Exactly, I tried honouring my parents the first 7 years of my walk, I discovered that all I was doing was feeding the jrzebel spirit, and I was becoming it's footstool.. I told God never again will I bow down to these evil ppl, now if I defend myself and say something horrid, I don't even go back to apologise, ive learnt that all this does, is cause my Narc parents to see how wrong I am and gives them false sense of validation that they don't need to apologise because it was me all along that needs to apologise. Now I go to God to repent and ask him to avenge me because these evil spirits working thru them are hell bent to kill, steal and destroy my life, and indeed they succeeded. There is alot of false teaching where victims are commanded to be kind to their abusers, but God also tells us to be wise as serpent, he tells us to guard our hearts, he also tells us in Malachi that he orders the children's hearts to turn to their fathers and their fathers heart to turn to the children, least he comes to smite their land.. I believe thru my trials, God had to teach me wisdom the hardway. Avoid these ppl if u can, if Ur living with them, ask God to give u strategies on how to handle them or to stay away from them till he delivers you. Fast, pray, war, or just do whatever God puts in Ur spirit to help u overcome. Ps: I'm also seeing my parents health deteriorate since God told me to tell them to repent in 2020, since then their health keeps going from bad to worse, sometimes I feel judgement can't come quick enough for jezebel. It astounds me that no matter how much pressure God puts on them to repent, they still find the stamina to break someone down constantly... I've tried praying for them, but my heart is turning hard towards them. God does warn jezebel in Revelation that if she does not repent, He will put her on a bed of suffering, which is what I'm witnessing right now. Yahshua bless those who are victims of abuse, praying for Ur deliverance and peace in the storm.
You can turn away from such people but still be gracious and loving towards them. Being gracious and loving do not mean that you commit to be a punching bag to these people. You can be gracious and loving that when time comes that they be in need, you will, with open arms give them assistance and not blame them for being harsh to you.
@@ahstij4628 The main scripture says AVOID. How can you do all that while avoiding someone unless they are forcing themselves into your presence? There are some people who (according to the Bible) you aren’t even supposed to pray for. Continuously going around evil people could cost you. Accept that.
@@CodyCole80 You cannot cherry pick a scripture and have a theology based on that sole scripture. "Turn away from such" does not mean to abandon. Who will minister if they will be abandoned by the righteous? "Turn away from such" means not to engage with any of their evil activities but as I've said, when time comes that they (parents) be in need, be gracious to accept them as God was gracious to us despite our endless sinning. Romans 10:14-15 14 But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tells them? 15 And how will anyone go and tell them without being sent? That is why the Scriptures say, “How beautiful are the feet of messengers who bring good news! Do you bring the Good News to the saved or the unsaved? You must have a correct context before applying those verses. What about these verses? Luke 5:32 32 I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners and need to repent. Matthew 5:38, 43-48 38 “You have heard the law that says the punishment must match the injury: ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ 39 But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also. 43 “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. 44 But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. 46 If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. 47 If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. 48 But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect. Do not cherry pick scriptures.
What helped me the most with raising my children was the book ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’. It is honestly a game changer
If you have narcissistic parents, here are my suggestions based upon 4 decades of dealing with my narcissistic parents: 1. Tell the truth, and let others know of the dirty deeds done in the dark no matter what your parents say, but also forgive them and don't wish evil on them. 2. If they continue to abuse you physically, mentally, or emotionally, cut them off -- they are not family based upon blood. Jesus said his mother, brothers, and sisters were his disciples and not his parents on this Earth. His point was that those who really care about you and have common goals are your family, not people that just share a bloodline. 3. Do not look back. Like Lot's wife, you will turn to a pillar of salt. It will HURT you very much if you turn back towards narcissists because their core personality does not change. Don't let the Americanized church talk you into being abused again. 4. Make your own family. Meet a spouse. Have kids or adopt them. Make your own community. It will be better, with God's help. Look at the abuse as God's sign that you were destined for greater things, to be a better person and to follow Jesus more closely than your parents.
Yes, don't wish bad but remember the scripture about inheritance and who is worse than an unbeliever and where they may go. (Hell). Imagine spreading the gospel to a narc, they'd be pissed to hear God is in control.
I struggle to understand number 1. Anytime I talk about the bad things my parents have done, I feel guilty like I'm gossiping or smearing their image by discussing with others how they abused me, aka dishonoring my father and mother.
I have NEVER seen a parent or church promote THAT part of Eph. 6:4 strongly. The sad reality is that too many people STRONGLY focus on the parts of the Bible that THEY like.
@bailujen8052 YOU, can still forgive her, try(I know it's hard) my mom showed me recently how wicked she truly is with her words. It's hard to even say good morning, afternoon and night now. But I gotta learn to forgive. Forgive and you shall be forgiven. That goes for all
This was super helpful for me. I have been praying and seeking ways to honor my parents. They are not saved and continue to stack up offenses. I needed the right perspective on what honoring them looks like. I have drawn some boundaries to distance myself from them, and now I feel that I can ask God to help me love them and see the good they did provide in my life so I can truly love and honor them in my heart and with my words. Thank you!
I don’t have much of a relationship with my mother, it’s to painful how I was treated as a child. Forgiveness is hard, because she is still the same. I need Gods help!🙏🏽
Emotionally mentally inspirationally forgive, but then move on. You don't have to have contact.. I thought I did for many years and it took me a long time to wake up to realize.I didn't have to be subject to the abuse. Mark and avoid
As I read through the comments I see so many wounds. I live for the Lord and want to honor Him at all times. I don't want to break any commitments. My parents were emotionally and physically abusive while I was growing up. They are supposedly saved now. But the narcissism and control issues trigger me from abuse in the past... Being around them or even talking on the phone can be so painful. All we can do is pray sincerely, humble ourselves before the Lord and submit to His will 🙏
Don't talk trash about your parents, pray for them, and God will grant you a long good life. That's not excusing their mistakes. Even if they never apologize.
@@ramonam9251 what do you say when Jesus exposed the pharisees sins? Or when Paul exposed Peter's hypocrisy. If you don't expose sin you are an ally of evil.
If I was a narcissist parent, I would want my daughter to completely cut me off from her life so she wouldn't suffer. That's the example I want to set.
Psalm 27, verse10-14: 10 10 Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me. 11 Teach me your way, Lord; lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors. 12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me, spouting malicious accusations. 13 I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. 14 Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
Yeah, sometimes I think about not even looking for her because she has no feelings that she was not there since I was five years old and I’m 46 now now she lives with me and think I post to be at her every command and I’m not you can lift stuff up, you can cook for yourself, you can wipe your butt now you need a nurse because I’m not stopping my life, but how can I honor this person without having these feelings because Lord I’m trying to remove them, but they are hard, but I’m not mean to herI just know that she can do things and I remind her. I’m busy I have to go to work here you go but I have three businesses to be her caregiver.
I have an extremely angry mother who has a flash fire temper. She's old now and in some need. I'm living with her now to help her. Very frequent trips to the hospital. She falls down a lot and needs help back up. If I'm at work this often means she has to crawl to the front door and hope a neighbor is outside to come help. Regardless of the help I'm giving her she lets fly with that explosive temper and profanity at the drop of a hat. Edit: she has always been this way. It isn't just old age and bad health, though that exacerbates it. Oh, it can be over literally anything, but _especially_ if I suggest that her spending is still out of control after all these years and that her house is becoming unlivable and that something has to change. Moreover she has a small dog that is not house trained and she can't, or won't, clean up after him very often. I give her money for rent to help out some more. At one time I was giving her much more but it all went to expensive gourmet foods, shoes, yet more clothes, and expensive cookware that she absolutely does not need more of. That is to say she squandered it. Then when something breaks down in the house (HVAC, etc.) she's looking to me to pay for it. Generally I don't, to be honest. I simply don't make enough money to pay for a 5K dollar HVAC system, etc. She will not save her money, though. She never has. And to add insult to injury it gets back to me from time to time that she complains about me to friends and family. She also lies very frequently and when I catch her in one she falls back into a defensive posture and denies all of it. She is locked up in a shell of self deception that borders on a force of nature. It is truly a thing to behold. I am completely unable to help communicate with her. She is not a believer and I am trying very hard to be a witness for Christ in all of this in the hope that it will help lead to her own salvation, but at present it doesn't seem to matter as she is able to find fault with anything at all. I am at my wits end. All I know to do at this point is pray for her and myself. lol This is all just the tip of the iceberg, but maybe it explains enough. I mention all this here on this channel because I need advice on how to honor her. My work distance if far enough to make for a 2 hour round trip, which doesn't leave me much time to take care of the endless messes that are made between the dog and her. Is it dishonoring to her if I leave and get closer to work? I want to obey the Lord in this, but this is a true crucible. It feels like being around her is destroying me in the process, but again I want to obey the Lord. I grew up with her anger and tantrums and lying and out of control spending. Incidentally the spending nearly drove my dad to an actual nervous breakdown working seven days a week to try and pay for it all way back in the day. When he would ask her for help in getting this under control she would just look at him blankly and say she'd go get one of his friends to talk to him about it. It's actual insanity I feel. What does a believer do in an extreme situation like this? If you made it all the way through that....thank you! That was definitely a lot.
In such sad cases, we must forgive them on a personal level, yet not to the detriment of truth by allowing them to continue in a sinful pattern of behavior toward us and the gospel, for they are still accountable to God for any unrepentant sin on their part (Jn. 20:23, 2 Tim. 4:14-15, Rev. 6:10). No wonder in 3 John vv. 9-11 we find a biblical distinction between forgiving and forgetting, because forgiveness brings us freedom, NOT a mindless enslavement to ongoing trauma. The natural outworking of true honor toward unbelieving family members is a life of peace and joy in the Lord, NOT a life of blindly subjecting ourselves to their abuse.…”he that regardeth reproof shall be honoured” (Prov. 13:18). Honor does not mean compulsively subjecting oneself to sinful and toxic behavior or excusing it for the sake of “peace.” Honor does not mean blind obedience, pleasing or pretending. Honor also doesn’t mean having inordinate affections toward them by rescuing, enabling, excusing, denying or hiding their evil ways. Such attempts at playing god would be idolatry, and God will not share His position with anyone or anything (Col. 3:5). So, they must be allowed to incur the natural consequences of their wicked ways (1 Cor. 5:5), in hopes that God will rescue them and restore their sanity.
I think we need to make something very clear here. Simply because you are a believer in Christ you can continue to allow yourself to be abused. If your parents are abusing you or hurting you in anyway please leave or if you are too young, tell a trusted adult! Once you are out of their company you can pray for them, love them, and honor them from a distance. Your parents are supposed to be a good authority. You’re are NOT an authority if you are abusing people. They have lost their authority because they are not stewarding Gods children! You shouldn’t be thankful for your “Mom allowing you to be born.” If your mother got in the bed and had a child, she has a duty to be a real mother. God gave you life and he knit you in your mothers womb. Honor from a safe distance. Don’t allow someone to keep pushing you down and then ignore their bad behavior.
I agree. You can honor them by not needlessly slandering them (you can absolutely tell the truth about what happened to those who are close to you and who you feel comfortable sharing your story with). I've had to learn that. But we're not able to live peacible among one another without disrespect, so I keep my distance. I pray for my parents and I understand that I'm not the one who brings them to salvation - Christ does. Some pastors think instructing children of abusive parents to martyr themselves by continuing relationships with them think it empowers the children but it doesn't. It just protects the abusers and absolves the church community of any responsibility to step in when parents mistreat their children.
How do you honer your mother and father when they hadn’t grew up? It’s like you gotta be their marriage therapist Life coach instead of them being one for you
I couldn't get until the end of this video, I admit. I don't know how or what God thinks about all of this, but there are people out there who have done immeasurable harm to their children, I am talking about SVU-type cases. In this case, I think people should give more emphasis on helping the victims get away from the perpetrators and be safe and well-taken care of, especially if they're underage. God help all children and people who are suffering abuse.
This is SO GOOD! I've struggled with this. Both my parents are gone now but with this message I know in my heart I have honored my parents regardless of their mistakes (as well as my own) Thank you, Father! I receive this message in the name of our Beloved Christ 🙏🙏🙏✝️❤️
If you can't be honest, you can't do it. You simply cannot ask a Christian to love parents who enter into spiritual wickedness while being parents. Its criucial to remember we are to fight with the armor of God, which has to do directly with spiritual wickedness. Wickedness = those who know better, who are opposing themselves, or show no love/care. No amount of love brings a reprobate to God. This is why Jesus expressed, think Not that I am sent to bring peace but to bring the parents against the children. And what do we all know about a housr divided? It cannot stand. We can't follow one thing if it puts us in direct violation of a whole bunch of other things. To love a parent who never knew God is one thing, but to love a parent who knows God and refuses to follow God's word in front of their children- Whoa to you hypocrite, says perfect, loving Christ who died for their opportunity to come to Him, but they wouldn't But please never, ever tell someone to call those resistent to God "good" ... I mean, this is the last day time, but we as Christians can't jump on thar bandwagon. We must know them by their fruits, as even a child is known. "Thou shalt not lie" determines the truth of the relationship in God. If you can't tell your parent when they're wrong or hypocritical, to continue in the relationship is vain ("unless the Lord builds up the home/family they labor in vain that try and build it") and to ask a child to prove their a Christian or not based on pretending their parents love them when they don't = requesting and pressing them to bear false witness! That's 2 serious offences, both also 10 commandments. Parents were to prepare their children to be ready to take on what God sends them in the future. But actually... I often see this verse as a forthtelling of what God knew: the parents (who were to teach) would Never make it into the promise land. Their kids would. But the parents would lose out, because of lack of faith. Honor from Hebrew meant give weight to instruction. God still cut Every Single One of those parents off from remaining in their children's life and seeing their grandchildren. That's the lesson in context.
God hates "selfishness" which is what the Pharisees were accused of, and as our perfect example He displayed his annoyance. Jesus was angry at all leaders who did not care about others under them. It is hypocrisy in God's eyes. Jesus said must be willing to love Him more than our mother or father, or else we are not worthy of him. Whenever there is a fork in the path, leave them behind. To be close to parents like that creates a world of shifting sand, because they do not do His will so Jesus likens their efforts to sand. You stay with the rock. But its okay to be angry. God is angry too. He offers "space" for repentence but not grace until efforts are initiated. You're feelings are valid though.
that's the WORD. If you have kids i hope you have that same passion towards your own kids when you see division.... because i've seen the opposite often when it's your kids
Thank you. I now know the steps. I will prsy on this and actively try to take these steos. This comandment is tough for me. I have a lot of anger and resentment towards my mother. Never had a bio father. I have been in therapy, Christian therapist, Praise God. I was asked if I hate my Mom. I don't know. I know I am hurt. Yesterday I finally snapped & verbally attacked my mother and I am hurt by that. I feel terrible. She is a sick person and I want to choose to give her grace, focus on my Father God's love and be the daughter he called me to be. I need to watch this again & break down each step. Thank you so much. I really needed this video.
I go to another state to help my mother who is elderly and give her kindness and help try to help her as much as I can in return. She’s unappreciative calls me names and controls me while I’m there.
I can respect and love them but I wouldn't put up with any kind of abuse. As a child there really wasn't a choice, as an adult there is. Thank you for this. ❤❤❤
Great point! My Dad always hung the 5th commandment over my head while making fun of me and saying what a loser I was. He provoked me daily, so even as a kid I knew something was wrong with blindly following the 5th commandment for someone who hated my personality.
What do you do if your mother has pushed EVERY family member away & now only has 1 out of her 3 adult kids willing to help her as much as possible but she's extremely abusive. Says things to purposely hurt you, no matter how much you help. She has NO empathy. Only cares what you can do for her. Is over 300lbs, won't get out the bed, just sleeps, eats, curses, name calls, all while you clean her house, beg her to shower (but she won't, it's been a month) won't even brush her own hair. She does NOTHING for herself & she's slowly killing herself, she doesn't bother with my kids (her grandkids.) They don't exist to her unless they come over to throw out her trash or bring her food. She divided all 3 of her kids, now no one will come to her, help her or even talk to her. It's now affecting MY mental health. I'm married with 2 adult kids & feel like i can't find peace in my own home everytime i think of her & it makes me sad. She guilt trips me if I'm not doing for her all the time, to the point that I'm too afraid for her to live alone yet i have no one to call to help her. I don't know what else to do to help her, she spends all her social security money on food so im frequently having to pull MY bill money to help her, she's made sure she's blocked me from her bank info so i can't shop for her, all she does is order food online (ubereats, instaxart, etc..) im at my wits end. How much does one take before losing it. Where in the Bible does it say parents can be abusive toward their adult children & we just have to stop living OUR lives to serve them hand & foot till the day they die while we miss out on our own peace & happiness. I don't find any of this fair & it's made me feel frustrated, bitter, angry, sad, & desperate to be honest, not to mention guilty for her making me feel like I'm never good enough so I'm a failure as her child even though I'm 45. It's been this way with her my whole life (the abuse) now she's eaten herself into a prison of a body, never leaves her home, fights with EVERYONE she's ever come across, she's just mean & hateful & refuses to do anything to help herself. I don't know what to do.
If your mom is poor, help out with a bit of money every month. Don't talk trash about your mom. pray for her. God will grant you a long good life. Your giving your mom too much help around her place, that's enabling her. Visit her once a month for a half hour. If she's abusive don't go back. Some people are evil, it's hard to accept thst when it's a parent. Don't make yourself sick over her. You don't want to get your kids sick if you allow yourself to get sick. I send my mom money but I hardly ever talk to her. I don't try to change her. People can only change themselves. Bless you.
@ Jessy - I’m sorry you didn’t have a loving mom. Just know that it’s not your fault. Also know that she’s a big girl. She can, and should, take responsibility for herself. A reality check that can help you get your sanity back is to change shoes. That is, put yourself in her shoes/situation and ask if you would ever do that to your kids. Ask if you would expect one of your kids to take care of everything for you while you verbally assault them. No, right? NEVER!! Now you can know that she knows exactly what she’s doing. See, normal people think it’s all about love. As in - If I could only make her understand how much I love her, then she will change or reciprocate. But she “misunderstands” again, and you wind up hitting your head against the wall. Right? Look at this through a different lens. With people like this, it isn’t about love. It’s about CONTROL. She wants to control you, and in fact people like this get a strange kind of thrill from having that kind of control. To them, it’s a game. Once you see it for what it is, all the pieces fall into place. It makes sense why she just can’t “understand” that you love her and didn’t mean to…whatever. She will never show love or understanding or apologize because that would mean giving up control. Once you see it, you can mourn the loss of the mother-daughter relationship you always wanted. You can give it to God and forgive her. And you can ask God what he wants you to do. ❤️ & 🙏s.
If i want to share my story. Im currently living with my father who is a Christian, but he still has this bad attitude he clings unto to for some reason. Here are examples of his behaviors: -Laziness -Pride -Being hard-headed -Arrogance -Ego -Complacency -Uncaring Before he became a Christian, he used to drink alcohol and come home late. Until he joined this church ECG (for Shepherd Bushiri) and it is good that he thirsts for God, bu like i said, STILL keeps his bad attitude and bad habits. Also, when he worship at church services at home, he screams to the top of his lungs and sounds SO annoying to hear. I want him to stop, but i personally know, his stubbornness and ignorence won't listen to common sense. At night its worse, when i just want quiet he gets louder. Forgive me if I'm sounding to harsh, but I'm just being BRUTALLY HONEST, cause i lived with him for 21 YEARS, and just see him as a bad-person who WON'T CHANGE. But... Brothers/Sister, what's your comment?
Sorry to hear that, but God is a joke and that’s probably why you’re allowing it. That’s probably why I don’t have a father neither cause God is a joke so
Thank you , so touching , it is really hard for me to honor my every non-believer family memebers, for I fear them, I understand true love has no fear, I just don't know how to do it . and when they worship fake God, i am terrified. that tense made me hard to be close with them. I don't hate them, I forgive them long ago, I want to love them, but they just love money and reputation.
Have you ever noticed that parents LOVE Exodus 20? Yet you NEVER see Eph. 6:4- esp. the FRIST PART of the verse- posted on the walls of a house of parents with kids. I have a family member who has a life that basically hindered by his parents and how they ignore and yet USE him. ( I have no idea what to say to him that would help.)
If anybody can answer me. Please do! My parents beat me up badly in all kind of way since i could remember at 5 yrs old. I could get up to 50 lash in a day, i was forced on my knees for sun up to sun dow with plastic spike in my knees. I couldn’t go out before i turned 18. I could not go in my backyard till i turn 14. No cable and no tv. My dad never once took me out to play in a park. All he did was using me as a study partner for his bachelor degree. He was teaching me what he was learning. All i could do was reading books or the bible. Today in 2024 at 33yrs as a Christian i hate them. Especially my father. Is God going to punish me for not honouring them?
The unfortunate part about it is that we have to honour them it’s a commandment 💔💔you need to forgive them just as your heavenly forgives you instantly when you sin 💔💔it’s painful I’m typing from a place of pain sometimes I wish my mother died 😢it’s evil I don’t really wish that for her but I want to rest 💔we just have to pray to God to help us on this one ♥️♥️🙏
@@Jesusisking52525 thank you 🙏🏾. Sometimes it’s help to realize that we are not alone in this BS. I’m going to listen you. I have to forgive them if im expecting the lord to forgive me.
No it does not , obeying your parents doesn't mean u can't have an opinion , as long as its right in Gods eyes. Don't be afraid to be truthful with your opinion.
But you still respect them , personally I think if you grew up in a abusive household that means they've definitely manipulated you into thinking having your own desires or opinions or even your own stand in life is wrong which isn't true I'd advice you to find a Christian Therapist because they can help you deal with the situation in a God honoring way. Now remember God does want us to honor and respect our parents but that doesn't mean to do everything they or say everything they want . Keep Gods words in your heart
Honouring doesn’t mean loving them…it means honouring the office …. If they have been poor parents then it’s a tough gig…but that’s where the merit is…honor their office and respect the role as much as possible then resolve to be better by a lot for your own children….that lesson right there will create a great foundation for your family…because you understand their lousy performance maybe due to their own victimisation and upbringing….so that helps you break the cycle and heal …you resolve to not make the mistakes you were put through
Just because you're a Christian, doesnt mean you should be someone elses doormat! So better to distance yourself from people, even if they are your parents, than to let the same person hurt you over and over again.
It’s hard to continue being around an abusive person. I don’t think that we’re supposed to do that. We can forgive them, but we shouldn’t be put in that line of fire.
I'm 16 and I obey my mom to the max, and I do everything for my sister!...She is 14. Everyday, I come home from school and the 1 st thing I do, is give her my phone...don't want any distractions, then I do my homework, then all the chores for that day, which must be done to my moms satisfaction. Then I do whatever she tells me to do with no back talk or arguing. With my sister, I do ALL of her chores and let her take all the credit so she gets paid for them. I clean up ALL of her messes. When she does something wrong, I take blame for it so she dont get in trouble. I do all of her homework so she can do what she wants to do! I never argue with her! When we are both home....I wait on her hand and foot....she never has to lift a finger!
Good job on doing your best to honor your mom. I recommend you stop doing your sister's homework and chores. She will need to learn the homework lessons so she can be a successful adult and she can't if you do her homework. She will also need to learn to be responsible and do her own chores. I know it comes from love for your sister but doing her responsibilities might delay her growth and also make her think life just hands her easy things.
The story of abuse is LONG and it is CONSTANT, really 100's of individualstories or happenings in sequence... I personally came to terms and issued 100% forgiveness, which ended my anxiety from past happenings, and opened communication, although my Mother (I am 44) has still never apologized... here is the dilemma... Out of her 3 children, I am the only one who's Fathered grandchildren. My mother craves conflict. And every new conversation that happens, is pure torture because it's not if, it's when she's going to create a reason to blow everything up to discrace me... I LOVE, LOVE, that I am the one who gets to end the cycle of abuse, but I am wounded in 2 ways when "the calander" tells her it's time to be the good Grandmother. #1 She skips over me, to love them... and #2 she will generate hatred in small windows of time to blow up at me ( I believe, as a reason for radio silence until the calander compells her). I feel I could perfectly navigate this situation if it wasn't for the Honor your Father and Mother... for instance, if it was "don't dishonor or bring shame to your father or Mother" that would be easy. I wouldn't have to manage my breathing whenever she reaches out. MARK... I have really benefitted from your work in the past. Especially, the book of Luke and the actual journey of filming to help perspective. If you personally read this... please help. Otherwise, I will pray for more strength and just let her hurt me again, because I am supposed to. Thank you.
I want to love and forgive and move forward from my narc mom but how can that happen when I am unable to get away from her due to my own medical issues. If I try to set boundaries, she laughs and makes sure she does whatever the boundary was. When I say an action is hurtful she says she can do what she wants and other people don't think it's hurtful. I don't know how to find peace in this situation.
I am still living with my father at 35. I haven’t lived with him like my whole life but I came to live with him across the country from where I was born during c0vid, moved away again and came back to help him out. He does this behavior all of the time. Thinks he can treat and talk to me however he wants because “it’s his house,” let’s me take the fall criminally for him and then laughs in my face about it being in my name, steals my controlled substances for my mental health because he thinks he is entitled to them … all the while telling me how ungrateful I am and how big of an entitled narcissist I am. I was finally able to get a car which is now in the shop for repairs. I’m praying to God that I will be able to pay for the repairs so I can gtfo of here. I pray for you too that you will be able to leave your situation. You are not alone. It’s super difficult to have respect for somebody who continues to treat you badly, especially after you have asked them to stop.
The ONLY way I found any kind of peace in a similar situation was to set clear boundaries, after praying in it. Focusing on loving myself and being my own mom/protector. God bless you. Lean into Him, always, and know it's not forever, even though it feels like it.
I have a question. Please, anyone that reads this or the man making this video. Point me in the right direction. I’m new to your channel, so I can only see what pops up since I’ve subscribed. When I go to your channel and type in the topic about honoring parents when they have not been what I need, this video pops up. Is there another that has been made on this subject? This was very hurriedly made and it’s worrisome for me. What drew me to this channel, I took so much from the message. But this man was standing on a stage and gave very wisely and biblically scripture. But this one topic, it was so quick and not the lengthy words of scripture I was introduced to as knowing. Can someone direct me to that video please? Is there a video? Please and thank you ❤
Everyone is very very fortunate to leave their own family but in my case I can't. I was medicated to a point I can no longer function my whole body feels very weak and tired, plus their control of manipulation that taking the meds will help me with my problems. They all scream at me, they will blame it on me and they will force me to take medication again. This cycle has been my demise for 13+ years and I don't know how to end it, everytime I speak about stopping my medication they all scream at me. But I still remain faithful to the Lord even if I want to kill myself.
Toxic family systems are never the fault of one person. It's commendable to own your sins, as you acknowledge them. Has anyone else done that in your family? If not, distance on whatever level, and staying on the Path, is the continued journey of healing. Healing in a toxic family is frowned upon by those who desire to stay sick. You cannot help or change anyone but yourself and it sounds like you are dedicated to that. God bless your soul. Peace be with you.
By not dishonoring them with a lie if your childhood was in fact terrifying, for example? Requires one to have the rational capacity for discerning bogus advice from psychopaths misrepresenting empathy as treating people like they wish to be treated (looking at you Brene Brown). Which in psychopath pseudomorality works great for obvious reasons, duh.
Hey Pastor Mark I have a disrespectful disobedient child that he thinks he's entitlement to everything that he doesn't want to do anything but lay around the house and be lazy yes he's only 15 yrs old and he's just a kid but he really does things to push me and my husband over the edge to see what we will do to him and how far he can push us until we snap at him. He has committed Arseniy last yr in May and he stole 80 dollars from me ever since then he thinks he is untouchable that whatever he does he won't go to jail or nothing over it cause he literally told us he plays dumb and acts slow because he thinks it's funny and when he's around others he will be polite as he can be to fool others so he can get want he wants if he doesn't get what he wants he will tell lies to have child services involved and try to put me in jail cause he did this acted multiple times I thank God it never happened. But me and my husband doesn't know what to do with him I tried searching for help and I got nothing so I'm coming to you for advice or something cause he is out of control really badly.
How can you honor a parent that wasn’t there since you were four years old and then you’re 46 I don’t know her. How can I understand when I don’t know but I try to be nice polite and help her out. She lives with me now because she’s dying from cancer. She was on drugs. I’m thankful for my daddy taking me away from her but at the same time, she said I need to be thankful that I gave she gave me a life. I said OK but that was to God I’m not trying to be sarcastic OK yes you did. Give me life, but I’m not supposed to bow down to you. You weren’t therea lot of things happened to her and a lot of things that would not be that so how can you honor somebody? You do not know I can be nice kind and help her but I’m not breaking my neck. I just hope that I’m doing the duties and God, Eye because it’s a hard time for somebody a lot from you that you don’t know that wasn’t there but I do my best.
Oh yes, honor your parents who are allowed to mentally and physically abuse you but don't you dare disobey your parents because the bible says if kids don't listen then take them out into the public streets and have them stoned to death. 😂 ahhh, that book needs to be banned from the world and anyone caught talking about it needs to be jailed.
You know, quite a number of nations have done just that over the last 100 years and you know what? Those same nations murdered 100's of actual millions of people for political purposes. More than all religious wars combined over the entire history of the world. You may have heard of this ideology. It's called Communism. All of them atheist states. All of them. I don't think banning the Bible is going to make anything at all better. Quite the opposite.
Being gracious and loving towards a narcissist only feeds them and enables them. 2 Timothy 3:2-5 says to turn away from such people.
Exactly, I tried honouring my parents the first 7 years of my walk, I discovered that all I was doing was feeding the jrzebel spirit, and I was becoming it's footstool.. I told God never again will I bow down to these evil ppl, now if I defend myself and say something horrid, I don't even go back to apologise, ive learnt that all this does, is cause my Narc parents to see how wrong I am and gives them false sense of validation that they don't need to apologise because it was me all along that needs to apologise.
Now I go to God to repent and ask him to avenge me because these evil spirits working thru them are hell bent to kill, steal and destroy my life, and indeed they succeeded.
There is alot of false teaching where victims are commanded to be kind to their abusers, but God also tells us to be wise as serpent, he tells us to guard our hearts, he also tells us in Malachi that he orders the children's hearts to turn to their fathers and their fathers heart to turn to the children, least he comes to smite their land.. I believe thru my trials, God had to teach me wisdom the hardway.
Avoid these ppl if u can, if Ur living with them, ask God to give u strategies on how to handle them or to stay away from them till he delivers you. Fast, pray, war, or just do whatever God puts in Ur spirit to help u overcome.
Ps: I'm also seeing my parents health deteriorate since God told me to tell them to repent in 2020, since then their health keeps going from bad to worse, sometimes I feel judgement can't come quick enough for jezebel. It astounds me that no matter how much pressure God puts on them to repent, they still find the stamina to break someone down constantly... I've tried praying for them, but my heart is turning hard towards them. God does warn jezebel in Revelation that if she does not repent, He will put her on a bed of suffering, which is what I'm witnessing right now.
Yahshua bless those who are victims of abuse, praying for Ur deliverance and peace in the storm.
This is true. Some people take kindness for weakness.
You can turn away from such people but still be gracious and loving towards them. Being gracious and loving do not mean that you commit to be a punching bag to these people. You can be gracious and loving that when time comes that they be in need, you will, with open arms give them assistance and not blame them for being harsh to you.
@@ahstij4628 The main scripture says AVOID. How can you do all that while avoiding someone unless they are forcing themselves into your presence? There are some people who (according to the Bible) you aren’t even supposed to pray for. Continuously going around evil people could cost you. Accept that.
@@CodyCole80 You cannot cherry pick a scripture and have a theology based on that sole scripture. "Turn away from such" does not mean to abandon. Who will minister if they will be abandoned by the righteous? "Turn away from such" means not to engage with any of their evil activities but as I've said, when time comes that they (parents) be in need, be gracious to accept them as God was gracious to us despite our endless sinning.
Romans 10:14-15
14 But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tells them? 15 And how will anyone go and tell them without being sent? That is why the Scriptures say, “How beautiful are the feet of messengers who bring good news!
Do you bring the Good News to the saved or the unsaved? You must have a correct context before applying those verses.
What about these verses?
Luke 5:32
32 I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners and need to repent.
Matthew 5:38, 43-48
38 “You have heard the law that says the punishment must match the injury: ‘An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.’ 39 But I say, do not resist an evil person! If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also.
43 “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. 44 But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven. For he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike. 46 If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that? Even corrupt tax collectors do that much. 47 If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else? Even pagans do that. 48 But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect.
Do not cherry pick scriptures.
What helped me the most with raising my children was the book ‘Raising Warriors: Preparing Your Children For a Godly Life’. It is honestly a game changer
If you have narcissistic parents, here are my suggestions based upon 4 decades of dealing with my narcissistic parents:
1. Tell the truth, and let others know of the dirty deeds done in the dark no matter what your parents say, but also forgive them and don't wish evil on them.
2. If they continue to abuse you physically, mentally, or emotionally, cut them off -- they are not family based upon blood. Jesus said his mother, brothers, and sisters were his disciples and not his parents on this Earth. His point was that those who really care about you and have common goals are your family, not people that just share a bloodline.
3. Do not look back. Like Lot's wife, you will turn to a pillar of salt. It will HURT you very much if you turn back towards narcissists because their core personality does not change. Don't let the Americanized church talk you into being abused again.
4. Make your own family. Meet a spouse. Have kids or adopt them. Make your own community. It will be better, with God's help. Look at the abuse as God's sign that you were destined for greater things, to be a better person and to follow Jesus more closely than your parents.
Yes, don't wish bad but remember the scripture about inheritance and who is worse than an unbeliever and where they may go. (Hell). Imagine spreading the gospel to a narc, they'd be pissed to hear God is in control.
This heals my heart
Thank you..
I struggle to understand number 1. Anytime I talk about the bad things my parents have done, I feel guilty like I'm gossiping or smearing their image by discussing with others how they abused me, aka dishonoring my father and mother.
Thank you so much!
The scripture also says "Fathers (parents) do not provoke your children to wrath" - Eph. 6:4. Balance balance balance.
Yes!!!!
yes, we are to forgive even that sin of theirs
@@marinlesch9366well not for my mother, she's unforgiving towards others so shes unforgivable
I have NEVER seen a parent or church promote THAT part of Eph. 6:4 strongly.
The sad reality is that too many people STRONGLY focus on the parts of the Bible that THEY like.
@bailujen8052 YOU, can still forgive her, try(I know it's hard) my mom showed me recently how wicked she truly is with her words. It's hard to even say good morning, afternoon and night now. But I gotta learn to forgive. Forgive and you shall be forgiven. That goes for all
This was super helpful for me. I have been praying and seeking ways to honor my parents. They are not saved and continue to stack up offenses. I needed the right perspective on what honoring them looks like. I have drawn some boundaries to distance myself from them, and now I feel that I can ask God to help me love them and see the good they did provide in my life so I can truly love and honor them in my heart and with my words. Thank you!
This is the most helpful and honest comment i have ever heard from you Ariel. Thank you
I don’t have much of a relationship with my mother, it’s to painful how I was treated as a child. Forgiveness is hard, because she is still the same. I need Gods help!🙏🏽
Forgiveness is for you not to be hateful, not to change another person. We are all accountable for seeking maturity.
Emotionally mentally inspirationally forgive, but then move on. You don't have to have contact.. I thought I did for many years and it took me a long time to wake up to realize.I didn't have to be subject to the abuse. Mark and avoid
Me too. Maybe no contact IS the best way to honor and forgive.
@@LastMinuteMinistryOr limit time spent with the person and when with the person try nit to go deep..defend, engage, explain, or personalise.
No need to forgive God is a joke.
As I read through the comments I see so many wounds. I live for the Lord and want to honor Him at all times. I don't want to break any commitments. My parents were emotionally and physically abusive while I was growing up. They are supposedly saved now. But the narcissism and control issues trigger me from abuse in the past... Being around them or even talking on the phone can be so painful. All we can do is pray sincerely, humble ourselves before the Lord and submit to His will 🙏
You will never understand how much your words helped me just now. Thank you
@@josuegarcia5832 God bless you Brother! 🙏🙏🙏
Thank you God bless
Don't talk trash about your parents, pray for them, and
God will grant you a long good life. That's not excusing their mistakes. Even if they never apologize.
Amen!!!
Unpopular but true.
What do you mean by trash talk? Is exposing other people's sin trash talking?
@@joseheredia9275 yes
@@ramonam9251 what do you say when Jesus exposed the pharisees sins? Or when Paul exposed Peter's hypocrisy.
If you don't expose sin you are an ally of evil.
If I was a narcissist parent, I would want my daughter to completely cut me off from her life so she wouldn't suffer. That's the example I want to set.
Well A narcissistic parent definitely doesn’t want that.
@@Eleventyeleventh 😂😂😂
@@Eleventyeleventh "i gave em clothes and food" proceeds to take their privacy dignity and respect
i think that is very traumatic for the child besides your parent is a narcissist
Well that’s why you wouldn’t be a narcissist parent 😂
Psalm 27, verse10-14: 10
10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
the Lord will receive me.
11 Teach me your way, Lord;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.
12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
spouting malicious accusations.
13 I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.
Speaking truth is always honoring. If you live right, you will bring them honor, whether they deserve it or not.
Honestly sometimes you’re better off not knowing your parents at all I wish I was that lucky
❤
True❤
Same. I wish i coukd have just griwn up with my grandparents instead of being taken away by my father
Yeah, sometimes I think about not even looking for her because she has no feelings that she was not there since I was five years old and I’m 46 now now she lives with me and think I post to be at her every command and I’m not you can lift stuff up, you can cook for yourself, you can wipe your butt now you need a nurse because I’m not stopping my life, but how can I honor this person without having these feelings because Lord I’m trying to remove them, but they are hard, but I’m not mean to herI just know that she can do things and I remind her. I’m busy I have to go to work here you go but I have three businesses to be her caregiver.
I have an extremely angry mother who has a flash fire temper. She's old now and in some need. I'm living with her now to help her. Very frequent trips to the hospital. She falls down a lot and needs help back up. If I'm at work this often means she has to crawl to the front door and hope a neighbor is outside to come help. Regardless of the help I'm giving her she lets fly with that explosive temper and profanity at the drop of a hat. Edit: she has always been this way. It isn't just old age and bad health, though that exacerbates it. Oh, it can be over literally anything, but _especially_ if I suggest that her spending is still out of control after all these years and that her house is becoming unlivable and that something has to change. Moreover she has a small dog that is not house trained and she can't, or won't, clean up after him very often.
I give her money for rent to help out some more. At one time I was giving her much more but it all went to expensive gourmet foods, shoes, yet more clothes, and expensive cookware that she absolutely does not need more of. That is to say she squandered it. Then when something breaks down in the house (HVAC, etc.) she's looking to me to pay for it. Generally I don't, to be honest. I simply don't make enough money to pay for a 5K dollar HVAC system, etc. She will not save her money, though. She never has. And to add insult to injury it gets back to me from time to time that she complains about me to friends and family. She also lies very frequently and when I catch her in one she falls back into a defensive posture and denies all of it. She is locked up in a shell of self deception that borders on a force of nature. It is truly a thing to behold. I am completely unable to help communicate with her.
She is not a believer and I am trying very hard to be a witness for Christ in all of this in the hope that it will help lead to her own salvation, but at present it doesn't seem to matter as she is able to find fault with anything at all. I am at my wits end. All I know to do at this point is pray for her and myself. lol This is all just the tip of the iceberg, but maybe it explains enough.
I mention all this here on this channel because I need advice on how to honor her. My work distance if far enough to make for a 2 hour round trip, which doesn't leave me much time to take care of the endless messes that are made between the dog and her. Is it dishonoring to her if I leave and get closer to work? I want to obey the Lord in this, but this is a true crucible. It feels like being around her is destroying me in the process, but again I want to obey the Lord. I grew up with her anger and tantrums and lying and out of control spending. Incidentally the spending nearly drove my dad to an actual nervous breakdown working seven days a week to try and pay for it all way back in the day. When he would ask her for help in getting this under control she would just look at him blankly and say she'd go get one of his friends to talk to him about it. It's actual insanity I feel. What does a believer do in an extreme situation like this?
If you made it all the way through that....thank you! That was definitely a lot.
In such sad cases, we must forgive them on a personal level, yet not to the detriment of truth by allowing them to continue in a sinful pattern of behavior toward us and the gospel, for they are still accountable to God for any unrepentant sin on their part (Jn. 20:23, 2 Tim. 4:14-15, Rev. 6:10).
No wonder in 3 John vv. 9-11 we find a biblical distinction between forgiving and forgetting, because forgiveness brings us freedom, NOT a mindless enslavement to ongoing trauma. The natural outworking of true honor toward unbelieving family members is a life of peace and joy in the Lord, NOT a life of blindly subjecting ourselves to their abuse.…”he that regardeth reproof shall be honoured” (Prov. 13:18).
Honor does not mean compulsively subjecting oneself to sinful and toxic behavior or excusing it for the sake of “peace.” Honor does not mean blind obedience, pleasing or pretending. Honor also doesn’t mean having inordinate affections toward them by rescuing, enabling, excusing, denying or hiding their evil ways. Such attempts at playing god would be idolatry, and God will not share His position with anyone or anything (Col. 3:5).
So, they must be allowed to incur the natural consequences of their wicked ways (1 Cor. 5:5), in hopes that God will rescue them and restore their sanity.
Sounds like you have honored her, you sound like a good son. Difficult situation, sounds like you will make a good decision.
I think we need to make something very clear here. Simply because you are a believer in Christ you can continue to allow yourself to be abused. If your parents are abusing you or hurting you in anyway please leave or if you are too young, tell a trusted adult! Once you are out of their company you can pray for them, love them, and honor them from a distance. Your parents are supposed to be a good authority. You’re are NOT an authority if you are abusing people. They have lost their authority because they are not stewarding Gods children!
You shouldn’t be thankful for your “Mom allowing you to be born.” If your mother got in the bed and had a child, she has a duty to be a real mother. God gave you life and he knit you in your mothers womb.
Honor from a safe distance. Don’t allow someone to keep pushing you down and then ignore their bad behavior.
I agree. You can honor them by not needlessly slandering them (you can absolutely tell the truth about what happened to those who are close to you and who you feel comfortable sharing your story with).
I've had to learn that. But we're not able to live peacible among one another without disrespect, so I keep my distance. I pray for my parents and I understand that I'm not the one who brings them to salvation - Christ does.
Some pastors think instructing children of abusive parents to martyr themselves by continuing relationships with them think it empowers the children but it doesn't. It just protects the abusers and absolves the church community of any responsibility to step in when parents mistreat their children.
How do you honer your mother and father when they hadn’t grew up? It’s like you gotta be their marriage therapist Life coach instead of them being one for you
I ended up being schizophrenic because of my parents. Sadly they ruin my life as an adult. I will try to obey them and keep my distance.
Kindred spirit.
I couldn't get until the end of this video, I admit. I don't know how or what God thinks about all of this, but there are people out there who have done immeasurable harm to their children, I am talking about SVU-type cases. In this case, I think people should give more emphasis on helping the victims get away from the perpetrators and be safe and well-taken care of, especially if they're underage. God help all children and people who are suffering abuse.
Honestly one of the best things to do is pray about it and pray about them. It's a tricky situation when the parents continue to be toxic.
This is SO GOOD! I've struggled with this. Both my parents are gone now but with this message I know in my heart I have honored my parents regardless of their mistakes (as well as my own)
Thank you, Father! I receive this message in the name of our Beloved Christ 🙏🙏🙏✝️❤️
I forgive you dad, for you know why and what happened, I am trying to rid myself of pain in my heart, I love you, and say this in Jesus name!!!!!!!7
If you can't be honest, you can't do it. You simply cannot ask a Christian to love parents who enter into spiritual wickedness while being parents. Its criucial to remember we are to fight with the armor of God, which has to do directly with spiritual wickedness. Wickedness = those who know better, who are opposing themselves, or show no love/care.
No amount of love brings a reprobate to God. This is why Jesus expressed, think Not that I am sent to bring peace but to bring the parents against the children.
And what do we all know about a housr divided? It cannot stand.
We can't follow one thing if it puts us in direct violation of a whole bunch of other things. To love a parent who never knew God is one thing, but to love a parent who knows God and refuses to follow God's word in front of their children-
Whoa to you hypocrite, says perfect, loving Christ who died for their opportunity to come to Him, but they wouldn't
But please never, ever tell someone to call those resistent to God "good" ... I mean, this is the last day time, but we as Christians can't jump on thar bandwagon.
We must know them by their fruits, as even a child is known.
"Thou shalt not lie" determines the truth of the relationship in God. If you can't tell your parent when they're wrong or hypocritical, to continue in the relationship is vain ("unless the Lord builds up the home/family they labor in vain that try and build it") and to ask a child to prove their a Christian or not based on pretending their parents love them when they don't = requesting and pressing them to bear false witness! That's 2 serious offences, both also 10 commandments.
Parents were to prepare their children to be ready to take on what God sends them in the future. But actually... I often see this verse as a forthtelling of what God knew: the parents (who were to teach) would Never make it into the promise land. Their kids would. But the parents would lose out, because of lack of faith.
Honor from Hebrew meant give weight to instruction.
God still cut Every Single One of those parents off from remaining in their children's life and seeing their grandchildren. That's the lesson in context.
God hates "selfishness" which is what the Pharisees were accused of, and as our perfect example He displayed his annoyance. Jesus was angry at all leaders who did not care about others under them. It is hypocrisy in God's eyes. Jesus said must be willing to love Him more than our mother or father, or else we are not worthy of him. Whenever there is a fork in the path, leave them behind. To be close to parents like that creates a world of shifting sand, because they do not do His will so Jesus likens their efforts to sand. You stay with the rock. But its okay to be angry. God is angry too. He offers "space" for repentence but not grace until efforts are initiated. You're feelings are valid though.
Wow. This is an exceptional explanation, I'm astounded, thank you for your comment, Justina.
that's the WORD. If you have kids i hope you have that same passion towards your own kids when you see division.... because i've seen the opposite often when it's your kids
This is it. This is truth. Stay bold my friend! Thank you!
@@ArtsInDespair Thank you 🙂
If they are toxic how can you honor that. I have tried to reach out I'm all out of trying😢
May God give you discernment... I am in the same boat. i am praying for discernment
Thank you. I now know the steps. I will prsy on this and actively try to take these steos. This comandment is tough for me. I have a lot of anger and resentment towards my mother. Never had a bio father. I have been in therapy, Christian therapist, Praise God. I was asked if I hate my Mom. I don't know. I know I am hurt. Yesterday I finally snapped & verbally attacked my mother and I am hurt by that. I feel terrible. She is a sick person and I want to choose to give her grace, focus on my Father God's love and be the daughter he called me to be. I need to watch this again & break down each step. Thank you so much. I really needed this video.
I go to another state to help my mother who is elderly and give her kindness and help try to help her as much as I can in return. She’s unappreciative calls me names and controls me while I’m there.
I can respect and love them but I wouldn't put up with any kind of abuse. As a child there really wasn't a choice, as an adult there is. Thank you for this. ❤❤❤
This !
The Bible basically paints parents as infallible.
The ONLY verse that gives children ANY hope of not suffering all-out abuse is MAYBE Eph. 6:4.
God never said honor provoking nor abuse honor ( value them as precious ) respect them that’s it, ❤
Great point! My Dad always hung the 5th commandment over my head while making fun of me and saying what a loser I was. He provoked me daily, so even as a kid I knew something was wrong with blindly following the 5th commandment for someone who hated my personality.
What do you do if your mother has pushed EVERY family member away & now only has 1 out of her 3 adult kids willing to help her as much as possible but she's extremely abusive. Says things to purposely hurt you, no matter how much you help. She has NO empathy. Only cares what you can do for her. Is over 300lbs, won't get out the bed, just sleeps, eats, curses, name calls, all while you clean her house, beg her to shower (but she won't, it's been a month) won't even brush her own hair. She does NOTHING for herself & she's slowly killing herself, she doesn't bother with my kids (her grandkids.) They don't exist to her unless they come over to throw out her trash or bring her food. She divided all 3 of her kids, now no one will come to her, help her or even talk to her. It's now affecting MY mental health. I'm married with 2 adult kids & feel like i can't find peace in my own home everytime i think of her & it makes me sad. She guilt trips me if I'm not doing for her all the time, to the point that I'm too afraid for her to live alone yet i have no one to call to help her. I don't know what else to do to help her, she spends all her social security money on food so im frequently having to pull MY bill money to help her, she's made sure she's blocked me from her bank info so i can't shop for her, all she does is order food online (ubereats, instaxart, etc..) im at my wits end. How much does one take before losing it. Where in the Bible does it say parents can be abusive toward their adult children & we just have to stop living OUR lives to serve them hand & foot till the day they die while we miss out on our own peace & happiness. I don't find any of this fair & it's made me feel frustrated, bitter, angry, sad, & desperate to be honest, not to mention guilty for her making me feel like I'm never good enough so I'm a failure as her child even though I'm 45. It's been this way with her my whole life (the abuse) now she's eaten herself into a prison of a body, never leaves her home, fights with EVERYONE she's ever come across, she's just mean & hateful & refuses to do anything to help herself. I don't know what to do.
If your mom is poor, help out with a bit of money every month. Don't talk trash about your mom. pray for her. God will grant you a long good life. Your giving your mom too much help around her place, that's enabling her. Visit her once a month for a half hour. If she's abusive don't go back. Some people are evil, it's hard to accept thst when it's a parent. Don't make yourself sick over her. You don't want to get your kids sick if you allow yourself to get sick. I send my mom money but I hardly ever talk to her. I don't try to change her. People can only change themselves. Bless you.
@ Jessy - I’m sorry you didn’t have a loving mom. Just know that it’s not your fault. Also know that she’s a big girl. She can, and should, take responsibility for herself.
A reality check that can help you get your sanity back is to change shoes. That is, put yourself in her shoes/situation and ask if you would ever do that to your kids. Ask if you would expect one of your kids to take care of everything for you while you verbally assault them.
No, right? NEVER!! Now you can know that she knows exactly what she’s doing.
See, normal people think it’s all about love. As in - If I could only make her understand how much I love her, then she will change or reciprocate. But she “misunderstands” again, and you wind up hitting your head against the wall. Right?
Look at this through a different lens. With people like this, it isn’t about love. It’s about CONTROL. She wants to control you, and in fact people like this get a strange kind of thrill from having that kind of control. To them, it’s a game.
Once you see it for what it is, all the pieces fall into place. It makes sense why she just can’t “understand” that you love her and didn’t mean to…whatever. She will never show love or understanding or apologize because that would mean giving up control.
Once you see it, you can mourn the loss of the mother-daughter relationship you always wanted. You can give it to God and forgive her. And you can ask God what he wants you to do.
❤️ & 🙏s.
@@ramonam9251 I think helping the mother out with money is creating a codependent relationship and would be unhealthy for Jessy.
Boundaries are fine and probably needed in this case. Seek strength from Christ to love as He loved bc we can only do this in the power of His spirit
Narcissistic and using religion to witness her bad behavior honor her pray for her keep your distance
Thank you sir for your help
Glad to see others deal with these issues too. God bless you all and good video👍
If i want to share my story. Im currently living with my father who is a Christian, but he still has this bad attitude he clings unto to for some reason.
Here are examples of his behaviors:
-Laziness
-Pride
-Being hard-headed
-Arrogance
-Ego
-Complacency
-Uncaring
Before he became a Christian, he used to drink alcohol and come home late. Until he joined this church ECG (for Shepherd Bushiri) and it is good that he thirsts for God, bu like i said, STILL keeps his bad attitude and bad habits.
Also, when he worship at church services at home, he screams to the top of his lungs and sounds SO annoying to hear. I want him to stop, but i personally know, his stubbornness and ignorence won't listen to common sense. At night its worse, when i just want quiet he gets louder.
Forgive me if I'm sounding to harsh, but I'm just being BRUTALLY HONEST, cause i lived with him for 21 YEARS, and just see him as a bad-person who WON'T CHANGE.
But... Brothers/Sister, what's your comment?
Sorry to hear that, but God is a joke and that’s probably why you’re allowing it. That’s probably why I don’t have a father neither cause God is a joke so
Thank you , so touching , it is really hard for me to honor my every non-believer family memebers, for I fear them, I understand true love has no fear, I just don't know how to do it . and when they worship fake God, i am terrified. that tense made me hard to be close with them. I don't hate them, I forgive them long ago, I want to love them, but they just love money and reputation.
This does help. Thanks for this message.
Have you ever noticed that parents LOVE Exodus 20? Yet you NEVER see Eph. 6:4- esp. the FRIST PART of the verse- posted on the walls of a house of parents with kids.
I have a family member who has a life that basically hindered by his parents and how they ignore and yet USE him. ( I have no idea what to say to him that would help.)
Why honor your father and mother they not even in your life so
If anybody can answer me. Please do! My parents beat me up badly in all kind of way since i could remember at 5 yrs old. I could get up to 50 lash in a day, i was forced on my knees for sun up to sun dow with plastic spike in my knees. I couldn’t go out before i turned 18. I could not go in my backyard till i turn 14. No cable and no tv. My dad never once took me out to play in a park. All he did was using me as a study partner for his bachelor degree. He was teaching me what he was learning. All i could do was reading books or the bible. Today in 2024 at 33yrs as a Christian i hate them. Especially my father. Is God going to punish me for not honouring them?
The unfortunate part about it is that we have to honour them it’s a commandment 💔💔you need to forgive them just as your heavenly forgives you instantly when you sin 💔💔it’s painful I’m typing from a place of pain sometimes I wish my mother died 😢it’s evil I don’t really wish that for her but I want to rest 💔we just have to pray to God to help us on this one ♥️♥️🙏
@@Jesusisking52525 thank you 🙏🏾. Sometimes it’s help to realize that we are not alone in this BS. I’m going to listen you. I have to forgive them if im expecting the lord to forgive me.
But does honoring your parents means you can't disagree with them? With respect?
No it does not , obeying your parents doesn't mean u can't have an opinion , as long as its right in Gods eyes. Don't be afraid to be truthful with your opinion.
But you still respect them , personally I think if you grew up in a abusive household that means they've definitely manipulated you into thinking having your own desires or opinions or even your own stand in life is wrong which isn't true I'd advice you to find a Christian Therapist because they can help you deal with the situation in a God honoring way. Now remember God does want us to honor and respect our parents but that doesn't mean to do everything they or say everything they want . Keep Gods words in your heart
@@missmashami thanks for the advice
Honouring doesn’t mean loving them…it means honouring the office ….
If they have been poor parents then it’s a tough gig…but that’s where the merit is…honor their office and respect the role as much as possible then resolve to be better by a lot for your own children….that lesson right there will create a great foundation for your family…because you understand their lousy performance maybe due to their own victimisation and upbringing….so that helps you break the cycle and heal …you resolve to not make the mistakes you were put through
So many abusive parents out here
Right ??!!
Just because you're a Christian, doesnt mean you should be someone elses doormat! So better to distance yourself from people, even if they are your parents, than to let the same person hurt you over and over again.
It’s hard to continue being around an abusive person. I don’t think that we’re supposed to do that. We can forgive them, but we shouldn’t be put in that line of fire.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR BIBLE TEACHING
I'm 16 and I obey my mom to the max, and I do everything for my sister!...She is 14.
Everyday, I come home from school and the 1 st thing I do, is give her my phone...don't want any distractions, then I do my homework, then all the chores for that day, which must be done to my moms satisfaction. Then I do whatever she tells me to do with no back talk or arguing.
With my sister, I do ALL of her chores and let her take all the credit so she gets paid for them. I clean up ALL of her messes. When she does something wrong, I take blame for it so she dont get in trouble. I do all of her homework so she can do what she wants to do! I never argue with her! When we are both home....I wait on her hand and foot....she never has to lift a finger!
Good job on doing your best to honor your mom. I recommend you stop doing your sister's homework and chores. She will need to learn the homework lessons so she can be a successful adult and she can't if you do her homework. She will also need to learn to be responsible and do her own chores. I know it comes from love for your sister but doing her responsibilities might delay her growth and also make her think life just hands her easy things.
thank you for this pastor mark
What if they are toxic and manipulation like Rebecca mother of Esau and Jacob..
The story of abuse is LONG and it is CONSTANT, really 100's of individualstories or happenings in sequence... I personally came to terms and issued 100% forgiveness, which ended my anxiety from past happenings, and opened communication, although my Mother (I am 44) has still never apologized... here is the dilemma... Out of her 3 children, I am the only one who's Fathered grandchildren. My mother craves conflict. And every new conversation that happens, is pure torture because it's not if, it's when she's going to create a reason to blow everything up to discrace me... I LOVE, LOVE, that I am the one who gets to end the cycle of abuse, but I am wounded in 2 ways when "the calander" tells her it's time to be the good Grandmother. #1 She skips over me, to love them... and #2 she will generate hatred in small windows of time to blow up at me ( I believe, as a reason for radio silence until the calander compells her). I feel I could perfectly navigate this situation if it wasn't for the Honor your Father and Mother... for instance, if it was "don't dishonor or bring shame to your father or Mother" that would be easy. I wouldn't have to manage my breathing whenever she reaches out. MARK... I have really benefitted from your work in the past. Especially, the book of Luke and the actual journey of filming to help perspective. If you personally read this... please help. Otherwise, I will pray for more strength and just let her hurt me again, because I am supposed to. Thank you.
I want to love and forgive and move forward from my narc mom but how can that happen when I am unable to get away from her due to my own medical issues. If I try to set boundaries, she laughs and makes sure she does whatever the boundary was. When I say an action is hurtful she says she can do what she wants and other people don't think it's hurtful. I don't know how to find peace in this situation.
I am still living with my father at 35. I haven’t lived with him like my whole life but I came to live with him across the country from where I was born during c0vid, moved away again and came back to help him out. He does this behavior all of the time. Thinks he can treat and talk to me however he wants because “it’s his house,” let’s me take the fall criminally for him and then laughs in my face about it being in my name, steals my controlled substances for my mental health because he thinks he is entitled to them … all the while telling me how ungrateful I am and how big of an entitled narcissist I am. I was finally able to get a car which is now in the shop for repairs. I’m praying to God that I will be able to pay for the repairs so I can gtfo of here. I pray for you too that you will be able to leave your situation. You are not alone. It’s super difficult to have respect for somebody who continues to treat you badly, especially after you have asked them to stop.
The ONLY way I found any kind of peace in a similar situation was to set clear boundaries, after praying in it. Focusing on loving myself and being my own mom/protector. God bless you. Lean into Him, always, and know it's not forever, even though it feels like it.
Thank you for this video. I found it very useful.
Really great video, God bless the dude who said that question is. But his heart is in such a great place
Millstone around their neck...
One time
Thank you!!
I have a question. Please, anyone that reads this or the man making this video. Point me in the right direction. I’m new to your channel, so I can only see what pops up since I’ve subscribed. When I go to your channel and type in the topic about honoring parents when they have not been what I need, this video pops up. Is there another that has been made on this subject? This was very hurriedly made and it’s worrisome for me. What drew me to this channel, I took so much from the message. But this man was standing on a stage and gave very wisely and biblically scripture. But this one topic, it was so quick and not the lengthy words of scripture I was introduced to as knowing. Can someone direct me to that video please? Is there a video? Please and thank you ❤
Everyone is very very fortunate to leave their own family but in my case I can't. I was medicated to a point I can no longer function my whole body feels very weak and tired, plus their control of manipulation that taking the meds will help me with my problems. They all scream at me, they will blame it on me and they will force me to take medication again. This cycle has been my demise for 13+ years and I don't know how to end it, everytime I speak about stopping my medication they all scream at me. But I still remain faithful to the Lord even if I want to kill myself.
I hope you find a way out
@@mariec7092 yes only Jesus does, He slowly showed me the way out of this. Thank you for showing kindness 😊
@@JesusChriststillhealsare you good hun?
@@ADALivingforYah yes, prayers is only what I need
Can you pretend to take the medication? Not sure why you need to take but call someone to help, if you can.
what to do every time I talk to my is a arguments
God already showed His face on me but the problems in my family still occurs. This probably because of my sins that I commited in the past.
Toxic family systems are never the fault of one person. It's commendable to own your sins, as you acknowledge them. Has anyone else done that in your family? If not, distance on whatever level, and staying on the Path, is the continued journey of healing. Healing in a toxic family is frowned upon by those who desire to stay sick. You cannot help or change anyone but yourself and it sounds like you are dedicated to that. God bless your soul. Peace be with you.
Awesome! I agree! 💯☺️🙌🏻❤️🔥
I will try to honor my parents even though they have the antichrist spirit.
By not dishonoring them with a lie if your childhood was in fact terrifying, for example? Requires one to have the rational capacity for discerning bogus advice from psychopaths misrepresenting empathy as treating people like they wish to be treated (looking at you Brene Brown). Which in psychopath pseudomorality works great for obvious reasons, duh.
This type of misinformation is why many do not attend or submit to the Christian religion.
2Timothy 3 tells you to have nothing to do with toxic people.
Hey Pastor Mark I have a disrespectful disobedient child that he thinks he's entitlement to everything that he doesn't want to do anything but lay around the house and be lazy yes he's only 15 yrs old and he's just a kid but he really does things to push me and my husband over the edge to see what we will do to him and how far he can push us until we snap at him. He has committed Arseniy last yr in May and he stole 80 dollars from me ever since then he thinks he is untouchable that whatever he does he won't go to jail or nothing over it cause he literally told us he plays dumb and acts slow because he thinks it's funny and when he's around others he will be polite as he can be to fool others so he can get want he wants if he doesn't get what he wants he will tell lies to have child services involved and try to put me in jail cause he did this acted multiple times I thank God it never happened. But me and my husband doesn't know what to do with him I tried searching for help and I got nothing so I'm coming to you for advice or something cause he is out of control really badly.
How can you honor a parent that wasn’t there since you were four years old and then you’re 46 I don’t know her. How can I understand when I don’t know but I try to be nice polite and help her out. She lives with me now because she’s dying from cancer. She was on drugs. I’m thankful for my daddy taking me away from her but at the same time, she said I need to be thankful that I gave she gave me a life. I said OK but that was to God I’m not trying to be sarcastic OK yes you did. Give me life, but I’m not supposed to bow down to you. You weren’t therea lot of things happened to her and a lot of things that would not be that so how can you honor somebody? You do not know I can be nice kind and help her but I’m not breaking my neck. I just hope that I’m doing the duties and God, Eye because it’s a hard time for somebody a lot from you that you don’t know that wasn’t there but I do my best.
The Bible says Honor you parents
The true commandment is "Honor Father and Mother."
Oh yes, honor your parents who are allowed to mentally and physically abuse you but don't you dare disobey your parents because the bible says if kids don't listen then take them out into the public streets and have them stoned to death. 😂 ahhh, that book needs to be banned from the world and anyone caught talking about it needs to be jailed.
You know, quite a number of nations have done just that over the last 100 years and you know what? Those same nations murdered 100's of actual millions of people for political purposes. More than all religious wars combined over the entire history of the world. You may have heard of this ideology. It's called Communism. All of them atheist states. All of them. I don't think banning the Bible is going to make anything at all better. Quite the opposite.
The new Testament says you will have enemies in your own household
It's as if the old testament and the new are talking about opposing gods,that's what I thought after reading it all.