Thanks so much for this video Kati. For the first time in my life I’ll be spending the holidays alone because of a breakup and family estrangement 😢 I’ll do my best to take care of my basic needs. The only thing that helps me is knowing that the holidays will be over soon and then it’ll be a new year.
I’m so sorry to hear this. You are not alone. I have also recently experienced a family rupture and will not be spending the holidays with family. This will pass❤️
I suffer from winter depression and have since the death of my first daughter in November of 1992 right after thanksgiving then recently the death of my father in December of 2020. I take vitamins like vitamin d and multiple vitamins and get some exercise every day and try to get some healthy food every day, simple things like that. Thankfully spring and summer are only several months away
Thank you because I needed this. I lost my only sister a year ago December 22 and this was her favorite time of the year. Makes it just that much harder dealing with the holidays
I never would have thought I would become someone who hates the holidays. My family fell apart in 2019. This time of year will never be the same again. I hate it.
I hear you too. I try to focus on the birth of Christ. I’m so sorry for what you are going through. Remember light has come into the world and he loves us and wants to save us.❤ With Christ, this painful world is temporary.
I had my little meltdown today in a parking lot just missing loved ones who have passed. No panic or anxiety just sadness. It passed after I allowed myself to feel those feelings. Thanks for all you do.
I did the same thing on Christmas Eve night. I had to pull over into the parking area for our riverside park and just sit there in the silence for almost 45 min while all these happier memories came flooding in from childhood that made me overwhelmingly sad and tearful. I couldn’t pull myself together and was unable to attend my Mom’s traditional Christmas Eve candlelight dinner. I just drove back home and texted her something came up. I worried her so much by not coming that she called police to come and do a wellness check on me. I wasn’t suicidal by any means, just completely bummed out. now I’m feeling even worse by ruining the night and making her worry to that extreme. But yes, it hits you all of the sudden and it’s very painful. Christmas is not at all the happy good feeling time of year it once was. That in itself is very sad to admit too. At any rate,take care 😌
I’ve stayed home. No alcohol. No parties. Quiet and reflective. Without much cost. And without any chaotic meltdowns or high emotions. I’ve actually had the most stress free Christmas I’ve had in a while. It was down to the choices I made for myself and holding those boundaries.
Mom died at Thanksgiving seven years ago. Dad died of COVID last year, Oct. Mom was the glue holding her five kids’ families together. I only talk to two of my sisters now. Needless to say, the holidays-these fabricated events in time we’ve attached all this meaning to-are no reason to celebrate for me. I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability in keeping it real. Hope yours are cause for celebration.
So sorry for your loss! My uncle died early Thanksgiving morning unexpectedly 12 years ago (heart attacks sadly run in my fam). It’s was such an odd holiday and we actually did end up having dinner later that day in his memory, but it was silent and so sad. Fortunately my cousin (his daughter) got to tell him she was preg in the ambulance (was planning to announce during dinner). He was able to smile, she named him after her dad. 💕
Holidays have been rough for me since the death of my first daughter of SIDS in November right after thanksgiving in 1992 then losing my father in December of 2020 . Holidays have always been rough because I suffer from winter depression also that makes everything worse.
This really hits home with me. So much stress in my life for a variety of reasons...grief, political/religious family fractures, caring for an aging parent who I love deeply - but without sibling help, the expense of everything...I get to the point where I just want the holidays over with. Sometimes it feels like I have been run over by a bus but still need to be functioning at full capacity. The guilt (and missing the way things were) can be quite overwhelming this time of year.
@@UnstableYT-u7k I am sorry for your losses. Grief can be such a roller coaster of emotion, especially magnified at this time of year. I wish you healing in this tough journey. Peace to you.
I agree, it is overwhelming. My emotions tend to get blocked and numb. I can only process a little at a time. And I am slowly learning to be ok with that. We all grieve differently. Maybe acceptance of our own process is part of the puzzle.
It’s so difficult to be a caregiver. My mom had vascular dementia and died 11 years ago, my husband had Lewy body dementia and died a year ago, and now my older sister has Alzheimer’s. I’m exhausted. And lonely. I know what you mean about feeling like you’ve been run over by a bus. I’m so sorry you have to go through that! Try to take care of yourself if you possibly can. I know what you mean about missing the way things were. I would give the rest of my entire life to have one more day with my husband before he got dementia. Seriously I would. 💕
@@UnstableYT-u7k I get what you mean about feeling like you’re floating in an ocean of grief. That pretty much explains the way I feel. I had some experiences before my husband became ill where I was able to meet with my mom who had already passed over and some other relatives and it helped me deal with my husband‘s illness and death because now I know that we do see our loved ones again. I know you don’t know me and have no reason to believe me, but I was terrified of death and now I’m not because I know we go on. That doesn’t make it any easier right now really, because I want my loved ones here and now because I’m so lonely, but at least I can rest assured that I will see them again. This I know. I was lucky to have those experiences. I hope you can find some meaning in your life again. I’m hoping that I will, too, even though I can’t imagine what it would be. But you never know. 💕
@@whitebirchtarot I am sorry for your losses. Thank you for your sweet comments and your wisdom. As caregivers, we do understand each other. It is such a hard position to be in, yet at the same time, an honor. I care for my 88 year old mother, at a bit of a distance right now. She is still pretty independent, but becoming more frail. Thankfully her mind is still sharp. I lost my father 4 years ago on December 28 to a heart attack. Both my father in law and mother in law passed in the last two years, both from Ahlzheimers. It is such an insidious disease...utterly heart breaking. These are hard years. But, I too believe in life after death. I don't think a precious human soul (or even animal souls) is wasted into nothingness after the physical body dies. I see it as a transition. I might not be able to accurately wrap my limited human mind around it all, but I still have faith that there is more. Wishing you peace this holiday season. 😊
My mother passed in July..I had lived with and cared for her 24/7 for twelve years as she progressed with dementia. Needless to say this holiday is difficult. Everything provokes a memory and even though that is wonderful it is exhausting. I can relate to now having stepped into the elder role. That in itself is a not so subtle reminder of our own mortality.
So sorry - this just happened to me too and I am stuck being angry. Just practice self care even if it is difficult... get your nails done get a haircut buy a new winter jacket, physically go to the bookstore - just care for YOU.
This is the first video you've ever spoken slowly enough for me to listen to you. I have always been concerned you might have struggles with mania from the hyper-speed of your speech. I hope that being more real will allow you to feel calmer and speak at a slower pace that overwhelmed people can actually listen to!
This really touched me. Days are always going to pass. We have to look on the bright side. Think. Money is just a part of our life. Health is the most important. Although for various reasons, my life is very stressful and can be overwhelming. Everything will be fine. Be happy. Everyone must cheer up oh.
LITTLE is key. And right next: YOURSELF. Not meaning to be selfish and cut everyone out, but cut out everything that you don't really want to do in and of yourself, and then see what emerges. Definitely much less overwhelm, resistance etc., and hopefully some time for recreation and recollection. Some things you may miss, some not at all, and it may be surprising which of them how little. Next year, you can adjust for that.
The Best Gifts come from the heart so it is not about the commercialism... think about what they need... do they need help with washing their car, walking their dog, cleaning up something at home, or giving them gift certificates for manicures, massages, or haircuts. Baking is another wonderful think (my son does that) or making up special pictures and creatively decorating the frame... old pictures that can be revamped... those types of things can help with cost and also help with taking the emphasis off the commercialism of the whole thing. It is not about the price tag. It is about the thought. ❤❤❤
I don't have any friends with Kati's kindness and awareness. I feel that she would be the person who would never sugar-coat problems, but always remind me that I am not alone. Thank you for this video.
Yep this struck a nerve with me. I always feel like issues really come to the surface this time of year. Learning to not let it all get to me is challenging but I’m getting better every year and you are a part of it . 🤗 thank you!
I'm 63, and have faced every feeling Kati refers to. These days I spend holidays alone, by circumstance and by choice. When I think back on "Family" holidays in my past, truth is they were not that great. Most were exhausting. I did a lot of work and spent a lot of money that few appreciated. If our happiness is dependent upon how others feel about how we "perform" over the holidays, we're doomed. Other people are controlling us. Bad outcome guaranteed. If you are alone, buy yourself some presents, wrap them. On Christmas morning play some music and open them. Make something really special to eat. Buy a lobster. Learn to cook something new. Make a mess that no one gives you grief over! These things help me. Good luck and best wishes to all!
This year includes family members who have passed, no significant other, and the fact that my mom is now in assisted living (due to dementia) and I’ll soon be selling the home I grew up in. 😢 And also a fractured sibling relationship. I keep thinking “how is this my life??” I have never felt so alone. It’s terrifying.
This is my life in a nutshell. My siblings can't/won't help with Mom so it all falls on me. I feel like the younger generations (I'm a boomer) want the holidays to happen but don't want to lift a finger. Everyone looks to me to make everything happen and I don't even have space to host everyone anymore. This is a VERY stressful time of year for me and I can end up very sick in January and February if I don't manage it. Sleep is elusive at best for me in December . Sometimes it seems a holiday like Christmas couldn't happen at a worse time of year when all we seem to want to do is hibernate and slow down like the animals do. Gotta wonder who has it right?
I love what you said about boundaries. Two days ago my mother was yelling at me over the phone, that it was my fault she was not happy. I don’t call her enough, so she says that’s why she’s not happy. I don’t call to set boundaries since every time I speak to them it’s bad news. They crap on me being happy. As if I don’t deserve to be happy if they’re not. I’m done with it. I have to cut them off for my mental health. I’m not buying into their manipulation. I have nothing to do with their enjoyment in life. I can go on for hours, so I’ll stop now and say if you’re reading this, you’re all kinds of awesome and beautiful. Happy Holidays!
This is real talk, right here. My dad passed away summer of '21 and it's hardest around this time of year. And that changing of the guard is a powerful statement regarding the circle of life is powerful. Thank you for all you do, Katie
Thanks Kati. my year is quite different. My wife and i had covid this year. in october. i was 1st, she followed 2 weeks later. we live alone. she is 77, i am 66. she has severe copd and is on o2 24/7. i got her to the hospital and they gave her the anti body infusion. her symptoms were milder than mine. 3 weeks later she lost her memory and i had her admitted to the hospital. she was in a state of delirium. after a week they moved her to an inpatient facility. i have had to take over all the responsibilities she used to handle, like paying bills, trying to get her affairs in order and round the clock phone calls from her telling me to come and take her home, thinking i am her father, not remembering we are married for the last 34 years etc. then my sister in law (big sister i never had) had a return of colon cancer. overwhelming to say the least. thanks for sharing and allow space for me to vent.
Thanks for sharing and being vulnerable. I cried yesterday as I haven't cried for a long time. I realized that for me, these specific holidays are a reminder of all the moments of grief I have had ok my life. Grief for childhood, youth, and innocence. Grief for the security that gave my parents as a child, grief for the ones that are gone, and grief for expectations not met. Such a hard time.
Thank you for posting this. I thought I was the only one stressing about how prices have increased on everything the past year. I was also pregnant this time last year and a few months later I lost the baby, so I have been reflecting on that the past week and it has brought me down. I really needed this.
I've never commented before but I feel I need to now. Thank you for this video and the honesty in it. I feel like you were talking not to me but about me. This is the first Christmas without my parents and brothers. I have 3 sisters but we're not that close. And being single there is no other family to gather with. I struggle extra with depression this time of year anyway but it does feel extra heavy this year. Thank you for sharing your struggles because it does help knowing that you are not immune and that I'm not alone in the things I feel.
I was thinking about this recently. Used to LOVE Christmas, especially as a child. I can now look back and hold onto that memory with nostalgia instead of sadness. After my burnout a few years ago, I stopped decorating for Christmas. Anyways, over the years my friends and I stopped buying gifts for each other, we spend it on getting together for food/drinks/whatever and spend time together stress free. My parents, sister and I started doing secret Santa and only have to buy one big gift for one person! My husband and I also don’t bother to buy gifts. I’m still recovering from that burnout and not having to worry about gifts or decorating was a load off my shoulders. I’ve been very focused on mindfulness and meditation to help me as well. Maybe one day, my energy will be back to normal, whatever that is, and I’ll want to decorate again but for now the holidays are about rest, recuperation and spending time with family and friends. I’m so grateful to have such an agreeable entourage! I’ll admit, I worry about what the neighbours think. No tree, no Christmas lights, but I don’t feel Grinchy haha but I probably look Grinchy!
Adult Career: Seasonal Festivals 1. One week 'Christmas' 2. Two weeks Governce Leave 3. Two weeks Paid Leave 4. Two weeks Sick Leave 5. Two weeks Smackster 6. Two weeks Monday Hel^ Sum total 2 months 3 weeks of for free competitive Capital Vacation. Plus - one week for your birthday if you ask your Employer. P.S. Align many of these weeks into different seasonal holidays for your own sense of convinience and family - look after your children and look after inner dreams as well. x
I’m so sorry, I can tell how much you miss your grandparents. I’m the same. Things haven’t been the same since I lost my grandma, and somehow it’s been almost 25 years. I like calm too.
Last Christmas was with family. Some members have agreed to never speak or visit again. The letdown from that is a cloud over me. I live in senior living and our party has been cancelled due to COVID cases in the compound. Thank you for helping me focus on this so I can work on it.
I'm So Sorry. Jesus Loves you & will Never Fail you! I've been feeling this too w my Toxic family.....It's Truly the Last days... "Lots of hearts will Grow Cold, people will be Selfish...", can you Believe? Even during in a Pandemic...
I’m healthy and doing ok being alone every Christmas -but for my church family. Recently my only son estranged and disconnected himself from me and his sister. This is the week we remember my Moms passing a few years ago. And my dear cousin, an awesome person just died suddenly from Covid, 😢 I have no one here to visit on Christmas or any holiday; relatives live fairly far apart. There are no rituals except candle lighting, songs and spiritual practices. Grief and loneliness are very palpable.
While the holidays are typically hard for me, I agree, this year seems to be especially stressful. I can relate to a lot of same reasons that you listed. Thank you for shedding light on this and being a positive place of encouragement today, and every day. Brighter days are ahead for all of us ❤
pour moi, it's the maintaining of diplomatic ties with my abusive family that ruins the month. Facing the childhood trauma again, overcoming it again and again. Also, not being entirely sure why I keep doing it. Endless doubt, knowing I've been gaslit by them, but also knowing that I AM, like they said, sometimes resentful. Wanting to find out if when I am healed apart from them, we're actually able to have respectful relationships as adults. Wondering if I can actually heal if I keep seeing them, even though I haven't seen them in a while. This year I'm also going on a thought spiral about whether I'm doing this because I still feel dependent on them, or if I do it because I need to remind myself what I will never want to become.
I sympatize, and you're stronger than you realize. Longing for human connection is something we all have in common. (and sometimes we settle for the people we were used to be around, even when they're bad news to our mental health). Keep cultivating new relationships and someday you might find people you won't dread spending time with and will look forward to seeing.😊
Yes, this Christmas has been especially hard for me also. So many expectations, the gift giving, old family dynamics, old traumas resurfacing.. My therapist says its because I was pushing it all down for so long and its now coming out since I'm in therapy, but also, who's to say this isn't a collective thing we are also going through as well. Thanks for the video, Kati. Wishing you the best this holiday season!
Thank you for opening up and being vulnerable with us. I personally think that it's fantastic when therapists eo these things, as it reminds me that they are still human beings (weirdly, I still tend to see you as all-knowing beings haha). I hope that you find comfort in this community that you had created, just like I find comfort in this safe space where I am being virtually surrounded by alike souls. I've also noticed that growing up, the roles and dynamics change within our families so it's normal that holidays can start taking a bit more on the sad and melancholic side. That is part of the life. I wish you and everyone who reads this happy holidays!
My husband died this year. We have a 2 year old son and I was pregnant with our daughter at the time who is now four months old. So yeah, this is our first Christmas without our husband/daddy and our daughters first Christmas at all. So yeah, it does feel like the worst Christmas like you said. Just trying to focus on the meaning of Christmas in the first place and that this pain is only temporary ❤️
I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss. What a hard time, to be grieving your husband but have two babies that depend on you that you have to show up for. Not sure what else to say but I am so sorry.
Sending you hope and prayers for your strength...your eventual peace of mind...and finding as much joy as possible in your kids, even with all their needs.
❤ sorry for your huge loss. It’s a difficult time for me too. ❤i hope you feel less alone and 2023 can take your family forward❤ i know it’s so incredibly hard. But know that many are doing this with you. ❤
I lost my father during the 1970's and my mother during the 1980's. I wish they were still here today 20+ years later to celebrate Christmas with my daughter (their grandchild) - but we must stay strong, positive and keep treking on. Human will to survive is strong. Happy Holiday's, Stay Positive & Be Well!
When it comes to relationships, the big thing for me is to remember I'm not responsible for the happiness (or unhappiness) of others. And no one else is responsible for mine.
I'm so sorry that you're grieving your grandparents so heavily Kati. I lost my grandma this year and I didn't realize how heavily it was weighing on me that my family traditions are evolving until I saw you break down on here. I also then bursted into tears myself. We'll find joy in new ways, and our grandparents will always live with us in our hearts 🤍
Thanks for sharing with us Kati. I find this time of year so hard. Even as a child Christmas was difficult as my Mum was often depressed and we always had serious money problems so she was stressed out all the time. so I don't have happy memories of it. I lost her to cancer 9 years ago and I'm now completely on my own - single again and no kids - and December just brings into focus everything that I've lost or missed out on with regards family. Everything around Christmas screams family and I just have to shut myself away from it and remember to keep taking my meds and go outside occasionally. I have invitations from well meaning friends for Christmas Day but I've learned that being with other peoples' family makes it worse. Wishing everyone peace this holiday season x
Yes, my eye twitches during extreme stress also. I focus on celebrating Solstice/Yule over the extreme-decor-sweets version that I associate with Christmas now. Focusing on a nature-based and friend-centric holiday takes alot of stress out of it. Sending you hugs, Kati
Being a startup entrepreneur I can totally relate to all this especially since the last years were absolutely crazy and uncertainty is still high. Regarding your sleep issues I recommend trying a weighted blanket. These really help me.
Thank you for being so honest. Most people create aspirational videos that put more stress on us, yet yours is more beautiful and gives more to the soul. What a difference! Thanks, Kati. It's always helped me to continue a tradition or a celebration honoring my loved ones that have passed. Smiling and toasting to them, thanking them for what they passed on (even if I do it with tears), gives me a sense of "changing of the guards." It's like, now is my turn to honor them by keeping alive what I learned from them and passing it on to the next generation. Hopefully, every generation after us will benefit from the accumulated knowledge of our family tree. I hope that makes sense. I miss my loved ones SO much, but remembering them while celebrating keeps making their lives matter until we see them again - which I believe :) Merry Christmas, Kati.
The holidays are typically a tough time of year for me, and I recently received an eviction notice on top of everything else I was working through. So yes, I’m with you 100%. I’m glad you mentioned the part about being single over the holidays, as that’s a major source of difficulty for me as well.
I hope this doesn't sound trite...If you want a friend, be a friend. I have tried to step out of my comfort zone to do that when I didn't feel like it...and it always turned out to be a blessing. Just a thought...as an introvert, that took a lot of effort when I wanted to stay home and lick my wounds and binge on Hallmark movies. God please provide a place for Greg to go and direct His paths to your clear provision.
Thank you for being so open and human with us. You're just an amazing therapist. You inspire me with every video. I'm so sorry that you're being reminded of the loss that you've suffered. This time can be so heavy. Thank you for reminding us that we're not alone. Keep up the great work...but never forget to take a break😊😊❤️
Thank you for making this video Kati, I'm crying with you, as this will be the first holidays without my granddad who was the life of the party. What's also on my mind are my two friends who ended their life on the same day last year, right before Christmas. On top of that my depression gets 10 times worse at winter, and I've not been able to sleep during the night in weeks.. the pressure about meaningful presents is huge, and honestly I can't wait until the holidays are over. Sending strength to you Kati, and everyone in the comments who needs it! 💝
i've been cleaning a lot before the new year. not in a 'i gotta get this done' way but in a 'i'm starting off fresh' way. remembering how awful 2020 was is something i want to let go of. thank you for being vulnerable. christmas has always been hard since my mom passed but i know she's with me in my heart. your passed loved ones i'm sure are watching over too
Thanks for sharing, it's refreshing to know that I'm not the only one that struggles with being happy around this time of year. There's something different about this year though, I definitely agree that things seem more stressful/anxiety inducing. Maybe it's because things are more back to "normal" in relation to the pandemic... But I think what's going on socially has a lot to do with it as well.
I experienced trauma on December 29, 2020…smack dab between Christmas and New Year’s, so the holidays are really tough for me. My body has been on high alert in anticipation of my trauma anniversary. My therapist has given me coping mechanisms, but that doesn’t take away the pain I feel in my body. Having to face it feels impossible while I navigate my other responsibilities (job, family, etc.) I just want it to be over. 😞
Our family hasn't had the changing of the guard yet, but we do have a new generation that's old enough to understand the holiday. I think my patience is extra thin this year because now that there are literal children in the mix, can we all just grow up please? We've been doing the same routine for 15 years (since my parents divorce), but this year my mom wants to throw out a guilt trip that she's always on Christmas Eve... did she start the conversation to move it to Christmas Day? No? Thennnn how do you expect things to change??? My Christmas spirit died YEARS ago. I'm convinced that anyone that enjoys the season has no responsibilities to make the season actually happen lol.
It seems to me that for the Christmas present anxiety, you may be trying to be perfect...and perfect is unattainable. You're valuable without getting the best present in the world. I'm sure if they got nothing and just had *you* especially a less stressed you they'd be more than content. Hopefully you see this and it makes the stress a little less. The holidays are definitely difficult when it comes to missing loved ones. Linkin Park says it best "the reminders pull the floor from your feet." Remember your own words to us...be gentle on yourself.
Kati , thank you for being so real and honest with us ur viewers it helps people realize they are not alone and help is out there and they will get thur what they are going Thur
Thank you so much for this. I’m surrounded by family who are very (toxically) positive, and don’t understand why I get so down during the holidays. This is important to remember especially with the recent death of Ellen’s DJ and dancer Twitch. Thank you!
I was just berrating myself for not being in the spirit this year and this video pops up! For me, it's the collective heaviness of the world plus the stress of being around some people I haven't been for a few years...toxic people who will now be at the dinner table again...gaslighting. Life was easier when we couldn't get together. Thanks so much for doing this video while dealing with your own struggles...I'm more compassionate with myself now. I hope you get some rest over the holidays ❤️
This is the first Christmas without my mom. She died 3 mo ago. 202O/2021 could see her because of Covid. April 2022 we finally got to visit flew 3000 miles and at the end of my visit got Covid and couldn’t hug her goodbye then her and hubby got Covid from me. Sept 2022 I flew there to say goodbye when she was on hospice. Dec26 she would have been 80. Sorry for your losses Katy! I appreciate your videos.. Thank you.
I really wish I could hug you one big hug! Coz don't know what to say... Christmas was wayyy better as a kid. I don't feel like celebrating Christmas any more. Don't feel like decorating the house nothing I just wanna run away to a retreat house and relax.
My mom died in March and it’s just so hard. And my parents’ anniversary was yesterday. My dad put red roses on her grave in the snow. 💔 I have five kids and I just don’t have it in me to make Christmas super special. Our son was deployed last year and he’s coming home, so I should feel excited. At the same time, another son won’t be home for Christmas for the next two years. So many emotions.
Thank you for sharing this, Kati. It's always a tough time of year, but this year feels really extra. I wish you the best in being skillful and effective through the season. And as always, thank you so much for all you've contributed to this community you've fostered. It's an invaluable part of my life. Your friend and patron, Russ
OMG, yes! This is the worst holiday season I've had in years. I feel like I was easier on myself during the pandemic. We were all stuck in a way. We weren't really expected to find connections or to be with loved ones. This year I'm terribly hard on myself because I wanted to have some things going right now that just aren't happening. It's very disappointing and I've been merciless with myself as a result.
My aunt passed away six years ago yesterday. Christmas was often done at her house so I get the grief aspect. There’s a been a changing of the guard in my family, too. I related to that all too well.
Man... Difficult anniversaries are coming up for me, plus so much stuff is going wack in my head that I am slipping right back into my intrusive thoughts and the shame that comes with them. Therapy is getting really hard and scary. So I can only take things one day at a time and try to focus on the temporary nature of all of the things that are bothering me. Overall, I feel you Kati, and I just want to say more power to you for being vulnerable with us.
Hope it gets better I'm waiting on therapy it always makes me more Deadpool than anything else but you said whack I just went thru 2 withdrawals 2 meds gone and on 2 more guess what ?More nasty withdrawals so if therapy doesn't work at least I'll have tools cuz meds don't always work they are just as addictive if not more so than some harder drugs out there ...the more you know ...late 80s cartoons sat morning was rare but remembered that .cheers .
sending you the biggest hug ever! (within your healthy boundaries of course) lol the changing of the guards. wow. i love that. but i also hate it because it is such a heartache. this is my first christmas without my closest family member and it’s brutal. for me, getting outside is the most helpful. even just for 3 minutes of cold air on my face. a minute to calm and quiet everything. brings me back. perfectionism is a b*tch, i get it, but the only one expecting it from you is you. your gifts will be awesome and your family will be so happy to see you. take it slow and steady. we’re all here for you ❤
Thank you Kati. I saw a good advice - focus on making it an enjoyable season, not a perfect one. I’m focusing on how fast it goes by listening to Christmas music and watching Christmas movies - letting the rest fall as it may! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I was excluded from a family Christmas in 2016 unexpectedly which hurt and I was on my own. I'd just separated from my partner too so wasn't in a good place emotionally. I spent the holiday alone feeling very low and confused. My family has become increasingly disconnected since then and now I spend each Christmas day with my Mum only and I'm very grateful for her presence and unconditional love. I've learnt that even your own family can let you down and be unconcerned about your feelings and it is important to be resilient and care for yourself first. Although we may feel alone at these times there are many people having an extremely difficult time during the holiday season. Merry Christmas to all. Joe. UK.
I’m 68 and have been single for almost 20 years. Spending the holiday with my daughter, her family and my ex-although generally enjoyable and in some instances only tolerable-reminds me how much I enjoy living alone. It is this reminder that, for me, is the true gift of this holiday.
The stress leading up to the holidays is always taking its toll on me. But just a year or two ago I made a stand, that we reduce the stress in preparation. And no, it will never be the same as in my childhood. And after my mom died, just three weeks before Christmas, we started new traditions in our extended family. Like we don't give gifts anymore (except small ones), we collect money for a good cause at our family gathering. And we take turns in deciding which cause it is. And over all: yes I am also very grateful for the wonderful communities you created, be it with the other patreons, be it in your Facebook group. They make a great impact on my life, no matter if I need to share some pain or if I can hopefully be helpful for others. Thank you Kati and Sean (and of course Roxy!). Have a wonderful Christmas!
Kati, happy holiday to you and your family. Changing holiday traditions after losing loved ones is very hard. It took time, years actually, but I slowly started to create new traditions that brought positivity or inspiration to find space to be thankful and grateful for this very moment in time. Cheers to celebrating the holidays the best way we can!
I feel this SO much 😩 I lost my mom 2 weeks before my birthday in January of 2020 and within the year and a half after losing her I lost 4 other close family members and for some reason this year has been so much harder 🥺 thank you for reminding me I am not alone 💜 Eta: I haven't been "home" for the holidays in almost 20 years bc I can't afford to and it's only 5 hours away 🥺
I’m so sorry for all your losses. I lost three family members, including my husband, in a little over a year and it’s been so difficult. I thought the second year would be easier, but it’s actually more difficult. Take care of yourself! Life is tough these days. 💕
@@whitebirchtarot thank you and I'm sorry for your losses too💔 it's hard to lose one family member but when you lose multiple over a short time it leaves you no time to grieve them properly individually. I can't imagine losing my husband 🥺 idk how long you both have been together and it honestly doesn't matter bc losing a partner is not something I want to go through. Good luck to you and happy holidays.
It’s getting hard to remember things as I age. But I used to invite people at work over for thanksgiving dinner when I heard they are alone for the holiday. We had a full table for dinner so what’s a few more. Read a lot of the comments, Kati you are loved and respected. Hope you’re safe and warm this winter.
Thank you so much for this video! This year has been extra stressful for many reasons: including medical issues/trauma, my wife filing for divorce and taking of our kids away, and stress/anxiety over a number of large bills that have come up. I have certainly tried to keep my head up, focusing on moving forward, keeping an eye on reaching my end goal; your statement about being in some kind of purgatory of uncertainty (uncomfortable transition) between how things were and what is to come, pretty accurately describes a lot of my life. This holiday season is not typical by any means, and it sure has been a struggle to get this far into it. Definitely not a season of only looking forward to the good but spent a lot of time dealing with stress & anxiety. Thank you for another reminder that I'm not alone. P.S. - My mom is a former elementary school teacher and I bet I've made hundreds of feet of those red & green Christmas chains.
Thank you Kati for this post. It has been so hard for our family ever since our 31 yr old son commited suicide but this year marks five years and for some reason it has been the hardest year except for that first year. Why is that? I just can't get into christmas decorating this year because Nathanael was always such a big part of that. We miss him so much but I'm trying to remember the true meaning of Christmas and the greatest gift ever!
My mum and dad passed away quite a few years ago but I still feel sad. I also lost my cat Harvey a year tomorrow. So im finding it emotional. Ok one min then sad the next and yes im single so comforting to hear you say how difficult it is. Dont think anyone really realises how isolating it is.... Its all families and couples. Sometimes its not a solution you need to hear but the fact others like yourself actually understand. Thank you Katie for all that you do. Hope you have an amazing holiday x
heres what i keep in mind. there are 12 official days to celebrate Christmas. we can spread it out. many people open gifts on jan 6. holidays are sacred time for grief as well as joy. we can make our own cultural norms. thanks for these more personal videos.
I hate October 15 to Jan 1. I call it THE GREAT EXPECTATION . Truthfully, I hibernate during this time. I try to just stay within my compound. People are just annoying and annoyed during this time. 3 months of pure hell in society.
I was literally just wrapping gifts and I started thinking about my grandparents and it brought tears to my eyes. My grandparents also used to host Xmas at their place and those are some of my favorite memories with family. Grandpa stoking the fireplace and grandma sharing her warm smile and cookies. I loved them dearly and miss them. I'm single but my greatest joy in life is my moms french bulldog. My parents live with me and she also has a chihuahua. The Frenchie sleeps with me and gets all the hugs and kisses. He's like my son. God bless you and have a merry Christmas.
Thank you Katie for all the self caring advices. From the very first Christmas, being together with love in our "community" wasn't possible for Josheph, Mary and Jesus. They teach us acceptance, being meek, humble and patient. In the future we understand the full meaning of this. You have a loving heart so that is more than enough.
For many years been living far from my family I’m very close with. A huge help for us recently in many ways including stress is to celebrate our holiday together about a month early. Gives us an excuse to decorate early, relief planning everything at the same time, travel etc etc. It’s not perfect but for us it’s really helped a lot.
I hope the stress is bearable for you and you and your family have a beautiful holiday. This has been by far the worst holiday season for our family.. our daughter and grandchild were almost killed by an abusive boyfriend, my husband lost his job and I have been diagnosed with a chronic health issue. We can’t even exchange gifts or help out daughter financially because my husband has lost his job. I did get a new job in caregiving which is something I haven’t done in a few years because of my health. Now I’m working while sick just to try and avoid becoming homeless. I’m tired, I’m so so tired and I truly hope things get better for us and anyone else that’s struggling out there.
This is so relatable!! Thank you for articulating those feelings and making sense of it all!! I’m feeling these. For me, my peace comes from prayer and knowing that this life is temporary and heaven is so close. We are living in the end days and I’m excited to be reunited with loved ones and God!!
To be honest, this year I feel better about the holidays, much better than I did in the last few years. Last year around this time I was a wreck after a short but intense relationship with a covert narc/BPD. And before that because of feeling incomplete without "my half", I used to feel down during these times. Now, I don't really care. My aim is to have a good relationship with myself, not to fill myself up with the validation of others. I think when I will be ok with myself, I will have a better chance to find someone that's not toxic.
Regarding boundaries, I did soooo well this Christmas with my family, especially my brother who is one of my big triggers, so proud of myself!! I left when I wanted to and didn't feel I had to stay as others wanted me to, I looked after myself and didn't try to please others, I pleased myself instead, which was very freeing, try it everyone!!!
You're not alone. This year has been strangely rough for many people. I hope you can have a wonderful time with your loved ones. When an old family member passed away some years ago, one thing that we did was having our Christmas dinner like every other year and dedicating some of the Christmas customs to them, as a little festive farewell. Talking to others who are sharing grief for a loved one helps a lot. At least it well did for us.
I like that you added in a helpful product for holiday anxiety naturally that’s actually related to the conversation, as well as other ideas as to why we’re so stressed ❤ thank you Kati
I am grateful for you and your honest, vulnerable self! I too have been struggling this year with missing those who are gone or live far away. I keep telling myself this will pass. Be kind and gentle to myself. All your advice is spot on. Love to you.
I'm so sorry you're having a rough time Kati 💔 Mines cos my daughter won't associate with me (most of 13yrs now). Christmas means nothing without her. I'm dealing with it cos my niece is now in my life & she's amazing!! So her presence makes me despise the holidays far less. I also cope by my family knowing long ago that ‐ for us? Gifts don't really matter • so our family‐wide policy is only gifts for people 18 & under ‐ this alleviates financial stressors. Missing our relatives who've left is really hard & im not good at grief. Everyone I've loved who's died ‐ in my brain? They're all just on vacation. I delay grief this way & hopefully I pass on myself before I need to actually acknowledge my delayed grief.
Katie, you remind me of my daughter. Determined and overwhelmed by expecting so much from herself. You have alot of things on your mind it seems. Please go easy on yourself. You probably don't want to hear that. But be well. Happy Holidays. 😊
This holiday season is also a lot harder for me this year. My ptsd is at an all-time high. In fact, after the new year I begin EMDR therapy for it. My body just needs a break. I've been constantly sick since the beginning of the fall. Plus we are supposed to get a blizzard and 50 mph winds where I live. Last fall, I also lost my mimi, and it has been extremely difficult. Thank you for being so real. I think everyone needs to hear it right now
![[#2024MAMA] G-DRAGON - 무제(Untitled, 2014)+POWER+HOME SWEET HOME+뱅뱅뱅+FANTASTIC BABY | Mnet 241123 방송](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Ox29z5Nf1Uk/mqdefault.jpg)
Thanks so much for this video Kati. For the first time in my life I’ll be spending the holidays alone because of a breakup and family estrangement 😢 I’ll do my best to take care of my basic needs. The only thing that helps me is knowing that the holidays will be over soon and then it’ll be a new year.
Well said. It's good to say thank you to Kati, and also good know there are others 'on the same page'.
Good luck👍
Omg I literally have the exact same as you
I’m so sorry to hear this. You are not alone. I have also recently experienced a family rupture and will not be spending the holidays with family. This will pass❤️
Me too. Also I don't think that I'll be spending my birthday which is coming up with my family
To everyone else in the comments going through a hard time during the holidays, I see you and I'm sending love, support and healing vibes your way. ❤💚
Thank u . U as well
I suffer from winter depression and have since the death of my first daughter in November of 1992 right after thanksgiving then recently the death of my father in December of 2020. I take vitamins like vitamin d and multiple vitamins and get some exercise every day and try to get some healthy food every day, simple things like that. Thankfully spring and summer are only several months away
Thank you! It's going to be a lonely Christmas here, oh how i wish the walls could talk back... Love from the Netherlands 💖
Good vibes received
Thank you because I needed this. I lost my only sister a year ago December 22 and this was her favorite time of the year. Makes it just that much harder dealing with the holidays
I never would have thought I would become someone who hates the holidays. My family fell apart in 2019. This time of year will never be the same again. I hate it.
I hear you... thinking of u... very hard time
I hear you too. I try to focus on the birth of Christ. I’m so sorry for what you are going through. Remember light has come into the world and he loves us and wants to save us.❤ With Christ, this painful world is temporary.
❤
I can totally relate. I hate holidays and I'm not shy to say it.
I had my little meltdown today in a parking lot just missing loved ones who have passed. No panic or anxiety just sadness. It passed after I allowed myself to feel those feelings. Thanks for all you do.
I did the same thing on Christmas Eve night. I had to pull over into the parking area for our riverside park and just sit there in the silence for almost 45 min while all these happier memories came flooding in from childhood that made me overwhelmingly sad and tearful. I couldn’t pull myself together and was unable to attend my Mom’s traditional Christmas Eve candlelight dinner. I just drove back home and texted her something came up. I worried her so much by not coming that she called police to come and do a wellness check on me. I wasn’t suicidal by any means, just completely bummed out. now I’m feeling even worse by ruining the night and making her worry to that extreme. But yes, it hits you all of the sudden and it’s very painful. Christmas is not at all the happy good feeling time of year it once was. That in itself is very sad to admit too. At any rate,take care 😌
Hugs
@@ladyauslander6489 Have you thought of writing down Your thoughts, sometimes that helps releasing sadness.
Boy I hear you.... love the holidays but so very sad without family. Working on gratitude. Hang in there
I’ve stayed home. No alcohol. No parties. Quiet and reflective. Without much cost. And without any chaotic meltdowns or high emotions. I’ve actually had the most stress free Christmas I’ve had in a while. It was down to the choices I made for myself and holding those boundaries.
Mom died at Thanksgiving seven years ago. Dad died of COVID last year, Oct. Mom was the glue holding her five kids’ families together. I only talk to two of my sisters now. Needless to say, the holidays-these fabricated events in time we’ve attached all this meaning to-are no reason to celebrate for me. I appreciate your honesty and vulnerability in keeping it real. Hope yours are cause for celebration.
I’m sorry. I hope you and your other sisters can make up when the time is ready
My condolences man.
So sorry! That’s rough. My husband and my dad both died of Covid last year. Couldn’t believe it. My husband was already sick though. Take care! 💕
So sorry for your loss! My uncle died early Thanksgiving morning unexpectedly 12 years ago (heart attacks sadly run in my fam). It’s was such an odd holiday and we actually did end up having dinner later that day in his memory, but it was silent and so sad. Fortunately my cousin (his daughter) got to tell him she was preg in the ambulance (was planning to announce during dinner). He was able to smile, she named him after her dad. 💕
Holidays have been rough for me since the death of my first daughter of SIDS in November right after thanksgiving in 1992 then losing my father in December of 2020 . Holidays have always been rough because I suffer from winter depression also that makes everything worse.
This really hits home with me. So much stress in my life for a variety of reasons...grief, political/religious family fractures, caring for an aging parent who I love deeply - but without sibling help, the expense of everything...I get to the point where I just want the holidays over with. Sometimes it feels like I have been run over by a bus but still need to be functioning at full capacity. The guilt (and missing the way things were) can be quite overwhelming this time of year.
@@UnstableYT-u7k I am sorry for your losses. Grief can be such a roller coaster of emotion, especially magnified at this time of year. I wish you healing in this tough journey. Peace to you.
I agree, it is overwhelming. My emotions tend to get blocked and numb. I can only process a little at a time. And I am slowly learning to be ok with that. We all grieve differently. Maybe acceptance of our own process is part of the puzzle.
It’s so difficult to be a caregiver. My mom had vascular dementia and died 11 years ago, my husband had Lewy body dementia and died a year ago, and now my older sister has Alzheimer’s. I’m exhausted. And lonely. I know what you mean about feeling like you’ve been run over by a bus. I’m so sorry you have to go through that! Try to take care of yourself if you possibly can. I know what you mean about missing the way things were. I would give the rest of my entire life to have one more day with my husband before he got dementia. Seriously I would. 💕
@@UnstableYT-u7k I get what you mean about feeling like you’re floating in an ocean of grief. That pretty much explains the way I feel. I had some experiences before my husband became ill where I was able to meet with my mom who had already passed over and some other relatives and it helped me deal with my husband‘s illness and death because now I know that we do see our loved ones again. I know you don’t know me and have no reason to believe me, but I was terrified of death and now I’m not because I know we go on. That doesn’t make it any easier right now really, because I want my loved ones here and now because I’m so lonely, but at least I can rest assured that I will see them again. This I know. I was lucky to have those experiences. I hope you can find some meaning in your life again. I’m hoping that I will, too, even though I can’t imagine what it would be. But you never know. 💕
@@whitebirchtarot I am sorry for your losses. Thank you for your sweet comments and your wisdom. As caregivers, we do understand each other. It is such a hard position to be in, yet at the same time, an honor. I care for my 88 year old mother, at a bit of a distance right now. She is still pretty independent, but becoming more frail. Thankfully her mind is still sharp. I lost my father 4 years ago on December 28 to a heart attack. Both my father in law and mother in law passed in the last two years, both from Ahlzheimers. It is such an insidious disease...utterly heart breaking. These are hard years. But, I too believe in life after death. I don't think a precious human soul (or even animal souls) is wasted into nothingness after the physical body dies. I see it as a transition. I might not be able to accurately wrap my limited human mind around it all, but I still have faith that there is more. Wishing you peace this holiday season. 😊
My mother passed in July..I had lived with and cared for her 24/7 for twelve years as she progressed with dementia. Needless to say this holiday is difficult. Everything provokes a memory and even though that is wonderful it is exhausting. I can relate to now having stepped into the elder role. That in itself is a not so subtle reminder of our own mortality.
So sorry - this just happened to me too and I am stuck being angry. Just practice self care even if it is difficult... get your nails done get a haircut buy a new winter jacket, physically go to the bookstore - just care for YOU.
This is the first video you've ever spoken slowly enough for me to listen to you. I have always been concerned you might have struggles with mania from the hyper-speed of your speech. I hope that being more real will allow you to feel calmer and speak at a slower pace that overwhelmed people can actually listen to!
I know that feeling about lost loved ones. It is very hard at Christmas especially when traditions change or end. God bless.
I think we overestimate how meaningful the "perfect" gift will be, vs a "normal, reasonably thoughtful" gift. Showing up is the most important part.
This really touched me. Days are always going to pass. We have to look on the bright side. Think. Money is just a part of our life. Health is the most important. Although for various reasons, my life is very stressful and can be overwhelming. Everything will be fine. Be happy. Everyone must cheer up oh.
We don’t have to be perfect.
We don’t have to people please.
Have yourself a merry little Christmas 🎄
LITTLE is key. And right next: YOURSELF. Not meaning to be selfish and cut everyone out, but cut out everything that you don't really want to do in and of yourself, and then see what emerges. Definitely much less overwhelm, resistance etc., and hopefully some time for recreation and recollection. Some things you may miss, some not at all, and it may be surprising which of them how little. Next year, you can adjust for that.
@@KaoXoni those are some wise words!
That helps thank you
This soothed my soul
The Best Gifts come from the heart so it is not about the commercialism... think about what they need... do they need help with washing their car, walking their dog, cleaning up something at home, or giving them gift certificates for manicures, massages, or haircuts. Baking is another wonderful think (my son does that) or making up special pictures and creatively decorating the frame... old pictures that can be revamped... those types of things can help with cost and also help with taking the emphasis off the commercialism of the whole thing. It is not about the price tag. It is about the thought. ❤❤❤
I don't have any friends with Kati's kindness and awareness. I feel that she would be the person who would never sugar-coat problems, but always remind me that I am not alone. Thank you for this video.
Thank you for being so real and reminding us that we aren’t alone ❤
Thank you for being here xoxo
Yep this struck a nerve with me. I always feel like issues really come to the surface this time of year. Learning to not let it all get to me is challenging but I’m getting better every year and you are a part of it . 🤗 thank you!
I'm 63, and have faced every feeling Kati refers to. These days I spend holidays alone, by circumstance and by choice. When I think back on "Family" holidays in my past, truth is they were not that great. Most were exhausting. I did a lot of work and spent a lot of money that few appreciated. If our happiness is dependent upon how others feel about how we "perform" over the holidays, we're doomed. Other people are controlling us. Bad outcome guaranteed. If you are alone, buy yourself some presents, wrap them. On Christmas morning play some music and open them. Make something really special to eat. Buy a lobster. Learn to cook something new. Make a mess that no one gives you grief over! These things help me.
Good luck and best wishes to all!
Great advice, I have similar thoughts as yours. Thank you for being so real.
This year includes family members who have passed, no significant other, and the fact that my mom is now in assisted living (due to dementia) and I’ll soon be selling the home I grew up in. 😢 And also a fractured sibling relationship. I keep thinking “how is this my life??” I have never felt so alone. It’s terrifying.
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🕯💜
❤️
This is my life in a nutshell. My siblings can't/won't help with Mom so it all falls on me. I feel like the younger generations (I'm a boomer) want the holidays to happen but don't want to lift a finger. Everyone looks to me to make everything happen and I don't even have space to host everyone anymore. This is a VERY stressful time of year for me and I can end up very sick in January and February if I don't manage it. Sleep is elusive at best for me in December . Sometimes it seems a holiday like Christmas couldn't happen at a worse time of year when all we seem to want to do is hibernate and slow down like the animals do. Gotta wonder who has it right?
I feel you. ❤
You get used to it,or drink yourself to death
I love what you said about boundaries. Two days ago my mother was yelling at me over the phone, that it was my fault she was not happy. I don’t call her enough, so she says that’s why she’s not happy. I don’t call to set boundaries since every time I speak to them it’s bad news. They crap on me being happy. As if I don’t deserve to be happy if they’re not. I’m done with it. I have to cut them off for my mental health. I’m not buying into their manipulation. I have nothing to do with their enjoyment in life. I can go on for hours, so I’ll stop now and say if you’re reading this, you’re all kinds of awesome and beautiful. Happy Holidays!
This is real talk, right here. My dad passed away summer of '21 and it's hardest around this time of year. And that changing of the guard is a powerful statement regarding the circle of life is powerful. Thank you for all you do, Katie
Thanks Kati. my year is quite different. My wife and i had covid this year. in october. i was 1st, she followed 2 weeks later. we live alone. she is 77, i am 66. she has severe copd and is on o2 24/7. i got her to the hospital and they gave her the anti body infusion. her symptoms were milder than mine. 3 weeks later she lost her memory and i had her admitted to the hospital. she was in a state of delirium. after a week they moved her to an inpatient facility. i have had to take over all the responsibilities she used to handle, like paying bills, trying to get her affairs in order and round the clock phone calls from her telling me to come and take her home, thinking i am her father, not remembering we are married for the last 34 years etc. then my sister in law (big sister i never had) had a return of colon cancer. overwhelming to say the least. thanks for sharing and allow space for me to vent.
😟
Thanks for sharing and being vulnerable.
I cried yesterday as I haven't cried for a long time. I realized that for me, these specific holidays are a reminder of all the moments of grief I have had ok my life. Grief for childhood, youth, and innocence. Grief for the security that gave my parents as a child, grief for the ones that are gone, and grief for expectations not met.
Such a hard time.
right there with you, I cried Xmas Day many times, havent cried in such a long time.
Thank you for posting this. I thought I was the only one stressing about how prices have increased on everything the past year. I was also pregnant this time last year and a few months later I lost the baby, so I have been reflecting on that the past week and it has brought me down. I really needed this.
aww I had this 10 years ago, be kind to you xxxxx
I've never commented before but I feel I need to now. Thank you for this video and the honesty in it. I feel like you were talking not to me but about me. This is the first Christmas without my parents and brothers. I have 3 sisters but we're not that close. And being single there is no other family to gather with. I struggle extra with depression this time of year anyway but it does feel extra heavy this year. Thank you for sharing your struggles because it does help knowing that you are not immune and that I'm not alone in the things I feel.
I was thinking about this recently. Used to LOVE Christmas, especially as a child. I can now look back and hold onto that memory with nostalgia instead of sadness. After my burnout a few years ago, I stopped decorating for Christmas. Anyways, over the years my friends and I stopped buying gifts for each other, we spend it on getting together for food/drinks/whatever and spend time together stress free. My parents, sister and I started doing secret Santa and only have to buy one big gift for one person! My husband and I also don’t bother to buy gifts. I’m still recovering from that burnout and not having to worry about gifts or decorating was a load off my shoulders. I’ve been very focused on mindfulness and meditation to help me as well. Maybe one day, my energy will be back to normal, whatever that is, and I’ll want to decorate again but for now the holidays are about rest, recuperation and spending time with family and friends. I’m so grateful to have such an agreeable entourage! I’ll admit, I worry about what the neighbours think. No tree, no Christmas lights, but I don’t feel Grinchy haha but I probably look Grinchy!
Adult Career:
Seasonal Festivals
1. One week 'Christmas'
2. Two weeks Governce Leave
3. Two weeks Paid Leave
4. Two weeks Sick Leave
5. Two weeks Smackster
6. Two weeks Monday Hel^
Sum total 2 months 3 weeks of for free competitive Capital Vacation. Plus - one week for your birthday if you ask your Employer.
P.S. Align many of these weeks into different seasonal holidays for your own sense of convinience and family - look after your children and look after inner dreams as well. x
I’m so sorry, I can tell how much you miss your grandparents. I’m the same. Things haven’t been the same since I lost my grandma, and somehow it’s been almost 25 years. I like calm too.
Last Christmas was with family. Some members have agreed to never speak or visit again. The letdown from that is a cloud over me. I live in senior living and our party has been cancelled due to COVID cases in the compound. Thank you for helping me focus on this so I can work on it.
❤️
I'm So Sorry. Jesus Loves you & will Never Fail you! I've been feeling this too w my Toxic family.....It's Truly the Last days... "Lots of hearts will Grow Cold, people will be Selfish...", can you Believe? Even during in a Pandemic...
I’m healthy and doing ok being alone every Christmas -but for my church family. Recently my only son estranged and disconnected himself from me and his sister. This is the week we remember my Moms passing a few years ago. And my dear cousin, an awesome person just died suddenly from Covid, 😢
I have no one here to visit on Christmas or any holiday; relatives live fairly far apart. There are no rituals except candle lighting, songs and spiritual practices.
Grief and loneliness are very palpable.
While the holidays are typically hard for me, I agree, this year seems to be especially stressful. I can relate to a lot of same reasons that you listed. Thank you for shedding light on this and being a positive place of encouragement today, and every day. Brighter days are ahead for all of us ❤
Brighter days ahead ? Lol, that's a pipe dream. 95% of our population is mentally ill & our culture is finished. Shalom
pour moi, it's the maintaining of diplomatic ties with my abusive family that ruins the month. Facing the childhood trauma again, overcoming it again and again. Also, not being entirely sure why I keep doing it. Endless doubt, knowing I've been gaslit by them, but also knowing that I AM, like they said, sometimes resentful. Wanting to find out if when I am healed apart from them, we're actually able to have respectful relationships as adults. Wondering if I can actually heal if I keep seeing them, even though I haven't seen them in a while. This year I'm also going on a thought spiral about whether I'm doing this because I still feel dependent on them, or if I do it because I need to remind myself what I will never want to become.
I sympatize, and you're stronger than you realize. Longing for human connection is something we all have in common. (and sometimes we settle for the people we were used to be around, even when they're bad news to our mental health). Keep cultivating new relationships and someday you might find people you won't dread spending time with and will look forward to seeing.😊
I can relate!
Yes, this Christmas has been especially hard for me also. So many expectations, the gift giving, old family dynamics, old traumas resurfacing.. My therapist says its because I was pushing it all down for so long and its now coming out since I'm in therapy, but also, who's to say this isn't a collective thing we are also going through as well. Thanks for the video, Kati. Wishing you the best this holiday season!
Thank you for opening up and being vulnerable with us. I personally think that it's fantastic when therapists eo these things, as it reminds me that they are still human beings (weirdly, I still tend to see you as all-knowing beings haha). I hope that you find comfort in this community that you had created, just like I find comfort in this safe space where I am being virtually surrounded by alike souls. I've also noticed that growing up, the roles and dynamics change within our families so it's normal that holidays can start taking a bit more on the sad and melancholic side. That is part of the life. I wish you and everyone who reads this happy holidays!
My husband died this year. We have a 2 year old son and I was pregnant with our daughter at the time who is now four months old. So yeah, this is our first Christmas without our husband/daddy and our daughters first Christmas at all. So yeah, it does feel like the worst Christmas like you said. Just trying to focus on the meaning of Christmas in the first place and that this pain is only temporary ❤️
I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss. What a hard time, to be grieving your husband but have two babies that depend on you that you have to show up for. Not sure what else to say but I am so sorry.
So sorry for your loss!
❤️
Sending you hope and prayers for your strength...your eventual peace of mind...and finding as much joy as possible in your kids, even with all their needs.
❤ sorry for your huge loss. It’s a difficult time for me too. ❤i hope you feel less alone and 2023 can take your family forward❤ i know it’s so incredibly hard. But know that many are doing this with you. ❤
I lost my father during the 1970's and my mother during the 1980's. I wish they were still here today 20+ years later to celebrate Christmas with my daughter (their grandchild) - but we must stay strong, positive and keep treking on. Human will to survive is strong. Happy Holiday's, Stay Positive & Be Well!
Love you Kati. Thank you for all you do.
❤️❤️
When it comes to relationships, the big thing for me is to remember I'm not responsible for the happiness (or unhappiness) of others. And no one else is responsible for mine.
I think in relationships there’s a shared responsibility to each other and each others feelings. Surely?
I'm so sorry that you're grieving your grandparents so heavily Kati. I lost my grandma this year and I didn't realize how heavily it was weighing on me that my family traditions are evolving until I saw you break down on here. I also then bursted into tears myself. We'll find joy in new ways, and our grandparents will always live with us in our hearts 🤍
Thanks for sharing with us Kati. I find this time of year so hard. Even as a child Christmas was difficult as my Mum was often depressed and we always had serious money problems so she was stressed out all the time. so I don't have happy memories of it. I lost her to cancer 9 years ago and I'm now completely on my own - single again and no kids - and December just brings into focus everything that I've lost or missed out on with regards family. Everything around Christmas screams family and I just have to shut myself away from it and remember to keep taking my meds and go outside occasionally. I have invitations from well meaning friends for Christmas Day but I've learned that being with other peoples' family makes it worse. Wishing everyone peace this holiday season x
Yes, my eye twitches during extreme stress also.
I focus on celebrating Solstice/Yule over the extreme-decor-sweets version that I associate with Christmas now. Focusing on a nature-based and friend-centric holiday takes alot of stress out of it.
Sending you hugs, Kati
Being a startup entrepreneur I can totally relate to all this especially since the last years were absolutely crazy and uncertainty is still high.
Regarding your sleep issues I recommend trying a weighted blanket. These really help me.
Thank you for being so honest. Most people create aspirational videos that put more stress on us, yet yours is more beautiful and gives more to the soul. What a difference! Thanks, Kati. It's always helped me to continue a tradition or a celebration honoring my loved ones that have passed. Smiling and toasting to them, thanking them for what they passed on (even if I do it with tears), gives me a sense of "changing of the guards." It's like, now is my turn to honor them by keeping alive what I learned from them and passing it on to the next generation. Hopefully, every generation after us will benefit from the accumulated knowledge of our family tree. I hope that makes sense. I miss my loved ones SO much, but remembering them while celebrating keeps making their lives matter until we see them again - which I believe :) Merry Christmas, Kati.
THIS
The holidays are typically a tough time of year for me, and I recently received an eviction notice on top of everything else I was working through. So yes, I’m with you 100%. I’m glad you mentioned the part about being single over the holidays, as that’s a major source of difficulty for me as well.
The universe wants you do a lateral move - a new place is in store for you and a new start. I hope next year is better.
I hope this doesn't sound trite...If you want a friend, be a friend. I have tried to step out of my comfort zone to do that when I didn't feel like it...and it always turned out to be a blessing. Just a thought...as an introvert, that took a lot of effort when I wanted to stay home and lick my wounds and binge on Hallmark movies. God please provide a place for Greg to go and direct His paths to your clear provision.
Thank you for being so open and human with us. You're just an amazing therapist. You inspire me with every video. I'm so sorry that you're being reminded of the loss that you've suffered. This time can be so heavy. Thank you for reminding us that we're not alone. Keep up the great work...but never forget to take a break😊😊❤️
Thank you for making this video Kati, I'm crying with you, as this will be the first holidays without my granddad who was the life of the party. What's also on my mind are my two friends who ended their life on the same day last year, right before Christmas. On top of that my depression gets 10 times worse at winter, and I've not been able to sleep during the night in weeks.. the pressure about meaningful presents is huge, and honestly I can't wait until the holidays are over. Sending strength to you Kati, and everyone in the comments who needs it! 💝
❤
i've been cleaning a lot before the new year. not in a 'i gotta get this done' way but in a 'i'm starting off fresh' way. remembering how awful 2020 was is something i want to let go of. thank you for being vulnerable. christmas has always been hard since my mom passed but i know she's with me in my heart. your passed loved ones i'm sure are watching over too
Thanks for sharing, it's refreshing to know that I'm not the only one that struggles with being happy around this time of year. There's something different about this year though, I definitely agree that things seem more stressful/anxiety inducing. Maybe it's because things are more back to "normal" in relation to the pandemic... But I think what's going on socially has a lot to do with it as well.
I experienced trauma on December 29, 2020…smack dab between Christmas and New Year’s, so the holidays are really tough for me. My body has been on high alert in anticipation of my trauma anniversary. My therapist has given me coping mechanisms, but that doesn’t take away the pain I feel in my body. Having to face it feels impossible while I navigate my other responsibilities (job, family, etc.) I just want it to be over. 😞
Our family hasn't had the changing of the guard yet, but we do have a new generation that's old enough to understand the holiday. I think my patience is extra thin this year because now that there are literal children in the mix, can we all just grow up please? We've been doing the same routine for 15 years (since my parents divorce), but this year my mom wants to throw out a guilt trip that she's always on Christmas Eve... did she start the conversation to move it to Christmas Day? No? Thennnn how do you expect things to change???
My Christmas spirit died YEARS ago. I'm convinced that anyone that enjoys the season has no responsibilities to make the season actually happen lol.
It seems to me that for the Christmas present anxiety, you may be trying to be perfect...and perfect is unattainable. You're valuable without getting the best present in the world. I'm sure if they got nothing and just had *you* especially a less stressed you they'd be more than content. Hopefully you see this and it makes the stress a little less. The holidays are definitely difficult when it comes to missing loved ones. Linkin Park says it best "the reminders pull the floor from your feet." Remember your own words to us...be gentle on yourself.
Merry Christmas Kati, you are valued by us your viewers.
Stop trying so hard!! You are amazing! You have helped me so much, from over the pond in England. Much love. :) xxx
Kati , thank you for being so real and honest with us ur viewers it helps people realize they are not alone and help is out there and they will get thur what they are going Thur
Thank you so much for this. I’m surrounded by family who are very (toxically) positive, and don’t understand why I get so down during the holidays. This is important to remember especially with the recent death of Ellen’s DJ and dancer Twitch. Thank you!
I was just berrating myself for not being in the spirit this year and this video pops up! For me, it's the collective heaviness of the world plus the stress of being around some people I haven't been for a few years...toxic people who will now be at the dinner table again...gaslighting. Life was easier when we couldn't get together. Thanks so much for doing this video while dealing with your own struggles...I'm more compassionate with myself now. I hope you get some rest over the holidays ❤️
This is the first Christmas without my mom. She died 3 mo ago. 202O/2021 could see her because of Covid. April 2022 we finally got to visit flew 3000 miles and at the end of my visit got Covid and couldn’t hug her goodbye then her and hubby got Covid from me. Sept 2022 I flew there to say goodbye when she was on hospice. Dec26 she would have been 80. Sorry for your losses Katy! I appreciate your videos.. Thank you.
I really wish I could hug you one big hug! Coz don't know what to say... Christmas was wayyy better as a kid. I don't feel like celebrating Christmas any more. Don't feel like decorating the house nothing I just wanna run away to a retreat house and relax.
My mom died in March and it’s just so hard. And my parents’ anniversary was yesterday. My dad put red roses on her grave in the snow. 💔 I have five kids and I just don’t have it in me to make Christmas super special. Our son was deployed last year and he’s coming home, so I should feel excited. At the same time, another son won’t be home for Christmas for the next two years. So many emotions.
Thank you for sharing this, Kati. It's always a tough time of year, but this year feels really extra. I wish you the best in being skillful and effective through the season. And as always, thank you so much for all you've contributed to this community you've fostered. It's an invaluable part of my life. Your friend and patron, Russ
OMG, yes! This is the worst holiday season I've had in years. I feel like I was easier on myself during the pandemic. We were all stuck in a way. We weren't really expected to find connections or to be with loved ones. This year I'm terribly hard on myself because I wanted to have some things going right now that just aren't happening. It's very disappointing and I've been merciless with myself as a result.
My aunt passed away six years ago yesterday. Christmas was often done at her house so I get the grief aspect. There’s a been a changing of the guard in my family, too. I related to that all too well.
Man... Difficult anniversaries are coming up for me, plus so much stuff is going wack in my head that I am slipping right back into my intrusive thoughts and the shame that comes with them. Therapy is getting really hard and scary. So I can only take things one day at a time and try to focus on the temporary nature of all of the things that are bothering me. Overall, I feel you Kati, and I just want to say more power to you for being vulnerable with us.
Hope it gets better I'm waiting on therapy it always makes me more Deadpool than anything else but you said whack I just went thru 2 withdrawals 2 meds gone and on 2 more guess what ?More nasty withdrawals so if therapy doesn't work at least I'll have tools cuz meds don't always work they are just as addictive if not more so than some harder drugs out there ...the more you know ...late 80s cartoons sat morning was rare but remembered that .cheers .
sending you the biggest hug ever! (within your healthy boundaries of course) lol
the changing of the guards. wow. i love that. but i also hate it because it is such a heartache. this is my first christmas without my closest family member and it’s brutal. for me, getting outside is the most helpful. even just for 3 minutes of cold air on my face. a minute to calm and quiet everything. brings me back.
perfectionism is a b*tch, i get it, but the only one expecting it from you is you. your gifts will be awesome and your family will be so happy to see you. take it slow and steady. we’re all here for you ❤
Thank you Kati. I saw a good advice - focus on making it an enjoyable season, not a perfect one. I’m focusing on how fast it goes by listening to Christmas music and watching Christmas movies - letting the rest fall as it may! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I was excluded from a family Christmas in 2016 unexpectedly which hurt and I was on my own. I'd just separated from my partner too so wasn't in a good place emotionally. I spent the holiday alone feeling very low and confused. My family has become increasingly disconnected since then and now I spend each Christmas day with my Mum only and I'm very grateful for her presence and unconditional love. I've learnt that even your own family can let you down and be unconcerned about your feelings and it is important to be resilient and care for yourself first. Although we may feel alone at these times there are many people having an extremely difficult time during the holiday season. Merry Christmas to all. Joe. UK.
I’m 68 and have been single for almost 20 years. Spending the holiday with my daughter, her family and my ex-although generally enjoyable and in some instances only tolerable-reminds me how much I enjoy living alone. It is this reminder that, for me, is the true gift of this holiday.
The stress leading up to the holidays is always taking its toll on me. But just a year or two ago I made a stand, that we reduce the stress in preparation. And no, it will never be the same as in my childhood.
And after my mom died, just three weeks before Christmas, we started new traditions in our extended family. Like we don't give gifts anymore (except small ones), we collect money for a good cause at our family gathering. And we take turns in deciding which cause it is.
And over all: yes I am also very grateful for the wonderful communities you created, be it with the other patreons, be it in your Facebook group. They make a great impact on my life, no matter if I need to share some pain or if I can hopefully be helpful for others. Thank you Kati and Sean (and of course Roxy!). Have a wonderful Christmas!
Thank you for the vulnerability 💜
Kati, happy holiday to you and your family. Changing holiday traditions after losing loved ones is very hard. It took time, years actually, but I slowly started to create new traditions that brought positivity or inspiration to find space to be thankful and grateful for this very moment in time.
Cheers to celebrating the holidays the best way we can!
I feel this SO much 😩 I lost my mom 2 weeks before my birthday in January of 2020 and within the year and a half after losing her I lost 4 other close family members and for some reason this year has been so much harder 🥺 thank you for reminding me I am not alone 💜
Eta: I haven't been "home" for the holidays in almost 20 years bc I can't afford to and it's only 5 hours away 🥺
I’m so sorry for all your losses. I lost three family members, including my husband, in a little over a year and it’s been so difficult. I thought the second year would be easier, but it’s actually more difficult. Take care of yourself! Life is tough these days. 💕
@@whitebirchtarot thank you and I'm sorry for your losses too💔 it's hard to lose one family member but when you lose multiple over a short time it leaves you no time to grieve them properly individually. I can't imagine losing my husband 🥺 idk how long you both have been together and it honestly doesn't matter bc losing a partner is not something I want to go through. Good luck to you and happy holidays.
It’s getting hard to remember things as I age. But I used to invite people at work over for thanksgiving dinner when I heard they are alone for the holiday. We had a full table for dinner so what’s a few more. Read a lot of the comments, Kati you are loved and respected. Hope you’re safe and warm this winter.
Just the video I needed to watch this morning, thank you.
Thank you for being so relatable❤️ this Christmas is very hard for me as well, after a recent family rupture. I’m so glad I’m not alone
Christmas is a very triggering event for us. Make the best of it!
Thank you so much for this video! This year has been extra stressful for many reasons: including medical issues/trauma, my wife filing for divorce and taking of our kids away, and stress/anxiety over a number of large bills that have come up. I have certainly tried to keep my head up, focusing on moving forward, keeping an eye on reaching my end goal; your statement about being in some kind of purgatory of uncertainty (uncomfortable transition) between how things were and what is to come, pretty accurately describes a lot of my life. This holiday season is not typical by any means, and it sure has been a struggle to get this far into it. Definitely not a season of only looking forward to the good but spent a lot of time dealing with stress & anxiety. Thank you for another reminder that I'm not alone. P.S. - My mom is a former elementary school teacher and I bet I've made hundreds of feet of those red & green Christmas chains.
Thank you Kati for this post. It has been so hard for our family ever since our 31 yr old son commited suicide but this year marks five years and for some reason it has been the hardest year except for that first year. Why is that? I just can't get into christmas decorating this year because Nathanael was always such a big part of that. We miss him so much but I'm trying to remember the true meaning of Christmas and the greatest gift ever!
Of course we are thankful that you are part of our lives.
So true with Getting excited is hard when grieving the loss of people and uncertainty of life .
My mum and dad passed away quite a few years ago but I still feel sad. I also lost my cat Harvey a year tomorrow. So im finding it emotional. Ok one min then sad the next and yes im single so comforting to hear you say how difficult it is. Dont think anyone really realises how isolating it is.... Its all families and couples. Sometimes its not a solution you need to hear but the fact others like yourself actually understand. Thank you Katie for all that you do. Hope you have an amazing holiday x
heres what i keep in mind. there are 12 official days to celebrate Christmas. we can spread it out. many people open gifts on jan 6. holidays are sacred time for grief as well as joy. we can make our own cultural norms. thanks for these more personal videos.
What country do you live in ?
I hate October 15 to Jan 1. I call it THE GREAT EXPECTATION . Truthfully, I hibernate during this time. I try to just stay within my compound. People are just annoying and annoyed during this time. 3 months of pure hell in society.
I was literally just wrapping gifts and I started thinking about my grandparents and it brought tears to my eyes. My grandparents also used to host Xmas at their place and those are some of my favorite memories with family. Grandpa stoking the fireplace and grandma sharing her warm smile and cookies. I loved them dearly and miss them. I'm single but my greatest joy in life is my moms french bulldog. My parents live with me and she also has a chihuahua. The Frenchie sleeps with me and gets all the hugs and kisses. He's like my son. God bless you and have a merry Christmas.
Happy Holidays, Kati! Sending you a big dose of love and endurance!
Thank you Katie for all the self caring advices.
From the very first Christmas, being together with love in our "community" wasn't possible for Josheph, Mary and Jesus. They teach us acceptance, being meek, humble and patient. In the future we understand the full meaning of this. You have a loving heart so that is more than enough.
For many years been living far from my family I’m very close with. A huge help for us recently in many ways including stress is to celebrate our holiday together about a month early. Gives us an excuse to decorate early, relief planning everything at the same time, travel etc etc. It’s not perfect but for us it’s really helped a lot.
I hope the stress is bearable for you and you and your family have a beautiful holiday. This has been by far the worst holiday season for our family.. our daughter and grandchild were almost killed by an abusive boyfriend, my husband lost his job and I have been diagnosed with a chronic health issue. We can’t even exchange gifts or help out daughter financially because my husband has lost his job. I did get a new job in caregiving which is something I haven’t done in a few years because of my health. Now I’m working while sick just to try and avoid becoming homeless. I’m tired, I’m so so tired and I truly hope things get better for us and anyone else that’s struggling out there.
This is so relatable!! Thank you for articulating those feelings and making sense of it all!! I’m feeling these. For me, my peace comes from prayer and knowing that this life is temporary and heaven is so close. We are living in the end days and I’m excited to be reunited with loved ones and God!!
To be honest, this year I feel better about the holidays, much better than I did in the last few years. Last year around this time I was a wreck after a short but intense relationship with a covert narc/BPD. And before that because of feeling incomplete without "my half", I used to feel down during these times. Now, I don't really care. My aim is to have a good relationship with myself, not to fill myself up with the validation of others. I think when I will be ok with myself, I will have a better chance to find someone that's not toxic.
Regarding boundaries, I did soooo well this Christmas with my family, especially my brother who is one of my big triggers, so proud of myself!! I left when I wanted to and didn't feel I had to stay as others wanted me to, I looked after myself and didn't try to please others, I pleased myself instead, which was very freeing, try it everyone!!!
Thank you for being part of my life! I'm becoming a better person, hopefully, and understanding my therapy better:)) Have a Happy Christmas! 🎄🎄🎄🤶🤶🤶
My son died March 18 this year. I know it. I feel it.
I think the first year holidays are the hardest. Allow yourself to feel the pain and grieve well. I'm so sorry you lost your son.
Thank you for this video Kati- you and this community are never alone and I am here for you all!😀
You're not alone. This year has been strangely rough for many people. I hope you can have a wonderful time with your loved ones. When an old family member passed away some years ago, one thing that we did was having our Christmas dinner like every other year and dedicating some of the Christmas customs to them, as a little festive farewell.
Talking to others who are sharing grief for a loved one helps a lot.
At least it well did for us.
I like that you added in a helpful product for holiday anxiety naturally that’s actually related to the conversation, as well as other ideas as to why we’re so stressed ❤ thank you Kati
I am grateful for you and your honest, vulnerable self! I too have been struggling this year with missing those who are gone or live far away. I keep telling myself this will pass. Be kind and gentle to myself. All your advice is spot on. Love to you.
This holiday season was a disaster of stress for me. At least good to know that I’m not alone who felt this one was hard. 🙏
I'm so sorry you're having a rough time Kati 💔 Mines cos my daughter won't associate with me (most of 13yrs now). Christmas means nothing without her. I'm dealing with it cos my niece is now in my life & she's amazing!! So her presence makes me despise the holidays far less.
I also cope by my family knowing long ago that ‐ for us? Gifts don't really matter • so our family‐wide policy is only gifts for people 18 & under ‐ this alleviates financial stressors.
Missing our relatives who've left is really hard & im not good at grief. Everyone I've loved who's died ‐ in my brain? They're all just on vacation. I delay grief this way & hopefully I pass on myself before I need to actually acknowledge my delayed grief.
Katie, you remind me of my daughter. Determined and overwhelmed by expecting so much from herself. You have alot of things on your mind it seems. Please go easy on yourself. You probably don't want to hear that. But be well. Happy Holidays. 😊
This holiday season is also a lot harder for me this year. My ptsd is at an all-time high. In fact, after the new year I begin EMDR therapy for it. My body just needs a break. I've been constantly sick since the beginning of the fall. Plus we are supposed to get a blizzard and 50 mph winds where I live. Last fall, I also lost my mimi, and it has been extremely difficult. Thank you for being so real. I think everyone needs to hear it right now