The reason they didn't tell her to pay for the vacation from the beginning is because they knew their son didn't share the sentiment. The MIL didn't have the balls to say "I don't think you're family and you have to pay for your own trip" in front of her son and waited till the day before, hoping the OP would either keep quiet and not talk about it or just straight up not come. Dunno what her plan was after. Was she thinking her son would never find out? She wanted to stay close to her son and drive away the "no family" wife but now she completely lost her son. What wonderful karma
I think it's more that she wanted OP to drop out and expected her son to see she wasn't good enough for their family and made a mistake marrying her. She seems to have this idea, as does the rest of the family, that she is the reason the son wants space from them and not because they're toxic and overbearing.
She wanted her either to drop out and only want her son to come and even if she came they would have deliberately had or did most expensive thing to torture her
Sadly, possessive parents who do terrible things to their kids' partners are more common than they should be... yesterday, I read a story about a woman who locked her pregnant DIL inside a sauna, turned it on and left the house to go on a trip, as "punishment" for "stealing her son".
@@TheShadowSentinel mil meant she's not blood related so she's not family, the grandchildren are blood related tho. I can relate coz I often hear it from my mil and her family when they gossip about the daughter/son in laws, they have this mindset that their family is superior so they turn a blind eye on blood relatives mistakes and always blame the non families. It changes tho if the non family is super rich, so their priority is money, blood family and non family, in that order lol
That's a little petty. Id let her see the grandkids, but just a few times a year on holidays. I would intentionally get a job on the other side of the country.
Accused her of trying to isolate him, ignoring his well stated desires for privacy for the first time in his life, while getting the rest of her kids to cause a scene that gets them all cut off from the rest of the family
Absolutely shocked by the number of people who think it's ok to treat someone who married your son as if they are not family for something as asinine as "he moved out after he started dating you." MIL deserved everything she got and more, and rest of the in laws instantly inherited deserving it too soon as they sided with her on this. You DO NOT get to make the fall on who is and is not in your family where your kids are concerned, hubs married her, he decided she's his family, so unless he isn't your family anymore because of it, she is your family. Literally the only exception is if he's showing up to family gatherings looking afraid of her and covering up stab wounds.
When you get married, your spouse is your family now. Your parents and siblings are now EXTENDED family. Now I'm not married yet, but personally, I'd have directly expressed that if my wife isn't family, then I'm not family, and cancelled my flight directly, and then planned that duo vacation. NO ONE disrespects my wife, even my parents.
Exactly, I never understand the situations where only one of the married couple go to family dinners because the other isn't welcome. If one isn't welcome then neither are imo
I dunno if he did, but if I was the husband, I would bave told the family that we had been told by MIL not to worry about paying, that she'll take care of it up to the day before they left... no matter how many times I or my wife asked if it would be better for OP to pay. I think that is a defining factor to show that it isn't OP being unthoughtful.
The people saying that this could’ve been avoided with communication are wrong because mil made it clear that she really dislikes her daughter in law, even if OP and her husband didn’t do what they did at the airport, at some point MIL was going to loose it because she is toxic. You can’t change a toxic person, they’ll only change once something goes down/they face the consequences of their actions 🤷🏾♀️
There’s a word for it and it’s called emotional incest. MIL has empty nest syndrome and she’s attached to her kids in a super unhealthy way. She probably asked them multiple times during childhood is they loved her and if she was a good mother and got angry if they said no. Her reaction to her son moving out is exactly what emotional incestuous parents are like.
@@littlebabyman8494 It's a very interesting one. It's a really common phenomenon with 'boy moms', not to be confused with mothers who have sons. These women often have neglectful men in their lives and thus raise their sons like their 'perfect partner', exhibiting intense jealousy towards any romantic partners that son will take on, and many make claims such as "I was here first", "I was his first love", etc.
This family is exactly like my X ILs. It's crazy. I was scolded because I bought a house 50+ miles away from them. They told me that I should have bought a house no more than 30 minutes away. I wasn't even married to my X at the time. I just told them why would I consider THEM when I live 3k miles away from my own family? Maybe I should move further east to be closer to my own family and make it fair. They never mentioned it again.
Not only was the MIL projecting but their family sounds really codependent. My situation wasn't the same but I felt smothered by my family. I didn't have the choice to leave like I wanted until the last 2 years, having little to no privacy can drive a person crazy. Humans are social creatures but some of us are okay being alone and by ourselves sometimes
TBH, I think that OP's husband wanted to escape a family dynamic that was suffocating and demanding and that college and later marriage granted him the excuse to do so. I think that OP's in-laws need to accept that he prefers not living practically in their pockets 24/7. I also think that MiL is certifiable and probably the ringleader in this mess. They are better off far away from her and her brainwashed brood.
I wish I could say I'm surprised commenters were blaming OP but I'm really not... Idk why some people think it's weird to want space from one's family. I live STATES away from my family ON PURPOSE because I love them but being around them too long makes me miserable. It's really not that weird to want space and independence especially from such an unhealthily enmeshed family like that.
She wasn't simping on her son, it was just that as he was the only one not into the cult-I mean...the family meetings, she ended up going after him. The "lost sheep" and all that BS. Seems that MIL has a mean controlling streak, if people don't act like she wants and obey her wishes, she goes nuts!
The term for what you're thinking of is, "emotional incest." It's a SUPER messed up phenomenon where mothers (or other family members, usually in a position of authority) become possessive of their sons (or children in general) and treat them more like a partner than a child. They lose their minds when their children become adults and get married because they've deluded themselves into thinking that they should be the only woman present in their son's life. There are a lot of factors that go into it, and usually the mother has experienced some kind of trauma or simply has a deeply and fundamentally warped view of relationships.
Is MIL Italian? This sounds like my ex-MIL. She visited my sister-in-law every single day and then whined that she never got so see my son. I pointed out that she was at sister-in-law's--which was only seven houses away--every day and nothing was stopping her from coming over to my house. FIL laughed at this because, obviously, I was supposed to go to her. Yeah, fat chance.
Mother called Daughter-In-Law a homewrecker. The Daughter-In-Law. The one who married that mother's son. That son, who wasn't in a romantic relationship with ANYONE ELSE. The MOTHER called her DAUGHTER-IN-LAW a HOMEWRECKER??!!!! Ma'am, do you understand what you just implicated yourself with???? 🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮
I'm from a big ass Filipino family and family is a big ass deal in our culture, some even still practice filial piety. But meeting this often and basically being harassed into staying close by doesn't look good even by our standards.
if the husband showed some spine from the start and stopped the accusations against op isolating him, show that this was happening with his free will, things wouldn't have come to this level.
I thought I was the only one who thought the same. He should have nipped it in the bud and handled it instead of letting his wife cop it from his crazy mother.
Moms need to realize that we’re raising people for THEIR families. I fully intend to treat my daughter’s future partner like family because if I don’t, I won’t be considered family. My husband is from a really close family but he’s never afraid to prioritize what he calls “our unit” (me, him, our daughter) over his family. We’re all family. But the unit is just us.
But what if he doesn't earn his spot in the family? What if he's like the OP; avoiding family gatherings like the plague without valid excuses like work or illness? And barely talks to the family through social media even just to say hi? Because that's what OP did, then acts surprised that the family doesn't view her in high regard.
In the end you marry your partner and their family are part but not the center of your marriage. This MIL is absolutely disgusting and controlling not the wife.
I'm laughing at this comment section. 😂 If the family had any semblance of being in the right, then, if the update was to be believed, why were they being cut-out of their friends lives when they made OP into the bad guy? Like come on, so many Olympic Gold Medalists with all this reaching. But to those simply saying ESH, you would be correct. They should've said something like, "since they are not valued as family, then why waste our time on a family trip where we'd be interlopers?" Not just ditch and then complain about all the texts.
MIL wants everyone within a 5 MILE radius and family gatherings EVERY OTHER DAY... yeah... that is RIDICULOUS. I'm sorry, but thinking that your grown ADULT CHILDREN shouldn't be given time to enjoy their freetime without the parents is a HUGE red flag. There's no way I would even CONSIDER dating someone who's family is all that codependent. MIL waited until the DAY BEFORE vacation on PURPOSE hoping that OP wouldn't be able to afford it, thinking that she wouldn't have to pay for it.
I know I've said this before in another video, but here goes: "This feels like a dark version of 'Encanto' or 'Coco'," where the family matriarch is so obsessed with "keeping the family close" that it practically becomes a cult, and anyone who "disagrees" with or "isn't exactly like" the rest of them is to immediately be isolated, and mentally/emotionally abused until they "conform". ...Dang, now I wish Disney would make gritty movies again! 😂
She definitely told OP the day before in hopes that she wouldn’t go lol. Crazy mother in-laws become crazy grandmas . Also they were probably always this way which is probably why OP’s husband wanted space to begin with.
Reminds me of my exs mom. She told me that I needed to stop being so distant from the family (though they pushed me away and never involved me in stuff even when I voluteered) and if I spent more time with her specifically then I could be (graced with the honor of being allowed to join) in family photos. I promised I would and we went to a market together, which was hell. Then pictures were taken soon after and I never hung out with her in my free time again. The kicker? My ex and I had been together for almost 12 years, I spent the first half of our relationship kissing her ass but eventually had enough. She was a textbook narcissist, her son was an emotionally abusive ass hat, and the whole family lived on the mom's whims. If she started something with someone and they gotnupsey, they'd have family members telling THEM to apologize to mom becaise "you know how she is, just say sorry to keep the peace" thank GOD I dumped him before they finally wore us down to get married like they had been trying for 3 years. They even tried harder after me and him had a break when he told me he loved me but wasn't in love with me and proceeded to get caught cheating! But he convinced me to take him back and they started asking at every visit when we were gonna get married and yada yada. Good riddance
Listening to these stories makes me so glad I’m a straight man 😂. Mother in law drama is non existent and your father in law might hate you but he keeps it pretty bottled up lol
That's the opposite actually. Straight men are often having issues with MILs and FILs. Men just generally don't post it because they feel embarrassed or are afraid of any possible negative backlash.
I have come across a washroom break theory. Start any story and go for a washroom break, when u come back its either a restraining order or jail time. EVERY. STORY. (mostly)
NTA. I don't even talk to all of my own family every day. (We do talk a minimum of once a month) We are close. We just don't need to be up each others butts all the time like that mil and her family.
Maybe so, but at least you try to have some interaction with family. OP made it sound like she wanted as little to do with them, then acts surprised when there are consequences
I agree with the OP. I only want to see my parents once or twice a month. It would be different if they respected my boundaries. They werent weong to ask her to pay but the dig at not being family could have been left out on MILs end. Every other day at family would drive me nuts!
At least you put some effort into seeing your family even if it's once or twice a month. OP makes it sound like she didn't go to any family dinners, even if once a month, and avoided the family as much as possible. Then acts surprised when there is consequences
Going MIA and making them fear something happened to them at the airport was definitely a dick move. I think they shouldve told them their plan when they were on the plane. Its not like they knew what plane they were on so they couldnt have stopped them.
They’re just backing up the mom why would they even invite you to the vacation ? I’m glad you guys ran off to San Francisco Beautiful city ❤ Hopefully You guys can mend I remember my mom and dad would have fights with the in-laws they always got back to having their Saturday poker nights
NGL, they are all aholes. For sure, MIL have unrealistic expectations of what family does. But, that scene on the airport it is indeed borderline psychotic. Taking the POV of one of the family members on the trip. Imagine being in an airport with your family members, when a couple of them went missing with no avail or way to reach on them. It doesn't matter how adult that family member is, it portrays a situation where you should stay there and report missing people to the police. With that in mind, OP looks indeed like she is isolating his husband from the rest of the family and isolation is one of the characteristic of a controlling and abusing relationship. I'm not saying much from the POV of Op since the full 18 min video is about that, so no more need to explain. I think they all are aholes. I think the right move would be to send a text before taking the flight to San Francisco, that would have looked less psycho.
Yeah, the MIL sounds like a narcissist and a control freak with her behavior, and her going after OP is exactly what narcissists do when their sense of control is gone. Honestly, I don't blame OP and her husband for ditching them, cause the fact that no one from the MIL's family even spoke up already implies MIL has them under their thumb, either as her "mini-mes" or too scared to act out. OP does not have to take this crap for "family" reasons, which makes no sense since MIL outright stated OP is not. I know you cannot choose who to be related to, but you can absolutely establish boundaries, and if their toxicity and drama is getting to you, then keeping your distance is the only option. However, I still advise OP to keep her guard up, cause despite her unhinged behavior, I know narcissists like her can be surprisingly patient to get back at you over hurt pride. She will return.
As far as the family was concerned, the OP hasn't earned her spot because she deliberately doesn't go to see them often. And honestly, coming from a tight knit family myself (and a big one), I kind of get it. Imagine being part of a huge tight knit family where everyone gets together frequently to keep the bond strong. Only for a outsider who is dating one of your relatives to not be as enthusiastic and makes up constant excuses to not come to weekly dinners and family holidays. Then all of a sudden, a huge family trip is coming up and suddenly the not so friendly in law wants to go and is expected to be treated like everyone else.
my sil isn't even married to my brother yet and she's still family (they've been together for like 7 years tho) she even came with us at vacation and my parents paid for her, i love my sil sm, i'm so sorry for peoples who get bad in-laws
How are they controlling? They are a tight knit family and obviously love each other and are there for each other. To be honest, while I do think MIL could of been more lenient about family members moving away. OP herself is not without fault and is actually the cause of the problems she's complaining about. What's so wrong with going to weekly family dinners? Or interacting with relatives on social media? Or, you know, actually trying to be a part of the family? She barely interacts with them then acts surprised and offended when there are consequences. She hasn't earned her spot in the family by avoiding them so honestly, the family is justified not treating her like an equal. Not to mention that the stunt at the airport was a low blow and honestly just petty and immature. Like be mad at MIL all you want, but what did the rest of the family do to deserve getting the crap scared out of them like that?
The family is wrong, however this was handled so poorly by OP and her husband. Total alienation from the family with a restraint as well was not warranted. It will likely blow up in OP's face later because her husband might later regret how everything blew up and start to resent her.
I understand where you are coming from. But, I can tell you from experience nothing else would have worked. They are abusive, probably narcissistic and controlling. Mom jumped to violence when OP spoke up. That is not normal behavior. I'm just trying to make you see that there is no negotiating or discussing with people that are THIS level of mentally ill. You either leave or they will abuse you and then your children until they die. And I know from experience that the moment the mom does the sister is going to "inherit" the cult. So, you are just thinking from the perspective of a mentally well person and that logic doesn't apply in Crazyland. 😂
We see our parents weekly and our son every other weekend. He works and is in uni. I am so grateful for the time I get. I think once a week or bi weekly is appropriate. We don't call alot bc phone. Blah. We do text and meme he called the 4th and said happy 4th have fun and i gave the mom have fun but be safe speech. I have a good boy I don't want to lose him.
They DID handle it like Adults and a proper young married couple. They chose continuing to their own relationship independently of parental control, not codependent children. Given how MIL was behaving at the time, and the family being part of that same dynamic, it's best that this happened early on long before kids are in the picture.
@@francinetitherington4060So scaring the crap out of everyone by running off without warning is 'being an adult? To me, that is petty, immature and a low blow on their part.
when you marry to some one that person is your family not anyone else when you add kids there your family until they move out and marry to someone they love
The husband's family is being toxic especially the MIL because of her expectations. So OP and her husband had made them show just how toxic and dramatic they are. My verdict NTA
Ppl on reddit fail to realize the family is the husband and wife, not mother, father, sisters, etc. They are extended family. So their accusations are pointless. If the extended family is telling you, the you are not family, they won't change their minds. So they better stay away from them.
I’d say ETA here. I think it’s obvious why the in-laws are assholes, the story makes it clear. But it is also shitty for OP and her husband to, instead of communicating with the in laws after the “you’re not family” conversation to just abandon the vacation and go on another one. The moment OP and her husband stepped foot in that airport, they were no better for leading them on
Sounds like the mom pushing for everyone being close is more about maintaining control than out of love. I couldn’t imaging spending every other day with my family. I got my own sh!t to do.
But when s*it hits the fan and you need help, who are you going to turn to for support? Without your family, do you have friends to rely on? Being part of a tight knit family can be annoying, but that also means they won't abandon you and will help if you need it.
Anyone has the name of the redditor, or the link to the story? To be honest, this really feels like a story told from one perspective, so Im curious if there were any updates afterwards or what comment from the people at that time were.
I don’t think these are reddit stories anymore. This user used to take the stories posted on r/BestofRedditorUpdates, but in the past few weeks maybe 1-2 stories/week are from Reddit.
I don't really believe this story. I may be wrong but I think she is reimagining the time scales. I don't believe the dinner every other day part. As well as many other parts.
The money is not the issue, she told you the day before hoping it would be and probably expected you to drop out of the trip and that trip doesn't sound free at all its like she expects to have 24hrs access to you and intends to run your life. She is a psycho control freak
great video! i really appreciate how you shared your experience so openly. however, i can't help but think that maybe ditching the vacation was a bit extreme. i mean, addressing family issues is tough, but sometimes it might help to face them instead of running away. what do you guys think?
This is all so messy and petty. I love it. However, it doesn't sound like they verbally set any boundaries, which seems important for a family that clearly has none and doesn't even seem to know what one is. Not that she's wrong, but joining a family together means navigating it, and they all did it really poorly.
I took a Sociologist class with this really cool professor who in fact worked on the nuclear bombs some time after WWII around 1970 and he always made jokes but one thing he always told us is once you get married get the hell outa dodge. He told us the terms for doing this and its called neolocality. This means a married couple is living away from both sides parents. patrilocality and matrilocality are when a couple lives near the fathers and/or mothers parents and this causes massive problems with the family if you have normal parents because the parents will always want to have a say in their grandkids lives and will eventually cause problems whereas if you live in a neolocal place then you wont deal with these problems and you can always visit grandparents.
they didn't ask O.P. to pay until the day before? then accused O.P. of not trying to be part of "the family "? ..... BISH I married a family member and then you ask me to pay my own way in a 'family vacation' that's planned around my wedding????? how about you be glad I didn't consider this BS a late honeymoon gift??? (edit) this hits a little close to home, ...sorry
Well moving houses may be convenient and all but with an ro they will just get the address right away. You can't tell somebody to stay away from someone's home and not tell them the location of the place they must avoid.
I am a sonewhat a extreme introvert .I love my family and extended relatives but i would prefer visiting them in certain times and moments not frequently and there is nothing wrong with that .
I hate stories like these because I totally understand the mother's POV she just went about it in a terrible way. And just not showing up at the airport is an extremely dumb thing to do the husband should have just told them the truth and be done with it. OP could at least visit on weekends for dinner or something to just keep the peace. Almost how can the husband tell OP she doesn't have to pay without speaking to this family first. This sounds like it could have been all avoided with simple communication. Edit yeah MIL completely lost it at the end lmao
The things is that they don't have to. If they're going just to "keep the peace" they would be giving up THEIR peace. No family interactions must be forced, it wouldn't be a genuine bond. And well I think it was okay for them just to leave like that because his family went behind his back to tell OP such a thing and didn't even bat a lash as long as OP's husband went along with their plans. They assumed that he didn't have a mind of his own, but when he shows otherwise they keep getting mad and blame OP, as if her husband wasn't his own person. It's ridiculous to expect some to live their life in the way that their family expects them to.
@@RMMilaRei I always find it funny how people excuse toxic family dynamics and go ahead and call them "classic family dynamics." Wonder how many of the people defending that family are just mad that OP didn't allow herself to be stuck in their shoes and that she should've "been the bigger person."
My grandparents are kinda the same, not in the psycho cult leader sense, but in the sense that dad's family all live in the same small town, so they get together pretty frequently. Not every other day, but once or twice a week.
The reason they didn't tell her to pay for the vacation from the beginning is because they knew their son didn't share the sentiment. The MIL didn't have the balls to say "I don't think you're family and you have to pay for your own trip" in front of her son and waited till the day before, hoping the OP would either keep quiet and not talk about it or just straight up not come.
Dunno what her plan was after. Was she thinking her son would never find out? She wanted to stay close to her son and drive away the "no family" wife but now she completely lost her son. What wonderful karma
Girls don,t have balls
I think it's more that she wanted OP to drop out and expected her son to see she wasn't good enough for their family and made a mistake marrying her. She seems to have this idea, as does the rest of the family, that she is the reason the son wants space from them and not because they're toxic and overbearing.
She wanted her either to drop out and only want her son to come and even if she came they would have deliberately had or did most expensive thing to torture her
That sounds right.
Mil is a control freak who needs to have rule over her adult kids. The rest are just completely idiots who can't live without mommy's rule
Sadly, possessive parents who do terrible things to their kids' partners are more common than they should be... yesterday, I read a story about a woman who locked her pregnant DIL inside a sauna, turned it on and left the house to go on a trip, as "punishment" for "stealing her son".
Is the pregnant lady fine?
Do you have the link for this story?
This is beyond doing so.ething terrible...this was literally a crime.
She tried to kill her DIL.
Do you have the link to this story? Was the DIL okay?
Link ? That mess UP
When you have children and MIL tries to get to know them, tell her that she's not a family and has no place near your kid.
@@TheShadowSentinel mil meant she's not blood related so she's not family, the grandchildren are blood related tho. I can relate coz I often hear it from my mil and her family when they gossip about the daughter/son in laws, they have this mindset that their family is superior so they turn a blind eye on blood relatives mistakes and always blame the non families. It changes tho if the non family is super rich, so their priority is money, blood family and non family, in that order lol
Wrong, theres nothing to do with blood@@jha.681
That's a little petty. Id let her see the grandkids, but just a few times a year on holidays. I would intentionally get a job on the other side of the country.
I'd expect a 'shut up, I wasn't talking to YOU' again
Restraining order so she can't be around them.
Accused her of trying to isolate him, ignoring his well stated desires for privacy for the first time in his life, while getting the rest of her kids to cause a scene that gets them all cut off from the rest of the family
Classic controlling narcissistic behavior. She even called OP a "home wrecker" like she was married to her own son. Now THAT'S psycho behavior.
Absolutely shocked by the number of people who think it's ok to treat someone who married your son as if they are not family for something as asinine as "he moved out after he started dating you."
MIL deserved everything she got and more, and rest of the in laws instantly inherited deserving it too soon as they sided with her on this.
You DO NOT get to make the fall on who is and is not in your family where your kids are concerned, hubs married her, he decided she's his family, so unless he isn't your family anymore because of it, she is your family.
Literally the only exception is if he's showing up to family gatherings looking afraid of her and covering up stab wounds.
That family seem like a spider web. There's no need to be so close to the point that the husband says out loud he had no privacy whatsoever.
Dat ain't a family. Dat is a cult
careful there, you could be attacked for saying that
@@arthaiser a lot of people get attacked for saying the truth.
@@arthaiser And I say: Bring it!
@@roguedisciple2966 i stand by you my guy
What’s “Dat” mean?
When you get married, your spouse is your family now. Your parents and siblings are now EXTENDED family. Now I'm not married yet, but personally, I'd have directly expressed that if my wife isn't family, then I'm not family, and cancelled my flight directly, and then planned that duo vacation. NO ONE disrespects my wife, even my parents.
Yep. If you don't respect one of us, then you don't respect either of us.
We are joined as one through a sacred promise.
Exactly, I never understand the situations where only one of the married couple go to family dinners because the other isn't welcome. If one isn't welcome then neither are imo
I dunno if he did, but if I was the husband, I would bave told the family that we had been told by MIL not to worry about paying, that she'll take care of it up to the day before they left... no matter how many times I or my wife asked if it would be better for OP to pay.
I think that is a defining factor to show that it isn't OP being unthoughtful.
The people saying that this could’ve been avoided with communication are wrong because mil made it clear that she really dislikes her daughter in law, even if OP and her husband didn’t do what they did at the airport, at some point MIL was going to loose it because she is toxic. You can’t change a toxic person, they’ll only change once something goes down/they face the consequences of their actions 🤷🏾♀️
To think that would've been my MIL had she been well-off and had my husband cared about her silly ideas. The arrogance and the audacity.
This is the kind of parents who stop their children from being succesful
There’s a word for it and it’s called emotional incest. MIL has empty nest syndrome and she’s attached to her kids in a super unhealthy way. She probably asked them multiple times during childhood is they loved her and if she was a good mother and got angry if they said no. Her reaction to her son moving out is exactly what emotional incestuous parents are like.
Never heard of that term.
@@littlebabyman8494 It's a very interesting one. It's a really common phenomenon with 'boy moms', not to be confused with mothers who have sons. These women often have neglectful men in their lives and thus raise their sons like their 'perfect partner', exhibiting intense jealousy towards any romantic partners that son will take on, and many make claims such as "I was here first", "I was his first love", etc.
@@miaa7968 holy shit
whats the difference between this and narrism
I hate my brain
"But now I was beginning to feel it wasn't just a theory"
Immediately followed by me basically yelling "it's a game theory!"
I think you and your husband wants quality time not quantity time
As any sensible person would
Visiting family several times every week is just weird I couldn’t cope with that
This family is exactly like my X ILs. It's crazy. I was scolded because I bought a house 50+ miles away from them. They told me that I should have bought a house no more than 30 minutes away. I wasn't even married to my X at the time. I just told them why would I consider THEM when I live 3k miles away from my own family? Maybe I should move further east to be closer to my own family and make it fair. They never mentioned it again.
So basically the Ex inlaws were like Sandra
@@A340XLR Literally! The resemblance is creepy.
Yeah, if you're not respectful to my wife, it's an instant no-contact-for-life with no mulligans and no warnings.
And if she's not respectful to your family? As in it's the other way around where they try to be nice but the wife is the problem?
... that was the lamest explanation of them not considering her 'family'.
Not only was the MIL projecting but their family sounds really codependent. My situation wasn't the same but I felt smothered by my family. I didn't have the choice to leave like I wanted until the last 2 years, having little to no privacy can drive a person crazy. Humans are social creatures but some of us are okay being alone and by ourselves sometimes
TBH, I think that OP's husband wanted to escape a family dynamic that was suffocating and demanding and that college and later marriage granted him the excuse to do so. I think that OP's in-laws need to accept that he prefers not living practically in their pockets 24/7. I also think that MiL is certifiable and probably the ringleader in this mess. They are better off far away from her and her brainwashed brood.
Even so, would it kill them to go to family dinners at least once a month?
@@TimberlakeTigerGirl They do, OP said they go at least once a week before the incident.
I wish I could say I'm surprised commenters were blaming OP but I'm really not... Idk why some people think it's weird to want space from one's family. I live STATES away from my family ON PURPOSE because I love them but being around them too long makes me miserable. It's really not that weird to want space and independence especially from such an unhealthily enmeshed family like that.
Sounds like the least traditional Asian family
Whole family is wrong all around
W husband
Recent update says they got divorce
@@MrArielKWhat happened can you summarise please
@@MrArielK bruh u serious?
@@Darkspark06 he lyin
April fools nice try tho@@MrArielK
I have no idea why so many mothers secretly simp on their sons. . . . . . it's super creepy.
Because the sons are their own sons? Who doesn't love their own son?
Boy moms
@@A340XLR UR GROSS
She wasn't simping on her son, it was just that as he was the only one not into the cult-I mean...the family meetings, she ended up going after him.
The "lost sheep" and all that BS.
Seems that MIL has a mean controlling streak, if people don't act like she wants and obey her wishes, she goes nuts!
The term for what you're thinking of is, "emotional incest." It's a SUPER messed up phenomenon where mothers (or other family members, usually in a position of authority) become possessive of their sons (or children in general) and treat them more like a partner than a child. They lose their minds when their children become adults and get married because they've deluded themselves into thinking that they should be the only woman present in their son's life. There are a lot of factors that go into it, and usually the mother has experienced some kind of trauma or simply has a deeply and fundamentally warped view of relationships.
If i married into that family and saw how she treated and attacked OP, i would divorce out of there so fast and try to take the kids with me
The "family" sounds like a cult 😒
Is MIL Italian? This sounds like my ex-MIL. She visited my sister-in-law every single day and then whined that she never got so see my son. I pointed out that she was at sister-in-law's--which was only seven houses away--every day and nothing was stopping her from coming over to my house. FIL laughed at this because, obviously, I was supposed to go to her. Yeah, fat chance.
They're hypocrites. Your husband's better off without them
Mother called Daughter-In-Law a homewrecker. The Daughter-In-Law. The one who married that mother's son. That son, who wasn't in a romantic relationship with ANYONE ELSE. The MOTHER called her DAUGHTER-IN-LAW a HOMEWRECKER??!!!!
Ma'am, do you understand what you just implicated yourself with???? 🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮
Is the mother afraid to have a life on her own? Momma’s crazy.
This is "Everybody Loves Raymond" to an extreme! The in laws are extremely unreasonable!!!
Yea, however, the wife in that series was a complete b***h. So it makes me wonder how innocent is OP in this situation?
I'm from a big ass Filipino family and family is a big ass deal in our culture, some even still practice filial piety. But meeting this often and basically being harassed into staying close by doesn't look good even by our standards.
Marriage is a bond that gets stronger without interruptions from selfish parents.
To think this could of been avoided with healthy communication
Massive W to the husband
if the husband showed some spine from the start and stopped the accusations against op isolating him, show that this was happening with his free will, things wouldn't have come to this level.
I thought I was the only one who thought the same. He should have nipped it in the bud and handled it instead of letting his wife cop it from his crazy mother.
The family is in the wrong there.
Did you marry into Vin Diesels familly?
Moms need to realize that we’re raising people for THEIR families. I fully intend to treat my daughter’s future partner like family because if I don’t, I won’t be considered family. My husband is from a really close family but he’s never afraid to prioritize what he calls “our unit” (me, him, our daughter) over his family. We’re all family. But the unit is just us.
But what if he doesn't earn his spot in the family? What if he's like the OP; avoiding family gatherings like the plague without valid excuses like work or illness? And barely talks to the family through social media even just to say hi?
Because that's what OP did, then acts surprised that the family doesn't view her in high regard.
@@TimberlakeTigerGirl op said they try to go to mil dinner's at least a few times a week or even two weeks
That mother in law sounds like she could give Marie Barone a run for her money 🤦🏾♀️
In the end you marry your partner and their family are part but not the center of your marriage. This MIL is absolutely disgusting and controlling not the wife.
I'm laughing at this comment section. 😂
If the family had any semblance of being in the right, then, if the update was to be believed, why were they being cut-out of their friends lives when they made OP into the bad guy? Like come on, so many Olympic Gold Medalists with all this reaching. But to those simply saying ESH, you would be correct. They should've said something like, "since they are not valued as family, then why waste our time on a family trip where we'd be interlopers?" Not just ditch and then complain about all the texts.
They didn't believe she didn't manipulate him into doing what she wanted to do because that's what they have done to him his entire life.😂😂😂
5:15 MATPAT BE DAMNED!
MIL wants everyone within a 5 MILE radius and family gatherings EVERY OTHER DAY... yeah... that is RIDICULOUS. I'm sorry, but thinking that your grown ADULT CHILDREN shouldn't be given time to enjoy their freetime without the parents is a HUGE red flag. There's no way I would even CONSIDER dating someone who's family is all that codependent.
MIL waited until the DAY BEFORE vacation on PURPOSE hoping that OP wouldn't be able to afford it, thinking that she wouldn't have to pay for it.
Children > Spouse > Everyone else
Absolutely.💯
I know I've said this before in another video, but here goes:
"This feels like a dark version of 'Encanto' or 'Coco'," where the family matriarch is so obsessed with "keeping the family close" that it practically becomes a cult, and anyone who "disagrees" with or "isn't exactly like" the rest of them is to immediately be isolated, and mentally/emotionally abused until they "conform".
...Dang, now I wish Disney would make gritty movies again! 😂
She definitely told OP the day before in hopes that she wouldn’t go lol. Crazy mother in-laws become crazy grandmas .
Also they were probably always this way which is probably why OP’s husband wanted space to begin with.
Reminds me of my exs mom. She told me that I needed to stop being so distant from the family (though they pushed me away and never involved me in stuff even when I voluteered) and if I spent more time with her specifically then I could be (graced with the honor of being allowed to join) in family photos. I promised I would and we went to a market together, which was hell. Then pictures were taken soon after and I never hung out with her in my free time again. The kicker? My ex and I had been together for almost 12 years, I spent the first half of our relationship kissing her ass but eventually had enough. She was a textbook narcissist, her son was an emotionally abusive ass hat, and the whole family lived on the mom's whims. If she started something with someone and they gotnupsey, they'd have family members telling THEM to apologize to mom becaise "you know how she is, just say sorry to keep the peace" thank GOD I dumped him before they finally wore us down to get married like they had been trying for 3 years. They even tried harder after me and him had a break when he told me he loved me but wasn't in love with me and proceeded to get caught cheating! But he convinced me to take him back and they started asking at every visit when we were gonna get married and yada yada. Good riddance
Listening to these stories makes me so glad I’m a straight man 😂. Mother in law drama is non existent and your father in law might hate you but he keeps it pretty bottled up lol
That's the opposite actually. Straight men are often having issues with MILs and FILs. Men just generally don't post it because they feel embarrassed or are afraid of any possible negative backlash.
😅😂
The husband needs to grow a spine and handle his mother.
Just lost my edging streak! 😂
The MIL strikes again. Sometimes things go for the worst. Hopefully everything works out in the end.
I have come across a washroom break theory. Start any story and go for a washroom break, when u come back its either a restraining order or jail time. EVERY. STORY. (mostly)
NTA. I don't even talk to all of my own family every day. (We do talk a minimum of once a month) We are close. We just don't need to be up each others butts all the time like that mil and her family.
Maybe so, but at least you try to have some interaction with family. OP made it sound like she wanted as little to do with them, then acts surprised when there are consequences
Mil doesn't even know her family is a bunch of gold diggers that the only reason tolerate her
I agree with the OP. I only want to see my parents once or twice a month. It would be different if they respected my boundaries. They werent weong to ask her to pay but the dig at not being family could have been left out on MILs end. Every other day at family would drive me nuts!
At least you put some effort into seeing your family even if it's once or twice a month. OP makes it sound like she didn't go to any family dinners, even if once a month, and avoided the family as much as possible.
Then acts surprised when there is consequences
Both Parties Are Wrong, OP’s IL’s Are Wrong But OP & Her Husband Are 100% Wrong As Well.
Going MIA and making them fear something happened to them at the airport was definitely a dick move. I think they shouldve told them their plan when they were on the plane. Its not like they knew what plane they were on so they couldnt have stopped them.
This women kinda feels selfish
I mother called her daughter-in-law a home wrecker for marrying her son is kinda icky
They’re just backing up the mom
why would they even invite you to the vacation ?
I’m glad you guys ran off to San Francisco
Beautiful city ❤
Hopefully You guys can mend I remember my mom and dad would have fights with the in-laws they always got back to having their Saturday poker nights
NGL, they are all aholes. For sure, MIL have unrealistic expectations of what family does. But, that scene on the airport it is indeed borderline psychotic. Taking the POV of one of the family members on the trip. Imagine being in an airport with your family members, when a couple of them went missing with no avail or way to reach on them. It doesn't matter how adult that family member is, it portrays a situation where you should stay there and report missing people to the police. With that in mind, OP looks indeed like she is isolating his husband from the rest of the family and isolation is one of the characteristic of a controlling and abusing relationship. I'm not saying much from the POV of Op since the full 18 min video is about that, so no more need to explain. I think they all are aholes. I think the right move would be to send a text before taking the flight to San Francisco, that would have looked less psycho.
This
MIL is suffocating and awful. Glad her son got fed up with this. Parents who need their kids around them all the time are fucking weird.
Yeah, the MIL sounds like a narcissist and a control freak with her behavior, and her going after OP is exactly what narcissists do when their sense of control is gone. Honestly, I don't blame OP and her husband for ditching them, cause the fact that no one from the MIL's family even spoke up already implies MIL has them under their thumb, either as her "mini-mes" or too scared to act out. OP does not have to take this crap for "family" reasons, which makes no sense since MIL outright stated OP is not.
I know you cannot choose who to be related to, but you can absolutely establish boundaries, and if their toxicity and drama is getting to you, then keeping your distance is the only option. However, I still advise OP to keep her guard up, cause despite her unhinged behavior, I know narcissists like her can be surprisingly patient to get back at you over hurt pride. She will return.
Soooo they’re upset OP wasn’t spending enough time with them, then they’re upset she wants to join the fam holidays… hmmmmm…
As far as the family was concerned, the OP hasn't earned her spot because she deliberately doesn't go to see them often. And honestly, coming from a tight knit family myself (and a big one), I kind of get it.
Imagine being part of a huge tight knit family where everyone gets together frequently to keep the bond strong. Only for a outsider who is dating one of your relatives to not be as enthusiastic and makes up constant excuses to not come to weekly dinners and family holidays. Then all of a sudden, a huge family trip is coming up and suddenly the not so friendly in law wants to go and is expected to be treated like everyone else.
my sil isn't even married to my brother yet and she's still family (they've been together for like 7 years tho) she even came with us at vacation and my parents paid for her, i love my sil sm, i'm so sorry for peoples who get bad in-laws
Homewrecker? What the mil thinks she is married to her son?
His family is very controlling. The mother inlaw, is a Karen. The mother inlaw is a control freak the whole family.
How are they controlling? They are a tight knit family and obviously love each other and are there for each other. To be honest, while I do think MIL could of been more lenient about family members moving away. OP herself is not without fault and is actually the cause of the problems she's complaining about. What's so wrong with going to weekly family dinners? Or interacting with relatives on social media? Or, you know, actually trying to be a part of the family? She barely interacts with them then acts surprised and offended when there are consequences. She hasn't earned her spot in the family by avoiding them so honestly, the family is justified not treating her like an equal.
Not to mention that the stunt at the airport was a low blow and honestly just petty and immature. Like be mad at MIL all you want, but what did the rest of the family do to deserve getting the crap scared out of them like that?
The family is wrong, however this was handled so poorly by OP and her husband. Total alienation from the family with a restraint as well was not warranted.
It will likely blow up in OP's face later because her husband might later regret how everything blew up and start to resent her.
I understand where you are coming from. But, I can tell you from experience nothing else would have worked. They are abusive, probably narcissistic and controlling. Mom jumped to violence when OP spoke up. That is not normal behavior. I'm just trying to make you see that there is no negotiating or discussing with people that are THIS level of mentally ill. You either leave or they will abuse you and then your children until they die. And I know from experience that the moment the mom does the sister is going to "inherit" the cult. So, you are just thinking from the perspective of a mentally well person and that logic doesn't apply in Crazyland. 😂
the pushing boundaries, lack of privacy and hostile behaviors are all red flags of abuse from the husband's family.
I can imagine that MIL house is a "Not to put a lock on the door." type of household...
If an emergency happens, that's not a bad idea.
We see our parents weekly and our son every other weekend. He works and is in uni. I am so grateful for the time I get. I think once a week or bi weekly is appropriate. We don't call alot bc phone. Blah. We do text and meme he called the 4th and said happy 4th have fun and i gave the mom have fun but be safe speech. I have a good boy I don't want to lose him.
Family housing is the absolute worst. The inlaws never have any respect of space
But it also means that, when an emergency happens, you can count on them for support and help
They definitely could have handled the trip situation like adults, but I’m glad they got away.
They DID handle it like Adults and a proper young married couple. They chose continuing to their own relationship independently of parental control, not codependent children. Given how MIL was behaving at the time, and the family being part of that same dynamic, it's best that this happened early on long before kids are in the picture.
@@francinetitherington4060So scaring the crap out of everyone by running off without warning is 'being an adult? To me, that is petty, immature and a low blow on their part.
For the first time I'm on the side of the other side of the argument. Lol this chik sounds like a nightmare.
There are always two sides. I’m fairy certain OP did some crap to isolate the son.
when you marry to some one that person is your family not anyone else when you add kids there your family until they move out and marry to someone they love
Well if she doesnt think of you as family she should expect to not be there or involved in her future grand childrens life. Point blank
The husband's family is being toxic especially the MIL because of her expectations.
So OP and her husband had made them show just how toxic and dramatic they are.
My verdict NTA
The mom had a point for not paying though
Whenever she says the mom's name which is fake I immediately think of Sadara
Ppl on reddit fail to realize the family is the husband and wife, not mother, father, sisters, etc. They are extended family. So their accusations are pointless. If the extended family is telling you, the you are not family, they won't change their minds. So they better stay away from them.
I’d say ETA here. I think it’s obvious why the in-laws are assholes, the story makes it clear. But it is also shitty for OP and her husband to, instead of communicating with the in laws after the “you’re not family” conversation to just abandon the vacation and go on another one. The moment OP and her husband stepped foot in that airport, they were no better for leading them on
Sounds like the mom pushing for everyone being close is more about maintaining control than out of love.
I couldn’t imaging spending every other day with my family. I got my own sh!t to do.
But when s*it hits the fan and you need help, who are you going to turn to for support? Without your family, do you have friends to rely on? Being part of a tight knit family can be annoying, but that also means they won't abandon you and will help if you need it.
Anyone has the name of the redditor, or the link to the story? To be honest, this really feels like a story told from one perspective, so Im curious if there were any updates afterwards or what comment from the people at that time were.
I don’t think these are reddit stories anymore. This user used to take the stories posted on r/BestofRedditorUpdates, but in the past few weeks maybe 1-2 stories/week are from Reddit.
@@Exhelonta4736 makes sense, bestof only posts like once a week while this channel post over 20 videos a
A week
Da AI is doing all da work
I don't really believe this story. I may be wrong but I think she is reimagining the time scales. I don't believe the dinner every other day part. As well as many other parts.
Where was the simp father during all of this? Sick
The money is not the issue, she told you the day before hoping it would be and probably expected you to drop out of the trip and that trip doesn't sound free at all its like she expects to have 24hrs access to you and intends to run your life. She is a psycho control freak
great video! i really appreciate how you shared your experience so openly. however, i can't help but think that maybe ditching the vacation was a bit extreme. i mean, addressing family issues is tough, but sometimes it might help to face them instead of running away. what do you guys think?
This is all so messy and petty. I love it. However, it doesn't sound like they verbally set any boundaries, which seems important for a family that clearly has none and doesn't even seem to know what one is. Not that she's wrong, but joining a family together means navigating it, and they all did it really poorly.
That family is so big of a cult that far cry 5 is jealous
If being a tight knit family is a cult, then that's a shame.
While I'm all for them having their own vacation since the moms don't consider op as fam. They should've told them that they won't be joining them
I took a Sociologist class with this really cool professor who in fact worked on the nuclear bombs some time after WWII around 1970 and he always made jokes but one thing he always told us is once you get married get the hell outa dodge. He told us the terms for doing this and its called neolocality. This means a married couple is living away from both sides parents. patrilocality and matrilocality are when a couple lives near the fathers and/or mothers parents and this causes massive problems with the family if you have normal parents because the parents will always want to have a say in their grandkids lives and will eventually cause problems whereas if you live in a neolocal place then you wont deal with these problems and you can always visit grandparents.
no wonder why op husband wanted to move away. zero privacy for himself
they didn't ask O.P. to pay until the day before? then accused O.P. of not trying to be part of "the family "? .....
BISH I married a family member and then you ask me to pay my own way in a 'family vacation' that's planned around my wedding????? how about you be glad I didn't consider this BS a late honeymoon gift???
(edit) this hits a little close to home, ...sorry
Well moving houses may be convenient and all but with an ro they will just get the address right away. You can't tell somebody to stay away from someone's home and not tell them the location of the place they must avoid.
I am a sonewhat a extreme introvert .I love my family and extended relatives but i would prefer visiting them in certain times and moments not frequently and there is nothing wrong with that .
I hate stories like these because I totally understand the mother's POV she just went about it in a terrible way. And just not showing up at the airport is an extremely dumb thing to do the husband should have just told them the truth and be done with it. OP could at least visit on weekends for dinner or something to just keep the peace. Almost how can the husband tell OP she doesn't have to pay without speaking to this family first. This sounds like it could have been all avoided with simple communication. Edit yeah MIL completely lost it at the end lmao
The things is that they don't have to. If they're going just to "keep the peace" they would be giving up THEIR peace. No family interactions must be forced, it wouldn't be a genuine bond. And well I think it was okay for them just to leave like that because his family went behind his back to tell OP such a thing and didn't even bat a lash as long as OP's husband went along with their plans. They assumed that he didn't have a mind of his own, but when he shows otherwise they keep getting mad and blame OP, as if her husband wasn't his own person. It's ridiculous to expect some to live their life in the way that their family expects them to.
Didnt they say the tried to visit once or twice a week?
@@RMMilaRei I always find it funny how people excuse toxic family dynamics and go ahead and call them "classic family dynamics." Wonder how many of the people defending that family are just mad that OP didn't allow herself to be stuck in their shoes and that she should've "been the bigger person."
My grandparents are kinda the same, not in the psycho cult leader sense, but in the sense that dad's family all live in the same small town, so they get together pretty frequently. Not every other day, but once or twice a week.
That just sounds normal and well adjusted. Unless there's something going on there of course.