Swedish Death Cleaning: Just 2 questions to ask yourself
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- Опубликовано: 2 июн 2024
- Swedish Death Cleaning suggests that we do our family and loved ones a kindness when we declutter our personal belongings before we pass away. The author proposes two questions that we can use to do so. Today I'll try out these two questions on the sentimental items in my childhood bedroom!
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Thank you so much for watching! I know this stuff isn’t always easy, but hope this helps a little ❤️ (And thank you mom for storing our stuff for so long! 😉) Hope you have a great day! Dawn
My husband is a public school band teacher. Please check with your local schools to see if they can use those instruments. Budgets are always so tight, but they do usually have some repair budget to refurbish and maintain them. Your donation could help kids in school so much!
I would really love those dolls and stuffed animals if you haven't already donated them. They will go to families that collect them. I will pay to have them shipped to me. Let me know if you are interested. Thank you so much for always sharing such helpful tips.
If you haven’t tossed your art work… suggestion is to frame one in your home
So did Diana go through stuff and you guys finish cleaning it out?
@@GoingGreenMom good question, she said that she trusted my judgment, so I took a few pictures for her but let most of it go!
From a band director: Please consider donating the instruments to your local middle school or high school band program. 🙂 Most programs are run on a shoestring budget, and a donated instrument may be an opportunity for a student to play who cannot afford an instrument otherwise. As always, thank you for the thoughtful content! 💛
My daughter's flute was worth having cleaned and repaired after sitting in its case for the 20 years since she graduated. I donated it to our local school in exchange for a tax deductible receipt for the amount of the repair costs. The band teacher was very appreciative, and it was a hassle-free way to find a home for it. Win win for both of us!
Is that clarinet a wood one? It could be quite valuable...most a plastic these days. The (wooden) clarinet I played thru high school my daughter also played and now her daughter is playing it 😀. quality is holding up!! It has been 50 years since my parents pur hated it used for me!!
Yes! My husband is a band director and he always appreciates it when people donate their instruments to the school.
Here’s another music teacher to second the suggestion to donate to a band program!
I donated my son's violin to the school. It was easy to do, and they assured me it would go to a student.
My grandmother had a silver bracelet with semi-precious stones that I remember admiring when I was a kid. I would often touch it as she was wearing it when I was young. After she died, my aunts and cousins were going through her jewellery and I spotted it. We were all taking pieces that meant something to us, so I asked if anyone would mind if I took it. No one else remembered it, so they told me they were happy for me to have it. I’m 51 now, but the memory of her wearing it when I was four or five is still with me. I’m not much of a jewellery wearer, but it always makes me smile when I wear it.
I love this. Thank you for telling us about your sweet memories. I'm so happy her bracelet ended up where it belongs. 💝
I have a pillow from the old sofa of my late grandpa. My mom didn't understand why I asked for one of his old cushions specifically. But I remember sitting there, being fed tons of sweets, and getting cuddled. It makes me feel safe.
Tearing up just thinking about it now.
Precious doesn't have to me expensive.
@@kikow3792 I also have a pillow off my grandma's sofa that she had embroidered, it sits on a decorative chair in my living room and when I see it out of the corner of my eye all the memories come rushing back❤
How sweet
A question I would add is, "Is there another way of honoring this person/memory that doesn't involve keeping this stuff?" My maternal grandmother helped raise us and I have honored her several ways that don't involve keeping all the manufactured memory triggering goods that will need storing:
1. A ritual-She taught me to sew and her favorite treat as a child during The Great Depression was orange slice candies. Now, when I start a sewing project of any kind I buy orange slice candies and eat them with a silent prayer of thanksgiving to God for my grandmother.
2. Plants-I lived in AZ and she was born and raised in KY. She always said she missed the Dogwood trees when they moved to AZ. Yellow roses were her favorite and I often bought them to her for her birthday and Mother's Day. When we moved to NC 4 years ago, the first landscaping items I bought and planted were 5 Dogwood trees and 2 yellow rose bushes.
3. A wall mounted print of a favorite memory-For every family gathering she always made the same green jello party salad that our family loves. When she died my brother and I found the original recipe card from the 50s of that jello salad. He framed it and put it on his wall. When I moved to NC he had it engraved in a sea glass colored plaque so I could hang one on my wall in my dining room. We always have that jello salad at holiday gatherings.
Beautiful ! Thank you for sharing these special memories & the practical yet heartwarming ways to honor someone .
Wonderful! Thank you for these; absolutely lovely encouragements.
Loved these ideas!
I too love these ideas, Thankyou.
Your family is so thoughtful and sweet! This post made my day!
Interesting story time for whoever reads this. I read the Swedish art of gentle death cleaning a year ago and at the time I didn’t know how to apply it to my life but I though of my mom who was a hoarder at the time, all the stuff of hers I would have to handle and what I would find sentimental. The thought of it overwhelmed me but I knew I would have time. Fast forward to a month ago, my mom sadly died and I was left with a massive hoarded apartment and extreme grief and PTSD from it (still have it). I couldn’t even walk in her apartment where she died but I needed to get it cleaned out. I was hurting and sad and legit told my husband to bring the entire hoard to our minimal home so I could have a piece of my mother, mind you much of it was in a poor state and not something of any importance, thankfully he told me “no” and went with my SIL, a few of his friends and himself and cleared the apartment and brought back anything that may have been of importance to our house to store in our garage. 2 weeks after her death I stared at those boxes and felt overwhelm and sadness and couldn’t get rid of anything as it all seemed too much (I was also seeing and still am seeing a counselor weekly to talk of my feelings). On that second week I had an appointment with the funeral home to get her death certificate and a few extra things they had from her cremation. I was handed a bag with two rings in it. The rings were the ones my mother and I had picked out when my grandfather died 15 years ago and we got them to remember our resilience during that time. After a few years I stopped wearing mine and my mom took ownership of it and wore them both every day for a decade. Immediately when I got the bag I cried and knew this is all I wanted of my mother (and her saved voicemails for her voice, a few cards with her writing, pictures and the memories) I came home and a few days later loaded everything up and sent it to donation. I knew as soon as I did that it was the right choice. That I had the most important item I valued of hers and that was enough. I tell this story to explain that through great loss it really isn’t the items that make the memories, it’s the memories themselves and the people that get our belongings may need a lot less than we think. Even if I lost the rings (which I doubt it) I know I would be ok because I still have the memories, and those are enough until i see her again 🕊.
So sorry for your loss
I too have struggled with getting rid of my parents things. I'm 77 years old and a only child. My children don't want most of what I have and don't really care about the stories either. So sad that that will be lost. I have to be the one to do it and I am. Very overwhelming!!
🥹May you find the peace your heart needs. My condolences for your loss.
I have heard and read a lot about the “Swedish Death Cleaning “ . I am 79 years old and I love to clean and decorate . I prefer to think of my cleaning and disposing of unused and unnecessary items in my home as “Spring Cleaning “. The term “death cleaning “ is way too close to what is actually going to happen and I find it depressing. I am so much happier with my spring cleaning routine. 😂. (Just saying) 🙉
@@jo-annmaruszak9885 Good point! I think there are other phrases we could come up with that are fun and work better for us. The important thing is the process, not the name. Realizing that ultimately "things" are not what is important. 🙂
I had a doll collection that was fairly extensive, and in working with a client I ran across an "affordable housing" apartment complex and I'd heard the children there were really struggling - it was mid-Covid, etc. So I asked the manager what kind of things could be done. She said they were trying to do onsite events and asking any neighbors in the community if they had any toys or things they could part with or share with these less fortunate kids. I went home, dug out a dozen or so of these collectible dolls and donated them to that complex. I got a phone call just a few days later saying some of the little girls were in tears when they were able to pick out their own doll for free. It's a great memory for me, even over the memories I had thought were connected to the dolls. I highly recommend seeking out places like this where the kids would likely have a high appreciation for the dolls. (My dolls too, were still in the boxes, but just sitting in a closet.)
What an awesome idea to be able to give them to somebody else like that
That's a very kind hearted thing to do. I can picture those little girls being so happy to get a doll.
@@laurabotts4064 yes, it was very fulfilling to hear from the manager about it... thanks for replying.
You brought tears to my eyes! How special for these girls to get a beautiful doll in it’s box! You know they could tell these were very nice dolls and not something from the dollar store or WalMart. I bet they will cherish their doll for a very long time. 🥰💕
@@mwebb3014 Thank you. I didn't realize how good it would make me feel to do something like that. It was great to know how much the dolls were needed and appreciated. Thanks for replying.
My mother passed away last year and left me with a house full of her old memories. I travelled to her house, picked out a few items I wanted to keep. I asked myself over and over is this something ‘I’ love and want or are these just mother’s loves and wants? I planned on selling the rest at an estate sale and selling the house (huge amount of guilt there) the person who purchased the house wants to restore and actually wanted all of her items left there so they could go through them. Let me tell you the relief that made. There were things that were so beautiful that my grand father made that I just didn’t want but didn’t want to just get rid of and the new owners love them. Historical buffs renovating a home with things everyone loves. My heart is over joyed and relieved and mother would be pleased I am sure. Tell me that’s not a God thing :)
It took my Mom dying, and me, as the only child, having to sort through her whole house of stuff to realize that collections are way overrated! She had decorative candles, cookie jars, collector plates, glassware, special trays and serving pieces, tupperware, over 20 Christmas bins (no joke), a room full of craft supplies, and lots more to sort and sift though. It made me realize that having an attachment to stuff leaves people overwhelmed when you leave it behind. I now have a garage sale every few years and donate stuff to the Goodwill every year just to minimize the stuff I have. My kids are young and I am trying to teach them to be able to let stuff go.
I know exactly what you mean. It was the same thing when my Dad passed away. He had so many tools and machinery - you wouldn't believe it and it was quite a job to collect all his stuff that was distributed throughout 3 different houses. Then there was the job of having auction sales, etc. to sell it all. It was very draining emotionally for me cause I knew how much he loved his tools but it was also exhausting to get it all done and sorted out. At that point I realized that I definitely do not want to do that to my kids.
I think seniors (I am a retired 67 year old) need to realize they can keep things, just not everything. The old spark joy thing. I gave my kids anything they wanted while I am still alive. I have a craft room of stuff and a book case full of books as it gives me enjoyment in my retirement. We need things to keep us mentally stimulated. But I moved to a house with no basement and I store nothing. My Christmas decor fits in a few sweater boxes in a closet, my garage only holds a car.
I'm still doing this 16 years after my mum passed away. She thought keeping stuff for us to sell later was a good idea... Some of it did appreciate in value... A lot did not. But it's taken up a lot of my time 😅
I agree with every word.
I'm 25 and seeing how my mom is having to deal with the loss of her room. She passed away a couple years ago and I still haven't seen the storage unit although I've been asking. We have so many bags in the basement that I've taken the duties on myself trying to remove the stressor from my mom. I hope it's making her realize how appreciative I would be to not be in her position sometime in the future. I'm nowhere near as emotional attached as my mom and grandma so it's a work in progress
As a very sentimental person, this was one of the hardest concepts I ever dealt with! My children are grown now and I’m a grandmother…..and it shocked me when I began to realize my kids weren’t all that interested in inheriting things that I had always treasured! I even felt depressed about it! Then we started having to deal with our parents treasures and suddenly I began to see a truth that I’d never seen before! It’s all just “stuff”! So I began to think differently and I can tell you it’s very freeing to not put so much value on material things! My hubby and I have decluttered our whole house and will continue to do it….little by little….so satisfying to me to see the truth that had eluded me for years!
Exactly! My kids want very little (next to nothing) that I had been saving for them - not even their 'Baby's 1st Christmas' ornaments! I've even been told not to buy them 'things' for Christmas and birthdays (I've told them the same thing too) We buy consumables & experiences rather than things that have to dusted and take up space!
Tell me about it. Someone is giving me jewelry I don't like at all.
If the token reminds you of the love from a loved one, then keep it.
Display it, enjoy seeing it.
If it's the memory that goes with the object, then photograph it to reminisce from time to time.
Some items are purely special to me because i know they were special to my loved one. It's my personal show of respect to them to keep and see some items.
Some of these things, i use to "decorate" the garage walls.
The tricky part of "Question 2" is waiting for your children to be mature enough to consider whether they would value and be made happy to have something of yours.
And that can take until they are past grown, and past the initial business of adult life.
Lastly, there are items that you wonder if they have monetary value? But that takes work to research, or even to just garage sale.
One thing at a time 🙏
@@HearingJesus when my mom died the first i got ride of was the clottes, i wish i had made renovations in my house before geting ride of all the furniture, but i was tired of it, it was bulki and didnt serve me animore..
I give you so much credit! My mother in law can't get this concept ..m their basement is filled with their parents things ! And it's not even good stuff! She even jokes that once they pass we will just get a big dumpster and throw it all out ...
When we were downsizing two years ago, I created a Facebook page for my five kids called “Anyone want this?” I posted pictures, sometimes with an explanation of the item. I said I’d draw names if more than one person wanted something, but never had to do that. It was surprising to find out what they did want and, also, what they didn’t. Family heirlooms no one wanted went to extended family. There was always someone who was thrilled to receive an heirloom.
I love this idea!
I text everybody (also 5 grown kids and they sometimes take things (toys, books) for the grandkids). I love this solution! And, if everyone says "nope", it somehow is easier to donate/sell/trash.
So smart!
That's brilliant!! Pre-internet, my grandma did this by just circulating a list of what she had and telling her kids to mark what they'd like. She decided on the items multiple children requested, and then when she passed, they all knew what they were getting and we knew the rest could get donated or given to neighbors. It was so simple. Facebook can be a menace in some ways, but this is a perfect use of it!
BRILLIANT!
My mom kept being given angels. Finally, in frustration, she told all of us,"I don't collect angels. You all just keep giving them to me!!"
Hahahaha!
I have collected a few roosters, but they are of my choosing. All of a sudden people started giving me roosters! I color coordinated mine with my house and then I was given random ones that didn’t match my color scheme etc!! So I’ve displayed them, but secretly I do not like them🤣
😅 that's funny 😁
@@kathrynn3936 yes!!! I had to start telling people I DO NOT collect roosters. I received a cartoonish/dollar store rooster from my MIL. I lovingly told her, thank you for thinking of me. I will put this on top of my fridge, but please don’t buy me anymore roosters. I do not collect them and I like to pick them out myself.
My mother, in the 80’s, picked out one souvenir from a trip that happened to be a frog. Next thing she knew she had been gifted, one-by-one, an entire frog collection. 🤦♀️🐸
LOL! My girlfriend was saddled with the reputation of collecting Mickey Mouse items. You should see "her" collection!
Another note about millennials/recent generations- we often don’t have the immediate stability and space our parents had, so storing and moving things is a huge consideration. Lots of our parents moved out of their childhood home straight into a stable home of their own, instead of apartments, shared homes with roommates, etc. I’m 30 and only last year settled into a “forever home”, and I’m a lucky one!
ETA: I enjoy stocking the kitchen with sentimental items. My husband’s grandma passed last year, and we have the cast iron she made biscuits in and a whisk from the crock next to the stove. We use them often and it feels much closer to her memory than trinkets or random “nice” items.
When my grandparents died, because of issues that happened when I was younger between my parents and grandparents, I was left out of the loop when it came to getting anything of theirs. I have great memories, but something is better than nothing. Anyway, when my husbands grandmothers died, we picked things that were useful and meant something to us. For one grandmother it was mostly kitchen stuff, and the other it was furniture. It was very odd to go through things after the his aunts and uncles went through stuff from the one grandmother because one of his aunts (married into the family) made a comment about it was like going through stuff at a yard sale. I was mortified. To me, it wasn't that at all. It was going through a woman's life history. The cast iron pan she used to make biscuits in, the potato masher, the Wizard of Oz coffee cups she drank from and/or offered us to use every time we came over. It's interesting how something as small as a coffee cup meant so much to me. I'm sure not having anything from my grandparents played a role, but not as big as I thought at the time. The other grandmother passed away recently. Aunts and Uncles had houses full of furniture. We did too; however, we needed some replacements. What better replacements than furniture used by all of us during the holidays when we came to visit. Sure, there are some things we've kept that have to be cleaned so as not to collect dust, but they are worth it to us.
This Swedish death cleaning has helped me when I'm going through things. It also helps when I go to buy things too. As I use things with my teens and younger children, will they have the similar memories of us using some dish or utensil. I sure hope so. I want to keep things that are functional and will be used because things are supposed to be enjoyed not sit on a shelf collecting dust. Taking pictures is a great idea that I'm hoping will help me get rid of a few things I've been holding onto because I like looking at them, but don't like having to keep them dusted.
@@beckyl9454 I didn’t have an opportunity to get anything of my grandpa’s when he passed, and that hurts, so I can relate to feeling like you definitely want *something* tangible to remember a loved one by. I’ve actually accepted an old corningware casserole dish from my living grandmother, and a beautiful handmade quilt from a close aunt. There are a couple things I know I’d like when they eventually pass, but I know I have something meaningful regardless, which is nice. The collections of our loved one’s belongings can certainly be daunting to go through, but I can’t imagine saying it’s like a yard sale. That sounds very callous in that sort of situation.
@@beckyl9454 p
I'm 68 years old. Two years ago my husband and I moved out of our family home into an apartment - the big down-size! I reduced my photo albums by about 60%, removed framed photos from the frames and tucked them in a bin that goes under our bed. It actually felt freeing to let go of the family heirlooms that we have no room for now, and our adult daughter didn't want. That made it easy to buy new furniture that fits our current space and this stage of life. I kept only a couple very small items from my grandmother's house. When we move to a retirement community in a couple years, I probably won't even keep those 2 things. The move was much harder for my husband, though, because he'd become the family historian/archivist. He has a storage unit that was packed with literally thousands of slides, print photos, letters and diaries. He's thinned the photo collection significantly, and scanned those worth keeping, and he's working through the letters & diaries in preparing to write a family history. I'm determined to not burden our daughter with our stuff. He's determined to not let the memories and stories die. I see the value of both goals.
My greatuncles and grandmother worked on a family history and I'm so grateful.
You can always donate the instrument’s to a school with a struggling arts program- elementary middle or hugh, they’d all appreciate it!
I would let your kids see your artwork. It might not mean much to you, but it will be an insight into your soul for them. My mom was an art major in the 70s and one of my favorite pieces of art of all time is in her old sketch book.
I agree. I was with Dawn on giving away everything else, but her artwork is beautiful! We treasure my grandmothers artwork, and there’s not enough of it to go to all the grandkids (me and my siblings) who would like it.
I agree. I feel like purchased stuff should be different than creative things from someone.
Totally! I love when my dad shares his old sketches and drawings he comes across. He doesn't do much drawing anymore so I get a lot of fun insight into his young personality and artistic curiosity as he tells me about it! ☺
I really liked the bright colored one and the orange and pepper.
Why not frame them and hang a few timeless pieces in your home?
Yes, let them see it. And let them pick something if it strikes them as meaningful. Don't assume you know how they think about things, ask.
Do we get to see the "after" when you finish(ed) clearing out your old bedroom? Or even the donate pile? That's always so satisfying to see so much leaving a space. 😀
Yes!!! I would love to see these
Yes, I'd love to see an after too!!
No, Dawn doesn't do that. She's not really a before and after type because honestly she doesn't keep most of her stuff. She's in a different place than a lot of her followers.
I don’t have adult children yet, but when considering what sentimental items of theirs to save for them I always ask myself “is this something I would be happy to find that my mother had saved for me or feel burdened to receive?” I would feel overwhelmed to be given tons of my old schoolwork, toys, outdated clothes, etc. so I save very little for my kids.
I had my adult daughters go through their boxes of school memories and cried at how little they wanted to keep. But after the initial shock wore off, I’m thrilled that they made the choices. Just because something was once highly valued, doesn’t mean you feel that way today. Those “time will tell” boxes work for sentimental items, too. Just put them in a box and a few days later it doesn’t seem so gut-wrenching to let go. Perfect timing for this video.
Great ideas! I have been thinking of how I need to declutter while getting rid of many things. We have been in the same house for 26 years. We have things of course that our own stuff. We have things left here from 2 adult children. One passed in 2017, and my other son now has a wife and baby. They live in California and we are in Florida. It will be a burden for them to go through everything, if we (meaning mostly me) don't get ride of most things in our house. We also have things that came to live with us when my parents passed, and when my husband's parents passed. I have gotten ride of a lot of past few years. I still have SO MUCH more to go through. It is overwhelming.
My daughters weren’t much interested in their memory boxes either.
@Makai Threads Great perspective!
The "time will tell" and "packing party" and giving things an expiration date have been so useful for me.
I bought that book a few months ago. My husband passed from cancer in September so now it's me and our 9 & 11 year old. He was an only child of an only child (both his parents have passed) and so for years we've had rooms full of boxes of things that were never unboxed that he could never bring himself to go through or part through. We have tubs of our children's art work, and his childhood art, and his parents' art, antiques, china sets, etc. I am so tired of "the stuff," and I refuse to burden my kids with holding on to it just for them to have to sort through it. I become angry that I now have to spend hours/days sorting through what he couldn't, instead of just spending time with my kids. So I remind myself not to be angry; hanging on to the things was his way of hanging on to the people who have passed. But I will help our kids remember him, and his family that they never met, without having to keep all the things.
I’m so sorry for your loss. 💐💕
My heartfelt condolences.
I understand but
How will you do that?
@@barbarasevenoaks6821 I just replied to Amanda's post with some suggestions...maybe they can be helpful to you or her or someone else :)
@Amanda Tin , I wonder: Is there a category (or several?) that you could delegate to someone to deal with/remove? For example, china sets -- if you have no interest whatsoever, then could you ask someone to come help you + just box them up to take away? Or perhaps his parents' clothes (I don't know if they're in the boxes too...) or decorations if clearly not your style or linens if you definitely have enough and like the ones you have...
Or maybe a friend could look through his childhood art and save the highlights to show you -- so a small box of particularly cute/funny/meaningful + *then* you and your kids could go through and see which, if any you want to keep. Or maybe the kids could do that -- as a peek into their fathers life and then just show you the ones they think are cute/make them laugh, etc. (I don't know
And maybe your children could look through their artwork with a set limit on how much can be kept -- but let them decide? then it's not all your decision-making-power ...
When I was helping a friend (with hoarding disorder) it was useful to have some categories that I could dispose of without her explicit approval (in that case, old newspapers/magazines + food packaging containers). Otherwise I would ask her or just tried to group like with like -- so similar items together so it was easier to see what we were dealing with. (I don't mean to imply hoarding disorder here, but just trying to draw the parallel, that it was helpful to be able to delegate some categories completely in order to reduce decision fatigue.)
But I definitely recommend Dana K White's 5 step process -- starting with trash and easy stuff (belongs somewhere else/has an established home) and duh-donations. That can help reduce the overall amount, before the hard decisions have to be made. Good luck!
I did this after my siblings and I had to deal with our parents home after they passed. I decided then I would do a deep Swedish death cleaning so my daughter and son in law wouldn’t have to deal with making decisions and the work of clearing out your parents home it’s a very sad process , although I was minimal to begin with I really as I said dug deep, went thru photo albums, paper work etc
My husband thought it was a bit much, but he has slowly joined me with his personal belongings, we also went to an estate lawyer which is very important we did everything to make it easy for my daughter one day, hopefully a long time from now
That is such a gift you've given your kids. I've helped multiple friends and family clean out after loved ones have passed on or moved to nursing homes and it is a very difficult process. Of course there will still be plenty to deal with, and sometimes that's a healthy part of the grieving process, but you certainly don't want to add stress at a stressful time. Plus, now you get to live in a simplified home. Sounds like a win-win!
@@serena.kunstwerk good luck. That's really hard. I think for many people they get beyond where they can deal with it and so then it just sits.
I think it was a Minimalist video … where someone said their father laughed at the thought of his kids having to go thru all of his belongings and figuring out what to do with his stuff. It broke my heart for him.
My kids are 40 and 42 and both married with kids and homes of their own. When I visit them I can clearly see that their taste and choices are mostly very different from mine. This helps me in my decluttering process to know that even without first asking them I can let things go and not burden them. When they each set up their own homes I handed them their “memory boxes” and let them know it was theirs to do as they pleased. I had the joy of watching them grow and saving precious items and awards etc, but my joy was not necessarily going to be their joy🤣 My son’s comment was, “ My mom just handed my life to me in a box!”
ask them what they want. my grandma did that, i told her it didnt matter as i loved her anyway & could never forget her, so after all picked what they wanted i got everything else & everyone was mad, the jumbo roaster is mine..the copperware, mine,since i had been just married we needed furniture so it helped
I started “baby” boxes when each of my kids were born. As they got older, we would look through them and I would tell the story of why I had put something in the box. Soon, they were asking to put things in themselves and gradually took it over. When they got their own first official grownup home, they got their box too. ❤️
I did a major clean out about a year ago after hearing about this concept. The main things I got rid of, was diaries of when I was a kid and in college. I struggled with depression in college and really didn't want my kids reading the things I wrote down. It would just burden their hearts. My 4 kids are still young(me too! 35) all under 10, but it's such an important thing to do for them.
Dawn you gave me a thought as I was watching. Past generations lived through times of greater scarcity - the Great Depression, World Wars, etc. and so they see more value in material possessions. Younger generations have access to so much materially that they're overloaded. Plus, modern society is more fast-paced and families don't spend as much time together, in general. I wonder if that's why younger generations really value the people over the stuff. Great video. Thanks Dawn!
Well said
A lot of stuff that our parents are offended we don't want, only came from their parents; it's not as if it's been passed down through 5 or 10 generations. Grandma got to pick her glasses, why should I be saddled with them now?
I think this is exactly right! We “kids” (I’m 51-ha!) have been inundated and overwhelmed with stuff our whole lives and it just doesn’t mean as much to many of us. My grandparents and mom never got rid of anything but I am constantly decluttering and minimizing because it’s all too much. And true also that I’d rather spend time with loved ones than have their things.
Past generations (really past, not someone who is only 80 years old today) had far less stuff. Ever since Clinton opened up trading with China the US has been inundated with stuff. In the past, if Grandma had 3 bowls, 1 pitcher and 1 candy dish and 5 daughters then they all received one item. Those daughters had a few things of their own that were “nice”. Only a few items were spread around children and grandchildren. And of course some things get broken or ruined through the years. Then our market was flooded with stuff and the culture and media began to brainwash us into thinking we show love through buying 5 gifts instead of 1 (I’m very guilty of this as gift giving is one of my love languages). When we put Jesus first and living a life that shares Him in every aspect then temporal stuff becomes unimportant and uninteresting. I know that when my “walk with Jesus” is more intimate and vital my interest in what I have or buying more is very small. I’m more interested in stuff when I am not giving Him my time and thought life.
Absolutely
This one is really funny to me because just this last thanksgiving I found my old porcelain doll collection (that I had forgotten about) in a closet at my mom's house! While I was okay letting them go, I have 3 daughters (ages 7 and 2 year old twins) that fell in love with them and wanted to play with them. I was a little hesitant just because they were porcelin but then I figured that if they played with them for even a little bit and got some joy from them then they served a purpose before they were disposed of. So far they've held out really well and they still play with them regularly. So in this case 3 little someone's we're happier because I kept them.....for now. 😂
I wanted to start to Declutter but all the other “methods” seemed so… impersonal. This is a method that actually makes sense to me. I don’t have children but these 2 questions are the ones I recently asked my nieces…all 13 of them about my wedding dress. My oldest niece is getting married in January & she won’t use it. The oldest 4 have answered back that they won’t use it. If the others agree, I am going to remove some of the lace from the dress & have it put on some handkerchiefs for each of them to carry at their weddings. The dress will be donated to a charity that makes burial gowns for babies that passed in the hospital. My one niece passed that way & all the gowns will be sewn/donated in her name.
This method of purging & decluttering…these questions made it much easier for me to let go of my wedding dress & find a worthy cause to donate it to.
The story of your wedding dress is beautiful, thank you!
I did something similar to this when I emigrated. I got rid of a lot of sentimental stuff, reasoning that I would start over in my new life unencumbered by material things, not to mention the practical difficulties in shipping it all abroad.
I'm sorry to say that it was the worst decision I ever made, and I deeply regret it.
I'm not exaggerating when I say that, even 15 years later, it still sometimes keeps me awake at night.
I'm sorry you feel that way. Sometimes it takes time to let go of things. I've noticed my siblings and I gradually or sometimes quickly shedding things since our parents passed, but we've been able to do it in our own time for the most part. The only solace I can offer you is I'm sure you would have shed most of it anyway. The last bit for us was sudden, and managing it from afar it couldn't even go to goodwill, it was too much of a mess for the cleaner to sort out, so I know some nice pieces that went straight to the tip.
I want to acknowledge your experience must have been hard, but I don't want you to lose anymore sleep over it. You did what was best for you at the time.
I have started my decluttering journey by joining a "Buy Nothing" group and a "Pay it Forward" group for my city. I only look at posts that are people looking for items to receive, and I've given multiple items that I could cheerfully pass on to the new owner knowing that I wasn't using it, and it'll do them more good in their hands than in my basement 😊 It's been a nice, easy start, because I only reply to posts that are asking for things I'm willing to give away, but each item that I give away makes me want to give more away. Every time I think to myself, it's been a day or two since there was something I have that someone else wants, a new post shows up looking for an item I have. So beneficial to know the things I'm giving away are needed, going to be used, and are saving people from buying new or buying at a thrift store even.
I love that too - responding to someone who is looking for something specific. If I can help fill that need, that is super nice.
Where do I look for people asking for specific things? Do you have a specific website or social media? Thanks!
I began doing this with my things a few years ago even before I heard of Swedish death cleaning. There is something wonderful about being able to live in the present and not the past.
Yes, it's liberating
I am learning that little by little. I'm learning how family can expect us to store things and you get overwhelmed with it. But I am finding freedom more
“Live in the present, not the past”…that’s a great motivator!!! That’s how to GET FREE
I am seventy. My days ahead may be ten or twenty years - something I cannot predict! But I do know that the things that have been of significance to me are immaterial to my children (who are both in their late forties). They have both said very clearly that they don't want any of it. I love the idea of a curated collection Dawn! I think that is something meaningful I can leave each of them - provided I keep the contents to a minimum! I have made a lot of progress in down-sizing and decluttering over the last two to three years. My life is so much easier - and it is a great start to "Swedish Death Cleaning". I encourage everyone, of every age, to embrace the concept of minimalising your possessions. It is SO freeing!
I would love to see the “after shot” when you have removed all the items you are getting rid of.
My mom saved her dolls from when she was little for us to play with....they weren't collectables, they were dolls that had been played with a lot, and so different than what we had to play with so we thought they were super special and I'm so glad my mom saved it. I saved a doll for my daughter and then my son played with it and now my grandbabies play with her. Shout out to the 1960's for making dolls that last the test of time!
When my mother-in-law passed we had all the young adult grandkids at the house for the funeral. We gave everybody paper and said go around and write down the things that you want. That gave us the opportunity to negotiate if more than one person wanted the same thing. As it turned out, there was very little overlap and almost all of the furnishings were claimed by someone or taken to pass on to college students. Wall art, some knick knacks, dishes and more were divided up. And then I found a home or donation for everything that was left.
That’s a great idea for individuals to write down what they would like. I am sure that helped with decreasing conflict over who got what.
Dawn, there is just something about how you present your content. It is really understandable and helpful. Makes the task seem so much easier. Thank you
My family home on the farm burned down years after my dad retired to town and my siblings and I had moved away. In it was stored our old stuff from school and college. At 73 I’ve never been remorseful I’ll never see prom dresses, class projects, stuffed animals etc.
That's very mature of you. I think most people would be very upset. But I think it shows that you still have the memories and that you're living in the present.
@@AnHeC most people are very tied to their stuff and would be very upset by losing sentimental items. One of my most popular videos is about decluttering sentimental items, so I know how hard this can be for people. Consider yourself lucky, or emotionally intelligent, if you wouldn't struggle with losing so much.
@@christinapsalmist4267 I'm so sorry to hear that. That's heartbreaking. ❤️
I’ve been very lucky that my 30 year old daughter has been willing to work with me on nearly everything I own. We had a deal of complete honesty and no judgment on each item. In many cases, I realized that I just wanted her to look at something (or read something) and hear her acknowledgment of my past accomplishment or effort. Then I could let the object or document go. And I totally agree that memories are in you, not an object. Decluttering has in no way diminished my love and memories of the important people in my life. I figure if not seeing a particular ashtray or whatever causes me to forget my awesome grandmother, I probably have way bigger problems than a missing ashtray!
Yes! I heard Oprah say years ago, we all have a story, we just need to be heard. And more recently from somewhere, this, we need a witness to our lives, that we matter(ed), and then the stuff can be released.
yes, for whatever reason, it's all about the story for me too. It lets something loose inside me, and finishes my time with the item on a positive note.
Wow! Two motivational statements in that post. "Memories are in you, not an object." And "I figure if not seeing a particular ashtray or whatever causes me to forget my awesome grandmother, I probably have way bigger problems than a missing ashtray!"
I'm going to remember you comment about it doesn't diminish your memory or love for that person. I'm going to talk to my daughter about this as she gets rid of something that another family is going to have a hard time with. But I'm going to remember this comment for her to tell them
That's really insightful -- recognizing the important part was having her acknowledge it + then you could let the physical reminder of the thing go :) Thanks for sharing! I'm so glad you've been having such a positive, productive experience with the sorting + downsizing
The big stuff!! We had a China cabinet that my hubby held onto from his grandmother for OVER 20 years! We’ve been together for 11 years! It literally stayed in storage/shed/garage as we moved around. It got water damaged in our garage last year! We finally gave it away to newlyweds at our church (who wanted to refurbish it) about 1 month ago and oh my, the weight of keeping it was finally lifted!
I love that you said the weight of keeping it was finally lifted!!😊
And for me once something gets damaged it’s almost freeing. The usefulness piece is a hook that keeps me moving stuff around even if I’m not using it. These videos and the questions I need to ask are so helpful.
I'm a parent of adult children. They wanted virtually nothing from their childhood when we drastically downsized our family home to move to Spain. I found this really hard but I am glad that I no longer have to store all this stuff for them. It was also good to let them make the choice. They were all together when they did this and the actual sorting of the items create a new memory of reliving lots of things from the past and laughing together. The only tears were from me and their Dad.
This really helped my a lot! I’ve been struggling with the fact that my adult kids are not interested in keeping any of my stuff. You really struck a chord regarding your art work, doll collection, etc. I realize that I’ve been saving all those things because they are My memories of their childhood-not theirs. 😢. However, now I will feel more free to let these unwanted things go! 😊
I don't want anything of my moms and I'm 46 and know the high value, family stories and all the memories she treasures. I don't like how it looks and just don't want it. I dont want the responsibility of not showing it either bc worse case senario it would be given away...I did this in previous years and it is brought up every year. Ugh. I'm so thankful we have more freedom to say no and it be final or its gotta go.
This has helped me when going through my parents' belongings, now that both of them have died. Lots of saved greeting cards, etc., including Valentine's & Mother's Day cards my dad gave to my mom. I'm enjoying going through them but will not keep most of them, because I remind myself that these are not MY memories. I have already told my 20-something kids not to feel obliged to keep anything that belonged to me when I'm gone, especially if it does not spark special memories for them.
Yes this is such a great point.
Thank you! This is so timely for me right now going through my house shared with my mom who recently died. She and I talked about the Swedish Death cleanse but never actually got around to it. I am trying to move through the house now 6 months later, releasing items and it's both healing and painful. I can do a big sweep, make all the piles and bags and then have an emotional hangover the next day where I can't do anything. It feels overwhelming when I think of the volume - the house contents, basement and garage doing it solo.
I don't have children or family to consider leaving anything to. Many friends left the SF Bay Area during COVID. So, there is a lot of grief associated with this process if you're single in the world. Take it slow. If you have that luxury which you might not. I want to move so I know I have to empty this house. I'm going to try the idea you shared of taking photos of the item that provokes the warm memories. I'll make a digital album on my phone.
Have a plan for removal (it's one thing to sort and gather the items, bag them up... then what?). I've been posting things on Freecycle, Facebook giveaway groups, Craigslist to avoid landfill deposit. This in itself is a huge job, trying to get people to take your stuff when the shops are already so full and limited on donation receipt. Most donation shops won't take your furniture so you may be limited to a junk hauler who takes it to the dump - that's a tough one when it's quality and still has life left. Just know it will take a while - 60% of people flake on free pick ups and it will just take longer than you expect. Curb alerts posted on Saturday mornings seem to move quickly. Be gentle with yourself and if at all possible, start the process during life and not after death. Note your successes, bit by bit as the load lightens.
Believe me when I say grown children in their 30’s ( speaking for myself and some of my friends) do not have sentimental value to anything of their childhood or their parents. Mine is a son so they are different from girls sometimes, but it really hurts bad to know they do not care at all about having anything that was theirs or their parents to look back on and smile after I’m gone. I think my generation was one of the last that actually cherished things like that . It’s actually been heartbreaking for me.
😯really?
@@KA-bw3wf Yes. Like I said, “speaking for myself and some of my friends”. That’s how it has been for us. It’s very odd . I have even seen many, many, articles and I think a video here on you tube about it. I’ll see if I can find it again.
The fact that things deteriorate over time in storage, is such a good point. I think about that a lot when decluttering.
Stringed instruments, stored well, keep their value very well (they usually just need minor replacements like new strings and rehairing the bow). Wind instruments deteriorate a lot more over time, so that's wise to sell or donate it to a school as soon as they aren't being played so they are less expensive for the new owners to bring it to playing quality. Speaking practically, if someone in the family wants to play a wind instrument again in the future, they'd want one that is newer/fixed up over anything sitting in storage that just won't play as well.
Yes, yes, triple YES to this! Having gone through the houses of my husband's grandmother, his parents (30 years of stuff!), and then my dad's apartment...making these decisions before-hand is truly a GIFT to your loved ones. ❤️
Neither of my daughter’s wanted my wedding dress. They aren’t sentimental like that. So I lost two babies late in pregnancy and they were buried without any nice clothes. Probably just a blanket. So, I donated my dress to an organization that makes burial gowns for babies. It was rewarding to know that it went to a cause close to my heart.
Books was my bain of trying to declutter. In the classes i am taking, Dana often talks about the container method and I found a beautiful handmade bookcase. It has become my container and it started becoming easier to let go when you limit the space. Only to realize I have books stashed all over the place but slowly I go thru these piles and keep reducing my pile to fit only into this book case. I learned you can't do this all at once but is sessions when it comes to these types of items but the container gives me the permission to let them go. Thanks
My books were hard, too. But after having multiple surgeries on my eyes, reading a print book is hard for me to read. I almost cried when I got rid of them, though. Kept very few...
When I pared down my books, I did them in multiple sweeps - probably six or seven layers in all. The very first were the "so easy I hardly had to think about it" group, then getting progressively harder. It helped that I prefer to read ebooks, so a bunch of my "keepers" were replaced by ebooks and then I could take the paper copies to the used book store.
@@tashainjena Understandably, I love books too. I feel very sorry for you - so sad.
Bane
Yes, at 65 and after having dealt with grandparents and parents’ things, I’ve been thinking about doing this and pairing down significantly. Thanks for sharing this. So important. (Jane in SC)❤️🙏🏻
mike manjo. DO IT! I'm 68 and it's taken me 2 years of off and on decluttering. Finding homes for things that are still useful without trashing them. It's so freeing ! Dawn was an inspiration for me.
Oh my gosh, yes! My husband and I had to dispose of mountains of things from our parents’ houses. As soon as I got done with the last of the things two years ago I started on our home. I have gone through the whole house over and over. I get more ruthless every pass through. I don’t want our children to go through the physical and emotional turmoil we went through in clearing our parents’ homes.
@@cindytaylor698 I couldn't not have said this better. My mother passed and I knew I didn't want to leave my son with my mess.
As we moved into a different home (downsizing), I looked at items and realized some of the things I held on to were actually making me feel sad. Photos and trinkets that were associated with negative memories. Those items I either donated or trashed, and I have to say, I felt lighter. No longer managing items that aren't being used or aren't being displayed.
I recently finished going through my childhood mementos. My goal was to curate a small collection that will be fun, meaningful, and help my posterity know my story a little better when it lands in their possession some day. My hope is that the items I keep will be enriching and not burdensome when I am gone. My dad (who is turning 70 this year- still young!) has started gifting his own special items to his kids and grandchildren. This way, he gets to decide who has what and we won’t have to! Also, the items he chose to give my children will have more meaning because they were a special gift directly from Grandpa.
Stuffed animals are so difficult for me because I feel like they have souls and personalities. Especially my children‘s animals because I used them like puppets when playing at bedtime. So it is almost as difficult as „decluttering“ a cat or dog; the same sort of feeling.
There are charities that take them to donate to children who don’t have anything. Teddy Trust sends to refugee kids and Loved Before soft toy adoption cleans and sells them to be enjoyed by someone else. It’s easier to let go when you imagine them going to a loving home! I’m in the UK but maybe there is something similar near you?
I bagged stuff up without them knowing and put it out of sight and in a month they only noticed one doll missing. So I "found" that one. Waited another month. And donated it. They never missed any of the other ones and it's been years.
I collected Porcelain Dolls too and when we moved 2 years ago after living in our home 38 years they went to Goodwill because even the grandchildren didn't want them. I was proud of myself that I was able to give my 3 grown children a tote of their most memorable items of their childhood (school journals, best artwork, scrapbooks), letterman jacket and instead of a tote full of their high school t-shirts, I made them a t-shirt quilt which they loved.
Sidenote: if you have a doll that is precious and you want to keep, you can have them rehabbed at doll hospitals! My mother did that for my two sisters and me with 1 favorite baby doll for each of us, and put them under their Christmas tree when we were adults. A sweet gesture and not too much. Turns out my granddaughters love my baby dolls. I'm glad I have them, even tho I am definitely in a mode of purging most things.
I am so thankful for photos and photobooks. I can take pictures of things I want to remember and then put them in my photobook. Then I don't have to keep it, but I also don't have to forget.
The one thing I wish I'd done differently when my mom died was to have taken photos of things before I let them go. She lived in the same house for almost 40 years and I wish I'd taken photos of her things in her environment, to jog memories of being with her. I also found that some things I had to let go of in layers, and I gave myself permission to keep enough to fit into a small, finite space. Thank you for such practical videos!
So funny..... You reminded me of my first desires for minimalism. When I was 10ish, I was jealous of Laura Ingalls in the Little House on the Prairie books because she only had to make her bed and set her doll on her bed to clean her room and my room was an unmanageable disaster. Anyways I asked for a porcelain doll for Christmas to try to be like Laura. Anyways word got around to my grandparents and aunts that I wanted a porcelain doll and everyone got me one. I was so disappointed to have to get a whole set of shelves to display all of them when my desire was for so much simpler! But of course at 10yrs old I never thought of getting rid of anything!
Wow! I too remember my childhood bedroom being such a disaster and being relieved when my mom boxed most of my stuff up when we were moving. Now that I’m older I find myself wishing to be more like the Ingalls too, especially how grateful they were just to receive a candy cane at Christmas.
I am at the perfect time in my life to do this, and while I wish it was called something else, it resonates so much. I know that my husband will cling on to every little button, ticket stub, hair tie, etc and I don't want to leave him with that burden. It feels SO good to go through things that are just sitting in storage. One thing I've learned is that if you absolutely can't get rid of something this time, allow yourself to keep it and revisit it after a time.
I turned 55 this year, which I think has been some kind of turning point for me. I recently decluttered all paper from my closet, and finally threw out my school reports from 1973-1984. I’m proud of myself. Plenty more work to be done yet. My adult daughter is in between houses and has delivered half her possessions back to our house. The stress of this is overwhelming for OCD me. The only cure is to declutter our possessions
Here's something I don't believe has been mentioned - no children to leave things to . We don't have children & are not that close to our few distant relatives . So , my approach during seasonal / yearly cleaning is to donate ; there are so many in need - clothes , books , household items , etc. can benefit others . I've a few things ( a couple antique items & ltd . edition signed numbered prints I feel they can relate to ) I selected to someday give to two very special younger friends ( my " adopted daughters " ) but will include written notes explaining that they are in no way obligated to keep the items , so they have my blessing to sell or donate or pass them on however they choose .
Yes, I also don't have children and often think about passing on family heirlooms to relatives and who will be stuck with clearing out our home 😬😳
Dawn. I think this is one of your top 10 videos. You speak powerfully about emotions and demonstrate with your own sentimental items. I’ve watched a lot of “decluttering sentimental stuff” videos and this is by far the best one. Thank you.
My dad gave me all my sports trophies a few years back and I decided to declutter them..my husband has kept his..I was a little sad when my boys recently saw daddy’s trophies and thought the world of him and I had nothing to show lol I still don’t want them but wish I had taken a photo!
Our loved ones want us to remember them, not their stuff. It helps me to declutter that stuff just taking up space and I look at it once every five years. Want our house back.
After years of lugging around a dozen cartons of books every time I moved (about every two years), I drastically downsized my book collection. I kept reference books I used regularly, books I hadn’t read but planned to read, and books that were sentimental or hard to come by. I got rid of all my books by popular authors that I knew I could get from the library, old reference books, and books I didn’t want to read. I went from a dozen boxes of books to about a dozen books total. Now I always check the library before I buy a book.
My brother is an artist and in hs he went to an art school, over the last few years my mom has framed many of the old pieces (that he doesn’t even love-because you are your own worst critic) and given them to family members and hanged them in her house. It’s really great to have some of his work. Maybe consider framing your best pieces or go out on a limb and auction them off to your viewers and raise money for your favorite charity.😊
I want to see you actually throwing sentimental items in a trash bag. That’s what I need to see people do. That is the nitty gritty hard part of this process!! We know the questions to ask ourselves, we know how to give usable stuff to organizations. I need to see people putting their old artwork and treasured stuffed animals in the garbage. That would be very helpful to me!
I threw a treasured stuffed animal in the dumpster and I started crying. I was 42😂my husband dug it out and it's hanging in 'isolation' in a trash bag on a hook in our garage.🤦 I tried 🤷
Look, I know it’s hard but this stuff does not have feelings! You and your sanity are more important. You place it in the bag, tie it up and then, in about an hour, the rush of relief overwhelms any feeling of guilt! In another day, you’ve almost completely forgotten about the thing :)
I have been working through my decluttering using swedish death cleaning because I don't wish my family to have to make decisions about my personal stuff when I die. I have gone through my yearbooks, toys, certificates, books, art, photos...and have got rid of 90% of my personal historical belongings.
My family finds that kind of morbid, but I have found it enlightening as well as "lightening".
I have cleaned out my family home and a few apartments after my parents and my in-laws passed away, and I have learned from those experiences that keeping things is a burden on your children. It takes a lot of time and effort to clear someone else's home of their things. Many of the things that my parents kept were not worth donating much less keeping for my self. Much of it had to go in the garbage, and almost all of the rest went to charity. I kept a few too many things and slowly whittled away at those items until I had just the right amount of things to remind me of happy times with my parents and siblings. I am still working at being a minimalist, but using the guiding principles of Joshua Becker and the Minimal Mom has helped me to limit the number of things that I have to manage in the house. It is so much better to be in my house now than it was when I was keeping everything and storing a lot of it. I always appreciate the advice from this channel. Many thanks!
I lost my mom a few years ago and am having a difficult time letting her German China and Hummels go. I’ve looked at them my entire life (60 years). I have NO family at all to leave anything to 😢. So! So, thank you for this great video…and to many others posting on here with positive words of encouragement. it’s time to let her stuff go.
Dawn the doll is a little You, that's why you liked it!
I just came right out and asked my son what he would love from my home. Some items I decided to give him now and things I am still using he must wait for. It was freeing
My only son turned 20 a few months ago. Knowing he'll be moving out soon and making a home for himself, we walked thru the house and made note of pieces I want to let go of that he wants to take with him (my inner minimalist is anxiously awaiting the open space & the mom in me is happy he will get use of my grandfather's old foot locker etc).
2 yrs ago I gave him the totes I had saved of his favorite childhood items and told him he could either store them in his room or let them go.
Also, I did start a tote of basic kitchen items like casserole dishes etc, that I've decluttered but he won't have to spend money on to set up his own house hold.
As I'm listening to you, I think about when I first started getting letter grades in school. I was happy with my grades. My parents wanted better. I thought that was unreasonable. They told us they got better grades in school, and I thought, "Yeah, right." Then they pulled out their junior and senior high report cards. They were astoundingly good! Two things happened: I knew I could definitely believe what they said, no matter how far-fetched it seemed, and I knew better grades were certainly possible. It motivated me to work toward better grades. My dad also used some other "motivators" and I ended up with grades...much better grades. So, I'm sure you see where I'm coming from. I didn't save my report cards, but I sure am glad they kept theirs. People were not into downsizing in the '50's, '60's and '70's. My step-mother has always been a streamliner...so, I got a call as a young adult to come home and see if I wanted to keep anything of the box of my things they found in the attic. I didn't keep any of it, because, as you say, it was from a different season of life.
Also, as I hear you making decisions about what would be valuable to your children and making those decisions for them...I see a LOT of value in asking them. It might be different than you think. Your children can, then, at any later point, decide for themselves if they're still valuable enough to continue to keep.
Overall, though, I love to see how you "streamline." I'm a streamlined, too, for the most part. I'm trying to"streamline" my words now--leave out superfluous ones and repetition. This message failed...
I was the 7th and last child in my family. My mom didn't save very much for me. Probably because many of my things were hand me downs and were wearing out by the time they came to me and also, space was at a premium by the time I came along. I cherished what she did save. I think because of this experience, I saved way, WAY too much of my children's things, clothes (a lot of clothes), toys, memorabilia, nursery sets, etc. (It's what mamas did in the 90's.). We were blessed with houses with plenty of storage, so I filled it up! They're adults now and not wanting much of what I saved. This generation of young adults doesn't cherish "stuff" but experiences. I think it's great! I was so happy to have found your channel, Dawn, a couple of years ago. You helped me to understand this concept and be ok with it! You've also helped me to understand that I don't want to manage so much stuff AND I don't want to pass the managing of this stuff onto my children. SO all that to say, I've been letting my kids go through the stuff I saved and take what they want (which hasn't been much) but I am SOOOO ok with that!!! I'm really happy that they don't want to be burdened with stuff either! Thank you for helping out a 54 year old mama! You totally turned my thinking around!
Dawn since finding your channel 3 years ago my guest bedroom has gone from an overstuffed "shrine" to two of my great grandmother's things to an airy clean minimal guest space. With your help I was able to let go of the guilt and donate almost everything I've been holding on to (some since I was 12!) That I did really want in the first place but felt obliged because it was given to me in their wills. Thank you for the freedom!
This video made me realize that my scrapbook won't really matter to anyone. It has random old sketches and awards in it, things that were important to me ten years ago, but not really anymore. Plus, I never finished the scrapbook, and I don't see having any time or desire to resume working on it anytime soon. It's just another unfinished project causing me guilt. I think I need to take pictures of some of the pages, thank it, and bury it (in the trash can).
For woodwind instruments: they can absolutely be saved for 20+ years! I played my mom's flute and it wasn't new when my grandpa bought it for her when she was in high school. My band teacher had it sent off to be thoroughly cleaned and have new cork and pads put on, but she said nearly everyone will need new cork and pads put on at some point during their playing years. I have decided to keep my flute, if my daughter doesn't play it, that's fine with me it's a small case to store and I have strong good memories of my mom and grandpa linked to it. I'm sure a school music program would take most instruments some of the school owned loaner instruments were in really rough shape at my school.
My mother just passed away 2 months ago. I am having a very difficult time with going through her things. She marked certain things for me and my siblings, and her grandchildren, and great-grandchildren to have-mostly which are antiques. And she took wonderful care of them, and I do have memories of most of the things. I am going through my home and decluttering for the first time in 22 years. I started doing this, so that I could bring some of her items in the home. I don't feel like I can part with any of her things I received at this time...actually I know I can't. However, this video will help me with my own things from my childhood, and in the future if I need to let some of mom's things go. Thank you for sharing.
I don't think I'll ever be a minimalist but by watching your channel I am able to let go of so many things I couldn't before. A few years ago my 4 children came & helped me with decluttering. I wanted to keep everything! They wanted to get rid of everything! Now I can look at stuff more objectively. Thank you Dawn😊
I have a suggestion about 'lighting' as we declutter & clean up our homes. I find that when I turn the lights down a bit, for example turn off the stark overhead light, that decluttering seems way more doable & pleasant. Think about the atmosphere that makes us happy as we work to reduce the clutter. I also turn on my favorite music. I hope this will helps someone : D
I'm 65 and my daughter is 30. I made her a canvas picture of her at 6 months old. It was my favorite picture of her smiling in a pink 🩷 ruffled dress. To match I purchased a shadow box with that pink ruffled dress and hat to match. She has them on the wall in her office. It makes me so very happy.
I once won a Guess the name of Teddy Bear at school. The name was James and funnily enough my son is called James!
If the stuffed animals are cute and in good shape, throw them through a washer load. They usually survive, and then you can donate them. People still buy them in thrift shops. (snip the tags before washing; you're donating as toys, not collectables)
I washed one of my stuffies and it came out very clean. It was hilarious watching it in the spin cycle. Yes, I am easily entertained.
I concur, growing up I had one stuffed bear and I won it myself at a carnival, so many kids never have a stuffy to cuddle and love, I would have been thrilled to have a hand-me-down stuffy when I was a toddler. Donate, make a little kid happy. :)
A lot of fire departments and ambulance services will take donated stuffies and give them to kids to comfort them on the abundance. And yes, stuffed animals usually survive the washer, my mom washed our stuffed animals all the time.
Yes. Any stuffed toys with beads for features should be put inside a pillow case (sham?) so they don't get damaged in - or damage your - washer :) Emergency services / hospitals / waiting rooms are usually happy to get donations of toys, magazines, and maybe books.
Over here (Europe, Germany) it's not possible to donate stuffed animals :'( - no one will take them "for reasons of hygiene", even washed and everything. So it's pass on to someone you know, try to sell or trash ... :'(
I wish I'd known about this when I was working. I was a project manager for a fire restoration construction company. I would have bought a copy of the book for every client/ homeowner.
I am a private clarinet/saxophone teacher. I have had instruments donated to me. I then have students that will pay to repair them and they now have an instrument to play at a much lower cost. It really depends on how much work has to be done. Just donate them somewhere and someone will make good use of them!
Great video today, Dawn! Am I the only one who wanted to see the after pile and hear what you actually did with everything? ❤️
I’ll do a follow up video!
@@TheMinimalMom Thanks! 😋
I love all of what you had to say about 'collections'. It's so true that these forgotten things could have been donated or sold to people who would love to own them instead of deteriorating under beds, in attics or basements. So often people are doing without when you have abundance and could easily share. I was looking at your furniture and thought how I've been planning on refurbishing or painting my old furniture pieces to resell and pay off old debt. Also how people in the furniture flipping business are looking for these items. They buy them from garage sales, thrift stores or salvage them from the garbage, just to be able to make a profit from their work. It keeps things out of the landfill which is important and brings life to them for future use. The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning is a great example for us all. Thanks for all you do to help people reduce and reuse or just not buy what isn't necessary.
I found an American Girl Doll at a salvation army thrift store 15 years ago. I never would have had one if it wasn't for her, all she needed was a good cleaning and a bit of patient hair brushing. Thinking of my awesome finds like that help me to more easily let go of things that are cool, in decent shape, but I really just don't need them anymore.
Thank you for your video. You've shown me how to face the mountains of stuff from my only child's childhood that I couldn't bear to let go. Now she's 33 and hasn't the slightest interest in owning a house or renting a storage garage big enough for all those things. Nor is she interested in having children, or taking back the things of hers I still have. She lives in Texas, I live in Michigan, we rarely get together. Anyway, I'll probably send her a few photos of what's still up there and give her a deadline for claiming it. I'll let a friend with a three-year-old granddaughter choose whatever she wants from what's left when the deadline passes...and after that, I'll give the local freestore whatever's left. Again, thank you for your video!
My sister recently sent me a picture of some dolls she had growing up & I remembered them fondly since we had shared a room. She was getting rid of them & normally I would say I would take them, but I told her I didn't want them. That was a HUGE step for me. We don't have children to pass our things on to, so we are getting rid of items now that we no longer want so that others don't have to deal with it later.
Your artwork is so beautiful! I'm usually on team donate, but when your kids are adults they may be really happy to have your art to display. I have my mother in law's art up in our house and they are my favorite pieces.
Oh man I needed this today. I have an upstairs bedroom full of stuff that was my grandmother’s that ended up at my parents home after she passed. Then to moms downsized home after dad passed. Then to my house after mom moved into memory care last year. We trashed broken stuff and donated as much as we could but there are items that at one time had been worth a decent sum - like 100 year old brilliant cut glass items. So I’m battling the “but it’ll be worth something again someday” financial aspect of it all in a post-Covid world with the reality of what it’s costing my stress levels to store it all. I just can’t bring myself to donate these collections to goodwill but I don’t have the time to eBay it all either. Ugh.
Answering the two questions, I cried. There is absolutely nothing I currently own that my children want or need. So sad.
The quote about giving away our cherished things in the hope that someone else can create cherished memories with them I think will be very helpful. I have been able to give things away to certain people with this mindset, but never used it while deciding to just donate an item. I think my wall has been "I want to make sure it ends up with someone who will appreciate it." Well, if I donate it, I guess it probably will. I just need to let go of my desire to control who that someone will be.
I have 5 bags in my trunk from my MIL's house to drop off at goodwill for her! She is cleaning out closets!
I agree, we can't and shouldn't hold onto everything from our past, but I have to say, when my father died, finding and saving some of his artwork meant a lot to me. I'd be reluctant to throw away things that might seem unimportant to me, but would be of interest to my kids, especially when they are older and able to appreciate it. I guess I think of it as throwing away part of your history.
This is my concern. The kids might not recognize that they wanted it until years later. Also are we raising kids who don't cherish past history and just believe we can throw/donate something and just buy it again, which is not always the case. You're not getting Grandma's dishes from a yard sale or eBay or Amazon. It's tough either way.
I agree. I feel a distinction should be made between purchased items and human creativity. I could care less about "stuff" but have enjoyed reading poems of my moms etc.
My mother threw away or gave away my childhood. It would be so great to be able to see my things again, Letters, toys, pictures, books. It is sad that I didn’t have a choice. That may be why I hoard stuff now.
My ex-husband is a collector; always has been. When we started dating in 1991, he was collecting toys. Around 1994 or so, he started collecting mostly Hot Wheels and some other die-cast. This turned into a 10+ year run. During that time also, and since then, he has collected (and built some) plastic car model kits.
He was unsuccessful in getting our son interested in any of this. Our son is now 17. I am so worried that a full storage unit + will be left for our son to sort through if something happens to his dad.
I'm in the process of downsizing now, as I plan to travel full-time and work remotely after my son goes off to college. I've tried to explain to his dad that the stuff he leaves to our son will likely just get donated or thrown away (depending on its condition). I'd rather see him sell it now and get some money out of it that he can use. Not my call, but my son definitely wants none of it for himself.
Dawn, I have to tell you... we got a dumpster! We had it for 2 weeks and it got picked up today. WOW, it feels so amazing to have all that stuff gone. My husband last night was remarking how he wished we had gotten rid of so much more and your wisdom came to mind. You said in another video that you do it in layers and you make many passes to dig deeper and deeper. We made a good big sweep for sure, but it doesn't stop there. You are so right, it's kind of addicting!
I love how you kept this video so real, as is evident by the dust on the boxes. The brown flecks on the dolls dress is not dirt but a breakdown of the fibers in the fabric. That bedroom set is gorgeous.
I have been decluttering since Christmas Day almost 4 weeks now. I have been doing the Swedish method. Everything that I have kept so far I have taken into consideration of my children can they use it is it functional to them and myself right now. I do not want them left with a bunch of stuff that they will have to go through as I have seen many family members and friends have to do with their parents belongings. Having less clutter and being more organized has felt amazing!! Thank you for another great video. I wanted to add that during this process I have asked my children what they want to keep for their keepsake box and that has helped a lot. They both have one tote of memorabilia. It was harder for me to get rid of certain things like Decorations from both baby showers that I've had for going on 20 years. But I looked at it like what will they do with this if they have to take it on? It all went into the garbage then. My oldest is almost 21 and my youngest is 14. The way I've had to look at it is I have memories, emotional ties to this stuff they do not
I have struggled for years with the managing of stuff. As I write this I have numerous containers of "keepsakes" taking up precious useable space because I could not bring myself to get rid of my adult daughters old stuff. They aren't really interested but I still could not get rid of "their" stuff, this has been the most HELPFUL post and it all makes perfect sense and really hit home. I thank you for sharing this and I am now ready to get rid of all of it. I literally still have a McDonalds cup that my baby left teeth marks in in one of those containers! She is 31. Thank you!
Both my husband and I were left with a lot of our parents things. For way too long these things lived in our basement. I would get so overwhelmed at the thought of going through it and letting it go that I'd ignore it. Finally the thought of our children being burdened by all of it if WE should die, got me moving. Along with the basement, closets were full of our two youngest's things. I would take pictures as I decluttered (Thanks to Joshua Becker and TYHB who kept me motivated!!) and they would say yes or no to keeping something for them. We are down to a few things left for them to retrieve on their next visits and our house will be entirely just what we love most right now ❤️
Another way to declutter the stuff but preserve the memory is to take digital photos and store them on a USB stick or hard drive. It is fun to look through and remember. Thanks for sharing.
Where we live it's common for people to hire an auctioneer to do an estate sale. We've been to a few and it's fun. There's a lot of organizing that happens before the sale, but after the sale, most of it's just gone!
My grandmother lived to almost 100 years old. I think she was decluttering her stuff for at least the last 20-30 years of her life! When she died, there was not much to do in regards to her material possessions. I have always thought it was very wise of her to do that and planned on doing the same.