Cutting Off Your Dysfunctional Family (Advice)
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- Опубликовано: 3 авг 2017
- In this video we discuss cutting off your family for the sake of your mental health. I give advice on how to go about it financially, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Hope Its helpful!
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I disowned my entire family 20 years ago. Best thing i ever did. They are toxic malignant narcissists to the max. Did many years of recovery process and incest recovery meetings and reading voraciously to get knowledge on this dynamic. I was the black sheep and scapegoat and actually punished for telling the truth. I was always pointing out the elephant in the living room. God bless all of you. This is not easy but u can do this. I am very sensitive also and an empath. I am the polar opposite of my parents.
Lara O'neal
Wow similar and now I'm ready to move forward and go on with life . So now I'm tryn to work with my son with backstabbing family that help him move on and live his life... I would like to move away to grow....but this is right on time for me....
Drachonetez Stegall Good for you. Be strong . Don’t have blind loyalty to anyone ever. God bless.
Drachonetez Stegall Props to you and God bless.
Thanks
Lara O'neal I'm dealing with this now bt I don't know how I'm going to think with out them.
the isolated family member is the one who is truly awake.
FinChX0X0 💯💯💯💯💯💯
FinChX0X0 YESSAHH!!💯💯🔥🔥🔥
FinChX0X0 Unfortunately🗣...
Yesss
SO TRUE
Totally my situation “they’ll house you and feed you but there’s a lot of petty things going on in the background.. manipulation,disrespect,gossip etc.”
So true took the words right out my mouth.
Yes preach ,but then they expect you to Go with the flow and accept this mental abuse😡
Wow. Yes then if you speak up your ungrateful. God forbid you actually remember the hurtful words & things. 😢
@@roseymarie6006 or disrespectful no matter how respectful you really are.
Searra Ann you need a plan... and a job to start saving .... if you can wait maybe go away to college ... that would be ideal
People romanticize family too much, especially mothers. If a woman was emotionally immature before she got pregnant, she still will be after she gives birth. Pregnancy doesn’t magically make an unloving person loving
Exactly! Finally someone said it
Pregnancy actually amplifies her shitty or healthy character, my aunt is an example, she always was bitchy but now her mouth just won't ever stop, but there are women who were motherly before and even more after...
Exactly!!
Thanks for saying it. My mother was very abusive. I’m trying to be healthier and cut her and my older brother out of my life completely
You know it.
“When you come from a dysfunctional family, you are trained to seek love outside of yourself” . So True
Indeed
Omg so true
Yes
This is so true
Yes.
I used to be embarrassed that i didn’t have a normal loving family. Now i know that I’m not alone.
Ashley Ongweso same here. I have no friends that understand it and I feel alone. Still struggling that I made the decision two days ago to cut off my mom and sister. Recently cut off my dad
Krystal de Leon Hey, hows everything going now? I hope everything is good. Trust me it’s hard for a little while but you’ll realize you get happier and happier as you start stripping that negative energy away
rose968 thanks for following up. It’s still lonely but it’s a little better bc I’m developing self love and independence. I just pray to God that He brings me more friends and love to fill in that void I’ve had since I was a child
@@krystaldee22 I'm considering cutting off my mother and keeping my grandparents at a distance and only seeing them ever so often. It's difficult for me because they are the only people I have to turn to for love. Their toxic love is the only love I've ever known. Do you think cutting them off will become easier for me as I make new non-toxic friends, fall in love with someone, have children, etc. to look elsewhere for love?
Your not alone my dear xxoo
I am tired of being told that I am too sensitive. My feelings matter.
That's a bullying tactic....
@@jesuslovesme8477 How so? My mom has ALWAYS told me that I was too sensitive. That I was weak, insecure and had low self-esteem. She doesn't listen to me when I tell her that she hurts me. She makes it seem like I am crazy or something. "Grow up, everyone has problems. You ain't the only one. Stop blaming your problems on other people. ". She just doesn't care that the words she says hurts me. Because she tells me to get out of her face.
That also gaslighting. Most times your not "too sensitive" at all. It's because they are narcissistic and don't want to take accountability for hurting you.
Reading with Janae Marie your feelings do matter
Mon88 Ca that makes sense
Family isn't blood, its people who loves you unconditionally.
Arvin Katoch that is so true, some of my family members are like bitches and all I look at them like is enraged strangers enraged abusive strangers
It hurts especially when ur a forgiving person, because ideally you want a happy loving family, but every time you forgive them they hit you again. I need a video on how to cut them off and keep it that way. I have a toxic sister(even I can even call her a sister) she's four years older and I'm not sure if she's bipolar but she'll ridicule me and bring me down, berate me and come back tryna make amends(not genuinely tho) and I just forgive to keep on her good side. it's humiliating for me.
Yep they say blood is thicker than water but who cares about the consistency if the blood is toxic and needs water to survive? I would rather choose water (strangers) for my blood cells to be healthy instead of sticking to unhealthy toxic blood
@@Layla-fr7mf I know that's right I'd choose the same because I'm steady living with a family member right now, right now and it's my eldest sibling
shout out to the boys, always taking time out their day to make sure im alright and including me
“They don’t help you emotionally or mentally. They clown you for being an Empath, being hyper sensitive.” I feel that
Absolutely. No attempt to understand what they don't understand.
Yup! If I had a dollar for every time my mom told me that I was too emotional I wouldn’t have to work at all
They make you feel
Guilty for being yourself, def not unconditional love which I originally thought
I don't believe in family nor do I trust family Period. I'd rather deal with strangers and stray animals before I deal with family.
God bless you.we need more ppl like you❤❤❤
Same
Sometimes blood isn’t thicker than water
@@estheradao Just like a blood clot can kill you, a family grouped together to kill you and wants to stop their own blood relative from moving freely or to be themselves
Dashonda : You said it right , girl !
It hurts like hell when your family assassinates your character. I know who I am!
Of course you know who you are! ;) Their loss. Get on with your life, girl. Go make yourself happy! ;)
@Anon Anon yes.
@LeahWoodbury Yes I have another channel, check it out!
They all be lieing to each other instead of saying it to you
@@bev8200 yeah ikr
Who is scrolling through the comments while watching the video?
Lol me I’m having trouble with my family too
Meeee😫😭
🙋♀️
I was damaged so bad I’m not used to hugging people or saying I love you to my friends.
Same.
same same same. I felt this.
Yup!
Same 😔
I felt this!
I cut my family off years ago and changed my entire name. I moved States and began to flourish for the first time in my life. I even discovered that people liked me and sought my company, which was quite foreign to me. Now, aged 65, I’m happy and healthy of mind. Oh, and my family were wrong about me 🥰
Invoke the 25th Amendment. I wish I could do that ....... sometimes I feel like everything my mom says about me is true ... but I know she’s just disrespecting me and trying to make me feel bad.
Great.
Amen. I have DISOWNED my fucking family-what a fucking relief. I told the fuckers never to contact me ever!!!! I don't care about these fuckers.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 thank you for sharing! I’m so happy for you! My family was wrong about me too! Imagine my surprise to discover I’m not just a selfish, lying, bad, loser. I’m actually kind hearted and creative and affectionate and sincere.
You should right a book
Advice to people too young to move out: please understand they are projecting. The negativity they speak ur way is not a reflection of u!!!
Hmmmm God bless you for telling these young ones... Honestly...I wish someone told me this many years ago... When I lived with my family.
Thank. You
@Baby thank you
I ran away to NYC at 18, broke af. I was tricked into coming back home and a year passed and I was trapped again. Now I’m writing this from the airport as I have one plane ride left till NYC. It’s back to being homeless again. Back to the youth shelters and youth group homes again. This time without 4G or text messages on my phone. Round 2! Even tougher. When do I fight the big boss, ehh? Lol.)
THEY KNOW FULL WELL THE PROPAGANDA TECHNIQUES OF REPEATING A LIE OVER & OVER & OVER, LYING VIA OMISSION, GASLIGHTING, EGO PROJECTIONS BECAUSE DEEP DOWN BENEATH THEIR EGOS THEY CORRECTLY SEE THEMSELVES AS SUB HUMAN.
THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH ABUSE EVEN THE STRONGEST OF MEN CAN TOLERATE.
families never realize that they are the cause of some childhood traumas that lead into adulthood.
Absolutely 💯 ..but sometimes they do realize butbtgey just don't care
@@oleratomoile9480 that part
Indeed. They will never try to understand neither accept the fact.
My family has trained me through the years to isolate myself and to feel inadequate
Hugs💙 I empathize...but you are NOT inadequate. You are beautifully different!
Same:/
“If you have to take care of yourself emotionally and physically, then what’s the point of having people around” 🙌🏽
She said that perfectly. I could not agree more.
Sad but true!!! I’d rather be alone than around toxic people!
What a word!!! Thank you!❤
OKAY
I’m 15 years old and I have autism sometimes I don’t know how to control my emotions because I live with my mom and my drunk stepdad and I don’t try to disrespect my mom my family has had lots of talks with me about being respectful but my mother has been in a lot of abusive relationships and I feel like this is another one she is in but when she gets mad at me she calls me a bitch and all types of bad things and we have family time she says bad things about me I try my hardest to work with her because she is my mom and I love her I wanted to commit suicide to because like all she cares about is him and i cry every night
Please have a plan far in advance. Save your money and don’t tell anyone what your planning to do because it will sabotaged. Act like your normal self until your exit
I've told my emotionally abusive mom, I plan to move out , and she told me how am I going to do that because I struggle with depression, etc., I'm going to save my money and work hard to get my own place because I can't stay here anymore at home.
@@chelseaspringer982 You can do it! I did it!
It was not easy, I didn't tell anyone I was leaving for good.
Start by saving, don't wait till you have a lot of money, you just need 2 months of the budget, everything else will work itself out because your survival mode will kick in.
@@dancinginthepurplereign4126 thanks for this advice!
Yes you need money . I saved my money from being a child to get out of my toxic childhood home. My childhood dream was to own my own house which nobody could throw me out of. I’ve owned by my house since the age of 23. I bless my younger self. ✨💞✨💞✨💞🎶💞💞🎶
Im so happy for u god bless u ✨✨⭐⭐⭐
Wow!!
❤
And don't tell anyone your plans or that you are saving money
I’m so dumb, I’m in my 30s with like $500 saved..two bachelors degrees later, one I recently went back for and no career job..I’m about to scream, and I know, pathetic I still live at home
Black people think oh "we still family at the end of the day " that's so toxic you don't have to talk to your family people
Tiffany B that's right, energy don't lie.
Tiffany B ...not only black ;)
Tiffany B your right black families always do that and that shit is annoying
Tiffany B I it's a myth that is handed down from one generation to the next. Also, there's a collective mindset in the black community where autonomy is frowned upon. This keeps them more enmeshed in the family in which conflict can be triggered. Their personal space is intruded by relatives and not respected
Sadly but true
Just when you think your alone you read the comments and I'm not crazy..its not just me..
Tears....
LibraLife 47
So true! I use to think for most of my life that I was crazy....comes to reality! IM NOT!!!!!
❤️
Reading the comments and watching these videos I'm constantly in aw to read and hear my life story repeated to me from strangers. . Right down to the exact words narcs use to hurt or manipulate. Its like they went to school for this shit and memorized a manual. To see and feel all your pain is to be finally seen
i started crying as soon as i read your comment, its not just you i promise!! we're the black sheep of the family, meant to be strong through the pain then move on
LibraLife 47 😢❗️💯
It's like my parents are emotionally abusive and they don't even know that.
This. This is my situation rn with my mom.
I keep trying to explain it to her that she's hurting me but each time I do, she just gaslights me and makes me doubt my feelings/ make me feel bad.
I don't know what to do anymore...
@@keijisbuffarms4791 I totally understand you! My mom is a narcissist. She laughs in my face when I'm going thru things. Just yesterday I didn't get any breakfast and I had somewhere to go (a trip with my youth club) but she kept wasting my time, telling me to do this and that, then she asked, "oh have u eaten?" And I said, "no" and the she laughed in my face about it. Like that freakin hurts. She does the most just to piss me off but still has the audacity to act like I'm the problem, and she's the victim. I've become so depressed over the years and I can't wait till I'm set free from this endless cycle of darkness and pain 😭😭😭
@@JerrenAnnah Thank you, it's nice to know I'm not the only one going through this 🥺❤️
At this point I have completely given up on her, and can't wait until I'm free from this horrific cycle.
@@keijisbuffarms4791 me too! Over quarantine I've been trying to find myself. Who am I? Who was I truly meant to be without the influence of a monster in my life?
Anyway, I hope ur having a good day today 🥺 if u ever need to vent, talk, or need someone to just simply sit at the other side of the screen and just listen, I can do that for you ❤ my insta is jerren_annah (I'm currently leaving my house now but hopefully I'll be back soon enough if u decide to message me 🥺❤)
@@JerrenAnnah thank you sm 🥺❤️ I'll definitely give you a message later (it's night for me rn) my insta is ruto_shadowz!
Have a good day and once again, thank you ❤️
it's feels like i'm living with two grown up bullies
I felt like that too. You are living with big bullies. When u leave heal and don’t go back
THISSSSS!!!!!!!! Pick on you any chance they get. Then say “you’re so sensitive” if you feel some type of way. I just wanna disappear
thank god one of my parents is a caring understanding person, but it feels like the POS has all the toxicity of a bakers dozen people
Siblings who bully is really hurtful too
“You’re family can teach you a lesson and you’re meant to move on from them” 🤯 changed my whole view on life...
JNeaves81 seriously! Or maybe they need to learn something from us in the long run. Even if that lesson comes in losing us
Word
Yep it’s called karmic family. They are made to be difficult or abusive so that you can discover who you are and your inner greatness. You can break the soul contract by writing about them on a piece of paper and how you learned your lesson from them and burning it
@@Layla-fr7mf😮 never thought of that
You’re so right about how constant trauma and stress ruins your immune system and reeks havoc on the nervous system.
this is how I feel. I really feel everything on my body from my mind. I start therapy tomorrow again. It is time for transition into healthy life.
"Family teaches you a lesson, then you move on". Well said and powerful. That's the truth.
Moving away from my toxic family was the best thing ever I did. I cut them off in my social media and change my phone number. My parents never understood my vision in life and never appreciate what I do in life. Being around them disrupt my life emotionally and mentally. My mom even attempt to control who I date and who hangout with.
Keng Yang me too.
At what age did u move out?
Kent Yang another toxic trait is when family starts to compete with one another instead of being happy for your success.
Wow, so true. Money is the reason why we get stuck in these unhealthy situations.
I have no job, no where to go. I'm stuck in the abuse over and over
My parent has this money power over me. I'm unemployed once again and can't find work. No unemployment checks so he has to help me pay what bills I need paid. One minute he's supportive and the next minute your a piece of shit, your so lazy. That abusive behavior over and over
I'm going to school to be a Medical Assistance and right now with student loan I don't have much left over to save. When I graduate I'm hoping my internship turns into a job so I can save and move out of state.
Toxic families manipulate your money from your first job! You contribute to their welfare & future well being, while ending up with nothing to show for it in the end but scars from abuse, possibly poverty and tons of issues to work on. In the end, blood doesn’t =your best interest! In fact, those closest to you can does you with the most venomous & slow poison since birth!
Zofia Janeczek im 19 & the only job ive ever had was my moms salon. she gives me $125 a week to ensure i dont get a job.... Im too scared to get a job or do anything that she doesn’t approve of..
@@daniellegagne6726 that's sad, but I guess you know what you have to do. Fair is what holds us back. It is normal and understandable to be afraid. But once you walk away you realize, nothing is as scary as walking back
Paused in the middle of this vid to apply for a job so I can finally get myself out of this hell. Thanks for the advice.
good look with that job.
Sativa Skies good for you!
Congrats!!
Good fortune to you 🙏
so proud of you
I finally decided to separate myself from my family this weekend. It's just as you said, they'll house and feed you, but do they truly care about your well being? I can honestly say, I've felt more cared for and respected by complete strangers than my own family.
Literally same. Its terrible that strangers are more kind to me than my fam :/
Me too
2 years later are you still separated from your family
You communicated this subject in the easiest terms for understanding. Best I’ve heard. You are easy to listen to and to the point. Thank you for your posts!
“We were born into families that were supposed to teach us something and help our souls grow, after that we move on with our lives” - PERFECT !!!
I cut of both my parents and some other family members because of the constant emotion abuse. and financial draining they caused.
same here. they were making me physically ill due to stress they were casing me
About to do it. Feeling scared for some reason. But the meanness I copped today.....is way beyond tolerable. My 92 yr old mother's funeral day... I could not go because of chronic health problem. I was promised oh so sweetly that live streaming was set up so I could feel part of the service. Felt good about that. Bottom line...1 hour before the service... I found I needed the confirmation email to access link so sent a request for it.
Absolutely no response from anyone.... even the sweet fkn sister who had spoken to me hours earlier. I rang funeral home and they sent link so I hooked in on one device with the passcode. Minutes later I went to do the same on the iPad for better viewing. The code had been changed. Unbelievable. But unbeknown to them I could still watch it on the first device. It is 5 hours since finish and not one word from 5 siblings. This is so shocking....to me. I cannot conceive of being so mean to someone. I am feeling really sick tonight and in shock. And lost.
Lynda you have every right to feel how you feel that fact that they left you out like that on something so important was wrong. No one she feel emotional trauma from any one rather it’s family are not. Take care of you and everything else will fall into place.
sunny pavey Good for you.
Same here.. so good to know I’m not alone. There’s no going back! It almost destroyed me. But well, it seems to be so difficult to understand for people with a healthy family.. for me, it almost feels like a different world..
I realized that I lived in an f-up family when I stayed at a friend's house and saw how a loving family interacts. i was 11 years old. As an adult, I tell everyone that my family are all dead. I haven't communicated with any of them in 20 years and it has definitely been the right decision. I could not be the successful person that I am today had I not cut off that toxicity.
I recently cut my entire family off. It took me my entire life to realize that, as much as I longed for a healthy family, MY family has been keeping me in this toxic loop of self destruction... but I'll always remain the "kcuf up"in their eyes, despite my many successes. I don't care anymore. Their reaction to me cutting ties just proves that I made the right decision. I cried for about a week, but now I feel so much RELIEF!!!
James R God bless you. Stay strong.
Treemarie God bless you. Stay strong.
@Shawny Monique Your organic tribe will reveal it self, don't worry💪😉🤗
Felt. When I was younger I used to refer to myself as an orphan. I was basically parenting myself. Still am
I’m 13 years old, my whole family is toxic. I have no one else to go to, my mother has anger issues and constantly makes me feel unwanted, my grandmother DEMANDS respect from me but never respects me. My parents got divorced when I was 6 and my dad can’t take care of me. As soon as I’m 18, I’m out of here. I never want my children to feel this way, ever.
Yes girl
same here. I wish the best for you bb
I am so sorry your going through this I wish I could help you . You will pull through and I am sending positive energy your way. You are strong and brilliant!!!
The best thing you can do for yourself is get the best grades possibles and get a job to save all of the money you can. What you do in high school and college truly does set up the entire rest of your life. All thru high school I worked during the school year and two jobs every summer so I could save up money for an apartment. I left at 18 and didn’t return until I was 30. In that time, they never changed for the better. You will find people to care for you and you can build a new life.
Praying that you are on the up and up, and moving to higher ground.
I wish there was a place where us rejects could all chat, connect and be there for one another.❤️
I was thinking the same thing
I was thinking about something like that, that would be nice! Need the emotional support!!
I was thinking the same! Maybe we can form a chat group
I think there's Reddit subs about this? It's not super close knit but it's still very helpful
Omg yes 🙌🏾🙏🏾
Money and spirituality will be your new family.
Zodac Bring it on!!! You made me laugh with that comment. Something I surely needed today. Blessings and heaps of bucks lol.
On God!!
Gideon Kes : I love BOTH ! Bring it on ! ! !
I really needed this I’m shaking while watching this because I’m sick and tired of my family. Too toxic and I feel claustrophobic everyday. Thank you for this 🙏
Keep your head up be you and follow your dreams lilly😍💘💪
First, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I get it. And random question but are you Ghanaian? (I assumed because of the "Boateng" in your name) If so, I am, too! I always feel even more alone because of it's culture surrounding "family togetherness" and subjects like this are so fucking taboo. It sucks...
Lilly Elboateng omg yes same I literally can’t talk to them or be myself fully around them and they know this but still don’t try to make amends or anything
@Lilly Elboateng Lily I feel the same way trying to finger out how to Exit this situation!.
Wow I wrote this 10 months ago, it feels like yesterday. Thank you for the likes and replies I didn’t see them. I left my family since then, I didn’t cut my mum off completely but the rest of my family I have. I couldn’t stay there any longer my mental health was deteriorating, I’m better but not fully there yet, I still struggle after leaving because I feel a sense of guilt, but i had to do what’s right for me. 💕
Growing up I always wondered why God gave me such a shitty family & I used to cry about it for nearly my entire life. But when you said some families are just karamic in nature & they are just there for you to teach you a lesson & moved on, my heart stopped beating for a second, because you described my family. My family only haves loyalty to certain family members, throws the word love & says empty promises all too often. We only get together for funerals & on top of that, when I was abused by my mother’s mother, they stuck their heads in the sand. So I turned myself into the always happy-go-lucky, smiling, everything is hunky dory person who always was in a bubble. After cutting my family off last year, I feel like I can finally take off the unnatural happy mask & breathe. Now whenever life gets too hard I pray & journal & talk to my Facebook group. Now my family is no longer in my thoughts
It’s simultaneously really painful but a learning experience..It makes me want to go into some kind of profession helping people, maybe a therapist
When I turned 19 I moved to the other side of the planet. My life began from there. It took a great many years to detox from the history of abuse but I feel that it saved my life. I met my now wife's family and experienced family love for the first time. I still find that I am learning about family dynamics, but it's not toxic or abusive, so it's positive. Cut them out of your life, it will save you.
Yeah it's better to cut them off 100% and move yourself far away, some of them are so unstable and narcissistic and they will stalk you.
@Cody Sagget I just read this and I was in the same situation. I promise once you make the jump your life will be so much more beautiful. Take the time to care for yourself in the beginning because being gay and rejected is the most toxic mentality to have. 😘😘😘😘
Cody Sagget, good for you. Please update how youre doing. Finish school and build a strong foundation for long term independence.
@Cody Sagget I wish I was that lucky but I can't get away I don't have the money and I can't get a job due to anxiety so I'm kinda stuck
@Tekisha Alston my family is not that crazy or care that much to stalk me if I moved away but if they ever ran into me It wouldn't be pretty
I’m going through that right now with my mom !
the fact that you said "they dont help you emotionally or mentally growing up they kind of abandon you .." hit me. 20year + of feeling alone in a family who would rather argue, hate, and create conflict between eachother is toxics. i felt like i had to parent myself through my whole life, made me become a independent person.. because THEY HAVE TAUGHT ME ALL THAT I DONT WANT TO EVER BE. i can honestly say that im hurt, to know that i never had a loving family.. thank you for this, i needed this during these holidays.
Wow, you two sound like the same situation I’ve dealt with my ENTIRE life as well..... this channel is awesome because it shows that NONE OF US ARE ALONE...and this UNIT of people that we are even crosses race and, gender....WE WILL GET THERE IN TIME❤️..balance, love and hope.
Lupeepee I agree totally with you. My parents taught me everything I don’t ever want to be also. Kudos to you for your independent thinking. It takes a strong person to be able to break the fantasy bond with parents who have never had your best interest at heart. Too many ppl give their parents undeserved loyalty and that needs to be broken so that you can be who you really are. Ppl only deserve loyalty as it is earned , not just because they are older than you or your parents. Look at your parents objectively and critically. It is unfortunately rare for many ppl to do this. God bless you many times over.
Lupeepee you're not alone. I never did either.
Lupeepee omg girl!! I love that you said that they taught you what not to be. I owe all of my success in life by doing the opposite of what my crazy ass family did and does
Lupeepee Sameee. Felt more of a parent to them than them to me😔. Did make me independent tho too and also want to be a better person from get go.
Being rejected from my family has set me up for a long struggle with finding my place in this world… When you’re an outcast in your own family, sometimes it feels like you don’t fit in anywhere.. I’m slowly overcoming my childhood demons and rediscovering myself. It’s amazing how much I’ve learned about myself in the time I’ve had far away from my toxic family… I’m so much more myself
Exactly, people who would treat you like you are nothing are NOT your family
God bless us all! No contact from my family since 2/10/18, will not look back! Was the BLACK SHEEP of the family!!!!! I AM DONE!!!!
Barbara Harris I hope you are feeling good, strong and happy. Don’t look back only forward. Live the life you choose to. Much ❤️🇬🇧
Good for you👍💯🙏
I’m 16, graduating in a year and few months. I’m so scared to cut them off, especially with college. Any tips, I’m done with the abuse
Great. Family love to stay in poverty
Advice for the young ones who are unable to move out. Read lots of books and find a comfort area in your home where no one frequently visits. I did that. It worked perfectly. Now, reading the books will help you to escape the reality for a while and I must admit the perks are you will improve your vocabulary and developed a greatly as an intellectual.
I am still in the healing process. However, I don't regret letting go.
I keep all of us in my prayers.
Thalie Ferry 🙇♀️🙏🙇♀️
Thanks!
Adults need just as much guidance, love and support as children do.
Thank you so much for this!this is what I'm doing now. 💖😣
Self-help books saved me and continue to save my sanity until I have enough money to leave.
I’m turning 29, and feel so behind in life. I’ve realized that my feeling of being infantilized is through my upbringing. My family is so fragmented and has never been a source of joy for me. I am now taking the step towards independence, and creating community that will serve as family.
A family can be like a cult, a culture...i walked away from he people i wanted to love, but could not love me back. My values are sensitivity, emotional, honesty, compassion, God, humor, Joy. I'm alone- but, i am finally at peace. It was painful, but, i learned how to care for and love myself.
👏👏👏👏👏👏🤗
My family completely broke my heart
Gangsters love God too, I feel you. Godspeed.
Sending you love.
You'll heal over time, I promise. God bless ❤
same
Same
This video finally gave me the courage to start applying for jobs to get out of the house. They make me feel like I'm still a child and dependent, but that is going to change.
This is so true. I hate that
Yes! Same girl 💕💕
Same girl I'm starting my own business
I wanna do the same and I’m going to get a job and leave but I’m so anxious about it
Do it you’ll be at peace ☮️
"I understand why they're like they are but they will never get me." I felt that down to my toes. You are an amazing speaker. Thank you
Isn't she? I was so glad I found this channel a while back.
Cut off contact with my abusive brother BEST decision ever. FINALLY fredom from abusive manipulative person.
Girl yes!! I cut off my family years ago changed my number n haven't spoke to them in years! Healthiest I've ever been!
I am well on my way to doing that..
I envy you🙌🏿☝🏿
I’m doing it next week and I’m terrified
Nicole boswell Out of curiosity how did it go?You don’t have to answer if you feel uncomfortable
@@Nicole-bw2cu It's a hard decision but your health and sanity comes first👍Also I just decided to give a break to my family (mother /sibs)but I wouldn't mind fixing things with my siblings if possible because it's not their fault.I have tried with my sister but no luck because I think she's the "new"scapegoat.Hopefully you can set yourself Free without the guilt because if I had the courage to do earlier on I think my life would've been diffrent.
We basically spend our whole lives trying to get over what our childhood was. I totally agree with some people are just supposed to be in our lives for a season.
Well said ❤️
Dime Fever That Part!!!
Jonique Danniels What are you saying?
Yes, I agree it might feel hurtful at first to let go of certain people in our lives but through time one comes to realize that what hurt one the most was the way certain people made us feel.
Dime Fever exactly
Left Home as teenager from an abusive household where I was being molested. Im 24 now and to be honest I'm still not financially independent but I am engaged to be married/studying for grad school, and know that my financial independence will be on the way soon. Finally decided to cut the remaining strings of my dysfunctional family and I couldn't be happier.
I'm sorry about all of that and I'm really glad you are managing to move on!! Congratulations on your new life prospects and please take care of yourself ❤️❤️❤️❤️
My family is emotionally abusive to me and they act like they don’t know.
gaslighting
It's amazing how much you get it. Wow. My mother was a provider, but that's about it. She lacks the emotional capacity to really be my mother because she's too busy sorting out her own emotional baggage. She has been my dark cloud since i was a kid. I'm so over it. Unfortunately, the situation is similar with my dad. As a kid, he never gave me the encouragement i needed. Always threatened to cut me off if i made poor decisions. One day, he actually did. It's never been the same ever since. He refuses to make any real effort to be a father. Only generic happy birthday's and happy thanksgivings. My relationships with both my parents is disappointing. But at 26, im finally ready to be free of their fuckery. Thank you for sharing.
Miss Williams wow the similarities. I cut mine off two years ago same thing with both my parents. Youre doing amazing sweetie, protect your peace
Congrats! You deserve love now.
Completely relate
I've decided to cut them off as well. I moved out a few months ago at the age of 26. Best decision I ever made for my peace of mind.
Miss Williams you go girl 💕
I have a 7 year old i never want him to feel like i felt! I’m trying my hardest ♥️
dyva lei that’s deep
All da best..
Same here mind is 8
the fact that you are aware that you might project your experience and your trying your best not to, is so admirable.
you're an amazing mom!
Its been 3 years post going no contact with my whole family and almost every person I knew from that time...and I am still recovering. Most people will never understand that decision, good for them, but I think we are all deserving of happiness and stability.
I alwas think , then whos going to bury mwe LOL... buy im doing it this year, just a matter of time
I escaped from my family with no resources or plan. I stayed with my ex for a few months but it was super disfunctional, so I ended up homeless for a few months and then got into my own apartment. I recommend stacking at least 3-6 months of expenses including rent. It will be a smoother transition. If you gotta go, I get it, but if you dip with nothing, the struggle can be super intense. God will protect you if you are respectful and work hard to get out of it, but it's not easy. Trust me. And even when you run away, you still have to deal with them on some level. Get your bread right, so you have a spot and some stability. Keep your moves quiet as well bc they will try to sabotage you. Even now my mother, grandmother and aunts still try to manipulaten shame and sabotage me. They key is financial, mental and emotional stability. I know it's hard but you can do it. Just set a timeline, figure out how much you need to save each month and make it happen.
Perfectly timed. After years of abuse and making me feel I don't belong, I am done. My so called family and relatives can be out of my life for good.
serenity0324 Same here
Same!
We're on the same page.
What I Have Come To Find Out Is That Family Is Not What We Have Been Programmed To Think... I Have Come To Find That They Are Just The Physical Vessels That We Entered This Physical World Through, And That Our Real Family Is Our Spiritual Family Which Is Forever And Not Everyone Has The Same Spirit Of Love, Truth, Light....
Jonique Danniels I completely agree!
Nu Mindframe you're too sexy
Thank you:)
Jonique Danniels facts
Jonique Danniels I agree with you. I really don't feel like my family is my family, but distant acquaintances.
When I turn 18 I’m leaving.I’m never coming back and I can wait I got 5 more years till I’m free to finally make my own decisions,there controlling,they verbally abuse me,and I hate them
i’m a teenager and feel the same way thought i’m gonna move out earlier, found out my mom was toxic a little while ago and i’m now figuring it out. i’m happy you realized that you’re your own separate person and can make your own decisions ✌️
I'm leaving my family my family is so bad that i have no problem never seeing or speaking to them ever again even if they are dying i won't go see them.
Sadly I’m the same way , I’m so numb to my family
I used to feel alone about stuff like his, but I'm rly amazed at how many people have dealt with this kind of narcissistic dysfunctional family members. They all follow the same shitty patterns.
I didn't know either until I started this channel. There are alot of us. We definitely need to stick together through our healing 💞
It makes me feel a little bit better and at least more “normal” that soooo many people have been through this shit. BUT at the same time I hate how so many people actually have went through this because I know how it feels and it’s awful.
Cherice Walloe yep watch ye back
Yeah sometimes family ain't shit.
Cherice Walloe it's quite typical, but most people deal with because of blood connections
They're always trying to change your personality, your reality etc. So you feel like you can't trust yourself but honestly you are the one who's right and they have been putting you under manipulation and have been torturing you for years, like i was forced to lie about my marks on my face and body to everyone every single time it happened. Now I'm healing. I'm not scared to speak my mind anymore. I got my own back. I support myself. I'm not alone, I got myself. 😂
YASSSSS BOOOO YOU DO IM PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am soo proud of you!!
It's soooo relieving to hear that there are other empaths going through similar situations. I kept thinking I was crazy for being so sensitive to toxic vibes and internally processing them😪
Bro. EVERY SMALL TOXIC MOVE I FEEL. Sometimes I just want to be str8 up but I’m the black sheep & it will be a 10000 issue. I’m disrespectful for being honest.
Getting away from an emotionally abusive family is fine just be careful not to get involved with a person with a toxic family because then it becomes a vicious circle.
I fell asleep listening to this. I kid you not, I felt like I was healing. I woke up feeling so great
Haha me too!
💖💖because it was healing
“Things that are forced are not natural” 🙌🏾. Just an illusion
Love is Love. The rest is abuse. Most families and relationships are abusive, not loving. I love being free of abuse and abusers. Thank you for shining your light so brightly.
Well put, sister woman. I cut off my entire blood family in 2014 and I wish i would have done it before i was 54 years old. I'm 61 this sunday, and I still get stronger every day.
Congratulations
Having a dysfunctional family isn't just about name calling or direct abuse. It's also about having your feelings invalidated/downplayed and being held to a different standard than "more important" members. Some members may assist you in your times of need, but God forbid you show them tough love when that's clearly what they need...
Cyrano Crimson I feel this so much ❤️
I feel ya. Feelings were never validated or were met with opposition. No one acted like they gave a rat’s ass about the others. I got divorced a couple years ago, and no one called to check on me or ask me what happened. Like “wow...oh well” was about all they could come up with. Now my mom, who lives with me, can’t understand why I have so much anger and resentment towards her. She stresses me out so bad I can’t stand being in my own house with her.
BINGO!!! I am the family member that suffers from what you said.
Great comment!!! BIG FACTS...
@@rebeccacarraway480 Why is mama living with you??
The Most High shows a way. I found a nice landlord who did not require a down payment and grabbed my two children and ran from my mom like the devil was chasing me and been a blessing ever since.
I wish He'd come through for me. I stay tired
Amen I'm glad that you were able to run and cut them off. I was in that same boat some years ago. So glad I left them behind.
Diane Ferreira I’ll be glad when I can run away like that. I’m still waiting on TMH..
I’m an arab and 16 years old, ive been waiting to leave and move to another country since i was 11. my family is very toxic and controlling, when im around them i cant be me and i feel unhappy and trapped, i always have to be what they want me to be and also i’m not part of their religion but they don’t know that so i always have to be fake around them because if i told them the truth they will abuse me. i have four strict brothers and they are super toxic around me and my sister and they always control us. my dad doesn’t even care about anyone else other than himself and he barely communicates with me, he already feels dead to me. my mom hates who i am and tries to change me into a verison she sees in her head that will never happen because i dont understand why cant they accept me as who i am? i have never done anything bad in my life i have always respected them even though they keep treating me as if i dont have feelings and control me like a puppet but my sister and i both thought of leaving because she is also unhappy and wants to be free and it made me happy that i dont have to move alone in another country. even though im really upset that i will have to leave my friends and start over fresh with my new life because i will feel guilty about what i did but i hope they will understand. also i’m still young so i have to wait years to officially leave my family forever and just the thought of it makes me feel happy but its terrifying since i have the biggest anxiety im scared my plan wont work out and that i might be stuck with them forever. i really want freedom so i can feel happy for once. im sorry for the long message i just saw the comments and felt like i’m not alone so now i feel so much better. thanks to everyone and thank you for making this video. i hope everyone here gets what they’ve always wanted and succeed with life. whoever read my message just remember you are not alone.
e m I’m so sorry that you’re going through this and I’m going through a similar thing with my narcissistic mother. What you should do is: when you’re 18, you and your sister should stay home (or act sick etc) while your parents and brothers leave the house to do something. Then while they’re gone quickly pack your things and leave and leave a note so they don’t report you missing or something. That way they can’t stop you whatsoever because you will be at the legal age and you they won’t be home :). Make sure to plan this and you can have your stuff pre-packed and hidden in your room so it won’t take too long. However if they think they may find your packed stuff, just quickly pack it when they leave.
In the future you may feel bad that you won’t have the traditional living family that most people have and you may feel at a disadvantage when it comes to finding a partner or something like that and you may feel different because you don’t have a normal loving family. You may also feel bad because your future children will only have one set of grandparents and uncles and aunties etc (apart from your sister ❤️) because they won’t meet your side of the family. And I have a feeling that that is how I’m going to feel too. However just remember that that is one of the best things you will do for your children because they will have 0 toxic family members and then you can give them the loving childhood they deserve and that your family never gave to you. If your partner really loves you, they won’t care. Tell them about your family and how strong you are for taking yourself out of that situation. Because you are! ❤️ you don’t need a family to carry you through the world, make your own family!
Just remember, when you leave, completely cut contact. It may be hard at first but you will feel positive and happier. Then you can start your life and build a new family along the way, and you will still have your sister! ❤️
Stay strong and hang in there. Try to avoid as much conflict as you can with your family before you leave. At least you have your sister to keep you sane ❤️ you and your sister stick together ❤️ everything will work out! Best of luck! ❤️
Get a job once you finish education. Financial independency is very very important to move out and stay on your decision confidently.
I'm in a similar situation as u I'm Arab too my parents try to change me and just control me and my brothers don't like me I don't wanna be in that house hold and realign and my sister is married she's the best child to my parents which sucks my parents always emotionally abuse me and physically I'm 13 and I'm planning to run away and go to my best friends house but I'm too scared
Awe that’s a good thread thanks for sharing good luck
Im so sorry to hear that, hun. I want you to know that you and your sister are very brave to choose to acknowledge the dysfunction and want to move, and i admire that. I wish you the best of luck on both of your journeys. Remember that you are loved. Be strong, you got this. 💜💜💜
The day I walked away from my toxic family is the day I started living. People make you feel so guilty because you walk away from toxic parents, but secretly they wish they had your strength. You get one life, and I would hate to know I lived the whole of it tied down to toxic people and never experiencing the freedom life has to offer. It's hard to walk away but once you take the first steps the emotional freedom its so worth it.
I'm not alone...
It is global. Not black not white. It is human myth that we need to cut it off our self first. I am an Arab and I cut my family two months ago. I feel so sick and lonely and insecure. However, I am moving forward to whatever it takes. The past 29 years of my life wasn’t the life my self and my soul telling me about. I deserve love and respect and I will find my people and my real family. ❤️🙏 I believe I left bunsh of sick people so I can have space for the authentic ones.
Princess Ella you are loved. You are respected. Happy for you
good luck with life. i cut mine off 2 years ago. struggling but feel better reading all these comments
Ella I'm from Poland and you're right. It's not an ethnicity thing.
It is global my mom is Mexican from Mexico and I feel her shortcomings were due to no one stroking her ego....her looks.us was not what she expected people kissing her a....s so she would take jabs at us no matter what the cost so we never developed respect for one other
Princess Ella I hope things have gotten better for you 💜
Yeah. I cut my family off almost two months ago. I'm tired of not being understood and friends taught me more than family did. I know I have to learn stuff on my own, learn self love but they make it seem like I'm a disappointment to them because I don't follow their ways because their ways isn't really my nature.
YALL! FINALLY MOVED OUT and cut them off, this vidoe helped me so much, now healing and breaking the old cyle as a chosen one, and yes im an empath,highly senstive, creative person,black sheep of the family
I cut off my family,and those i thought were my friends. Now,my life is calmer.
Im not being sucked into no he says/she says bull,no drama, my husband is doing well,we save money,we got no problems.
rochelle thundercloud Feels A M A Z I N G don’t it? Feels F R E E & P E A C E F U L🤩🤩
Thats awesome!
What do you do?
Estranged from my mother for 4 years now. Best thing that could have happened to me. Stress levels way down, anxiety and depression gone. Great sense of freedom, like breathing again. I can now relax, enjoy my own company etc. Of course having a good mom is a wonderful thing, but in my case, it is not to be. I wish her well though. Take care Nu x
I know this video is old but your comment hit home and I feel the same way but people will try to judge you for making that decision. I stop caring about people's opinion cuz they weren't there through the years of depression or heart aches..good for you.
Reading this now. Just for reassurance, I resonated with a lot you said, I am an empath too, which is why I can’t even blame my family. They just never healed from their past traumas, and now I’m the chosen one just watching the pattern go on and on and on, divine says I was put here to stop all that, they’re tired of seeing it. They’ve given me all I needed, even the money, and I’m heading out tomorrow.
This is exactly how I feel with my family… I left and came back home due to lack of money but I’m leaving again soon
@@remaiyamarshall4466 SAMEEEE BABY GURL MUCH LOVE AND PROSPERITY!!!!
i moved out and cut off my parents a few days ago. it was really hard emotionally cuz of the guilt since i knew it would hit hard on them because i'm the only child of immigrant parents and all, but i knew that this is what i needed to do for myself for years. a lot in the video and the comments resonates with me so much and it's truly freeing knowing that i'm not this only one in this situation and that what i did is valid. sending love to everyone here
I feel more understood by others’ comments here than I ever have in my own family... thank you so much for creating material and a space like this, so we can find ways to heal and remember that others deal with this too, even if we’re too nervous or ashamed to share in person. ❤️
dani G. Lovely comment. Yes I have nowhere in my physical world to feel safe at the moment and this site is a haven until I get stronger. Thanks.
When you have to cross a line to keep family close and they could care less about you then they've done crossed a line . im disowning my hateful sister and its so painful . white black brown it doesn't matter feelings have no color but hate has its own recognition . just be strong for yourself . youll get thru
God bless u ur not alone ⭐⭐⭐❤️❤️
@@tasmaniandevil7610 I’ve been there before and I’m sorry you experienced such betrayal. Sometimes family isn’t blood-related, and that’s okay.
I am an anxious 20 year old who has decided to drop out of college and move to Seattle to escape my family. Its always been a difficult situation. My mental state is so bad from my parents that even if they hadnt caused me to loose my scholorship i cant continue college right now. In desperation a week ago i decided to take the money i had at the time and put it to a plane flight to seattle and an apartment. Im scared but i have to do this and go no contact with my family. I wanted to say your video helped so much.
Update ?
I'm in Seattle too.
Val Lalonde update ? How are you doing ?
I have done a similar thing last summer with a relative i was subject to narcassistic abusive with that i took a plain to Vegas and stayed there for the ret of the summer until school started back in August.
💖
I always had the fight or flight feeling until I was in my 40’s, and learned I could pause for a moment, and even chose not to react at all. It was such a revelation, and I also realized how much more energy I was able to save for things that mattered, instead. Life is such a trip, and now in my mid 50’s, I’ve learned to enjoy even then I used to barely tolerate. Since we learn more from our displeasure, and character is formed through adversity. We are truly only sensitive and compassionate to others when we ourselves come from a background of pain. So I sweat the small stuff less. This video is 3!years old. I hope you still read comments. God bless.
After years of emotional and physical abuse and emotional neglect from my parents. Yesterday I blocked the both of them. I feel lonely but I know it will get better. You are right about how it takes a toll on you after years of going through it. I’ve also watched my mom do this to other people and my other siblings. I am done. I am choosing peace and I’m choosing happiness.
You go! Im 61 and "divorced" most of my family 25 years ago. Both parents were toxic and when they passed I felt nothing but relief. I have a loving husband, great kids and many wonderful "extended" family members that I choose once I was bold enough to leave the toxicity behind. You (we) are not alone and you are an inspiration my sister!
Im 24 and i know my life is going to be like yours. I have found my soulmate, unfortunately he also doesnt have contact with his family and im afraid that we will only have each other and wont find good friends since both of us dont get along with anybody. Thats why I'm afraid to let go of my family.. just not to be completely alone. Do you have any advice? I would love to hear your opinion and I wish you the best luck for your and your husbands life!
@@LuckyMelisse
Hi Meli my name is Sharon. I'm trying to understand what did you mean about being alone? You and your soul mate have each other.. are you talking about having a community?
@@sheyg.395 yes. Im used to have a lot of people around me. I have a lot of cousins and i know when i leave my Relationship will also break with them. And thats the one thing that makes me sad
@@LuckyMelisse I see what you mean.. it's hard. Follow your heart.
Meli M I’m losing my brother, sister in law, niece, nephews because I cut my mom and sister out. It’s hard. I miss them and always will. Get a dog,find people who are lonely or in need and serve them, try out a church, befriend an elderly person, make real friends, volunteer, be a Big Brother/Big Sister, join community interest groups, be patient with yourself ❤️
Such a breath of fresh air
Girl you Ain't never lied Amen
@Sade Watkins
Thank u so much for making this video. I’m almost 21 and I don’t have a job or know how to drive because my parents have sheltered me and want me to be dependent on them. They’ve been emotionally and physically abusive towards me my entire life and I’m so so tired of dealing with this. This gave me the motivation I needed to push forward and get myself out of here. Thank you
I know this was posted 2 years ago but I relate to this so much! I’ve felt so much shame about being 20 and not having a real job bc of my family. My mom literally hid away my birth certificate and social security so I couldn’t apply for a job or leave. I’ve finally recovered my documents and am going to take any steps I can to leave. I feel like I can do it knowing someone else like me did it! I hope you’re doing well !
It’s because you’re beautiful articulate sensitive human being and they were jealous of you well done for breaking away you’ve found your voice x
I had to put an ocean between me and my blood. I felt like I was being eaten alive and spat out, over and over and over, until I didn't have a choice to go as far as I could get. I had a chance to move to Scotland from St.Louis and took it. I didn't tell anybody, I just silently prepared for 3 yrs and left. Needless to say they were pissed that their scapegoat had the nerve to leave.
I left in 2016, and am still not in a place to talk about exactly what happened. Especially when people innocently ask about St.Louis and family etc, I still choke up.
I try not to think about it all, and try to just focus on getting to know a new culture, but I know at some juncture I'm goimg to have to go there. It's always just below the surface anyway.
So needy of comfort but too raw to be embraced x
Seas _Wallace I hope Scotland is doing you well.. all the best 🙂
I disowned my whole entire family after my father passed away in 2010.. he was my best friend!!! I honestly will never ever ever ever ever ever deal with them again I'm not even go to any of their funerals!!! Thanks for this!!! I totally agree with your point of view!!!!! Watching this video made me realize I'm not the only one....that in itself is a great comfort!!!! I recently deactivated my Facebook and Instagram to ensure they can never ever ever ever ever ever ever contact me!!!!! Black families are so fucking disfunctional!!!!
You're not alone sister keep your head up, remember blood doesn't determine family.
I don’t blame you I don’t plan on going to most of my families funeral neither
Tasha Harris: Regards Black Families,
NOT, Sad but True...(note), Jezebel is the Alpha Spirit of This Age...
I think mine is the worst, I’m sorry we had to deal with this toxic nasty environment.
Tasha Harris Black families really gotta do better!🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️😒
Family isn't everything. I learnt that when I cut my family off especially my mother. I left my dysfunctional family 3 years ago and got my own place. Changed my number and stayed away from them. Best advice is safe money and move out and once out, stay out.
I get it. I separated 100% when my mom died. Left a note on her dining room table stating i forgive everything but i want to cut all ties...have a good life. I felt freedom, release and freedom. They were lost and clueless. We are individual earth wanderers...don't really mention it, simply say I was an only child. You are real...love your style.
Felt this.
@tv Lenox
I dont even bother leaving a note. They still wouldnt get it. Or they would still find a way to make themselves the victim or make me look crazy or ridiculous....
I wanted let you know that I feel this toxic family issue is affecting black families the most. Many black families have been emotionally abused and they abuse each other with out realizing they are hurting others. I have no parents and Ive been distance from most of my family except for two family members. It is very hard being without family but I am happier without the toxic family. I've been cut off for 6 years.
I agree black folk all over the planet
I am Arab and I come from a messed up family. I'm so embarrassed all the time from them. The second I turn 18, I will DEFINITELY will move out.
iconic antonio you can do it
Saaaame. Although I plan to move out at 15/16
iconic antonio let us know how it went. Save up all $ you can! Stay strong and move on, good for you ✊
I hope you find whatever it is your are looking for 💙 u can do it💪
Family can hurt you so deep...Cutting off is painful but there is no wonder that takes more than 9 days...Find a hobby, petty join a club and you will be fine...
My dad has mentally abused, gas lighted,belittled, nearly physical abuses me when in an argument, my whole life I will be turning 18 this December and I’m leaving the day I turn 18 he will be hopefully overseas when this happens so I’m able to get all of my stuff I have a plan and a back up plan and rn my car has been taken bc I was 5 minutes late for school today bc my friend needed a ride to school so she didn’t miss it so I won’t have a car for awhile so fml and I can’t get to work, my family has never been there for me ,I’ve always been the one to get in trouble during my childhood because of the abuse I never hung out with friends I never went to a party IVE NEVER DONE NORMAL TEENAGE THINGS I’m 17 and I’m so fucking happy I’m leaving within a year thank you for this video
I never even had a childhood
Have you moved out yet?
Hi, how did you move out? Where did you get the money?