To Heal Complex PTSD, Try NOT TALKING About It
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- Опубликовано: 5 апр 2021
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If you’re struggling with PTSD from childhood, and conventional approaches to treatment (including talk therapy) aren’t helping you, try NOT talking and instead, WRITE about it. In this video I'll tell you some surprising benefits of NOT talking about past trauma, and how you can express and release those memories in a less triggering way.
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This is the one reason I believe Anna. It’s such a countercultural thing to say, and yet so useful.
:)
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy In the Daily Practice sessions instructions, you say NOT to delve into the past.
So how do we cure CPTSD by writing about trauma?
And what if we don't remember it?
“It feels better to be true to yourself, more than true to your story”
:)
Talking about trauma is like opening an abscess to let it drain. If you keep that abscess open, it's not going to heal. But it does have to drain before it can heal. Just don't keep trying to drain it after it's been emptied, yeah?
As the owner of a cat who sometimes gets abscesses I totally agree with this!
Yuck but yes
Yuck is right! Maybe another analogy could have been more appropriate
OMG my feelings exactly!!!!!
I agree. Someone who has experienced trauma, NEEDS to talk about it, but as time goes on, it keeps you RELIVING it. There comes a time to heal. Of course there will be times bad memories will be triggered, & maybe you should talk about the trigger. It is easy to begin going over & over all the trauma again.
Avoiding triggers is a must. And work hard at. But unfortunately it still happens at times.
Yes, well put. Thank you so much !
Exactly like maintenance work! Even a good therapist should know ‘oh this is now just rumination ‘ and tell you you’re ready for fewer sessions or refer to external treatments
I did something pretty groundbreaking in the last few weeks. I sat outside with some music and softly talked out my trauma. And this took a few nights, but I talked about everything. And I do mean every single major event that I could recollect till today. I can't tell you how free I felt as opposed to speaking to someone. Sure I tend to pick the right people to open up to, yet you can only get so many hugs and "Sorry that happened to you," before I realized that cycle needed to end and I needed to transform it and release it. I also wrote a letter to an ex in an objective and respectful way, another big leap to let go of a damaging relationship from the past. I aim to write fun short stories and now that my mind is much clearer, I can dig deep for good creativity. Writing really is such a blessing when one knows how to hone it, something I've been doing slowly for over 10 years.
Thank you very much. I'm going to try this. Ì am glad you're doing well. All the best.
This sounds very beautiful! Thank you very much, Maxie! 💫
@Maxie freedom is the goal!!!
Sympathy was my safe way to “make people like me”. I didn’t feel that I had any redeeming qualities.
My ongoing healing has showed me that I do not need to lean on my past.
Being comfortable with myself and learning how to talk to others, is still a sticking point, especially if i get triggered. New day, new way!!!
Yes, me too! Thank goodness I don't have to resort to those old habits anymore. New day, new way!
-Cara@TeamFairy
There's something very subliminally releasing about writing, journaling, taking notes, etc. Gets it out of your head so you can redeem mental energy for healthier, more productive ventures.
Absolutely!
I never talk about my trauma. I think that’s worse but I talk to myself about it.
Well put.
That's OK.
You are talking about it. To yourself. Still talking. I'm struggling with the same thing.
@@nancythornton2947 I think this person sees this. I interpreted the words to mean that, I could easily be wrong but... as easily as you could, but maybe this person will reply and tell us who got it right.
@Love Love try the techinque Anna was referring to in the video courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
Glad you're here!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thankfully I found a doctor who believed me when I said I don't like to talk about trauma.
Yes, thankfully!
Yes!!!! I am taking a break from talking to my therapist. I have been telling the story so many times!!!! I need to have a normal schedule living a normal life. And I will keep journaling. I have found writing.
My husband is tired of me talking about it also!!!!!!
You got this!
We are all so confused by this thing. I see it plainly for the first time in my life. I know its name, which means I can address it with help.
My prison was theirs before I made it mine. I made it my own so I might know it, know them, and then save them. I did not see how fully it took me over.
We always become what we fight in opposition, instead of love. We will become what we hate. We will also become what we love. My love made me hate what they were becoming so I, what?... I decided to became the pain in them only so they might see how terrible "they" had become in my eyes and through my action, no longer their own.
I became a worse version of what I hate only to dissuade them of their terror by becoming it, or so it seems to me now.
I lost myself when I made their poor standards my own. I started to see them as they saw me and we began to spin in circles. I created this world of mine in thought and then ultimately in action, but it was a simple disappointment when it began. And to think it led me here to utter surrender.
I should feel grateful. I do not. It hurts too much today. This thing is so cruel. How could what is now true become any worse? I cannot see it.
1. Never use immigrate speech. It will be used against you.
2. Leave those who lie to you. They are very dangerous when provoked.
3. Be very careful what you look at and more careful not about what you oppose, but how. Never allow resentment to bring you into itself for it will surely kill you then if you do. Continue and thereby not only invite it and allow it, but begin to beg for it.
Now I know they do not want my help. They never even wanted me. I am free for having seen their reason. They see themselves in me where they do not exist. I saw myself in them where I do.
I used my "truth" to answer their lies, which is necessary. The problem with that was my manner. I did it in anger and necessarily became lost. So did they and I am to blame.
After all this, I am left with one powerful, very faithful conclusion. I know how to become the change I want to see in the world. I have used it as a weapon often enough, and that is the worst part.
Had I only become as good as the weak, cutting truth I weaponized, then I would already be healed. Had I ever gathered the gumption to live upward into my advice, then I would already be forgiven.
The twisted love that doubts trauma steals the will. It taught me I way unlovable, unworthy, so why dream?
It was as if I said, "I will not live if they will not stop to make me happy." And that is how this all began; I had a gentle objection to a slight offered in passing. And now they would rather I were gone. They are lucky I did not deliver them there themselves.
I meet myself everywhere I go. I remain what I detest. The only way to fix it is to admit it, stop being hypocrit8cal, and use the information I hold for myself as it is intended, not for them as a weapon when it is not.
All I must do is answer the criticism I offer before I speak. Then I will become the change I want to see. Only then will I become a man. By then, I will have created a golden world around me to replace this mess. I will become strong as I learn to apply the same determination digging myself out of this mess as I did asking others to do it for me.
I will stop talking altogether. It is magic one way or the other. It is influence and I reject it. I need no permission and no help so why ask? I will receive neither permission nor help. I have tried to hard before to every think it might happen now.
They are broken, so it must be. So are we, but differently. I must accept this now for me or risk all my eternity.
I wonder now how this can be. I meant to head right for me.
But now, what is it I see?
Nothing more is there to be.
We are not theirs. We never were. They are not ours. They never were. We are meant for others. So stop wasting time moaning for things lost and dead.
Do a little dance instead. You made it this far. Now do one thing that makes your life better. Do not ask permission. Do not ask help. Do not share authority and discuss your plans. Just do one thing for you and for none other.
Start small. Make a list before bad. Place you chores on this list. You know. The list had all the things on it you wish you could convince another to do for you that you would rather do for yourself.
Watch David Goggins of you cannot get out of bed for yourself anymore. He can cure the absence of motivation in about three and a half minutes.
Makes sense to me. I have lost friends and family by always talking about "the past". My story has become me and I don't want that !
You don't want that because you aren't that :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I'm 61, and I've never really talked about it. Writing would be painful too.
The point of talking/writing for me is so i can really really drop it, put it behind me, and then stop talking/writing about it. Im getting close
Check out Irene Lyon. Her method of healing the nervous system and sequencing the healing could be more beneficial than talking or writing.
@@shellyholt5240 thanks. ☺️
@Lucinda here is a link to the specific writing technique Anna is talking about, this is a free course, perhaps you'll find it gives you some relief. courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thanks a bunch. ❤️
So true!!!!!!!!!!!! You can't move forward if you keep living in the past and talking about it puts it front and center. It's like picking a scab: the sore never heals b/c the scab is protective, pull it off and the protection is gone. Things need 'cover' to heal. I had issues with my mother and I talked all the time about them. One day I saw my mother through my sisters eyes and I woke up, so to speak..realized I had to let it go, let it die b/c I was reliving the trauma over and over and over and I was always anxious, fearful, worried. My relationship with my mother improved when I let her off 'my hook' and I realized she was not perfect, had her own trauma. Forgiveness set me free.
What a beautiful testimonial! Thank you SO much for sharing about your own recovery journey!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Following that path of not talking about trauma with my mom too. 🙂
When I had counselling every fortnight I found that I left the therapy session feeling absolutely exhausted, mainly mentally, and I would go home and deep sleep. It was the only way to recover the fatigue I encountered by raking up my past! Writing is releasing for me without this mental draining.
That's great! If you haven't seen it already, there is a video and instructions for the specific technique Anna is referring to courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you for caring! X
After the first and second world wars, people were too traumatised to talk about it. My grandmother lost 5 brothers in the Great War and then after the war her son died of pneumonia and then her husband was killed in a domestic accident . She never talked about any of it. “Talking therapy” is a very modern idea and sometimes does more damage than good.
Good point :)
I agree with you, but I've also heard that men commit suicide more because they don't talk about their pain.
If we, the traumatised, don't befriend others like us (people who absolutely need good steady friendships) then how can we expect the "healthy" ones to befriend us? Technically, a traumatised person on the way to recovery should understand and be more sympathic to their tribe.
We really aren't that good for each other unless we are working specifically on healing our CPTSD. And in that case, absolutely we can be very useful to one another :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Totally agree. I spent 30 years rehashing my 'tragedy'. It meant that I was totally self-centred, living in the past, and feeling different from everyone. It is a shame that therapy has taken over from religion. They are not mutually exclusive. In UK now new mothers are now getting automatic therapy. It is a very profitable industry. Finally revelation that I had all the faults of my parents plus a few of my own thrown in for good measure. Oh dear. Now New Age friends all 'putting themselves' after years in therapy, I find intolerable. In fact my childhood has given me a depth which others do not know and can identify with many more people in the world . Also suffering has to be accepted, it is a part of life - if it is rejected it becomes depression. If you can get to the point of suffering because it is God's will for you on that day (sorry you will not like this message), it is liberating and empowering. I still have depression big time, some people have cancer - that is my 'cross' and it has given me enormous inner resources. I live alone and at 66 am happier than I have ever been - have just come out of 1 week depression which I call my retreats Today I am up and running waiting for a friend to come, listening to the cuckoo echoing down the chimney and the chimes of the 12th century church. A leaky draughty old house in France that no one wants, worth nothing, but which I would not change for the world.
It sounds like you have made your peace with the CPTSD condition :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you for your comments...describes my situation exactly....grateful someone else so gets it!! Best wishes to you!
There's nothing wrong with new mothers getting therapy, if they need it. It saved me, and helped me be the warmest, most loving version of myself to my baby in his first year. I didn't have to pay for it, so nobody was making a profit off me. Maybe they just recognised that traumatised mothers go on to traumatise their babies, and that breaking the cycle should start early? If it's not suitable for you, that's fine but please don't make blanket statements about therapy for new mothers unless you've personally been in need of it.
I’m a 48 year old male, diagnosed with CPTSD from childhood traumas to joining the Military and serving as a combat medic. 22 years after discharging from the military I could no longer compartmentalize my trauma and all my coping techniques were failing. 2018 started my mental heath journey with the VA. 30 months of inpatient treatment with group and 1 on 1 therapy. I started understanding after I noticed how much therapy triggered me. The problem was once Pandora’s box is open my problems became worse, and that’s normal at first however at what point do educated people that patients trust step back and evaluate this may not be correct treatment plan. Ryan finally started taking more control or had an implant when it came to my treatment I learned to tell psychologist that I did not want to talk about any of my past traumas. I wanted to focus more on management and current symptoms acknowledging triggers and just becoming more aware and more present and more intelligent emotionally. When I had trauma for years of my life and then have additional trauma for a very extended period of time. I realized how my brain compartmentalize traumas enough to where I could function and manage. It did bleed into my every day life, that’s why I never got married -I wasn’t gonna subject I love to any of my symptoms that would negatively impact their happiness or their balance in life. It wasn’t until I started creating my own boundaries within the mental health profession and some psychologist will not treat you when you come into their office with your own rules. I can tell you from experience after not talking about traumas there was no more PTSD clinic I could go to and I just focused on being present which they tell you to do and then they make you talk about your past for an hour and then release you back into the wild until the next session.. it’s been a year and a half since I’ve changed and been more active in my treatment and what I was willing to talk about and what type of treatment plan I was willing to agree to and it was the best move for me. There’s nothing anyone is going to be able to tell you there’s nothing anyone is going to be able to empathize or intellectualize that is going to give you the aha moment that snaps you out of it. And because this is a really long post and if you’re still reading this God bless you even get on the subject of pharmaceuticals within this industry trust yourself trust people again trust that people will fail you again and trust that you’re strong enough to overcome anything. Don’t ever ignore your intuitions.
You really hung in there a long time seeking the help you needed! Thanks for sharing.
-Cara@TeamFairy
Yes, writing is powerful. I find myself being quiet a lot, ppl don't even listen. I had many years of therapy. Music helps me a lot. Ever notice a lot of lyrics feel like they are from the future. Much love for your help. :)
Find that turn on the radio ..boom ...soundtrack for how I'm feeling..kinda crazy
That's wonderful you have found some useful techniques for yourself :)
Its not the standard thing..it just is...the mind can write things off...but the body never lies...when you feel sick from these people your body is telling you the truth ..no amount of writing has helped me...that just seems like bouncing stuff of myself with no end. We need validation...how we get that..I don't know...x maybe the comments from strangers in threads like this who have been through the same thing is the way....as I said..I don't know but what I do know is that everyone who has commented and shared their experiences has helped me.
In this case it is not just free style writing, there is a specific technique. You can try the free course and learn it here courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
Hope this helps you :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
For people whose trauma-reaction is oversharing itself, this is worth gold. Thank you.
This is true because the more you talk about it, the more you identify with it, including the role you believe you were/are, which was most likely a victim, and to adopt that mentality and reaffirm it again and again through storytelling, it spills into every other area in your life. Everything seems to go wrong, nothing gets accomplished, and you happen to believe that you're a victim of it and you THINK you need something/someone external to "save" you. To acknowledge what you experienced, surrender to the feeling of it, and letting it go is the best gift you can give yourself. You keep the memories as wisdom and you release the emotion entirely by recognizing it's just a feeling that wants to be felt and recognized fully. Once this is done, there's nothing that you can't do other than rise up and feel peaceful 🙏
Many of us have had a lot of success with the writing as a way to acknowledge and release and find we don't need to explain our story to feel heard or seen when we do this. The urge just disappears.
-Cara@TeamFairy
She’s very smart. And genuine. I’m sure this doesn’t work for everyone (especially those of us who write all day in their job and can barely see at the end of the day). But she is switched on and has a vast understanding of trauma.
Thanks for this. Just so you know, I write all day and it does work. I've observed it especially works for "wordy" people, who often end up writing all day. People who have hamster wheel thoughts grinding them down all day. It's not creative writing. It's quite specific and is always followed by meditation to rest and heal the brain.
I think this is very true and I've seen a lot of people get trapped into a cycle of not only re-traumatizing themselves but developing a social identity around their problems that can potentially become a real trap. How can you get better if your problems are what Define you and motivate essential things like social connection and self-care. I think that talking about experiences is something that everyone should do at some point but it's definitely not the case of more is always better and trying alternative approaches is a great idea. I don't think it has to be limited to writing. For me at least writing has its own special problems since ironically some of my problems are directly tied to written projects. Journaling is something I've never been able to do. Nevertheless I'm not saying that's typical and I am trying to pursue Alternatives such as exercising in conjunction with processing negative thoughts, and connecting with people when I do triggering tasks
I understand what you're saying about the writing. In this case Anna is referring to a specific technique and way of writing to release the resentments and fears. This is the free course she develped to teach it to everyone:courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
-Cara@TeamFairy
I don't agree. I was talking about it and it took me out of it. Because I understood that I need to work on me and handle my own. I was going out of it thanks to talking about it. But only once I say about it no more.
And I had really bad traumas including raping and violence.
Holding it inside isn't healthy. But make from self victim due to these things as well no.❤🙂👍🏻
Not disagreeing...it's not that we should never talk about it, it's when it becomes repetitive and we get stuck in the "story".
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Yes repeating it isn't healthy. But inside us in memories. If we identify self with person in memory...then we are in pain which we make on self. I went through so big pain that I cutted myself in one moment away from memories that there is no more identity with it. I don't feel that it's me this projection of past. So I cutted myself away from this pain living in presence which is full of love and joy. It isn't easy to do it but if we want to live happy, we need take responsibility for own inner feeling and knowledge that nothing outside can't decide our happiness in presence especially past. But it took me long way when I spent years of crying. And speaking about it took me into state when I realised that I need help myself heal alone. That speaking is calling help outside but healing can happened only from inside.❤🙏🏻
Logically maybe but cptd is bodily reactions too. When I talk about stuff I have a panic attack
My trauma started at age 13. I still have poems and diaries from those early years. Although writing didn’t “cure” me it kept me from totally losing my sanity. I still keep diaries. I agree with you about writing. And balance in all things is important. Talk some, write some and be quiet some. Figuring out what you need and when it’s appropriate isn’t always easy but doable.
P& B- Great advice for much of life, actually. Add.act.so.e, and love some (or lots), and we're pretty much there. Tks!
Anna has a specific techniqe for writng the fears & resentments courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
-Cara@TeamFairy
I had a year worth of EMDR sessions and it was the most excruciating experience but the therapist kept telling me I would feel better. It seemed like things would temporarily get better, but then it would get bad again. I did your fear and resentment writing technique the other day and meditated after, I felt better immediately . It wasn't as traumatizing as EMDR. The writing felt like a release. Thank you so much for your honesty.
Yay!!! That's how I experience it too. I'm so glad you found these techniques, and this channel!
Yes writing helps and no one is going to write back , as your writing , and invalidate your feeling , make excuses for the trauma Etc.
This is not at all what the Daily Practice is, it is a specific writng technique ...here is a link to the free course courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
-Cara@TeamFairy
I tend to get bogged down when I write . There's also difficulty in expressing it. I think it's something like if I talk about it, the thought gets out from constantly going around in my head, whereas if I write about it, it just becomes part of the ruminating going on. But at the same time what your saying makes sense. I look at myself as the victim/survivor rather than myself now. You know I can see something in that, that i know i've got to change.
This is specifically the format Anna is talking about courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you Cara, signed up
I agree. I found that yoga and other healing modalities, like massage, helps release trauma. Talking about it can become like sinking into a quagmire. Learning healing modalities and tools, like using writing as a tool, helps release it.
Yes :)
this is spot on. you do need to talk about it - but... not too much. there is a balance. Writing has a really good place in healing.
Yes, it is a very useful tool!
holy cow.... exactly where i am right now. the funny thing is, i woke up today and started writing right away... and now i came across this video... like a friendly reminder "yes. this path is a possible way. trust yourself and the process."
THANK YOU FAIRY :)
Oh wow!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Acknowledging your feelings is key to recovery, either by writing on paper or just naming the feelings your feeling. Not doing that is abandoning yourself
Important to start getting honest with ourselves :)
This is the best I’m gonna get. My hole family don’t care about how I’m feel, I’m new subscriber and gonna be watching all your videos to fix myself. ( God Keep Me Safe )
Thanks for subbing!
I care, praying you stay safe too 🖤
Was just thinking about how to talk about my trauma much less often
Try this: courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you!
This makes so much sense!!! I’ve kept a journal since, well, forever, and it always brings me relief and feels like a safe refuge. Talking about my past to anyone often works me up, pulls me into a shame attack, or inflames my sense of being a victim. Thank you,Anna, for sharing your gifts ❤️🙏
Thanks for being here & so great that journaling gives you relief!
If you're interested, this is the link to the writing technique Anna was referring to in the video: courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
-Cara@TeamFairy
I don't go to therapy but the one person I can vent to is my sister and we talk for HOURS about our trauma and the POS people our parents are. It's nice to have someone who understands, but I never feel good after those venting sessions. We cry a lot, it's hard. I no longer think it's good for us. I think I can blab to her for hours about it because I can't talk to anyone else about it without feeling like they might think I "just want attention". It also used to really hurt when I saw others painful childhoods being validated, especially when I thought mine might be worse (ps I now know it isn't right to think like that because trauma is trauma). I think it's the reason why most cptsd survivors want to talk, they believe they will somehow make sense of it and of course, validation.
It is an astute perception to notice you don't actually feel better after the venting session. Maybe take a healing class together as an alternative :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
In my experience this goes for things like eating disorders too. Of course I had to address it directly and talk about it to an extent, but I got to a point where I could manage myself well enough but hasn’t let go of the last bit of it. I was still surrounded by eating disorder therapy, support groups, friends in recovery, ED Facebook pages, etc. It all kept me sick. Prevented me from moving on. Once I stopped talking about it in therapy and changed the focus of my life, I was able to let go and move on.
Yes, that makes sense to me it would have similar effect.
-Cara@TeamFairy
As for me, I've taken up gardening just two days ago and now I have a new good thing to focus on. My hands are now swollen from tilling land. And I'm happy about it. I'm gonna sow corn seeds tomorrow morning. I'm feeling excited about it!
Sounds great!
True. When i started feeling more confident about talking about some issues, I've started opening up too much to people who weren't even that open.
It has potential to hurt us and trigger or bother them...in my experience, with the Daily Practice, the urge to talk much about it just goes.
-Cara@TeamFairy
I'm binge watching your videos and am blown away from how much I resonate with everything you're saying. My husband is always telling me to stop venting about my past because it only upsets me and makes me worse because I relive it and am overwhelmed with the emotions. Thank you for all you're doing.
Thank you!
I fully agree with not talking about the trauma. I have found it to be so triggering and dysregulating also. The “taking stock of past trauma” worksheet from the Healing Childhood PTSD course has already proven helpful. Instead of just listing the trauma, I'm actually writing how it affected me also. That is making a difference for me. I actually just canceled my last “EAP” session a few minutes ago because I was starting to have a lot of anxiety thinking about having to talk about problems. The phone appointment was going to be in 45 minutes. To anyone reading this, this was just my personal choice to cancel the last therapy session. I know no one's going to be able to help me fully in three - 1/2 hour sessions through my work program. This was the only help I could get due to the lack of therapists available due to the pandemic. No, this is not a fake review 😊 just an honest opinion on Anna’s wonderful program 😊 Anna, you have given me hope!
Thank you very much for the comments! So thrilled that the course is already helping- 'Healing Childhood PTSD' is Anna's first course and the one we recommend for everyone to begin with as it provides such a solid foundation for the healing journey :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
You completely hit the nail on the head for me. I’ve been leaving therapy feeling worse. This makes sense
Glad it was helpful!
I agree. Thank you!
I thought I was abnormal because I never did therapy or don't feel better when talking about thing's.
I Just do and don't talk and do self help and talk positively. I am stronger that way.. and happier 😊 I would feel too dragged down to the past talking about the same things over and over.
Dragged down is just how it feels!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I feel very comfortable listening to your videos because it hits home
Glad to hear that!
This is so so true. Thank you for the reminder.
Thanks for watching!
My husband hates it when I talk about my past, and won’t indulge it. I get angry at him, but he refuses to hear it. He knows, he has heard the worst of it, and he wants to give me a better future. He spoils me and I had resistance to it initially.
Still, I think I am supposed to be a psychotherapist.
Thanks so much for sharing!
This is why I believe everyone's journey is different. I believe different things / therapies work differently for different people. Also different approaches work at different times in your journey. I needed to talk after literally being gagged and writing didn't work for me. However talking is not for everybody and I too had times when I had to find an alternative to talking, I found art very helpful for expressing my trauma. Great video x
Art is a wonderful expressive tool :)
yes the insight that I was identifying with my crappy past and wanted to use it to be excused for taking responsibility. That was a stepping stone from not even acknowledging that I had been affected, and just being crabby and irritated all the time. To realise that I did deserve compassion and care even if only from myself and some counsellors along the way. And then becoming bored with being labelled a victim and stepping into my own life the way I would like to be, with the help of your beautiful understandings and advice.
So glad to hear that you are stepping into the life you want! Thanks for being here.
I appreciate all that you do ❤️
Thanks so much for being here!
You are awesome to do this for people.
Thank you for being watching :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Narrative therapy says to re-invent your story. Or putting in a different light. I agree. But i still need someone to talk to in general. I totally relate, as sn incredibly open person, to it not helping. Especially if i had no empathy or new perspective or way to handle it. Was a waste. Indeed.
I find it is easier to talk to people when I've done the Daily Practice!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Good advice. Helps me.
Glad to hear it!
Thank you! 🪴
VERY TRUE VERY TRUE- THANK YOU!!!!!
Thanks for watching!
Thank you I needed this.
Great! Glad you're here!
After counseling sessions , I was so disregulated , distracted , shaken that my driving was severely impaired ...worse than drunk. Not exaggerating .
I had to stop to stop endagering the public at large .
Glad you're here!!!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you !
Such a good video and great advice! I call it going in the rabbit hole. Very wise and practical 👍🏼💯
Love that!
Thanks, CCF! This video made utter sense to me.
Glad to hear it!
You are amazing. Thank you for your excellent perspective, CCF!
You are so welcome
Thank you for this video x
You are so welcome!
This actually helps. I had a dance coach actually give me this advice. She had cancer. And she wanted to bring awareness to other people. But she said that her cancer just kept coming back. And she told me that once she stopped talking about her cancer, she was able to get rid of it for good.
And she suggested that I do the same about my trauma. Best advice I EVER received.
Thanks for sharing!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I can relate on the whatever progress you could have made is undone by the pain/dissociation from telling anyway. So it always makes it worse and being forced to tell makes that also again worse.
I hope you try this method courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
Sometimes talking about the pain when memories trouble us is helpful, but with a person who can be trusted.
A trusted person who is up for listening is great to have
I couldn't agree more! Talking too much about it but focus on the today and what to do now....it can be over experienced in the present when it is repetitive.
Yes, exactly
Wow! I'll give it a shot!!!
Give this a shot too :)
courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
-Cara@TeamFairy
From my experience, I got to a point where I no longer need to talk and process, and the dysregulation decreases with time. I naturally started to focus therapy sessions less on the past and more on the present and future, like working on autonomy, identity, etc. Talking is meant to expose you to the emotions so that you get used to them and so they become less intense. I have always written about my emotions and it helps me release them but it doesn’t much help me process. The critical thing for me is saying it out loud and having it all recorded and then hearing it back when I am regulated enough to better process it. I really believe that therapy sessions should be recorded like mine are for this reason. I also write a lot down before sessions and reference it a lot during session to help me keep on track and grounded. Everyone is different though.
Agreed. Everyone is different. I once did recorded sessions as well but could not bring myself to listen because I cringe too much at the sound of my voice. Here is a link to a free course that shows you the exact technique Anna (and I and lots of others) uses when writing the fears and resentments. courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy oh believe me, it's been over two years and I still cringe and get anxiety and dread beforehand each time I listen back, but I got more used to it because it's so helpful that I push through it and often focus on doing something calming at the same time, like making and drinking tea. By the time I'm done with that, I've almost made it through re-listening to the session and have been better able to gain insight and processed the emotions that came up, I often cry all over again, and that's a good thing!
Wow! Here a Physciatrist told me at 60 yrs. old that I'm not talking enough about traumas that's all I've done through the years. That's why I felt more anxiety, when it's time to enjoy my life with good feelings &
tell me also "your not suppose to feel like that" "your suppose to feel calm " she was controlling & I dumped her, I will feel what I feel & I do alot of writing &
it helps me feel calm.
So good!
:)
Until I didn't unsdersood I had compulsive talking, but now I see it was awful. But just with your knowleged I was able to reaĺly understand what was happing to me all my life and then I stoped talking about the story. At 57 I'm having a bad time accepting all the lost time. I had such a bad quality of life because I was ignorant.
Thank you so much. I always enjoy your videos.
Glad you like them!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy It's not merely the giving of good advice, which you most certainly have covered, it's how easy you've made it to get good, solid psychiatric advice, at home... where my insidious social anxiety can't mercilessly attack me. There's nobody whose direct gaze I must endure and avoid. I can learn and gain new tools, until I feel comfortable trying to utilize them in real life. Yet, you still somehow, manage to have it all coming from a strangely (helpfully) personal level.
Anna you get me through my most difficult model builds .. When I get stuck and need a break I'll just watch one of your old videos while I'm letting the glues and paints dry ..
Also, thank you, this is great and very generous!
Our pleasure!
wow! this is amazing! thank you!
Glad you like it!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy :) :) :)
Thank you so much for bringing this up, really helpful.
You are absolutely right!!! I’ve been doing this for the past year and it has helped tremendously.. sometimes I will slip alittle, but I know my past is not my future.. ppl don’t need to know how screwed up my past was.. as far as I’m concerned, I’m a normal person who has a better life!! I’m not someone’s victim..
Thanks for being here & sharing with us :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I never like talking about my hurt it make me feel worse but was always told I needed to talk about it but with the way you explain that it's OK not to talk about it finally i feel free from that i have let go of my past pain and hurts!! But I had a lot of trigger, but thank you so much when I get deregulated and with your hel, I no how now to getmyselff regulated again 😊 thank
you so much!!
( I get to be me now!!)
😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊
I agree with you completely.i have instinctively avoided talking about trauma, even in therapy! I am happy to say I am symptom free, although there's always plenty of room for healing and growth.thank you for the work you do,I think you're great!
Thanks so much!
I have never heard of that. Sounds like it's worth a try because I have tried talk therapy through several therapists and still feeling stuck. Thank you for sharing this 😊
I'm so glad you are open to trying....here is the link to take a free course and use Anna's technique courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you. I journal everyday. I am still hesitant to tell my story, so writing helps so much. You are a blessing.
You can do it!
I have never talked in depth w/ a therapist about my childhood trauma. My need to be seen, heard and validated is very much present in me.
I write a lot about these things though and it's been so helpful.
Wonderful!
This is what I beefed to hear. I've talked enough. Maybe best not to burden anybody else with my shite. Also I leave the conversation not fully understood. Thanks
Glad you're here :)
I'm going to do this. Thanks. I think I've given up on talking therapies now, even though I'm still a work in progress, as they say. Expensive if you pay, very erratic and slow if not. Last time I paid for four sessions (she was nice but not passive), I spent all of them recounting things that had happened in the past. It tends to feel as though you're paying for someone to listen because no one else does - but at the same time you're there to perform. Hmmm, here's An interesting case study.
No emotional tools to take away, no advice really. PS we stopped because she had to stop counselling for a while. Probably a good thing or I'd still be going in looking for a quick fix when triggered. Brief release then back to square one. Round and round. I'm 65 . Haven't got the luxury of time to keep reinventing that particular wheel.
So ...writing it is. Can I have a link to the Daily Practice please ? I'll also look at the Course info.
Here is the link courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
Welcome aboard!
Thank you !
Spot on!
:)
I'm surrounded by the people who continue my trauma. There's no escape. Everytime I meet a potential partner, they seem to show their true colours after a while leaving me heartbroken and work just leaves me depressed. It's a never ending cycle, the only way for me to be is to become numb whilst I smile sadly amongst friends. 😮
this also applies to healing from romantic narcissistic abuse trauma, very true Anna ❤️
:)
True for me. I totally agree with you. Reading what I wrote expressing my experiences years later felt so healing and I felt understood bcz the writer was talking about my issues with precision. And knowing that the writer is me made me feel more connected to myself. I also felt proud for being able to express myself correctly and understanding my struggles when I read my journals again and again.
P.s- I hope I explained myself properly... Sorry for my bad English.
Your English is great! Thanks for being here!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy 😊 you too, thanks for this channel!🌺
Writing it down really helped me when I couldn’t physically speak about what had happened, and reading it aloud also helped! Interesting I did this naturally 😅
That is interesting! We're so glad you were able to discover techniques that helped you, that's great! -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you. I keep telling people that care about me that talk therapy isn't helping me. It never has helped me. It only seems to make it worse. I would rather sit down and find solutions instead of talking about the past all the damn time. I'm going to show this video to the people that are close to me so maybe they can understand why I keep saying it's not helping because you eloquently put it into words that I apparently could not do myself. Thank you.
Glad you felt validated :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I've been doing a combo of expressive writing and morning pages for a few months now, it’s been helping so much. Much more than any talking about it has in the past. Healing from c-ptsd, anxiety and depression and chronic pain from rheumatoid arthritis.
So glad that you have found a routine that is helping!
Hello ,Anna ,
I like to come back and listen and ofcourse read the comments and then I full recharged , I started to listen to you about 2 and maybe a half years , and I've recommended you to the councillors lol and tell others , and also share now how Trauma effects us and gets us stuck in flight or fight , and healing , ❤ learning to eat the correct foods and look after your stomach and digestive system, it's all connected, get back into nature , go for a walk , grow a plant , write about it , when you read it back , it can be revealing , and let's you see , it's ok to be not ok
Especially with Trauma , it's not our faults , we don't live there anymore and definitely don't have to take anyone being narcissist. It's hard work but so worth it , just take little steps them reflect in 3 months and you will see the giant leaps you have taken ..
Once you realise U can say no , it's about keeping yourself safe and head strong , positive. That keeps you tall , shoulders back and breath and smile within , especially when its intense , you don't want to be telling everyone, the more ppl know they will use against u, and we do attract them lol. , you can still be you but take no bs, your a lot smarter for body language, everything going on around you personally I feel everything, I help others also but a couple of years ago , I did need help but I wasn't going to hospital and found the fairy who helped shed light on my darkness . ❤❤❤ Thank you @Anna
Thank you for your support of the channel. Sending you encouragement. - Ashley, Team Fairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you ❤
I was thinking about EMDR as a last round, then make amends. Also compassion focused therapy.
Uncover, discover, discard, they say in 12 step. There is more about others, letting go of resentments and making amends.
It’s hard walking around carry 40 years of past. I think you have sone thing here. Thanks,
I am 40 years old and have just learned I have suffered from childhood trama. I was already looking for a therapist for my anxiety and depression. But thanks to finding out about you from a FB support group, I feel like I can enter therapy clearly knowing that I don't want to confront my past but retrain my brain. I always like journaling, but you have also showed me what to focus on along with your daily practice. Your videos have already been beyond helpful and greatful they are here for me to come back to. Thank you so much Anna!
So glad the material resonates :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
you are a literal star #amazing #appreciation
Thanks so much for the kind words!!!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I 100% agree.. drained loved ones around me with telling out of hopelessness.. though this came from not acknowledging trauma for decades.. just go go go - over achieving out of never feeling OK enough... until 'I broke' more health wise as well as time passed by.. As I started feeling, 'thawing out', I started talking.. I guess, I was scared that nobody will ever know about my past and I will never be understood.. let alone find help.. I am a good example that talking did not work it was just an attempt to find empathetic ears.. for my trauma loop.. writing is good. Also, recently also found EFT tapping that is SELF talk therapy combined with somatic stimulation - meridians tapping .. This is a gentle, safe platform that seemed to take a lot of the anxious edge off feelings that I could not name.. It also helped with understanding myself much more.. Beside anything else you find helpful, this may also come handy. Google it if resonates, Guys, and all the very best with getting well! Good Bless Anna, Mother Earth and all of us. 💜🌈🌏💫🥰
Wonderful that you are finding some useful techniques!
I love writing it now❤️
Spot-on. Talking about past trauma hasn't really changed anything.It's just like chewing a bone till your gums bleed and you think that that is the tasty bit.
Am going to follow Anna and try and help myself so I can help fellow sufferers
Wonderful!
Morning pages - The Artists Way - journaling every day - just dump whatever you can for 2-3 pages first thing - amazing for the creative process and freedom generally. Self-directed is the way - we're conditioned to believe healing is outside of ourselves
I’ve always used writing, since I was like 12 years old, and it helped me so much to build character and it gave me so much peace to be able to express anger and feelings that were not heard by others, but recently I just feel like I’m in a black hole that only gets darker as I write, I’ve even become very stressed by all these superstitions that day “what you think you attract” therefore I can’t really state those feelings in peace anymore and also, I feel like I end up just concluding that I feel too bad and that’s it. I stopped writing a lot just because of that and it hurts me, it used to be my one passion as well, and now I just don’t feel that at all. 😭 Even by burning letters I’ve felt like those feelings are just “not allowed to have” so it really messes up the whole point. I still believe in writing. I just don’t know how not to turn it against me. How do you state your unconfortable feelings without denying them or making them worse?
This is a specific technique which Anna talks about in the video: courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/courses/daily-practice
you'll find it is different than freestyle writing those uncomfortbale feelings
-Cara@TeamFairy
Wow! You have a gift.
She's very special :)
-Cara@TeamFairy