Inside the not-for-profit funeral home revolutionising how we deal with death | Australian Story
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- Опубликовано: 19 июн 2022
- Step inside the funeral home that’s transforming the way we do death. Subscribe: ab.co/3yqPOZ5
Six years ago, with a group of community volunteers, Jenny Briscoe-Hough founded Tender Funerals, a not-for-profit funeral service in Port Kembla.
Tender has a mission to provide personalised and affordable funerals, and to demystify the funeral process and put it back in the hands of the grieving.
Filmed over 10 months, this episode follows the experiences of people who used Tender to look after their deceased loved one, providing an extraordinarily intimate view of a process we rarely get to see.
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The young lady standing at the feet of the person, who has died, and she is very close to giving life, is truly beautiful.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful story
I agree, it's a beautiful representation of the circle of life
As a former Funeral Director here in UK, working for 3 different large companies, I fully support these people. I left the 'trade' in early 2003 due to pressure put upon me to increase sales, targets and attempts to distance me from the families I served. I hope Tender will spread here soon. All power to them :)
From 22:08, that's my uncle Kev who passed. Thank you so much to Tender, you guys were incredible. Such a special and nice service. I was the one who drove uncle Kevins ute from the funeral home and to the surf club as well as one of his pallbearers. It was a real honour, especially how Tender got the family so involved in the service. Love you work guys, thanks again.
I wish that I had this option years ago when my mum & dad passed . I cared for my mum for just over two years & then it was all taken out of our hands . this would have been a natural extension of saying our goodbyes . ❤
In much of the West, death is quite medicalised and obscenely commercialised. But many communities still carry out this type of care for their loved ones. With families keeping the deceased person at home, to wash and cloth them and then family and friends come to pay last respects. For some, it is traumatic that their loved ones would be 'alone' in a cold mortuary, and the home farewell is more respectful and helps in the acceptance of the person's passing. In India, many families still carry their own family members in a procession to the cremation or burial place - as a final act of respect.
This is the way things used to be in the part of Africa where I come from. Unfortunately, everything is now commercialised from the hospital bed to when one is hushed into a funeral home's mortuary cupboard as soon as the last breath is exhaled. How crual and insensitive urban life can be! No tear shedding, no compassion, no empathy at all! The uncessary embalming procedure not to mention financial cost are a terriblly shocking experience the bereaved family! I now understand why some people behave so differently after witnessing such a traumatising embalming procedure! They have come to terms with understanding how meaningless life and fleetingly time can be under this sun. Some will take decisions to live their lives to fullest whilst others will develop a detachment to the wonders of life.
Thank you everyone for showing this absolutely beautiful and humbling way of a Tender funeral.
This is *sorely* needed in the US. What beautiful work you are doing! I’m in hospice, and I will be made into compost when I’m gone. Caitlin Doughty has taught me and so many others about “death positivity”. This is just beautiful. ❤
Another great example of the Commoning economy replacing corporate profiteering.
You are doing a great thing....Thank you. It seems to me, that we get RIPPED OFF during our lives, and we get scammed ( or our families do ) when we are dead. To come across a bunch of folks who do this essential service at cost price is amazing.
Oh my gosh you guys are such beautiful people! This is amazing. ♥️🦕
This work is so incredibly important! In some ways, it mimics other cultural traditions where it is normal to have time with those who have passed to allow time to accept the transition. Handled beautifully here.
Are you saying this is cultural appropriation?
@@davidcarter4247 obviously not. It would be great if we can all stay kind and respectful on a video like this.
Such a beautiful story. i ran into a lot of conflict in the US when assisting a family member in making his plans. I was shocked how people did not know their own laws regarding death. The funeral home posted a link to flowers when he, and then we specified no flowers please donate to his church. It was as if their plan was the plan. Funeral Consumers Alliance is the group that taught me that there are options. Since then when a person passes we plant a tree on their behalf. It is so sad that people go into debt like that. We can all be a part of this change.
I loved this- I cried and smiled at the same time! What a great concept- please bring this to VIC
There are plans to hopefully have Tender in every state and territory.
Beautiful souls. I love their compassion and respect!
This is a beautiful, precious way to say “so long for now, be at rest, will see you in Heaven”. I would like to see this here in US. I worked with hospice patient for some time, when I was a nurse, and felt so honored to be part of their final journey on earth. Thank you for sharing.
This is riveting, sensitive, ground breaking, comforting. Well done...thank you.
AMAZING PEOPLE and an amazing service they provide. I wish I knew about this just over 1 month ago when my dear friend passed away.
This was absolutely beautiful and brilliant.
In the last hundred years we have been taught to, not only fear death but, to desensitize ourselves from the process of death and dying.
What’s incredibly sad and disturbing, many times memorials/celebrations of life are missing one important part, the individual that has passed.
An individual’s passing should hold great reverence just as their birth.
I absolutely adore this way of handling funerals. I hope that when it comes to be my time, I hope that community funerals are an option here in the United States. Bravo!!
Young guy Sam is so vibrant, kind and funny !
Very good job you all are doing as a team!
Sam is a great guy! Very funny too.
This is just so beautiful, l hope they have these in every state and many of many of so much so they close down the private funeral homes where there is no regulations, no care for the person who has passed or the family all about money money money,praying on people at there most vulnerable time. Look at the 4 corners horror story into investigation on funeral homes then you look at this they both couldn’t be more different well done to the first tender who worked so hard to get the funding for the first one, to enable the other ones to open and your support to them, thank you to the volunteers your all earth angels
So joyful and refreshing 🤗🙏
Remaining close to the loved one, never leaving them alone until the end of the funeral.
We Maori practice similar passing rites .
It's awesome what you have achieved.
Big loves n hugs.
Maori are dancing/doing the Haka, right? That is beautiful ! Don’t mind seeing the man half naked either 😊 (don’t mean any disrespect by that)
Great story … great movement.. very inspiring to see people are doing this 😊👍
We need this in the States ❤
Thanks so much for covering this about Tender, such a Vital service needed everywhere.
Dying is at least as sacred as being born. I did some palliative care work. I felt it was an honor as well. When I cared for them, they become my most beloved.
Thankyou for your care of those meeting the end of this life
These are the true heroes of our society.
May you all be touched by this story and be inspired to make a positive difference.
Thank you.
You must watch Caitlan, her channel ASK A MORTITIAN, been educating us about death and all its topics for ages... really a good channel by a knowledgeable lady!
OMG, Caitlyn is the main reason I started workplacement at Tender!! I am on my journey to be an end of life doula, she has truly inspired me. Not only I but others that are at Tender.
I wonder why so many FD on r/ askafuneraldirector dislike her. Genuinely curious, never seen her stuff but from what ive read she doesnt seem to be liked in the industry
The most beautiful thing I’ve watched in a very long time 💕
Amazing, that is what I would like for my ending.
Absolutely amazing story thank goodness I come across it. Such beautiful good hearted human beings. Much appreciated and respect.💐😊🧸
I wish there were more places like this. What a beautiful way to say goodbye to someone you love.
Everyone needs to watch this.
i loved this philm a lot and yes back in the day the family did the funerals themselves .they also use to bury them as well they would get somebody to make a coffin the family were very much involved the good old days and you are bringing them back as it should be keep up the great work that you all do
A fantastic option
I think that Tender is a fitting name for a funeral home im happy you're branching out over Australia i was shock to see and hear how horrible the funeral industry is over there im from Trinidad and my died in 2015 the funeral home aloud me to see her before the funeral and i saw the whole process and i dress her saw the end result and i was pleased there is something about being there during the preparation seeing your family member and knowing that every thing is done with dignity great job to you all and i wish long life all the best to Tender👍
Oh I would love to do this in Victoria. I wouldn't even know where to start.
Amazing 🌻
Amazing I wish we had this in the uk, everything is done at the pace and the wishes of the deceased and the family . Beautiful to watch
this is amazing. thank you for what you do. watching in America so some day when I grow into a funeral director I can be like you.
I think this process should be all over the world. Most of the funeral industries are in it for profit. Shame. Dying is part of living . All of us shall go there one day. Let’s be a little more respectful to the dead! God bless! 🙏🏻
Nothing happening in Victoria, this is such a shame. fantastic idea. As a nurse who has washed and wrapped many people in Hospital I know that for families to have this opportunity at home would make a massive difference the grieving process.
Wonderful
Thank you for creating Tender. I’ve never seen anything as important as it is beautiful. It’s the way we should all treat one another whilst alive and ever so much more important on our Last Walk towards the Light. I wish I could have done this for my Husband. The way he went was so cold, so impersonal, his always having been so… Tender. I would have loved to have the honour of giving him his Last Bath, to caress him tenderly one last time…
What you are doing is absolutely beautiful. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 🙏🏻❤️😘🥰🌹
I choose 2 go b with my l8 father I was so lucky 2 have a beautiful lady in the morg that allowed it! I wouldn't of had it any other way I needed 2 hold his hand one more time. As he held mine thru so much in life! ❤️This it's just beautiful how they aren't treating them as another number. Giving them care & dignity in their last moments!❤️
What a beautiful and important service.
This is beautifully done.
OMGAWWWD
If only my sons sudden passing last November was dealt so much compassion and transparency
But it was wasn't...
It was a panicked state of affairs emotionally and financially which absolutely tore our family apart.
Dubbo nsw funeral homes should take a pages from this!!!!
I am forever devastated by the actions of others in such a excruciatingly painful time
The $$$ meant more than our or my sons needs 😭😭😭
I pray this doesn't continue 🙏
It's too late for us but hopefully not for others in the future
I am so sorry for your loss and the added pain of such a traumatic way of saying that final goodbye.
How do I start Tender in my community!?? Please Help
Thank you for sharing Tender. I wish you were world wide. Maybe one-day. ❤
I love this. To have your family do this for you is so much more personal and special. I would love to work with this organisation in QLD.
I would love for my family to be able to use Tender as the funeral provider when it's my time to leave this life but I know that the nearest Tender Funeral Home is in ACT, about 4-5 hours from where I live. I'll just have to hang around for as long as it takes to have their service in Parkes or Dubbo (I'm only 62 years young atm). Thank you very much for sharing this amazing story and experience, I had no idea how much the funeral industry has changed and how you can have a funeral exactly how the deceased wanted it to be. Take care from your friends in the middle of nowhere NSW xo
I lost my father 10 yrs ago and still have.ptsd at the speed of which his burial occurred and was over
I am so sorry to hear about your experience. I hope you can find peace one day regarding this painful moment.
I wish there was a Tender in South Australia. What wonderful people they are. 💙💙
What im taking from this is what Zenith said. We don't need a bunch of middle men, between our home & the crematorium. I'm going to research how I can go about this for a loved one I know I'll be responsible for sending off. Neither of us care about funerals etc, so going from a home-goodbye to the final place will be perfect.
Having a Tender would be amazing for every community though for sure!
What an amazing idea and incredible selfless people making it happen.. There should be something like this in the UK definitely 🙏🥰👌🇬🇧
And the USA. ❤
I have the book funeral rights at home. My father is getting on in life and I have a DIY plan after his passing.
Absolutely brilliant! What an amazing concept and what stamina it took to see it become what it is! I wish Canada was doing this, simply because people have lost all choices (or they think they have) when it comes to final care and the costs are mind boggling. Well done, Australia.
Wow I want to know more. I am in New Zealand and hope you have a Tender here. Can I get more information please
Absolutely beautiful I can't believe it There is good in this world it's just completely down under
I just bought a headstone for my Great grandparents. The least expensive and smallest stone was over $1,000. 🇺🇸 In my hometown, the same family owns the funeral home, the cemetery and the monument business. Monopoly. I wish that I wasn’t old. I would do this. God bless.
Thank you, although I’m crying I loved this video. Once again thank you ❤❤😢
Wow ❤ wonderful people wouldn’t it be amazing to know this was how you were spending your last time being so loved and respected ❤
what a beautiful idea for loved ones to go out on i hope you open many more places you do have that special touch and its so real i love it
Soooooo inspiring !!!! Thank you !
It's wonderful, what work and what positive changes are going to be ahead. How happy I will be to be able to participate in this in French-speaking Switzerland
This is a great new concept where a community can come together & be a pillar of strength for others during their time of bereavement by displaying dignity & reverence. I have experience in the funeral industry & it is a shame that to a big degree it has become corporatized where the personalisation has been taken away. You people are fantastic & wish you every success.
I wish they could open a Tender Funerals in Victoria
What a brilliant idea 💡 so glad for you ❤look at it now 🎉
What a fantastic idea, I’ve spent around thirty years in the uk funeral industry, i believe this concept would be well received in the uk.
Awesome thing they are doing. ❤
Just incredible.
Do they have one in Perth Western Australia if so could someone please pass on the name of it please.
Did you watch this? If you did you would know the answer is yes 😉
What a great bunch of people who are kind, compassionate and thoughtful. A much better view of the funeral services after watching the horrific story of 4 corners and how profit was the main goal out of having funerals. I wish there is a tender in Melbourne. I wish we knew of this when mum passed in 2020. But, we really couldn’t have done anything like this as she passed of covid and during that time there were so many restrictions. I wish I could have held my beloved mother for one last time. She practically died alone and we never got to touch her due to covid! I believe my grief would have been more helpful if we got to say goodbye to her in our own Buddhist way, even to hold her and touch her one last time. I never knew there were so many possibilities, but after watching this I think then I pass it will be a grand dinner party and I want everyone that loves me to wash me, bathe me, hold me touch me one last time and say their own private farewells. The food will be delicious and a plenty and everyone will be all dressed up as if they were going out to dinner with me one last time……yeah I think that sounds a fabulous way to go into the next life! Kudos to you people for pushing for an alternative to funerals. 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you. It is unusual for
Wonderful!
Thank you.
Thank you for the insight. It would have been nice to be able to do something like this for my parents. I'm in Washington. Thanks again.
I know and love Port Kembla
I want to get involved with this
These people are truly amazing - it would be wonderful to be a part of it. 💓
Plz make one in Adelaide it's SO needed!
I have to say I am disgusted with all and any funeral services that take advantage of people at their most vulnerable stressful and most traumatic times..they ( being any funeral company) have had it for way way too shamefully good for too many years.
NOW THERE ARE THE LIKES OF TENDER in AUSTRALIA, THAT ARE RESPECTING THE LOVED ONE'S AND THEIR FAMILIES WHO HAVE A VOICE/OPTION AND GRIEVING PROCESS.....AND NOT LINING POCKETS OF FUNERAL SERVICES.
MY DAD passed 33 years ago in NZ suddenly, we just went with the flow as this was unprecedented territory for us...BASICALLY, GOT SCREWED.
I too would love to open and be on board with TENDER...should they wish to open internationally, across the ditch basically...be a member of your AWESOME CARING AND EMPATHIC COMPANY.
PLEASE DO CONSIDER THIS, AS many many more family members have passed since DAD, but they have taken cheaper avenues due to our DISGRACEFUL TREATMENT, but it's still shameful the procedure and cost to bid farewell to a loved one needs to be LAWFULLY outrageously EXSPENSINVE and NOT TRUE!!!
Please come to Perth.
Amazing beautiful.
Please come to Perth
Well done,
I’m trying to setup a nonprofit community funeral home in my town as well 🙏
Question - Where can I get a cool tray from, I’m in London UK ?
❤❤❤
I hope someone shows my body half of the level of care those women gave him in the beginning of the video
Is this possible in the USA
We need Tender is the US.
Wow unbelievable pay attention America
sorry for my HUGE COMMENT TO ANYONE READING MY COMMENT BEFORE, but in short
NOW...MUM passed away 3 years ago at 80 and was the cheapest passing of her death as I could do, without disrespecting MUM.... and still, it left me paying off her wonderful life with a debt......WRONG WRONG WRONG.
Brilliant documentary I mean 10000 of a bill is something else to put on any family I have been around death for many years and the billing and money charged to family's is outrageous coffins caskets they are just boxes and most of them are made of frankly crap even the most expensive ones actually I rephrased that the most expensive ones are really crap I saw expensive metal caskets cake in after three small bucks of earth was spread gently over the lid i saw solid oak caskets with the the lid gone in after six years I say so called mahogany that were pine foa as a tropical hard wood people need to wake up to this high charges and go back to body is natural 90% liquid and frankly after a short period of time its bone that's nature you burning or burning a bag of water
May God have mercy on all our dead
I will NEVER subscribe to a anything that has comments turn off! That goes for PBS to
.....Muslims wash body three times.. by relatives..very lovingly.. eco friendly..
Wrap in white cloth..bury.. no coffin
Christianity and Judaism used to bury people in shrouds.
Not for me. That body is not my father, it's just the house he lived in. He does not look like my father, my father has gone from there. What happens to the remaining shell is of little consequence to me
But what are/were his feelings on that? Surely you would respect how he wants his final time on earth to be spent
@@giddyup4232 firstly, my father felt the same. It's not 'his final time on earth', he's already gone so whose benefit would it be serving?. Secondly, I reject the sentimental idea of 'respecting his wishes' as that (and virtue signalling) are the basis of the massively exploitive funeral industry. Guilt based compulsive consumerism.
@@cassieoz1702 well I'm glad he felt the same, that leaves no issues with you not caring about it if he didn't lol
@@giddyup4232 you see, I don't get how it would have affected him if it HADNT been his values too. He's dead. None of us have any belief in an afterlife. If it's about anyone, it's about those left behind and, mercifully, we haven't been brainwashed into lucrative sentimentality.
This is what we do in Islam we wash the body
So what ?
@@biljana442 wow I didn't know this