An emotionally unavailable man is the hardest thing to put up with. I'm anxious and he was avoidant and I can honestly say it truly sucked and stupid me put up with it for four year's. We broke up so many times..now it's final. Do NOT ignore the Red flags.. keep your sanity!!
Claire Sanders Are you me? I just went through the exact same thing, honestly I lost my mind and was deeply depressed having a partner like that, especially with an anxious attachment style. 4 years down the drain.
I’m having the same for two years now… he came back again couple days ago, after I really tried so hard to move on. And it’s all the same, he’s still the same way. I don’t know what to do.
I have spent the last 6 months listening to different relationship coaches and I must say you are the best! So easy to relate to what you're talking about and the content is both realistic yet hopeful! Thank you for all that you guys do!!
Yes, a lot of this type of behavior is fueled by a fear of being open and transparent with how you feel. It can cause people to behave in very shifty and unfortunate ways.
I didn't sort it out but I think it is connected to his mother - she worked a lot when he was little so he was at his grandma's or aunt's. His mom never tells him what is right or wrong. I see her - a kind of mom who doesn't care. His father is also very closed and drinks a lot. That is why I think he has some emotional wounds - he does have friends but not very close. The funny thing is that he started to talk after broke up (he cheated on me). I've never had so many open conversations with him. Maybe this was thanks to empathic listening (I read a lot about it) or maybe he was also hurt in a way.
@@basiaramona68 yes im with you, 2 years with my ex totally emotionally unavailable i really struggled bigtime!!! It ended up very painful for me, it obviously has something to do with his ex wife or past but he never opened up or told me anything, i wish i hadve accepted him a bit more for being that way but the more time we moved on the harder it got for me, drove me nuts, then he ended it, i still miss him!!!! And blamed/ blame myself.....he has lots of friends & very positive, charismatic, confident man....
@@happythoughts505 he has many friends but never close. He told me that I'm his closest friend that he's ever had. We started closer conversations after break up but he still builds walls around him or just gives me silent treatment 😞 I doubt if we will be together.
@@basiaramona68 Yes true Basia, his friends said the same that he never said much personally or got to close, but a great guy & he is in my eyes, guess im a fixer & wanted to understand his world, be a part of his inner world but absolulutely to no avail, only as far as he would allow, very sad for us both, although his charismatic charm will always get him through .....i often got the silent treatment especially when arguing or for me begging to understand him, in the end it felt like punishment!!
@Clay Andrews hey clay are you familiar with attachment styles? Cause I believe it would be very interesting to hear you explain certain situations like let's say how would a person go about handling a dismissive avoidant partner. Or anxious preoccupied attachment or fearful avoidance attachment. A lot of the times when someone has problems with keeping or maintaining a healthy relationship is because of a lot of factors that happened in their childhood.
@Clay Andrews hey man, thank you so much for everything you do and the ex solution program is going pretty good for me. Its been about a month since the break up and me and my ex have started to connect again and tonight was the first time we actually hung since then. It went great, we had a great time but it just made me feel off when she would say stuff like are you and that girl together? Like not in a jealous way but in a actual curious way like it doesn't phase her. Tonight was the 4th time she has asked me and its makes me feel weird like I would tell her hell no, I don't want to get with anyone else now. But lately she has been talking a lot about all the good memories we shared some intemit like when she baked me cookies. I feel like she is secretly jealous but doesn't want to admit it or she is just testing me or something??? What do you think clay? But our emotional interactions overall have been great, we flirt just like we used too. But I feel like she is still trying to figure out how exactly I fit into her life.
I really struggled in a relationship with my ex for over 2 years being emotionally detatched, im the opposite, it got so bad it literally felt like it drove me crazy, i felt like he kept me at arms length & i felt like i was kept in the dark about things, which made me more reactive, how do you cope with someone like this, in the end he turned it around onto me that i was to needy & insecure, which by then i was, people say he knew what he was doing & had some narcissistic traits, yet he was such a beautiful man, im still not over it a year later, i guess if ever there is a next relationship dont ignore the red flags right!!? Its very confusing with so many mixed messages, he would want me but when he wanted me i guess & i wanted more than what i was getting!!! So what do you do, get out, try to talk till your blue in the face or accept thats who they are that they just arent/cant or choose not to communicate?? But give the of the fluffy stuff, dinners, holidays etc, Its very damaging & mis leading behaviour that i accepted till it was to late!!
Hi Sheron. The question that you have to ask yourself is that if you have healed from the breakup and is emotionally ready for the friendship. If you are not ready yet, keep your options open but focus on your own well-being before you welcome your ex to your life as a friend. All the best.
Great post , ok my ex Isn't emotional avaliable she has more resentment. And lost her trust and we were pretty toxic whicb why I chose to improve for myself and started therapy for months. Definitely appreciate the vidoeos yourself and love advice tv. Have a great weekend
Thank you so much, Andrew. Focusing in our own self and developing a level of self-love will truly have a bigger impact with the kind of relationship that we can bring to other people. Take the baby steps as change doesn't happen in just a short period of time. :-)
I have clay, went to therapy and did a 180 for myself my family seen the change I've feel the change . Passed my BSN test passed my R.N test . Saving for a Better car .I'll be reaching out soon. Been working with coach Abby. Ya'll are the best professional coaches
Okay guys i need help. I am confused because I can’t define what type my man is. He isn’t a typical avoidant, he opens up/ closes. He is very sensitive, cuddly, empathises with me, the sex in literally love making but verbally he can’t communicate at all. When we broke up he said that he was so scared to bring those walls down to get hurt. We are on the road to get back and we have to have the talk. And i want to be me but at the same time i want to talk about emotions and how we have to work on that, in a subtle way. I have a feeling that he convinced himself more that he has a problem because his actions are full of love. He texts always, he acknowledges my feelings and then the distancing comes. He’s still there but not present (we are on a long distance but we see each other every week). He is career driven so that takes a lot of his energy. And on a side note he has never let anybody in. He is 33. Any advice..
undoubtedly Hey girl, I will tell you straight away, there is no future there. The first month after I wrote this I was literally falling apart, I thought it would never go away. Not going to lie, still not fully there after more than three months, but I am still picking up the pieces and am feeling like myself again. When I look back I wouldn’t repeat the same pattern ever again, but I was so i love. Let me tell you one thing, you can be the most prettiest, smartest, special person on earth and people like them can still make you feel small besides them. But let me tell you one thing, THEY are the problem. You are not his mother, if the provider failed it’s not your job to fix him. Do not beg for love, do not beg to be loved, do not beg to be seen. I know this sounds maybe surreal to you know if you are hurting but trust me you will get there. The only option where a man like him deserves you is if comes back with a breakthrough not wanting to lose you and Ready for change/ seeks some help. Let me know how it goes and if you have any questions xoxoxo
@ Clay Andrews how do you go about with the situation of your ex already set in stone that they are 100 percent set in stone that they will never be back together. Broke up twice. And he isn't feel comfortable hanging out at all since he knows I have still feelings from him. I made the mess of pushing too much of giving me a chance, he unfriended me on messenger, but through regular phone text he talked to me. I don't want his answer to be set in stone and I believe I can't build a healthy bond just through texting and no seeing. I'm generalizing this more to the story - but he believes we aren't a good match based on personality even though we were going through several unpleasant unfortunate events that were family related. How do I approach this? He text and doesn't like calls ever since breakup thats his way of communication. It's been 9 months since we broke up. I screwed up alot of things. I am stubborn yes but I don't want his statement be set in stone forever. I want to see progress I can't of just texting and no see.
Lol put me in a 80 hour work week and everyone in the office/bar/friendship circle will know how upset I am until I'm fired for crying and spilling my guts to the whole office
Thanks for watching this video. If you want to check out that free class, it's over at: moderlove.life/class
An emotionally unavailable man is the hardest thing to put up with. I'm anxious and he was avoidant and I can honestly say it truly sucked and stupid me put up with it for four year's. We broke up so many times..now it's final. Do NOT ignore the Red flags.. keep your sanity!!
Claire Sanders Are you me? I just went through the exact same thing, honestly I lost my mind and was deeply depressed having a partner like that, especially with an anxious attachment style. 4 years down the drain.
I’m having the same for two years now… he came back again couple days ago, after I really tried so hard to move on. And it’s all the same, he’s still the same way. I don’t know what to do.
You're awesome! I'm pursuing a counseling degree and you're one of the few on here who actually knows what they are talking about!👍
I have spent the last 6 months listening to different relationship coaches and I must say you are the best! So easy to relate to what you're talking about and the content is both realistic yet hopeful! Thank you for all that you guys do!!
Thank you Veronica!
Thanks for your compliment, Veronica. :-)We truy appreciate it.
More power to this channel! 🥰
Thank you so much. :-)
Thank you Clay for those videos - my ex is or even was whole time emotionally unavailable.
He was so hard to open up. As if he was scared.
Yes, a lot of this type of behavior is fueled by a fear of being open and transparent with how you feel. It can cause people to behave in very shifty and unfortunate ways.
I didn't sort it out but I think it is connected to his mother - she worked a lot when he was little so he was at his grandma's or aunt's.
His mom never tells him what is right or wrong. I see her - a kind of mom who doesn't care.
His father is also very closed and drinks a lot.
That is why I think he has some emotional wounds - he does have friends but not very close.
The funny thing is that he started to talk after broke up (he cheated on me). I've never had so many open conversations with him. Maybe this was thanks to empathic listening (I read a lot about it) or maybe he was also hurt in a way.
@@basiaramona68 yes im with you, 2 years with my ex totally emotionally unavailable i really struggled bigtime!!! It ended up very painful for me, it obviously has something to do with his ex wife or past but he never opened up or told me anything, i wish i hadve accepted him a bit more for being that way but the more time we moved on the harder it got for me, drove me nuts, then he ended it, i still miss him!!!! And blamed/ blame myself.....he has lots of friends & very positive, charismatic, confident man....
@@happythoughts505 he has many friends but never close. He told me that I'm his closest friend that he's ever had.
We started closer conversations after break up but he still builds walls around him or just gives me silent treatment 😞
I doubt if we will be together.
@@basiaramona68 Yes true Basia, his friends said the same that he never said much personally or got to close, but a great guy & he is in my eyes, guess im a fixer & wanted to understand his world, be a part of his inner world but absolulutely to no avail, only as far as he would allow, very sad for us both, although his charismatic charm will always get him through .....i often got the silent treatment especially when arguing or for me begging to understand him, in the end it felt like punishment!!
That's very practical.
@Clay Andrews hey clay are you familiar with attachment styles? Cause I believe it would be very interesting to hear you explain certain situations like let's say how would a person go about handling a dismissive avoidant partner. Or anxious preoccupied attachment or fearful avoidance attachment. A lot of the times when someone has problems with keeping or maintaining a healthy relationship is because of a lot of factors that happened in their childhood.
@Clay Andrews hey man, thank you so much for everything you do and the ex solution program is going pretty good for me. Its been about a month since the break up and me and my ex have started to connect again and tonight was the first time we actually hung since then. It went great, we had a great time but it just made me feel off when she would say stuff like are you and that girl together? Like not in a jealous way but in a actual curious way like it doesn't phase her. Tonight was the 4th time she has asked me and its makes me feel weird like I would tell her hell no, I don't want to get with anyone else now. But lately she has been talking a lot about all the good memories we shared some intemit like when she baked me cookies. I feel like she is secretly jealous but doesn't want to admit it or she is just testing me or something??? What do you think clay? But our emotional interactions overall have been great, we flirt just like we used too. But I feel like she is still trying to figure out how exactly I fit into her life.
Excellent information as always very helpful thank you.
Capricris thanks for the kind words
I really struggled in a relationship with my ex for over 2 years being emotionally detatched, im the opposite, it got so bad it literally felt like it drove me crazy, i felt like he kept me at arms length & i felt like i was kept in the dark about things, which made me more reactive, how do you cope with someone like this, in the end he turned it around onto me that i was to needy & insecure, which by then i was, people say he knew what he was doing & had some narcissistic traits, yet he was such a beautiful man, im still not over it a year later, i guess if ever there is a next relationship dont ignore the red flags right!!? Its very confusing with so many mixed messages, he would want me but when he wanted me i guess & i wanted more than what i was getting!!! So what do you do, get out, try to talk till your blue in the face or accept thats who they are that they just arent/cant or choose not to communicate?? But give the of the fluffy stuff, dinners, holidays etc, Its very damaging & mis leading behaviour that i accepted till it was to late!!
Check out the book attached, think you'll find it very insightful and helpful
Thanks Jemma, which book please?
I had the very same situation. DA's can easily be mistaken for a Narcissist, they have many of the common traits of a narcissist.
He told me he doesnt have feelings for me anymore but wants to be my friend what should I do??? I'm confused.. I still love him
Hi Sheron. The question that you have to ask yourself is that if you have healed from the breakup and is emotionally ready for the friendship. If you are not ready yet, keep your options open but focus on your own well-being before you welcome your ex to your life as a friend. All the best.
Great post , ok my ex Isn't emotional avaliable she has more resentment. And lost her trust and we were pretty toxic whicb why I chose to improve for myself and started therapy for months. Definitely appreciate the vidoeos yourself and love advice tv. Have a great weekend
Thank you so much, Andrew. Focusing in our own self and developing a level of self-love will truly have a bigger impact with the kind of relationship that we can bring to other people. Take the baby steps as change doesn't happen in just a short period of time. :-)
I have clay, went to therapy and did a 180 for myself my family seen the change I've feel the change . Passed my BSN test passed my R.N test . Saving for a Better car .I'll be reaching out soon. Been working with coach Abby. Ya'll are the best professional coaches
Do you think that defensiveness is a common trait in emotionally unavailable men? It’s a way to deflect instead of exploring feelings.
Everyone has their own defense mechanisms. So it is not just particular to people to who are emotionally unavailable.
Shifty behaviour is how i felt in the end cause he didnt tell me anything or include me, but blamed me....?
It may be a part of his defense mechanism.
Okay guys i need help. I am confused because I can’t define what type my man is. He isn’t a typical avoidant, he opens up/ closes. He is very sensitive, cuddly, empathises with me, the sex in literally love making but verbally he can’t communicate at all. When we broke up he said that he was so scared to bring those walls down to get hurt. We are on the road to get back and we have to have the talk. And i want to be me but at the same time i want to talk about emotions and how we have to work on that, in a subtle way. I have a feeling that he convinced himself more that he has a problem because his actions are full of love. He texts always, he acknowledges my feelings and then the distancing comes. He’s still there but not present (we are on a long distance but we see each other every week). He is career driven so that takes a lot of his energy. And on a side note he has never let anybody in. He is 33. Any advice..
wondering how things are going? sounds exactly like the guy I'm dating, not sure if there is a future. I'ts so confusing.
undoubtedly Hey girl, I will tell you straight away, there is no future there. The first month after I wrote this I was literally falling apart, I thought it would never go away. Not going to lie, still not fully there after more than three months, but I am still picking up the pieces and am feeling like myself again. When I look back I wouldn’t repeat the same pattern ever again, but I was so i love. Let me tell you one thing, you can be the most prettiest, smartest, special person on earth and people like them can still make you feel small besides them. But let me tell you one thing, THEY are the problem. You are not his mother, if the provider failed it’s not your job to fix him. Do not beg for love, do not beg to be loved, do not beg to be seen. I know this sounds maybe surreal to you know if you are hurting but trust me you will get there. The only option where a man like him deserves you is if comes back with a breakthrough not wanting to lose you and Ready for change/ seeks some help. Let me know how it goes and if you have any questions xoxoxo
Does Calling a Woman" Love" or "My Love" Mean anything from a emotionaly unavailable Man?
it may just be a form of endearment.
@ Clay Andrews how do you go about with the situation of your ex already set in stone that they are 100 percent set in stone that they will never be back together. Broke up twice. And he isn't feel comfortable hanging out at all since he knows I have still feelings from him. I made the mess of pushing too much of giving me a chance, he unfriended me on messenger, but through regular phone text he talked to me. I don't want his answer to be set in stone and I believe I can't build a healthy bond just through texting and no seeing. I'm generalizing this more to the story - but he believes we aren't a good match based on personality even though we were going through several unpleasant unfortunate events that were family related. How do I approach this? He text and doesn't like calls ever since breakup thats his way of communication. It's been 9 months since we broke up. I screwed up alot of things. I am stubborn yes but I don't want his statement be set in stone forever. I want to see progress I can't of just texting and no see.
Lol put me in a 80 hour work week and everyone in the office/bar/friendship circle will know how upset I am until I'm fired for crying and spilling my guts to the whole office
Block him 😅😅😂😂😂
You don’t try to change an emotionally unavailable man. You walk away from him.