Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇 Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027 ‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self
The fact that this man has made so many videos for strangers like you and me to benefit our lives for free is a huge service in and of itself. Thank you Jerry! Thank you for the answers!
Sir, you are the real deal on breaking these dysfunctional patterns down, and explaining real practical information on how to start overcoming ones issues. One of the best top 5 on RUclips in my opinion 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
As they say in some churches, "chew the meat, and spit out the bones" 😂😂as a person who cannot afford therapy right now, I am loving this Jerry. Thanks so much for your free time.
I very much appreciate and respect that you give credit to those who you got information or inspired you. Your humility in this makes it easier to trust and listen to you.
I did not get here on my own. I always will be aware of this. I am grateful for the many who have helped me along the way. thanks for sharing and thanks for watching Viviana....
@@zaneova5403 Make a goal to get to know yourself. For example, learn what your current values are, what your likes and preferences are and what your strengths/positive traits are. Be willing to recognize that you are worth getting to know. God bless you. ✝️
Jerry it’s so hard to take responsibility in our compliance with the original pattern when the pattern was placed upon us as a child and we had no responsibility in it. Not saying as an adult we still have no responsibility, but it makes it much harder bc it can feel like we are still explaining ourselves and seeking validation like a child would do. As an adult I guess I don’t feel the need to explain myself for any changes I make in my life. As long as it’s not directly affecting someone who I am responsible for (like a child). I am so new to this self differentiation process and just trying to understand how this all works. Thank you again for everything you do. My questions are always meant to be respectful and to seek understanding.
GodsRichGirls LLC I agree not only that you’re not even fully aware until you wake up from your trans state and think oh shit... I’ve been operating like the walking dead this whole time!!!
Jerry, thanks so much for sharing your wisdom and expertise with us all. There are so many of us adult children of narcissistic parents out here! Thanks for helping us see things more clearly. Greetings from South America.
I always appreciate you Jerry. I am comforted by what you have learned in your life and how you have chosen to share that information. I've turned to it many times in the past few years to get insight and healing from some of the most difficult times I've faced. Keep up the good work and I hope to see more live videos and participate in workshops. Kind regards...D
I can see how enmeshment translates physically. My brother is a narcissist and I notice that when he gets a cold or sick, the rest of his family gets sick too. When he lacks sleep, it seems everyone else lacks sleep too. I guess the lack of physical boundaries and concern for the health of the rest causes this.
I love how when you role play you show how it is possible to state yourself and your position without the need aggression or initiating the need for defensive behaviour. You make holding oneself look so easy, non triggering and non threatening. Rebecca, Ireland.
i can relate to the girl visiting her home country in Europe so much . it has always been my problem also when i visit family in Germany . not only that . there are too many relatives i feel obligated to visit . thank you for your advise .
Regarding the segment on family member wanting to stay in a hotel vs staying with extended family...I’ve come to realize that you can offer someone anything but if the offer is declined (multiple times), then it is best to accept their decline as simply a decline of offer and without assumptions or judgements. I have been placed in this situation where my decline was not accepted, was forced to accept offer to avoid hurt feelings and left with the worst night sleep on my whole trip. The bad night sleep was caused by other factors in the home not the pressure of staying with family.
You are an amazing man Jerry. Thank you. I want to be able to self differentiate so badly. I want to be able to think in the way you are explaining and to be non reactive to other people’s actions, thoughts and opinions. I am trying really hard but get upset with myself when I “fall off the wagon” and engage in reactivity or triangles. I find it very difficult to navigate the triangle situation in my family because there are so many people including extended family and everyone knows the drama. It is difficult to know when you are engaged in a triangle when you grew up with that being the norm. I would love a video on the subject as you mentioned possibly doing.
This was also my idea, staying in the hotel while visiting my friends in the same city of my family of origin. Of course, they would eventually know that I was there, and because it would cause another strike of guilt, I wont do it. The thought that runs over and over in my mind, is that my sister and I were born to be a maid when they grow old, that the idea of having a relationship and one day own family was forbidden in my parents heads, they did all to make themselves our future... agh so selfish. When my father figured out that I want my life, he cut me off out of his brain, discarded. I should now keep conntact with them so I could resolve my stuff? Damn
I just dropped the bomb on my husband. I am so meant to watch this. My husband and I are making plans to move out of state. My husband texted his mom and sister and they were giving concern and feedback to him. So last night I said, I'm learning boundaries, so could you please not share this with your family because I don't want our decision and plans all over your family. " Well like you said, that is reactive. I didn't feel good about saying it, but I'm trying to stand up for myself.
I bought the books you had recommended in other videos and they turned out very well. I finished the Narcissist in your Life in a matter of days, I could not put it down. Looking forward to trying these books you recommended as well: Melody Beattie and Jenny Brown’s books 16:49
I love what you say, Jerry, about being assertive and having high self esteem in a dysfunctional family (concentration camp,lol!) Is not advisable. One would get eaten alive and instead one needs to work on yourself and then on physically escaping. ...Thank you!! There are people who just don't understand this, and who think one only has to talk back. They can even shame you or suggest you're weak because they could do it; all the while assuming that theirs and your families are alike when, perhaps they are not. ....So thank you! ( What you say here also reminds me of this analysis of the old Cinderella fairytale:. ruclips.net/video/huLSdm6IH0g/видео.html Where it is observed that Cinderella was in a disempowered position in her family and instead of being a weak , subservient female, made the best of her inescapable situation and had inner strength.) Really appreciate your work a great deal. Will be signing up.
What do I do when I make changes and all my friends don’t accept it. My friends don’t want me around if I don’t get drunk with them anymore. I don’t want to be around people that won’t accept me for that. However, does that mean I continue on with myself and becoming comfortable being alone until life brings better people into my life? Do I need to be an island for a bit before there are healthy bridges and boats that pass in? My only genuine support is with ACOA and my therapist 😅 but hey it works for me for now! Can a person be okay with just that as they heal?
You are enough and better relationships will come along. Focus on your own healing first and always! This series is fantastic for me! You are not alone in your struggles!
I’ve been so preconditioned to put my self love in the scope of being approved by others thru my siblings and parents then it was reinforced by my parents cult (as in Jesus first, then Others, then You =Joy ….Jesus =J, Others =O, Y=you) my mind was just turned upside down at how my indoctrination was self destructive and led to my self defeating behaviors
I should do a whole workshop on triangles Cate I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021 “Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom Sign up on website to get info on workshops www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop Sign up now for early bird price I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website: • Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop • Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop • Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my RUclips channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my RUclips channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional
Great video. !! Thank you as always. I was wondering if you might do one “being cut off by adult children” In not cutting them off but respecting their boundaries. Even if “cut off” is unhealthy and reactive, I still think to respect the boundary. However, in not making it appear that I’ve cut them Off in retaliation, but not contacting them as that would disrespect their boundary. I thought perhaps I’d send a small gift or card (so to not fall into buying their love/approval) keep it simple but showing unconditional love. Any ideas?
"Be honest with things you don't like about yourself." So counter intuitive but it makes sense. To acknowledge our shortcomings and be loving to ourselves anyway. It's way different than just this kind of "Bash yourself over the head with how awesome you are and how much you love yourself"
It just struck me... I struggle with being an adult (ACDF) mostly because I lack a lot of necessary skills. But you always ask about downsides of a good thing and gosh... there are so many downsides to being an adult! 😄 On one hand, I have always been drawn to wisdom. I've always thought that I wanted to be wise (lucky you Jerry! You were born Wise 😉). But apart from fearing great responsibility that comes from great power that comes from wisdom, I fear losing something I consider probably most precious - passion! I just can't see how to embrace both. E.g. after too many heartbreaks I've decided that I want to fall in love wisely but that's an oxymoron! I want to FALL in love! I've never done wingsuit flying but I imagine that it feels like falling in love - awesome! 😄 It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I have even learnt to find some pleasure in hitting the ground. The middle way seems frighteningly boring. You specialise in helping people find their Selves. My Self doesn't want to be an adult! 😞😩 I haven't figured out how to resolve this internal conflict of mine for the past twelve years that I've been aware of it. I guess I haven't met a single adult who would be a satisfied, fulfilled, enthusiastic person. The more I think about it, the more it seems like adulthood is a life SENTENCE. There is no joy in adulthood. The only person who can be joyful is a child. Most likely my conflict has to do with me NOT having had a childhood. But will it ever resolve?
Dr Wise, please indicate the name in spelling for the book you have been referring us to: Healing from the narcissistic relationship. Thank you for your videos - an eye-opening experience!
God loves me and you just the way... even if I/we NEVER change. He loves me/you with an everlasting love. There's no where you/I can go to escape His love.
So many videos on topics like this the author says "even at work" as last on the list of categories to address codependence and changing behaviors when for a lot of people it's the workplace where most of there lives week to week is spent more so than with family and friends. Family dynamics are played out many times in the workplace consciously or not.
I'm confused about the difference between cut off and no contact. Can you talk more about that, Jerry? I am at the point where I don't want much to do with my family of origin but I don't know how to handle that transition or am not sure if it's the right thing to do or how to go about it. Thank you.
What do I do when I make changes and all my friends don’t accept it. My friends don’t want me around if I don’t get drunk with them anymore. I don’t want to be around people that won’t accept me for that. However, does that mean I continue on with myself and becoming comfortable being alone until life brings better people into my life? Do I need to be an island for a bit before there are healthy bridges and boats that pass in?
These people are not your friends or your tribe. You are on a higher plain than them. Yes, be alone and the right people will come into your life at the right time...c drunk people are not in their sober mind.
Hi Jerry, If one begins to, after many years, think of a parent as sort of mentally ill, and expects no change, is it unhealthy of the adult child to sometimes indulge the parent? An example would be to compliment or acknowledge the positive qualities that the parent truthfully does posses. Also to express love and appreciation, while at the same time having boundaries and not succumbing to that parents emotional abuse or manipulation.
Agree 100% ElleJayRose Yes, and yes. Even narcissists have good moments or positive qualities. Being able to see or acknowledge both sides of a person is a function of maturity.
My issue is my grandson is being physically and Emotionally abused. I realized him for 7 yrs. My daughter moved her boyfriend.. He is the physically abusing him. My grandson would tell me about abuse.. I GOT VERY ACTIVE about it. She would/ is LIEING for him. My grandson was/ is very scared of this man. Iv report the abuse to the Police and school. My grandson was sooo scared to say anything. CPS told me that they believe me, because of his body language. He would drop his head and say "I don't want to talk about it" (with tears in his eye's). I breaks my so bad. The boyfriend and daughter is saying Im just doing this because it don't like the boyfriend.. I would NEVER lie about something this serious!! Now she WILL NOT let my see my grandson..I help so much ( pretty much doing it all physically and financial. And for her to turn on me is such away Is killing me!! I love them both very much. She has/ is making ME look like the bad guy!! I know she wouldn't let me she him if I spoke up( this is the 3rd time this abuse happen) It was speak up for the child or kept quiet and still get to see him!! I HAD TO SPEAK UP!! She only daughter and he is my only grandchild. Im left all alone now. Must days I can't even get out of bed!!! I don't care to ever bathe!! All of my life i lived for this two!! Im now 60 yrs. Old and disabled ( physically ) I have sunk down low iv just dont care about my self any more!! 😢 PLEASE I NEED HELP!!
I pray for you and your grandson, and, if you are a believer, do the same. See Ephesians 6:10-18 in the Bible. Pray the armor of God upon your grandson.
If there is nothing you can currently do to stop the abuse, just know how powerful it is for you to be there as an outside influence and source of support. You can give messages to your daughter and grand son that they need. Sometimes people are not in the psychological state to break away from abuse, they are frightened and feel controlled. Show them unconditional love, do not give advice... They need to feel empowered in themselves and shouldn't be told what to do. Give positive encouragement about other aspects of life to build confidence and be available to listen and validate feelings at all times. Stay close as an ally. I give this advice as an adult who suffered horrific abuse from both parents throughout childhood. Know you have no power to change their actions and use that knowledge to give yourself permission to take a break and care for yourself with fun maybe a holiday and maybe yoga and meditation because this means you can be a calm stronge helper with abundant love to give and find someone to share your difficulty with, a safe mature friend or therapist.
How do you relate to a family member who is a narcissist and who lies all the time to avoid taking responsibility? Do these rules apply to people you are trying to relate to who are narcissists? I have found that trying to relate to a narcissist is impossible. Is there something I am missing?
Hello Jerry very wise, thank you for bringing many threads together. I have received your excellent email resources but unsure where to begin. Exhausted, reclusive ACOA, in Narcissistic relationship with neighbour has triggered trauma. In painful Labyrinth with my cat, but find a way out in a dream. For those who cannot afford therapy dreams can guide, give hope, when lost. Can you do a video on this please? Is a family systems approach suitable for someone who has NO FAMILY of origin left? I wonder if denial is better that the pain of the self differential process? Sleep preferable than being awake. Feel safe alone. How do we self soothe and self love the pain? Thank you so much,
@@clanmaccus1959 I know but freeing self easier said than done so trying to minimise go no contact. I don't want abusive controlling liars in my life. hope freedom will come. some say its an existential journey.Thanks and Blessings
What if your family system is not defined by enmeshment and codependency but rather there was too much space, neglect and lack of any involvement let alone support?
Finally get your family OUT OF YOU & be the true self you were never allowed to be 👇
Access my free training - jerrywise.ewebinar.com/webinar/free-training-10027
‘Road to Self’ Program: Join 10,000+ people who have transformed their lives! www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/road-to-self
The fact that this man has made so many videos for strangers like you and me to benefit our lives for free is a huge service in and of itself. Thank you Jerry! Thank you for the answers!
"I will not defend myself!" Is my new mantra which has helped with shame, anxiety and reactivity. Plus my tummy pains have STOPPED!
I love this! I am trying to do the same as a mantra!
Sir, you are the real deal on breaking these dysfunctional patterns down, and explaining real practical information on how to start overcoming ones issues. One of the best top 5 on RUclips in my opinion 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Jerry Wise is the healthiest, wisest therapist in that he is taking it all the way back to us.
I am so grateful for this information !
As they say in some churches, "chew the meat, and spit out the bones" 😂😂as a person who cannot afford therapy right now, I am loving this Jerry. Thanks so much for your free time.
I very much appreciate and respect that you give credit to those who you got information or inspired you.
Your humility in this makes it easier to trust and listen to you.
I did not get here on my own. I always will be aware of this. I am grateful for the many who have helped me along the way. thanks for sharing and thanks for watching Viviana....
You're awesome! You are my RUclips counselor. I always look you up when I have family struggles. It always helps.
Lisa Hoffman Lisa!!! Is this the Lisa Hoffman I know?!
So do i ☺️👌
@@beckygreenlee790 I dont think so?? 🤔😆
Love yourself when you're not loving yourself ....... Jerry, thank you so much!!
yes, this is so helpful.
I have had the great privilege of having Jerry as my counselor this last year. Best money I ever spent. His teaching helped me find myself again. 🤗
How do I love myself
@@zaneova5403 Make a goal to get to know yourself. For example, learn what your current values are, what your likes and preferences are and what your strengths/positive traits are. Be willing to recognize that you are worth getting to know. God bless you. ✝️
Never boring. Always inspirational.
Jerry it’s so hard to take responsibility in our compliance with the original pattern when the pattern was placed upon us as a child and we had no responsibility in it. Not saying as an adult we still have no responsibility, but it makes it much harder bc it can feel like we are still explaining ourselves and seeking validation like a child would do. As an adult I guess I don’t feel the need to explain myself for any changes I make in my life. As long as it’s not directly affecting someone who I am responsible for (like a child). I am so new to this self differentiation process and just trying to understand how this all works. Thank you again for everything you do. My questions are always meant to be respectful and to seek understanding.
GodsRichGirls LLC I agree not only that you’re not even fully aware until you wake up from your trans state and think oh shit... I’ve been operating like the walking dead this whole time!!!
So happy to have found your channel Jerry . You’ve helped me help myself already !
Jerry, thanks so much for sharing your wisdom and expertise with us all. There are so many of us adult children of narcissistic parents out here! Thanks for helping us see things more clearly. Greetings from South America.
You're looking great jerry.
I always appreciate you Jerry. I am comforted by what you have learned in your life and how you have chosen to share that information. I've turned to it many times in the past few years to get insight and healing from some of the most difficult times I've faced. Keep up the good work and I hope to see more live videos and participate in workshops.
Kind regards...D
I can see how enmeshment translates physically. My brother is a narcissist and I notice that when he gets a cold or sick, the rest of his family gets sick too. When he lacks sleep, it seems everyone else lacks sleep too. I guess the lack of physical boundaries and concern for the health of the rest causes this.
I love how when you role play you show how it is possible to state yourself and your position without the need aggression or initiating the need for defensive behaviour. You make holding oneself look so easy, non triggering and non threatening.
Rebecca, Ireland.
i can relate to the girl visiting her home country in Europe so much . it has always been my problem also when i visit family in Germany . not only that . there are too many relatives i feel obligated to visit . thank you for your advise .
Marianne Lottes I thought this was an “Asian family” thing! 😱
Nomen est omen: Mr. Wise you are wise, thank you so much. Your explanations changed and will change my life. Greetings from Germany
Regarding the segment on family member wanting to stay in a hotel vs staying with extended family...I’ve come to realize that you can offer someone anything but if the offer is declined (multiple times), then it is best to accept their decline as simply a decline of offer and without assumptions or judgements. I have been placed in this situation where my decline was not accepted, was forced to accept offer to avoid hurt feelings and left with the worst night sleep on my whole trip. The bad night sleep was caused by other factors in the home not the pressure of staying with family.
Wish you were around 20 years ago...
You didn't bored me Jerry. Thank you.
Your videos are very genuine and helpful.
You are an amazing man Jerry. Thank you. I want to be able to self differentiate so badly. I want to be able to think in the way you are explaining and to be non reactive to other people’s actions, thoughts and opinions. I am trying really hard but get upset with myself when I “fall off the wagon” and engage in reactivity or triangles. I find it very difficult to navigate the triangle situation in my family because there are so many people including extended family and everyone knows the drama. It is difficult to know when you are engaged in a triangle when you grew up with that being the norm. I would love a video on the subject as you mentioned possibly doing.
happy you’re back
Great info Jerry. This definitely helps me. Thank you!
Wisdom comes with age and experience. Both are valid for you mr Wise. :-).
Thank you. My mother was a ACOA and never got help. She was always AFRAID, ANGRY AND UPSET
This was also my idea, staying in the hotel while visiting my friends in the same city of my family of origin. Of course, they would eventually know that I was there, and because it would cause another strike of guilt, I wont do it.
The thought that runs over and over in my mind, is that my sister and I were born to be a maid when they grow old, that the idea of having a relationship and one day own family was forbidden in my parents heads, they did all to make themselves our future... agh so selfish. When my father figured out that I want my life, he cut me off out of his brain, discarded. I should now keep conntact with them so I could resolve my stuff? Damn
I feel you
Great video. See Patricia Evans The Verbally Abusive Relationship.
I have a hard time being willing to ask a question when I could watch all.... many hours of your videos. Good live stream.
I'd love to hear your questions.
I just dropped the bomb on my husband. I am so meant to watch this. My husband and I are making plans to move out of state. My husband texted his mom and sister and they were giving concern and feedback to him. So last night I said, I'm learning boundaries, so could you please not share this with your family because I don't want our decision and plans all over your family. " Well like you said, that is reactive. I didn't feel good about saying it, but I'm trying to stand up for myself.
Thank you 💞
Is Jerry still around? Sent an email a month ago! I listen to his videos most days ❤
I will look for your email. I'm sorry I haven't responded. You can send another email to jwlearning@hotmail.com
Jerry
Thank you, very helpful as always
I bought the books you had recommended in other videos and they turned out very well. I finished the Narcissist in your Life in a matter of days, I could not put it down. Looking forward to trying these books you recommended as well: Melody Beattie and Jenny Brown’s books 16:49
They are great books!
I love what you say, Jerry, about being assertive and having high self esteem in a dysfunctional family (concentration camp,lol!) Is not advisable. One would get eaten alive and instead one needs to work on yourself and then on physically escaping. ...Thank you!! There are people who just don't understand this, and who think one only has to talk back. They can even shame you or suggest you're weak because they could do it; all the while assuming that theirs and your families are alike when, perhaps they are not. ....So thank you! ( What you say here also reminds me of this analysis of the old Cinderella fairytale:. ruclips.net/video/huLSdm6IH0g/видео.html Where it is observed that Cinderella was in a disempowered position in her family and instead of being a weak , subservient female, made the best of her inescapable situation and had inner strength.) Really appreciate your work a great deal. Will be signing up.
What do I do when I make changes and all my friends don’t accept it. My friends don’t want me around if I don’t get drunk with them anymore. I don’t want to be around people that won’t accept me for that. However, does that mean I continue on with myself and becoming comfortable being alone until life brings better people into my life? Do I need to be an island for a bit before there are healthy bridges and boats that pass in? My only genuine support is with ACOA and my therapist 😅 but hey it works for me for now! Can a person be okay with just that as they heal?
You are enough and better relationships will come along. Focus on your own healing first and always! This series is fantastic for me! You are not alone in your struggles!
I’ve been so preconditioned to put my self love in the scope of being approved by others thru my siblings and parents then it was reinforced by my parents cult (as in Jesus first, then Others, then You =Joy ….Jesus =J, Others =O, Y=you) my mind was just turned upside down at how my indoctrination was self destructive and led to my self defeating behaviors
I know the pain. That type of love isn't self love, it's impossible to love a self we Don't have ❤️
Learning self love
Yes, more talks on Triangles please!
I should do a whole workshop on triangles Cate
I have another workshop coming up in April 10, 2021
“Overcoming Shame and Guilt with Family-of-origin Work
It will be April 10th Saturday 1-5pm EST on Zoom
Sign up on website to get info on workshops
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com/event-details/overcoming-guilt-and-shame-through-family-of-origin-work-workshop
Sign up now for early bird price
I also have three other workshops for rent or sale on my website:
• Introduction to Self-Differentiation-Workshop
• Reducing Your Reactivity-Workshop
• Getting Your Family-of-Origin Out of You-Workshop
www.jerrywiserelationshipsystems.com
Please join as a paid member for $1.99/month on my RUclips channel, click JOIN and support the free videos on my RUclips channel, also you will get notifications of upcoming events and additional
Great video. !! Thank you as always.
I was wondering if you might do one “being cut off by adult children” In not cutting them off but respecting their boundaries. Even if “cut off” is unhealthy and reactive, I still think to respect the boundary. However, in not making it appear that I’ve cut them Off in retaliation, but not contacting them as that would disrespect their boundary.
I thought perhaps I’d send a small gift or card (so to not fall into buying their love/approval) keep it simple but showing unconditional love. Any ideas?
Good question 👍
"Be honest with things you don't like about yourself." So counter intuitive but it makes sense. To acknowledge our shortcomings and be loving to ourselves anyway. It's way different than just this kind of "Bash yourself over the head with how awesome you are and how much you love yourself"
Absolutely!
It's not an opinion it's The knowledge
gained through avid research & they're
sharing wisdom:). But at least ... yeah
It just struck me... I struggle with being an adult (ACDF) mostly because I lack a lot of necessary skills. But you always ask about downsides of a good thing and gosh... there are so many downsides to being an adult! 😄 On one hand, I have always been drawn to wisdom. I've always thought that I wanted to be wise (lucky you Jerry! You were born Wise 😉). But apart from fearing great responsibility that comes from great power that comes from wisdom, I fear losing something I consider probably most precious - passion! I just can't see how to embrace both. E.g. after too many heartbreaks I've decided that I want to fall in love wisely but that's an oxymoron! I want to FALL in love! I've never done wingsuit flying but I imagine that it feels like falling in love - awesome! 😄 It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I have even learnt to find some pleasure in hitting the ground. The middle way seems frighteningly boring. You specialise in helping people find their Selves. My Self doesn't want to be an adult! 😞😩 I haven't figured out how to resolve this internal conflict of mine for the past twelve years that I've been aware of it. I guess I haven't met a single adult who would be a satisfied, fulfilled, enthusiastic person. The more I think about it, the more it seems like adulthood is a life SENTENCE. There is no joy in adulthood. The only person who can be joyful is a child. Most likely my conflict has to do with me NOT having had a childhood. But will it ever resolve?
😮What made you believe there is no joy, no passion in adulthood? Just the opposite is true.
Dr Wise, please indicate the name in spelling for the book you have been referring us to: Healing from the narcissistic relationship. Thank you for your videos - an eye-opening experience!
Margalis Fjelstad
God loves me and you just the way... even if I/we NEVER change. He loves me/you with an everlasting love. There's no where you/I can go to escape His love.
THE HARDEST PART OF MOVING ON IS ACCEPTING ALL THAT IS LEFT BEHIND IS ALREADY DEAD......
So many videos on topics like this the author says "even at work" as last on the list of categories to address codependence and changing behaviors when for a lot of people it's the workplace where most of there lives week to week is spent more so than with family and friends. Family dynamics are played out many times in the workplace consciously or not.
I'm confused about the difference between cut off and no contact. Can you talk more about that, Jerry? I am at the point where I don't want much to do with my family of origin but I don't know how to handle that transition or am not sure if it's the right thing to do or how to go about it. Thank you.
I have learned alcoholics destroy families. And destroy children's self esteem and hope.
Wow, wonderful. Thanks very much for your help. Stupid, normalizing it.
You're welcome!
Great q and a
Glad you enjoyed it 😊
Damn Mark, you didn’t have to interrupt during that moment, Jerry was flowing real good as usual, but you can tell he lost his train of thought. Ugh!
My father had PTSD from WW2. Dun Fun. Two very damaged parents
What do I do when I make changes and all my friends don’t accept it. My friends don’t want me around if I don’t get drunk with them anymore. I don’t want to be around people that won’t accept me for that. However, does that mean I continue on with myself and becoming comfortable being alone until life brings better people into my life? Do I need to be an island for a bit before there are healthy bridges and boats that pass in?
These people are not your friends or your tribe. You are on a higher plain than them. Yes, be alone and the right people will come into your life at the right time...c drunk people are not in their sober mind.
Hi Jerry, If one begins to, after many years, think of a parent as sort of mentally ill, and expects no change, is it unhealthy of the adult child to sometimes indulge the parent? An example would be to compliment or acknowledge the positive qualities that the parent truthfully does posses. Also to express love and appreciation, while at the same time having boundaries and not succumbing to that parents emotional abuse or manipulation.
Agree 100% ElleJayRose Yes, and yes. Even narcissists have good moments or positive qualities. Being able to see or acknowledge both sides of a person is a function of maturity.
@@jerrywise Oh That is great. Thank you so much for this info. It is a relatively new phase I entered into with my aging Parent.
@@jerrywise Thank you
My issue is my grandson is being physically and Emotionally abused. I realized him for 7 yrs. My daughter moved her boyfriend.. He is the physically abusing him. My grandson would tell me about abuse.. I GOT VERY ACTIVE about it. She would/ is LIEING for him. My grandson was/ is very scared of this man. Iv report the abuse to the Police and school. My grandson was sooo scared to say anything. CPS told me that they believe me, because of his body language. He would drop his head and say "I don't want to talk about it" (with tears in his eye's). I breaks my so bad. The boyfriend and daughter is saying Im just doing this because it don't like the boyfriend.. I would NEVER lie about something this serious!! Now she WILL NOT let my see my grandson..I help so much ( pretty much doing it all physically and financial. And for her to turn on me is such away Is killing me!! I love them both very much. She has/ is making ME look like the bad guy!! I know she wouldn't let me she him if I spoke up( this is the 3rd time this abuse happen) It was speak up for the child or kept quiet and still get to see him!! I HAD TO SPEAK UP!! She only daughter and he is my only grandchild. Im left all alone now. Must days I can't even get out of bed!!! I don't care to ever bathe!! All of my life i lived for this two!! Im now 60 yrs. Old and disabled ( physically ) I have sunk down low iv just dont care about my self any more!! 😢 PLEASE I NEED HELP!!
I pray for you and your grandson, and, if you are a believer, do the same. See Ephesians 6:10-18 in the Bible. Pray the armor of God upon your grandson.
If there is nothing you can currently do to stop the abuse, just know how powerful it is for you to be there as an outside influence and source of support. You can give messages to your daughter and grand son that they need. Sometimes people are not in the psychological state to break away from abuse, they are frightened and feel controlled. Show them unconditional love, do not give advice... They need to feel empowered in themselves and shouldn't be told what to do. Give positive encouragement about other aspects of life to build confidence and be available to listen and validate feelings at all times. Stay close as an ally. I give this advice as an adult who suffered horrific abuse from both parents throughout childhood. Know you have no power to change their actions and use that knowledge to give yourself permission to take a break and care for yourself with fun maybe a holiday and maybe yoga and meditation because this means you can be a calm stronge helper with abundant love to give and find someone to share your difficulty with, a safe mature friend or therapist.
You MUST LOVE YOURSELF. That’s very important
How do you relate to a family member who is a narcissist and who lies all the time to avoid taking responsibility? Do these rules apply to people you are trying to relate to who are narcissists? I have found that trying to relate to a narcissist is impossible. Is there something I am missing?
I thought the Teal Swan video "When Things Are Out Of Control" was also a useful one.
Hello Jerry very wise, thank you for bringing many threads together.
I have received your excellent email resources but unsure where to begin.
Exhausted, reclusive ACOA, in Narcissistic relationship with neighbour has triggered trauma. In painful Labyrinth with my cat, but find a way out in a dream. For those who cannot afford therapy dreams can guide, give hope, when lost. Can you do a video on this please?
Is a family systems approach suitable for someone who has NO FAMILY of origin left? I wonder if denial is better that the pain of the self differential process? Sleep preferable than being awake. Feel safe alone.
How do we self soothe and self love the pain?
Thank you so much,
Seeker Dreams? You definitely don’t want to be with a narcissist!
@@clanmaccus1959 I know but freeing self easier said than done so trying to minimise go no contact. I don't want abusive controlling liars in my life. hope freedom will come. some say its an existential journey.Thanks and Blessings
20:39
What if your family system is not defined by enmeshment and codependency but rather there was too much space, neglect and lack of any involvement let alone support?
Often families with too much distance suffer from too much closeness. Neglect and narcissism can create a very damaging distance.
I find this title is misleading. This is all about relating to family of origin.
What abt parents that abuse their kids for been calmed?
40:07
Thank you.
You're welcome!