I am ENTJ and I’ll share an example of how this is true for me. If the tribe wants pizza and I want tacos, I’ll convince myself that I want pizza just so that I can make progress I.e. hang with the tribe and nourish myself. My INTJ bestie has helped me with this. She encourages me to not give in every time and ask for what I want. This feels terrifying and I’m a little embarrassed to admit it. I gotta say the easiest way to strengthen functions is to hang with people who are strong were you are weak. I have made progress but I’ve got a way to go. I recently met an INFP woman who I look forward to chatting with so I can strengthen my Fi. she wants to strengthen Te. And all of this accomplished by just hanging out and shooting the shiz 😁
@@InternetLiJo I should also mention that I slowly build up resentment every time I cave but I don’t know it because of that Fi awareness struggle. I don’t know when I’m going to blow and when I do the tribe is freaked out. They think and say “what is wrong with you?!!” In my head I’m thinking “isn’t it obvious you selfish jerks, I’ve been conceding to your desires and I’m tired!”. But here is the thing, they never asked me to concede, ever. It took some time to realize that conceding meant we/I could make progress. I value progress but at what cost? I had to slow down which sucked. It felt inefficient but I had to focus on what is effective. I can blow up everything I’ve worked hard for. My INTJ hates drama and she will force me to tell her what I want. That’s how I got better. She wasn’t gonna have the inevitable chaos due to me not speaking up about what I wanted. Love those IJs
I really relate to this. Last few years I started taking care of myself more which meant my physical health got better. Long story. A thought that started rolling around in my head is that if I take care of myself first in a healthy way, I can be there for the tribe more balanced. I seem to always test for about 50/50 on Extravert/introvert. So my best guess is I'm close to being either ENTJ or INTJ. I've done a lot of reading on it. I also figure when I have more time I can take Objective Personality Course and hopefully be tested as well. I also have a best friend who encourages me to do things for myself. I know he's not NT at all. Definitely has Se or Si for a savior function. Thank you for sharing @ENTJ Femme.
My advice to EJs is give all you want but, if you end up feeling like the world owes you something because of it, you going to feel unhappy/angry/frustrated a lot. Married to an ENFJ.
I am an esfj and I live by the saying that "You have to have more to give more". People think Im workaholic, even my own family. They all think that I only love money but they never understand that maybe Im being like this for them.
I'm an ENTJ and I most definitely want to be as authentic as possible. I want to be around people who will appreciate that as well because I refuse to be FAKE just to make other people happy.
Often with ExxJs, nobody notices how much they actually do for the tribe and it breaks them. I always get so frustrated when my self above tribe friends never give anything back. (My ESFJ and I are constantly on rants about this, which is probably why we work so well together, because we just constantly give to eachother) Like, I don’t think I’ve ever been paid back for all the things I’ve bought people, lmao. Honestly, we just want some recognition. If you have an ExxJ friend, please take the time out of your day to do something for them. They literally need it
I appreciate what you're saying. Some people really do get taken for granted. No one likes feeling taken advantage of. Everyone likes and deserves having their contributions valued. However, maybe some of what I have to say will help you look at things from another perspective, if any of it is actually relevant to your own past, current or future relationships. Maybe I'm going way out on a limb here with my own dirty lens, to mix metaphors. One of the issues I (a vastly outnumbered INTP woman) have had with ExxJs, especially ESFJs, is that some (not all) of the things they get upset about not getting enough recognition for are things they THINK they did purely for the benefit of other people...but they're actually things that the other people never asked for and that are much more important to the ExxJs. It's especially irritating when you tell someone NOT to do/give something, they do it anyway because they think they know better and you didn't really mean it, then they're upset that they aren't thanked profusely--for going against the other person's express wishes! My ISFJ grandmother used to do that, too. It drove the rest of the family (ISFPs and INTPs) nuts and wasn't actually helpful at all. She was really doing it to feel good about herself, all while telling herself she was being a selfless martyr. Even worse is when some xxFJs say they don't want something...then get upset when people take them at their word. Rather than their selflessly doing a lot for me that I'm taking advantage of, I experience ESFJs as often needy and burdensome when they keep doing things that I really don't want or need them to do because I'm a pretty low-maintenance person, and then they feel I'm in their debt (again, for things I didn't ask for) and constantly expect to be paid back in the way they want. Getting unexpected, unneeded gifts and then knowing it wasn't really given just as a gift with no expectations and I have to find something to reciprocate may be fun for you and your ESFJ friend, but it's not for me. Some of your friends may truly be self-centered and/or lazy, but some of them may just be too polite to tell you flat out if they never asked you to buy them stuff and that isn't how they need people to show them affection all the time. This goes double if they have less money than you for buying gifts in return, because many people find receiving gifts whose value they can't match uncomfortable and are too embarrassed to say so. They may even think they already showed you adequate appreciation in a different way that didn't register for you like they thought it would because you were expecting to be paid back in a certain way that they, in turn, didn't realize you expected--even needed for your emotional wellbeing. All I usually need from my friends is to be my friend and do things we enjoy together and listen to each other. In return, my natural inclination is to use quiet and private actions for which I expect no explicit thanks, not physical gifts or sappy words or big public gestures, to show my friends and family that I care. The exception is holidays associated with giving gifts, when I do enjoy giving gifts and actually tend to go overboard. I also consider a simple "thank you" enough from people when I give gifts. When I give people gifts or do things for them, it's cool if they give me something fun or useful in return--I do like gifts sometimes, like most humans--but I actually like to just do things for people or give them things without thinking that makes them in my social debt and obligated to reciprocate. That, to me, is what giving a gift to another person or doing something to help someone it truly about: it feels good to give just because I saw an opportunity to make someone else happy. I don't like keeping score in relationships. Some people's style of giving "gifts" that they actually expect to be repaid for feels kind of manipulative and un-selfless to me. INTPs (among other types) take time to learn that ExxJs don't necessarily see things that way and may need frequent validation in the external world and balancing of the social scales that we just don't. An INTP and ExxJ can each feel unselfish while being perceived as selfish by the other, to our mutual bafflement. I think people of every personality type, even the most socially skilled and observant types, take some time and trial and error to learn that what we want from people and initially think they must want, too, isn't always what they actually want from us--and that they also won't magically know what we want from them if we never tell them. ExxJs have trouble understanding how many things INTPs rarely GAF about that the ExxJs feel are very important, and how relatively straightforward we are compared to ExFJs. (If I say I don't want something, I really don't want it--I'm not pretending to make myself seem undemanding!). If something's really important to you, please tell us plainly, because we probably won't accurately interpret subtle hints and absolutely hate mind games and anything we see as emotional blackmail. Your friends may not be specifically INTPs, but this goes for several other types, too. The good part is that I know healthy ExxJs really do want to be helpful and not just feel "helpful," so you guys want to learn what kinds of actions and gifts actually work for the people you care about. There are a lot of things I find frustrating about them and a terrible fit for an INTP, but ExFJs can get very good at picking out appropriate, thoughtful, personal gifts for people they know well and seeing where people could genuinely use some support. The healthiest also learn that social relationships are never going to be 100% equal and symmetrical at all times and don't need to be as long as each person's different needs are being met often enough. As I've matured, I've learned to better appreciate other types' strong points that are my weaknesses and the validity of other people's desire for displays of affection that I don't need. When I care about them, I try to give it to the extent that I'm capable. If you feel unappreciated by some of your friends, TELL THEM, not just another friend behind their backs and not just strangers on the internet. I only see you saying you're frustrated and frequently rant with your ESFJ friend who's already on the same page as you. If the others are really your friends, no matter what personality types they are, they will want to know that your emotional needs are not being met in the friendship and you feel taken advantage of. I bet that was never their intention and they had no idea you felt that way, or maybe they did sense you were dissatisfied but didn't know why. ExxJs are supposed to be good at talking to people, so use your words with the people who actually need to hear them. Don't assume they think about their friendships the way you and your ESFJ friend do and are just knowingly content to suck you dry. They may be absolutely mortified to learn that they've hurt you and want to know what they can do to make it up to you. It may also be a relief for them to feel like they can finally tell you they don't actually need certain things from you that you want for/from them. If they truly don't care about what you need out of friendships even when they've been explicitly told, maybe you should stop considering them friends and find new friends who will appreciate and support you.
As an adult I realized I need to be more selfish. I'm learning this about myself this year after working myself to the bone as a nurse and ended up in the hospital with COVID. I still returned to work after recovery and got critically ill again and back in the hospital. Needless to say, I took the rest of the year off in order to take care of myself. I learned the hard way that I am important too. ~ 💖 ESFJ
Sarah R Oh wow this!! I’m an INFP and you don’t know how you spoke my exact words, it’s like i was reading what I would’ve written. This happens a lot with other INTPs is that we always end up coming to the same conclusions. Btw XXTJs do it similarly (from my experience) but to them it’s more like helping you physically with something and expecting something in return for it when you never asked for their help and they just basically forced it down your throat whether you liked it or not and then hold you hostage to it. The only difference is with them I straightforwardly and bluntly tell them and they usually stop doing it, unlike XXFJS who get offended and hurt (and even go around telling ppl behind your back how much of a selfish person you’re) if you’re honest and so i tend to just avoid them for this reason.
@@sarahr3076 This!! I absolutely agree and couldn't have said it better. This is why I avoid ExxJ types unless they are mature but even then they are prone to gossip and so hard to trust or open up to them.
I love Te dominant people! They are so help full when i can’t take choose among my multiple ideas. They are so good at sorting and they make me see what are the potential flaws, what would be efficient and what is the best possible outcome.
It’s interesting, because I’ve never thought of Te as a “people pleasing”, let’s do what everyone else wants/works for them function, but I suppose it is, since it’s based in external organization and logic. I’ve totally seen what happens when an unhealthy/immature ExxJ doesn’t process their own values/thoughts well with my brother, an ENTJ. He’s kinda bad at properly expressing things like his own political beliefs and tends to, when in an argument/discussion, see it as “this makes so much logical sense in the real world, why can’t people just detach themselves from emotion and realize that?”, leasing him to get very mean or come off as such. And I’m like “yeah, I get you, but a lot of people care more about their emotional values than logic and the way you go about things makes them feel like their opinions and emotions are invalidated”. He had a rough incident with my INFP friend that I accidentally ended up being the go between for. Never again.
This is so key, as an ENTJ it took a long time for me to understand what boundaries I needed to respect myself and to be able to vocalise my needs or barriers to others without feeling selfish, definitely working on it still! You’re on point with it.
Totally agree, being nice to people in the detriment of yourself or other important things in your life can seem like the "right" thing to do, but it often truly doesn't do any good. I struggle with that too 🤷🏻♀️
It's would be an honour for you to reply to my comment. I am a very...very turbulence INTJ Teenager. And with the help of basically you and Frank James I was able to understand the cognitive functions again and make myself stop thinking I'm INTP! Thank you!
this makes a lot of sense. I constantly struggle with feelings of guilt whenever I think of what I want. I'm not entirely convinced I'm an ENFJ just yet (still in the process of researching stuff, a few things that I'm not seeing yet) but that part does kind of resonate. Been doing quite a bit of self-reflexion over the last months and that guilt thing seems to be quite a big part of me.
As an ENTJ, I understand the concept that you're presenting here, but obviously it's going to be a bit more nuanced when you're looking at the world through these cognitive functions. I don't know what it is, and it's not exactly that it's wrong, but the the idea of "tribalism" bothers me greatly. My external and internal process looks something more like this: Te: Well, it would make logical sense for people to do x, because we will result in y, therefore if people want to be intelligent, then they must adhere to these rational rules and methods. Fi: However, I also understand and respect that people have individual differences, therefore I'm torn between accepting what others should do rationally, and what others should do that's authentic to themselves. I'm aware tribalism here just means that the extroverted judging functions are concerned with the external world, but the core idea behind tribalism seems far more respected by the Fe/Ti axis. I care a great deal about individualism, respecting people for their differences, and people finding methodologies that leads to their own needs and desires. It just might not appear that way, because I am so condemning of people or things that I find to be, well, stupid. That's, I suppose, just the nature of Te wanting things outside of itself to be "objective", including other people. However, yes, the core idea you present here sounds about right. My biggest issue is actually discovering what it is that I want in life (Fi) rather than sticking to what seems the most rational (Te). It can be hard for me to do things just because "it feels right", which is a projection of me translating feelings into a form of "irrationality", therefore what I want isn't important, but what is the most "rational" is-not exactly healthy, some ENTJs will learn over time.
I agree. emotional factor is a valid factor that affects the outcome, so even from a Te rationale point of view, it make sense to develop Fi: to study, understand and incorporate subjective Fi values(either be mine or others) into the final decision making. because as much as I value objectivity, it doesn't matter if things don't work out effectively(be it for me or for the "tribe"). (also ENTJ)
Wow I am so glad I stumbled across this video. I am an ENTJ and I think this is exact conflict that caused my quarter life crisis 😅😅. Usually we don’t think of ourselves as being people pleasers but we do acquiesce on many things for the good of others, especially in the name of efficiency. Great perspective!
Let's see how accurate this is! Oof. True. This is probably why I have so much respect for Fi or Fi-like behavior. It's just not me. Fi users often know what they want and know what they're feeling.
my inferior Fi? I mock on it everyday lol. this video lead me to discover a new approach to reflect(make jokes on)myself. belive it or not, I find it very entertaining, my auxiliary Ni actually keeps me humble.
@@naturalinstinct4950 it's like, you know that song "Misery"? That's exactly what goes through my head when I'm trying to fold my clothes, or put away stuff from the narnia void that is my backpack. It's just like I am in misery, there ain't no one in this world who could comfort me...
@@michaelajacobsen3619 in my case listen to "fuck authority" by Pennywise. Blindspot Si has no sense or need for "sensory comfort", its more of a "thats inefficient/unjust" thing
Is it a coincidence that you release these "what an XYZ wants" - videos shortly before Christmas where most of the people get scratchy pullovers instead of what they wanted? :D
@@InternetLiJo That's a good one:D Then it's Christmas all year long, even for Se my dear INTJ that reduces herself to Ni a bit. You are way more than just that :)
When you talked about the lead Fe you said they should focus on what they really want which makes it seem like they have demon Fi. Shouldn't it have been that they need to take the time to understand things for themselves? What reasons they have for what they do and how things work for themselves and not what other people want? I agree and understand the "take all the other humans out of the equation and what will make them happy" which is saying try not to focus on your Fe.
Yeah that's a good way to say it too. I stuck with "what you really want" because "how things work for the self" I think sounds a little confusing. But maybe that's just my Fi talking. haha
@@InternetLiJo The coffee mug in the background with the little souls dancing around on it. Upon further reflection I think it’s actually just a candle holder.. Love your content btw!
Maybe the plant is that?! I’m not sure! I saw it in a grocery store and thought it was nice. It was the only one of its sort. And I thought a grocery store was no home for it. So I adopted it. The hairy palm thing is still alive lol. I think it needs a bigger pot.
@@InternetLiJo A "vegetable-wok" With noodles ... And a portion of your well presented Ni-wisdom :) I would really like to ask you the same but according to the stereotypes you don't eat at all :D
Isn't Ni the real willpower + stubbornness on "What I want + My greatest Passions or dreams and fast at making sharp decisions & plans etc"? It seems the ExxJ's are neglecting their core + private morale Identity (Fi) or personal logic (Ti) for the sake of operating well with the tribe serving their 1'st Function. Meaning the tribe comes first with Te or Fe, when self importance always comes last. Not daring to trust the 4'th function to do well for the tribe or dare to understand or rely on the self even, bc it can interfere with what works well with the tribe every day and that's a problem to avoid at all cost. When it's underdeveloped or underused of course. ENTJ's have Ni second and seems to almost always know what they want as their life goes on fx. Many of them get rich or get high status somehow by following what they want (Ni) and controlling it/Navigate it with their Te. Becoming a leader of some kind to often take charge and often thrives with this in both good (Morale Fi) and bad self created scenarios (Immoral/Neglecting Fi). Although The second function is the last one to develop out of the first 4 functions for all of us. So it may take a little time develop their Ni but they'll get there eventually and get what they wanted or dreamed about. Or not at all in their lives (Underused Ni). You see? My Ne askes you ;D.
@@InternetLiJo NI doesnt make you controlling.. If you were really trying to help or cater you wouldn't force yourself on someone else... that in itself isn't helping. Ni has nothing to do with control.
Personality Hacker has a model called FIRM which is used to explain the fixation of each type (based on the dominant function but this isn't a fixed rule): Ne/Se- Freedom. Ni/Si- Invulnerability. Ti/Fi- Rightness. Te/Fe- Management. It is an interesting concept & seems fairly accurate. Might be worth checking out.
I am ENTJ and I’ll share an example of how this is true for me. If the tribe wants pizza and I want tacos, I’ll convince myself that I want pizza just so that I can make progress I.e. hang with the tribe and nourish myself. My INTJ bestie has helped me with this. She encourages me to not give in every time and ask for what I want. This feels terrifying and I’m a little embarrassed to admit it. I gotta say the easiest way to strengthen functions is to hang with people who are strong were you are weak. I have made progress but I’ve got a way to go.
I recently met an INFP woman who I look forward to chatting with so I can strengthen my Fi. she wants to strengthen Te. And all of this accomplished by just hanging out and shooting the shiz 😁
This is such a great example of what I'm talking about here. Thank you for sharing it.
@@InternetLiJo I should also mention that I slowly build up resentment every time I cave but I don’t know it because of that Fi awareness struggle. I don’t know when I’m going to blow and when I do the tribe is freaked out. They think and say “what is wrong with you?!!” In my head I’m thinking “isn’t it obvious you selfish jerks, I’ve been conceding to your desires and I’m tired!”. But here is the thing, they never asked me to concede, ever. It took some time to realize that conceding meant we/I could make progress. I value progress but at what cost? I had to slow down which sucked. It felt inefficient but I had to focus on what is effective. I can blow up everything I’ve worked hard for. My INTJ hates drama and she will force me to tell her what I want. That’s how I got better. She wasn’t gonna have the inevitable chaos due to me not speaking up about what I wanted. Love those IJs
@@entjfemme7032 thank you for sharing. This really helped me understand how this plays out irl!
I really relate to this. Last few years I started taking care of myself more which meant my physical health got better. Long story. A thought that started rolling around in my head is that if I take care of myself first in a healthy way, I can be there for the tribe more balanced. I seem to always test for about 50/50 on Extravert/introvert. So my best guess is I'm close to being either ENTJ or INTJ. I've done a lot of reading on it. I also figure when I have more time I can take Objective Personality Course and hopefully be tested as well. I also have a best friend who encourages me to do things for myself. I know he's not NT at all. Definitely has Se or Si for a savior function. Thank you for sharing @ENTJ Femme.
I am an ENTJ and I want raspberry sorbet
Damn... that sounds good.
I’m an enfp and I recommend to you the talenti Roman raspberry✨
@@danielaaguilar8897 it is exactly what I had
@@haildamage6247 I’ve been craving that, I’m happy you got that. Love happy endings lol
Ooh now I want raspberry sorbet too. But doesn't that defeat the purpose of this? Ok, I want chocolate sorbet instead! (INFP, btw)
My advice to EJs is give all you want but, if you end up feeling like the world owes you something because of it, you going to feel unhappy/angry/frustrated a lot.
Married to an ENFJ.
I am an esfj and I live by the saying that "You have to have more to give more". People think Im workaholic, even my own family. They all think that I only love money but they never understand that maybe Im being like this for them.
You said it perfectly. Wow. ~ 💖 ESFJ
I'm an ENTJ and I most definitely want to be as authentic as possible. I want to be around people who will appreciate that as well because I refuse to be FAKE just to make other people happy.
Often with ExxJs, nobody notices how much they actually do for the tribe and it breaks them. I always get so frustrated when my self above tribe friends never give anything back. (My ESFJ and I are constantly on rants about this, which is probably why we work so well together, because we just constantly give to eachother) Like, I don’t think I’ve ever been paid back for all the things I’ve bought people, lmao.
Honestly, we just want some recognition. If you have an ExxJ friend, please take the time out of your day to do something for them. They literally need it
I appreciate what you're saying. Some people really do get taken for granted. No one likes feeling taken advantage of. Everyone likes and deserves having their contributions valued. However, maybe some of what I have to say will help you look at things from another perspective, if any of it is actually relevant to your own past, current or future relationships. Maybe I'm going way out on a limb here with my own dirty lens, to mix metaphors.
One of the issues I (a vastly outnumbered INTP woman) have had with ExxJs, especially ESFJs, is that some (not all) of the things they get upset about not getting enough recognition for are things they THINK they did purely for the benefit of other people...but they're actually things that the other people never asked for and that are much more important to the ExxJs. It's especially irritating when you tell someone NOT to do/give something, they do it anyway because they think they know better and you didn't really mean it, then they're upset that they aren't thanked profusely--for going against the other person's express wishes!
My ISFJ grandmother used to do that, too. It drove the rest of the family (ISFPs and INTPs) nuts and wasn't actually helpful at all. She was really doing it to feel good about herself, all while telling herself she was being a selfless martyr. Even worse is when some xxFJs say they don't want something...then get upset when people take them at their word.
Rather than their selflessly doing a lot for me that I'm taking advantage of, I experience ESFJs as often needy and burdensome when they keep doing things that I really don't want or need them to do because I'm a pretty low-maintenance person, and then they feel I'm in their debt (again, for things I didn't ask for) and constantly expect to be paid back in the way they want. Getting unexpected, unneeded gifts and then knowing it wasn't really given just as a gift with no expectations and I have to find something to reciprocate may be fun for you and your ESFJ friend, but it's not for me.
Some of your friends may truly be self-centered and/or lazy, but some of them may just be too polite to tell you flat out if they never asked you to buy them stuff and that isn't how they need people to show them affection all the time. This goes double if they have less money than you for buying gifts in return, because many people find receiving gifts whose value they can't match uncomfortable and are too embarrassed to say so. They may even think they already showed you adequate appreciation in a different way that didn't register for you like they thought it would because you were expecting to be paid back in a certain way that they, in turn, didn't realize you expected--even needed for your emotional wellbeing.
All I usually need from my friends is to be my friend and do things we enjoy together and listen to each other. In return, my natural inclination is to use quiet and private actions for which I expect no explicit thanks, not physical gifts or sappy words or big public gestures, to show my friends and family that I care. The exception is holidays associated with giving gifts, when I do enjoy giving gifts and actually tend to go overboard. I also consider a simple "thank you" enough from people when I give gifts. When I give people gifts or do things for them, it's cool if they give me something fun or useful in return--I do like gifts sometimes, like most humans--but I actually like to just do things for people or give them things without thinking that makes them in my social debt and obligated to reciprocate. That, to me, is what giving a gift to another person or doing something to help someone it truly about: it feels good to give just because I saw an opportunity to make someone else happy. I don't like keeping score in relationships. Some people's style of giving "gifts" that they actually expect to be repaid for feels kind of manipulative and un-selfless to me. INTPs (among other types) take time to learn that ExxJs don't necessarily see things that way and may need frequent validation in the external world and balancing of the social scales that we just don't. An INTP and ExxJ can each feel unselfish while being perceived as selfish by the other, to our mutual bafflement.
I think people of every personality type, even the most socially skilled and observant types, take some time and trial and error to learn that what we want from people and initially think they must want, too, isn't always what they actually want from us--and that they also won't magically know what we want from them if we never tell them.
ExxJs have trouble understanding how many things INTPs rarely GAF about that the ExxJs feel are very important, and how relatively straightforward we are compared to ExFJs. (If I say I don't want something, I really don't want it--I'm not pretending to make myself seem undemanding!). If something's really important to you, please tell us plainly, because we probably won't accurately interpret subtle hints and absolutely hate mind games and anything we see as emotional blackmail. Your friends may not be specifically INTPs, but this goes for several other types, too.
The good part is that I know healthy ExxJs really do want to be helpful and not just feel "helpful," so you guys want to learn what kinds of actions and gifts actually work for the people you care about. There are a lot of things I find frustrating about them and a terrible fit for an INTP, but ExFJs can get very good at picking out appropriate, thoughtful, personal gifts for people they know well and seeing where people could genuinely use some support. The healthiest also learn that social relationships are never going to be 100% equal and symmetrical at all times and don't need to be as long as each person's different needs are being met often enough. As I've matured, I've learned to better appreciate other types' strong points that are my weaknesses and the validity of other people's desire for displays of affection that I don't need. When I care about them, I try to give it to the extent that I'm capable.
If you feel unappreciated by some of your friends, TELL THEM, not just another friend behind their backs and not just strangers on the internet. I only see you saying you're frustrated and frequently rant with your ESFJ friend who's already on the same page as you. If the others are really your friends, no matter what personality types they are, they will want to know that your emotional needs are not being met in the friendship and you feel taken advantage of. I bet that was never their intention and they had no idea you felt that way, or maybe they did sense you were dissatisfied but didn't know why. ExxJs are supposed to be good at talking to people, so use your words with the people who actually need to hear them. Don't assume they think about their friendships the way you and your ESFJ friend do and are just knowingly content to suck you dry. They may be absolutely mortified to learn that they've hurt you and want to know what they can do to make it up to you. It may also be a relief for them to feel like they can finally tell you they don't actually need certain things from you that you want for/from them. If they truly don't care about what you need out of friendships even when they've been explicitly told, maybe you should stop considering them friends and find new friends who will appreciate and support you.
As an adult I realized I need to be more selfish. I'm learning this about myself this year after working myself to the bone as a nurse and ended up in the hospital with COVID. I still returned to work after recovery and got critically ill again and back in the hospital. Needless to say, I took the rest of the year off in order to take care of myself. I learned the hard way that I am important too. ~ 💖 ESFJ
Sarah R Oh wow this!! I’m an INFP and you don’t know how you spoke my exact words, it’s like i was reading what I would’ve written. This happens a lot with other INTPs is that we always end up coming to the same conclusions. Btw XXTJs do it similarly (from my experience) but to them it’s more like helping you physically with something and expecting something in return for it when you never asked for their help and they just basically forced it down your throat whether you liked it or not and then hold you hostage to it. The only difference is with them I straightforwardly and bluntly tell them and they usually stop doing it, unlike XXFJS who get offended and hurt (and even go around telling ppl behind your back how much of a selfish person you’re) if you’re honest and so i tend to just avoid them for this reason.
@@sarahr3076 This!! I absolutely agree and couldn't have said it better. This is why I avoid ExxJ types unless they are mature but even then they are prone to gossip and so hard to trust or open up to them.
@@smilewrinkles4917 Can you elaborate the Entj perspective more? I thought they were pretty aloof and closed off.
I love Te dominant people! They are so help full when i can’t take choose among my multiple ideas. They are so good at sorting and they make me see what are the potential flaws, what would be efficient and what is the best possible outcome.
I have an ENFJ mother and ESFJ father and this video gave me a lot of perspective on them! Thanks Lindsay 😃💕
It’s interesting, because I’ve never thought of Te as a “people pleasing”, let’s do what everyone else wants/works for them function, but I suppose it is, since it’s based in external organization and logic. I’ve totally seen what happens when an unhealthy/immature ExxJ doesn’t process their own values/thoughts well with my brother, an ENTJ. He’s kinda bad at properly expressing things like his own political beliefs and tends to, when in an argument/discussion, see it as “this makes so much logical sense in the real world, why can’t people just detach themselves from emotion and realize that?”, leasing him to get very mean or come off as such. And I’m like “yeah, I get you, but a lot of people care more about their emotional values than logic and the way you go about things makes them feel like their opinions and emotions are invalidated”. He had a rough incident with my INFP friend that I accidentally ended up being the go between for. Never again.
Wish I had access to RUclips when I was younger. Took me half a life to realise the stuff talked about here.
ENTJ-A
Right?! Me too 😭
This is so key, as an ENTJ it took a long time for me to understand what boundaries I needed to respect myself and to be able to vocalise my needs or barriers to others without feeling selfish, definitely working on it still! You’re on point with it.
Totally agree, being nice to people in the detriment of yourself or other important things in your life can seem like the "right" thing to do, but it often truly doesn't do any good. I struggle with that too 🤷🏻♀️
It's would be an honour for you to reply to my comment. I am a very...very turbulence INTJ Teenager. And with the help of basically you and Frank James I was able to understand the cognitive functions again and make myself stop thinking I'm INTP! Thank you!
Awesome!! Congrats on pushing through 👽🖤
@@InternetLiJo oh my gosh
Lijo actually replied to my comment. ... im gonna screenshot this im a HUGE fan
this makes a lot of sense. I constantly struggle with feelings of guilt whenever I think of what I want. I'm not entirely convinced I'm an ENFJ just yet (still in the process of researching stuff, a few things that I'm not seeing yet) but that part does kind of resonate. Been doing quite a bit of self-reflexion over the last months and that guilt thing seems to be quite a big part of me.
oh geez I met an ENFJ girl recently and she is exactly like that. Me a infp feel the connection is so deep. Thx LiJo，real amazing content
Thank you
Well reasoned!
Looking forward for the IxxJ video
Looks so clean LiJo.
So fresh and so clean clean 🧽
An M1 macbook air and I'm totally getting one! Oh and long lasting life and happiness etc. But mostly a macbook.
As an ENTJ, I understand the concept that you're presenting here, but obviously it's going to be a bit more nuanced when you're looking at the world through these cognitive functions. I don't know what it is, and it's not exactly that it's wrong, but the the idea of "tribalism" bothers me greatly. My external and internal process looks something more like this:
Te: Well, it would make logical sense for people to do x, because we will result in y, therefore if people want to be intelligent, then they must adhere to these rational rules and methods.
Fi: However, I also understand and respect that people have individual differences, therefore I'm torn between accepting what others should do rationally, and what others should do that's authentic to themselves.
I'm aware tribalism here just means that the extroverted judging functions are concerned with the external world, but the core idea behind tribalism seems far more respected by the Fe/Ti axis. I care a great deal about individualism, respecting people for their differences, and people finding methodologies that leads to their own needs and desires. It just might not appear that way, because I am so condemning of people or things that I find to be, well, stupid. That's, I suppose, just the nature of Te wanting things outside of itself to be "objective", including other people.
However, yes, the core idea you present here sounds about right. My biggest issue is actually discovering what it is that I want in life (Fi) rather than sticking to what seems the most rational (Te). It can be hard for me to do things just because "it feels right", which is a projection of me translating feelings into a form of "irrationality", therefore what I want isn't important, but what is the most "rational" is-not exactly healthy, some ENTJs will learn over time.
I agree. emotional factor is a valid factor that affects the outcome, so even from a Te rationale point of view, it make sense to develop Fi: to study, understand and incorporate subjective Fi values(either be mine or others) into the final decision making. because as much as I value objectivity, it doesn't matter if things don't work out effectively(be it for me or for the "tribe").
(also ENTJ)
Wow I am so glad I stumbled across this video. I am an ENTJ and I think this is exact conflict that caused my quarter life crisis 😅😅. Usually we don’t think of ourselves as being people pleasers but we do acquiesce on many things for the good of others, especially in the name of efficiency. Great perspective!
These are the comments that keep me creating content. Thank you so much for letting me know it fit the segment of life you’re currently in.
Love it, LiJo. You're amazing! Keep up the sterling work. :)
Let's see how accurate this is! Oof. True.
This is probably why I have so much respect for Fi or Fi-like behavior. It's just not me. Fi users often know what they want and know what they're feeling.
I'm an ENFJ and what I want is a seductive thumbnail
my inferior Fi? I mock on it everyday lol. this video lead me to discover a new approach to reflect(make jokes on)myself. belive it or not, I find it very entertaining, my auxiliary Ni actually keeps me humble.
That's literally me with Si 😆
-An ENFP
@@michaelajacobsen3619 oh dont even get me started on Si. having it as a blindspot function just imagining it gets me triggered XD
@@naturalinstinct4950 it's like, you know that song "Misery"? That's exactly what goes through my head when I'm trying to fold my clothes, or put away stuff from the narnia void that is my backpack. It's just like
I am in misery, there ain't no one in this world who could comfort me...
@@michaelajacobsen3619 in my case listen to "fuck authority" by Pennywise. Blindspot Si has no sense or need for "sensory comfort", its more of a "thats inefficient/unjust" thing
LiJo your last simple comment on us Fe doms hit so hard........ thank you....
🖤😭
Is it a coincidence that you release these "what an XYZ wants" - videos shortly before Christmas where most of the people get scratchy pullovers instead of what they wanted? :D
Lmao! Well you know me. I'm basically the Santa for all non-sensory gifts 😂.
@@InternetLiJo That's a good one:D Then it's Christmas all year long, even for Se my dear INTJ that reduces herself to Ni a bit. You are way more than just that :)
@@InternetLiJo
This is a badass intj humor,
Damn u make me laugh
, Entp
Mm.. Four Tet
Also thank you for putting out these videos, you really are a patron for us sleep-consume creatures of the night.
You like my music 🖤
Thank you for these informative videos, Lindsay.
1:56 the way she stares into your soul
LiJo dropping meta life bombs first thing. Good day.
Yeeet
When you talked about the lead Fe you said they should focus on what they really want which makes it seem like they have demon Fi. Shouldn't it have been that they need to take the time to understand things for themselves? What reasons they have for what they do and how things work for themselves and not what other people want? I agree and understand the "take all the other humans out of the equation and what will make them happy" which is saying try not to focus on your Fe.
Yeah that's a good way to say it too. I stuck with "what you really want" because "how things work for the self" I think sounds a little confusing. But maybe that's just my Fi talking. haha
@@InternetLiJo It sounds a little weird to me too but that may be because neither of us have Ti in our stacks.
Great reminder for me!
I might be biased, but ETJs seem to honour what they deem is right just fine~ The stereotypical/common ones naturally command people~
4:07 made a lot of sense for my own life too ✨
Yess 🖤
You are beautiful! 🖤
Your demon mug is freakin me out man..
Lmao what?!
@@InternetLiJo The coffee mug in the background with the little souls dancing around on it. Upon further reflection I think it’s actually just a candle holder.. Love your content btw!
5:00 selam to you too LiJo (means hi in Turkish)
Merhaba
Oh cool!!
1:23 LiJo, What happened to your Fi graphic?
Hmm? I’m not sure what you mean?
On an unrelated note, is that a ZZ Raven beside you? What happened to the ponytail palm you had? (Just a plant enthusiast, haha! XD)
Maybe the plant is that?! I’m not sure! I saw it in a grocery store and thought it was nice. It was the only one of its sort. And I thought a grocery store was no home for it. So I adopted it. The hairy palm thing is still alive lol. I think it needs a bigger pot.
I've never set a video to premiere.
Is there something magical about 4am? 😘
Perhaps! Haha I set premieres because it usually boosts the amount of views in the first few minutes which is good for the algorithms.
Yeah it's lunchtime in germany 😄
@@hanspeter2534 mmm... what's for lunch tm?
@@InternetLiJo A "vegetable-wok" With noodles ... And a portion of your well presented Ni-wisdom :)
I would really like to ask you the same but according to the stereotypes you don't eat at all :D
🙌🏼
Isn't Ni the real willpower + stubbornness on "What I want + My greatest Passions or dreams and fast at making sharp decisions & plans etc"?
It seems the ExxJ's are neglecting their core + private morale Identity (Fi) or personal logic (Ti) for the sake of operating well with the tribe serving their 1'st Function. Meaning the tribe comes first with Te or Fe, when self importance always comes last. Not daring to trust the 4'th function to do well for the tribe or dare to understand or rely on the self even, bc it can interfere with what works well with the tribe every day and that's a problem to avoid at all cost. When it's underdeveloped or underused of course.
ENTJ's have Ni second and seems to almost always know what they want as their life goes on fx. Many of them get rich or get high status somehow by following what they want (Ni) and controlling it/Navigate it with their Te. Becoming a leader of some kind to often take charge and often thrives with this in both good (Morale Fi) and bad self created scenarios (Immoral/Neglecting Fi).
Although The second function is the last one to develop out of the first 4 functions for all of us. So it may take a little time develop their Ni but they'll get there eventually and get what they wanted or dreamed about. Or not at all in their lives (Underused Ni). You see? My Ne askes you ;D.
...then why are ESTJ and ENTJs so controlling..
Because of the Si or Ni function
@@InternetLiJo NI doesnt make you controlling.. If you were really trying to help or cater you wouldn't force yourself on someone else... that in itself isn't helping.
Ni has nothing to do with control.
@@dseer1395 How do you know that they are controlling? Do you have people in your life that have been objectively typed to be ExTJ's?
@@natebot321 you are living under a rock in the ocean if you havent met a controlling ESTJ.
Personality Hacker has a model called FIRM which is used to explain the fixation of each type (based on the dominant function but this isn't a fixed rule): Ne/Se- Freedom. Ni/Si- Invulnerability. Ti/Fi- Rightness. Te/Fe- Management. It is an interesting concept & seems fairly accurate. Might be worth checking out.
You look like an INFJ in this video haha
Lol 😆👽♊️🖤
Ahhhh extroverts I don't know how you live guys