@@sonabran4751my take from this video is to RECORD the memories so that they can be passed down. The things help trigger the memory for you, but one day when you're gone, the thing is just the thing. Document the memory. ❤
Something I think about is: What to use as the recording device? As technology "improves" w/the next & greatest memory storage. I've been around through the end of 8tracks, & 8mm home movies, teenager during heavy use of cassette recordings of the top radio songs, VHS Camcordings of my 31 year olds 1st decade, the smaller camcordings on a VHS adaptable cassette thing for my youngest Son's early years, to DVD's & CD's, to SD cards & external hard drives, to now "Cloud Services." Which I do not use. I wouldn't know where to begin & have too much to pay for cloud storage. I have MANY TERABYTES on external hard drives. It sickens me to even think about, that they might not be accessible any longer. I didn't know they could "go bad." I haven't fired up my old PC to check for a few years. (Amateur photographer, besides many years of school sports videos & photos.) I'll have to go back in to this interview & listen to the recommended app name. Thanks Dawn💝
@Arat1986 you are so right! Almost all our family stories are oral and recording them is a huge task. But my sisters and I know we need to because we have in 20 years forgotten some of the story details my parents told us...
Before my grandma passed she and my mom put together a small scrapbook of our family genealogy and history. I'm so grateful now because there's no way I would have gone through all their photos and tried to figure out who everyone was and where they lived etc. It's all condensed into one little book and while I never met most of the extended family I remember my mom and grandma working on the scrapbook together so I have a personal memory of it. Telling the stories is the most important part. ❤️
Our parents left behind a neat but huge, heavy piece of furniture. Several relatives talked about how valuable and sentimental the piece was-and it was offered to each of them as we were tasked with all the closure. The only requirement was that they arrange and pay for moving it to their house. No one followed through. We asked again, they all assured us it was very important, but no one came to get it. No one wanted to buy it so the relatives could split the money. After a year we finally just gave it to a man that wanted it enough to arrange and pay for moving it to his place. It was a huge relief, and not one relative has asked whatvever happened to it. Sometimes people guilt you into storing stuff they do not want enough to take on themselves. I like what Matt said about not being a storage unit or a delivery service! And some time back, Dawn said out loud that we had permission to part with things even if our Mom gave it to us which a lot if us really needed to hear!
Not quite a year after my father died I started cleaning out a drawer that had some old clothes of his that had seen better days. I was shocked at how angry my mother got. There was absolutely nothing of value, not even what would be considered sentimental value, but she was obviously triggered by the discarding of stuff that REPRESENTED him, as if there were a part of him left in his old boxer shorts. One really does have to be careful dealing with things attached to a departed loved one, as I learned very quickly! (Eventually I was able to gradually clear things out.)
"People feel guilty - and not just the Catholics" 😄 ... I really felt that. I have my father's rosary that he carried through the Korean War. He was a considered a leader to soldiers who were seeking spiritual support in the middle of combat. I am making shadow boxes for both of my grandsons with his military bars and medals, along with the rosary and a special picture of him. I pass on his legacy, and the items are taken care of. Thank you for this video, Dawn.
Yup - I'm the oldest daughter. All true. But I care less and less about possessions (thank you , Dawn!) so I'm not worried about getting rid of things. And I'm over 55, but I gave up guilt for Lent. LOL
My mom passed away 7 years ago, when I was 23. She told the same stories all the time and I am so thankful. Now those same stories mean everything to me! I wish I could hear her tell them one more time! I still have a few of her special things, but it was hard to keep everything, when I already had a house full of things myself. For example Instead of keeping 20 of her scarfs (one of the things she loved), I kept the top 5 that I remember her wearing the most. I will even wear them myself sometimes ❤️
Aw you were & still are, so young. Sorry for your loss. I know what you mean, I'd love to just sit and listen to mom one more time, but it wouldn't be enough. I miss her all the time. All we can do now is remember & live good lives that would make our moms happy for us. I plant flowers by Mom&Dad's grave & her parents, just as she had done. It gives me something to do, to still love them.
I really enjoyed this video. I’m the great grandma that has decluttered a lot of stuff. I don’t want my kids/grands to suffer thru my stuff. I have a few things from mom. I love to sew and have mom’s scissors and her crochet hooks in the velveeta box she stored them in. She’s been gone nearly 40 years. I love using and seeing these things.
This was such a great video! You guys are three of my favorites!! I am extremely sentimental, but definitely not a hoarder. When emptying my parent’s home, my friends and other family members were surprised when I told them the only things I kept were a tiny decorative dish, a small side table, and my grandma’s yellow and white tablecloth. I had the best childhood ever and also had a wonderful relationship with my parents as an adult. I didn’t need a bunch of stuff to remind me of that. Now, at 71, I am writing “My Story” and including pictures and memories of things I cherish and why. The opening lines of my book are, “Memories become stories and stories are meant to be shared. I hope you enjoy my story.” Like Matt, I am discovering I am quite a storyteller. I find great comfort in knowing my family will be able to remember me and my stories through the book without having to deal with a bunch of stuff.
My family spent money on making memories on going places instead of buying things. We have did soo many fun things like going to Alaska many times, cruises, and on. We are very lucky. 💕
I’m 68, and still dealing with my parent’s stuff they left behind. My son already told me anything left is going in a dumpster. Slowly getting rid of stuff but it’s not easy. OMG I can so relate to being a storage unit for stuff others want but don’t come to get it.
My great grandmother is still with us. I have a lot of amazing memories with her and she is one of my favorite people on this planet. I remember her as this strong woman who would shoot up mountains and hills with me as a elementary school kid and play fierce card games with me. I had lost touch with that side of my family four years ago over a large family dispute and the loss of her presence in my life was always the hardest to stomach. A few months ago I called her and we talked for about 2 hours. It was healing and eye opening. I know that I still can't return to that side of my family, but I know that I can always talk to her. I also learned that she aged... a lot. She is offering me her jewellery collection as my inheritance and I have gladly accepted it, but I hope that before she passes I can make a trip to see her again and for her to tell me more stories about her jewellery and life. She will always be the person that I used hike the mountains with and I am scared to see her in her current state where she needs help with showering, but I am even more scared of loosing her and not knowing her stories that I get to inherit.
Don't wait, go visit her now. Don't be afraid for yourself, give her the love she deserves from you in the form of a visit, a hug, and listen to her stories. It's about her. You will NEVER regret it. -been there.
I got Mom's stuff when she passed 2.5 years ago. The nice thing about her, is she was practical. Yes, she kept sentimental stuff, but she had been able to let go of more and more as time went on. And now I find I'm also able to do that. I'm keenly aware my cousin's wife would be stuck dealing with this stuff when I'm gone, so I'm making weekly trips to thrift stores, handing out useful things to family and keeping the trash bins full every Tuesday. Books to the library, luggage (I'm not gonna be a world traveler any longer) to the foster care folks, and extra blankets and linen to animal shelters. I'm not saying that because I'm running for sainthood. Just pointing out there are ways to honor our loved ones, by service to others. All while not wading through a ton of 'stuff'. I still keep spare items for 'just in case' but when you're in your 60's, 'just in case' doesn't come around that often.
For older family members who lived through any financial hardship (like the Great Depression), acquiring that dining room china closet (which had to match the table and chairs) was a long-range goal and a big accomplishment. To many, it symbolized a monumental shift into the middle class, along with the fancy china, crystal, etc. Today, it's easier to climb into (and maybe back out of) that tax bracket - with fewer pretenses.
I'm very sentimental and struggle with getting rid of stuff and therefore getting rid of much of anything. I'm slowly getting better. My Granddaugher (16) lives with me and she is totally into stories, so this is something I can do with her. She has things of mine that she'll want to keep someday, so that makes it easier. I'm an only child, so I have no one but my son (who doesn't want much) and my Granddaughter who wants the things with stories. So basically, I loved this video!
Sentimental stuff is the category I find hardest. We moved around a lot when I was a kid, so I started holding on to stuff because there was never any guarantee I would go back to that place/see that person again, so the 'thing' was all I had left. I also find that handling a physical object triggers memories in a way that a photo doesn't. Show me a photo and I have a one-dimensional memory. Hand me an object, and I have total recall of all the memories attached to it. Also, I have no descendants, so there is no one to pass on memories or possessions to. Everything I am keeping, I am just keeping for me, so I try to balance keeping enough to keep my memories vibrant while not weighing myself down with too much stuff or leaving a load of rubbish for someone else to deal with when I've gone - especially as whoever clears up after me is not going to have any link to any of the stuff! I'm gradually thinning down, but it's hard. Sometimes, it feels selfish keeping all this stuff just for me.
I'm in the same situation as you. Touch for me evokes more memories than photos. Smell is also a powerful trigger. I am learning to keep only what I love the most and using Dana K White's container concept to guide me. And I find that way I don't feel guilty about the things I have, they are beautiful, have their place in my home, and I use them all in my right-now life. Here's hoping you end up with a happy outcome.
Thank you! I love the line I’m not a storage unit or delivery service! It’s a perfect boundary that gets to the point and really tests how important things are to the person asking you to keep things.
OMG I love Matt, he just tells it like it is. He's probably heard it all from people about all their "stuff". He's such a truth teller about dealing people and all the items they've collected.
5 minutes in I had to share with my friend whose mom wants the friend to keep the family China etc. Thanks to all 3 of you for the messages you share. 🎉
I think it's its in the genes. My son has always had a hard time parting with anything. It's almost like he feels a deep connection with stuff. Also animals he would find, frogs ar the beach he would cry over leaving, "but he loves me...." Recently an old aunt cleaned out her house & he's real into computers & tech so she asked if he would like any of her dead husbands books & equipment. He took it ALL. He laments that Uncle Terry is gone, because they had so much in common. The man died when my son was about 2 & Im not sure if he even met him. I have a hard time with stuff too, I think it's in our genes. I feel overwhelmed at this point, by my possessions & what my son has already accumulated in his young life.
All good stuff. I have told my mother, “If you don’t go through your belongings and items, categorize the super important things (like grandma’s things), we will like donate more everything when you pass, and we will not understand which items may be truly important.” In other words, get rid of your stuff, or we will need to.
Just finished cleaning out my entire basement. There were three storage closets and bookshelves full of various things - cleaners, blankets, etc. The only things left behind were a guest bed and side table, two sets of guest towels, and laundry products since our laundry is in the basement. It feels so good. The stuff that was down there shouldn’t have been down there. I was only trying to keep it off my main floor (so I could cram more on the main floor).
We got an idea from a homeschooler to ask our children what 5 items they would grab in the event our city was invaded by ‘the enemy’. Didn’t know this was a lesson in critical thinking, but it was valuable.
Romans 8:28 ~ I was the old soul that everyone gave their items, and stories, to. It has been so freeing to share my belongings with only those that actually want them. My husband also told me there would be a day that "you will feel invisible" to younger generations". And at age 65 I have arrived ! I no longer carry any guilt, but the biggest lesson was to NOT pass that guilt on. My "senior moment" marriage now has me in a "hyper inventory" situation and that is my current "project". Thank you Dawn, Matt & Zoe `
Oh My Gosh!!! I loved, loved, loved this episode and it really spoke to me and what has been burdening me! My parents are getting into their upper 60's. They divorced when I was in Jr high, and both have houses full of items that are meaningful to them. It weighs on me the amount of stuff they both have (plus what my in-laws have) and having to one day go through all of it, like Matt said, I am the oldest and the daughter. I want to honor them and what is valuable to them, but at the same time I feel overwhelmed with my own things that I can't fathom sorting through and acquiring all of their things. I hope I can take this course, and possibly my parents too, and be better equipped to help them with this. Thank you, Dawn, for sharing this!
Andrew Mellen says, "It's one thing to keep the china cup that your grandmother drank out of every day, but it's another to keep all the tchotchkes that just sat on her shelves collecting dust."
Loved this. Thank you. I will be buying Matt's book for my Mum. She has made great strides in decluttering non-sentimental items but struggles with the rest. And I already feel the pre-inheritance decluttering guilt. ❤
Matt’s book is just excellent. Curating a collection is a thoughtful, wonderful way to remember loved ones. Thank you all for sharing your expertise. 💜
Because my parents had stuff from their parents our houses never felt decorated, just a hodge podge of stuff that didn’t inspire me. Happy to decorate and declutter according to my heart. I did a little Swedish death cleaning with my quilts while I spoke to my kids. I’m actually not interested in a legacy list so I don’t pressure anyone into taking stuff they may not want. I know what I’d take in a fire though.
Astrologically-Cancerians are the most sentimental, or anyone with a lot of water energy. Tauruses (earth) also like stuff! It makes them feel secure. Leo’s love their children’s art, etc. Especially difficult if you have a mix of these.
Hi Dawn I love all the ideas you leave me with when I listen to you. Little did I know when I started listening years ago I would now be living in a tiny cottage having to let go of 70℅ of our stuff but everything happens as it should I totally believe this too😂 it's been a lot of tears and pain but God knows what we need and it's been so good to do this. But I have been hung up so bad with my daughters old stuff and letting go but I realise now it's been grief for her early years which were so lovely and I've just needed perhaps to tell my story but also some of my stuff. Whe I heard him say there's a story there I thought yes, that's it. Grief which can still be there even if your child is still alive 😅but also taking your position in your house over the stuff that it had a place and a time but now it's the memories. If I don't let go I won't have the space, energy to make present day memories❤ keep going Dawn, lots of love xxx
I was always confused about the "fire list" I thought the five items were water, baking soda, fire extenguisher, fire blanket and finally yourself (as in leave the building) if you couldn't put out the fire. Go to a neighbor's house to call the fire department.
Oh My G'Ness....... this one is hitting me hard! Hitting too close to home! My Grandparents, and my parents are all gone now, Aunt's and Uncles, and I'm the only one left! I have ended up with all of their items! But.... I can't possibly get rid of anything, because SOMEHOW that would be dishonoring them!!! Yes, the last one died in 2014 and I am still afraid to get rid of things, am I afraid I will forget them, if I get rid of their things? I was extremely close to each one of them, there with them, to their last breath even. Yes, my Mom had stories, upon stories, and was always going to write them out, then as she got older, she wanted me to help her write them out, well..... she died, and no stories written down, now that guilt is eating me up too, cuz I didn't take that time to help her
You have stated this so well. I am right there with you. I too am the last one in the family and am burdened with the guilt of keeping the "family treasures". Thank you for stating it so well.
Wow, Eydie, please do not feel guilty. You had close relationships, and that is the treasure that you received and gave to each of them! The stories are nice but were mostly for you if you are the last. The stories are not your responsibility, just one of those ideas that your Mom meant to do like we all have ideas some of which we carry out and some of which we do not. Give yourself permission to pick your favorite items and be ok moving on without keeping all that stuff. It truly is ok!!!
❤ I remember hearing a quote, "That item is not your mother, and it is not your love for your mother." It was a revelation to me to hear it stated that way. I lost my best friend 4 years ago. I remember her not because of things I have of hers, but because we shared time together and built memories together. You can honour your relatives by passing on their items to people who will love and use them.
Maybe I'm somehow weird person but when I think about things I would take first if my home is on fire, It's not sentimental items at all. I'll take documents, portable hard drive, my cell phone, my bag with the wallet and clothes not to get cold. In the best case scenario I'll also take camping tent and sleeping bag, and camping gas... Cause I'm pretty sure that I won't miss any sentimental item when I'm cold and have no place to sleep, no place to cook, no shower and toilet. Don't need stuff to remember people and stories
I agree that I could not keep two houses of stuff in my already full efficiency apartment. After mother died, I said to dad, you're not going to wear her clothes, right? Neither will I except a few tshirts. Which I kept. I had about 6 dreams that my strong-willed mother came back from the dead; in the dream I was on my knees begging forgiveness for getting rid of her things. I told her I would replace her clothes, time for a new wardrobe. Te last dream we were out doing somethingn we liked to do and she was in the drivers seat and having fun. I took photos of my grandparents beautiful marriage certificate with the Good Shepherd on it.
I am the youngest of nine children (7 boys/2 girls). Everything falls on me. I'm expected to take care of everybody because I'm the youngest. I used to be the family fixer until I became disabled myself. But everyone still thinks that because I'm the youngest that I have to fix everything.
❤ hugs. I'm the youngest of 7 and physically closest to my 92 year old parents. I do everything for them. This summer has been very difficult as my Dad was in hospital for 10 weeks then went to a long-term care home. Mom's devastated that after 74 years married, they are not living together as she's still in the retirement home. It's been a rollercoaster emotionally for all of us. Another hard part for me is the guilt of not taking her to see him more than just on Saturdays. As I work full-time and she lives 40 mins drive away plus I'd have to drive another 30 mins to get to Dad ... I just can't do more than that. I've had to learn to say no even as the guilt flays at my heart. I'm not a bad person if I say no or set boundaries over my time and wellbeing. I can already feel myself starting to burn out. Get the help you need from any resource you can find. I talk a lot to my parent's case worker from Interior Health and their doctor, plus my 2 sisters. My heart goes out to you. Hugs❤
1. First don't show up saying you are going to MAKE someone get RID of stuff. I know the titles aren't always what is in the video, but I felt shut down just reading the title. It fell on me to declutter a hoarded house and acres of stuff on a farm. I was respectful of my uncle while he was alive and didn't think it my business to try to rush him to "get rid of his stuff" so that I wouldn't have to deal with it after he passed. That is exactly what happened, by the way and he told me he appreciated that I didn't guilt, force, or pressure him about his "stuff." He hoarded as a result of trauma. The last thing I was going t o do was traumatize him more. I do wish the titles better reflected the respectful content inside.
Anyone can interpret a discussion of downsizing or moving things out as an indication there is no interest in family pieces or family history. You can end up at best not knowing the stories you value and at worst being disinherited. It's up to the elders or owners of things to broach the topic as they see fit, IMHO. Anything else shows an incredible lack of respect and focus on one's own convenience.
Yes, we can romanticize our memory of our loved ones. Also, I've realized the longer my mom has been gone that my frustration i had with her is what made her who she was. My adult kids have witnessed this revelation and will often remind me that their grandma was a bada$$. Yep, she was and I take after her, so watch out!
I was a little shocked he said it always falls to the oldest daughter. I am the youngest and it falls on me and my hubby is the youngest and it all fell on him. I had already commented. I'm sorry this has also fallen all on your shoulders. It's hard!
For the last 5 months, my husband and I have been helping my mom downsize because her husband left. She is 79 and refuses to let go of dishes; 2 - 12 place settings of China and milk glass stored in an upstairs closet for decades as well as 3 every day place settings. She insists she will need them in the future even though she is now ONE person. I will never understand that.
Vikie....she might be hoping her kids & grandkids will come see her for big family dinners. She is now all alone and keeping dishes for entertaining is her generation's way of connecting with others. This is probably a "fantasy self" type situation, but it will take her a bit of time to realize it. Don't force it, it will cause more trauma....first, lean into stuff she IS willing to let go of. After the holidays, see if she is willing to let go of the china when she realizes you / your sibling will be hosting all future Thanksgiving/Christmas or other special family dinners at YOUR house instead of hers. Let her know she can pass the torch.
My 21 year old son has memory issues. He keeps everything from childhood because he is afraid of forgetting everything. Any recommendations? He has so much stuff that it impacts his daily life. Loses things easily, etc. He says that the clutter doesn't bother him. He doesn't just keep traditionally thought of memorabilia.
Nope youngest daughter here and I will be doing it all pretty sure! 😢 Also my hubby is the youngest of 3 and he did 90% of the cleanout of his hoarder mom. He delegated 10% otherwise he would have done that too. I guess you just aren't running into us young ones.
Why the emotion? Just let parents tell you what SHOULD be kept and after the funeral… just toss OR pass to siblings who care about all that. There is no NEED to downsize unless parent going into care home. Keep in your basement and photograph to show parent that stuff is still kept.
Matt, you wouldn't feel it was ok to make that "Catholics" comment about Jews, or Muslims, or any other denomination. And we Catholics are the only ones who literally have a whole sacrament for getting rid of guilt.
We as older people dont always have the ability to hold on to memories. Things help to trigger the memories that are slowly slipping away.
Actually us older people have better long term memories- it’s the short term memories that don’t stick - like where did I leave my glasses?
@@sandratakagi2204 We all arent that lucky.
@@sonabran4751my take from this video is to RECORD the memories so that they can be passed down. The things help trigger the memory for you, but one day when you're gone, the thing is just the thing. Document the memory. ❤
Something I think about is:
What to use as the recording device?
As technology "improves" w/the next & greatest memory storage.
I've been around through the end of 8tracks, & 8mm home movies, teenager during heavy use of cassette recordings of the top radio songs, VHS Camcordings of my 31 year olds 1st decade, the smaller camcordings on a VHS adaptable cassette thing for my youngest Son's early years, to DVD's & CD's, to SD cards & external hard drives, to now "Cloud Services." Which I do not use. I wouldn't know where to begin & have too much to pay for cloud storage.
I have MANY TERABYTES on external hard drives. It sickens me to even think about, that they might not be accessible any longer.
I didn't know they could "go bad." I haven't fired up my old PC to check for a few years.
(Amateur photographer, besides many years of school sports videos & photos.)
I'll have to go back in to this interview & listen to the recommended app name.
Thanks Dawn💝
@Arat1986 you are so right! Almost all our family stories are oral and recording them is a huge task. But my sisters and I know we need to because we have in 20 years forgotten some of the story details my parents told us...
Before my grandma passed she and my mom put together a small scrapbook of our family genealogy and history. I'm so grateful now because there's no way I would have gone through all their photos and tried to figure out who everyone was and where they lived etc. It's all condensed into one little book and while I never met most of the extended family I remember my mom and grandma working on the scrapbook together so I have a personal memory of it. Telling the stories is the most important part. ❤️
Our parents left behind a neat but huge, heavy piece of furniture. Several relatives talked about how valuable and sentimental the piece was-and it was offered to each of them as we were tasked with all the closure. The only requirement was that they arrange and pay for moving it to their house. No one followed through. We asked again, they all assured us it was very important, but no one came to get it. No one wanted to buy it so the relatives could split the money. After a year we finally just gave it to a man that wanted it enough to arrange and pay for moving it to his place. It was a huge relief, and not one relative has asked whatvever happened to it. Sometimes people guilt you into storing stuff they do not want enough to take on themselves. I like what Matt said about not being a storage unit or a delivery service! And some time back, Dawn said out loud that we had permission to part with things even if our Mom gave it to us which a lot if us really needed to hear!
Not quite a year after my father died I started cleaning out a drawer that had some old clothes of his that had seen better days. I was shocked at how angry my mother got. There was absolutely nothing of value, not even what would be considered sentimental value, but she was obviously triggered by the discarding of stuff that REPRESENTED him, as if there were a part of him left in his old boxer shorts. One really does have to be careful dealing with things attached to a departed loved one, as I learned very quickly! (Eventually I was able to gradually clear things out.)
"People feel guilty - and not just the Catholics" 😄 ... I really felt that. I have my father's rosary that he carried through the Korean War. He was a considered a leader to soldiers who were seeking spiritual support in the middle of combat. I am making shadow boxes for both of my grandsons with his military bars and medals, along with the rosary and a special picture of him. I pass on his legacy, and the items are taken care of. Thank you for this video, Dawn.
Yup - I'm the oldest daughter. All true. But I care less and less about possessions (thank you , Dawn!) so I'm not worried about getting rid of things. And I'm over 55, but I gave up guilt for Lent. LOL
My mom passed away 7 years ago, when I was 23. She told the same stories all the time and I am so thankful. Now those same stories mean everything to me! I wish I could hear her tell them one more time! I still have a few of her special things, but it was hard to keep everything, when I already had a house full of things myself. For example Instead of keeping 20 of her scarfs (one of the things she loved), I kept the top 5 that I remember her wearing the most. I will even wear them myself sometimes ❤️
Aw you were & still are, so young. Sorry for your loss. I know what you mean, I'd love to just sit and listen to mom one more time, but it wouldn't be enough. I miss her all the time. All we can do now is remember & live good lives that would make our moms happy for us. I plant flowers by Mom&Dad's grave & her parents, just as she had done. It gives me something to do, to still love them.
@@idid138 thank you 💙 that's so true, and that's such a sweet idea to remember your parents and grandparents ❤️
I really enjoyed this video. I’m the great grandma that has decluttered a lot of stuff. I don’t want my kids/grands to suffer thru my stuff. I have a few things from mom. I love to sew and have mom’s scissors and her crochet hooks in the velveeta box she stored them in. She’s been gone nearly 40 years. I love using and seeing these things.
This was such a great video! You guys are three of my favorites!! I am extremely sentimental, but definitely not a hoarder. When emptying my parent’s home, my friends and other family members were surprised when I told them the only things I kept were a tiny decorative dish, a small side table, and my grandma’s yellow and white tablecloth. I had the best childhood ever and also had a wonderful relationship with my parents as an adult. I didn’t need a bunch of stuff to remind me of that. Now, at 71, I am writing “My Story” and including pictures and memories of things I cherish and why. The opening lines of my book are, “Memories become stories and stories are meant to be shared. I hope you enjoy my story.” Like Matt, I am discovering I am quite a storyteller. I find great comfort in knowing my family will be able to remember me and my stories through the book without having to deal with a bunch of stuff.
You are an excellent storyteller! :D
My family spent money on making memories on going places instead of buying things. We have did soo many fun things like going to Alaska many times, cruises, and on. We are very lucky. 💕
I’m 68, and still dealing with my parent’s stuff they left behind. My son already told me anything left is going in a dumpster. Slowly getting rid of stuff but it’s not easy. OMG I can so relate to being a storage unit for stuff others want but don’t come to get it.
My great grandmother is still with us. I have a lot of amazing memories with her and she is one of my favorite people on this planet. I remember her as this strong woman who would shoot up mountains and hills with me as a elementary school kid and play fierce card games with me. I had lost touch with that side of my family four years ago over a large family dispute and the loss of her presence in my life was always the hardest to stomach. A few months ago I called her and we talked for about 2 hours. It was healing and eye opening. I know that I still can't return to that side of my family, but I know that I can always talk to her. I also learned that she aged... a lot. She is offering me her jewellery collection as my inheritance and I have gladly accepted it, but I hope that before she passes I can make a trip to see her again and for her to tell me more stories about her jewellery and life. She will always be the person that I used hike the mountains with and I am scared to see her in her current state where she needs help with showering, but I am even more scared of loosing her and not knowing her stories that I get to inherit.
Don't wait, go visit her now. Don't be afraid for yourself, give her the love she deserves from you in the form of a visit, a hug, and listen to her stories. It's about her. You will NEVER regret it. -been there.
I got Mom's stuff when she passed 2.5 years ago. The nice thing about her, is she was practical. Yes, she kept sentimental stuff, but she had been able to let go of more and more as time went on. And now I find I'm also able to do that. I'm keenly aware my cousin's wife would be stuck dealing with this stuff when I'm gone, so I'm making weekly trips to thrift stores, handing out useful things to family and keeping the trash bins full every Tuesday. Books to the library, luggage (I'm not gonna be a world traveler any longer) to the foster care folks, and extra blankets and linen to animal shelters. I'm not saying that because I'm running for sainthood. Just pointing out there are ways to honor our loved ones, by service to others. All while not wading through a ton of 'stuff'. I still keep spare items for 'just in case' but when you're in your 60's, 'just in case' doesn't come around that often.
I love this! And you get to see how those items are helping organizations right now!
Thank you for your comments! You summed up everything helpful beautifully!
For older family members who lived through any financial hardship (like the Great Depression), acquiring that dining room china closet (which had to match the table and chairs) was a long-range goal and a big accomplishment.
To many, it symbolized a monumental shift into the middle class, along with the fancy china, crystal, etc.
Today, it's easier to climb into (and maybe back out of) that tax bracket - with fewer pretenses.
I'm very sentimental and struggle with getting rid of stuff and therefore getting rid of much of anything. I'm slowly getting better. My Granddaugher (16) lives with me and she is totally into stories, so this is something I can do with her. She has things of mine that she'll want to keep someday, so that makes it easier. I'm an only child, so I have no one but my son (who doesn't want much) and my Granddaughter who wants the things with stories. So basically, I loved this video!
Sentimental stuff is the category I find hardest. We moved around a lot when I was a kid, so I started holding on to stuff because there was never any guarantee I would go back to that place/see that person again, so the 'thing' was all I had left. I also find that handling a physical object triggers memories in a way that a photo doesn't. Show me a photo and I have a one-dimensional memory. Hand me an object, and I have total recall of all the memories attached to it. Also, I have no descendants, so there is no one to pass on memories or possessions to. Everything I am keeping, I am just keeping for me, so I try to balance keeping enough to keep my memories vibrant while not weighing myself down with too much stuff or leaving a load of rubbish for someone else to deal with when I've gone - especially as whoever clears up after me is not going to have any link to any of the stuff! I'm gradually thinning down, but it's hard. Sometimes, it feels selfish keeping all this stuff just for me.
I'm in the same situation as you. Touch for me evokes more memories than photos. Smell is also a powerful trigger.
I am learning to keep only what I love the most and using Dana K White's container concept to guide me. And I find that way I don't feel guilty about the things I have, they are beautiful, have their place in my home, and I use them all in my right-now life.
Here's hoping you end up with a happy outcome.
I saw the podcast and had to come to RUclips just to see Zoe’s reaction to Matt’s answers about being sentimental 😂
Thank you! I love the line I’m not a storage unit or delivery service! It’s a perfect boundary that gets to the point and really tests how important things are to the person asking you to keep things.
OMG I love Matt, he just tells it like it is. He's probably heard it all from people about all their "stuff". He's such a truth teller about dealing people and all the items they've collected.
Thank you for changing the title. It is so much more respectful
This is such a special video!!! Thank you,thank you,thank you!!!!
5 minutes in I had to share with my friend whose mom wants the friend to keep the family China etc. Thanks to all 3 of you for the messages you share. 🎉
Loved the book Keep the Memories lose the stuff. Highly recommend!
Zoe your hair is gorgeous
I think it's its in the genes. My son has always had a hard time parting with anything. It's almost like he feels a deep connection with stuff. Also animals he would find, frogs ar the beach he would cry over leaving, "but he loves me...." Recently an old aunt cleaned out her house & he's real into computers & tech so she asked if he would like any of her dead husbands books & equipment. He took it ALL. He laments that Uncle Terry is gone, because they had so much in common. The man died when my son was about 2 & Im not sure if he even met him. I have a hard time with stuff too, I think it's in our genes. I feel overwhelmed at this point, by my possessions & what my son has already accumulated in his young life.
All good stuff. I have told my mother, “If you don’t go through your belongings and items, categorize the super important things (like grandma’s things), we will like donate more everything when you pass, and we will not understand which items may be truly important.” In other words, get rid of your stuff, or we will need to.
I'm 65 and I am keeping just a handful of things from my mom.
Omg! 2 of my favorites together! I love Matt's story and how he approaches everything. This is a great collaboration. 🎉
Just finished cleaning out my entire basement. There were three storage closets and bookshelves full of various things - cleaners, blankets, etc. The only things left behind were a guest bed and side table, two sets of guest towels, and laundry products since our laundry is in the basement. It feels so good. The stuff that was down there shouldn’t have been down there. I was only trying to keep it off my main floor (so I could cram more on the main floor).
We got an idea from a homeschooler to ask our children what 5 items they would grab in the event our city was invaded by ‘the enemy’. Didn’t know this was a lesson in critical thinking, but it was valuable.
Awesome video. Matt is a great help with dealing with sentimental items.
Romans 8:28 ~ I was the old soul that everyone gave their items, and stories, to. It has been so freeing to share my belongings with only those that actually want them. My husband also told me there would be a day that "you will feel invisible" to younger generations". And at age 65 I have arrived ! I no longer carry any guilt, but the biggest lesson was to NOT pass that guilt on. My "senior moment" marriage now has me in a "hyper inventory" situation and that is my current "project". Thank you Dawn, Matt & Zoe `
Great post. Thank you ❤
I am so happy that I have prepared for my kids! I have a few items that are for the kids, what is left is not too much. YAY!
Great Podcast! It made me cry, just thinking about my family members who have passed. Thanks for sharing such great information.
Matt and Zoe are my favourites ❤
Oh My Gosh!!! I loved, loved, loved this episode and it really spoke to me and what has been burdening me! My parents are getting into their upper 60's. They divorced when I was in Jr high, and both have houses full of items that are meaningful to them. It weighs on me the amount of stuff they both have (plus what my in-laws have) and having to one day go through all of it, like Matt said, I am the oldest and the daughter. I want to honor them and what is valuable to them, but at the same time I feel overwhelmed with my own things that I can't fathom sorting through and acquiring all of their things. I hope I can take this course, and possibly my parents too, and be better equipped to help them with this. Thank you, Dawn, for sharing this!
Wow!!!! This was really really good. Thank you Dawn!
I absolutely loved this Dawn! Great information!🎉
This will help so many people, including me!
Thank you!
❤❤❤
Andrew Mellen says, "It's one thing to keep the china cup that your grandmother drank out of every day, but it's another to keep all the tchotchkes that just sat on her shelves collecting dust."
Loved this. Thank you. I will be buying Matt's book for my Mum. She has made great strides in decluttering non-sentimental items but struggles with the rest. And I already feel the pre-inheritance decluttering guilt. ❤
OMGsh.. this hit home SO hard, I am not a storage locker and not a delivery service!
I kept a few some items that were my parents. A watch each, a jewelry box, a hat, a bracelet, and binoculars.
Zoe and Matt are awesome! Down to earth, relatable, and engaging
Matt’s book is just excellent. Curating a collection is a thoughtful, wonderful way to remember loved ones.
Thank you all for sharing your expertise. 💜
Such a good video! I almost didn’t watch due to the word “make”. I found it more of an encouragement. Great guests and great host.
Such an awesome podcast, Dawn!
Because my parents had stuff from their parents our houses never felt decorated, just a hodge podge of stuff that didn’t inspire me. Happy to decorate and declutter according to my heart. I did a little Swedish death cleaning with my quilts while I spoke to my kids. I’m actually not interested in a legacy list so I don’t pressure anyone into taking stuff they may not want. I know what I’d take in a fire though.
How do I get myself to get rid of this stuff 🤦🏼♀️ can’t wait to listen!!
Thank you to all 3! I enjoyed so much!
The fire list is a great idea.
That was such a wonderful podcast!!! Thank you. That is a neat way to remember your items and loved ones.
Yyyeeeesssssss!!! Mat Paxton!!!!
Astrologically-Cancerians are the most sentimental, or anyone with a lot of water energy. Tauruses (earth) also like stuff! It makes them feel secure. Leo’s love their children’s art, etc. Especially difficult if you have a mix of these.
I needed this so much. Thank you!
I really appreciate this interview!!!❤
Hi Dawn I love all the ideas you leave me with when I listen to you. Little did I know when I started listening years ago I would now be living in a tiny cottage having to let go of 70℅ of our stuff but everything happens as it should I totally believe this too😂 it's been a lot of tears and pain but God knows what we need and it's been so good to do this. But I have been hung up so bad with my daughters old stuff and letting go but I realise now it's been grief for her early years which were so lovely and I've just needed perhaps to tell my story but also some of my stuff. Whe I heard him say there's a story there I thought yes, that's it. Grief which can still be there even if your child is still alive 😅but also taking your position in your house over the stuff that it had a place and a time but now it's the memories. If I don't let go I won't have the space, energy to make present day memories❤ keep going Dawn, lots of love xxx
I was always confused about the "fire list" I thought the five items were water, baking soda, fire extenguisher, fire blanket and finally yourself (as in leave the building) if you couldn't put out the fire. Go to a neighbor's house to call the fire department.
Such a great conversation!
I love this, I’m going to pack a go bag incase there’s a fire, or natural disaster.
That was so good, thank you Dawn!
Oh My G'Ness....... this one is hitting me hard! Hitting too close to home! My Grandparents, and my parents are all gone now, Aunt's and Uncles, and I'm the only one left! I have ended up with all of their items! But.... I can't possibly get rid of anything, because SOMEHOW that would be dishonoring them!!! Yes, the last one died in 2014 and I am still afraid to get rid of things, am I afraid I will forget them, if I get rid of their things? I was extremely close to each one of them, there with them, to their last breath even. Yes, my Mom had stories, upon stories, and was always going to write them out, then as she got older, she wanted me to help her write them out, well..... she died, and no stories written down, now that guilt is eating me up too, cuz I didn't take that time to help her
You have stated this so well. I am right there with you. I too am the last one in the family and am burdened with the guilt of keeping the "family treasures". Thank you for stating it so well.
Wow, Eydie, please do not feel guilty. You had close relationships, and that is the treasure that you received and gave to each of them! The stories are nice but were mostly for you if you are the last. The stories are not your responsibility, just one of those ideas that your Mom meant to do like we all have ideas some of which we carry out and some of which we do not. Give yourself permission to pick your favorite items and be ok moving on without keeping all that stuff. It truly is ok!!!
❤ I remember hearing a quote, "That item is not your mother, and it is not your love for your mother." It was a revelation to me to hear it stated that way. I lost my best friend 4 years ago. I remember her not because of things I have of hers, but because we shared time together and built memories together. You can honour your relatives by passing on their items to people who will love and use them.
@@lauriereber8939 💜The perfect way to put it..... we are to now keep the family treasures!
@@lucystrider728 .... thank you, good point, they were her stories.
My husband died almost 9 years ago and I have just bagged up his many poli shirts to donate but still have them in my car.
Question: Regarding Matt’s father’s ring, how do you decide who gets it or what if none of the children want it?
I really wish the show was available up here in Canada 😢
This was awesome.
I think I'm not ready for the legacy list will the course be available in the future?
Maybe I'm somehow weird person but when I think about things I would take first if my home is on fire, It's not sentimental items at all. I'll take documents, portable hard drive, my cell phone, my bag with the wallet and clothes not to get cold. In the best case scenario I'll also take camping tent and sleeping bag, and camping gas... Cause I'm pretty sure that I won't miss any sentimental item when I'm cold and have no place to sleep, no place to cook, no shower and toilet. Don't need stuff to remember people and stories
I agree that I could not keep two houses of stuff in my already full efficiency apartment. After mother died, I said to dad, you're not going to wear her clothes, right? Neither will I except a few tshirts. Which I kept. I had about 6 dreams that my strong-willed mother came back from the dead; in the dream I was on my knees begging forgiveness for getting rid of her things. I told her I would replace her clothes, time for a new wardrobe. Te last dream we were out doing somethingn we liked to do and she was in the drivers seat and having fun. I took photos of my grandparents beautiful marriage certificate with the Good Shepherd on it.
Love this ❤
Loved this! I just signed up.
If you lost your family early, those things mean a lot more to you.
I am the youngest of nine children (7 boys/2 girls). Everything falls on me. I'm expected to take care of everybody because I'm the youngest. I used to be the family fixer until I became disabled myself. But everyone still thinks that because I'm the youngest that I have to fix everything.
Forget that. Live your own life.
Until YOU don't do it anymore!
❤
❤ hugs. I'm the youngest of 7 and physically closest to my 92 year old parents. I do everything for them. This summer has been very difficult as my Dad was in hospital for 10 weeks then went to a long-term care home. Mom's devastated that after 74 years married, they are not living together as she's still in the retirement home. It's been a rollercoaster emotionally for all of us. Another hard part for me is the guilt of not taking her to see him more than just on Saturdays. As I work full-time and she lives 40 mins drive away plus I'd have to drive another 30 mins to get to Dad ... I just can't do more than that. I've had to learn to say no even as the guilt flays at my heart. I'm not a bad person if I say no or set boundaries over my time and wellbeing. I can already feel myself starting to burn out. Get the help you need from any resource you can find. I talk a lot to my parent's case worker from Interior Health and their doctor, plus my 2 sisters. My heart goes out to you. Hugs❤
Hey Dawn, the parents having their adult kids items and still storing it, sounds like you and Diana 😊
AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We’re in our 70’s, and my husband still will not get rid of his mother’s C.1950 vacuum cleaner! 😩
1. First don't show up saying you are going to MAKE someone get RID of stuff. I know the titles aren't always what is in the video, but I felt shut down just reading the title. It fell on me to declutter a hoarded house and acres of stuff on a farm. I was respectful of my uncle while he was alive and didn't think it my business to try to rush him to "get rid of his stuff" so that I wouldn't have to deal with it after he passed. That is exactly what happened, by the way and he told me he appreciated that I didn't guilt, force, or pressure him about his "stuff." He hoarded as a result of trauma. The last thing I was going t o do was traumatize him more. I do wish the titles better reflected the respectful content inside.
That happened to my husband too. Thank you for being respectful of your uncle.
Anyone can interpret a discussion of downsizing or moving things out as an indication there is no interest in family pieces or family history. You can end up at best not knowing the stories you value and at worst being disinherited. It's up to the elders or owners of things to broach the topic as they see fit, IMHO. Anything else shows an incredible lack of respect and focus on one's own convenience.
Yes, we can romanticize our memory of our loved ones. Also, I've realized the longer my mom has been gone that my frustration i had with her is what made her who she was. My adult kids have witnessed this revelation and will often remind me that their grandma was a bada$$. Yep, she was and I take after her, so watch out!
Maybe the flooding that we see happening is a sign that stuff is not the most important but the people who survived… 😢
Hi Matt!!! One of my favorites!!!
I’m the youngest daughter and the fourth of 6 kids and it all fell on me. 😢
I was a little shocked he said it always falls to the oldest daughter. I am the youngest and it falls on me and my hubby is the youngest and it all fell on him. I had already commented. I'm sorry this has also fallen all on your shoulders. It's hard!
Just curious, how does it happen that it all falls on one person? Are the others all unwilling or unable to help? What if no one was willing or able?
@@stephanieeliason9086 most times only one person will do anything. That's been my experience.
For the last 5 months, my husband and I have been helping my mom downsize because her husband left. She is 79 and refuses to let go of dishes; 2 - 12 place settings of China and milk glass stored in an upstairs closet for decades as well as 3 every day place settings. She insists she will need them in the future even though she is now ONE person. I will never understand that.
My mom doesn't need hers either but they are attached. You can't really understand it.
Vikie....she might be hoping her kids & grandkids will come see her for big family dinners. She is now all alone and keeping dishes for entertaining is her generation's way of connecting with others. This is probably a "fantasy self" type situation, but it will take her a bit of time to realize it. Don't force it, it will cause more trauma....first, lean into stuff she IS willing to let go of. After the holidays, see if she is willing to let go of the china when she realizes you / your sibling will be hosting all future Thanksgiving/Christmas or other special family dinners at YOUR house instead of hers. Let her know she can pass the torch.
"It's not just the Catholics."😂
My 21 year old son has memory issues. He keeps everything from childhood because he is afraid of forgetting everything. Any recommendations? He has so much stuff that it impacts his daily life. Loses things easily, etc. He says that the clutter doesn't bother him. He doesn't just keep traditionally thought of memorabilia.
I would recommend taking pictures of items. Then he can look at the pictures and remember.
In which languages other than English are is books available?
Nope youngest daughter here and I will be doing it all pretty sure! 😢 Also my hubby is the youngest of 3 and he did 90% of the cleanout of his hoarder mom. He delegated 10% otherwise he would have done that too. I guess you just aren't running into us young ones.
No wonder it is so hard to get rid of the sentimental things. It makes sense that geieving people can't let go yet.
Would this book help my spouse? Keep the memories loose the stuff.
I tried to join the master class and it says the page cannot be found or has been removed. What to do please?
This happened to me also, but I received an email with a link.
@@elainefleming91I received emails that it worked. Thanks!
I need to say ot I regret declutering my appel core cutter.
It’s ok to make mistakes. We all do! 😊 Are you able to get another one?
Telling stories and passing down family stories is very indigenous thing to do. They had it right first.
So glad I'm not the oldest daughter 😅
There are actually 2 generations if you’re a millennial (28-43 years old in 2024). Everyone forgets about Gen X 😑 whatever!
Why the emotion? Just let parents tell you what SHOULD be kept and after the funeral… just toss OR pass to siblings who care about all that. There is no NEED to downsize unless parent going into care home. Keep in your basement and photograph to show parent that stuff is still kept.
Matt, you wouldn't feel it was ok to make that "Catholics" comment about Jews, or Muslims, or any other denomination.
And we Catholics are the only ones who literally have a whole sacrament for getting rid of guilt.