I can relate so much to this: ‘I still want the connection but not the relationship escalator’, perfectly happy on my own and thought my only option would be to stay single but now I’m opening up to other possibilities. Thank you for posting this!
Just started listening and Leah's opening comment about being able to enjoy loving intimate emotional and physical relationships with more than one person is so true. My wife, her boyfriend and myself enjoy this situation.
In the bi community we call the triad unicorn hunting and unicorns because the bi often women is often treated like a sex object so generally it's frowned upon
It's interesting to note that the solo-poly lifestyle can be particularly attractive to individuals with certain psychological profiles, such as those who might be classified as true narcissists. Research indicates that true narcissists often display fearful-avoidant attachment styles, contributing to their lack of deep, emotional bonds (as per the American Psychological Association). While one might think that a narcissist's emotional armor serves as a protective factor against self-harm, it paradoxically increases the risk. The absence of truly meaningful relationships and the inability to experience genuine emotional depth can lead to a void that even narcissistic supply can't fill, resulting in an elevated risk of self-harm. The concept of interdependence often seems to be missing in these discussions. Interdependence isn't about needing someone else to complete you; it's about two or more independent individuals choosing to share their lives in a way that enhances each other's experience. The synergy that results from this kind of bond goes beyond mere independence or codependency and leads to a more fulfilling, balanced life. So, while the solo-poly lifestyle may provide a sense of freedom and self-sufficiency, it’s worth questioning whether it allows room for this important aspect of human interaction. This isn't to criticize solo-polyamory but rather to explore the potentially overlooked elements that contribute to a well-rounded, fulfilling life. And as with any lifestyle, it's crucial to be aware of the risks and pitfalls, both for oneself and for those we interact with. I would encourage anyone who is considering the lifestyle, or linking with someone labeling themselves as solo poly, to take the following assessments to make sure they aren’t doing it for the wrong reasons (and honestly, these quick assessments are valuable for anyone who wants more insight into themselves) Dark Quad Test: www.idrlabs.com/dark-quad/test.php Maladaptive Schemas Test: www.attachmentproject.com/early-maladaptive-schemas/ Attachment Style Test: www.attachmentproject.com/attachment-style-quiz/
@@nsanenthembrane It's great when you find the outliers since outliers do exist. If you can share the channel I will check it out as I'm curious - especially given he fact that people can easily create an outward image that isn't matching what's going on internally. Of course, if they are a true narcasist there are things to watch for on social media, which I lay out here (research-based, sources cited): ruclips.net/video/CmRa_mg8mBk/видео.htmlsi=8N0ga0WjYaatOZ3U And yes, the Fearful-Avoidant attachment style is a major problem in any relationship. That relationship will likely never last as it puts far too much pressure on a person with a Secure attachment style. There are several assessments I have a potential partner take which can suss these things out quickly. They are free and do not take long. Of course, I recommend anyone take these as they can help us identify things we need to work on. Here are a few of the assessments I use with any potential partner now: Early Maladaptive Schemas (EMS): www.attachmentproject.com/early-maladaptive-schemas/ Attachement Style: quiz.attachmentproject.com/ Dark Quad Test: www.idrlabs.com/dark-quad/test.php
@@i4L_Podcast you can find her interviews on the “solo” podcast or multiamory. She also wrote the book stepping off the relationship escalator. She’s been committed to two diff partners for years now. Dismissive avoidant is also very difficult to deal w in relationship. Been there done that
I can relate so much to this: ‘I still want the connection but not the relationship escalator’, perfectly happy on my own and thought my only option would be to stay single but now I’m opening up to other possibilities. Thank you for posting this!
Just started listening and Leah's opening comment about being able to enjoy loving intimate emotional and physical relationships with more than one person is so true. My wife, her boyfriend and myself enjoy this situation.
all along my friends have told me i had daddy issues and commitmentphobia. 💀
Turns out I just don’t like the “relationship escalator” 🤣
Thanks for this!
In the bi community we call the triad unicorn hunting and unicorns because the bi often women is often treated like a sex object so generally it's frowned upon
So much to learn!!
It's interesting to note that the solo-poly lifestyle can be particularly attractive to individuals with certain psychological profiles, such as those who might be classified as true narcissists. Research indicates that true narcissists often display fearful-avoidant attachment styles, contributing to their lack of deep, emotional bonds (as per the American Psychological Association). While one might think that a narcissist's emotional armor serves as a protective factor against self-harm, it paradoxically increases the risk. The absence of truly meaningful relationships and the inability to experience genuine emotional depth can lead to a void that even narcissistic supply can't fill, resulting in an elevated risk of self-harm.
The concept of interdependence often seems to be missing in these discussions. Interdependence isn't about needing someone else to complete you; it's about two or more independent individuals choosing to share their lives in a way that enhances each other's experience. The synergy that results from this kind of bond goes beyond mere independence or codependency and leads to a more fulfilling, balanced life.
So, while the solo-poly lifestyle may provide a sense of freedom and self-sufficiency, it’s worth questioning whether it allows room for this important aspect of human interaction. This isn't to criticize solo-polyamory but rather to explore the potentially overlooked elements that contribute to a well-rounded, fulfilling life. And as with any lifestyle, it's crucial to be aware of the risks and pitfalls, both for oneself and for those we interact with.
I would encourage anyone who is considering the lifestyle, or linking with someone labeling themselves as solo poly, to take the following assessments to make sure they aren’t doing it for the wrong reasons (and honestly, these quick assessments are valuable for anyone who wants more insight into themselves)
Dark Quad Test:
www.idrlabs.com/dark-quad/test.php
Maladaptive Schemas Test:
www.attachmentproject.com/early-maladaptive-schemas/
Attachment Style Test:
www.attachmentproject.com/attachment-style-quiz/
You sound like a party pooper. Good luck with that attitude
Look up amy gahran. She’s solo poly and nothing like you describe. You described avoidant attachment style
@@nsanenthembrane It's great when you find the outliers since outliers do exist. If you can share the channel I will check it out as I'm curious - especially given he fact that people can easily create an outward image that isn't matching what's going on internally. Of course, if they are a true narcasist there are things to watch for on social media, which I lay out here (research-based, sources cited): ruclips.net/video/CmRa_mg8mBk/видео.htmlsi=8N0ga0WjYaatOZ3U
And yes, the Fearful-Avoidant attachment style is a major problem in any relationship. That relationship will likely never last as it puts far too much pressure on a person with a Secure attachment style. There are several assessments I have a potential partner take which can suss these things out quickly. They are free and do not take long. Of course, I recommend anyone take these as they can help us identify things we need to work on.
Here are a few of the assessments I use with any potential partner now:
Early Maladaptive Schemas (EMS):
www.attachmentproject.com/early-maladaptive-schemas/
Attachement Style:
quiz.attachmentproject.com/
Dark Quad Test:
www.idrlabs.com/dark-quad/test.php
@@i4L_Podcast you can find her interviews on the “solo” podcast or multiamory. She also wrote the book stepping off the relationship escalator. She’s been committed to two diff partners for years now. Dismissive avoidant is also very difficult to deal w in relationship. Been there done that
“Death of relationship” is not a good descriptor. Metamorphosis, yes.
Are there any conventional looking poly dudes? Many of them are very alternative looking and I’m not attracted :/
I'm a solo, yet I don't have a bad beard or hideous mullet.
@@youbetcha6880 you give me hope