My Cancer Journey | What Cancer is like for the Partner!
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- Опубликовано: 26 июл 2024
- This is another chatty video. This time, Noel (my husband) is telling us what it's like to be the partner in all this! So if you are the husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend - this video is for you! You aren't alone either and it's not easy! As we said, if you have any questions, feel free to ask!
Dee's Instagram : deedohertyinsta
Noel's Instagram: noelacarroll
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I am a husband and a caregiver for my wife who recently got diagnosed with cancer, had the surgery and gonna undergo chemo.
To be honest, as a man, we tried to put on a brave front for our wife. It is actually very difficult for me. I broke down a few times thinking I could loose her. She is my life, she is my everything, my world. I dunno if I could live without her. I know what she is going through and the surgery and the upcoming chemo will be difficult for her, and I need to be strong for her but at the same time, I want to be open and honest to her and I showed my vulnerable side and I think it's okay to do that to let her know she meant alot to me and we are in this together. No doubt she will go through a difficult treatment period, I would always stand by her and support her all the way and I would do anything within my ability to help her. If I have to take a gunshot for her, I would. unfortunately for cancer, I couldn't do that. That's all we husband can do for our love ones.
I wish there’s a video about how all this impacts sex in the relationship. I am in a same sex partnership and my wife is my soulmate. We were close in every way imaginable. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2020 during the throes of the pandemic. Loneliness is a gross understatement for the partner. Our sex life was erased overnight along with so many relationships because of the quarantine. Caregivers need to be built different to face all the challenges ahead. My partner’s sexual function will likely not return. We have cried many times about how cancer has changed our lives. Especially the physical intimacy.
Dear Dee, I realized that you had million of views for some of your videos about beauty and you have only thousand about your cancer. I have a breast cancer too and I find this so unfair. I would like to say that your "cancer videos" are great and the way you share your journey is very useful for other patients. Thank you so much to make all these videos. You are amazing.
caroline7853 thanks Caroline xx
Men are fixers.. And we can't fix this.. It leaves us helpless, and feeling soooo inadequate for the situation.. My wife has Ovarian Cancer, and I am the caretaker.. It isn't easy.. But I have been to every appointment, have been through everything with her..Even the surgery and stay in the hospital over Christmas. Wife is doing Carbo and Taxol for the second time.. Dealing with the vagueness, forgetfulness, etc. But, we are making it.. Then we are both communicators also.. We have always communicated, and been open. Do I share all my thoughts, concerns, etc with her? Not at all. We have no kids, and no family. So it is up to me to take the care. The caretaker has to step up and do. Like we have always said, there are boys, boys playing to be men and men. Haircut.. I cut her hair when it was going south.. First time we both bawled like a couple babies.. That was, in some way, the most traumatic thing we faced/did.. I sometimes have to remind her, she isn't her hair.. She doesn't wear a wig, nor babushkas or anything, just goes au natural. Took a while to get used to it.. But it is doable.. Carry on Mate..
I too, have Ovarian Cancer, so my first words are to wish your wife a healthy healing, with positive thoughts and prayers. Like you, my boyfriend has been through the necessary surgery, ICU stay, chemo ( I do Carbo and Taxol too) and follow ups. It was scary, but I was doing well. Then, my abdominal port (I had 2 ports at the time, chest and tummy) chemo "blast" created a rupture in my reconstructed bowels (some were removed during surgery) and I developed Ecoli that spread throughout my abdomen and I was hospitalized for almost a month. Dialysis, intubation, CT scans, blood transfusions and so much more. I skirted death a few times while there. Thankfully I had my family, along with my ultra supportive boyfriend, who took care of me. Still does, as I continue my chemo journey. He shaved my head during my lengthy hospital stay, along with his own so I wouldn't feel so insecure. I now rock my semi-fuzzy head and hairless face, as I have comfort and self confidence, again thanks to my boyfriend, so a pat on the back for you. No one should have to deal with this alone...
So sorry what you both has gone through. Glad to hear you both has so caring, loving boyfriends. And families. Wish you healing and a ll the best. 💛💛
Richard Johnson I also have ovarian cancer and my partner and I have fallen in love all over again. He has been an absolute rock for me. You really know someone’s love for you when faced with such a huge challenge.
❤️❤️☮️
Dee, you have been a little ray of hope and sunshine in what has been such a wild, crazy time for me. I look forward to seeing your videos in a year time when this period of your life is behind you and relegated to history, where life has moved on for you and your experience is just a memory, not an everyday reality. Thank you for your bravery and honesty.
Helen Fleet thank you so much Helen x
Noel is such a lovely guy, and see you are amazing by being forthright and honest
Your so beautiful Dee. Noel you did a wonderful job what a truly precious couple
Such a genuine good guy, so selfless in the way he handled everything. A rare breed these days. Much love to him 🤗
No, he's NOT a genuine good guy and so selfless.
This is Dee's husband who had an affair while she was undergoing treatment. What a lowlife to do that to her when she needed him the most and at her most vulnerable. Check out her update.
Thank you for sharing your journey and your feelings.
We are in our 80's. I have endometrial cancer, st. 3c. Dx aug. 2023. My hubbie has been by my side along with our daughter. I had surgery, radiation and now Keytruda.
Now my hubbie has prostate ca and will be getting radiation.
I will be his caregiver. I hope and pray I can do as good a job as he did.
I have to say in watching this, knowing the outcome of you and Noel, I just can't help but be deeply disappointed in him. I am a long-term single, in some ways it has been harder (practical), but I am glad to not have the pressure of dealing with a "man." Also grateful my daughter is raised and out on her own. She has been a let down. My father cannot deal with the emotional aspects of all this, but he has been there financially, and did drive me to many appointments. I do wish I had made a "cancer" friend to vent with. Our relationships are pressed with this illness for sure! It distills the weak right out-
I have an ovarian cancer. Sometimes I like hearing others stories. My husband showed his true colors. I still can’t believe how he has been non supportive. He doesn’t like hearing about it. He has only taken me to one appointment. I have a 20 year old son who has rearranged his whole work schedule to be there for me. I’m resenting my husband for his lack of caring. I wish I could leave him but can’t afford to. Having the cancer is bad enough but dealing with an insensitive jerk just makes my life so much more stressful than it should be. Your husband seems to really care. Lucky!
Maria Moore you should leave him. Believe me, money or fear or not being able to afford something shouldn’t matter. If he doesn’t love you enough to care you for in sickness and in health then leave his sorry ass.
I hope he never gets it! Nobody will care for him!! What an ass
I'm so sorry Maria just know you are a wonderful person and have value and are beautiful inside and out.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. God bless you.💟
Loved your husband's honesty !
Oh Sweet Dee, you are such a beautiful soul!❤ it really is refreshing to hear his thoughts and feelings. I love the honesty and realness.
Thank you for being so open. I never know what my partner is thinking!
Dee, you are very brave and caring to share your experience. As a partner myself, I can tell you, having the partner you have, you are extremely lucky. Your husband is really in touch with himself and the situation. I know he stoically is coping with your illness, but keep in mind, when men, in general, see someone they love in pain or in need of help, it is their nature to 'fix the problem'. In that he can't fix this problem is frustrating, to no end, and when you're 'making him wrong' while he's trying to help, he MAY be COMPLETELY over whelmed with guilt.
Can't thank you enough for sharing this very sensitive part of your life with us. You've got such a wonderful family and with your spirit, I'm sure things will work out for you.
Your amazing Dee!!! ❤️
God bless both of you❤️ I know how tough it is for the patient and the spouse. My dad was diagnosed with Colon cancer in 2001 and it was tough on my mom so to lighten her load I was the one who took my dad to all of his doctor visits and chemo. Then in 2006 he was diagnosed with lung cancer. I appreciate all the care givers who are patient and are a big help to their loved ones who are dealing with everything that you have to go through with cancer. You both are in my thoughts and prayers❤️🙏🏼
Dee you have a really sweet and kind husband. And you are so lucky you have your two boys. I see joy in your future as you and Noel watch them grow and accomplish goals and get married and give you grandchildren. So much fun and laughter and joy in your future!
Yes I was an emotional mess while on chemo and months after , and radiation gave me instant menopause and really had me coocoo for at least 2 yrs glad that's behind me 😁it does get better
Just want to say, Dee, we are all here for you to support you on this journey! You are so brave and beautiful, life is tough sometimes and shit happens to us, we just need to keep going. Thanks for sharing your story. Your husband is funny . 😓😓. Yeah, I think it really tells how couple stay together in trouble if time. Thanks again ! Keep strong !!!!
Furiosa Ning thank you!!
dee you and noel are lovely people. wished i had someone in my life
Sad thing for me being just diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer 3 days ago in Nov 2020 I’m going to have to do all of this alone other than my husband and family having to stay outside while I do chemo and surgery 😔 This covid has caused so much damage in many ways.
He’s lovely and very honest … but we have to remember how lucky 🍀 we are Dee to have supportive partners. There are a lot of women and men going through cancer and they have no significant other. I shut my husband out - and that was hard for him - i relied heavily upon my girlfriends and my mum . But guys are different. Let’s face it. They haven’t a clue 🕵️♀️… so I would get pissed at my husband for no other reason other than he was a man. And that’s something he couldn’t change. 😉
Thank u 4 sharing Mija, God Bless u .
Noel seems so humble and sweet. I know for some husbands it’s truly hard for them to completely open up and share how they feel because it looked upon as not “masculine”. I truly admire the ones who can speak up and share how they feel during the position of being a caretaker because this job is never an easy one, especially if it all falls on the spouse. There are so many emotions involved. Noel loves you for YOU...your difference in appearance didn’t change anything for him. ❤️❤️ He’s an amazing man. God bless you both...you are truly a loving and supportive couple. ❤️🙏🏼🙏🏼🇺🇸
Crafti Soul thank you so much x I read this to him ❤️❤️
Beautiful supportive to each other real couple in hard times xx
I have been planning on doing something like this with my children, since they are older now. But the timing hasn't been right. I will get to it one of these days. In the mean time, this is great to see the two of you talking about this. I left my ex just a month before my diagnosis of breast cancer. It had to happen. But the timing was bad. So I never experienced this. And with my current cancer diagnosis, my ex was ordered by a judge to bring my children to a weekly support group for children who have parents with cancer. And for some reason he decided to stay during the group a few times. And they expected him to participate just like everyone else. They asked him the same questions that they were asking the other partners and caregivers, which must have been odd for him. Because he was never my partner or caregiver while I had cancer. And we hadnt been together for 7 years. But I still found myself listening close and excited to hear his responses. I was hoping he would open up a bit. I know he wasnt there with me, but he did have to deal with the knowlege of his "ex"wife dieing from cancer, and having to deal with the kids emotions around it, when they were with him. And I would have like to have known his thoughts when I was too sick to have the kids, or when I had to go into the hospital. I am sure there was some fustration or anger. I don't know, I just wanted to see some emotions, or hear some of his thoughts. But unfortunatly, he either just didn't answer at all, or he gave a"joke" answers. So I was so glad to hear these answers from your partner. Please thank your husband for me.
Tammy Grosso aw I will x you know one thing I’ve found is that it is VERY hard for them to talk about it ... with us we talk a lot.. as you know, I am a big talker so I kind of make everyone do it!! I’m sorry you didn’t get the answers you wanted ❤️
You both are very lucky to have each other . I went through stage 4 metastatic breast cancer and watched my best friend and my love of almost 11 years fade away. I was bedside for 2 weeks in compassionate care. Nothing I wouldn’t do for her. Never married but it sure felt like it in the best of ways.
My younger sister just got diagnosed with HR+ HER2- breast cancer 3 days after her 30th birthday. Right now she's in the waiting period for her genetic testing because that will dramatically change her treatment plan, and she's definitely really struggling. I would be researching anyway but she also specifically asked me to. Thank you for sharing your story and being "real" about it. I haven't had cancer, but I do have a rare neuropathy considered the most painful disease in the world and have had 29 surgeries in the last 5 years, so I do understand many of the psychological aspects of it and the grieving process of coming to terms with a "new normal" and having to adapt the rest of your life. 💕
beyedoc ohh I am so sorry for you to have been going through so much pain... neuropathy is awful. You’re very good to research for your sister too!
Thank you, Dee. We JUST found out about an hour ago that she is BRCA- so they are able to proced with lumpectomy and sentinel node biopsy this Friday and radiation with chemo or further surgery depending on those results and PET scan. 💕💕💕 Love your channel, even though I don't love what you've had to go through. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
And of course the tamoxifen
what a fantastic idea for a video.and it seems that it was quite cathartic for the two of you! its always so interesting for us to hear what our men are really thinking!! i think you actualy both look alike😊❤
Lian Wymer haha!! We look alike! Uh oh! 😂😂
I have ovarian cancer. Have had chemo 3 separate rounds. Still hanging in there. For neuropathy try vitamin B6 over the counter. It has helped me a lot. No nighttime pain and less discomfort during the day.
You can see he thinks a lot of you bless him and think men are not good expressing their emotions, he thinks he is helping you by not talking to you about it. Hope surgery goes well for you it's been a long hard journey for you x
Karen Hibbert thank you x ❤️
The truth is nobody cares if you are bald. Honestly they don't. Young people are so concerned about their looks. But other people accept you as you are. So put on a smile and show courage and laugh heartily! You will actually inspire everyone around you.
Well...I have been bald for 10 years now, and the shock for self and other people is still there. It maybe more so when the rest of the person may seem normal, as people are trying to figure out just what is going on with you? It is not old age, or male pattern balding, so what then? My hair fell out at age 39 due to another illness coupled with a medication and stayed that way. Then, at age 51, I got my cancer diagnosis, and I didn't have to deal much, but now I realize my hair will never grow back- It isn't that simple, I suppose-
Aw that's not alright ! He so passive....you control you're own actions. I'm going through chemo and I'm still nice and laughing with people especially the ones trying to help me. ❤️ The more positive you are the better ! You're already strong for going through this so keep going....and love one another❤️
LJ B oh he’s the best ... don’t know what you mean. I’m guessing you didn’t actually watch this video.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
My mums been diagnosed with lung cancer starting chemo tomorrow
God bless you and your family spiritually, mentally, physically, and financially in Jesus name amen.
You really have to have someone who is strong, compassionate, understanding and encouraging when you going through chemo. It's very difficult to get through chemo.
Carla Robertson yes!! It’s very hard work. The support system is key!!
Dee.Thankyou and hubby for this video. Feb 6 th 2019 I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer! March 8th I had my Double Mastectomy with Lymph nodes removed. Tomorrow. I will have my #4 Chemo Session. I have 12 total. I also had my hair cut short. My ? I's what Chemo Session did your hair fall out? I appreciate you both and your sweet son. Do you have a P.O box? Thank-you💜💙💚💛
My hair started coming out after my 1st chemo session. I had parted my hair down the middle into two plaits. My scalp started being itchy and I nonchalantly scratched it then. While walking away from my husband w/o my hair bonnet on he exclaims, “You’ve got a big bald spot going all the way down the middle of your head!” I just said that I am going through chemo, it’s supposed to fall out. But later I went into the bathroom, used a hand mirror to see it and decided to just cut the rest of my hair. I cut off the plaits to save from my cancer journey, then used a pair of shears to cut the rest of it down to 1/4”. Afterwards then I used a razor to shave my scalp bald. I thought I’d be really emotional about it but I wasn’t. I’ve always thought about what I’d look like bald and here it happened unintentionally. I’ve worn wigs sporadically since the 70s, so I’m comfortable wearing them. I hope this helps.
Dee, Is the cancer what broke you guys up?
Well he had an affair but maybe?
@@DeeDoherty it seems some men can't handle dealing with things. So their excuse is cheating on their partner instead of trying to work through the relationship. I have a friend who her husband had an affair after their child was stillborn. Again, excuses that in my eyes are bullshit. Bottom line men are weak. Sorry. You will find true love the kind that sticks around for the good and the bad. Good luck and I wish you happiness🌷🌷🌷
Hello from🇺🇸....
Honestly he looks terrified about saying anything especially opening up to the raw truth. Maybe I am wrong, you said you had high untreated anxiety before cancer and perhaps it's applied even more during treatment. He is very measured with his words and very reluctant, I think the notion of this conversation is great but it's clear one wrong word he pays a terrible hell for it, even you have to finish his statements. Maybe some anxiety treatment is in order, he is a victim too, and likely it's triple under such conditions plus he has a lot of additional responsibility added to his own life. Wish you all great karma and I hope I didn't offend, it wasn't my goal, I could just feel the tension and I have lived in such situation and it like damned if you do and damned if you don't, no way to win feeling ❤️
Honestly, Ken. I hope you don’t take this the wrong way… but you’ve picked up on something totally non existent here. You keep mentioning anxiety and tension and it having been a situation you lived through… I think you were triggered by this video. I hope you’ll get the help you need 🤞
@@DeeDoherty No offense meant or taken. I was just great karma for you and your family ❤️
@@kenhamaker none taken ✌️ ☮️