Random Chaos || Father Knows Something Podcast
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- Опубликовано: 10 июл 2024
- Welcome back to Father Knows Something! Real People. Real Stories. Real Dad advice with a dash of ADHD, and maybe a couple of millennials chiming in from time to time to add their takes.
This week's episode has Dad, Justin, and Morgan responding to a random assortment of stories picked by dad. Life is chaos.. it's unpredictable, imperfect, and sometimes wins a round or two.. but we keep moving forward the best we can. We know these listeners will too, but hoping dad's advice (and yours!) makes it a bit easier. Can't wait to see your comments on these ones!
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Index:
00:00 -- Start
04:40 -- Story 1
15:02 -- Story 2
28:12 -- Story 3
45:43 -- Story 4
55:28 -- Story 5
First story: Jerry Mexican parents aren’t simple. If we “talk back” put up boundaries for ourselves they feel attacked. They feel like you owe them everything because of the sacrifice they made for us. We didn’t ask to be born or ask them for it. But no one ever wins. I always tell myself it’s not their fault that is the way they were brought up. I always try to explain to them but they don’t bother to understand. Theres this ingrained guilt I have that is difficult for me but I have to manage for my mental health. I’m not here to parent them.
i was taken balen when he said op enabled them. like op was a child ):
what i would do is single out a parent. one of them is always more understanding than the other. open up to that parent, let them know how you truly feel, and let the parent adjust everyone else’s attitudes towards it
And the language part 😭 i think this part can only be understood by immigrants because even now with technology being available is REALLY HARD for me i can't imagine to have it 20 years ago :( and she was a child how could she set a healthy boundaries so young?
@@fluffymood665yesss as soon as he said the language part I stopped listening. Most Immigrant parents were trying to survive and keep their family afloat and by the time things were stable they are possibly at an age where it much harder to learn a new language, especially one as complicated as English
@@extremo2577 + usually immigrants are only taken into physically hard working fields where language is not that valuable like your physical work, and they're overworked but underpaid. Learning new language is really expensive, especially English, so you just give your kids all the education that you can give them, and not to yourself, bc it only makes sense
I will add to this that even if the tech was available and affordable for an immigrant parent, let's say 80's-90's, there is a good amount of immigrants that wouldn't use it because of pride...to this day I've still seen these practices instilled where kids or younger family members are still deferred to, even when the method of communication is a text format, instead of using the tech, literally in-hand, to figure it out and even help one learn how to use tech to help. Again, this is not everyone, but often too many and there are cultural aspects that Jerry can't account for in his answer for 1st generation immigrant parents (in this case latino), but that might apply to say a 2nd generational family of immigrant parents. While well-intended I do believe it missed the mark, but it's not his culture or ethnicity, so take what works and applies to the issue and discard the rest. It's well-intentioned advice imo, and I hope he works on taking cultural difference into account in future so not to inadvertently add insult to injury, as this is a trigger for many POCs who have had to deal with and are still dealing with inflexible immigrant parents
lol i normally always watch these when i do chores. i just plopped on the couch and saw this new vid. i can officially say i might have pavloved myself, cause my immediate response was "cool, let's get some dishes done" 😂
Me😂😂😂
That's me too
I have no original experiences 😂
I just finished my laundry lol
@@salwaa1993trydde
Not me bawling my eyes out along with morgan during the 3rd story😭 i blame it on my pregnancy😂
The amount of sniffles I had to cut out lol
Also pregnant, also crying. Amazed at everyone in this story from the mom to the daughter, to the new guy in their lives. What a beautiful found family, I hope everything goes well for them. The silly socks RUINED me. We'll have to adopt that tradition.
I blame it on my monthly 😂😂😂
Not pregnant, but still crying. Im healing from surgery though so i blame that. 😅 That story is just too beautiful.
Congrats btw!
me *sobbing at 7:30am & not even pregnant* 😭🙌🏼
I have NEVER cried after hearing a story but story number 3 got me in tears… That baby is so sweet and so blessed. I pray they find comfort and truly believe their dad brought that man in their lives.
Story 3: I recommend recording stories of your dad and family. As you get older, you will forget things. You can save these memories much easier now than any time in the past. You sound very mature and loving. I wish you well. The socks are a great idea.
"you hold the power to what you are willing to accept" Thank you so much for this 💕
The one with the father figure made me completely loose it!!! 😭😭😭 How blessed are they!!!! ❤️❤️❤️ Just beautiful!!!
Wow just wanted to praise the 15 year old girl and her mom ,to be so self aware and in touch with her emotions is so amazing good job to the mother and her father as well for raising a child like her ! I hope nothing but the best for her and her family ❤
Story 2 I resonate with so much. I'm currently going through depression. It's so hard to find the motivation. I've been suicidal in the past, thinking about the strain my depression has had on my loved ones and how it all just seems pointless. I think im slowly getting better though, but i still have bad moments. It defo needs to come from yourself. Your loved ones can only do so much. Anyone suffering from depression and thinking about taking your own life, you would be missing so many amazing moments. Yes depression can take its toll, but i would of missed so many things if i took my life when i wanted to. ❤ If you think no one loves you, i love you, i love each and every one of you, and you can do this.
For the girl on story 3: I lost my dad too, and I went through something similar. I was 4.5, my brother 12, my sister 17 when our dad died. My mom waited to date for around 6 years after my dad died, dated a few guys after that - all of whom I liked but I never felt close to them. And I did not meet many for the same reason as your mom. She started dating her now husband when I was 15, they got married when I was 20. It took 5 years for me to say “I love you” to him. I still don’t call him my stepdad, to me he is my mom’s husband. I was old enough to not need a dad anymore once they got serious but I still feel close to him and feel close enough to ask him for help with my car and advice on my apartment etc.
It took him asking my siblings and I for permission to propose to my mom and outright saying “I will NEVER replace your dad” for me to realize he nor my mom would ever want that. My mom said the same thing to me when she got engaged. Her husband has 2 adult children and I’m close to my stepsister and her children are just as special to me as my biological niece and nephew. My mom’s husband honors my dad, found old VHS tapes from our childhood and bought a convertor for us, calls my dads parents mom and dad, he honors that part of our lives so beautifully. But it took me a LOT of time to open up and let myself be vulnerable. It’s so hard, because you lost an important man and it’s easier to stay closed off because you don’t want that hurt all over again. I’m still not as open as some stepchildren are, but our relationship works for us and that’s all that matters.
It will come with time, but you need to have a conversation with your mom and her boyfriend about your concerns and your feelings. I know he understands - and I imagine your mom will understand as well. But you guys talking about it helps you to open up. Your situation is different than your brother’s because you had a good dad who you loved and you got robbed of that. I feel the same with my mom’s husband, who’s relationship ended in a divorce.
I wish nothing but the best for you, losing a parent is so difficult. So much time ripped away that we should have had, but it will be okay.
The translating and helping with legal docs since a very a young age is a very common upbringing for a lot of us 1st generation children of immigrants. I have great parents though so I have fond memories tied to it and they do know english now.
As soon as I saw Morgan getting teary-eyed I lost it like a baby ❤ what you guys do is so special
I'd like to share a missing perspective on story #2: The young man who pours his heart out when he's intoxicated and tells his friends he wants to grow, work out, and "get his shit together", but nothing changes.
I wonder if he only says these things and insists he wants to change, and is in therapy, is because he is trying to be what his friends and family want/expect him to be. Maybe, if he didn't feel any pressure, and was completely accepted as is, he would be very content and happy with how he's living his life. Not everyone has to or want to grow and evolve, or challenge themselves with a career or hobbies. It is not inherently bad to lack drive and ambition-- or for it to look different for him. Instead of going to college and getting a degree, maybe he finds fulfillment connecting with others while he's gaming, and that is his challenege. As long as he can pay his own rent and bills, and he's not hurting anyone, I think it's best to sit him down, tell him you love him as he is, and if he ever needs help stepping into something new, you're all there for him, just as you'd expect him to be there for you.
I bet his self-talk and inner voice is really negative, and his friends always pushing him to do better, even if he's the one who has voiced that he wants that, has made it infinitely worse.
He has to do the work on his own. Give him the space to choose to do that without pressure, however well-intenioned. And drunken confessions of not doing enough with no resolutions or sober follow-ups? Pointless. He might just be an emotional drunk and that's his default because that's what everyone is always talking about or worrying over with him.
When Jerry said in Story 2 that they should take him camping, I laughed with Morgan then I was like “hmm actually that’s a good idea because nature is a form of therapy for me.” And then my mind goes to the horror film The Ritual.
Here in the first 10 minutes!!! Finally I’m ON IT
Story 3: Sweetheart I’m so sorry. Your mother will NEVER forget your father or stop loving him. She’s just lonely and needs a partner. He’ll never replace your dad. Try to let him be your friend and see him for the person he is not the person he’s replacing because he’ll never replace your dad and it sounds like he’s respectful of this. Get him the socks and just meet him in friendship. I’m sure your father would be smiling knowing you’re surrounded by love and good people.
Its 6:15am and as I’m getting ready for work I failed to hold back tears for story 3. It’s too early to be crying like this! Really tugging the heart strings. Thanks Jerry for picking this one out especially. You all give great advice and if I ever need some encouraging words I know where to send my story ❤
For story #4 for the girl who is looking to get her own place. I was in a similar situation but in a toxic relationship but was nervous never having lived on my own. Find a place your comfortable, not just the area but maybe an apartment so you are not completely alone in a house. Check out the laundry area, the parking lots, etc. If you find somewhere your comfortable, living alone will help you grow so much independence you never knew you were missing! Then when your ready to live with a significant other then your merging your lives and adding to one another and not depending on one another.
holy shit i NEED the link for justin’s shirt !! i love interstellar 😭 also id love to see an update on the 3rd story on if they gave socks to the step dad :( that was an amazing story
The 15 yr old story with moms boyfriend....if you can't say certain things, you can also write a letter to him to express what you feel. I had someone do something similar. They also included at the end of the letter to. Please never bring up what they are writing about to them. They just wanted that person to know how they felt. It was a way to help open communication and close the door to their insecurities and resentment❤
story 2: you can't make someone change or do something for themselves, but if they already have so much experience delivery driving then they could lean into that. you gotta be creative with what you've been given. Jerry is sweet for recommending gaming and programing but it's just so hard to break into, I wouldn't do it unless you have a serious passion for it. Also some people are so stuck in this mindset of what they SHOULD be doing, but if he is actually deep down okay with being a delivery driver, it's easy and pays okay, then he is just eating away at himself for no reason besides what he perceives as a good job. If you make a living and enjoy your hobbies, you can't ask for more. and you can find a partner who likes that, too.
That third story hit SO CLOSE to home! My dad passed away in a car accident as well in 2020 when I was 17 and I am also an only child! This Saturday will make three years, and I am now 20. My mom recently just got married to the most amazing man who has a 10 year old daughter. From the beginning, he has made it so apparent that he will not replace my dad and he is always wanting to hear everything about him. I have also gotten very close to his daughter, even with the age difference, and I also refer to her as my sister now!To the writer, I also had the same feelings in the beginning. I constantly asked my mom “are you going to forget about dad?” just because I was so scared about everyone forgetting about him. I knew it was just me who thought that way, so you are not alone in that. However, through praying and constant reassurance, I knew that no one could ever forget the most amazing man in my life. I know it’s hard, especially at such a young age, but I promise you will be so fulfilled with this new father figure in your life. 🩷
The 15 yr old in story number three has an emotional maturity like no teenager I have ever met. Even the way you’re so well spoken shows how your dad & mom shine right through you. He will always be with you! 🤍
Story 2 : This man needs purpose. Purpose gives life that extra spark. It’s what truly drives all of us. Take him out with you ( I like the camping idea! ), invite him to holidays, trips and have him join in on experiences. Life isn’t sitting in your apartment soaking up tv or video games ( all the time ) and working a dead end job. It’s getting out of your comfort zone and trying new things and exploring outside the box 😁
I'm a bit like the guy in story 2. Fat agree with Morgan. I've literally asked my mom to stop giving me money when I ask because as long as they will enable me when the anxiety kicks in about money running out, unfortunately I would turn to learned helpnessness and cry and beg. She would not honor this ask, because "I just want to take care of my baby" (give me drug/going shopping money) With the help of my therapist, I ended up making the clusterfuck of a decision that I temporarily went no contact with my mom because she was giving me too much money. 😂 And I didn't have the discipline to say no tbf. Which I think comes from a lack of self worth, and knowing what you stand for. I mean, not to be rude but how would you develop a personality if you're super sheltered and never had to (or were allowed to) put in any work? In my case, it was a mix of being spoiled and sheltered, but also criticized whenever I did try anything and it went wrong as a kid. Reaally kills the light inside of ya.
Well not entirely, cause luckily I'm also a strong headed, spiteful try hard!
After literally breaking out of my parents home and taking 3 years to work on my mental health, at 27 now, I'm working and learning in a way that suits my dopamine seeking mind (entry lvl lab work!) and even developed a passion for reworking clothes that might turn into a side hustle eventually. 😊 As I'm still low income (though out of debt now), me and my mom have came to an agreement that we go to the grocery store sometimes and she'll pay for a weeks worth of groceries. She still tried to slide me 20s. You know what... sometimes I take them. I spend it on cat treats :3
1st story: hi Jerry, I just wanna say that saying OP is enabling the parents by allowing them to rely on her for translation and such is a little crazy. the mindset for many parents and immigrant parents is not so simple… my own immigrant mother needs help with such things and translation apps aren’t nearly as straightforward as you think. and also in many situations, letting the parent “learn” instead of rely on you can just make it irreversibly worse. you can explain how to do something on your own a million times to some people but they just don’t get it. not all brains are the same sadly :/
Story 3 really had me crying :') oh my goodness I wish the best for the whole family involved
First story: culturally were not the same, I grew up the same way except for the later verbal abuse but to abandon them is not right. You owe them this life and everything they sacrificed. Find a balance but I think boundaries are important so I would start small and move forward on boundaries. Mexican families are communal and can be harsh but they are worth preserving.
Not me crying on my way to PT at story number 3 😂
Story 2- tell him what you’re feeling and or stop giving suggestions and just let him say it. Your responses can be “that sucks” or “yeah it’s hard” just like generic. It sounds like he doesn’t want help, and you can’t give it to him anyway. You can just be around as a friend.
Totally though “DTD” was “ditch that dud,” but “dump that dude” makes more sense 😂
Omggg 😭😭😭 The sweet 15 yr old girl who wrote in about her moms boyfriend is such a precious soul. She is so lucky to have had an amazing father, and now another man who loves her just as much! (He truly sounds like a great man).I truly think you should give him silly socks as a way to let him know that you are willing to let him in ❤ What a beautiful story! I would also like to praise her mom for raising such an amazing little lady!
Story three, I was CRYING trying to cook dinner. This is something I hope for my son. ❤️🩹🥰😭😭😭😭
Just the thing I was looking for.... Listening to this while working late
Omg story 3 has me crying 😭😭😭❤❤❤
My 14 month old son LOVES this theme song!
Story 3 had me in tears. 😢 😭 💓
Second story resonates with me so much. But instead of a friend, it is my sister. She was treated terribly at her old work place, and she has been unemployed ever since she quitted that job. It's been 2 years now. 2 years of her not working, running low on money, playing games all day, refusing to go to therapy or get any help in general. I have been trying to get her into therapy so she can at the very least resolve her trauma from her old job, and she always say "yeah I might need therapy" and never went into it. She has depression and suic*dal, so I choose to walk around the eggshells in avoiding her to commit the act and that took a lot of toll on me. If I ever talked about my day from work, she will go into (at least) 20 minutes of ranting about her last job thing over and over again. I'm burned out from trying to get her to change and move on for the last 2 years.
Dang I just ordered from uncommon goods! Love their site
Story 3: Your mom deserves to move on. You're not going to be her little girl forever and she doesn't have her first partner to go through the rest of life with. You're 15 so maybe you're not interested in boys yet or you haven't found a guy that you like yet, but you eventually will. If your father was still here, I'm sure he'd feel some type of way whenever you began to date, and would want to make sure that you end up with a good guy that'll treat his princess like a queen. I'm sorry that he passed away. But you know the type of guy he was. Your mom knows. I'm sure her love for him will never die and he will never be forgotten. But your stepdad seems like a good man and I don't think he's trying to be your father's replacement or make you or your mom forget about him. I think tbh, your dad sent him to do the job that he would've done if he was still here. You do need a father figure in your life, one that can actively be there for you when your sad, in danger, or a stupid boy breaks your heart. I know your father would've been and done all that. But things happen for reasons we can't explain, but your stepdad seems to understand what you've been through and boundaries. That's a lot more than most people have had in their life. Accept it.
Justin said “piece of this puzzle” and I looked up startled bc I am in fact doing a puzzle 😂
i love the puppy. and the title is so perfect for this. the second story reminds me of my ex. who didnt get a job until i made him apply to where i was working at the time. then i kept dragging him to work. and i just got sick of it and i was sick of it. he refused to grow with me.
I really wonder if the friend in story 1 has undiagnosed adhd or something. I personally struggled with getting motivated or staying interested in things no matter how much no wanted to change. I felt like the world was moving on without me. Getting diagnosed and on medication really helped. I can’t diagnose anyone obviously, but that’s the first thing that came to mind based on my own experience
As a woman who has lost both parents, that poor 15 year old is just going through a hard situation. Your dad will never be replaced, I will never call anybody dad, or mom ever again. This man doesn't want to replace your dad, just be an adult figure in your life.
Watch out for the holy socks Jerry .. don’t give away foot content for free 😅😂❤
I never understand these stories where people take online classes for a few days or weeks. It took me two years of planning and jumping through hoops to get enrolled into college for a second shot.
32:03 me, already losing it
Never thought I'd be this early 😳
Trying to my makeup during story 3 was an Olympic event. 😅😢
Gods...story 3 😭
What laptop are you using?
Morgan name dropping Tim Hortons ❤
#Jerry I agree with your theory that parents and children should communicate. However, that's difficult when your entire life your biological mother calls you a piece of sh*t, i ruined her life (she had teen pregnancy), I'm a loser who will be a no good junkie drunk like your father (never had met him & was 3/4 when she stated these about me), once the father who raised me and didn't treat me this way and did his best to tell me it all wasn't true but he passed away way too young and not enough time to stop her damage done to me and the barrier it put up between me and my siblings that she makes sure thsy they won't associate with me (except my youngest brother i raised for 1st 5 years of his life) before I had to leave home at 15, because the abuse physical, mental and emotional was too much for me to take any longer.
thats one big bichon
feel like your another dad to me 🥹
Story 3 😭❤
My son’s name is Oliver lol
That friend that keeps procrastinating, maybe he should be checked out for having ADHD... Or get help for traumas..
Not everyone need huge money wedding and kids ...we dont need that do u?
Am I the only one that has a hard time believing the silly socks story? Who is that coherent at 15????
If its true, love it, wholesome as fuck but my spidey senses are tingling
My daughter is and she's also 15 🤷🏻♀️
This girl was an only child for 13 years which means a lot of her conversations growing up were with adults. And I imagine with a mother as calm and collected as this mother seems to be, the girl has probably gone to therapy after losing her dad which also taught her to articulate her emotions in a calm and collected way
@@JJJMa fair enough. My hope is that it's true.