Should You Be A MOTHER?? // Actually answering the question so many of you are wondering about...
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- Опубликовано: 28 июл 2024
- #genderreveal #pregnancyannouncement #babyontheway
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The worst we can do as humans is to think our way is the only right way
Amen!!!!!!!
You wouldn't have this energy for like a racist or a misogynist. You want her to not think her way is right, but if some white nationalist came to you and told you that being inclusive and welcoming diversity was wrong and "the worst thing humans can do is think their way is the only right way" would you entertain their point of view? Absolutely not...
@@fark69 You are wrong about that. I have left many negative comments about racism and misogyny. I hate those things with a passion and have been very negatively impacted by misogyny. And racism and misogyny are both, in part, fueled by the thinking that if you are not like me, there's something wrong with you, you are inferior. That kind of thinking is a big part of all types of intolerance, xenophobia, hate, and all kinds of prejudice.
@@fark69This is the most mind-numbing comment I've read all year
@@fark69she is a misogynist. Every prejudice that impacts other people is something that should be fought against.
If you don’t 1000% sure you want kids and can provide them with a safe environment to grow in, DONT HAVE THEM!
No one can be 100% sure of anything in the future, so no one should have kids?
On the contrary, I think sacrificing for the next generation, even in the face of adversity and uncertainty is very noble.
@@fark69 you really don't understand boundaries, do you?
@@fark69 I see that you responded to almost every comment under this video and I respect that you are pretty respectful while handling different opinions but what you are doing here honestly doesn't matter. If you are really passionate about this subject and want to make a difference there are way better options than trying to change childfree people's opinion on having children on youtube. you are seriously wasting your time, this won't make us change our minds
@@fark69How many children do you have?
Lol yea when people say "but poor people had children in poverty a long time ago!"... yea and it was misery. Poor parents sent their children to work in factories and employers didn't mind because their little hands/arms were useful for the cheap labor. Go look at photos of poor children who had to support their family by shucking oysters... their little hands covered in bandages. Or spend some time looking up photos of child labor... those children look like their souls have ben sucked out... so sad. Or poor families often sent children to orphanages if they couldn't feed them... and in certain countries little girls were sent to brothels.
No one wants to raise children in poverty, people want the best for the potential children and see that as a part of possibly raising a human for 20 years. I'm guessing abby grew up comfortable at least, and has never struggled with poverty.
"I don't like that motherhood is a choice"
It *should* be a choice. It *is* a choice. Not everyone wants children.
I don't like children. I don't *want* children. I am not maternal. Why would I have children when I neither like or am good with them?
That's cruel to me and to the child.
Shaming people into parenthood when they don't want children is how you end up with unhappy parents and neglected children
THIS
More suffering just means more issues for reactionaries like her to weaponize. Every social ill is another chance to grandstand, vilify, blame, ostracize.
The way she puts down people for choosing not to have children says A LOT about her.
I honestly should have made a bingo card for this video 😂
Imagine not being able to fathom that not everyone wants to live the exact same way you do
Having kids is necessary for society. If a society doesn't have kids at replacement birth rate it undergoes a baby bust which leads to depressed wages for the future generation and economic downturn as the larger, aging population needs the smaller younger one to prop it up through taxes. Read about it. This happened to Japan. If everyone just did whatever was easiest and whatever felt best to them society would have an economic collapse
@fark69 and if some people have more than 2 kids it would cover the replacement rate for others. If everyone did anything we would bust the system. People have been having or not having kids forever. Why are you diligently commenting on everyone on here? Kind of weird and as I would imagine time consuming.
She never said they didn't, in fact she discussed that very fact. She said one way of living is better and she's right.
@@makachops I care because I'm young and I don't want to have to deal with a depressed economy and poorer quality of life because older people decided to not contribute back to society. Wanting to protect our future isn't weird. Fact is that birth rate in the US is way below replacement and this has economic consequences
@fark69 the world has the largest population it has ever had. With AI growing it may not matter how many kids people have, the economy will shift to accommodate the new world.
Girl, Im not gonna lie. Its scary to say you don't like the fact that motherhood is a choice. So what? All women should be forced to bear kids? What is this the handsmaids tale? Life is nuanced.
Yes, this is extremely creepy. As a queer woman the implications of me (someone who isn't even attracted to men) being FORCED to have children is just scary.
@@PaigeReed-uy9we I’m also a queer woman and yeah what really creeps me out about people like Abby Shapiro is how they seem to forget that there’s people who do not have attraction to the opposite gender unless they’re making homophobic videos. As if in their fantasy world all of us gays will submit and force ourselves into a heterosexual marriage.
This is why I’m like 80% sure this tradwife trend is a kink that people are comfortable sharing publicly
“who’s body is used for what it was supposed to be used for” is the most disconnected and inhumane sentence i’ve ever heard in my life. like oh my actual fucking god
Why is it disconnected and inhumane? Isn't the biology of women largely designed and grown by evolution to optimize having kids?
wholeheartedly agree. i was thankfully able to terminate mine at 9 weeks, many years ago. i am autistic with a very sensitive GI tract and low pain tolerance.
throughout those 9 weeks i was a zombie, miserable. i couldn't hold down food, and when i could, all of my nutrients were being taken from me for this clump of cells i never wanted (at the time i thought i wanted to adopt but i now know i don't have the capacities to be a parent).
anyways, my spiritual self and autistic body and brain was sending VERY CLEAR signals to me that this process is wrong for and violent to my body, and should never, ever happen again. my spirituality is earth-based but i know that jesus would understand and comfort anyone going through the same.
saying that someone with a working uterus should be forced to give birth is extremely dehumanizing and terrifying.
the UN states that forced pregnancy is a war crime. this is what abby wants. fucking unreal.
@@toomuchcyan she wants everyone to be exactly like her lol
Right?!? I surprised Abby didn't say "F*** infertile people and people who medically shouldn't get pregnant" in the same breath.
@@spOOkytimes yep, of course she says that "this video isn't directed at infertile people 🥺", only those with functional uteri, however everything she said is still likely painful to hear for someone with those issues.
I was just lectured about hedonism by a rich girl in a mansion 😅😅😅
For Real!
😂😂😂😂😂❤🙌
I’m a nurse on a cancer unit. I work overtime and over census because we still have not met our staffing needs. The job pushes me to my physical and mental limits. As exhausting as it is, the job gives me purpose, and I can honestly say that I love it. On my days off, I don’t have much energy for anything else. I’ll clean, catch up on home projects, take care of the pets. I live a pretty quiet, but satisfactory life. I don’t have children if numerous reasons, but ultimately the hours that I work and my depleted reserves would not be fair to them. You wanna call me selfish?? Girl, BYE. Go ahead and sit there behind your little camera in that little bubble that your rich family afforded you and pass judgement on the working class.
THIS. RIGHT. HERE.
Exactly. She acts like she's such hot shit. Her family took care of her and then her husband. Not to mention she thinks all women are wired the way she is, and she's making the assumption that everyone without children does nothing for others. What a narrowminded perspective.
But not having kids is what causes economic decline, provably, in developed countries. Aging shrinking populations in developed countries lead to increased tax burdens per person, shrinking wages, shrinking demand, and overall hurt the middle and lower classes most. This all happened in Japan, which has struggled to reverse the trend of its aging, shrinking population. As much as it seems difficult, having replacement rate levels of kids is necessary and helps us all out financially, especially the lower and middle classes.
@@fark69 Japanese aren't having as many kids because they work too much and can't afford them. If the government wants more babies, they need to address the reasons why people aren't having as many.
Having children doesn't financially benefit people who can't afford to provide for them. Why would people have children in poverty just so they can pay taxes for strangers one day? I'd rather have a good quality of life and let people learn to take care of themselves.
@@fark69 These are white supremacist talking points that you are repeating. To understand, I highly suggest you start watching Vaush.
You had to have kids to be not selfish? That’s not the norm. Most adults are capable of living meaningful, generous lives and contribute positively to society without having to be a parent to do so.
“We have a responsibility as people to live our lives for more than just ourselves” - I agree with this statement. I want to volunteer for wildlife rehabilitation, and eventually start an animal rescue.
That’s how I plan to live my life for more than just myself, and guess what? It doesn’t involve kids.
Kids are not the only purpose people can have in this world. I mean the planet is dying and y’all are worried about producing more kids?
Those are great causes to work for too! Not everyone will have the same path, and in fact it’s good that people have different passions like this. It rounds out our society imo. We need people with different interests to help in all kinds of different spheres.
But then you are going to rely on the government, funded by other people's kids, when you retire to pay for your Medicare, SSI, etc. So you are kind of loving your life for yourself and expecting others to sacrifice for you.
You can have kids and volunteer and open an animal sanctuary after they've grown up. But not having kids means you will contribute to the problem of an aging, shrinking population, which increases tax burdens on everyone, shrinks wages, and shrinks GDP. So you are kind of forcing the later generations into a worse off life because you didn't want to sacrifice to have kids
As a child-free zoologist, I fully endorse this!!
That's so cool! I've always wanted to do something like that, back when I was younger, in my 20s, it's not really possible for me anymore now cos I'm newly disabled and struggle with a lot of things! But it's awesome hearing about people wanting to do similar things to what I wanted at one point! Also, even weirder I've just noticed your name is Rachel, so is mine! And yours is spelled the best way too...!! 😆🥰 Oh my god... Your username is so similar to mine too this is so weird, cos I like using 8847, 88 being my year of birth and 47 cos I really like those numbers together and I just like how 8847 sounds haha, but yours is 8948!!! I'm actually a bit weirded out by how coincidental this is haha!! Anyway, I hope you achieve your dreams of starting an animal rescue! Much love from Rachel from England! 💕
That’s what my husband and I do- we are wildlife carers and have three birds in care now. We also volunteer regularly for an animal sanctuary. There are so many ways to live one’s life for others that doesn’t involve having children. But people without children also care for relatives and ageing parents and others. It shows you how lacking in brain power people are if they only think having kids is the way to live a good life.
Fascistly Abby - where motherhood isn't a choice.
When motherhood is a choice, the ones who choose it subsidize the ones who don't. This is a known fact across the field of economics. In the developed world, declining birth rates cause aging, shrinking populations, and that causes wage deflation, increased tax burdens, and GDP shrinking. It happened already in Japan. It's happening right now in the US, and this trend is very difficult to reverse. It isn't fascist to realize that every choice isn't good for overall society
@@fark69 they hide behind money. it's a fascist thing
@@fark69 Some people have to choose not having a kid or having one and potentially or definitely going into poverty. What you are saying may be an economic truth but what looks logical on paper does not align with the world that was set up for the next generations. It's unfortunate that it has come to this. I'm sure their would be more people voluntarily having kids if economic issues were addressed in ways that allow for choice. There are greedy people out there and they are not the working class. Abby wants to have her cake (not support policy that makes a better world for everyone) and eat it too (not have to deal with the consequences of not supporting existing people and the issues that arise from a falling population).
@@fark69and so what? Should we grow the population for the sake of economy? Our planet is already suffering enough and as a result, humans and animals are suffering as well. The earth deserves better than our limitless lust for money and greedy progeny.
@@MaggieKleppe this person spent probably a good hour replying to dozens of comment when the video was posted, and then a month later came back to spend more time replying to other comments. I have a feeling no amount of reason will persuade them from their delusions lol.
Abby. Not every woman can have kids. I have cried SO MANY TEARS over the fact that I’m too physically sick to have a kid. It’s so hard for us already then we see people like you shaming us further. Not everyone gets lucky and can carry kids to term or at all. Think about THAT next time you want to say hat all women should be mothers.
But Abby got pregnant easily! Abby had a birth without complications! Abby loves being a mom! Abby thinks her spoiled rotten existence should be the golden standard for everyone else! Abby is too dull to comprehend that her experience is not universal!
My heart is with you since I had a similar experience of many years of infertility longing for a child, including a failed adoption. Fundamental christianity, and many spheres of society, say that you fail as a woman if you don't birth a small human and, though it was (and at times still is painful), I've been so comforted to join communities that value individuals for what they are versus measuing them by what they are not. I have genuinely made peace with my childless life at this point, but I know that is not the path for everyone. I wish you strength on your journey
I think she literally addressed this in the video and said explicitly that she feels for people who cannot have kids and this is not about them. Did you watch the video?
@@fark69”ok infertile ladies you’re wonderful and valid and I sympathize with you! Now please close your ears. ANYONE WHO DOESNT BIRTH CHILDREN IS SELFISH AND MAKES THE WRONG CHOICE. YOU ARE WORTHLESS!!’
You see how weird it is that these two mindsets are right next to each other? If you truly valued and respected infertile women, you wouldn’t even say anything past having sympathy for them. Stating your sympathy doesn’t cancel out that she thinks there’s something wrong about living a life without children. One sentence stating ‘I feel for you’, and then over 10 minutes of talking about how life is meaningless without birthing children. Grow some critical thinking skills. You know very well she’s still judging infertile women when the cameras and mics are off.
@@fark69 She litterely said it is not the same if you can't have kids, then a few minutes later said if you have kids you are more important then those who don't. Did you watch the video?
No use writing intellectually engaging comments on her videos. This woman has got no critical thinking, something that she has proven over & over again.
Keep going ahead, Abby. All this is very classy & sensible of you. This is exactly how people with an education should speak.
For her, unfortunately, she needs to become a caricature of what she thinks a perfect holy woman must be. Look into her past and she regrets her leaked nudes and other unsavory activities. At least with this life, she can sort of repent in her eyes and be the perfect image of what she thinks will cleanse herself of that. It's all a way to deflect her feelings of inferiority and self consciousness
^ regretting doing bad things and trying to do good things and telling others the things and thoughts that helped you change is insecure? So should everyone just once they make a mistake never change because otherwise they'd be insecure?
@@fark69Don't be dishonest. You know what this is about.
@@al5306 What is it about? Let me know because I genuinely think that people who want to change into better versions of themselves and share with others what helped them change and avoid what they used to be is not insecure.
@@fark69 she is great. We think she is doing an amazing job.
And she has got such a dedicated supporter- you. She must have said/done wonderful things in life to deserve such empathy & support! ❤️
So, in the video Abby talks about how it is important for us to be altruistic, not selfish and do more than just perusing what makes us 'happy'. Yet, very ironically she fails to realize that the only reason she loves motherhood is not because she is doing it for someone else but because it makes her own self happy and fulfills her. She is trying to cover up the fact that she had children for her own happiness and self-fulfillment by using the excuse of 'duty and responsibility'. If all of this is altruistic and not selfish, would she be okay with having 13+ children while her body breaks down and urges for her to stop, I mean she is just doing her duty right, none of this has any regard for herself, right?
But that is not the bad part of the video, when people like her say that "motherhood shouldn't be a choice", I wonder what crimes against women are they willing to let happen simply because they might result in motherhood?
Thank you.
Prepare for her to never address any of these very valid points.
I was also wondering myself about her point on duty and responsbility. I wonder what her take would be if someone were to propose something along the lines of every US citizen needing to serve for a year or two because it's "their duty and responsibility to the country/for the betterment of society." I'm not trying to point out hypocrisy, I'm just curious how far "responsbility to society" spreads. If all women should become mothers to fulfill their duty to society, should all citizens serve to fulfill their duty to their country?
Motherhood is inherently not selfish in a developed country with an aging, shrinking population. As that trend continues (largely due to people not having replacement rate levels of birth), people are stuck with a higher individual tax burden, shrinking wages, shrinking economic demand, and overall shrinking GDP (which is happening now). What's selfish is not having any children, destroying the economic prospects of the next generation as a result, and then expecting the government, funded by the taxes of other people's children, to take care of you and pay for your Medicare, SSI, and various other programs.
Also, when these people like her - who are just super-fundamentalistic conservatives - talk about not being selfish etc., they also mean: do what your man wants you to do. He wants kids, he wants you to carry on his legacy, forget about everything you maybe you thought you were about other than being "his woman", and take care of his offspring while he's running around doing whatever.
@@fark69 I assume you are talking about the US and Boomers, which is very true. They set this precedent unfortunately. How are people who actually want kids supposed to have them when doing so would land them in poverty? Having kids is almost a luxury now and its a serious financial choice even for people who are very financially secure. Many boomers made their bed by being perpetrators or complicit and now they are being dragged to it kicking and screaming. I feel sorry for the minority that was dragged along in their generation.
I just don’t understand why Motherhood is talked in this way and Fatherhood never is depicted like this? If a woman is to become a mother in they way Abbey describes, men need to equally take their fate as Fathers as seriously. Also, a woman doesn’t live hedonistically just because she hasn’t had kids and can still make life-altering, selfless, difficult decisions that better the world and others around them. Also, if motherhood is to get respect the conservative community needs to learn to respect it truly. Not romanticize it but respect it
1. Fatherhood is really important and is talked about this way? The number one determinant of a child's outcome in life is the presence of father in their life, in studies done in the US. It's generally, in all developed countries, women who are more opposed to having and raising kids than men because motherhood is derided in popular culture compared to being a boss woman corporate worker and fatherhood is not (most films show corporate boss fathers regretting not being there for their kids as an example).
2. Women in the current generation are more socially isolated than previous generations despite having fewer kids, so they are clearly not using not having kids to build strong social bonds or do the selfless things you claim. Most are not. Some may.
Are you friends with any women who are childless?@@fark69
As a youth advocate: don't do it unless you know you want to. So many kids get dumped in grouphomes and traumatized.
I'm curious, Will you ever advocate for any social programs, like Universal Childcare , that would actually help women, who choose that decision or berate them?
And most people who don't have kids, are aware of the responsibility to live their lives for more than for themselves. That's where Finance comes in. Kids cost money .
And you haven't mentioned a peep of that .
Innovate. Take initiative. Stop complaining. And stop asking the government to solve your problems for you like an effeminate wimp.
No, she didn't, but maybe she would be compassionate to women in these circumstances off the camera. I believe it takes a village to raise a family. I hope I don't need WIC or SNAP, given I work full-time and have loving parents / extended family (well, I live with them 😅), but it is not a sign of weakness to access those benefits. I have paid thousands of dollars in taxes over the years as a gainfully employed 31 year-old so have no problem getting on these programs if working 5-6 days a week and living with family doesn't cut it!
@@SurrealisticSlumbersAnd Abby not saying anything to this is one of the issues.
The US is the wealthiest country in the entire world. There are very very few people who aren't having kids because they couldn't afford it. Many many more simply want a better lifestyle without having to give up certain spending for kids or just don't want to marry altogether. That's the fact and you and I both know that
@@fark69 Being the wealthiest country in the world, is not the same as having wealthy citizens. And nah, Millions Upon Millions of Americans are not having kids, cuz of finance . Please stop making stuff up. You sound like a fool, frankly. Just stop.
But what if you live in a country where it's dangerous to have kids? Or you don't have the money or resourses to be able to raise that kid well and feed your kid?? I think those are valid reasons to choose not to have any.
I feel like it's easy to say that motherhood shouldn't be a choice when you have a privileged lifestyle.
Agreed 💯
Do you really think she's talking to people in those situations?
@@DianaLopezDlo she literally said having children for fertile people is not a choice so
Exactly, they talk from their PRIVILEGE. If she grew up in different circumstances, she would think different.
@@hannibalmontanabal4398Except it IS a choice. 😂 Loads of fertile people don't have kids by choice and there's nothing she can do about it. If it's not a choice, she needs to provide the specific legal document that says so .
On my way to my local convent to tell all the nuns how they are selfish and threw their lives away 🙏
I don’t agree with her view but she mentioned that she isn’t saying there isn’t value in singlehood but that she thinks that people who don’t have kids should be involved in the upbringing and betterment of their community so I think nuns would fall under that category. Again, I don’t agree with her, but she said this video is for people who choose hedonism over raising a family and contributing to society.
this is giving a lot of projection of personal insecurities babes. you ok?
Classically Abby (a white privileged SAHM with access to resources and finances): I am a mom. Everyone should be a mother
Completely ignores the medical, social, economic reasons that women might not want to have kids.
Also what is wrong if people want to live a hedonistic lifestyle? I don’t get why it is “motherhood” or “partying it up”. Some of the most nasty and self centered people I have met are mothers
It's obviously wrong if you want to live a hedonistic lifestyle and then retire and expect other people's kids taxes to pay for your social security, Medicare, etc. Older generations are some of the government's biggest expenditures, and when a whole generation has less than 2 kids per couple, the next generation has to pay more and more taxes and spends less and gets paid less and this can lead to economic downturn. Its very antisocial to not have kids so you can live a hedonistic lifestyle
@@fark69You’re presenting a false dichotomy, and so is Abby. It’s not “have kids” or “live a hedonistic lifestyle;” and it’s silly and dishonest to say so. Abby is intelligent, so I’m not sure why she’s saying this, unless she has a deep-rooted insecurity that’s motivating her to put down childlessness. Are nuns hedonistic for not having children?
@@AnnSmajstrlaNuns live a life of asceticism that normal people don't. But normal people who don't have kids get the government to take care of them in their old age and that is all funded by other people's kids. you ignored that part of what I said.
@@fark69 “have kids so they can take care of you when you get old and so they can pay taxes” is a bad reason to have children.
@@AnnSmajstrla unfortunately it's a real problem, just because you say it's a bad reason doesn't make it untrue. It's a serious issue people like you don't want to take seriously because it's inconvenient
I thought you Republicans were about "personal freedom" yet here you are 💀💀💀💀
like it’s the exact fucking opposite lol
@@strawbabbie They're fighting for a dictatorship
They were never about personal freedom. The only freedom we should have is to live by their choices.
@@megankissinger8269 Exactly. I'm sorry I'm not actually an American so I don't mean to disrespect, but if the right get into power, I think you guys should remove "land of the free" from your national anthem
@@user-wo6xj4se8b Oh absolutely!
So strange that Abby directly links not wanting to have children to instead living a debauched selfish life.
What of the nuns who trade sex and child bearing to totally devote their lives to God?
There are many other people I can live for other then myself and theoretic children such as my family, siblings, friends, my husband, my community and God.
Having and raising a family is a wonderful beautiful choice for many people and we love the ones who choose that life. BUT because being a mother is ABBYS life calling, and because it gave HER life meaning, doesn't mean it is the same for others. And frankly I think Abby's inability to see that other people have different life goals is immature. And it's especially immature how she belittles lifestyle that are different to her own.
That's solely because she views her lifestyle with rose colored lenses. She can't see anything past her own opinions and lifestyle. I agree that it is an immature factor in her character.
That’s Abby’s MO, belittle anyone that make different choices. She is really immature.
Everyone says "I can live for X Y and Z people instead of just my children" but the reality is that the current generation is the most isolated, most lonely generation with less friends on average than their predecessors. So clearly they are not using not having kids to build other strong social bonds...
@@fark69 Bro you responded this way to many people who said they don't want to have kids and can be selfless without having children. If people don't want to have kids, THEY DON'T HAVE TO especially when they aren't ready and can't handle it. There are a lot of bad parent out there that shouldn't be parents and a lot of kids don't have parents, so no not everyone is meant to be a parent. Some people can't take care of themselves and some people don't want kids because financial reasons. All of those reason are valid reasons to not have children. Accept that and move on with your life instead of forcing your opinions down everyone's throat weirdo.
@@fark69Source?
i love the childfree by choice option
I understand where you’re coming from, but I think it’s a huge blanket statement to say you can either be a mother or “party it up.” It actively ignores (and in my opinion, invalidates) the many childless people who actively live outside of themselves everyday as teachers, doctors, nurses, EMTs, psychologists/psychiatrists, social workers, active volunteers, etc. My aunt is childless and is a teacher in an inner city school, and many of her students see her more than they see one (and in some cases both) of their parents. She’s bought them things like school supplies, toiletries, and food out of her own pocket and says she knows a lot of teachers do the same. I don’t think her choice to not have children makes the work she’s done or the life she’s lived less valuable in any way.
Statistics show the vast majority of childless people choose not to have children so they don't have to sacrifice their QoL or sacrifice their lifestyle. Your aunt is an exception to that growing trend and it's that trend Abby is addressing. Salute to your aunt for being a teacher. One of the most important and, unfortunately, least taken care of workers in our society.
@@fark69Citation?
@@fark69 what makes you think that having a worthwhile vocation that helps people or even saves life is not an enormous contribution to quality of life ?? this is such a straw-men, are the unruly hedonists in the room with us right now? you are hyper-fixating on non-existing problems, as per usual
@@fark69 It's childFREE, actually. Childless people want kids and can't physically have them. Infertility is growing rapidly. There are plenty of people who want kids and can't have them. Maybe you should be upset at the cause of that instead of advocating for forced parentage on people.
@@y0landa543 I never said anything of the sort. I said such people are the exceptions and should be praised. Most childless adults vocations are not so essential to our society or life-saving in any way.
I’m childfree by choice because I recognise that *I am not capable* of caring for a child. I don’t know if Abby realises that women like me even exist, but we do. Women who do not have the nurturing qualities required to raise an emotionally healthy child. Women who feel exhausted in the mere presence of children. Women who, if placed in the role of mother, would do lasting psychological damage to their children not out of malice but out of sheer incompetence.
The more self-aware of us know our weaknesses and choose not to have children regardless of what the prevailing societal message is. The less self aware have really fucked up kids.
I think a lot of generational trauma comes back to women like me who were forced to have children in a time when we could not choose.
But you are also inflicting generational trauma on the next generation by not having kids because you are causing the next generation to shrink in size, so when you retire and get govt benefits like Medicare, SS, etc. that gets paid to you by a smaller group of workers who need to be taxed higher and will be less able to afford the things you were more able to afford. Being "childfree" contributes to the unaffordability crisis, so you actually don't seem to be self-aware about that fact ...
@@fark69 Quite frankly, I doubt I would be able to raise contributing members of society at all. They would probably end up with severe mental illness.
@@fark69 Good Grief - GET a grip!
Do you KNOW how much tax dollars are spent on traumatized human beings ? Think of prisons, drug abuse, homelessness, child protective services, health care, disability, welfare - If FEWER people had children who did not want them or who couldn't afford to properly raise them either financially or emotionally - we wouldn't be wasting hundreds of millions of dollars.
Want more money in the tax funds - take away non-profit status from religious organizations - if they want to take care of the poor and elderly they should put their money where their mouths are!
@@fark69you commenting everywhere is wild. Dude hand it up
@@fark69 bro does not know what generational trauma is LMAO
Abby, why are you saying "Motherhood" not "Parenthood" - does a "body used for what it was supposed to be used for" only apply to women?
Because conservatives don't actually value fatherhood, they value traditional gender roles which means men are the breadwinners and do nothing at home
No one forces parenthood onto fathers that abandon their children because no one is interested in controlling how men live. It's sad isn't it?
Because it’s nowhere near as much of a sacrifice as men. For starters all men have to do is have an orgasm.
This whole lecture just sounds like you’re irritated that women are choosing not to take the path you thought was mandatory.
People should have as many children as they want and can properly care for. For some people, that is zero, and that is a perfectly valid choice.
Interesting video. As a mother myself, I love my daughter to death, and am SO GLAD I had her. She's my life. As a stay at home mom though, I sometimes feel like being a mother is all my life is about, and I feel like I have lost a part of who I am, it's my whole identity, which it shouldn't be. We went back and forth on having kids. It is incredibly rewarding, and yeah, most women will become mothers, but it's not for everyone! And just because you aren't a mother, it doesn't mean you'll be off leading a hedonistic lifestyle. I know it's just your opinion, but you seem to like to tell people how to live their lives.
She can have an opinion on how people should live their lives. You don't like it, then don't listen. It's almost like you like coming here to have something to be mad about.
You're right. Most people who avoid motherhood end up pretty sad actually. It's not like people don't want to have kids. Vast majority do want to, some are unlucky
@@fark69 No they don't bro.
@@archiearchibald2883 Because Abby is being ridiculous. The republicans go on and on about "personal freedom" yet here she is laying out all these rules. She wants a dictatorship.
@@user-wo6xj4se8byes, yes they do
Thanks for sharing your opinion, Abby. For me, the perspective of the future unborn child needs to be considered too. If they haven't been conceived yet, I'd really encourage women to start a family WHEN they're excited, yearning, and feeling like a child is the right choice for them. It is a choice. It's the most important choice you'll ever make, because there's no going back. That child, any child, deserves to be loved and wanted.
I disagree, but respectfully. Life is a wonderful gift and I know many many people who didn't have the best parents, who didn't grow up in good circumstances, whose parents were absent or said flatly they never wanted them. As horrible as that is, all of them would rather be alive and living the lives they have now than to never get that chance. No matter what, bringing life into this world is an enormous and amazing sacrifice. That's just my opinion
@@fark69Did your parents want you? If they did, then you really have no right to speak on this. You don't know the experience of having parents that didn't want to be parents.
@@achilleamillefolium2463 I don't think that's fair. You already know based on my comment. But if someone came along saying "Yes my parents didn't want me and I still believe life is a gift" (and there are such people out of the billions in the world) what would you say?
@@fark69 There are also people who would've preferred to not have been born at all. But that is not a sentiment that they tell others. You can't predict these things. And no one consents to being born. Ultimately, it is in the best interest of your future children to plan ahead so that the odds of them being able to make the most of their lives are higher.
@@fark69 easy to say when you're not the one carrying the child, dealing with their postpartum issues, their medical bills and raising their kid. Thanks for your lazy, worthless opinion.
Well done, Abby. You just single-handedly managed to set women's rights a few centuries back.
Why do you see life in black and white? Do you not realise that there's more to women than just the devoted religious mother and the hedonistic, promiscuous party animal? One can choose to help children by becoming, say, a social worker or a teacher without having children of their own. Or another childless person may have enough emotional and financial resources to assist a new mother in raising her child. I think you really need to go out in the world and talk to more people who don't share your worldview, you may find them to be real, kind people and not just horrible leftist caricatures.
But realistically none of the people who are DINK ever spend any of their money to assist new mothers they aren't related to. In fact they are quite bitter and callous towards them, I'm sure we all know many examples
Respectfully. This is lobotomy core at it's finest.
"Being pro life is being pro woman 🥺🥺🥺" yeah pro rich straight white women who is healthy and has money and a nice house and no mental illnesses and a non abusive partner and wasn't SA'd and the pregnancy wont kill her 🤭
Pro-lifers should be called pro-birthers instead because they only care about the baby up until it's out of the vag.
What type of person is better for society: A: someone who doesn’t have kids but donates to charities. She has more time because she doesn’t have kids so she works extra hard at her job. She enjoys herself but also cares about society. Person B: has 8 kids, but doesn’t take care of them well and they live a life of poverty. They also all vote democrat.
I know every time I volunteer, which is a lot, it’s rare there are parents volunteering. I also vote Democrat. 🤷🏼♀️
@@annamolly2549 I wasn’t implying democrats don’t donate to charity much. But I know this channel is more conservative friendly so I added that in there lol
Kids end up growing up into workers who pay taxes to the government and fund programs that help others (Medicaid, Medicare, snap, etc.). So having kids is kind of a charity to society.
the 'vote democrat' part made me chuckle but honestly it's a good point. I wonder what abbey thinks about socialists or communists or atheists having lots of kids?
I’m pretty sure there are many people who haven’t had children who have contributed greatly to society as a whole…Mother Teresa, Florence Nightingale, Jane Austen, Dolly Parton. Not having children is not about choosing between “sacrificing for others” or “partying hard”…there are more sides to this choice, such as not contributing to the environmental destruction of the earth. How sad that you are unable to see that others’ choices are as valid as yours.
Also, as a person who was unable to bear a child, to say that women who can’t bear their own child can’t possibly understand true love is insulting and extremely hurtful. I hope you read these comments and reflect and learn and grow to see that other perspectives are as valid as your own.
I'm a nurse who has seen first hand why some people should not be parents. The psychological, physical and sexual abuse proves some people should not be parents. Please don't think because someone is"religious" that they won't be abusive. I have seen the abuse firsthand. Know yourself. There really after some people who should not have kids
I learned about the serenity prayer a few weeks ago and I don’t practice any religion but love this as a meditation for me. Have you ever tried it Abby? I think it would be great for you to find the wisdom from God to know that you just can’t control people into wanting kids and also judging people thinking that those who don’t want kids are selfish. Not everyone is like you, Abby, some families live in a garage with 4 kids while you have one and live in a beautiful furnished and big spaced home. It’s great you have a happy family, why not let people live the way they wish to be happy - also, not everyone who does not want a kid just wants to party 🙄
You can't let everyone just not have kids because that can seriously negatively affect society... it's important for govt to champion having kids and incentivize this in the population when it comes to places like ours with below replacement birth rates
@@fark69wow what a fucked up take 😂
I understand but don't you think people havingkids when they can't take care of them is also negatively affecting society? You think abortions left and right are good for society? You think kids in foster homes are good for the society? You think Orphans or kids with abusive families is okay for the society? There needs to be a balance in everything, FORCING and PRESSURING people into having children will NOT make the world a better place. I am not saying EVERYONE shouldn't have kids, I am saying everyone should have the freedom to choose and everyone SHOULD be taught about safe sex more as well as parenthood imo.
@@fark69Abby, is that you? 😂
@@aureliaaurita8138BAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA
Abby. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY OF US IS THERE ON EARTH ALREADY?
But in first-world countries there is actually a depopulation problem with below replacement birth rates. Those societies, specifically begin to fall in a trap where the population shrinks and ages, so the next generation needs to pay a higher tax burden for the previous generation (which is larger and beginning to take retirement benefits, Medicare, etc.). But that next generation is also smaller, so each worker needs to pay more taxes, which shrinks their wages. This happened in Japan already and is happening in European / American countries. So not having more kids actually accelerates the unaffordability crisis.
This is like saying all female dogs and cats should have babies because that is what their bodies were created for. And if they don't they can't have a fulfilling life.
Abby loves spewing absolute horseshit for attention. She isn’t happy and is projecting. She recently said she struggled to find fulfillment as a stay at home mom, but yet she said EVERY mother should be sahm. She talks out of both sides of her mouth. She is desperate to get a career up and running but belittles women who have careers. It’s all projection
Hahaha, life its self doesn't have a purpose anyways.
You are strikingly close to getting it, but missed the point somehow. Evolution brought us here to do what... Think of that
Crazy how she talks about being a mother but not being a GOOD mother and thats funny to me
Not every person should be a parent. My mom had me and was abusive and then abandoned me so she should not have been a mother. There are other way to take care of, and be a role model to young children that doesn’t necessarily mean being a parent. You have a lot of privilege that allows you to be a mother but not everyone has that.
Wow. If empathy and compassion are only fully realized after you have kids I would hate to have seen what you were like before them.
This!!!
Having kids is a choice. Always
What if everyone in your country CHOOSE not to have children?
Abigail views things through rose colored lenes alot. Motherhood is a choice full stop. When you choose to be a mother you choose a path that leads to a whole new life. Motherhood is a life-altering choice that should be taken seriously. Motherhood comes with struggles whether it being health mental health, hardships, joy, growth etc. Not only that, but let's just say a random person decides to become a parent. That doesn't always mean motherhood changes them for the good. Sometimes it makes them worse and sure one can simply argue that they should re-evaluate themselves, but that not always fruitful either and in some cases the mom just ends up regretting putting herself in the position of becoming a mother. In another case family/parents can lead children to become broken adults. These are things to be considered when discussing this topic. But on the other hand that's not to say children can't be fulfilling, but it does need to be acknowledged that it is a huge responsibility to take on. To balance my point; for some people like Abigail who seem more built for motherhood. Yes her, women, and men can lead happy lives with the choice to have a child. It really goes every way and what ultimately matters is not to pressure others for choices that you-yourself may not make.
Now for childess people. Its not always a hedonistic lifestyle and if so there is really nothing wrong with that. Just because you don't have children doesn't mean you aren't close to your friends kids, or don't donate and do good things, don't work hard, don't find values in other places in your life. You can still live for others such as a partner, friends, family, choosen family, pets, activism, work, ect. Its not always simply WOOOO LETS PARTYYY!There's more to it than that. Childless people still have foundations in place. Not everyone wants, cares, nor needs to be a mother and certainly doesn't find fulfillment in it. However doesn't mean those type of women are empty or sad inside. It's actually a common misconception. Like when people state that childless people don't want to go through the hards parts of life. That's also simply not true. Life holds many difficult parts and surprises you in hard situations. Its how you handle those situations childless or not. You can be a fulfilled person without children. You can be whole. You can lead a beautiful wonderful life without children. Learning and growing as a person doesn't always require children. It really is to each their own. However there should be intent and how you live that life. Stick to your morals and stick to your foundations. Feed your soul and you will be good.
And yes sure raising the next generation can be considered important work especially if you're religious. But it's certainly not the only important work out there.
Agree that parenthood is a choice. However when does fertility at large become a problem? It perfectly understandable why women recoil at demographic collapse issues, but when in the near future, half our population is over the age of 50, I think it will be justified to call parenthood a moral imperative.
Fertility should be taken seriously. Especially in your mid to late 20's and early thirties. Again choosing whether to have children is a choice that needs to be considered and spoken about with a partner, but also with yourself. Understanding the pros and cons of having children early versus having children later in life is a logically sound thing to consider preferably before you get older. Knowing what's more ideal for your body, life, and future will help on whatever journey a person takes in life. But also keep in mind that a lot of people don't even find that great love with whom to bare children with until later in life. But when we are in our 50's parenthood is still going to be a constant thing for humans. Everywhere you look you can see families and children everywhere. That's just humanity doing it's thing. There will never be a justification to call having children a moral imperative. I also want to note that just because birthrates are going down. Doesn't mean it's that big of an issue as conservatives make it out to be. They are just unreasonably scared. What's happening right now may not even last for a long time. We can't speak for the future that we don't know. However we can control our choices and take care with the freedom we have with those choices.
@@artiemcully2038 I am South Korean (excuse my grammar) and am seeing many societal issues boiling up. We have too many elderly people whose families are unable to support and take care of them. Many family structure resemble 4-2-1. 4 grandparents, 2 parents, and 1 working age person. I agree, the hyper-capitalism stemming from American conservatism mixed with uncriticized Asian shame culture has shaped our current predicament. But in a situation we are in (and MAYBE U.S. in the future) having kids would definitely be an action benefiting the healthy continuation of moralized society.
@@Itatchi777 You're completely fine with your grammar! I'll do my best to understand :) I see what you are saying. However, just because you have a family doesn't mean it's a good family. For example it is more common now and days to not speak or be close to other siblings and cut toxic family members out of your life. Just because you have children doesn't necessarily mean that the child would want anything to do with the parents growing up. However it also doesn't mean said child who is now an adult is a bad person or doesn't contribute to society. Often enough people learn how to people as they grow up through life's experience. Those are the realities and harsh truths about family units. Not to say that every family is like this though. There are plenty of good families with strong family units and end up having great children or terrible children. I also want to note that just because you share blood with your family doesn't mean you're beholden to them. Family of course matters, but in some cases sharing blood with family members doesn't. That's why having your chosen family is more popularized now and days. So in the case of taking care of parents or grandparents. It's really to each their own. Some people aren't close or even like their parents so they won't take care of them, some don't have the money, some love their parents dearly and will do anything to make them comfortable, some parents don't even want to put the burden of having their children take care of them in their old age. It's really situational and unique to each family.
@@Itatchi777No disrespect, but South Korea (most countries, really) does not have the best track record of good treatment of its women. It is well known that the sexism is embedded in society. How is having children a moral imperative while the women who birth the children are not treated morally? Not even humanely? To expect this of people, especially women, does come across as quite audacious and disrespectful.
7:50 "who's body was used for what it is supposed to be used for?" mmmmm i love the smell of internalized misogyny . RUN GIRL RUN
Why is it internalized misogyny? Didn't women evolve to have children better fit for survival? Aren't many of the distinguishing factors of women from men related to their general ability to have kids and to feed those kids?
@@fark69 username fark69 👍
I find it strange that people with children think that childless or childfree people "party" and "travel" all the time.😂 Go right ahead and keep spreading this hurtful and false rhetoric.
This video is deeply disturbing and sad.
So women are just bodies, not actual individuals?
Stop saying “shepherd the next generation” as an argument of why you need to have children. The next generation already exists in the foster system and impoverished families. Maybe if we as a culture stopped pushing the narrative of pushing out babies you’re not sure you can afford or even want the “next generation” could live better lives than we’re currently allowing for
We're drowning in irony right now, because the whole reason this is a point of discussion at all is selfishness. "My worldview is safe for me so I need to make sure everyone else shares it, otherwise it's not safe. When someone tries to share a differing perspective, they're actively trying to take me out of my safety and therefore hurt me. I need to change their worldview to feel safe, and I will do it by being as authoritarian, and disciplinarian as possible so they know I mean business. I have the right to have authority over this issue." The Cornered Cat effect prompted by others being "out of compliance." How very Classic of you, Abby.
You don’t have to party it up if you don’t have kids. Many childless by choice people are introverted. Now, I’m someone who just recently came around to the idea of being open to motherhood and I still struggle with certain aspects of it (I’m not pregnant nor am I a mom but I’m engaged to a man who wants children). Even then, I still believe motherhood is a choice and if you don’t have it in you, don’t have kids.
Most childless people I know are just trying to get by. I don't know where this fantasy about childless people living some kind of rockstar lifestyle comes from. Maybe they're protecting their own longings or maybe they're just ridiculously naive.
@@mariaquiet6211 But not having kids makes it far more likely that the future generation will be worse off than you, at least in a developed country this is largely the case. Because with a smaller, older population, the next gen pays more tax, has shrinking wages, and shrinking GDP. So, not having kids ironically makes the next generation worse off than you
@@fark69 and then the population dies off and people can re-grow
shaming women into pumping out more babies so someone will wipe your aging ass is just going to be a further strain and ALSO it's creating a society where you're basically treating women AND children like livestock
All because of your taxes
You can't make this come off like anything noble, hon. You are admitting to being a soulless monster.
Try creating a better world where women want kids instead of aiming straight for their autonomy
@@fark69 Why are you even blaming those issues on people not giving birth to children? Those are not issues that can be fixed by foisting it off to the next generation. That's not a solution to anything, it's just spreading the symptoms around.
The root cause is not the decrease of population growth, but the rampant abuse of the economic systems by powerful and wealthy lining their pockets on the backs of hapless majority.
This is not an individual issue, this is a systemic issue that we have to challenge right now, so that our next generation actually has a chance.
Don’t let a man push you into doing something you deep down don’t want. So many stories of people who were on the fence about being childfree, had kids and regret it.
What brainwashed looks like
You should never have a child if you don’t want it! Simple as that! Is this woman even okey for thinking that motherhood it’s not a choice?! Wow
But the problem with this thinking is that as more and more women don't have any kids there becomes and imbalance between the elderly, larger population, and the young, smaller population. And economically this increases the burden on the young which causes increased tax burden, wage deflation, youth disillusionment, and various other social problems. This has been studied extensively in other developed countries like Japan. The US is just now starting down the same road as them, and we can avoid it if we put more resources into promoting motherhood and having children
@@fark69again your comments show you don't actually care about the wellbeing of children
I came here from a reaction video and I was curious to see what the comments would be. I’m very happy that the comments reflect my thoughts are not this absurd dystopian point of view that she is spewing all over the Internet. I’m glad she is not reaching her target audience. Abby, it is 2023. The United States is as expensive as ever. We have no medical resources and the ones that we do are prohibitively expensive. Do you know how expensive it is to birth a child? Or buy them any Bare Necessities? Your privilege is showing, Abby. You should only bring a child into the world if you can provide them a safe, comforting, loving home with everything they need to grow up to be a stable human being. Are you reading these comments, Abby? Can you open your mind to the fact that your way is not the only way. I’m happy that you find fulfillment so you say in motherhood, but it is not for everybody. Get outta here with that shit
Abby, respectfully, no. Yes Being a mother should def be respected. Its very difficult and no one should belittle that role. However it really just isnt for everyone. Motherhood should be a choice. A child deserves a parent who fully wanted to have and love them. Not because they felt they had to in order to have “purpose”. Just bc those who choose to be child free doesnt mean we are not contributing to future generations. As a CF woman I get to be part of the village that helps support those WITH children. I love my nieces. I love being able to an additional part of their upbringing. I enjoy being able to help their parents by looking after them of they need some me-time. I interact with children at my work and know how important it is to make that impression a positive one bc one conversation could impact them. There are so many different ways in which we can contribute to society w/o having the burden of being forced through a pregnancy. Ntm the various factors of mental health and financial stability. Not everyone can even afford to properly provide for a child even if they wanted one. Women can also contribute through their careers. Women in science, politics, even religious community! Those who are CF can have more time to dedicate to those communities and make a difference. We all deserve to live the life that will make us happy.
But those contributions end when you retire or when you become infirm or when you pass away. Having children is a contribution that lasts beyond that.
@@fark69none of that matters for people that don't want children. Let's be honest telling people who don't want kids they should have them Is incredibly selfish. Because you keep talking about it being good for society. Having kids for the sake of others is selfish and dumb
Respectfully when you say this stuff like this it’s incredibly invalidating & disrespectful to women like me who have fertility issues. Y’all need to stop telling women they need to be a mother to be fulfilled when some of us may be struggling or can’t convince naturally. Adoption, surrogacy, etc. are all unaffordable options for a lot of women. I’d also rather have children be brought into the world with parents who can provide for them, love them unconditionally, & provide a safe environment. Somewhere they can grow & nourish. Motherhood, is something that should be thought about & not jumped into. It’s incredibly frustrating to see this black & white perspective when you can’t speak from lived experience.
yes!! thank you. a lot of men and women struggle with conceiving a child and people are still shameless when speaking about such things and adding salt to someone's wound. and it's also always women that are preassured into having kids in order to validate their existence, almost never men.
You know what, I think for some women, heck maybe even most women, it is fulfilling for them to become mothers, to have children. But for me, I just have no need for it. I'm just some guy. I don't want to have some child be dependent on me. I really don't want to have sex, or be in a relationship, or be pregnant, or have to do all of that stuff to simply raise someone. My dream job is to be a director and a screen writer. I can't be a mother whilst I do that. My purpose, the reason why I was put onto this world, was to create, to write, to invent, to do all of these things. I don't want to be a stay-at-home mom because I know me. I would go absolutely insane. I'm just some artist. I'm not fit to be a mother. It would require me to change so many things about my lifestyle and my personality, it's just not healthy for me.
You're a guy or you're a mother?
So in Abby's world, if you are a drug addicted, homeless person that connot by any means provide a decent life for a child, but you can conceive, that is your duty. Litteraly it is a choice, because some should not and cannot make it. Please use common sense when you say things in absolutes.
I don't think that's an untenable or ridiculous position. Conceiving kids requires sacrifices. So your duty of having kids includes trying to get off drugs and trying to get a home. It's not crazy to think all citizens have a duty to the society to be productive members of society
@@fark69There are so many ways to be a productive member of society that don’t involve being forced into parenthood.
I 100% believe that parenthood is important, and that it's vital to help and care for others. Out of all the opinions I have of this video, I'm going to focus on this one: You talk about "choosing to put other people ahead of yourself"---which I agree with---but there are so many orphaned children out in the world. Looking at parenthood from *your* perspective, what's really selfish is to create an entirely new human being when there are millions of children who do not have parents and everything that (potentially) comes with having a family (financial stability, physical needs being met, emotional needs being met).
If you want to have a biological kid because that's what *you* want (you want a child that's "really yours," or you wanna see what your kid looks like)---then that's not putting other people ahead of yourself. If you have the finances to adopt a child but would rather spend that money on things for yourself (a better house or car, saving for a vacation, new furniture, an upgraded phone, etc)---then that's not putting other people ahead of yourself. If you think the adoptive process is "too hard" or "takes too long"---that's based on what's convenient and easiest for *you* and is not putting other people ahead of yourself.
To reiterate, this is based on Abby's perspective on motherhood; her perspective is that motherhood is about putting other people ahead of yourself, and that people should have children regardless of whether they want them or not. As I said, I just wanted to focus on this one point, and to clarify, I think child free people are valid.
Did you watch the video? She mentions adopting and fostering is also a great idea for people who want to do that. She's talking about people who don't want to care for any kids, not just birth kids
@@fark69 I did watch the video. It seems you have misunderstood my comment entirely. Abby's opinion about having kids rests, at least partially, on the idea that not having kids is selfish and that having kids is "choosing to put other people ahead of yourself." However, from Abby's point of view on having children, choosing to have kids biologically instead of adopting the numerous kids who don't have homes is ultimately selfish and not putting other people ahead of yourself.
@@fark69re-read and genuinely think about op’s comment, and you will understand.
I'm Christian and I don't want to get married nor have kids. It's not because I'm selfish, I just don't have a desire to change my life. Never had. Never will. I'm praising Jesus and that's enough for my soul. I don't even know why this was recommended to me but I watched the whole thing and I think your opinion is way too strict on this topic. Not everyone was born for same purpose. Even some people mentioned in Bible didn't have families. I understand we won't no longer exist if no one makes babies, but trust me, most people do have children. Most people aren't strong enough to live by themselves forever. So don't worry Abby. There are plenty of future moms.
Abby, I respect you, and I mean to convey my thoughts here with utmost kindness and gentleness. I appreciate your perspective and want to share a personal aspect of my life that might add some context to the discussion. I'm a 32-year-old unmarried, childless woman, and this situation hasn't been a matter of choice for me. Earlier this year, I encountered some medical challenges that could affect my fertility.
Throughout my life, I always assumed that I would get married and have children. However, I haven't yet found the right man, and now, I may never be physically able to have children. I genuinely appreciate the caveat you included, stating that it isn't directed at people who want children but haven't been able to have them yet. However, I feel it's important to highlight that people in my situation still have to navigate their lives and find meaning and fulfillment.
You mentioned that one can't fully comprehend life or love without experiencing parenthood. You said no other job is as meaningful as being a parent. I wonder how these beliefs might apply to me, considering my potential future without children. Does that mean I'm supposed to mourn indefinitely for the children I never had? Should I resign myself to a life of longing for a level of meaning and love that I might never experience?
Facing the prospect of not having children has been an emotional journey for me, and it does make me sad. However, I believe that life offers various paths to finding purpose and love, not solely tied to parenthood. If I never have children, I'm open to discovering other meaningful ways to contribute to the world and experience love and fulfillment. I've already experienced a lot of sadness surrounding this topic, and I'm determined not to let it define my entire life.
So beautifully said Ann. I am in the same boat as you and I believe God has another purpose for our lives. Our lives are not less valueble, less meaningful or anything less due to not having children. Everyone is on their own journey and everyone has their own purpose in live - making blanket statements like this is really easy for people that have not experienced a diffent road. Therefor I will not speak out against people that has a life I know nothing about. In no way do I expect Abby to understand as she has no idea....
Wishing you all the best though... and thank you for representing many women like us in such a beautiful way ❤
@@lanabezuidenhout6382 Thank you for your kind words, Lana! ❤️ I agree with you wholeheartedly. And I wish you the best, too!
There are so many ways to contribute to the future besides having kids. That's a very narrow mindset.
Very Handmaids Tale coded…
personally i see children being killed by their parents every. single. day. tortured, beaten, starved. not everyone should have children. having a child does not make you a better person. it usually accentuates your worst qualities. for you to then try to work on yourself for the rest of the child’s life is not fair to it. if you think for a second you may not want kids, DONT. just wait. it’s not something you can really do anything about even if you regret it
THIS
Abby, I cannot have children. I am unable to, because I would pass on severe physical deformities as a result of the medication I take. I would not be able to care properly for a child, I would not be able to love them the way a mother should. This makes me sad, but I know it is right because if i brought a child into the world, that would make me a bad person, I would be hurting another human being. A fragile human being who needs care. I am not a Woman who loves to travel or party or sleep around. I am still a Virgin, even in my 20s. I believe in god, but plenty of biblical women did not conceive, and were wonderful and did the lord’s work. Please, please stop spewing these lies. I beg of you. It’s hurting so many.
Wow, your parents really did a number on you and your brother.
Abby this planet is falling apart. we're in the midst of a climate crisis. the earth is overpopulated. some women don't want to put more children on this earth. there is nothing selfish about that. I wish you could extend the love you feel for God to ALL your fellow human beings and show some empathy and compassion.
The Earth is overpopulated but developed countries specifically are underpopulated and have aging, shrinking populations. That comes with a whole host of bad outcomes for future generations. Historically the solution to this has been to allow immigration to inject the aging, shrinking population with youth, but successive Dem and Rep administrations have basically made immigration to the US for skilled workers impossible or non-lucrative. Very sad state of affairs overall
Yeah, i'm selfish, okay? Why would you want a selfish person as a parent? But in all seriousness am i really selfish cause i dont want to put myself through the trauma of getting pregnant just to miscarry, again? Am i selfish cause i cannot financially handle fertility treatments? Am i trally selfish that ive seen so many of my friends snd family physically suffer through their pregnancies and my family has a history of high rates of high risk pregnancies? Why cant i just get myself where i want to be and adopt or be a foster mom?
Nobody else answered you so I will- yes you can!!! I don’t think any of the things you have said make you selfish.
Living for myself and my happiness ❤
I think the number one take away I get from this video (Coming back to it). Is that Abigail wholeheartedly believes that just because someone c@m€ in her and provided her with a child she is now better than everyone else and the rest of us are just doing life wrong in her eyes 🙄 Also the way she says "the way our body is supposed to be used for" gives me the ickkkkkkkkkk like no other. She's terrifying.
but...motherhood isn't always about pregnancy & birth. you can be a mother with an adopted child, fostering a child,...
you stating true love is only when you're CARRYING your own child is insulting to such people. think about it. changing your whole life and being responsible for a child is A CHOICE.
I think you're right and I don't think she insinuated what you are saying. I think she meant that raising a kid vs not is the key factor
I can speak from very up close and personal experience that there are many people that just should NOT be trusted with the life of a vulnerable and developing human being…
First of all, I'm pro life, pro adoption and the happiest day of my life was the day i had my daughter. I also believe that babies deserve to have parents that want them and are committed to raising them in the best way possible. If a person doesn't want to have kids they shouldn't. I totally disagree with this video.
Question. You're say this but you're pro life?
@@palace8329 Yes, I am. Once a woman is pregnant she has a baby inside her and it's not ok to kill it. I do believe in exceptions, like the health of the mother, rape, incest. If a baby exists inside a woman, that baby deserved to live. And to give that baby up for adoption is best thing someone can do if they don't want it or if they can't raise it. I know it would be really hard, but all really important things are.
@@palace8329 The point of this video is ridiculous, that everyone has an obligation to have kids and you're shallow and selfish if you don't have them. That's just wrong. But people who are sexually active sometimes get pregnant by accident and now they have a baby inside of them and it's not ok to kill it.
I respect your opinion and I have considered being a mother. However, I already put my nieces ahead of me, some friends and family ahead of me; helping others is what I love to do. I appreciate that you mentioned how some cannot for various reasons but still give to future generations. I have always wanted to adopt because there are so many children stuck in a broken system and have little chance at a real childhood.
Would you recommend waiting to have kids until one can financially afford to be a stay at home mom?
I wouldn't personally. We had kids before we thought we were financially ready (my wife wanted to be SAHM till the kid grew up a bit), and she was in school, so she couldn't just quit. In the end our parents helped us out for a few months till she could finish school, and we made things work out. People in the poorest countries in the entire world (we are from one) have kids and raise them right. And the richest people in the world have kids they barely spend any time with. Raising kids has little to do with money. Public school vs private school, the kids will be fine. Great neighborhood vs a sketchy one, the kids will be fine. As long as you spend time with them, they turn out great mostly
@@fark69 and yet women get shit for hiring nannies
women get shit for keeping their jobs
women get shit for using social services
women get shit when the agitate for maternity leave
everything a child does wrong will be traced back to the home
your advice is poison
@@fark69horrible horrible advice
This is an interesting perspective. I agree that it's important to live life not just for yourself. But, where I disagree is that I don't think it's the only way to do that. Being a parent is a great way to do that and its something that should be valued and celebrated. Being a stay at home parent is very difficult and is honestly harder than most careers. I personally do not plan on having kids anytime soon, if ever, but I do try to live my life in a meaningful way. I do a lot of volunteer work and I'm in a career that is very essential to my community and works on improving it. There are different ways to be the fullest version of yourself. I'm not iffy on having kids because I think they'd be a burden or because I don't think family or raising the next generation is important. I have the upmost respect for people that are good parents. I just don't think children are the only thing thay will make my life have value.
I 1000000% agree with your perspective here!
Not having kids means when you are old you will rely on the taxes from other people's kids to pay for your Medicare, social security, etc. Don't you feel like you should do your part like everyone else does?
@fark69 I'm doing my part by paying into social security and paying my taxes as well as saving for retirement on my own? Even if I do have kids I'm not going to expect them to financially support me when I'm old. Have you ever heard of a 401k?
@@lindykolb4290You paying into SS doesn't equal what you take out of it. Your taxes depreciate in value as you age due to inflation, growing public spending, etc. You saving up doesn't equal what it costs the govt to provide you with Medicare when you are old. I'm sorry, but the facts are that elderly populations are an enormous economic burden on most developed countries and this has been well studied. Most countries need a young population equally as large as the elderly population to sustain the latter.
I find it weird when people think not wanting to have kids is selfish. Having kids is not the only way to live life not only for yourself. You can take care of other people.
I like how people tell others that they should have kids and are selfish if they don't
I want to have kids one day, but I can't, I know I wouldn't be a good mom and the kid would be miserable. So imo, me having kids in my situation would be the selfish thing to do :/
Lol 8000 views and not even 300 likes…man I wish RUclips never got rid of that like/dislike ratio.
Not wanting to have kids is not selfish because some women’s reason for not wanting kids is that they don’t want to go through excruciating EXTREME severe PAIN of labor and birth. That is not selfish. Also if you’re a man, your opinion isn’t worth shit, so don’t even reply to my comment because YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND or have to go through and experience horrible, extreme, OUT OF THIS WORLD TYPE OF PAIN, So you have no right to comment or criticize.
My god. You are mean.
Wondering if you read any of these comments because there is so much you could learn from listening to other women! Biologically and primally, yes females of all species are made to reproduce with the goal of the survival of the species. Obviously. But we as humans have developed FREE WILL! Yes, children are the future and so sacred. But to make such overarching assumptions and judgements in this day and age is wild.
We also live in a society that is for the most part expensive to live in, now, I don't mean this in a disrespectful way; Abby, you live and have been raised in a very affluent family and now have started an affluent family of your own. You have access to money, resources, and connections that most people could only wish for, so you would not know that it takes a two-parent household just to live let alone raise another human. If you are for more people raising children of their own, then you would be for programs that subsidise child care, adequate funding for ALL schools, housing that doesn't cost an arm and a leg, better pay for all and more. If you're not for these things, you're just trying to get blood from a stone.
Also, I don't want kids because not only do I not want to pass on certain genetics, but I value my freedom more.
I am for all those programs, but countries which have implemented these things (e.g. Japan, South Korea) have not seen them have any reversing effect on their declining birth rates. So a mindset change also needs to take place and is in many ways more important than the financial things you mentioned (which I support btw)
But there are also many people with that mindset already that will not or cannot reproduce because of financial aspects. If we were to take away a lot of the financial burden, we could certainly get more people to have kids if they want to. @@fark69
Here’s another thing. You’re saying motherhood is not a choice… A lot of people have kids and they do not choose to be mothers. They birth children into this world and then they do not treat them with motherly love. So you are people forced into that?
Wow, ok Serena Joy.
I have one kid. I love her to pieces, but never wanted to be pregnant again. She does not want kids. That is a valid choice. People who don't want children usually make terrible parents.
I NEVER wanted kids. While all my friends were thinking of their future kids' names, I was thinking about how to go from newscaster to producer. I NEVER imagined a future with husband or kids. I am 100% happily childfree and single. No regrets. If YOU WANT to be a parent, be one. But NOT EVERY SINGLE WOMAN wants to be a mom. But I notice this YOU MUST BE PARENT AMD LIVE YOUR LIFE FOR OTHERS attitude given ONLY to women. Without men, we are unable to be moms. Do you have this energy towards men or is your internal misogyny only allowing you to direct it to women? Be a mom. Be happy you're a mom. Embrace being a mom. BUT STOP PUSHING IT ON OTHER WOMEN.
It's not "controversial" it is irrelevant. If you dont have money or food or mean to provide for the kids : don't have them.
If you don't have the mental stability: dont have them.
My biological mother had several kids : she neglected every single of them very badly.
She shoulv'e take the pill and call it a day.
Just because Handmaid's tale Barbie want me to habe kids doesn't not mean I should have them.
You know, no one has ever made me feel like Motherhood is not important as conservatives? Wanna know why? Because the men undermine it. Feminists like myself became feminists because we saw our mothers struggle with conservative men who didn’t value their sacrifices. Its not a rare bad apple, its so prominent that the good man is rare. As a Christian, I see women get together to discuss how to better submit to their Husbands but you never see men get together to discuss how they can better love their wives. It’s frustrating, but its up to those men to lead through example
The self-righteousness here is properly disgusting.
Yes, motherhood is denigrated but the answer isn’t taking away the many completely valid legitimate reasons to not have children. Those reasons include, ‘because I don’t want to.’
If you don’t want kids the worst thing you can do is intentionally have children.
I don't know which childless couples you know who are "partying it up". But the only "parties" I've been to the last 4 years are family birthdays and Christmas. I'm 39 and childless.
I don't give a flying f*ck how my body looks, because the outside matches the inside, ie a mess.
I could *maybe* get pregnant, except for the 19 prescription medications I take, some of which I would be in constant pain without, the fact one of my ovaries was surgically removed in 2022 because it caused so much pain that I was Hospitalized and I had an ovarian cancer scare.
I can barely look after myself, even with a full time carer. I wanted to foster/adopt, but I can't because of various reasons, mainly not having the energy and being on very powerful pain relief, which you know is kind of frowned upon while looking after babies and small children.
It's not reasonable to expect someone to sacrifice their mental and physical health, their sanity and be in constant pain for minimum of 9 months, just so I don't pass on hideous birth defects (from the meds) or one of several very painful chronic health problems. I have seen children at the hospital, toddlers, wearing joint splints and confined to wheelchairs at the start of their lives.
I will not inflict my suffering on an innocent child who didn't ask to be born.
Instead I rescue animals that need rehoming instead, and I love all my friends children dearly. But I can hand them back.
If motherhood is a vocation, then everyone shouldn't do it. Just like not everyone should or could take care of the elderly, school age children or work in healthcare.
You have a platform. So recognise that everyone has different problems and often have no choice about being able or unable to have children. Just as some mothers have to work minimum wage jobs because otherwise the rent won't get paid. They might love to stay at home with their children, but not be physically capable of doing it.
And being a stay at home mum isn't a guarantee of being a good mother.
Open your eyes Abby. Some people have every day being a bad day because of poverty, starvation and mental illness
And finally you act like you didn't choose when you had children. It would be incredibly selfish of me to have a child knowing full well that I couldn't care for it properly.
Lots of contradictory points in this video. Also just women who might worry about what their postpartum body might be like or try to get it more to back what it was before pregnancy, it doesn't mean that there any less concerned or care more about that than having a healthy child. I mean there are plenty examples of women of women and parents who are in shape or getting back into that. Find time for fitness and looking great while still doing a great job as parents
Good thing I don’t have to listen to you :) no babies for me
I want kids, but i want kids through adoption. is there something wrong with having a family through adopting a child in need?
No, I don't think she said that either
@@fark69 yeah she didn’t clarify one way or another or even mention adoption, that’s why i’m asking. i want kids but i don’t want to put my body through pregnancy
Part of me wants to be a mom, but knowing how climate change is going to end the world kind of makes me not want to bring children into that. Plus kids are burdensome some of the times. I'm not sure I want that responsibility.
Would you rather not have been born if you knew you would have to face climate change ending the world in your lifetime?
Somehow I don't think joeysmit3475 really wants to be a mom at all....
@@fark69 Maybe not, maybe so.
Imagine being a conservative Christian and not being able to see the value in God's plans for other people. Imagine preaching Christianity and conservativism and not seeing that God's plan for each individual is a gift from God and that everyone is supposed to be different for a reason. Imagine thinking some people are lesser because they follow a life set for them by God's plan and still shaming people for living what they feel is their designated path by God. Imagine everything happening in God's timing and reasoning and blatently going against that and telling people they should live a certain type of life. Your plan is not God's plan for others.
Wait until she finds out some of the most revered people in the Bible never got married and/or never had kids. But it’s not about the Bible, is it? It’s about pushing their 1950’s Mayberry nuclear family on everyone, despite what God’s plan for them might actually be, whether they have fertility or health issues, other gifts they have been given, etc. None of the men in the Bible wore pants. But if a man today wore that same clothing? These people would have a cow because it’s not what Ronal Reagan would wear. They have very limited view that only cares about preserving the norms of mid 20th century American culture, not looking at the core principle of Biblical teachings.
NOBODY OWES CHILDREN TO ANYONE, not even to yourself. Also, not even is ABLE to have children, even if they want them.
Some people should be mothers. Some shouldn't. Simple as that. Conservatives shouldn't be encouraging people to have people to have kids that don't want them. That's how kids end up in a neglectful home. Side note, since you brought religion in to this, Paul talks a lot about the gift of singleness. You have more opportunities to serve God in ways that are harder to do if you have children because single people a lot of times have no strings. That being said, it is good for mental health to be involved in community or find some sort of purpose whether it be a fulfilling career helping others or volunteering. There are more ways to gain purpose and grow than by having kids. Irresponsible take, Abby.
Imagine being mad that you have a choice in something
I just can’t get over the fear of giving birth. No matter the method
Same, I have severe tokophobia.
Ironically
these reasons are selfish- it is the mindset of what can this child do for me? Give me purpose/ fulfillment etc. that’s a scary thought process.
If you care about children in general do you do anything for the children here in foster care/ children not biologically yours?
Makes you think its not actually because you want to love a child who is an independent autonomous human being but rather to curate an extension of yourself.
I sure hope having children you would be whole going into it and therefore able to think what can I do for children instead of what can children give to me