That green sweatshirt looks wonderful against the green in that painting!! I recently had a person in my condo community (a new friend who is a retired social worker offer me help with my husband or what ever I needed. I cried because it been ten years that I have been going it alone. I am just not used to people offering to help me.
It’s interesting when my husband was in a nursing home, friends and relatives did not go see him for neatly two years. Yet they all would say. “What can I do for you to help” yet now that I brought him home, running out of money after private pay for two years. Not seeing any of those friends coming to help now that he’s home. They all acted like “we are so here to help” but when it comes down to it, they really don’t want to get involved and help. Or if I’d say “can you sit on Tuesday, of course they are then busy.
Unfortunately, you are exactly right. Not only is the dementia journey hard, it is lonely. I think people have good intentions, but it’s so easy to say let me know if you need anything, and for some people, it is much more difficult to put “feet to their intentions“. I know that it is not of any physical help but joining the group on Facebook can alleviate some of the feeling of loneliness, because there are people there that get it. And they have also sometimes been abandoned by friends and family, who just “cannot“ deal with the person in the state of deterioration. Which, in my opinion is somewhat of a cowards way out. Although I do try to understand people’s behavior and the complicated feelings that are involved; At the same time, it’s not a road that you chose, and you are dealing with it. So, it’s complicated. I’m so sorry that your social group has let you down in such A time as this. For what it’s worth, you have all my love and respect. And the reason that I can say all my love under all the comments that I respond to, is that as I give my love away, it is replenished in me. So I can love on you all I want, and you can’t do anything about it! 😉 🥰🤓 Vicky
So good!!! I took in my mom. She is mid stage. People even family members do nothing to help. I had no idea what dementia was. It would not change our decision. But it is complicated.
Great information Vicky and am also in your Facebook group which I so appreciate. The hard part is when no one offers or the one you care for (my mom) won’t let anyone else be with her. She’s a classic case of anosognosia, always had such a sweet personality but now very angry, confrontational, delusional and paranoid. Your point on when we were young exhausted moms is spot on but I was lots younger and healthier back then.
Amen about the energy! My granddaughter wears me out!! I’m so understanding of that situation you describe. The good/bad part of declining through the stages, is that a behavior like that will get better because she is no longer as much aware of who is around her, people are kind of able to be substituted. Hang in there!
Thank you so much. it's not that I am far away but I am younger with children and my two older siblings are retired so yes I can go watch once I have my car back to at least give them break !!
These are all amazing tips! I wish I had some friends/family/neighbors to ask for help bc i feel incredibly overwhelmed being the sole caretaker of everything. I'm an only child and the few family we have are states away, and most of our friends/neighbors are elderly and/or dealing with their own major issues. Can't really afford a house cleaner or someone to help with daily chores/errands. I end up feeling very alone and scared.
Big tight hugs. You are not alone totally. I love you!! ❤️😘💕 Are you in the group? Come on in if not. Such good people over there. m.facebook.com/groups/dementiawithgrace
Dear Vicky , Thank you for everything . Really want to say that I always found fresh air and purpose of life in your videos . Ever since I found your videos 3 months ago . This is from Moscow Russia . Grandma died yesterday . I was taking care of her for 2 years alone . You are my absolute HERO
Oh my. I am so sorry for your loss. I have always read your comments and can feel the love you have for your grandmother. YOU are MY Hero. And HER Hero. I see your other comment. I will try to make a video about the After Life of a Caregiver. All my love from America. ❤️❤️❤️ Vicky
I’m thinking about trying some LIVE sessions on here. Would that be an option? I would announce them ahead of time. Maybe at 8pm? Seeking feedback from those NOT on Facebook
I can't find the video on what not to say to a caregiver. I have a family member who always asks if my Mom is okay. I usually get irritated because of course she isn't okay. They never ask how I'm doing.
My stepmom is alone with only her dog after my father died in June. She has anosognosia and confabulates. She has help every day a few visits. She claims She walks the dog, but it only comes out on a small terrace, and no one os allowed to walk this very stressed dog. She has to move into a Care facility and we have applied, but only wants to go if She can bring the dog which barks and need a better place to stay. It also bite her hand a few weeks ago. We as familiy live far away. What do we do with the dog? 😊
If you order a food delivery (UberEats, Doordash, etc) as a gift, you can ask the delivery person to take the receipt off and to say, “This is a surprise from XXX.” 🍲
Any advice on how to not be upset and anxious when your parent with dementia makes mistakes and forgets things? I’m trying to “allow” them to have it but it feels sometimes that if you try to talk and help them enough it will go away and they will be fine no matter how silly that is.
It's so hard, isn't it? When my 90yo Nan gets mixed up about when her check comes (it's been the 3rd of the month for decades lol), my first thought is to ask her "what are you thinking" and when it happens over and over I start feeling frustrated, scared, upset and I want to "fix" it. I've bought her planners and wrote in the important dates (they were quickly forgotten about haha), tried all kinds of things. It's hard to just accept that there's not always a "fix" 😞
@@adai6630 what a cold and horrible person to say that to you. You're living the most sacred years of your life caring for your mum. You will never forget any of them - its hard though - especially for relationships etc but don't give up x
Can you send me what you say or how to talk to a patient ie family member who has dementia. I'm caring for my 59 year old husband with confusion as to who I am. I have to repeat things several time a day. He doesn't like that. 😢😢😢😢
Hi Vicki, I love you back. My husband is in stage five and is so hard to care for. People always say to me ,”but your husband doesn’t look like he has Alzheimer’s Dementia, well my husband is a a master at deception. I want to tell these people to come to my house and spend 24 hours with my husband then give me your opinion!
This sounds exactly how my mom is, 85 with Alzheimer’s and have cared for her for 5+ years 24/7. I recently had the same situation and get tired of saying walk a mile in my shoes. Instead I said “blind people can’t see but they’re still blind”. Those that aren’t in our shoes should keep their opinions to themselves. Sending strength♥️🙏♥️
Whether pleadingly or more matter of factly stated, I want to suggest: “please come stay here for a day so I can show you all the routines. Then I would REJOICE at a week off. I would cherish having someone who knows what it is like 24/7 for years but it would be a tremendous start. Would you please stay here a week while I get a much-NEEDED break?” Since looks so easy Surely they wouldn’t resist. If they do resist then clearly your response has gotten across at least a portion of the demands. @geraldineross5168
Hey Geraldine! I receive that love! It has always been “interesting” that people with dementia, although declined in their mind, are usually very healthy otherwise. It’s frustrating. Isn’t it all my love, Vicky
Dear Vicki, is it possible to do a video about how to acually deal with death of a dementia loved one ? On how to process death . Much love , Thank you
@@DementiaWithGrace Dear Vicki, thank you for your kind reply and I am sure a lot of people will benefit from such a video ! Thanks again . I had put my granny to rest today . I got to say goodbye, I got to send her away with grace, her funeral was elegant and beautiful. I kept my word to stand by her no matter what ♥ Thank you for keeping me alive ever since I found your videos and channel here ♥ She was 60 days bedridden and 2 years with last stages of heavy dementia . Sending love from Russia. I couldn't have made it without your videos
That green sweatshirt looks wonderful against the green in that painting!! I recently had a person in my condo community (a new friend who is a retired social worker offer me help with my husband or what ever I needed. I cried because it been ten years that I have been going it alone. I am just not used to people offering to help me.
It’s interesting when my husband was in a nursing home, friends and relatives did not go see him for neatly two years. Yet they all would say. “What can I do for you to help” yet now that I brought him home, running out of money after private pay for two years. Not seeing any of those friends coming to help now that he’s home. They all acted like “we are so here to help” but when it comes down to it, they really don’t want to get involved and help. Or if I’d say “can you sit on Tuesday, of course they are then busy.
Unfortunately, you are exactly right. Not only is the dementia journey hard, it is lonely.
I think people have good intentions, but it’s so easy to say let me know if you need anything, and for some people, it is much more difficult to put “feet to their intentions“. I know that it is not of any physical help but joining the group on Facebook can alleviate some of the feeling of loneliness, because there are people there that get it. And they have also sometimes been abandoned by friends and family, who just “cannot“ deal with the person in the state of deterioration. Which, in my opinion is somewhat of a cowards way out. Although I do try to understand people’s behavior and the complicated feelings that are involved; At the same time, it’s not a road that you chose, and you are dealing with it. So, it’s complicated. I’m so sorry that your social group has let you down in such A time as this. For what it’s worth, you have all my love and respect. And the reason that I can say all my love under all the comments that I respond to, is that as I give my love away, it is replenished in me. So I can love on you all I want, and you can’t do anything about it! 😉 🥰🤓 Vicky
@@DementiaWithGrace thank you!
So good!!! I took in my mom. She is mid stage. People even family members do nothing to help. I had no idea what dementia was. It would not change our decision. But it is complicated.
Thank you so much. I tell everyone about you. You’re a blessing!
Great information Vicky and am also in your Facebook group which I so appreciate. The hard part is when no one offers or the one you care for (my mom) won’t let anyone else be with her. She’s a classic case of anosognosia, always had such a sweet personality but now very angry, confrontational, delusional and paranoid. Your point on when we were young exhausted moms is spot on but I was lots younger and healthier back then.
Amen about the energy! My granddaughter wears me out!! I’m so understanding of that situation you describe.
The good/bad part of declining through the stages, is that a behavior like that will get better because she is no longer as much aware of who is around her, people are kind of able to be substituted. Hang in there!
@@DementiaWithGrace thanks so much Vicky♥️. You are a lifeline to so many of us and sincerely appreciated
Thank you so much. it's not that I am far away but I am younger with children and my two older siblings are retired so yes I can go watch once I have my car back to at least give them break !!
These are all amazing tips! I wish I had some friends/family/neighbors to ask for help bc i feel incredibly overwhelmed being the sole caretaker of everything. I'm an only child and the few family we have are states away, and most of our friends/neighbors are elderly and/or dealing with their own major issues. Can't really afford a house cleaner or someone to help with daily chores/errands. I end up feeling very alone and scared.
Big tight hugs. You are not alone totally. I love you!! ❤️😘💕 Are you in the group? Come on in if not. Such good people over there. m.facebook.com/groups/dementiawithgrace
Also, I am making that video this week. How to ask for help. Watch for it! Subscribe if not so you will be notified!
Same for me😢
Dear Vicky ,
Thank you for everything . Really want to say that I always found fresh air and purpose of life in your videos . Ever since I found your videos 3 months ago . This is from Moscow Russia . Grandma died yesterday . I was taking care of her for 2 years alone .
You are my absolute HERO
Oh my. I am so sorry for your loss. I have always read your comments and can feel the love you have for your grandmother. YOU are MY Hero. And HER Hero. I see your other comment. I will try to make a video about the After Life of a Caregiver. All my love from America. ❤️❤️❤️ Vicky
So glad to see you back Vicky! I don't enjoy Facebook so don't use it.
I’m thinking about trying some LIVE sessions on here. Would that be an option? I would announce them ahead of time. Maybe at 8pm? Seeking feedback from those NOT on Facebook
That would be great! I am in New Zealand so not sure what the time difference is lol!
I can't find the video on what not to say to a caregiver. I have a family member who always asks if my Mom is okay. I usually get irritated because of course she isn't okay. They never ask how I'm doing.
I am so glad you are back. Every thing you offer is so helpful. Thank you for you time and concern
So nice of you to say! This is my life’s work. I love serving the dementia population and their caregivers. All my love! ❤️
So nice of you to say! This is my life’s work. I love serving the dementia population and their caregivers. All my love! ❤️
Great information as always.
Great video!❤️
Thanks for watching!! DOVIE!! I love you!!!
My stepmom is alone with only her dog after my father died in June. She has anosognosia and confabulates. She has help every day a few visits. She claims She walks the dog, but it only comes out on a small terrace, and no one os allowed to walk this very stressed dog. She has to move into a Care facility and we have applied, but only wants to go if She can bring the dog which barks and need a better place to stay. It also bite her hand a few weeks ago. We as familiy live far away. What do we do with the dog? 😊
If you order a food delivery (UberEats, Doordash, etc) as a gift, you can ask the delivery person to take the receipt off and to say, “This is a surprise from XXX.” 🍲
Great info!!! Thanks!! (I live in a SMALL town and don’t Door Dash!)
Any advice on how to not be upset and anxious when your parent with dementia makes mistakes and forgets things? I’m trying to “allow” them to have it but it feels sometimes that if you try to talk and help them enough it will go away and they will be fine no matter how silly that is.
It's so hard, isn't it? When my 90yo Nan gets mixed up about when her check comes (it's been the 3rd of the month for decades lol), my first thought is to ask her "what are you thinking" and when it happens over and over I start feeling frustrated, scared, upset and I want to "fix" it. I've bought her planners and wrote in the important dates (they were quickly forgotten about haha), tried all kinds of things. It's hard to just accept that there's not always a "fix" 😞
Let me look at previous videos! If I find one I will share it. If not I will make one!! ❤️
I have had someone close to me tell me I’m wasting my life caring for my mom with dementia.......needless to say I was very offended.
@@adai6630 what a cold and horrible person to say that to you. You're living the most sacred years of your life caring for your mum. You will never forget any of them - its hard though - especially for relationships etc but don't give up x
@@spinstercatlady I find for me its hard to accept this as its the death of my mother as I knew her and it hurts so much
Can you send me what you say or how to talk to a patient ie family member who has dementia. I'm caring for my 59 year old husband with confusion as to who I am. I have to repeat things several time a day. He doesn't like that. 😢😢😢😢
Hi Vicki, I love you back. My husband is in stage five and is so hard to care for. People always say to me ,”but your husband doesn’t look like he has Alzheimer’s Dementia, well my husband is a a master at deception. I want to tell these people to come to my house and spend 24 hours with my husband then give me your opinion!
This sounds exactly how my mom is, 85 with Alzheimer’s and have cared for her for 5+ years 24/7. I recently had the same situation and get tired of saying walk a mile in my shoes. Instead I said “blind people can’t see but they’re still blind”. Those that aren’t in our shoes should keep their opinions to themselves. Sending strength♥️🙏♥️
Whether pleadingly or more matter of factly stated, I want to suggest: “please come stay here for a day so I can show you all the routines. Then I would REJOICE at a week off. I would cherish having someone who knows what it is like 24/7 for years but it would be a tremendous start.
Would you please stay here a week while I get a much-NEEDED break?”
Since looks so easy Surely they wouldn’t resist. If they do resist then clearly your response has gotten across at least a portion of the demands.
@geraldineross5168
Hey Geraldine! I receive that love! It has always been “interesting” that people with dementia, although declined in their mind, are usually very healthy otherwise. It’s frustrating. Isn’t it all my love, Vicky
Dear Vicki, is it possible to do a video about how to acually deal with death of a dementia loved one ? On how to process death .
Much love ,
Thank you
Yes, I will add that to my list of video topics to address. I’m so sorry for your loss.
@@DementiaWithGrace Dear Vicki, thank you for your kind reply and I am sure a lot of people will benefit from such a video ! Thanks again . I had put my granny to rest today . I got to say goodbye, I got to send her away with grace, her funeral was elegant and beautiful. I kept my word to stand by her no matter what ♥ Thank you for keeping me alive ever since I found your videos and channel here ♥ She was 60 days bedridden and 2 years with last stages of heavy dementia . Sending love from Russia. I couldn't have made it without your videos