
hahaha the one that appears and reappears periodically L O L the truth
Oh, man! I thought I was the only one who experienced “that look.” The comment section of INFJ videos truly is a safe haven. ❤️
I don’t have any friends anymore because they found better ones know I’m a lone wolf with no friends my parents always ask why I’m not socializing and that I want friends but don’t make any effort and there right but that’s only because i have trust issues and always feel like I’m getting judged
Rosa Gorskikh same, it’s too much and I feel like it’s not worth it cuz they gonna leave anyway lol
Im thankful i have long time friends who always reach out to me when i disappear from them for months, even years 😂
Infjs going through the normal convo like where are you from what do you like, and then suddenly they found out you also like a specific movie they are hyperficated on, and their eyes lIGhT uP and they start talking more confidently
I’m INFJ, but also have avoidant attachment because of childhood trauma. I feel like I’m in my head so much because of this. I wish I could find people I’m comfortable around to talk about stuff.
Hi Misty, I have anxious avoidant attachment myself, so I can relate. It's not always easy to find people to talk to about deeply personal things.
Hi Misty,
I feel for you. I'm working through the reality of being a Daughter of a Narcissistic Mother, and my attachment trauma. It affects us profoundly. My sister is an abusive victim-N, and I've had to learn to cut the abusive people out of my life. Why should we be ground down by others? We are precious, and the world needs us, our insights and empathetic qualities.
Peace and happiness to you.
Hi Misty,
Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.. I have the same issues.. I wish you the best..
You just did.........keep going.
@malak9502 yes and no. DON'T go to a licensed therapist but get help from loving friends. Licensed therapist have rules that make them so harmful to people and society.
I leave gatherings very easily when I get that negative collective vibe. Ppl will say “where did u go, you disappeared “. I just say yes, I left. We are very complex. We also pick up on who the narcissists are and I am repelled very quickly. I don’t like evil at all whether it is covertly aimed at me or even at another person I don’t even know. I’m out at that point.
Yes.it is hard to explain the bad vibes that can be picked up to others
I do that all the time... I am an INFJ :)
I was about 13 and my parents took us to an island by ferry off the BC coast. I wanted off that island faster than we got on it. Just had weirdness and odd vibes. I cried and whined lol the whole time to go back.
Same mate. I was at a party once and a fight broke out between two of my friends afterwards I left the party quite quickly because the vibe was really stressful for me...
Lara O'neal best 🙂👍🏼
I really liked this video, it is very accurate. As an INFJ I tend to be interested in the ‘why’ aspect of subjects, and try to avoid conflict anywhere I can, however, I really want to protect people and will stand up for someone when needed (even though my heartbeat will go up very fast by doing so). I think it’s a complicated personality type but this also makes it interesting
Thank you for your comment! I agree, we are a mix of questioning, caring, and complicated ;)
Gosh this is so me!!! 🤦🏾♀️
If you actually wade into that conflict you seek so much to avoid, you will find you are better equipped than anybody else in the room, to deal with it. It will take a toll, but you will be able to fix issues and make friendships whole again like no other. Take many days off afterwards, though... And standing up for the downtrodden is just who we are, no escaping it. We live in never ending circles of "why" and have to dive into each circle time after time, to test the validity of statements or viewpoints. This is how we learn. We find the truth (but can we handle it?).
Nailed it
Woah! same about increased heart rate when in conflict or something of that sort! spot on
This is the most spot-on description of an infj that I've ever seen. I've backed down from so many arguments that I could've won because I hate the stress of fighting someone more than I hate losing an argument. I also really draw on the atmosphere of a room and don't show my sense of humor to people I don't trust (although it's definitely there). I feel very understood; thank you for this. Well done.
Thank you very much! Looking back, I wish the video was of a higher technical quality (in terms of lighting etc.), but it seems the content has stood the test of time. :)
@@RensRoom Yes, the content definitely stands the test of time! I can see what you're saying about the technical qualities, but I didn't find it distracting at all. If you ever do 8 More Ways to Spot an INFJ, you could always revisit these original points. In any case, I'm really glad that your videos showed up in my suggested queue :) Cheers!
This is the most accurate description of how I feel as an INFJ. Even saying that we're not being selfless when we dissolve a conflict..just truly do not like the conflict of a situation and absorbing of the negative emotions. Almost always striving to be the peace makers and making sure all are vibing good and feeling happy🌼
It is true that when we come in a room, we have a clear sense of what everyone is feeling. Upsetting other people generates too much negative energy in that space: that would make it a very unpleasant space for us to stay in. We have more important things to pursue than to delve in the pettiness of human conflicts.
Boom!
❤️
Hello! I am 44 years old and I am a male INFJ and this video just really got me off guard. I am amazed at how much you have just pinpointed me. I have pretty much felt alone and weird and misunderstood my WHOLE entire life but you just put me in a glass jar. I have subscribed to your channel because I have to learn more about this/me. Thank You!
I'm 48 and just had the very same experience.
Were you ever in a relationship or are you currently in one? I just hear all the time that INFJs are lonely and most likely be single and that actually saddens me as a young adult who wants to be in a relationship
@@heyyou3609 I think they are generally not, unless it's w someone who lets them be who they fully are. Otherwise, the trade is just not worth it.
INFJ love to have friendship, but don't like to be friendly
I can somewhat agree with this.
I am polite but never friendly.
what is your definition of friendly? do you mean talking to someone fluently online but when you see them the next day you dont even look at them...cause that's me. doesnt mean I dont like you just means I need you to talk to me first lol
yes i can agree with you my friend
손Son same for me, my son thinks it is so weird that I can talk to anyone at any time and then just walk away. Lol
This is so true about our sense of humour, mine can get pretty dark haha, but only if I know you well enough!
I'm the same!
Yes.
Im to far outthere for them to understand my sense of humor,i will use it on people that lied to me yesterday ,and forget theyr lie!lots of those around .
Yup! I haven't found the bottom yet : )
(Awkward dartng glances)
When you find out there are other people like you in thr world. I want to meet them.
I love INFJ's 🤗 As an INFP I feel like I can connect with them more than other personality type. INFJ's just have a vibe about them that I like. Also I feel like since we're probably the two most misunderstood personality types that's also probably why we get a long so well and kind of end up attracted to each other (I have two friends who are INFJ's). We understand each other's weirdness and complicatedness some how and we just roll with it lol we're like "ah yes your weird too I like you" 😂 but yea INFJ's are great. Keep being you
Mary H The fact that you’re admitting that you aren’t an INFJ and are here being supportive& you watched this is very incredible & i appreciate it. ❤️
You’re perceptions of us is on point. Thank you. Quite frankly I hated finding out I’m an INFJ but I have to live with it. I’m an empath on top of that and I have been used by some people I was sincerely trying to help financially or just a person to talk to. I have gotten very cautious with people. We seem to attract assholes (narcissistic types) but I spot them much much faster today and I’m gone very quickly.
You say my thoughts precisely, I didn't like it either, and everything you said is my experience as well.
Me too. I don't know what's so special about being us. It's quite bothersome.
What are some signs to look out for narcissists?
Ifkr, we attract narcs like moths to a bright light..and we get so drained.. Like fuck!..
Me too! I've dealt with the same nonsense..but now I'm cautious with who I let get close to me.
That’s the closest description of myself I’ve ever heard, so concise and on point. Thank you for precious validation.
Wow, thank you very much for your kind comment! I am glad that my video resonated with you so much :)
I once guessed an INFJ correctly because of what their literary and musical tastes were: how facially expressive we get when divulging such information is the key!
Does anyone have any mystical experiences in your life when you absolutely knew you had the ability to predict a situation in your life?
I am 60 now and over the years I have had quite a few. It has happened at random times with random unrelated things but I knew that I KNEW without knowing how...birth of children and knowing the gender, seeing illness in people and saying to myself what that illness was and later finding out I was correct. I even have had it happen a few times that when I saw a person something in me told me it was the last time I would see that person and that turned out to be true. I don’t understand any of it. Quiet and prayer is a huge part of my life so when these things happen I take time to pray for the person. I’m a fallible human being and I can’t really KNOW so I pray. If however the prompting is very clear about a person being ill I will find a way to steer them to a physician! I pestered a dear friend who continually argued with me that she was fine. She relented and went to a doctor. She had cancer. She is alive today. Thank God!
Yeaaa, from the small event like weather or people behaviour/narcissist detector to domestic and global politics situations. Actually it's been half a year Since I started a sci-fi novel project about the rise and fall of neo-liberalism in south east Asia. And it scared me a lot because the events that happens nowadays the virus, unemployment crisis and new investment policy, etc are similar to the writing, also there is still some horrible predictions that I've made in the novel that of course I hope it wouldn't happen. So I pause the project for a while because of the shock I feel :(
@@HeavenHelpUsNet I'm curious to know if you had any experiences of religious sort? 🤔
Absolutely and I still cannot understand the accuracy of my intuition.
:|
Yes, I worried about someone about their relationship I knew it already .. at my uncle weeding I saw my aunt . One relative asked do you like the bride, I told him no actually, although she is extremely beautiful. MY prediction didn't go wrong. Their relationship is a complete mess now. Divorce didn't happened bcz my Their new born child .
Reading the comments, I feel like there are so many INFJ’s out there, but in my 38 years of life, I have only ever known one other INFJ, and I only met him last year actually. It was a rare feeling like I was finally actually understood by someone. This was the only person I’ve ever talked about my thoughts with. No one else would ever be comfortable or able to handle that. Omg the thing about upsetting and other people’s emotions is 100% accurate. I avoid so many situations and environments because of this. Everything you’ve said is 100% accurate.
I am often unavailable, and yet can be a party animal. I thrive with long-distance relationships.
I just discovered that I'm an INFJ-T and I'm 50-years-young... all I want to know is where in the hell this information was years ago,
I've spent half a century feeling extremely odd NOW they have a "Name" for it I sometimes want to cry when I watch this stuff.
Ninotsugi same here... I’m going to be 52 next month.. I’m just finding out I’m an INFJ.. I’ve never even heard of this n I read a lot.. it just popped up on my phone and I felt as if God wanted me to listen to these teachings on this.. I’m always trying to help people even if I don’t know them. I’m always in some kind of thought, and people have always thought of me as aloof at times.
Its been available for ages, years and years ago you had to really look nowadays its plasters everywhere
Same...just figured in out yesterday....
Literally my life story as an INFJ:
Me: *disagrees or complains about something without necessarily meaning it or caring that much about it*
Other person: *stands up for their point aggressively*
Me, who thought the other person realised that I wasn't being that serious: *cries in the bathroom after agreeing quietly and leaving*
We want to harmonize, and not "Rock the Boat". It seems like I try to avoid conflict often. If someone says something that I disagree with, I may not confront them or bother to challenge them. I may decide not to waste my time or energy on someone who thinks illogically. I let them think or believe what they want, and I walk away.
I just discovered I have ability to tell if someone in the company are going to resign. I randomly told people "this guy is going to resign". And he did resign. I just loled and said the sign of resignation is so strong.
Everyone was like "what sign?"
Me too i told my Mom that I'm going to sleep one hour latter i did👉 My father didn't Believe me.
@@nazwaffen9219😂
I used to think something was wrong with me until I found that I was INFJ-A. Growing up I used to think I was totally not as social as my friends. I did not appreciate that I was just different. Saw and felt things differently. deeply empathetic. The ability to feel not just a room but emotions in the air. It was hard to explain that people drained me . I am always glad to know that their are others like me.
My experience as an INFJ can be summed up as me wanting to have deep and/or intellectual conversation but seeing the people in my life disinterested, bored, and changing the subject after the first minute. I'm just staring into space on most social occasions because of the complete disconnection from everyone else.
I've watched a lot of INFJ videos, and this is one of the best I've seen.
This is an amazing compliment, thank you! I'm glad you related to the content :)
I am one of you, Beth!
I thought so, too. That’s because he is calm and pleasant.
Wow....best description of an INFJ so far. Well done and I'm very picky about this because there are very few people who really seem to get us, thank you.
INFJ here. My sense of humor: first, I can laugh for minutes about something I have no intention of sharing, because the play on ideas that is amusing me is so obscure they'll never get it (I amuse myself). Related: it amuses me in conversation to make abbreviated comments (or interject reasonably famous quotes) that require a library of references and highly associative thinking/linking to apply to the subject at hand. They absolutely apply. These comments are philosophical observations - but the conversation is generally focused on superficials. I could explain my interjections, but I do not. I'm fishing for a rare fish. A favorite quote: "confusion is the beginning of wisdom." Second: I am often amused by very, very dark humor.
I think that bit about monitoring our environment was spot on. I attended a team-building workshop for work with my coworkers and everybody was so angry, frustrated, tired, cranky- it was literally suffocating me, but anyone who is not an INFJ probably wouldn't agree with me that this was the invisible vibe within the room. I was getting so worked up and upset, about to cry, and one of my coworkers was quite alarmed because she didn't feel what I did in that room.
Finally, the workshop ended and everyone went to eat together, all in a better mood, but I just had to get away so I ran to my car and sat and cried for an hour. That's such an INFJ reaction to not only a taxing social situation, but also to the constant absorption of other people's humanity. I think people just don't realize how deeply environments impact our emotional and mental state. For me, I can walk into a room of complete strangers and *still* get a solid negative or positive vibe about the place. This vibe, this feeling, ultimately controls whether or not I stay or whether or not I participate in a discussion. It's actually a bit maddening, because I do have so many ideas and opinions and feelings about the topic, but also I'm terrified to speak up in an already negative room, you know?
Cripe, I'm such an INFJ....
This description was so incredibly accurate, it actually made me well up a bit. Feels nice to be „understood“, thank you!
Thank you Jasmin, I'm glad that this resonated with you!
Yes! As an INFJ my desire to hold back is usually born of respect for the other persons feelings & also from self preservation. Negative energy/hostility can be deeply affecting & long lasting for me. I have a hard time just shaking things off. So it's simultaneously compassion & self interest I suppose!
The humor of the INFJ... that got me right in the feels 🖐🙃🙂
True 😅❤
Thank you very much for this! I am an INFJ, and I agree about the humor aspect. My two sisters are INFJs as well, and there were a lot of puns flying around, as well as general silliness. I am particularly drawn to Monty Python, Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett. More the sharp-minded, but silly English humor in general.
I have to say, the reason for why an INFJ withholds comments varies depending on their level of emotional health. There is one of my sisters who genuinely does it to avoid her own discomfort with conflict-and in some cases even says things that are disingenuous to defuse matters-but in my case I am okay with conflict if I feel it would genuinely be productive. Because of my ability to sense emotions I can always detect when a defensive reaction to my words is occurring (it often feels like a blow to the chest) and frequently it is very difficult to progress once that barrier has come up. In those cases it is better to back off for a while in order to wait until they might be receptive. Sometimes my reason for withholding is because I genuinely know that they are neither ready nor receptive to any insight I might have. But most of all it’s a matter of boundaries. If they have not either sought out my advice nor hired me on as a counselor in a professional capacity, it is not my place to step in with advice. Most of the time people are not talking to you about their problems because they want you to fix them by having you point out what needs to be changed, but instead to have someone listen to them and be present while focusing your attention, and caring deeply about them. I do or say whatever serves the other’s growth, even if that means withholding my flashes of insight and keeping my mouth shut. But this is done out of love as opposed to fear. I often get flashes of clear insight about precisely what is blocking the other person, but often expressing this is not useful, as the change often can’t occur until perhaps a mile ahead, and all that they can cope with is where to place their next step. The ultimate quote for why healthy INFJs withhold comments comes from Bernard Meltzer:
“Before you speak, ask yourself if what you are going to say is true, is kind, is necessary, is helpful. If the answer is no, maybe what you are about to say should be left unsaid.”
I am very comfortable being an INFJ having been a loner all my life. Being around a lot of people totally wears me out. Much better reading a book than going to a party. Never lonely. Can not stand chit chat, it is a waste of time.
Completely agree! Great job! Try explaining why the environment and energy is “not right” to someone else and look like a party pooper or Debbie downer. Our intuition is usually right. If we are quiet it’s because we are 1) reading people, environment, and energy; 2) the conversation doesn’t interest us or we can’t relate to the conversation; 3) we don’t trust people to be genuine enough to embrace our humor or perspectives; 4) we like to play it cool 😎 makes us more appealing.
Very accurate! I use to try to get someone else to understand my POV when it different from theirs. However some people are reluctant to understand something that goes against the conventional or socially-accepted opinion. It would come to the point that I would get upset when I sensed the other person was too stubborn to understand. I've recently stopped because I was putting myself in a sensitive situation for myself. I do not like the quality of close-mindedness at all but I've learned that you can't open people's minds for them.
I know! I always look at problems, issues or situations from as many viewpoints and vantage points as I can imagine, because I know the objective truth is not from just one stance or another, but from a synthesis of all of them. So true believers in just one way are deluding themselves. "If everybody's right, then nobody's wrong" Stephen Stills said that in 1966 and it's still true. People aren't idiots, they have just limited themselves to only one perspective. We don't suffer from that malady. But explaining that can get old, quickly.
We are committed to opening their hearts and not their minds, my dear. I'm sure that's what you mean. I'm sure you mean empathy and love and compassion and sacrifice and peace and joy and other virtues and not empty intellectual yapping that doesn't improve people's miserable lives.
Very true, "You can take a horse to water, but ya can't make him drink"
This explains so much, like why I couldn't connect with my peers, especially in my formative school years, or why most of the candid photos of me and my siblings growing up shows me by myself doing my own thing.
Every Wednesday after work I met with about 20 women for food and wine. It took me over a year to let my real personality show up. They were so surprised that I was actually quick witted and just down right funny.
Loved this so much. The whole time, I felt “Ahhhh”. Fully understood, completely validated, and totally happy to know there’s a tribe out there I belong to.💗
A tribe ,,thats funny ,but you are correct,a rare tribe my friend.
Nailed it. I feel more successful when I have a work from home job. I am still very sensitive and aware of what I communicate on line even then.
that was spot on! i always felt weird when ppl told me im selfless. while actually the core to my "selflessness" has always been about making myself feel better... so yeah.... deep down kinda felt guilty when they said that.
it's so refreshing to hear someone who describes infj so precisely
I am also an INFJ XD
I feel alone all the time...People always think I am positive and weird...But I always feel alone and not understood by the people around except for my best friend and me
It's hard to live for me really, but I think people will never understand how lonely I feel...
My family felt that coldness and matureness(I do things slowly and is not interested in a lot of things except for things that I truly care about) from me at home because that's my true self, they always say that I should change but I just can't, that's how I truly feel about life...I always feel like I should change, but I can't bring myself to it
I honestly don't know, I think I only live for helping others...But recently I tried to live for my passion and what I really like...Music and art...And I feel much better
But my loneliness and hopelessness still surrounds me
So yes, I think our personality type is truly rare...But this type also faces the worst times
But helping people is on my list of what I wanted to do in life(besides music and art)...I mean, this personality type is truly one of the kindest and realistic of all
Mina Zhang hi there i feel u and idk i just feel sad that u have to deal with that stuff, im an enfp female.. mybe u wanna be friends or need someine to talk to?
Darn I like this video. I was just saying to myself that i wish there was a channel that gave more grounded relatable descriptions of INFJs. And yay I've found it!!! Thanks for the excellent content.
You're welcome! I'm glad this resonated with you :) There will be more content to come!
I am an INFJ with exceptional empathy and intuition. These points are spot on! I appreciate the insightful explanations about energy here. We can feel other people's energies and it effects us a lot! We are HSPs-- Highly Sensitive People. I also am an SS (Sensation Seeker), so feel the dichotomous conflict within. In Human Design this, is at least partly, shows up in undefined or open centers where we take in the world around us. People might think I'm saying too much, but I'm holding back 99% of what I know-- we're not as attached to/ involved in the physical world as most people, but are hooked up to energy realms.
Perfectly described. It's surprisingly uncomfortable at times, but I still have to admit I'm grateful for this way of being.
Finally, out of all the places in the world, I find my type of people in RUclips!
There's a time and a place for everything - That phrase was probably coined by an INFJ. We can be spacey but only on our own time. If we're supposed to be practical, we can be practical. Certainly more practical than a lot of sensors I've met. The whole extraverted feeling thing, I think, is misunderstood. Actually it's not that we don't want others to be happy but basically we acquiesce to others so as to deter any nagging or complaints. So we basically acquiesce to others for our own happiness, when you don't nag, we're happy.
Oh, man. My sense of humor when drunk: Highly destructive. I know *exactly* the wrong thing to say, and there's nothing to stop me saying it. I don't drink, anymore. Not like that.
"You have a power but you hold it back because not upsetting people comes first."
You are so clear, so insightful and truly accurate on the infj personality. Every note resonated deeply, all the complex contradictions that make the infj cognitive stack. Thank you
Thank you so much, Chantel! As well as for your other comments :) I do plan on answering them, just been a bit busy this week.
Usually I'n pretty exhausted but when I watch INFJ videos I get energized. It's amazing.
I’ve been told I’m outspoken but I hold so much stuff in! And it completely depends on the people I’m with. Like I will debate with people I’m comfortable with but just kind of observe when I’m not with people I know and just kind of sense other people. It’s a huge contradiction😂
Wow, it's incredible how spot-on this was. I'm still learning more about my personality type and it's interesting how accurate it seems to be. Thank you for articulating this so eloquently and for validating things that most probably would not understand.
Wow, this is so spot-on! Very astute observations. It's true that we try to be there for the people and events we care about, but we get very wrapped up in our heads when overwhelmed and sometimes don't even realize we are keeping our distance for a while. I feel that when trying to deal with practical matters, we do well unless we're juggling a lot, and then procrastination can take hold, trying to give ourselves time to sort out everything (which can make it worse). Preparing psychologically for social interaction - lol! I never even thought of it, but yes! And you're also right about us tending to try to placate people for our own emotional comfort. Though as I get older, I speak up more, if it's important. Sometimes I regret speaking up. But with time, I usually conclude it was better than letting it fester. And watch out for that silly, irreverent humor. Everything from puns to innuendo.
Thank you for your comment, Susanna. It is extremely relatable from start to finish! ;-)
That observation about "availability" was spot on. Generally sociable, they sometimes just vanish from the social scene.
Their sense of humour is also an interesting quality to note. In trusted circles, they share off-colour jokes, use cuss words and cover a wide range of humour.
3 INFJ's walk into a forest.
The first one asks.. "what do we do?"
The second one says "no clue, let's just stare at the sky"
The third one says "....."
Nothing .
He's already got his head in the clouds.
...and they were friends forever after that!
I literally learning about this infj personality this week. I thought something was wrong with me. But I didn't FEEL like something was wrong. But I'm clearly different. (Head in the clouds way too much) so smart so held back, so much to offer, but I just want to wait for the right time.
Infj shiiiiit!
Can anyone relate?😟🤪
Yes edited ... See infj!
I'm a INFJ-T and this video is spot on. My whole life I've wondered why am I so weird and why do I look at the world so differently. My alone time is sacred not only is it essential for us to recharge we actually enjoy our own company. But now and again I'll crave attention. Doesn't last long lol. But thanks for this video. I don't feel like so much of a weirdo.
I am a 51 year old lady and ALWAYS wondered what was wrong with me and why nobody understood me!! Thank you very much for your video's it was TRULY AN AHHA MOMENT!! I wish I knew this all years ago!!
You’re welcome, Sharon! :-)
That was fun. I judge people on their humour, it's so revealing. You used the word 'weird' to describe some of the traits of an INFJ. It might be 'weird ' to others, but it makes perfect sense to me. When we jump the fence on a Winter moonlit night and stand in a ploughed field before an Oak tree, we're not surprised to find the silhouette of an Owl observing us.
I think it could be problematic with people "identifying themselves" on youtube (i.e algorithms). People, remember that first you are human and also that reality and the human mind is far to complex to fully comprehend. Although, I will say these videos have a comforting element to them :)
@5:20 well said. Coming off too dominant can be felt, though this dominance is felt by others it is not loud but subtle. And to hold back infront of a fellow man is an act of courage that makes others more comfortable. Though rarely some will try to take advantage. That is when we either go full dominant or avoid the person altogether.
Nailed it Ren! Especially in regards to wanting to change the emotional current in a room. ♡well done 😉
Thank you Sandie! :)
In reference to the INFJ humor, I finally showed my fun side to my classmates for the first time just before schools closed. They loved it; basically saying “who is this girl!” I just told them that I feel comfortable enough to show you how I really am.
Oh my gosh. This is so insanely accurate! You described me 100%. Super cool video. :)
Wow, thank you Sarah! I'm glad that this spoke to you so much. I guess I have learned a few things based on observing myself and a few INFJ friends/colleagues over the past year or so :)
World of Philosophy you definitely have!!! ☺️
100 percent on the money. I am like this completely. Wow, when you spoke about absorbing energy, it's made so much sense to me. This is why I tend to prefer to retreat a lot because one person's energy can completely throw me off and my mood has changed for the rest of the day. Never mind the fact that I will replay as ruminate over it for the next couple of hours or days, trying to piece information together to understand why a person would have behaved that way. Sigh. I'm very sensitive.
I have my MA in Applied Clinical Psychology, but I still don't know very much about personality types. I've never had a professor that liked or even valued this subject. I don't know why, but I dismissed it because of their views. I don't think a lecture ever went beyond just mentioning it briefly. But...I have to admit that I'm a little bummed I never gave it a chance. Reading about the INFJ personality type was like this huge weight off my shoulders that I'd been carrying around my whole life. Finally, I was able to get that affirmation that I am "normal". The rare part doesn't really mean anything to me except for more validation that who I am is recognized and legitimized by people. I take it all with a grain of salt, of course, but hearing you talk about INFJ's was the most interesting video I've watched on INFJ's. I'm really surprised. You're clearly very observant and I think you were spot on about everything, at least for me. The "not always being available" thing is very interesting and I've never heard it mentioned before. But it's so relatable for me. In high school, my friends and I always did the same sorts of things, just like most people....you have your routines. But some weekends I would just "disappear" because I just needed a break and some alone time. And when Monday came around, I'd show up as my typical self and my friends would say to me, "Damn I thought you died or something!". I'd just laugh. Anyways, sorry for the long comment. I'm not very good at succinct thoughts. :) I'd love to hear more of your thoughts though! Thanks for the video!
You hit the nail on the head on many points. It takes us a lot of years to develop and hone our skills and boundaries.
Thanks!
You have a real talent for clarifying a complicated subject. Out of all the videos about this particular numbskull I’ve seen on the RUclipss, I’m pretty sure this is the one that has made the most sense to me. Being able to (apparently) effortlessly describe something so that others can effortlessly understand it is a rare thing, man.
Thank you!
Thank you for your insights. INFJ here. You are spot on. We are a mystery to behold. I don’t like talking about myself with others so when the conversation starts to go in the direction of me, I switch it back to them. You have to be in my inner innermost circle to just get a glimpse of who I am and even then it can still leave one wondering. I rarely ever let people in here. They just haven’t earned it enough to appreciate it. It’s a downfall because it just leaves more for me to contend and I’m very selective of who I take advice from. If it doesn’t fit into my personal values, it won’t get past the golden gates.
“They can be fun... if they decide to.” Very true!!! I tell some of my closest friends this and sometimes it feels like they don’t believe me. Makes me a little upset sometimes but it’s fine. And also, about the horizons of our humor, that’s also so true omg 😂 you’ve done a wonderful job on this thank you!!!
But when they decide to be fun, they are so much fun that everyone wants them to be that way more often and that just feels like a terrible burden so they retreat back to their cozy alone space. (That's how it is at least for this INFJ).
More than any other video I've watched, so far, (and I've watched quite a few), this video speaks to my INFJ 'type.' I am a bit bolder than some INFJs typically tend to be, having a strong sense of justice and wanting to protect others... But, I was much more likely to take someone up on a disagreement when I was younger. I definitely pick my battles more, now that I'm older and more settled. This really does reflect my experiences as an INFJ, though, overall.
INFJ here 👋 this video is phenominally accurate. Most of my friends view me as extroverted...yet they are confused when I "fall off the map" for a week or two. I love being with people and sharing experiences, but it's draining at the same time. I'm also sensitive to my environment. My house is very clean and regularly organized, however I remain whimsical and spontaneous. When a spontaneous idea pops up in my mind, I normally go with it. I can argue with cold logic over something I am educated upon and feel strongly about, but I always ensure I remain calm, respectful, and sensitive (unless someone is cruel/abusive...in which case, they will face my fury). When I found out that my best friends bf treated her abusively, I was a force to be reckoned with. I told him that I would never forgive him again--even if she did--that I would always be watching him, and if he ever hurt her again then he would have to answer to me. Despite being a 200lb man, he stated that he was afraid of me 😂. Im reserved and shy about revealing my humor...but when you hear it, it's actually quite dark. (Death. Mental illness. Cancer. Abortion. Self-harm.) 😬🙊 All things I've faced in some way....I suppose it's how I cope. I hide it from everyone except those who I know won't be offended. My closest and dearest friend are grunge/goth/punk. It's probably funny seeing us walk together out in public. 😂
Whenever I need to recharge, I find myself watching videos about INFJs and connecting with the comments. It feels good to see people who understand, for it saves myself from thinking too deeply which might just lead to loneliness.
You really have described an INFJ perfectly well, especially with the comment on sociability and willingness to be social when ready for it.
Thanks for the kind comment, WarmHoney!
I love how you talk about the duality in our personality!
we are a study in contradiction and Paradox that's for certain! I would say that another characteristic of an infj is that I don't tend to speak very much but when I do I have something to say and it's usually very worth listening to. I tend to listen to what everybody else is saying and then synthesize it into a clear and concise sentence or two. And people just look at me like wow where did that just come from!?! I also noticed that while I receive my information on introverted intuitive level I'll analyze that information using logic as well to try to understand the validity of the information I've received in the context that I received it in. I also have almost an aversion to small talk and meaningless conversation. And it's challenging because it's part of what's required from me in my work environment. Did I can talk on for hours about deep, esoteric, philosophical topics or quantum physics.
You have such a good energy, I am happy to find you and another INFJs! Thank you for making these videos!
As an infj I know if we get a couple of drinks in us ... well, you can’t shut us up. And we become a social butterfly until we sober up a bit 🤓🤙✌️🖖
Getting drunk or tipsy makes me extremely happy but when it fades I slowly fade back to this 😐. Pure Consciousness
"not upsetting people comes first" 👍 true! so sensitive to vibes in the room so true, sometimes hard to focus on task at hand
Hi Ren,
Very interesting, and thoughtful presentation. Thank you.
We do love to understand things, to consider every aspect of a subject, and the deeper layers of it, the profundity. We love the minutiae and the bigger picture; how everything fits and what it's meaning is. We also love anything that is intellectually stimulating, and gives us more food for thought. If we can find others to discuss our further insights with....we are happy and satisfied. I'm very evenly measured as INFJ/INTJ, so value logic, calm, dignity and self-control, and empathetic responsiveness and shades of grey.
I do find that I often have metaphorical dreams that help me to make sense of complexities. I find that fascinating too.I love a perfect analogy. I love a well-written article, and someone with a teaching gift. I love mentors, and encourages, and those who see the potential in others (& situations). Kindness and beauty are deeply refreshing. Integrity is so attractive, as is authenticity.
We love to see in others what we value in ourselves. Personal growth, courage and resilience top the list very often. And ability to really love (not fake manipulative BS).
Who wouldn't love us? Ha ha ha!
Peace and happiness to you.
All the above! 🙌💕(lovely word choice as well 😆)