I think that we take criticisms as identity attacks because our actions are based on our values and intent. When I get criticized I get frustrated that the person didn’t choose to see past the bungled execution to recognize my deeply caring good intent. This advice will help me to step back and put some insulating space between myself and my actions so thank you! Also, my dad always told me that I was ‘too g-d sensitive!’ When anyone says something like that to me now, I add “for your liking” to the end. This helps me to reframe their words as just their opinion rather than a fact about who I am, creating that space for me to decide to take it in or not. I hope that helps someone. 💕 Much love!
Be careful abuse can mask itself as criticism, when its being done frequently, in non-constructive ways, with an altered tone of voice. Criticism can be accepted if it comes from truly experienced persons, not in a micro-managerial way. Very often a Narcissist boss will seek an INFP or another docile target to become a receiver of their abuse. Having that in mind I do not tolerate criticism because it is often done in a destructive way. I use a certain compass, to differentiate between constructive criticism and punishing criticism: would I criticize another person like I am being criticized now? Is there an abusive tone of voice, a real intent of helping the person being criticized and is the criticism frequent ? If the answer to these questions is yes, I usually exert a boundary. Leave the situation/job/relationship, etc. In other words I do not tolerate it. However if the criticism is infrequent, done with a real intent on helping me, respectful, then I accept it and learn from it. Unfortunately less than 30% is like this. That's why I think as a general rule, we should be very skeptical of criticism.
@@julia.no.X I use a certain compass, to differentiate between constructive criticism and punishing criticism: would I criticize another person like I am being criticized now? Is there an abusive tone of voice, a real intent of helping the person being criticized and is the criticism frequent ? If the answer to these questions tells me the criticism isn't being done from care, but being done to put me down (narcissism is rampant), I usually exert a boundary. I leave the situation/job/relationship, etc. In other words I do not tolerate it. However if the criticism is infrequent, done with a real intent on helping me, with a normal tone of voice , then I accept it and learn from it. Because this is what I do when I criticize others.
@unassailable6138 I see. Thanks for replying. Looks like you have a robust system. I have always been defensive about any criticism, I did consider almost all of it for my personal improvement, probably because I have always been oversensitive. As of now, I want to believe that I have a more balanced approach to it. I do stay with things that rub me the wrong way intentionally - there's always something I untie within myself that causes 'a trigger', and it has always been beneficial so far. But I got carried away 😉.
@@julia.no.X All victims of Narcissists consider the insults and criticism they receive as benign because they are gaslighted by the Narcissists to believe that they are trying to help them. If there is a power unbalance between you and the criticizer be very skeptical of this as they may be trying to dominate you, you don't have to be in their ''good graces'' , the best word in the English language is NO and the top power you have is the power to WALK AWAY. Yes, I have a robust belief system because like yourself I was once overly criticized and ended up becoming a slave pariah, a people pleaser and it ruined my health.. Today I put my needs FIRST.
Я не боюсь критики но мне очень тяжело видеть как изменяют наш мир не в лучшую сторону.. И поэтому я не могу промолчать и не высказать свое мнение о происходящем...За что и получаю критику в ответ) Спасибо вам Мэтт за поддержку! Ютуб как всегда вовремя)
Thank you for this Matt, this is a very helpful video, lots to think about here. I think you learn a lot about yourself when you receive criticism, how personally you take it and how you deal with it.
We definitely can learn a lot about ourselves through criticism, but we have to process it in the ways that are helpful. And a lot of times it does point out things that we don’t necessarily like about ourselves that we might not be ready to change.
I'm a super sensitive INFP but at this point in my life, for some reason, I feel like I don't struggle with criticism like many other people do. I'm extremely logical and rational and I need things that people say to make sense to me. So if a feedback makes sense to me, it's very welcome, be it positive or negative. But if it makes no sense, it has zero value to me. I create music. If someone doesn't particularly enjoy my music, I don't care. I still enjoy it and I keep creating it. And I love getting constructive suggestions as long as they come from people who are competent and knowledgeable about what I'm doing. My favorite thing in life was taking piano lessons and hearing my teacher tell me what I could improve. His "criticism" was the most precious gift I ever got from the Universe. Each word coming from his mouth made sense, and turned me into a better pianist, teacher, and human being. I miss those days so much 🥺
That’s great! INFPs who work on themselves and have learned how to have a growth mindset become very resilient and able to handle whatever comes. Where else are mentors like him that you haven’t connected with yet?
Those are all great advices, thank you for sharing ✨💖✨ Oh, how I'd love to listen to them when I was younger, it'd certainly made my life easier;) I had to learn it all the hard way, by experience, but I am very happy that now, young people have someone like you to help with their struggle and show the way💖 Thank you for changing the world for the better, I appreciate it a lot💖
@@GeekPsychology you are welcome😊 It'd certainly be great, that is why I really admire people like you, who have the courage and make the effort to share their knowledge in order to help others. 💖😊
I can see so much of the INFPs in you. Coming from a long time subscriber, I relate entirely. We are people who require much patience for ourselves and others. Fi wants results, but the Te methods are frustratingly absent. What you are telling is the story of moving from Fi and Si (sensitivity and comfort) to Ne and Te (potential and optimization). Boundaries take a tremendous effort as they require acute action, the relentless balancing and cleaning of our own being is not a response to people who quickly wish to take over. This is why people are closed minded. To be open presents a threat. The quality of people around us determine our ability to understand the world.
Yes, boundaries do take a lot of effort, but so it is maintaining the life where we are not standing up for ourselves and not creating the boundaries that we should. Oh and that is a very good point at the end about the quality of people around us determine in our ability to understand the world. We become what we fill our lives with.
Good advice, as always! Right now, I am that drained INFP, and I have a backlog of things to do outside of work (even RUclips comments to write!). Nice to know that there’s a way to rebuild energy. About criticism, a lot of the criticism I get is the hostile, destructive type. The only solution I’ve found is to learn to live with it, and not to fight back.
Learning to live with it is one prospective, but you could also take it as “not giving them any feedback or anything to work with” which eventually means that they’re going to stop trying to fight with you. Or fighting to change you. And thanks for the super thanks ^^
I think everything is personal but that is okay. Most ppl arent smart enough to criticize without making a personal value judgement about someone else, except us of course teehee. The average reading level of Americans is 7th grade. Explains a lot!!
Hi, I know it's not related, but maybe you can help me. I'm having difficulty connecting with my mother-in-law. She is an ENTJ, and I am an INFP. I don't necessarily require an enormous amount of emotional connection and depth in this relationship, but I just need it to work. I would love to hear any advice because I'm feeling quite desperate 😶
No, it's not. It's very real, actually. I can identify some types from real world behaviours. I correctly identified my gf as an ENFJ because I had been in a relationship with another before and I recognized the habits. I can also identify other INFPs. That wouldn't be possible if MBTI wasn't real.
That thumbnail though! "You're too slow" - everyone to me since forever 😪
LOL yeah. Me too.
Same here 😔
This is my counter-intuitive reply: "Life is too short to be in a hurry." I like that "Slow Living" is an actual thing!
I think that we take criticisms as identity attacks because our actions are based on our values and intent. When I get criticized I get frustrated that the person didn’t choose to see past the bungled execution to recognize my deeply caring good intent. This advice will help me to step back and put some insulating space between myself and my actions so thank you! Also, my dad always told me that I was ‘too g-d sensitive!’ When anyone says something like that to me now, I add “for your liking” to the end. This helps me to reframe their words as just their opinion rather than a fact about who I am, creating that space for me to decide to take it in or not. I hope that helps someone. 💕 Much love!
Omg, I love the tip so much! It's so simple, yet so profound, if you actually think about it!💖
Be careful abuse can mask itself as criticism, when its being done frequently, in non-constructive ways, with an altered tone of voice. Criticism can be accepted if it comes from truly experienced persons, not in a micro-managerial way. Very often a Narcissist boss will seek an INFP or another docile target to become a receiver of their abuse. Having that in mind I do not tolerate criticism because it is often done in a destructive way.
I use a certain compass, to differentiate between constructive criticism and punishing criticism: would I criticize another person like I am being criticized now? Is there an abusive tone of voice, a real intent of helping the person being criticized and is the criticism frequent ? If the answer to these questions is yes, I usually exert a boundary. Leave the situation/job/relationship, etc. In other words I do not tolerate it. However if the criticism is infrequent, done with a real intent on helping me, respectful, then I accept it and learn from it. Unfortunately less than 30% is like this. That's why I think as a general rule, we should be very skeptical of criticism.
💯💯💯🎯🎯🎯
Agree with that !
Sorry, I didn't quite get it: do you not tolerate criticism at all?
@@julia.no.X I use a certain compass, to differentiate between constructive criticism and punishing criticism: would I criticize another person like I am being criticized now? Is there an abusive tone of voice, a real intent of helping the person being criticized and is the criticism frequent ? If the answer to these questions tells me the criticism isn't being done from care, but being done to put me down (narcissism is rampant), I usually exert a boundary. I leave the situation/job/relationship, etc. In other words I do not tolerate it. However if the criticism is infrequent, done with a real intent on helping me, with a normal tone of voice , then I accept it and learn from it. Because this is what I do when I criticize others.
@unassailable6138 I see. Thanks for replying. Looks like you have a robust system.
I have always been defensive about any criticism, I did consider almost all of it for my personal improvement, probably because I have always been oversensitive. As of now, I want to believe that I have a more balanced approach to it. I do stay with things that rub me the wrong way intentionally - there's always something I untie within myself that causes 'a trigger', and it has always been beneficial so far.
But I got carried away 😉.
@@julia.no.X All victims of Narcissists consider the insults and criticism they receive as benign because they are gaslighted by the Narcissists to believe that they are trying to help them. If there is a power unbalance between you and the criticizer be very skeptical of this as they may be trying to dominate you, you don't have to be in their ''good graces'' , the best word in the English language is NO and the top power you have is the power to WALK AWAY. Yes, I have a robust belief system because like yourself I was once overly criticized and ended up becoming a slave pariah, a people pleaser and it ruined my health.. Today I put my needs FIRST.
Я не боюсь критики но мне очень тяжело видеть как изменяют наш мир не в лучшую сторону.. И поэтому я не могу промолчать и не высказать свое мнение о происходящем...За что и получаю критику в ответ) Спасибо вам Мэтт за поддержку! Ютуб как всегда вовремя)
Thank you for this Matt, this is a very helpful video, lots to think about here. I think you learn a lot about yourself when you receive criticism, how personally you take it and how you deal with it.
We definitely can learn a lot about ourselves through criticism, but we have to process it in the ways that are helpful. And a lot of times it does point out things that we don’t necessarily like about ourselves that we might not be ready to change.
I'm a super sensitive INFP but at this point in my life, for some reason, I feel like I don't struggle with criticism like many other people do. I'm extremely logical and rational and I need things that people say to make sense to me. So if a feedback makes sense to me, it's very welcome, be it positive or negative. But if it makes no sense, it has zero value to me.
I create music. If someone doesn't particularly enjoy my music, I don't care. I still enjoy it and I keep creating it. And I love getting constructive suggestions as long as they come from people who are competent and knowledgeable about what I'm doing. My favorite thing in life was taking piano lessons and hearing my teacher tell me what I could improve. His "criticism" was the most precious gift I ever got from the Universe. Each word coming from his mouth made sense, and turned me into a better pianist, teacher, and human being. I miss those days so much 🥺
That’s great!
INFPs who work on themselves and have learned how to have a growth mindset become very resilient and able to handle whatever comes.
Where else are mentors like him that you haven’t connected with yet?
Those are all great advices, thank you for sharing ✨💖✨ Oh, how I'd love to listen to them when I was younger, it'd certainly made my life easier;) I had to learn it all the hard way, by experience, but I am very happy that now, young people have someone like you to help with their struggle and show the way💖 Thank you for changing the world for the better, I appreciate it a lot💖
Thank you. That’s very kind. It’d be great if more of us knew this stuff when we were younger. It would’ve saved me from a lot of trouble as well.
@@GeekPsychology you are welcome😊 It'd certainly be great, that is why I really admire people like you, who have the courage and make the effort to share their knowledge in order to help others. 💖😊
I can see so much of the INFPs in you. Coming from a long time subscriber, I relate entirely. We are people who require much patience for ourselves and others. Fi wants results, but the Te methods are frustratingly absent. What you are telling is the story of moving from Fi and Si (sensitivity and comfort) to Ne and Te (potential and optimization). Boundaries take a tremendous effort as they require acute action, the relentless balancing and cleaning of our own being is not a response to people who quickly wish to take over. This is why people are closed minded. To be open presents a threat. The quality of people around us determine our ability to understand the world.
Yes, boundaries do take a lot of effort, but so it is maintaining the life where we are not standing up for ourselves and not creating the boundaries that we should.
Oh and that is a very good point at the end about the quality of people around us determine in our ability to understand the world. We become what we fill our lives with.
Thanks a lot for this Matt. It's exactly what I needed to hear after this day's events. ❤
You’re welcome! Keep goin!
Thanks for your insight. You have a sweet and calming demeanor
Good advice, as always! Right now, I am that drained INFP, and I have a backlog of things to do outside of work (even RUclips comments to write!). Nice to know that there’s a way to rebuild energy.
About criticism, a lot of the criticism I get is the hostile, destructive type. The only solution I’ve found is to learn to live with it, and not to fight back.
Learning to live with it is one prospective, but you could also take it as “not giving them any feedback or anything to work with” which eventually means that they’re going to stop trying to fight with you. Or fighting to change you.
And thanks for the super thanks ^^
@@GeekPsychology You’re welcome!
So when can we start an INFP basketball league? I'm in!
I should not be a part of that league.
I think everything is personal but that is okay. Most ppl arent smart enough to criticize without making a personal value judgement about someone else, except us of course teehee. The average reading level of Americans is 7th grade. Explains a lot!!
Hi, I know it's not related, but maybe you can help me. I'm having difficulty connecting with my mother-in-law. She is an ENTJ, and I am an INFP. I don't necessarily require an enormous amount of emotional connection and depth in this relationship, but I just need it to work. I would love to hear any advice because I'm feeling quite desperate 😶
How would you know that it’s working?
briggs myers stuff is meaningless
No, it's not. It's very real, actually. I can identify some types from real world behaviours. I correctly identified my gf as an ENFJ because I had been in a relationship with another before and I recognized the habits. I can also identify other INFPs. That wouldn't be possible if MBTI wasn't real.
Interesting 🤔
What made you think so?
I feel like that sometimes